#bc it was the whole 'we have this mutual friend AND we went to school together and we are all Girls In The Same Year'

[mainfaggot]

just found out the guy i was frenemies with in middle school got a boyfriend

#the last conversation we had before graduating 8th grade was me telling him and this other mutual friend that i thought i was maybe gay #he was like one of the quiet snarky types and its funny bc we all thought he was straight. turns out he was bisexual #and i was a lesbian 😭 #im honestly jealous of him. hes white with a liberal family and friend group. he can go around with boyfriend and be happy #i cant even go on dates without my mom getting suspicious or someone in the community spreading a rumour slash snitching #it just makes me so upset why do i have to get the short end of the stick everyone else i know is doing fine so why not me #and like yeah easy to say i guess like this guy probs had to cut off a few old friends bc i remember our middle school friend group #who all went to hs together (minus myself. i went to a diff hs which is why i stopped talking to those ppl altogether) #had some homophobic dudes #but like . still cutting off a few friends versus having your whole immediate and extended family disown you? #huge fucking difference... #also im kinda mad hearing about him bc i always wanted to be closer to the kids in middle school but they were always hot and cold with me #like if he matured he would've contacted me and apologized in hs for being a dick half the time #and then i would feel at least some closure from being treated shitty for half of middle school #i didnt even want to stay friends throughout hs i just wanted an apology #damn wtf just opened a whole can of worms BCJJDJSJSK over sharing. complete #z.post

[rassicas]

hi guys! im back. i went tokyo for a few days. got back at 7 this morning after taking an overnight 7 hour bus ride.... that i did not sleep on bc i cant sleep in moving vehicles. this will be something closer to a proper blog post i guess. splatoon related convention? experience below

i've kept my mouth shut about my plans to go because its not as well known on the english side of the fanbase and i didnt wanna make people too jealous sorry LOL , but i went to splaket 22! it's an unofficial, splatoon-only doujinshi market/artists alley. this was my first convention-sort-of event ive been to since i was... in high school. i also dont really get to meet many other hardcore splatoon fans irl. i was nervous about it because i don't know a whole lot of people on the JP side nor do i have a lot of confidence in my japanese speaking/listening, but in the end it was SUPER fun. i wish i couldve talked a bit more to the artists i did encounter to comment on what i liked about their works but. Skill Issue very few non-japanese people at this event of course but one of the only english speakers i saw i called out to bc they were wearing a shirt with this exact image printed on it no video and no photos outside of designated areas were allowed so i got like. zero pics of my own. but there was a lot of cosplayers i saw! oh and here's the Loot Haul. a few doujin, a clear file, stickers, microfiber cloth and a keychain. im surprised at how little i got, i think i shouldve gone a bit crazier with it

the one with Tao Blu and oonie in the top left (by sachikazerick) I came across by chance and bought because it was cute, featured splatband characters, and also because it all in some familiar inkling language (the last point of which i told the artist as i was buying) when i finally got home and saw the back credits...

SMALL FUCKIN WORLD LOL (i tweeted at the artist afterwards to let him know i came by the table and to thank him for using me and my friend's inkling language fonts!) though truly, i think ardnin deserved the credit more rather than me since he made most of those fonts! ah well, still cool to see more and more fan works using deciphered inkling language. top middle book is a story with some salmonid characters that i havent read yet but im looking forward to it, the art is lovely. top right one was the first thing i bought. the artist is rk_splaworks, whose art i love, and we've been mutuals for a few years and have talked a bit here and there! i was so fucking nervous to meet them in person since my japanese sucks LMAO but they were happy to meet me too and we got a selfie together yippy <3 also havent read their doujin Yet since ill have to rub all my brain cells together and huddle over the dictionary, but i want their oc lore

ok that's all i'll say, next splaket is...june 22. very soon....im already thinking ill. go again. yknow. while im still in japan and all that. i guess ill have to study harder on my jp in the meantime teehee ...i doubt it, but in the off chance anyone following me is going to the next splaket in june lemme know!

#much of this is me cross posting my tweets from the past few days and then some #rassicas speaks #ive forgotten to make a tag for my non-ask original posts so i guess thatll be it #anyway ill get to work on translating that famitsu interview teehee

[asterias-record-shop]

WE NEED HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS WITH ETHAN LANDRY. LIKE OKAY, HEAR ME OUT

she’s his whole world and he’d do legit anything for her, and he’s scared of the idea of losing her after graduation and they fall slightly out of touch and once richie dies and she’s gone, he falls into his canon counterpart until she is reintroduced through him by anika who has became her roommate and best friend and ethan can’t believe she’s actually there and just some fluffy smut + maybe angst bc he knows he can’t save her from his sister or father but that part is completely up to you!!

┎┈┈┈┈┈┈┈𓆩♡𓆪┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┒

— long lost sweetheart

┖┈┈┈┈┈┈┈𓆩♡𓆪┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┚

**edited timeline

𓆩[main masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[request/ask me something!]𓆪

— High School Sweetheart! Ethan Landry who was head over heels for you ever since you both were children, finally having enough courage to ask you out when the two of you were freshmen. You were both each other's first everything, and the night before he left town after Richie's murder, you both had sex for the first time.

— High School Sweetheart! Reader who went to Blackmore after a gap-year, deciding to end it with Ethan when the two of you just couldn't keep seeing each other. It was mutual and ended on good terms, but for fucks sake, who could forget their first love?

— High School Sweetheart! Ethan Landry who goes to Blackmore in hopes of seeing you again, but doesn't show it off too much because you might not feel the same way.

— High School Sweetheart! Reader who literally almost sobbed when you saw him again, of course introduced by your roommate Anika, running into his arms and Ethan kissing you shamelessly - leading to heavy confusion to the rest of the group.

— High School Sweetheart! Reader who's confused on why Ethan changed his name, about to ask why and tell everyone how long you had known each other before Ethan pulled you away and explained why.

"Just say I'm your long-distance boyfriend, okay? I... I want to escape that past and that name, and so does my sister. Just... don't say anything, please?"

— High School Sweetheart! Reader who complies out of love and trust, not knowing the fact that he was going to continue his brother's mission.

— High School Sweetheart! Ethan Landry who rented a hotel room to finally spend a night with you after fucking his fist every night away from you, finally praising your body like the night before he left. He would touch you like you were glass before he finally gets the view of your wet cunt, shamelessly pushing his fingers into you and desperately eating you out like a starved man.

— High School Sweetheart! Reader who can't focus on anything else but pleasure, his fingers pushing into your cunt and his tongue grazing over your slit before sucking firmly on your clit and using his fingers to continue stretching you out, focused only on your pleasure.

— High School Sweetheart! Ethan Landry who wants to make you feel good, the only thing on his mind the fact he might not be able to save you from his family and their plans to kill you because you were the only one who knew who he was, who his brother was... he was torn between his love for you and what felt like his destiny.

"I love you, Y/N, and for fucks sake- I will protect you with everything I have."

Regular taglist: 𓆩[@lem0ns77]𓆪 𓆩[@cecepop15]𓆪 𓆩[@memeorydotcom]𓆪   𓆩[@your-favorite-god]𓆪   𓆩[@xyzstar]𓆪  𓆩[@just-my-shit]𓆪   𓆩[@your-mom21]𓆪   𓆩[@c78r]𓆪   𓆩[@dizscreams]𓆪   𓆩[@asrt5]𓆪   𓆩[@xoxomoonlightbabe]𓆪   𓆩[@wenvierismycomfort]𓆪   𓆩[@copypastedaphne]𓆪   𓆩[@f-aggotry]𓆪

© asterias-record-shop

#asterias-record-shop #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry #ethan landry smut #ethan landry x fem!reader #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x y/n #scream #scream six #scream vi #scream movies #ethan landry scream #scream fanfic #with love asteria ♡

[rinbowaman]

“His Love…” one shot “what if” scenario *Requested* please read note and warning label before reading.

Alright here we go. Sorry for the long wait, but I finally got it. so if you read the original requested scenario, on the end, Heethan wife’s up Y/n and gets her pregnant. This is the alt route as requested where y/n manages to flee and actually dates another man, and as you probably surmised, bc there is another man involved, Heethan is a little bit brutal (imo) I promise there’s no chocolate syrup this time (although 50% loved it, the other half of you got a little scared and I apologize for that.) either way, I’m glad that y’all still enjoy the series “what if” scenarios. Pls remember these are just drabbles that aren’t a part of the main series there it’s not canon, it’s just what would happen if the situation occurred. I want to point that out so Heethan’s character isn’t tarnished lol *ahem “Going Viral” ahem*

Warnings: so I promised there’s no choco-dick, but this has doubled penetration (with a vibrating dildo) and heethan himself. And when I saw double penetration, I’m taking both holes and both, Heeseung and Ethan have their fill with the dbl pen. So please note that before reading on in case you aren’t comfortable with that. I don’t like to spoil it but after “Going Viral” part 3, Im going to start soooking a little just for forwarding purposes. Also, non-con…it turns in to consensual (sort of….?) but it will/can be uncomfortable if you’re not into reading that. So please read at your own risk. There’s also mentions of beating up someone, tracking y/n down, insults (heethan is kind of a dick in this AR guys….that’s why I mentioned that it’s not canon) but also pls remember (not that I’m trying to defend him) he does get devastated and hurt….and MAD. But he still loves you, so he teaches you a little lesson (and insults you in the worst way possible) before taking you off the market. And I think that’s all of it.

To tap this off….this was actually way worse and I revised it and changed it up bc it was waaaaay too brutal. And I didn’t want to post that version, so for those of you that want to know what was originally written before I revised it (it was just small revisions), send me an anon ask and I’ll answer it privately bc I didn’t want to risk getting that out there and possibly flagged….again.

You couldn’t believe you pulled it off. Maybe he wasn’t as clever as you gave him credit for. The whole time you were fearful that his cunning attitude would have allowed him to catch on of your plans in switching schools and moving away…from him.

‘I didn’t want to end it this way….but I had no choice. He wouldn’t let me go….Heeseung….I’m sorry.’

Initially you didn’t think you’d have the fortitude to go forth with moving away. It was a lot harder than you had thought, and the fact that you were limited to where you could go, considering you needed to pick a new school and coordinate a place to stay; somewhere that was outside the local area. When it came to escaping him, the farther away, the better. 

That’s where your best friend from High School came to mind, Elisa. Your pretty and comforting friend, she was dear to you as h/n and the others, which you unfortunately had to leave behind without saying a word. After some time you figured you’ll be able to hit them up and explain things, but for now, you couldn’t risk your plan being exposed to Heeseung, so all contacts mutual contacts had to be left out, leaving you only Elisa to help you through this. 

Elisa and her longtime boyfriend, Sean, ended getting married right after Elisa and you graduated high school, Sean was roughly the same age as Heeseung. Being married before finishing college isn’t ideal, but that didn’t deter them from receiving full support from their family’s as far as their nuptials went. With Sean’s parents giving him their house as a wedding gift upon deciding to move and retire out of the country, it made things so much easier for you once you had reconnected with Elisa. 

All you had to worry about was to wait and begin classes at a new school that you applied for. Getting accepted was surprisingly easy, but because their semester had just started, you had a long wait before you could continue your education. 

“Why not take this time and explore the area? You’ve never been here before right? There’s lots to do.” Elisa encourages you as you, her, and Sean all day at the table, eating breakfast. 

“Yeah I could, that would be nice.” 

Elisa and Sean’s residence was on the other side of the country from where Heeseung and the others were. Since you didn’t leave any evidence of moving, and Heeseung having no clue where you currently reside, it would be safe and a prime moment to get familiar sign the area. 

“In fact, Sean and I are going away for two weeks for a family event, did you want to go? “ 

“No it’s fine. If it’s alright with you, I’ll stay behind and look after your house, and get familiar with the area and the campus for when I finally start school again. “

Nodding in agreement, you felt a sense of sensational relief. 

…………………..

“I don’t want this anymore! You’re suffocating me with your jealousy and you’re always so clingy it’s annoying!” 

“Me?….” Heeseung snarls as his eyes widened annd leans in with his arms crossed, squaring his eyes with your own as he closes the distance between the two of you. An incident at a local party had led the both of you to engage in a heated argument. 

“Did you see the way that guy touched you? You can’t seriously blame me for what happened.”

“You went too far. You can’t just grab every guy that hits on me and throw them around or punch them Heeseung, it’s not right.” 

“Neither is them touching your hips…”

“He was wanting to dance.”

“Yeah…not gonna fly. “ 

“This is what I mean! God! I can’t do this anymore! People are scared of you and they’re scared of me! They’re scared to talk to me because they fear of what you’ll do to them.” 

He drags his palm over his eyes and rests it over his mouth, the fleshy portion between his index and thumb nestled just under his nostrils as he looks down at you with heavy eyelids. His expression reflected a field of irritation, anger, and exhaustion. 

“I only do what is deemed necessary y/n. Someone talks to you, fine. But touching you is a completely different story.”

“It doesn’t matter! Leave me alone I want out! “

“………”

“…..I don’t want to be with you anymore…”

You truly meant it, yet a part of you believed that you could have a change of heart had he appealed to you. However, what transpired after your statement caused you to ground your dedication in leaving him. 

“I don’t think so babe…”

“I said leave me alone!” 

“Alright, fucking yell at me again. Threaten to leave and tell me you don’t want to be with me…go ahead, say it. I promise you….you’re not going to like what happens….you’re making the beast rattle in his cage, and I’m trying to keep him tamed. But go ahead and talk that shit again, I’ll fucking let it out.”

Feeling bold out of irritation and frustration, you called his bluff and spat out “I hate you” only to find that he wasn’t bluffing. Not one bit….

………….

“Oh my gosh girl, what are those?…bite marks?” 

“Huh? Oh….yeah.” 

“…..from the possessive boyfriend?” 

“……..”

A flashback of the fight with Heeseung speared through your head as Elisa remarked the evidence of his ravaged affection that night. You’d been wearing clothes to cover up your entire body, despite that it was summer. 

‘Maybe going to the beach with them wasn’t such a good idea….everything can be seen.’

“Here girl, take this.”

Elisa hands you her mesh swim dress, and to your surprise, it helped with obscuring the harshness of each mark. The purple, blue, and red coloration of spots became hidden under the black fabric, and the puncture dots couldn’t even be seen, at least, wherever the dress covered. Since it was a shorter one, the markings of his territory could still be seen on your legs and thighs.

“Thank you.”

“Jesus…on your arms and feet too? What the Hell…..just what kind of man is this person y/n?”

‘Not a man…but two men. One, a monster, and the other, a demon. I don’t even know which one is which anymore…’ 

“Just some guy…the marks look a lot worse than how they feel. We had a fight and he just gets….really passionate with his display of affection.”

‘Why am I trying to defend him?’ 

“Well that’s hot and all but not if it’s non-consensual. I’m glad you’re away from that asshole.” 

Looking over to her, you smile softly as you stared at the sand and nodded. 

“…..yeah.” 

The next few days, you kept thinking about him. You wondered if he was moving on or if he was still angry, or maybe still looking for you. Who knows. You even thought of calling him just to talk it over, getting him to calm down, maybe even working things out. 

‘No…it’s better this way.’ 

……………

“Okay we’ll be back in two weeks, take care and don’t hesitate to call us if you have trouble with the house or if anything comes up.” Elisa hugs you as the shuttle pulls up to take her and Sean to the airport. 

“Thank you! Enjoy the trip, I’ll see you guys in two weeks.” 

Watching the shuttle drive off, you felt a bit liberated with having a large house all to yourself. 

‘It’s not so lonely…it actually feels nice.’

You started to expand the concept of having your own place someday. Being independent and having your own house just felt so nice. 

You decided to go and try the cafe that was located nearby after spotting it while sightseeing. Waiting for your order, you continued to read a work of fiction that you thoroughly enjoyed. 

‘Tumblr is wild, hahahaha.’ 

Enjoying the creativity of the aspiring writers on the site, you became engrossed in a particular series, yet your attention was caught by a swift motion in front of you. 

“Hi!” 

‘Who is this person? Why did he just sit at my table? I don’t recall ever seeing him before.’

“H-hi….I’m sorry, do I know you?” 

He softly chuckles, a glint of nervousness could be sensed the way he looked down at the flat surface of the table and placed his elbows on it. 

“No….but I saw you sitting here alone and figured I’d take the chance to strike up a conversation with you. Do you mind?”

“…no, it’s fine. What is your name?” 

“Andy, what’s yours?”

“Y/n…”

He smiles…

And so did you. 

The conversation you had with Andy was so nice, he was a decent man and not at all pushy, like most men would be.

He made it evidently clear that he was interested in you, but was so natural and smooth in talking to you, as if you both knew each other already. Very much like Heeseung when you first met him, back when he was dating Vicky.

“I don’t want to be too blunt…but I gotta ask, do you have a boyfriend?”

“…….no, actually I don’t.”

For a couple of days, you spent a lot of time hanging out with Andy. He was such a gentleman, like Heeseung, but not as assertive or overprotective. He wasn’t at all clingy, and it was so nice to be with someone who didn’t glare at every man passing by that made an effort to look at you. Andy was a realist in a sense that he knew other men would find you attractive, like Heeseung, but what differed the two was Andy’s acceptance of others conducting themselves, so long as they didn’t cross the line. With Heeseung, everything from staring, to touching you was considered crossing the line. Guys on campus couldn’t even speak your name aloud without getting a death glare or confronted by Heeseung….or his Ethan side. 

That was the other thing that you would have to get used to. Now that Heeseung was out of the picture, that not only meant no more of him….but no more Ethan.

No more two sides of the same coin. With Andy, should things go further, you would have to get used to the prospect of having to deal with just one face, one personality, and one love. 

‘It might be a bit boring compared to having Heeseung and Ethan’s duality, but it’s better for me. For my future.’ 

Walking you back to the house after taking you out to dinner, Andy walks you to the door. 

“So….would you care to do this again real soon? Maybe like tomorrow night? “ he asks.

You smiled as you jingled the keys in your hand. 

“Yeah, I would like that.” 

The moment you answered, he leans in and places a gentle kiss on your lips. It caught you by surprise and you were shocked back as you looked up at him in a surprised manner. He was bold, but not at all as strong as Heeseung, or Ethan for that matter. 

“S-sorry!…..Sorry….I just….”

You just stared at the ground, trying to find words to let him know it was okay that you were just caught off guard, yet for some reason the words wouldn’t come out. You were too overwhelmed, not because of him conducting the kiss, but because it felt different. It wasn’t what you were used to, and you caught yourself in a moment of confusion. 

‘It’s…not as thrilling. Heeseung and Ethan have kissed me a million times and it always felt like the first time….but with Andy, it just felt a little bland. I guess I’ll have to get used to it…not just because it’s Andy…but because he’s one man. All of them are…except Heeseung.’

“…..you’re just so damn pretty….I just…lost control of myself….I’m sorry.”

You shook your head. “No it’s fine. Really, I was just caught off guard…..if you want….we can try again.”

He looked delighted at the fact you weren’t at all angry. Normally you would have been, but you really wanted to try and find some bit of joy in kissing another man….just one, not two. 

A moment goes by and while the kiss was gentle, passionate, and sensual, it didn’t have the effect on you like Heeseung’s did. That was going to be a downfall but something you’ll need to put behind. 

‘Yes he gave me butterflies…but that’s not worth giving up my life.’ 

Andy finally bids you goodbye as you accept his dinner invitation tomorrow night. 

“My place tomorrow? I’ll cook.” He smiles.

“Yeah…sure.” You giggled. 

After changing over and climbing into bed, you thought about Heeseung. 

‘I really hope he’s not too mad. I really hope he’s moving on.’

Blocking his number, the painful reaction of his torment was still being relayed as H/n, Jake, and the others inflamed your phone with messages. 

‘Y/n where are you? Where did you go? Please be alright.’

‘Y/n, please call us. Ethan is searching for you everywhere. Where are you?’

You merely responded to all of the messages with “I’m fine. I’ll call you guys in a few days, please trust me and give me a little bit of time, I’ll explain things later.” 

A ding comes in on your phone, which you knew was from h/n or the girls. You didn’t bother reading it, instead, you drifted off to sleep. 

At some point in the middle of the night, you woke up to the loud noise across the street. Elisa’s neighbors had a frenzy of friends over for game night, which went on all throughout past midnight. Looking at the clock, you saw that it was a little after 2 am. 

‘Oh gosh…’ 

Stretching out on the large bed, you get up to grab some water. You didn’t need to turn on any of the lights since there were night lights plugged into the walls beginning at the hall way, down the stairs, and spread throughout the kitchen. 

Going back upstairs, you re-enter the room, set the bottle down on the end table, and climbed back into bed. Since there was no lighting inside the room, you didn’t even notice the tall frame that laid on the side next to yours. 

“Found you.” 

You screamed at the feeling of his hands grasping your waistline. You already knew…

“Heeseung! Get away!” 

You squirmed get he was so quick to overpower you as he pins you down on the bed, straddling atop of you. 

“So this is where you’ve been….gosh. You must have been so lonely without me…inside this big house all by yourself.” 

“H-how? How did you-“

“Find you?” 

He interjects. His tone was smooth and tranquil, yet his grasp on your wrists tighten. 

“Well sexy….the thing is…you had set up auto fill on your email when you used my computer. Naturally, the moment I clicked on your email it just logged me in. Didn’t you notice all the notifications on your phone?” He smirks, knowing full well that everyone and their mother had been texting you the moment you flew out….you hadn’t realized that whole majority of the dings were from h/n and the others, there were some that was notifying you of your email being logged into from a different device…something you had ignored since you got tired of reading all the texts.

Your heart sank. 

“And there I found an online receipt for plane tickets. Your  whole itinerary….along with messages between you and your friend. Pretty crafty huh?” His tone turned snarky. 

“H-Heeseung I-“ 

“Shut up.”

You tightened your lip out of fear. He didn’t even raise his voice and yet, the amount of anger within it was flaring towards you.

“So….you just fly out cross country kissing other boys now? Is that what we’re doing y/n?” 

Your eyes widened. Your heart felt as if it stopped beating. 

“Hmm? Don’t want to answer? That’s probably for the best, honestly. I’m in no mood for a conversation.”

You began stuttering. 

“It’s…nothing serious. I had only just met the guy and-“

“You just met him?…and you kissed him already?” His tone was hurt yet frustrated. “I waited months and only got lucky to get you because of that idiot, Samuel, only for you to do this. You barely meet someone and kiss them? How unfair.” 

“H-Heeseung please…”

“Bet you want to talk to him, don’t you?” You couldn’t make out his features since it was pitch black in the room, but from what you could feel from his grasp on your skin, he had his fingerless leather gloves on. 

“I-I don’t…”

You feel him releasing your wrist as he digs into his pocket and takes out his phone. The light of the screen allowed you to see a bit of his face underneath his cap, his nose and mouth. His eyes remained out of sight under the bill.

“Yes you do…so here. Talk to him.”

“H-how did you get his number?….”

With the light of the screen reflecting off his face, he grins in a sinister manner, showing off teeth. With a deep growl, Ethan speaks.

“Say hi.”

“……..”

“…..hello? Who is this?”

‘Oh my God he’s safe.’

Relieved at hearing his voice, you tried to reassure him that all was well and that you were sorry, since you assumed Heeseung had confronted him…how else did he get his number?

“Andy?”

“….y/n….?”

“Andy! Andy listen….my….my ex boyfriend-“

“Ah! Say that again and I’ll fuck your mouth so hard, your brain will leak out of your ears.” Ethan snaps. His comment left you in a quiet state as the inflection of his voice shook the living fear within you. 

“……….y/n?…”

“Y-yes….?”

“Y/n……im sorry…..but let’s just not see each other anymore….let’s just stop…”

“W-what?…”

“Let’s just…..stop.”

“……….”

his tone had changed…he sounded frightened, tired, and his voice was quivering.

“Andy….where are you?”

You hear the dial tone as he hangs up. You had no way of knowing that the man sat in the massive mess within his kitchen, black and blue with a bloodied nose and lip and a couple of broken bones. A warning from the man on top of you. It was a miracle that Heeseung….or Ethan, rather, didn’t decide to kill him. 

‘I only do what is deemed necessary y/n.’

“Alrighty then. Now that you got to say goodbye to good ol’ Andy, let’s talk about us for a minute..” Ethan continues as he delicately places his phone on the end table aside from the bed. 

“Ethan….I….I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…please-“

“Shhhh….I know. I know you are baby. You didn’t mean to leave, right? You just wanted some space and see your friend, is that right?” 

You remained silent and nodded instead, begrudgingly out of fear as you tried to refrain him from snapping again. 

“Well that’s understandable….but you still scared me…you know that?” He leans his face in at a tilt, the last bit of his sentence was spoken in a soft, nearly whispering tune as he gently breaths against your lips and gives you a warm and gentle kiss. His hand remaining on your wrist while the other caresses your breast through the satin thin camisole you adorned. 

He keeps kissing you. He slightly grinds into you. He melts right into you and you couldn’t deny it even at such a fearful state….it felt too damn good. 

‘I know it does….hehehehe….enjoy it while it lasts.’

Unknowingly, you were falling right into his trap. 

Breaking the kiss slightly, he caressed your face as he whispers out.

“You miss me?” 

You nodded. Your eyes glazed with the gloss of lust and your breathing began to get heavier. 

“Yeah? “ he continues, his voice still as soft as ever, which was quite different and unusual for Ethan. 

Nudging the tip of his nose against yours, he issues small little pecks against your lips as he speaks in between. 

“How much did you miss me?” 

“……a lot.” You didn’t mean to moan out your answer, but the way he was softly pulsating his groin against your clothed center felt irresistible. 

“Yeah? I missed you too.” He engages in a long and flaming kiss, practically devouring you through the mouth as his finger tips stroke your soft cheek. 

“You want me to show you just how much I missed you….hmm?….baby?” He kisses you again. 

You caved in the moment he rubbed his fingers up your laced covered slit. 

“Yes! Ethan yes!” You gasped out. You did truly miss him, even though you were preferring to live your life without him. But it wasn’t hard to understand that Heeseung and Ethan’s touch, kisses, and affection was so thrilling to you, you understand why all his previous girlfriends begged him for just one more night, something that Jake once confided to you. 

But in his usual fashion, Heeseung always ignored them. He only had eyes, a heart, and mind just for you. Only for you, no one else.

Kissing you as he sucks on your tongue and lips, he slightly pulls away. 

“Hmm…we’ll come here baby. Let’s get you fucked nice and hard.” 

You whimper. You were succumbing to the built up euphoria within your pelvis and yet, your mind told you not to do it. You were feeling torn. The more you whimpered, the more he responded with an antagonizing tone that mimicked the pitch of your whimpering as he spoke. 

“Awww….I know baby. Come here.”

The way he reversed your pitch right back at you with his words made you yearn for more. 

He slips off your camisole, once again mimicking your whines with his own voice, he talks you through every step he took as he undressed you and himself. 

‘Mmm I know baby. Don’t worry I’m going to fill you up.

‘Come here baby…you want it badly don’t you?’

‘Oh I know…my poor girl you hadn’t been fucked in a while. I’m here to fix that for you.’ 

The moment he inserted himself in, you jolted to an arch as your hands laid spread eagle. The feeling of his cock sliding into you slowly made you even more wet. 

‘Oh my God…’

“Oooooh yeeeeeeah….good girl….nice and wet for daddy.’ 

“Mmphm….E-Ethan…!!” You gasped out a large moan as it trails off into a whine at him rotating his hips once his entire shaft nestled inside your walls. 

At that moment, he starts thrusting, and in usual Ethan fashion, he goes hard, fast, and rough. You couldn’t help but enjoy the moment as tears streamed down your face from the intense sexual sensation of getting fucked like there was no tomorrow. It felt so good. Too good. Too damn good, it shouldn’t be allowed. 

‘Just wait and see babydoll….enjoy it while you can.’

The moment you came, you felt the knot returned as your breasts jolt upward from his pelting thrusts. 

“Mmmm….don’t worry we’re not done yet babydoll.” 

“I……” you couldn’t speak, his hits to your core rendered you dumb as you were at a loss for words from continuously getting fucked after reaching your orgasm, only this time, it was hard and slow. 

“You know baby…I was so scared when you went away. Why did you do it like that? Why did you have to scare me to death?” He softly whispers against your lips as he continues his slow and deep thrusts, hitting that spot that made you ooze. 

“I….I….I-“ you tried to talk. You tried to explain. Yet it was as if he knew that his dick hitting you internally made you only gasp out the moans of pleasure as you gave up in trying to reason with him. 

‘I tried to tell you…but you wouldn’t have let me go…what other choice did I have?’ 

You remarked to yourself, hoping that somehow he would understand you telepathically. 

“You know babe…since you scared me….I think I should get a little something in return…you know, as a token of your apology.” He kisses you as you whine. 

“Scaring me like that….that wasn’t nice.” He kisses you again. 

“I need to teach you some manners, don’t you agree?” He kisses you once more. 

Your brows furrowed as you tilts your head and makes you watch as he dips in and out of you with each slow thrust. 

Kissing you on your forehead, he whispers as his lips stay attached to your skin. 

“You fucking bad girl.” The last bit was growled out, before your eyes could fully widened, he snags your wrist on your strong arm, pinning it behind your back as he loops his opposite arm underneath your back and grabs it in a tight hold, pulling it at a forced bend at the elbow. His other squeezes your breasts as he leans down and ravishes them with his mouth. The moment you felt teeth, you felt as if you were being burned alive. 

“Stop! That hurts!” 

“Yup.”

“Stop!”

He deeply chuckles against the center of your chest, grazing the surface of his teeth along your skin. Feeling you tremble, he raises his face as he rests his chin on your chest plate. 

“Scared?” 

You gasped out of fear. You didn’t have to answer for him to see it as plain as day, that you were. 

“Mmm….I know…I know all about that. I was so scared baby…I thought I lost you forever.” 

Continuing his thrusts, he reaches below as his fingertips grazes your anus. 

“Stop!! What are you doing?!” 

“Getting you ready….” 

You squirm and shifted, yet he steadied your body as you were forced to succumb to his fingers penetrating you. 

“Thaaaaats it….good giiiiiiiirl….” He sucks on your neck as your body goes limp, feeling the unusual pleasure of his fingers fucking you the same time his cock was, both holes filled. 

It wasn’t until his thick and long fingers began to scissor you, you began to panic as the stretch became stingy. 

“Ethan stop! Stop! Let me go!”

“Nooooo….don’t think I will babydoll. Gotta get my fill…you bad fucking kitty.” 

Continuing with his act, you felt your body doubling up on the natural secretion of lubricant as both your holes began to leak out the fine and clear liquid. 

“Mmmkay…I think we’re ready.” He remarks as he pulls out. 

Reaching over to the side, he grabs something, obviously indicating that he had staged an item before crawling into bed with you. 

“W-what….what is that?” 

“Shhhh…”

Turning on the vibrator, he sets it to the highest setting. 

“Oh…this is going to be fun babe.” 

You tried to squirm again but the wrist lock he maintained on you behind your lower back rendered you to be at his mercy.

“D-don’t! Just don’t! Ethan!”

Not even entertaining your cries, he inserts the phallic toy inside your back hole, slowly, inch by inch, nearly the size of him. 

You whimpered and yelp out. This was too abrasive and uncomfortable for you. Yet the more he inserted, the more you felt that knot of pleasure building up, regardless that you were resisting and vocalizing your pleas for him to stop. 

“Stop! I said stop! You’re a monster! I don’t want to do this!” 

“I know…but I’m about to change your mind.”

Once the toy was fully inserted, he sticks his cock back inside your center, breaking through your slit as he begins thrusting, starting off hard and slow for the first two, then picking up the pace to a rough, hard and fast pounding as he stretches flesh. 

Feeling the vibration from the neighboring flesh against your walls, he fucks into you as he growls uncontrollably. 

“Fuck babe….God dammit…oh fuck…” he speaks through gritted teeth as his body trembles from the pleasure he felt from your wet walls and the hint of vibrational pulses. 

Your eyes roll up to the back of your head as your mouth fills up with foamed saliva that leaks out from the corner. You couldn’t think or speak, the sensation was unreal and you weren’t sure what to make of it since it was demeaning yet sensational. 

“St…..st….sssss….stop……stop…” you moaned in stutters as he fucks you, in and out. In and out. 

In…..

And out….

The vibration of the toy caused you to become overly sensitive as you started to feel a heightened pinch from your groin. 

“I…I can’t…..s….stop…..n-no…no more….”

Kissing you, he shuts you up as he pelts even faster and harder. 

Reaching orgasm, not like the ones before, you screamed at the intensity of having your g-spot hit from all angles and through double penetration. 

“Yeah…..good girl….” He stutters between his growls as he finishes inside you. 

Dropping the weight of his chest atop yourself, you felt the density of his deep breaths as he takes the toy out of you, and tosses it aside from the bed. 

You barely recover from the intensity of sexual high before you felt him lift his head and kiss your chest. 

Reaching over, he grabs another toy. 

“W-what……..what is that?!” Your eyes widened. 

You hear the rotation of beads as he sets the toy to its highest setting, much like the last one. Unlike the other toy, this one was ribbed with bumps, a coil of active beading that rotated and vibrated, the complete opposite of the smoothness with the other one. 

“I was scared too….not just him. Don’t I get an apology?”

‘Heeseung…’

“Stop! Heeseung stop!” 

“No, you stop. Fucking leaving me like that…you really thought I was going to just let you go?…..fucking y/n….that was stupid of you.” 

With his cock back inside you, he starts to inject the tip of the vibrating sexy toy inside you, lining it right atop his own length as he finds a way to double penetrate inside your center core. 

“Oh my God!!! Stop! Heeseung!!”

the overwhelming stretch caused discomforting pressure in your groin. Yet the moment the rotating beads entered you, your breath was knocked out of your chest, you gasped and coughed through the choking of your own saliva as both, the length of the silicone toy and his cock plunder deep inside you. 

“Yeah…I knew you’d like it.” He chuckles in a pleasured tone as he gulps, succumbing to the pleasure of the vibration against his cock, along with the tightness of your walls. 

Keeping the toy steady with his thumb, he pounds into you…hard. Your body jolts upwards each time you lay taking in all of his frustration as he angrily fucks into you. 

“You gonna leave me again?”

“N…..no!….n-nnno!…..” you gasp out, continuously choking on your own saliva as the intensity of the pleasure you were feeling made you forget how to breathe, swallow, and move. A whirlwind of sensations all hit you at once.

“I believe you….but just in case, let’s ruin that tight pussy so that way no man is ever going to want you. Just me. I’ll always want you. I’ll always love you. You’ll always have me, my beautiful girl.”

Fucking into you, his voice begins to transition as he merges from Heeseung to his Ethan face, or maybe he was both now…you couldn’t tell. The state you were in started to have an effect on you, to the point where you couldn’t grasp the concept of anything…just being fucked. 

The moment you couldn’t breathe, he slams his palm at the center of your chest, causing you to cry out in slight pain and breathe again, all the while your hear Ethan’s voice laugh. 

“You gotta breathe baby.”  He moans out as he continues to fuck you. 

Noticing that you kept choking out on your own saliva from having your mouth wide open for too long, not to mention the unusual pleasure that you were feeling and, to your dismay, enjoying…much as you hated to admit it, he leans his face down, and engages in a kiss. Yet instead of massaging his tongue around, you feel him slurping the contents of your mouth, lifting his face back up, you hear Heeseung’s voice this time around.

“Can’t have you choking on me….I’m mad at you, but that doesn’t mean I want you to die.” He chuckles as if he found the concept of you struggling funny…..and he probably did. He was angry, furious even…he was feeling like Hell, and you underestimated that.

He chuckles mischievously as he raves his dick inside you mercilessly. 

At the point of blacking out, your vision begins to tunnel out, while your hearing fades. 

‘Just give up….just black out…..you can’t escape this….he’s too strong…and it’s too good. So just sleep….just sleep….’

Succumbing to your own mindset of relief, you took in one last blink and were out. 

By the time you woke up, you weren’t sure how long after you passed out that the night went on. All you knew was that the pain you felt within your cervix was too great, that despite his intentions in taking you back the next day, Heeseung decided to wait and postpone the trip for another two days until the pain subsided. He described it as “generosity before personal gratification, aren’t I good to you?” You hated how he scoffed and smirked when he said those words, as if he was doing you a favor. It was then you realized, Heeseung, and even Ethan, despite his rough demeanor, had been the nicest entities you’ve ever known…yet the moment you caused them despair, they were horrific…the worst….they were both, fire and Hell.

“It’s fine. I’ll just call the venue and have them postpone the reservation.”

“…..what….reservation?….” You looked up confusingly 

“Our private wedding ceremony, silly. I figured since things didn’t work out between you and that boytoy, you might as well stay with me…forever.especially after last night, hmm?” He smirks at you, revealing a half Heeseung and half Ethan facial presence. 

With an antagonizing tone, he instigates your anger by unleashing an harsh insult.

“I think you’re better off marrying me…I don’t think anyone is going to appreciate you after last night. Ain’t that right, loosely goosey?” He bears a demeaning grin your way. 

Screaming, crying, all the while you remain stagnant, unable to move from the soreness from the rhapsody of intense pleasure and breaching of walls, you felt disgusted and regretful for having him in the first place, upon hearing what he just called you. 

“I hate you……I hate you! How could you say that to me?”  You started off in a shocked and quiet tone, yet it only rose the more you spoke. 

“How? Well let’s see…the entire time we’ve been together, I’ve showered you with nothing but praises, affectionate pet names, long full nights of pleasure….im building you a fucking house, am willing to give you the entire world and have expressed that….I’ve saved you from that stupid ex-boyfriend from beating you black and blue….and you fucking leave me like I was a stray dog. That’s fucking how y/n!! That’s how!” 

You were taken aback by his loss of composure as he yells vividly in your direction. His eyes filled with pain front being hurt, as well as rage from the anger. 

“I give you the fucking universe and you leave me! “ he continues. “So I figured, since you OBVIOUSLY didn’t like my behavior towards you from before, might as well change it up. I guess that’s where the term ‘girls only like assholes’ came from. Hmm? Wouldn’t you agree?”

You were at a loss for words. 

“BUT……I’ll be more than willing to go back to being Mr. Nice-guy….as long as you behave and learned your lesson?”

You bit your lip and winced the tears from streaming down, nodding your head. 

“Good. I’m still pissed, so I’ll going to step outside and when I come back in, we’ll have a fresh start. Deal?” 

You nodded hesitantly.

…………….

Four months have passed, and he didn’t over-exaggerate his intent for a fresh start. It was so nice of him to forget about your selfish mistake, and not bring it up. It was so nice of him to marry you, even though you hurt him badly. It was so good of him to bring you to Korea, introduce you to his welcoming and loving family, throw you a lavish wedding, and move you into that big beautiful house he had custom built for you. It was so nice of him to bring you with him when he went to work, so you wouldn’t be lonely or bored. 

It was so nice of him…

Stepping out of the sound booth, you go upstairs at the company’s private cafe, having access to all the amenities since you were a part of the family that owned it. 

Grabbing a piece of fruit and a water, two trainees approach you. One of them, speaking English, begins to converse with you. 

“Oh, are you foreigner? We just wanted to tell you how pretty you are. Also, are you pregnant?” 

You nod. 

“Aww! How nice. Is the daddy Korean?”

“…..yes, the daddy is Korean.”

‘Both of them are….’

Authors note: I will have a smau from a different request posted later tonight :) hope y’all enjoyed this.

#heeseung scenarios #heeseung x reader #heeseung smut #heeseung hard hours #enha x reader #heeseung fanfic #heeseung hard thoughts #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #enha heeseung

[ashmp3]

It's award season (unconfirmed)! Give some of your mutuals silly little awards.

awww okay sorry for answering late i wanted to sit down and Write It Down. Also sorry to everyone i didnt talk about i love you all for real and i appreciate you being part of ashmp3 nation. Now lets start!

@bewby best cousin award. Seven truly is like my little sister at this point like thats a sibling we just get eachother we followed eachother for such a long time like we went through our teenage years together in a way. love you my bunny girl!!!!! @kurapikasjudgementchain award for putting up with me and being my friend *curtsy*.

@sunuism mutual with the coolest fashion sense for SURE if u havent already u all need to be seated for Ri's fit checks.... @wantbytaemin i would say another cousin award bc sometimes it truly feel like we are so similar on so many levels it just makes me giggle like our grandmothers having the same names thats just insane to me. One of the longest mutuals award and Also best shawol award of course but thats given... @bourgeoix my smart girl mutual you know that post "i have ppl with phd on my dash" yes thats mel to me. when i see your posts talking about either your work or anything really im like THERE SHE ISS i love to see it truly adore it. Also dyke award *everyone cheers*

@seahavaen mutual with hottest sexiest seductive vibes period.

@diamondcrystals best exol award shared with @whitechocolate How are we feeling friends its getting real......

@10281 favorite mutual i made on this blog! hands down. i am grateful svt exists and made us cross paths

@smirnoffgrl my loveliest kaya award for being hottest sweetheart on the whole world and also someone i would love to party with the most out of everyone.. partygirl award

@polaroidlovemp3 friendliest mutual award!!! you are so sweet and cute and i love how we just send eachother posts and tag eachother out of the blue thats literally crucial part of blogging and you get it so well...

@shalalayong BEST TYONGF AWARD! no brainer of course... but i also love when u posts snippets from ur life its so cute Mwah @jeonwonwoo Best insane gifmaker (positive ofc) Zaynab you just get me and thats not an easy thing to do. Congratulations or sorry thats true.... @ayatou Best sweet normal gifmaker (also positive) Ngoc you and Zaynab come together in my mind same coin different sides etc. You are so sweet and friendly and i just love seeing your posts on my dash its an instant re-reblog ...

@mistarover and @jaebeomtual very recent mutuals that both made me feel like we have known eachother for a long time which is always such a nice feeling tbh you both are friendly and talkative and i love that

@pocji mutual with best music taste but also hag mutual (affectionately) we just get eachother I am truly so happy you are still on tumblr... I actually remember following you on my old blog in 2016 and we became mutuals years later and i was GEEKED

@egos and @kitschundschund and for the end my sisters cousins friends from high school etc the shiet we all went through together its just something IRL friends havent gone through LMFAO my favorite girls award !!!!!

#I LOVE THESE GAMESSSS i love being crazy sappy nostalgic etc etcccccc #ask game

[nereidaa]

so the whole storyline about ✨him✨ is here

(I ACCIDENTALY CLOSED THE SITE AND A WHOLE FUCKING LIST JUST DELETED. I'M MAD BC I HAVE TO REWRITE IT AGAIN. BUT ANYWAY.)

so we met this year when i went to this school

he's a grade older than me but i assume we're the same year (cause he's 15 now and i'll turn 15 this year) (i don't know if i say it the right way but i just don't know how to explain it)

i was friends with a girl in autumn, and he was friends with her too (now we both don't talk to her, idk why he doesn't tho) and we interacted in some way bc of it

in our school we choose the classes we want to attend and it doesn't depend on the grade you're in, so we had some mutual classes during this year. also we have not only the regular school subjects, but some interesting courses on very different topics (i'm not showing off, just saying that i'm glad to be from an upper middle-class family and go to a private school)

we had a class that is about the society or smth, and there was a lesson about marraige. he just leaved like after 5-10 minutes (idk if people still make those awful sigma jokes but yeah) (and yeah we're allowed to do so, you can leave anytime you want). no point here, i just remembered that and thought it could be important to understand his character or something

he's from a friend group i don't really like (they're loud chess nerds who speak in russian and that pisses off the whole school. there're a few nice guys there tho) but he's also friends with a lot of other people (he's a goddamn extravert and literally knows everyone)

back to the classes. we had physics together in winter, and we imitated electron movement (i'm from ukraine and i don't give a shit how you call all these things in english, i hope you get it), and we needed balloons for it. i helped him to tie his balloon (also he sat next to me? but idk if that means something or he just sat down somewhere bc all other seats were occupied, i don't remember)

then i remember how we just accidentaly got distracted and he showed me some tricks he can do with his hand but then the teached noticed it (like boy? why me? no complaining tho)

i don't remember anything til now tbh and so we're here in april 2024

we have like 4 mutual classes now

it's a format where we have different lessons everytime, history of music, history of ukraine and history of antiquity (it's not bc he's a history nerd, it's bc i am a history nerd lol. i have like 5 different history classes rn)

this tuesday we had the format and it was a game called 'two states' where we were in the same team. the point of the game was to increase the state budget and also to not have any dead citizens (if you don't have any money left by the end of the round you die). i convinced my friend alice, with whom we played as a family, to help him so that he did not die (we basically gave the guy money lol, but she didn't even want to help)

also there is a thing among us, when we do those little charades to communicate when we're too far from each other to talk (I SWEAR I DUNNO WHAT THAT WAS PLSS. MY BSF SCREAMED INTO THE PHONE WHEN I TOLD HER.)

and there it was then too

and also we often just look at each other and shake our heads at the same time when our mutual friends do something stupid and laugh

and after that alice and i went to the subway together and before that we chatted with him in the cloakroom, where he told us about our other friend (myrosia) annoying him on purpose after he told her to stop. i just don't get it??? like what's the point of doing that??? it used to be a local joke before but if it annoys the other person why do you continue???

anyway so. on friday we had history of antiquity, he was late for school and sat down on the floor next to me (i don't remember if i ever mentioned it on my blog before but probably not. we don't use desks and all this stuff, we just sit in the auditorium/classroom on the chairs or the floor) and greeted with us (i assume us?? like our friend group??), i told myrosia to shut up before she tried to do the joke again, she did anyway and he just leaved and sat in the other side of the room

we had a group task and he joined our group for it, we did some small talk where he mentioned he didn't sleep well or something like that, then i got up from my chair and sat on the floor to help with the poster and he just sat on my chair (i mean, boy why me??? there were other empty chairs. i didn't protest tho (if it was someone else i probably would) and let the poor boy to sit on a chair)

after a lot of jokes from myrosia and alice he leaved before the break was announced again (i just don't get why they keep doing this if they know it annoys another person)

after the break he sat in the other side of the room again and when girls from our group were about to present our work we just did the whole shaking heads and then laughing thing again

then we had the school meeting and there was this thing again

by the way i feel like i forgot to say this. we never actually greet if we walk past each other in the hallway

BUT THE WORST PART IS

i'm going on a school trip in may. and so does he. and we'll be around each other for 5 (five!!!) days. WTF

so that's it. thx for reading this shit if you actually did

fuck it probably doesn't really mean something😭😭😭😭 but anyways love you xoxo

#bla bla nana #this whole post was a freaking english practice #learned so many new words haha #still don't know if everything is right but idc #that's just ridiculous #and his name is artem btw #i often just write random letters when i'm bored and i just don't want to think why it's recently a capital 'a' okay #i'm literally burying myself even further with those random facts rn #help me and just turn off the delusion in my mind pls #or convince me that it's not a delusion idk what i want better😭😭 #˚₊‧⁺˖ 🫢

[growtiredofpublicvulnerability]

I just need to get this out and then it’s OVER

almost none of you knew me when i was going through my senior year (2016/2017) deep mutual infatuation with this girl who eventually fell in love with me but by that point she was literally pushing every single 😵‍💫 and 😨 button i had so i was like simultaneously over her but also didn’t have any other local friends at the time (and she would give me attention). and i reacted soooo badly to her pushing my buttons and tried my best to tell her what was going on but i did not know how to express it effectively so we both got frustrated and I just started being ridiculous about it (like started talking to my freshman year boyfriend again. WHY. also just realized i started sleeping with him in 2018 after seeing her again literally what was wrong with me 😭) which i regret a lot bc i was definitely 20 whole years old by that point. so by the end of the (school) year we had a terrible “breakup” (we were never together) that shook our entire department. And that’s not even the worst part… like a year later when we saw each other again i was very mean which is what i really regret bc i really had all the resources to just leave the situation but i decided to stay and let myself get mean! i should probably tell her this and like say sorry (for some of it… this was a mutually destructive situation) instead of posting here. but i really don’t want to bring it back up 😋🫶🏿 except that she added me on Instagram like a year or two ago and has just been sitting in my follow requests the whole time. i hope she’s in a happy relationship with someone who isn’t doing new and inventive psychological warfare on themselves 🤭 but yeah i literally feel so bad that i have not allowed myself to be mean to people since 2018 even when i maybe need to be.

This also was after my weird isolated summer internship in eastern washington (two hours outside of yakima like it was RURAL) where i didn’t talk to anyone for 8-9 weeks and then starting hanging out with the 27yo phd interns who gave me captain morgans and wanted to cuddle even though i was weird and 19. literally went right from that into this… how did that happen.

anyway i was also taking a slight social media break at the time and deleted all the rant posts off of peach so even though i was experiencing severe mental turmoil there is no proof outside of my memories. so moral of the story… stay on social media! and over share constantly!!

idk part of me wants to try this again with someone else but i know i would end up pregnant or something one way or another

#it took me like 40 minutes to type and edit all this bc i kept getting distracted #and i didnt even get to the point lmao

[sanriopropaganda]

vent under the cut

ive had two best friends in my life, one from elementary to high school who moved away when we were 14 and we grew apart, and the other i met in my freshman year of college who dropped me for a romantic partner. i haven’t been able to find anyone since.

i have close friends, i even have people i might consider some of my best friends, but those people have their own best friend, and it’s not me. im not apart of a friend group, i mostly just bounce around from hangout to hangout. i interact with people a lot! im friends with a good number of people! i just. don’t have that one person that everyone else seems to.

i thought i had found a good group of girls that could maybe be a friend group since i don’t have one since moving back home. they were already friends, and i met them through a mutual friend that was also fairly new to the group. i was just scrolling on instagram today and i saw that there was a birthday party i wasn’t invited to that i just. had to find out through social media had happened. even the newer person was invited.

and maybe i had overinflated my position, or maybe i saw or felt something that wasn’t mutual, but after being invited to other gatherings and parties with the full group, it hurt! and then i started thinking about how they dont really talk to me outside of those hangouts. and there was a group chat they forgot to add me to (whether or not it was purposeful or not i don’t know). i thought maybe we would talk more as time went on, and ive tried to initiate those conversations, but. it’s never worked out.

and ik no one is obligated to hang out with me, ik no one is obligated to invite me to anything, especially since we haven’t known each other for a full year. but it just sucks bc like. im never anyone’s person. im no one’s best friend. people aren’t really jumping at the chance to be with me. i feel like the same lonely kid i always have been.

and it also just feels like. all for nothing? ive done so much work. i try really hard to be someone people like. i think im personable and nice and funny and people say i come off as confident. i dress nicely, i try to talk to people, i try to be supportive and there for others when they need to vent. ive changed so much. im no longer that shy awkward teen i once was, and thats great! i have my moments bc of social anxiety, but i have done a lot to be someone that people want to be around. and of course i have my flaws and things i try to work on but. it all just feels like it’s for nothing. bc im still that kid that doesn’t have a lunch table to sit at. and i feel like im letting myself down.

but even then i feel like it’s all fake. i don’t know where the real me ends and the mask begins. how much of me being a good person is me? how much of it is what i think other people want to see? i don’t know! but sometimes i think. that mask may slip, and i say something weird, or im a little too loud, or i get too excited and i talk too much, or i get too comfortable and i think someone may like me for me! and they don’t.

and ik the reaction to that may be “well you need to know yourself before you can be loved”. i don’t know if that’s ever going to happen! i truly don’t! ive been mentally ill and lonely my whole life. and they just. feed into each other. idk how to separate the loneliness from myself, I don’t know what it means to not feel like this. but does that mean i don’t deserve to love and be loved? aren’t there other people who have found connections and joy and love while being like me? what is it about me that is so repugnant? i try really hard, i genuinely do, i go to therapy and i only sometimes take my meds but i am genuinely really trying and i dont know why im not getting anywhere. but i want to be better, i really do! even with the depression, and the anxiety, and the bpd, i really do try.

i just want to be someone people genuinely truly like and want to be around. i want to meet people and have them think “wow i want to be her friend”. i want to not get dropped for other people. i want to be someone’s first choice. but im not. i want to have a group of people, and even just one, that i think of and who thinks of me when those silly memes of “me and the girls” pop up.

and sometimes i wonder if im just destined to be alone. it really sucks, but i wish some cosmic entiry or god or something would tell me that that’s just the way i am. and that i should just stop trying bc it’ll never matter anyway. it would make it hurt less. but there is no cosmic entity and there is no god and there is no here’s the life ive always dreamed of i will make it mine. it’s just being alone.

so im stuck. trying and failing and wondering what’s wrong with me. maybe im really not as great at being a person as i thought. maybe i am still just ugly and weird and it eventually shows. but i keep trying because thats all i know how to do. until the cosmic entity or god or whoever shows up and tells me to stop.

i really just want to run away a lot of the time. if i moved to some new city far away then i still wouldn’t have friends but i would have an excuse! but i can’t bc i don’t know how and im scared. im really scared that nothing will ever change and ill die alone. probably by my own hand if it gets much worse. but im scared of that too.

#personal #tw ideation #i don’t ever post personal really but. feels good to scream into the void ig

[galaxycunt]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

Figured it’d be fun to get to know ppl on here :) tagged by @alphedhel

Tagging @captastra @gayafsatan @clonesupport @the-lastcall @the-laridian @kirjanikv6ilill @socially-awkward-skeleton @incognito-insomniac @darkfire1177 @goatyoat @galaxymermaid214 @toads-treasures @roofgeese @strangefable

If you are not comfortable with putting any information you may use something like “Nice try FBI,” because it’s funny.

1. Are you named after anyone?

Bianca from Taming Of The Shrew

2. When was the last time you cried?

Literally last week when Evan puked from dehydration even tho we weren’t even in the backcountry and had plenty of water and salty food lmao he cried so I cried bc I was worried he was gonna force himself to hike down and pass out. Men are so dumb!!!! Drink water!!!!

3. Do you have kids?

No, but I’m currently trying. Which is the least gross way of saying it bc Evan like to make gross jokes about it bc it’s true lmao

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I’m a weirdo who thinks sarcasm is super not funny lmao like ok I get it ha ha u got the whole club laughing rn 😐

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I used to play baseball/softball with friends, soccer but not on a real team just with kids at school lmao as an adult I do rock climbing and I played rugby once with my brother in law is running in races a sport? Then I guess that too

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

I like looking at peoples faces

7. Eye Color?

Dark brown the most beautiful color in da world baby 😎😎😎

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Hey man most scary movies have happy endings bc at least someone lives lmao watching yellowjackets rn and I don’t think no one got a happy ending so far

9. Any Special talents?

Used to be able to swallow objects bc I learned sword swallowing on tv lmao I don’t think I have any actual talents for things

10. Where were you born?

Reno 😎 Don’t let the marketing fool u the whip guy lives on!!!!

11. Free space (there was no 11 on the prompt I received)

I am not the best artist even tho I went to art school imo but I do love to paint mini canvas oil paintings of clouds I have them hidden in my room they are okay, alright even. I maybe should’ve gone to the copywriter focus of my ad major Lmao

12. Do you have any pets?

I have my little Iggy boy. My cat biscuit died last year of heart problems no one knew about bc she was barely 5. Odie i had since I was 10 and he died at 18. So yeah doing the strategy of feeding Iggy Mexican food bc odie lived so long on that lmao (not really don’t worry) I just let him eat small tiny bites of my food hehehe

13. How tall are you?

5’4 😔

14. Favorite subject in school?

I wasn’t really a fan of school but I did enjoy my film and acting classes. Had one cool creative writing class senior year. I use this knowledge to nod knowingly to video essays. In college I took a mycology class that was cool bc we brewed beer and baked bread. I also enjoyed my media studies classes and my professor was a porn historian who’s main focus was home video evolution and even more narrowly Betamax. Basically most inventions truly are made for porn and that sets the tone. lmaoo

15. Dream Job?

Me and Evan discussed retiring to be a park ranger and honestly that’s it. Would love to camp all day and just sit in a booth or lead nature walks. Like yeah lots of young people up on the trails doing the hard stuff but I have a friend who was a ranger in Big Bend and loved it and before getting her job in the White House was gonna hop around the parks a bit and that’s living the dream man

#about me

[enrapture]

Not a question but back when we went to school together I had the biggest crush on you but now? I don't anymore. Anyways have a awesome day and stay beautiful darling ❤️

Lmfao!! A troll I love it. I’m gonna be real for a sec though and answer this for anyone curious. 😜

Why your point is invalid: I never went to school with anyone that has ever said words like: “stay beautiful darling”☠️😂 or would remotely say this to me or anyone else because they have class stfu. Anyone that actually has ever ‘liked me’ at all told me. Ffs I haven’t been in school in fucking 9-10 years or whatever So.. I’d be worried about your feelings now why exactly? What’re you trying to accomplish here? What do you want a cookie for telling me? 😂

I keep up /check the blogs of anyone that follows me and accept or block ppl bc of the dni in my bio & 97% is surprisingly from the UK. I only know 2 irl people that I’m mutuals with one being a married girl and one guy being a ex fling/friend of sorts whom I talk with + “playfully”& jokingly flirt with off & on.

Why follow me and make a statement like this? You could’ve just kept it moving? I could’ve gone my whole life without knowing this irrelevant information Lmao. you don’t like someone why express that to them??? Esp if it’s about years later as if I’d/they’d care??? if you like me cool, if not that’s cool. It honestly doesn’t make a difference to me. tbh this is just weird asf to say to someone imo.

Nonetheless, thank god, it was just a phase. The feelings were (very likely) never mutual. I’m selective with whom I let into my life like that. Thank god it wasn’t you lmao.

#anon

[termitesisagrandslam]

so yeah i went to visit my lovely best friend and she rooms with my former best friend (we were a trio of best friends in hs) who cut me out suddenly 9(!!!) years ago. and im trying to figure out how to deal with it still bc it happened while i was having a traumatic freshman year in college. and i became too much of a burden to her due to my depression and increased need for her friendship. since in high school she had been the one who needed me. and i have regrets, like i was wrapped up in myself and would get too easily hurt and frustrated when i felt like she wasnt giving me reassurance i needed. and so she just stopped talking to me. i blamed myself for years for driving her away.

our mutual best friend kept telling me it wasnt on me, that my ex-friend had been cruel. apparently she thought cutting me out without warning or anything would make me so angry that i wouldnt be sad or miss her. which isnt in line with my personality at all and ig my best friend told her that, that it was more likely id be sad and blame myself. which is what i did

and it's only in the past couple years i allowed myself to be angry. not that i didnt do anything wrong. but to finally understand that my behavior didnt warrant hers and that what she did was mean and unfair. and now i am really angry. i dont hate her (even if sometimes it feels like that when i get emotional) but i am angry.

there was an opportunity for all 3 of us to have lunch and i couldnt do it bc i knew she would act like nothing happened and like we were acquaintances and try to make small talk. a few years ago i wouldve 100% done that and id have taken all the blame just for the chance to reconcile. but i cant do that anymore.

so i declined. and then i saw her briefly for the first time in almost a decade as she walked to the bathroom and god im just so angry still. i cant describe how close we were and then boom i was dropped like i was nothing. as if i never mattered to her. and im worried i didnt?

and it's been so long i feel ridiculous being still so upset, especially since she probably barely thinks about me. but it's so tied into the trauma i went thru at the time in college and it altered the way im able to socialize and the way i trust. and it hurts so much that she and my other best friend have been in each others lives this whole time. and it was always the three of us. but i was disposable to her when i became inconvenient. when i needed her to be a support. and even now it's hard to not think "well i shouldnt have cried in front of her. i shouldnt have told her when she hurt my feelings. i shouldnt have i shouldnt have"

idk what im saying even. it's just hard to move on and process it when her presence is everywhere still. her stuff is everywhere when i visit my best friend. she's there and ive been barred. and the amount of times ive been Too Much and been barred from spaces is a lot. and trying not to internalize that as what it means for my worth as a person is really hard.

#tbd

[saint-batrick]

I posted 13,977 times in 2022

171 posts created (1%)

13,806 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@endreal

@fatsexybitch

@cumaeansibyl

@crypticcripple

@osmanthusoolong

I tagged 1,927 of my posts in 2022

#ofmd - 420 posts

#bats for bat - 313 posts

#call your mother. - 146 posts

#mutual aid - 96 posts

#selfies for bat - 79 posts

#they/them - 57 posts

#and history remembers me as pretty - 56 posts

#spouse??? please??? - 45 posts

#laliiiiiique - 42 posts

#bats for sweetiebat - 39 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#op don't you dare apologise‚ as this was a fun punchline to deliver‚ as an introvert who has less than five people who know my phone number

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HELP URGENTLY NEEDED.

see that forecast? our central air conditioning just broke down.

me and my roommates have six cats between the three of us, and it's going to be a couple of days before we can get it repaired.

repairs are going to cost $2000 and we've had to get hotel rooms to keep the cats (and ourselves) at a safe temperature.

PLEASE help if you can, and please share this.

paypal.me/voidbat | cashapp and venmo: voidbat

447 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

#4

so, earlier today i was having a discussion with a friend about how james cameron's avatar had just zero fucking cultural impact, which is kinda nuts considering how huge of a movie it was.

then a few hours later, i learned goncharov fics surpassed the number of avatar fics on ao3.

my friend is terminally offline. so i first had to explain ao3, which they grasped fine. i then had to explain goncharov, which...well, that took a while. but they got there!

then i had the immeasurable joy of informing them that goncharov, a movie we invented whole-cloth less than a week ago has more fan works on ao3 than avatar. the glee on their face was amazing. just fucking transported.

5,047 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#3

20,065 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#2

sometimes i get so angry about how the housing market bubble bursting led to the economy collapsing and literally never recovering for the middle class. like...basically wiped out the middle class entirely, if we're being honest.

my bank just offered me a "high yield" savings account. high yield! just a fucking amazing APY! ...the APY is 0.4%. zero. point. four.

in 2006, i worked in a call center for $17.60 an hour and had a savings account with a 9% APY. not 0.9%, a full fucking 9%. i'd only been with the call center for a year and a half, i was 24 years old, my credit was middling at best, and that savings account was brand fucking new with a bank i'd NEVER banked with.

high yield. 0.4%.

my field is in-home healthcare now, and i get paid $9.25 an hour.

the fucking rage i feel at what was taken away from my end of my generation (eldest millennial) and fully denied to everyone younger than us is unreal sometimes.

23,139 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

do y'all even know how much i hate being an "elder queer" at 40? a whole goddamn generation before me was wiped out by a plague that politicians deemed not their problem bc it was killing the "right" people. like. this was OPENLY STATED. i spent a large chunk of my childhood going to funerals. nevermind the fact that killing queer people for being queer wasn't codified into law as a hate crime until i was a junior in high school.

i should NOT be an elder queer, i should be middle at most. i am a middle aged queer. most of the elder queers died.

when i was growing up i didn't go to pride parades, i went to pride marches. because that's 100% what they were in the 80s and 90s.

from the absolute bottom of my heart, LEARN OUR FUCKING HISTORY. a generation was nearly wiped out so you young queers could be here. don't let that have been in vain, please.

46,764 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[webslingingslasher]

hi :') i see that people come here to vent n stuff so i want to do the same if that's okay. it's long, so you don't have to reply to this immediately, or at all!

okay, i have 2 best friends and we've been close since high school so it's been like Years (we're a trio and we're all in uni now). i'll label them as bff1 & bff2. bff1 invited bff2 and i to sleepover, and later on, bff1 invited our friend group from high school for a dinner/party at her house (bc we were all classmates but the 3 of us are rly a trio) and yeah, bff2 & i went, and 2 out of 7 from our friend group went, and so did bff1's cousins and their friends. we all had dinner and we were drinking as well. i didn't drink much bc i'm a lightweight lol but everyone else was drunk.

we were pretty much catching up until the whole night turned to them trash talking our other friends from our friend group (which were invited by bff1 btw but they weren't able to go...). i was just listening bc i rly didn't have any dirt on anyone, and even if i did, i don't care so much to need to tell people abt it 😭 everyone thought it was okay but idk it just threw me off... it's one thing to talk abt life and ur preferences n shit but to talk abt ur friends to ur other friends AND to ppl u just met??? fucking bitches fr..

the worst part is, AFTER all that shit talking, they video called our whole friend group gc and when one of them answered (aka one of the ppl they talked shit about, including her bf and their relationship tgt bc they, esp bff2, think their dynamic and even the way they dress is weird), bff2 was telling her "u should've come here!!!" ??? GIRL..... PLASTIC AS FUCK.... i just know that if i didn't go, they would have taken that opportunity to talk shit abt me too 😭 it's one thing to have an opinion and hate or dislike smth and to have preferences, but to be SO bothered to the point u talk shit, esp abt ur own friend AND EVEN HER BF (which is actually nice btw) to ur mutual friends and other ppl is another... like, ok we all judge, but why do u care so much to talk so much shit LMFAO... ik we were having dinner and we were drinking and having fun, but omg that's just fucking mean...

but that's not all of it, bc later on, bff1 & bff2 mentioned that they did talk shit abt me before, and they mentioned it at the dinner/party in front of everyone thinking it was okay like omfg.. i didn't even ask if they said anything abt me back then, they just straight up brought it up😭 it was about when i liked a guy a few months ago and we were talking abt him at the dinner/party, that's how they brought up that they were talking abt me to each other... yk talking stage w ur crush will get u twirling ur hair n swinging ur feet, and i'd tell the 2 of them "guys pls i'm delusional" as a joke when i update them abt it. we all say that about ourselves and to each other btw even when it comes to our celeb/fictional crushes when we're gushing over them... but anw they were telling each other "oh my god she's so delusional!" and they demonstrated it to everyone with rolling eyes... like... okay, i know? and even if we're open about it, why talk about me when i'm not there if ur just saying the same thing anyway?? just bc u can say it to my face doesn't mean it's okay to do it behind my back?? bc that's Entirely different. and what's the need for it anyway when u know you can tell me?? 😭 i mean, ik they didn't rly like him bc he was sus but still? and later on, back when i eventually found out that he's just not it, bff1 was like "so i was right..." like, okay?? is that something ur proud of? dude i mean sure, ur right, i'm not gonna deny that. but u gotta let me figure my own shit out on my own pace😭 like, i never even berate them or talk shit abt them to either one of them when they have their crushes or when it comes to their vices or flaws... i just let them do their own thing and if smth good or bad happens, i make sure that i'm there for them. but they were rly being bitches abt it... ik they just wanted the best for me, but that's just not it. i don't even know what else they said abt me bc they only mentioned the "omg she's so delusional" part of their conversation😭 but i'm sure they definitely said other things...

rmr in the all too well 10min version mv, that shot of when sadie was trying to just smile on her 21st bday in front of her cake and while everyone else at the table were having fun, but deep down she was sad.. i literally had that moment... i rly just sat there in silence while everyone else was having fun bitching abt our other friends.. i just smiled and went along w everything but deep down i was realizing how 2 of my bffs and the rest of my friends were people i can't trust anymore. they rly just don't know how to mind their own business and let people be... i alr knew that my friends have the hater personality (esp bff2 jesus christ) but this was like the meanest i've seen them bc they rly went all out with the way they talked shit, and it involved me this time.

i'm honestly more pissed than hurt. i couldn't bring up the issue during the moment bc i didn't want to cause a scene in bff1's house and in front of her cousins, and i was going to sleepover there with bff2 after the dinner/party, plus her parents live there too and they allowed us to sleepover, so no... i'm going to confront them for sure one day but tbh idk how exactly lol.. i don't want to end up fighting bc we were rly good together but ugh... i don't even trust them enough anymore to feel like we'll be fine if we talk about this... ngl i feel like they'll be defensive😭 but whatever i guess. if they do get defensive and just not admit and apologize for how wrong that was, i guess it's the end, bc i cannot tolerate a friendship like that. i literally just want to be happy...

and idc if they were drunk during that dinner/party... bruh i know what it's like to be drunk, ur still conscious😭😭 this wasn't the first time they talked shit abt ppl, like they Have done that sober when we hung out from high school until before this dinner/party.. but this rly was the meanest i've seen them fr and my 2 bffs confirmed that they were talking shit abt me so i'm rly pissed lol...

(if u made it here, thank u for taking ur time to read/listen 😭🫶 and sorry for any typos haha)

for the other friends on here:

TLDR: anon was invited to a sleepover with her best friends, anon's other friends in the group didn't show so her best friends (and the friend that invited everyone over invited her cousins/their friends) start talking shit about the other friend groups and admit to anon they talk ahit about her behind her back.

----

it sounds like you just found out who they really are. and the fact they admit it and are proud of it is yucky. it's common for them at this point.

it's okay to gossip a little and talk shit, we all do it. but there's a difference between:

'omg, i'm lowkey glad katy couldn't come. she always cries when she gets drunk and i couldn't handle it tonight!'

'omg but for real! last time she sobbed for ten minutes in the bathroom over a song!'

and:

'god, she's so delusional. he's a piece of shit guy and she actually thinks she has a chance.'

it's up to you on what you do next, but i'd never be able to relax or open up fully knowing i'd be a laughingstock when i'm not around. like- if you're gonna talk shit, do it to my face. at least then i'll respect you.

#thanks anon!

[tiny-tigers]

I don't have any particularly interesting rugby opinions in terms of players bc I don't really keep up w any social media or other teams unless the beloved mutuals post abt them BUT I will say my answer for 'rugby player you wouldn't believe is a rugby player' is JvP 😔 he looks like every other white boy I went to high school with who's dad owned a farm and made him get a degree in business. In my mind, the minute I look at him, I know in my gut that boy played lacrosse in as a teenager and solely dated girls in the honors society who became valedictorian or whatever. He has a case of Nice Boy Face and I would never pick him as a rugby player if I hadn't watched him be brilliant w my own two eyes, please don't hate me 😩

(I just realized idk if they play lacrosse where you live but the context is that lacrosse players were very popular but were considered too preppy to be Cool, it was the Safe Option for coolness levels at my school in the 00s.)

Well.... R-U-D-E

He was prefect and ended up head boy , I suspect he has been with beth the girl on the upright so you're not completely wrong

he didn't played Lacrosse but at school :

( water polo-hockey-cricket-rugby-basket )

Well, he is very popular and I don't know how works private school in England but the fact he has absolutely the WHOLE school as friends in his insta and that they really are still close say a lot to me. He is a social butterfly and when you speak to him the first thing is the charm and appeal.

I'm slightly aware that you could find X lookalikes of him everywhere in England or Germany or US. ... But to me? It fell on me like a literal disease I have NEVER seen someone more beautiful. I can't EXPLAIN it. I literally can't. I am aware that for a lot of people, he is average or just good-looking or just a whiteboy like a plain white tee nothing special. Honestly, It took me by surprise I wasn't hooked at first sight it spread into my system. I can go on and on about why I love his look but I'm irrevocably in love with him by all the fibers of my being from his freckles to the color of his eyes, I love. And we can argue and say I don't know the real him blablabla because I have only spoken to him so little... But as a matter of fact, I'm bewitched, and it is absolutely terrible for me. I wish I could undo the spell sometimes I really do.

#uuuuuuuh #sometimes it is hard :( #I know I'm too old to have unhealthy parasocial relationship do I care tho? Nooooo I will wait for my heart to burst into million pieces #and I am probably a sad bag to tell all that at my old age I should know better but I can't lie

[roosterbruiser]

trash exes? my ex-basically-fiancé (we had been ring shopping okay like it was close. like he had it picked out and ready to go. we were within days or WEEKS of putting a ring on it)

i knew him since i was 12 and he was 16 (shoulda been my first red flag but we didn’t know that yet)

but yes i was 12 and he was 16 and i was good friends with the whole family. so we started dating when i was 16 and like officially put labels on it when i was 18 and he was 22

so my whole middle school through high school experience and early to middle college years were all wrapped up in this guy

and it started out fine but then he is super handsome and would get a lot of female attention and wouldn’t do anything to dissuade them and he was friends with a lot of girls. but would get mad at me when i would miss a text from him or not answer him and really would manipulate me into thinking i was the problem and all this horrible stuff.

then he started making ME the third wheel when we would hang out with one of our mutual friends who was a girl!! like we went to target once and he ABANDONED ME and went shopping with her!

insanity. anyways. we were planning to get married

but it was seriously ruining my life and my relationships and i was so so so unhappy and i finally just told him i needed space and he showed his true colors. bc this whole time again. i’m in college and studying in health sciences like it was a lot.

he said the NASTIEST things to me but i didn’t respond. i was finally able to talk to him like a year later and he still hadnt moved on. still wanted to know if i wanted to get back together. told me had a spiral downwards and was getting shit faced and hooking up with girls and i was like …..no way in HELL dude.

aNYWAYS. we are healing and moving onwards but damn it was hard

BABY GIRL HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! YOU WAS IN THE MF TRENCHES, BABY!!!

may I start out by saying that I am so sorry. what an epic piece of shit he is!! and I will not label you as anything or him as anything at all, but that is obviously a problematic age difference and a reflection of him!

he sounds like a walking red flag and I am SO happy you're outta there, bestie!! that is a radical form of self-love!! you are MUCH better off without him!!

THANK GOD you didn't get engaged and THANK GOD he's a weasel of a man and you didn't get back together with him!!

I'm celebrating you now for being strong enough to do that!! that must have been ridiculously hard!!

#m answers #slumber party #exes shmexes

[daddyfuckedme]

“There was like 5 different things I typed out and…” (long text)

Ok SO… When I was like 16-20 I was doing hella drugs and partying all the time with this group of friends that I’ve had since like middle school. There was this one guy who like wasn’t the most attractive tbh, but was always very kind (I’m just mean maybe idk). In recent years both of us got sober separately and we kinda branched off from those friends because they party a whole lot and just live kinda recklessly, like we still talk to them and try to be there for them when they fuck off but try not to be around them too much. We used to have sx all the time when we were younger but then he got into a relationship and had a kid and then went to prison, all that, so they had a nasty breakup or whatever. When he got out, I started hanging out with him more and we were casual at first just hanging out playing Zelda watching movies. Then recently we started having sx again and I think I developed a massive crush on the man, unfortunately. So like a month ago, just every day we saw each other and it was like “pretend relationship” and then a week ago I took him to the airport to go across the country bc he works seasonally as a su chef. Also, that shit was cute as fuck, we fucking went to dinner and had this whole great time, like kissing at red lights, holding hands as he drove, “do you like this song, I wanted you to hear it”, and when we got to the drop off of the airport, we both got out because I had to get into the drivers seat, but we were kinda holding up the line because we had this big long tight hug and then had many kisses and he said “just don’t forget about me” and locked eyes in front of this drivers headlights and both of us just didn’t care. He will be gone for like 6-7 months. SO I don’t know if it’s an actual crush or if I just like the attention I have no idea how to tell the difference tbh but you know when you start imagining your whole life with someone? 🤠 I’m very conflicted. But it’s like I had alllll this time and just now? So it could also be because he went a little too deep in the stroke and poked me in the heart (lol). Not looking for advice necessarily, just a big time thing happening but whatevs nothing I can really do about it at this point in time 💃💃 just a rq story for ya, blessings

Just keep an open mind with the whole situation, I have a feeling when he comes back your mutual admiration for one another will grow and grow!!! Awwww I’m happy for you :) and good job on not being as wild!! It’s hard hahaha