#because it makes it a lot harder to ask for help or handle meltdowns. Constant stress and panic over everything doesn't help either.

[harrysgloves]

Let Your Hair Down (chapter xxvi)

Get caught up with the Let Your Hair Down Masterlist!

word count: 2,983

story summary: Harry gets more than he bargains for when he falls not only for you but your little girl as well.

chapter summary: Thea’s birthday party.

warnings: Language // violence // mentions of past sexual assault // attempted sexual assault... it’s a lot. It’s heavy so read with caution.

a/n: Please don’t murder me... you should have seen it coming. xx

>>><<<

It was finally Saturday. Your long crazy week of work and trying to plan a birthday party was finally over and you couldn't have been more thankful.

You had spent the whole week going absolutely insane over every small detail. All the thank you bags had to have handwritten glitter name cards on them, obviously. Which meant you sitting up in your kitchen at 2 am trying to figure out how to write faux calligraphy while Harry stood over top of you eating popcorn, telling you when you messed up.

Which resulted in you putting him on hot glue gun duty for all the little plastic jewels that had to be glued on one by one onto every tiara… for 25 kids' placemats.

Needless to say, he didn't criticize your handwriting again.

The only time he really started to throw a bitch fit was when you tried to figure out how to make macaroons at 3 in the morning. Both of you quickly decided to scrap that idea when you tasted your first batch.

"Pinterest fucking lied! These taste terrible!" You cried as you spit out the repulsive cookie that definitely should not have been considered a cookie.

"Fuckin' hell, love. I think ya tryin' t'poison me." Harry laughed at the glare you shot him but you had to admit that was the worst thing you'd ever tasted in your whole life.

He ended up buying the damn demon cookies from a local bakery and saved you a lot of tears.

They definitely tasted better which made you want to strangle Harry when he laughed at your face lighting up from the first bite you took.

"Told y'the recipe wasn't bad. Ya jus' can't bake." He smiled, placing a kiss on your cheek and jerking the box of treats away from you when you tried to go back for seconds.

All of that was over though and after this afternoon there would be no more meltdowns about placemats, place cards, or balloon arches. No more trying your weird baking at 4 am. Which you were sure Harry was very thankful for.

No, today was finally the day and as you dragged Harry to the hotel to set up one of the meeting rooms you'd gotten for the party you were glad it was almost over. You couldn't handle much more of this stress. She was turning 5 and you definitely went a bit overboard, you started to dread what party you'd have to plan for her sweet 16.

"The balloon arch is supposed to go over by the door." You said as you fanned out the pastel pink table cloth over the round 8 count table. Harry huffed and rolled his eyes but didn't say anything as he moved the arch for the 3rd time.

"Ya know they only care 'bout goin' to the pool." He mumbled out like he didn't want you to hear him.

"Keep it up and you're going to be sleeping on the couch tonight." You smiled when Harry turned around to look at you. The look on his face, priceless.

"Ya can't put me on the couch." He pouted big lip and all, making you bite your lip as you shrugged.

He was right, you wouldn't put him on the couch, especially not with a sleepover of 12 kindergarten girls that was going to be at your apartment tonight. But he didn't have to know that.

"Gotta go get tape from the desk for this banner." You sighed as you looked at the amount of work you still had left to do and not much time left to do it.

"Can you please go play bad guy and get Thea out of the pool? She needs to get her outfit on. I didn't wait 6 weeks for that princess dress to be shipped to us for her to not wear it when people get here." You asked as sweetly as possible when you walked pass him, stopping to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Why can't Sarah do it? Y'know I can't say no to her if she asks t'stay in longer." He followed you down the hallway stopping in front of the pool room door. His big puppy eyes staring you down as you walked away from him.

"This is exactly why you have to do it. Gotta get good at telling her no." You smiled when you heard him groan. Throwing the door to the pool room open as you made your way down the hallway and eventually to the front desk.

"Hey Ellie, can I have the tape, please?" You asked, leaning on the desk, nails tapping on the counter.

"Yeah, here you go." She smiled, her bright white teeth looking so great against the ruby red lipstick she wore all the time. Making you a bit jealous that someone could pull off that color so effortlessly.

"Oh, God." She groaned, eyes darting to the front door.

"Looks like we got a drunk stumbling in. I should go get Mack. He's better at dealing with this shit." She sighed, hands rubbing her forehead. Drunk guests were the worst, especially if they were drunk at 11 am.

You turned around to look at the damage, eyes widening the second you saw who it was.

The fucking bastard.

"Don't get Mack. I got this." Your voice laced with anger as you started right for him. You'd be damned if he ruined her party like this.

"Get the fuck outside." You growled, tugging on his arm. Nails digging into his flesh as you pulled him out the door and to the side of the building, doing to him what he'd done to you so many times before.

"What is wrong with you?" You yelled as you let go of him. He stumbled back against the brick exterior of the wall, his eyes immediately filling with rage but you could care less.

You were so sick and tired of being pushed around by him. Tired of being degraded and controlled but the one thing you absolutely wouldn’t put up with was him purposefully hurting Thea like this. She didn’t deserve a dad who would embarrass her in front of everyone by being blasted at her party, she deserved so much more than him.

And you were tired of letting him do this to the both of you.

"No, actually, don't answer that. Only a real piece of shit would show up to their daughter's birthday party completely hammered. I mean really, Ryan? This is a new low, even for you.” You stood your ground in front of him. Arms crossed tightly over your chest as you told him off. Told him exactly what you thought about him.

You were done holding back. This was the last straw.

“Oh, so now that you got your little bodyguard you think you can talk to me however you want?”

His inability to keep himself from stumbling around seemed to have totally disappeared as the visible anger ran through him. His jaw twitching from how hard he was clenching his teeth. Face flushed, eyebrows pulled together tightly when he gripped your arm so violently you whimpered in pain, trying your best to keep quiet, not wanting to show him any weakness.

You were so fucking done. You were done being pushed and pulled around by him. Done being controlled. Done with everything he’d ever put you through.

Your destroyed self-esteem.

Your inability to let people into your life.

Your constant fear of him lurking around every corner.

It was all his fault.

Your mind already made up that you weren’t going to take this lying down anymore. You weren’t going to wait for it to get better or for him to move on from him torturing you.

You were going to be your own goddamn hero.

Your hand connecting with his cheek with so much force behind it hurt your palm. His head snapping to the side from the impact, staying there momentarily before turning to face you. The deafening sound of your flesh slamming against his rung around you. The moment dripping with tension when he rubbed the side of his stubbled face. His jaw moving back and forth as his blue eyes darkened.

Any confidence you had seconds ago was quickly replaced with fear. The hand on your arm tightening like a boa constrictor. Pain shooting through your arm making you cry out. Your free hand desperately scratching at his, trying with everything in you to pry it off.

Your boots scuffing the ground trying to pull away from him, throwing all your body weight backward but it was pointless. He was twice your size and height. He was able to throw you so effortlessly against the brick wall.

You hit the exterior of the building face first. Your nose smashing against the brick so hard you heard a crunch. Yelling in pain as your eyes started watering. Blood pouring down your chin onto your white shirt.

You'd barely had time to register the fact your nose was broken when you felt Ryan's body pushed against your back, pinning you to the wall.

Panic, terror, regret- all running rampant through your brain as you screamed as loud as you could for help. Your hands hitting the wall you were pressed up against so hard you could feel your skin break open. Trying with everything in you to push hard enough to get him off you.

"You really don't know when to stop do you Y/N?" He sniggered from behind you. His hand brushing through your hair as he pressed his hips harder into you to stop your frantic attempt to escape him.

"Get the fuck off me!" You screamed as loud as you could. Your throat burning from how much you were yelling but it didn't seem to matter.

You really fucked up pulling him around the side of the building to tell him off and all you could think about was Harry was right.

You should have listened. You should have taken it more seriously, and now you're here with this fucking maniac and have no idea how to get away from him.

"Remember when you used to be such a good girl? Hmm?" He whispered behind you, lips touching your ear making you cringe away from him. Eyes closed, tears running down your face.

"I actually got bored with you for a while. You just listened so well, but this? No, this is great. We can go through all our little lessons again. You remember those, baby?"

Your eyes instantly snapped open. Mind reeling with all the things he'd done to you when you were married. That you let him do to you because you were married, justifying it in your mind as your "wifely duties".

"Ryan, stop!" You screamed louder than you thought was possible. Hands bleeding from how hard you were hitting the side of the building, legs trying to bend any way possible to kick him.

"Don't fucking move." He pressed his hand into the middle of your back, hard. Your shoulders aching from the position you were in.

You were starting to realize there was no way out of this. Your mind filled with anxiety and dread.

"When are you going to figure out that I own you? Hmm? You're mine and I'll do whatever I want to you." His voice sounded so pleased with himself. Like he was so happy to finally have you back in his complete control.

You wanted to puke. Tears rolling down your face as you sobbed. You wanted to get him off you. Wanted to go back into the party and hug your baby girl. Forget Ryan ever existed.

When his hand snaked around to the front of your jeans you lost it. Not ever wanting to go through this again.

"Stop! Stop!" You sobbed, trying to push his hands off you. Trying to crouch down to get away from him.

"I said don't fucking move." He grunted hand laced through your hair as he slammed your face into the wall again.

Your eyebrow splitting open from the impact. Vision darken for a second before flashes of tiny white fluttered through your line of sight. You groaned the second you felt more blood run down your face. Your hand coming up to wipe it away. Not even registering what else was going on around you. Feeling in a fog, your brain not seeming to put together things that were happening.

Until you heard it.

Heard her.

"Momma?" Her sweet voice rang out from the other side of the alleyway. Your head whipping around to her. Hoping it was some sort of hallucination but when you saw her running towards you, you knew you weren't that lucky.

"Thea, no! Run!" You screamed trying to push away from him and the wall. Trying to get to her and get her away from this.

She didn't listen, her tiny hands clasping around Ryan's arm, pulling with everything in her to get him away from you. Her cries for him to leave you alone broke your heart but when you felt the pressure off your back lift you really started to panic.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion.

His hand lifting off you.

Her pulling on him.

Ryan's hand swinging around him to push her away.

The sound of your baby hitting the ground is what snapped you out of it. Her hand covering her face. As her crying shrieks of pain pierced your soul.

You never want to hear that sound again.

It was only a second later when someone pushed Ryan off you. You heard them both hit the ground but you didn't pay any attention to what the hell was going on. Scrambling to pick Thea up and get her the hell away from him.

You scooped her up in your arms as she continued to cry. Her head buried in your blood covered shirt. Your arms tightening around her as you turned to run. Only glancing back once to see Harry on top of Ryan.

You couldn't stop to think about that though. Not right now. Not with Thea hurt.

"Call the police!" You snapped at Ellie as you ran past the desk. Her eyes widening as she saw the state of your face. Frantically picking up the phone and dialing 911 as fast as she could.

You bolted down the hallway, towards the meeting room where the party was supposed to be at. Grabbing your keys and purse. Leaving the meeting room only to run straight into Mitch's chest.

"What the fuck happened?" His arms clasping onto your arms, stopping you from running but you jerked away from him. Your eyes filling with tears, not wanting to be touched.

"Ryan." You breathed out. "Harry. Go get Harry."

"Where is he?" Mitch asked eyebrows pulled together, looking at Thea who had still not calmed down.

"What's going on?" Sarah asked, walking down the hallway with Mack following shortly behind her.

"With Ryan. Fuck, go get Harry. Out the side door. The police are coming." You started down the hallway, moving past everyone who kept trying to touch you, to stop you from leaving. Cringing away from all of them.

"Wait, Y/N, where are you going?" Mack tried to stop you, reaching out to touch your arm softly, making you swing around in your tracks.

"Don't fucking touch me!" You yelled, running down the hallway away from them. You didn't have time for this shit. You needed to get Thea out of here.

"Wait!" Sarah shouted after you. Trying her best to catch up to you as you ran out the front doors.

"Y/N, wait!" Mitch called out to you when the police cars started to pull up to the hotel. Harry rounding the corner to see you running with Thea to your car.

It didn't take him long to catch up to all of you. Sarah and Mitch trailing behind as Harry stood in front of your car.

"Don't do this." He said as you threw open your door. Pushing Thea inside from the driver seat. You chose to ignore him as you climbed into your car. Shutting and locking your door.

You had to get out of here. You had to make sure she was okay.

Your tear-filled eyes meeting his before starting your car. Hoping that maybe one day he'd forgive you for doing this.

But running was in your nature.

"Stop!" He yelled, hands hitting your car hood as you backed out of your parking spot. Flooring it down the road.

Tears and blood blurred your vision. You could feel your left eye throbbing, trying to close shut but you pushed through it. You had to get to a hospital to have her checked out.

She hadn't calmed down the whole time. Her cries and gasps for air were the only things you could hear anymore. You were hardly paying any attention to the road, constantly turning to see if she was okay.

Your mind ran with possibilities of things that could be wrong with her. She could have a broken bone, a concussion, any number of things wrong with her.

And you knew it'd be your fault.

"Baby?" You asked softly, eyes glancing over to Thea who had her knees pulled up to her chest, head buried in her hands.

"Thea?" You tried to be patient but you needed her to answer you. You needed to know she was okay.

"Theadora Skye. You answer me right now." You slammed on your breaks in the middle of the road. Turning to look at her, chest heaving, fearing the worst.

"Why'd he hit me?" She sobbed into her hands. Your heart breaking as you listened to her cry uncontrollably.

"I don't know." You sighed, staring off at the road. "But he'll never do it again."

#Harry Styles #Harry #Harry Styles x Reader #Harry Styles x You #Harry Styles x Y/N #Harry Styles fanfic #Harry styles fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #mineblr #lyhd

[twopoppies]

Hi, love! :) I was wondering if you have like a top ten fic rec list. Just curious to see what your top ten would be. Please and thank you x

So, I’ve had this ask in my inbox all week because I just cannot, for the life of me, narrow down the thousands of fics I’ve read into a top 10. This has less to do with the volume of fics than that I love different fics for different reasons. And just for clarification, I want to give you a list of great fics to read that are not the usual - because I do love many of the fandom classics, but let’s spread the love, shall we? Ok…SO…the best I can do is break up some of my faves into a couple of categories. 

1. Beautifully Poetic Fics

These Roads We Stumble Down by @onewasturning

He’s completely drenched, not one millimetre of him not covered in rain, and the old sheepskin cover over the seat is probably going to stink afterwards from the damp. But even with what seems to be a constant tremor shaking his body, brown hair plastered to his forehead, and a blue tinge to his skin, he’s still probably the most gorgeous person that Harry has ever seen.

Or, Harry picks up a hitchhiker in Oxford, and it’s a long ride to Glasgow.

A Red-Dusted Planet by @onewasturning

Harry finally makes it to the edge of the pool where Louis is almost curled up in on himself laughing in the shallow water. He wants to feel annoyed, his competitive side rankled at the unfair and unjust tactics used by his opponent, but it’s like—

The light refracts off the water and moves across Louis’ skin, darkening the ink of his tattoos, and he looks beautiful, dazzling, still that god laughing down on all the destruction he’s caused. And Harry’s heart is caught somewhere in his breathless chest, like it’s become tangled amidst the veins and arteries whilst trying to make room for wet boys on warm, summery days.

Or, a one-night stand in a small town in Australia turns into a weekend that Harry could’ve never predicted with a boy he may never forget.

reeling through the midnight streets by vashtaneradas

au; louis can’t sleep. neither can the boy on the bridge. the water’s a nice place to meet.

Coup de Foudre by angelwarm

Harry moves to the front door accompanied by insistent lightning flashes. He acknowledges it could also be a murderer on the other side and that he will likely be dead in five minutes.

It should stop him. It doesn’t.

Harry decides not to waste another second and calls through to the other side, “Just a second.” He turns the key in the latch and opens it and—everything around him drops away in one long cloud coming into another cloud.

Caught By the Sun by metal_eye / @metal-eye

“He came every summer. It wasn’t even a question. Harry and his parents—one step, one real—picked up their lives, packed it into a car, and drove long enough to land at the ends of the earth.

“The cabin had been in his family for a hundred years. There was no TV, no phone, no computer, no radio. There were decks of cards and plastic deer and marbles. There were skis and leaves and a tree house.

"And then there was Louis.”

Or, Harry and Louis meet every summer at the lake.

Strange How the Half Light by Anonymous

It’s been two weeks now. Two weeks of tossing and turning in his bed, waking up sticky with sweat, head pounding.

“Your moon is so different from mine, did you know?” the boy, Harry, murmurs, and Louis flushes red, glad the dark of the night hides the blush on his cheeks. Thinking about sweaty nights thrashing around in his bed isn’t the best idea right now. Not here, next to this boy. Some mornings, Louis could swear he wakes up with Harry’s scent on his pillow.

In the light of the moon, Harry tells stories about the places beyond the stars, and Louis wonders about the curve of his lips.

Little Technicolor Things by @tekhnicolor

Louis is a poor writer and recent university graduate, depressed, anxious, and living in London when he meets Harry, an artist with a secret who likes to paint sunrises and pretty boys from California.

six feet beneath the moon by starseas

AU. takes place over one night. harry and louis meet at a going away party.

Where is Your Boy Tonight (I Hope He’s a Gentleman) by ashavahishta

When they hang out together at other times, Nick is usually more careful. It’s not that he’s expecting Harry to cut off their friendship or something ridiculous when he finds out. It’s that he knows Harry would be lovely about it. Harry would look at him with huge sympathetic eyes and apologise that he didn’t feel the same way, and then he’d give him a huge hug and go home to Louis with Nick’s broken heart cradled in the palm of his hand.

2. Super Hot Short Fics

(the rest is under the cut)

Lights off, Lights on by waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee / @dinosaursmate

“Fuck,” Louis muttered, quickly palming himself through his joggers.He dropped his head to the doorframe as he heard the telltale sound of climax coming from the bathroom. He let out a quiet, strangled moan, palming himself again as he heard the water stop running.“Shit,” Louis muttered, quickly moving back to his own bed and throwing himself on top of it. A minute later, Harry emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped round his waist, smiling brightly, nonchalantly.“Morning, Lou.”-Louis can’t get enough of listening to Harry touching himself.

Good Enough to Eat by objectlesson / @horsegirlharry

“Fuck,” Harry mumbles, shuffling. “You won’t give me shit for it? It’s sorta weird.”

“No,” Louis breathes. “Promise.”

“Okay. I just…fuck, I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” Harry whimpers, and he must be blushing because Louis can feel waves of heat coming off him, his embarrassment a hot, palpable thing. “So, like…I love rimming videos. Nothing makes me come harder,” he admits, covering his face with his hands so his voice comes out muffled and strangled.

It takes Louis a few seconds to process, to mentally rifle through his Pornhub search history and remember what rimming even is; Harry has him so stupid he can’t keep stuff straight. His ears ring, and then it hits him, and, oh, fuck. His stomach turns and tightens so quickly he’s gasping, an audible and shameful scrape of air in the dark. “You…really?” he chokes out.

—

Or, Harry is convinced he’s never gonna be able to try his favorite porn fantasy on a real boy, and Louis offers to remedy this.

Go With It by embro

Prompt: “You thought I was someone else and started making out with me in a club and you’re really hot so I just kinda went with it and now we’re heading back to your place and I don’t know how to break it to you”

Day 27: My Heart Belongs to Daddy by @100percentsassy

Louis and Harry are not going to have sex today.

got my eyes on you by eleadore

Harry’s not supposed to take off his clothes, but it’s one of those unspoken rules, much like don’t have a wank with your best mate and definitely don’t make that a regular thing, fuck, what the fuck.

love to make him moan by say_thanks

they fuck like they’re sex starved, when they’re really, really not.

leave you drowning until you reach for my hand by orphan_account

If Louis told him to do something that he really didn’t want to do, it would be different, but Louis’s never done that, never asked anything of Harry that he couldn’t handle. Except—except maybe this; to obey him without praise, reward, approval, or even mere acknowledgement.

feel you on my neck by Awriterwrites / @a-writerwrites

Harry’s drunk. Harry’s drunk and there’s this guy. This guy plastered to his back and if he could just get a cab…

Based on these lyrics:Feel you on my neck while I’m calling a taxiClimbing over me while I climb in the backseatNow we’re taking offNow we’re taking it off tonight

What happens when Harry rescues Louis at a bar and ends up taking him home?

3. New(ish) Longer Fics You Should Read

Let Me Touch You Where Your Heart Aches by @rosegoldhl

Alcohol was all he could taste. Alcohol and Harry, and he didn’t mind one bit. Harry kissed him back with just as much fervent heat. He pushed Louis against the taxi door and pulled his head back, breathing hot and heavy against his lips.“Let’s go, yes?”

Or a Friends with Benefits AU, in which Louis falls in love and Harry is jealous. There is some Karaoke singing somewhere in there, because how do you write a romantic comedy without a Karaoke scene?

A Few Very Good Mistakes by @louisandthealien

He almost wishes there were a better story.

“Fucked up pop star ends five day bender by wandering into a dive bar alone and passing out in public.”

That would’ve generated press, he thinks, and if there’s one thing that’s constantly on his mind (or more accurately, on the mind of everyone else around him) it’s that all press is good press, and good press is good press but bad press is great press.

Besides, he’s 25 and trying to do the whole transition from boyband to solo pop star. He’s pretty sure a press-fueled meltdown is, like, a right of passage.

The truth, alas, is a whole lot more boring.

—

Louis falls asleep in Harry’s bar. Harry takes him home to hang out.

Save your loving arms for a rainy day by BriaMaria / @briannamarguerite

“What’s got your panties in a twist, then, pop star?” the man finally asked, his gaze returning to Louis’ face.

Something pressed against Louis’ chest and for a moment Louis let himself wonder what it would be like to let all his secret spill out. To fall into the space between them and be devoured by this stranger. Terror mingled with bliss, tangling into a sharp throb he had to swallow hard against.

“Absolutely nothing,” Louis said instead. “Happy days, yeah?”

The man clicked his tongue once, a disappointed, wet tetch that Louis felt. Actually felt.

“My mistake.”

Louis turned desperate eyes on him, blinking too fast. He could see his own lashes flutter. “I’m living the dream, mate” he said and even he could hear the way his voice cracked along the edges. “What would I have to be upset about?”

–

Or the one where Louis is a pop star who has lost his voice and Harry helps him find it.

like a boomerang by youwilll 

AU in which Harry gets trapped in a lift, Louis gets stuck in a Wednesday, and it’s always February 2nd. Until it isn’t.

Fool’s Gold by tvshows_addict / @tvshows-addict

Leaflet for Over Again Inc.

“In relationships, there are three types of people: those who are happy, those who are unhappy but accept it and deal, those who are unhappy and in denial.

Handling this last category is our job: we are professional couple breakers.

To reach our goal, we use all means necessary.”

Or the Arnacoeur AU in which Harry is scheduled to be married to Liam in 10 days and Harry’s mother hires Louis and his team to break them up.

Don’t Want Shelter by @fullonlarrie

Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago…

When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families’ old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own.

During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other.

Barefoot in Blue Jeans by @indiaalphawhiskey

AU. Louis Tomlinson is trying desperately hard not to fall for his son’s au pair, but he can’t, for the life of him, remember why.

475. The hope that this fear is unfounded.

Hopefully I’ve given you some that you haven’t read yet, as that’s always my goal (along with giving you great writing to enjoy). 

#larry fic rec #mine #top 10 that actually became a list of 24 #good lord #Anonymous

[funkymbtifiction]

How can one differentiate between a function in the lead position versus a grip episode? I’d like to see a Ti example, because I type ISTP and I’ve read all the Inferior Fe posts by the INTP, but I can’t relate at all to anything described there. Sure there’s the Se/Ne factor, but experiencing Fe like that on a constant basis is still too foreign of a concept to me.

A lot of ISXPs mistype as INXJ types. It’s very common, because they have just enough Ni to make it noticeable in their life (and to fascinate them with it), and then they assume it’s higher up.

The real Ni-type is a dominant perciever, sometimes who makes the mistake of making everything in the external world “fit” into their perception of reality, or whatever their grand vision is for their life. Ni-dom is a continual rumination on future events, on unseen patterns, and on the “deep inner meaning” behind that which is evident. The Ni-dom rarely shows this to other people, in part because these symbols and ideas are difficult to translate into words, and in part because they belong to the Ni, and are private.

It still comes out, though, sometimes in their conversations, their assessment of people, situations, and future events, and in their perception of reality. The danger in Ni-dom is ultra-oversimplification; stripping something down to its core and assuming they have THE truth, the ultimate truth, then, in an unhealthy Ni, trying to make this one truth universal, the answer to all the world’s problems.

You see this a little bit in Ayn Rand, who seems to assert that capitalism is “the answer” to many of society’s problems (here, her Ni has chosen that as its single thing, and it makes logical and productive sense to her Te, so she hangs her hat on it); and, to a worse degree, in Adolf Hitler, who (in an ultra-simplified paraphrase) irrationally decided that Jews were the scourge of the earth and if you could only get rid of them, that would fix everything wrong with humanity. It also surfaced in President Obama, who pushed ObamaCare as a “fix it” to a lot of social problems within America, then was a bit surprised when that wasn’t a big enough band-aid to fix everything, and things continued to get worse.

The pro of being a Ni-dom is you can look forward, and if you have enough life experience and access to Se (which can give you objective information), you can be a highly perceptive and often correct “guesser” of what will happen; the downfall is that you can perceive reality in an unrealistic way, and then be caught off guard when it doesn’t match up with your expectations; and you can run the risk of getting lost inside your own delusions or visions. That’s the pro, and the problem, and most people wander in between the two.

The mistake is in assuming an INXJ is a judging type; they’re a perceiving type, which means the “rigid, narrow-minded” stereotypes for the IXXJs are wrong; Ni’s actually are very open minded, not quick to respond to information, and open to changing their mind with additional information -- if they are healthy; it’s either when they are convinced their perception is true, or -- in an unhealthy Ni -- when they dig in their heels over an issue of ego, that they refuse to change their mind about their formerly stated opinion.

So, for a Ni-dom: life is about what is unseen, and they cannot shut it off.

It’s harder for me to capture Ti-dom, since I neither use it nor fully comprehend it beyond an abstract concept (and from what I see in my brother, who does use it), but an INTJ friend pointed out to me that the Ni-doms who profess that they “build a complex inner system in their mind, with which to explore reality” are in fact... Ti-doms.

Ni doesn’t build a complex anything; it’s a perceiving function, it simply takes in information through insight and perception, and passes it on to either Fe or Te for judgment (and those functions decide what to DO with the information).

Ti-dom is concerned with logic first, with the principles of reality, with complex... for the lack of a better world, inner algorithms and schematics that help the Ti-dom establish a perspective on reality and how it should run. I have heard it described as “an inner computer system.” I have heard Ti-doms say that to them, the world is a computer and humans are part of that computer; if they contain the right parts, they run efficiently. They enjoy studying people, because humans are the most complex system of all. But it is still a system. A system of reality. A system of logic. A system of human behavior. And humans are very cute little lab rats.

Often, Ti is looking for something to explain... everything. Stephen Hawking (who is an ENTP, btw, and not an INTJ unlike the internet suggests) would CALL it “a theory of everything.” This kind of thinking is specifically Ti and Ne, but it might shed some insight into how Ti processes information.

The good thing about Ti is that it is logical and understands how things work; it cares how things work, and much of our society relies on Ti in order to KEEP things working. The desktop you’re reading this on (or phone, or tablet, or whatever) is there because a Ti invented it, out of a deep, profound, and insightful comprehension of how it works, and how it can be made better. Same thing with the light bulb in your room. Without a Ti, we might still be using candles. The bad thing is that, in an immoral Ti, this “oh gosh, humans are such cute little lab rats” mentality can be taken so far as to dehumanize mortals and think them fun to experiment on (think of those nasty Nazi doctors, who hauled in all kinds of innocent people to “perform experiments on,” for the “greater understanding” it might provide them to the human body).

When Ti is prominent, this attitude of logical precision, accuracy, and depth exists and influences the lower functions; when Ti is subservient to other functions (namely Fe), they come first and change its focus to how it stores the information gathered by a perceiving function.

My ISFJ friend once told me, “I have a vast inner library in my head. You ask me something, I can mentally walk through the mind hall, and pull up a visual image of that moment, in order to check the details.” This, for her, is a combination of Si/Ti... with a powerful attention to detail, to memory, to subjective experience, to her impressions, guiding the little inner Ti computer humming behind the surface. I must assume, therefore, that Ti serves much the same way with Ni, but in service to intuitive perceptions, symbols, and foresight, rather than looking back through a library of mental photos.

I don’t know if that helps at all, but I hope so.

NOW, regarding grip experiences.

Because your fourth function... well, sucks, when you’re stuck in it, it’s going to become a highly immature manifestation of that function -- think the worst possible stereotype for someone with that function as their dominant, and then steer it right on past the danger sign into the ditch.

In other words, a Fe-inferior having a “grip” experience constitutes someone extremely emotional, easily offended by impersonal slights, prone to endless whining or seeking others’ approval, with a “woe is me” attitude. It involves regular outbursts, public meltdowns, temper tantrums, and enormous embarrassment when it blows over.

The higher the function, the more “mature” it should be; the more you should “have a handle” on it.

No inferior Fe grip could be mistaken for a healthy IXFJ type, because healthy IXFJ types, after their teen years, know how to deal with their emotions and articulate them in healthy ways; a healthy feeler learns, over time, which things to be upset about and which not, because they start out as somewhat sensitive. When you have intense feelings all your life, and things HURT, eventually you learn to take control, and work a little bit more with your thinking function; the same is true in reverse for thinking types -- they learn to control their thinking process better, and get more in touch with their feelings (Fi) and other’s feelings (Fe).

A good thing to do might be to ask yourself: if someone came to you for help, and you were totally yourself, the pressure was off, you had to impress no one, and nothing bad was happening in your life -- would you be more comfortable being openly supportive, hearing them out, and talking with them about how to avoid the future pitfalls of this solution, expressed in a gentle way (NiFe), or are they coming to you because they know you can help them sort through their feelings from a logical standpoint, analyze the situation, and help them see what immediate action can be taken to help resolve the issue (TiSe)?

(The gif is from Fringe, Peter - ISTP - and Olivia - INFJ. Great show. Watch it for a terrific contrast of their personalities. Olivia is far more sensitive, aware, and futuristic-minded, whereas Peter takes more risks and loves taking things apart to see how they work.)

- ENFP Mod

#intj #infj #istp #isfp #mbti #type contrast #istp x infj #infj x istp #submission

[wopersonal]

ON MELTDOWNS

I ended up tanslating a few of the articles I’ve written on the subject of autism into English, and I figured I might share them on here, too... ON MELTDOWNS As Wikipedia tells us: " A nuclear meltdown [...] is a severe nuclear reactor accident that results in core damage from overheating. […] It has been defined to mean the accidental melting of the core of a nuclear reactor, however, and is in common usage a reference to the core's either complete or partial collapse. A core meltdown accident occurs when the heat generated by a nuclear reactor exceeds the heat removed by the cooling systems to the point where at least one nuclear fuel element exceeds its melting point. This differs from a fuel element failure, which is not caused by high temperatures. A meltdown may be caused by a loss of coolant, loss of coolant pressure, or low coolant flow rate or be the result of a criticality excursion in which the reactor is operated at a power level that exceeds its design limits. Alternatively, an external fire may endanger the core, leading to a meltdown."

While autistic people are hardly radioactive, the term is often found in the context of autism, and with good reason.

Reading through the support groups, I often find parents telling about their children's "tantrums". The first thing I ask them always is: Are those tantrums?

Or are they meltdowns?

It's a vital distinction. They have different causes; different effects; different ways to handle them.

Meltdowns can be loud or quiet; they may come with aggression against others, or auto-aggression; there may be screaming, or dead silence and withdrawal. Sometimes, parents tell me their autistic children had never had a meltdown in their lives. I'd like to envy those children for their stress-free environment, but I'm afraid that, instead, the parents are mentally stuck in the stereotype of equating "meltdown" with screaming and hitting, never recognising the process in its other manifestations.How and when do meltdowns happen?

Meltdowns are the ultimate stress reaction. Put into the same situation and exposed to the same stimuli, an autistic and a non-autistic person will show different stress levels. Specifically, the autistic participant in this experiment will have the higher one. That's because we lack filters. We perceive everything more loudly, more brightly, more extreme. We rarely get a break where our brains can simply tune out the world around us. Quite often, non-autistic people around us often will not let us use what methods we have to secure such breaks sufficiently. And even when we get those breaks, we're still under more stress than a non-autistic person the rest of the time, just from living. From being in this world. From having to deal with constant input from the outside.

No, that is no one's fault indeed.

Stress levels can be measured. There are certain blood markers for them, for example.

By the way, stress hormones boost the body, make it ready to fight or flee, and increase attention to sensory input. "Increasing attention" makes the issue worse for us. We already perceive more than we can process. "Ready to fight or flee" means that we metabolise a number of substances more quickly than we can top them up by eating. We tend to develop deficits, making us feel generally less well than we could be feeling, which doesn't exactly make handling autism any easier.

But that is a different story to be told on a different day.

What do stress hormones do in the body?

Adrenalin and cortisol are our two prime "suspects". They accelerate heartbeat, increase blood pressure, increase muscle tone and raise blood glucose levels. Breathing speeds up. Digestion is temporarily shut down to avoid wasting energy.

That isn't the most pleasant situation one could be in, but if a person's stress level continues to rise further… and further… and further… it will sooner or later hit the danger cap. The body registers an excess of stress hormones. Being a body, and as such not very good at thinking independently, it has only one way to interpret this: it's facing an acute, existential threat.

It isn't a conscious decision. Imagine a switch being flipped, or a bucket running over if you keep filling in water. It doesn't matter if the bucket wants to hold the water.

Flipping that switch turns off thought. There may not be any danger at all, objectively speaking. It doesn't matter. The body has switched into survival mode. Thinking would be detrimental. It would slow down reactions. In this situation this sort of stress reaction is meant for, it could make the difference between life and death.

Conscious control is gone. Depending on situation and personal nature, a lot of things can happen now: people may withdraw into themselves ("playing dead") and fail to react to anything; they may run (flight) or even wildly attack anything that comes close and might touch them – verbally or physically.

What then?

Excessive stimulus has caused the issue, and every further stimulation – that is, every word spoken, every touch - will make the situation worse. (Note that for some people it's the other way around and specific types of touch maybe helpful. Please always make sure to ask the autistic person in question. Don't do so while the meltdown is underway, though. They can't answer you then, and if they could it wouldn't make much sense.).

Because the body has already mobilised everything it has, the person suffering a meltdown may exhibit strength or speed that they can barely dream of in any other situation.

Immense amounts of energy are burned up in a short period of time. Then it's over. The body is exhausted, its reserves are gone, and the only thing it can do is calm down. In the situation for which this reaction was once intended, the danger is now either gone, by destroying or escaping it, or will otherwise kill the person in question once they "run out of steam".

For today's autistic people, it just means that the meltdown is over. They can calm down. They return to a responsive state. They are deeply, utterly exhausted. Many of us will sleep after a meltdown, and may do so unusually deeply or long.

Some report that they feel more relaxed after a meltdown. Itr's logical. The body has just burned up everything that can cause tension. Yes. An autistic adult may come to the conclusion that, in some exceptional circumstances, provoking a meltdown is the way to go.

In a child – well, don't do that. Let me explain why in a moment.

By the way, the high stress level prevents the formation of (reliable) memoires. Many of us do not remember a meltdown. The only thing they keep form it is a great fear of the trigger, and of the condition as such. Why? Because what you experience during a meltdown is, quite literally, a mortal fear.

Do only autistic people experience meltdowns?

The short answer is: no. Generally, you can provoke a meltdown in anyone by exposing them to sufficient amounts of stress.

It's just a lot harder in a non-autistic person. You'd need a lot more stress to get them to the same level. That is: most of the time, you need an actually life-threatening situation.

The usual suspects: Acute (natural) disaster Torture. Soldiers in the war zone

Those are situations in which a "standard-issue human" may experience a meltdown first-hand.

And that means that an autistic child going through daily meltdowns is actually suffering the same amounts of stress that a soldier may experience in active battle duty while under fire.

Every day.

At school, and at home, in an environment that should be the safest there is.

Is it still surprising that so many autistic people fulfil every diagnosis criterion for PTSD as adults?

Therefore, the basic rule is: Meltdowns are a thing to be avoided.How can I tell the difference between a meltdown and a temper tantrum?

It's actually simply. Does the raging stop when you offer your child the thing it wanted? If so, it wasn't a meltdown.

That method may not always be desirable, or even feasible.

Another method that has a relatively low risk of a false negative: can you distract? Offer your child a glass of water. Say something that has zero relevance for the situation. Do something entirely silly/stupid/etc. If your kid's in a meltdown, they won't react to that (there may be a residual risk of a false positive in which the child in a tantrum just doesn’t care anymore.)

Underlying literature for the comparison to NTs:

Cognitive Performance and Mood associated with combat-like stress in Aviation, Space and Environmental Medicine; Severe decrements in cognition, function and mood during simulated combat (Biological Psychiatry); Stress induced deficits in special operations soldiers, idem. Symptoms of dissociation in humans experiencing acute, uncontrollable stress (American Journal of Psychiatry);

On hormone and transmitter levels:

Relationships among Plasma Dehydroepiandrosterone Sulfate and Cortisol Levels, Symptoms of Dissociation and Objective Performance in Humans Exposed to Acute Stress (Archives of General Psychiatry), Relationship among plasma cortisol, catecholamines, neuropeptide Y and human performance during exposure to uncontrollable stress (Psychosomatic Medicine), Plasma Neuropeptide Y concentration in humans exposed to military survival training und Hormone Profiles in Humans experiencing Military Survival Training (both Biological Psychiatry).

#autism #autistic person speaking #meltdowns