#but also like gender aint real and if someone used they/them on me I’d be pretty chill

[chongoblog]

my gender identity is “cis if only because i cant be assed to identify otherwise tbh”

#this is like 50% a joke i think #thats why i put my pronouns down as he/they #like yeah im a cis guy and i think that fits #but also like gender aint real and if someone used they/them on me I’d be pretty chill #hell I doubt I’d mind literally any pronouns id just wonder what brought someone to use something like she/her #anyway just thoughts #happy pride #also made this kinda vague in case its relatable

[aclosetfan]

For the Salty asks: 1, 3, 5 and 6?

Thanks so much for playing along! Ima be real with you 2 out of the 4 questions you asked really opened up a can of worms for me, and I’m so sorry. I put the less stressful ones first, and the other two are under the cut! Anyway, these were super fun to answer, but plz don’t hate me for it!! 😂😂

for anyone wondering, here’s the ask list: Salty Asks List 

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

lmao yeah. It’s petty, but honestly, people’s personal morals really bleed through into their fandom opinions, and I’m not willing to put up with any unnecessary hate, especially in environments that are supposed to be fun. I’ve even blocked a few people. In the ppg fandom specifically, I’ve blocked a person who, I guess, thought it was necessary to try to gate-keep with racist/sexist/etc. terminology and ideologies, and I truly don’t have time for that 🤷‍♀️ (a lot of people probs know who I’m vaguing, but if you don’t, you’re lucky)

I can’t say I’ve ever unfollowed anyone for any innocent/not-in-conflict-with-my-morals fandom opinions. Usually, if I don’t agree with something, I just keep scrolling because lol whatever. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion.

but ngl I have unfollowed people who just get annoying 😬😬 lol

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

I went into this fandom without having too many preferences, so I didn’t have a pairing that I’ve previously hated!

I guess I could say that while I never really hated them, the color-mixing and color-clashing ships weren’t ever on my radar until I came across the fandom content. Now, I really like them! Particularly, Brick and Bubbles!

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

Before anyone gets pissed off at me, before you get into my answer for this question, I’d like to really stress that you’ve got to go into it with absolutely zero fanon context. Like, erase all your headcanons from your mind. I’m dead serious. Because I literally DO NOT get why ANY rrbxppg ship would realistically work ever.

Okay, canonically, these six little funky science experiments were dead set on ending each other. The boys were absolutely horrible to the girls. And the girls literally KILL the boys. I know in fairytale romances, nothing stops love, but bruh, it’s hard to come back from murder 😂 And yeah, I know Clipsville showed the girls and the boys together as older teenagers, and they weren’t trying to kill each other, but that was an obvious gag. In the documentary, it was revealed that that particular “clip” was made because a bunch of people wanted the boys and girls to interact again, and CN gave into the demand. (also, lol I know it super embarrassing, but I did watch the documentary. I just really like Craig McCracken) I just don’t think that realistically a canon pairing between the two sets of triplets would ever be considered a healthy relationship. 

Also, ethically, I just—okay listen, I go back and forth with this allllll the time, but the ppgxrrb ships make me confront the “Would I sleep with my clone?” question way too often. Depending on my self-esteem, the answer changes each time. Like sometimes I’m like fuck yeah I would! Other times I’m like, ew, no, I’d have to consider my clone as a twin! I know counterparts aren’t technically clones, BUT the boys really do come across as identical to the girls in the show. The only difference really is their moral alignment (I’m nixing any gender argument). So, I’m like, omg, can I honestly pair these six together in any way??? Are they too close to each other genetically in some sense for this to be morally right??? Like if you ship Brick and Buttercup together, would that just essentially be shipping Brick and Butch/Blossom and Buttercup together in some messed up way??? Is Brick just Blossom, and Blossom just Brick?? Is it better just to ship color-matching instead of mixing???  

On top of all of that, wouldn’t the boys and girls be pseudo cousins since Mojo was the Professor’s lab monkey? Technically, in canon, Mojo ends up being both sets of triplets “creator,” so could the rrb and the ppg be considered siblings of some sort? Some of you are probably like, wow, calm down. Stop thinking about it. They’re science experiments. It’s not so deep. Which I get, but I can’t stop, so let me hit you with something ten times worse: should the girls (or the boys) actually be considered biological siblings? Does sugar, spice, and everything nice make you genetically related? Nothing put in the stirring pot was organic—just a bunch of chemicals. If you ship the boys and girls together this could be a good thing! BUT, but, could some sick fuck use this information to somehow justify shipping siblings (ppgxppg or rrbxrrb) together??? This is a literal nightmare to think about!!

All in all, I can’t think about these pairings too much without getting caught up in the logistics of their existence even if they’re fictional lmaoooo! If it wasn’t for the fandom, I wouldn’t ship them together at all. I just think it’s amazing that the ships took off like they did lol, because their literal (fictional) existence is just one giant mind fuck for me. Anyway, I ship them at the end of the day, but tbh I do it with a bit of a guilty conscience. Is it morally correct to ship clone-like counterparts? Or should counterparts be treated like twins? Does it even fucking matter at the end of the day, it’s just fiction? I don’t know the right answer. But I do know the pairings don’t make sense. 

Aside from the ppgxrrb, I don’t think there are many other BIG fandom wide pairings. Still, I just want to say that I don’t get why people ship Ace and Buttercup together. The pairing sounds off a few major alarms in my head for obvious reasons. There’s also a bunch of crack ships that involve crossovers with other cartoons. Generally, I don’t mind them, but it seems popular to ship Aku (from Samurai Jack) and Blossom together. And I’m real sorry to those devoted shippers, but again I do NOT get it. I see a lot of romantic fan art depicting romantic situations with Blossom still drawn as a child, and like I get Aku is an immortal demon, so “age is just a number,” but again, BIG ALARMS go off in my head.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*

🙃 🙃 Kind of don’t want to answer this, but I will anyway because only a few people actually read my blog lolol, so lol, yep! And it’s the reds. Don’t shoot me lol. When I was in middle school, I got into this fandom, forgot about it, and then came back when I was hit by a round of nostalgia. I’m finishing up college now, and I can confidentially say that the fanon content for the reds hasn’t changed one bit. Or the demand for it.

I tended to find that a lot of red content follows many archetypes that I’m just not into. Their stories can get a real cringey, real fast. Blossom is always written like this “perfect, except she’s not (but she really is)” character. Like she’s the girl you WISH you could be, but she’s also going through a shit ton of stuff that no person IRL would be able to handle without having a mental breakdown. And sometimes, in some stories, Blossom does have a mental breakdown, but in a sexy way, so she’s still perfect. Generally, there’s still something problematic about Blossom that makes it easy for a reader to relate to her on some level, unlike the way people write Bubbles. And then there’s Brick, who’s broody, hyper-possessive or jealous, and hot figuratively and literally (gotta love the fire/ice trope). He’s the only boy—no! Wait!—the only person who could ever possibly outwit Blossom, and he is just so undeniably attracted to Blossom. They’re the smart power couple that should honestly just hook-up in Chapter One to save everybody time, but they don’t. Nah, they’ve got to survive at least two love triangles before they even consider admitting they’re attracted to each other.  

And don’t get me wrong, none of that’s bad, but there are a million fanfics that go through the same song and dance with these two. And it’s kind of easy to tell when someone’s hardcore projecting onto Blossom because the type of person they’re personally attracted to is the way they write Brick. And I’m not knocking anyone self-projecting onto characters, sometimes people got to do that to give themselves a fun mental break, but bro, I don’t want to read about it. For one, smart broody assholes aren’t my type. Maybe when I was in middle school, but not anymore. And two, it’s just not interesting to me, which is a real shame since the reds are a majority of the fanon content.

Maybe if I found more red stories where the plot isn’t character-driven but plot-driven, so I see the romance between these two characters in a context where it’s not the main focus of the story, it would solve my issue with the pairing. I haven’t found many fics like that, though.

I can’t really think of any reds fic where I’m like ey, this aint bad unless it has a “major character death” tag attached to it lmao (which are always plot driven stories). However, in all honesty, since I’ve stayed away from red content for a while now, I don’t know the current state of things. Maybe there’s been a load more development for these two, or people have broken away from the same plotlines, but I’m too busy to check. I do browse people’s fic rec lists from time to time, but it sort of feels like everyone just puts the same fics on their lists and moves on.

And before someone’s like, “well, you can say all this about the greens or the blues,” just know I’m fully aware. The greens make me cringe too because there’s a shit ton of possessive and abusive storylines filling their story tags. And what makes me super uncomfortable is how people make Buttercup hit Butch or call him derogatory names, oftentimes unprompted. I don’t know why people make Buttercup such an unlikeable and overly aggressive person. I also don’t get why they make Butch some perverted idiot, but to each their own, I guess? Still, I see these green-character patterns most often in red-focused stories, which is another reason why I avoid them. I’ve found a lot of green-focused content that strays from the abusive tropes I try to avoid. Considerably less than I’d like, but the greens are typically the b-plot pairing, so that’s to be expected. Personally, I’d really like to see more content with the greens finding some kind of inner peace, and recently, I’ve seen a few fics that have tried to tackle this concept.

And lol, if you’ve read some of my posts before, you already know that I think the blues are an underdeveloped fanon pairing. The fandom can’t ruin that pairing for me because it never does anything substantial with it.  

Anyway, at the end of the day, I’m just personally not into the way the reds are popularly written, but I get why people are and that’s good with me. 

#salty ask game #lisathefan #an ethical debate in MY ppg post??? It's more likely then you think! #long post #ppg pairings #and all my issues with them #also im a firm believer in the block button being your friend!

[twinklecheeks]

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 3

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Sorry I always post at night! I usually take the day to type and then release it at night. Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does. You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.  

Warnings! pregnancy.

Part 1, Part 2

Word Count: 1.9k

For the past week, you’ve been trying to figure out ways of telling the vlog squad that you’re pregnant… Would it be easier just to tell everyone at one or do one/two people at a time? UGH WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT. You have to tell them asap because you’ll be able to know the gender in a month and you want them to be there. You decide to do something different for every couple of people in the squad but before you do, it’s time for your first ultrasound!

The last time you got this done, you were 9-10 weeks pregnant, so you were LATE finding out you were pregnant. You wanted to find the best doctor you can find and luckily, Kylie set you up with the same one she had. You brought Stass and Kylie to the appointment because they begged you. Doctor: *walks in* Hey y/n how are you feeling? Y/n: I don’t feel as sick anymore but I’ve been feeling really full lately. I didn’t think my stomach would pop out so early. I was thinking maybe it’s because I’m a small and short? Doctor: ‘maybe. Layback and let me take a look” she put the cold jelly on your stomach and starts looking around with the doppler. She finds the baby and you see it wiggling around. Kylie & Stass: “You’re giving us major baby fever rn.” The doctor turns on the heart monitor and you hear a strong heart beat. To you, it sounds normal, but to the doctor, she hears something else. She moves the doppler some more and she sees something. Doctor: “umm miss, how thorough was the ultrasound you had in the ER?” Y/n: “I don’t know, they had a lot of people and they did it a little quick? Why do you ask?” She moves the doppler to what she saw and you see another blob appear. Doctor: “if they would’ve been more thorough and taken time, they would’ve told you that you’re having twins. You, Kylie & Stass: “TWINS???!?!?!!!” Doctor: “Yes. It seemed to be that baby B was hiding behind baby A.” None of you had words. You were having twins… TWO KIDS. You felt like you were having the biggest fever dream of your life but you knew this was real. You already told your family you were pregnant but know you gotta tell them that you’re having TWO? Oh hell no. Doctor: “do you want picture?” Y/n: “uhhhh, sure?” You all walked out of the appointment speechless. Kylie: “well that happened.”

*A few days later*

I took you a couple of days to process that you’re eating for 3. You wanted to do something simple cause you didnt wanna stress yourself out anymore than you already are.

David, Jason & Josh:

(Remember when Erin pranked David and Josh that she was pregnant but it was really an ovarian cyst? It’s gonna be set up like that.)

You asked them to come with you and film in your tesla so you can film a car mukbang. You had the pregnancy test with the old ultrasound picture with only one baby in the glove compartment and you had the one that shows the twins in your pocket. Y/n: *filming a mukbang* “Hey guys! I have David, Josh and Jason here with me, say hi.”  All three of them: “Hi!!!” Y/n: “Since I had no other ideas this week, my last resort was this. So have fun watching us stuff our faces with food.” You drove to Chick-Fil-A, in n out and jack in the box. Once you got everything, You parked in a parking lot, but before you start, you asked David to get you some “napkins” that were in your glove compartment and you saw his eyes go wide. David: “Shut the fuck up.” Jason and Josh are in the backseat all confused and David shows them. Jason: “No you’re not.” You’re just sitting there all nervous/ laughing and all you can say is “yes I am.” David is crying cause he loves babies, Jason & Josh are congratulating you. David: “Who’s the dad?” Y/n: “He’s not in the picture.” They all look at you with sad eyes. Jason: “we’ll be here to help with everything at anytime.” Your hormonal ass is getting the best of you and you try to hold back the tears. Y/n: “oh! One more thing. That was the first ultrasound from 3-4 weeks ago, this one was from a couple of days ago” They all see the two blobs. All three boys: “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS YOU’RE HAVING TWINS?.” David: “Can I plan the gender reveal party?? Y/N: “Sorry, Kylie already called dibs.” David: “You told Kylie before us? Wow that’s cold.” Y/n: “Oh shut up. She was my only friend my age that has a baby. I had to get advice.” David: “ To make it up to me, If one of them is a boy, can you please name it David Jr.” Y/n: “Yes…. for 250k.” Jason: “Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past him… cause it would probably be sponsored by seatgeek.” David: *looks to the camera* “You heard it yourself people. If she has a boy, she’ll name it David Jr. for 250k. “ Y/n: “Damn now I’m kinda scared”

NEXT DAY, Corinna & Mariah:

Okay so that went well, I gonna do a 2 truths, 1 lie with Corinna & Mariah. They’re gonna be playing on the same team, so it’s 2 against 1, well 2 against 3 lol. After about 3 rounds, it was a tie (I lied on other ones so we can tie.) Y/N: “Okay so my first one is that I broke my leg when I was 15, 2. I hate Corinna’s dog and 3. I’m pregnant. Mariah: “Oh what the fuck….. Ummm.” Corinna: “Wait, you hate Carl?!” Y/n: “Just answer the question.” Mariah & Corinna: “The lie has to be that you’re pregnant.” Y/n: “the lie is that I hate Carl.” It took them a minute to understand what I said. Mariah: ‘YOU’RE FUCKING PREGNANT.” Corinna: “OH MY GOD NO WAAAY.” Y/n: “Oh and one more thing! “Shows them the twin ultrasound.” Mariah & Corinna: ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING.” Corinna: “Are they Jeff’s?” Y/n: “Is it that obvious?” Mariah: “Kind of. The boys haven’t noticed because they’re idiots.”

NEXT DAY: Kristen, Scotty, Todd, Zane, Heath & Matt:

(I made this a big collab cause I was running out of ways to tell people)

So for this reveal, I asked the six of them to send in their silly baby/kid pictures so we can react to them. The last pic will be of the twin ultrasound. Y/n: *filming* “Hey guys! I’m here with Kristen, Scotty, Todd, Zane, Heath & Matt, say hi.” All 6 of them: “Hi!!!” Y/n: “This week, we’ll be reacting to our childhood photos and maybe roast them.” All of the pictures were so 90s. Kristen with the classic ruffled poofy dresses, Matt looking like a nerdy kid, Zane holding Hidaya when she was born, 7 year old Scotty singing into a hair brush…. And then the final picture, my twin ultrasound. Everybody was so confused. Zane: “Did someone eat their twin in the womb? cause aint none of us a twin.” And then someone finally noticed. Matt: “Y/n why is your name at the corner of that ultrasound?” Kristen: “NO YOU’RE NOT.” Heath: “OOOO BITCH SHE GONNA HAVE 2 LITTLE COFFEE BEANS.” Scotty and Todd are just speechless. You’re wondering if Todd knew about you and Jeff because he’s his best friend…

You pulled aside Kristen and told her Everything. The only people you can trust with who the dad is are the girls. Kristen: “Are you gonna tell him?” Y/n: “No… He doesn’t treat me right. If he’s never treated me right, how is he gonna treat these babies?”

Todd & Jeff on a hike:

Todd: “Hey, did you hear that Y/n is pregnant?” Jeff: “whoa no I didn’t. Who told you that?” Todd: “y/n did. She revealed it in a collab she was doing with others. She’s having twins.” Jeff: “Jesus Christ, twins? That’s gonna be terrible.” Todd: “She must’ve forgot to tell you. Maybe pregnancy brain really is a thing.” Jeff’s thoughts: “I knew that bitch was sleeping with other people. There’s no way those babies are mine. She had no right trying to get mad at me cause I’d ghost her. Thank god I’m with Natalie. She’s like no one I’ve ever dated before.”

Hanging out with Kylie & Stass:

I told all of the vlog squad. Stass: “Did you tell Jeff?” Y/n: “No, but Olivia told me that Todd told him. I think Jeff is too dumb to connect the dots. He won’t figure it out.” Kylie: “Are you sure you don’t want to tell him? You’re having twins and one baby is already a lot but two? You need the help. You know what, I can hire nannies for you.” Y/n: “What? No, you don’t have to do that. I don’t wanna spend your money.” Kylie: “It’s not like I’m running out. You do remember that I’m a billionaire, right?” Stass & Y/n: “How could we forget lol.”

David, Jason & Josh POV

David: “It sucks that y/n is gonna be a single mom. It’s gonna be a lot; 2 babies and she’s in her last year of college. I hope she’ll be okay.” Jason: “She’ll be fine. She has all of us to look out for her.” Josh: “I have my own kid to watch, so I’ll probably not be as much help.” David: “She has been one of the best friends I’ve ever had. We met on vine in 2015, we met up here in LA and then the rest was history. She was really there for me when Liza and I broke up. She was my shoulder to cry on. Honestly, I’d do anything for her.” Jason: “Do you have a thing for y/n?” David stayed silent. Josh: “I’m not sure if it’d be the right time to try to win her over. She has a lot going on.” David: “It’s getting pretty late, y’all should be heading home. Jason: “Yeah. I have to pick up Charlie and Wyatt early tomorrow. Josh: “The wife doesn’t like that I stay out late, goodnight.”

David thinking to himself:

I’ve had a thing for y/n for a while now but I don’t know. It’s obvious that she had a thing with Jeff. Because of those 2 fights they had in my backyard, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jeff was the father. I was mad at how Jeff spoke about her. She not like that at all! I mean, it’s not wrong if she were but no one should ever talk to a women like that. I’ll help her as much as possible; I’m not opposed if anything were to spark between us along the way…

Back to Y/n, Kylie & Stass:

Kylie: “When’s your next appointment?” Y/n: “2-3 weeks, why?” Kylie: “Cause by that time, WE CAN FIND OUT THE GENDER OF THE BABIES!” Stass: “She’s obviously gonna go all out. Did you see Stormi’s first birthday? I swear it looked bigger than a sweet 16.” Y/n: “Oh boy… or girl…”

------------------------

We get to find out the genders in the next chapter!! She’ll be like 16 weeks by then… I’m excited! I’ve already decided what both are gonna be… There’s gonna be some surprises! Oh and David has a thing for y/n? Ooooo girl the Tea is HOT. I also just realized the date of the video I picked when y/n and Jeff diddled (yes I said diddled).... The date on the video says 7/20…. That means the twins are due 4/20……. I swear I didn’t plan that lmao.

Taglist: @elvlogsquad @siemprestan @zavidzobrik @1-800-juniper @iminlovewithenchilidadas @ilsolee

#jeff wittek #jeff wittek imagine #jeff wittek imagines #jeff wittek x reader #jeff wittek fanfic #jeff wittek fanfiction #jeff wittek smut #jeff wittek blurb #jeff wittek fluff #jeff wittek angst #vlog squad #vlog squad imagine #vlog squad imagines #the vlog squad #the vlog squad imagine #david dobrik #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik imagines #zane hijazi #todd smith #toddy smith #scott sire #scotty sire #heath hussar #carly incontro #erin gilfoy #liza koshy #corinna kopf

[allforthecourtt]

rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

#rereading aftg

[uwcvoices]

shoutsout to emhlabeni, shoutsout to Jstor, shoutsout to the past

There are like these parties I go to now

They are not rad/lit/boh/whateverthekidsaresayingthesedays

They are nothing like these memories of Swaziland parties.

Those parties, they were literally magic. They are that warm feeling when you realize you like someone. these parties, They were like the speaker you paid money to get inspired from. They were like crying. They were like seeing an animal in the wild.

theyve got this like juice or power, or poison, or something which just never runs out and each time i go back to that memory its still got juice or power poison energy something to power this trip of a post i am writing

But my dreams- and this I want some audience engagement…-my dreams are 100% taking place in Swaziland… 2 years later. Does this happen to anyone else? I just want my dreams to happen where I am now. People from the NOW they are in SZ, the people from THEN are also in SZ. They kill each other, make love and do whatever else people do in my dreams. The place I am now, its not in my dreams, because not much is happening now. The world now is just like one zombie train where I am succeeding and failing and living life trying to do what quote quote “living” people do. But it all feels like someone put a sepia filter or something on it and the colors I see they are all quote quote again with the quotes “healthy” and I’m doing “great” and all but like things just dont feel real like they did in Swaziland.

But I get what I wish for.

2 years later, I’m still in Swaziland.

I’m going out here in the United States, you wouldn’t, I wouldn’t believe what I’m doing here. I’m trying to live on the edge, I’m doing everything in my power to live on the fucking edge where I see the deep dark edge of the world and realize the lowest you go on the ol’ totem pole aint so fucking bad and hey why don’t i one day drop out of school and whatnot and go like bottom rung the ole totem pole and just be a fucking spongebobu squarepantsu and be happy making my wage and frying patties and playing in the 21st century with liquid crystal displays, virtual realities, designer narcoexperiences and the freakin internet. Not to mention why don’t I Just Have KIDS. Oddly, that’s the me I’d be proud of, that’s the me, I’d show to friends at UWC reunions. The one thats just like ok, doing all right, the one you can talk to like a fucking human being.

There is this other me, the 21st century me, the INSERT NAME HERE (because I redacted), that is doing just what 2 years ago me hoped I’d be doing. this other me, he’s and now I have a gender in case you hadn’t guessed, he’s doing real well, so I’m scared to like tell my friends what I’m up to well, so when I go visit them I just say I’m struggling in college and its hard, though all my “vital signs” if you could do a real investigative bullshit checker show I’m A game, peaking, doing “allright+” that Im doing what we all dreamed we could do in IB.

Those dreams, the dreams we for some reason all decided should be like a communal dream, the ‘team 40, research position, ladeedadeeda, stable, square, moneyinthebank’ maybe we should have had different dreams. Because I’m visiting you and well, I talk and I ask you are things real?

And right now, you say, post IB, IB3,IB4IB5 now maybe? things are getting more real than ever, and I wonder… I just wonder.

Kanye West - Hell of A Life

I could start/end there

I just wish I was living one hell of a life, just once more

just once more, give me

a single room

a hallway of just seven owes (dudes for those not of the 2 readers from SZ who read this blog)

crappy food. Give me give me give me and everyone I know chicken and rice again, just for a while

give me no internet, i love the internet- too much and it feels wrong, i cant even fucking explain what 'not internet’ is like without sounding like one of those cliched 'fuck the grid’ people. you can’t try it, and i cant tell you to try it, you can just know i miss it, i miss it like i’d die young just for a couple more years of real rarity of information

give me real fucking vulnerability where I talk to people because I don’t know what to do

give me real uncertainty, where everything is possible and we can still be UWC mission statement-ers’ and like become famous Time(TM, the magazine)-influential-people for accomplishing UN-millenial-development-goals or whatever the hell it was we wanted to gain by accomplishing the mission statement. But we could also, as we’d seen so many just spin out, let the nerves, the life, the excitement, of it all distract us from what we were “there for” to get an “IB” and go to uni or whatever.

give me a real knock on the door moment,an oh hello moment,a can I just sit here in this tiny room so theres only the bed to sit on so I guess i’ll just sit on your bed and when I do the air pushed out from our cheap UWC™ mattresses creates a smell that is new, new, finding out about dinosaurs for the first time magic, and for some reason its a different smell from my UWC™ bed moment, give me a im just sitting here in this silence watching you work finishing whatever it was you were working on moment, give me a oh sorry about that, just had to finish up some CHEM how’s it going? moment, an im just like shit dude what even is life moment, a lets laugh quietly and you go back to CHEM moment, an I’m relaxed to the interbuddhadimensional realm just by that moment, a you have no idea why i dropped by your room or why im lost in my memories about some drama with someone that’s not you moment

give me hitchiking, with like a smirk on my face knowing my mom would die if she knew what the hell i was doing

give me friends who use me, because im not bitter like I am now or because I haven’t exhausted the ole generosity energies for the rest of my entire fucking life (when will i do community service again?)

give me a sneaking alcohol into hazi moment and drinking it straight sitting on the floor moment, a lets sing to afrohouse remixes of Bruno mars moment,

give me a im so glad im trapped in this place with you moment,

give me a Im going to make a pilgrimage to the one holy shower blessed with hot water moment

give me a seeing people lock their own doors because they just want to study so damn hard moment

give me an ending for christ’s sake

because the Swaziland story still goes on ~~~ UWC Waterford Kamhlaba Alumni

#Waterford Kamhlaba UWC #Alum #submission

[asksansweredpdf]

if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to? read: ms marvel  watch: the last jedi listen to: say it aint so - weezer

have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who? yes! andy weir, especially in the martian. the way he writes his characters thoughts is exactly how i think

list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with. star wars: kylo ren marvel: tony stark, peter parker ouat (when i was younger: regina mills hunger games: katniss jtv: jane villanueva

do you like your name?  is there another name you think would fit you better? i dont really have much of an opinion of my name. it’s better than something like heidi. i do wish it were spelled like riya though. that’s a lot easier to read and pronounce. and the spelling is more elegant

do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do? i feel like more a human being. i don’t really do much or have many accomplishments. and i’m more an internal thoughts/feelings person.

are you religious/spiritual? nope

do you care about your ethnicity? not really. i value where i’m pretty sure i come from (it’s complicated - i dont know if my father is my biological father). regardless, i value the cultural norms and values i was brought up with. but i dont place my whole identity around that.

what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime? freddie mercury. because of his flamboyancy and lyrics. and we’re both half indian bisexual people. harry styles also for his flamboyance but also for the value he places on being kind and diplomatic and having a strong sense of justice. david bowie a bit because we’re both bi, love drugs, and love cats. emilie autumn because she has been through so much and is very angry because of it. she loves and believes in vengeance. i don’t see a lot of people (especially women) who seem to understand or express that. most people who have been through stuff sort of bounce back and are fine. but i’m always going to be angry and want revenge about what happened to me. and that’s sort of what she talks about in her songs.  

are you an artist? nah. i like drawing and painting and stuff because its fun and eases your mind. but i get too frustrated at myself for not being able to immediately create something exactly the way it is in my head. my hands dont do what my brain sees. 

do you have a creed? not really. treat people the way you’d want to be treated. and once you know them, treat people the way they treat you.  

describe your ideal day. i get high, i shower high and listen to music, there is food around that i love and either a really funny tv show, or a favourite of mine. maybe even some high sex. i am alone. 

dog person or cat person? cat. i hate dogs so fucking much. 

inside or outdoors? inside. outdoors has like ants that bite you and bird shit and stuff

are you a musician? i taught myself 2 1/2 songs on piano?

five most influential books over your lifetime. in no order: the hunger games, a long way home - saroo brierley, boy overboard - morris gleitzman, the martian - andy weir, and probably tfios because who didnt love that book

if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same? absolutely not. i actually just finished watching jane the virgin 5x01 where (SPOILERS) michael comes back but has amnesia and is a whole different person because he can’t remember his past. i feel the same way. if i had a different past or couldn’t remember mine, i would be very different. i would be a) way more confident, b) wouldn’t have anxiety, c) would be more assertive, d) would be more ambitious. 

would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”? i talk on here a lot more than i do irl. and i talk about things a lot more because i dont know anyone here. i guess tumblr is me but less afraid. since it’s a very anonymous platform, which makes it easier to not give a shit what people will think. and the block button helps but i’ve never had to use it

what’s your patronus? either a black cat or a crow or raven or something. 

which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle? ravenclaw. though if im being honest (and i am because no one follows or sees this blog) i dont know how i keep getting put in ravenclaw. i don’t really feel intelligent these days. and i cant remember the last time i did. 

would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else? dude totally hogwarts! magic is amazing. i’d love to be an avenger but i prefer to keep to myself which isnt really a superhero quality. 

do you love easily? GOD. yeah i do. lately i’ve been trying to not make any friends, and to keep my distance from people i’m already friends with. but its really hard because i love people a lot, even when i dont want to. i’ve decided i can love them from afar, but i’m not trusting them or getting too close. but yeah it’s ahrd being a leo

list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order. (Over)Thinking. Listening to music. Eating. Going on my phone. Working 

how often would you want to see your family every year? ideally, never again. but practically, i guess only on special occasions

have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone? yeah. they were my two favourite people and relationships. my old best friends. but i dont talk to either of them anymore. i do miss the feeling of understanding someone and being so inherently understood. and belonging somewhere.

could you live as a hermit? easily

how would you describe your gender/sexuality? so here’s the thing. i keep swinging from lesbian to bi. i thought i only liked girls for a while. but there have been a few guys (im talking like 5) who i’ve ever been attracted to. and a lot of people say that just means you’re a lesbian if you like all girls and only like a few guys. but i know that i did like those guys a lot. sure, it was different to how i liked girls, but the attraction was there. so im inclined to say bi. but who knows. 

do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”? yeah. unfortunately, my emotions show on my face a lot more than i want them to. im good at disguising them - i do a good fake smile when im sad. but i can never have a neutral, or impartial face. in terms of facial features, yeah that’s pretty close.

on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin? like 10. i try to be really understanding and patient, since i know i get under people’s skin a lot. that’s why i get really upset when someone finally DOES get under my skin. because i give a lot of changes. i feel like you’d have to really fuck up to make me mad

three songs that you connect with right now. goodbye stranger - supertramp, hustle - pink, nobody - mitski

pick one of your favorite quotes. the very cliche “being human is a condition that requires a little anaesthesia” because mood

#mine

[ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse]

Hey for the ask thing, all the questions you're comfortable with answering

oh boy!!! heck yeah fun shit thanks my dude! little did u Kno…… I LOVE oversharing !!! lmao muahahahahaha i’m probably gonna answer all of them thank u for enabling it lmfao

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

yah on Rly Bad days

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

like… 3.5? i like the dark but,,, ‘m Scare,,,,,

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Orange Turnip

4. What is your favorite word?

it changes tbh,, hm but i can’t think of any rn!

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

i’d be….. a nice oak! thicc and full of secrets

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didn’t lmao reflection what’s that

7. What shirt are you wearing?

i’m wearing the dress i wore to work

8. What do you label yourself as?

annoying or boring lmao but also the Goblin King and that is Good

9. Bright room or dark room?

i still don’t know if this is referring to like paint shade or like the amount of light it gets or like if i sleep in a bright room or dark room so like??? *shrug emoji*

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

i was?? drawing i think

12. Who told you they loved you last?

i think it was @wrenn-frug​ 💕💖 lov u fren!

13. Your worst enemy?

dunno man probably myself but that sounds cliche so like??? the sun bc it always burns me

14. What is your current desktop picture?

a screenshot from song of the sea!!! lOVE that movie!!!! i’d post it but like?? i don’t think i have it saved anymore or if i do i don’t feel like looking but it’s that one scene where they’re walking thru the pretty field towards the trees and there’s foxes in the corner and she’s playing the shell it’s so pretty,,,,,

15. Do you like someone?

uh yah my cat

16. The last song you listened to?

Young God - Halseygood song lov it,,,,

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

oraNGE TURNIP

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

orange turnip my dude i Hate

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

uh nobody ????

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

my squishy thighs and my fantastic stretch marks (which have taken me YEARS to accept)

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

No

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

????????????? secret???? talent?????? lemme check, ,, , , *reaches into a bag* nope bitch empt y aint got No Talent lmao

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

okay so like this is really dumb and i partially answered this in this ask abt the flushing toilets @ night thing but like to elaborate and make it even more dumb not only am i afraid to flush toilets @ night bc it’s just rly creepy and loud to me (esp if i’ve been asleep) but like,, , sort of in the same vein of fear is that when i was little my older sister told me that there was a ghost in the toilet and if i don’t flush it’ll get me and like i kno it’s not tru but like,,,,,, Sometimes,,,,,, (i must clarify i’m not scared of toilets themselves but like flushing freaks me out sometimes like @ night or if i don’t flush fast enough lmao don’t look @ me i’m a mess)

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Excuse? is this like that i can ONLY eat this sandwich or is it that this is the only sandwich i can ever eat or like i can only ever have one last sandwich bc honestly i’m Not Okay with any of those scenarios no matter how many ingredients i get for the initial creation

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Dream daddy dating simulator lmao uh?? also probably more food for archie bc he is Expensive

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Ireland probably. always wanted to see ireland

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

“Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out” like???? no???? if u don’t drink alcohol why would u want a lifetime supply??? unless i could like…. sell it??? whats the Most Expensive kind i’ll just get an unending supply of heavenly Expensive Alcohol to sell for incredibly inflated prices to the rich bc it’s From Heaven and give the money to the poor bc like,,, why not

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

bitches gotta keep they damn opinions to themselves if they can’t respect somebody’s life based on factors they can’t help (race, religion, orientation, gender etc) also no money like We Don’t Need It i’m so tired of Needing money

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuck bc u can use it in So Many situations

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

o shit probably the twenty dollar metallic watercolors i got bc shit son??? actually probably like my laptop or smth idk

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my childhood thx

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

this is.. not a questionalthough it is a wonderful scenario

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

none of them bc if the celestial gates of the beyond is real then all the people i’d want to bring back are probably in a Better Place or something and why would i want to drag them to Hell?

34. What was your last dream about?

Cannot remember to save my life altho i kno it was rly weird and convoluted

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

u did not put anything Here so i will Ignore

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Nope

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yAH it’s fun!

38. What is the color of your socks?

not wearing any

39. What type of music do you like?

A Lot

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

Sunsets,,, evening is so nice mm m

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate ayyyy

43. Do you have any scars?

a couple but like for Dumb Reasons

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I’ve graduated hs but i wanna be an animator when i decide which college to go to

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

my brain pls bartender can i have a Healthy One (correction to favorite word #4: fav word currently is deign)

46. Are you reliable?

i would like to think so

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are you happy?

48. Do you hold grudges?

YAH but only if i’ve been Pushed Too Far which is Pretty Damn Far by most ppls standards

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

none I am Not a God

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

i have had So Many???? the most recent one was two times in a row random ppl i barely knew asked me for my netflix account bc they didnt have one and like…. bro what who R U,,,,, (i had literally only talked to the first guy once for ten minutes on fb)

51. Are you a good liar?

is the sky green? don’t think so

52. How long could you go without talking?

Very Long but like Only on Bad Weeks

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

None my hair is Magnificent (idk)

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

like birthday cake? never but i lov to bake cakes so like i bake myself cakes all the time

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i am so bad @ accents i can’t even Read in my Head in accents even though i know what the accent Should Sound Like

56. What do you like on your toast?

peanut butter and banan slices

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

working on a picture of a tiger redraw

58. What would be you dream car?

a Bike bc i Do Not Like cars

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i only sing in the shower when nobody is home (which is infrequent bc my mom is Always here) bc i am self conscious around most ppl but like Music,,,,, also when i was little i would pretend that i was standing in the rain all sad like in movies lmao

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yah

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

i follow an astrology blog and i read homestuck i mean,,

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

i??? A maybe bc there are a lot of ways to write it pretty idk but like specifically capital A ig

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Dragons they’re fire-breathing friends and i love them

64. What do you think about babies?

Gross

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

U Didn’t put anything Here either so like how abt i give u a random fact abt myself that seems good my favorite bird is the lammergeier bc they’re basically irl dragons and they’re so pretty??? love them??? also i hate monkeys and apes esp chimpanzes bc they are scary and too much like humans to me i don’t like them

BOY that took way longer than i thought bc i had to feed my cat halfway thru and everything and like this is a Long Post sorry guys but ayyyyy this was fun thanks ari

#ask meme #i think i asked all but like three

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

I heard about the 64% of all lives matter wanting the blue lives matter to do the bottom breath exercise

Compared to the, especially much lower 41% of black lives matter positive response out of only 1/3 of the voters saying yes they would exercise. Thier 41% was for anyone else to, not just blue matters

These numbers are broken down from bigger numbers

I really like this. This anger and revenge and hate from all lives matter people

Remember the conversation was, "please stop killing us, our black lives matter"

"Shut up nigg** we will kill you all, blue lives matter"

Then all us went all lives matter. Some in shock and so on and what have you. Some to settle, some to continue the fight.

So I'm glad to see so many continue the fight.

And that is what I am saying.

I obviously am All Lives Matter. I prove that. But I took my time and watched the conversation and listened to myself and felt the arrogance. And i took sides.

And i said Black Lives Matter. Because of what was said.

But I defend blue lives, criminal lives, illegal alien lives, all lives. Because all lives matter

I'm just black panther to the core.

And that's how they are:

a life is a life

A life paid is a life cost.

They taught me that.

My richest most developed understanding of the world was taught to me by negros

My most in depth acceptance of kindness and love and myself was taught by the Harringtons.

The world gave me the black Panthers

My mom directed me to the Harringtons.

They are what gave the black Panthers depth.

Not words. Not soldiers on the streets.

Humans.

Like I said the other day, same as for with criminals and so the Harringtons allowed me to embrace what I hated myself most for. To give others a chance. Like,Jesse James. Others.

Unfortunately they've pushed me so far I can no longer

Love like what I got from the Harringtons has been pushed so far away

By criminals like Jesse James and i will say Jesse in particular m he also for by Malcolm.

So these movements and protests they help people get together and like Seattle's Mayor says, with love.

Its not about anti-others.

Black Lives Matter or all lives matter.

It's about being around love. Acceptance. Protection. No matter who you are or where you been or where you'll go.

It's like being with the Harringtons.

It creates calmer and happier people.

Sure the white supremacy are out with a vengeance and not y'alls business, but we relabeled our SMS to help our planet with that problem

Fun oddity... I saw a video of this guy randomly picked to check the system. Bec it's fairly new and it's not SMS: brightgady but another because of the limited people and rarity of people allowed to kill with permission.

Its called The Brightside of Hell. Because that's where it sends people. LoL.

And so.

This guy all skinny and in all black in an umbrella was breaking windows and he's been driving me nuts since day one i saw that guy. I wanted to kill him,but at the same time i knew i should not.

So, today they tell me he was checking the routing system of people dressed similar and people with big afro hair was the reason for the umbrella.

And they went into a group in a building. Left their bank and credit cards. Phones. All everything traceable. Some others had the same exact umbrella. All skin tones. Big afros also. Because that was a concern for me... An afro being thought of as something else. Just because i seriously seriously love afros

Only African Americans can wear an afro. True story.

So I really treasure it.

So they all left in a mass. Like in a line and then walked around. Some traded the umbrella off and so on. Changed clothes. They did anything possible to confuse the system. Changed gender type clothing and put on wigs. And did stuff they never ever did before.

So then the guy breaking windows was actually on my own shop front.

And turns out the system is perfect. Its God driven and I hear "hey! And tree!!" From tree himself.

So we have an amazing platform. And i wanted and I would assume the world would want it tested to an Extreme.

The guy that broke the Windows is a little nerd, to himself guy and would never ever do anything like,that and he said He thought he would go home and,cry but he,said instead he felt such a rush and enjoyed it

SMS put out a serious alarm on him and when the kill team went to "interrogate" him of his crimes the actual system screamed at them all rrrrrrl rrrrrl so they knew not to harm him. It has an override to override all sounds blocks so if its turned on vibrate it will do it still.

It said "warning warning. There is something wrong! This is not a normal criminal: proceed with caution, check computer before leaving!"

Obviously he was having a mental break and the internet history would say so. What has he been reading or watching? What kind of help does he need?

And/ OR someone is threatening their life to commit such crimes and the SMS hasnt seen or been notified of anyone.

And they actually had that alert after i attacked Denise and busted her head open.

And it auto downloaded my internet history and the phone numbers contacting me frequently and people from chat apps.

So i was chatting with someone new and so it could been presumed it was due to them telling me to or their influence.

He had been annoying me all fucking day and raging me. -.-

But she tried to throw me out the car in 100° heat. She deserved that shit.

But it also showed i blow up and can't tolerate her and will lose my shit every 4 to 6 months on her.

But it was more violent than usual. But its because of my younger brother. She's all scared of him and treats him wirh respect and shit and he told me how he pulled her hair when she was driving and so that is where it came from. More so than anything. That is exactly what was in my mind. I was all he did it. So can I.

Watch me now. Bitch.

So,fucking tired of her lies!! Fucking throw me out the car. Fuck you.

You think I'm not crippled? Well I'll show you what I can do Because walking ain't one.

Had i been in a happy loving relationship or even in my own house all clean with water and electric then I probably wouldn't done that because I would just been all. Well first take me back to my house. But i would been all I'm bout to get out the car and away from her so i can just ignore her till then.

But it ain't that way, I'm unhappy and im angry and she just wanted to fucking look at me like her stupid eyes were gonna mind control me.

Yeah sure if what you want is a beating.

Tired of people trying to control me.

So movements and protests

Yall stupid white supremacy you think you know shit, all you know is you.

When the rest of us get together in life, in the world, its church. Love and peace and shit.

You stupid ass white niggers don't know love. You know fear. Fear once they finish paying their debt to be shipped that no one will work for you.

Fear of African Americans doing what they want and living their dreams

Well there ain't plantations no more.

So you fucking white supremacy have a problem. And it's me. So you better stay in your fucking houses. You get out ane mix in with any other protests and cause shit and harm ill find you

You have another big ass KKK rally ... Your hoods will be removed.

I ain't gonna say all I'd fucking do to you ignorant white ass fools in need of a REAL NIGGER because i don't want you all doing shit to my people. The ones you don't think belong here.

When Venus joined our human race, we all changed skin color. To Negro. Black. Before we were pink, green. Halo (a shade of white) and blue. Few were purple. Those were mean ones. Like the ones I'm sending out with the Brightside.

So for us all to hide the Venetians because they were as Snoop Dogg shows and as the Egyptian pyramids show, they had dog heads. So we changed to human heads and we all hid in Negro skin.

It was a trick that worked

We told space invaders that had,came to attack us before that we had came and killed everyone and we were a totally different race.

Shit worked man.

So these white supremacy. They're afraid of that black skin.

They really are. And they hate it because they want to take over.

And then compound how the entire North America was fucking empty except for some invading settlers from outer space, they really feel that the Nigger have taken over

Cause they aint been to New Mexico. Because they dumb white trash and they ain't seen how black people aren't all over and didn't take over.

But guess whose fault is that? Plantation owners with the bright idea to get people from all over the world to visit or move to the "new world" and not worry about sea fare, just work for your food and you can explore.

So definitely not the Nigger's fault.

Most African American just came to visit

And some were rich but wanted to work for food doe the week or two to see the feeling

And a lot more paid half or more to do part work and part true vacation.

They never returned

So then they got more people to come search.

And it went on.

Like I said we went to Africa to stop it. Returned Africans and so on.

Shit by the time Harriet Tubman came along there was full blown families here. Ma and pa come to vacation. Brother comes to look for them. Then son then sister then their ma and pa and ya got 5 generations.

And we taught the word Nigger in Africa to be respect.

But we warned "if you hear a white man say nigger he may have your family"

Then they ask the Negro "do you know any niggers? Where they are?"

There was HUGE legendary lessons on how to use the word.

In Africa it meant teacher that was all.

On the long ship rides to America the truth was told about how the word was used. So they used it proper.

No ome trusted outsiders. So if a black boy with a thick accent said "nigger to a black slave asking for help in,secret to find his family, then he would know the boy was a slave and would protect him and hide him for wandering the streets as he was.

We're smart. Every thing was intuition. Few code words.

We knew a Negro slave. How far and much they would protect. How they would risk their own lives.

It would get the search party on the plantation. They could search then leave in secret, have food and rest.

Then off to the next plantation.

The word nigger is sacred. To people like Snoop Dogg and others that say nigga.

They continue to keep the word in use to show love as it was initially used.

As I said before it stemmed from,the word Negro the Spanish word for black.

You need to know the whole black skin culture... They called each other blackie and so on

Like i said we all were Negro once to protect the Earth from invaders. So,we were all happy to be black.

We were invaded and we worked a system to accept other planets 32 other races.

We got lax. We thought we were safe

The walls of Jericho? That is in the Bible. It was am alien sect we were observing to see if we could accept their style and way of life. We could not. We killed them and destroyed their village.

Some like Zulululu had observed us and lied during their observation period. To be perfect like us.

They aren't

Just like people in the white supremacy movement.

Like those in the walls of Jericho they will be killed.

They don't belong under the heading of all lives matter.

They don't fit our world and they are out numbered.

So I will say nigger but as you see I block it out when it's used harmfully against others

Except when I say white bigger because there ain't anything a white supremacist hates more. And there ain't much I hate more than a white supremacist.

[esteliensmainblog]

childhood embarrassing moments and other questionnaires

25. What was the one embarrassing moment in your school life that you won’t forget ?

I’ll probably forget all of these eventually, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten tons already, but I do have some stories.

Like that time the lights weren’t working in the girls’ restroom and all we had (pre- cell phones) was my toy unicorn whose pink forehead gem was a button you could push and it would light up and she’d say things like, “You’re my best friend. I’ll take you anywhere.”  But you couldn’t really use the horse and do your business at the same time, so we had to work together.  It sucked. (Side note: I want to figure out what that horse was called... message me if you know?)

One time in middle school, I had an issue with my shorts.  I was always careful to stay within the dress code, but one day, a male teacher took me aside during class and told me that my shorts were showing “something we don’t want to see.”  I still don’t know what it was.

Once in elementary school, we had a substitute teacher who was seriously ancient and incapable of doing her job.  Apparently my bathroom stall door hadn’t locked properly, because she walked in on me.

I got my first period in fourth grade.  Thick stretch pants in the worst shade of purple.  I still can’t stand that color.  We had handbell practice that day.  It was horrifying.

In high school, I was still working on the whole “don’t just say whatever you’re thinking” thing.  The guy behind me put his feet up on the sides of my desk.  I asked him to put them down, because they smelled terrible.  He left the room, ticked off, and the teacher had a talk with me.  I wasn’t the type to accidentally be mean to someone, so I was kind of mortified and had to run and apologize.  Besides that, I was new at the school (compared to most of the class), so I hadn’t really been accepted yet.

At the same school, I once drew a picture of one of the older students, just to practice drawing, and because I had a photo to work from because my dad took pictures at the school play.  I went to tell her I’d drawn a picture of her, and she gave me this look of disgust and said something that made it sound like she thought it was super creepy and gross that I’d do that.  It was an ”I’m just gonna melt into the floor now bye" moment.

Majoring in a foreign language means making some embarrassing mistakes.  The worst of mine was in this class where we had to write a really serious essay.  I don’t know what the prompt was, but most of us wrote about hugely important and serious things we were going through (like one girl wrote about her far-too-much-older boyfriend).  Usually, if someone made a funny mistake, a different professor would just point it out in writing or quietly, but this teacher wasn’t afraid to embarrass students in front of the class.  My dictionary fail was, in this case, too problematic to even say in front of the class (and I was the prof’s TA so she was less savage with me), so she called me into her office.  What I meant to say was that someone (a respected mentor) kept saying he/she would do something, but then would never follow through.  The verb I found for “follow through” meant in a sexual way.

On a much lighter note, in early elementary school, the mean girls started a rumor that they’d seen me kissing my crush under the desks.

But more embarrassingly, to get back at one of those bullies (not for that specific incident), I once prank called her late at night.  Again, nobody had cell phones at the time, so it was the landline.  I didn’t know about *69.  Her mom called back.

One time in middle school, I got my period and wasn’t prepared, so two girls went with me to the office to ask for a pad.  (They weren’t friends of mine, and had been jerks to me and my friends for years.  I’m guessing they tagged along because they were curious or amused?)  The lady working there was gigantic.  She gave me what is, to this day, the largest pad I have ever seen in my life. We’re talking the length and width of at least four normal pads combined.  And those girls walked all the way back to the restroom with me where I had to try to put it on.

50 questions you’ve never been asked tag

1. What’s your favorite candle scent? Cinnamon, but it has to be the artificial cinnamon smell and it has to be strong.  I want candles that smell like Red Hots or those pinecones they put in the entrance of Michael’s and Giant Eagle every Christmas.

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? None of them.

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? None of them. 

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Rather not think about it.

5. Do you know a hoarder? Unfortunately.

6. Can you do a split? Nope.

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Idk, some normal age.

8. How many oceans have you swam in? One

9. How many countries have you been to? One besides where I’m from

10. Is anyone in your family in the army? Yes

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one? That’s a secret

12. What would you name your son if you had one? “

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test? Probably F.  Mostly got A’s but who knows.

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? There were so many.  As Told By Ginger stands out, though.  And basically every cartoon.

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? Sure.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? Harry Potter, and I’m working on the Hunger Games.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? I’m fine with how I talk.  British is weird and neat too.

18. Did your mother go to college? Nope

19. Are your grandparents still married? Only one alive

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons? No

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is? Not a clue.  Never heard of dat boi.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? The person who wrote this quiz must be ten.  I can’t remember these things.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Already fluent in French.  Would like to learn basically any other language.  Japanese or Korean would be cool.  I’m also a fan of made-up languages.  I really like Trigedasleng from The 100, since it’s like a fun creole of English.

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray? Both.  Yup.

25. Is your father bald? No

26. Do you know triplets? No

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? Never seen either

28. Have you ever had Indian food? Weirdly, only stuff I’ve cooked, so it doesn’t count.

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? It’s this Japanese place that’s soooo good.

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden? I aint never heard a’ no olives in the .. gardens.. Yes.  Obviously, yes.

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)? No.  Paying to shop is dumb.

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? Dunno

33. If you have a nickname, what is it? Anyone reading this either already knows or doesn’t need to know

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world? I’m lucky enough to have a few.  Two best friends, two nephews, a big family..

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? Suburbs

36. Can you whistle? No

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight? No

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning? Yes

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily? Yes

40. What medical conditions do you have? Dude

41. How many times have you been to the hospital? Umm.  Once to be born, probably once when I broke my arm, once a few days after a bike accident..  That might be all.

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo? Seriously, you are ten.

43. Where do you buy your jeans? Thrift stores

44. What’s the last compliment you got? It was from an online quiz. I’m in extreme summer introvert mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Yes. Thanks, meds.

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy? Plain black is good, but I grew up on apricot tea (black with a slight apricot flavor), so that’s always been my favorite.  They’d put it in my sippy cup.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? I don’t want to move, let alone go count my shoes.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice? Christianity

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? Idk, I don’t remember ever believing he was real?

50. Why do you have a youtube? What does this sentence mean?

Some random questions :P

1. What’s your height ? Short

2. Which season is your favorite ? Spring and fall

3. Writing, art or chatting ? All of the above

4. Pokemon, long live, Digimon, YoKai watch, Barbie, Doraemon ? That second one is a song, though, right?  Whatever.  Digimon and Pokemon, in that order.

5. Burgers or pizza ? Pizza, unless the burgers have roasted onions and peppers, in which case, burgers.

6. What’s your sexual orientation ?

7. If you could change 3 things in the world, what could they be ? Everybody everywhere would get free health care, somehow the racists etc. learn and we all treat each other like we’re on the same team, everybody everywhere has the opportunity to make enough money to live on.

8. Any fictional character that you will love to cosplay ? It might be fun to dress as Asuna?  But because of the creepy stuff in the second part of the show, I’m not going to do that.

9. Do you sleep with any stuff toy by your side ? No

10. Do you live alone ?

11. Describe the surroundings around your home.

12. What will be your dream profession ? Getting to come up with ideas and not having to follow through with making them happen - somebody else does that part.  Also playing video games most of the time.

13. Which vegetable you HATE the most ? I don’t hate any veggie I’ve tried.

14. Which vegetable you LOVE the most ? Idk, lots of them are good.  Recently learned how to roast sweet potatoes and woah.

15. Ever eaten bitter gourd ? No

16. Strawberries or blackberries ? Strawberries

17. Number of friends on tumblr. Three, off the top of my head.. idk

18. What’s is the one thing that you want to change in yourself ? I need to figure out how to keep up with dishes, and generally have better motivation.  My variety of depression keeps the motivation preeeetty low, even with meds.

19. Ever went underwaters ? Dude

20. Mom or dad ? With whom you’re much bonded to ? You just forgot how to speak English, but okay.  Dad.

21. Number and age of siblings ? One sister.  Very older.

22. Ever met any actor or actress in real ? No, but I heard Billy Boyd sing at an orchestra or something.  Freaking amazing.

23. Who you want to meet NOW ? It’s after midnight, so. nah.

24. What are your casual wears ? My sister got me this incredible dress-like thing that might be technically a swimsuit coverup.  It’s cute and sleeveless and has a hood and it’s so comfy.

25. (moved to top)

26. Are you curious about certain anons ? Huh?

27. What’s the one thing that you’ll always regret for ? Probably some of my purchases.  Nothing big, but I just look at things and think, if I hadn’t bought that, I could have spent the money on video games or food.

28. When you’re excited, which word you speak out mostly ? Idk? “Oh my gosh”?

29. Had crush on any of your friends in school life? Is he/she still your crush ? Not really and no

30. Do you celebrate Halloween ? Which costume did you wore last time ? I don’t “celebrate” what it’s about, but dressing up in costumes is super fun.  The last couple Halloweens I haven’t dressed up, but I know I’ve been Lucille Ball and Anna (from Frozen) a few times.

31. What’s your lucky number and lucky color ? ? I like purple.

32. What never bores you ? Technically, nothing.  But I love video games and dinosaurs and languages.

33. What you hate the most ? I’m suuuuper sensitive, so lots of sensory things like sounds and flashing lights and when people bump into me and bad smells.  Also washing dishes.  Because it’s way too sensory and all the feels are unpleasant (bad smells, dirty hands, unexpected loud noises, the stress of feeling like I can’t keep up, etc.).

34. Do you believe in ghosts and spirits ? Want to meet one ? No

35. What’s a common name that you’re often called from ? From?

36. In your eyes, who’s the most popular blog irrespective of the number of followers it has ? I probably don’t follow them.  The more popular ones I follow are Dan and Phil, Seth Everman, shower thoughts...

37. Do you know languages other than English ? French, and teeny bits of Japanese, Elvish, and Trigedasleng.  Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim.

38. What’s the thing you’ll always cherish ? The mems Also the memes

39. Describe your personality in 5 words. Definitely too tired for this

40. Your Myers Briggs personality type ? INFP

41. Introverted, ambiverted or extroverted ? Very introverted in all situations

42. Are you left-handed, ambidextrous or right-handed ? Right

43. Do you use alarm clock to wake yourself up ? Phone

44. Read newspapers, magazines ? Not really

45. Ask any question… Why?

~ This or that

🌹 - loyal / 💔 - heartbreaker 🎉 - social / 💤 - antisocial 🍎-feminine / 🍏-masculine / 🍐-androgynous ⭐️ - night owl / 🐦 - early bird (permanently exhausted pigeon) 🐶 - dog person / 🐱 - cat person 😎 - sunny days / 💧- rainy days ✨ - stargazing / ☁️ - butt watching (CLOUD TO BUTT CHROME EXTENSION DOES IT AGAIN!) 🍉 - healthy food / 🍔 - comfort food 🎨 - artistic / ✏️ - logical ❤️ - affectionate / 💛 - reserved

rules: the questions deliberately come in pairs. instead of me answering all the questions, I want you to pick a pair, answer one of the questions and I’ll answer the other. (Yes, I don’t care.)

1A Are you going through a personal struggle right now? Nothing big.  It’s mostly family stuff right now. 1B Do you have someone in your life you can share your struggles with? Yes!

2A Who are you? Parasauro1ophus 2B Who do you want to be? Parasaurolophus (it was taken, but now it’s not, but tumblr won’t let me have it.)

3A What do you want to do before you die? Help people 3B What if you found out you were going to die tomorrow? I’d try to get things in order to make things as easy as possible for the people who will have to deal with my possessions. Then I’d spend the day with friends and family and not tell them, but make sure they knew how special they were.

4A What do you spend too much time doing? Video games 4B What is a new habit you want to form? Exercise

5A What is one question you would ask a fortuneteller? Is it free? 5B What do you wish you knew more about? Most things

6A What does success mean to you? Helping people and not hurting people 6B what is your next great adventure? Who knows.  Probably a new job and apartment and town.

7A What is your biggest fear? I don’t like the dark much.  Also afraid of bears and someone breaking in.   7B Where do you find peace? .... Video games.  No, seriously.  I know it’s escapism.  But take this week for example.  I was at my parents’ house for a lot of days.  I was constantly busy, between cooking for them, helping get rid of stuff, trying to keep my mom a little more emotionally stable, visiting family, visiting friends, etc.  I didn’t get any alone time.  I’m seriously introverted and am now very accustomed to living alone.  So being there, I got to the point where I just had my head down on the kitchen table and wouldn’t say or do anything.  I got home and accidentally slept til noon (which I never do), then spent three full days immersed in video games, Netflix, and YouTube.  I just have to recharge sometimes.

8A Describe a turning point in your life Halfway through my first year of teaching, I finally acknowledged that I was struggling with depression, and I told a few people I trusted.  Got to a doctor and started the process of finding meds and a therapist.  I’m doing so much better now than I had been since early high school.  It didn’t happen all at once, but that road to - I don’t want to say recovery, but at least being able to kind of function - was so worth it. 8B What are you looking forward to? Tomorrow, since it’s Saturday and I don’t have to be anywhere.  Maybe the grocery store if anything.  Maybe I’ll paint.  Or put the carpet back down.

9A What do you think about when you wake up? What I dreamed about and how crappy I feel and whether I can possibly keep sleeping a while longer. 9B Where would you like to wake up tomorrow? Here.

10A What object would you save if your house was on fire? Phone so I could call 911.  Maybe my very few belongings that are worth something, if I had time. 10B What would make you happy right now? Another ice cream sandwich would be nice.  It would also be a bad idea.

11A What are your priorities at the moment? Helping parents get rid of things.  Otherwise, serious resting before I have to get ready for the next school year. 11B What age do you wish you could permanently be? 25-26 was pretty nice.  I feel like I’ve started aging now.

12A What’s the farthest you’ve ever been from home? France 12B What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? Not much, since “most people” is hard to define.  But some of my favorites are pretty specific?  Like I play the ukulele, which is so mainstream, but I specifically play the baritone, which most people don’t know about.  It’s less trendy, the tuning is different from all other ukes, and it’s the biggest kind.  I love it.  I guess Runescape also counts as something most people haven’t heard of, since it’s pretty specific to people close to my age and is really old now (but still thriving!).  Fly For Fun was an all-time favorite video game too, from back in high school.  The official game (an MMORPG) is pretty dead now, and even when it was still big, nobody I knew had heard of it.

13A What songs have you completely memorized? Happy Birthday? Not many. 13B What pets did you have while you were growing up? A fish, then a dog.

14A What is a relationship deal breaker for you? There are so many.  The red flag I always say to look for first is how he treats waiters, his mom, and elderly people. 14B Would you ever take back someone who cheated? why/why not? 99% of the time, no, but situations can be complicated.

15A What was the best phase of your life? Adulthood.  20 was the most significant milestone for me.  Turning 13 or 16 or 18 or 21 didn’t matter much.  Not being a teen was the best. 15B What was the worst phase of your life? All the teenage years

#questionnaires #embarrassing stories from when i was in school

[s3venpounds]

1-70

For real? I mean I don’t mind but I’m starting to feel like no one actually reads these lol

1. You just opened up a web browser. What is the first site you visit?

Tumblr usually

2. You just walked into a bookstore. What section do you go to first?

Teen section. Their books are short and sweet and the romance books i find in the general romance section are huge and just have huge bulging men. I just wanna read about dumb teenagers doing dumb things but also accidentally being poetic as all hell sometimes dumb jokes are a plus as well.( plus I don’t have enough patience for long books haha)

3. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing? On my phone. Still part of the conversation just replying out loud with no eye contact unless its a really funny story or topic

4. You just turned your car on. What station is the radio tuned to?Don’t got a car but I’d love to just go for the general top songs in my city. I usually listen to really old songs so listening to whats popular takes me by surprise nowadays

5. You have just woken up for the morning. What is the first things you do? Check my phone if someone messaged me during the night or my calendar app if theres anything I have planned today

6. Complete this phrase: You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy____. BBQ Pulled Pork or Adobong Lechon Kawali

7. What would you do if you woke up as the opposite gender? See if I’m attractive to my standards? Probably go hang out with friends BUT tell them all me and my cousin are coming to chill with BUT i cancel last minute so my cousin is still coming to meet them. Commence pranks

8. Are you more likely to cook for yourself or buy food from a restaurant? Buy food from a restaurant. Although I’d love to try a bunch of recipes from youtube vids

9. If you had to lose one of your senses, which one would you rather lose? I would say smell? although given how taste works I’d lose about 70% of taste if i lose smell right? but i still wanna taste food so yeah smell.

10. If you could relive any one year of your life, how old would you be? 17 that or 13 would be neato

11. Would you take a bullet for anyone you know? yes

12. Would you rather be rich and dumb or poor and extremely intelligent? rich and dumb. Ignorance is bliss I say. 

13. What TV character do you most relate to? I don’t know any TV characters that I can relate to but I do know some Disney movie characters I relate to? Jim from Treasure planet is the biggest one

14. You just walked into a supermarket. What section do you first go to? Frozen section or snack aisle ice cream and junk food mmmm

15. Is sex before marriage wrong? nope. I feel like marriage comes after you’ve accepted them for EVERY aspect. then again it depends on how you view sex. If its sacred to you more power to ya, if its just whatever it feels good hey i agree. its wrong if only 1 person agrees to have it. 

16. You just won the lottery. What is the first thing you do with your winnings?keep 25% in a secure place. a portion goes to a bunch of charities and streamers of my choice. a portion goes to whatever i wanna spend it on. a portion goes to pay off whatever friend’s college debts i can. a portion goes to a way i can keep a stable income i can live off of. and a portion goes to my family I guess.

17. If your best friend admitted that they have a crush on you, how would you react? I don’t feel the same.

18. Will the USA ever have a female president? I fuckin’ hope so. Maybe not hilary clinton. maybe. I don’t know enough about politics to make an informed opinion

19. You are carpooling with your friends. Are you more likely to be the driver or a passenger? Passenger, I space out too much

20. How short is too short for skirts and dresses? Nothing is too short i guess. let people wear what they want. its the people looking at fault for objectifying or whatever

21. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, without any consequences, what food would you choose? Potatoes sounds neato. that or sandwiches cuz i can customize it as much as i like. potatoes sounds like a def good idea tho

22. It’s Saturday night. What are you most likely doing? playing overwatch with friends

23. You go on a blind date. Your date is extremely beautiful and physically captivating, but you hate their personality. Would you want a second date? depends on what part of their personality I hate. Are they shallow ? Are they hate filled or closed minded? if they simply just disagree with things like pineapples vs no pineapples on pizza then thats fine, take the good with the bad. if its the closed minded stuff then no I wouldn’t want a second date. Be as pretty as you like, if I can’t stand you then theres no use.

24. How strict should gun laws be? Pretty fucking strict? what, we were in like not even a month of 2018 and we get another school shooting? are you fucking serious? like look at every other country out there, majority of them had 1 school shooting and said “ ok lets maybe be stricter on gun laws” boom. public shootings basically disappeared. WE NEED STRICTER GUN LAWS. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

25. Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on the worst team? Worst player on the best team. Because I’m bound to improve and I would never be playing alone. I AM on a team after all.

26. How well do you work with others? Dunno. I would say I’m ok but not a savant by any means. It’s been a while since I’ve had to work with someone back to back

27. You have the ability to cure only one fatal disease and eradicate it forever. What disease do you choose? Cancer most likely Whatever is most common, uncurable, and hardest to research

28. If you could go back to college and choose a different degree to study, would you? I mean maybe? I’ve seen so many of my friends look half dead and be a husk of their former selves just to graduate and thats not a hell i would willingly put myself through. But I suppose if I’m guaranteed a job right off the bat I would.

29. Where do you see yourself ten years from now? Dead? or homeless I guess.

30. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Pro choice. If it aint yours you aint got no say over it. 

31. Would you attend a same sex wedding if invited?  Hell yeah, weddings a wedding. weddings mean new people and food. Especially food. oh and friends

32. So far, what has been the greatest day of your life? K Days with C and friends

33. Has anyone you know ever been arrested? Yes

34. If it could be one season year-round, what season do would you want it to be? Fall. Cold enough to use my other 60% of my wardrobe but still warm enough I can go out with shorts and a shirt and be fine

35. What is your biggest regret in life? thats a loaded question my dood. Letting my social life be such a huge focus at such a critical time

36. If you could bring one celebrity back from the dead, who would it be? Freddie Mercury? That or Elvis

37. What offends you the most? People that try to make my decisions for me thinking they have my best interests at heart.

38. Would you rather have an ugly hairstyle or be bald? ugly hairstyle eugh. I can’t do bald. I’d rather be ugly as fuck.

39. At what age did you have your first alcoholic beverage? 16 i think?

40. What do you think happens to us when we die? We’re trapped in our dead bodies until we fully rot then we wander the world as nothing but whispers and chills down people’s necks.

41. What do you think is the best way to quit smoking? I heard a hot sauna can help get rid of the tobacco in your system that makes you crave

42. If you could take home any one animal from the zoo, which animal would you choose? a Puma would be neat

43. We’re humans created or did we evolve from earlier species? I wanna say our biological predecessors were created with our evolution in mind but its not the end we may evolve further.

44. What scares you the most? Death or at least the thought of the aftermath

45. What personality trait turns you off the most? People who think theyre right and everyone else is wrong and refuse to consider new perspectives.

46. You got offered a job to do something you hate, but the pay will make you rich. Do you take it? I’d take it. maybe not for the rest of my life but at least for a while

47. If today you only had what you were thankful for yesterday, how much would you have? nothing to be honest.

48. How often do you get mad or upset at yourself? pretty often

49. If you could choose one celebrity to be your parent, who would you choose? Will Smith or Jackie Chan

50. If you could only listen to one musical artist for the rest of you life, who would you be listening to? Jon Bellion or Aj Rafael

51. Have you ever used you cell phone while driving? nope

52. Had anyone you were close to die way too young? Yup 11 KF SSAC

53. Is world peace possible? Yeah its just humanity isn’t ready for it.

54. You go on a blind date. You date is extremely ugly and physically appalling, but you are madly in love with their personality. Would you want a second date? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Most likely a second date but if youre saying this person is absolutely revolting to me then maybe not a date so much as just to hang out.

55. How did you discover that Santa Claus isn’t real? I didn’t I knew off the bat. Every time my parents would say “ its from santa” as I was with them as they bought my present. My parents don’t do subtle.

56. Do you believe in God, or some form of higher deity? I believe in some omnipotent figure HOWEVER I don’t let it dictate my life. I do believe there is something out there.I mean it can’t be coincidence that literally as soon as humanity could think they all believed in some form of god. Greek, Roman, Japanese, Korean, Indian, Native, Hawaiian etc.

57. If you could save someone you deeply cared about, but it meant breaking a law, would you do it? Hell yes. Jail time is temporary, A life is permanent.

58. What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done for money? Yknow I never done something like this yet I always wanted to

59. If you were to make a YouTube video about what you know most about, what would the subject be? Injustices or poetry about rain

60. What do you think is your greatest personality flaw? Also a loaded question. Theres a lot haha. I would sayyyyyyyyy how hypocritical I am.

61. If your friends spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still want them as friend? nah

62. Have you ever “woke up like this”? Do you mean the song or something else. If its the song then no. 

63. You got offered a job to do something you love, but the pay is one of the worst out there. Do you take it? Hell yeah man, part time jobs exists, other ways to make money exist. If I love it then money is a small price to pay to be happy for the rest of my life.

64. What do you think is your best physical feature? I’ve been told my hair is nice and my eye brows?

65. What do you think is your worst physical feature. the way my face looks when i smile

66. Do you know anyone who has committed suicide? no.

67. What is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone you don’t know? I talked to a stranger who was new to the city about all the places to have fun. Malls, tourists sights, events, small cafes and restaurants and activites.

68. Have you ever had a night’s dream come true? Oh god no. My dreams are all crazy as fuck the MOST TAME one was where i was in a shopping bazaar in Philippines and i got shot 5 times in the bathroom  by someone who went on a rampage. and thats the most tame

69. How would you reject a date offer from someone you didn’t like? I’m gonna pass on that. - is what I would say.

70. Which do you think is worse: Failure, or never trying at all? Never trying at all.

#ask me shit #this took a while hahaha enjoyed it tho

[momentofclearity-blog1]

Day 2

Black folks, I'm not sure where this came from, not sure who came up with this ideology, but every issue CANNOT and IS NOT be the devil. More importantly, mental health cannot be directly correlated with the works of the devil or demons. Now Let Me Be Clear... this is not to take excerpts from any USA Today article or any Psychology.com study. This is from the point of view of of someone who has heard these comments ring out in the many of households that I've both lived in and visited, hearing boys told to man up or girls told to stop being a drama queen and get over it. Even the references made towards zodiac signs seems to be more of a reason to excuse behaviors and signs or justification to blow things off. WORD TO THE WISE: every gemini does not have mood swings. Every cancer is not overly emotional. Every pisces is not confused about life because their fish are swimming in opposite directions. Make no mistake, their are situations when it happens, but we cannot continue to use that as a scapegoat instead of asking the right questions to get to the bottom of issues. Many issues are serious in our communities but we place these things in a chart and place them in order of severity instead of simply trying to understand what the true cause is. Many times i've heard "oh well black people dont go through stuff like that." Or "aint nothing wrong with you. You better go grab your bible & pray. This aint nothing but the devil." It is thinking and verbiage like this that causes more issues in the long run. Mental illness knows no gender, age, socioeconomic status, etc. And damn sure knows no race. But we have made ourselves to believe that we are invincible and being so we would never have to worry about something so beneath us. Beneath us to speak with our children and comfort them rather than ridicule. Suicide as a result of mental health treatment or the lacktherof is in the top 5 leading causes of young african americans aged 15-24. Is that not reason enough to worry about the mental well being of those around us just as much as we focus on the physical aspect? But hey, what do I know. Not like growing up fearing that the schizophrenic you live with is going to invent a situation in her mind that makes her lash out at the whole family, the 7 year old included is a true event. I speak from the experiences I know. Experiences I've dealt with. Its often said that a great of blacks suffer from PTSD as a result of the slavery experienced by their ancestors and the discrimination and racial inequality that they experience at the hands of their counterparts. While I feel as though thats true as well, I'd like to think that more of this starts at home than by what we see in the media and experience in neighborhoods like the East Side, Park Hill, Montbello, etc. Its almost as though we fear the world knowing that we are imperfect. Knowing that we have flaws like any other human being. So we hide any imperfection we can. Rather the world know that we have food stamps for sale than allow our children a voice to express the fact that they are depressed or are often extremely anxious or even go through multiple mood swings & are unable to explain the reasons why. Rather than acknowledge the problem, we use the "oh shes just going through something" disclaimer to make our friends not judge us too much. Black folks, please understand the stigma that we are placing on the heads of the ones we love by doing this. The anguish that you put on a love one when you force them to deal with a level of adversity that can be treated, that can be talked about, that can be maintained and should under no circumstances be ignored. But we don't want to put a bad name on ourselves. So we do things in secrecy. Talk to the pastor & give in abundance for prayers and oils & well wishes when that same energy should be going towards finding out the triggers. Please understand, I speak on this out of personal knowledge. No book, no article, no movie, etc can tell me of what I have already dealt with and seen since 1994, if not earlier. Make no mistake, I judge no one person for the issues I have dealt with nor do I want any one person to do that to their loved ones. My hope is that we will stop being so passive to an illness or set of illnesses that can attack a person in an very aggressive manner. I've heard people told to "just suck that shit up" when they muster up the courage to tell people of the pain they have been dealing with. Hell, I heard the remarks Drake made about Kid Cudi for him checking himself into a facility to get treatment for his mental health issues. I also heard the remarks from people saying the exact same types of comments. " Oh he's ok. He'll be alright. Ain't nothing wrong with that nigga" Even worse, we MUST as a people, as a culture discontinue the word crazy as a way to describe someone who has taken a leap of faith to bring this to ones attention. Its dismissive as Dave Chapelle said. Crazy is not a term used to describe the hardship of wanting to live a productive life but not knowing how to. Crazy is not a term to use for someone that has been so battered or abused or damaged that they show signs of PTSD. Crazy is what you use to describe a crowd of Duke University students who are excitedly celebrating the victory over North Carolina rival, University of North Carolina. Crazy is a word you use to describe a sale that you took advantage of at your favorite store. Crazy is NOT a term you subject a mentally ill person to being labeled as. Regardless of the diagnosis or the reasons for wanting not to reach out for help, it is important that we look for signs or look into ways to respond more appropriately to the issues of those around us, especially our youth. Depression is real, regardless of what caused it. Schizophrenia is real. Anxiery, Bi-polar disorder as well. While the church and our communities have always been an outlet for us, it cannot be the ONLY outlet. The only source of solace from an issue that constantly makes some question if their existence is worth preserving. Let me tell you all a story of how serious mental health can get, regardless of age. Imagine a teenager. Abandoned by family. Using sports, school, or other extracurriculars to take their mind off of the lack of certain family members. The lack causes anxiety in this teen. A desire to want to fix any issues with these missing family members but an uneasy feeling that also comes about showing them that the outcome may be not be desirable. This teen decides to put their already diagnosed depression on paper. Talk about the things that have happened through pen and paper, with hopes that this will not only help with the anxiety but help fix the relationship. The teen is praised at school for their work and their writing snd finally allows the anxiety to subside and shares the work with family. Only to be told that the writing is the "dumbest shit they have ever heard" and told to "get that shit the fuck out of their face." Anxiety spikes. Depression does as well. The writing talked about a character from a book that they can relate to( the character unfortunately deals with so many issues alone that they take their own life at the end of the book). The book is almost synonymous with what the teen has experienced, but they cant seek help or even say what their issue is because it is "dumb shit" So the teen decides the only appropriate thing to do to cure the issues is exactly what the character did. So the plan is made. The plan is drawn up perfectly. The i'm sorry letter is drawn up. And the attempt is made. Not for attention. Not for people to feel sorry for the teen. But because of the fear that this situation is NEVER going to get better. How could it when your own family has turned their back on you? Made you feel like an idiot for bringing up a situation that should have been announced at least 2-3 years prior. So the plan it put into action; but the teen fails.... miserably. So much in fact that the issues only become worse and are hidden even more than they were previously not only out of fear of admitting that there was once and issue but also having to admit that an attempt at taking ones own life was also a failed attempt. A vicious ongoing cycle that the teen dealt with for years, even into adulthood... How do I know about this story you may ask? I told you I only speak out of personal experience remember...