#but then not

[sarah-dipitous]

One day I’m gonna fucking lose it on just about everyone here. There are times I feel like I’m the only one who does anything

Post cancelled. One of my favorite clients brought flowers for all the tellers, and I mean

If anyone wants to buy me flowers, this is how I want them to come 🥰

#work woes #but then not #sarah's assorted thoughts #I kept the purple ones if anyone wants to know

[naomiknight-17]

I had a dream last night that I was sadly walking along a river/canal way thing, thigh-deep in water, knowing and willingly walking towards a dangerous drop off/rapids/something bad. And I was singing sadly- it was some serious Les Mis shit.

Then I heard a tiny meow

And there was a rocky outcropping nearby, and a cat had just given birth to 3 beautiful tiny kittens. And it was so cold out, and here they were stranded in the river.

So I gathered them up and took them home to keep them warm and safe.

Laying it on a little thick today, aren't we, brain?

#dream #dreams #suicide ideation #self-endangerment #but then not #mod post

[meatbag-status]

1) i’m a terrible person. i’m a murderer, a killer, an asshole.

2) what the FUCK is he supposed to be wearinG??? is that derelicht fashion?!?!

#i waws enchanted to see jawas but then #but then not #i'm going to hell #the force unleashed #fufk

[vidalinav]

Is it too early to post Christmas/ Winter one-shots???

#was going to wait #till december but im sort of like fuck it #but then not #ugh #idk #nessian fanfiction #nessian

[coroarchenland]

#but then not #molly johnson #babar #babar the elephant #the best we both can be molly johnson #the best we both can be #my first! OTP #also mood

[kat2609]

I just can't help myself.

#kat2609 personal #I just need to know it all #But then not

[tea-and-liminality]

For those of you playing along at home, the therapist appointment today went well. 

Basically, we determined that this issue is less “I’m lonely” and “I don’t have a tenure-track job” than “I like how I am but I want other people to like how I am too, and when they don’t value it (i.e. difference/independence) I turn that on myself instead of letting it be their problem,” and that’s the thing I want to work on so that I’m happy with where/who I am. Something like that. Basically, I’m trying to let go of hyper-vigilance and self-criticism and enjoy the choices that I’ve made for myself.

We did agree - and I was kind of glad/validated that she came to this conclusion separately - that I have no real cultural anchor, and this may be one thing standing in the way of settling where I am. For those of you who are new here, I basically spent more than half of the twenty-six years between age 10 and 36 living in East Asia, which kind of resulted in being not-quite-American, definitely-not-Chinese-or-Japanese, but-kinda-sorta-culturally-Chinese/Japanese, and definitely-not-culturally-American-in-a-lot-of-ways, which mostly means that it’s hard for me to find belonging anywhere. Add on top of that academic/fan (in which fan studies is still an outlier within academia and fandom still likes to use academics as a punching bag), and I really have a hard time belonging anywhere. 

Which, we also agreed, I’m actually mostly okay with, only I need to own it as belonging to me/my family and let go all of the little-match-girl-looking-through-the-windows stuff I tend to wallow in from time to time.

Anyway.

#RL with acafanmom #tl;dr #SO messed up #but then not

[wistaliia]

that trans feel when ur Very Hot but as the Wrong Gender

#so like u want to show off #but then not #bc ur conventional attractiveness is linked to secondary sex traits #which you hate #ugh #negative /