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atvace · 8 months

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Lady Dior and the Seven Dilfs

Chapter 1: Drug Projectile

Masterlist

Another Part Of Me - Michael Jackson

"KILL YOURSELF, MORON", a driver shouts at you after you jolted your foot down on the gas pedal, acting like you've got 9 fucking lives. Breaking all traffic laws known to Los Angeles. you drift through three different red lights. The sound of hundreds of cars honking at you is music to your ears.

"CAN'T YOU SEE ! You're just another part of me HEE HEE"; you sang with the song on the radio as you drift-parked in front of Waffle House. You see a familiar face in a yellow jacket and dirty blue jeans, leaning on the trunk of his silver pony car. You open your driver's car door and slam it loud enough for him to get startled and look over your way.

He drops his cigarette and furrows his eyebrow. Looking at you walk towards him like a total model. A tight, short skirt. 8-inch black boot heels that are sharp enough to kill. A dusty white tank top, and a long white trench coat that you let dangle down your shoulders, making it look like a cape.

Your left hand is occupied by a mini Lady Dior white Cannage Lambskin bag, worth the tuition fees of three private university students. You radiate fashion with your pink-white heart-shaped sunglasses at the brick of your nose to your neatly styled fresh out-of-salon hair. "Heyyy Ricky. got the goodies I need?" You walk towards his trunk, watching him open the back. "yeah yeah princess, I got you.

The trunk reveals a few bags of nameless drugs, which come in a variety of different colors. Blue, white, and even pink.

Beside it, a pack of a c4 explosives. Your eyes scan the amount of wires attached around the sides of the explosive. "you know this cost twice that thing." He scoffs and nudges your purse. "fucking excuse you, this bad baby cost more than your fuckin net worth, TWICE." You hug your bag at your chest. he rolled his eyes and placed his hand on his hips then sighed.

"Cash App or Zelle?" he looks at you with one raised eyebrow. Lowkey looking like the rock meme. "just Cash." You smile softly at him, showing a brown bag supposedly full of cash.

Sirens echo from behind. "Step away from the car." a police officer demands, a few metres from where you and Rick are parked. There were two of them, they might've been watching for a good while. You gaze towards the officer facing them as Rick sighs in frustration and looked down at his trunk.

"Ola señor, como esta?" you confidently laugh while raising your hands to your side. "Ma'am, please step away from the car." the officer said again. "h-heyy what's wrong officers? It's a good night ain't it, it's best we chill, no?" you lent out your hand and raised your eyebrow, clearly not trying to rizz up the police. "Just do it now, ma'am. nobody needs to get hurt if you just-" The police's shout got cut off as Rick holds your neck back and plants the muzzle of his gun at your head.

The two police draw their guns in reflex but to their confusion, you're laughing. "oh gyat dayum-" you hug your purse to your chest. "Take it easy buddy," the police aimed his gun towards Rick. "you don't wanna do that." The other police continued.

"oh fuck yeah, I wanna do this. I'll kill this bitch and then kill the both of you bastards" Rick shouted in defense. "oh no he don't, officer, he just playin." You wheezed and waved your hand jokingly. "oh hell no i ain't playing." Rick's grip got tighter and the the muzzle shifted to the side of your eyes.

"yes he is-"

"No, I'm not"

"YES he is"

"IM NOT PLAYIN" Rick shouts back, looking at you with horrified eyes. "drop the gun, Now" the officer demanded. "aw come on officer, just go back to your car and leave. He's just playin' dawg." you smiled and pointed at the police car. "I can't do that ma'am, alright? you're in danger" the officer gripped his gun tighter as you scoff.

"I'm gonna blow this bitch's head all over and paint the floor with her blood!" Rick threatened, you gave him a funny look. "not on my purse..right?" you tilt your head to look at him. He sharply stares at the officer, not answering you. His silence makes your smile drop. "..not on my purse..right?"

"just turn the fuck around and go get back inside your car, asshole. buy some fucking donuts." Rick clucked his gun and aimed it back to your head, loosened his grip. You sighed and rubbed the knuckles of your hand. "alright officer, you see, we're good pals. Lemme go on and talk to him alright? We homie, officer" you raised your hand to the police, gesturing for them to calm down. You swiftly faced Rick, and punch his lower jaw hard enough that a tooth bolts out of his mouth. His body limped to the ground, not making a sound.

You raise your hand to the side of your head now facing and standing alone in front of the officers who are now drawing the gun at you. "alright? cool?" you reassured the policemen. "He's down, now guns down, no hostage situation alright? now can you get inside your car-" "I'm sorry, ma'am you'll have to put your hands behind your head and get on the floor." the officer stated again.

Your mouth falls agape ,slightly offended. "I ain't takin no orders from your ugly ass, unless you're Leon Kennedy then I might consider!" you shout as you point at them. "just put your hands in the fucking air!" the other officer yelled. "sir, everything is cool, I.. I uh" you paused and looked at both of them in the eyes.

You gestured your eyes telling them to move. But they both seemed confused. They didn't get the hint of your eyes. Then suddenly, Rick looked up from the ground, shooting two of the officer in the legs. They both groaned in pain and dropped their guns.

You jumped over Rick's limping body towards your car, which received another groan from him. you slid through the front cabin and towards the shotgun, quickly grabbing the revolver that you stored in the dashboard. You ran and bent in front of the police, aiming your gun at Rick who took cover behind his car. "I fuckin TOLD you to just get in the car." you bent to his level, he grunts in annoyance and pain.

Rick managed to get inside his car and got out of the lot and towards the main road. you shot the back wheels making his car wobble uncontrollably. With three bullets left, you shot the trunk open and ran to get a closer position, jumping from one car to another (suprisingly swiflty with your 8 inch heels) you shot one bullet and heard him shouting.

"MATE, I'VE GOT A FUCKING C4. STOP SHOOTING" Rick opens the driver's door and jumped out of the car as you shot your last bullet directly at the c4 from afar,creating a huge explosion hitting the red lights followed by honkings from civilians on the scene.

"Fuck yeah!" you swayed your hair, dropping your gun down to your coat pocket, running towards Rick's staggered body to stomp on him with your 8-inch boot heels, you knock him out cold.

"oh Rick, you're so babygirl," you say kneeling down on him "if only you weren't on the FBI's most wanted list." Cuffing his wrist behind him and heaving him like a duffle bag. Lifting a heavy weight like this is no problem for you, it's simply child's play. you're a strong woman with an inhuman power but still execute things in a stylish way.

You walked out of the scene with fire, chaos, and people chattering in the background, "Chief, this is (Y/N). Your Amazon wishlist is wrapped and ready to mail." you said into your earpiece.

[FBI public Department ]

"He was wanted! why should I get demoted?!" you aggressively pointed down on your Major Colonel's desk. "I saw odds, I risked it. that ain't public destruction. That's an obstute mission execution." You pursed your fingers like a mad Italian when they see someone bifurcate spaghetti to fit inside the pot.

"(Y/N), your actions for the last mission were supposed to be stealthy. You caused a whole fucking commotion; I had to convince the LAPD it was- oh for fuck's sake I've had enough for you." He rubbed his temples in annoyance, facing the American flag with exactly 50 stars.

"nobody can fucking do the job, I did it fucking well and you know that, chief." You gripped your fist and held it to your chest.

"That motherfucker Maddie can't even stay undercover for 5 minutes, bitch got held hostage and I saved her ass. Kate Laswell got surrounded by some fucking Russians in her mission trying to catch Makarov, I saved her ass. For fucks sake I even got the fucking intel for Hadir's location."

You shift yourself towards the side of the chief. "YOU got blackmailed by those Serbians because you forgot to turn on your VPN whilst trying to access a public WiFi to beat your meat-"

"Fucking enough, (y/n)." you flinched as Chief Artofay raised his voice at you, facing you and walked towards you. "you get the fuck out of my office or I'll fucking axe you out of this fucking department for greater fucking good. You choose." He glared at you with dark eyes. "I notified General Sheperd about your demotion," He continue "There's a spot for you, finally I can take a fucking break from all your bullshit!" he hissed. you rolled your eyes as he looked outside his window, "not that old fat fuck" you muttered beneath your breath.

"What was that?" he turns to you, glaring again. "Nothing, Chief." You bit your tongue. There was a slight silence between the two of you. You didn't like it. The thought of being replaced was never imaginable for you. It's surprisingly making you sad.

"Then what the fuck are you doing here, get the fuck out of my office!" He slammed a folder full of papers to his desk and shouted at you to get out of his sight. "YOU DIDN'T FUCKING DISMISS ME" You snatched the folder and raged out of his office, slamming the door behind.

"FUCK YOU, (Y/N)" his last regards could be heard from outside his office. You scoffed and look down at the folder. A policeman seemed concerned of the fuss, he looked at you funny. "the fuck you looking at, pendejo?!" you taunt them away.

[ Task Force 141 - in some foresty desert-looking environment. ]

You clutched your Kate Spade Jacquard duffle bag and your pink Michael Kors Lady Travel suitcase. Grunting in annoyance while also walking towards the gate of the base with your pink Steve Madden espionage 8-inch heels you bought to watch Barbie with your friends. You have your white top, pink blazer, and pink short linen skirt all from different expensive brands you mindlessly bought. Taking another sip from your Starbucks coffee before tossing it into the trash, you cross your arms to your chest and knocked at the security glass window.

"Hellooooo?" you tapped furiously with your long acrylic nails. "is anyone here? I'm sent by the old fat fuck- I mean General Sheperd." You grew impatient. "HELLO? ay, Por Dios-" You rummage through your Birkin bag to get your phone.

"Security is at switch. No one's there." a deep voice from your back startled you to death.

"JESUS FUCKING-" you fisted your grip and let go again. A 6'2 guy with an odd skull face leaned against the door frame, looking slightly down at you. He has his arms crossed to his chest, he stood and sighed. "That's not a nice way to talk about your superiors, (Y/N) (L/N)." He said coldly. You scoffed. "Who cares." You turn around to the security window again. "You're supposed to follow me" the guy stated again, looking at you in confusion.

"And who are you exactly supposed to be?" you suspiciously pointed at him. He stops in his tracks and tilts his head looking at you. "it's classified." He coldly said.

"..you're the black skully?" you tilted your head, playing the guessing game. "No." His voice grew with a hint of irritation.

"the dark noggin?" you place your finger to your chin. "No i-"

"OH, black Thanatos!" You sway your hand proudly. "you know what stop-" he turns to you, now seriously pissed

"Grim Reaper!" you point at him, flashing a little of the shiny acrylic nails.

"I'm Ghost-" "You are?! This place is haunted-" he furrowed his eyebrow and walks towards you trying to assert dominance. "NO bloody fucking hell. My callsign, Ghost." He places his hand on his hip and sighs in annoyance.

"WOW, You are?!" you tilt your head a little in sarcasm, pretending to be amazed. "Actually, yeah it..shows." your face dropped uninterested and swift. He groaned and turned around again. "you can stay here for the rest of the night or fucking follow me, that's your call." he states. You shrug. You follow him anyways while dragging your stuff.

[cafeteria.]

"Boys, introducing our new recruit. (Y/N)(L/N)." The so-called captain places himself on a stool and sips his coffee. There was a slight pause with silence between the five of them. One of the guys broke the silence by coughing which caught your attention. "Is this some kind of new transfer student being forced to introduce themself in front of the class scenario?" you cooed. "if you want it to look like that, yeah." The guy with a mohawk leaned himself to the counter and snickered to another dude.

"Okay, what's your name then uh?" you crossed your arm and tilt your head, gazing at him. His smile dropped when he saw your gesture, you took over the atmosphere. "..Soap Mactavish. They call me Soap on station." you puffed your cheeks, and laughed like a hawk "the fuck who signed their name Soap? And who are you? shampoo?" you point at the dude beside Soap." oh I'm Gaz," Soap snickers with muffled laughter.

you nodded, trying to mentally take notes of everyone's name. "uhhuh uhuh..." You knew Ghost'slready. But he was nowhere to be found in the cafeteria "..and you're the captain here?" you turned to the guy beside you. He places down his mug and clears his throat.

"yes, Captain Price-"

"rice?" you squinted your eyes

"no, Pri-"

"Spice?" he bit his bottom lip when you said that.

"no, its captain Price-"

"Lice?" you tilted your head.

"PRICE, (Y/N) get your head out of your ass for once so you can HEAR." Ghost suddenly came out of nowhere snapping his last straw. You raised both of your hands in defense. "Price, are you sure she's supposed to be here-" You snapped your head towards Ghost who doubted you.

"Fuck you mean by that," you walk towards him as the sound of your heels echo. "Trust me you want this bad bitch on your side, Ghostie."

You glared back at Ghost.

"correct- (y/n) Is a well-trained soldier that worked right below Chief Artofay. She's also the intel behind Hadir's location." Captain Price voices your past successes. "no shit, tell this Casper boy more about me capt. So he won't mess with this bad bitch, uh." You crossed your arms to your chest in pride, facing Ghost who has his eyebrow raised. Soap and Gaz wheezed at the 'Casper'.

"She saved Kate Laswell from Makarov's circumjancet." Price smiled as you nodded toward Ghost proudly. "Fuck yeah tell em more, capt." you glared sharper to his eyes, feeling your ego well fed.

"also almost got fired due to her reckless aggression in Rick's illegal explosive and drug sales." Price smirked behind you. "uhuh yeah tell him tha- wait what" Your eyes widen and turned around to face Price. "No no, capt don't tell em that part-" You pointed your acrylic nails towards him slightly embarrassed. This made Ghost chuckle.

"Okay, that's enough talking. so.. (y/n) you're in a task force. What callsign do you want?" Captain Price took out a paper out of a folder reading through it. You were about to voice your nickname but was cut off.

"Barbie" Gaz snickered. "Oh this Barbie ain't just Barbie, it's Barbenheimer." you chuckle in sarcasm. "shortie." Ghost exclaims while looking down at your heels. "the fuck did you just call me, Casper?" You tilt your head disturbingly to him. "The heels..take 'em off. You're probably 5'4 without them." You could feel him smirking behind his balaclava. This caused a burst of friendly laughter amongst the cafeteria which sulked you down in annoyance.

"That's a surprisingly good question though. You haven't wrote your callsign for the task force. You'll need one." Price shows you your paper. The 'callsign' column was empty.

You think about it for a second, looking at your Pandora rings, then you held your Swarovski necklace. A brief moment afterward, you looked up at Price and smiled.

"My callsign is... Dior." You gave a smug smile and put your obsession of expensive brands to the field. "Great. Let's get your adjustments then."

A/N: I'm still trying to settling in with tumblr, I'm really new at this thing so forgive me for my mistakes </3

#task force 141 #mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #cod mw2 #x reader

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awellreadmannequin · 2 months

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A favourite bit of mine is matching a person with a car that fits their overall vibe. Back when I was on twitter I did this with historical philosophers, but now it is finally time to bring this bit to homestuck characters. As an aside, I put a shocking amount of work into making this post for how shitty it is.

John Egbert - Base model C4 Corvette

Some quick googling revealed that Con Air has not one but TWO Chevrolet Corvettes in it. The first is a C2 from the 1960s but, as a millennial, John will never be able to afford a classic American sports car. So he’d wind up with a base model C4, the other generation featured in the film. But why a Corvette? John is absolutely the kind of guy to see a car he half remembers from a film and go, “oh sweet! I always thought these were sick!” So that’s how he winds up with the most 1980s looking sports car a person can buy, complete with the shittiest malaise era small block Chevy had to offer.

June Egbert - 2000 V6 SN95 Mustang

Yeah, June gets a different entry because estrogen changes your taste in things. Unfortunately, June is still an Egbert and thus has terrible taste, which is how she winds up with this heavily used hunk of junk. Frankly, this choice is mostly down to how easily I can picture her big stupid grin as it wobbles down the highway with the top down. The interior is falling apart, but that’s just part of the charm. So is June’s complete inability to drive a rear-wheel drive sports car. Do not let her drive you somewhere.

Rose Lalonde - Mercedes 500e

In contrast to the Egberts, Rose actually has taste. Excellent taste. And nothing says taste like a Mercedes designed by the Maestro himself, Bruno Sacco. Just look at it. The subtle tear drop shape, the timeless styling, the brutal 5 litre V8. Wait, what? That’s right, this beautiful piece of German muscle is the Mercedes 500e. Rose can’t drive stick, which is perfect because this DOESN’T HAVE ONE. Unfortunately, she is like the Egberts in that she also shouldn’t be driving a rear drive car and, unlike June, this one actually has enough grunt to get the her sideways if it loses the rear. Good thing it has state of the art (for 1990) stability control.

Dave Strider - EG Civic

Nothing says “I created SBaHJ” like a clapped out EG Civic. Enough said, really. The FF drive train says “I know how to have fun on the cheap" while the bullet proof reliability says “I was raised in an unstable environment where I was responsible for meeting all of my own needs.” Also it looks cool. There are more ironic choices out there (PT Cruiser, looking at you), but even a shoddy craftsman needs dependable tools.

Jade Harley - 2002 Subaru Outback

Look, we all know that Subarus of this era are lesbian cars. But that’s purely incidental to this choice. Jade picked the Outback for its spacious cargo area and all-wheel drive capability. It’s the perfect car for the girl who wants to go anywhere and still have space to get laid. Sure it smells like dog, but it was like that when Jade bought the thing. Plus, she’s easily the most responsible driver out of the gang, so you’re gonna want her behind the wheel on any and all road trips.

Karkat Vantas - Shotgun in Dave’s clapped out EG Civic

Frankly, I don’t even know if Karkat’s legs are long enough to reach the pedals. Even if they are, he’s definitely never passing a driving test if he keeps swearing at the car, the other drivers on the road, the test administrator, and himself. He’ll never admit it, but he also just likes being a passenger. It’s nice not having the responsibility of keeping everyone in the car and around the car alive.

Terezi Pyrope - VW Polo Harlequin

Hey Claire, what the actual fuck am I looking it here? That, ladies and gentlemen, is a VW Polo. It’s like a Golf but smaller. Oh, you meant the colour scheme? What can I say, Germans are fucking weird. Just like Terezi Pyrope.

Kanaya Maryam - NA Mazda Miata

Look at it. Tell me that Kanaya would drive literally anything but this. You can’t. Everything about the original Miata perfectly compliments her. It’s elegant, light on its feet, and achingly beautiful. Like, picture it: Kanaya with her hair tied back with a kerchief, driving beside the ocean at sunset. It’s sophisticated in ways that the imposing 500e never could be. Rose would die to see her wife behind the wheel of one these things. Honestly, I might too.

Vriska Serket - Porsche 911 930 Turbo (Stolen)

To understand why Vriska drives a 930 Turbo, you first need to understand what a 930 is. The 911 is, in many ways, an anachronism. It traces its origin to the Porsche 356, itself a sports car built out of VW Beetle parts. As such, the 911 has its engine mounted behind the rear axle, which is also its only driven axle. This leads to unique handling dynamics. In corners, the weight of the engine initially pushes the 911 to understeer until it begins to pivot whereupon it will rapidly begin to oversteer. At this point, an inexperienced driver will lift off of the throttle. This is a mistake. The 911 has liftoff oversteer, meaning that it needs power to keep itself steady. Without power (i.e. lifting off the throttle) will cause it to spin. Now this is what 911s were like before Porsche strapped a big ol’ turbocharger to the engine. A turbocharger pushes more air into an engine which allows it to create more power. However, it cannot do this until the engine reaches a certain RPM. In older turbo engines, this power came on very suddenly. This characteristic of turbochargers combined with the already skittish nature of the 911 earned the 930 an infamous moniker: the Widow Maker. Liftoff oversteer + a sudden wallop of power a few seconds after you press the accelerator = a lot of dead yuppies. There’s no way in hell that Vriska fucking Serket isn’t going to be behind the wheel of the most dangerous car she can steal. It goes without saying, she drives exactly how you’d imagine Vriska fucking Serket would drive. Is she a good driver? Well, she’s not widowed Terezi yet, so…

Jane Crocker - Aston Martin V12 Vantage

For those who don’t know, the automotive prestige hierarchy looks like this: America (shitty quality, poorly engineered) < Korea (getting appreciably better lately!) < France + Nissan (respectable but weird) < Japan (legendary reliability at a budget price) < Italian (beautiful, vascular, so unreliable that it wraps around to being charming) < Germany (cutting edge engineering and reliable so long as you are meticulous with maintenance) < Britain (aristocratic class, respectable power, truly terrible build quality and worse reliability). Yeah, I know, it’s weird. But among those legendary British luxury brands is Aston Martin, notable for being the signature automotive marque for Agent 007. But that’s not why Jane drives a V12 Vantage. No, this car was her Dad’s dream car and he pulled some strings to get one for her for her sweet 16. She doesn’t really get why it makes him so happy, but it does. And it’s not like she’s complaining about how easy it is to overtake people on the highway with twelve cylinders of pure British gumption at your disposal.

Jake English - Jeep Wrangler YJ

Yeah. It’s the Jeep from Jurassic Park. And also Clueless. Come on, this is Jake English we’re talking about. Vriska? Vriska’s ride needs a whole history and vehicle dynamics lecture to appreciate. Not Jake. Not our man English. He drives a car from a movie. A car from TWO movies. *le sign*

Roxy Lalonde - Citroën DS

Look at it. This one is pure vibes. Roxy drives this weird, frog looking thing because she’s the kinda girlie who looks at a weird, frog looking car and thinks to herself, “ong look at this little guy this funky lil fella i gotta own em!” Fun Fact: people used to rally these things. Like. Off road. And they were pretty good too. Food for thought, I guess.

Dirk Strider - 1986 Toyota Pickup (yes it’s called that in the NA market)

On one hand, it’s ironic for philosopher rap prince to drive a pickup. On the other, the bed is really useful for hauling around robot parts, carrying dj equipment, and helping your friends move. Plus, the towing capacity means that when Jake’s stupid Jeep breaks down (again), he’s not stuck on the side of the road forever. He feels like a Japanese pickup is on brand for himself. Which is sort of ironic since a real ironic rap ninja eschews brand integrity. Idk, my brain doesn’t operate on irony levels high enough to comprehend this bullshit.

Callie - Shotgun in Roxy's DS

Unlike Karkat, Callie probably can drive. It's just that she likes it when Roxy drives her places. It basically takes two to figure out how to make this damn thing work anyway. The French were really on something when they designed this thing. Callie doesn't know what the French are, but if the DS is any indication, she's pretty sure they were a nation of madmen and possibly perverts.

#claire thoughts #hs #homestuck #you people better appreciate how much work this was #claire talks about cars

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autisticsupervillain · 2 months

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Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to Stats Equalized!

The show where we equalize strength, speed, and durability to decide who would win a battle of hax, skill, and versatility.

This Month's Fighters...

Tom Hansen vs Jacob Lee!

Conditions:

No other restrictions.

Scenario:

After successfully containing the Exocel outbreak, Hansen is assigned with stopping all future zombie virus outbreaks. To this end, he's sent to contain the outbreak on Callisto and kill the man supposedly responsible: Jacob Lee.

Analysis: Hansen

The ocean depths are a mysterious and dangerous place. At the lowest survivable levels of Earth's surface, strange creatures straight out of Lovecraft's nightmares evolved to survive the dark, cold, crushing depths of the ocean floor. And humanity was about to unearth some of its most dangerous creatures.

In the coldest parts of the Atlantic Ocean, Russian oil diggers discovered a new form of life within the ice they were mining. Exocels. Parasitic creatures that were completely uncategorized by existing scientific theories. Capable of overtaking the higher brain functions of their host and mutating them in response to dangerous external stimuli. Naturally, the crew of the Star of Sakhalin begain trying to weaponize these new creatures to sell for a profit. Predictably, it didn't work out. The ship was quickly overrun by mutant zombies and a distress call was sent out.

The call was answered by Tom Hansen, an officer of the United States Coast Guard who really wants to be Leon Kennedy. He and his crew were sent to rescue everyone on board, only to find everyone already dead or zombified. Narrowly surviving the massacre of his crew, Tom was left alone on the ship as the only thing stopping the Exocels from falling into the shadowy hands of the CIA.

Luckily, Hansen comes equipped with every weapon a survival horror protagonist could ever need. He comes decked out with the usual affair of pistols, shotguns, and automatic weapons, each laser scoped to ensure perfect accuracy. Even his standard M1911A1 can completely pop a human’s skull like it was made from confetti, to say nothing of his MP5, AK47, and Benelli M4. But all of that pales in comparison to his sawed off M79 Grenade Launcher to blow apart any Exomutant that gets hit by it, even shredding through Exo zombies that evolved specifically to withstand bullets and fire arms.

Tom would quickly adapt against the rapidly evolving Exocels, using a modified harpoon gun whose harpoons emitted a protein gas, allowing his shots to distract Exocels with delicious smelling harpoons. Perfect for luring them into a trap or grouping them together for a grenade. Hansen has fought through squadrons of Russian mercenaries, defeated invisible Exocel zombies, dodged a steel door that was blasted at him by an explosion, and survived getting infected by an Exocel that tried to eat him alive from the inside out twice.

With nothing but raw wit, determination, and witty one liners, Tom rigged the entire ship to blow with C4 and faced down the man behind the entire disaster. Kamsky, the mad scientist turned sentient Exomutant out to replace humanity with his zombified master race. Kamsky is strong enough to completely demolish a metal bridge just by jumping right through it.

Ultimately, Hansen defeated Kamsky, blowing the Star of Sakhalin to pieces and exterminating the Exocel threat once and for all.

Analysis: Lee

Space. The Final Frontier. A place only fit to be explored when all other options are exhausted. When the Earth has no more life left in it and humanity has no other place to go. It is a hellish, lifeless void incapable of even carrying your screams. It is the graveyard of the universe and in no other world is this fact more apparent than the hellish world.... of PUBG.

....What's that? That got retconned? The Callisto Protocol isn't canon to PUBG anymore? Fuck. Alright, fine. In no other universe is this fact more apparent than the hellish world of The Callisto Protocol.

Humanity is struggling to survive in space after all other options have been extinguished and Earth's resources have been used up. Without the means to leave the solar system, crime and poverty are rampant across human society, forcing down on his luck space trader Jacob Lee to turn to some ethically questionable lines of work. He strikes up a deal with the United Jupiter Company to smuggle some illegal cargo to Jupiter's moon Callisto. This results in him getting hijacked by The Outer Way, a terrorist group fighting against the UJC, which then results in him crash landing on Callisto. This gets him thrown into the supermax prison Black Iron for illegal smuggling.

Thankfully, he isn't there long, as a riot begins not long after he's thrown into his cell. Unfortunately, the riot was caused by a zombie outbreak. The warden had discovered a super virus called the Biophage deep within Callisto and, believing it's adaptive properties would allow humans to better survive in space, unleashed the virus on all the inmates and ordered the security drones to kill everyone as a way of testing it. Now, Jacob must desperately fight for his survival in a prison where everyone and everything wants him dead.

Luckily, he stumbles across quite a few useful gadgets while on his way out. His armored space suit allows him survive the hellish conditions of Callisto's surface, where the temperatures can get as low as -139.2 C°. His prison shiv, crowbar, and electric stun baton allow him to pummel the infected up close, even against monsters strong enough to rip off heads, crush skulls, and rip human beings in half. Final Transmission gives him the Kinetic Hanmer, a massive hammer that can store and charge up kinetic energy to make his swings hit even harder. His Hand Cannon is a nifty side arm with an alt fire that fires explosive rounds, while his tactical pistol comes with a burst fire mode. His skunk gun shotgun fires homing rounds, his riot gun shotgun fires explosive rounds, and his assault rife fires smart bullets, advanced homing rounds that can maneuvers themselves around obstacles while tracking down their targets. And each of these guns is powerful enough to pierce the metal alloy of Black Iron's security drones, who are strong enough to effortlessly rip the titanium doors off spaceships. But Jacob's most advanced weapon is his Gravity Restraint Projector, a drvice on his arm that manipulates gravity to allow Jacob to effortlessly lift heavy objects and even people. He can throw you off a cliff or into a wall of spikes with just a wave of his hand.

His arsenal isn't entire good, though. Jacob suffers from what I like to call Gordon Freeman Syndrome, where his perfectly serviceable space suit and armor doesn't have a helmet. Only Jacob's is worse because he DID have a perfectly good helmet, he just took it off for no reason. And secondly, there's the CORE device strapped into the back of his neck. While it does monitor the health status of all prisoners at Black Iron and make him compatible with their Health Injectors, which Jacob can use to rececitate himself even while his heart is stopping, it also exists to monitor his memories. Meaning Jacob is frequently getting flashbacks and suffering from severe hallucinations as a result of his CORE device fucking with his head.

Despite all of that, Jacob is still a survivor. Even as the Biophage zombies evolved to match his tactics, Jacob powered through. Sneaking past blind zombies who had developed echo location and shooting out the weak spots of Zombies who grew hardened skin to resist his bludgeoning. For better and for worse, he's willing to do whatever he has to ensure his own safety. To the point that the breakout at Black Iron was actually his fault, as the illegal cargo he was carrying for the UJC turned out to be the Biophage pathogen. Realizing that he's indirectly killed thousands in his selfishness, Jacob works to undo the harm he's done, working with The Outer Way to reveal the Warden's corruption and ultimately giving his life to ensure the solar system knows about all that happened at Black Iron.

Throwdown Breakdown:

I think this one is pretty open and shut.

While Hansen's actual military training does make him the more skilled fighter of the two, his arsenal is more grounded. Most of his weapons are standard fire arms, with the exception of the protein harpoon gun made to distract Exocel zombies, which would logically not work on an ordinary human being. This is compared to Jacob Lee's much more varied arsenal of sci-fi guns, literally decades more advanced than Hansen's.

In a contest of hand to hand combat, Hansen would dominate. In a straight fire fight, Hansen would outmaneuver Jacob and pop his exposed head off. But the issue here is Jacob's superior technology. The kinetic hammer is bulky emough that Hansen can easily dodge around it, while the stun baton would struggle to get through Hansen's incredible pain tolerance. However, the Gravity Restraint Projector could easily throw Hansen back before he can get the upper hand or potentially even allow Jacob to ragdoll him to death right there, mitigating Tom's skill and training advantage. As for a fire fight, Jacob's homing bullets would simply go around any cover that Tom tries to exploit and hit him in the brain before he outsmart Jacob, while the Gravity Restraint Projector would let Lee through his grenades right back at him.

In scenarios where Tom wins this, he does so by ambushing Jacob before he can react and quickly subduing him with his superior training. In most situations, however, he wouldn't be able to due to his lack of familiarity with Jacob's technology, as no such tech exists in his universe. And once Tom did realize the threat Jacob posed, it would be too late, as his more grounded arsenal doesn't give him the tools he needs to counter them.

This Throwdown's Winner is...

Jacob Lee!

Next Time...

youtube

#fictional throwdown fridays #stats equalized #the callisto protocol #cold fear #tom hansen #jacob lee

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tired-fandom-ndn · 1 year

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Domestic Avatar AU becomes 10x funnier if Gertrude also figured it out a bit earlier and instead of "grandma saves the world from the apocalypse several times over" it becomes "avatars play chicken with an old lady to see how far they can take a ritual before she decides they need to calm the fuck down".

I usually go into this AU with Gertrude just being her canon self, because I think it'd be really fitting if she isn't part of the avatar community enough to know that she doesn't need to be freaking the fuck out all the time, but GOD this is GOOD.

All the other UK avatars know they've fucked up and gone too far when they've got this tiny grandma coming after them with fucking C4 again. Why can't she just let them LIVE.

#Anonymous #domestic avatars au #why isn't tumblr giving me any of my goddamn tags todat #tma

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polizwrites · 1 year

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PoliZ’s Bucky Barnes Bingo Round 4 Masterpost

I completed 23 (22 plus 1 adopted) squares on my @buckybarnesbingo card (#B020) - so am pretty proud of myself! All but one are fanfics, although a couple are paired with moodboards. I also participated in one Round Robin.

I wrote a total of 19,619 words towards the bingo over 23 separate works, although several are chapters of larger works (4 of which are WIPS 😬) There’s a mix of pairings, with the top three being fairly predictable for me: 5 Stucky, 5 WinterIron, and 4 WinterHawk, along with a couple of Stuckony fics. But I also hit a couple of rare pairs - Bucky/Marc Spector|Steven Grant and Bucky & Nebula. Ratings are also mixed - 8 General, 10 Teen, 2 Mature and 3 Explicit.

See below the cut for the list of prompts with the links to the fanwork, the pairing, rating and word count (for the chapter or section of Round Robin; for collaborations, I estimated my contribution to the work) as well as my completed card.

B2 - Funeral: Borrowing Trouble (Bucky/Tony, Teen, 1210 words)

B3 - Sam Wilson/Falcon: After One or Two False Starts (Bucky & Sam, Teen, 315 words)

B4 - Yelena Belova: Reconnaissance (Bucky & Yelena, General, 455 words)

B5 - Soft: A Fruit Dispute (Bucky/Steve/Tony, General, 356 words)

U1 - Multiple Personalities: Twice the Man He Expected (Bucky & Marc Spector | Steven Grant, Mature, 601 words)

U2 - AU: Roommate: Adverse Possession (Bucky & Clint, Teen, 919 words)

U3 - Steve Rogers: Never More to Go Astray - Chapter 5 (Bucky/Steve, Teen, 1083 words)

U4 - AU: Arranged Marriage: Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion - Chapter 3 (Bucky/Steve, Bucky/Tony, Teen, 1025 words)

C1 - Merpeople: Something's Starting Right Now - Chapter 2 (Bucky/Clint, Teen, 1203 words)

C2 - "Oh, hell no" : Passing the Torch (Bucky & Steve & Sam, General, 339 words)

C3 - FREE: A Disarming Request (Bucky & Nebula, General, 306 words)

C4 - KINK: Aftercare: A Dusting of Trouble (Bucky/Steve, Bucky/Tony/Steve, Mature, 822 words)

C5 - "This might as well happen": Something to Get Me Through the Nothing - A WinterIron Round Robin (Bucky & Tony, Teen, 349 words)

K1 - Thighs: Card Sharks (Bucky & Steve & Natasha & Sam, Teen, 100 words)

K2 - Comics: PoliZ's Stuffed Marvels - Bucky Barnes (original comics version) ([none], General, 0 words)

K3 - KINK: Edging: Moving Forward (Using All My Breath) (Bucky/Tony, Explicit, 904 words)

K4 - Love at First Sight: Part One: Avengers Assemble (Bucky/Clint, General, 1637.5 words)

K5 - Tony Stark | Iron Man: The Devil Is in the Details (Sign on the Dotted Line) (Bucky/Tony/ Clint, Teen, 1215.5 words)

Y1 - "Do you trust me?" : Takin’ What They’re Givin’ (‘Cause I’m Workin’ for a Livin’) (Bucky/Steve, Explicit, 3615 words)

Y3 - "Run": Paws to Consider (Bucky/Steve + Steve & Tony, General, 1101 words)

Y5 - Happily Ever After: Something to Prove (Bucky/Clint, Teen, 265 words)

ADOPTED1: Peggy Carter: Reaching an Understanding (Bucky & Peggy, General, 665 words)

#writing stuff #bbb22 #bucky barnes bingo #bingo masterpost #shameless self promo

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prittyvenus · 1 year

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The Medium and the Nameless Ghouls

Case File 002-2 Dewdrop file Going to the Clergy

Sodo and Swiss gave their testimony to Sara and Detective Stevens only to find out that they were in danger by the bishop and the clergy of sin. Though they managed to clear Copia’s name, the real killer is still at large in the clergy. Can Dewdrop help find the killer in the clergy or will his sickness get the better of him?

3 Days after Sara was released from the hospital. Phil drove to the front of her apartment building. Phil grabs his phone and gets out of his car. Sara was still packing when her phone started to ring. "Yes, this is Sara Santos."

"Hello Sara, It's Phil. I'm outside your apartment. Can you let me in?"

Sara opens the window and sees Phil with his silver mask on from the upper part of the apartment building. "Go to the door, press the button next to C4, and I will let you in." Phil hung up the phone and walked to the door to press the button. Sara heard the chimes of the front door. She presses the enter button on the intercom. The downstairs alarm rings. Phil went inside the building and looked around.

"Don't you think it's too early for Halloween?" Asked an old woman.

"Excuse me, ma'am. I'm here to see Ms. Sara Santos."

The old lady looked up and yelled "Ms. Santos! You have a visitor!" Sara opened the door and looked down at the staircase banister. "Also, your rent is due!"

Sara rolled her eyes and signaled Phil to come upstairs. "I'll bring down the rent money in a minute." Phil jumps up and climbs the rails and reaches the top floor. "Don't you ever use the stairs?" Phil shrugs and walks with Sara into the apartment. "I'm still packing." Phil looks at a big box filled with paranormal equipment and two large suitcases of clothes and personal items on the floor.

"This is it?" he asked as he was looking around.

"Yes, the wall is paper thin but it's home." Phil looks down at the box and sees a photo of an old woman in a wheelchair and a middle-aged man standing behind her. "That's my maternal grandmother and my dad. She passed away three years ago."

"I have seen her before," he said as he picked up the photo. "Sara, this is Prime Mover Elisabeth!" Sara ran to Phil. "She left the Clergy years ago after her child was stolen."

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yes, she is the wife of the late Papa Emeritus the first and the next head sister of the clergy."

Sara took the photo and held it to her chest. "Let's keep this between us. I don't want to start a panic in the clergy."

"If anyone knew about this. This could start another rebellion in the Clergy."

Sara put it in her suitcase. "Let's get packing."

Phil helped Sara finish packing her things and helped get them out of her apartment. Phil was carrying her suitcases and Sara was holding her box of equipment. She managed to lock her door but Phil was already downstairs. Sara pulled out an envelope from her back pocket and dropped it down the stairs well. The old lady catches it, opens the envelope, and starts counting the money.

"You're good!" she yells to Sara.

"Okay, I'll see you in a few weeks, Mrs. Xing!" Sara yelled while going down the stairs. "Got a police investigation on my hands."

"Okay, be careful. Don't want to lose another good cop to those mongrels at the station."

"I will."

Sara finally landed on the first floor and helped Phil get the front door open. Sara looks surprised as she saw a 1970s white Buick convertible with Copia in the passenger seat. "Hello." He waved. "What took you so long?"

Sara laughed "Sorry, I was still packing." Sara looked into the back seat and saw a ghost dressed in white robes with Sister Imperator.

Phil goes to Sara. "Let me get that for you." He grabs the box and puts it in the trunk with her suitcases. Sara waited for the traffic to stop and then went to the passenger side of the car. Copia opens the door and folds the front seat. Sara got in and sat next to the ghost.

The ghost stares hard at her. "So, you this Sara that Sister told me about?" Sara winks showing her left eye. The ghost gasps.

"Papa, she's our lost sheep." Says Sister Imperator. "Sara, don't forget that any information you find in the investigation must be reported to me before sending it to your superiors at the precinct. Do I make myself clear?" she demanded.

Sara shivered, "Yes, ma'am."

Phil got into the driver's seat and started the car. "Okay, who's hungry?" Copia asked.

Case file closed

Case file contents

#the band ghost #copia #nameless ghouls #ghost fanfiction #papa emeritus iv #papa popia #sister imperator #phil ghoul #papa nihil

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aialgorithmicartuofw · 1 year

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Class Notes March 1

Co-Working or Co-Creation

What is co-creation? Who is it for?

https://cocreationstudio.mit.edu/

https://wip.mitpress.mit.edu/collectivewisdom

Art Hack Practices

https://www.routledge.com/Art-Hack-Practice-Critical-Intersections-of-Art-Innovation-and-the-Maker/Bradbury-OHara/p/book/9780815374916

Eliza – part 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMK9AphfLco

Eliza Part 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD8mQXaUFG4

Pygmalion chatbot myth (click on picture)

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Pygmalion

Different images in history of Pygmalion

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion_(mythology)

My Fair Lady (Eliza)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJBM6qs22sE

Chatbot human training on Eliza (class, gender, hegemony)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKxd30lQ1f0 (training data stop at 3 minutes)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmADMB2utAo

This is Greek myth, British class system, male hegemony and patriarchy, and good entertainment. The first chatbot Eliza

Yannick Kilcher Be My Weasel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR5_emVeyBhttps://www.youtube.com/

SLACK LINKS (Posted before March 1) Some of these are computer science papers, some are art videos. Stretch your comfort zone and look at information outside of your area. All links are EXTREMELY relevant. They are part of the colab and everyone needs to read them. If you don’t understand all of the computer science links do not worry. Just read the abstract to familiarize yourself with the terminology and language.

Film

La Jetée (La Jetee 1962)FULL FILM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU99W-ZrIHQ

Code

https://dreamix-video-editing.github.io

https://arxiv.org/abs/1909.08053

https://arxiv.org/abs/2302.03011

Bing GPTChat controversy

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/16/technology/bing-chatbot-transcript.html?fbclid=IwAR01YRhrAFxDUVGgy_sUg0m9H-Guy709SVbbgtpi6Rs3uVf-uNs6bmaT7Zo

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/16/technology/microsoft-bing-chatbot-limits.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&fbclid=IwAR1jUfaJcGOaOgfkdQAglk4q8-h-ir3knxNhNDF9pwEUSJKObwl1U9rDmOI

Code and Tensorflow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uw3F6rndnA

Algorithmic Art

https://www.vulture.com/article/jerry-saltz-moma-refik-anadol-unsupervised.html

https://thoughtworksarts.io/projects/salaf/

AI and Sound Using AI to listen to Jordan’s date palms An app can detect invisible killers, greatly reduce the use of insecticides and save farmers from catastrophic losses.

https://www.aljazeera.com/features/2023/2/26/using-ai-to-listen-to-jordans-date-palms

March 4 2023

AI Bias

Here is the Saudi Arabian woman's project on her nomadic Bedouin background - https://thoughtworksarts.io/projects/salaf/thoughtworksarts.io Salaf [Arabic: سلف , ancestor] Gender ShadesIntersectional Accuracy Differences in Gender Classification http://gendershades.org/gendershades.org

Artificial General Intelligence (AGI)

https://openai.com/blog/planning-for-agi-and-beyond

Text to Images

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YNku5FKWjw AI Language Models

https://arxiv.org/abs/2302.13971

https://ai.facebook.com/blog/large-language-model-llama-meta-ai/

https://github.com/facebookresearch/llama/blob/main/MODEL_CARD.md

This is quite interesting what they say about the toxicity or poison score "The toxicity score from Perspective API on RealToxicityPrompts" And about the training data - always look at where the training data came from. In this language set they even used Polish and Russian but not Ukrainian. "The model was trained using the following source of data: CCNet [67%], C4 [15%], GitHub [4.5%], Wikipedia [4.5%], Books [4.5%], ArXiv [2.5%], Stack Exchange[2%]. The Wikipedia and Books domains include data in the following languages: bg, ca, cs, da, de, en, es, fr, hr, hu, it, nl, pl, pt, ro, ru, sl, sr, sv, uk

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sarah-dipitous · 1 year

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 28

Simon Said/New Earth

Before I start watching......I.........fucked up the schedule. The schedule is wrong. And I didn't REALIZE UNTIL NOW. I skipped a whole SEASON ONE SUPERNATURAL EPISODE so now every day is off by one. I'll fix it, but I'm not gonna be HAPPY about it (I've also bought a whole new physical planner and hopefully I don't fuck one up as well...)

Also, why is it only Sundays that I have actual plans that I have two episodes to watch? That's why this is gonna be real early.

"Simon Said"

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I cannot shake the "The Great Game" vibes I'm getting from this opening scene, though obviously the threat is not the C4 strapped to your chest but what seems to be mind control? So...don't know that I could fight off whatever mind control is happening there, but as I've never been in SPECIFICALLY a gun store nor am I ever in the part of a store where guns are sold? It depends on who I am in this situation. Random extra? Yeah. The guy GETTING mind controlled? No.

Strangely heartwarming conversation. Dean going on about how it's not a good idea to show up to a place where there will potentially be a bunch of other hunters and announcing that Sam's a supernatural freak. Sam, worried: So I'm a freak now? Dean: You've always been a freak

Ash you, like, LIVE AT A BAR WHY ARE YOU EASILY BRIBED WITH A PBR OF ALL THINGS

They're really pushing this Dean and Jo thing, huh. Yeah, even Sam is...unimpressed by it. But like you can't just randomly put on "Can't Fight This Feeling" and go talk to the guy you halfheartedly resist flirting with when he shows up.

Yeah, you WOULD love this guy's "barbarian queen on a polar bear" van, Dean

Ohhhhhhhhh, I don't like what this implies about what happened with the girl whose apartment Andy just left...watching Dean so willingly give up the Impala like it was nothing. Like we knew this guy wasn't doing GOOD THINGS with his powers (you know, from the first five minutes) but this hammers it home.

Good on you, Sam. See? Using your powers to hopefully prevent a murder-suicide. WELL...the murder part anyway.

Oooooooooo, Sam's immune to the mind controllllllll. Hell yeah.

*DJ Khaled voice* Another one. (There's another psychic person in this town??)

Maybe he wants to...oh. Ok, I'm warming up to Andy whether I should or not. He's a nerd and a dork who "has everything he needs" who lives in a very 70s styled van, reads philosophy books, smokes all the weed...but is still potentially a skeeze. That's unconfirmed.

IT'S AN HONEST TO GOD EVIL TWIN SITUATION?? AMAZING. This guy's WAY WAY worse. "I take all my ladies here and they love it. Well, I do, so they do, too" Fuck this guy for real. I fuckin' hate this dude so much.

He's so used to getting his way at this point. KNOCK HIM THE FUCK OUT AT LEAST. Sam, get up and knock this guy out. (The twin looks like he's actually Elijah Wood's evil twin.)

Ok, that was a good fake out. Had me really worried for Dean before Andy shot his twin.

Oh...oh, Andy. He's not a skeeze. He really liked this girl and he didn't ever use his mind control on her and wanted to keep her safe...and now he's possibly gonna lose her because of something he can't help being. It's totally understandable that she's completely freaked out, but it still SUCKS.

"Been On My Mind...": The writers are pushing a Dean/Jo agenda that I'm not fully buying. I'll rent because it's kinda funny, but it's absolutely no Destiel. Oh. Nothing has actually happened between them, they're just circling each other right now.

"New Earth"

I just love that Ten takes Rose to New Earth as their very first trip together. Ten makes it up to Rose what Nine did on what she's calling their first date. TenRose is like...tooth achingly sweet. Now I remember why "Rose Tyler, I..." is so fucking devastating.

I remembered the cat people nurses...but I forgot that Cassandra was in this episode too...and probably the Face of Boe??

Yeah, I'd be grabbing some sort of weapon if Cassandra's Igor figure took it upon himself to separate me from the Doctor

"I look a bit different, but it's me" Like you're not talking to Jack Harkness (but he doesn't know that). But him dying of old age and wanting to see the Doctor one last time :'(

OMG SHE CALLED HIM GOLLUM. THAT'S EVEN MORE ACCURATE. Honestly. Every time he calls her "my lady" I hear "my precious"

The scenes where Cassandra is possessing Rose (or however the show wants to describe it) must have been so fun for Billie to film.

I wonder when we came up with "Never trust a nun. Never trust a nurse. And never trust a cat." And what would have transpired to make us come up with THAT phrase...or was it just, like, everything happening in this hospital with the nurse cat nuns.

Was worried for a second that the Doctor hadn't fully recognized the change in Rose's behavior. Like...but he was just biding his time til he was absolutely certain because Rose would CARE that these people were being exploited.

I love when Doctor Who plays up its campiness. "WHO NEEDS ARMS WHEN WE'VE GOT CLAWS" *SHNK* gorgeous. magnificent.

God. That's horrifying. Not that the lab grown humans being used to suck up every disease that comes into the hospital were freed, but that there SO. MANY.

OH....we're gonna get the scene where Cassandra possesses the Doctor soon. One of the most scenes ever. An absolute delight. David's acting is...it's so good..."he's slim. And a little bit foxy. You thought so too. I've been inside your head. You've been looking. You LIKE it." What a string of lines they made him say!!

(Poor Chip...he didn't deserve that)

Oh. The Doctor's excitement when he cures all the people that the nurses had lab grown. I'm...it's so wholesome.

DON'T MAKE ME FEEL SAD ABOUT HER. AND YET. Omg...is Chipssandra going to be the last person to call her beautiful? They're gonna make me cry over the bitchy trampoline.

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023 #i forgot how much i loved new earth #also adding to the format #do we like having the episode titles above the read more? I like it #which I recognize is the most important bit #since I’m doing this project…for…me?

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jb3islife · 2 years

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Love is Like a Playing Card (J. Daniel Atlas) Chapter XIV

Sutton and Merritt quickly changed their outfits upon arriving backstage.

“Hey!” Lula waved as the mentalists appeared.

“Nice work, lady,” Merritt told her as he flipped his fedora on his head. Lula thanked him. The three walked up to the stage to wait.

Jack let out a sigh. “I’m actually nervous. I’m not even going on stage.”

“Me too,” Sutton smiled at him, reminding him he wasn’t alone. The two stretched their hands out to one another in front of Lula, giving the other a small squeeze in comfort.

“You know, I’ve heard that if you’re nervous, it can be really helpful to picture each other naked,” Lula told him. Sutton and Merritt stifled their laughs as Danny walked up between them.

“It’s actually ‘picture the audience naked,” Danny reminded her.

“No, this is new. This is a new science,” Lula told Jack. “So, I don’t know, do you wanna- we should try it.”

“Not the right mood,” Jack explained, looking off to the stage.

“I guess that leaves you and me, old buddy,” Merritt told Danny.

“What?” Danny asked. “Oh, to picture each other- No. No, thank you.”

“Hey, look- I mean, I admit, from the neck up, there are issues, but from the neck down, The David,” Merritt responded with a straight face. Sutton snorted a laugh. Danny gave her a look.

Lula grabbed Sutton’s shoulders. “I think what Sutton means to say is, she and Danny don’t need to leave things to the imagination. They are a much better pair for this experimental activity,” she winked.

Danny and Sutton looked at Lula in shock, then at each other. Thankfully, the announcer’s voice came over the speakers to inhibit their responses.

“Good morning, Octa-lites,” Merritt whispered into his headset. Owen’s voice repeated it to the audience. The audience cheered. “Now I’ve made the claim that Octa Eight was pure magic, but the truth is, that’s just one of those things I say. When, in fact, I mean something else. What else do I mean? Well, here to fill you in on some of my fabulous lies and hypocrisy, and to perform some of the most dazzling feats of magic you have ever seen, they are the world’s greatest magicians here to expose me for the fraud I truly am. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the Horsemen!”

“Showtime,” Jack whispered to Sutton as the two stepped back.

The two held hands as they watched their fellow Horsemen leap out into yet another performance without them, both sighing heavily. They heard the audience erupt into cheers.

“I better get going, Sut,” Jack told her. Sutton nodded as Jack kissed her cheek and left.

“Hello, New York!” Danny’s announcer-voice projected. “Thank you so much!”

“Hey, it’s great to be back!” Merritt told the audience.

“Have you met our newest Horseman?” Danny asked. “Lula!” Sutton winced as Danny introduced the world to Lula in the same place Henley once stood. “It feels good, right?” Danny asked Lula.

“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” Lula confirmed. “Pretty good.”

“Thank you, thank you. Uh, okay. We wanna talk to you about your privacy. Now, what does your privacy mean to you?” Danny questioned the audience.

“‘Cause apparently to Owen Case, it means absolutely nothing,” Merritt explained.

“No, actually it means less than absolutely nothing,” Lula clarified. “You see, he’s mocked your privacy. He’s scorned it.”

“Right, and we’re not just talking about the things you’ve already agreed to,” Danny explained further, “when you signed, uh, probably without reading, um, the terms and conditions of Octa’s one through seven.”

“Dylan,” Jack’s voice came over Sutton’s earpiece, “the FBI is here.”

“Oh, uh, don’t worry about it,” Danny told him. “Go to plan C4.” Sutton shook it off. She wasn’t part of that plan.

“Before we start the show, we had Owen agree to a few terms and conditions of our own,” Lula explained to the audience. “So, everything that he had once considered-”

Lula’s microphone started to crack and the sound of a speaker backfiring rang through the stage. Now, Sutton became worried.

“Yeah, everything, uh, that he once considered private,” Danny explained, trying to save the show, “is now-”

Danny’s microphone was lost now too. Sutton felt her heart begin to race. Another crack and backfire sounded, then a strange, creepy voice began to speak to the audience.

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jayhorsestar · 2 months

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to 'dove, complicated. short, Go! long.. [a1] Bogota is at least 2nd degree just like Mediterranean Sea, 'forward area, to ..Antarctica! or the Amazons! sort of [a2] Morocco to the Sahara dessert. 'andy UN had 'dario lopez, UN and Chile was always MP marine from the US embassy, as escort, armed M16, not just side-arm. [a3] Chile vs Amazons, mebbe the Chile vs the Pacific ring, Oceania and Patagonia. [a4] vaccines for Asia, when embarked Costa Allegra 2007, forward area Vietnam and Indonezia! another Archipelago there, port Moresby, the Philippines. mind 'ECHO the sailing USS flag, wooden SS of the 1961 movie. sort of 'Britannica of Mediterranean Sea! (sister ship to Titanic). [a5] the Navy, one allowed inside the closed sea, another one allowed tress-passing, the probe vials in a Laboratory, one always kept for sampling should insurance applied over the one actively part into some experiment, the crossing of the Atlantic. [a6] GSK internal safety guidelines where to travel and where to avoid traveling, the FBI chart amended by FEMA and TCA. and during current semester, Q1 2024. [a7] hot regions were Ethiopia, Ukraine, Taiwan, not necessarily Bogota. [a8] letters of credence from a catholic Church in Paris, for a catholic Church in Bogota, might help, dunno. BOTH accept coins (10 eur in coins, or smth), ssly. [b1] Romarm Inc was selling ammo into Iran, and backup lines were Thuraya, over Liban and Syria, and Israel. [b2] Paris is not Thuraya whatsoever, is Eutelsat. GPS vs GLONAS topic. [b3] we saw Italy at Bucharest for rendering letters of credence and secured SAT lines (trading ammo ballistic-ally, not exporting Uranium pellets into France, so internal affairs of E.U. Brussels, thus Vienna). [b4] Italy Sicilly Isl. Sigonella Base, west of Palermo, when dealing nuclear powered USSN 'Eisenhower carrier. [b5] inside the E.U., since 2010, RO lost ability to contact Teheran directly, and report ammo traded in over USD dollar wire money. perhaps [b6] Ankara never aware, oceanic cable heading down towards Cairo, through Bosporus Straight. [c1] when Billa Rewe sold to Carrefour FR, meat servers were onto same DOE level to Portile de Fier and Cernavoda, thus contacted Canada at Bucharest, which technically should had been mirrored, using Thuraya, via Israel mebbe. [c2] war in UKR at Kiev, all comm should had been already mirrored into other data-centers, outside Geneva HQs (becoming Court of war, probably). [c3] Paris and Versailles were Helsinki hosted and nowadays war at borders, so again mitigating secured lines for letters of credence, a different path. but EUTELSAT eventually. and Bogota not inside the EUTELSAT, but the French Guyanne, so Amazons are inside the EUTELSAT, and not the Thuraya sky-net. [c4] AJOFM unemployment and 401k and Juntah were always interested of such endeavors, Bogota Lolapalloza singing w voice, not playback, forcing your neck, just like Disney Studios in the past, same drill. [c5] welding gas and water pipelines, how many linear meters welded by each and every one of the welders sent down in the sands of Sahara of Morocco and Lybia, of the 60s and 70s. and Syria. [c6] Pfizer should help you out better mebbe than GSK, if you only knew someone inside to ask him browse the Intranet for the Bogota updated safety guidelines. [c7] ask Sara Sampaio, she used to had dated out boy fellas from the U.N. at NYC. yet you are Paris, FR. [d1] so 'dove wanted to cancel the Bogota endeavors, because her hubby has gottn a boy-cousin and the VS Angels gang ladies required for that boy fella to become the 'bodyguard, shadowing 'dove non-stop, and thus witnessing kisses from fans, and having to remain silent over his boy-cousin affairs inside a marriage barely understood. [d2] and promoting that boy-cousin into overnight affairs to The Descendants 4, incl 'kylie cantrall... who she would not avoid and interfere and ask for 'lavender oil, and 'sofia(s) bottle too. and 'sofia carson would end up hating 'lavender boy all too much. [d3] 'dove would kiss her fans, but never touch FR side of male-hood, and seek..

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thedemoninme141 · 1 year

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Ghosts-Chapter 4: A Safe Heaven

"What do we do Ghost?" She asked

"We finish this fight." Ghost answered. . . Nikolai stands in the dark, under the Pacific railroad bridge, with a bag of weaponry, waiting for the masked man to come.

"John is missing sir, and so is his family," Roach said to Nikolai.

Nikolai sighs. He knew this day would come. How long did they think they can hide? "He was right, sir. We can't hide in the shadows anymore. We have to end this, we have to finish the fight," Roach adds. "Man's a ghost, how do we find him now?" As Nikolai says it he sees his computer screen flickering as it all goes black and a command screen opens up.

"UNDER PACIFIC RAIL ROAD BRIDGE HELMET-MOUNTED AN/AVS-6 NIGHT VISION GOOGLES C4 PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE FRAG GRENADES SMOKE GRENADES FLASHBANGS TACTICAL BULLETPROOF ASSAULT VEST MP5-SD USP-SD"

"Did you bring everything?" Ghost asks from the dark.

"Yes, I did. Do you have any intel on John?"

"It's them, Nikolai. As I said, they haven't forgotten us. They won't rest until they have gotten all of us"

"Do you think they killed John yet?"

"No. They won't kill him, they want to make him like... her"

" Are you sure you don't need Roach to come with you? You are gonna need all the help you can get."

"He did his part. I can't risk losing him too."

"Ghost, she might be there, you know? You can't win against her"

"I know, but I won't lose,"

Nikolai sighs.

"Good luck Ghost, It took me a fortune to bring these," Nikolai says handing him the bag. "

"That's a lot of hardware, Ghost. What'd you plan on doing?" Nikolai asks

"What they taught me to do. Kill'em all." Ghost answered.

"So why are we walking into a jungle in the evening again?" Jade asked annoyed. "Oh come on, don't tell me that The Jade West is scared, " Tori jokingly retorted. "Hey, I'm not scared, I'm just too exhausted to carry you back home if you get bitten by a snake or mauled by a bear or something," Jade said defensively. "Relax, I come here every weekend. There isn't much wildlife, but I sometimes hear wolves howling, and I always have a stun gun on me. I go to my secret bat cave whenever I need some time alone." Tori reassures "You really believe a stun gun can protect you from a pack of wolves" Jade rolls her eyes. "Wolfs are just like dogs, they are scared of us mostly, there are enough deers and rabbits here for them to eat and ignore us" Jade frowned at the rabbits part. "I just didn't take you as a person who would ever want to be alone," Jade said almost tripping over a rock. "Well, I can be full of surprises too like you Jade," Tori said as she held Jade's hand tightly preventing her from falling. They arrived at Tori's hiding place after a short walk, and it took Jade a moment to realize what was going on. Along with a large lake, there was a port and an old boat, as well as a deserted house. "Welcome to Tori's Lair Miss West," Tori said "Whoa, how did you find this place?" Jade was surprised. "Dad used to come here with me at weekends for fishing. Trina hated it here, "mosquitoes". He stopped when I got into college. So now it's my place, I come here from time to time, tidy up the place, I even brought a generator too for lighting the area so no wild animals come here." Tori takes Jade to the little hut near the cabin where the generator was, She checks if the generator had enough fuel for the night and pulls the choke lever. "If you would do the honour, my lady," She said giving Jade the recoil rope handle. "You dork," Jade said and took the handle from Tori. She pulled it as hard as she could. The loud noise of the generator started as the area around them illuminated. She notices a massive Yew tree on the other side of the lake decked out in christmas lights. "Not for a first attempt. Or do graveyards have generators too?" Tori said smiling. "Did your father do that too?" Jade asked pointing out the tree. "No, I did that," Tori replied. "You took an electrical wire all the way there around the lake and decorated a tree that symbolizes death, for what?" "For you. I had always dreamed of bringing you here, so I thought why not I make something you are really into" Tori answered. Jade was impressed. Beck had never done anything like that, Tori knows her so well. "Tori... I love it, it's amazing, this whole place is amazing, it is quiet and beautiful" The goth said with a smile. "Great! Then let's go to the cabin, I have a lot to show you" Tori said taking Jade's hand.

#jori #jade west x tori vega #jade west #tori vega #jade west and tori vega

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colemckenzies · 3 years

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WE ARE LADY PARTS

Musical comedy about an all-female Muslim punk band - full series coming to Peacock (US) and Channel 4 (UK) in spring 2021

#tvedit #walpedit #we are lady parts #lady parts #c4 lady parts #my gifs #please can we hype this up i feel like theres gonna be NO marketing lol #(gifs from the comedy blap pilot not from the show)#channel 4 #peacock

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bougiebutchbitch · 3 years

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The We Are Lady Parts Season 2 fanfic pitch no one asked for:

Lady Parts is on the UP. We’re talking a gig a week - titchy venues, but heaving.

The energy in the crowds is electric. It’s authentic, automatic, hydraulic; it’s rough and raw-dogging riotous punk.

Saira has ditched Saturday shifts in favour of band practice. Bisma’s comics are making mint, though she faces the classic Death-of-the-Author crisis where most people buy them for the slasher-gore content while mIsSiNg tHe MeSsAgE. Ayesha tries, unsuccessfully, to rebound from Zarina, with the help of Amina and Nor’s horrifically halal dating advice. Ahsan, nominal roadie, has had to hire a van, while Amina now has fans at her university, and she’s trying to mould herself into the cool rock’n’roll persona they expect (hilarity ensues).

There’s even talk of a record deal - though Saira ain’t biting. When Momtaz and Ayesha pitch it, she gets all up in their faces, snarling that if they ever go behind her back again, she walks.

(Inside, she's torn. Would she really rather lose her friends - her family - than give up her grass roots?)

But then, after Momtaz glumly hangs up on an EMI spokesman midway through his offer of a UK tour...

A new all-girl Muslim punk band bursts onto the scene.

They’re monetised, they’re advertised, they’re slick-and-shiny record-label fare. And, worse than that - they’re good.

Move aside, Lady Parts. Make way for SHE WHO DISPUTES.

Ayesha’s ready for war. She’ll boot their bass drum concave, she’ll shank their subwoofers, she’ll cut all the strings on every guitar. She’ll fuck their fucking eyesockets, mate.

Saira’s all for it - until Amina, ever the mediator, convinces her to actually talk to the founder of She Who Disputes. And so, Saira meets Heba - another gruff young British Muslim woman with more issues than NME.

Saira expected that. It takes a certain sort of girl to front a punk band, after all.

What she didn’t expect was for Heba to love Lady Parts. She’s been moshing at every gig, right from the start. She’s built Saira up in her head to be her idol - a big sister figure, if you will (cue Saira getting shot, metaphorically, in the heart).

But - wait. What do you mean, Heba’s heroes don’t like her music?

Heba is furious, though Saira sees the hurt beneath. In fact, she sees an echo of herself, five years younger, being kicked out of her house by her mother. And shit, it hurts.

Fast forward to the first major gig of She Who Disputes.

(“The fucking Lafayette,” groans Momtaz, collapsing onto Saira’s sofa. “Why have we never played the fucking Lafayette...?” She’s inconsolable, lured only out of the house by Bisma’s offer of doob.)

Heba forgot to cancel the backstage passes she sent to Lady Parts. It’s the perfect opportunity. Ayesha is armed with wire cutters. She’ll make She Who Disputes regret they ever stomped onto Lady Parts’s turf with their big black Doc Martens. Momtaz makes a glum Twitter post about She Who Disputes’s skyrocketing popularity. It goes viral, and a gang of hardcore fans and pot-stirrers show up with stink bombs and brass knuckles. Shit’s gonna go down.

And shit’s getting serious. Way more serious than any of the band girls are comfortable with (except Amina, who, drunk on the atmosphere, is screaming ‘SPARTAAAAaA’ at the top of her lungs).

At the very last moment, Saira has a change of heart. But it’s too late - Lady Parts & Co. have already disseminated among the crowd, ready to wreak havoc.

Saira has to do something. And fast.

She rushes onstage while the band are warming up. Heba thinks she’s trying to upstage her. They get into a fight there and then, in front of the crowd. It ends with Saira tackling Heba into a massive hug. She apologises for everything, and says she’d love to give them a genuine introduction, if Heba will just trust her.

Heba - grudgingly - does.

Saira stands before the crowd. And she does what she does best. She speaks.

She speaks of how hard it is to be heard as a minority voice in this heaving, pulsating monster of a city. She speaks of how important it is for Muslim women to hold each other up, rather than tear each other down - and how hard it is to put that into practice. She speaks of how they shouldn’t see each other as competition when the rest of the world is already trying to drive a wedge between them, force them apart. How their faith and their music isn’t a gimmick - She Who Disputes is not Lady Parts, just as Lady Parts is not She Who Disputes.

There is more than one Muslim, women-led punk band - and that’s not a threat to Lady Parts. It’s progress. It’s fucking incredible.

Saira speaks. And the crowd listens.

Ayesha is up in the scaffolds, ready to decimate the spotlight. Though she refuses to admit it to her friends, she’s truly gutted after her break-up with Zarina. A new wall of thorns has grown around her heart. She’s ballsed up every date Amina sent her on, because she can’t bear to be hurt like that again.

But she looks down at Saira - one of her oldest (okay, only) friends; the first person she met who wasn’t intimidated by her barbed-wire exterior, the woman who understood her and her lyrics and saw her for who she really is: a rebel against everything but her faith. And as Saira talks, a halo of pink light forms around her. Choirs of malah’ikah sing, and cartoon love hearts swarm the stage.

“Oh,” says Ayesha. “Oh fuck.”

Then she falls off the scaffold.

Snap. There goes her shinbone.

(”Break a leg,” she told Heba, mockingly, before the start of the show. And she knows karma ain’t in the Qu’ran, but it still feels like it’s biting her.)

Heba has to call an ambulance. The gig is in chaos. Some of the so-called Lady Parts fans are just there to start a fight, but the rest of the audience picks them up and forcibly crowd-surfs them out the venue.

The Lady Parts crew head to the Royal London with Ayesha. They sit around her bed as the reality of what they’ve done sinks in. They tanked She Who Disputes on their opening right. They ruined the dreams of their biggest fans, who had a shot of making it mainstream.

(Meanwhile, leg wrapped in a cast that already sports several sharpie swear words, Ayesha avoids all eye contact with Saira. Her internal mantra of ‘fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck’ is so loud the rest of them can practically hear it - though Saira remains, wilfully or otherwise, oblivious).

Lady Parts forgot one thing though.

Punk loves pandemonium.

Next morning, the reviews are out. Even music snobs who shunned She Who Disputes for being a diluted, half-digested commercialisation of the genre have to admit that nothing says PUNK like an unnamed saboteur falling from the staging while a riot broke out in the pit - all before the first number. She Who Disputes is booming. And every step of the way, Heba is shouting out her biggest inspiration, the pioneers who gave her a leg-up onto this platform - LADY PARTS.

#we are lady parts #walp #c4 lady parts #channel 4 #saira #amina #ayesha #momtaz #bisma #ahsan #saira x ayesha #my fic #my writing #amwriting #SOMEONE TELL ME TO WRITE IT

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