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deadendtracks · 3 months

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response to this post by @divinekangaroo, continuing the conversation.

These moments I really appreciate your concise, coherent meta posts!

sorry just had to point out that this made me laugh because i do not consider my meta to be remotely concise and usually wish I could write short snappy meta posts without having to keep the entirety of the show in my mind. i'm often thinking things through as i write too! thanks for calling it coherent though, I appreciate it :)

I'd asked what you made of the fact that Tommy is the only family member who uses his body like this re: the discussion of the 'subaltern' and Tommy's ethnicity and its impact on his sexuality.

And I definitely should have been more clear that I meant the only one of his male family members, because I think you were talking about the way the perceptions of the 'exotic' or 'subaltern' impact the view of a minority ethnicity's maleness/male sexuality, I think? But forgive me for not going back and finding that passage again!

You're right that Polly especially uses her body this way, with Campbell in s2. I don't remember an example of Ada doing it, and I'm not sure what you mean regarding Arthur with Linda. I don't see a similarity between Arthur/Linda and Tommy's use of his body/sex in the way we've been discussing. But maybe I'm missing something!

But, I also feel there’s a deliberate presentation of Tommy’s consideration of his ethnicity as different to how most of his family consider it (long different conversation), because of the alignment to his mother that none of the rest of the family have (another long different conversation). This assumes a reading of his mother as far more closely associated with his (rather silent/compressed) relationship with his ethnicity, too. Polly and Uncle Charlie's comments reinforce this reading in a few points. So this different relationship he has with his ethnicity also leads into a different intersection of that with his sexual activities.

Yeah, definitely. I think this is supported in the show, even to the point where I believe he's the only one of his direct family to speak Romani (or what passes for Romani when they were ignorantly using Romanian instead early on, I think??) on screen. Johnny Dogs and Esme both do, but as far as I recall only Arthur and Polly are shown understanding it but not speaking it (which doesn't mean they can't, it just stands out that Tommy's the only one shown to speak).

When Tommy does use his body, I think it’s repeating behaviours he’s seen and understood as an available way for those with no power and limited influence to exert more influence, and those behaviours were drawn from watching the behaviours of primarily women of his family. And will mostly talk about Polly because that's what we do see on screen, extrapolating there was more of this sort of exchange going on around Tommy in his youth, too.

That's definitely a possibility. The Lees call his mother a whore in that s1 episode where he's trying to provoke them into a fight, which may or may not have basis in reality.

I think the show also includes significant hints of the Othering/exoticism associated with Tommy’s (and Polly’s) ethnicity in a way that shows it is connected to sexual behaviours/body trading – May talks about everyone laughing about when he’ll steal the silver, which is a Romani stereotype more than working class or racketeer; I think you mentioned once Tatiana does it too with the allusion to Tommy squatting in his own house.

I won't quote everything you wrote but yeah!

I think where I wasn't sure I could follow your initial thesis was that you'd been talking about the subaltern re: specifically the impact on men and none of the men in Tommy's family/circle behave this way, especially his brothers. But yes, absolutely Polly does, and there's that slur towards his mother, etc.

And for Tommy: Campbell, Hughes and Mosley’s sexually charged ethnic slurs (or ethnically charged sexual attacks?) towards Tommy are a whole essay on their own.

Oh definitely. And Tommy is often pre-emptively and defensively brings up these bigoted stereotypes (towards the auctioneer when he buys Grace's Secret, for example, to the Russians and Hughes when he talks about his father, etc.).

but because Tommy’s a man, there’s always that sort of mental hiccup first?

Yep!

BUT, his partners (and sexual aggressors) actually do acknowledge his ethnicity if with varying directness, and using uncomfortable stereotypes/terms. Tommy either forcefully silences his ethnicity in their encounters, or, he acknowledges his ethnicity but it’s in difficult and uncomfortable ways.

At this point I'm just highlighting bits I think were put really well!

It all feels like a wound he can't touch, ethnicity / mother. (He also never engages with Alfie on this line, despite multiple times Alfie opens that door.) And so the deliberateness of his omission conversely makes his ethnicity feel quite dominant in his sense of self and identity for me, in the way this series frequently uses silences and omissions to show the shape of something there.

Yeah!

The Romani layer is silenced in so much fandom discussion -- as if the masculine v feminine becomes the sole question rather than as well as, why does a Romani man in particular in that position maybe think to behave that way/why did they choose to portray a Romani man in particular behaving that way. Like, could any of his thinking to behave that way (or, could the expectations and approaches of his sexual partners/aggressors) have anything to do with the rather abundant late 1800s/early 1900s literary and pseudoethnographic texts which exotify and hypersexualise his ethnicity? (watch out for that gypsy man stealing women, the tinker sleeping with your wife while you're at work, etc etc; then he looks at someone like May, and maybe Arthur and John only see a hunger for working class cock, but Tommy is maybe consciously just a little bit leaning into that exotic stereotype as well, horses and goldfish etc, because it might gain him advantage?)

Yeah. Again idk how a Romani person would see this discussion (and the show's handling of it all) so I hesitate to really draw any strong conclusions either way, but I do think this is intentional in the writing of his character and in the performance, for sure. And this may also be why fandom doesn't tend to talk about this aspect much: not wanting to get it horrifically wrong in ways that would hurt a real person. Probably we do though, out of ignorance.

#the show did go there though; the gutpunch of shit getting real I felt in the S5 scene when Mosley refers to the 'wog language'#tommy's absolute stillness and silence in response; even words even those words which were always just him and his family stripped from him

Yeaaaah absolutely. And while it's definitely not the same as the social position of a Romani person in Europe (or even a Traveller in Ireland, which the Shelbys are also hinted to have relations to re: speaking Shelta), I do think Cillian Murphy's performance reveals a potential familiarity with being on the receiving end of bigotry, and how a character it's aimed at might react. If not from direct personal experience, certainly from family/national history of being colonized.

Sorry I don't have a lot to add here, I was just interested in hearing more of your thoughts on the topic and not sure if I understood where you were coming from re: Tommy's place as the only male family member who does these things. Thanks for taking the time to eloquently expand on your ideas!

#peaky blinders #divinekangaroo #meta

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themarginalthinker · 10 months

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@roseate-lagomorph as there's too much info to just put in a reply on a post lol

Here is some of the romantic pairs and their relationships one can find in the Warren:

-Blue and Tweak are in....something of a relationship, though whether the two of them would categorize it as romantic if they were asked is. Well. Probably not? They do engage in ~*activities*~ and, without spoilering too much, there is a definite physical aspect to it, but it's more complicated than a romance. (As for whether they understand what Charlie says when she calls them 'kimessis'...well, Tweak does, and refuses to explain it to Blue, and laughs at his poor, non-homestuckian confusion.)

-Jen and Fenster: mlm, they're canonically married, rings and all, and have been for the better part of the 20th century. And even beyond that, they're more monogamous than most Kindred would be. For as much as they love to yell at each other, arguments one can hear halfway across the warren when they really get into it.

-Tanner, Neb, and Kink: two Nos and a ghoul between them. The three are pretty inseparable and have been together for a good while. Tanner might not say no to a one-night-stand, Kink is canonically a sex worker of various scenes and specialties, and Neb is a (willing) blood-doll for the pair who also does paid feeding work for Kindred in the city if they have the money or goods/info to trade. Always sold together do not separate them lol.

-Might not be a relationship other than a mentor/cool older aunt type deal, but Charlie has a crush on Bobbin, which, if she has it her way, the older Nos will NEVER hear about lmao.

-Charlie also has....something(tm) going on with Toreador fledgling Amber Glass. A lot like Tweak and Blue's 'relationship', but more like Amber suggests doing something utterly batshit, Charlie tells her how dumb a plan that is, inadvertently makes suggestions for how to do the Bad Plan better, and then tries to hold on as Amber does that bc now she's got Charlie Involved.

-Zephyr is aroace and would like you to ask before giving hugs, even if she usually accepts them, thank u.

Overall, these relationships are the most stable and long-lasting of what the characters are doing romantically/physically with other people, but they act more as the core of their romantic life, rather than the breath of it. Being a Kindred is a different experience than being Kine, and that means that their perception, both physically and mentally, of sex and love can shift a little. Especially when you live for centuries. All of them have their flings, one-night-stands, preferred feeding partners, preferred torpormates if any at all, preferred confidants and loved ones and clanmates. It's sort of understood that being with someone doesn't necessarily mean you're with them all the time, or that seeking other avenues of attention means you won't be loyal to your core.

#vtm #vampire the masquerade #this warren #nosferatu #vampires #character study ish

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jack-kellys · 1 year

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for the fic title thing !!!!

“there are worse ways to stay alive” ORRRR

“my engine works perfect on empty (i guess i’ll drive)”

- @we-are-inevitable ✨

so im doing both bc why the fuck not

send me a fic title and i'll think up a fic!

GENUINELY my first thought for the first one is a santa clarita diet au LMAO?? i've never seen it though so technically im still original. but like jack and crutchie are roommates. jack either eats something that gets him sick or something insane like an nyc rat bites his ankle bc this is a comedy. jack starts acting... weirder, and crutchie picks up on it pretty fast bc they are 🤝. it's almost like jack has this concussive brain fog and it takes him a while to form sentences, he's talking a lot less, eating less, much more irritable. kinda of like crutchie is dealing with a moody, hungry teenager. but the night after when c's smoking on the first escape (medicinal....not medicinal... c’est la vie) jack comes out to join him and like.

"you ever get these weird, like. cravings for stuff you can't eat?"

"god yeah, i used to want to eat lava and playdough and shit like that all the–"

"like yeah, that stuff too but like...when you bite your hand and you keep biting it, you know, 'cause it's kind of squishy and like. food?"

"did. you... you did hit the joint i left out, right?"

"nah, i was just thinking, i guess.. or i've been thinking."

"fuck."

so it's Charlie's Terrible Horrible No-Good Very Bad time of trying to hide the fact that his best friend is now half-zombie, and especially how not to tell david jacobs, jack's boyfriend and c's longtime friend. i usually make charlie into the enigma but i think jack should be it, for fun. also i think it'd be funny if it took crutchie kinda longer to realize that what's wrong with jack is zombification specifically because honestly... jack is just like that LMAO??? he hates waking up in the morning, he's tired a lot, he has weird eating habits, makes weird noises, not a lot of perception on if he's being loud or not, zones out a lot. jack's basically halfway there already tbh. but he'd stopped creating, which is what initially tips c off.

the shenanigans of hiding it and then needing to find a cure before it's too late is just fun asf. also jack gets to literally lose his mind. haha. ha. ha. :)

now the SECOND title. lmao

~davey is pushing himself to hard againnn yeahhhhh!!!~

college au, davey has an exam coming up that he's going crazy about. hours on hours of studying, isolation, stressing, not eating as much...jack is really worried. he asks his friends what to do- some say to leave him be to get through it, some say to talk to him, and then albert dasilva says "why don't you just..kidnap him."

"what?"

"yeah, so he doesn't have access to any of his textbooks or notes or laptop, you just toss him in the car and drive."

"what is wrong with you," charlie says, but jack is nodding.

"no wait. say more rn."

so during the late night before the day before the test, it's like 3am when davey finally falls asleep at his desk, and then like. the cueing text is sent in the group chat from jack and all the besties scurry into action.

jack lifts davey into his arms, and their dorm door is opened for them silently by albert. race right next to him surgically places a sleepmask onto daveys face so the hall light doesnt wake him. romeo's holding the elevator open. mush and blink are holding the downstairs doors open. specs and crutchie drove daveys car (having stolen the keys earlier in the day of course) over, open the passenger door for davey, lower the seat, set a blanket over him, carefully close the door, and wish jack luck.

davey wakes up two hours of driving later to signs saying they're in south jersey of all fucking places. it's now the day before his test. and davey is livid.

"you kidnapped me."

"technically it was albert's idea"

"i don't see albert driving my damn car. turn around, jack, it's really not the time to be fucking funny right now."

"i'm a little insulted at you not thinking i know you well enough to do this. if i really thought you'd hate me for this, if i really thought it would- destroy your grade, or your college career, do you really think i'd be doing it?"

"maybe."

"no, sweetheart, jeez. you've studied for the past fifteen days- if you just relax, you'll make the grade, and there's no way you would've let yourself do that back on campus. so, i kidnapped you."

they spend the day together fucking around at the atlantic city boardwalk and dipping their feet into the ocean and watching the sunset before driving back. david gets a 90% on his test and maybe he wanted a 92% but he wouldn't trade grades for the world if it meant not getting kidnapped by his boyfriend and their friends. :)

#family-like friend group my beloved #ALSO PLSS I ACTUALLY. i would go off on the santa clarita one #crutchie morris #jack kelly #davey jacobs #javid #albert dasilva #i miss u king... i miss writing u #newsies aus #fizz wants to write #if someone asked for like a 500 word scene for santa #clarita i could do that shit literally rn #fizz answers #mutuals #THANK YOU JAC <3

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imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl · 4 years

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Love On-Set (Pt. 02 of 10)

Pairing: Dacre Montgomery X Reader

Summary: You knew acting on Stranger Things season 3 would be a challenge, and you also knew, from the start, you'd have to work closely with Dacre Montgomery. But is wasn't a big deal for you, since this is your job and you're determined to act professionally. You had it all figured out, or so you thought, until the moment you were out face to face with Dacre. Then, this job became a lot harder than it was supposed to be, since you can't seem to focus whenever you're around Dacre. And you'll have to be around him a lot until the end of production.

Word count: 2.9K

<- Previous part (01)

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{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

Feelings

On the next morning, you make your way to the back of the hotel, where a van will come to pick you up. You're talking to Vicky through the phone, listening to her advice and tips for today. She won't be around as much this time, she wants you to build your own connections, but she will be aware of everything that's going on. The co-stars you'll be working with today are a few feet ahead, chatting, and they haven't noticed you yet. You don't mind though. They've been acting together for two years now, you wouldn't have anything to add to their conversations anyway.

“(Y/N).” The voice makes you turn around, seeing Dacre as he walks over you. “Morning.”

“Vicky, I gotta go. Talk to you later. Bye.” Quickly, maybe too quick, you hang up, focusing on Dacre. “Hi. Good morning.” Nervously, you gesture at the others. “You should go stay with them. The van is almost here.”

“I'll introduce you to them, c'mon.” With a hand on the small of your back, barely touching you though, he guides you to the small group of people. “Hey, guys. Good morning. This is (Y/N), our Amy.”

“Hi there,” Joe says, reaching out his hand which you shake. “I'm Joe.”

“Natalia.” One of the girls says. You already know their names, but decide to let them formally introduce themselves. “These are Charlie and Francesca. But you can call her Fran.”

“Hello.” You mutter, shaking their hands before stepping back to stand beside Dacre.

“Heard you two shot together yesterday,” Joe says, typing something on his phone before putting it on his pocket. “I was there earlier but I think I left before you got there.”

“Yes. And I must say (Y/N) was amazing.” Dacre speaks before you can, and you blush at his compliment. You didn't do much, you think, it was just a simple scene. More complicated things will come.

“Thanks, but you were great too. I'm just trying to keep up.”

“It's good to see you're modest,” Francesca remarks, giving you a small smile.

“Just saying the truth.” You're still speaking when the van arrives, and the guys gesture for the girls to get in first.

You move to the back of the van since it's always been your favorite seat, resting the script on your lap before buckling up.

“May I seat here?” Dacre gets your attention, and you look away from the window, meeting his eyes.

“Sure.” You don't want him to feel like he has to be around you just because he was the first person you met from the show. But you won't just push him away like that. “Did you sleep well?”

“I managed.” He answers. “You?”

“I did.” Once again, you fall into silence. There isn't much you can talk about other than work. “Excited about today? Amy and Billy will have another confrontation.”

“Poor Billy. Amy's going to steal his heart.” He puts a hand over his chest and you giggle.

“He kinda deserves it. After breaking so many hearts.” Shrugging your shoulders, your mind goes through the scenes of the day. You'll have another one with Dacre alone. “I–”

“Hey. Why are you guys seated all the way in the back?” Joe asks, turning his head to look at you and Dacre. “Come–”

“They're talking. Let them be.” Natalia pulls Joe back into his seat, giving you a stare and a smile.

Blushing a little, you exchange a glance with Dacre before looking down at your hands. “You can go be with them if you want.” You decide to let him know.

“I'm alright here,” Dacre affirms. “Is there anything you want to talk about our scene today? Any ideas for something we could do better?”

“The director wants tension, so we have to focus on that.” Opening the script, you easily find today's pages, since they were marked. “Like here. You could keep stepping closer and I'd keep pushing you away. They're both nervous since they're talking about the Mind Flayer, but it would break that tension with a different kind of tension.”

“I like that. It can work.” Dacre leans over a little to read, standing closer. “Amy could give Billy a push, what would make him a little mad, but not the usual kind of mad. James wants me to convince the audience Billy will have strong, true feelings towards Amy, so I think it will help. He won't be as aggressive with her as he is with everyone else.”

You only get half of what he says, suddenly distracted by his voice. “Yeah, I like that.” You watch as his fingers trace the paper, following the dialogue lines. “You have a nice accent by the way.”

“I'm Australian.”

“I noticed.” When you turn your head to look at him, and he does the same, you take in how close he is, quickly looking back down. He has nice eyes too. “I think it'll be fun.”

“I hope I won't make you uncomfortable. Basically, all of our scenes together involve some kind of proximity.”

“You won't.” Uncomfortable is not the word to describe it. Dacre does make you a little nervous, but any girl would be nervous acting with someone who looks like him. You realize he probably misunderstood your gesture from before, looking away from him so abruptly. “I don't feel uncomfortable. And I agree with you. We should get to know each other, I think it would help.”

“It would.” The van bounces suddenly, what gets a tiny exclamation from Joe. “So. What's your favorite color?”

The silly question makes you giggle, putting a lock of hair behind your ear. “Pink. Definitely. But I also love blue and lilac.” Taking a deep breath, you decide to look at him, just to make sure you'll kick away whatever he was thinking when you averted your eyes from him. “Yours?”

“Red.”

“Only one?”

“Yes. I'm a normal person, unlike you.” Despite the sassy comment, Dacre is smiling, sustaining your stare.

“So you're normal? That's a shame. I don't befriend normal people.” Closing the script, you take a look through the window, admiring how the sunlight gives everything a golden shine.

“It was good while it lasted then.” He says, and you bite your lip involuntary. “Who's your favorite character in the show?”

“Amy.” You're quick to answer, turning to look at him again. When the car takes a turn, the morning sun casts its light right on Dacre's face, illuminating it. His blue eyes get your attention, and you notice they remind you of LA's beach, near your house. Shaking your head lightly, you snap back into reality. “It's my character. I own her that much.”

“That's favoritism. You can't pick her.”

“Who would you pick then, Mr. Montgomery?” He giggles at the name.

“I like Maxine.” He answers. “She's badass and I admire her for enduring such an awful step-brother.”

“I like Dustin. His voice is funny.”

“Here I was thinking you had a deeper reason for liking Dustin.” Dacre fakes a disappointed tone, but a small chuckle escapes his lips.

“You're a deep person then.” You conclude, giving him a quick glance.

“You can say so. Aren't you?”

Guys don't usually like thoughtful girls, you know that. At least not the ones you went out with. People, in general, don't like that, so you learned to keep things for yourself. “We can say I think a lot. But I don't usually put it into words.”

“Why not?”

You get the feeling Dacre knows he hit something inside you. Something he doesn't understand, but he knows it's there, that it's delicate. You can tell that by the change in his voice, all the joking tones left behind, replaced by a much serious expression. Guess you can tell him, it's not a big deal. “My father once told me I feel too much. That, just like my mother, I suffocate people with all my... Feelings.” Breathing out, you can't help but remember the fight you had that day, many years ago. “It was ugly. Everyone was yelling, I was a teenager and just had my heart broken by this stupid guy so... It just kicked in. I pretty much closer some doors that day.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through that.”

“Don't be. It's not a big deal.” Isn't it? You're not sure, but you tell yourself it isn't. Going back there won't help, won't solve any problems, won't change anything.

“Of course it is. It clearly affected you.”

“How do you know it affected me?”

“Your voice changed, so did your posture.”

Gasping, you look at Dacre. People don't notice these things. They just say they're sorry and change the subject. “You're very... Perceptive.”

“Well, I don't think feelings are a problem. If he felt suffocated that was all on him. Not you or your mother.” Taken aback by his words, you can't help but smile at how kind he is. “Anytime you need to talk about anything, I'm willing to listen.”

“Thanks, you're–” The driver hits the breaks, and when you look through the window, you realize you're at the set. “We're here.”

“May the fun begin.”

An hour later, you're in a dark pink swimsuit, shooting a scene with Natalia for the third time. This is about Heather, already taken by the Mind Flayer, making her first appearance at the pool. The director, who now you know is named James, makes several changes for every take, but you and Natalia just have to repeat the lines.

“So. You were talking to Dacre.” She says in between takes, as you wait to see if there will be another one or if you can go on to the next scene. Natalia gives you a look that makes you blush. You didn't know she was paying attention to you and Dacre in the back of the van. “You two getting along?”

“Yeah. He is–”

“Alright, everyone. Heather's coming down and Billy is entering the pool. It's a quick one, so let's get it done in one take if possible.” James announces, and you lay back down in the chair, happy that this conversation was cut short. “Everybody ready? Action!”

Everything sets in motion, and Hawkins Community Pool comes to life once again. You engage in small talk with Natalia as Heather climbs down her chair, walking by.

“Is she alright?” Nancy asks Amy, eyes following Heather.

“She must be sick.” You tell her before the cameras leave you, all turning to the locker, from where Dacre is already coming from.

You know your part. Exchange a glance when he's close by and look away, annoyed.

But that's not what happens. When he comes close, you do give him the look, the cameras now focusing on you, but the whole thing vanishes. Your mind is blank as you just keep staring, a weird sensation building up when you realize you're watching Billy Hargrove right before your eyes. But when he walks by, you see he breaks character for a moment, as if wondering what you're doing. Of course he thinks you're improvising. So Billy's face comes up again, eyes lingering on you until he passes by, and you break out of your state, looking away.

“What was that?” Nancy asks, and you wonder if that's Nancy or just Natalia, because the line isn't on the script.

“Nothing.” Your answer.

“Cut!” James yells and you relax, taking a deep breath. “(Y/N), I liked what you did. Good job! Five minutes everyone.”

“What was that?” Natalia asks again, in a different tone this time, making it clear it's her who's asking. “Did you improvise?”

“Sure.” Getting up from the chair, you follow her to the resting area they set up for you. “Just thought it would give him the tension he wants too much.” Lying is not your thing, but what can you say? That your mind went blank? That you forgot the whole script for a moment and Dacre's reaction was what saved you so you wouldn't be looking like a total idiot?

“You did well then.” She takes a water bottle, taking a sip. She doesn't seem so convinced though. “Oh, we'll start gathering to go over the Starcourt scenes. They'll be heavy and everyone agreed on start working on them so it won't be so messy on set.”

“It's a great idea. When will it happen?” The Battle of Starcourt is the most complicated and longest scenes of the season, and you're glad they want to go over it.

“We have a group chat. I can add you so you'll know when we'll meet.”

“I can add her,” Dacre says and you turn on your heels, giving a step closer to Natalia. “I have her number.”

“Great.” She exclaims, drumming her fingers on the table. “I'll go find Charlie and Joe. We got a scene together later today.”

“Ok.” You mumble, waving at her as she leaves. “Nice tan.” The words come out of your mouth the moment your eyes involuntary fall from his face to his chest. “Now I know why Billy turns every head when he walks by.” Thinking fast, you manage to bring some sense into whatever you were talking about.

“You also look amazing in this–”

“Dacre, (Y/N). C'mon.” The director calls and Dacre rolls his eyes, making you giggle.

“Guess this is our cue.” He says, gesturing for you to walk before him. “Are you nervous? We're going to be face to face again.”

“No.” It comes out too fast, and you're sure he can tell you feel the exact opposite. You weren't thinking about it, but now you are. “I'm alright.” You're walking beside him, near the pool to where James is gathered with some people, getting things ready for the scene. “I think Amy–” The words get caught in your throat when your bare feet slips on a puddle, but instead of colliding to the ground, you're pulled up quickly, heart beating fast from the sudden motion.

“Are you alright?” Dacre asks, his hand still resting on the small of your back, and the other holding your arm, making sure you have your balance again.

“Yes.” Now you definitely look like an idiot. “Sorry.” When you raise your head to meet his eyes, you clear your throat and step back.

“Don't worry, I got you.”

“(Y/N), are you ok?” The director asks and you nod, walking fast over him. “Good. Let's get this going.”

This scene is the confrontation about what happened in the road. And you're supposed to be 100% focused, the lines at the tip of your tongue, but as you breathe in deeply to get into character, you can't help but feel restless. Maybe if you do manage to befriend Dacre it'll get easier. Hopefully.

“Ready, everyone.” The command comes and you prepare yourself, quickly replaying the lines in your head. “Action!”

In Amy's skin, you start walking back to your chair, carelessly running a hand through your hair when your arm is grabbed suddenly, and you stop, turning around to face the source of the attack. Anger takes over your expression the moment your eyes, or better saying, Amy's eyes, find Billy. “What the hell do you think you're doing?”

“We need to talk.” That said, he pulls you with him, away from the people.

“We have nothing to talk about.” Amy keeps fighting but still trying not to let anyone notice. Billy drags her behind the supply closet, away from curious eyes and ears. “Let go of me!” With a push, you set free from his grip.

“Well, did you tell anyone?”

“Tell what? That we saw a huge alien monster made of darkness?” You whisper-yell, looking into his eyes and giving a step back, just to figure out there's a wall trapping you. “Of course I didn't.”

Dacre steps closer, his chest pressing you further into the wall. “Then you saw it too. Right?”

It takes a while until you remember the line, and what you're supposed to do since the proximity clouded your mind. With both hands on his chest, you push Dacre away. “Yes, I did. It was after me.” You mutter as Dacre plays his part, surrendering into your push before coming closer again.

You take a deep breath, struggling to remain in character, annoyed and anxious, who can't wait for Billy to go away. “I...” He stutters. “I forgot it. Sorry, I got distracted.”

“Alright, let's roll it again from 'Did you tell anyone'. I want constant eye contact this time. Action!”

You get exactly two seconds to take in the command and set it into motion, but you do as you're told, raising your head slightly so you're staring at Dacre.

“Well, did you tell anyone?”

“Tell what? That we saw a huge alien monster made of darkness?” You've seen blue eyes before, but not that blue. It startles you a little when Dacre steps closer, and in an attempt to put some distance in between you two, you move back, hitting the wall. “Of course I didn't.” You manage to push out.

“Then you saw it too... Right?” Dacre changes his tone, and you get the idea. Billy is confused, not really convinced that what he saw was real.

“Yes. It was after me first in case you don't remember.” Keeping the annoyed tone in your voice, you have Amy push Billy away, now, slightly aware of your hand on Dacre's bare chest. Keep it professional, you tell yourself. This is a job. “And stay away from me.”

“That thing...” He steps closer again, ignoring Amy's requirement. “...What was it?”

“I really need you to stay away.” Another push, but this time Dacre grabs your arm, leaning even closer, putting a hand on the wall beside your head. You roll your eyes, breaking eye contact just for the sake of your character before she slips away again. Regaining your senses, you look up into his eyes.

“Sorry, if I'm making you nervous, princess, but I can't have anyone else listening to this crazy talk.” He gives you his wicked smile, the one that makes the girls melt.

That's it. That's the moment when Amy stands up to him, and you have to nail it because honestly, you don't think you can do this again. So you stand up straight, ending the tiny distance that was left between you and Dacre, between Amy and Billy, chests colliding and eyes burning with anger and indignation. “You think you can flash a smile and have all the girls of Hawkings at your feet but I won't fall for it.” You hiss, standing on your toes just a little bit, trying to match his height, but, of course, it doesn't happen. Dacre still towers over you. “So drop the bad boy act, jerk, and if you want to focus on the real problem here, the freaking thing coming from the sky hunting us, you're free to talk to me.” Then you leave, storming away, leaving the shooting area before turning around to get a glimpse of Dacre's acting. Billy keeps staring at the place where Amy went, which makes Dacre look straight at you. You see Billy's surprise face, filled with perplexion, not able to believe what just happened. Then, it softens, as he slowly goes back into Dacre.

“And cut! Jesus, it was amazing.” James exclaims, standing from his chair. “I don't think we should do another take, despite thinking a kiss would fit well in the scene.”

Your eyes go wide as you stare at James, who looks pleased with his work. You thought you'd have more time before kissing Dacre. To get to know him, so it won't be a mess like it was right now. You don't even know how it was possible for it to be so good as James says. You were all over the place.

“But no, it will be better on screen to build up the tension until it explodes. You did very well, you two.” James friendly touches your shoulder. “I can see you're still a little nervous, but it's normal since you basically just met Dacre.” He gestures at him, who comes to join you, and James puts an arm around his shoulder. “Perhaps you should get together and work on the kissing scene. See how you feel, how you could make it even better because every time you improvise, it gives me goosebumps and I like it. You two have chemistry.” His voice gets a little higher on the last word, and he let's go of you two. “So this is a little homework. Go over that scene and let me know if you think anything should be different.”

When James leaves, you're blushing, his words echoing in your brain. Homework? Does he really want you to do that? “Like a read-through?” You ask.

“You already did a read-through. Do the real thing. Or even better.” He turns around, walking backwards. “Get it on camera and send me so I can check how you two are doing. Amy and Billy are this season's power couple, I want it to be amazing. You're both doing great and that's why I want to take this to a whole new level.” And he sets in motion again, gesturing for someone to give him something. “Now get ready, I want to shot Heather's scene again.”

@baker151910 @shinydixon @dreamin-of-dacre @hanoi15 @lickmymelanin @skykittysstuff @foccus @multific @uncookspaget @kellysimagines

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sagebodisattva · 6 years

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Epistemological Solipsism

So much of the externalization conditioning, and any kind of conditioning really, is set in place by erroneous assumptions. We overlook this, as, early on in existence, in the more immature stages of our egoic development, without consciously knowing it, we establish dubious premises that quickly solidify into foundational beliefs that shape our entire view of reality. And if these types of shoe'd in assumptions manage to put down roots on firm grounds, which they almost always do, they will be almost impossible to undo. And so imagine the type of quandary this presents when the kinds of assumptions that one has accepted, hence becoming the potential bedrock of a belief system without any pensive review, are actually false or faulty! This is the beginning of mental slavery, as any false assumption about existence will necessarily have you assigning power to something you are imagining to be outside of yourself... or perhaps to something you are APART of, or are a byproduct of... as the case may be... but in each and every case, it is voluntary self disempowerment... and whether it was willful, innocuous, unconscious, or deceptively introduced, matters not. What matters now is that you are anchored to a false position, that becomes the trap to which you remain tethered, which will thereby direct assignments of power to illusions, based on the default designs of this organizational arrangement.

This is important to understand, as so much of mental illness, or spiritual sickness if you will, relies on sustaining ignorance of the truth. But it's totally up to you if you want to break free from the false programming. And this doesn't mean a conversion to an alternative programming. This means a liberation from all programmings, and standing in the light of the truth, which needs no support, needs no selling points, needs no shuck n' jive, nor song and dance. The truth always speaks for itself, while the lie requires contrived narrative. And this is exactly why false existential assumptions are deceptively introduced into your qualitative being; because despite what most of us would like to believe, there's no way to really force delusion on anyone. Yeah, maybe you think you could try to torture someone into accepting it, but any such acceptance wouldn't be authentic, as anyone would pretend to accept anything just to stop the torture. One does not hold what is not held in the heart. Or maybe you think you could force it into a mind through coercive re-education or brainwashing, but a truly strong mind can never be forced into delusion. If the mind relents, it's due to it's own immature strength and the natural tendency to compromise as an easy way out.

And sometimes we hear about other such things, like harsh physical circumstances having the ability to break a spirit, but I think stoicism has pretty much demonstrated this to be a fallacy. Oh, am I saying this only because I haven't suffered to the proper degree? Or, did you just give up and are now cynically guising that failure beneath a sneering justification? No. The only way a conditioning can successfully infect a consciousness is by invitation, compromise or unchecked deceptive infiltration, all of which gain access through avenues of permission. The fact that that they are granted entry with permission is exactly why the programming is so grueling to unseat. A belief forced on someone will not long be held. A belief willingly embraced by someone, unconsciously or not, will be defended to often extreme limits. And it's not too hard to figure out why, as the conditioning has become a best friend. The conditioning provides security and comfort to a contrived identity that seeks normalcy, familiarity, predictability and routine; all of which combine to form a malaise of deprivation, lethargy, and boredom. A sitting duck, aptly primed to be stalked by death itself.

So this is why there is so much circumvention of solipsism, a so called philosophy that's implications could be called to be in accord with the truth; because if you ever figure your way out of the externalization conditioning, you will inevitably attain power of mind, and then less power will be assigned to the illusions, and if that happens, you will become difficult to control. Hence why "they" must do every thing they can to stop you.

So this brings us upon the subject of epistemological solipsism. What is epistemological solipsism? Epistemological solipsism is the variety of idealism according to which only the directly accessible mental contents of the solipsistic philosopher can be known. The existence of an external world is regarded as an unresolvable question rather than actually false.

And so, this is why I don't consider epistemological solipsism to be all that useful of an application. It's kinda like solipsism lite; with light being spelled "L I T E", clarified as such so as to invoke the correct tone of connotation. Of course, as usual, we note that epistemological solipsism is touted as a variety of idealism, which frames the entire consideration as unrealistic, ie: existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect, but not likely to become a reality; which thereby downgrades the significance of the truth that only directly accessible mental contents of a solipsistic philosopher can be known. As if there was some other way for knowns to be accessed by a philosopher. Whether knowledge is acquired directly, indirectly, empirically, or dogmatically, matters not, as any possible synthesis or transference of knowledge is only going to be through a mental medium.

But then comes the funny part: The existence of an external world is regarded as an unresolvable question rather than actually false. Hmmmm. Might this position be more aptly called agnostic solipsism? I guess this position is one more interested in upholding the integrity of intellectual honesty rather then standing in the light of the existential truth. It's an interesting position to be sure, as it teeters on the fence of the truth, afraid to fully commit because it knows it can't prove the truth by the rules that the externalization conditioning demands, and yet, oddly, still seeks to placate and pander to it somewhat, by upholding it's standards. It's obvious from this, that the epistemological solipsist has a lot more work to be done nihilistically, and might prove to benefit from some psycho-nautical exploration, or deep meditation.

And so, by this epistemological standard, which is actually less solipsistic due to it's externalization mindset of an extrinsically existing universe who's qualities can only be known through a set of separated sense organs, epistemological solipsists claim that realism requires the question:

“Assuming that there is a universe independent of an agent's mind and knowable only through the agent's senses, how is the existence of this independent universe to be scientifically studied?"

Well, that's the thing. Sure it's a required question for realism, but it's also an equally required question for the epistemological solipsist, who probably never thought to answer it himself. What is the alternative to knowledge based on the interpretations of the five senses? As a solipsist, the answer should be clear, but let us not forget that what we are dealing with is, not so much a solipsist, but rather, an externalist who's merely conceded that anything known about the universe is confined to sensory data. Despite admitting the purely mental nature of existence, they are not yet ready to go as far as admitting the universe is completely imaginary and that reality is a production of the mind. And so, here we find it: the epistemological solipsist's willingness to take on the false existential assumption, while afraid to commit to implications of the truth of his own position, in order to satisfy the dictates of physical science, which is completely constructed upon the externalization conditioning. It seems the only thing epistemological solipsism wants to clarify is that objectivity requires an assumption; and as long as this point is understood, it's completely willing to concedes to the outlines of the physical model of existence. But why? If it's false then why take on such a assumption at all? Yeah, I know people don't wanna let go of their ideological attachments. People don't want to let go of old physical science, in the same way they don't want to let go of religion.

“Oh Sage, they are not the same thing!”

Yeah Charlie. That isn't the point, and not what I was saying anyway. Science may have a bit more credibility then religion, as it does seek to build knowledge on observable phenomena, but it still falls short, as it is founded on a false premise about reality that simply isn't true. The false premise that calls itself, "realism". Isn't that some shit? Realism and idealism are both supposedly philosophical concepts equally up for debate, yet mind independent reality gets the title of realism, why mind dependent reality gets the title of idealism. Hmmmm. Doesn't it seem that someone wants to slant the favor towards realism? Doesn't it seem that by these types of classifications, one position is being assigned a handicap while the other is assigned a disadvantage? One should wonder why this is.

So it seems that epistemological solipsism doesn't want to posit anything about what so obviously exists firsthand, and instead only wants to concern itself with the claims of knowledge within the illusion. Like a persona in a dream who doesn't want to concern itself with lucidity, but instead wants to make sure that it's clarified with the other personas that any knowledge in the reality is only applicable to the context of the sense perceptions of a subject. That's nice, and while it does stick one toe into the waters of solipsism, it doesn't hardly go deep enough into the truth. And that's because, in the grand scheme, knowledge is irrelevant to the nature of reality, and to uncover and become intimate with the nature of reality, doesn't involve learning, study or the acquisition of knowledge, which I know for many of you, presents an impasse that cannot be breached. Hence, the reason for the advent of epistemological solipsism: for those willing to explore only so far as it relates to what can be argued in conjunction to claimed knowledge and the mind of a subject.

So the utility of epistemological solipsism seems to support the maintenance of a general non-committal skepticism that asserts that truth is only that which can be be known directly through the five senses. Other then shattering the usually unchallenged authoritative assumptions of contemporary philosophical realism, what epistemological solipsism achieves is questionable. It isn't conducive towards lucidity, so what function does it serve within delusion? Perhaps merely to make for a more interesting offering of skeptical doubt to an argument made in philosophical discourse? Perhaps.

For, isn't that always the MO of a skeptic? Not so much to present an argument, but rather to just throw wrenches in existing arguments, and perhaps ridicule them for the sake of entertainment? But I dig the rigors that this places on the externalist. It certainly narrows the borders of what a realist can argue as knowledge. Which brings us many intriguing novelty considerations, such as when the epistemological solipsist asserts a classic argument typical for the position, such as: if a person sets up a camera to photograph the moon when he is not looking at it, then at best he can determine that there is an image of the moon in the camera when he eventually looks at it. Logically, this does not assure that the moon itself (or even the camera) existed at the time the photograph is supposed to have been taken. To establish that it is an image of an independent moon requires many other assumptions that amount to begging the question, which means to assume the conclusion of an argument—a type of circular reasoning, which is an informal fallacy, in which an arguer includes the conclusion to be proven within a premise of the argument, often in an indirect way such that its presence within the premise is hidden or at least not easily apparent.

This really puts the realist in a tight spot, as it also puts the burden of proof on the realist to show how aspects of reality are ontologically independent of our conceptual schemes, perceptions, linguistic practices, and beliefs, of which, might not even be possible to demonstrate. Yet, when all is said and done, epistemological solipsism doesn't really go as far as it should, and suspends any assertions that awareness is the primary foundation. So, as it stands, it is merely a position that imposes a standard upon what can be accepted as truth within knowledge.

As for answering the question of, if a philosopher can only truly know the aspects of his own mind, then how should a philosopher go about studying the universe, it loses it way, for it would rather assume objectivity in the name of science with a stricter standard rather then follow the implications of the position and discover the accurate premise; which reveals that there really is no universe "out there" to assume exists objectively in the first place. Lucidity, or awareness of the dream, is revealed through focusing on the source of attention, not through the examination of dream details.

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