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devilatmydoor · 3 years

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the calm // l.r.h

A/N; This two part mini series would be nowhere without the supportive help @twilightmomentswithyou ! It was her concept that brought this piece to life!

A mini series following the triumphs and hardships with dating Luke as you recognize the signs of his alcohol abuse. Your relationship is put through the ultimate test; will he go to rehab and get sober?

This is part 1 of 2. Part 2 before the storm will be linked once posted.

(this is not part of the life with luke series) masterlist

pairing ; female reader/luke II word count; 3.9K

warnings; alcohol abuse, angst, drinking, language

Act 1.

The sounds of glasses clinking, unpalatable voices encircling you as you sighed deeply; you hadn’t been at the restaurant long before unintentionally separating from Luke after entering the building due to the fact his friend hadn’t seen him in ‘forever’. Your eyes scanned the room in search of your boyfriend hoping to be heading soon.

When your eyes met him- his smile evident as he spoke to his friends- you knew tonight’s end was nowhere in sight. Your gaze fixed on him as he took a shot of tequila like his glass was filled with water alternatively sent a chill down your spine leaving you with goosebumps.

The night’s festivities didn’t start with drinking, nevertheless, you knew better than to expect everyone to stay sober. It quickly turned into every party you had gone to with him. You weren’t completely against alcohol but it frightened you how easy he tossed back Tequila or finished a bottle of beer.

You wanted him to be sober so you wouldn’t have to take an Uber home but here you were; standing across the room from him seeing him drinking with his friends. You eyed Ashton as he carefully watched Luke’s behavior as he was aware of how much he had drunk in the past. You walked across the room to Luke while his eyes met yours as he gave you a look that you were familiar with. He set down his glass as he kept eye contact with you.

As he stood in front of you and could easily smell the liquor he had consumed, you attempted to ignore the foul odor “Hey you.”

“Hey gorgeous, can I get you a drink?” He asked with a wink; his arm snaking around your waist as he walked with you towards the group of people he was talking to.

“No thanks, I’m okay.” You said firmly knowing his friends would chime in any second to convince you otherwise.

“You sure? I can get you your favorite.” Luke insisted as he waved the bartender down with his hand, you sighed not wanting to waste the bartender’s time as they walked over.

“Luke, it’s fine really.” You attempted to decline his offer but he ordered your favorite, his friends gave you a look as you looked for a familiar face that wasn’t Luke’s.

Your gaze fixed on Ashton as he knowingly nodded as he slowly walked up to you; awaiting Luke’s response to Ashton nonchalantly monitoring him. Luke looked at you and then at him and back at you. He shook his head frustrated as he let go of you and walked towards the bathroom.

“I guess I wasn’t being discreet enough.” Ashton apologized, you thanked him for trying; Luke knew you didn’t love when he drank but this was different. You’d never asked or had Ashton watch him before and you knew he wasn’t going to be pleased with you.

You briskly walked towards the bathroom to find Luke with his back against the wall nearest to the back door leading outside. Surprised he didn’t just exit the building waiting for an explanation. The look in his eyes disappointed as you reached for his hand, he shook his head and walked towards the back door and opened it. Not even waiting for you to step outside he leaned against the wall and waited for you to say something. The tension between the two of you was evident as his jaw clenched and he crossed his arms. You stood in front of him taking a deep breath, “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I never said you did, Ashton wasn’t babysitting you.” You pressed your lips together.

“Really? Then what was he doing?” Luke huffed as he narrowed his eyes, he uncrossed his arms letting them fall to his sides.

“I asked him to,” You took a deep breath before biting your lip anticipating his reaction “Monitor your drinking.” You mentioned as you stepped closer to him closing the space between you.

Luke shoved his hands in his pockets, creasing his brows as he looked into your eyes. “Why? Because you think I’m some uncontrollable drunk?”

His words hit a nerve as you thought about why you asked Ashton in the first place; you’d spoken to Luke before about his drinking habits but you weren’t sure if he even recalled the conversation.

“Luke.”

“Don’t.” He bossed, you cupped his face with your hands and he looked at you. He took a deep breath as you followed his actions.

“I’m worried about you.” You confessed as Luke set his hands on your waist.

“I know, I get so wrapped up in what my friends are doing, it’s hard not to join them. I’m sorry.” His pleading eyes evidence he meant what he was saying.

“I can’t help but worry about you, let’s go home.” You asserted as he nodded in agreement as you walked with him leaving the building. He handed you the keys to his car knowing he was too drunk to drive, surprised he wanted you to drive his car.

Act 2.

Sunday mornings were your favorite with Luke; the lazy make out sessions and giggles between soft touches and sweet glances. You awaited for an entire day with him with no distractions from the noise outside. Waking up to Luke’s snores instead of his morning voice wasn’t the morning you had in mind. You didn’t bother waking him, you knew he was tired.

Shifting your plans for the day consisted of cuddling with Petunia and spending the majority of the day indoors as the summer heat became unbearable. You decided to make lunch since your stomach began to rumble, you opened the fridge as the slam of the cupboard jolted your body. You slowly turned around to see Luke still in his boxers and tank top. It was almost 2pm and he had spent the entirety of the morning in bed avoiding all responsibilities. His tired eyes met yours as you sighed- not realizing he heard you - his eyebrows raised, “What’s that for?”

“I should be asking you the same question.” You scoffed as he looked at you, you could easily tell he was annoyed by his body language.

“We ran out of coffee.” He huffed crossing his arms.

“And your first instinct is to slam the cupboard and not ask if we have any in the pantry?” You asked as you shook your head closing the fridge door.

He rolled his eyes as he raised his eyebrows, “Whatever.”

“I was going to retrieve the coffee from the pantry but with that attitude, you can get it yourself.”

Perfect, you spent all morning and the start of the afternoon cuddling Petunia waiting for Luke to wake. Now that he was awake, you wanted him back in bed.

.You avoided making eye contact as he didn’t reply as he walked toward you, his arm bumping into yours as he passed you in order to get to the pantry. You left the kitchen and sat on the couch, reaching over the arm rest to turn on the television in front of you. You turned the volume up, quickly followed by a loud groan. “Jesus Christ, can you turn it down?”

“What is your problem?” You asked as you turned to face him, as he started brewing coffee.

“What’s yours?” He spat as he shook his head.

“I’m the one with the problem now?” You chided as your heart rate increased. “You spent the entire morning in bed!”

“Because I went out with the guys, you know that!” He pressed, rubbing his temples.

“Your barley home anymore! When you are, you are hungover and in a shit mood! Somehow everything is always my fault!” You argued.

“Do you want to know why I’m barely home?” He asked, waiting for you to answer for him.

“Please Luke, enlighten me.” You scoffed, hoping he’dtell you why he wasn’t home as much as he used to. You knew he was working on the new album with the boys but this was different than previous times; he’d come home no matter what time it was and tell you he was running late.

“Whenever I’m home you are bitching about every little thing I do or don’t do! I can’t win with you!” He protests; his frustration obvious as he clenches his fists.

His words weigh heavy on your heart; his face turning red as you distanced yourself from him. Feelings of doubt and insecurity flooded your psyche as his tall frame closed off from you. He bit his bottom lip, without hesitating you ran to your shared bedroom before closing your eyes. Tears falling from your eyes fast, throwing the nearest blanket over your body as you cried into the pillow to muffle the sounds of your cries. You lost track of time as you laid in your bed, cold and afraid if this was it for the both of you.

You heard the wood creaking by the door, your body shifted in the mattress as you took deep breaths. You heard his soft voice at the door saying your name, he knocked on the door softly not to startle you. You decide to get out of the bed and walk to the front door to face him; opening the door you see Luke standing in front of you with his eyes showing signs of the tears he shed.

“I-I’m sorry.” His voice cracking, he cleared his throat before stepping closer to you closing the gap between the two of you. “I know I’ve been drinking a lot.”

“Luke, you’re drinking too much.” You expressed, your voice shaky from crying.

“I know, I-I wish I could stop completely but I can’t.” Luke admitted with a sigh, you looked in his eyes and held his face in your hands. You knew he was being honest, the defeated look in his eyes proof.

“Can you at least try to get better?” You asked unsure of his reply; you weren’t asking for a lot. Just for him to try. That’s all you wanted. He needed to get better before it got out of hand, with the road he was going down it wasn’t inconceivable.

“I promise I will try and get better, for you.” He kissed your forehead, “For us. For me.”

“I love you.” You comforted as you felt his hands resting on your sides as he pulled you against his body.

“I love you.” He echoed with a familiar tone; less condescending as before. He held you in the doorway of your shared bedroom for what felt like hours as you stood in silence. You spent the rest of the evening basking in the presence of each other with Petunia by your side. He ordered pizza while you cuddled watching your favorite movies together. His arms holding you tight; both of you wanting to freeze the moment forever unsure of what was to come.

Act 3.

Luke seemed to be getting better, as far as you could tell; he’d text you when he’d be leaving the studio no matter what time it was and you waited for him awaiting his return. He’d come home wanting to talk, completely sober and fully attentive to you.

You wanted him to stay in this sober state forever but you both knew it wasn’t going to last. Your 2 year anniversary was approaching and he made reservations at your favorite place canceling any attentive plans interfering with your date.

You spent the entire week looking forward to it; you couldn’t remember the last time you went out on a date with him like this. Ashton asked him to go to the studio to do last-minute vocals, he promised Luke would meet you at the restaurant if he wasn’t home in time.

You spent the morning looking at your favorite pictures of Luke and you throughout the two years you spent loving each other. The trips to Australia, you visiting him on tour and the late nights talking. After lunch you decided it was time to get ready for your long-awaited date; you dressed in his favorite outfit of yours and did your makeup and hair. You put on your heels and left the house anticipating seeing Luke.

Traffic wasn’t as unbearable as usual, nothing was going to get in the way of your mood. The radio playing in the background as you drove to the first place Luke took you out for dinner. He wanted to take you somewhere special after your first date went off without a hitch.

Valet parked your car for you as you entered the building, the smells of wine engulfed your lungs. “Reservation for 2, under Hemmings” You informed the greeter. Moments later a hostess showed you to your seat, you sat down as you anxiously awaited Luke’s arrival.

You looked around the restaurant before checking your phone for an update from him, you hadn’t heard anything but you were sure he’d arrive soon. Shoving your phone in your pocket the hostess returned to your table asking if you wanted to order drinks. You were confident Luke would arrive any moment, he promised he’d be there when he finished at the studio this morning before he left.

The waitress brought the drinks you ordered for the both of you, she smiled as she set them down. “Are you ready to order?”

“I just need another 10 minutes, I haven’t had time to look at the menu. I’m waiting for my boyfriend to arrive.” You clarified as she nodded and walked away from the table. You scanned the area to see if Luke had arrived yet.

You grabbed your phone and it had been 15 minutes since you last checked your messages. You sighed opening your conversation with Crystal. You texted her; hey! is Michael home from the studio?

You nervously awaited her response, your phone vibrated in your hand and you saw her message. He texted me that he was on his way about 30 mins ago, he should be home soon. What’s going on?

You reread the text and tried your best not to overthink; Luke hadn’t even texted you that he left or was running late. Every scenario you could think of ran through your brain as you tried to focus on looking at the menu. Was he okay? Did he get into an accident? Was he still at the studio? Was he running late and just couldn’t get to his phone?

Your confidence disappearing as time slipped by as you couldn’t make a decision; you sipped your water anticipating his late arrival.

You replied to Crystal I haven’t heard from Luke since this morning! He’s late for our anniversary date

You sighed deeply as the waitress returned to ask if the second person was arriving soon. You weren’t sure how to reply so you lied and said they were on their way and stuck in traffic.

Your phone vibrates repeatedly as you look at the screen to see if it was Luke; Crystal's name flashed as you clicked on the green phone. “Hey.”

“Hey are you okay?” Crystal asked sweetly on the other line.

“Not really, I don’t know where he is.” You sighed before flagging down the waitress, “Hold on I need to get the check so I can go home.”

You asked the waitress for the check and she told you she’d get it for you as soon as possible.

“What do you want to do?”

“I think I’m gonna go home and see if Luke is there. If he isn’t then I don’t know what I’m going to do.” You admitted as you saw the waitress walking over. She handed you the check and you put your credit card in the slot and tip your waitress. She grabbed the envelope as you anxiously waited for her return.

You couldn’t wrap your head around Luke’s negligent actions; it was his idea to go out to this specific restaurant and he even made reservations. Nothing made sense as you drove home, you tried not to cry as your hands gripped the steering wheel.

Arriving home with your heart rate increasing as you pulled into the empty driveway. Luke’s car was nowhere in sight, you locked the car before going inside the house. You walked down the hallway towards the living room as Petunia walked up to you, she trailed behind you while you searched for him.

You opened his studio and sat in his chair anxiously as you looked through the drawers in hopes to find any clue where he was. You opened the biggest drawer as glass clinked together. To your shock and dismay, at least 6 bottles of tequila sat in the drawer. Some of them almost empty as your heart sank into your chest. Air escaping your lungs as you pieced it all together.

You grabbed as many bottles as you could before entering back into the living room. You set them down in the empty drawer placed in your kitchen island as you began to cry, tears falling without stopping. You lost track how long you hunched over the island and cried before you heard the garage door close.

“I’m home!” Luke yelled out as he entered the living room.

You wiped your tears before your eyes met, “Hi.”

He walked up to you to give you a kiss and you moved your face, “Since when do you deny my kisses?”

“Since now. Where were you?” You asked, stepping away from him.

“What are you talking about?” He asked confused as he furrowed his brows.

“You seriously don’t remember?” You answered his question with another.

His voice sounded uncertain as he asked, “Babe what do you mean?”

“Tonight was our 2-year anniversary date and you didn’t even bother to call or show up.” You spat as your hands began to shake.

“Oh fuck that was tonight? Baby, I’m so sorry.” He apologized stepping closer to you, you backed away as you held back from crying anymore.

“D-Don’t call me that.”

“Baby please, I understand your upset and you have a right to be but please don’t talk like that.” He pleaded as you shook your head.

“I went looking for you in your studio, take a look at what I found.” You insinuated as you reached for the bottles of tequila and set them down in front of you.

Luke’s eyes widened as he realized his secret was out, “Baby I can explain.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” You sighed as you sucked on your bottom lip.

“Baby I’ve been trying to stop, it’s not an easy habit to shake.” Luke expressed as he stepped closer to you.

“That’s because you're not actively trying to shake it!”

“Yes I am!” He pressed as he fidgeted with the rings decorating his fingers.

“No, Luke if you were trying there wouldn’t be more bottles in your studio.If you cared about me, you wouldn’t do this.”

“Why is it so hard for you to believe me?” Luke’s voice was shaky; his eyes watering as he stood less than 4ft from you, the distance felt like miles.

“Because Luke, you promised you’d be better and you're not!” You sniffled as tears began to fall from your eyes.

“Baby, I’m trying! You said it was okay if I tried to get better.” Luke asserted as he attempted to get closer to you.

“This isn’t the person I fell in love with. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

Tears shedding between the both of you as you wrapped your arms around your waist.

“Why are you saying these things?” He sobbed as he watched you intently.

“Because it’s true. You promised.” You wept as you listened to the silence surrounding the living room that once was filled with laughter and happiness.

“I know but please give me more time. I promise I'll make it up to you. Please.” He pleaded as you walked away avoiding eye contact as you walked into the storage room in search of your suitcase. He realized which room you went inside and followed, “What are you doing?”

You didn’t answer as you grabbed your biggest suitcase you used when you went on tour with him and walked past him. Walking down the hallway to your bedroom as he followed behind you. Through your tears you packed whatever clothes were nearest to you and packed them in the suitcase; a mixture of your tops and his went inside as you packed bottoms and underwear. You ignored Luke’s presence as you walked into the bathroom and found your toiletries before throwing them inside your backpack along with your laptop and chargers. You faced him as he covered his face with his hands to muffle his cries. You stepped closer to him, “Luke look at me.”

You wiped your tears as his ocean eyes met yours, “I love you, please get help.”

“Please don’t leave, I can’t lose you.” He begged, his broad shoulders slacked.

“You already did.” You voiced before leaving him in the bedroom. You walked down the hallway as Petunia got off the couch. You tuned out her whines and Luke’s pleading as you stepped out of the house and walked down the steps into the sunlight.

You were gone. He looked at the door, angry and frustrated. You left him when he needed you. He let you down, he didn’t get better. He looked around the quiet and empty room; your vacant presence evident as he longed for your voice. Your smile. The way you’d cuddle next to him. How you’d hold him when he was sleepy.

Leaving the bedroom he entered more emptiness. The sound of soft snores from Petunia in the background, he sighed as he walked to the counter. His arm stretched across reaching for the bottle and his eyes widened; what he feared was true. You wanted him to get help, he had a problem that was out of control. The epiphany rushed through him as he truly realized that he clung to the bottles on the counter as a lifeline.

He sent a text to the group chat with the boys letting them know you had left and that he needed to get help. Michael, Calum and Ashton sent their support and encouraging words as they offered to help him get through everything. Michael informed Luke that Crystal offered one of their AirBnB places to stay in the meantime, Calum told him he was on his way over to Luke’s place as Ashton searched for places he could get the help he needed.

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