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parfumieren · 9 months

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Puredistance I (Puredistance)

It has always existed, in a blinding variety of forms. It goes by many names, as if to confuse the seeker. It can be found everywhere, but only if you're looking.

If you travel to Polynesia, you will hear about mana, a spiritual quality found in people and objects of power. At Findhorn Garden in northern Scotland, they'll tell you about the tutelary deva that inhabits each flower and tree. The earthy and plainspoken Vikings knew it as vættur (wight) or álfr (elf)-- both personifications of a nameless, vital energy.

In ancient Rome, philosophers called it numen, ineffable presence; the Greeks called it a eudaimon and believed it responsible for conferring happiness on all mortal beings. In Japan, it is addressed as Ō-kami, honorable great being, and is reckoned mighty enough to shake the foundations of the earth.

Incarnated in this tiny sample vial, it is called Puredistance I.

For a perfume billed as one of the most exclusive on earth, it looks quite innocuous -- a glass tube full of rosy-amber liquid, enclosed in a clever white box which unfolds like a reliquary and snaps crisply closed as though it concealed a tiny, hidden rare-earth magnet. And it probably does. The full-bottle iteration of PI comes in packaging so deluxe that I probably couldn't afford it even if it came without the perfume. Sheathed in a protective block of Swarovski crystal as if to shield it from the world's contaminants, it is clearly meant to be perceived as a precious, even powerful substance, needful of careful containment. (If this were Pandora, the atomizer and cap would be made of pure unobtainium.)

Getting the sample vial open poses a challenge, as the plastic stopper appears to operate on a flexible ball-and-socket principle, ballooning slightly within the rim to create a hermetic seal. Obviously, if I want to gain access to the elixir inside, I'll be forced to work for it. My hands tremble during the procedure-- partly from effort, partly from terror. What if I should fumble and spill it? Would this be Joy all over again?

Finally the stopper slides through, and I hold the vial under my nose.

I suppose I've been conditioned to expect an aloof attitude from people and things of luxury-- a snobbish stance that questions my right to partake. But what wafts up to meet my nostrils was so friendly, so glad to greet me, I wonder if I'm imagining things. This isJoy all right; not Jean Patou's version, but the real thing. Who am I to argue?

I place my fingertip over the mouth of the vial, tip it, touch the perfume to the base of my throat, restopper the vial, and wait to see what will happen.

Over the next fifteen minutes, PI enters my aura and just-- proliferates. From a single point of contact on my throat, it seems to expand, multiply, fill my etheric body like helium. Sounds hippy-dippy? I agree. But I can't deny what it does for my energy. I have experienced the same effect when I've worn a particular quartz crystal next to my skin-- a thrum of electricity all through me, as if I've just plugged into a hidden power source. Although my morning began with various anxieties and tests of my patience, I now feel calm and grounded, all my tiny pinhole leaks repaired.

When you encounter it, you may be as incredulous as I am now. But there it is. So synchronized doI feel to Puredistance after half an hour that I forget I'm simply -- what do you call it? -- wearing a perfume.

Yet PI is a perfume. And what a perfume-- one of the loveliest I've had the pleasure to meet. Beginning with an awe-inspiring virtual sunrise composed of citrus-blossom notes, it wends its way slowly and meditatively through a garden of cream and butter-yellow flowers before coming to rest on a tender chord of musk. And the cassis? Irreproachable. PI contains blackcurrant the way a properly-mixed kir cleaves to the ratio of one-tenth crème de cassis to nine-tenths dry white wine. The result: crisp and sparkling, yet graceful and restrained. The implied presence of the round, ripe, glossy blackcurrant is far more effective than any crass surfeit of the fruit. (Got that, Thierry Mugler?)

Works of art perform many useful services for mankind, the greatest of which may be to liberate our emotions. Rare may be the perfume that accomplishes this feat; once encountered, it forces a shift in belief. I might have held PI at a skeptical distance if I had not experienced it for myself. Now, like one who has met the Buddha on the roadside, I understand why such great lengths have been traveled to present this fragrance to the world. It is precious. It is powerful. It goes beyond mere perfumery and enters the realm of the numen, the mana, the eudaimon.

I'll leave you with the one tiny word that changed a great man's fate forever. Is it any wonder he found it in an art gallery? Let him tell the story:

…I saw this ladder on a painting leading up to the ceiling where there was a spyglass hanging down. It’s what made me stay. I went up the ladder and I got the spyglass and there was tiny little writing there. You really have to stand on top of the ladder -- you feel like a fool, you could fall any minute -- and you look through and it just says "YES"…

Well, all the so-called avant-garde art at the time and everything that was supposedly interesting was all negative, this smash-the-piano-with-a-hammer, break-the-sculpture boring, negative crap. It was all anti-, anti-, anti-. Anti-art, anti-establishment. And just that “YES” made me stay in a gallery full of apples and nails instead of just walking out….

--John Lennon, describing his first encounter with the artist Yoko Ono, from a 1980 Playboy interview with journalist David Sheff

Scent Elements: Tangerine blossom, cassis, neroli bigarade, magnolia, rose wardia, jasmine, mimosa, amber, vetiver, white musk, and a mystery substance known as "parmenthia" about which I have been unable to find any information whatsoever, being that it never appears in anything but Puredistance ad copy and related reviews. Being an fan of Avatar, I like to think parmenthia only grows on Pandora, and is the "active ingredient" that fills this perfume with Eywa.)

#puredistance i #puredistance #perfume review #parfümieren

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thanksjro · 4 years

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More Than Meets the Eye #2- Yet Another Robot Falls Out of the Sky

Issue #2 opens with a phone call between Brainstorm and Rodimus, and it’s going well, all things considered. They only get sidetracked twice in their 30 second conversation, which is honestly pretty good for them.

Brainstorm and Perceptor have managed to suss out what exactly happened to make the quantum generators explode as fantastically as they did. Brainstorm’s calling now as opposed to after all the testing Perceptor wants to do, because he’s impatient and is so self-assured that he’s already got the answer, it might actually kill him to wait.

Yep, Brainstorm’s that guy who walks around talking on speakerphone in the middle of work. Is he doing it to keep Perceptor in the loop while he’s busy working on the generators? If he is, he’ll never admit it, because he’s too tsundere to admit he wants to be noticed by his science senpai.

Brainstorm, much like a majority of the Lost Light crew, has a complicated relationship with relationships.

Rodimus tells Brainstorm to get his butt out in the field, so they can find the rest of the ‘bots who got thrown through the stratosphere after the quantum jump, then takes another call from Chromedome, who’s over with Rewind and Hound pulling Cyclonus out of a lake. Chromedome and Rewind have run into the guy who committed an act of terror on their former place of employment twice in the last few hours. We’ll see just how the hell he wound up there a bit later on. What’s important in the here and now is the fact that we’ve gotten our first glimpse at Rewind’s magic color-changing pants.

Issue #1

Issue #2

What a strange and terrible power this tiny robot holds.

Up in the sky, a small yellow ship vops into existence from a portal that looks very similar to the one the Lost Light went through during their quantum oopsie. Inside, we find a guy who apparently fell asleep while holding a lit weld torch and a gun. He’s got no idea what’s going on, or who he is, or that he’s in grave danger.

Honestly, not the WORST name I’ve ever heard out of Transformers.

No, actually, that’s not his name, but rather some repressed trauma trying to work its way back up to the surface. His real name is Skids, and he’s just kind of making it up as he goes at this point, as he sets the ship to crash into the planet below and jumps out.

Now that’s just gratuitous.

This is about par for the course when it comes to Skids- he’s just so very extra, all the time.

The ship crashes behind him, and it would appear that vague sense of paranoia was completely justified, as the burning remains reconstitute themselves into multiple giant robots with swords.

So we’re gonna have to deal with that.

Back over on the Lost Light, Rung’s getting patched up by Ratchet, and we get our first taste of his perpetual forgettability. Of course, Rung knows who Ratchet is, because everyone does, and butters him up for no real reason other than he can, I suppose. Or rather, because Roberts was feeling a bit cruel.

Twist the knife a little more, why don’t you?

Of course, Rung’s assumptions are quickly dashed against the rocks, as Ratchet proceeds to loosen up his sticky fingers by smashing his hand with a mallet right beside him.

As Ratchet reattaches Rung’s arm, they get to talking about their new friend, Tailgate, who’s still passed out. Swerve’s watching over him, because he’s just a nice guy like that.

That’s the smallest Tailgate’s feet will ever be.

Drift calls the medical bay to let him know that they’ll be bringing in the guys who fell out of the ship, so Ratchet should put on a smile so they’ll feel better. This, of course, doesn’t sit well with Ratchet, who starts griping about Drift’s newfound hippy-dippy state of mind, a result of him having almost died back during the Chaos storyline. Swerve, never one to miss out on a good trash-talk session, starts feeding the fire, until Ratchet gets distracted and burns Rung by mistake.

Then Whirl wakes up and starts strangling people.

Whirl wasn’t meant to be on board this ship, and he probably hasn’t seen Rung since he got booted from the Wreckers, so waking up from a fight still raring to go and finding the guy who tried to make him connect with his Feelings™ hovering over him was bound to start some nonsense.

Ratchet tries to talk him down again, with Swerve “assisting”, but nothing seems to be getting through to Whirl until Rung threatens him with prison time. Whirl doesn’t like prison, to put it lightly, so he snaps out of his stupor, drops Rung, and leaves the medibay. No one is particularly sad to see him go.

All this commotion must have woken up Tailgate, who’s introduced to the others. He asks if he’s on board the Ark- you know, the one from roughly six million years ago- and suddenly all the weirdly ancient internal parts Ratchet found inside him start making a lot more sense. Swerve bribes Ratchet with food to get to be the one to break the news to Tailgate.

It goes about as well as one could expect.

Back over with Skids, we see that not everyone survived the fall through the stratosphere, as the burning bodies of Hyperion and Polaris sit in the foreground as Skids prepares to face off with the giant yellow robots.

Corpse desecration! Fun for the whole family!

Polaris slams into one of the yellow robots. Thinking quickly, Skids makes a makeshift bomb out of Polaris and a gun, blasting his fuel tank and making a very big explosion.

There’s still another robot to deal with, but it looked pretty cool.

Back on the Lost Light, Cyclonus seems to have recovered from his dip in the lake, and he’s finally getting his meeting with Rodimus.

They’re so awkward. I thought you two were supposed to cool.

Also, major dumbass points to Cyclonus for tying himself to the roof of the ship like camping gear on the top of a family sedan, and making it through a goddamned quantum jump.

Here we get a glimpse at the thought process behind Rodimus even bothering to be in the same room as this guy: Cyclonus turning on Galvatron back in Chaos probably gave him and Optimus an extra few seconds to save the entirety of reality from the Dead Universe. That’s a pretty big solid, and he recognizes that. However, there’s still the whole Kimia thing, which was pretty un-chill of Cyclonus to have been a part of.

It probably doesn’t help that the Venn diagram for “Lost Light crew-members” and “dudes who were on Kimia when shit went down” is practically a circle.

Yeah, Cyclonus kind of isn’t allowed to have friends until issue #21.

Cyclonus isn’t going to apologize for what happened on Kimia, because- and this is honestly a pretty fair point- virtually everyone on this friggin’ ship is a war criminal and ought to know the score by now. War is hell, y’all. He doesn’t want a fight, he just wants to cruise around on this space-yacht and chill out for a little while.

Like, perhaps love?

Nah, that’s crazy-talk. He’s too stoic and emotionally-dead inside for all that.

Rodimus hears him out, and agrees to let him stay on the ship, on the condition that he’s going to have to deal with Rodimus being the guy who’s going to judge his every move, like an easily-disappointed father. Rodimus will be Cyclonus’ Optimus.

Ultra Magnus comes in to add that if Cyclonus screws up, he’ll be breaking out the heavy hammer of justice to pound him flat.

Also, he brought Whirl. It’s time for Cyclonus and him to kiss and make up.

What a beautiful start to this friendship.

Back outside, Swerve’s accompanying Tailgate on a cool-down walk, so he doesn’t pass out due to stress twice in a 24-hour period. He’s probably uncomfortable when people start crying, which is a staple of the Tailgate-brand freakout.

I looked into this, and unless I missed something, the “overheating optical filaments due to emotional stress fizzing up and away from the eye” thing is the only real instance of Transformers being able to cry. Roberts really made the robots have a physiological response equivalent to crying so he could hurt them more thoroughly.

As they walk, Swerve starts asking questions, because he’s incapable of shutting up- literally, he has logorrhea. He asks to see Tailgate’s alt-mode, what he did for a living before he fell in the hole, what the ruined decal on his arm used to say, and it turns out that Tailgate’s a pretty interesting little dude. He was on a bomb disposal squad with the Primal Vanguard.

The two of them catch sight of Rewind and Chromedome on a cliff, and Swerve makes introductions, comparing the pair to Rack’n’Ruin in terms of closeness, Rack’n’Ruin being two robots who share a lower body.

You know, when it’s put like that it sounds a bit dirty, doesn’t it?

Skids falls into the scene, and demands that someone take the Inhibitor Claw off of his back. Chromedome obliges, because he’s the only one tall enough to reach Skids’ upper body. Once the thing’s off, Skids’ can activate his onboard weaponry, which he does with aplomb.

Chromedome, you fool! You’ve made him too cool!

As Skids kicks the ass of this mystery ‘bot, more of his memories come back, until all he’s missing is the short-term stuff. Once he’s done, everyone tells him how awesome he is, Swerve having maybe fallen in love just a bit, as he asks just what Skids’ whole deal is.

Skids is a theoretician, which means he forms/develops/studies the theoretical framework of a subject. I can’t imagine that pays too well, maybe that’s why he’s moonlighting as a hired gun or whatever.

Chromedome seems to know Skids, and invites him back to the Lost Light so they can try and figure out what exactly is going on with his brain, and also that gun that he’s been holding in his hand this entire time, but never noticed or used.

Yeah, that one.

Tailgate’s wandered off to get a closer look at the robot Skids annihilated, getting its last words: nineteen eighty-four. Guess he really likes Orson Welles as an author.

The Lost Light takes off, and as everyone congregates on the bridge, Rodimus wonders just what the hell he’s going to say to them all. Between Ultra Magnus’ bleak starkness and Drift’s blindingly sunshiney outlook, he figures that he’ll just wing it.

Down below, Swerve’s managed to convince Tailgate to try transforming, by way of talking his ear off, then walks away the moment he begins the conversion- he’s a little stiff, so it’s going to take a minute. Swerve starts chatting Skids up and poking him in the ass, because that’s what you do when you want to be friends with someone. And Swerve really, really wants to be friends with Skids.

Skids doesn’t really cotton to this whole questing thing the Lost Light’s trying to do, and asks for a little more clarification on just what exactly they’re trying to accomplish. He’s not super impressed with the information once he has it.

Rodimus, having collected himself enough to face the crew, announces the deaths of Ore, Polaris, and Hyperion, and that while their collective passing is very sad, they’ve got to press on with their journey. Their next scheduled stop is Crystal City, once they figure out where the hell that quantum explosion dumped them.

Whirl brings up the fact that every good adventure team has a sweet name. Swerve tries to pull a Chaos Theory Optimus and take back the suffix -cons by calling themselves the Crusadercons, but nobody seems too keen on that idea. Don’t worry, Swerve, you’ll get there one day.

While the boys try to name themselves, Rodimus is given the phone. Red Alert’s on the line, and he’s freaking out, because there’s a murderous monster on board the ship.

You can tell the art style hasn’t settled yet, because they’re still photoshopping the insignias on after the fact.

A sparkeater is a major problem, but it’ll have to wait until next month to be dealt with, because that’s our cliffhanger ending for this issue.

#transformers #jro #mtmte #liars A-to-D #issue 2 #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #comic script writing

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meditativeyoga · 7 years

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10 Myths About Yogis

Bad Yogi Erin Motz wants to set the record directly: Yoga exercise truly is for everybody. Right here she disproves 10 myths regarding yogis and their lifestyle.

As a previous yoga exercise course wallflower, I consider myself a professional on the outsider's picture of the yoga exercise area. As unenlightened maybe, it's very easy to paint a really one-dimensional image of what it means to be a yogi, but the yoga neighborhood isn't a one-size-fits-all group. Our variety doesn't vanish as quickly as we placed on our leggings. In the name of showing that yoga actually is for everybody, I would certainly like to disprove 10 preferred myths concerning yogis and their lifestyle.

Myth 1: All yogis are vegan.

Hi, have we fulfilled? I'm Erin, as well as you might understand me from Bad Yogi. Not remarkably, while I have crazy regard for vegans everywhere, it's not a selection I possess made for myself. I've been showing for over a years and I still enjoy the heck off of a hamburger, a large scoop of ice cream, and also an actual BLT occasionally. Because some of one of the most singing vegans take place to be yogis, it's simple to come to the final thought that people are in this way. Not so. Actually, even at some of the largest yoga exercise occasions, you'll find food vendors making wood-fired pizzas as well as pork belly noodle bowls and also guess exactly what? They coexist sympathetically beside the little juice bar and also vegan, gluten-free falafel stand. It's all good!

Myth 2: Yogis are all "energy" people.

Not all yogis are hippy-dippy, woo-woo, tree-hugging flower children who care much more about balancing their chakras compared to their checkbooks. The intangible aspects play a large part in lots of people's techniques, but often leaving that dismantle makes the entire thing seem a little much less daunting, which's absolutely OKAY. Feel confident, most people yogis are securely grown in the real globe and will not bore you to rips with a number of talk about the shade of your aura.

Myth 3: All yogis survive the left side of the political spectrum.

Yogis come from all parts of the world, each with their own life encounter, education and learning, household impact, as well as point of views. There are a million affects that form somebody's political beliefs, as well as no matter where you drop on the scale, you certainly won't be the only yogi there. (Living in France, I actually saw a Prius with a Trump sticker label on it-- anything is possible.)

Myth 4: If you're not super significant, you're not a yogi.

Have you ever came across Laughter Yoga exercise? It's basically the reverse of the austere, militant practices you might have seen in movies or TELEVISION programs. It's totally joyous and also downright humorous. A lot of one of the most famous yoga exercise teachers on the planet aren't scared to laugh at themselves or at the funny affectations of the yoga exercise technique. I as soon as reallied going to a Kundalini meditation where we actually sat in a circle and also chuckled while making eye get in touch with for 8 minutes. To every his very own: You could definitely locate some really sober courses, however you could simply as conveniently locate ones that are the polar opposite.

Myth 5: If you're not "good" at yoga, you have no company being there.

There is no such thing as being "bad" at yoga. You can be a Tin Guy with the versatility of steel, yet that does not make you "bad" at yoga. You can mentally curse your educator for making you hold Chair Present for too long, but that does not imply you're "bad" at yoga. On the other hand, the person who can hold Handstand for 3 minutes is no "far better" than you. They could have just developed specific skills or strengths that you have not yet, but they're no various from you as an individual OR as a yogi. The yoga practice is an equalizer, as well as all "better than" or "much less compared to" speech goes out the window below. End of discussion! Guarantee you'll never state that you're "bad" at yoga exercise again, OK? Great, pleased we agree.

Myth 6: You have to be a hippie to fit in with yogis.

Not all yogis have actually forsaken the splendors of shavers, deodorant, and basic health. Not all yogis live in the woodland and also invest their night and day waxing poetic concerning the merits of composting. Actually, practically every high-profile yogi with significant impact falls directly outside this fashion. I would certainly go even additional and also say that most people yogis you'll satisfy in your area look even more like you compared to they do like this photo I paintinged above.

Myth 7: Guys do not actually do yoga exercise ...

False, false, incorrect! If you go back to yoga's simple starts, it was virtually solely a males's task. Only since the westernization of yoga has it end up being a fashionable as well as occasionally female-dominated search. There possess been countless stories over the last couple of years regarding the NFL, NBA, and MLB presenting their athletes to yoga exercise because it makes them a lot more reliable entertainers and well balanced people. Experts and also policemans as well as firemans have actually integrated yoga into their practices due to the clarity it brings them in a demanding task. I might take place, but I'll leave you with this: Yoga is for individuals with bodies. If you have a body that breathes, you can do yoga.

Myth 8: All yogis are spiritual.

Many could disagree with me on this, but I securely believe that for some yoga exercise is just a physical method-- as well as that is flawlessly ALRIGHT. Some people could feel conflicted concerning the spiritual element, or merely just unready to begin on that component of the trip. This is fine! The terrific thing about yoga exercise is that it will satisfy you where you are. If that indicates you simply wish to develop a little a sweat and feel powerful in your body, then there's a yoga exercise class for you. The spiritual side is definitely readily available, however it's not compulsory if you're not looking for it.

Myth 9: Yogis are always peaceful.

Yogis are actual people. They experience the complete spectrum of feelings much like other human, as well as simply due to the fact that they can rest in reflection for 20 mins, does not indicate that they're constantly indulging in the white light of ideas. Yogis curse. Yogis get pissed off when they're running late for a vital meeting. Yogis turn out on their substantial various other for not placing the dishes away for the thousandth time. Yoga is a tool that can assist us refine these sensations, however it does not get rid of them.

Myth 10: You either like yoga exercise or you don't.

There are dozens of different yoga fighting styles, and also I absolutely believe that any person can find a variation that they enjoy. There's things from very athletic, rigorous designs of yoga exercise, to the a lot more calm, unbelievably spiritual styles. Beyond the designs, there are countless various educators! Each individual will bring you a various encounter, also within the very same fighting style of yoga. You never ever understand that or exactly what might reverberate with you. So if you really feel called to explore this method, do not provide up just since your excellent or 2 classes didn't rest well with you. Maintain searching! You'll locate your yoga home.

All this to claim, there is no person "kind" of yogi. Despite how well you assume you recognize something, there's always room to discover a lot more. Don't be scared to step outside your box, attempt something brand-new, as well as be open to how YOU, personally, experience it. You never ever understand what might happen.

#kundalini meditation #meditation #spiritual #Yoga #yoga practice

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pagingdoctordoesntgiveafuck · 5 years

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It’s New Year’s Eve, 2018!!! 🎉

Oh my fucking god a new year is about to begin!

Today is more than an arbitrary date to add some excitement, joy, and/or excelerant to the general let-down after the holidays depending on your mental state.

Figuring all that out is your deal, however, if you’re like me and you can’t wait to put your body to the test of champions this new year, or you’re just telling everyone that’s what you’ll be doing so they go mind their own business so you can carry about yours, below are some completely unverifiable and unsolicited medical, dietary, fitness, relationship, and mental health tips that you can definitely read and use but that’s totally your decision!

P. S. Recommended age of audience for this blog is 35+

Tip #1

I Gotta Lose Weight This Year For Real

That’s admirable as fuck. There’s a lot that goes into that, 78% of which being white, hot, blinding frustration, however you are actually not alone.

The secret to losing weight over time and keeping it off lies buried within the following blog:

https://quadcitycrossfitter.tumblr.com

You’re going to have to hunt for it.

“Honestly, better or worse than just getting a self help book. Like just as useless or???”

It depends on your patience level for creative grammar and your grasp on the use of sarcasm, however actual real, tested, proven (at least once), verifiable weight loss tips for gradual metabolic reset (What is that? Keep reading!) and maintaining a healthier BMI after overcoming morbid obesity is all up in those virtual pages so good luck to you.

Tip #2

I lost a ton of weight in 2018 and I’m saving up for plastic surgery this new year but it’s expensive, I’m just, like, really on the fence. How can I solve this debilitating preoccupation?!

Drink more water, get more restful sleep, be able to quickly identify anyone in your life that is exacerbating your preoccupation so you can limit their privilege of the use of your time, and learn the importance of stretching and body weight exercises.

“That’s seems like a lot of things.”

It’s 4-5 things.

“Also what are body weight exercises?”

Here’s some:

Tip #3

I’m single and I’m losing hope

Hey! Buck up, friend. You’re definitely not alone, depending on your personality. I totally get it! Dating is a little bit the worst, especially the older you get.

It seems like as people age they generally fall into one of two categories (of course there are exceptions):

A. The Lonely

and

B. The Annoyed

Do you know which one you are?

“Hahahahaha a little bit of A and a little bit of B. Just kidding A all the way hahahahaha, *sobbing*!!!!”

Guess what? Congratulations on being a normal human being with feelings. Also, maybe you’re more like 5% A and 95% B. Also cool, and wonderful, and what makes everyone so unique. Also, maybe you’re 150% B, which is totally cool also, just try not to be too much of a

C. The Asshole

ALSO: This is important. Maybe you think you are a B/C when you’re truly an A but you are concerned because you associate A with the most fucking annoying people on the planet and you kind of like a B or C and you don’t want to drive them away and blah, blah, blah. Who doesn’t relate to that? The only thing you can do is to be

D. Yourself

If people don’t like what you’ve got going on with your bad self, that’s their issue. Also, maybe you actually are the most fucking annoying person on the planet, that’s definitely your issue, however all you can be is yourself and then people can either deal or not and then, again, the issues ball is back in someone else’s hands where you don’t have to deal with it.

Some people would very much rather be single than in a garbage can of an abusive relationship. They understand life is too short and that life is meant to be lived to the fullest and all that hippy-dippy bullshit for real. That is a completely foreign concept in some areas of the country, however, that’s something you have to do some soul searching about to figure out and then you get to have whatever fun you can conjur up once you know that about yourself. You might actually someday meet someone who feels the same way and actually be in a happy and stable relationship.

If you are someone who must always be in a relationship or has a propensity for abusive relationships do not fuck with the type of person I’ve mentioned in the paragraph directly above this one.

You’re wasting everyone’s time, especially the person I’ve described in the paragraph directly above this one which might push the person you’re pursuing into 3,000% B (as described a little further up) territory which I don’t care how bad-ass you are, people that are too annoyed find pretty creative ways to not have to deal with whatever it is that is annoying/being too mean to them when it comes to actually being in a relationship with someone and there’s no need to start your 2019 off on a stupid note.

This is your year for love!

Why don’t you go take a basket weaving course or something?

Tip #4

You mentioned ‘Metabolic Reset’ earlier and I gotta tell you, my metabolism, like, HATES ME, tell me what’s up with that?

Honestly it’s strategic anorexia BUT only effective if you have a metabolic issue that you either created yourself from poor habits or maybe from a medication issue or maybe some sort of traumatic event or some hardly-plausible fucked up combonation of the three. This is getting into dangerous territory and they key lies within the power of your Google searching skills, whatever the cool mental illness is to tell everyone you have ends up being in 2019, and your ability to actually commit to forming and sticking to habits that you feel are important to you.

Also, maybe your metabolism should go fuck itself and you should find something else to fixate on because metabolic slowing is part of the normal aging process and you can definitely tamper with that if you want, but it’s a lot of effort and hello it’s cold outside. Consider going back to review ‘Tip #3’ and then keep your eyes peeled for someone who doesn’t give a shit about your metabolism and who you can cuddle (tee hee) and get drunk with you so you can watch your metabolisms crash and burn together.

I’m just kidding, ideally shoot for a balance between the two (in refrence to the paragraphs above).

But for real you can reset your metabolism but it’s pretty dangerous so go annoy a medical professional about all that.

If you talk to one that wants to fight me because of this please send them my way with just a courtesy head’s up on what kind of doctor they are so I know to what degree I will need to dumb down my defense.

Tip #5

I really feel like this new year will be my year, creatively. I’m ready to really embrace my expressive intuition and align my inner most...

Please do not hold back on sharing your Etsy page with friends and family in 2019. This very well could be your year!

Tip #6

I have a friend in need, I know I can make 2019 the year they accept Jesus as thier Lord and Savior

Hey, good for you for spreading the good word or whatever it is that you are doing but I’m just suggesting that maybe the lordiest thing you could do in this instance would be to maybe give that friend of yours some space. Maybe they already have a religion they both quasi-revere and ridicule mercilessly and your insistence on their need for whatever yours is exactly will just open up some sort of portal to anchient Vatican hell that no one wants to deal with. Also, sometimes people seem like they are in need depending on your inability to focus on yourself. There are totally plenty of people that need jesus though. Why don’t you consider taking a mission trip somewhere and see if you can find some people that way. If you get some sort of fucked up disease, parasite, or injury I unfortunately don’t have any unsolicited medical advice for any of that but may Jesus guide you quickly and comfortably into the light.

Tip #7

I have got to get control of my mental health this year!

Hey welcome to the club. It’s not that exclusive of a club because literally everyone is a member but you’re still totally unique and special. Maybe you need an emotional support. Have you considered a pet of some kind? Maybe you could look into your mind’s eye and materialize a spirit guide. People also make wonderful companions however if your mental health is truly that complex please make sure you widen your social network because catching and trapping just one emotional support actual person that you only need for your comfort and absolutely nothing else, especially if they are a B from ‘Tip 3’, is just a real waste of everyone’s time and resources. My real unsolicited advice is to go find a combo of an appropriate coping mechanism, counseling and/or therapy, and medication, however you gotta go figure all that out for yourself. Godspeed to you!

Anyway, have a wonderful 2019!!!

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