#don't try to find it im too embarrassed to connect it to my tumblr

[wndaswife]

Hello Rae! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ!

I just wanted to let you know that the song "18" by One Direction reminds me of you. I'm not a One Direction fan, but their lyrics seem fitting. I've been fond of you since you were 19, and I've been reading your rambles and enjoying your interactions with anonymous users. I hope you don't find me creepy, as my intentions are pure, and I'll remain anonymous since it's embarrassing.

In case you're wondering, when I said "I loved you since 19," I thought it was just a simple crush on Tumblr. But I don't understand why I've grown to love you, perhaps because of your works and who you are. I'm genuinely happy when you interact with 🍸, but I hope it ended well.

Anyway, thank you, Rae! I never believed in love or anything, but thanks to your life and your blogs, I've learned what the good of others means. I've also started to read philosophy to better understand your rambles, but it's embarrassing because confessing this on Tumblr is pathetic. I'm usually stoic and never show any affection, but social media is my biggest escape.

Thank you for being my escape, Rae. I hope you're okay, and thank you for your life! ʕ⁀ᴥ⁀ʔ!!

i don’t think this is creepy ahhhhhh this is so sweet T_T this is so…. 🩷🩷🩷 it makes me think firstly about how there is so much love in the world and around us that we don’t realize at all, and this applies to you too, and no matter how hard we try to imagine it we will never come to a proper understanding of how much love is around us and is because of us unless we tell each other! and secondly that it will always interest me how people connect with and to each other, how vastly different lives and all can affect each other in such intimate ways with no prerequisite

and also this isn’t pathetic at all and please don’t feel embarrassed, love and affection and intimacy r the most important things in this world but they aren’t treated as important as they should be when they aren’t expressed to others, which is why it’s so special to tell your loved ones and those you admire how you feel

this is really so sweet of you and im really happy u have ways to have an escape from things n to find a place that makes you feel loving n comforted and i feel very grateful and privileged that i am part of it

i wish to kiss you on the forehead and rub your knuckles with my thumbs when i hold both your hands then make u a nice meal and a warm drink :3 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 thank u for your really really kind words thank u <3333 i wish u a lot of love

#rae responds #anon

[junibugs]

girl sometimes I have the urge to start writing (including smut) but i actually cannot bring myself to do it like a) i feel it its gonna be mid and b) I genuinely cannot think of how to wrtie smut properly like I read all yalls other ppls stuff and Im like "damn some girl in they room write a novel Shakespeare would cry at". Im also somehow embaressed at the though of writing smut and kinda have the digital footprint fear and am afraid ppl irl would find it, so how did you feel when you started?

when i started my number one fear was definitely being scared that the people i know irl would find me, but thankfully tumblr is a niche enough app/website where i know good and well no one i know irl is gonna be on here unless they're equally as weird as me. second, i adopted a pseudonym (june is my middle name) just to further disconnect myself it because i was so embarrassed about writing smut at the time.

...

when it comes to writing it, what i find works best for me and flows best for me personally is reading the sentences in my head before i type/write them down. if a sentence flows and sounds good when you speak it, chances are it will sound good written down.

when i write, i don't try too hard to sound poetic or smart or anything like that, i try to sound moreso as real as possible. this is kinda off topic, but if youve seen the film 'little women' the scene where amy tells laurie that he's "being mean" is an example where simple language can be the most effective. "mean" is an easy word, not very descriptive, but it's what a real person would use in that situation.

i don't try to sound like anyone other than myself when i write, and sometimes that comes off juvenile, or sounds like jibberish, becomes so specific and niche that people can pinpoint exactly what i'm talking about, or is so broad that no one but me has a fucking clue.

on the digital footprint part; i promise you that unless you post some seriously concerning content that is directly connected to you, that no one is gonna come up to you and tell you "no you cant have this job because you write porn for fictional characters".

theres little to no worry surrounding someone you know irl finding your fanfiction, but rather someone who knows you from fanfiction finding you irl! but in that instance, they already know ur weird and silly so like... dont worry

[anxicecreamty]

I posted a fanfic impulsively and people are actually reading it and if they don't like it I'm going to never write again even though it's not really an accurate showing of what I can do as a writer but still I'm anxious and want people to like me and my writing and-

#shut up anx #rant #i posted a fanfic today #its really short #don't try to find it im too embarrassed to connect it to my tumblr #or anything really #its just ginna be there #chillin #and i wont link it unless im sure people actually like it #which means im probably gonna wait for comments #and if i never get comments I'll just #be really sad #please like my writing fandom

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I'm a bit embarrassed to ask this. Have you ever read a fic that, stylistically, it's beautiful, linguistically it's tight, and it's obvious the author poured their whole self into constructing the plot, crafting the world, and nailing down the characterizations, but... You just don't get it? Like, perhaps there's some insight you're missing, and it's almost there, you think maybe you're close to getting what the author is trying to portray, but you just can't make the connection necessary?

(Embarrassed nonny continued) You even reread to make sure you didn’t skip anything, but it’s like it just seems that something missing? Or that you’re the one missing something vital? So you go to the comments to see if anyone else is confused, but all you see are lovely, supportive compliments about how beautiful the story is (and it is), or how heartwrenching it is (usually so). But you seem to be the only one not getting it?

(Embarrassed nonny cont. again) Is it destructive to let the author know that I think a story is beautiful in it’s telling, but that I don’t quite understand it? I don’t want to offend the author, who has clearly worked very hard, and I appreciate them so much. But, I want to understand the story they’re telling, even if I’m the only one not getting it. If that even makes any sense. P.S.- thanks for always taking time to listen to fandom woes and fielding requests. You’re a champion! ❤

Hi Nonny!

First of all, there’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about! Stories are partly about authorial intent, and partly about reader interpretation; no two people will interpret a story the same, and no author SHOULD expect a reader to interpret their story exactly as the author intended. SHERLOCK is a perfect example of this (the writers SAY they meant it to be one thing and literally the ENTIRE FANDOM is divided on what’s actually being shown on screen), or if you want to be more classical, the works of Shakespeare as well.

In fact, Shakespeare is a perfect example of your problem: I love Shakespeare: it’s beautifully written, it sounds lovely to the ear, and it invokes imagery based on how someone interprets it. But I sure as heck have NO idea what I read until someone explained it to me, or how I SHOULD have interpreted it (which, is oxymoronic to my point, I know…). Only after I hear how someone else interpreted the work, I can then RE-READ a work and begin to understand what was meant by it, and then develop my own interpretations. 

I’ve read a few fics by a couple authors in this fandom where I LOVED their writing, but I had NO idea what was happening until I re-read the fics… it’s a reading comprehension thing with me, I’m sure (my brain tends to move a bit quicker than I can read and talk, and in turn it also tends to wander when my eyes aren’t going fast enough, LOL), but a lot of times, if I just read a fic a second time I can then grasp the words my brain omitted the first time and then really enjoy and love the fic. I hate that about me, but that’s how my brain works… Perhaps it may be the same with your brain? If a fic is well written and you enjoyed it but just had some comprehension issues, perhaps a second read-through will help you as it has done with me :)

So, now to answer your question: if after reading a fic, and you don’t understand it, is it okay to ask the authorial intent of the story? Unfortunately, there is no yes-or-no answer to this question, Lovely, as every author is different. Personally – and this is just for me speaking, and what I would do or what I would not mind if I were the author – I think it’s alright, so long as you are respectful to them! Dig around their user pages and you can often find ways to interact with the author outside of their fics, or information about whether or not they want to read criticism etc. on their stories. If an author doesn’t want any interaction, they’ll be very clear about it, but most authors have ways to get in touch with them, so to ME that’s a saying “hey, if you have any questions, here’s how to get a hold of me!”. 

If they have a Tumblr with asks turned on, you can even do it like you have done for me here; write exactly what you mentioned, just tweak a few things: Mention how much you love their prose and their storytelling, and you can really feel how much love they put into the story. You found it interesting, though you’re unclear on a few parts. Ask them kindly how they intended for an audience to read it. Many creators appreciate honesty when talking about their works, so just be honest and say that you didn’t understand something and wouldn’t mind a bit of clarification about something. They can’t fault you for not understanding something, and if they do, well… I find that rather ableist, in my opinion: That’s like telling someone with dyslexia to just stop mixing up letters, or someone who’s native language isn’t English to just learn one of the most complex languages in the world with so many structure rules that make no sense half the time…. *shrugs* It’s harsh of me to say, I am sorry about that, writers, but reading comprehension doesn’t come easily for everyone.

ANYWAY, back to my point: An author, so long as you are respectful (and maybe peppering in some compliments and praise never hurts either… a lot of us creative-types have praise kinks) and don’t throw a backhanded compliment (like don’t say: “Your work is so amazing! Though I think you should make it easier for people to understand it, your words are too complex”), they will be more than happy to write out their intent for the story. Let them know it’s YOU who’s not understanding (so, “I have trouble understanding this part” as opposed to “you should make this work easier to read for everyone”… make the onus on YOU). DON’T be demanding (like, don’t say something that can be interpreted as “it’s YOUR responsibility to cater to MY need to understand”), and be patient for a reply.

You can see why this isn’t an easy yes-or-no answer, LOL. 

Essentially, kindness begets kindness, and respect begets respect. And –  this isn’t an attack on you personally with regards to this ask, because I know my audience are adorably shy beans – it might be a show of good faith and intentions to stay off anon when you ask your question; it shows the author that you aren’t being malicious, just simply a smol bean who loves stories and want to learn more about theirs. BUT, it IS okay to stay on-anon if you are shy / worried about not the author but other people interpreting it the wrong way, just make sure you tailor your question to the author in a respectful way that it comes across as respect. Perhaps something like this:

Hi, [author]! I really love your story, [story title]! It’s well-written and I can really tell how much you love this story and how much soul you put into it. I just had a question for you with regards to [name concern here]. [state question here]. I have trouble sometimes with [reading comprehension, English/language, dyslexia, etc.], and I would love to know what your ideas and thought process was for [character, plot point, situation, etc.]. Understanding what the author intended really helps me enjoy the stories even more than I already did, and your thoughts would be really helpful for when I re-read your story! Thank you so much for your time, and thank you for blessing us with this beautiful story!

Or something like that, LOL. And if you genuinely aren’t a native-language speaker, let them know that it’s not your first language so you’re just honestly not grasping a colloquialism that’s common in English but not in, say, German. It’s more common than you think! I’ve had people ask me in private before about a phrase I’ve written or about how they should interpret a meta of mine; I’ve never taken insult upon it, and in fact I love helping people understand my work so that they can enjoy other peoples’ content in the future. 

As an additional thought I just had, I think a good example of fandom-understanding-authors is, actually, the @johnlockficclub; every couple months or so we read new stories, and then at the end of the story, we ask authors our questions about their intent of the stories, and in turn the author gets an interesting (I hope) insight into how various people interpreted their stories. Even during the live-chats leading up to the author q-and-a, we all see how we each interpreted certain sections of the chapters we read that week, and see various viewpoints we never considered. So I think that is a wonderful way to see authorial intent vs. reader interpretation, and as far as I know, all the authors we’ve “interviewed” loved just getting that kind of feedback for their stories. You should join in on at least the author interviews just to see how they go and give you some ideas on how an author will take feedback. It’s so fascinating to me!

Just a fun little anecdote that oftentimes, it is a positive experience for an author because most of them love to talk about their stories – their stories are their children, and they care deeply for them, because it’s a part of them, and it’s an expression of their love. They WANT you to understand and enjoy their work. It’s a cyclical thing: if you understand their children so you can love them too, then they will love their fanbase and will want to continue to write since they received feedback that was validating to them that they produce work that people enjoy and want to know more about. 

Finally, I’d love for some authors to weigh in on their thoughts about this; would you be offended if someone loved your story but would want your clarification on some things, or want to know how you intended for the audience to perceive it? Please let us know!

Sorry this answer was so long, but I hope it helps!

P.S. Aww, you’re far too kind, Nonny! me. XD

#steph replies #my advice #fan fiction #authorial intent vs reader interpretation #my thoughts #Anonymous

[ghiblicottage]

see for me it's weird like, i like porn (i'm trying to stop for religious purposes), but i don't feel sexual attraction to people?? ever?? how do those two things integrate??? am i demi?? idk man idk it's confusing

dude same like ive been in this cycle of “wtf am i” for months/years now and i still have nothing figured out its exhausting

oh man this is gonna be long ill just go on a rant of all thats been going on on my mind for all this time lmao this is way too personal but whatever if not here where am i gonna share any of this … so all my rambling under the cut for anyone curious about my experience with being ace (probably, idek tbh)

i just? don’t feel things toward people ? but sex & love are okay/appealing to me? but also how the fuck should i know if i like it ive never tested it

and theres this constant pressure of telling wether you like males or females and u like? both? neither? idk ?? i just dont feel any different toward them? can’t tell wether its because im attracted to both or none? i can tell wether people are pretty, gorgeous, pleasing to look at even hot? but? boobs, penis, butts, pussy all that shit is just the same for me i can look at them i get this big nothing inside me … 

when i talk to my friends about it, okay im not blunt about it i try not to sound weird cause the real word is Judgy lmao but like id go “so like what’s sexual attraction for you?” and then theyd tell me “idk it feels kinda hot down there and shit when you look at someone hot” and yep none of that for me but then for the big Straights™ they are it’s obviously because im closeted gay or im just weird and prude you know, and on tumblr where the Gays are more vocal and share their experience i just cant relate either? so i just end up feeling like i fit in nowhere you know

kinda why itd be nice to have more asexual characters in popular media cause honestly im not here to explain over and over what it means to people who will only think that it makes you weird like yeah no thank you, so id like to be able to go like “you know that famous character ? yeah im like that too” and be done with it

ive come to define being ace as the opposite of bi, like we feel the same toward anyone as straight people feel toward the same gender and gay people feel toward the opposite one, if that makes any sense

but where do you go from there? sometimes ill get these fantasies about being in love and being in a relationship and being loved by someone and id be craving physical affection and hugs and just not feeling this void inside me but then i get confused as to wether or not i would be able to reciprocate any of that affection and if yes with who then? like what can i promise if i get in a relationship? are my feelings gonna be as deep as yours or is it just on the surface, if you wanna get physical how far am i gonna be able to go? i just got this endless list of questions going on and on and on its… exhausting

things like porn and smut, i think i like it but its more of a way to visualize things i dont know of i guess rather than something deeply exciting to me… im guessing people who really feel sexual attraction like it more, seeing all those naked people and stuff idk … like just when my brothers talk about “boobs” (okay theyre like 14 and 17 so not quite the reference but whatever) or when my friend talk about guys they find hot, i mean i can see that it’s sexual attraction they’re talking about and im just here yeah those are big stacks of meat but whatever you do you i guess

and when it comes to “love” i know that i want it you know i havent been fantasizing and getting all these butterflies over my ships since i was 10 for nothing, i crave this deep emotional connection, but also i cant seem to be able to feel it for anyone ? the closest ive gotten to a crush was when i was 14 and this guy said he genuinely liked me, as in liked my personality (because i got quite a few guys asking me out just for my looks who had never even talked to me and it always made me incredibly uncomfortable), and i got butterflies about it for like a day and a half lol but then it went away pretty quickly anyway and turned out he had a crush on my best friend which honestly didn’t even disappoint me… i think i just liked the idea of someone liking me for who i am you know. and i dont think ive ever felt anything like that for anyone since then so …  i also have never fell for my girl friends which i heard is a thing commonly experienced by lesbians

and here comes the confusing part, because if im gonna watch porn id rather watch lesbian porn, het porn makes me uncomfortable more than anything its like always about the male gaze, male pleasure idk, and i know lesbian porn is pretty much always about the male gaze too unfortunately but at least it shows female pleasure you know… and also i feel like girls smile more in lesbian porn which i like better but im not an expert lmao, and AT BEST id rather watch a good movie sex scene where ive been able to watch the people fall for each other first like in the handmaiden for exemple. But when it comes to fic/smut fic (and general shipping) i think i only ever read m/f ones, i think the idea of a guy falling in love with a girl is a thing i really love cause forgive me but irl guys dont seem capable of any emotions… SO what does that mean ?? wtf am i?? i dont fucking know smh

basically i guess all i can say is im on the ace spectrum and everything is confusing af, and im completely oversharing so feel free to ignore lmao but i thought maybe some confused ace over there might like to read about someone who has somewhat of a similar experience idk, id like that i guess, it’s kind of hard to find a place to fit in anywhere so its nice to feel a sense of belonging like we’re not alone or broken and all that

i hope i havent been too disrespectful or anything, also i kind of dont really like watching porn and, i mean its not like im a big consumer of it anyway, but im thinking of stopping too because this industry is incredibly hurtful to women and i think its good that you are trying to stop! 

anyhow im embarrassed now lmao i cant believe im sharing all that but whatever here we go

#anon #asks #ace tag #i'm so here for people sharing there ace experience in my ask box #im completely over sharing lmao #if anyone feels like psychoanalysing me go ahead lol #please though dont send me hateful stuff cause i got bad anxiety about those #also ive always wondered if maybe those lack of feelings are realted to symptoms of depressions idk #Okay i need to stop #im gonna hide in the corner now goodbye