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rendezvousrenjun · 4 years

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party 4-2 | l.jeno

↬ due to unfortunate circumstances, you and jeno have to pretend to date at a party, the only problem is that both of you have suppressed feelings for one another and can’t seem to admit it.

fluff + angst | 5.5k words | beware! cussing, suggestive themes, mentions of cheating and drinking :(

(a/n: happy jeno day! this was originally a request with : fake dating + #5,6,&12, but i got quite carried away! Italic dialogue indicates flashback. hope you enjoy <3)

Jeno’s grip around the leather steering wheel tightened like the knot that built at the pit of his stomach. On his wrist was a watch that seemed to tick too slow, or too fast-- he really didn’t know. He did know that he was parked in front of your apartment complex. And before he was parked in front of your home, he had cleaned up the front seats so that there was enough space for you to move your feet around or place your bag down. He wasn’t necessarily messy, but in front of you he was always a klutz.

He shifts around, checking his car mirrors and pressing the light on and off, pretending he was Batman sending a signal, before taking a deep breath.

“I’m glad we were both hired, huh Jeno?” You had been sitting at the metal break room table, already dressed in your denim apron and matching hat. Tapping your foot excitedly, eyebrows raised at him as he got ready himself for your first shift together. He was tying up the loose ends of his apron behind him, smiling at you softly. “Turn around.” You got up to help him, impatiently excited to work at your new job as a barista.

You gingerly took the denim around his waist, making sure you were gentle as you tied it in a secure knot.

He vividly recollects how he had to look away from you, scared of his flushed ears making an appearance. It was a small gesture, but despite being friends with you for so long, every little thing you did made him fall for you even more.

That was your first job. The both of you experienced it together. And now Jeno and you were going to attend your first college party together too.

Seeing your shadow peeking around the corner he was aware of your presence. It retreats in hesitation in and out of view, until it makes a clear decision to approach him. He counts in his head the number of steps you take until you’ve arrived in front of him. On the outside he’s composed, calm, refined but on the inside-- well. Don’t worry about it.

“Yes??”

At the time, he was studying (more of using his phone to play a game) at the student library, which you knew you could find him at. He knew that you could find him here too.

You swivel a seat from the side, dragging it to place it beside him. He closes the book he mindlessly pretended to be reading slowly, as if to absorb whatever context it may have had.

“So Mark invited me to this party…” you start, mind zoning out slightly when Jeno’s gaze meets yours and you take notice of the eyelash under his glasses’ lens, “wait you have an eyelash.”

He closes his eyes and let's you sweep it off his cheek before continuing, “so Mark’s party… what about it?”

“Well,” the warmth of your fingertip leaves his face and he has to pretend like his heart isn't irregularly beating because of you, “you know I haven't been to like an actual, you know, party and I always hear crazy stories about getting your drink spiked and whatnot and I don't know if I wanna go alone, you catch my drift?”

“Mmm I kind of catch your drift, but also-- so you don't want to go to Mark's party anymore?”

“Not necessarily! I do want to go, it's just I don't want to go alone. I think it would be safer to go with someone.”

“Why don't you ask Ryujin to go with you? Then you guys could even get ready together, isn't that fun?”

“That does sound fun… but..”

“But what?”

You press your lips together, “I think I would feel safer going with you, I don't know.”

“All you had to do was ask directly bro.” He rolls his eyes at you jokingly, putting his stuff back into his backpack.

He knew you must've been excited. It was Mark who had asked you after all. And Mark Lee’s place was the designated party house known on campuses that weren’t even yours.

So why was he anxious now? It’s just a party. A party where you two go together. It's not like you two were dating.

He presses a button to turn the radio on, trying to zone out instead.

The knock on his passenger seat window brings him out of his internal monologue. He unlocks the door. When you enter, so does the intoxicating smell of your perfume.

“Jeno!!” you climb into the seat next to him, double checking if the door is locked.

He lowers the volume a bit and turns the keys, moving his head to look at you. His heart twinges a bit at the sight of you. He wants to tell you you’re gorgeous, but he swallows his words before they could surpass his lips.

“y/n!!” he says instead, “are you excited!?” To which you respond back by shaking your head vigorously. “Okay, let’s have fun.”

He starts up the car and glances at you again. “Wait y/n seat-belt.”

“Oh yea,” you pull on the strap a bit recklessly which causes it to jam, “just a second” you retract it back and try to pull it again but it stops, “this seat-belt is playing with me let me try it this again--” Jeno sighs and unbuckles his own. You look over to him as he reaches over your shoulder, causing your head to look up at an angle so he could fix it for you. The close proximity makes your stomach uneasy and you could feel the tips of his strands of hair light brush over your neck. When you hear the click, you face Jeno again, a smile creeping up your face out of nerves. He smiles back at you before finding his place back to the steering wheel.

Funnily enough he’s less nervous now that you are actually with him, comfortable to be in your company. The night sky was a clear blue-black, like a large obsidian stone glazed over your heads. There was a thrill that came with being in Jeno’s roughed up car, memories upon memories laying in here. You roll the window down a bit to catch the light evening breeze, closing your eyes to feel it against your skin.

“What if I do this move on the dance floor?” you open your eyes and start shaking your head vigorously, not matching with the rhythm of the song playing, your hands make micro-movements as if you were doing the robot, “don’t you think I’ll charm everyone there?”

Jeno glances at you quick, his eyebrow perched a little higher in expectancy to see something graceful but instead he bursts out laughing, choking a bit at the sight of you, “you’re going to get us into an accident with those possessed moves I-” he continues to laugh, his chest heaving up and down as he tries to concentrate on the road, “that’s something Donghyuck would do.”

“You’re right my neck is getting sore,” you wrap your hand around it, “oh talking about Donghyuck, did you hear his story about that time he jumped off the roof at one of Mark’s parties?”

“No way Donghyuck doesn’t have the balls to do that-”

“Hey it was a Mark party, anything can happen. But I doubt it’s true.”

“Yea…” Jeno makes a right turn, “his bones would’ve been broken the next day in class, a little suspicious that he came in fine in my opinion. But then again, didn’t Hendery break Mark’s light fixture in the living room? Mark posted it on his story that one time remember?”

“That’s so wild dude… I hope nothing bad happens.”

“Same, I’m getting drained just thinking about it.”

“But you know what? This is good! We should just experience a party like this at least once in our prime time aye Jeno?” You nudge him lightly on his thigh earning a “mmm” back.

Jeno changes the music station, forgetting he has an aux cord. Mark’s house in the hills is still miles away, numerous drugstores and fast food restaurants passing your car swiftly.

“Wait Jeno can I put this emergency sandwich in your car compartment?” The two of you are nearing a red light.

“Your what now?” he glances at you during the stop to find you already opening it up, “oh gosh please dont forget it like the emergency cookies or the emergency juice box.”

You shut the compartment, squishing down the bread so it fit. “But you still ate them didn’t you!? Like after five months when you were starving for a snack so they did have a purpose in the end!”

You turn your head back to him and the bright light turns green, placing an ethereal glow upon you. He subconsciously begins to smile.

“Okay you have a point, you have a point.”

You two are able to hear the house before you can even see it. You honestly believed parties like the ones Mark Lee hosts only existed in the movies. But they seem to also exist in the two-story rented house he and his roommate Yuta often rented for occasions like these. You always wondered how he learned such a skill, but that’s a secret he’ll never tell.

As Jeno rolls up the hill’s parking lot, steering with the both of his palms in order to parallel park between the abundance of cars and others attending, the villa’s full picture comes into view. The house is decorated with out-of-style Christmas lights and is painted an awful bright green color, the grass on the front lawn artificial with fake red and purple plants poking out wherever people didn’t step. Such a huge estate turned into a fun house could only be the doing of its occupants and host.

Once parked, Jeno clambers outside to open the door for you. “Do you need me to help you with your seatbelt again?”

“Damn Jeno, what a fine gentleman like you are, they don’t make em like you anymore.” you joke with him, laughing at his unamused face. He slams the car door back on you, the sound of you laughing muffling out as he starts walking to the entrance slowly.

“Hey!” he smiles to himself hearing your shoes clank with the cement to catch up to him. He turns his head to look back and your hand runs through his hair aggressively, messing up the overall shape molded from the gel. He sticks his tongue at you and enlarges his nostrils in false annoyance, not bothering to fix himself up anymore.

The huge wooden doors are already wide open, red solo cups littered amongst the sides of it and a welcome mat that says “kool kids only” beneath your feet. You guys walk in and already there's a certain mood established within the vicinity. As if the world around you has been thrown into a slow motion montage of every party scene in coming-of-age movies. The light fixture has since been replaced to a disco ball, the walls splattering with neon lights which your eyes had to adjust to after a while. Jeno pats your arm and points out the huge stereo system against the broken window that allowed some air to be pushed in amongst all the sweaty bodies. People were already resting their arms against the staircase railings, despite it only being nine o’clock. The glitter and extravagance of it all was fresh and unlike any other party you have attended.

You make sure not to lose sight of Jeno as you guys move closer to the crowd. “Where do you think Mark is?”

“Probably in the bathroom!” the music and people talking start to drown out your voices. Jeno starts to push through the crowd in order to get to the kitchen or dining room, struggling to not get stuck in between. You use your elbows as a way to distance yourself from people who are getting too close to your liking, but before you know it Jeno is no longer in arm’s reach.

“Jeno!” you shimmy through the bodies making you a bit uncomfortable with how many people have already touched you while passing. He turns back to wait for you and when you finally make your way beside him he lightly lays his hand on your waist.

“Hey be careful where you’re going.” He doesn’t let go of you until you’ve cleared through the main hall.

There’s an entire spread of food on the counters. How does anyone afford this much food? The takeout trays are layed out with serving spoons and paper plates have been carelessly placed in one corner, whereas the actual utensils are in the other. If there was one thing Jeno and you have heard about Mark’s parties aside from the crazy shit that goes down, it would be the food.

Seeing it finally in front of you, the both of you let out a small gasp in sync. Huge smiles making their way to your lips. Jeno is already grabbing you two plates.

“Did you bring the ziplocs?” he hands you your plate while you two make your way to the first tray.

“It’s like you read my mind.” You reveal the ziploc bags in your handbag with a grin of confirmation. He holds them open for you as you begin to pour in the dry snacks first. “We’re like partners in crime right now.”

He wishes you were partners in general.

“Well, well, well looks like you two are ripping me off! I caught you red handed!” Mark grabs a chip from the tray, cutting in between you and Jeno. “The look on your faces is priceless! Like you’ve been caught red-handed!” Mark starts going into a giggling frenzy indicating he’s a little tipsy. That and the smell off his clothes. “Aren’t my parties the best??” He points over to the bowl in the center, “have you tried the punch? Wait a second--”

His facial expression changes, scanning you both up and down as if he was playing a game of spot the difference. He points at the both of you repeatedly as the two of you stand there dumbfounded at what connection he made.

“You” he points at Jeno, “and you” he points at you squinting his eyes hard, “why didn’t you tell me you guys are dating?”

Now he’s done it. Mark released the bomb that you and Jeno have not been able to discuss. The two of you flare up in red, ready to argue and instantly defend that that’s not what’s going on. Well, you were ready. Until both you and Jeno see your ex heading over your direction.

Jung Wooyoung.

Jeno will forever remember your ex boyfriend. The three of you had been good friends before you got together. He introduced you two, unknowing of what was going to happen amongst you guys. It was on a Monday night, where the coffee shop wasn’t as busy and that night both of your shifts had matched up.

Wooyoung had pushed open the glass door instead of pulling it, yelling “Jeno!! That door was playing with my feelings!!” as soon as he entered. But Jeno wasn’t at the cash register. It was you.

Wooyoung had heard about you of course. You were the cute girl who Jeno always talked about. He had seen your pictures with him on Instagram, but he didn’t know you were this beautiful in real life.

“I’m gonna ask y/n out.” He had told Jeno after a couple weeks of the three of you hanging out more frequently. “It’s not like you like her right? You only told me you thought she was cute.”

Jeno didn’t know how to respond at that time. He didn’t want to ruin anything for the two of you. But he was sure Wooyoung already knew how he felt. How he has felt for you for a long time.

“You don’t need to tell me, she’s her own person. She can make whatever decision she wants.”

Jeno remembered Wooyoung asking you out in front of everyone in that damn cafe. He remembered how bashful you got and how you had to cover your face in embarrassment. He tried getting over you then. No matter how much you two tried to include him when hanging out it always ended with him going home first.

But then the fights came. He didn’t know if it was because you weren’t what Wooyoung totally pictured in his head, or if the two of you just weren’t as compatible as you thought.

Safe to say, the break up was not pretty.

You were late to your shift that day. Jeno had checked his watch a couple times within the hour. When you finally entered, you came in silence, not sparing him a glance, eyes glued to the floor all the way to the back.

And he remembers. He remembers keeping an eye on how you were doing. You were desperately trying to tie your apron around your waist, but he could hear you sniffing despite your back facing him. He went back to making drinks, usually minding his own business when it came to your personal problems within your relationship with Wooyoung. But while making a drink he heard you crash to the floor and immediately checked the back to see you sobbing on the floor. Your apron never got tied. Your knees seemed as if they were being hammered down bit by bit, your body collapsing within itself. Your sobbing made his own heart breaking into pieces at the sight of yours being torn apart.

He places his arms around your back, embracing you in a way where he didn’t see your face. He crouches so that he resembles a blanket wrapped around you. “What happened?” His voice is scared to speak.

“Wooyoung” your voice is jagged and choked up, “h-he was in bed.” the more you wail, the more Jeno squeezes your back, the rhythm of his heartbeat pressed against you to calm you down. “With someone else--”

Jeno couldn’t believe it. Wooyoung couldn’t do that. He refused to believe his good friend could ever cheat. How shitty, vile, disgusting. He can’t believe it. Not his Wooyoung.

Jeno doesn’t know that Wooyoung chased after you and saw you two on the floor. He observed the two of you holding each other. He snickered to himself, unbelieving. The answer was always in front of him all along. He left without a word or appearance.

It hadn’t registered within your head that Wooyoung was within ten feet of you two again.

“Well?” Mark’s voice raises in excitement, eyeing the two of you. You eye Jeno, searching his face for some sort of response, not knowing what to do in this moment. You’re stuck.

Jeno finally looks down at your face, frozen and afraid of confrontation. Wooyoung is getting closer to the three of you. Fuck it. Jeno wraps his arm around your shoulder, causing you to defrost under his touch. “Sorry we didn’t tell you Mark.” Jeno smiles at him stiffly, then you wrap your arm around his waist.

“Yes.” You say in strong confirmation. Wooyoung is now in ear-shot. “Jeno and I are together.” The word “together” falls out of your mouth effortlessly and proud. Wooyoung stops walking towards you guys. He stands around the corner diagonal to you and pretends to be absorbed in the punch Mark was talking about earlier.

“Wow! Finally! I knew you guys were going to end up together eventually, I was hoping Jeno would eventually let you know how he feels.” Mark pats Jeno’s shoulder, the expression like a proud father, “well Ima go, see you lovebirds around.”

Jeno starts to free you from his tender grip, but you keep his waist glued to you. He gets the message and moves in front of you and grabs the counter behind you so that Wooyoung is unable to see you from his back. Under his gaze the blush runs from your face to places unseen. After saying something as bold as that things are never going to be the same. After hearing what Mark said, every moment has become unrelentingly uneasy, but in a flustering, butterfly-inducing type of way. You stammer as you bring yourself close to Jeno’s ear, holding the nape of his neck to whisper, “thank you Jeno.”

His hot breath runs chills down your shoulders, “of course.”

“Is it okay if we pretend we’re together for the rest of the night? Play it safe?”

Jeno takes a deep breath, you can tell he’s reluctant at first, before he breathes out in what resembles a soft sigh, “deal. Just make sure you remember to take back your emergency sandwich by tonight.”

Your laughter flourishes up into Jeno’s ear, your head moving back to your prior position. You lightly push his shoulder that doesn’t budge as he continues to adore you and silently laugh with you.

Wooyoung walks away from the scene.

You end up pushing Jeno’s shoulders so that he could lead the way. The two of you navigate a couch lodged in a corner in one of the living spaces upstairs. It was less chaotic than downstairs, but the couch still had oddly suspicious stains all over it, and people were still getting wasted. You plop him down onto the couch first, holding his shoulders, until he takes ahold of your forearm to take you down with him.

Hours are spent talking about anything and everything, your head finding its way on Jeno’s shoulder as he takes out his phone to show you a game he started to play recently. When you talked, the bottom of your jaw tickled but he didn’t ask you to remove it. You press your nose into his shirt, your voice muffled, “do you smell that?”

“Smell what? The alcohol?”

“Yea, everyone is getting wasted, the smell is really pungent.”

“Do you want to drink? I’m going to be driving so you can if you want.”

“I want to, but you know I shouldn’t, and you shouldn’t be letting me because remember last time I tried to and then..gosh.”

“Ohhh yea the banana--” you clamp his mouth shut with your palm and raise your hand to look at him seriously.

“That’s enough of that Lee Jeno.”

He playfully protrudes his lips out so that he kisses the inside of your palm, making you retract it in surprise. He just laughs at you trying to wipe it off on his pants instead of your own. You look at him, an expression that is supposed to show how annoyed you are supposedly being there (spoiler: you just looked funny to him).

After catching his breath from laughing at you he slips, “Man, I didn’t drink but why do I feel so drunk on you?”

Realizing what he had said, suddenly both of you are silent, awkwardly glancing around the room fighting off the feelings that have been slowly seeping out bit by bit throughout the night.

“Maybe I do need a drink” you mutter under your breath, fanning yourself. He takes the hand that you’re using to fan yourself, your palms now sweaty from the skin contact.

“y/n, do you want to dance with me?”

And on that note, the two of you clumsily made your way downstairs.

Jeno thought he would always be the second lead in your life. The one who never gets the girl no matter how much he likes her. But the thing was, he was fine with being your friend. He thought he could probably go his whole life without needing to be with you romantically because he cared more about you as a person in general. Whatever made you happy made him happy. But what if he made you happy? What would he do then?

Now that the two of you were busting it down on the dance floor, gracefully or not, he realized that tonight this was just a party for the two of you. A party for two. You take his hand and twirl him around in circles and he starts swaying his hips to the beat.

“Dammmnnnnn” you start hyping him up, “get intoooo itttt!”

He’s so embarrassed but he’s enjoying himself, the humidity making you guys sweat and hair stick up in weird places. The two of you dance hip to hip, up grooving side to side with one another until you’re molded into one.

He ends up holding you close to him, taking you by surprise. You giggle, not knowing what he was doing but his voice is low, “he’s coming.”

Your body stops moving. Reliving the devastation you had once felt without any closure. Jeno keeps you faced the opposite direction, safe in his arms. But you had enough. You were sick of hiding. It was time to get into control. You softly break away from Jeno and turn around to face Wooyoung for yourself.

He’s the same.

“y/n. Jeno. what a surprise, you guys know Mark too?”

“Yea we do.” Jeno smiles at him, but you could tell it wasn’t sincere.

“How long has it been since we were all in the same room, huh?” Wooyoung keeps looking at the two of you. It made you mad for some reason. As if he was piercing remarks and judgements through his eyes.

“I don’t really want to talk to you Wooyoung.” Wow. You haven’t said that name in so long.

“Ohhh I see what’s going on here” he gets closer to Jeno, the music starts swelling and the air has become unbelievably stuffy, “how’s my old friend Jeno?” he puts a hand on his shoulder and Jeno shrugs it off.

Wooyoung smirks to the side, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He looks Jeno dead in the eyes glaring at him, “I fucking knew it. How you two were just gonna start seeing each other after I leave the picture, took a year or two but you did it Jeno,” he scoffs, “I knew something was up with you two since the beginning, I shouldn't have even asked. Look where the fuck you guys are now.”

Jeno holds your hand to gently guide you behind him as Wooyoung inches closer to both of your faces. Wooyoung snickers again.

“What are you?” he asks Jeno, his eyebrows knitted and face uncomfortably close to him. He pushes Jeno’s shoulder, “what are you?” he pushes Jeno’s shoulder with more force. Jeno does not budge, you squeeze his palm to remind him to stay calm. By now a crowd has formed at the sound of Wooyoung’s voice. “I said, what are you?”

You grab Wooyoung’s shoulder and press it firmly to the point it might have left a mark, “hey, enough.” He pushes your hand off of him like a lifeless bug. He laughs at you mockingly.

“hEY, enOUgH,” he imitates your voice, “shut up you fucking whore.”

You don’t know what comes quicker, the word “whore” or Jeno socking Wooyoung’s face as it leaves his mouth. After Wooyoung’s on the floor, Jeno straddles him in order to fight him off. Wooyoung is the one who undercuts him this time, his knuckles cracking in the process. Jeno’s face is smoosed by Wooyoung’s other hand, making his nose start to bleed. Jeno hastily grabs the collar of Wooyoung’s shirt and lifts him to face him, about to throw another punch.

“Jeno get off the floor. He’s not worth my time or yours.”

Jeno’s fist shakes violently close to Wooyoung’s head for a couple more seconds before dropping it to get up and go to you.

“I don’t need you, Wooyoung. I never did. I never will. Maybe learn how to respect yourself first before letting yourself go like this. Jeno, let’s go.”

You grab ahold of Jeno’s hand and start walking out to the parking lot, but before you do, you turn on your heel just to flip him off one last time. It’s what your past self deserved.

The moment you walk out and chilling night air hits your lungs, your body heaves and you release Jeno’s hand in order to place both of yours on your thighs. Your breath is shaky and you’re absolutely terrified, hot tears raining down your cheeks into every crevice. Jeno starts rubbing circles into the small of your back to comfort you, “I’m so proud of you.” His voice is like a warm blanket wrapped around you, soothing you like a cup of tea. He escorts you to the car after your tears come to a halt. On the car ride home, he had given you a spare shirt he had in the backseat you could wipe your tears and blow your nose in. He puts on music so that you aren’t embarrassed about it. The car ride home is always faster than the first one. Before you knew it, he was already parked in front of your apartment. He takes off his seatbelt so he could face you fully.

“Do you feel better?” you could hear the concern delicately laced in his voice.

“Why are you asking me?? How about you?? Are you okay?” you start hyperventilating, “man you shouldn't have gotten hurt!” You’re about to start crying again, gosh you were such a mess.

“Hey, hey, hey it’s okay.” He comes closer to you and tucks a strand of hair stuck to the dried tears on your face behind your ear. It calms you down.

“Come inside Jeno, let me help you put ointment on the scratches.”

Jeno has always been beautiful. Even when your ex-boyfriend smashed his face he was beautiful. But you’ve always treasured how beautiful he was on the inside the most. It was too scary to lose someone like him. Maybe that’s why you always fought back how you felt. But holding back how you felt wasn’t easy when he was in your bathroom and you were touching his face sweetly wiping the cuts and applying cat bandaids. “Are you okay.” you would weakly ask more as a reassurance that he was, indeed, okay and going to be okay rather than a question. He wished you took care of him like this forever. Made him come inside more. Let him hold your hand more.

He always knew deep down that he was, and is, and probably will always be, so in love with you.

Parting ways after the night was over was extremely difficult for some reason. He shakes your hand as you begin to close the door, not letting go and allowing your fingertips to slide off each other before finally parting.

“Goodnight Jeno, drive safe.”

“Goodnight y/n, sleep safe.”

The door closes and you’re left cold and in the darkness staring at it as if it was Jeno. Your mind runs, but not as fast as your heart thinking about him and everything about him and what you two have been through over the years. Your hand is on the handle of your door now, certain he had already left. You're about to open it again, but loud knocks stream in onto the door, pounding into your eardrums. You swing it open with no hesitation.

Jeno stands before you, his hair still messy, his jacket off from getting too hot at the villa, the cat band aids still fresh. His lips are parted and it seems like he’s as out of breath as you are. He’s staring at you like he’s seeing you for the first time and it makes your composure crumble.

“H-hey.” you finally make out.

“Hey.”

“I-i- forgot my emergency sandwich! that's why i opened the door-”

“I just want to see you.”

His words scatter around your skin and into your insides, encompassing you. You take a moment to process this.

“I came back because I want to see you.”

You wrap your arms around his neck, holding him really tight, catching him off guard for a bit until he reciprocates the hug ten fold. “You make me smile until my cheeks hurt. I want to see you by my side too.”

He pulls away for a second, “really?” you shake your head yes, “really? Are you being serious?”

“Yes! I am being serious! Why would I lie!?”

And if you were going to lie, Jeno presses his lips gently onto your smile before you could even try to. When he pulls away both of you stand in awe, the feeling too surreal. You pull him back in by the nape of his neck, intensely, as if to make sure this wasn’t just a dream. Your feet find themselves back tracking into the house, his shoes being kicked off as he closes the door behind you.

Safe to say, you had a party for two on your own.

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turning-dreams-into-chaos · 5 years

Text

Banished (Part 19)

*Not my Gif*

Summary: When the 100 was sent to the ground, Y/N Y/L/N was one of them. Having been locked up for almost 8 years, how will she react to surviving on Earth? Especially when she gets banished…

Post Date: 10-11-19

Paring: Bellamy Blake x Reader (Major Slow Burn, literally dont think I even mention Bellamy in this one 😂 )

Word Count: 1.6K

~Banished Master List~

~Master List~

*Based off episode 2x06 of the 100 “Fog of War”

Hey Kane.” You spat, not giving him the happy reunion he so wanted. He couldn’t help but look over your body, his eyes widening tremendously as he saw every cut, every bruise, every rip and blood spot on you. And it was all his fault. He didn’t want you, he put you in the hands of those monsters. He sent you to earth.

It seemed like all either of you could do was stare at each other and you could see the way Kane’s eyes started to water and he tried to swallowed the shock in his eyes. You looked towards Jaha who didn’t look like he was going to be any help as he stared at you as well. You rolled your eyes, shifting back into the shadows and taking a seat again. It wasn’t like you had anything to say to them.

“You’re alive.” Kane whispered, and you had to hold back a scoff.

“Alive.” You repeated slowly, letting your eyes close and a humorless laugh came out. “For lack of a better term.”

You could hear Kane get to his feet but you stayed put, blocking them out. “Y/N.” You couldn’t take this, being locked in here alone was awful, but being locked in here with one of the people who abandoned you and threw you to the wolves was worse.

“No.” You grumbled but Kane wasn’t giving up. He kept saying things you didn’t listen to until you snapped, pulling your knees up to your chest and burying your head into them. “NO!” You scrambled to your feet, facing the man who almost looked scared of your new found attitude. “Now you wanna talk? Where were you 8 years ago?”

“Y/N-“

“No! I needed you! I needed you Kane and you left me! You left me and this is who I became. This is on you.” Your throat seemed to be screaming at you and you couldn’t tell if you were crying because at this point you wouldn’t be surprised at it. “Just leave me alone Kane. I don’t need anything from you. Not anymore.” Kane just nodded his head, letting a few tears fall and wiped them away, taking a seat next to Jaha as you retreated back to your corner.

You listened as Jaha and Kane talked making your head pound so much it felt like you could hear your own heart beep out of your chest. You almost jumped out of your skin when the door was thrown open a few grounders were brought in as well as Lexa. She looked at you before turning to the other men.

You watched in silence as two grounders began to beat up Jaha.

You watched in silence as Kane pleaded for them to stop, telling them you all come in peace.

You watched in silence as the one you assumed to be the commander told you all about the massacre in a village.

And you watched in silence as he pulled out a knife and tosses it in the middle of the room.

“One of you three will die today by the other’s hands. We’ll hear the terms of surrender from the two who live.” He said before leaving Lexa to watch over the three of you. You felt sick to your stomach, you knew if someone was going to be killed today it was going to be you. Like Jaha told you on your first day on the ground; you were the expendable one. It seemed like Kane could read your mind as he looked at you shaking his head. You swallowed meekly and listened to Jaha question Lexa as Kane joined in.

“There were 18 of our people murdered. Elders, Children.” Lexa informed you but you weren’t looking at her instead your eyes were locked onto the steel blade just a few feet away from you. “If you refuse the commander will use it to slit your throats.” She said as you finally looked away, catching her eyeing you with a sense of sadness you knew you didn’t deserve.

Kane and Jaha were relentless as they tried to find any way out of this predicament but you couldn’t take it anymore. “Can we just stop all this! You know what’s going to happen so why don’t we get it over with.” You ignores the confused looks on their faces as you moved towards the knife, barely getting your fingers touching it before Kane kicked it away.

“No. There has to be another way. We aren’t killing each other!” He shouted as he yelled at you, pulling you off the ground. You pushed his wrist off your arm and glared at him. He didn’t look at you as he focused on Lexa. You took the opportunity to reach for the knife, this time you managed to grab without Kane stopping you, but it was actually Jaha who was the one to speak to you first.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” He asked with caution, making the room silent as you didn’t look away from the blade.

“There isn’t another choice. I’m the expendable one here. They need you both more than anyone’s needed me.” You admitted with a quiet voice, a slight quiver as Kane took a step towards you. You held the knife up to him, telling him to stay back from you as all the eyes on the room met yours individually. “You know what’s actually pretty funny. That girl you called expendable” you pointed the knife towards Jaha, “ was the same girl you thought locking up would take care of your problems” The knife was now pointed toward Kane before you threw your hands up in’ the air. “The funny thing is the girl that you knew died when you didn’t want her. She died the moment you put your sorrow before her life. You ruined me Kane. I’ve killed, I’ve been tortured, I’ve been beaten, I’ve been banished, I’ve been rap-“ the words were caught in your throat and it pained you to talk anymore. You almost told them. You almost told them the one thing you swore you would take to your grave, which looked to be sooner rather than later. Kane looked taken back by your words, almost as if he caught onto the missing part. “You killed her.” You whispered, “ You killed me by letting me live with my damages.”

It felt like the world went in slow motion as you turned the knife toward your wrists only for Kane to try and pull the arm away. You wouldn’t let him though, fighting back his hold as you stared at his face. “You don’t have to do this. We’ll find another way Y/N.”

“You don’t have to when the outcome is what everyone needs.” His grip faltered at that and you used it against him, knocking his feet out from under him before you slit your wrists. The yells of Jaha and Kane were drowned out as the first bits of blood ran down your skin and you begun to get lightheaded and fell onto the ground

It didn’t take long before Kane was wrapping some bandages around your wrists, making you groan at the feeling. Kane was so occupied with you that he didn’t see when Jaha picked up the knife himself and press it against Lexa’s throat.

“Jaha no.”You shouted as Lexa stood unfazed with a knife at her neck. It sickened you how she could be so calm. You furrowed your brows before watching Jaha with caution. “Jaha. Jaha, you know this isn’t the right thing to do. She hasn’t done anything to you. If you kill her there’s nothing you can do to come back from it. You’re gone and in your place is a murderer. Trust me I know what it’s like to lose yourself Jaha, just put the knife down.” You never thought you’d ever be laying in here on the ground pleading to Thelonious Jaha to spare a grounders life but here we were. Jaha though made no move to listen to you, keeping the knife held against her neck.

The Grounders can back into the cell as you moved to sit up. You didn’t really expect to see them again.

“Take off these chains.” Jaha ordered as Kane worked another angle, appealing to the innocent side of the them instead of threatening.

The next second you probably would’ve missed if you weren’t directly looking at the them. Lexa turned the knife on Jaha and started talking in Grounder and you could only pick up certain parts Lincoln had taught you.. Yet everything made more sense when she put on her amor and you smiled.

“You’re the commander?” You asked, shocked as Lexa nodded. “Badass.”

She approached you and Kane and you had to admit you were worried. “I've learned much about you, your intentions are honorable you desire for peace is true. Free that one.” She ordered, pointing at Kane as he looked between the two of you. You had refused to look away from the other girl. “We’ll talk later. Use his friend as a message for the rest of his people.” The Grounders followed Lexa’s orders and you held your breath, waiting and waiting for her to tell them what to do with you but she didn’t say anything. Instead they all left you there alone in the cell with Lexa once again.

“What about me?” You asked, skipping right to the interesting stuff. Lexa gave you her smile and the power behind it finally made sense. She was the commander.

“All in due time Skai Kiler.” She said before turning around and leaving you to enjoy the name you were given by the Grounders. You couldn’t tell what was worse, the nickname or the fact you were infamous amongst the Grounders for killing them. But it didn’t take long for you to figure it out. The worse thing was not knowing what Lexa had planned for you.

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