#lee jeno angst

[slytherinshua]

YOUR WOUNDS WRAPPED WITH MY LOVE

genre. fluff. tiny bit of angst. mafia au. warnings. descriptions of a stab wound. blood. knives and guns. some profanity. kissing. they kinda argue but very mildly. i researched a little on how to treat wounds but pls don't expect it to be too accurate 😭. pairing. fiancé!jeno x reader. wc. 1.5k. request. no. a/n. so ever since the concept trailers this jeno has been the only thing on my mind I swear 😔 and nursing trope is one of my fav tropes ever so I joined the two together and was very delulu 👍

“Again?” You asked, less than happy at the sight of the tall man who stood against the doorframe, one hand clutching his side painfully. Lee Jeno always disappeared without warning on another mission only to return, usually injured, for you to patch him up. You had urged him to hire an actual medic for the job, but he refused, saying he didn’t trust anyone but you to get that close to him. That was a few years back when the occasions for it were still rare. You were alarmed at how often he seemed to be going out, and returning with increasingly worse injuries.

Your knowledge and skill with patching up wounds— dagger wounds, bruises and scrapes from physical altercations, hell, even gunshot wounds— was a lot better than years ago. You were confident in your ability to get your fiancé back to health, but you weren’t pleased with how often you had to. No matter how much you pleaded with him to let his body rest, he would more often than not, be out again just hours after you had tended to his bleeding body.

“I’m sorry.” He grumbled out. You would have been shocked by how hoarse his voice had become if this was the first time, but you were all too used to it. Your heart still clenched painfully seeing him in that state.

He could barely walk, blood dripping a little from where his hand pressed tightly to his left side, his face scrunched in pain as laboured irregular breaths left his mouth. 

“Come here. Sit down. Tell me what happened.” You said quietly, already having gotten out the box of medical supplies. You were ready with the bottle of saline already, but it wasn’t anywhere near the top of Jeno’s worries. From the tone of your voice, he could tell you were mad at him. Or maybe it was mostly disappointment? A touch of worry, perhaps.

He made his way towards you, carefully limping towards the bed until he could gently lower himself onto it with his weight supported by the bedframe. He sat still as you gently took off his shirt, eyes assessing the dark red spot that stained the side of his stomach and up his ribcage. You glanced up to his face, and he met your eyes for half a second with a slow breath out.

“Knife. It’s not that deep, I stopped their hand before they could push it in very far.” He whispered, and then shut his eyes tightly when you dabbed a little at the wound with a soft wet cloth soaked in saline.

“Are you staying for long?” You asked, guarding your heart for what his answer would be. You loved Jeno— you loved him more than anything, and you tried to be as selfless as you could regarding him and his job. You never put up a fuss about having to patch him up, and you only ever gently tried to persuade him to be more careful. But it was hard, really hard. You couldn’t help but be hopeful that he might be able to stay for a bit longer with you. You hated how you only seemed to be seeing him to treat his wounds for the past month.

But it only reminded you of how he was by far the most selfless person you knew. 

Countless threats had always been looking for Jeno’s weakness. And you happened to be the most vital one. You were unspeakably precious to him, and unfortunately, his rivals knew that. Of course, he did everything he could to protect you. You trusted him with your life. There was no one else who you would ever trust as much as him. And he had never lost your trust. You had never even had a scratch delivered to you. But the tradeoff of the protection that Jeno made sure you had was his own life being put at risk almost every day.

Every cut, stab, or bruise that littered his fair skin were marks of how determined he was to keep you safe. The least you could do was treat his body in return with your gentle hands, wiping away the blood, wrapping the wounds carefully, and stitching them up when needed.

Jeno answered your question with only a silent nod yes. Although relief filled your body that he wouldn’t be out again immediately, you still focused on the more important task at hand. You could enjoy his company once he wasn’t bleeding.

“Are they still after you?” You rummaged around in the box for the antibiotic ointment, dabbing a bit on your finger before leaning closer to apply it. “This’ll sting.” You muttered as a warning before dabbing the wound as carefully as you could. Jeno tensed up, his fingers bunching up the sheet of the bed as he did his best to stay still.

“Talk to me. It’ll help distract you.” You told him, pausing your application of the antibiotics to rest a hand on his shoulder, providing a small bit of comfort.

“They’re… They’re after you, not me. You know that.” He whispered out as you continued to treat the wound. “They can’t take me by themselves— they’d be fucking stupid to try. I made sure that they won’t bother us for at least a month. I’ll have to talk to Renjun and Donghyuck about our next course of action.” You hummed in understanding, grabbing the roll of gauze next. 

“You need to rest your body, Jeno.” You said quietly. You could tell he was about to protest, so you interrupted quickly, “Doctor’s orders. Don’t pull anymore dumb shit.”

“It’s not dumb shit. It’s to protect you.” He argued back, clenching his jaw.

You sighed, starting to wrap the white cloth around his waist, “I know. But you said yourself that you have a month. At least for a week of that month, you need to rest and recover.” 

Your fiancé seemed unsettled at the thought of a whole week of rest; a week of letting his guard down. It was almost unheard of for him. He knew from experience that as soon as he let himself relax, something unexpected would happen. But maybe you were right. Maybe a week of rest is what he needed.

You secured the wrap tightly, and mumbled out how you were all done. Jeno just stared at you while you cleaned up, soaking up the face he hadn’t gotten a chance to study for the past month. He felt incredibly guilty for how often he had been gone, and even more so for how often he had let you see him like this. He knew you hated it, but you never complained. He didn’t deserve you.

“I love you.” He spoke suddenly, interrupting the cold silence of the room. You shut the metal drawer slowly, back still turned to him as you let a small smile grow on your face. You hadn’t heard those words from him in a while. You turned back to sit down next to him again, your eyes staring into his.

“Won’t you say it back?” He whispered, reaching for your hand; your left hand, the one that adorned that diamond ring he had given you months prior. You let him pull you closer as his right hand enclosed over your left. His fingers felt a bit rough, but they were warm and comfortable. With his left hand on the back of your neck, he gently guided you forward until his lips closed over yours.

You could just barely taste the metallicness of blood from the slight cut to his bottom lip. But you didn’t focus on it, too absorbed in the gentleness of his kiss and how perfectly his lips felt against yours even after years had passed. He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours, his eyes still closed as he caught his breath. 

You pecked his lips again, “I love you too. Always.”

He visibly relaxed at your words and dropped his head to your shoulder. You sighed, threading your fingers through the hair at the bottom of his neck, holding him closely. He shuddered quietly, and you frowned.

“Cold?” Your hand ran up and down his back slowly, feeling goosebumps rise from the chill. You traced one of the many scars that marked him, stopping at the dip of his scapula and muscle. You reached behind your back, feeling around along the mattress for a blanket. You caught hold of it and gently draped it around Jeno. 

You smiled fondly at the way he nestled his head a little closer to the crook of your neck. From his breath, you figured he was already almost asleep. You didn’t want to disturb his sleep, but you knew the position would quickly get uncomfortable, so you shifted his head down to your chest and laid back until you hit the mattress. He didn’t protest at all, but shifted into a comfortable spot in his half-asleep state. With his head on your chest, his arm around your waist, and his legs tangled with yours, you found the new position to be much more promising for getting good sleep.

You pressed a kiss to his forehead and made sure the blanket covered his body before you closed your eyes as well.

↳ nct dream taglist: @kangtaehyunzzz,, @eternalgyu,,

#﹒fics 𓈃 ⵌ #k-labels #jeno #lee jeno #jeno x reader #jeno fluff #jeno angst #lee jeno x reader #lee jeno fluff #lee jeno angst #jeno fic #jeno fanfic #nct dream #nct dream x reader #nct dream jeno #nct jeno #nct x reader #nct jeno x reader #nct lee jeno #nct fluff #nct fic #nct angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream fic #nct dream fanfic #nct fanfic #nct mafia au #nct mafia fic

[raspberriesoda]

and again. » ljn

genre | angst with fluffy ending, jeno x reader, college au

word count | 2.7k

summary | you hadn’t seen jeno since you had broken up, but a new year’s party brings you back together again, physically and emotionally

warnings | argument, small mention of past relationship issues and insecurity, light swearing, teeniest alcohol mention, flashback where jeno is a dick to reader, one female pet name (pretty girl) but i think its pretty gn aside from that

tonight marks roughly one year.

it’s been an entire twelve months since the big fight that had ultimately caused the downfall of one of the most fawned over relationships on campus. in one year, you’d surprisingly- impressively, even- managed to avoid talking to him or seeing him in person at all.

which really, was your biggest motive for desperately wanting to skip out on the party tonight. you knew jeno would be there, despite the numerous attempts by all of your friends of trying to convince you otherwise. but you knew that you couldn’t bail on everyone who hadn’t seen you since you arrived back from visiting home. not to mention, everyone was going to be there. it’s new years eve, and no one misses the new years party. so you just had to swallow your pride and attend.

the fact that it was the very same party that drove you apart the year prior, however, is another major reason you’d rather just stay home.

even as you sat in your best friend’s car, you weighed your options.

“do we really have to go?”

“are you really asking me that when we’re already half way there?” ningning asks, but its less of a question and more of a statement. “i can drop you off on the street if you really want me to,” she jabs.

you groan, your head falling against the headrest and your hands sliding down your face.

“who’s to say he’s even gonna be there anyway?” karina asks from the backseat.

“stop giving me hope, everyone is going to be there.” you sulk, crossing your arms and sinking down in the passenger seat.

“then what are the chances you'll even run into him? more people more distractions, right?” giselle consoles. she had a valid point, but even the slimmest chance made you want to rip your hair out.

ningning parallel parks her car on the side of the residential road, and the house party practically lights up the entire night sky. your girlfriends chatter excitedly as their heels clack on the sidewalk, all the while you’re hoping, praying that karina and giselle are right.

but as fate would have it, not even three footsteps in the door, you spot him. and unfortunately, your presence doesn’t go unnoticed either.

jeno is stood by the fireplace, deep in conversation, but sees you almost immediately upon your arrival, like the universe was on a timer, counting down to the exact second that your eyes would meet again, not a moment too soon or too late. his lips are parted like he stopped mid sentence, and you stand dumbfounded in the doorway, staring stupidly at him as people shove past you to enter.

renjun taps jeno’s shoulder from beside him, most likely trying to bring his attention back, but jeno’s eyes never leave yours, and you see him mouth your name in response to his confused friend, making your heart flip. renjun follows his eyes, adding to the unwanted attention that’s been placed on you. jeno then suddenly takes a few steps toward you, squeezing through the dense crowd, but before you think it through, you scurry off in the other direction.

“y/n, will you stop pouting about it already?”

you enter your apartment with jeno trailing behind you, your mood extremely sour as you open the door and let it slam against the wall.

“i’m not pouting, jeno. i’m upset, do you not get that?”

“you’re so dramatic,” jeno scoffs. he kicks off his shoes and drops his jacket over the back of your couch, so nonchalant about the whole situation that it makes you even angrier.

“she was all over you!” you cry out in desperation. you’ve repeated this what seemed like a hundred times already, but no matter what you said jeno wouldn’t even attempt to understand.

or maybe, he just didn't care.

“you couldn't even bother to just tell her to stop!”

jeno rolls his eyes. “i told you, y/n, i did tell her to stop. she wouldn’t listen.”

“then that's when you walk away, jeno. push her off of you, ignore her, anything! actions speak louder than words.” your arms flail wildly as you speak. “why do i even have to explain something like this to you? i’ve told you about what’s happened to me before and-“

he’s not even looking at you.

“are you listening?! do you even give a shit about how i feel right now?”

“not when you’re acting like this, y/n.” he drones, tapping away at his phone screen. “maybe if you’d just calm down and acted a little less crazy i’d be more inclined.”

all you feel is red. red from the sting of tears muddling your line of vision. red from the prick of your nails digging into your palms as they grip into fists at your sides. red for the old wound he’s just slashed open.

your voice is low and calm when you speak again.

“get the fuck out of here, jeno.”

only then does he decide to look at you.

“babe-” the smallest hint of guilt crosses his eyes, but he’s burned the bridge already. he reaches a hand out toward you, but you step back as if he’s venomous.

“get out!” you screech, not even caring that it rattles the walls. jeno flinches back. with a huff, he grabs his things and stomps out the door, slamming it behind him.

against all odds, everywhere you look, he’s there.

you see him when you’re seated by the tv watching a tipsy group of freshman struggle to get through a round of a dancing game; he’s sitting on the opposite end of the couch, laughing when they stumble.

and again, when you’re outside soaking in the fresh air; he’s got the attention of everyone lounging in the hot tub, telling them stories behind the constellations visible from the deck.

and again, when you’re reaching into the fridge for another drink; he’s pouring shots for swooning girls at the kitchen island.

always suspiciously close, yet just far enough away.

you initially thought it to be just an unfortunate coincidence, but the house was much too big and had too many other places to be. he’s attracting way too much attention to himself in such ways that it’s impossible for him not to be pining for yours in particular.

enough is enough. you decide that if jeno wants a show, you’ll give him a show.

the basement is the one place left in the house where you hadn’t seen him. its a cozy little space, with sports banners and posters of swimsuit clad models cluttering the walls, and along with the pair of couches there's a large pool table. you watch as your friend jaemin stands beside it, twirling his pool cue in his hands, laughing at something haechan had said. you swirl the liquid around in your red solo cup, an idea brewing in your mind.

right on time, you see jeno descend the staircase. you stand, walking over to jaemin.

“help me with something,” you whisper into his ear. he gives you a curious look, but when your eyes flick over to jeno, jaemin understands immediately and gives you a subtle nod.

it’s no secret to you- or to anyone, really- that jeno is watching you. you can feel his eyes on you, burning your skin as you grab the cue from jaemin’s hand and lean over the bright green table to shoot a striped ball into a pocket. jaemin gives you a charming smile, complimenting your technique. his bubblegum hair reminds you of the color jeno’s was before the breakup. it’s never bothered you before, but your heart involuntarily twists at the thought.

you hum, rounding the table to stand right beside your pink haired friend, scanning for the right ball to shoot in next. you lift your cue to point at the number ten ball, turning to jaemin, tilting your head.

“i don’t think i can get this one on my own, do you mind helping me out?” you ask smoothly, dragging your fingers up his arm. your friend picks up quickly, smirking down at your innocently pouty expression.

“sure thing, pretty,” jaemin hums with faux flirtation. he does a flawless job of dragging his hands along all of the parts your body that were jeno’s favorites, and you can almost feel his stare burn hotter. you not-so-subtly bite down a grin as jaemin leans over you, breathing heavily down your neck as he guides the cue through your arms, shooting the ball directly into a pocket.

after watching from the corner for a while, jeno begins to make his way towards you, telling you that he’s had enough of staying arms length away.

“you’re not subtle,” jeno says bluntly. its directed at you, but he’s glaring at jaemin.

you scowl, casually chalking up the tip of the cue you hold. “a bit narcissistic to think this is about you, don’t you think?” you hadn't expected those to be the first words you’d spoken to him in a year.

“do you mind?” jaemin interjects, his hand resting on your hip. “we’re in the middle of something.”

the tension in the room rises.

“well, whenever you’re finished,” jeno spits through his teeth. he shifts his eyes down toward you then, his gaze just a little bit softer. “i’d be really grateful if you’d meet me outside. i wanna talk to you, if you’ll let me.” and with that he’s gone.

after serious contemplation, you do decide meet him outside, despite a very sensible voice in your head telling you not to. as soon as you slide open the glass door and step out onto the grass, he’s leaning against the side of the house, closer to you than he’s been all night- all year. this close up view of him makes your heart flutter more than you’d ever be willing to admit in the moment. his hair is a shade of brown you’ve never seen on him, but his eyes glimmer just the same as they always have when he looks at you.

“long time no see, baby,” he greets you, the corner of his mouth tipped up in a small somber looking smile.

“that’s not my name.”

“it used to be,” he replies. you roll your eyes.

“what do you want, jeno?” it’s harder to say his name out loud than you thought it would be.

“i know you’ve been thinking about it, too,” he says softly, a very sharp contrast from the vibe he’s been presenting to other partygoers the entire night. the bass thumping upstairs is synched with your heartbeat. you still can’t bring yourself to look directly at him. “there’s no other reason you’d pull a stunt like that. jaemin is handsome, sure, but he’s not your type.” you fold your arms, slumping a bit. you hate that he’s right; that you haven’t changed enough during the time that’s passed and he can still read you like an open book.

“doesn’t feel so good, does it?”

jeno swallows, his head bowing forward to fix his eyes on his feet.

“i wanted to say i’m sorry.”

you turn to look at him then, your brows raised. “isn’t it a little late for that?”

“you blocked my number,” he says; you’d almost forgotten you had, in fact, blocked him on just about everything. “i couldn’t get a hold of you in person, either.

but i didn’t know what to say even if i could. there’s no excuse for what i said to you, and an ‘i’m sorry’ doesnt cut it.”

the look jeno is giving you is so genuine that its hard to breathe. all of a sudden your facade begins to crumble. “i can’t- i’m not doing this, not right now,” you tell him dolefully, turning around to slip back into the house, but he catches your elbow; his grip is soft, unthreatening, unmalicious.

“please, please just listen to me, i’m begging you.” when you turn around he’s on his knees, looking up at you with a pleading look on his face and your hand is clasped between both of his own. you despise how he looks so beautiful in the dim moonlight.

“jeno.” you blink your tears away. “don’t beg for me, please.”

he tugs lightly on your wrist, and reluctantly you sink down to kneel in front of him on the grass.

“i haven’t had a full night’s sleep in a year. every time i dream, its about you. believe me y/n i've tried so hard to let it go but the things i said to you still haunt me.”

his eyes flicker across yours, glistening with tears of his own, searching for something he can grab onto. the floodgates holding your emotions in begin to crack at a rate that’s too quick for you to keep up with. “you, you knew how i felt, about things like that,” your voice stutters, your lip quivers. “you knew, and, and you still-“ you choke on a sob.

“i know. y/n i’m so sorry,” he gingerly lifts a hand to your face, pausing for a moment, but when you don’t lean away or swat at him, his thumb brushes your cheek to wipe a tear away that’s just fallen from your lashes, tenderly tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “thinking about how i made you feel that night makes me so disgusted with myself. i never ever wanted to hurt you, but the fact is that i did and i can’t forgive myself for that.”

a moment of quiet passes between you. you wipe at your face with the sleeve of your sweater over and over but your tears don’t stop and the runaway drops fall onto your bare knees.

“do you remember when we won king and queen of prom court in high school?”

his sudden question puzzles you. you look up at him, and you see the real jeno. your jeno, soft and simple and so full of love.

“we went out for ice cream after the dance. it was the first night i told you i loved you.

and again, when we went to your sister's wedding together. you accidentally spilled red wine on my favorite white dress shirt. you were trying so hard not to cry, but i told you it didn’t matter, because i loved you.

and again, when we took your little brother and his friends out to that laser tag place for his birthday. we played one on one, and when you asked me why i let you win, i told you it was because i loved you.

and again, when you broke your wrist falling off the old tire swing in your front yard. you asked me why i came over every night to feed you dinner, even though you didn’t need the help, and i told you it’s because i loved you.”

“what are you doing?” you cut him off before he can continue any further, your voice small and trembling.

“i’m telling you that i still love you.”

he scoots forward on the ground, his body now so close to yours that you can feel his warmth. “i know i don’t deserve it, but all i’m asking for is another chance to love you right, the way you deserve to be loved.” his fingers cling tightly to your hand he still holds as he speaks.

“i don't know where you stand, so you’ve got all the power in your hands right now. stay here with me, and i’ll know we’re on the same page. turn around, and i’ll leave you alone, and you won’t see me again. it’s your choice, and i won’t judge you either way. your word is the final word.”

you feel heavy. his sweet words and the smell of his familiar cologne are intoxicating, but you do know you have the ability to get up and walk away right now if you want to.

but… do you want to?

the painful racing of your heart reminds you that no matter what, no matter how long you’ve been apart, you love jeno. you always have you and always will.

you raise a hesitant arm, placing your shaking hand lightly on his shoulder, and he draws in a breath. your fingers dance upward, contemplating, lips parted slightly with hazy breaths. cupping his jaw, you lean upward, brushing your lips against his in the lightest kiss, testing the waters.

you ignite. suddenly you’re full of such a serene feeling of home, a feeling you hadn’t realized had been absent from your life from the second you pushed him out of it. all the memories you’d tried so hard to keep at bay come rushing back with the image of a soft and smiley jeno; one who’s never had anything but love for you. jeno sees your eyes light up, and he smiles dreamily at you. in an instant, you’ve never been more sure of anything.

you press yourself up against him, pulling him down into your lips, and he wraps you up in his arms. even though the house is filled with the sounds and heat of other people, it’s only you and jeno in the entire world. you pull away when you can’t control your cries anymore, burying your face in his neck instead.

“i’m sorry,” your voice wobbles as you let out the words, but jeno sweetly hushes you, rocking you back and forth in time with the rhythm of the muffled music.

“no apologies from you, pretty girl. none of this is your fault.” you feel the weight of the world lifted from your shoulders. he presses a gentle kiss to your temple, resting his chin on top of your head.

“i love you,” he reassures you. and he does again, and again, and again.

#lee jeno #lee jeno angst #lee jeno fluff #jeno angst #jeno fluff #lee jeno drabble #jeno drabble #jeno imagine #jeno x reader #lee jeno x reader #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream drabble #nct dream x reader #judah.doc

[ningningsdream]

[4:28AM] "i still love you, y/n. it was dumb of me to let you go.", ex! jeno pleaded as he stood on your doorstep at an ungodly hour in the night, "everything i see reminds me of you. i've tried to move on but i can't help myself comparing everyone with you. i miss you even when i'm in a room full of people to distract me.", jeno rambled, his rosy cheeks hinting that he was probably a little tipsy.

today would've been your fifth-year anniversary if you stayed together.

"i thought of you every single day for almost a whole year after we broke up.", you said, looking at him.

"me-"

"let me finish.", you interrupted him, holding your index up, "i tried so hard not to, but it felt like the more i was trying to not think of you, the more i did. you were the first and last person i talked to every single day. some mornings, when i was still in a sleepy haze, i found myself looking at my phone to see if you had texted me and when reality hit me, it was another kind of pain. you were part of my everyday, you became a habit. it's hard getting rid of habits. i had to get used to say that i didn't have a boyfriend when asked about relationships, and i couldn't use 'my boyfriend and i already planned something' when i wanted to get out of things. i was wondering if i was the only one that had to hold myself back from sending you a text. i was wondering if you too, struggled with not having me in your life anymore."

"i did. i do. so much, y/n. you don't know how much i want to go back to slap some sense into myself and not break up with you. i was so overwhelmed with graduation, work and keeping up with family and friends that i thought i needed to get rid of something."

"so you got rid of me..."

"and i regret it so fucking much. the minute i saw the tears in your eyes i regretted it. i thought it was for the better, i was so busy i couldn't even be a proper boyfriend to you, and you deserved better than that. i thought letting you go was the best for the both of us."

"the best? i cried every single night for three months straight. not only because i missed you, but because as you said i deserved better. i knew that... i knew it but i also knew that if you showed up like this at my door back then i would've taken you back in a heartbeat. and it made me hate myself, because i loved you more than i loved myself."

"i'm so sorry, y/n. i really am-"

"babe! where are you?", you heard bf!renjun screaming from your room, with his sleepy and worried voice.

"i'll be right back, junnie.", you answered with a little smile on your face, imagining your boyfriend with his eyes closed and a pout on his face as his arm was lying on your empty side of the bed. you turned back to face jeno, whose face seemed like he saw a ghost, "jeno, i appreciate the apology... but you're a little too late. i've stopped waiting for you a long time ago.", you gave him a small apologetic smile.

jeno looked at you and realized how much he fucked up. you've rightfully moved on and he was the only one being stuck in something he created. when you replied to your boyfriend, that was when he noticed the smile on your face, the same smile that used to be directed to him, and that was the only time he saw you express happiness since he appeared on your doorstep.

"fuck, you're really here.", a familiar voice said right after you heard the elevator doors open.

"i really wished i was wrong.", another familiar voice said.

you turned your head and saw two people, you thought you wouldn't see again, walking towards your apartment.

"time to go home, samoyed."

"haechan. jaemin.", you greeted your ex's bestfriends.

"sorry for the disruption.", ex's bestfriend!haechan told you before grabbing jeno's arm and putting it around his shoulders, helping his friend walk away from your apartment and your life.

"how have you been ?", your old childhood bestfriend!jaemin said, letting jeno and haechan walk away first.

"great...you?"

"same."

the feeling of awkwardness and nostalgia could be sensed in the air. you looked at each other a few more seconds as all the memories of your friendship, from when you met in kindergarten to when he stayed by jeno's side when you two broke up, flashed through your eyes.

"baaaabeee!!", your boyfriend whined from far away, "come baaaack!"

"well, it's late. we're going to let you go back to your night. sorry about that.", jaemin nodded towards your ex, "and everything else...", hinting at his own mistakes.

you nodded, acknowledging his apology, "bye, jaem.", you gave him one last smile. it had been a while since he heard his nickname coming out of your mouth.

"bye, y/n.", jaemin returned your smile.

you watched him walk away with his two other friends, knowing that your byes stood as an official farewell to your friendship and his presence in your life.

#nct dream scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct angst #lee jeno scenarios #lee jeno imagines #lee jeno timestamps #lee jeno fluff #lee jeno angst #jeno scenarios #jeno imagines #jeno timestamps #jeno fluff #jeno angst

[moniescove]

commited

Just like every other night you're cuddled in bed with Jeno, head resting on his broad chest while he plays with your hair. You loved moments like this with him. Made you forget the reality of your relationship, you're merely a late night call to him and you'll never be more but you couldn't help to fall for him deeper and deeper with every day you would spend together behind closed doors.

Jeno was always so gentle with you when no one was watching, caressing you so lovingly, buying you anything and everything you mention wanting, whispering only the sweetest words in your ear.

Doing things like this as if you really would become something more but even he knew that wouldn't happen. In his mind that would be a dream but he just can't commit. His love for you could never overpower the love he has for freedom itself but even then, he loves to have "claim" over you.

•

"Why the fuck did you sleep with Jaemin." Jeno asked accusingly, grip on the wheel tightening as the image of you on top of the former flashes in his mind.

"Why does it matter to you." you answered, head resting on your palm as you faced the houses passing into the night.

His jaw clenched at your response, growing more frustrated with you. "Because you shouldn't be out fucking other guys." He practically growled out.

"Are you fucking serious Jeno?" with an exasperated laugh you turn and face him. "You always love to drill into my head that we aren't anything serious, always shutting me up when I mention to people all the things we do together." voice laced with ire you continue "You hate the fucking throught of dating me Jeno so stop trying to act like you are." you finish.

"That's not true-"

"Then why the fuck am I still nothing more than a fling. Why do you always act so ashamed of me in front of your friends." you cry out, tears finally starting to break through your eyes as the pain rushes back to you with every word.

Letting out a sigh he parked in your driveway and turned to your disheveled appearance. "Listen __, it's just complicated-"

"It's always fucking 'complicated' with you Jeno, I'm tired of you making me feel like you love me and turn to push me away right after. I can't keep doing this Jeno." your glassy eyes bore into his own, adding extra weight to your words with only your gaze despite knowing what you said was a lie. You knew you could never walk away from him but you just needed to hear him say he needed you.

Shortening the distance between you two he cups the side of your face, softly brushing the pad of his thumb at your tear. "__, you know I love you. I don't ever want to let you go," his forhead leaned atop yours he placed a small kiss to your lips before pulling apart "but right now just isn't the right time. I promise I'll make all of this up to you soon." His apologetic eyes gazed into yours, shielding the guilt hiding beneath it all. He knows he'll never commit to you.

Leaning in once again you both shared a soft kiss "Forgive me?"

"Fine" you whispered out "but I expect a big act of love if you want me to forgive you." you teasingly said.

"I can work with that." he chuckeld.

With a small smile Jeno averted his gaze. He couldn't meet your face after lying to you so blatantly, knowing the consequences of playing with your heart like this. He felt so sure you would figure him out if you took another look at him.

He just can't stay commited.

#[Jeno!] #jeno angst #jeno drabbles #jeno x reader #nct jeno #lee jeno #lee jeno angst #jeno imagines #jeno #nct drabbles #nct #nct dream #nct dream drabbles #nct dream angst #nct dream imagines #nct imagines #nct angst #angst #kpop angst #nct fanfic #nct scenarios #nct x reader

[mwahaechz]

｟ LEE JENO DRABBLE ｠

lee jeno × g!n reader

warnings : sad, angsty, mention of hospitalization, tears, yelling, implied cheating, bad thoughts, bl0od

inspired by my pookie bear @hugs2doie / @jaeminslattes I LIVE U SMMMMMMM🫶🏼🫶🏼

you leaned against the counter, staring at your reflection in the broken mirror with tears. the tears just wouldn’t stop coming out. why, out of all people why did you have to be the only one that never got the happy ending everyone else did in their relationships. was love just not your thing?

another sob escaped your mouth as you slid down onto the floor of the bathroom you had locked yourself in. did you and jeno lose your spark? was there even a spark to begin with? when did it all fall apart? you didn’t have an answer to any of the questions that ran through your mind.

even if you did, there was still one question that burned in the back of your mind. it burned even more than fire ever would. were you not enough for jeno?

all those promises that he made with you were broken now. you felt lost without him, he was your pillar just as you were his. he helped you stay standing when you felt like falling down and giving up while you did the same for him.

“i hate you lee jeno,” you mumbled through your tears, your hands and knuckles bloody as your vision blurred. “i hate that i still love you…” you choked on a sob and accidentally pressed a shard of glass into your palm as you tried to stabilize yourself.

what did she have that you didn’t, why did she get the love that you’ve always wanted and craved for. why did jeno choose her over you.

“you’re an asshole,” your brother, mark, spat at jeno the second he laid eyes on him. “i fucking trusted you, and not only did you break her heart: you broke all of our trusts.” the other guys stared at jeno as if he was a stranger, or some type of monster.

to them, he was a monster. they all saw you like one of them, and knowing that jeno cheated on you and broke up with you angered them.

your ex boyfriend turned around to look at jaemin who simply looked at him with an unreadable expression. jeno huffed and turned around, about to walk out before he stops in his tracks.

“i’m not sorry,” he spoke nonchalantly, “i did what i did because yn just…. wasn’t enough for me”

“i hope you know that if yn doesn’t wake up i’m killing you” mark spat before grabbing his things and leaving in a hurry.

jeno froze and turned around to look at the rest of the guys to see if they knew what mark meant by that.

“she’s in the hospital because of you, lee,” haechan scowled as they heard a small sound and turned to look at jisung who was sobbing in jaemin’s arms. “hope you live a good life or whatever after ruining ours”

the angst just disappeared (╯﹏╰)b

THIS IS SO BAD IM GONNA CEY

©️ mwahaechz

090102023

#nct drabbles #nct dream #nct fanfic #nct dream x reader #jeno x reader #nct jeno #lee jeno #jeno #nct dream angst #jeno angst #sadnees #jeno drabbles #lee jeno angst

[neowinestainedress]

rose-colored glasses (all distorted) | lee jeno

title: rose-colored glasses (all distorted)

pairing: lee jeno x fem!oc/reader (no name used, written in third person) | mentioned: oc's brother!jaemin, lee haechan, park jisung

genre: bet!au, brother’s best friend, angst, smut, fluff (if you squint) | requested

summary: a long-lasting crush for her brother’s best friend, a bet, obsession, devotion and jealousy; all things that cannot lead to anything good. But the world that Jeno showed her was perfect and she couldn’t see what it really hid behind the rose-colored glasses. It was all distorted.

warnings: angst, manipulation, gaslighting, fights, jealousy, smut, fingering, oral sex (m and f), (semi) public sex (on Ferris wheel), pussyjob (i guess??), degradation, praise, dirty talk, unprotected sex, jealous sex, make-up sex, inexperienced!oc, feeling like tagging this dubcon bc of the heavy power imbalances (jeno is mean at the start and then he’s slightly possessive and she would do anything to have him in any way, do what you need to do with this information) but there’s always consent

words: 18.294k

playlist: who are you ; 5h | like that ; bea miller | lose you to love me ; selena gomez | you all over me ; taylor swift | case closed ; little mix | can't help falling in love with you (dark) ; tommee profitt | monster ; exo

a/n: i promise it’s a bet!au but with a darker twist. I enjoyed writing this even if it’s quite out of my comfort zone (please don’t make me write mean men anymore I need them to be himbo male wives) but as I said I’m happy with it so I hope the anon that requested it (and all of you) will like it anyway. This story has no intentions of romanticizing this kind of behaviour, if you realize you’re in a manipulative/toxic relationship please ask for help.

taglist: @wooyoung4eva @jenoxygen @sunshinedhyuck @kundann @jaeymark

Having a crush on her brother’s best friends was one of the dumbest things she could ever do. Especially when they had always been in two different leagues. 

Jeno had always been the popular kid at school, after a few years of being a loser in middle school, he picked in high school and college. He was everybody’s first love, tall, charming, the captain of the basketball team, and he even had good grades. 

She, on the other hand, was the opposite. Not a loser like the typical image of the silly girl with pigtails and round, big glasses who spent her days reading books. But still not popular enough to be at his level. She was reserved, she preferred minding her business and spending time with her few friends instead of living in the chaos of frat parties, or disco nights with people she barely knew. She was Jaemin’s sister but she couldn’t be any more different than him. Probably being his sister was the thing that worsened everything. Everybody expected her to be as cool as her brother, funny, cute and charming at the same time, but most importantly, not annoying. 

And yet, all those differences didn’t stop her from falling for Jeno. It was rather impossible when he was always at their place. They grew up together. Sure, she was always a step behind, watching from the side, laughing at his jokes when nobody else did, reminding his birthday to Jaemin that never remembered, admiring him and cheering him silently for every accomplishment he made. But she was there, every day since she was ten falling for him deeper. By now she came to the conclusion it wasn’t just a stupid crush that was going to pass. Too many years had passed by and she still looked at him in the same, delusional, way. Even if Jeno never paid her much attention, no matter how hard she tried.

But it wasn’t like Jeno couldn’t see it. He knew she had a thing for him, he could see how she squirmed every time their bodies touched casually, or how big her lips curled when he greeted her and most importantly… rumors ran. 

He knew. But there was something funny in keeping her on the edge, seeing that, somehow, the harsher he treated her, the more she came back, wagging her tail every time he acted just a little bit nicer than usual. 

And his group of friends knew too, always joking about it when they all stayed at Jaemin’s place and he left for a few minutes, giving them the opportunity to talk about his sister that always found a way to go downstairs just to say hello. So they talked about her a lot, chuckling, joking, saying that overall she wasn’t that bad and maybe he could’ve given it a try. But all of them were a little bit too competitive. Jeno was sure that if he only gave her a bit more she would’ve fallen to her knees, Haechan believing that she was too proud and innocent to actually risk it for him, while Jisung listened, laughing, but not believing she would’ve given up so easily. 

But Jeno was firm in his belief. He knew she was already his. But it was risky; she wasn’t just anybody, she was his best friend’s sister, and even if Jaemin never showed to care much about her, he knew it was still a dangerous game to play. 

But Jeno was a player, and he loved risky games. 

“What are you doing here?” She exclaimed when, turning around, she saw Jeno lean against her bedroom doorframe. “Jaemin’s not home.” 

“I know,” he replied, shrugging and making his way in. “I wasn’t looking for Jaemin.” 

She furrowed, trying not to panic over the fact he had never been so close to her with nobody else around. “Our parents aren’t home.” 

He snickered, “I’m not looking for them, either.” 

“Then who are you looking for?” Her voice betrayed her, shaking a bit, but she shrugged it off with an awkward chuckle.

“Damn, you are dumb, aren’t you?” 

“What?” 

“I’m looking for you,” he said, sitting on her bed, and looking around. “Jesus, you do love pink,” he exclaimed, almost with a hint of disgust in his voice. 

“Can you tell me what are you doing in my room?” She asked, crossing her arms on her chest and standing in front of him, having no idea where she found the courage, and deciding to let the comment about her room fall. 

“I’m throwing a party this weekend,” he explained, placing his hands behind him on the mattress, stretching his legs out and tilting his head to the side, “wanted to know if you were coming.” 

She laughed awkwardly, shaking her head. “You are inviting me?” 

“Yeah, why not?” 

“You hated when my mom forced you to bring me along.” 

“Yeah, because you were a loser back then and annoyed the fuck out of me.” 

She gasped, staring at him in disbelief. “This is how you are inviting me to a party?” 

“I said ‘were’, I think we can get along now,” he said, standing up, and leaning close to her. “Or am I wrong?” He whispered while his hand placed on her waist, making her move back in surprise, but he stopped her, gripping tighter. 

She gulped, lifting her head, and stared at him. “You barely talk to me…” 

Jeno smirked, caressing her cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, maybe I want things to change.” 

She swallowed, trying to keep her eyes on his and not on his lips, fighting the urge to lean in and kiss him. This meant nothing. Jeno never looked at her like that. So why would he start doing it now? 

“Do you want things to change between us?” He asked, almost cooing, moving his thumb on her lips, grazing gently. 

“Ye-yeah, I do,” she said, snapping out of her thoughts and pulling back, turning around to hide the big breath she was taking now that she wasn’t in his hold anymore. But Jeno knew it anyway; she always did that even when he barely touched her or stood too close to her for more than two minutes. 

“Great, see you this Saturday, then,” Jeno smiled, winking at her before closing the door behind him.

Her heart was beating ten times faster than usual, and a grin was not leaving his face until he walked downstairs and saw Jaemin. That was going to be fun, but he needed to be careful. 

The party wasn’t chaotic like the high-school parties he and Jaemin used to plan every time their parents weren’t home, it was mostly their closest friends and some other people she had never seen before. But the music wasn’t too loud, there was nobody already drunken or high, lying on the floor, and most importantly, there weren’t couples all over each other in the living room. 

She found out later from her brother that it was an inauguration for the house Jeno just bought, finally free out of his parent’s clutches. But of him, there were no traces. 

She had been wandering around the place for like ten minutes now, a drink in hand as she hummed to the music playing from the speakers. Pushing the black dress she was wearing down her thighs, regretting the choice every two seconds she took a step and it rolled a little bit more up on her legs. 

“I was looking for you everywhere.” 

“You scared me!” She screamed, turning around too swiftly and spilling the alcohol all over his shirt, gasping and biting her lips nervously when she realized what she had done. “I’m sorry, shit, sorry. I can help you fix that.” 

“Enough,” Jeno stopped her, blocking her empty hand from touching his wet chest. “My bedroom, now.” 

“Yo-your bedroom?” She stuttered as he dragged her upstairs, leaving the party behind. “What are we doing in your bedroom?” 

Jeno laughed mockingly, pushing her inside. “We’re fixing the mess you made. Why? Thought I was dragging you here to fuck?” 

She moved her mouth without letting out a sound, feeling shame creep over her face. 

“Yes? Want me to fuck you, babe?” He asked, lifting her head up by the chin and smirking at her flustered face. 

“I – no, why would I?” She chuckled awkwardly, pulling away. “If you get changed, I can clean it, and then I’ll give it back to you once it dried,” she said, bringing the topic back to his stained shirt. 

“I have a washing machine here,” he said, hands moving to grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head, making her get lost in his toned chest and abs. She had never seen him so exposed, but she was sure as hell that he had never been like this before.

“Close your mouth,” he ordered. 

“It’s closed,” she retorted, grunting but still diverting her gaze from him. 

“Sure,” he chuckled, throwing the dirty shirt on his desk chair; he didn’t even care about the shirt, he just wanted to spend time alone with her. “Anyway, I need you to help me pick another one.” 

“That’s why I am here?” 

“Yeah, I told you, I don’t want to fuck you.” 

“Stop it. I don’t want either,” she replied, biting her lower lip nervously and tapping her high heels against the floor.  

Jeno studied her, another smirk curled his lips before he sighed. “Help me fix the mess you made so we can go to the party and have some fun.” 

When they reached downstairs again, she had no idea how she was still standing on her feet, staying too close to him and helping him close the buttons of the new shirt he picked got in her brain. Jeno pointing out all her weird antics didn’t help her much at relaxing. And just when she thought she was free and could find a corner to dance alone and then run home and avoid him forever, she got dragged on the couches. 

“We’re playing truth or dare,” Haechan chanted, making her sit next to him. “You can’t miss it.” 

“Truth or dare? How old are we? Fifteen?” She asked, looking around at the others, hoping somebody was going to back her up. 

“That’s why I never wanted to bring you along,” Jaemin booed, “because you’re boring.” 

She wanted to talk back, but the hums of agreement of his friends made her shut her mouth and squeeze more in her place. 

“We’re starting from the youngest,” Haechan said. 

“Man, why always from me?” Jisung huffed, rolling his eyes, receiving a look from his friend. “Fine, truth.” 

So they started playing, too many dumb dares and too spicy truths for her liking, but she tried to be likeable and don’t be a buzzkill. 

“Truth,” she chose for the first round, fearing the question, already knowing it was going to be something embarrassing or something she couldn’t answer because it wasn’t like she had many adventures. 

“Where was the wildest place you ever had sex?” Haechan asked, making her face heat up immediately.

“Dude, that’s disgusting, she’s my sister,” Jaemin whined, turning around and fake-gagging. 

But she was standing still, wanting to die under the interrogating gazes of the others. “I… I only did it in a bed,” she confessed as her eyes skimmed all over the room to avoid the mocking smirks on the others’ faces. 

“Wow, yeah, should’ve expected it from you,” he mocked, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. 

She bit her lip, nervously playing with the hem of her dress, until her eyes met Jeno’s. He was staring at her but she couldn’t decipher what he was hiding under his gaze or if his lips were turned in a genuine smile or a mocking one. But it didn’t matter… well, it didn’t until she had the brilliant idea of picking dare. 

“Guess what, we’re hoping you can spice up your life in one night,” Haechan joked. “You have to play seven minutes in heaven with Jeno,” he said, turning around and winking at his friends. 

She expected Jeno to gag or complain about the pairing, but he didn’t. He looked at her, stood up and then reached his hand for her to grab. She hesitated, looking over at Jaemin for approval, but she gagged instead when she saw a girl all over him. 

“Come on,” Jeno urged her, making her drift her gaze from her brother. “I’ve got a brand-new closet to try.” 

The walk to his bedroom was silent as she felt panic run in her veins. 

“You know that it doesn’t have to be sex, right? You can also just talk while playing seven minutes in heaven,” she mumbled when he opened the bedroom and started walking to the closet. “Or we could do nothing, that’s also valid, you –” 

“Will you shut up for a second?” He asked, turning around, stopping in front of her, pushing her inside before closing the doors behind them. “Great, so much better for my ears,” he huffed. “And, to answer your annoying questions, no, there’s no fun in that.” 

“We can’t do that in seven minutes,” she muttered. “Also you said you didn’t like me like that, you said that just before, you-” When he shushed her with a kiss she felt her knees buckle and her heart race and it felt like a fever dream. 

“That’s something that shouldn’t happen in this game, you know? No kissing allowed.” 

“No kisses but sex yes?” 

He chuckled, making her walk back, sitting her on a small white desk next to the wall, dress lifting up, barely covering half of her thighs. “Weird, isn’t it?” 

She hummed, breath shaking when his cold hands ran on her naked thigh. “Wait, I’ve never done this.” 

“I thought you said you did it in a bed?” 

“I – I did but it was ages ago and it was…” she stopped, embarrassed, “it was bad.” 

“Oh, yeah, not surprised,” he replied. “Do you trust me?” 

“I don’t know,” she whimpered when his fingers grazed her panties. 

“I think your body trusts me,” he whispered against her neck when he moved the panties to the side and felt how wet she was. “Is this from before? Did seeing me half-naked got you like this?” 

“N-no, why would it, mmh,” she stopped when his fingers started circling on her clit. “We shouldn’t – we shouldn’t –”

“Do this?” He asked, smirking and pushing a finger inside her, making her roll her head back against the wall. “I will make you come if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not your ex-boyfriend.” 

“Jeno –” 

“Shh,” he shushed her, lips barely brushing against hers, “you don’t have to hold it back,” he whispered, starting to move his fingers inside her wet pussy. “I know you want this so badly. You’ve been dreaming about my fingers for so long,” he cooed, smirking when she lowered her head in embarrassment. “It’s alright, baby. A lot of people would want these fingers buried inside of them… and you are the lucky one tonight.” 

“You won’t tell Jaemin, right?” 

He snickered, “what happens here is a secret, honey. Just relax, stop being so serious, that’s why nobody can’t stand you. You think too much.” 

She was about to open her mouth again and talk back but when his two fingers curled inside of her and hit the spot that made her tremble, she could only try to hold in the whimpers and let her head fall against his shoulder. 

“There,” he hummed, “so much better.” 

“Mhh,” she mumbled, her hand reached for his other arm and squeezed tight, trying to hold onto something, “feels good.” 

“I know, baby, I know. He didn’t give it to you like this, right?” He teased, moving his hand to reach for her hair and force her head up so he could look at her face, eyelashes fluttering and lips parted to let out low moans. “What about this?” He asked, adding a third finger and starting to move his thumb on her clit, eliciting a choked sob to roll out of her mouth and to open her eyes fully. “You like this?” He asked, but he knew the answer, she was dripping over his hand and her hips were rolling against his thumb searching for more friction. 

“Yeah,” she whispered, biting her lips, nails digging into his arm when he started to move faster into her, making her try to close her legs, embarrassed by the lewd sounds of her wetness, but Jeno only smirked and forced her legs parted. 

“No, pretty,” he whispered, “want to see you.” 

“I think I… I’m close,” she confessed, feeling her body burn up and a new weird sensation build up in her stomach. 

“You think?” He asked, tapping her cheek so she would open her eyes. “Oh… he never made you come?” 

She nodded, diverting her gaze again, feeling the sensation intensify with every thrust of his fingers. “Mhh, it’s too much, feels – feels too good,” she whimpered, hips grinding against him, and lower lip bleeding for how hard she was biting on it. But Jeno couldn’t care, he knew she could take it, she simply wasn’t used to it, but he was going to make her get used to it. This was just a preview of everything he could give to her, a small window on the world he could show her. 

“Come,” he ordered, “I don’t think we have much time. And you don’t want Haechan to hear you moan like a whimpering mess, right?” 

She shook her head before throwing it back, feeling a new sensation rush over her, her stomach tightened and her toes curled in her shoes while her hips bucked up against him. 

“No more, no more,” she whimpered, trying to push him away. 

“Shh, it’s alright, baby, it’s alright,” he shushed her, thumb grazing her cheek. She blinked, trying to shake the dizziness out of her brain, eyes falling on his lips, wishing she could taste them again because the kiss of before was so unexpected that her brain didn’t even have time to register it.

And Jeno knew it, but he needed her to crawl back to him, he couldn’t give her everything just yet. He needed time, precious time, filled with tests and games that she needed to pass and then maybe she would’ve gotten to him. He couldn’t even care about that stupid bet anymore, if the time was ticking and he needed to get with her in two months, he wanted to have her in the palm of his hands and play with her like a puppet. 

“I told you I could make you feel good like nobody else ever did,” he said, winking, pulling away, leaving her sitting on the desk, slowly realizing what just happened. “Like nobody else ever will,” he whispered, turning around, waiting for Haechan to call them down again. 

She shouldn’t have felt special. She shouldn’t have felt the butterflies fly in her stomach just because Jeno touched her for a stupid game. Yet, she did. Jeno was the only thing that filled her thoughts for the passing weeks. When she was trying to work. When she watched a movie. And when her hands shily moved on her body, desperately trying to replicate the feeling his fingers made her feel. 

But nothing came close to him. She needed him, every day a little bit more than the day before. But the more she craved him, the more he seemed ephemeral. She couldn’t reach him, she didn’t have his number, and she never dared to sneak into her brother’s phone to steal it. She already looked pathetic in his eyes, so she needed to win him in another way. She needed to appear charming in his eyes and make him fall for her for real. But she didn’t know what he liked, or well, the only thing she knew he liked for sure wasn’t going to make him fall for her. But it was something. And something was better than nothing. 

“Yeah, alright, I’ll wait here.” As soon as those words slipped out of Jeno’s mouth and Jaemin closed the main door behind him, she took the last steps on the stairs to reach him, running to the couch, waiting for him. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked when, coming back to his seat, he saw her sit there. 

“Because it’s my home?” She replied, playing dumb. “I thought both of you left.” 

“But I’m right here, so…” 

“Wanna watch a movie with me?” She asked, ignoring the way he was, not so subtly, trying to make her leave. 

He snorted, “why would I want to watch a movie with you?” 

“Because I’m bored.” 

“You are bored, not me,” he huffed, sitting down. “Also, Jaemin will be back soon, we don’t have time for a movie.” 

She shifted, sitting on her knees and placing her hands on his shoulder, “Then can we do something else?” 

He looked at her up and down, trying to study her expression, “Like?” 

“Promise you won’t tell anybody?” 

“What are you on?” 

“I know we said we weren’t going to talk about that night,” she started and Jeno stopped her immediately. “Exactly, so why are you bringing it up?” 

“Let me finish, please,” she begged, and Jeno nodded, curios to know where she wanted to go. “It was… good. I mean, you are good so, I was thinking that maybe we could…” 

“You want to be my sex buddy?” He finished for her, a mocking smile on his face. 

“I want you to teach me,” she confessed, feeling shame take over. 

Jeno raised a brow, tilting his head, “you want sex lessons from me?” 

She nodded, lip trapped in her teeth. 

“What makes you think I want to spend time with you? Especially like that.”

She stammered, not knowing what to answer and he rolled his eyes. 

“Okay, fine, since you want my attention so bad, let’s try this,” he said, turning around, face so much closer to hers now. “You have to prove to me that it won’t be a total loss of time.” 

“H-how?” 

He smirked, moving a strand of hair out of her face, “I gave you something the other week, didn’t I?” She hummed. “Give it back to me.” 

“I told you I don’t know how to do it, it’s not fair.” 

“Alright, consider this the first trial lesson. If you’re not a total failure, which I doubt, I’ll give you what you want.”

Her eyes moved around the room, suddenly realizing how dumb everything was. That was a bad idea. That was the lowest point she could reach just to have him somehow. 

“You know what, I… I think I don’t need those lessons,” she said, jumping off the couch but she had no time to walk around it that Jeno was already in front of her, stopping her in her tracks. 

“I know you don’t really want these lessons,” he said, pushing her back against the couch. “All you want is my attention, isn’t it? You got a taste,” he whispered, lips almost touching hers, making her lean closer, only making him smirk, “and you can’t get enough.” 

She wanted to deny it but there was no point anyway. It was written all over her face. It was in the way her thighs were squeezed together. It was in the way she had never worn clothes this revealing before around him. 

“Am I right?” He asked again because he wanted to hear those words slip out of her mouth, he wanted her to admit how obsessed she was with him. 

“Yes, I can’t get enough.” 

He smirked before moving his hand down on her neck, thumb caressing her jaw, “So… do you want to have a bigger taste?” 

She nodded and then dropped to her knees when he pushed her down. Hesitant, shaky hands moved to unbuckle his belt and push his jeans and underwear down, exposing his already half-hard cock. 

“Can you get me hard?” He asked, already knowing that it was a matter of seconds with the way she was looking up at him. 

No words slipped out of her mouth, she only nodded and then started pumping his dick, but his stern gaze made her lower her face. 

“God, I really have to teach you,” he complained, rolling his head back and sighing loudly. “Open your mouth, your hands are useless.” 

“Good,” he moaned when she parted her lips and stuck her tongue out. “See, you know how to do it, you just don’t want me to think you do.” 

She was about to retort when he pushed almost all the way down, making her gag around him. But the discomfort didn’t last long, it felt unexpectedly good. She liked the sensation of his length on her tongue, or how she could feel the slight throbs when she sucked harder. But what she liked the most was the way Jeno’s face was contorted in pleasure and how deep moans came out of his lips.

“Don’t give me those – fuck – innocent eyes. Where did you learn, uh? With porn – shit – or reading?” He asked when she opened her eyes and met his, making him lose his mind.

“No, don’t answer, I don’t care where you learned. I just – fuck – need you to keep doing that. Keep sucking,” he ordered, making a makeshift ponytail with her hair and guiding her on his length. “Can you take all of it?” 

Her eyes snapped up, looking at him, silently telling him that she couldn’t. 

“Oh, you can’t?” He snickered. “But I’m here to teach you. That’s what you wanted, right? For me – fuck – to teach you. Then learn,” he said, pushing deeper down, making her gag around it. “Relax your jaw and breathe through your nose,” he told her, slowing down, pushing out before sliding in again. “Good girl, just like that,” he praised, and her thighs clenched together at his words, feeling wetness pool in her panties. “You are good at this,” he smirked, eyes glistening as he watched her concentrated expression and the way her cheeks hollowed around his girth and her tongue twirled around his head when she reached the tip. 

“Do you exercise with Jaemin’s other friends? Uhm? Or am I the only one?” He grinned when she shook her head, still not pulling away from him. “No? The only one? The only one you get on your knees for?” 

She nodded again, stopping working on him to breathe again, “o-only you,” she said, glossy eyes looking up at him, drool dripping down her chin. 

“Can you be a good girl and take more for me?” He asked, wiping the drool away, and lifting her chin up. 

“More?” She asked, voice trembling. 

He hummed, “Can you let me fuck that pretty little mouth of yours? You don’t have to do anything but keep your mouth open for me.”

“Yea-yeah, I can,” she replied, parting her lips again and giving him full access. A muffled moan rolled out of her lips as soon as his hold on her hair tightened and he started thrusting into her mouth fast. 

“Fuck,” he moaned, throwing his head back, “you feel good. Are you sure this is – fuck – your first time?” 

She tried to nod, hands wrapping around his thighs as she started gagging more around him. “What, baby? Want to breathe?” He cooed but without stopping. “Here. Take a deep breath, just like that,” he said when he pulled out of her, making her cough to catch her breath again. 

“Oh, look at you, opening your mouth again,” he said, tugging her hair and pushing into her mouth again. “I thought you were going to start – fuck – crying. But no – shit – you love this, don’t you?” He teased, staring into her watery eyes, feeling his orgasm close already. 

She nodded, squeezing her eyes when he hit deeper, gagging around his length. 

“It’s alright, baby,” he moaned, “I’m close. Gonna fill your pretty mouth and you – fuck – you will take it all like a good girl, uh?” 

She moaned around him, closing her eyes, trying to relax more as his thrusts got faster, closing her thighs together, skin burning up in shame as she felt her panties get wetter and stick to her skin. 

“Fuck,” he groaned, gritting his teeth and coming into her mouth. “Swallow it. Everything,” he ordered, pushing lazily into her mouth, emptying himself before pulling out. “Everything,” he repeated, grabbing her chin, and making her look up at him, watching as she swallowed all of his cum. “Good girl,” he praised her, leaning in, making her believe he was going to kiss her but instead he licked a stripe of seed that dripped on her chin and smirked at her disappointed face. 

“Get up, you don’t want your brother to find you on your knees in front of my cock, right?” He said, reaching out his hand, helping her stand up after he pulled his pants back up.

“Come here,” he whispered, cleaning her chin with a napkin and fixing her messy hair. “That’s better, isn’t it?” He asked and she hummed, diverting her gaze from his, nervously playing with her fingers and squeezing her thighs together, feeling her pussy throb for how turned on she was. And Jeno knew it, but she needed to be patient. Time. He needed to take time. 

“What’s with that face? You wanted the whole thing, didn’t you? You have to earn it.” 

After that, other weeks of silence passed. Jeno only said hi when he passed over and nothing else. And she started to realize that she was being played, or better, that she was playing right into his fantasy, so she needed to get him out of his mind. 

But it wasn’t like she had any idea of how to stop thinking about him. She had tried for more than 10 years to stop her heart from beating so fast every time she saw his face, or don’t stutter every time he addressed her. And she never succeeded. So how could she do it now? Now that she got so much more than a taste, now that she knew what his lips tasted like, now that she knew what his fingers felt like, now that she could scent his perfume every time she closed her eyes. 

And, worst of it all, it felt like Jeno knew when she would start to get tired of playing this game of push and pull and always came back to her, every time giving her a bit more, and yet, a bit less. 

And then one day everything changed.

“Hey! You’re soaked.” His voice rang in the late afternoon in the middle of the street. It was raining and she forgot to bring an umbrella with her, also, she couldn’t call anybody because her parents and Jaemin were out of town.

“Yeah, I can see it,” she whispered, keeping on walking, not wanting to turn around and fall on her knees more. 

“Stop walking and get in, you’re gonna get sick,” he screamed, driving behind her slowly. 

“As if you care,” she mumbled, trying to shield her body from the cold, cringing at the way the raindrops fell inside her clothes and wet her skin. 

“I do care,” he whispered, grabbing her arm, and turning her around, chest to chest, rain wetting them both. “And now get in.” 

“I don’t need you to come and save me –”

“I said, get in,” he ordered, sharp eyes looking into hers, not giving her a chance to talk back or disagree. So she lowered her head and walked to the passenger seat without saying a word. 

“You can’t live without me,” he whispered when they were both in the car and started driving again in the chaos of Seoul’s streets. 

“You’re so full of yourself,” she huffed, crossing her leg on top of the other and turning her body toward the window, watching as the drops ran on the glass and the lights outside appeared blurred. 

“You are mad at me because I didn’t reach for you this week,” he said, tapping his fingers on the wheel, and it took a lot for her to don’t turn around and stare at them and imagine once again how they ran on her body and made her shiver. “Tell me I am wrong, come on.” 

She pressed her lips in a thin line, and then brushed her hair behind, “No, you are not wrong.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said, making her turn around in surprise, eyes focusing on his face, studying his profile, wondering why he apologized. “I didn’t want to leave you hanging for so long, I’ve been busy.” 

She hummed, looking in front of them this time, and squeezing in the passenger seat. Not replying because it didn’t matter anyway. He had been clear, she meant nothing to him, so what was the point of building up castles that were going to fall? 

“Why are you not taking me home?” she asked when she realized he was driving in another direction. 

“I know nobody’s home, don’t want to leave you alone,” he explained, coming to a stop at a streetlight, facing her and smiling… his sweet smile? The kind of smile he never, ever directed at her? 

“I’m an adult, I can stay home alone,” she replied anyway. She needed to push him away, she couldn’t keep falling for his game, no matter how sweet he appeared to be. It probably was fake, just so he could brag with Jaemin about how much of a gentleman he was and didn’t let his little sister all alone in the middle of a storm. 

“You wanted my company so badly the other day, why is it different now?” He grinned, before moving his hand on the shift to start the car again and sprint toward his place. 

“We won’t fuck tonight.” 

“Never said we had to,” he replied. 

“Then why do you want me at your place?” 

He shrugged, pulling into his driveway. “Are you sure you’re the only one that can’t live without the other?” 

She stood there, frozen on the spot, brain struggling to register his words and to comprehend if what she understood was what he meant. He liked her too? He wanted to spend time with her? 

“Wait,” she said, opening the door and running outside. Trying to don’t get wetter under the rain, reaching him under the porch while he struggled with the keys to open the do. “You find me annoying, you said you don’t want to spend time with me, you avoided me for so long, why do you do this?” 

Jeno sighed, throwing his jacket somewhere and getting out of his shoes as soon as they stepped in. “Undress.” 

“What! You said we weren’t going to have sex.” 

“It’s to give you new clothes, dummy,” he replied, rolling his eyes. “Follow me,” he said, walking to his room, a path she knew too well by now, and yet her breathe faltered just like the first time she found herself there. And it didn’t matter that nothing was going to happen, it was the thrill of being so intimate with him somehow.

“You didn’t answer,” she complained while he looked for something to give her in his closet. He turned around, a white shirt in hand, giving it to her that was now only covered with her panties and bra. 

“I find you annoying but maybe I like it,” he replied. “You look interesting under the surface.” 

She didn’t want to smile so big but her lips moved automatically, a dumb smile creeping on her face, eyes glistening. 

“Calm, now,” he warned as soon as he saw her reaction. “This doesn’t mean we are dating, but I wouldn’t mind spending time with you. And now get dressed, before I don’t keep up with the promise of before.” 

The heat of the house made them find comfort from the cold outside while they eat something while the television was turned on mostly to fill the silence between them. 

“Don’t you think it’s weird?” She asked while cleaning her lips from the soy sauce that dripped on her mouth. 

“What?” 

“Everything,” she said. “We’ve known each other for so long but… we don’t really know anything about us.” 

“You don’t?” He quirked a brow, licking his lips before placing down the empty bowl. “You think Jaemin didn’t tell me about all the questions you used to ask?” 

Her cheeks heated up, cursing lowly at her brother for not being able to keep a secret. “Okay, fine, but he’s not you. I don’t know it from you.” 

“Maybe you should tell me something about you. I think I can read you easily but not enough to get somewhere,” he said. “And you want to get somewhere, right?” 

She hummed and then took a deep breath before opening up. Talking over and over again, letting him know even the most irrelevant things about her. Letting him go deeper than anybody else, not even caring if something was embarrassing. She trusted him. 

And Jeno listened, finding out that yes, she was a lot, but maybe it wasn’t so annoying. And the more he knew about her, the better. 

And then he started speaking. But his words were calculated, just like the stories he was telling. He knew what he was saying, he knew what he was doing. He was giving her a piece of himself without actually giving her anything. Without letting her slip deep under his skin. Yet for her it was enough, no, for her it was everything. She had never seen him so open, had never seen his body so relaxed beside hers, no walls were diving them right there. And that, mixed with all the sweet tempting words from before, made her fall into a vortex from which she would never get out. 

Jeno had trapped her in his golden cage, but she did not know it yet, and probably, she would’ve never realized that.

“Why are you so happy?” Jaemin asked his sister, staring at her with a disgusted expression on his face. She had been hopping instead of walking for days, always had a smile on her face, and strangely she wasn’t clingy, always locked in her room, only God knows doing what. 

“Why do you care? Shouldn’t you be happy that your sister’s happy?” She asked back, pouting before grabbing something to eat and running upstairs again, hiding from her brother’s questions.

Jeno had kissed her. 

After talking for hours, after being so close and at the same time so far away, Jeno leaned close to her and kissed her. This time for real. A slow, sweet kiss. A kiss that she had well imprinted in her mind. 

But not only that. His hands had touched her skin, trembling, and full of shivers. His long, slender fingers had trailed over her thighs, and then over her hip and held her close to him. And if she closed her eyes she could still relive all those emotions, from his scent to his eyes that had never been so real and close to her before. 

Also, they had slept together. She, Jaemin’s delusional sister who had fantasized so much and for so long about ending up in his arms, had slept in Jeno’s bed. 

And not like the other girls he let pass in his bed before, asleep in a tangle of sheets and sweat and cum. No, they slept in fresh, clean sheets, with his arms around her waist and his breath hitting the back of her neck. And although in the morning when she had woken up, he was not there, that was enough. 

Because Jeno was in the kitchen preparing breakfast and bidding her good morning with a smile on his face that tasted like something new, something genuine. Big brown eyes creasing up in half-moons and cheeks lifting up. 

Though… there was a but.

‘You can’t tell anyone about this.’ He had told her as he drove her home, serious gaze facing the road, one hand gripping the steering wheel and the other caressing her thigh. ‘It’s our little secret. You know how to keep secrets, don’t you?’  

And she nodded, confident that she could do it. That if she had kept her crush on him a secret for so long, she surely could keep their ... relationship a secret? Or friendship? Or friends with benefits? She had no idea, she didn’t know what bound them together, she didn’t even know if there was actually anything that tied them together. But it didn’t matter, if it wasn’t now, it would be in a few months. It was only a matter of time. Jeno wanted to get to know her, Jeno wanted her to be a part of his life as much as she wished he was a part of hers. 

‘hey, it’s me. are you free this friday?’ 

She blinked twice, shifting her attention from her pc to the phone beside it, trying to understand why an unknown number was texting her until she opened the message and ‘– jeno’  appeared at the end.

‘how did you get my number?’ 

‘i have my ways 😉 anyway, for friday? i need to buy some things for my place, it’s too empty, thought you could help’ 

She breathed deeply, looking around only to waste time and not answer right away just to don’t look desperate. As if she didn’t already answer ‘yes’ in her mind even before she knew what they were going to do, as if she wouldn’t have always been available for him.

‘yep, fine by me. where do we meet?’ She replied after a few minutes, hands sweating and heart throbbing harder in her ribcage. 

‘my place, i’ll drive.’ 

And that wasn’t a date, surely not a date like she always imagined but it was something. It was nice not hearing him huff annoyed at her every word, or seeing that he didn’t move away from her with a disgusted face when their hands brushed together casually. He even laughed at her unfunny jokes. 

“Our parents were never home,” she said. After buying everything, he offered to buy her a milkshake in a small coffee shop at the mall, so now they were sitting at a table in front of each other. “I mean, even when they were, they never paid much attention to us.” 

“That’s why I was always there,” Jeno chuckled. “Your mother couldn’t see the mess me and Nana made.” 

She smiled, lifting her gaze on him, but still stirring the liquid in her glass. “I wanted to move out of there so many times, but my job barely makes me afford my car bills and the few hobbies I have. How did you do it?” 

“Well, it’s not fair when your dad pays half of it, right?” 

“Your parents are cool. I remember when they used to bring you and Jaem to the amusement park. I never went there.” 

“Never? Not even once?” He asked, surprised. 

“Nope,” she confessed, biting her lower lip, already embarrassed at what she was about to say. “I always wanted to win a bunny from the water gun game,” she confessed. “You won it to Jaemin once. I was so jealous of that plushie.” 

He smiled. “Well, I might win one just for you.” 

Her eyes lit up, locking into his, heart doing cart-wheels in her chest. “You would?” 

He hummed, hand under his chin, rubbing it lightly, “Why not? Next Saturday? How’s that sound?” 

“It sounds amazing,” she squealed. “I love you so much.” 

He smiled, looking at her, feeling a bit of warmth spread in his chest. Maybe she was nice. Maybe betting on her wasn’t the right way to start this. 

When Saturday night arrived, she was vibrating with excitement. Wearing a red top, a leather black jacket and black shorts, she grabbed her small bag and rushed outside, swiftly warning her parents and Jaemin that she was going out with her friend and she wasn’t sure she was coming back. Receiving no answer. 

But she didn’t care, she couldn’t care if at home nobody paid her attention. She had a date with Lee Jeno. Jeno was taking her to an amusement park for the first time and he would’ve even tried to win her a big, soft bunny she desired so much. So not even the bus ride – that she usually hated – to his place bothered her at all. 

“Hi,” she greeted shily when she walked into the driveway and saw him leaning against his car. Black jeans wrapping around his legs, black shirt covering his chest and red jacket shielding him from the light breeze of the night. 

“Hi, bunny. We’re matching,” he pointed out, dragging his eyes on her body and then smiling when their eyes met. 

“Yeah, we didn’t even plan it,” she replied, a shy smile widening her lips as she opened the car door and stepped inside. 

The car ride felt different from the others. The atmosphere was light while music played on the radio and they hummed along. There were no side-eyeing or annoyed sighs coming out of his lips like it used to happen when he was forced to bring her along because they couldn’t leave Jaemin’s sister alone. Now, Jeno glimpsed at her, diverting his attention from the street, with his lips curling in a warm smile. 

And even the whole date at the amusement park was different from all the other times they hung out together. 

It was like being around a different Jeno. He was carefree, laughing at her bad puns. He was kind, always paying for the rides tickets, drinks and food or wrapping a hand around her shoulders when they tried scarier attractions and she was afraid. And he looked beautiful, more than usual. There was something magnetic in the way his black hair framed his face, and his lips curled in soft smiles, making his eyes crinkle up too. He radiated a new sense of safeness. And she knew for sure that she was falling deeper. 

“Now that we tried everything there’s only one thing missing,” Jeno said, dragging her toward the biggest attraction. 

“The Ferris wheel?” she asked, tilting her head to look at him, fighting back the urge to intertwine their hands together. Jeno had been rather touchy the whole night, but she didn’t want to cross lines and ruin the amazing night they had. 

“Yeah, are you scared?” He asked, waiting in line. “You have me by your side,” he said and then leaned in, whispering next to her ear, “and when you’re with me, you have nothing to worry about.” 

She hummed, torturing her lower lip and shifting closer to him, and, unexpectedly, he wrapped his arm around her waist, and she had no idea how her knees didn’t fail her and make her fall to the ground. She didn’t even know how she didn’t pass out for the whole queue since his fingers kept caressing her skin. 

“We should be able to see the whole city when we get up there,” Jeno commented, looking around waiting for the wheel to start moving now that they were inside of a cabin, sitting next to each other. 

“Yeah, I guess,” she hummed, legs buckling in nervousness, and squeezing in her arms to avoid attaching to him like a koala on a tree. 

Jeno picked it up quickly and turned to her with a furrow. “Are you afraid of heights for real?”

“M-me?” She giggled awkwardly. “No, haha.”  

“You are shaking like a leaf,” he pointed out, hand resting on her thigh to stop – at least – one of her legs from shaking. 

“I’m fine,” she replied, taking a deep breath, trying to focus on anything but the way the ride was moving and how – in fact – Seoul was shining beneath them. “What was that?” She asked, panicking when they felt a jolt and the cabin stopped at the higher spot. 

“I think it stopped,” Jeno replied. “A planned stop… I guess.” 

“Planned? Or maybe the wheel broke, and we will fall, no, no, we will crash on the ground and you know there are no chances of surviving and this will be how we die? What will we tell my family, they don’t know about us, they think –” 

He kissed her, hands cupping her cheeks and pushing her close, air cutting short in her lungs not from fear but the chills that he was making run down her spine. “It’s alright,” he whispered, slightly pulling away. “I told you, you have me.” 

She looked at him not totally convinced because if the cabin fell, having him by her side wasn’t going to save her. Surely, it would’ve made her death sweeter, oddly, and tragically romantic but it was still death. 

“I’m sure it’s just to show the view,” he explained, kissing her again, and again, and then his lips moved down, kissing away the chills on her exposed neck. “But since you don’t like the view…” he whispered, cupping her right boob, squeezing just enough to make her roll her head back. “I can give you something to keep you distracted. What do you think?” 

“Yeah,” she moaned, “I’d like that.” She unconsciously parted her legs, not a single cross about being in public crossing her mind.

“Great,” he smiled, biting the skin of her collarbone, “feared you were going to turn down the offer.” His hands slipped down, cupping her mound and he grinned when her hips started grinding against his palm. “Oh, oh, keep doing it, keep grinding on me. It feels good, doesn’t it? The seam of the jeans pressed against your clit by my hand makes you go crazy, isn’t that right?” 

“Yeah,” she breathed out, opening her eyes to look into his. 

“You know, I thought you should’ve worn a skirt for practical reasons but this – shit,” he whispered when her moans got lower and deeper, “this is even better.” 

“I need you,” she whimpered, hands moving to try to touch him. 

“I know you do,” he cooed, “you’ve tried so hard to hold back all this time, the whole night trying to keep your hands to yourself because you just can’t help yourself, can you? Want to feel me,” he said, pressing harder against her covered pussy as she kept grinding against him, “no, no you need to feel me.” 

“Yes, please,” she whimpered, leaning closer to him, making their lips meet again in small kisses. 

“Can you do something for me?” She stopped moving for a second, confused by his request, but nodded. “Come in your panties like this,” he started explaining, tapping her hips to make her start moving again, “and then I’ll give you what you want.” 

And she did, even if it felt humiliating to come like that, grinding against his palm as if she was desperate, making a mess in her already drenched panties and barely holding back the moans. But it was all worth it when he smiled against her lips and whispered, “good girl, you are my good girl. Learning so fast, aren’t you? Making me so proud of you.” 

“Come here,” Jeno said, unbuttoning his jeans and freeing his cock. “Take your shorts and panties off.” 

“He-here?” She mumbled, panic running behind her open eyes. The cabin next to theirs couldn’t see them, the black windows shielding each crib hid them well, but it was such an exposed place anyway. 

“You heard me. Want to make you try something new. Come on, take them off and sit on my lap,” he ordered and she followed his instruction, trying to hide the stained black panties in her shorts as if he couldn’t feel the mess of her cunt as soon as she sat on his lap.

“You’re going to ride me, but I won’t get inside you.” Her face dropped, a bit because she couldn’t get how and because she just wanted to get there and finally have him, completely. But Jeno wanted to take it slow, he wanted to make her dance in the palm of his hand more, twirling around, following every single one of his words so well that he fell more and more every day. 

“Spit on your hand,” he ordered. “Like that, and now wrap it around my cock. You want it to slide perfectly between your lips, right?” Not that it was needed since her wetness was already making his cock slip against her so easily, but he loved seeing how much she obeyed him with no hesitation. He loved seeing that she would’ve done anything for him.

She nodded, doing as he told, eyes glistening because he was already so hard and it was all because of her, for her.  

“Don’t,” he stopped her when he could feel her trying to tease his cockhead against her entrance, “no fucking, remember?” 

“But why?” She huffed, pouting. 

“I want to save it for a special occasion for my special girl,” he replied before placing his hands on her naked waist and guiding her hips on top of him. “Just grind on me, remember before? Like you did with my hand?” She nodded, hand wrapping around his neck and forehead falling against his. “Do it with my cock, just like that,” he praised, kissing her gently. “Feel how good it is? It’s big isn’t it?” 

“Yeah, so big.” 

“Imagine it inside of you, stretching so much more than my fingers. Remember my fingers? How you dripped all over them and came so easily?” She hummed, hips bucking in shame and legs shaking at the idea of feeling him inside. “No, it’s alright. I know you remember them. I bet you spend your nights using yours, imagining it was me. Your little fingers – fuck – making their way into your dripping cunt, fucking yourself hard and yet…” he moaned, throwing his head back, “nothing can come close to me.” 

“No – no. It doesn’t – mmph – feel just as good.” 

“I know. But you need time, bunny. I can’t fuck you like this, in public, on a Ferris wheel. Not for our first time. Not when I’d leave you trembling and panting even more and you would have no strength to stand on your knees.” 

She trembled in anticipation, pressing further down, making him groan. 

“Fuck, you’re so good,” he said. “Need to feel you more. Lift your hips more.” 

“Li-like this?” She asked, whining when she had to pull away from him to give him space to grab his cock and start to rub it up and down her wet pussy. “Oh, this is, mmh, this is weird,” she mumbled, voice breaking a bit more every time that his tip pressed over her opening but never pushed in. 

“But it feels good, right? We need to come fast; it will start moving soon again, remember? You don’t want the operator to find you like this, right?” 

“No, no, I – that’s humiliating.” 

“I know, baby. I would never make someone humiliate you. So I need you to stay like this, don’t try to slide down on me and let me rub my cock against your pretty pussy, okay?” 

“Ye – yes,” she moaned. 

Jeno moaned, rolling his head back, when he started to rub his head faster against her dripping cunt and clit, the cabin filling with wet sounds and moans they couldn’t hold back anymore, not even caring if there was somebody next to them. 

“It’s good,” she whimpered, nails digging behind him, ripping the leather protection of the seats. “I’m – I’m close,” she breathed out, voice pitched and pussy clenching around nothing when another jolt shook the wheel and it started moving again. 

“Me too, bunny. Can you come with me?” 

“Yes, yes, please, faster,” she moaned, throwing her head back when he started doing that. Jeno had no idea how he was fighting back the urge to just penetrate her right there and then with no warning, slipping past her warm walls and filling her up, fucking her hard until she was nothing but a mess. And that thought made him grit his teeth and kiss her, cum spilling all over her cunt, triggering her orgasm too at the sensation of the warm liquid making a mess on her. She had never done that with her ex-boyfriend. And this orgasm was stronger than the rest, it left her shaking, whimpering, and panting in shame, in pleasure, in whatever drug Jeno was making her take every day that passed. It was becoming more and more of an addiction, yet, she didn’t seem to get enough. 

“Fuck,” he moaned, laughing lowly, trying to catch his breath. “That was intense,” he said, smiling at her, “grab your clothes and put them on if you don’t want the whole park to see you like this, though,” he teased, handing her the discarded panties and shorts. “It would be a beautiful view,” he said, watching as she tried to stand on her wobbly legs and get back into her clothes, “but I’m pretty jealous of it.” 

And another flush of heat rushed up her body, forcing her to lower her head. 

When the attraction came to a stop they barely looked decent, but they couldn’t care.

“Are – are you still trying to win the bunny for me?” she asked, head lowered as the realization of what just happened hit her, and it was clear as the sky how experienced and used to this he was by how he was walking as if nothing happened, as if he didn’t just come all of her pussy and then made her push her clothes back on, walking around in that mess. And the worst of it all was that she liked it, she liked that he left a mark on her somehow, that something of him was still on her skin. 

Jeno chuckled, almost as if he knew exactly what was running in her mind, finding it appealing how she would let go for a second just to go back to her usual serious and shy self in the blink of an eye. “We came here for that, right?”

He had promised her. And he kept his promises. Just like he kept his bets. But the more he looked at her, the more time he spent with her, the more he couldn’t see a clear line between the bet and reality. He knew he liked the thrill, he knew he liked the desperation, but he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he was starting to like her. 

Because when they reached the stuffed toys booth, it didn’t bother him that he had to pay to try to hit the target to win her that toy. He didn’t even find her supportive cheers annoying. He didn’t even mind that she kissed him as soon as – with a clear shot – he hit the target and made it fall after ten seconds of the game, winning her that so-awaited white bunny with big eyes and pink ears. 

“You’re so good at this,” she exclaimed, clapping her hands and jumping on the spot, waiting for the operator to hand him the toy. 

“I had the greatest support ever,” he smiled, handing her the plushie, smiling as she brought it close to her chest and hugged it tightly. A dream of a child coming reality after so many years. 

“Do you like it?” He asked even if he knew the answer. 

“I love it,” she replied. “Thank you for winning it for me and thank you for bringing me here,” she whispered. 

“No worries, I had fun,” he replied, reaching for her hand. “Should we head home? My place? How’s that sound?” 

“Amazing,” she replied, smiling from ear to ear, intertwining their hands, and walking to the car. 

She was still smiling, hiding her face behind the plushie for happiness and shame as she felt his cum drip slowly out of her. 

And Jeno was smiling too, thinking that if she finally had gotten his bunny, he had gotten his, too. 

“He’s your bunny,” he whispered close to her, “but you are mine.” 

“Your fridge is always empty,” she huffed, closing the grey door and huffing at her boyfriend that was sitting on a chair, scrolling through his phone. “How do you survive like this? How do you survive without me doing everything for you?” She asked, crossing her arms on her chest and glaring at him.

Jeno chuckled, placing the phone down and standing up, reaching her, wrapping his arms around her. “I know, bunny. I’m sorry. I promise next time I’ll make you find the fridge full.” 

She rolled her eyes, and pushed him away, “you know it’s a lie. You say it every time and then we would always starve if it was for you.” 

“Oh, come here,” he pouted, grabbing her wrist and pulling her against his chest again. “That’s better,” he smiled, snuggling their noses together, making her laugh. “See, you can’t be mad at me.” 

“No, I can’t.” 

She really couldn’t. Especially now that they were dating for almost a month. Even if she knew so many flaws he had, she grew to love them all. She couldn’t even hate how it had to be a secret because she still had him and that was all that mattered. Actually, she enjoyed that it was a secret. 

After a few weeks of sneaking around with Jeno going to her place to see his brother and having to sneak in her room or in the bathroom for a few kisses and heated make-out sessions, this was so much better. She spent most of the time at his place, telling her family she was at her friend’s house or at the library, it wasn’t like they cared anyway. And Jeno never made Jaemin come over when his sister was at home. So everything was working out smoothly. 

This was great. It was the illusion of living together, but she hoped that soon it would’ve turned into something real. Their story was getting rather serious, in a way she never expected. 

She brought some of her things to his place so she had no problems when she stayed over. They did many things together like grocery or buying things when something broke. Jeno always found time to have at least a Saturday or Sunday evening for them to go out to restaurants, and when he couldn’t, they usually went to other types of dates in the afternoon. They even bought a matching bracelet – that Jaemin didn’t notice because he paid her even less attention now.

“You’re not picking a movie, anymore,” Jeno said, chuckling, stealing the remote from her hands and making her whine.

“Oh, please,” she huffed, “for one bad movie.” 

“One is enough,” he replied, leaving a peck on her forehead, making her squirm and snuggle close to him on the couch. 

But even after he picked one, they didn’t pay the movie much attention because they were too busy kissing each other. She sat on his lap, fingers in his hair while his hands cupped her ass and pushed her closer to his body. And this happened almost every time, they just couldn’t keep their hands off each other, but they never did more than that. Jeno wanted to wait for a special occasion. 

And that occasion arrived. One night, Jeno brought her to a restaurant out of town; a fancy place she had never been to before. 

“You picked such a beautiful place,” she said while they waited for the second course, and she looked around still amazed. That wasn’t the kind of place she used to go, and they never even went together to a similar restaurant. Experimental cuisine, beautiful, elegant design, and classical music playing in the background.

“I’d do this and more for you,” he replied, caressing her hand on the table. “And, talking about doing things together. My parents have a house out of town and they don’t use it, thought we could go there together.”

“You mean just us or with your group of friends?”

“Just us. So we can spend some time alone, no need to worry about your brother, about anything.”

She hummed, “Yeah, I’d love to.”

“Great, you can come up with a lie, right?”

“Of course, I can,” she replied. “But, can I ask why Jaemin doesn’t have to know about us?”

“You know him, he would ever let me close to you,” he replied, shrugging. 

“But you’re his dearest friend. You are like a brother to him. I think he trusts you.”

“It’s not about trust,” he said. “It’s weird. And yeah... he knows too much about me to don’t want me near you.”

“Like? Are you trying to scare me away on our date?”

“No, no,” he stopped her right away. “But I’ve been a player most of my life, and as much as he can't stand you he wouldn’t want me to break your heart.”

“So... as long as he doesn’t know you can break it?”

“As long as he doesn’t know I can love you without him reminding me of my past,” he explained. “Hey, I love you. More than I ever loved anybody else, so can you please don’t let my past define me?”

She gulped, looking into his eyes and finding the truth. “Yeah, sorry, I’m just a little paranoid because... because nobody ever went this far with me.”

“I know,” he replied, smiling, “that’s why I wanted to take it slow, that’s why I don’t want to rush us.”

“Can we go back to your place?” She asked once they were in the car, the rest of the night proceeded smoothly as their conversation never drifted to her family again and they left the past right where it was. “I don’t want to go home.”

“I wasn’t planning on making you go home anyway,” he said, smirking. “I have a small surprise at home.”

“A surprise? Is that another bunny?”

“Better.”

But when they arrived home there was nothing, not physical, at least, and she looked at him with a furrow. “There’s nothing here.”

“Mhh, it’s something you had next to you all night,” he sang, walking close to her, wrapping his hands around her waist and moving her hair to the side, leaving a trail of kisses on her neck. 

She chuckled, “is it you?”

He hummed, making her twirl in his hold. “Do you want me, bunny?”

“Don’t I have you already?”

“Yeah, but I think you still want more, don’t you?” He asked lifting her up in his arms, waiting for her to wrap her legs around his waist and start to walk upstairs. “I can’t take your disappointed face every time we don’t go all the way.”

“You make me sound desperate,” she chuckled, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. 

“Because you are,” he replied, opening his bedroom door and laying her on the bed. And he was right because she didn’t waste time kissing him and moving her hands on his body to free him of his clothes. 

“Gonna make you feel good,” he whispered once they were naked, lips closing around her nipple, sucking and twisting, making her push her body closer to his. “So good, bunny. Like nobody else ever made you feel.” His mouth moved down, tracing kisses all over her abdomen and then over her mound before lapping at her clit, making her whimper and squirm under his kisses and licks. 

“No, shh, don’t move,” he whispered, pulling away from her slit. “Let me take care of you, bunny. I know he never did. But I’m not him, I’m not like anybody else.” His lips started moving on her again, sucking on her clit hard and then teasing her entrance, tasting her, feeling lightweight as his hands kept her legs spread open, fingers digging in the soft flesh of her thighs.

“Uh,” she cried, head thrown back, eyes squeezed closed and lips gasping for air. “It’s – it’s so good.” 

He smirked against her skin, chin getting wetter with the slick that was streaming out of her as his tongue and lips moved faster on her, bringing her to the climax sooner than she wanted. 

But even if she loved the feeling of his lips, she needed more. 

“Jeno,” she mewled when he pulled away, licking his lips and cleaning his chin with the back of his hand. “Ne-need you,” she stuttered, looking into his eyes, filled with lust and need. “Please, need to feel you.”

Jeno kissed her, one hand at the side of her head keeping his body up and the other stroking his hard, thick cock. 

“Gonna make you mine,” he groaned, aligning his length at her entrance and pushing into her, nails digging into his back as the never felt before stretch cut her breath. 

“Fuck,” she cried, searching for his lips, chest panting as she tried to calm down, “you’re... you’re too big.”

“No, bunny,” he reassured, caressing her cheek, hips backing away before sinking in again, “you can take me. You can take everything I give to you.”

She nodded, legs falling limper as her body trembled in his hold. 

“So good for me, bunny,” he praised, the veins of his neck popping out as he tried to hold in the moans. 

“Want to – want to hear you,” she mumbled, cupping his face. “Please, want to know I’m – fuck – making you feel – aah – good.”

And Jeno let go, groans and low moans rolling out of his parted lips as he started thrusting into her faster, making her get even wetter as she felt him reach deeper inside of her.

“You make me feel so good, baby,” he hummed, throwing his head back when her walls clenched harder around him and he knew it was just a matter of minutes. He couldn’t hold it anymore. They were made for each other. Fitting so perfectly that he felt good like never before. Nobody could come close to this, to her.  

“Fa-faster,” she barely breathed out, eyes half-lidded and lungs gasping for air.

“Faster?” He smirked, tilting his head, staring at her face, getting high in the way she was whimpering so nicely every time he pushed back and forth. “Can you take me, bunny?”

“Yes,” she screamed. “Need – need to feel you more.” She had no idea how it could’ve been possible, or exactly what more did she need from him. But she needed him. She needed him to get under her, and she needed to get under him. Tattooing each other under their skins.

And Jeno gave it to her. Going faster, pulling her legs closer to him, leaning down to cage her completely making her feel small and safe. He was always going to give her everything and more. Everything that would’ve been enough to never make her want to leave. Because she was his, and he was hers. And they belonged together.

“Je-Jeno,” she cried, feeling her stomach tighten up, silently warning him that she was close.

“I’m close, too,” he said through gritted teeth. “Your pussy’s so good, fuck. You are too good. Come for me, bunny. Come with me.”

And her body obeyed, squirming under him, hips bucking while her eyes rolled into the back of her head and another orgasm washed over. 

“Yes, just like that,” Jeno groaned, watching her face contort and shooting his cum into her, hips slamming messily against her ass while his hand gripped her waist harder to keep her in place. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, pulling out of her and rolling at her side. “So, was it worth the wait?”

She smiled, turning to him. “You are always worth the wait.”

Jeno was... caring. Too apprehensive at times. Not that she minded all the attention but she sometimes wondered if he did too much. He insisted on picking her up when she came out of work. He always dropped her by when she went out with her friends alone. He drove her everywhere, saying that it was safer because ‘you may never know who you meet on the metro or the bus.’

But the weird thing was that one minute he was all over her, never taking his eyes off of her even for a split second, and then he was nowhere to be found, or he even got mad at her, reminding her to don’t be too touchy because nobody had to know.

Just like right now. He invited her to Haechan’s party but didn’t spare her a single glance all night but she had no intention of rotting on a sofa seat just to get back home after wasting an entire evening.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Jeno snapped, glaring at Haechan pushing him off of her.

“Hey, man,” the brown-haired replied with a smug smirk on his face, “we were dancing. Had no idea you cared about her so much?” He grinned.

“Take that grin out of your face if you don’t want me to wipe it off with a punch,” he warned, glaring at him before grabbing her wrist and dragging her out of the living room, walking upstairs not even caring that she was hardly following his steps.

“Jeno wait!”

“Shut up!” He screamed, pushing her inside an empty room and locking it behind them with the key, stuffing it inside his pocket. “What the fuck were you thinking, uh?”

“W-what?” She asked, chest panting for running and because she didn’t expect him to react like that. 

“Stop with that fucking act of the innocent girl,” he barked, cupping her cheek with a hand and pushing her close to the nearest wall, pressing her against it with his body. “I was right when I said you would’ve crawled to every single friend of your brother. You’re such a slut.”

“What? Don’t call me that! You know it’s not true,” she retorted, voice shaking with fear. She had never seen him like this and she couldn’t even get why he was so mad. She and Haechan were only dancing, and nobody could know that they were dating, so it wasn’t like she had a choice. 

“Oh, it’s not true?” He cooed, squeezing her face tighter. “Then why were you grinding on him?"

“I - I wasn’t,” she whispered as tears started flowing on her face.

“Oh, nice,” he sighed, shaking his head, and letting go of her face, placing his hand beside her head against the wall, “now you’re going to cry. You were all over another man and you cry.”

“You know it’s only you. I’d never leave you,” she replied, lips quivering as she looked into his eyes and found them filled with darkness. “It was… it was the heat of the moment, he asked me to dance and you weren’t there and you said to keep our distances.”

“Yeah, but I think you need a reminder of who you belong to,” he said, flipping her over. "Need to put into your little dumb brain that I’m the only one.”

She nodded, shivering when his hands slipped under the dress, and she shouldn’t have felt so turned on because he was finally paying her attention, because he was showing he wanted her and nobody could come close to her. But she was. It was fucked up, and yet, her knees were buckling already under his touch.

“Need you to remember that even when I’m not by your side you’re mine and mine only. This body,” he said, running his hands on her thighs and waist and then squeezing her boobs, making her groan, “is mine. You are mine. Say it,” he ordered. 

“I’m yours, always yours.” 

“That’s better,” he replied, voice still stern, and hands slipping inside her laced panties. “Oh, wet already? You want me to be mean to you, don’t you?”

“No, I – I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” he said, "but don’t lie to me. You’re either dripping because of him, which will make me very mad. Or...” He leaned closer, “you are a little slut that gets off to these things.”

She whimpered, feeling her knees buckle. “Don't call me like that.”

“No? You want me to call you bunny, right? Want to be my little bunny?”

She nodded, biting her lower lip when his fingers started moving on her clit. 

“To be my bunny you have to be good. And right now, you’re not. Prove to me you can be my good little bunny and not some cheap slut that lets all her brother’s friends pass her around, okay?”

“Yeah, I will prove it to you,” she said, trying to turn around but Jeno grabbed her wrists and blocked them together behind her back. 

“You’re not moving from here,” he ordered. “And be thankful I brought you here and not in the bathroom. Come here, on the desk,” he ordered, guiding her to walk over to the white desk at the side of the room. 

“Is – is this his bedroom?” She asked, looking around, seeing it was too decorated to be a guest room. 

“Yeah, is that a problem? Don’t you want to leave him a little gift of something he will never have?” 

“Je – Jeno you don’t need to be jealous, I-” 

“Shut up,” he groaned, ripping her panties and spreading her legs more. “You think you know him more than I do? You think I don’t know what he looks like when he wants to fuck someone?” 

She rolled her head back when he slipped one finger into her. “I wouldn’t have – fuck – I wouldn’t have let him.” 

Jeno snickered bitterly. “I’m not sure about it,” he replied, kissing her roughly and pushing another finger inside. “Your ass was pressing so much against his cock. Think I didn’t see it? Think I’m stupid? He was hard, wasn’t he? And you loved it,” he mocked, adding a third finger making her moan louder. “Because you love attention, you live for attention. You seek it. You crawled to me because you needed attention so how can I trust you? Tell me? How can I trust you with other men?” 

“I – I would never cheat on you,” she replied, trying to steady her breath and keep up with him instead of getting lost in the way his fingers made her feel. “If I could – fuck – dance with you in public, I – I would, I would only – fuck – do it with you.” 

“So you’re going to do it again just because I’m not by your side? Just because I don’t carry you around with a leash like a fucking dog?” He replied, stilling his fingers inside of her and tilting his head to the side. 

“That’s not what I meant,” she replied, trying to close her legs but he stopped her in her tracks lifting a finger and pushing her hips down against the desk. “Jeno, please,” she begged. “I won’t go to parties anymore, okay? I can stay at home, I never liked them anyway.” 

“And you think that’s enough?” He asked, picking up the movements inside her, making her breath shake and her nails dig in his arms.

“Then what more can I do for you?” She asked, tears flowing down her cheeks, feeling overwhelmed with emotions. Disappointing him was the last thing she wanted to do. 

“Don’t fucking cry,” he growled, leaning closer to her but pulling his fingers out of her. “I hate it when you cry. I hate when you do dumb things first without thinking about the consequences and then do this, play the victim.” 

“I just – I don’t want to upset you or hurt you. I don’t like fighting with you.” 

“Then use your brain?” He said, tapping his fingers on her mouth and pushing them down her throat. “The only time you’re not supposed to think about a thing is when I’m fucking you, got it?” 

She nodded, trying to kiss him back when he pulled his fingers out. “Can you forgive me? I’m sorry.” 

“Maybe, I’ll forgive you if you don’t disappoint me another time,” he said, letting go of her face. “Are you going to be a good girl?”

“Yes, yes, I’ll be your good girl,” she replied, moving toward the edge of the desk to feel him more. 

“Then bend over,” he ordered, waiting for her to follow his orders. “See, you can be good when you want to.” 

She was about to reply but then pursed her lips together, not wanting to get him mad even more. If she liked it when he got rougher, she still didn’t want to fight or make him truly upset.  

“This ass,” he said, hand slapping her ass cheek hard, making her jolt, “is mine. Got it?”

“Ye-yes.”

“This pussy,” another slap, but this time on her pussy, “is mine.”

“Yours.”

“And you,” another smack on her other ass cheek, “are mine.”

“Yours. I’m all yours,” she whimpered, feeling her skin burn.

“Now be a good girl,” he said, rubbing the skin of her ass, “and part your legs more.”

“I wanted to fuck your mouth but I need to feel you, need to fuck you hard and make you walk out of here with – fuck,” he groaned, pushing inside of her wet cunt, “make you walk out of here with shaky legs and my cum dripping out of you.”

Her nails scraped against the hard wood under her, head rolling back at the stretch of his cock. 

“Yeah, you like that? That was what you wanted, shit,” he moaned, “Wanted me to pay you attention so you got on my nerves to get this. You want me to be rough with you, don’t you?” He asked. “Answer me,” he groaned, pulling her flush against his chest and leaving a light tap against her cheek. 

“Yes, fuck, yes.”

“But if you – fuck – want me to be rough with you, you just have to fucking ask. But noo,” he cooed, a deep laugh rolling out of his chest. “It’s better to go around and act like a slut, isn’t it?”

“N-no,” she breathed out. 

He snorted. “And you know, if I only didn’t care so much about you I’d let him fuck you. I’d love to see the – fuck – the disappointed look on your face," he said, wrapping a hand around her neck and squeezing it before kissing her hard. “Because he can’t fuck you like I do.”

“I – I know," she moaned, feeling her knees shake. 

“Nobody can fuck you like I do,” he whispered against her ear. “Say it,” he ordered, “say that nobody, nobody, will ever make you feel as good as I do.”

She threw her head back, ass arching against him, pleasure making her feel dizzy as she struggled to make the words come out of her mouth. “No - nobody will ever make me – mmh – nobody will make me feel as good as you.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“You feel good,” she moaned, head falling forward, not really sure she could last longer. “No,” she whined when he pulled out. 

“Turn around,” he ordered. “Want you to look into my eyes while I break you.”

She stumbled on her heels, hardly turning around and sitting back on the desk and in a second Jeno was inside her again, thrusting into her mercilessly, knocking the breath out of her lungs. 

“You make me so fucking mad,” he groaned, kissing her roughly. “I wanted to get home and – shit – fuck you gently all night and here we are,” he said, cupping her face, “we have a party to get back to and we look like a mess all because you never know when to stop.” 

“Too much," she mumbled, looking into his eyes, hips shaking. 

“No, you can take it, you wanted this and you will take this. I know you’re close, you’re – fuck – squeezing me.”

“Play with your clit,” he ordered. “And come for me while you look into my eyes.” 

“Y-yes,” she replied, sliding her hand between their bodies and starting to move her fingers on her clit, wanting to roll her head back but forcing herself to keep it up and stare at him, feeling the orgasm come. 

“Shit, yes,” Jeno moaned. “Just like that. Good girl, my good bunny,” he praised, kissing her. "Yeah, that was what you wanted. And keep bein’ my good bunny and come,” he ordered, giving one last thrust that pushed her over the edge. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she cried, locking her legs around his waist and digging the nails of the hand around his arm into his skin.

“God,” he groaned. “Mine. All mine.”

“Yeah,” she breathed out, meeting his lips in a soft kiss again, “I’m all yours.”

Jeno leaned his forehead against hers as they both caught their breaths and came down from the high. “I’m all you ever wanted," he whispered. “All your life you wanted me. And now you have me, bunny. You have me right here, so don’t you dare leave me.” 

She wasn’t supposed to be there, eavesdropping a conversation about her that she wasn’t supposed to hear. But when she come back from work, she opened the front door and heard Jeno and his friends talk in the kitchen, surely Jaemin wasn’t there, or there was no way they would have that conversation. But she didn’t do it on purpose and she had no idea if it was better like this or living in a lie. 

‘You didn’t win the bet, technically. It was two months and you started dating her after three.’ Haechan complained. 

‘Yeah, but I got to her after one week, I think I win.’ Jeno replied and even if she couldn’t see his face, she knew there was a smug smirk on his face. 

‘I mean, the bet involved both fucking with her and dating her so I think he’s right.’ Jisung chimed.

‘And as I told you she fell on my feet. She was literally begging for my attention so my point was proved.’ Jeno 

She felt her eyes flood with tears and ran away with the intention to confront him at home. Receiving more humiliation in front of his friends was the last thing she wanted. 

‘God, I hate you, man, Fine. Here’s the money.’ 

Jeno scoffed. ‘I don’t want the money,’ he replied. ‘I think I found a better prize.’

“Honey,” Jeno said, opening the door of his place. “I wasn’t expecting you to be home, why’s your car in the driveway?” 

“Don’t call me honey,” she said, standing in front of him, crossing her arms in front of her chest and staring at him. 

“Oh, what happened? We didn’t have a date, right?” He asked, trying to guess why she was mad. “And surely today is not your birthday.” 

She took a step forward and slapped him, making him flinch and stare at her with a surprised expression. 

“You are an asshole!” She screamed. “You played me for a fucking bet. You – you lied to me all these months! Five months of lies and games you played for some money. Is this all I am to you? A joke? A bar talk with your stupid friends? How much do they know about me? Did you have fun making fun of my innocence? Or was it funnier to laugh about how much I trusted you and let you do things I would’ve never done before?” 

“Hey, hey,” he said, trying to reach for her but she pulled away, glaring at him, making him understand that if he dared to touch her she was going to slap him again. “You are not a joke for me. And they don’t know a single thing about you. I don’t want anybody else to know so much about you, to get so deep under your skin. Everything that we did, everything you told me, had been just between me and you.”

“I heard you,” she retorted. “I’m not dumb, I know what I heard. I heard how hard you were trying to convince them that you were right and you won! All your daddy’s money and you still need to win more by betting on me!”

“I didn’t want the money,” he explained, walking closer to her again. “Can you let me explain?” 

“No, you’ve got nothing to explain. There’s nothing you can say that will,” she stopped, lowering her head and sniffling lowly, running the palm of her hand under her nose. “Nothing you can say will make you come out of this innocent,” she whispered, feeling new tears wet her face. This wasn’t supposed to end like this. She wanted him too much for this to end up so badly.

“Does it matter why I got closer to you? Do you really want a stupid bet to come between us?” He asked, trying to meet her eyes but her head was still reclined, facing the floor of his living room and her hair hid her face. 

“It’s not a stupid bet. It’s me. It’s us,” she replied with her voice full of anger. “And I won’t let you get away with this. I will tell everything to Jaemin. I will tell him how his best friend, well friends, played his sister. I will tell him how you used me all this time and you will see,” she said, finding the courage to look up at him, but when she met his eyes she couldn’t find fear. Jeno was unfazed, staring at her with a faint grin on his face.

“Honey, do you hear yourself?” Jeno chuckled darkly, shaking his head. “Do you really think he would believe you? His annoying, pathetic little sister who drooled over me for ages. And careful, that is what he thinks about you.”

Her mouth hung open, not expecting him to say something like that. “I didn’t drool over you,” she retorted, trying to push in the back of her mind the fact that deep down not even Jaemin cared about her. That truly she was way lonelier than she thought. 

“Shh, don’t cry,” he said, walking to her, caressing her cheek now that she let down her guard, shoulders dropping and heart crumbling into pieces. “You know you do. You wanted me so badly for all this time so… what’s different now?”

“You – you, this is all a game for you. You bet on me. You think nobody wants me.”

“Did I ever say that? No. But let’s be real, you’re 21 and nobody ever looked at you the way I did. All the things I did, I did them for you,” he replied, thumb brushing on her burning wet cheek. “I made you feel good, so why would you be mad at me? I never said I loved you when we started. I never told you that when I didn’t truly believe it.” 

“But you knew I… you knew! You knew I would’ve done anything for you,” she screamed, shaking harder in his hold, feeling both comfort and coldness in it. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, how he was the main reason for her pain and yet the main reason for her comfort.

“And? I knew how dedicated you are, so what’s the problem?”

“I… I… you know it’s not fair,” she whispered, looking down again, not bearing to his face. His handsome, gentle face that fooled her for so long. “You know that’s one of the worst things you could ever do.”

“Is it?” 

“Yes. And I’ll tell my brother and you will see. You won’t make me change my mind.” 

Jeno grabbed her waist, pulling her close to him. “You won’t tell him anything. Do you really want to humiliate yourself? What are you going to do? Tell him that you crawled to me on your knees because you needed someone to teach you about sex? You remember right why it all started? Imagine how he would feel knowing that you go around asking all his friends to fuck you.”

Her eyes drifted on his face. “I don’t go around doing that,” she said, tears streaming down her face. 

“Maybe…” he replied, wanting to bring up the way she was grinding on Haechan even if they were together, but deciding to don’t more fuel to the fire. “But if I would’ve said no, you would’ve. Isn’t this better for everybody? Your brother doesn’t know, and we still have each other.”

“I don’t want to have you,” she lied, meeting his eyes, scaring herself because how could he be so impassive? How could there not be a trace of emotions? Did he care or not? 

“No? Now that you finally got me, you don’t want me anymore?” 

“No – not like this,” she replied, trying to stop the sobs and don’t look even more like a mess. The mess he made. “You – you are a completely different person, you – you are not who I thought you were.”

“But I am me. You loved me all these months, and trust me, that was the real me. Why don’t you love me anymore? Why would you push me away, bunny?”

“Do-don’t call me bunny,” she said, glaring at him.

“But you love it so much, don’t you? Do you still have the bunny I won for you? Remember it? I can give you so much more than that.”

“I – I need you to love me, I don’t need this. I don’t need toys. I don’t need lies. You hurt me.” 

“And I’m sorry, alright? I never lied to you when it came to us. I would’ve broke us off if I truly didn’t like you.” 

“Yeah but I, I’m not sure I want you anymore,” she said, slipping out of his hold and grabbing her purse and jacket from the couch. “We – we need a break.” 

And Jeno watched her go, opening the door of his house and closing it behind. He didn’t cry, he didn’t run after her, he didn’t try to stop her. 

He knew she was going to come back to her. 

Crawling, just like she did the first time. 

She was lost. Everybody around her noticed that. Weird, she thought, that for once they were paying attention to her. But she couldn’t tell the truth, she shrugged their oppressions off, pretending that it was just life, work and lack of sleep.

And that wasn’t a total lie. She had spent sleepless nights up, Jeno’s ghost haunting her, pushing her closer and closer to the edge every night. Because if during the day she could pretend and try to distract herself, at night she couldn’t. 

Jeno was everywhere. He was like her shadow, walking behind her, a cold wind blowing around her, covering her with shivers. He was imprinted on her body, his fingerprints burning up on her skin, leaving scars that weren’t physical, scars she couldn’t mend or sew. Scars he left open, bleeding, and poured with salt. Scars only he could heal. And only he could make. 

And she didn’t know what to do. If it was better to go back to him, let him heal her pain and hope he wasn’t going to scar her again or leave immediately. Admit to herself that certain things just weren’t meant to happen and let him go, slowly, bleeding some more, but let him go. 

And it took her two weeks to make up her mind and take the most painful decision of her life. 

So when she found herself at his front door she felt every second pass, slowly, prolonging that torture more. 

“Coming.” She could hear his muffled voice from the other side of the door and wanted to leave, not sure that after seeing his face she would’ve carried through. But she was there, and when she took the first step back, it was already too late. “Oh, you didn’t warn you were going to pass by,” he said, surprised of seeing her there. 

She hummed, “No, it was a last-minute decision. Can I come in? Or are you already busy with somebody else?” 

Jeno sighed but moved to the side. “I told you, I love you. I would never move on so easily.”

She shrugged, before turning around again. “Actually it won’t take long, so you can go back to what you were doing,” she said, making Jeno furrow. 

She came back, but he already suspected she didn’t come back how he wanted. 

“I thought about it a lot,” she started saying, fingers playing with a loose thread of her sweater but she was forcing herself to look at him. “I thought about us a lot and I realized I can’t do this. I can’t have you, not like this, not after everything.”

Jeno blinked repeatedly, shaking his head. “You want to break up with me?” He asked to make sure that was the point she was making. 

“Yes,” she replied. “It pains me a lot but… I need to put me first. I am worthy unlike all of you think.” 

Jeno hummed, rubbing his chin and wetting his lip. “You are, you sure are. But… you know nobody will make you feel as good as I made you feel, right?” 

She didn’t answer. She feared nobody was going to make her feel what he made her feel, but that couldn’t be possible, right? There were so many people in the world, he couldn’t be the only one for her. 

“Nobody will ever know you as deeply as I know you.”

No answer again, just broken eyes looking into each other. 

“Do you really want to erase all of these years?”

She furrowed at his words, chuckling bitterly, “You never paid attention to me.” 

“Are you sure? Just because I was looking at you from the sidelines, silently waiting for the moment to have you? We love in such a different way you think I don’t love you. How could you be so full of yourself thinking that your way of loving is the only right one?” 

“I don’t think my way of loving is the only right one I… you… you never loved me,” she whispered, feeling her heart clench because she had to repeat it to herself every night and doing it again, reminding herself that he never loved her but only played her like a puppet on a string, brought her to her knees, and made her feel worthless. It proved once again that everybody was right, that she was nothing special, nothing more but a sideshow for everybody to buy a ticket and laugh at her goofiness and futility.

“Here you go, doing this again. Do I have to get on my knees to tell you I love you?” He asked, taking a step closer to her. 

“No, there’s no –”

“No, I’ll do it,” he stopped her. “Here I am, on my knees for you.”

She clenched her fists and wanted to slap him again for missing the point so many times. “You bet on me!” She replied, screaming at his face. 

“That’s so irrelevant,” he replied, keeping up with her angry gaze, not even flinching.  

“No, it’s not. And you’re lucky I didn’t say a thing to Jaemin –” 

“Shut up,” he stopped her, standing up once again, voice harsh before it turned sweet and caring again, “I thought we were clear about not telling anything to him, right?”

“No,” she fought back. “I won’t keep my mouth shut.”

Jeno rolled his eyes and stopped her, a hand around her cheek and another around her waist. “Now you stop and listen to me,” he groaned, “alright, darling?” She hummed, tears running down her face again, and hated the way the only thing her mind could think was how much she had missed the feeling of being in his arms. 

“I’d never hurt you on purpose, I love you and it doesn’t matter if it took a bet to get it. I do. And I want you to put it in your mind. Please, let me show you how much I love you,” he whispered, kissing her neck, making her shiver and push him back. She couldn’t fall, not again, not now that his games were all revealed. “Shh, shh, don’t fight it. Don’t fight me,” he rasped. “Remember how you were always all over me? What changed now?”

“You are not who I fell in love with,” she managed to say, shivering and squirming under him, feeling that the power he had over her was once again making her walls fall down. 

“Just let me prove it to you, let me prove you it’s always me, the only one you love so much. Because you love me, right?” He cooed, caressing her cheek, and wiping away the black rivers of mascara on her face. “I know you still love me. I know your heart cannot beat with me out of your life.”

She didn’t answer but only hummed, shivering when his hand reached the small of her back and pulled her closer. Tired, she felt tired. And once again, he was the only one keeping her up on her feet. He was the only one that didn’t let her fall. But she wondered if it was because he truly cared, or if he needed to control her. If this sense of comfort was also fake like everything else. But her mind couldn’t tell it, not now at least, and she only hoped that when she did, it wouldn’t have been too late. 

“You don’t want me to leave you. You cannot live without me. Remember?” He whispered, caressing her face gently, reaching her hair, caressing her scalp, fingers moving in circles just like she liked, in the same way that would always make her fall asleep with her head on his lap, or against his shoulder. “You told me, whispered it to me while laying on my chest, fantasizing about our future together.” 

“That – that was before…” she sniffled, trying to fight it off, trying to grasp onto what was left of sanity, screaming to the small part of her that wasn’t completely devoted to him to please wake her up and make her get out of there. But there was nothing left of her that wasn’t madly, deeply, and completely in love with him, lost for him, devoted, obsessed with the feelings he brought along. Nothing of her didn’t scream Jeno anymore. She was his. Every inch of her skin. Every cell of her blood. Every thought in her mind, about him. 

And he knew it. Because he truly had her imprinted in the back of his mind. He had studied her for so long, silently, without making her notice. He knew exactly what she needed and how to give it to her. He knew how neglected she was and how she needed to be valued, loved, praised, and cherished. And he was going to do it. If she let him, he was going to give her everything and more. 

“But I’m still here,” he smiled, and then he kissed her as his hands moved to gently cup her cheeks and kiss her lips. “See, there still are my lips on yours,” and then he moved down, “and on your neck… right here,” he sucked. “Right here, bunny, where it makes you shiver so much under me.” And her body trembled in his hold as if it was a command, something natural starting from her brain as soon as his lips moved, like a magic spell.

“Yeah, you know nobody else will know how much you love being kissed there,” he hummed, snuggling his nose against her skin. “Or touched here,” he said while his hand moved under her sweater and brushed against the skin of her hips.  

“Jeno, we – you need to stop,” she shook her head, trying to stop him once again. To stop herself from falling into the wolf trap. 

“Do I? Does your body want to?” 

“I don’t care what my body wants. I know this is wrong.” 

“How is this wrong?” He asked, pulling his hand out of her sweater, but still keeping the other on her cheek, caressing softly. “It’s us, bunny. It will always be us.” 

She swallowed hard, trying to understand if he was lying or if he was being honest, but she couldn’t get it. She had never been good at reading him and he had played her so many times she had no idea if she could trust him. But what was he gaining from this? Why was he fighting so hard to keep her when he could’ve had anybody else? Why was he still trying to keep her with him if the bet was done? Sure, that was wrong, the worst thing he could’ve ever done but it was in the past. He grew to love her. He loved her. Lee Jeno loved her. And he was doing everything to prove it to her. 

“Do you want it to be only us, bunny? I need to hear you say you want me to show you how much I love you.”

“Ye – yes,” she replied. “Want it to be only us.”

And she fell. She had thrown herself out from the tenth floor of a building with no parachute and didn’t even realize it yet, and by the time she would’ve opened her eyes and realized what she had done, it would’ve been too late, too close to the ground, too close to crushing down. Her fear of the Ferris wheel would’ve been her reality. 

They were once again in an amusement park, going round and round, running after fantasies, marking each other, biting off pieces, bleeding. While the Ferris Wheel kept falling but from higher, much higher than where they were before, and death, even if by his side, wouldn’t have been sweeter and tragically romantic. And while meeting her tragic faith, the only thing she could hope for was to never open her eyes, to never realize the rose-colored glasses carnival Jeno locked her into, but to pretend, and pretend… and pretend until there was nothing left to do, until her sad destiny would’ve welcomed her and lulled her with the ideal of a love story that was only in her mind. 

“I love you so much,” he kept whispering next to her ear while he had her body pressed under his, hands intertwined together over her head, chest pressed against her back, hips thrusting against hers, lips kissing the blades of her shoulders, trying to go deeper under her skin because if only he could’ve, he would’ve. “I love you and I want you to never forget it.” 

And all she could do was hum and moan under his expert hands that played her like a violin. “I – I missed you,” she cried out, letting go of a confession she couldn’t keep in anymore as another orgasm rushed over her body. 

“I know,” he whispered, holding her closer. “Can’t get enough of me, can’t – fuck – be without me.” 

“I – it’s getting too much,” she whimpered, pressing her head against the pillows of his bed. “You feel too good,” she wept, holding his hands tighter, feeling her heart burn up when he started to whisper again how much he loved her, how much he needed her. 

“We fit so well, bunny,” he whispered, pulling out and turning her over, slipping into her again, holding her limp, tired body in his arms as he picked up his rhythm again. “We are made for each other,” he said, caressing her wet cheek. “So don’t ever let anything – fuck – come between us. Not the bet,” he groaned, feeling another orgasm approach them, “not your brother. Not another man. Nothing and nobody, fuck.”

She hummed, lazily blinking, eyes barely adjusting to see his face, and smiled. She smiled because that felt like heaven. She smiled because Jeno looked like an angel. She smiled because after being a loser for her entire life, there was a small patch of paradise reserved even for her. “Just us,” she whispered. 

And by the time they came together she had no more strength to keep her eyes open, even less to talk, but there was nothing more to say. She had nothing more to say, not for now, at least. Her wounds were healed.

So she let go in his arms, drunk in his scent and warmth, heart beating with the hope of a better future. A hope that was fueled by a reality that was all distorted. And in her dreams, she couldn’t hear him, but he would’ve made sure to remind her of that promise every day. 

Jeno turned around, eyes studying her relaxed face, fingers grazing her cheeks, moving her hair out of her beautiful face, a grin creeping on his face as he leaned down to kiss her parted lips. 

“It will always be us, bunny,” he promised. “Always.” 

I hope you liked it, please leave feedback and let me know with comments, reblogs or asks ♡ For more support consider donating.

Part 2: shattered glasses

#nct fanfiction #jeno smut #jeno angst #lee jeno smut #lee jeno angst #jeno scenarios #nct dream smut #nct dream angst #nct dream scenarios #requests

[jenniejjun]

❛the only hoax to believe in.❜

| tentou tantas vezes reescrever a história, lhes dar um final melhor do que aquele que lee jeno escolheu para vocês. entretanto, no fim, sempre foi maior que você. e sempre seria.

lee jeno x leitora!fem ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤ | ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ 𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐒.

filho de atena!lee jeno. percy jackson au. enemies to lovers. filha de apolo!leitora. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤmitologia greco-romana.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐃𝐀 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐀.

Eu demorei, eu sei. Mas eu já reescrevi tanto essa au que vocês não tem nem noção, nada tava bom até que uma luzinha piscou na minha cabeça e eu adaptei algumas partes da história e escrevi de novo. A essa altura, meio que tenho que avisar que vai ser uma short fic isso aqui. Não vou dizer ao certo quantos capítulos porque pode ser que eu consigo encaixar tudo no próximo já, mas pode ser que tenha mais de dois. Dedico essa aqui pra @ncdreaming que acertou o Jeno filho de Atena! É só uma au divertidinha galera, não tô afim de desrespeitar a obra original e também não sou estudiosa de mitologia grega ou romana. Meu conhecimento é bem básico e a maioria daqui é baseada nos livros de Percy Jackson, então aviso desde já que os comentários referentes aos Deuses não devem ser levados como ofensa direta aos Deuses reais do Panteão Grego/Romano. Aliás, perdoem a edição porquissíma da camiseta do acampamento meio-sangue no Jeno, eu tentei meu melhor. Os avisos tão curtinhos porque essa parte é bem introdutória mas pelo início, vocês já adivinham que vai ter recheio de angst nisso aqui né. Boa sorte! E não é necessária conhecimento original da obra pra ler isso aqui, podem ficar tranquilos! Mas pra quem já leu, tem algumas referências aos livros.

Lee Jeno era um traidor.

Mas antes de tudo, ele era seu Neno.

Como um conto de fadas doce como mel, todos sabiam como tinham se conhecido. Você acabava de chegar no Acampamento Meio-Sangue, uma criança assustada com o conceito de que toda sua vida passaria a mudar a partir dali. E Jeno estava ali, muito mais valente do que você e muito mais esperto também.

Era com ele que havia aprendido tudo.

Se conheceram durante o caminho, o sátiro que cuidava para que você chegasse em segurança no Acampamento tinha sido encarregado por cuidar de Jeno também. Havia sido vocês três durante toda a viagem, entretanto, era claro que era o Lee quem os guiava. Parecia maduro demais para um garoto de doze anos e você meio que admirava isso nele.

Todas as vezes em que ele brigou com você por ficar parada num ataque eram sempre remediados com Jeno matando algum monstro para te proteger, após te lançar um olhar duro e lhe jogar uma adaga. Os meses com Jeno foram cruciais para que aprendesse a lutar por si mesma, acabando com cada monstro que aparecia em sua frente.

O sátiro, que você nunca conseguia se lembrar do nome dele— talvez, fosse a diferença gritante de idade entre vocês. Essa que fazia com que ele fosse muito mais um protetor para você e Jeno do que um amigo—, ficava de vigia para que pudessem dormir quando ficavam cansados demais.

Essa era sua parte favorita.

As noites faziam com que Lee Jeno ficasse mais vulnerável, mais disposto a conversações que, sem sono algum, consideraria banais. Vocês dormiam lado a lado, assim seria mais prático caso precisassem sair correndo, e então, você perguntava qualquer coisa.

'Como havia descoberto que era um semideus? Onde morava? Quais suas matérias favoritas na escola? Ele também era diferente como você? Quem eram seus pais?'

Ainda que a última sempre permanecesse sem resposta, você se contentava com os grunhidos mal-humorados ou, às vezes, quando ele sorria maldoso após te cortar de uma forma rude que te fazia corar mas que não te ofendia necessariamente. Em troca, ele falava como você era curiosa.

Mas sempre te fazia algumas perguntas também.

Os meses foram se passando e mesmo que as circunstância fossem ruins, você gostava de passar um tempo com Jeno. Até mesmo tinha desenvolvido um apelido carinhoso para irritá-lo quando ele fingia dormir para não falar com você, ele odiava. Mas Neno era muito melhor do que chamá-lo de Lee só porque ele queria.

Ele era seu amigo, posto que pudesse discordar apenas para chateá-la. As poucas técnicas nas quais possuía, dividiu com você, se assegurando de protegê-la. Elas caíam bem e no final de uma luta, Jeno sempre bagunçava seus cabelos e dizia que tinha se saído medianamente bem. Te chamava de 'criança', apesar de terem a mesma idade.

Como uma rotina que vocês seguiam todos os dias antes de encararem os grandes pilares do Acampamento Meio-Sangue, em busca de segurança, tudo isso se repetia. Você achava que nada ia mudar.

Até o dia em que viram o grande pinheiro que o protetor de vocês sempre mencionava, ele significava segurança. A proteção de vocês sendo indicada a poucos metros de distância. Aquela foi a primeira vez que sentiu o fio do destino que as Parcas tinham reservado para você interpretar seu papel.

Foi tudo muito rápido.

A fúria, Alecto, voava até vocês. Seus gritos não eram tão assustadores quanto sua aparência, as asas protuberantes nas costas e o rosto deformado fizeram você gritar ao se desviar de uma investida. Entretanto, a forma como Jeno gritou seu nome fez com que pensasse o contrário.

"Você está bem? Se machucou?", ele perguntou frenético. Era cômico se voltasse a pensar como ele pareceria muito mais velho do que era mesmo te chacoalhando daquela forma. Como se já tivesse tido que proteger alguém antes. "Ei!"

Quiçá, seu estado atordoado tivesse o assustado. Ou a força com que caira no chão, agora você sentia o impacto em suas costelas. Entretanto, segurou em sua adaga com força.

"Tô bem, Neno!", mas antes que pudesse completar a frase, Alecto se aproximava mais uma vez. Era tudo demais para sua cabeça, o sátiro protetor gritando para que corressem, Jeno tentando te puxar para que desviasse e a fúria concentrando seu ataque nele. Quando viu, apenas agiu. "Cuidado!"

O empurrando, você sentiu as pequenas garras presentes nas— aquilo eram patas? Acreditava que não poderia perguntar no meio de uma luta— suas vestes. Te levantando do chão, os gritos horrorizados dos dois rapazes abaixo de si ecoavam. Você se lembrou apenas de seguir seu instinto semideus, o mesmo que Jeno tinha falado tantas vezes.

Fincou sua adaga nela ao mesmo tempo que sentiu o chão em suas costas, o monstro que estava acima de você havia sumido. E logo, Lee Jeno em seu campo de visão.

"Ficou louca, foi? O que aconteceu com 'tô bem'?", gritou com você te puxando pra cima e te levantando. Percebeu que estavam, agora, a dois passos da entrada do infame Acampamento. Pensou se havia desmaiado lá em cima por um tempo, ou se era estranho que o tempo tivesse se passado tão devagar assim para que a fúria pudesse te carregar tão longe. "Você podia ter morrido."

Uma onda de fúria te percorreu, o que te fez empurrá-lo. O rapaz metade-bode atrás de vocês gesticulava desesperado para que entrassem logo, tentando puxá-los.

"Será que você sabe agradecer? Ela estava indo direto pra você e eu acabei de te salvar!"

"Eu podia ter cuidado dela sozinho, não precisava que se metesse!"

"Não precisava, mas eu quis! É difícil de acreditar que alguém também esteja disposto a te salvar tanto quanto você salva os outros?", e era verdade. Jamais ficaria brava assim com Lee Jeno, ou jamais pensou, mas os meses que se estenderam entre sua conexão só lhe mostravam o quanto Jeno havia feito por você.

Precisava ser capaz de fazer o mesmo, tanto para si mesma quanto para ele. Entretanto, o olhar de ódio de Jeno não desapareceu. Nem mesmo o seu quando, após revirar os olhos, se virou e tardou a andar para dentro do Acampamento. A barreira criando um espaço mágico entre vocês.

Um emocional também, pensou consigo mesma. Mas jamais disse.

E então, no Acampamento, você achou que algo ia mudar. Afinal, se separaram. Cada semideus ali tinha seu próprio chalé, construído e designado para cada Deus grego. E é claro que Lee Jeno, com sua determinação e coragem, não ficou um minuto a mais sem sua reivindicação. O filho de Atena tinha muitos companheiros, irmãos, e você permanecia sem reivindicação. Instalada no chalé de Hermes até segunda ordem.

Era ótimo como estavam sem amigos e, agora, sem um pai ou mãe que ligasse o suficiente para você para lhe assumir.

Não sabia se ria ou chorava que sua única companhia era um filho de Apolo incrivelmente convencido que também não tinha amigos, pois dizia que o loiro do cabelo dele era brilho demais para alguém suportar. Mark Lee era o semideus mais convencido que você já tinha conhecido, tanto que te lembrava um pouquinho de Jeno, mas com certeza o primeiro Lee que conheceu em sua vida era mais fechado do que esse.

Todavia, era ingratidão reclamar. Mesmo que, no final das contas, ele fosse seu irmão. E você não precisasse gostar dele o tempo todo, mesmo que o melhor amigo pervertido dele morresse por uma chance com você, mesmo que crescer rodeada de três garotos fosse terrível.

Nem mesmo quando a adorável namorada de Mark entrou em cena para que te ajudar a se livrar da testosterona em excesso. Pelo menos, ali, você possuía amigos que entendiam a condição da palavra. Tinha certeza de Yuta, Haechan e Mark pulariam no rio Lete e deixariam lá todas as suas memórias, por você.

Logo, você era grata. Não devia reclamar. Mas sentia falta dele.

Crescer no Acampamento Meio-Sangue foi a melhor coisa em sua vida, você nunca havia voltado ou olhado para trás em sua vida e sentia-se muito bem com isso. Pois ali, tinha uma família. No entanto, crescer no mesmo local em que Lee Jeno se tornava um herói no acampamento era péssimo.

Fazia com que quisesse gritar.

Nunca haviam se resolvido desde o dia em que chegaram e, praticamente, todo o Acampamento sabia da relação odiosa correndo entre vocês. Era um entendimento silencioso no local. As caças à bandeira eram intensas, onde acabavam sempre entre uma briga de espadas entre vocês.

Aquela faceta condescendente e o sorriso preguiçoso que despojava incessantemente ainda te irritavam como ninguém. Na adolescência, era algo mais banal. Bobo. Era uma raivinha que fazia você querer quebrar o escudo dele, um presente de Atena, e ao mesmo tempo abraçá-lo.

"Está ficando descuidada, raio-de-sol", Lee Jeno dizia girando sua espada pesada entre os dedos como se fosse papel. Era como te chamava desde que se mudara para o chalé de Apolo, após a reivindicação. "Precisa abaixar os joelhos e separar as pernas, pensei que tivesse te ensinado direito", e então, terminaria com você partindo pra cima dele com um rugido irritado de guerra.

Outrora, você passaria por seu lado na cafeteria e sorriria educada antes de dizer, próxima ao seu ouvido:

"Indo almoçar com seus fãs outra vez?", sabendo que ele odiava a atenção que recebia de todos.

Algumas vezes, nas quais os campistas treinavam a mando de Quíron e Sr. D, Jeno fazia questão de ser sua dupla e tomar-lhe a espada. Uma em sua garganta enquanto a outra mão mantinha sua arma em cativeiro, ambos ofegantes da luta incessante. Atraíam alguns olhos curiosos.

"Cansada?", costumava zombar.

Mas o charme convencido dele acabaria com a forma em que te via manipular a luz para cegá-lo momentaneamente, assim recuperando sua espada de volta e o jogando no cão.

"Cansado, Neno?", você responderia de volta e se deleitaria na forma como a expressão dele sempre parecia falhar quando decidia o usar o antigo apelido de infância dele.

Destarte, sua vida era como um vezo. Circulando vezes suficientes até que se completasse de modo que se iniciasse novamente, com Lee Jeno no topo de todas as coisas. Mark habituava de provocar-lhe imensamente com tal, insistindo que tudo isso era tensão acumulada.

"Vocês se gostam, isso sim. 'Tão é frustrados que não fizeram as pazes até hoje e não sabem porque continuam brigando", seu irmão, o sempre sincero, amava pontuar. Porém, você discordava. De modo algum, imaginava-se retornando a amizade que, um dia, cultivou com Jeno.

Ainda assim, tal visto que não era o suficiente para que se evitassem completamente.

Você tinha que admitir que ainda que se encontrasse no Acampamento Meio-Sangue por quase toda sua vida, a segurança das barreiras de proteção era muito mais confortável do que a vida heroica que muitos semideuses eram designados. Era uma semideusa excepcional, sabia disso, e já experienciara adrenalina suficiente para uma vida inteira nos poucos meses que esteve nas ruas com Jeno.

Mas era quase impossível se esconder da glória e poder que te encontravam se o Oráculo te decidisse como um herói.

Particularmente, era uma criatura estranha na qual você não fazia muita questão de entender ou sequer ver. Diferentemente de seus amigos, que pareciam fascinados com a magia desta. Você só tinha visto o Oráculo uma vez, quando subiu ao sótão da Casa Grande. Era um corpo decomposto, apoiado em uma cadeira estranha de três pernas, mas você não se atreveu a chamá-lo. Havia estudado livros gregos o suficiente para saber que o Oráculo só podia ser convocado para ditar as profecias, naquela época, quem diria que essa seria você.

Pois é, agora, você diria.

‘O filho da sabedoria caminha acompanhado

A Marca de Atena por toda Roma é espalhado

Gêmeos ceifaram do anjo a vida

Que detém a chave para a morte infinita

A ruína dos gigantes se apresenta dourada e pálida

Conquistada por meio da dor de uma prisão tecida’

As palavras dela eram bem claras, não existia espaço para interpretação. E você tinha a impressão de que não existia outra prole de Atena caindo pelos céus pra que se juntasse à você, entretanto, poderia haver outra criança de Apolo a se juntar a ele. A escolha era de Lee Jeno, como os Deuses te odiavam, e por alguma razão, ele havia escolhido você.

Mesmo que quisesse, você optou por não questionar. Preferiria afogar-se em suas teorias banais do que escutar Jeno lhe dizer que a única razão pela qual teria lhe escolhido era porque eram os únicos a já terem compartilhado a estrada um com o outro.

As horas eram longas entre vocês, sempre tentando focar na trilha ao invés da auto-sabotagem de sua mente. Tinham escolhido o caminho do sátiro para maior segurança, encontrando alguns em sua jornada pela busca de Pã. Você não precisava olhar para frente para ver a preocupação e confusão em Jeno.

A natureza estava agitada, por alguma razão.

Tentou ocupar-se com o questionamento do por que estariam saindo dali, ambos assustados e com suas mochilas de viagem. O destino sendo um lugar que apenas teria ouvido em suas histórias mais fantasiosas, a Atena Partenos era um conto que costumava ouvir quando criança.

Uma estátua que traria paz entre os romanos e gregos. A mesma que representava o sinal de respeito no Partenon. Mas como fariam isso, algo que estava desaparecido há tanto tempo? Quanto tempo demorariam procurando aquilo? Por que Atena teria escolhido Jeno, especificamente, para essa missão se existiam filhos mais experientes em batalha?

Era algum tipo de tortura doentia que os Deuses pretendiam pregar, certamente.

Você não precisava de muitos anos no Acampamento, como teve, para não se surpreender caso esta fosse a resolução de tudo. Ainda se lembra de todas as vezes em que Mark chorou em seu aniversário por nunca ter tido nem mesmo uma mensagem de Íris vinda de Apolo para se gabar.

O coração apertava quando lembrava da forma como ele lhe implorou para tomar cuidado e voltar logo.

“Consigo ver sua cabeça martelando daqui, está me distraindo”, Jeno se pronunciou monótono. O mapa mágico que segurava confuso à olho nu.

Você riu, cheia de escárnio. “Só pode ‘tá de brincadeira com a minha cara, né? Isso é humanamente impossível.”

“Não somos humanos.”

“Sim, nós somos. Você só tá querendo implicar comigo”, teriam parado naquela altura. O moreno estava virado completamente para você agora, seu peito subia e descia com a adrenalina de uma briga.

“Ou talvez, a maneira como fica suspirando de cinco em cinco segundos esteja me irritando!”, exclamou irritado.

Ah, ele estava irritado? O cara que mal falava com você e te escolhia pra uma missão mortal.

“Qual é a sua, Jeno? Foi você quem me enfiou nessa”, gritou frustrada. Por um momento, esqueceu-se de que não eram pessoas normais e que gritos podiam atrair monstros. “Provavelmente, devia ter pensado melhor antes de escolher a primeira pessoa que passou pela sua cabeça.”

Isso pareceu ofendê-lo. Como se tivesse estapeado sua face ou lhe xingado. Lee Jeno se aproximou com toda sua marra e glória, os olhos soltando faíscas invisíveis porém decisivas de raiva em sua direção. O peito subia e descia descompassado com a irritação da sua acusação. Contudo, você não parecia se importar, pois tomou um passo assim como ele. Anos de tensão mal resolvida entre vocês.

De repente, toda a raiva da noite em que chegavam no Acampamento Meio-Sangue retornava.

Apesar disso, você estava exausta. Não queria brigar com Jeno outra vez, não como nas milhares de vezes que já haviam feito no Acampamento. Para uma garota da sua idade, pode parecer bobeira que tivesse se apegado tanto a momentos viandantes de uma fuga que tinha se passado há tanto tempo atrás. Contudo, você sentia falta da maneira como poderiam dormir um ao lado do outro com sorrisos nos rostos após conversarem por horas ao redor de uma fogueira. Pelos Deuses, sentia falta até mesmo do olhar caloroso que Jeno lhe lançava quando bagunçava seus cabelos.

Agora, era como se a cada dia que se passasse o perdesse detidamente.

E mesmo que nunca fosse admitir em voz alta, a dor sentia sempre que brigava com ele era parecida com a dor de perdê-lo tudo de novo. Desprendendo-se de suas emoções internas, as palavras de Mark Lee, vez ou outra, faziam sentido. Você esteve apaixonada por Lee Jeno desde os seus doze anos de idade. Leve como vento e azedo como um limão, chegou a percepção tão rápido que mal percebeu os braços de Jeno ao seu redor para puxar-lhe para o arbusto mais próximo.

Perante a isso, podia dizer, egoisticamente, que sentia-se grata por terem encontrado um monstro grande o suficiente que atrapalhasse sua mente ao maquinar tais lembranças.

Os olhos de Jeno eram ávidos como os de uma águia, preocupados com a futura ameaça eminente. Mas a forma como lhe abraçava como se fosse a coisa mais preciosa do mundo para ele não deixava que seu cérebro funcionasse de maneira correta para combater aquele mal.

Era o que devia ter feito, contudo. Prestado atenção. Pois no segundo seguinte, Jeno não te segurava mais. Estava sendo arrastado para longe por dois ciclopes enormes enquanto tudo que podia fazer era olhar.

#₊‧ ˖ ࣪ ་ 🐇 works by vivi #nct dream #nct dream x reader #lee jeno x reader #jeno x reader #nct dream angst #lee jeno angst #percy jackson au #nct pt br

[toothfa-1-ry]

IF I LOVE YOU WAS A PROMISE, WOULD YOU BREAK IT IF YOUR HONEST?

They say the most painful thing is unrequited love, oh they must not know how falling out of love with someone feels.

How NCT dream members would react to falling out of love with you,

GENRE: angst

PAIRINGS: NCT dream Hyung line x fem reader

WARNINGS: Swear words, alcohol, Jeno and Haechan being drunk in Jeno's part.

\\\ ｡:ﾟ(;´●♡ °*✧ ◍ ✧*° ♡•;)ﾟ:｡///

Mark Lee:

Maybe it was the 5th time that week that the thought came into his head, maybe it was the 6th time you and Mark had fought again that week.

The constant though kept on pressing his mind no matter how hard he tried to kick it out, it kept on finding its way out to the surface no matter how hard Mark tried to bury it

He does love you, he always did and he always will

So why were things feeling different all of a sudden? Why were his feelings changing all of a sudden?

The realisation hits Mark fast and hard like train.

Maybe a little too hard that he forgets to breath, maybe a little too fast that he tried to brush it off.

It hits again, even harder than before but slower, he brushes it off again shaking his head and closing his eyes

The third time it hits him, was when you kissed his cheek trying to make up all the cruel words the both of you spewed at eachother moments ago. This time it hits him softly but slowly.

This time he realises he doesn't love you anymore, atleast not like how he used to and it hurts, it hurts so fucking much.

But what hurts more was faking his love for you. Kissing you, holding you, listening to you tell him that you love him and that you not going to give up on the both of you without the knowledge that Mark had already given up.

He had given up months ago.

What hurt more was that he knew no matter how hard it was hurting him, that it would end up hurting you even more and that was the last thing he wanted, that was something he never wanted.

He takes you out on a date to your favourite cafe, it has a special meaning. It was the place you first met, the place you had your fist date and little did you know at that moment, the place you would have your last.

He doesn't order anything but asks you to order something for yourself. You knew something was wrong, Mark wasnt being himself. He wasn't cracking jokes or laughing awkwardly, he wasn't smiling at you nor was he looking at you but you just kept quiet. You guys were finally out on a date after quite sometime, you guys were arguing too much, too long. You didn't want to question anything.

"Mark?" You finally ask "is something wrong baby?"

Baby...that word felt so foreign to Mark, as if he was learning a new language, it felt so foreign for him to hear it from you. The way you said it, your tone, he felt his skin prickling because he couldnt recognise it. Not anymore.

"I'm fine...babe" his voice comes out so soft it scared you, but you didn't say anything, you didn't want to.

Time passes by, a little to fast for you too care, a little too slow for Mark to bear. He knew it was time. He just didn't know how he would tell you, he didn't know how he could tell you.

The both of you walk to the park nearby, you smiled upon seeing the yellow orange sunset, you eyes too distracted to see the pain in Marks eyes.

"Y/n" Mark says, not looking at you "mark? Is something wro-"

"I'm sorry" he chokes out, his voice barely above a whisper "I'm so sorry y/n-" he sobbs.

His eyes still refusing to meet yours.

"Mark? Babe what's goi-"

"Im so sorry y/n...but I- fuck"he swears midway his fingers massaging his temples as he tries to blink away his tears.

"I've fallen out of love with you" he whispers "I'm so sorry y/n but I don't think I can love you anymore"

Huang Renjun:

It all began with the small things, he realised he started to look at you in a different way.

At first it was nothing, he ignored it telling himself that it was because you guys spend too much time together, that it was just him getting used to you but slowly it started to become something else

He started to get annoyed at all the things he loved you for, the conversations you shared with him no longer had a spark, all the inside jokes were no longer funny. You no longer had that shine to your face, now you just looked ordinary to Renjun.

All the small things he used to find cute in you know just irritated him, all smalls things he used to adore you for was just felt like nothing to him. He felt nothing for you.

He knew something was wrong, he knew something was not right with him. He loved you so why was he noticing such things now? He loves you..right?

Its alright though, he tells himself again and again everynight when your fast asleep next to him as he's left all alone with just him and his thoughts.He loved you once he can love you again, it's simple.

But love doesn't work that way and Renjun knew it. He knew it deep down

That didn't mean he didn't try, he did try falling for you all over again like he did the first time don't get him wrong. He tried spending more time with you but ever second he spend made him feel bored, he talked to you but every conversation lacked interest. After sometime he realised that every moment he spend with you was dull.

He realised that all the moments the both of you shared was just like a passing scene to him. Like he poster he saw as he walked into the cafe nearby, or the people he saw in the park outside the cafe. It did happen, but it was just a passing moment, a passing moment which had no impact on Renjun.

Renjun realised that he couldn't bring himself to care anymore, atleast not like how he used to.

That didn't mean he didn't care for you, ofcourse he still cared for, he loved you at one point of his life. But now..there was feeling inside of him saying that he could live on without caring for you, he could live on without you.

At last, it stuck.

He gave in

He stopped trying.

It was him, who came clean at the end. He sat there right opposite of you as he ate his breakfast slowly

"y/n..I think it's time we end things"

At this point you had already noticed how things were going, how things were going to go. A part of you knew maybe even before a part of him did. You stopped trying to, you gave in too

"oh" you hated how soft your voice sounded, how fragile it sounded "okay"

Renjun hums in respond as he watches his cereal float in his milk "okay" he hated how he sounded. So selfish, so cruel

You both sit there in silence, both of you hating yourselves for how things came to an end, how things became how they were.

The both of you sit there in silence unable to say anything and the both of you end in silence, without saying anything,

After all you didnt matter to him anymore, at least not like how you used to.

Lee Jeno

Jeno's hand shook.

They've been shaking for some time now, they always seem to begin to shake whenever he thinks of you

"hey bud? You okay?" Jaemin's voice rang in his ear but Jeno couldn't muster back a reply, he was too scared.

"Jeno? You okay?" Someone shook him, Jaemin probably with his worried eyes and frowning face.

"y-yea" Jeno muttered "I'm fine-"

"you sure? You've been staying in that position for quite some time now?" Haechan asked with a worried look which Jeno tried to brush of with his smile "yea-"

A sweet melody fills the room interuppting whatever conversation was going on, as Jeno's left pocket began to vibrate, his phone lighting up against the coarse fabric of his jeans. Jeno freezes, it was the ringtone he set for your number. Only your number

"dude- your gonna pick that up? Isn't that y/n?" Mark asked the younger boy as he watched Jeno snap out of whatever trance he was in

"oh- oh yea...right y/n..." Jeno fumbles to retrieve his phone from his pocket as he gets confused looks from his friends

"y/n? Whatever happened to sweetheart or whatever he called her?" Renjun murmers to Mark as Mark just shrugs

Jeno stares at the contact name he saved you under, the little pink heart right next to your name and the butterfly emoji next to it.

He remembers him typing your contact name after you agreed to go out with him, giggling and smiling ear to ear as he added those emojis. He almost scoffs at his past self.

Butterfly's, how ironic. He always felt butterfly's around you, his heart will swirl and pump clashing against his body whenever he though of you but now, the thought of you made his hands shake, your name scared him. It scared him so much because he knew he fucked up. He always fucked up.

"Jeno you still didn't pick up-ow" Haechan shouts as Mark's hand hits his shoulder "you didn't have to hit me- he could have missed her call-"

"it doesn't matter" Renjun said a little shocked "he just did" his eyes slightly widened as he watched Jeno press the decline button

"I'll call her later it's fine" Jeno says giving them a strained smile muttering "it's fine..it's fine" over and over

"is everything okay between the both of you? Did she do something or?" Renjun asked his eyes still trained on Jeno

"no..she didn't do anything" Jeno shook his head, he did

5 bottles in and Jeno was gone, he never drank so much in his entire life.

"he drank as if he was going through something" Renjun murmered looking at Jeno's wasted body sprawled over the couch "as if something fucked up happened to him"

Little did Renjun know something did happen to Jeno, something so fucked up happened to him

Jeno was half concious half gone, he slurred his words, his brain was half working. He never lost control like this. Something pops up in his mind as he lays on the soft couch next to the table filled with empty bottles, right beside another equally wasted Haechan.

"Haechann" Jeno slurred as he spoke to the younger male "do you remember what you first told me when I started dating y/n?"

"huh? No..what did I say?" Haechan cocks his head towards Jeno, squinting his eyes confused by Jeno's sudden remark

"you told me not too love her too hard at the beginning or else I might run out of all my love for her.. .." Jeno says slowly looking up to the ceiling

"oh yeaaah" Haechan's face lights up, his eye widen as he remembers those words clearly "you punched me in the face after that-" Haechan's hand goes up to his cheek "I was just joking around but you ended up ignoring eachother me 3 days until I begged for forgiveness" Haechan begins to giggle

"right..sorry about that" Jeno cringes at the memory

"naah bro I took it too far" Haechan leans into Jeno's face "I know you love her, your never gonna stop huh loverboyyy?"

Jeno pauses. He nervously looks around, his hands getting sweaty. "Yea...I'll never stop loving her"

Haechan's word at that moment seem to have a lasting impact on Jeno, Jeno felt his entire body tensing up on hearing those words,he hated feeling this way. He needed something stronger, he needed something to numb his feelings

"what's wrong?" A not so drunk Mark asks Jeno holding a bunch of more drinks "nothing give me one-" Jeno stands up so abruptly that he nearly falls down only to be caught by Mark

"I think that's enough for you today buddy" Mark says worried "you sure you want one more?"

Jeno nodds his head as Mark hands him a bottle "that's your last one..yo are you seriously okay? Nothing happened with you and y/n?"

"no- nothing happened"

Yea. Nothing happened. He wished nothing happened, nothing should have happened.

"I'm so sorry for this y/n" A very sober very annoyed Renjun said to you as he held a very drunk Jeno infront of your door. "I dont know what happened but he lost control and got wasted..I would help you get him in but-" Renjun grunts as he tried lifting Jeno "I kind of have to send Haechan to his girlfriend too" beckoning to a equally wasted Haechan who was sitting in the car

"god- he drank quite alot huh" your nose crinkles as Renjun handed Jeno to you "did something happen?" You ask "he didn't even call me back"

"i- I was gonna ask you that" Renjun looked as confused as you did "he uh- nevermind y/n- sorry again but I have to go"

You watch as Renjun rushes down to the car to help Haechan who was trying to get out of the car.

"Jeno? Jeno- c'mon" you try shaking Jeno "just a few steps more baby you can do it-"

"don't call me that-" Jeno's voice slurs "don't call me that"

You laugh "what else am I supposed to call you then? C'mon let's go into the living roo-"

"anything but that...don't call me that" Jeno tries getting away from your grasp as he shifts his body away from yours

"Jeno? What's wrong-"

"y/n..I don't want to do this anymore"

"do what?" Your voice softens "Jeno your drunk come on lets get you to sleep"

"no..y/n I can't do this" Jeno looks at you in the eye "I can't keep on pretending y/n- I can't keep on pretending to love you"

You stop. Your entire body stops as those words come out of Jeno's mouth.

"Jeno- your drunk" you say firmly trying to ignore the slight waver in your tone, trying to ignore the pool of waters forming in your eyes

"y/n..I'm so sorry y/n I dont think I can love you anymore" Jeno whispers as he struggles to stand properly

"your just drunk.. let's go" you grab his hand, this time he takes it occasionally muttering a "sorry" here and there as you lead him to the room the both of you shared.

"I'm gonna go now" you whisper to Jeno as he layed there in the bed

"y/n..I really can't do this. I dont think I love you..not anymore" he says, his eyes shut, his head layed on the pillow "I can't do this.." he mumbles

"your just drunk Jeno..you don't mean it" you whisper as you kneel down to kiss his cheeks, ignoring the slight hammering in your heart. You feel Jeno freeze the minute your lips meet his cheeks and that just makes you feel worser "you dont mean it" you repeated your words.

You kept on repeating your words as you laid down at the sofa in the living room "You don't mean it Jeno" trying to convince yourself more that he doesn't mean it.

But drunk thoughts are sober thoughts, and you knew that. You knew it all too well.

Because the next day when Jeno wakes up he can't find you, nor can he remember the incidents that happened the night before. All he finds was a sticky note on the fridge

"your right. You don't, not anymore"

Lee Haechan:

Haechan fell inlove with you at first sight.

He loved you first, he confessed first, he asked you to be his lover first.

Is that why he was the one to fall out of love first?

Is that why he couldn't look at you the way he did that one Sunday morning? Is that why he couldn't look at you the way he used to anymore.

Did he ever love you? Were those feelings even genuine at a certain point?

Haechan hated constant routines, he hated the same things, he got bored easily.

But he never thought he would get bored of you. Past tense thought

The silence swallows him. It was never silent around him but these days that's all it seemed to be. Just you, him and the contant banging inside Haechan's mind, the constant storm inside his heart.

"hey y/n? I'm going out for a bit okay?"

You don't even turn around to look at him, just humming back a response "hm okay"

I suppose you didn't realise, that this was the only conversation you guys had, other than the daily "morning" wish.

Haechan slipped into his sneakers as he watched your figure sitting in the table doing whatever work in your laptop. Trying to find something, trying to find anything, anything to make him fall inlove with you again.

Haechan was halfway through the door when he heard you shout from the kitchen "Hyuk come home early okay?"

"oh oka-" but he was cut short

"and I love you okay?"

Why did it sound like a question? Why did your love for him sound like a question?

Why did his love for you sound like a question?

"I-" Haechan choked on his words "I love you..too"

He said it in a way as if he was convincing himself more than he was convincing you but it didn't matter, you didn't hear him anyways

He ran out of the apartment the both of you shared. Maybe if he ran fast enough he'll be able to run from the throbbing pain in his heart, maybe he'll be able to run away from the thoughts that filled his head. Maybe he'll be able to run away from you

He finally stops, his legs giving out as he flops to the bench in a park somewhere nearby, his lungs asking for air as he pants.

His eyes meet a small daisy growing next to the bench. You once described your love for him to a Daisy, that thought always made Haechan's heart speed up but now it would begin racing for a different reason.

He stares at the weeds growing near the daisy, the weeds were going to kill the daisy if someone didnt uproot them. But the scary thing was, he wanted the daisy to die. He wanted your love for him to die, just like the way his love for you did.

His hands trembled lightly as his breathing hitches up.

All he feels is regret and guilt.

He regretted meeting you, he regretted loving you, be regretted asking you to be his girlfriend. And he felt guilty for what he was going to do, for all the things he felt or maybe for all the things he couldn't feel. Not anymore, not like before.

Time goes by when your deep thought, time went by as Haechan refused to go back to the apartment you both shared.

He was scared. He was scared of what he was going to do.

The sun set and the sky is filled with orange blue colours. It was going to get dark soon, the clouds were getting heavier. Haechan heart was getting darker and heavier too, a little to heavy for him to carry, a little to dark for him to bear.

He finally decides to return, his thoughts however were still unclear.

"Hyuk? Where were you? Didnt I tell you to come home early?" You ask as you watch Haechan walk into the kitchen

"well..it doesn't matter now. Anyways surprise!" You exclaim as you gesture to the table full of Haechan's favourite dishes

"y/n- what's going on?" Haechan is caught off-guard, a little too off guard as he stares at the candle lighted dinner, as he looks at you all dressed up

"listen...I know things have been weird between us" you say smiling as your fingers knit against eachother "so..I thought we deserve a small break like a date- Hyuk?"

Your words are cut short as Haechan begins to cry, tears streaming down his face

"Hyuk- baby what's wrong" you immediately run to him, holding him gently in your harms it made Haechan cry even harder.

You watch as Haechan sobs into your arms worried "if it's about the date i-"

"no..no your perfect y/n" Haechan sobs "but your not perfect for me."

"Hyuk? Babe? C'mon talk to me. What's going on"

"I didn't mean to do it, I never meant this to happen" Haechan cries into your dress. You try pulling him closer to your body, wrapping your arms around him. You were too worried to notice the way Haechan's body tightened

"Haechan. What's going on?" You cup his face that was wet with his tears.

"I'm so sorry..I'm so sorry" his sobs filled the entire kitchen, the candles in the table flickering.

"Im so sorry y/n I'm so sorry I stopped loving you" Haechan sobs, his heart shattering even more as he felt you freeze. Your arm which was caressing him stopped moving.

"y/n I didn't mean it- I didn't" Haechan hugged you tightly "I don't know- I don't know what happened"

"Donghyuk"

Haechan stopped. That was the first time you said his full name. Not Hyuk, babe or Haechan but Donghyuk

"it's okay" you whispered to him as you still held him, not letting him go. You held him as he broke down even harder, as he sobbed even harder

"it's okay" you whispered again this time to yourself. The only words you could tell yourself were that it's okay.

The entire night, you held him. You held him for the last time just like how he held you for the last time.

You held him tightly in your arms not letting go of him as you felt him drift away to sleep. Whispering to yourself that it was okay.

To describe your love with Haechan was simple. There was one word which could easily describe what falling inlove with Haechan was like. It was like fireworks

So sudden, so loud but so so beautiful. Lighting up the dark sky with dazzling designs and patterns. It was love like no other. But there was a thing about fireworks which you seemed to have missed out

The vanish just as soon as they appear

Their bright colours fade away just as fast as they painted the night sky. Their spark just vanishes into the dark sky, leaving it empty again as if it never even was there at the first place.

Haechan's love for you was like fireworks, and like fireworks, it faded away.

#nct dream #nct dream x reader #nct dream angst #nct dream au #nct dream fic #nct dream imagines #nct #nct x reader #mark lee angst #renjun angst #lee jeno angst #haechan angst #nct jeno angst #mark lee #nct dream reactions #nct dream oneshots #jeno x reader #mark x reader #renjun x reader #haechan x reader #huang renjun #lee donghyuck #nct dream fluff #nct dream scenarios #nct dream x you #nct fics #nct mark #nct jeno #nct renjun #nct haechan

[3raaaachachacha]

Lee Jeno x female reader / 3.1k words / angst / fluff / suggestive / smut

Warnings: unprotected sex, female oral, degradation, cursing

Disclaimer: contains 18+ content; minors do not interact

~ neighbor au ~

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You sighed loudly as you trudged your way back down the several flights of stairs. Mentally, you were cursing your luck for choosing one of the hottest days to move into your new apartment, one where the elevator had conveniently decided it wanted to be broken down. Lugging boxes up three flights of stairs had you sweating like crazy and you couldn’t wait to get the last few boxes upstairs so you could finally relax and have a cold shower.

You stared at the last remaining boxes that were on the floor for a moment too long before actually attempting picking them up. You were debating between stacking them on top of each other to avoid another trip when you heard someone call from behind you.

"Moving in?” You jumped, startled at the new voice.

Turning around you couldn’t keep your mouth from falling open. Standing in front of you was one of the handsomest guys you had ever seen and you weren't even being dramatic about it. His dark brown eyes were squinted as he smiled at you with a bright smile and his dark hair was damp with sweat. The black tank top he was wearing was sticking to his skin and it looked like he had just gotten back from a run. You took note of how toned and defined his muscles were, maybe made it a little more obvious than it should have been.

“Hello?” He awkwardly waved a hand and you snapped out of your gawking, chastising yourself.

“Oh gosh, Hi, sorry, I’m Y/N. Yeah, I’m moving in. Third floor actually, but of course, the elevator decided to stop working today," You groaned.

He chuckled at your scowl, “I’m Jeno, nice to meet you! I actually live on the third floor as well. And as for the elevator, it rarely ever works here," He chuckled at your wide eyes, "I can help you with the last of those though if you like?”

You nodded eagerly and thanked him a thousand times as he lifted two boxes easily and your eyes were glued to his bulging biceps, almost forgetting the smaller items you had to grab on your way. You swallowed hard and picked up the last of the items.

“Lead the way,” He said with a smile and you did just that, counting out your steps so you wouldn’t make more of a fool of yourself in front of him and trip up the stairs or something. You let out a groan of relief once the last of the boxes were placed just outside your new apartment door.

“Thank you so much, I really appreciate it,” You cheered, holding out your hand for him to shake but you quickly pulled away, thinking the better of it. It was sweaty and dirty.

He let out a hearty laugh, “No problem, neighbor," He winked at you and you raised a brow, “I live next door,” He pointed to the door to the left of yours.

“Oh! I guess we’ll see each other more often then,” You smiled and he hummed.

“Well, I do hope so, since I wouldn't mind seeing that red bra again. Happy unpacking!” He winked and walked into his apartment.

A scoff escaped your lips and you looked down in horror to see that you had worked up such a sweat, that your light grey tank top had become a tad see through. Sure enough, your red bra, your favorite one actually, was on display for anyone to see. You groaned in frustration and hurried inside, slamming the door shut behind you.

It took a moment for your embarrassment to go away before irritation set in, 'Of course, typical boy. First chance he gets, he’s looking down at my boobs,' You mumbled to yourself.

Thankfully, unpacking seemed to go a lot quicker than what it took for you to actually pack. Before you knew it, about two hours later, you were fresh out of the shower and settled on your couch, some random movie playing on your TV as you scrolled through your socials. It was the first time on your own and despite your anxiousness about a few things, you were more than excited for the new experience. Classes would be starting up in a few months and you had already gotten a head start on studying and assignments since you didn't want them to pile up in between classes and work. Being on your own had its perks, and one of those was that you had the peace and quiet you needed to concentrate. Or so you thought.

It took a few weeks for you to actually get settled down and used to the apartment lifestyle, but you definitely struggled at first in terms of not having your parents around to cook and clean. To your surprise, those chores became a regular activity for you to do in your spare time.

After a long and tiring week, you wanted nothing more than to just relax a little and possibly get a good night's rest after reading a few materials of course. That was until something kept setting you off. You gripped your hair tightly and groaned as the vibrating bass from next door seemed to only get louder. Jeno was just who you thought he was. A party boy with no consideration for the people around him. If he wasn’t having a party every other night with people going in and out and shouting up and down the hallways, there was someone screaming and moaning his name between the thin walls.

You had just moved in and didn’t want to be that neighbor, but you were sick of it. You moved out to get peace and quiet and the occasional loudness from others but this was just too much. Without thinking, you stormed out of your apartment to the door left of yours. Banging your fist on it, you doubted anyone would hear over the music playing.

To your surprise, the door flew open and a tipsy Jeno smirked down at you.

“Yah, Lee Jeno!” You crossed your arms over your chest, giving him your best glare. He continued to smirk, leisurely leaning against the door frame.

“You are aware that there is more than just you on this floor, right? Because I’m trying to get some work done and this music is atrocious. Turn it down or move it somewhere else. Seriously," You were still glaring at him as his smirk got wider.

“Or you can chill out and come join the party,” He winked and you scoffed at him.

“Turn it down, Jeno, or I’m calling the cops. Do you have any respect for anyone but yourself?!” You saw his eyes looking you up and down, something burning just behind them that made your stomach flip.

You looked down and your mouth dropped open. You had been so annoyed and angry when you marched over here, you forgot you were in your booty shorts, the shortest ones you owned that were strictly for parading around your own home and sleeping. The tank top you had on was thin too and left nothing to the imagination. Your cheeks flamed red from anger and embarrassment.

“Just turn it down, dammit!” You shouted, angrily marching back to your apartment. You slammed the door and slid down, burying your face in your hands.

'You idiot, Y/N! How could you walk out dressed like this?!' You swore you could hear someone chuckling outside your door but you shook your head, standing up and going to find some ear plugs somewhere.

By the time you had settled back in at your small desk, you were surprised to hear that the music had been turned down. Not enough to drown out the noise, but enough that it wouldn’t be vibrating the inside of your skull. You smiled to yourself and got back to work, but that didn't stop Lee Jeno from running through your mind.

Weeks went by and it seemed as if Jeno loved to get on your nerves. You groaned in horror and pressed your fingers into your ears as hard as you could. The sound of the repeated banging of a headboard against the wall, the grunting and moaning and occasional moan of Jeno had you going crazy. You had already yelled at him about the parties and to your surprise, they seemed to be happening less and less.

You noticed a few times that they would take place on nights when you hadn’t planned on studying. How in the world Lee Jeno could know that you had no clue. Thinking of him watching you and figuring out your schedule sent a shudder through you. He’s a creep, you thought. At least he was being considerate. Sort of.

Now it was your new problem. There seemed to be a new girl over at his place every night that there wasn’t a party. Unfortunately for you, your bedroom and apparently his were only separated by the thin walls so you could hear everything.

Every smack of skin, every moan, every whimper, every grunt. It horrified you. It was not something you had ever wanted to hear, at all. At least not from two strangers. You definitely didn’t want to go over and tell him to hurry it the fuck up, but you desperately wanted to sleep and after weeks of this going on, you knew he could go for another hour or two before the girl would leave.

Groaning in annoyance and frustration, you made sure to throw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt this time before marching over to interrupt his good time. Again, you banged your fist on the door, shouting out his name. You really hadn’t wanted to be that neighbor but he made it nearly impossible to not be that neighbor.

The door opened and instead of the irritability for being interrupted like you thought, he was only smirking down at you. He had joggers covering his lower half but no shirt on. There was a thin sheet of sweat over his skin that seemed to make it sparkle and you gulped at the sight of his abs and chiseled chest.

“Something wrong, princess?” He grinned and you bit your cheek. His new thing was calling you princess and you loathed it.

“I’d appreciate it if you could keep it down. Or hurry the fuck up because I want to sleep and it’s impossible to that when my bedroom is right next to yours. Especially when I can hear that stuff," You gestured with your hands.

He feigned innocence, “What stuff are you referring to, princess?” You glared at him as he only smirked down at you. You hated and loved that smirk at the same time.

“The girl! You! Sex! Or whatever you kids call it these days. Just hurry it up. Please," Your cheeks were flamed in embarrassment as he laughed at you.

“Kids? We’re about the same age, princess, but cute. As for the noise, I can’t help that I make them feel so good that they need to be loud,” Your eyes bore into his dark ones, "You’re more than welcome to find that out for yourself,” He winked at you and you threw your hands up in frustration.

“You are an absolute pig, Jeno! I would never sleep with you. Who knows what kind of disease you have going on down there. All those different girls every other night. It’s disgusting,” You spat at him and he only laughed harder, “How you find this even remotely funny is worse,” You muttered.

“Just hurry it up. Get back to whatever her name is,” You stalked back to your apartment, irritated more at yourself now than him. When he had suggested sleeping with you, you almost considered it. You couldn’t deny that as insufferable and inconsiderate he was, Jeno is attractive.

His muscles were toned and he worked out every day. You knew he ate healthy because you would see him coming back from his morning runs sometimes with those green smoothies that you would never let your stomach experience. His dark brown eyes seemed to see into you and just drew you in. As much as that smirk made you want to smack him, it made you want to pounce on him too.

Sighing, you dragged yourself to the couch as you attempted to give yourself some kind of peep talk about the bad things about Lee Jeno. To your surprise, you heard no other noises from next door for the rest of the night.

When you said that you would never have sex with Lee Jeno, you meant it, well at that moment you did. You had stormed over to his place once you found out one of your packages was delivered there. Yet the moment you saw him in just a towel around the waist made you pounce on him like he was your prey. You couldn’t resist him anymore, your body moved faster than your brain could try to convince you this may be a bad idea.

Jeno smirked to himself, knowing damn well what he did to get you so worked up. His tongue invaded your mouth and his grip on you was tight enough to leave marks tomorrow.

"Fuck, Jeno," You moaned loudly, hands gripping his hair.

Jeno removed his lips from yours as he moved to your neck, leaving little love bites in his wake to be on full display. The moment you went to tell him off for marking you, one of his slender fingers entered you, leaving you in a moaning mess in his arms.

"God, I've wanted to do this since the first time I saw you," Jeno mumbled as he raised your shirt above your breasts so he could touch them "Those tight pants and tank you had on. I wanted to fuck you right then and there."

You moaned loudly at his words, moving to discard his shirt and place your hands on the belt of his jeans. Jeno removed his fingers from your core, messingly pulling your clothes off before his and pushing you onto his bed. He got on top of you, lips sucking on your pert nipples and hands rubbing at your clit before he moved down so that he was eye level with your pussy.

A smirk adored his face and before you could tell him to wipe it off his mouth made contact with your pussy. A content sigh left your lips at the way his tongue and teeth circled your clit. It had been months since you last got laid, making this extremely more sensitive for you.

"Fuck me," You whined breathlessly, fingers tight in Jeno's hair, "Hurry up and fuck me, Jeno."

Jeno scoffed and removed himself from your pussy, before coming eye level with you and placing his hand on your neck, but not tight enough to hurt, "I'm going to need you to beg, princess."

Over your dead body. You would never beg to have Jeno fuck you, but the way his hand was tight around your throat and his knee between your thighs and rubbing against your pussy had you deseperate for more. As much as you wanted to ignore his demand, you needed it, you needed him.

After your desperate pleas of getting Jeno to fuck you, he happily smiled to himself as he saw you like this. Within seconds, he had you on your front so that you were on your hands and knees and once deemed ready, he thrusted his hard cock into you.

“Oh, fuck!” You moaned loudly at the pace and depth of Jeno’s thrusts, “You’re so big.”

Jeno could see you struggling to stay on all fours that he pulled you back so that you were flush against his front, "You look hot like this," Jeno groaned, his thrusts becoming a little sloppy, "All marked, needy and whiney for me. Begging for my cock."

"Fuck you, Jeno," You groaned, hands gripping his arm that was holding at your throat, "I still fucking hate you."

"No you don't princess," Jeno teased, "You fucking love this. You love me fucking you like this, leave you all dumb and stupid for me. Want me to fuck you until you can't walk. I want you to say it.”

You wanted to reply and call him out for being a cocky bitch, but you’d be lying if what he said wasn’t true. You thought about this scenario in your head many times, but never wanted to give in, till now. Everything about him screamed at you to not get involved, but you just couldn’t resist. Maybe, just maybe, your thoughts of him doing this to get under your skin was all a plan.

Jeno couldn’t help but chuckle at your already fucked out state, his hand tighetning around your neck and the other coming around to touch your clit. His fingers immediately caused your body to shake as your lips let out a sinful whine in response. Your hands tightened against his arm and your whimpers filled the room along with the slaps of skin. That only encouraged Jeno to push him further, speeding up his thrusts and rubbing vigorously against your clit.

“Jeno,” You moaned breathlessly, “I’m going to cum.”

Jeno’s thrusts only increased from there, he was fucking you as if it was the last thing he’d ever be doing. He could feel that you were close from the way your pussy hugged his cock so deliciously. Your hands moved to grab at his thighs to try and steady your shaking body for what was about to come.

“Cum for me princess,” Jeno encouraged, “Cum all over my cock like a good girl.”

You tilted your head to the side and kissed Jeno’s lips furiously to muffle your whimpers as your orgasm hit. Jeno’s hands both wrapped themselves around your waist the moment your body began to shake and convulse. He kept thrusting his cock into you, helping you ride out your high and reach his own. Thankfully, Jeno was coming seconds after, releasing his warm seed inside of you, the two of you completely forgetting about the condom, but neither one of you cared right now.

The two of you laid there in silence for a moment before Jeno got up to get a towel to help clean you up,“So, princess. Am I still that shitty and selfish neighbor of yours?” Jeno teased as he tossed you one of his shirts, “Cause I’m pretty sure the rest of the neighbors would love to know that it was you who I was making feel good.”

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- Admin 🌶️

#kwritersworldnet #nct dream smut #lee jeno smut #nct dream #lee jeno #na jaemin #lee donghyuck #huang renjun #Zhong Chenle #Park Jisung #lee mark #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #lee jeno fluff #lee jeno angst #nct dream imagines #nct dream timestamps

[jenonctcity]

[1:48am]

Warning: Mature Content, Mentions of Unprotected Sex.

Warm lips ghosted over your exposed neck. The cool breath coming from between those parted lips in small pants causing shivers to rush through your nervous system as it hit the sweat that glistened over your hot skin. The only light in the room was that of the moon that slipped through the gap in the curtains, causing shadows to fall over the setting of your bedroom. The almost unbearably hot body that caged you against the mattress only being tolerable because of who the owner of that body was. Dark strands of hair fell over dark eyes as he vacated from your neck to stare down at you. The darkness of the room stopped you from being able to see the desire and wonder that sat behind those eyes, but you weren’t sure you wanted to see it. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this Jeno.” You whispered out, your hand naturally coming up to cup his cheek, your thumb stroking against wet cheek as you bathed in his affection. Guilt ate you up no matter how hard you tried to push it aside. But the remnants of your infidelity already lay between the two of you, smeared on your thighs and the sheets. He was still inside of you, your legs resting over his thighs as he had taken you in missionary position, but you couldn’t bring it in you to push him away. Not when he made you feel as loved as he just had. 

“We already did, twice.” He whispered back with a small chuckle, his lips pressing against yours as he rested more of his weight on you, his arms now resting against the mattress on either side of your head. Had you wanted to push him away he had just made it harder for you. 

“He’s your best friend.” You said as his lips left yours, your eyes closing as you  found that looking up at Jeno when Jaemin was the one you should be looking up at was making your stomach feel heavier by the second. He sighed from his place above you, his forehead suddenly resting against your chest as tears pooled in your eyes. 

Jeno had only come over to help you with fixing the cupboard door whilst Jaemin was away for the weekend with his dad on a fishing trip. You don’t even remember how it happened, it was a blur, but somehow you’d ended up with Jeno’s head between your legs and the feeling of instant guilt in the pit of your stomach. But you couldn’t bring yourself to push Jeno away, not when his tongue was doing wonders for you.

 He’d taken you against the kitchen counter where he was supposed to be fixing the stupid cupboard door, but instead of fixing something, he was aiding in breaking your relationship. His hand around your neck and lips against your ear whilst he whispered filthy words in your ear as he fucked you like a whore from behind had you under his spell instantaneously. Enough so that once he’d cum deep inside of you, you’d forgotten that Jaemin even existed when you let him carry you to your bed. The bed you shared with your boyfriend of four years. 

“I know.” He whispered in a barely audible voice, his lips pressing to your skin once more. The second time he’d fucked you was barely twenty minutes after he’d first fucked you. Except you wouldn’t consider round two to be fucking, feeling like it was more teetering into the ‘making love’ category, with eye contact, sweet whispers of affection, and slow, passionate love making involved. Which to put it plainly, scared the shit out of you. He took in a deep breath and raised his head against to stare deep into your eyes. Your own eyes adjusted enough to the darkness of the room to be able to see where the whites of his eyes stopped and his dark irises started. “What do you want to do?” He asked, trying to find a solution for the problem you had both gotten yourselves in. 

You breathed deeply, calming your nerves and trying to will away the guilt you felt.

“You.” You didn’t have a chance to say anything else as his lips crashed into yours. 

#im sorry jaemin #lee jeno #na jaemin #nct #nct dream #nct timestamps #nct dream timestamps #nct blurbs #nct dream blurbs #lee jeno blurbs #nct smut #nct dream smut #lee jeno smut #nct angst #nct dream angst #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #lee jeno angst #lee jeno fluff #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct fic #nct dream fic #tw: infidelity

[yourstruleejn]

our beloved youth

fate has a cruel way of bringing people in and out of one’s life. be it through weather changes, old memories or what seem to be mere coincidences. Jeno and you parted ways a long time ago, but destiny still has its say in who you end up with.

⋆

pairing // lee jeno x fem! reader; other characters include lee donghyuck (other dream members are mentioned) and aespa’s kim minjeong

genre // fluff; maybe angst? good ending tho; high school au + college au !!; exes to ??? (it’s kinda our beloved summer inspired but like /mildly/); everthing that is in cursive is a throwback !!

word count // approx. 10k

tw // drinking but legal ! (let me know if i forgot any!)

playlist // here

authors note // this one took me a hot minute and i’m not sure if i’m 100% happy with it but i think it’s the best i can do for it at this point! i hope you enjoy it nonetheless! and also sorry for just disappearing haha i’ll try to write more/faster in the future and summer is coming up so, be prepared!

! reminder ! everything i write about on here is entirely fictional and in no way am i saying this is how the boys would act in real life ❥

i.               like downpour you come and go

Jeno sighed as the raindrops hit the concrete. He was currently seeking shelter from the violent rainfall at a bus stop. Just moments ago, the sky had been a vibrant blue, and now it was painted all grey. A groan of frustration left the young man when he realized he didn’t bring his umbrella. Just great. He really wasn’t sure why he agreed to meet up with Donghyuck, when he could have spent his day off at home, avoiding the current downpour. But a few days ago, the promise of a beautiful day outside with one of his best friend convinced him. On top of this series of unfortunate events, that albeit were out of his control, irked him incredibly nonetheless, Hyuck had texted him a few minutes ago that he was going to run late. That of course was to be expected, and Jeno had actually taken Donghyuck’s usual fashionably late arrival into consideration when he left his apartment, but he still arrived at the park before his friend did. He just hoped Hyuck would arrive soon.

A notification from his phone crushed this wish, however. He frowned reading the text he had had just received.

Hyuck: Hey sorry man, I think its gonna take me another thirty minutes, the trains delayed because of the rain.

Hyuck: but you could go to the café near the bus stop. They make a mean hot chocolate. Wait for me there. See you.

Getting to the café would be a problem Jeno concluded. There was virtually no way for him to get there without getting completely drenched. However, the thought of good hot chocolate convinced him to sprint over there. Besides, it really didn’t seem like Hyuck had left him any choice, saying he’d meet him there.

Unfortunately, Jeno was not the only one to try to sit the rain out at the café, so it was quite literally packed with people. There was not a single table unoccupied, all the waiters were running around, a little stressed, trying to get every new customer their order. It seemed they hadn’t expected the rain either and were understaffed for the business boom caused by the sudden weather change.

For the third time today Jeno was tempted to let out a dramatic sigh and wish that he had stayed home, but out of the corner of his eye, at the far back of the café he saw a table for two, occupied by one. Normally Jeno wouldn’t go up to a stranger and ask if they could share the table, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

The table was somewhat secluded from the hectic main area of the small café. Jeno was surprised that anyone had spotted it at all. He suspected that the young woman sitting at the table must be a regular and in the café before the rain had started, or else she wouldn’t have been able to secure such a nice, quiet space to finish her work. Jeno approached the table, but with her gaze fixed on the screen of the laptop in front of her, she didn’t seem to notice him advancing in her direction.

Jeno cleared his throat, “Excuse me?”

The second that the young woman’s eyes moved from her work to Jeno, his heart literally stopped. Well, figuratively stopped. He realized that the young woman he had hoped would share her table with him was you. Technically meeting you wouldn’t be such a big deal, if only it hadn’t been so long and if only, he hadn’t left the way he did.

Staring back at him, you looked just as surprised as he did. Eyes wide open and slight confusion written over your features.

“Hi,” Jeno breathed out, “I didn’t realize it was you. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you while working.”

A quick smile was thrown in your direction and then he was ready to turn around and leave. He was honestly just planning on going back out into the rain, which he hoped would wash away the embarrassment he had just felt from this very one-sided interaction. Even though you had had little choice in that matter.

You were too stunned by seeing Jeno again after all these years to immediately react. Your mind was racing quite a bit and you only really comprehended what had happened when you were already faced with the man’s back. So, just like that Lee Jeno reentered your life on a rainy day, just like he once had. This time he was quicker to leave you behind, though. You sighed.

-

May was always especially rainy and on this particular day in May you were incredibly unfortunate. Usually, you always had an umbrella with you, just in case, but you had lent it to a classmate just a week prior, and he hadn’t given it back yet. The morning had already been incredibly suffocating with the humid weather, so your mom reminded you to bring an umbrella to school, but in your morning rush you had forgotten to take an extra one with you. So, here you were standing just beyond the main entrance of your school, willing the downpour to halt, just for your way home, then the rain could fall as much as it liked. You just had to get home. 15 minutes, max.

You were just about to call your mom to pick you up when you, noticed someone with what looked like your umbrella move past you. The audacity some people had. “Hey! You!” you glared and shouted after the figure.

The student came to an abrupt halt, turning around and pointing at himself with a confused look. He was an upper classman, and it was obvious that he was startled by a younger student, such as yourself, talking to him in a demanding manner. Such manner that it made him seriously think that he had wronged the girl in some way.

You ran through the rain to get to the boy as fast as you could, to retrieve your umbrella and give the boy a piece of your mind. Even though it had only been a split of a moment you were out in the rain, you could already feel the fallen water on your skin. Your hair must’ve already curled its way back to its natural state, so you weren’t surprised to see the surprise on Lee Jeno’s face as you appeared in front of him in such close proximity. The umbrella was just big enough to shield both of your bodies from the rain. You must’ve looked crazy.

Even in all of his confusion the thought that you were pretty crossed his mind. Or the thought that you would be pretty had you not such a serious, maybe angry, definitely annoyed expression written over your face. Generally, Jeno thought you were pretty even with such a expression overtaking your features, but since it was directed towards him, he was slightly worried.

“That’s my umbrella.” You stated matter-of-factly.

Normally you wouldn’t talk to an upper classman in such rude fashion, but you had had a really rough day and just wanted to get home not thoroughly soaked. Studying his features, you recognized the boy in front of you. You knew who he was. The whole school knew who Lee Jeno was; stellar student and star athlete. Captain of the school’s Baseball team. You also heard that he was nice and helpful in moments of need. All you needed him to do right now was give back your umbrella.

He looked at you confused, “It’s my friend’s, Park Jisung’s”

Park Jisung. Said classmate you lent your umbrella to a week ago. He had begged you to lend it to him, since he had to carry some comic book, which apparently was worth more than his yearly allowance and Chenle (another one of your classmates) would most definitely kill him if he got it wet. You agreed since you had actually brought extra rainfall protection on that day. Now, of course, you were regretting the decision.

You sighed, “No it’s mine. I lent it to Jisung last week and he hasn’t given it back. See it’s my initials on here.” You pointed to the bottom of the handle, where in neat handwriting your initials adorned the umbrella.

“Oh.”, was all Jeno said. However, he still held onto what was now established to have been your umbrella.

“Well?” you asked expectantly, “Can I have it back?”

“But then I don’t have an umbrella.” He looked at you, brows furrowed.

“That is in all frankness not my problem.” You reached to grab the umbrella from him, but in a swift motion, almost a reflex, Jeno took a step back, leaving you exposed to the heavy rain, mouth open in shock.

Jeno had never pulled someone towards him so quickly. He hoped the grip on your arm wouldn’t leave marks, but when he had taken a step back, to keep the umbrella in his grasp, he hadn’t thought as far ahead as you standing in the rain without anything shielding you from it. In any other scenario Jeno would have blushed, being so close to a girl, but he was just so shocked and surprised with himself to actually comprehend the even closer than before proximity of your body.

“Sorry.” He whispered almost inaudibly.

You scoffed. Was this guy for real? With the added wetness to your school uniform and hair your body began to shiver despite the somewhat warm May temperatures. Now you really wanted to get home. You were about to curse at the boy in front of you when he stripped off his blazer and placed it over your shoulders.

“I’ll walk you home.” He stated, smiling comfortingly, as if it was a solution to all of your problems.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “No.” Jeno’s eyes went wide at that, never once had someone rejected his offer to walk them home. He himself thought it was sweet to do such acts of service. Before he could rephrase his offer and explain what he had meant, you continued, “I’ll walk you home.”

Now Jeno was blushing.

 ii.              flowers are a gift from the earth. and a reward from me, for you

It was a slow day. In every aspect. Spring break meant that there were barely any university students in town. Well, barely any but you. You were working in an empty shop, while it was the most beautiful day outside. You sighed, seeing the beams of light come through the glassy front of the shop which overlooked a small square. You loved to work in the flower shop, really. It was one of the best jobs you’ve had so far. You loved interacting with the customers, creating beautiful bouquets to give to their loved ones. You thrived off of the love, as well as the general distraction from whatever was going on in your life. That’s why, on days like these, when it was just you and the flowers, both doomed to observe the sunny outside world, your mind wandered to places you’d rather it didn’t.

The short and coincidental interaction you had with Jeno just a few days ago occupied your mind more than you had hoped it would. It seemed like he couldn’t get away fast enough. It was obvious that he hadn’t recognized you at first, but it would be a lie for you to say you hadn’t done everything in your power to distract your mind from him the second he had stepped into the shop, all disgruntled and annoyed from the rain. Your first instinct was to laugh about it and wave him over, as if he was here to see you. Thankfully you were able to muffle that instinct as soon as it rose up from deep inside of you. The distraction part was also going fairly well, until the young man decided to march right up to and ask something, you weren’t really sure what it was, just to turn around within five seconds, giving you no time to react. It was a little overwhelming seeing him again after all this time.

When you had told your roommate Minjeong about it, she burst out laughing. But upon seeing your expression she placed a hand on your back. Her face turned from teasing to empathetic and almost worried within a split-second. A small smile its way onto her face, “Still hurts, huh?”

You just nodded, bringing your knees up to your chest and sighing once more, to let all of the unspoken feelings out, without actually speaking them still.

The truth was back when Jeno and you parted ways, it was sort of mutual. Sort of because, while you didn’t not want to be what you were right now, Jeno’s points and worries made sense. He was graduating high school a year before you were, going to university kind of far away. So, you decided to break up, if you can even call it that since technically you were never officially each other’s significant other. Still, you considered yourself to be Jeno’s, and you were sure he considered himself yours as well. Back then it was easy for all of your girlfriends to paint Jeno as the villain, giving him dirty looks at school, for the little remaining time he was still roaming your school’s hallways. You knew it couldn’t have been easy for him either.

It still was easy enough for him to leave town without a last goodbye, though. When you found out from Jisung that Jeno had left right after graduation, and didn’t say a final goodbye, or anything at all really, it was easy to believe the words your friends had to say about him. And for a time, you did. But soon the anger turned into hurt, which eventually got more and more dull until you barely noticed it on a day-to-day basis. Only certain things, sounds, smells brought back the memory of your love that never really got to be what could have been. Well, could have, would have, should have, didn’t.

So here you were, wallowing in your first, and so far, only love that mattered. All of this made you just sadder so, to make it go away you decided to just let your head rest on the counter before you. It smelt like fresh cut flowers even more intensely than the shop already did. Trapped in your busy brain you didn’t notice the bell at the door ring.

“Is the shop closed?” an unsure male voice called from the entrance.

You were quick to react, happy that there was someone to take your mind off of Jeno, “Nope. No. I’m here. Sorry.” You said, lifting your head quickly off the table.

You had to stifle a laugh when you saw who had stepped into the flower shop. Was this fate playing some incredibly vicious joke? Whatever you had done in your past life must’ve been quite the crime, you concluded.

In front of you stood none other than Lee Jeno, who to be fair looked just as bamboozled to see you. You let out one sigh before saying a soft greeting to the man. Now that he wasn’t running away from you, you could study his features. He hadn’t changed much. The main difference was merely his more adult look, but put him in a school uniform and boom, you’d be back to being 17 and in love with the kindest, sweetest boy you had ever met.

Your heart ached at the thought that he was probably here to buy flowers for his girlfriend, nonetheless, you had to keep the business going, “What can I get for you today? Something pre-made or would you rather select the flowers for your own bouquet?”

Jeno was taken aback by your professional /read cold/ behavior. Despite the polite smile on your face, he couldn’t recognize any of your warm, welcoming expressions from high school (experienced by Jeno only after he had given back your umbrella, of course). Then again, basically running away from you last week couldn’t have helped his cause. Other than the change in expression towards him you still looked just as graceful as you did in high school.

When Jeno had first noticed you back then he was far from brave enough to talk to you. He knew you were friends, well classmates, with Chenle and Jisung, but he still struggled to find a reason to introduce himself to you. That’s also why he thanked a higher power for the unexpected downpour that one day, as well as everything else that followed.

“I’ll just take the one with the sunflower. But could you please wrap it?” he spoke softly, as if he was asking you to do an impossible task. The impossible task of wrapping up his new girlfriend’s flowers?

You just hummed softly, taking the bouquet off the stand, and bringing it to the back of the counter. For Jeno the silence was suffocating, for you it was welcome. You were focused on working right now anyways. Concentrating on getting the flowers wrapped as gently as possible.

“How have you been?”

Jeno’s question caught you by surprise. You halted your current actions and looked at him. It wasn’t a necessarily unhappy look, but Jeno still felt exposed under your gaze. Well, besides the fact that he had just interrupted your delicate wrapping of his bouquet, as well as practically sprinted out of a café at the sight of you, you just weren’t sure what he was looking for with asking the question.

Jeno was tense looking at you, looking at him, but after a moment or two your features softened, and you turned your attention back to his purchase. You nodded softly, “I’ve been good. Busy. Good-busy, though.”

Jeno let out a relieved sigh, “That’s good.”

You threw a small smile in his direction, finishing up the packed bouquet and handing it to him. He politely thanked you as he took it from you, paid, and with that he was out the shop.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, bringing a cooling hand to your cheek you tried to calm your nerves, before tackling the cleaning of the stray leaves and blossoms that decided they didn’t want to be part of Jeno’s bouquet.

You picked up one of them and brought it closer to your eyes, to get a better look at it before softly whispering, “the others are traitors, thank you for staying.” You then proceeded to giggle at your own silliness before actually continuing to tidy up.

What you didn’t know was, that Jeno was watching you through the window. He smiled at your habit of being soft and vulnerable when you thought no one was watching. You used to do that a lot, however, Jeno almost always got to sneakily witness those moments. There even was a time you would act that way around him without hiding. Of course, he couldn’t hear what you had said, if he had he probably wouldn’t have come to the conclusion that you were happy, but you looked happy.

-

You: smiling. Over the past two weeks Jeno had been fortunate enough to be able to see you like that a lot more often than he was used to. He was also lucky enough to have gotten to know you better ever since that fateful day in the rain. Now, here he was on your second date, well hang out, watching you ramble on about anything and everything while sipping on the Capri Sun you had brought to share. Initially, you had brought two, of course, but Jeno had already finished his and you had offered him another sip from yours, so he had stolen one or two from your pack as well. You said it was ok.

“If I fail my history test tomorrow, it’s totally your fault.” You stated as you happily strolled along the park, not at all worried about said test, Jeno noted.

You two were actually supposed to study. The both of you had another two tests just before a short break. Your history test was dreaded by all the students of your grade, and Jeno, having already taken the test, suggested he’d help you study for it. From the beginning you suspected you wouldn’t get a lot of studying done and that the plans with Jeno would definitely stir up your whole day. Actually, you were quite sure that Jeno would stir up your whole life, turn it upside down.

“You won’t fail the test. It’s pretty easy actually, I don’t know what all the fuss is about.” He chuckled to himself. He had scored a 93% last year, and from what he had gathered he was sure you were a lot smarter than him, “besides, it’s so nice outside today. It’d be a tragedy if we spent it cooped up in the library all day. Consider this a short break, we are only stretching our legs for a minute.” Jeno proceeded to dramatically stretch his limbs, groan and sigh, leaving you giggling, shoving him lightly.

“Ok mister, I play video games all night but can’t sit still two hours to study without my body getting stiff.”

“I actually move quite a bit when I play video games!”

“Oh, I’m sure you do.” You laughed. Despite being slightly worried about the exam, it was nice taking a break. Or taking the rest day off, as you suspected it would turn into a full-afternoon-adventure.

“Tell you what, I’ll ask you one of the most asked history questions ever, and if you get it right, you stop worrying about the test and embrace the afternoon plus I will give you this daisy,” he quickly picked up the tiny flower from the grass beside the walkway, “and if you don’t get it right, you definitely need the break because there’s no way you will get this wrong.”

“So, either way we’ll spend the afternoon not studying?”

“It’s called self-care” he smiled his infamous eye-smile. You shook your head; it was foul play. Jeno knew you were weak for his smile. Well, he probably knew you were weak for him.

“Okay. Shoot. What’s the question?”

“When was Rome founded?”

You laughed, “You really think Mr. History Teacher is going to ask questions like this?”

“Sounds like you’re avoiding answering. You’re right, Y/N, maybe you should be worried.” He dramatically shook his head.

“753 BC. Idiot.” You glared at him while he just smiled, proud that you knew your romans.

Jeno grabbed your arm the get you to slow down and halt in front of him, “Don’t you want your reward?” he smirked.

Your cheeks were burning and judging by Jeno’s smirk, he knew what he was doing to you. Ever so slowly, he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, and moments later placed the daisy behind it. He looked at you as though you were the most precious painting in the world. You whispered a small thanks and then the two of you continued you way through your study-free, sun-filled afternoon.

As time went on, you talked about all sorts of things; Your families, music, and goals after graduating. (After all you hadn’t really known each other for all that long.) The last topic left a bittersweet taste in Jeno’s mouth; He was excited about finishing high school, sure, but you had another whole year of school before you, and while your maybe-relationship (?) was incredibly premature and the two of you were only getting to know each other for now, Jeno knew how he felt. He knew how much he liked you, and he just didn’t want to stop anytime soon. Or ever. But for now, break was coming up and Jeno was sure to remind you to make time for him. It made your heart flutter.  The attention Jeno gave you was unlike any other you had ever gotten before. Looking back, you were so happy that Jisung didn’t give back your umbrella right away (or ever really). You smiled contently as you walked side by side the last rays of golden sunlight warming your skin. A small smile adorned your lips as Jeno casually slipped his arm around your shoulder to pull you closer.

“It’s gonna get chilly soon, we should preserve the warmth.” He was blushing slightly. Since the umbrella incident Jeno had managed to control his blushing a little better, only turning three to four shades redder when he came in sudden contact with your body. He wouldn’t have it any other way though, it confirmed his feelings, and he liked the butterflies.

So as expected and promised, the short study break turned into an afternoon full of laughter, every thought of history cast aside except the one you were making for your own lives. With the golden light fading and the sky slowly turning into a twinkling, tiny polka-dot pattern, Jeno dropped you off at home. The warmth of the day had subsided, but you didn’t even notice the change of temperature as a gentle kiss was placed onto your cheek, warming you up from the inside out.

You hadn’t even properly processed the kiss, before the boy made another swarm of butterflies erupt inside of you, “Hey Y/N? If you get a higher mark on that history test, I’ll buy you real flowers, okey? But if my score ends up being higher, you’ll buy me some!”

You chuckled, your hand finding the daisy behind your ear. Challenge accepted.

 iii.            let me hold your hand, so you don’t fall for someone else

Days were long, boring, and filled with thoughts of you. Jeno hadn’t actually seen you since that day at the flower shop, yet he seemed to see you everywhere. Daisies blooming, umbrellas everywhere, and hell, Donghyuck’s new dorm room was room Nr. 753. (so technically he was also thinking of ancient Rome?)

When Jeno had first told Hyuck about his little encounter at the coffee shop, he burst out laughing and kept bringing it up throughout their whole meet-up. Most of Jeno’s friends had always been Y/N-enthusiasts, so Jeno was sure there was some hope, some hidden agenda in Donghyuck’s continuous mentioning of you. It would’ve been a lie for Jeno to say that you and everything he had felt, he feels, for you was in the past, so he chose not to talk about you at all.

It was hard. Especially after seeing you again in the flower shop, all he wanted to do was tell Hyuck how happy you looked, and how bad he felt for wanting to be included in your happiness. However, he didn’t deserve to have such demands after leaving. Back then you were determined to make things work and Jeno was quite overwhelmed with the ending of his childhood. Staying friends is what he suggested, and although he could see that it hurt you, you agreed. But in the end, it wasn’t what Jeno wanted at all. He was in love with you, he just wasn’t sure how to handle such strong feelings in a time of such change. And thus, he just left. Friends don’t leave their friends without saying goodbye. Not when they go home after a movie marathon and certainly not when they leave for university. Sending a message was the least he could do, and he typed it out, but he just never hit send.

In any case, Jeno was sure your happiness was more than complete, even without him. So as Donghyuck was putting the flowers Jeno had gifted him into a vase, and he kept teasing him about how it was sweet that he knew each of the guys’ favorite flower, Jeno was thinking of you. And as the small dorm filled with the rest of their friends, he was thinking of you. And as he walked home that night, he was thinking of you. And the next day, he was thinking of you.

The first time Jeno really wished he could stop thinking of you was a rather unexpected one. Jeno would’ve bet his throwing-arm on the certain emptiness of the library during spring break. There was virtually no way anyone else would be between the bookshelves, except for the people that actually worked at the library of course.

In an attempt to simply lower the volume of the tiny voice inside his head that kept chanting your name, Jeno decided to stop by the library to pick up a few books he would be needing for upcoming essays and whatnot. The bike stands in front of the building were almost empty. Only few bicycles scattered around the metallic constructs, some put up properly, others toppled over. Jeno was almost certain that the bikes were either placed there for a quick stop to the convenience store on the other side of the road, or that they had already been there and not been moved for the majority of the semester. In any case, Jeno was counting on the library being empty, as well as it being a quick visit of picking up books and then getting back to his apartment and possibly calling up the boys for an afternoon in the park.

The cool air-conditioned atmosphere and the smell of books welcomed Jeno as the doors slid open, inviting him in. The old lady working at the front desk was sitting comfortably reading a book; a good sign for no one being in the library, no books to put away. It was also quiet. Well, it was a library after all. But during the semester, when the library was full of desperate students, there were always some sounds, even if it was only the turning of pages. The lady barely acknowledged Jeno as he walked past her determinedly. Jeno knew where the books were that he needed so he didn’t need her until he was actually checking them out.

Strolling through the rows and rows of bookshelves, Jeno couldn’t help but feel some sort of comfort. This was an environment he knew pretty well; it was also because outside of baseball, Jeno never really did much but study. Of course, he had hobbies like gaming and hanging out with his friends, but he also cared about his grades, so he always made sure to have enough time to study. Days like these would’ve been a portal straight back to the past if it wasn’t for the lack of you. Jeno shook his head at his thoughts wandering off towards your direction once again. He sighed, sliding the last book he needed off the shelf and turning back to head towards the exit.

Just as he was about leave the aisle of books, he spotted someone familiar sitting at one of the tables. He had to refrain from audibly sighing. From what he could tell, you sat alone at one of the tables at the far end of the so-called study space. The window front let in enough light for students to not get sleepy during their endless hours of studying, and at this very moment your gaze was turned towards the outside world. Jeno just stood and stared for a second. Was this really happening? Running into you for the third time in only 2 weeks, this must be some sort of sign, right? Divine intervention to get you back to him. But just as Jeno worked up enough courage to go say hi to you, invite you out to coffee maybe, just as he had gotten his legs to work again, as he took the first step in your direction, a head popped up beside yours. A male head.

Jeno once again stopped and stared. Your mouth turned into a smile as the young man next to you whispered something into your ear. Shaking your head, you shoved him back into his seat and he once again disappeared behind the wall. Looking at the scene now, it was clear that you weren’t alone; Two bottles of water were placed on top of the table in front of you, numerous textbooks were stacked on top of each other, none of them for your major and at an even closer inspection, you were reading a novel. So, you weren’t studying at all, simply accompanying your… boyfriend? You kept smiling at the guy in front of you, you kept giving him the attention Jeno wanted, the attention Jeno once had, the attention he had lost. He appeared once more from behind the wall and grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours.

Had Jeno stayed a moment longer, had he not turned around the second the other male’s fingers wrapped themselves around yours, he would’ve seen you pulling your hand from his grasp and sticking your tongue out to your friend in mockery. But he didn’t. So Jeno concluded that this was not a sign for him to talk to you. This wasn’t divine intervention to get the two of you back together. It was the message for him to move on. So, as he checked out his books, he tried not to think about you. Walking back home, he tried not to think about you. Entering his apartment, he tried not to think about you.

Jeno wasn’t used to not succeeding at things. He had always done fairly well with everything, so why was this any different. If only he had held onto your hand a little bit longer, if only he had held it a little bit tighter, then maybe you wouldn’t be falling for someone else.

-

“Y/N” a soft voice woke you from your sleep. In all honesty you weren’t entirely sure when you had fallen asleep but the position of your head on the book in front of you, as well as the pain in your neck, indicated that it wasn’t an intentional nap. You hadn’t fully opened your eyes yet, when another statement was made by the soft voice, “You’re drooling allover your novel.” With a surprising speed your hand flew to the corner of your mouth checking if what was had been said was true (it was not), but you were only met with a giggling Jeno.

“Ha ha. Very funny, Jeno, thank you so much for the entertainment. I should hire you as my alarm.”

“Does that mean I get to wake up next to you every morning?”

You playfully rolled your eyes in an attempt to control the butterflies in your belly.

The two of you had spent the afternoon in the school-library. Jeno studying for his final exams and you reading. The afternoon quickly evolved into nighttime and looking outside now you were met with a pitch-black darkness, that did not look welcoming at all. Observing the outside, you let out a sigh, sleep still heavily clouding your brain.

Jeno on the other hand was looking at you, smiling. Before you fell asleep, he couldn’t get any studying done because he loved watching your facial expressions while you read. After you fell asleep, he couldn’t get any work done because he was busy just staring at you and listening to you breathe. There was a small smile on his features at all times, he noted to not invite you along to (serious) study sessions again.

Only then did you realize that Jeno had already packed up all of his things, “Are we leaving already? I’m not tired at all I could do this for another 3 hours minimum!” you smiled up at him, stretching your arms theatrically.

“Okay sure, sleepy head, but what you’re forgetting is that you have a curfew, and as the responsible young man that I am, I shall bring you home at least fifteen minutes before then.” He stated, smiling at you, and reaching out his hand for you to grab.

You checked the time, and it was true, your curfew was coming up rather fast and you really had to get home. You placed your hand in his and watched as his fingers wrapped around yours, the warmth from his hand spreading all the way to your heart. Too focused on the love you had for the boy in front of you, you didn’t realize that apparently your legs weren’t completely awake just yet, resulting in the first step being somewhat off? And then the next one had you stumbling completely. So, two steps in and you were already on your way to hit the floor.

But thank God for Lee Jeno. Thanks to him and his incredibly strong arms as well as very nice reflexes he caught you just in time spinning you towards him instead of the ground. Both of your eyes were big in surprise, staring back at each other. You opened your mouth in an attempt to thank him but his lips forming into themselves into a grin, made you reconsider your words for another moment. And that resulted in Jeno being faster with his reaction to the incident.

“Falling pretty fast for me, huh?” he smirked.

Your lips turned into a smile, “That totally ruined the moment just now, do you know that Lee Jeno?”

“Oh no not the government name.” He feigned fear, opening his mouth, and widening his eyes. This expression was soon replaced by what you could tell was a genuine smile, “You’re not going to move away?” he asked, suddenly somewhat shy.

Too caught up in Jeno’s joke and the general situation to have actually moved away, you hurriedly took a step back to give the boy in front of you some space. But before you foot could even hit the ground again, Jeno pulled you in once more, smiling. He promptly placed a soft kiss on your forehead (something he had seldom done before, especially in public!) and then placed his arm around your shoulder, leading you out of the library.

“Let’s get you home, sleepy head.”

You were sure your face was glowing with all the blushing it had been doing in the past moments. While the heat radiating from it welcomed the cooler night-air, the fresh air did little help to calm your racing heart.

 iv.  let’s stray alone

The world was spinning. Moving too fast and it seemed like you just couldn’t catch up with it. Your brain wasn’t doing you any favors by making everything blurry. Maybe downing that last drink wasn’t the greatest of your ideas. Your feet halted for a second as you tried to stop the carousel that seemed to be the ground for a second. You had to get yourself together in order to get home as soon as possible.

You had gone out for drinks with some of your friends and not planned on getting this intoxicated. There really wasn’t any occasion for your celebration, although it is important to say that Minjeong referenced to the evening as a mourning-party for you, since you clearly had fallen once again for Lee Jeno. You really wanted to contradict her, and you almost did, but then again you knew there was no point in lying to your best friend. She had observed you each and every day since Jeno came into the flower shop, thus Minjeong knew exactly what was going on. Contrary to its name, the outing today was actually supposed to keep your mind off your high school romance and keep the mere idea of men out of all your brains. It was doing a pretty good job (which was surprising since most of Minjeong’s Missions ended in chaos) until Lee Donghyuck walked into the bar of your choice. And thus, chaos spread. At least in your mind.

“You gotta be kidding me.” Minjeong sighed. Confused you followed her gaze. At the sight of your former school mate, you almost had to laugh. “There’s no way Jeno will show up, is there?”

“Lee Jeno is haunting you, Y/N” one of your other friends said giggling.

“It’s fate! Destiny! I’ve always said Jeno was your soulmate” another one chimed in, excited at the thought of your romance.

Minjeong scoffed, “Jeno doesn’t deserve Y/N, not after the way he left.” She turned to you, “You okay, bubs? We can leave if you want?”

While you appreciated Minjeong’s offer, you knew she had wanted to go a club after this, so in a swift motion you gulped down the drink in front of you and shook your head, “I don’t want to spoil anyone’s fun. I’m just going to go home and relax there, where the possibilities of running into Jeno are zero.”

“Never say never!” your friend chimed in making, most of the girls at the table laugh and you roll your eyes.

Minjeong just nodded along, watching you slip on your jacket. “You sure you don’t need me to walk you home? You know it’s not far, I can be back in like 30 minutes. You had quite a few drinks.”

It was true, your apartment wasn’t far, and you really had a few drinks, but with flushed cheeks and a small smile you declined her once again and headed to the door. You risked one last look back at where you saw Donghyuck, regretting it instantly. He was watching you, knowing him, he probably had been for quite some time. He offered you a smile, which of course you reciprocated. You had always liked Jeno’s friends. They were incredibly welcoming in high school and in the couple of years where Jeno was playing baseball out of town, you had seen them a few times and caught up a bit. But now with his apparent return to your hometown and thus  the possibility of Jeno showing up any second, and further confusion for you and your apparently not gone feelings for him, you decided to just throw Hyuck a small wave. Finally, you escaped from a for your heart potentially difficult situation.

So here you were: Drunk, almost home and most definitely scared of still being in love with Lee Jeno.

You remember your mom telling you once that cool night air is the best remedy for intoxication, and up until this starlit night you would have stood by this, but tonight it seemed to not work its magic at all. Sitting down on a park bench just behind your apartment building you let out sigh looking up at the sky. Bad idea. Who would’ve thought that looking up would actually make the spinning worse? Quickly you lowered your head and stood up again deciding it was time to finally get to your apartment.

Taking the way you had, meant you had to go through a sketchy ally which then led straight to the entrance of your building, and it was also where the stray cats lived. You smiled to yourself thinking of the many days you stopped by to feed them and got some cuddles in return. Not all of them loved you, of course, but you were proud to say that all of them at least tolerated you (meaning none were hissing at you anymore). Turning the corner, you were still smiling about your furry neighbors, Jeno somewhat forgotten at the thought of getting to pet them.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as your feet came to an abrupt halt. The cats were there. But there was also someone else. Crouched down, stroking the kitties as they happily munched on what you could only presume was provided by the host. Your breath hitched, suddenly everything you did was too loud, and you could swear any second now he would turn around and see you just standing there, watching him like a creep. No. Nope. You were definitely too drunk to talk to Jeno right now. As well as too fragile, if you were being honest.

Carefully and quietly, you took the few steps back behind the corner you had just turned. You breathed out. The guarantee of invisibility thanks to the wall allowing you to gather your thoughts. Arguing with yourself whether or not you should just go up to Jeno, you took a peek. He was now sitting on the road, one of the cats settled comfortably in his lap. You didn’t have to see his face to know what look was on it. A soft smile spread across your features as you watched the boy you once came to love interact with the cats that have brought you comfort countless of times. You hoped he found comfort in them too. You heard Jeno let out a small sigh, barely audible, as he played with one of the kittens.

Caught up in his own thoughts Jeno was happy to have stumbled upon the strays. He was on his way home, after dinner with the guys. Donghyuck had insisted on them getting drinks later, but Jeno had refused, alcohol wouldn’t help his aching heart and he would end up drunkenly calling you or worse running into you, with his luck. Of course, he didn’t tell Donghyuck that, who would just insist on him tagging along. Jeno knew deep inside he wanted to run into you again, just so that he could finally tell you everything he’s been holding inside, how sorry he is he left the way he did, how much he has been thinking about you and most importantly how he never stopped being in love with you.

Who knew he would unknowingly end up in front of your apartment? Fate had its ways.

“What am I going to do, huh?” he asked the cat in front of him. Looking around Jeno had come to the conclusion that somebody was taking care of them; toys were lying around, and water bowls stood filled up to the brim. “Someone’s been taking good care of you. Hopefully they show you all the love you deserve. I’m sure you take good care of them, too. You think someone will take care of me too?” Jeno chuckled at the silliness of talking to cats about his troubles. But his heart was heavy, and he wasn’t used to feeling this way. The past years he was doing okay, thinking of you every now and again, having fond memories together and re-awakened the occasional butterflies, but now? The thought of you brought a longing and regret.

Jeno had no idea that you were watching him. I mean how would he know? Hidden behind a wall was not only you, but your heart as well. Hearing Jeno say these words confused you more than ever. Only a few years ago you were sure you and Jeno would end up together, now? You were hoping for it deep down, but you weren’t entirely sure how to go on about it. It was just a little more complicated than either of you had anticipated.

-

The first stone for the wall around your heart was set when Jeno asked you to talk. Technically that wasn’t too out of the ordinary. The two of you always talked but it was the way he phrased it that worried you. It was how he didn’t grab your hand pulling you away from your friends, how he didn’t place his hand on your lower back to lead you outside, and most importantly it was how reluctantly he spoke and how he didn’t really look at you.

Just days ago, the two of you were smiling and laughing together. The feelings you felt for the boy were so intense, almost overwhelming, but you wouldn’t have had it any other way. Back then, you wanted to tell Jeno you loved him. (You didn’t verbally, but he knew. Exactly how you knew he loved you.)

Now, here you were standing in front of the boy you loved, who was avoiding your gaze at all costs. Deep down you were hoping he was just nervous to /finally/ ask you to be his girlfriend, but you knew that wasn’t why he wanted to talk.

“Is everything okey?” stepping forward you tried to seek out eye contact, growing more worried by the second. Over the past few months, you had gotten to know Jeno quite well, and while it was a fairly trouble-free time, you had experienced him worrying. Mainly about the future and how his childhood was coming to an end. But this was different. Jeno was afraid of losing you, that had always remained unspoken. But now, he just wasn’t sure how to make things work.

“I’m not sure how we should go on about this.” He still wasn’t looking at you directly, which only added to your nervousness.

“What do you mean exactly?” You blinked confused, taken aback by the statement. You weren’t exactly sure how he expected you to react to this. You understood his worries, however you always figured you were going to come up with some sort of plan together, that maybe during summer you were going to work things out together.

“I think, I think we should just be friends.” Jeno thought his voice gave away that this wasn’t what he really wanted. In the end he wasn’t entirely sure why he was doing what he was doing. It’s not like it was the lack of feelings that proposed a problem but rather the overwhelming love he felt for you. Everything was a lot, it was just too much, and no matter how cruel it sounded, you were the thing he could get rid of most easily. He couldn’t stop time from moving forward, he couldn’t not graduate and not go to college. So not pursuing the love he had for you was the easiest way to lessen the weight of change. Even though it was the last thing his heart wanted him to do.

“Oh.” At first you were just relieved that he was alright. But then the reality of what being friends implied hit you, “Right.” You breathed out.

Jeno’s eyes met yours for the first time. Jeno could see you close yourself off towards him. He tried to explain everything he was feeling as best he could, without hurting you any further and without admitting his feelings making things even harder for the both of you. He tried to lessen your weight as well. But you just nodded along to what he was saying, gaze fixed on a spot on the floor. Jeno could see you holding back tears, he too, was trying to stay composed, keeping up the façade of doing this for the ‘greater good’. It was just the easy way out, really.

“Are you okey?” his voice was soft, as though he was handling something incredibly fragile, which in some ways he was.

At last, you looked at him with a small smile on your lips, but not one that spread warmth around his heart. This smile was distant. A single tear escaped your eye, but you were quick to wipe it away, “Well, I can’t say it is what I would have wanted, but if it is what you want, there’s not much I can do, right? So,” you tilted your head and smiled a tad bit wider, still not fooling Jeno, “Friends?”

It wasn’t what he wanted. It wasn’t what he wanted at all, but at the same time he really didn’t know what else to do. He knew you weren’t going to force him to do something he didn’t want to do, but it still hurt to hear you say that this is not what you wanted. It laid out the blame loud and clear. And you were right. You thought that this was something the two of you would talk about together. That the process of figuring Jeno’s post-graduation was something the two of you would do together. So, in the end he made a decision you should’ve made together, alone.

The thought of being friends with Jeno while still feeling all this love for him was almost impossible. Comical even. And when he left a week later without saying goodbye, you realized it was impossible for him too. Jeno never wanted to be your friend, he just wanted out and that you couldn’t understand.

 v.  fate has its ways

Things had been quiet for the past two weeks. The lack of Jeno gave you time to think clearly without freaking out too much. Honestly, at first you were surprised by how much of an effect he still had on you, but after reminiscing in the memories you had with him, you were impressed by not being affected by it more. The good memories made you excited at the thought of meeting Jeno again on accident. You realized pretty soon into your Jeno-escapades that you had forgiven him, that his presence was ever missing from your life. And besides, were many things remained unspoken between the two of you.

Fate definitely was playing games with your heart, since now that you were hoping to see Jeno, you didn’t. Just after he had scrambled up you and your life again, and you were starting to feel happy about it again, he disappeared. Not that it was his fault that you stopped running into him, but every corner you turned you were looking for him, every time the bell at the flower shop rung, signaling a new customer had entered, you hoped it was him, and at every little disturbance at the café you hoped it was Lee Jeno who was pulling you out of your thoughts. Of course, it never was him, always leaving you disappointed, looking for someone who you once loved and were ready to love again. Fate really was cruel.

For Jeno the world was spinning. When Donghyuck had told him that you were at the bar that night, his decision not to go felt like the worst decision anyone had ever made. It felt like missing the jackpot of the lottery by one digit, like bingo, but someone else said it faster. He doubted every decision he made, that didn’t lead him to the bar that night. From what Hyuck had told him, you had left almost immediately after he had arrived, why he didn’t know. But Hyuck had described you as very tipsy so maybe that was the reason why you left? He chuckled at the possibility of experiencing you drunk although he hoped you had gotten home safe that night.

So, Jeno too kept looking for you, everywhere. Although he was not quite as determined to talk to you as you were to talk to him, he longed for your presence in his life and the sunshine it had once brought. He didn’t expect you to be the exact same person as you were in high school (who would be after so many years?), but he was certain that you had only gotten even more perfect over the time you had spent apart, though he wasn’t entirely sure how that would even be possible.

With days filled with the thought of you in addition to his college student responsibilities, the weather had turned warm, and summer was approaching as quickly as ever. Time had gone by much more quickly than usual and Jeno wanted to stop wasting it without you.

-

Cicadas. The sound of summer. Even in the city they played their music day and night. It never really was quiet in your hometown, too many students celebrating too many occasions. There was always someone playing music too loudly from some corner of your neighborhood, so hearing the loud sounds of the cicadas was refreshing. It was like a welcoming greeting whenever you left your apartment in the evening. Minjeong had left to visit her family over the weekend, which for you meant that you had little to no motivation to cook for yourself. Of course, you still had to eat so you decided on stopping by the store just by your apartment building for some instant dinner.

You were happy on days like these; You had been productive enough to treat yourself to something, yet you hadn’t let the day go by without stopping to enjoy the small moments like listening to the cicadas or lingering on the balcony, in the sun for a moment longer than you normally would have. Jeno crossed your mind every now and then, memories resurfacing you hadn’t realized you even remembered. The semester was coming to an end for the first time in a while you weren’t too confused about your feelings, so you were content.

You sat down on a table inside, overlooking the small crossing in front of the store. You had your food in front of you and looking at it, it felt like a reward. After a day of studying for your final exams all you really needed was good food and a cold iced tea to be happy. So, enjoying your food, you watched life pass by outside, focused on the lives of passing people until a hand tapped your shoulder.

Jeno had ventured into the small corner store in hopes of a refreshing drink, as well as some treats for the stray cats that lived nearby. He was about to leave when he had spotted you, happily munching on your food, gaze fixed on the outside world. He was tempted to just let you be, content in being on your own, enjoying your food, but he didn’t know when he’d run into you again, if he’d run into you again, and after all, he really wanted to see you again, maybe even on purpose the next time. So, he took a leap of faith, and tapped your shoulder.

Neither of you had any idea that the other one had been re-falling in love over the past weeks. That each of you had been quietly longing to see the other again, just to finally go up to them and talk. Overwhelmed by memories and what-ifs, regrets and possible do-overs you were anticipating to be reunited by fate once again.

So, when you turned around, and realized it was Jeno who had  tapped your shoulder, your eyes lit up and a smile spread across your face almost instantly, setting free the familiar butterflies in Jeno’s stomach.

“Hi.” You spoke softly, pleasantly surprised (although by now you really shouldn’t be). Your heart was speeding up due to the grin that formed on his lips and the eye-smile that was welcoming you.

He smiled back, ”Hello.”

thank you for reading til the end! i hope you enjoyed it and have a nice day !!! ♡

this piece was written by @yourstruleejn so please don’t post on any other platforms or translate into any other languages! thank u !!!

#nct dream #nct dream x reader #nct x reader #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #lee jeno x reader #jeno x reader #lee jeno fluff #lee jeno x you #jeno x you #lee jeno x y/n #lee jeno #lee jeno angst #nct imagine #nct fluff #lee donghyuck x reader #lee haechan x reader #kim minjeong x reader #nct dream fic #jeno x yn #nct dream x yn #nct dream x you #mark lee #huang renjun #lee donghyuck #na jaemin #zhong chenle #park jisung #mark lee x reader

[raspberriesoda]

fall from grace » ljn

genre | angel!jeno x human!reader; fluff, slight angst at the very end

word count | 2.3k

summary | your guardian angel has always blurred the line he’s never supposed to cross, and one night he unintentionally takes that leap into territory he’s not meant to be in

a.n | this will most likely have a part two! (pt2 will be much more angsty, and possibly smutty i haven’t decided yet) also if you see something extremely similar to this on ao3 no you don’t (i wrote this as a nomin fic a few years ago and posted it there but dreamscape angel propaganda made me want to revamp it and post it again)

he hadn’t expected to end up here. or, at least that’s what he tried to convince himself. he really wasn’t supposed to be here. none of this was ever supposed to happen.

but, how could he not fall in love with you?

the way that you snort when you laugh a little too hard at something you know isn’t really that funny. the pout that cutely displays on your lips when you give something your full focus. the little noises you make in your sleep when you’re dreaming. the way that you almost always trip on the crack in the sidewalk right outside your apartment building, despite living there long enough to be mindful of it.

jeno thinks about it more and more day by day; not that he even pays mind to the passage of time anymore. there was no way out, he was doomed from the start.

but, instead of the lighthearted feeling that would normally come hand in hand with love, jeno feels a weight. in any other circumstance he’d likely be considered a stalker by the way he knows every little thing about you, but that’s his obligation. jeno’s sole task is to watch over you, to keep you safe, to make you his number one priority above all else.

you aren’t supposed to know. you’re supposed to be blissfully unaware of jeno’s existence and his presence in your life, as well as any others like him.

and jeno was never supposed to fall in love.

lately- and he couldn’t tell if it was on purpose- jeno had become admittedly sloppy with keeping a safe enough space between you and him. he knows it’s no excuse, and he knows the consequences of the risk he’s taking, but the pull is just too strong. his one responsibility is to protect you, but what was the point of that if he couldn’t make you comfortable and happy? if he couldn’t love you in the way only he knows you deserve to be? he’s just fulfilling his duties, right?

how unfair, he thinks. how unfair it is that he’s forced to be so close to you, yet just far enough away that you’ll never even know.

jeno stands on your balcony, three floors up, three hours past midnight.

there’s only a wall separating you from him, and though there is the perk that you can't exactly feel his presence like you might with another human, there stands the possibility of you finding him all the same. he’s more than aware of how dangerous this is for him, to have this little of a distance between you; a relationship between a human and their guardian is never allowed to be physical or emotional in any way. he asks himself how far he is from crossing that line, how close he is from falling off of that tight rope. realistically he already has, but he finds it difficult to care.

ironically, jeno wonders if he’s been cursed or blessed. maybe both, he thinks- blessed with the fact he’s always with the human he loves oh so deeply; cursed with the fact that though he knows just how to make you smile, that smile will never really be for him.

he’s willing, though- more than willing to take that chance, despite the better part of himself advising against it (or that had been the better part of him, long long ago). if he just gets to see your surprised, sleepy little smile early the next morning when you step out to check on your favorite flowers and notice they’ve bloomed way ahead of schedule, then to jeno, its worth it.

as jeno tends to the soft peach colored petals, you sit inside, your legs tucked under you on the kitchen counter, sipping peach flavored tea and watching old cartoons on your computer. you couldn’t sleep, and tossing and turning in bed was finally out of the question after a few too many hours of dreamless silence.

your bare feet make a soft thud on the kitchen tiles when you uncross your legs and leap from the counter, making your way to grab more honey for your tea. the sound makes jeno glance up from the petals sitting between his fingers. this signals to him that you’re now on the move and that he should go, but again, the voice in his head is muted when it comes to you.

jeno takes another bud in his hands and watches as it spreads open right before his eyes at his touch. he rearranges the flowers and stems and pats down the soil as if to make it look a bit more lively, and with this, he decides he should depart before you have the chance to notice he’s here. he turns, preparing to hop the banister, but he bumps the patio table, sending an unused pot of dry dirt falling to the ground. it shatters into large shards of clay that scatter across the wood, and jeno stills.

you almost drop the glass jar at the unexpected calamity, adrenaline shooting through your body like a shockwave. a heavy spoonful of honey is frozen in the air as you hold it above your mug; it drizzles down the side of the ceramic and makes a sticky puddle on your counter. a few moments of painfully eerie silence pass and you try your best to catch your breath.

jeno stoops down to clean the mess he’s made, making certain to be as silent and quick as possible before you arrive to investigate. after your mind has time to form a theory that doesn’t involve something you’d seen in a horror film, you come to the hopeful conclusion that it must have been the wind knocking around your gardening supplies. for your peace of mind, you round the counter to pull open the curtain draped glass doors.

what you see makes you think that maybe you had fallen asleep earlier after all.

jeno looks up, stunned, frigid, crouched down with his hands full of rocks and clay and dirt. he can only imagine how he appears to you in this moment; he must look like he’s just been caught committing a crime- and it likely would be in any other set of means.

millions of worries should be swarming his head, but the only thing on his mind right now is you. your tangled hair, your fluffy pajama pants, your eyes twinkling in the moonlight and looking at him with wonder- not toward him or past him, but directly at him. it was something he’d never had the pleasure of witnessing.

your urge to cry out is suppressed by the peculiar calm feeling that settles over you the moment your eyes lock with jeno’s. even in the shadows the strange boy’s eyes seem to shine, and any thought of ill intent is sent away as quickly as it came. your brain has no time to question the unusual level headedness you feel before you start to connect the dots.

weirdly, you recognize him, but your mind blanks when you try recalling from where. though, you really figured that you’d remember something like this if you’d seen it before. it takes jeno standing, letting the soft starlight paint his nervous face and his shimmering wings for you to be able to connect him to any sort of a tangible memory.

you’d never actually known his name, or from where he came, but you did know of him.

the boy you’d spotted leaving the cafe after the barista had told you that your coffee was already paid for on the morning you were running late for your psychology lecture. the boy you’d seen scanning shelves in the campus library when you saw your favorite novel sat next to your course work upon returning from the counter to ask if they had it in yet. the boy you’d seen walking down the pavement when you’d whipped your tipsy head around after being yanked back by your hoodie just before you stepped into the street, a blaring car horn and a rush of wind whisking your hair up as all you could do was stare at his figure as he strolled away from you.

other instances that you’d had no concrete explanations for began to surface in your mind the longer you studied him. the closed window and extra blanket the night you’d accidentally fallen asleep before a severe thunderstorm. the carton of fresh milk in your fridge you could’ve sworn you’d forgotten to pick up from the market. your favorite white sweater miraculously being completely unharmed after a pink sock snuck its way into the wash.

you knew all of these occurrences and the same boy being present could be purely coincidental, but something about that was just too hard to believe. you always meant to approach him when you saw him in your day to day life, but the courage to make the move and close the distance between you never arose.

‘what an angel,’ you’d always said to yourself when you’d see him. you never would’ve guessed you were right.

when jeno finally snaps out of his trance, remembering the predicament he’s gotten himself into, he turns to really leave before he lands himself in any more trouble. he spreads his huge white wings, the ones that had always been hidden when you were near, and flaps them once to lift himself into the air. a gust of chilled wind flutters your pajamas and pulls the breath from your lungs as you gawk at him.

you try to speak, to tell him not to go, but your voice won’t come out. before jeno can get too far, and before you can think of something less hazardous, you run forward and hoist yourself up on the railing to grab jeno’s ankle in an attempt to stop him from fleeing. at that same moment jeno flaps his wings again, not thinking that the sudden weight on his leg could be you, and as a result you’re pulled from the rail and out into the open, three stories above solid ground.

a strangled yelp jumps from your throat as you dangle in peril. jeno’s head snaps down, and his eyes widen as they meet your figure, clinging to him and flailing wildly. your grip rapidly begins to slip from jeno’s body. your mind races around the realization that this could very well be the end; in an instant you feel the cold night wind rushing up around you, whisking your hair towards the sky, blurring the buildings and skyline together and your breath is caught in your lungs as all you can do is fall.

just as soon as it happened, you collapse into jeno’s open arms with an ‘oomph’ when he catches you before you can meet any harm. you immediately wrap your entire body around him and squeeze your eyes shut, letting out a trembling and fearful cry into his neck. hot tears threaten to spill down your cheeks and the height makes you lightheaded. you’re shivering as jeno lifts you both up to the balcony once again.

it’s bittersweet for jeno to see you this close. you’re so stunningly beautiful, more so than jeno could have ever imagined. your eyes finally open to meet jeno’s when you feel yourself safely sitting on your balcony, curled up under jeno’s kneeling figure. they glisten with tears and your soft face appears to glow in the moonlight. jeno’s heart grows wings of its own to soar through his chest; he may be the angel, but you are angelic.

a very nervous laugh bubbles out of you, your face blooming with a deep red at the sudden realization of your very close proximity to one another, and the embarrassment of the stunt you’d just pulled. one of your arms still drapes around the back of jeno’s neck, the other hand pressed to his chest, revealing jeno’s rapid heartbeat that matches that of yours. jeno’s arms are still wrapped around your waist. he never wants to let go.

“i-mh,” you stutter a bit, and gulp. “i’m sorry,” a sheepish smile pulls at your lips. your voice is much breathier than you’d wanted it to come out.

jeno’s features are sharp, but his expression is soft. tufts of his silvery white hair flit around in the crisp breeze and he looks at you, admires you, his gentle eyes flickering across your face like he’s committing you to memory. his fingers comb gingerly through your windswept hair, pushing it away from your flushed neck and tucking it behind your ear.

his eyes suddenly shift down when your hand meets his jaw, the tips of your fingers ghosting over his cheek. his skin tingles under your timid touch.

you’ve never seen anything like him.

“you’re.. so pretty.”

“thank you,” jeno breathes out through a dazed smile. as you relax a bit, jeno feels your fingers brush delicately against the indents you had made on his shoulders; your grip is softer now, but no less fervent.

“i’m jeno,” he tells you. your eyes meet his again. his heart skips a beat when you cup his face fully, your thumb smoothing over the expanse of his cheek; its warm under your touch.

“thank you, jeno.”

a short beat of time passes, and in a sudden surge of bravery, you lean forward to connect your lips in a kiss. jeno’s heart stops then, his feathers standing and his eyes wide, utterly overwhelmed with the cordial feeling of the one he loves so suddenly embracing him.

jeno decides to throw all caution to the wind. he wastes no time in sliding his hands up your neck to cradle both sides of your jaw, turning his head to let the kiss deepen. his eyes flutter closed and his wings relax, and the sigh he lets out sends hot air onto the peaks of your blushing face, making you melt into his hold. you can’t tell if the warmth that spreads through your body as your lips move in perfect sync is from jeno’s celestial form, but you’ve never felt such a rush from just a single kiss.

but it’s not otherworldly, because jeno feels it, too.

all of a sudden jeno feels the crushing sense of his time running short. he reluctantly pulls away from the kiss; you chase his lips as he leans back.

“i’m sorry, i’m not supposed to be here.”

your fingers grip his shoulders again. a wave of sadness crashes over him when he sees the somber look in your eyes.

“don’t go,” you whimper. jeno’s heart throbs. he would consider it a moment of weakness, only that's all he ever felt when it came to you. he kisses you once more, quick this time, and he feels himself ready to break.

“i’ll come back. i promise.”

with that, he’s gone.

you didn’t end up sleeping that night.

the tea in the mug that hangs loosely in your grip has gone cold by now. you sit in the same spot on your balcony, staring longingly up at the star speckled night sky.

#lee jeno #lee jeno fluff #lee jeno angst #lee jeno drabble #lee jeno x reader #jeno fluff #jeno angst #jeno drabble #jeno x reader #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream drabble #nct dream x reader #judah.doc

[moniescove]

tomorrow

Deep into the night you layed within your sheets, reaching out for someone you know doesn't care.

The digital clock flashing 2:11 am, you knew he wasn't coming home soon, always leaving you cold and alone in your large bed with only yourself to calm your aching heart. You hated it so much but you just can't leave him. Beneath that man filled with greed and lust lies your first love. You hope someday he returns to you, embracing you the way he always used to. But for now you're stuck with a mere shell of him.

Jeno was rarely home and when he was he never had time for you, always preoccupied with meetings and phone calls. Those excuses worked the first few years until soon enough his "meetings" led into the ungodly hours of the night, "work" phone calls turning into shamless flirting in front of you. You don't remember at what point Jeno just stopped caring, but when he did slowly you did too. Tired of starting pointless arguments that only led to him leaving for hours on end while you could only cry alone in your large bed just like this night.

You stopped counting on him to return to you completely unmarked by mysterious women nearly every night. Made it less painful when that's exactly how he would return.

You felt so alone in such a large house all on your own, of course you were so greatful for everything your husband has provided you with but at what cost. What was the point of all this luxury if you can't even enjoy it with the one person you loved. He used to always shower you with new extravagant gifts, sometimes expensive jewelry, other times designer dresses. Every gift leaving you feeling awed but nowadays every new designer clutch he gifts you is only a painful reminder of his sins.

Lost in your own daze you nearly drown out the sounds of his footsteps echoing through the hall. Light seeping through the creaking door. He didn't say anything, not even wanting to acknowledge you. Making his way to the walk in closet to change in more comfortable atire for sleep. You layed still in your bed, facing away from his direction because you just couldn't handle seeing him like this.

You finally let the silent tears fall along your face, you were just so tired of everything, tired of waiting for someone who wasn't going to come. Maybe tomorrow you'll finally find the courage to leave him. Finally able to let the memory of your first love die within the shell that is left of him.

Until the sun rises, you can only silently weep as your first love slept soundly beside you.

a/n: just wanted to add jeno knows reader is crying, he just doesn't care 🫶!

#[Jeno!] #lee jeno angst #jeno angst #jeno drabbles #jeno x reader #jeno imagines #lee jeno #nct jeno #jeno #nct angst #nct #nct fanfic #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct x reader #kpop angst #nct dream #nct dream angst #nct drabbles

[neowinestainedress]

happier | lee haechan, lee jeno

title: happier (finale) | part two | masterlist

pairing: lee haechan x oc/fem reader, lee jeno x fem!oc/reader | side member: huang renjun

genre: song-fic, (light) angst, smut, fluff, lovers to exes to ?, friends to fwb to ? | requested and inspired by happier by olivia rodrigo (and 1 step forward, 3 steps back and favorite crime)

warnings: angst, implied past bullying and depression, one mention of vomiting but no mention of an eating disorder, smut, sex with multiple partners (not all together), protected and unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), multiple orgasms, semi-public sex, jealous ‘sex’ (not rough), thigh riding, mainly written from haechan’s pov.

summary: Haechan can’t live with the weight of losing her forever, he can live even less with the fear that she might be happier with Jeno. He wonders if he’s still in time to fix what he tore apart or if he’ll have to pay the price for what he did forever.

words: 20.600k

taglist: @thisbabydontstop @jaehyunsprincess @brightestmark @jellymoonbear @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @alalyahs @soobsfairy444 @hyuckscore @w3bqrl @rbf-aceu @liliansun @donutswithjaminthemiddle @champagne-n-yachts @kundann @kpopwh0r3

@bluegothsizzler @rllymark @reagiie @cherryblossom1818

a/n: can’t believe this series came to an end :( I’m sorry if I made you wait so long for this but I didn’t want to ruin everything by rushing it. Compared to the others it follows the song a bit less since there’s more plot. I hope you’ll like it, but I know there will be divided opinions about the ending so I’m curious to know your opinions! Let me know what you think with comments, reblogs or asks ♡ Also I’m not sure all the tags worked, it kept finding or not finding certain accounts based on where I put them, so I’m sorry if you’re not actually tagged, it did the same with the taglist in the masterlist and I don’t know what’s the problem.

It had been almost a year since they broke up and Haechan should’ve been the last one to feel this way. Yet, here he was. Broken. 

It had taken him time, too much time, to realize what he had lost and all the pain he had put her through, and now the guilt was eating him alive. 

Haechan truly thought he didn’t love her anymore. He thought that his heart was detached from everything that had happened between them and all she used to mean to him. But he was hit by the realization when she started to show up with their group of friends at Jeno’s side. 

It wasn’t even when Jeno started to drag her along again, his doubts started to creep in long before that. It was like Renjun got off seeing him suffer and loved to remind him every second how happy she was without him. His friend was smart, he never brought her up straightforwardly, not while he was talking directly to him. But Renjun kept saying how happy she was, how more beautiful she looked, how it looked like she had found peace. 

For a while, he thought Renjun was lying, that she couldn’t be happier without him. But apparently, she was. 

Haechan started to suspect something was going on between her and Jeno when his best friend started spending his day on the phone, always with a dumb smile on his face. And Haechan wanted to fight him so badly but he knew he had no right to get in between their happiness. 

Haechan had fucked it up. And there was nothing he could do to fix it. 

He could only sit in silence and try to don’t boil in anger every time she sat on top of Jeno when they hung out all together. 

“You okay?” He could hear Jeno whisper, his chin resting on her shoulder as he smiled at her. And Haechan felt a twinge in his chest when she looked down at him, nose scrunching up, smiling at him and telling him she was fine. 

That was his place. 

Or maybe not, because now that he thought about it, he never asked her if she was okay or if his friends were overwhelming. Now that he thought about it, he never let her sit on his lap, and caressed her hands, because he couldn’t stand being so close in front of his friend, too busy thinking about their judgment than thinking about loving her. 

Haechan couldn’t help but be tormented by them. She truly was shining, and Jeno was so sweet with her, he couldn’t stop wondering if she had forgotten about him and what had been between them. 

And when their eyes met for a second and he couldn’t see her familiar gaze anymore, he wondered; did it mean she forgot about him? 

And Jeno probably spent days telling her she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and that was what she deserved. But Haechan couldn’t stand the idea that she told the same to him. 

He couldn’t stand that she did the same things she used to do with him. 

She loved seeing Jeno dancing. From the stage, Haechan couldn’t help but look at her only to be disappointed because her attention wasn’t on him. 

And when the show ended she ran to Jeno and not to him. They didn’t kiss, not on the lips, at least, but the way she hugged him tight and kissed his cheek was enough to make his heart fall on the floor and let an elephant step on it. 

She complimented his smile way too much. And Haechan could only think about their evenings spent together, when she would lay on top of him and poke his cheeks, kissing his lips softly before telling him how much she loved his smile. He couldn’t believe that maybe she was doing the same with Jeno, that she was tangled up in someone’s bed and that was all his fault. 

Every time they were together it got a bit worse, they were always closer with each passing day. Physically with light touches. And mentally, finishing each other sentences, and laughing at the same jokes. 

It shouldn’t have fazed him, but Haechan felt his stomach twist every time. He hurt himself even more wondering how serious their story was getting. Was Jeno seducing her with the ‘eternal love bullshit’ he never believed in? Or were they just playing around? He didn’t think it was a way to make him jealous, but was it necessary to act like that in front of him? Acting as if he wasn’t there. Acting as if he never existed. 

And Haechan tried to find flaws in Jeno, trying to hate every good thing about his best friend just so that he could sleep at night. But he couldn’t find it, he knew him, and he could, unfortunately, see how happy Jeno made her. 

Haechan tried to hold back the bitter, disgusted grin on his lips every time he saw her laugh or smile at his words. He wondered if Jeno gave her butterflies, if Jeno made her feel a bit of what he made her feel, if her heart beat just as loud as it did when they were together and if she ever showed him her real laugh. But the more he cut them apart the more he only got one answer, an answer he didn’t like. 

Jeno gave her butterflies. 

Haechan tried to move on, find other girls after Bora — no, it didn’t work out because Bora wasn’t her, because she couldn’t get him, because she couldn’t understand him the way she did. 

And no other one-night stand could fill the void he felt in his chest. It wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t about a brief sparkle of happiness. It was about love. It was about the person of his life, then one he lost because he put foolish things before her. 

Days started blending into nights as he tried to find another reason to wake up every day and move on with his life. He felt like shit, the bags under his eyes getting darker and his cheeks getting hollow as the food in his plate dimmed more and more. 

He was once again falling into the hole she got him out of. And he needed her. But not because he needed saving, not because he could leave her again once he was out of that, he needed her because he loved her. If things cracked in their last months together he realized that the so-called ‘freedom’ he wanted to have was nothing compared to having her. 

He thought he needed to mirror himself in somebody that was like him but he didn’t realize that the reflection in the mirror that was distorted and he couldn’t recognize anymore was his, and not hers. 

He needed to change. He needed to be better. He needed to grow. 

Because she was still there. 

With her comforting smiles. And her little clumsy dance steps. And her passion for history. And her flowy dresses she loved twirling around. 

She was his reason, not because he was crawling on the floor again, but because nobody else could ever take her place. 

So, he was getting on his knees, begging for forgiveness, low eyes staring down at the rug in front of her door because he couldn’t find the strength to see the disappointment in her eyes. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Her venous voice was enough to hurt him, to hit him straight into his heart like an arrow, not a Cupid one but a hate arrow, piercing him, making him bleed. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he confessed, voice so low she could barely hear what he was saying. 

“Do what?” She asked, staring at him, feeling her heart twist when he lifted his head and his eyes were red and glossy, and tears were streaking down his face. 

“I can’t be without you anymore.” 

She snorted before slamming the door close, but his hand was faster at blocking it, his broken eyes silently begging her for another chance. 

“Don’t,” she warned, glaring at him, voice cutting in her throat. 

“Please, please, just one more chance,” he begged, voice broken, lips shaking and she had to close her eyes because she wasn’t going to let him have so much power over her ever again. 

“I don’t need your crocodile tears, Haechan,” she replied, trying to push the door close, but he was stronger than her and she could only give up. 

“I’m honest, now. I lied to you enough, and look where it led us,” he said, staring into her eyes, showing her that he had never been more honest than this. 

“Quick, tell me what you want, and then leave.” 

“I want you back,” he said forwardly, and the look in her eyes should’ve made him take a step back, or maybe run away immediately, but he didn’t. Haechan could see she was mad, but he had to try. “I was an asshole. Now I know. I should’ve seen what I had when I had you. I should’ve paid you attention. I should’ve cherished you and yet I took you for granted.” 

“And that’s not my problem,” she replied sternly. 

“I was too dumb, I was so focused on me and my dreams that I forgot you were part of my dreams too.” 

“You’re only mad because I’m not yours anymore. You hate seeing me happy with someone else, you hate that I’m happier with Jeno than I’ve ever been happy with you.” 

His lips started shaking. “That’s not true,” he mumbled. “You’re not happier. I know you’re not. You can’t be happier with him.” 

“Why not?” She asked, daring him. “What have you done for me in the last year, Haechan? I was like a toy for you, sitting nicely on one of your shelves, covered in dust, and broken, and instead of taking care of me, instead of treating me right, you went and bought another toy. And what a shame, it turned out it didn’t work, too.” 

“It didn’t work because she wasn’t you, no one else will ever be you.” 

She sighed deeply, trying to push back the tears, Haechan could see she was close to crying, she would always squeeze her eyes and nervously pinch the skin on her hand, he never got why, though. “See, that’s the thing with you, you think everybody owes you something. You think you can come here, cry a little, scream about how special I was, and everything will go back to normal as if nothing happened.” 

“But —”

“No, let me talk,” she stopped him, tone stern, leaving no space to retort. “Being with you it’s a fucking roller coaster. It’s always one step forward and three steps back. I don’t know if you love me, want me, hate me, I don’t know. I have no idea what will strike a nerve and get you mad.” 

“I know what I want now, I know I want you,” he replied, trying to reach for her but she stepped back. 

“And have you wondered if you are the one that I want? You got me — you — fuck,” she cursed, clenching her fist, and throwing her head back. “You got me so fucked up in the head. You have no idea how much you made me doubt myself. I couldn’t see myself beautiful anymore, I hated my face, I hated my body. I thought I was unfunny. I thought I wasn’t smart. And,” she sighed, wiping away the tears that were rolling down her face. “I hate you, and I hate myself so much because I gave you so much power. I let you take away everything of me.” 

“I can fix it. I know you felt like shit too since we’ve broken up. I know you miss it. Please,” he begged. Even though he felt unworthy, and guilty for all the things he said and did. 

“It’s so easy for you,” she whispered. Going back in time hurt now, she was healing, slowly, but she was moving forward, and he was once again making her go back in the line of their story. “It’s back and forth with you. It’s a continuous push and pull that drove me insane. Every time wondering if I did something wrong, or maybe it was all your fault. But I never blamed you, I never thought that you were the problem in our story. I always blamed myself. And you have no idea how much that broke me.”

“No, I’ll do anything to prove to you how much I love you. I can mend your broken heart, I will give you mine if it’s what it would take to fix you.” 

She lowered her head, and he couldn’t see her face, but he knew she was biting her lip to stop the sobs from rolling out. 

“Remember what I promised you? What we promised each other? That we’d never part because we fit so well with each other and nobody else could come close to that.” 

She chuckled bitterly, “I wasn’t the one breaking that promise apart.” 

“I know, I’m not blaming you. It’s my fault, I was immature, I hurt you so bad. But I won’t do it again. I won’t break your heart again. I won’t make you feel like you’re not enough.” 

“I just don’t get it. You had me in the palm of your hand, Haechan. I was right there, I would’ve never left. All you had to do was stay by my side and love me, and you didn’t. You left me the second I wasn’t as interesting anymore, the second I felt like a habit, an old one that you hate. How can I be sure you won’t do it again? How can I be sure there won’t be another Bora?” 

“I’ll prove it to you. Test me. Do whatever you want.” 

She shook her head. “I don’t want us to become toxic,” she said. “I don’t want to truly be the psycho-obsessed girlfriend that you always believed I was, because I wasn’t, and I’m not. I need to trust you, and if I started doubting that, it was because you gave me a reason.” 

“Then how can I gain your trust again?” 

She sniffled, resting against the door, feeling too tired to do this anymore. She looked at him. She couldn’t give him another chance. 

“Work for it,” she replied weakly. “Prove me you care for me. Prove me you love me still. Do all the things you never did when we were together. Show me that you won’t turn to look at somebody else the first second I won’t be at my best.”

His eyes lit up, and he took a step forward but she stopped him. 

“We’re not back together, Haechan,” she said sternly. “You have to woo me. You need to make me fall in love again, because right now, I don’t love you anymore.” 

And those were the last words she said before closing the door, leaving him outside with the wind blowing on his face. 

I don’t love you anymore. 

That tore him apart. But if he made her fall once, he was going to make her fall twice.  

And Haechan didn’t waste time. 

The first thing that he did was send a bouquet of flowers to her place. He picked out her favorite flowers and also wrote a note with the lyrics of her favorite song. He wanted to give them to her, to see her reaction, but he decided to leave them out of her door, sure she would’ve loved the surprise after coming back from work. 

And it worked. 

She didn’t mean to be so happy about it but her heart flipped in her chest when she saw the flower lying there. 

Then one morning when she was leaving for work she found a heart-shaped package full of chocolate on her car and a small note saying ‘With the hope that your day will be just as sweet.’ 

“No, why am I smiling like this, damn,” she cursed, opening the car door to get in, trying to calm her heartbeat. She surely loved the attention and nothing else. Haechan was long gone in the past and this was just her revenge to make him believe that he had a chance of taking her back. So she dropped the chocolates in the backseat and drove off to work, hoping to leave him behind. 

But Haechan was firm. He had lost her once, he wasn’t going to make it happen twice. So he texted her a lot, telling her that a song on the radio reminded him of her, or sending her a video he found online sure that she was going to laugh, he even started sending her good morning and good night texts. 

Haechan wasn’t even hurt that sometimes she didn’t answer, at least she wasn’t blocking him so that had to be good news, right? She had told him he was under a test and he wasn’t going to fail. 

“Hi,” he cheered, waiting for her outside of work. 

“Jesus, you scared me,” she replied, holding a hand on her chest and taking a deep breath while glaring at him. “What are you doing here?” 

Haechan didn’t answer, he only lifted two tickets in his hands, waving them in front of her face. 

“What are those?” She asked, starting to walk to reach the metro, but Haechan pulled her back, hands reaching for her wrist before she could slip away. 

“There’s a Van Gogh exhibition in town. It’s for the 170 anniversary of his birth,” he explained, watching her eyes light up just hearing the name of the painter. She couldn’t say no, he was one of her top artists ever and she had told him countless times how badly she wanted to see his works. 

“That’s — that’s so unfair,” she muttered, hugging her body after pulling away from his hold. 

“You act as if I can infect you or something,” he replied annoyed. 

“I just don’t want you to get too close to me, I know you and your…” she sighed. “Don’t get your hopes high. I’m only coming because I’m selfish and I want to watch the exhibit.” 

But Haechan couldn’t care, it was a win for him anyway. He got to spend time with her and make her live an experience she wasn’t going to forget easily. 

“So you are in?” He still asked, eyes lighting up in anticipation, watching her lips twitch as usual when she tried to hide her excitement. 

“Yes, and let’s go before I change my mind.”  

He let out a little cheer of victory before turning around and starting to walk toward the right metro that would’ve let them to the exposition. Fighting the urge to reach for her hand was hard but he couldn’t risk it now with bold moves that would’ve only scared her away. 

“So, how was your day?” He asked, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans, if they were physically restricted he couldn’t do anything dumb. 

“Good,” her answer was quick, almost stern if he wanted to look into it, and it made his heart clench. 

“Can we not?” He asked, glimpsing at her. Hair flying in the air, eyes slightly narrowed, forming a cute furrow on her face as she tried to don’t let the wind bother her sight. But her features weren’t relaxed only because of the weather, he could feel the negativity come out of her. 

“Do what?” 

“Your answer and you being so distant to me.” 

She sighed. “How can you expect any different? Try to appreciate I didn’t tell you to fuck off as soon as I saw you.” 

Haechan didn’t answer, it was better than nothing but it wasn’t what he wanted, and he probably liked the silence of his phone not buzzing back when he sent a text over the silence she was reserving for him now. So he kept quiet for the rest of the walk, trying to convince himself that it was better than nothing. It was better than nothing. 

“It’s interactive?” She asked when they entered the palace, skipping the line for the tickets since Haechan already bought them. 

“Partially,” he explained. “I hope you’ll like it anyway.” 

She only hummed, looking around to follow the signalled path and see the first paintings. 

It didn’t go exactly as Haechan planned, she was roaming around the room keeping her distance, admiring the artworks on her own, and the few times they ended up watching the same panting she would move to another. 

He hated it. 

But he tried to take the best of the experience, she was cute with her small furrow as she studied the details of the artwork, or when she tried to read the description at the side. And he couldn’t hide the smile on her face when she snapped pictures, even if it hurt when she asked some other to take one for her instead of reaching out for him.

“Can I ask you why you like him so much?” He asked, finally blocking her in front of Wheatfield with Crows, Van Gogh’s last painting. 

“Because he was lonely.”

He saw she was trying to find the words and waited for her patiently. 

“He had this type of pain inside of him that makes him so real. It was like nobody could read him, not even his closest friends or lovers. And yet his pain was all there, in his works.” 

“It’s sad.” 

“It’s sad that people never hear others’ cries for help, it’s sad that we can only stop at the surface and never get deeper. It’s so easy to say that the world and humanity are rotting now but things weren’t so different decades ago.” 

“I feel like you’re throwing shade at me.” 

She chuckled, shaking her head, “Is it shade or is it the honest truth? You stopped seeing into my pain and started calling me crazy, and only when you realized what you lost you crawled back to me. Maybe if you went beyond, if you listened to my cries for help, we wouldn’t look like complete strangers having awkward conversations now.” 

“What’s bugging you?” Jeno asked while he stared at her, she was swinging in the oval chair in his living room, looking outside, nervously chewing her nails, ruining the pink polish. 

“Nothing, just work,” she said, partially it was true. They had all graduated but she still felt lost, she had found a job in a museum and she liked it a lot, but she still didn’t know if she wanted to be a teacher or an academic researcher, both jobs required a lot and she felt inadequate. 

“Why don’t you come here and relax?” Jeno asked, patting the empty spot next to him on the couch. He felt there was something else going on. He had seen how she and Haechan seemed closer once again and he couldn’t help but feel paranoid. 

No, they weren’t dating. Not even if they spent so much time together, and their hands were always intertwined when they walked, not even if he often dropped her to work before going to his. Not even if her head rested against his shoulder when they watched tv. Not even if they stayed up all night to talk with each other. 

He knew he still didn’t have a place in her heart, he wondered if he ever would’ve had a place there. But he tried his best to make her happy. Being her friend still was something and he liked what they had, no matter how messy the whole situation was. 

“We could watch a movie, maybe it will keep your mind off it,” he proposed, smiling at her when she sat next to him, as always cuddling to his body. 

“Or we could talk,” she said, not even knowing why she was choosing such a risky path. Talking wasn’t her forte, especially if it was about love. 

“Sure, if it would make you feel better. So, what’s wrong?” 

She sighed, gulping before words came out of her mouth, “do you ever feel like… no matter what you do it will always be wrong? I’m not talking about fearing what people think, but what it will be of yourself, and your life. As if every choice could lead to a terrible mistake.” 

Jeno hummed, “Sometimes.” I felt like this when I spent nights up trying to decide if I should’ve talked to you or not. He didn’t say it, he tried to come up with another example, or something that wouldn’t have made her regret deciding to open up to him. “But I also think that when it feels like this we should follow our heart. Yes, it might end up tragically but at least there’s the chance we had fun along the way.” 

“Oh,” she whispered. “I never thought about it that way, but I guess it makes sense.” 

“It’s not about work, is it?” 

She bit her lip, shaking her head. “I mean, yes, it’s… it’s,” she sighed, rubbing her temples. “I just feel that in the last year everything went downhill, I make choices thinking I’ll be happy and then it never feels as good as I hope it would feel. I want to be happy, but it seems like I can’t reach the happiness I want.” 

He hummed, he wanted to ask if Haechan had something to do with it but he didn’t want to talk about him. He could see a part of her was still stuck there, in the past, and he reminded himself of that more than enough. 

“It takes time,” Jeno replied instead. “So many things in your life changed, you need to give yourself time to adjust to what came after.” 

“Yeah but it’s so different from what I imagined,” she replied, voice getting thinner as she pushed her tears back. “When I still went to Uni I knew the real world was going to be harsh but I always imagined I was going to have somebody by my side. And now, I’m alone. My house is emptier than it ever been, and…” my heart is emptier than it ever been “...and sometimes it gets so hard to wake up all alone and come home to four empty walls.” 

He pushed down the bitterness in his throat, where was he in all of this? “What about your friends?” 

“I love them, deeply. I love every single one of you so much, don’t get me wrong, but… this is not the life I imagined.” 

“Did you have plans… with him?” 

She snorted bitterly, shaking her head. “So many.” 

“Do them by yourself.” 

“What?” 

“Do what you wanted to do with him but by yourself, or with friends. Maybe it will make you feel like some of the life you expected can still be there. Start from what you can fix, not what you can’t.” Jeno reached out, caressing her hand. “Start brand new by threading what ripped in the past.”

She chuckled, “have you always been so wise?” 

Jeno playfully pushed her away, and shook his head. “It’s that I get you, I feel the same.” 

She sighed, nervously pulling the hangnails on her fingers, feet tapping the floor as her brain drifted away, trying to think quickly if she could do it, take the past and leave it where it belonged and open her arms to the future that seemed to be brighter. It was possible, she started to do it, but then Haechan came crashing down like a wrecking ball again and all the walls she started to build up again, fell apart. 

“I should do what you said,” she replied, words slipping out of her mouth even if her heart wasn’t so convinced about it. “I can do many things we had planned even if I don’t have him by my side and then I just need to trust myself walking on my own.” 

Jeno smiled, daring hand moving up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, thumb caressing her cheek, making her skin burn up. “You’re like a baby giraffe.” 

She laughed, “A baby giraffe?” 

“Yeah, you’ve never seen a video of them when they’re born? They walk so weirdly.” 

“Oh, that,” she replied, still giggling, “I’ll take that as a compliment, then.” 

He nodded, another bright smile curling his lips as he stared at her a little longer, “It is for me. I love giraffes.” 

Her smile dropped for a second at his words but she tried to mask it with a slightly fake one. It still didn’t remove the heavy weight she felt in her chest. She didn’t know if she could call what she felt for him love. Maybe it was infatuation, maybe she enjoyed his company. But love? It was still such a big word, and she felt so guilty. It had been six months now, and she was still making Jeno walk on a tightrope with her doubts and fears. She felt like shit, he deserved somebody that made up their mind, somebody that knew exactly what they wanted and she still didn’t know anything. 

“Should we do something, now?” Jeno proposed, bringing her out of her thoughts, sensing the shift in the air. 

“Yeah, I think it’s better.” 

The evening passed with no other awkward interactions, but it felt like something was slightly different. The touches between them that usually were normal, now felt like they brought a new electricity with them, as if something was pulling them closer, a connection that felt scary. 

And when Jeno asked her to stay, because it was late, and it was better if they ate something together and then he would’ve dropped her home, timidly touching her hand, she couldn’t say no. 

So they were there, on his couch, tangled up to each other, a bottle of soju at their feet as the sky got darker outside of the open window. 

“We should dance,” she proposed, surprising him as she stood up and searched for her phone to turn on the music. “Are you rejecting a proposal to dance?” She asked, dragging him up from the seat. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, chuckling to hide the awkwardness. 

“Why not? We make a quite great couple when we dance,” she smiled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “Sure, I’m not as good as you but you make it up for me.” 

So Jeno didn’t complain more, his hands wrapped around her waist and they started dancing, bodies swinging to the rhythm, and hands daring to be braver on each other. 

When their lips brushed, they were both surprised, but they didn’t pull away, they stayed there, eye to eye, silently waiting for one of them to make the first step. 

And Jeno was the one doing it. He leaned in again, fearing a slap that never came. Her body relaxed in his hold and before they knew, the kiss heated up. 

“Need you,” she whispered against his lips, fingers tangling in his hair, tugging lightly.  

“You are drunk,” Jeno said, pulling away, and shaking his head. Probably telling those words more to himself. 

“I’m not, I can take a bottle of soju,” she replied, trying to reach for him but he walked away, giving her his back. 

“You don’t want me.” 

“What makes you think that?” She asked, now standing behind him, waiting for him to turn around. 

Jeno didn’t answer immediately, he only stared at her. He wanted her badly, so badly that he couldn’t describe it with words. 

“Are you going to regret this?” 

She shook her head. She never did anything like that before, but people always had random sex with people or friends, so what was so hard about it? Everything would’ve gone back to normal after, right? 

“I won’t.” 

Jeno was hesitant in his movements, every brush of his fingers made her shiver, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been touched, and even worst, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been touched like that. As if she was a precious diamond that would’ve broken. The last times with Haechan had been blurred memories, random quickies that felt like rushes to get off of a pleasure they were killing with each other just for morals. But this… this felt… different. 

“Look at me,” she whispered, lifting his chin up. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” 

Jeno bit his lips, humming before hardly swallowing the saliva. “I just… I don’t want to rush it. I don’t want to make you feel like I only care about sex. I…” he sighed. I like you a lot, maybe I even love you, if I feel masochistic enough. “I care about you and I think you deserve respect.” 

When her lips curled in a tender smile he cursed himself mentally, what a fucking loser. She surely wanted something different, something that felt like sex and not love, and here he was, being pathetic. 

“I know, I just wanted to check in we were both into this.” 

Jeno nodded, breath still shaking but he tried to hide it by kissing her again. “Should we take this to the bedroom?” 

The walk between the living room and his bedroom was a blackout with Jeno’s strong arms carrying her up to his bed while he never let go of the heated kiss. 

And everything that came after that felt like striking a new match. 

To her it felt all so different, the only man she ever had in her life being Haechan. But Jeno dreamed of this for so long, maybe not this, he at least tried to don’t think of her in those situations but he still wanted her nonetheless. And she wasn’t a dream anymore, or his best friend’s girlfriend he liked so much. She was his, at least partially, but partially was better than zero. 

“Jeno,” she moaned, fingers tangling in his hair when he moved between her legs and started eating her out. His hands were spread wide against the back of her thighs, pushing her legs apart to have better access to her most sensitive spot. 

“Feels good?” He mumbled against her, vibrations running in her lower abdomen, already making her stomach twitch in anticipation. 

“So good,” she cried out, throwing her head back, trapping her lips because somehow it felt embarrassing to be this loud with him. What if she let out strange sounds? What if she did something wrong? Maybe fucking with somebody you’re not that intimate with wasn’t that easy for everybody. But Jeno was still good enough to fog her doubts with pleasure. More than good enough to be honest, he knew what he was doing, skilled mouth taking care of her most sensitive parts, sucking and licking with precision. 

And she couldn’t help but loosen up a little, letting out soft whimpers and moving her hips against him to reach the high. 

It didn’t take long to reach it when Jeno was so good at it, and the way his light touches on her thighs and waist added to it, pleasure running under her skin with his every move. 

Jeno moved up, meeting her lips in a rougher kiss, his hands searching for hers. 

“Fuck,” she groaned when he pushed two fingers inside her, pumping slowly, barely giving her time to recover from the first orgasm. She wanted to talk but the words were dying in her throat, and she could only pant underneath his strong body and whimper muffled moans. 

“Wa-want you,” she moaned. “Please, Jeno. Need more,” she slurred when his fingers curled exactly where she needed them, pumping her wetness in and out with lewd sounds. 

“Are you sure you can take me?” 

She nodded swiftly, looking into his eyes, moving her head to kiss him again and again while whispering ‘please,’ through every kiss. 

Jeno pulled away and shuffled through his bedside table to look for a condom, ripping the wrap as soon as he grabbed it and rolling it on him swiftly. 

And in all that she studied every move, his muscles flexing, his skilled fingers rolling it down his lenght, and his eyes looking at her with intensity. 

He didn’t add any words when he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him before sinking into her wet walls. 

“Fuck,” he moaned, eyebrow knitting while her warmth wrapped around him. 

Her head rolled back, and her nails sunk into the bedsheets, feet planting on the mattress while her hips bucked up in reaction to being filled perfectly. 

“Are you okay?" 

She nodded, chuckling, “I’m fine, it’s not my first time," she giggled, caressing his face. “I won’t break." 

His hips started moving back and forth, speed increasing until he found the perfect rhythm, eyes fixated on her, from her face to her boobs heaving fast.  

“Don’t hold back,” he ordered with a deep tone, thumb crazing her lips to free them from the hold on her teeth. “I want to hear you. Is it good?” 

She nodded, humming. 

“Then don’t hide it, let me know — fuck — let me know I’m making you feel good.” 

Her lips parted, finally letting go of the real moans and whimpers she was holding back.

“Wanted you for so long,” he moaned, kissing her roughly, “you sound so pretty when you moan like this, fuck, keep — keep doing it.” 

A scream of his name came out of her mouth when he grabbed her ankles and rested them on his shoulders. “Shh, babe, you can take it.” 

She hummed, eyes closing again, the new position giving him the chance to move better and reach her sensitive spot better, bringing her close to the edge once again. 

“Feels good,” she cried, wrapping her hands around his neck before her nails ran down his back, leaving red marks. “I’m close...” 

“Fuck, I can feel you,” he moaned, leaning in to kiss her, “Come with me,” he hummed, hips moving faster while one of his hands reached down to stimulate her clit, giving her the last push she needed to come, triggering his orgasm too, their moans dying in each other’s mouth while they kept kissing messily. 

They stayed like that for a while before Jeno pulled out of her and rolled to the side, throwing the used condom in the bin next to the bed before turning around to kiss her again. 

“Can’t believe this happened,” he whispered, staring at her in awe, the afterglow of the orgasm still on her beautiful face. 

She smiled, turning to the side to move closer to him. “Neither can I,” she replied, caressing his arm, enjoying the way his fingers were doing the same on her back. It was a different sensation, but she liked it, she would’ve tried to stay up and talk with him more, but sleep took over her soon, doing the same short after with him.

And it was better like this, their heartbeats were better than words that would’ve led them down a dangerous path.

When the morning came, she was alone in the bed, the sheets at his side crumpled up but cold. Lifting her body up she looked around the room, rubbing her temples and thinking about the night that had been and all the consequences coming with it. 

Sighing loudly, she stood up and walked out of the bed, looking for her clothes, but not finding them anywhere. 

“I hope he won’t mind,” she murmured, grabbing one of his shirts from the closet before making her way outside. 

And there he was, cooking in the kitchen while the radio played in the background, only wearing grey pants while his back was exposed, signs of her nails visible on his skin. 

The urge to drag her feet to him and hug him was big, but she felt that wasn’t something she was supposed to do. It would’ve been another domino card pushed down, causing a bigger mess. All of this felt like it was already getting out of hand, so why was she attracted to him? 

“Rice?” 

“God, you scared me,” Jeno jumped, turning around with a hand on his chest. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say,” she chuckled, pulling out a chair and sitting down. 

“No, it’s fine, I imagined I had to come wake you up with breakfast in bed,” he smiled. 

“Breakfast in bed?” She asked, biting the inside of her cheeks. 

“Was it too romantic?” She could feel the panic in her voice and smiled at him. “I would’ve loved it. Might as well go back in bed just to have it.” 

Jeno let out a sigh of relief before turning around to don’t make the food burn.

“Yesterday was… great,” he whispered, eyes low on the food. They were halfway through breakfast, and there wasn’t an awkward silence, but it was clear that so many unanswered questions were flying in the room.  

She hummed, swallowing a bite, nervously playing with her nails. “Do I have to be the one making the hard question?” 

He shrugged, briefly looking up at her. 

“What does it make us?” She whispered, throat closing up and when Jeno didn’t answer it only got worst. 

“What do you want us to be?” 

She almost choked when those words slipped from his mouth. And as time passed she could only stare into his eyes. 

She didn’t know what to answer. 

The answer never really came, after slurred words and half-truths drunken up with white lies, the conclusion was that ‘they were trying,’ whatever it meant. Too many doubts haunted both of them, feeling that one bigger step was going to make them slip down a treacherous rope. 

So they were there, in that hazed state coloured of sepia like an old photograph, somehow making it work. All the blurred lines, drawn and erased and re-drawn again just to be ripped and glued together. 

All the shy kisses turned into heated sex. 

All the laughs on the floor with the glasses of wine at their sides. 

All the touches getting braver every day, under plan daylight, in front of strangers’ eyes. 

All the talks about the future, a future that was blurry like the lights from the window pane when it rains. 

But it was comfortable and warm, just like their relationship had always been. It was listening to each other after a long day, hanging out at lunch when they had the same break and even wake-up next to each other in the morning when they were too tired to slip out of each other’s bed. 

Falling into him didn’t seem as scary as it used to do. If she looked down there was a safety blanket, ready to catch her if the impact had been too hard, but she still held tight on that window from the tenth floor, terrified of the height that parted her from the ground. 

It was too soon. 

It was too good. 

“I think we need to stop drinking if we don't want to end up here every time,” Jeno joked, looking at the ceiling while he tried to regain his breath. 

“You’re funny, it's your fault,” she replied, turning around, head kept up by her bent arm against the floor. Jeno’s features were relaxed, and she wanted to caress his face so badly, but it felt like there was something holding her back every time. She didn’t even know what it was. Was she afraid of the freefall? Was there even a risk of falling and crushing on the ground with him? Jeno was comfort, everything about him felt safe, from the way he looked to the way he acted. Was it the fear of falling in love again? Was it the fear of hurting him with the wrong choice? 

“I’m not even that funny,” he chuckled, shyly moving his eyes to look at her. “Stop staring at my lips.” 

“I wasn’t staring, I was reading them. You’re funny to me.” 

He snorted, shaking his head a lifting his torso from the cold floor, looking back at her, forearms resting on his knees. 

“Why are you smiling like that?” She asked, sitting next to him, caressing his hair back. 

Jeno sighed, diverting his gaze, making her fingers brush against his skin. 

“It reminded me when we first got close, you would always lay on the floor after dancing.” 

She laughed, shaking her head. “Please, I want to forget about it. I was terrible.” 

“You were passionate, though.” 

“Passion doesn’t lead you anywhere," she replied. “Anyway, you promised you were going to bake a cake for me.”

“Not now,” he said. 

“Oh, come on, we can’t spend the entire afternoon on the floor, drinking wine and laughing.”

Jeno shrugged. “I like it actually,” and then fell backwards again, dragging her with him, making her yelp. 

“It’s not fair,” she screamed when he started kissing her cheeks. "I wanted my cake.” 

“Fine,” he gave up, rolling to her side again and getting up, reaching his hand to help her do the same. “But you help me bake it and then we’ll watch something together?”

“Deal.”

It was too soon.

It was too good. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked when she opened the door and found Haechan standing there. 

“Taking you out,” he replied as if it was the most normal thing in the world. 

She raised a brow, tilting her head. “Taking me out? Excuse me, did I miss the bit where I forgive you?”

Haechan sighed, shaking his head. “Be ready in ten, I’m waiting by the car.” 

“You’re not taki—” 

“Yes, I am. Dress however you want,” he said, turning around. “Anyway, anything looks good on you.” 

“I heard you,” she screamed, trying to hide the smile on her face and the way the smile she could feel was on his lips made her heart flip. 

“Good, wanted you to hear it.” 

Sighing loudly she closed the door again and walked to her room. It wasn’t like she had anything better to do. Renjun was busy with some friends, and Jeno still didn’t answer her, so spending some time with Haechan couldn’t be so terrible, right? She had spent years with him, a few hours weren’t going to hurt. 

Not to say that he was trying. 

She never imagined he was going to put so much effort into trying to get back to her, but he was surprising her. So she picked his favorite dress with too much hype, not even thinking it through until she entered the car and he pointed it out. 

“It’s a coincidence,” she mumbled, looking out of the window as he started driving. 

“Sure,” Haechan smirked. “Things with you are never a coincidence. You like to have everything under control.” 

She scoffed. “Acting like you know me?” She turned around, staring at him, watching how his face was more relaxed compared to the last times they saw each other. What if things were changing? But what was changing? 

“I do know you. Better than anybody else does, and will,” he replied and she only turned over again because she didn’t feel like she had many theories to prove him wrong. Nobody got so deep under her skin. For now, she liked to think, but she wasn’t confident about it. 

“Not curious to know where I’m taking you?” He asked, breaking the silence that filled that confined space, strangely it wasn’t uncomfortable, but he couldn’t help but fear that she still hated him, and talking to her eased that tension. 

She shook her head but turned to stare at him. “You should know I like surprises.” 

Haechan smiled. “Yeah, but this is not really one.” 

“You didn’t tell me anything, and I trust you. I want to keep this a surprise, want to see if you will let me down.” 

When they arrived at the spot she was surprised but confused, it was a park, and there was a small wooden house with a porch with small lights hanging outside after walking along a path.  

“Can we even be here?” She asked, hesitating to cross the door when Haechan entered. “Are you making me do something illegal?” 

“I know the park keeper, he gifted me this for the night,” he reassured, giving her his back. 

“You didn’t take me here thinking I would fuck you just because there are some candles that I love and my favorite flowers and my favorite food, right?” She asked, smile immediately dropping when she started to feel mixed emotions. This was exactly what she loved the most, the types of cozy dates that didn’t require lots of money or crazy things.  

“You think I would screw up all those months trying to make it up to you for sex?” He asked, hurt by her words. He knew that it was hard, but did she really think that low of him? 

She sighed, nodding, and then whispering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” 

“You told me you always wanted to do something like this,” he started explaining, “well, you wanted to rent a small chalet in the mountains, but this is all I can give you for now. Thought it was the closest thing we have in town.” 

“So, you listened to me sometimes?” Her tone wasn’t mad, light enough that her words were followed by a tender chuckle. 

“I did, I just never showed you I listened,” he replied, serving the food on her plate. “Next time I’ll cook it myself, but asking the keeper to order it and place it for us was the only option I had now.” 

“It’s fine,” she reassured, smiling at him. “Is this his?” 

“He’s not the owner, but they are not here, so it’s like it is his,” Haechan explained, sitting in front of her. “You usually have to pay for this, but at night the park it’s closed.”

“He must really trust you. How do you know him?” 

Haechan gulped. He couldn’t tell her that was the place he ran to when he needed time alone, silently crying while he felt like shit because he missed her, right? 

“I come here a lot.” Yeah, that was a better option. “And I once stayed after the closing hour without realizing, he found me, and we talked about…” You. We talked all night about you. “…a lot of things.” 

She hummed, taking a bite and waiting to swallow before she spoke again. “He must be nice if you opened up that easily,” she said with a small melancholic smile on her face. “Well, or maybe you changed and open up with people more.” 

“I needed help, let’s say, I was at my lowest.” 

Her eyes met his. “Was it… six years ago?” 

He shook his head, “No, my second time hitting my lowest.” 

She placed the chopsticks on the table and reached for his hand, “Why didn’t you come to me?” 

Haechan sighed, looking at her hands on his, the same old delicate touch he knew, the touch that saved him many years ago, full of worries he now felt he didn’t deserve. He pulled away. “I was… I was at my lowest because of you.” 

She didn’t answer, gulping and grabbing the chopsticks again, trying to concentrate on the food instead. 

“I’m not blaming you, by the way,” he specified when he couldn’t read her face. “I put myself in this situation.” 

“Yeah, I — I got what you meant, it’s fine. Should we enjoy this before it gets cold?” 

“Yeah, I think it’s better like this.” 

Dinner went unexpectedly smoothly. Probably they became masters at avoiding trick conversations, but anyway it was a pleasant time together. 

Haechan couldn’t believe she still didn’t throw something at him or stormed outside with a sudden rage against him. 

And she couldn’t believe Haechan looked like a completely different person. Or, better, he looked like the same Haechan she had fallen in love with. Attentive and caring, genuinely interested in the things she was saying, and with a different glow in his eyes, a glow that five years ago he only reserved for her. 

They talked and talked and laughed and it felt like in the air there was the same magic that surrounded them on their first dates. The cheap ones at the fast food that made them go home smelling like oil, or the ones sitting under a tree as they enjoyed the light spring breeze caress their faces, or even the ones at the arcade when Haechan still cared to teach her how to play games and wouldn’t get mad at her if she got her character killed. 

But this magic was dangerous, it smelled like something they couldn’t have. It smelled like the past. And as much as they both clearly wanted this to be the future, the road ahead didn’t seem as clear as this. 

“Remember when we used to go to the old library downtown?” Haechan asked, a small smile curling his lips while his fingers played with the corner of the napkin.

“Yeah, I could drag you there only cause there was a game shop beside.”

He chuckled, “don’t pretend those weren’t your favorite dates. We would both take time to understand each other’s passions even if we hated them.”

She smiled at the memory, "and then we would sneak into your bedroom. You trying to teach me how to play and me failing. So I would just watch, or read my books in silence.”

“Or out loud. I loved it when you read out loud, there’s something about your voice… Before we started dating and you came over I… I sometimes recorded you, it was the only sound that made me sleep at night.”

Her lips twitched in a melancholic grin, holding back tears, “Your screams during games wouldn’t have made me sleep so I'm sorry if I didn’t record them.”

Haechan laughed, shaking his head. Remembering that actually she often fell asleep while he was playing, and not noticing immediately he didn't lower his voice, and they still didn’t wake her up.

“But I loved watching you. It was the only time you were yourself, without trying to impress others that never even cared about you. You know, I think that even if you became more confident with time you never stopped caring about what people had to say. I… I don’t want to justify you but I tried, God if I tried when I didn’t want to accept the truth, and I still blame you but… I guess for you it made sense to be with someone like her and not me. We were fine until you started becoming more known and started meeting more people like them. Dancers dating dancers, people with big goals in life, unlike me. You started changing not only with me, but even with yourself. I hope you stopped now, I hope… I hope you don’t let other people’s opinion of you define you.”

Haechan didn’t reply immediately. How could she still read him so easily? How could she know him so deeply? He couldn’t blame others for his terrible choices but it was true that he let voices around him get to his head. The fear of being a loser once again was stronger than a lot of things he should’ve taken care of.

“I don't…”

She smiled, hoping it was true, regardless of them, and what they were going to be, she still hoped he had stopped letting the demons from the past torture him.

“It’s raining,” she pointed out when she heard a loud sound outside and, after turning her back to the window, she saw the drops hit the glass.  

“Let’s go,” Haechan said, timidly grabbing her hand, surprised when she held his back and let their fingers intertwine. 

“Wait, wouldn’t be better to wait till it calms?” She asked, stopping for a second. 

Haechan smiled. “I don’t want to go home.” 

“No? Then where are we going?” 

“Do you trust me?” He asked, gathering all the courage in his body, terrified of the answer. 

But the words slipped out of her mind before she could rationalize them. “Yes.” 

He couldn’t describe the happiness he felt in his chest at her words and the enthusiasm with which he pulled her out of the small wooden house. 

“We’re gonna get soaked,” she said when the heavy rain hit their bodies. 

“Wasn’t this on your bucket list?” He asked, grabbing both of her hands and staring into her eyes as the water wet them more. “Didn’t you always want to dance under the rain?” 

Her lips parted in surprise, enthusiasm, and thrill, he couldn’t exactly point out the emotions on her face, but when the biggest smile crossed her face, he felt happier than ever. It was like having her back, he could feel the happiness and serenity radiate from her body and that was the only sign he needed. No matter how this was going to end, she didn’t hate him anymore. She felt safe and happy. 

“There’s no music, though,” she chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck, shivering when Haechan’s hands wrapped around her waist. None of them could remember the last time they had been so close and intimate, it had surely been more than a year considering how their story had crumbled apart long before the end.

“I also have that planned,” he said, before pulling out his phone from his back pocket and starting to play her favorite song. 

“You still remember…” she whispered, and Haechan couldn’t tell if her eyes were teary or if it was the rain. 

“I will always remember all the small things about you.” 

She didn’t answer, only hummed before they started dancing to the rhythm. And they danced, not caring about tiring, letting the rain soak them completely, laughing and pulling each other closer. It felt good. It brought them back to the nights up in the kitchen when Haechan used her as a — terrible — dance partner and then they ended up waltzing together. 

Or to be fair, it brought them to another world where they have never been, because this didn’t feel real. They weren’t in the past anymore, she got better now, and even if she missed a step, he didn’t mind. And now the world outside didn’t seem so loud, no other opinions to tell them what to do and condition them to make mistakes. 

It was them. 

Under the pouring rain. 

Wearing their biggest smiles as their fleshes moved together as if they were made just for that. 

When their lips met in a kiss, the magic exploded around them, making them fly in the sky before reality crashed on them again, the unrealistic bubble of happiness imploding, the strength so harsh that pushed them to the ground. 

“I didn’t —” Haechan tried to justify when she pulled apart, even if he had no idea who started the kiss. 

“Don’t,” she stopped him, taking a step back. Cursing herself mentally, wiping the drops of water out of her face. 

“But I —”

“I said, don’t,” she retorted again, finger lifted up to don’t make him take a step closer. “You can’t, you can’t just crash in and take everything of me again. You can’t be so sure that I will take you back every time. You’re messing with my head and you know what you’re doing.” 

“I’m trying to get you back. Like you told me. I’m proving to you that I love you, that I care about you. I’m not tricking you,” he explained, not moving to don’t scare her away, but he couldn’t understand this reaction. Weren’t they fine just ten seconds before? Why was she so afraid? Why was he so hard to trust?  

“Why did you kiss me?” 

“Why did you kiss me back? I’m not even sure I was the one starting it. You know what’s the problem? That you still love me, no matter how much you tell yourself you don’t, no matter how much you fuck with Jeno, pretending that he makes you feel the same. You love me still and you hate it. You hate that you know you will never be happier with anybody else.” 

“God, you’re so full of yourself and so… so, God,” she groaned, clenching her fists and turning around, starting to walk in the park, under the rain, wrapping her arms around her chest, not even to shield herself from the cold but to support herself, a self-hug to don’t fall apart again. 

“You can’t leave without me,” he said, pulling her closer, chest to chest, as her eyes looked up at him. The rain still hitting them, coming down harder, almost as if the rain was mad too. “Don’t leave me.” The last words came out like a plead, or like a prayer, begging her to don’t ruin this perfect night together. He knew he was the problem, one thing good and three wrong, but he was trying to get better. He was doing it for her. 

Haechan felt his heart tighten when her eyes filled with salty drops, he couldn’t read her anymore, or maybe he never learned to, so that was why it hurt so much right now. They both needed to correct years of mistakes, wrong words, and misunderstood acts. 

He couldn’t tell what was going on in her heart. If she was mad because he kissed her, or if she was mad because they shouldn’t have been there, getting mad over a kiss that still could’ve been theirs if only he didn’t fuck it up. 

“Can we keep dancing? Can we pretend?” He whispered, caressing her wet cheek, kissing her forehead, her eyelids falling shut at the tender touch. “At least for tonight, then I’ll promise, I’ll stop running after you if you already decided what to do. If you want him instead of me.” 

The sound of the metal shelves rustling back and forth filled the small room while her hands wrapped tightly around the bar of it in the storage room. 

“Jeno, fuck,” she moaned, ass arching back to meet him halfway. His strong, fast thrusts already making her stomach twist.

“I told you to keep quiet,” he whispered close to her ear, wrapping a hand around her mouth while the other was firm around her waist. “The others are practicing outside.” 

She hummed, eyes falling shut, trying to keep quiet. The music of the choreo could still be heard playing in the background, and she hoped it was just them playing it for fun and that the training didn’t start again. Maybe sneaking into a back room during the break wasn’t the smartest thing they could do but she needed to shut her mind off, too many thoughts running through it, and lately, Jeno was the only getaway. 

“You feel so good,” Jeno muttered against her neck, nibbling her shoulder, and crumbling her skirt higher up on her ass. 

Her fist clenched harder around the bar when he started to thrust into her with more force, the sound of their skin slapping against each other filling the room. 

“Jeno,” she screamed as soon as he pulled his hand away. 

“I told you to keep quiet, fuck,” he cursed, shushing her again. “You really want them to find us out, don’t you?” 

She shook her head, feeling her breath falter and her heart race faster as the orgasm approached. 

“No? Are you sure this isn’t a sick game of revenge?” 

“Jeno, what? Please keep — keep fucking me, you’re so good.” 

She didn’t see the furrow on his face, the disappointed one, not the concentred one, eyes dropping off their usual light before he tried to snap back into the mood again, fixating his gaze on her ass. But it wasn’t enough to fool himself anymore. 

“Je-jeno?” She asked, noticing his hips’ movement slowing down until they came to a stop. When he pulled out she whined, thinking for a moment he was playing some game, that he wanted to tease her, but when a dead silence filled the room she gulped and turned around, seeing he was dressed once again. 

“Are — are you okay?” 

“You’re avoiding me,” Jeno told her, shyly meeting her eyes.

“I’m not,” she chuckled nervously. “I’m right here.” 

“You only call me when you want to fuck. You barely even text me if it’s not for that.” 

“That’s not true, I — I’ve been busy lately. I thought we both were okay with this.” 

He sighed, he thought that too when he hoped sex would lead to something more. “I know you don’t love me,” he said, making her stop midway while she fixed her skirt. “It was foolish of me to believe I could mean even half of what he means to you.” 

“Jeno, no, you mean a lot to me.” 

“Yeah, but not like that.” 

“I — that’s not true.” 

“It’s not?” He raised a brow, challenging her with a cold stare. 

“Haechan wants me back, and I’m making him believe he has a chance because I want him to hurt. I want him to understand what it feels like to run after somebody like that, I want him to understand what it feels like to bleed for love.” 

“Be careful of not making bleed somebody else in the meanwhile.” 

“Jeno, I,” she said, trying to block him from opening the door.  

“No, I just… you know how this is going to end,” he said, looking into her eyes, sure more than ever she wasn’t feeling what he felt for her.  

“No, it won’t end like you think.” 

He didn’t answer her, slipping out of her hold to walk back to the practice room, not even ready to face Haechan. 

She let her back fall behind, slumping against the wall as she sighed and felt hot tears stream down her face. Why was it so difficult? And why was it so unfair? 

She was stuck in a labyrinth in her mind and it seemed like there was no way out. 

And she kept thinking about it all the way home. Maybe Jeno was right. 

Because all those attentions from Haechan were making her walls fall down even if she didn’t want to. He never treated her like that, well, only at the start. No, for the first four years it was like heaven, so where did they go wrong? 

Maybe talking and tearing their story apart would’ve been better than those games. Better than all the push and pull. Because like this, they weren’t going anywhere. 

And of one thing she was sure, she didn’t want anybody else to come out of the battle with wounds and tears. 

“You need to stop showing up at my door like this,” she said when she opened the door and Haechan was standing there. A white tee, his black jacket, black jeans, and his brown boots. She wondered how they were still intact considering how much he would wear them. 

“I wish I could,” he replied, voice off, and cheeks red. Only when her eyes looked at him better, she realized he was drunk. “You’re so beautiful,” he added, eyes trailing down on her figure, she was wearing house clothes, just a lilac sweater, and black sweatpants, while her hair was kept up by a clip. But to him, she still looked mesmerizing. 

“Why are you here, Hyuck?” Her voice had a worried edge in it and that made him smile. 

“Did you call me Hyuck? So, you forgave me for the kiss of the other day?” 

She sighed, gulping and drifting her eyes from him. Drunk Haechan was her weakness, especially in the last times, when he would let go of himself only if he had at least two bottles of soju running in his bloodstream and she could still take a glimpse of the same person she had fallen in love with. “It’s 1 a.m, you should be in your bed or somebody else bed.” 

“I can be in yours.” 

She laughed bitterly, “No, you will be in every bed but mine.” 

“Did I push you away?” 

“We already talked it through, it happened. We’re fine.” 

“Then why aren’t you answering my texts? Or my calls? You didn’t even go out with us the other day. Did you fight with him, too? Found your answer?” 

“Okay, calm down. I need… I need time alone, Haechan. This is…” This was a game to make you suffer, leading you to think you could have me back, but it backfired and here we are, here I am. “You shouldn’t be here.” 

“You should answer me,” he said, taking a step closer. “You should talk. I thought we learned where not talking led us.” 

She sighed, looking down when he was face to face with her. “How much did you drink?” 

“Not enough to drown you out of my mind.” 

She sighed, blinking away a tear that was menacing to fall. “Did you drive here?” 

He shook his head, “Took the metro,” he said before he smirked. “Afraid for my life?” 

“Yeah, because I know your ghost would haunt me more than you do now,” she replied, a bitter hint of a joke in her voice, before she stepped to the side. “Come in.” 

Haechan didn’t let her repeat it twice. He looked around, studying how the house tasted of her. Her plants, her books on the shelves, the wall with framed vinyls, the lamps at every corner, the candles on the windowsill, the pillows on the couch, and the faint aroma of her cooking still in the air. He missed all of that so much. 

“Are we alone?” 

“Unfortunately,” she replied before disappearing into the kitchen.  

“I love you,” he said, looking at her while his body blocked hers on the door of the kitchen. 

“Don’t,” she said, shutting him up with a finger raised. “You need water and then… and some sleep.” 

“I need you.” 

“I won’t cure your migraine tomorrow or stop you from puking all over my floor.” 

“But it’s what you’re doing.” 

She glared at him, handing him a glass of water. “Drink,” she ordered. “I’ll make your bed on the couch.” 

He grabbed it reluctantly, and then said, “we already shared one.” 

“Shared.” 

Haechan rolled his eyes but drank the glass anyway, coming out of the room to see her walk into the bedroom to get the sheets. 

“Why can’t we sleep together?” He asked when she let the white fabric fall on the open couch. 

“You know why,” she replied, looking at him. 

“If you made up your mind you should just talk to us and put an end to this.” 

She sighed, if only she didn’t hate this conversation so much she would’ve found it funny how disordered his replies sounded like. “I didn’t invite you here, Haechan.” 

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Here we are again.” 

“Here we are again, what?” She asked sternly, standing straight again to stare into his eyes. 

“You called me Hyuck before.” 

She laughed, “you think that has a meaning for me anymore? It just slips out of habit.”

“So, I mean nothing to you?” 

“Why are you here?” She asked instead, closed fist on her hip and feet tapping the floor, her patience was wearing thin, she wasn’t used to this anymore.

“Because I was out at a club, and I could only think about you.” 

“That’s not enough, that’s not enough to come back here and… and do whatever you want with my heart,” she replied, hands moving frenetically in the air to try to help herself find a sense in all of this. 

“I can’t find you in people’s faces,” Haechan snapped. “I can’t let you go, it would be so much easier if I could just… forget, but I can’t. I can’t because nobody makes my heart race like you do. It’s not fair, it’s like you put a spell on me to — to curse me, to make me pay for all the pain I put you through. I can’t have you back and I can’t win you anymore and I don’t know how to live without you and it sucks, it sucks so badly you have no idea.” 

She chuckled, bitterly. “I have no idea?” 

“You moved on, found someone new. Someone who brings out the better in you.”

“Then why are you here? If you think I won’t take you back, if you think I found my happiness, why are you here?” Her voice raised, clipping in her throat when she met his eyes and had to stop hers from breaking into a pathetic cry.  

“Because I don’t want you to be happier,” he confessed. “I hope you’re happy, but not like how you were with me. I’m selfish, I know, I can’t let you go. I know you found someone great, but I hope he’s not better than me. I want to see you happy, I just...I just don’t want you to be happier.” 

“You tore us apart.” 

“I know,” he whispered. “But can you tell me how to forget you? How can I make this pain go away? How can I go back home after work and don’t feel a twist in my chest every time I realize I don’t have you there? How can I stay in that place that we were supposed to call home and has nothing of you? How can I wake up every morning and don’t have you by my side?” 

“You can.” She lied. You can’t. Well, you can, eventually, you have to. But you can’t ever make that tingly feeling go away when you think of all the ‘could’ve been.’

“You didn’t tell me how,” he said, moving closer, hands wrapping around her waist. “How can I drown you out? How can I move on when I see you every time I close my eyes?” he whispered, eyelids falling close as he leaned in, nose brushing against her cheek. “If my sweatshirts still smell like you? If it kills me that the only time I can hear your laugh is when Jeno makes you laugh.” 

“You had to think about this before,” she replied, pushing him away, hands moving to brush off the crease on her clothes, to brush him off of her but he was like fingerprints buried deep into her bones, she couldn’t dust him off when he was carved in her. “You’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re saying. I’ll prepare the bed and then tomorrow we’ll pretend this didn’t happen.” 

Haechan chuckled. “Why do we have to pretend?” He stared as she started parting the bedding and when she didn’t answer, he only sighed loudly. A bitter smile curled his lips as he watched her fix the sheets, bringing back painful memories of when they used to fix the bedding together during their morning afters. When they would wake up in a tangle of sheets and sex of the night before, and in that mess burn up again until they finally decided that waking up and having breakfast was a wise move. 

“It’s done,” she said, fixing the pillows and probably wiping away a tear. Haechan couldn’t see her face clearly in the dim lights of the house, and in the position was keeping her face, low on the floor. “There’s another glass of water with aspirin on the coffee table, take it if you don’t want to pay the consequences of your bullshits in the morning.” 

He nodded, sitting on the freshly made bed and watching her disappear into the other room. Silence and loneliness dropped on him as he stared at an empty spot in front of him. 

A gut feeling telling him that was their finish line, that she made up her mind and he wasn’t in her final plan. 

And he tried to sleep, but somehow the pain was bigger than the others nights now that the only thing separating them was a wall. This could’ve been their reality, this could’ve been all different. He could still have his dreams and her, and instead, he played his cards like a fool and lost the only real thing he had ever known. 

“What are you doing?” He asked when he opened his eyes and saw her sitting in front of him. He blinked repeatedly, but it wasn’t morning, and when his eyes landed on the clock in the room, he saw it was barely past 2 am. 

“Thinking,” she replied, twirling the cup full of a hot liquid in her hand. 

“Thinking?” Haechan raised from the bed, elbows supporting his upper body up, watching her relaxed face in the dim light. She was beautiful even if he could clearly see she was exhausted. 

She nodded, looking down, inhaling the scent of the tea in her hands. 

“About?” 

“How everything could’ve been different if only one thing had been different. Remember all the plans we made? How we wanted to rent a house together after college? How we were worried it wouldn’t have worked if you started touring around the world,” she chuckled bitterly, their nights spent together planning a future that never came replaying in her mind like the scene of her favorite movie. “Fixed the problem in another way.” 

“I didn’t do it for that,” he defended, sitting to look at her.

“I know, but it’s ironic, isn’t it?” She drank a bit and then placed it on the table, jumping out of that to sit next to him on the bed. 

“I was also thinking about how much I hate you,” she said, caressing a strand of hair from his face. “We could’ve had it all. We could’ve made it work. And look at us, a mess crumpled up in a made-up bed in my living room while we talk about the ifs and buts.” 

Haechan didn’t answer, he only stared at her. How enchantingly beautiful she looked even if she was finding a way to tell him they were over. Again. It was like a stab on the same wound, but every time it hit deeper and made him bleed some more. He knew he deserved it and even worst.

“You’re mesmerizing even if you look like a mess,” he let the words slip out, thinking she would’ve slapped him when he realized what he did, but she only smiled, and searched for his hand. 

“You should’ve told me more often when we were together.” 

“I know,” he replied, hand touching her cheek, thumb moving in circles, making her rub against it like a cat when it purrs. 

“You should’ve bought me flowers when we were together.” 

“I also know that.” 

“You shouldn’t have made me feel stupid,” she sighed, throwing her head back. “But we can’t change the past, right?” 

He nodded, pressing his lips together and breathing deeply. “We can change the future.” 

“Or we can ruin it by making the wrong choice,” she said, leaning in, not even knowing why she was searching for his warmth.  

“Does one mistake make a difference between thousands of others?” He asked, leaning closer, standing now eye to eye. 

“I don’t know.” Her voice came out like a vibrato, while her eyes fell on his lips. Oh, those lips. How much she missed them. How much she craved them. But she wasn’t the only one missing that feeling. Feeling the urge to test if one mistake could lead to a catastrophe.  

He kissed her, slow at first, shy, fearful, but then their hands tangled into each other’s hair, and ran on their backs, and pulled and squeezed, almost as if they were trying to rip parts of each other and keep them to themselves, forever this time. 

And none of them wanted to stop. 

It was just a mistake over many mistakes.

“Hyuck,” she moaned when his leg started rubbing between her legs, the motions on her throbbing clit sending sparks up in her bones. 

“So, it’s Hyuck, again, uh?” He smirked. 

She didn’t answer his teasing remark, head reclined back when his fingers moved past the elastic band of her pants. 

“We shouldn’t,” she said but her body kept rocking against him. 

“Kiss me,” he ordered, letting her words fall forgotten, the other hand cupping her ass and pulling her on top of his thigh better. “And keep grinding on me.” 

And she did, not caring that humping him like this was pathetic, head falling in the crook of his neck, inhaling his perfume and letting it fill her senses. 

“Did you miss this?” He asked when his fingers started moving on her clit in circles, making her throw her head back while louder moans rolled out of her mouth. A grin on his face as he stared at her bliss-filled face. “Not answering, uh?” 

“Shut up,” she replied through gritted teeth, head falling on his shoulder to hide the embarrassment, moans getting louder as the pleasure grew bigger with every move. 

Haechan chuckled, “I don’t need your words, I still know your body, babe.” 

“Then listen to it and make me come.” 

“So greedy, aren’t you?” 

“Haechan,” she cursed when he stopped, slipping his hand out of her pants. 

“Touch me,” he ordered, unbuckling his belt and lowering the pants on the floor while struggling to keep her body up. “If we can make each other bleed, we can make each other come.” 

She hummed, hand wrapping around his hard cock, pumping it with the same rhythm he was using on her clit now that his hands were buried again between her thighs.

“Did you think of me when his hands were on you?” He asked, kissing her roughly, nibbling her lower lip when they pulled away. “Did he make you shiver just at the slightest touch? Does he know you like I do?” 

She groaned, holding back a moan and a cry because the answer was negative. Jeno didn’t know her like he did. He didn’t touch her like Haechan did. It was good, but it wasn’t this. And she hated this. 

“Hyuck,” she moaned when his fingers slipped inside. 

“Hyuck, what?” He groaned, cupping her chin, forcing her to stare right into his eyes and don’t hide in the crook of his neck. 

“I — l,” she mumbled nonsense.  

He snickered when the words died in her mouth. “You feel guilty? Feel like shit because you’re here with me and not with him? Because you’re letting me fuck you after you pretended you wanted me to leave?” 

“Don’t,” she groaned. 

“Don’t tell the truth? Don’t tell that if you weren’t so fucking strong headed you would’ve crawled to me months ago begging for me?” 

She groaned, throwing her head back, holding back the tears as the orgasm felt closer, slamming a hand on his chest. 

“Where is he, now? Thinking about you? Maybe thinking about texting you — fuck — to tell you how much he misses you?” 

“We’re not dating,” she replied, “and don’t bring him — don’t bring him up.” 

“No?” 

“No,” she replied. “I’m — I’m close.” 

“Keep moving your hand on me, then, or I won’t make you come.” 

“You can’t — fuck — you can’t make up your own rules.” 

Haechan grinned, fingers stopping inside of her, making her whine. “You used to beg me to tell you what to do, what changed now?” 

Her breath faltered as she tried to grind against him to selfishly ride the orgasm but Haechan pulled away. 

“Think I don’t know your little tricks?” His eyebrows knitted. “Think I can’t read you with my eyes closed?” 

“You never proved it to me,” she replied, sniffling, heart racing and burning in her chest, the pleasure of the sex mixing up with the same, unbearable pain only he could put her through. 

“Don’t fucking lie,” he said, slipping his fingers inside again, lifting her up, and caging her body underneath his once he had turned her over, pressing her against the mattress. His fingers started moving faster, not caring that she wasn’t paying attention to his aching boner. “You’re underneath me, not him. And you know when he has you like this, he doesn’t make you feel half of what I make you feel.” 

She stopped trying to retort because she knew it was the truth. Jeno was good, so fucking good, but three months couldn’t compare to five years. He couldn’t compare to the one that made her discover all her kinks, the one she tried so many things with, the one she felt safe to even laugh or crack jokes during sex. 

“That’s it, that’s better,” he moaned, grinding against her thigh, trying to feel some pleasure too. “I don’t like it when you lie to me.”

“I’m gonna come,” she moaned, throwing her head back, nails digging into the sheets. 

“Only if you tell me I’m better than him,” he ordered, moving his fingers faster, making them curl right where she needed while his thumb moved in circles on her clit. 

“No,” she screamed. 

“No?” He asked, tilting his head, pulling out to let out a light slap on her clit, making her hiss and moan. “Lie again,” he ordered and she shook her head, lifting her hips up to meet him but he clicked his tongue. “Lie again.” 

“He’s… he’s better than you.” 

Haechan’s fingers slipped into her again, picking the same rhythm as before, making her stomach twist and her muscles shake. “Repeat it.” 

“He’s better than you.” 

“Again,” he ordered, growling as he felt anger and sadness mix. 

She cried out, thighs clenching around his wrist. “He’s better than you, fuck, Hyuck.” 

“Come, if I can make you come. Maybe we should call him, ask him if he can make you feel better. Should we send him a picture of you now? Would he hate you or would he hate me?” 

His words were barely registered in her brain when the orgasm washed over her, leaving her breathless, ears buzzing with static noises, and tears streaming down her face as guilt plunged over her. 

“Fuck,” she cursed, pushing him away, rolling to the side before she got up on shaky legs and then turned around to talk. 

“Don’t say it,” he stopped her. “I know, but I don’t want to hear it.” 

She sighed, nodding, and staring at him. “When I wake up in the morning, I don’t want to find you here.” 

That was the biggest mistake they could do. 

And they just did it. 

“When did you plan on telling it to me?” Renjun snapped, staring at her with wide eyes, almost dropping the piece of cake she had offered when he arrived at her place. When she called panicking he expected everything but this.  

“Never,” she replied, a puff of air coming out of her mouth loudly as she let her body fall against the couch. 

“After all the steps forward, you want to get back to him?” 

“I don’t want to get back to him. I don’t know what to do…” 

Renjun rolled his eyes, sitting next to her after placing the plate on the coffee table, he had lost his appetite anyway. “So that’s why he’s always around you and you let him. All the special things you got lately…” 

She nodded, biting a hangnail on her thumb, making it bleed. 

Renjun rubbed his temples. He sensed something was going on. All the flowers piled up in her living room. All the boxes of food sent to her workplace during the break. The tickets for a gallery they went together that she had by ‘pure luck’. The first print of her favorite book that was impossible to find. But he always imagined those things were coming from Jeno and they simply wanted to keep their relationship private. 

“But why?” 

“Because I’m dumb, and because I thought he was going to fail me again and maybe that would’ve made him suffer and at the same time helped me to forget about him at all.” 

“But he didn’t let you down…” He finished for her, sighing loudly. 

“He didn’t, and not only that but he’s surprising me, he… He proves to me that he listened to me and my passions, that maybe I’m not as dull as he made me think I was and he’s once again fucking with me. I don’t know if I can trust him, I don’t know if it’s for real.” She wasn’t going to add the detail of the other night, knowing well that if she did, Renjun was going to cut her head off, and he was right. 

“And Jeno?” 

“Why do you need to bring him up now?” 

“You said you don’t know what you feel for them. He treats you right,” Renjun said. “He treated you right since the very first moment,” he pointed out, raising a brow. Now, it wasn’t like he was siding with one of the two but… okay, he was. He just didn’t feel like Haechan was trustworthy, while he knew Jeno was genuine and cared about her a lot. 

She hummed, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. “He’s nice.” 

Renjun’s mouth widened, “Nice… that’s it?” 

“He… he’s a lot of things, okay? He’s sensible. He always encourages me, praises me, and tells me everything I need to hear. He respects me, my spaces, and my needs. And I know that I sound so ungrateful because I couldn’t ask for anything better than him but… I feel fine, I just feel fine…” 

He held back a loud, disappointed, sigh and shifted closer to her, caressing her hair. “And isn’t that good? You know that love doesn’t require pain, right? You don’t have to suffer to feel something.” 

“I know, but I never felt pain with Haechan… not until things broke. I miss the rush, I miss what we had before. Jeno doesn’t bring the rollercoasters, the stomach twisting in excitement, the goosebumps on my skin… and I don’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing.” 

“I think it’s a good thing,” he said, smiling at her, playfully pinching her cheek. “Why don’t you focus on the other side? What does Jeno bring you?” 

“He makes me happy, and he makes me feel safe. I like him. And I like being with him but… I feel like there’s something missing.”

“What Jeno doesn’t have?” 

She sighed, looking into her friend’s eyes, and then shook her head, lowering her gaze because she didn’t want to see the disappointment in them once she answered.

“He’s not Haechan.” 

“I should’ve stayed at home,” she muttered under her breath struggling in the small bathroom of Renjun’s friend’s house, trying to clean her dress. She was there all alone because he had disappeared and Jeno didn’t even spare her a glance. After that ‘fight’ they had, he stopped talking to her at all, and she felt hurt once again. It didn’t hurt like a break-up but she couldn’t stand the silence between them. She missed him, a lot. But Jeno probably hated her. And she wasn’t even so sure about reaching out, afraid of hurting him more than she — apparently — already did. Maybe being aware of the pain we cause to others wasn’t as easy as she always thought, trying to survive every day we rarely see the bat swing we do around. 

“I was looking for you.”

She definitely should’ve stayed at home. 

“You’re drunk,” she blurted out, turning around, taking in Haechan’s flushed face. “Go home.” 

Haechan shook his head, blocking her from going out, pushing her back inside the bathroom. 

“What are you doing?” She stuttered when he closed the door behind him. 

“Shh,” he shushed her, leaning in, trying to kiss her. 

“You’re drunk,” she repeated, moving her head to the side, and slipping out of his hold, making him face the wall. 

“I only had a glass,” he replied, lips curled in a smirk, and she had no idea if it was the confined space, or the music that could be faintly heard in the background, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. It had been weeks since they had been this close, but trying to push them both out of her life wasn’t leading anywhere. 

And when Haechan moved close to her again, her breath faltered, eyes looking up at him, but this time she didn’t move. She let his hand wrap around her waist and the other rest behind her on the mirror. 

“I looked at you all night,” he whispered, leaning closer, nose brushing against her neck. “You never danced like this with me.” 

Her head was thrown back when his lips brushed on her skin. “You never looked at me,” she replied, squeezing her eyes because she didn’t want to think about that. About all the times she tried to get his attention just to be ignored because she wasn’t good enough.

“I missed out so much, baby.” 

“Don’t call me baby,” she retorted sternly. “I’m not your baby.” 

“I could make you mine again,” he said, staring at her. “I could make you feel so good.” 

“I didn’t forgive you, Haechan,” she said, shaking her head and pushing him away, reaching for the door before he could stop her. 

It was tempting, too tempting. Fall back in his arms, letting him touch her like only he could. But she wasn’t sure that was the wise thing to do, again. It only messed up with her more. Sex was never a good solution, and it was the very thing that led her to this even trickier situation. 

And she didn’t even realize that tears had started flowing down her face when she sat outside on the small step out of the main door, the breeze freezing her. 

Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why was it so hard with him? With them? 

Why did Haechan break her heart whether he loved her or not? 

“You’ll get cold.” 

She didn’t lift her head, she didn’t need it to know that he ran after her and now his jacket was resting on her shoulders to keep her warm. She didn’t even need to turn around to know he was staring at her now that he was sitting at her side. But she had no idea what he was thinking about as he stared at her. She felt like she couldn’t read him anymore, or maybe she didn’t want to dare to read him anymore since the last time she tried, they ended like that. 

“You know I hate you, right?” She whispered, voice faltering while her eyes focused on the pebbles on the floor. 

“I know,” Haechan sighed, staring at the same spot, their legs brushing together, his jeans heating up the exposed skin of her thigh. 

“But you know I can’t get enough of you. You know I can’t forget about our past. And not even about our future, even if it doesn’t exist.” 

“It can exist if you want to,” he pointed out, tilting his head to look at her, but her eyes were still focused in front of them. 

She chuckled bitterly, “Is it on me? Or is it on you?” 

“You have to forgive me.” 

She nodded. Of course, the responsibility was hanging like a knife, swinging back and forth, on her head. One wrong move and it would’ve hit her. No matter how it would’ve gone, she had a feeling the only one to come out of there battered and bruised was going to be her. 

“I don’t know what to do Haechan,” she whispered, head falling against his shoulder as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. Her eyes closed as she inhaled his scent deeply. He smelt like himself, not like Bora, or some other girls. It was just him. Home. Or at least what once felt like home. “I want to strangle you, and then I want to kiss you. I want you dead, but I fear I won’t be able to live without you.” 

“Weren’t we always like this?” 

“No,” she replied. “When we first met, I wanted to strangle you because you wouldn’t trust me and let me in. Now I want to strangle you because I —,” she stopped, intercepting the words that were about to slip out of her mouth before she could trip into a confession she wasn’t sure about. “Hate you. I hate you.” 

Haechan chuckled, or sniffled, she couldn’t get what sound came out of his mouth. “You know, I can’t blame you for feeling that.” 

“I just… I wish to know why,” she sighed. “Weren’t we enough? Weren’t we the best thing that happened to each other? We had so many plans, so many dreams, and all of a sudden you decided they weren’t enough.” 

“I was dumb, young, and superficial. I wasn’t insecure about you, I was insecure about me. I couldn’t recognize myself in the mirror and instead, I pushed you out of my life.” 

She nodded, biting her lips harshly, pretty sure in a minute they were going to start bleeding, but the physical pain would’ve felt less painful than the mixed emotions she was feeling right now.

“I don’t know if I can get over it,” she confessed. No, she didn’t make up her mind, but at this point, she felt she was never going to make her mind up, stuck between the past, the future, and the future she had dreamt of for so long. 

“What are you doing here?” Renjun said, only seeing her at first before his eyes landed on Haechan and he groaned. “Haechan.” 

“It’s fine,” she said, standing up, and adjusting her dress. “We were talking.” 

“You should come inside, it’s cold here,” he said, looking at both of them, seeing that she was wearing his jacket. “Jeno’s looking for you. He needs to talk to you.” 

“I’ll come,” she said, following him on the steps. 

“Don’t go,” Haechan stopped her, grabbing her wrist. 

“Hyuck, please, let me go,” she whispered, pressing her lips together. “If you love me let me go.” 

And he did, fingers slipping away from her wrist, watching as she disappeared inside, brown wooden door slamming in his face. 

He tried to let her go, to don’t fixate his eyes on her as she talked with Jeno and then danced with him. Why were they dancing? He overheard they were taking their distances, that he was hurt because she didn’t love him, and now? What could happen in ten minutes to get them like that? 

If she wanted to make him jealous he was sure he wasn’t going to use Jeno, so was that a bad sign? 

‘come home with me’ 

‘please’ 

‘just to talk’ 

Haechan wanted to talk to her, there weren’t many steps to take to reach her, but they felt like miles now that he had a gulp in his throat, so texting her seemed like a better option, but she never answered. He couldn’t stand there and watch other pairs of hands run on her body, pulling her closer, feeling her in a way only he used to do. And now he understood even more how terrible it must have felt for her, how much seeing the person you love, give intimate attention to somebody else. 

He couldn’t. 

He couldn’t move his feet on the ground, friction keeping him in place. 

He couldn’t take away her happiness now that he had lost her. 

He should’ve started to deal with this, with the pain, with the boulder on his stomach, with the realization that he had lost her and it was all his fault. 

Haechan should’ve started to get used to this sight, Jeno holding her, hugging her, touching her, loving her, not more than he did, but surely better, because apparently, what he did wasn’t enough. 

And he would’ve. From tomorrow. Not tonight, not now after giving her one last look and walking out of the house, feet dragging on the concrete of Seoul’s sidewalks. 

From tomorrow. 

Yeah, it was a good start. Like all the projects of life. Tomorrow. It’s easier than today. It’s easier to set a goal far in time and manipulate your brain to think that you’ll have the strength to do it if some more hours pass by. 

It couldn’t have been so bad, right? If she moved on, if all of this courting didn’t move her at all after five years together, he, the one that led them there, should’ve forgotten about her in the blink of an eye. 

But as tears started streaking down his face, Haechan feared that maybe it wouldn’t have been so easy. That maybe starting tomorrow wouldn’t have been enough. Not enough time to take his feelings and throw them away. Not enough time to stop being selfish and keep alive the flame in his heart that wanted him to be the one she was going home to, the one taking her dress off her, the one she would lay her head on after. 

It wasn’t his place anymore. 

And the only person he had to blame was himself. He took her for granted, and now he was paying the price. 

Because no amount of flowers, chocolate cakes, books, or nights out, was going to take back all the pain he put her through. 

And as if to hurt himself more he went to the place that reminded him of her the most; the park where he used to hide when he wanted to see nobody, nobody but her. Their bench was still there, with blue paint coming off and other signs of time, but it was still up, unlike their story. They had shared their first kiss there, if he closed his eyes he could still remember it. It was a warm day in April, and as usual, he was sitting there in silence, and she approached him without saying a word. His past self hated speaking, especially after certain terrible days, and she knew it, but at the start, they didn’t need words. Or maybe it was her, she had so much to give that she didn’t need words to let it be known, and somehow he managed to don’t understand. Somewhere along the lines, he got lost in translation and blamed her for not being the one able to communicate anymore. 

Another flow of tears started streaming down his face as he realized he wasn’t going to feel her lips ever again. He hoped Jeno was going to cherish every single one of her kisses. The gentle pecks on the cheek or forehead in the morning and before bed. The small, quick kisses on the palm of his hands when he told her they were cold. The long, passionate ones when they were making love. The cheeky one when she wanted something. 

And when the hands of the clock moved too far, he got up, head low, hands in his pockets as the sky broke out in a louder cry than his. He had lost all his chances and had been taught a rough lesson about not taking the people he loved the most for granted or leaving them at the slightest rough turn. 

And it was a small consolation that the night sky was crying with him, it was like a shoulder to lean on, as if the upper hands were telling him that maybe there was going to be a rainbow after this storm, that even if he screwed up this one, he was going to find another one, another one that simply wasn’t the one. 

Someone that wasn’t her. 

Tomorrow. 

He repeated in his head as the water seeped into his clothes and stuck his hair to his forehead. 

Tomorrow the sun would’ve shined again, his brain would’ve stopped repeating the scene of her dancing in another man’s arms, or her words as she let him know there was no more space in her life for him. 

But tonight was going to be the loneliest as he walked alone without the best half of him. Only half a man carrying an empty shell in the dark, loud and frenetic streets of Seoul. People running back home barely paying him attention, reminding him once again how lonely you can be in this cruel world if you push the people of your life away. 

It was only a fair punishment he deserved to have. 

But he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t painful. 

Not when he still breathed her, not when she was the best part of him. 

And when he reached the steps of his house he didn’t feel the relief he imagined to feel. 

Those four walls brought him so much emptiness already, he didn’t want to imagine the feeling now. 

But he had no other choice. 

So he took a step forward, sniffling and squeezing his eyes. 

Haechan.

He chuckled bitterly. Voice replaying in his brain, sounding just like when she would scream his name when he used to run away from the school cafeteria to hide from the bullies. 

Haechan. 

He shook his head. Voice replaying in his brain, sounding broken just like when she would find him in the bathroom with his head in the toilet, vomiting everything he had just eaten. 

Haechan. 

He stopped. Voice sounding a bit too real for him to be playing tricks in his mind. 

“Haechan.” 

There she was, soaked in the acid rain, crying, looking at him while her lips quivered, and her body was shaking. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked, incredulity filling his voice and eyes. 

“I was at a party, dancing with another man,” she started saying, sniffling. “A man I’m sure loves me so, a man I care about so much, too,” she stopped, taking a deep breath. “And I could only think about you.” 

“You said you can’t pass over what I did. You told me to let you go.” 

She nodded, squeezing in her coat, this was just like when they ended this. “I know… but I would only hurt myself trying to hurt you. And I would even hurt people that don’t deserve this at all. What’s the point of pushing you away if I look for you in every face? What is freedom if I can’t have you? Why am I forcing myself to believe that I can heal if I don’t have you?” 

“So, you’re hurt.” 

“I am, and I hate you so much. I hate you because I can’t truly do it. Because somehow you got so deep inside of me that if I push you out, if I kill you, I’ll kill a part of me, too. I hate you because you’re so… so irrational, and you never think twice, and this makes you do so many dumb things and last time it played us.”

“You don’t have to take me back… as much as I want you, I can’t force you into this.” 

She shook her head. “You’re not. I’m the reckless one that’s jumping into you again, because I would jump into you even if you were an ocean full of sharks, Hyuck. I’d jump into you if you were a volcano. And I know that right now, right where we are, it sounds so toxic and wrong and that Renjun will stop talking to me,” she dramatized with a light chuckle. “But I don’t feel alive when I’m with somebody else. They’re not you. They will never be you.” 

When Haechan didn’t reply she got that she didn’t convince him, and smiled bitterly. 

“We did a mess, didn’t we? I let you treat me like that because I loved you so bad. I would’ve done, and I did, anything just so I could call you mine. I was your willing accomplice. And you know the funny thing? I’d do it all again. I’ll take you back any moment because maybe, after all, we were both going down but didn’t see it with clear eyes. Because we… we are not so different from each other, we are two cowards, we run away thinking things will fix themselves and then act surprised when they fall apart. But if I can’t have you, I see no point in wanting somebody else. Because after all you are and will always be my favorite crime.”

“You’re better than me,” he replied, voice shaking, eyelashes clamping together with tears and rain.  

She shook her head, taking a step forward. 

“I hate you,” she said with a smile on her face. “I hate you so fucking much Lee Donghyuck. You made me fall in love with your dumb self again, I was so sure you would’ve failed...You should’ve let this fall apart, you should’ve given me a reason to hate you but God...I’ve fallen in love again.” 

“I love you,” he said, smiling back, reaching her, caressing her wet cheek. And kissing her. This wasn’t like their other past kisses, this was to seal a promise. This was to wash away the pain with the rain. To look at a brighter future that had rainbows shining in their sky. 

“But if you do it again, if you hurt me half of what you hurt me this time, I won’t be so gentle. I won’t take you back. I hate feeling like I’m going down, Haechan. I can’t take the same pain of the last year together. I can’t deal, and won’t deal with cold stares, and small replies. I won’t tolerate made-up excuses. I’m not like I used to be, I now know my worth. I’m smart, I’m funny, I’m beautiful, I’m a shining diamond and I want to be all of this with you by my side. But if you’ll leave me in the dust again I won’t waste a moment leaving you forever. You lost me once, you won’t get me thrice.” 

“I won’t ever hurt you like that. I learned my lesson,” he replied. “And I’m sorry, I truly am. For all the times I didn’t remind you how much I loved you, or how beautiful I found you. I’m sorry for looking as if I wasn’t listening to you or paying attention to your passions. I’m sorry that I put you in the last place every time. And I’m sorry for betraying you. I’ve spent nights up realizing how wrong what I did with her was. I couldn’t see it, brain fogged by other things that shouldn’t have been my priorities but I promise it won’t happen again. Not with her, not with anybody else.” 

She hummed, “you better because I’ll leave you in the rain if that happens.” 

He chuckled and then lifted her up, her legs wrapped around his waist as she let him carry her inside, the warmth of the house surrounding their freezing bodies immediately. But the cold seeped in their bones again when their wet clothes met the ground on the way to the bedroom. 

“I need you,” she whispered, leaving kisses all over his face, gasping when he let her body fall on the mattress. 

“I’m here,” he replied, kissing her neck, and then her collarbones. “I won’t leave you this time. I will never leave you again.” 

And he made sure to prove it to her with facts, time would’ve talked for his true intentions, but now he had her right there once again and he had to start proving it to her. So he did what he knew she liked best, just like he used to do when they first started dating and he still showed her how much he cherished her. 

“Haechan,” his name came out like a whisper, followed by loud moans when his lips latched at her mound. 

His tongue slipped inside her cunt before pulling out, lips wrapping around her clit sucking with intention. It was like Haechan had a mission, make up for the lost time. His nails dug into her thighs, spreading her wide enough so he could move better and take care of the whole area. It was messy, wet and even loud but none of the two could care. 

The idea of hiding or pulling her legs closed didn’t even cross her mind, just like trying to muffle the sounds of pleasure, letting out moans and whimpers and chants of his name while her hands wrapped around his brown hair and pulled him closer. 

She could feel Haechan grin against her, his chuckle vibrating against her before he pulled away, replacing his tongue with his fingers. “You needed this, didn’t you?” It wasn’t a mock, more like a teasing remark that put his heart at ease when she hummed and nodded. She needed him. She missed him. And he was so unsure of that, that he couldn’t believe it was real and not a product of his fantasy. 

When he dived in again she knew she wasn’t going to last for long. Haechan knew exactly what to do, how to please her, how to get her weak in the knees. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled, lips still pressed against her pussy as he sucked and licked harshly. “You’re always so wet, so so excited for me.” He would’ve liked to ask if it was the same with him, if Jeno ever got her this excited, but he honestly just wanted to forget him. And make sure he didn’t cross her mind. 

When his fingers started moving faster into her and curl deeper, her hips started moving, meeting him halfway. 

“Uh, uh,” he clicked his tongue, his left hand leaving her thigh to press flat against her stomach, “need you to stay right there, baby.” 

“I’m gonna —” she didn’t finish, orgasm ripping out of her thanks to his swift and precise movements, tongue, lips and fingers working together in a deadly mix that left her trembling underneath him, moaning loudly. 

“Haechan,” she called when he didn’t stop, lifting her head to look at him, biting her lips when their eyes met. The way he was looking at her cutting her breath short and making her heart jump. “I don’t think I can…” 

“Take it?” He asked, pulling away, breath fanning on her soaked clit. “Babe, was it seriously so disappointing? Not used anymore to come over and over again until you’re nothing but a mess underneath me?” 

She hummed, closing her eyes, pressing her feet against the mattress. “I… I am, it’s just…” 

“It’s just?” He teased, curling his fingers, hitting the sweet spot inside her, making her scream. 

“You’re too… too good at this,” she confessed. 

Haechan smirked proudly, lips attacking her clit again, sucking with strength, pushing her over the edge for the second time.  

“Stop, stop, stop,” she mumbled, thighs closing around him and hips bucking messily. 

He scoffed. “I need to put you on the right track again.” 

She looked at him with foggy eyes, skin burning up as she stared at the way he was pumping his cock slowly. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Haechan whispered, running his hands on her body, caressing the curves before he leaned in to kiss her, moving his body between her legs. “Are you on the pill?” 

She hummed in agreement, biting her lips, and spreading her legs more. Haechan’s hand placed next to her head, while the other held his cock as he rubbed the tip against her slit. 

“Please, I need you,” she whined, hating the way he was teasing her. It had been too long since they had each other to play these games. 

“How much do you need me?” He asked, kissing her lips before doing the same on her neck, biting it enough to make blood come up on the surface. 

“So, so much,” she whispered through gritted teeth, breath shaking at the say he was still teasing her entrance and her clit. “Need you to make me forget about everything and everyone, please.” 

With a low groan, he slipped inside, thick tip enough to light a fire inside of her and make her hands reach for his back, pulling him closer. 

“Always ready for me,” he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and letting his head fall in the crook of her neck as he bottomed in. “Always so tight and wet, fuck.” 

“For you,” she whispered, rolling her hips against him, signalling him to move. “Just for you.” 

The world disappeared for real when he started moving with calculated and long thrusts, one hand supporting his body up and the other wrapped tightly around her hip. 

“Fuck, missed you so much,” he mumbled through gritted teeth, pulling back from her shoulder to look at her face. “Missed your thighs,” he whispered, gripping her there, pulling her legs further apart, and pressing them against the mattress. “Missed your lips, so fucking much.” 

She moaned in the heated kiss, hands wrapping in his hair and tugging, making him groan. 

“Nobody comes close to you, no matter how much I tried to — fuck — convince myself,” he whispered, a string of spit still connecting their lips. 

“Harder,” she whimpered, “I — I want you to mark me.” 

Haechan groaned, and obeyed, starting to suck on her collarbones and bite on her skin while his hands squeezed tighter around her skin, on her thighs, on her hips, everywhere he could. 

“Mine,” he groaned. “Always have been mine, never stopped being mine.” 

She knew it was true, that no matter how much she tried to fool herself there was something that was always going to tie her to him. 

“Never stopped loving you,” he whispered against the skin of her neck before his hands moved her body closer to his, angling it so he could hit better inside of her. 

“Fuck,” she moaned, head rolling back and her hand hitting the mattress at her side. “I’m close, again.” 

“Come, baby. I told you I’m not going to stop.” 

And another orgasm washed over her, but Haechan gave her no time to recharge, fucking into her with the same rhythm that drove her crazy. 

“I — I can’t believe this is real,” he whispered, sitting straight, eliciting a disappointed sound from her lips at the loss of contact. “I dreamed of you every night, it was like a — fuck — a nightmare. And it still wasn’t close to this, to you. You’re a dream and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you enough, I’m…” 

She moved up with difficulty, pulling him close to her again, kissing his fears, and tears, away. “I’m here now. And I won’t leave if you won’t leave me behind.” 

Haechan sniffled, shaking his head because this wasn’t the time to be vulnerable. “I won’t. I won’t hurt you anymore, I promise.” 

“Good,” she whispered, falling against the bed again, smiling when he got closer to her and started kissing her, a long, sloppy kiss while he kept fucking into her.

“You feel too good, I’m gonna come,” he hissed, the pace of his hips slowing down because he didn’t want this to stop. He wanted more. He wanted to stay buried inside of her all night until they were nothing but a mess of limbs and bones that for some miracle still fit together. 

And she knew exactly what was running in his brain. “Come, you can fuck me again. I don’t want you to stop.” It might’ve been a lot to take but she needed it. She needed it with him. To feel their skin rub against each other, and have the room filled with their lewd sounds of fleshes and wetness and moans. 

Her words were enough to push him over the edge. White cum spilling inside of her while his hips came to a stop against her ass. 

“Want to ride you,” she whimpered, placing her hands on his chest when he calmed down and making him roll to the side. 

Haechan didn’t complain, why would he anyway? And let her adjust on him, grinding on his cock, not even giving it time to soften. 

“I love you,” he murmured, looking up at her, sliding down on his cock slowly, the light from outside lighting up her features and her curves. “So much I can’t believe I was so stupid to let you go and not treat you right.” 

“Yes, you were,” she said, nails scratching his chest as she started to move her hips slowly, feeling him rub against her inside just like she wanted, filling her like only he could. “But I’m,” she stopped, words dying in her mouth. “I’m here, and I don’t want to think about it.” 

Haechan hummed, hands wrapping around her waist, guiding her movements. 

She rolled her head back, mouth hanging open since she couldn't hold in any sounds, the stimulation of his cock and her clit rubbing against him was making her go crazy. And Haechan knew it, she was still an open book and he remembered how to read her again. 

“Fuck, babe,” he moaned, cupping her ass and squeezing the flesh hard. She started bouncing on him faster, hands steady on his chest before one reached for his neck and wrapped around it tightly. 

“Revenge?” 

She chuckled, “I should kill you to get revenge but, fuck,” she stopped, thighs shaking and hips faltering as she could feel they were both so close again. “I love you too much.” 

“That’s it, fuck, keep moving like that,” he hummed, eyes moving from her face to her boobs that were bouncing up and down. 

Her moans got higher, fingers grazing his skin and hips slamming messily against him, Haechan started moving against her, meeting her halfway. And in a few seconds, they were both coming, this orgasm stronger the last one, leaving them panting on top of each other. 

“I got you, I’m here,” he whispered, caressing her back and hair when he heard small sobs from her. 

She hummed, hiding in the crook of his neck, staying silent for a while, enjoying his caresses and the way he was still filling her, lulling herself in the warmth of his body and the delicateness of his hands caressing her back while he whispered sweet nothings in her ears. 

“Please, don’t ever leave me again. I don’t even want to choose between having you in my life or not.” 

“I won’t. I promise I’ll treat you right just like when we first met.”

“I love you,” she whispered, rolling to the side, snuggling close to him again, leaving pecks on his shoulder and chest. 

“I love you, too,” he replied, caressing her hair and pressing his lips on her forehead. Still unsure this wasn’t all a trick of his mind and that she was truly there, in his arms. And it sure, it was going to be a long path trying to fix what was broken, but he couldn’t care. He was in his happy place and that was all that mattered. 

Things would’ve fallen into pieces, step by step, eventually, with time, tomorrow. 

Now, it was fine like this, with the storm raging outside and their hearts beating as one, lulling them to sleep as they found peace realizing that with others they were happy, but together they were happier.

a/n: I hope you liked it, please let me know your opinion whatever it is, I’ve read so many theories before publishing it and I’d like to know what you think after reading it (be polite ofc). Also, let me know if you’d like to read another part, I feel bad for Jeno and I had in mind to address how his relationship with the mc ended better here but then I decided to end it like this, mostly because it was already long. If you’d like to read more, though, I’d write it. And also let me know if you want to be kept/added to the taglist in case I’ll write more.

#nct fanfiction #haechan smut #haechan fluff #haechan angst #jeno smut #jeno fluff #jeno angst #lee haechan smut #lee haechan fluff #lee haechan angst #lee jeno smut #lee jeno fluff #lee jeno angst #haechan scenarios #jeno scenarios #nct dream smut #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct 127 smut #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 angst #series: sour universe

[0710studios]

MGA KARAKTER. jeno x fem!reader

TAGS. angst, smut, arranged marriage!au, marriage of convenience!au, taguan ng anak!au (di namin alam kung ano english nyan)

BILANG NG MGA SALITA. 5.4k (WOW DIBA TAPOS PART 1 PA LANG YAN)

MGA BABALA. profanities, fingering, nipple sucking, unprotected sex (tangina ibalot niyo ang dapat ibalot!!!!!), unexpected/accidental pregnancy (kaya nga taguan ng anak eh), pregnancy (pota malamang ahahfhhffhfh), parehong mataas pride ni y/n at jeno

CHIKA NG ADMINS. wow tangina ito na ata pinakamahabang nasulat namin tapos may part 2 pa!!! ano kayo rebisco?!?! may pasobra dahil special ka!??@ chour deins namin alam kung kelan mapopost 'yung part 2 kasi may pasok na kami potangina sagabal sa pagsusulat talaga 'yang pag-aaral na 'yan dejk HAHAHAHAH

HILING NI ANON. jeno taguan ng anak au na may slight angst (HAHAHAH SORRY NDE NASUNOD XD BAWI KAMI SA PART 2)

JENO LEE, THE TRUST FUND GUY.

hindi kayo arranged marriage ni jeno dahil sa mga magulang niyo, arranged marriage kayo dahil kailangan ni jeno na masecure ang trust fund niyang galing sa lolo niya. it happened so quickly, lasing kayo pareho, the stranger proposed to you, you accepted, and isang pirma lang galing sa kaibigan niyang lawyer— you woke up the next day as y/n lee and in bed with jeno, in a hotel somewhere in the city faraway from where you live. kinailangan mo pa ng explanation nun mula kay jeno, kung bakit pareho kayong may suot na wedding ring at bakit may best wishes banner sa loob ng kwarto niyo. 

the contract he handed you a few hours after you woke up said that this marriage will only last for a year, na kailangan mong mag-move in kasama siya sa iisang bubong, na kailangan mong maging present sa mga pupuntahan niyang events nandoon ang pamilya niya— lalong lalo na ang lolo niya. after nun, he will get his hundred million dollar worth of trust fund and he’ll give you a reasonable amount of money once the contract ends. sa hirap ng buhay, between 9-5 jobs and part time jobs na pinapasukan mo para lang mabigyan ng extra money ang parents mo, wala kang choice kung hindi tanggapin ito. isang taon lang naman eh, what do you have to lose after that?

pero sa isang taon na ‘yun, madalas umiiwas sa’yo si jeno. sa isang araw, bihira na ‘yung isang beses mo siyang masulyapan dahil madalas itong nasa opisina at iniiwan ka sa bahay niyo. nagtatrabaho ka pa rin, 9-5 p.m., bumibisita ka sa mga magulang mo tuwing may extra kang pera pero hindi mo masabi sa kanila na kasal ka na. hindi rin naman sila maniniwala dahil buong buhay mo, wala ka namang pinapakilalang lalaki sa kanila. biglang nagbago ang lahat nang umuwi kayo ni jeno galing sa birthday ng lolo niya, malapit nang matapos ang kontrata niyo, isang buwan na lang at tapos na lahat nang ‘to. umuwi kayo pareho ng lasing at… well, libog. halos isang taon kayong walang dilig dahil iniingatan ni jeno ang sarili niyang madawit sa mga eskandalo na baka maging rason pa kung bakit mauudlot ang trust fund niya.

jeno unzipped your dress effortlessly, letting it pool on your feet as he guided you to your bed. humiwalay lang si jeno sa pagkakahalik sa’yo para maghubad ng damit, sa mga naging bakasyon niyo ni jeno kasama ang pamilya niya, alam mong maganda ang katawan nito dahil madalas rin siyang pumupunta sa gym. jeno pushed you on your bed, asking you to lift your hips para matanggal niya ang suot mong panty, nang matanggal niya ito, tinapon niya ‘to somewhere sa loob ng kwarto kasunod ng bra mo.

hindi ka naman virgin, in fact, active ang sex life mo bago pa dumating si jeno sa buhay mo. pero dahil kinasal ka sa kanya, isang taon kang walang dilig at tigang. pumatong si jeno sa’yo at naramdaman mo ang tigas ng ari niya sa exposed mong puke, ramdam na ramdam mo ito kahit na may boxer na namamagitan sa gitna. “you want this, baby?” tanong niya sa labi mo, “sabi mo kanina, isang taon ka na walang dilig.” pumikit ka dahil ramdam mo ang init ng hininga ni jeno sa mukha mo, hindi ka makasagot dahil parang nawawalan ka ng boses kaya tumango ka. “use your words, misis”

“y-yes, jeno” mahina mong sabi na nagpangisi sa asawa mo, “please, fuck me”

“whatever you want, misis”

humiwalay si jeno sa mukha mo at binaba ang sarili hanggang sa dibdib mo, ang isang kamay niya ay binibilog ang isang utong mo, ang isa naman ay nasa bibig niya. bumitaw si jeno sa pagkakahawak niya sa isang suso mo, nilipat ang kamay na ito sa gitna ng mga hita mo para paghiwalayin ang labi ng puke mo. napakagat labi ka dahil nagpasok ng hindi isa, pero dalawang daliri si jeno sa loob. he was curling his fingers inside, trying to find the sweet spotng to find your sweet spot. it only took him seconds until you were writhing under him kaya napahawak ka sa buhok niya, “jeno, oh my g-god, dyan lang…” ungol mo, kinagat ni jeno ang utong mo bago ilayo ang sarili niya sa’yo at halikan ka muli sa labi. “jeno, lalabasan na ‘ko… f-faster…”

unfortunate you, inalis ni jeno ang daliri niya sa loob mo. napailing ka dahil, ayun na eh. andun na tapos inalis pa niya. humiwalay si jeno sa’yo at bumaba sa kama, kala mo tapos na kayo, and there was a part of you that was disappointed nung bumukas at sumara ang pinto. sighing, inayos mo ang sarili mo at nagtaklob ng kumot. ayun na sana eh, kaso mukha ayaw ata talaga ni jeno. okay lang ‘yan, isang buwan na lang, y/n. malaya ka na ulit. sabi mo sa sarili mo at pumikit, pero agad mong minulat ang mata mo dahil bumukas muli ang pinto.

“anong akala mo, tapos na ‘ko sa’yo?” malamig na sabi nito, lumingon ka sa pinto at nakitang may bitbit siyang tuwalya at isang baso ng tubig. “tanggalin mo ‘yang kumot mo, bukaka. bilis.” utos nito, agad mong inalis ang kumot na nakataklob sa katawan mo at bumukaka. nagtanggal ng boxers si jeno bago sumampa sa kama. hawak hawak ang mga hita mo, pumwesto siya sa gitna. ang laki niya, tangina. naglalaway ka sa lalaking nasa harap mo, taas-babang kinukuskos ang ulo ng tite niya sa basa mong puke, nang-aasar pa na pinapasok ang ulo at biglang ilalabas. you moaned his name quietly, and hearing you moan like that pushed his buttons. ang mga kamay niyang nakahawak kanina sa hita mo, nasa balakang mo na at mahigpit ang pagkakakapit niya dito, bumabaon ang mga kuko sa balat mo.

diniin mo ang ulo mo sa unan, nakahawak ang mga kamay sa comforter na nasa ilalim mo. “jeno, fuck, bilisan mo lang” ungol mo, gaya ng sabi mo, binilisan ni jeno ang pagbayo niya. kada pasok ng tite niya sa puke mo, nararamdaman niya ang ka-sikipan nito kaya dumadaing siya. “jeno… lalabasan na ‘ko”

binitawan ni jeno ang isang side ng balakang mo at nilipat ito sa puke mo, rubbing your clit as fast as his hips were moving. the sensation you were feeling were on the next level, you’ve never experienced pleasure like this before dahil ang mga ex mo naman ay hindi ganun ka-galing sa kama pero pwede na. jeno was a beast— sa business at sa kama. hindi ka na nagtataka kung bakit maraming babae ang humahabol sa kanya, magaling pala talaga siya sa kama.

“jeno—!” ungol mo, you finally reached your orgasm, but jeno still hasn’t. hindi rin niya tinitigilan ang tinggil mo, kaya naman nanginginig na ang buong katawan mo. para kang kiti-kiti sa ilalim ni jeno. “jeno please…”

“onti na lang, misis… malapit na ‘ko” sagot nito, at muling binaba ang sarili niya sa dibdib mo at nag-umpisang dumede. habang tumatagal, bumabagal ang pagbayo ni jeno, mukhang malapit na siyang labasan dahil nararamdaman mo ang pagkislot ng tite niya sa loob mo. “tangina… ang dami ata” sabi ni jeno, mabagal ang pagbayo at naglalabas ng tamod ang tite niya sa loob mo.

ilang minuto kayong nakapwesto ng ganun ni jeno, walang kumikibo at nakapatong lang ang ulo niya sa dibdib mo. hindi niya inaalis ang sarili niya sa loob mo, at nakatulog kayo na ganun ang pwesto. kinabukasan, nagising ka na lang dahil sa sikat ng araw. pag gising mo, may suot kang damit at nakabalot ka sa kumot. gumulong ka sa kabilang side ng kama mo, kinuha mo ang cellphone mo na nakapatong sa sidetable at binuksan ito para tignan kung anong oras na.

6:10 AM | JENO: whatever happened last night, i hope we can both agree that i never happened and never should’ve happened.

6:10 AM | JENO: kalimutan na lang natin na nangyari ‘yun.

6:13 AM | JENO: i’m off to america today for a business conference, 2 weeks.

6:15 AM | JENO: you have the whole house to yourself until then, we’ll talk when i get back. malapit nang matapos ‘tong kontrata natin that’s why i need to talk to you about this matter. mag-uusap tayo.

10 a.m. nang mabasa mo ang text niya, parang bigla kang nanghina at nandiri sa sarili mo. ano bang inexpect mo sa asawa mong pinili ka para sa trust fund niya? mai-inlove sa’yo pagkatapos niyong magtalik kagabi? hindi naman siguro ganun ‘yun. 1 p.m. pa ang pasok mo ngayon, bukod sa text ni jeno, nakatanggap ka ng text sa boss mo. pinapapunta ka ng maaga sa trabaho kaya naman kahit nasaktan ka sa nabasa mo, binalewala mo na lang ito at naghanda papuntang opisina. 

“congrats, y/n! na-promote ka na!” nakangiting sabi ng boss mo, “see, all of your hard work led you to this moment! team leader ka na, pero… may konting problema lang tayo,” dagdag niya, hinihintay mo siyang magpatuloy, “you see, nagustuhan kasi ng ibang branch yung way of work mo. gusto sana nilang kuhain ka muna pansamantala. okay lang ba ‘yun sa’yo? kung hindi naman, pwede naman natin tanggihan— na sa’yo pa rin ang desisyon.”

“saan pong branch?”

“sa busan, okay lang ba? may kalayuan pero okay naman na. hindi naman mababawasan ang sweldo mo, tataasan pa nga.” tawa niya, “so, alam kong hindi mo kayang magdecide ngayon pero sana pag-isipan mo agad-agad. may 1 week ka para mag-isip at kausapin ang asawa mo tungkol dito ha, balikan mo ako kung kailan nakagawa ka na ng desisyon. nasa office lang ako lagi.”

tumango ka sa boss mo at nagpasalamat, inabot na rin niya sa’yo ang mga papeles na dapat mong pirmahan by the end of the week. binasa mo ito pag balik mo ng cubicle mo, sa taas ng bago mong sweldo, pwede ka na nga talagang umalis ng siyudad na ito at bumalik sa lugar kung nasaan ang pamilya mo. nagdadalawang isip ka rin kung sasabihin mo pa ba ito kay jeno o hindi na, after all, wala namang saysay kung sasabihin mo di ‘ba? hindi rin naman kayo masyadong nagpapansinan sa bahay. bahala na, isip mo at pinirmahan ang dokumento.

dalawang linggo ang nakalipas, pagbalik ni jeno galing ng amerika, inaasahan niyang madadatnan ka niya sa bahay niyo. tanghali kasi nang dumating siya, hindi rin siya sigurado sa oras ng pasok mo dahil madalas shifting ka, minsan 10 am, minsan 2 pm, madalas gabi ang pasok mo. pagpasok niya, ganun pa rin ang bahay, tahimik at malinis. sobrang pagod ni jeno dahil sa haba ng biyahe mula amerika pauwi ng korea, kaya naman dumiretso na siya agad sa kwarto niya para magpahinga, hoping that once he wakes up, he’ll find you back home and you’ll talk about your situation regarding the trust fund.

pero nagising siya sa madilim na bahay, mag-isa at tahimik. sa pagkakaalala niya, 12 p.m. nang makarating siya sa bahay, alas otso na ng gabi at wala pa rin ang presensya mo. nagtataka si jeno kaya naman kinuha niya ang cellphone niya at idinial ang number mo kahit antok na antok pa siya. the number or code you have dialed is incorrect, please try again later. napakunot ang noo niya, anong meron? bakit ayaw? isip niya, at muling pinindot ang tawag pero ganun pa rin ang sagot. sighing, jeno left the comfort of his bed and exited his room. across his room is yours, he knocked three times but all were not answered. binuksan niya ang pinto at nakita na halos lahat ng gamit mo ay wala na, tanging kama, at ilang gamit na pinamili mo dati ang naiwan. agad niyang binuksan ang mga cabinet mo, walang mga damit pati na rin ang mga maleta mo, wala na.

“putangina, nasaan ka ba y/n?” mura ni jeno, nagdial ulit siya ng number mo pero wala talaga. nagtry siyang magtext pero lahat ito hindi nagsesend. hindi madalas gumamit si jeno ng kahit anong social media apps, pero para sa’yo, binuksan niya ang mga ito para hanapin ang accounts mo. walang lumabas ni-isa, parang kang bula— biglang naglaho at nawala.

tangina. 

—.

“how are you loving busan so far?” tanong ng bago mong boss, “sabi ng boss mo sakin sa seoul nung bumisita ako, taga-rito ka raw. it’s nice to be back home, ano?”

nginitian mo siya at tumango ka, “opo, sobrang tagal ko pong hindi nakauwi. na-miss ko dito, sobra” sagot mo, “thank you po pala for coming with me sa doktor… nakakahiya, boss ko pa naman po kayo.”

“nako y/n, ‘wag kang mahiya sakin.” tawa niya, “tsaka kailangan mo ring alagaan ‘yang batang dinadala mo. hindi ako makapaniwalang limang buwan na pala siya tapos wala kang kamuwang-muwang.”

“oo nga po eh, ‘di ko alam, cryptic pregnancy na pala ‘yung meron ako ngayon” napakamot ka ng batok, sobrang hindi obvious na buntis ka dahil most of the time akala mo bloated ka lang, ‘yun pala may bata na sa loob ng tyan mo. naguguilty ka na hindi mo malaman, alam mo kasing dapat mong sabihin ‘to kay jeno pero hindi mo magawang sabihin ito dahil iniwan mo siya sa ere nung nasa amerika siya. ni hindi mo nga alam kung anong ginagawa niya ngayon sa buhay niya. wala kang balita o kahit anong alam tungkol sa kanya ngayon. “sir jungwoo, pasensya na po talaga sa abala ha and sobrang thank you po sa pagaasikaso sakin”

“wala ‘yun, ano ka ba” ngiti nito, “gusto mo bang kumain ng lunch? may alam akong healthy restaurant malapit dito at pwede kitang samahan sa pagbili ng gamit ng bata.”

“hala, baka nakakaabala ako sa’yo sir…” sagot mo, “kaya ko naman na po dito, magtataxi na lang ako papunta ng mall.”

“‘wag na, sasamahan na lang kita. pareho naman tayong off ngayon eh,” sabi ni jungwoo, “tsaka, jungwoo na lang… wala naman tayo sa trabaho eh. samahan na kita kumain ng lunch tsaka sa pagshopping mo ng gamit ng bata.”

tutal nag-offer na rin naman ang boss mo, pumayag ka na at sumabay ng labas sa ospital sa kanya. ang totoo niyan, na-awkwardan ka kanina dahil ang akala ng doktor ay asawa mo si jungwoo kahit nakasalubong mo lang naman siya sa lobby ng ospital dahil bumisita siya sa kaibigan niya. pero ngumiti na lang si jungwoo nung sinabi sa inyo na “five months na ang baby niyo, healthy naman siya so far”. nahihiya ka dahil boss mo ito, tapos napagkamalan pang tatay ng anak mo— ang anak mong hindi mo alam na nageexist until today. bakit kaya hindi nadetect ‘tong bata noong nagpa-medical ka bago bumalik dito sa busan? bakit ngayon lang, na nagtataka ka dahil bukod sa nagkakaroon ka pa rin, biglang lumobo ang tiyan mo kaya nagkusa kang pumunta sa doktor. 

“so, forgive me sa tanong ko, anong history niyo ng tatay ni baby?” tanong niya at humigop ng sabaw sa inorder niyong pagkain. “pwede mo namang hindi sagutin kung hindi ka komportable.”

“magulo, sir— i mean, jungwoo.” sagot mo, “sobrang gulo talaga.”

“paanong magulo? may third party o ano?”

hindi mo alam kung anong meron kay jungwoo pero mabilis kang nakapag-open up sa kanya kung ikukumpara mo sa pamilya mo. ni hindi nga alam ng pamilya mo na kasal ka dahil sa kagustuhan mong itago ito. pinaliwanag mo kay jungwoo na kaya ka kasal dahil gustong makuha ni jeno ang trust fund niya sa lolo niya, and the only way he could get this is to get married. matagal na kasing gusto ng lolo ni jeno na ikasal siya dahil sa kanilang magkakapatid at magpipinsan, siya na lang ang hindi pa kasal. halos lahat ng mga kapatid at pinsan niya ay nakuha na ang kanilang mga trust fund— except for him dahil wala pa siyang asawa. to make it more believable, jeno created a contract to stay married with you for a year hanggang sa maproseso niya ang trust fund niya. pero ngayong iniisip mo ito, mukhang hindi ata nakuha ni jeno ang trust fund niya dahil nawala ka bigla. 

“wait, so, kinasal ka dahil gusto ng asawa mo makuha ‘yung pera sa lolo niya?” tanong ni jungwoo, tumango ka at sumubo ng kanin. “tapos bago ka mapromote, may nangyari sa inyo… tama ba?” tumango ka ulit, “tapos nasaktan ka sa sinabi niya dahil pakiramdam mo, ginamit ka lang talaga niya tapos pinirmahan mo ‘yung kontrata agad-agad?”

“tumpak.” ngiti mo, “anyway, ilang buwan na ang nakalipas simula nun. wala na akong contact sa kanya, wala na lahat.”

“paano kapag bumalik?”

napatigil ka sa pag nguya, hindi naman na babalik 'yun dahil wala ka naman sa kanya eh. hindi ka importante sa buhay niya in the first place. “hindi na 'yun babalik, jungwoo.” sabi mo, may bahid ng lungkot ang boses mo kaya tumango si jungwoo. “ano ba 'yan, ang lungkot ng usapan natin. pwede bang change topic?”

naging magkaibigan kayo ni jungwoo simula nung araw na 'yun, siya lang rin ang nakakaalam ng history mo kay jeno at siya lang rin ang nakakaalam nabuntis ka ng asawa mo. medyo nahirapan kang sabihin itonsa mga magulang mo, unang una, hindi naman kasi nila alam na kasal ka na dahil hindi mo ito sinabi— ang alam mo lang kasi, matatapos ang kontrata niyo ni jeno at pagtapos nun, pwede ka nang magpatuloy sa buhay mo nang hindi nila nalalaman 'yun. you even considered it to be your deepest, darkest secret, pero nag-iwan ng souvenir si jeno.

—.

"babalik ka na sa seoul, sigurado na ba 'yan? hindi ka na tatakas?" tanong ni jungwoo sa'yo sa tawag, kasalukuyan kang nagmamaneho pabalik ng seoul, traffic pa nga at maling ideya talaga na umalis kayo ng anak mo ng late na. "si lily? okay lang ba siya?"

"okay lang siya, tulog sa likod" sagot mo, "woo, thank you ha. i can't stress enough how thankful i am to you the past 4 years." sabi mo sa kanya, "thank you for acting like a father figure kay lily, sayang na-cut short. ready na pa naman akong pakasalan ka" asar mo, madalas kasing isipin ng mga ka-trabaho mo na ang anak mo ay anak rin ni jungwoo kaya naging inside joke niyo na itong magkaibigan.

"tarantado ka, sumbong kita sa asawa mo eh" asar nito pabalik, "papunta rin ako ng seoul bukas, tulungan ko kayo mag-ayos sa apartment niyo."

"sige, sige! matutuwa nyan si lily," sagot mo, "for now, sa iisang kwarto muna kami matutulog. wala pa raw kasi 'yung inorder kong kama niya sabi ng landlord. bukas pa ata dadating, keri mo bang tulungan ako iset-up 'yun?"

"ako pa ba, y/n?"

"hay nako, woo. una na ako, umaandar na 'yung traffic, bye na. ingat ka bukas ha!"

bukod sa gasolina at pagpapahangin ng gulong ng kotse niyo, nagdecide kang dumaan sa rest stop dahil nagising si lily sa likod at nagsabing nagugutom na siya. dalawang oras pa ang byahe niyo kaya maganda na rin sigurong magpahinga muna kayo kahit isang oras rito sa rest stop para kumain at magliwaliw mag-ina.

"mommy, look oh! samoyed!" excited na sabi ng anak mo at tinuro ang puting aso na naglalakad kasama ang amo niya. "hello, can i pet your dog po?" the dog was owned by a young couple, natuwa sila dahil napaka-polite ng anak mo at tumango para payagan na hawakan ang aso. "you're so cute!"

simula nung nag-aral si lily sa isang kindergarten sa busan, madalas na sinasabi ng mga guro niya na mahilig sa aso at pusa ang bata. halos saulo na niya ang iba't ibang klase ng breed ng mga aso at pusa at sa tuwing nakakakita siya nito, gustong gusto niyang hawakan. "bye bye, cutie! alis na kami ng mommy ko" paalam niya sa aso, "thank you po for letting me play with your dog" ngumiti ang dalawa sa kanya at naglakad na palayo. humawak na si lily sa kamay mo at pumasok kayo sa isang maliit na restaurant, mahilig rin sa fried chicken ang bata— halos ito na lang ata ang gusto niyang kainin araw-araw. "mommy, may new school na po ako di 'ba?" tanong niya sa'yo habang naghihintay kayo ng pagkain.

nilapag mo sa lamesa ang cellphone mo at tinignan ang anak mo, may hawig ni jeno ang bata. kung saan nakapwesto ang nunal ni jeno, na nasa ilalim ng mata, ganun rin ang sa bata. pati ang hulma ng mga mata nito kapag nakangiti ay parang si jeno. "yes anak, malapit sa office ni mommy para mabilis kita masundo." sagot mo at hinawi ang buhok niyang nakatakip sa mukha niya, "kinakabahan ka ba kasi bagong lugar?"

"nope!" sagot niya, "magkakaroon naman po ako ng bagong friends 'dun, sabi ni dada woo, marami daw pong dogs sa seoul! kaya excited rin po ako!"

ngumiti ka sa anak mo at pinisil ang pisngi nito, ang cute cute kasi niya. pinapanood mong kumain ang anak mo habang nagrereply sa mga chat ni jungwoo sa'yo, kanina ka pa kinukulit na gusto raw niyang makita ang inaanak niya kaya kada galaw ng bata sa loob ng restaurant at rest stop, kailangan mong i-send kay jungwoo.

"mommy, ayaw kong pumasok sa cr. dito na lang po ako sa labas" sabi ng anak mo, "promise po, here lang ako"

"pero anak, delikado eh… baka kung saan ka mapunta o may kumuha sa'yo"

"mommy big girl na po ako, lagi ko po natatandaan 'yung rule mo: don't talk to strangers?"

"hmm, okay. mommy trusts you enough naman na, saglit lang ako, okay? don't go anywhere!"

tumango ang bata sa'yo at talagang hindi nga siya umalis sa labas ng banyo. pero dahil bata, madalas gumagana ang imahinasyon niya at naglaro. lily was skipping steps, singing random songs na natatandaan niyang pinatugtog ng teacher niya before pero natigil ito nang bigla siyang mabangga ng isang lalaki at bumagsak siya sa sahig.

"oh my, are you okay?" tanong ng lalaki sa kanya at tinulungan siyang lumuhod para pagpagin ang dumi sa pantalon ng bata.

"yes po!" ngiti ni lily, "sorry, hindi po dapat ako naglalaro dyan banda…"

"no, okay lang. nagmamadali kasi ako kaya hindi kita napansin." sabi nito, "asan kasama mo? mommy? daddy? bakit mag-isa ka dito?"

"hmm, 'yung dada ko po nasa busan pa narinig ko sila ni mommy na susunod raw si dada woo bukas samin sa seoul kasi lilipat na kami ng bahay. 'yung mommy ko po nasa cr" sagot ng bata, "hala, i just broke mommy's rule na don't talk to strangers!"

natawa ang lalaki sa bata, inayos niya ang sarili niya at inabot ang kamay. "i'm jeno lee, hindi na ako stranger. anong name mo?"

"lily!" 

"nice to meet you, lily." ngiti ni jeno, "gusto mo bang samahan muna kita dito hanggang sa makalabas si mommy mo sa cr?"

"sure po, tito jeno!"

maraming kwento ang bata kay jeno, parehong tao na walang kamuwang-muwang na mag-ama sila. ilang minuto pa ang lumipas bago ka makalabas ng banyo at nahulog ang puso mo nang makita mo si lily na hawak-hawak ang kamay ni jeno. putangina, totoo ba 'tong nakikita ko? isip mo, bumitaw sa pagkakahawak ng kamay si lily kay jeno at tumakbo sa'yo. "mommy!" tawag niya, yumakap ito sa binti mo at tinignan ka. "he stayed with me po, kanina while you were inside the restroom. he's not a bad guy mommy!" 

"y/n?"

"jeno?"

sabay kayong nagsalita kaya nagtaka si lily, "mommy, kilala mo po siya?" oo anak, siya ang tatay mo. "mommy?" sasagot ka na sana pero biglang nag-ring ang cellphone mo, agad itong kinuha ni lily mula sa bag mo. "mommy, it's dada! pwede ko po ba sagutin? miss ko na siya eh"

"a-ah, sige," sabi mo, agad namang sinagot ni lily ang tawag. muling nagtama ang mga mata niyo ni jeno, "hi"

"hi" sagot niya, "kumusta? you're a mom na pala"

tangina naman jeno, kamukha mo 'yung bata, hindi pa ba obvious? "oo, pasensya na kung madaldal ah… madaldal kasi 'yung… ano…" nauutal ka, parang 'di mo mahanap 'yung tamang salita na gusto mong sabihin. "una na kami jeno ha, salamat sa pagbabantay sa kanya kahit saglit lang."

paalis ka na sana, pero biglang hinawakan ni jeno ang kamay mo. nagulat ka naman, "y/n, you do know we have things to talk about, di 'ba?" tanong nito, "it's long overdue. pwede ba kitang ayain magkape? your daughter said sa seoul na raw kayo titira—"

"jeno, kung okay lang sa'yo, pwede bang 'wag muna ngayon?" sagot mo naman, "marami pa kasi akong aasikasuhin, 'yung bahay, 'yung trabaho ko, 'yung eskwelahan ng anak ko…"

"hindi ko naman sinabing ngayon na agad, we can schedule it."

"okay…"

"the last time i tried to contact you, incorrect daw 'yung number. pwede ko bang kunin 'yung bago mong number ngayon?" 

tumango ka at inabot ang isang business card mo sa kanya, dali-dali kang nagpaalam sa kanya at hinawakan ang kamay ni lily para bumalik sa kotse niyo. habang nilalagyan mo ng seatbelt si lily sa car seat niya, hindi mo maiwasang hindi maluha. apat na taon na ang nakalipas, pero ganun pa rin si jeno. sa apat na taon mong tinago ang anak mo— niyo, may mga araw na hindi mo maiwasang hindi maisip si jeno. paano kaya kung walang nangyari sa inyo nung gabi ng birthday ng lolo niya? walang lily ngayon. paano kaya kung hinintay mo nga talaga na makauwi si jeno sa bahay niyong dalawa imbis na maglaho sa buhay niya? andami mong tanong sa sarili mo, mga tanong na walang sagot sa ngayon.

"woo" tawag mo sa kaibigan mong kasalukuyan nag-aayos ng kama ni lily, "nagkita na sila"

"sinong sila?" tanong nito, ang atensyon niya ay hindi nawawala sa ginagawa niya. "kailangan ko ng context, y/n"

"si lily at 'yung tatay niya"

napatigil si jungwoo sa pagkilos at tinitigan ka, "anong nangyari? paano?"

"sa rest stop kahapon, nagtetext na nga sakin kung kailan daw ba ako pwedeng kitain…" sagot mo, "hindi ko kaya, woo… parang ayoko siyang harapin"

naiintinidihan ni jungwoo kung saan ka nangagaling, naiintindihan niya kung ayaw mong harapin ang asawa mo. after all, your marriage is only a marriage of convenience plus lily was an accident— your beautiful accident. hindi mo alam kung napansin ba ni jeno ang similarities nila ng anak niyo, pero sana hindi, dahil ayaw mo pang sabihin sa kanya ang totoo kahit alam mong deserve niyang malaman ang totoo.

"kitain mo na, y/n" sabi ni jungwoo at hinarap ka, "malay mo naman hindi tungkol kay lily ang pag-uusapan niyo, malay mo tungkol lang sa nangyari years ago." humawak si jungwoo sa parehong balikat mo, "di 'ba ikaw ang umalis ng walang paalam? malay mo ang bitbit ni jeno pag nagkita kayo eh divorce papers. y/n, hindi naman kayo nag-hiwalay talaga ni jeno eh, technically, kasal ka pa rin. kasal pa rin kayo."

"alam mo, nakakainis ka talaga" tawa mo at yumakap kay jungwoo, "anong gagawin ko kung wala ka?"

"tsk, ano ba. ako lang 'to, y/n!" ngiti ni jungwoo at niyakap ka pabalik. "o bitaw na, tatapusin ko na 'yung kama ng anak mo."

SUNDAY, 6:39 PM | JENO (NEW): hey y/n! i just wanted to ask if this is a good time for us to talk? no rush, will understand kung hindi pa pwede. there’s a new coffee shop near my office, maybe we can meet there if possible?

MONDAY, 9:27 PM | JENO (NEW): i saw lily earlier today at the mall, he was with a guy. is that her dad? they looked cute together.

TUESDAY, 11:23 AM | JENO (NEW): sorry kung makulit, just really need to talk to you. is this a good time? please reply as soon as you can.

TUESDAY, 5:55 PM | JENO (NEW): is now a good time, y/n? nasa work ka ba? maybe i can pick you up.

WEDNESDAY, 10:28 AM | JENO (NEW): y/n please reply whenever you’re available to talk, i’m free wherever and whenever. 

WEDNESDAY, 6:39 PM | JENO (NEW): sorry kung nakukulitan ka na sakin, please let me know if you’re available tonight. we really need to talk. please reply asap.

WEDNESDAY, 6:40 PM | Y/N LEE: sorry for the late reply, kakatapos lang ng shift ko and lily’s with a sitter kaya i’m free now. 

WEDNESDAY, 6:40 PM | JENO (NEW): nasa office ka, right? i can pick you up.

WEDNESDAY, 6:40 PM | Y/N LEE: no need, i’ll just meet you kung saan mo gusto. palabas na ‘ko ng office.

WEDNESDAY, 6:41 PM | JENO (NEW): too late, i just arrived here. 

WEDNESDAY, 6:41 PM | JENO (NEW): i’m outside your building na. black benz. 

hindi ka na nagreply kay jeno at lumabas na sa building ng opisina niyo, bago ka pa bumaba kanina naka-ilang practice ka ng tamang paghinga dahil kinakabahan ka sa mangyayari. pag labas mo, nakita mo si jeno na nakatayo sa labas ng sasakyan niya, suot suot ang itim na tuxedo. ngumiti sa'yo si jeno at pinagbuksan ka ng pintuan bago sumunod sa'yo sa loob, nakilala mo ang driver niya— si taeil na minsan mo nang nakasama sa mga event na pinupuntahan niyo dati.

"saan tayo pupunta?" tanong mo, "kasi hanggang 9 lang ang napaki-usapan kong oras sa baby sitter ni lily." 

"dinner. hindi ka pa kumakain, sigurado ako"

tumango ka na lang at nilipat ang atensyon mo sa bintana, pinapanood na bumukas ang mga ilaw ng malalaking building. neither one of you are speaking, kahit ang driver ay tahimik na nagmamaneho, tanging radyo lang ang tumutunog hanggang sa nakarating kayo sa isang kilalang restaurant. 

"so… about us," simula ni jeno pagkatapos niyong umorder, "bakit ka umalis?"

wow, right away. isip mo, napalunok ka ng laway at kinuha ang sinerve na wine at uminom. "i felt like i needed to leave, pasensya na kung umalis akong walang paalam." sagot mo, pero hindi siya satisfied at gusto pa ng sagot. "ewan ko jeno, nung araw na umalis ka papuntang amerika… nagtext ka sakin, sabi mo kalimutan natin kung ano man ang nangyari satin nung gabing 'yun. nasaktan ako, parang 'dun lang nag-sink in sakin na… ginagamit mo lang ako." sabi mo, biglang kumalma at bumagsak ang balikat niya. umiling at umiwas ka ng tingin bago ituloy ang sasabihin mo, "tapos nalaman kong na-promote ako sa trabaho, pabalik sa busan. sabi ng boss ko, may isang linggo ko para magdesisyon at para kausapin ka pero, hindi ko ginawa 'yun kasi atat na atat akong iwanan ang siyudad na 'to."

"pero—"

"alam ko naman kasi na ginagamit mo lang ako bilang asawa mo dahil sa trust fund na gusto mong makuha pero, hindi ako sigurado kung kaya ko bang ituloy 'yun. alam kong nagawa ko siya ng matagal, natiis ko, pero ang baba bigla ng tingin ko sa sarili ko."

"and nung umalis ka, nakahanap ka na ng iba at nagka-anak kayo? we're still married by paper, you know?"

"ha?" taka mo, "ah, si jungwoo…" ito na 'yun y/n, umamin ka na. "hindi siya ang tatay ng anak ko"

"i'm confused"

"lily is yours, jeno." sagot mo, "lily is an accident, alam mo bang 5 months na siya sa tiyan ko nung nalaman kong buntis ako sa kanya? wala akong ka-muwang muwang na pinagbubuntis ko na pala siya. akala ko tumataba lang ako, pero… buntis na pala ako." 

"paanong— ha? paano? eh sino 'yung tinatawag na dada ni lily kung sakin siya?"

"cryptic pregnancy 'yung nangyari sakin. basically, unaware akong buntis ako hanggang nung nagpa-checkup ako. sabi ng doktor, hindi daw madalas mangyari 'yung ganung klase ng pagbubuntis. nagkakaroon pa rin ako nun kaya nagulat rin ako bakit ako buntis," paliwanag mo, "jungwoo… boss ko siya actually, siya ang unang nakaalam kung anong sitwasyon ko sa'yo at naging magkaibigan kami pagtapos niya kong samahan sa ospital. lily calls him dada kasi siya na ang naging father figure ng bata"

nadistract si jeno bigla dahil nagseserve ang waiter ng pagkain. hindi niya alam kung paano ia-absorb ang impormasyong nalaman niya. ang batang sinamahan niya sa rest stop pansamantala, ay sa kanya. hinintay niyang umalis ang waiter bago siya magsalita, "and you thought it was the best na itago sakin ang anak natin?" tanong niya, napabuntong hininga ka at umiling. "y/n, you could've called me. pwede kong sustentuhan ang bata—"

"hindi kaya ng pride ko 'yun, jeno" you cut off, "i mean, thank you for taking interest of giving support to our child. pero ikaw na mismo 'yung nagsabi dati na ayaw mong magka-anak and our marriage will remain as—"

"y/n, anak ko rin si lily." sumbat niya, "kahit na sinabi ko dati na ayaw kong magka-anak, handa naman akong panindigan siya."

kinuha mo ang gamit mo sa kabilang upuan at tumayo, "...i'm sorry, jeno" bulong mo at umalis. dali-daling naglabas ng pera si jeno, agad itong nilagay sa lamesa at sinundan ka. 

pero huli na si jeno, and for the second time around, umalis ka na naman.

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[sungiesafety]

[3:28 pm] (Lee Jeno - Angst)

You stare at jeno as he hums and sings softly to the song on the radio as he drives you and him back to his childhood house after shopping since you are planning a hang out there, you are going early to help him set up because the rest of your best friends will be there in a few hours so you all can be together before everyone moves to the college that everybody thankfully got into so you can spend your college years together as well even if it's a good few hours away from your hometown where the whole squad met. Once you get to a red light jeno looks over at you and makes eye contact “what’s up?” he asks you with a smile and you just shake your head as you say “nothing much, it’s just nice hearing you sing even if it’s under your breath” he shakes his head and says “you know i dislike singing in front of people” you nod and keep looking a him “i know and that’s why i said it’s nice to hear you sing” he then turns back to looking forward as the light turns green and you guys sit in silence as the both of you hum to the song playing as he gets closer to his house.

Later on you are smiling as you watch jeno play ball with donghyuck and jisung in his backyard, you sit under the shade made by the overhang of his back porch “you need to stop staring at him like he is your world if you don’t want him to find out about your feelings” you hear someone say and you already know who it is “shut up jaemin, i don’t need you talking so loud about this” you watch as jaemin sits beside you at the table under the porch and sighs “you already know that no one heard me because they are so distracted playing plus the rest of them are busy inside still eating and i did say it quietly” he says with a soft hum to his tone and you shake your head as you look at jaemin with a sigh leaving you but then reply back “we both know that he is oblivious to my feelings and if he knew he would have already turned me down or cut himself off from me” jaemin shakes his head but doesn’t reply probably because he knows that you are right about what you said. After a few minutes the rest of the boys who were inside go outside and start playing with the others as you and jaemin keep watching then you hear jaemin whisper “does it hurt?” you just hum softly then say “of course it does… how could being in love with your best friend from beginning of high school to now the start of college who doesn’t believe in love and denies that any type of romantic love exists because it only ends in pain not hurt..?” you see jaemin nod out of the corner of your eye before he says “why not try to move on?” and you can’t help but let a bittersweet laugh leave you before replying with “i have tried but no matter what i always end up back in love with him, and i would never let myself use anyone to get over my feelings because that’s hurting them in a way that i never want too... even if they would say it’s fine” you watch as he nods slowly again then sighs and looks at you with a sad smile “I’m sorry that your going through this y/n” you look back at him and smile with a soft look in your eyes and say “I’m sorry too but i will never regret falling in love with him” and all jaemin says back is “i know you never would” and you both look back at the boys playing ball before you and jeno make eye contact as he smiles happily because his team won and you give him a smile filled with happiness, pain and love.

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