#eddie helped him to understand how love has nuances and romantic love takes a different kind of care and nurturing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

evanoracronwell · 3 years

Text

I'll be holding on to you

Buddie

"I should have seen it, it was all so obvious Buck, so clear in front of me. It's you, it's always been you."

read on ao3

The second time Eddie opens his eyes, it only takes a few seconds for him to understand where he is. The sunlight coming in through the windows is much clearer than usual, but even so, it is impossible not to notice that he is in his room lying on the bed while staring at the ceiling. The small movement at his side makes Eddie turn around and he catches his breath when he sees who's there with him.

Because it's Buck, a Buck who obviously isn't wearing any clothes on top, leaving all the skin on his chest exposed, lying on his side with his face very close to Eddie. Buck, sleeping peacefully and so beautiful framed by the yellow and orange nuances of the sunlight.

Eddie lies on his side approaching, careful not to wake Buck, until his body is practically glued to Buck's. How many minutes is he there? Just watching Buck sleep?

"You are staring." Buck's husky voice awakens Eddie from his thoughts.

"I'm gazing."

"It's creepy."

"It's romantic."

Eddie sighs when he hears Buck chuckle before opening his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. Buck gets even closer, sinking his body against Eddie's who welcomes him by wrapping his arms around Buck's waist.

"Good Morning!"

Buck says almost in a whisper and Eddie can't even answer before receiving a soft, gentle kiss on the lips. The touch of Buck's fingers caressing his face makes Eddie tremble. The taste of Buck's lips is like coming home. It's perfect.

"You need to wake up Eddie."

"What? Buck, I'm already awake." Eddie responds smiling without understanding and wraps his arms tighter around Buck's waist.

"No Eddie, you need to wake up."

"Buck ... I don't understand."

"Christopher needs you." Buck has a sad look now and Eddie feels his heart sink with the sadness that Buck is feeling. "I need you. Please, Eddie."

"No! I don't understand, Buck, I'm here! I'm awake."

"Please, Eddie. Come home. We need you ... please."

Eddie despairs when he feels Buck's body being pulled away from him and as much as he tries, Eddie can't move, can't reach Buck. Eddie screams his name, asks, begs him to return ... and then the darkness embraces him again.

The third time Eddie opens his eyes, it's for a white room with low lighting and an intense smell of sanitizer, it doesn't take much more than a few seconds to know that he was in a hospital.

Because he had been hurt. Shot in the shoulder. Again. Excellent.

"Edmundo ?! Oh, sweetheart, you're awake!"

The soft, low voice comes into his ears, and immediately a face appears in front of Eddie's eyes. Ana. His girlfriend. Except that she is not the one he wants. He wants Buck and the warmth that warmed Eddie when he held him in his arms. He wants the light, sleepy smile early in the morning. He wants the kiss ... Buck's loving, perfect kiss.

"Buck !? Christopher!"

"They're outside. He's with Christopher ... I thought ... I thought it should be me here when you wake up."

"Buck ?!"

Eddie says again, his head still a little confused and unable to process everything she is saying, he just knows he wants Buck. Buck is the one who should be here, Buck is the one who should be the first person Eddie would see when he woke up, Buck and Christopher. They are the two most important people in Eddie's life, the two people he loved the most. God, everything was as clear as day now. Always there, exposed in his face so obvious that it is even comical. And suddenly he is no longer confused. His mind has never been clearer before.

"Edmundo, I don't understand ... why ..."

"I'm sorry, Ana. I never meant to hurt you. I swear to you that I really believed that the two of us were right for each other."

"You can't be serious right now. You can't tell me that you really ..."

"We're done, Ana. We should never have even started. I was blind to what was in front of me, and for that, I am so sorry."

"No! You are just confused. It must be the medications and ..."

"Ana, please don't! Don't do this to yourself. It's over. We're over."

"You will regret it. Edmundo. You will realize the mistake you are making and you will regret it."

"I would never regret choosing him, Ana."

Buck hates the hospital waiting room, all right, truth be told, he's always been on the other side of the door. Always the patient. But Buck definitely hates the hospital's waiting room. He had woken up practically with the sun, after almost reading an entire book to Christopher, the child finally managed to fall asleep and Buck refused to leave his side, so at some point he too fell asleep, sitting against the headboard. Chris was still scared and had clung to Buck, refusing to leave his lap even for an instant. So here was Buck, sitting on a chair in the waiting room, with Christopher in his lap hiding his face on Buck's chest while Carla read a book to try to distract him. He wanted to get in Eddie's room, he wanted to see Eddie. He wanted to take Chris to see his father. But Ana insisted that it should be her and Christopher to be there, and when Christopher refused to go with her, and clung more tightly to Buck. Well, the woman just twisted her angry face and walked away, heading towards Eddie's room without giving the slightest chance of anyone saying anything. That had been over an hour ago, and she hadn't left yet. This means that Eddie has not yet woken up, because Buck knows that Christopher would be the first person Eddie would ask to see, so Ana would leave for Christopher to enter. He would just have to wait.

And that was the problem, right?

Buck didn't want to wait.

"What do you think about going to eat something? Aren't you hungry, my love? I'm sure we can find something very tasty in the cafeteria."

Carla's voice awakens Buck from his thoughts and he twists his neck a little so he can look into Chris's eyes, who instead of answering just sought Buck's look.

"That's a great idea, isn't it Superman, you hardly ate your breakfast and I know you must be hungry."

"But ... Daddy ..."

"I will stay here. If he wakes up, I promise I will call you."

"Promise?"

"I promise, buddy."

Carla and Christopher have barely disappeared down the hall when Buck notices Ana coming towards her, her quick steps and red eyes make it clear that she is crying. He stands up worried, but she just looks at him furiously.

"I hope you are happy now."

Then she leaves, saying nothing more and leaving Buck more confused than ever. But whatever her problem was, Buck couldn't care less. He practically runs to the room where Eddie is, and when he walks through the door and sees him there, with his eyes open looking back at Buck, it's such an intense emotion that Buck can't help himself, he bites his lower lip hard and his vision blurs through tears.

"Hey."

"Hey? You almost die on me and everything you say is hey?" Buck lets out a choked laugh and walks over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"You know it wasn't my fault, right?"

"Do you mean different from the time you cut the line?"

"Oh come on Buck, don't do that."

Eddie smiles as he sees Buck roll his eyes, everything looks so much better now, so much simpler now. With Buck here. But it was always like that, wasn't it? Better, easier, brighter. Everything was always better with Buck around, damn it, Eddie had been stupid and blind. There, so close to him all this time.

"You scared me, Eddie," Buck murmurs in a broken voice. "I thought..."

"I know, I'm sorry." With a sigh he reaches for Buck's hand and intertwines their fingers, it feels good, a feeling of warmth that takes over his whole body. "But it's okay now. And I'm happy that you're here."

"Of course I'm here. I was outside waiting for Ana to leave, which by the way, she looked angry when she passed me."

"We're over."

"Oh ... I ... I'm sorry, Eddie. I can't believe she did this to you."

"She didn't. I did."

"I don't understand, I thought I liked her."

"I did, just not enough. She just wasn't the one. My heart didn't belong to her, it belongs to someone else." Eddie smiles, taking Buck's hand to his chest, right where his heart is so Buck can feel his heartbeat at his fingertips.

"Eddie ?!" Buck can't even breathe, his gaze going from Eddie's eyes to their hands.

"I should have seen it, it was all so obvious Buck, so clear in front of me. It's you, it's always been you."

"What are you saying?" Buck mumbles in a choked voice

"That I love you, I'm completely in love with you. And that I'm terrified that you don't feel the same, but I need to tell you. I need you to know that I dreamed of you, dreamed that you were on my side asking me to come back, that I was lost and confused, and that it was your voice that made me find my way back, to you and Christopher. Home, Buck, you and Chris are my home and I love you, I love you so much, and..."

"I love you too."

Buck says the words in a broken and sobbing voice and Eddie can no longer hold himself, he grabs Buck's neck and pulls him towards his lips. He tastes millions of times better than in the dream. Buck tastes like sunlight, strawberries, happiness, and all the good things in the universe. It's wonderful, perfect, and addictive and Eddie could spend all eternity kissing Buck. Eddie sighs loving the sensation of their tongues engaging in a slow and calm dance, exploring the territory, recognizing every little corner of their mouths without any hurry, because they know they will have all the time in the world.

The next few days at the hospital are terrible, Eddie hates every second and can't wait to go home. Christopher stayed with him on the first day, but due to the pandemic, Eddie convinced his son to stay safe at home, promising that they would talk at least twice through face time. Carla is a huge help and stays with Christopher while Buck is working or at the hospital keeping company with Eddie. But at night, Buck goes home to be with Christopher, and the three talks on his cell phone before the boy goes to sleep. The entire 118 family visits, taking turns to make sure Eddie always has someone by his side. It's good, the feeling of having so many people beside him. Eddie always knew that 118 was a big, close-knit family, but at times like this, he realizes how close everyone is.

A week later, he finally goes home. Buck picks him up at the hospital and when Eddie walks through the front door of his house he is met by all his friends, Pepa and Abuela. Balloons and a banner are hanging in his living room. He has a cake with the words: 'No more shoulders left to shoot' that makes Eddie laugh and Hen smile saying that the cake is red velvet.

"It bleeds when you cut it."

He doesn't really understand why it makes Buck laugh, it seems like a joke between the two of them, but Eddie doesn't care at the moment. His whole family is here, he can finally hug his son. They spend hours talking, eating, and laughing while the kids play around the house and then disappear to play video games in Christopher's room. That feeling of having found his place in the world is good, since Eddie decided to come to Los Angeles, his parents have done nothing but question Eddie and make him question himself. But here, surrounded by people he trusts and loves, he has never been more sure about his choice.

The conversation with Christopher is more than overdue, while he was in the hospital, Eddie knew that the boy wouldn't question Ana's absence, but now with Eddie at home, he knows that Christopher would find it strange that the woman disappeared, so after everyone's gone, leaving only him, Christopher and Buck at home. Eddie expects Buck to help his son get ready for bed and goes to the bedroom so they can talk. The conversation is, at the very least strange, Christopher accepts the break-up with Ana well and seems even relieved that his father is no longer dating her and Eddie feels like punching himself for really thinking that Ana was the best for his son. When he says he's dating Buck, Christopher's reaction changes and Eddie can feel his boyfriend freeze beside him. For a few seconds, Christopher looks at them both with narrowed eyes and a confused expression.

"Does that mean Buck is going to spend more time with us?"

"Well, yes, kiddo. He's going to be spending a lot of time with us now."

"Is he going to live here too?"

"No, Chris, I'm not going to live here with you, buddy."

"Maybe in the future, Chris," Eddie responds over Buck, looking quickly at his boyfriend who still looks frozen and doesn't even blink.

"You should move in with us, Buck. Everything's better when you're here. We can eat pancakes every morning."

Christopher says as if it is the most obvious and simple thing in the world, and when Eddie sighs more relieved asking if his son is okay with him and Buck being together, Christopher just laughs and throws himself on Buck's lap hugging him, then he reaches out for Eddie to join the hug.

"I knew Dad. Carla said people who love each other are connected by invisible strings, remember? I knew that one day you and Buck would be able to see the strings connecting you two."

After that everything is so ... simple. So simple that it sometimes scares Eddie.

He didn't know that a relationship could be like that, with Shannon he knew only two settings. Either they were fighting, or they were in bed having sex. With Ana, it was easy. There was no spark, and she always had to initiate any touch.

But with Buck, he knows a type of relationship that he doesn't even know existed. Nothing changes between them, but at the same time, everything seems to change. They still eat pizza and play video games with Christopher, or watch some animated movie that Chris chooses. Buck helps him with school activities and they talk about the books that Chris is reading for the School. They go to the park for Christopher to walk with his skate at times that they know it won't be crowded, Buck pushes the boy through the park practically alone since Eddie can't use his shoulder, but Eddie goes back recording every minute loving Christopher's and Buck's laugh

They still spend hours sitting on the couch talking about everything and anything, but now Eddie lies in Buck's arms sighing every time his boyfriend kisses his temple. Sometimes they simply laid there, not talking at all, just enjoying each other's company. Now when Christopher goes to Hen's house for a sleepover with Denny, the two of them just cook some homemade meal - well, Buck is going to cook and Eddie is just going to watch him because the last thing they need is an accident - so they will set the table in a romantic mood. Eddie will even light some candles and put on some soft music to play, it's the perfect romantic night for them. Sometimes they go out, it is rare that they choose to go out, it is safer to stay at home and they even prefer it. But when they go out, it is never for expensive and extravagant restaurants. No, because with Buck, Eddie doesn't have to pretend. Then they go to the Mexican food restaurant a few blocks from Buck's apartment, or the food truck for them to eat the best hot dog in LA, next to the park where they take Chris to skate. Sometimes they go to an Italian Cantina across town and have fun eating pasta and garlic bread and drinking grape juice since Eddie is still on medication for his shoulder. Now, when Buck spends the night, instead of sleeping on the couch, he sleeps in bed with Eddie and that makes it so much more wonderful. Eddie loved it, when in the morning, when everything was silent and the sun started to pass through the curtain and filled the room with a foggy golden-yellow glow, Eddie opened his eyes and smiled when he saw Buck, his blond hair with messy curls contrasting with the white pillow, admiring the sunlight reflected on it, setting it on fire. He heard Buck's steady rhythm of breathing and counted the almost invisible freckles he had on his shoulders, ran his finger almost without touching the mark above his eye, and fell in love with him again and again. Buck could feel he was being admired and then obviously he would eventually wake up with a beautiful smile as he would bite his lower lip, turn to Eddie and arch his back, stretching and saying good morning. They would kiss slowly for a few minutes, then take a shower together enjoying the hot spray of water, later Buck would make breakfast while Eddie woke Chris. The three of them would have breakfast together and Eddie couldn't imagine a more perfect life.

Almost two months pass when they decide to tell their friends that they are together, it is a barbecue at Athena and Bobby's house and the two arrive with their hands intertwined. Athena is the one who opens the door and she smiles in a way that says thousands of words and when they go down the stairs everyone looks at them for a few seconds

"Well, it was about damn time."

Hen's voice echoes and everyone starts laughing and congratulating them for being together. Chimney wrings his face and complains that they only told them about their dating today.

"Last week, guys, if you've told us last week I would have made some good money, thank you very much."

Eddie and Buck don't quite understand, but they don't care, they just sit on a bench in the garden and Eddie settles against his boyfriend's chest and Buck puts his arm over Eddie's shoulder, and then they embark on a conversation with Bobby that is next to them on the grid. The day is sunny, the children's laughter can be heard all over the house, everyone is having fun and Eddie can't help admiring his boyfriend when Maddie leaves Jee-Yun in his arms.

Days later when he tells Carla at his house, she looks at him with a wise smile.

"I'm glad you finally followed your heart, Eddie."

After his friends, it's time to finally tell his family. Abuela and Pepa are the first and they surprise Eddie. They just smile and show no surprise at the newness. Abuela just holds him by the face with both hands and kisses him on the forehead.

"Tardaste a ver lo que estabas frente a ti, Edito"

His parents manage to surprise him even more. Eddie expected the look of disapproval, he expected a palestra, where his parents would say all the ways Eddie was ruining his life and dragging Christopher with him. But instead, his mother smiles and asks to know more about the relationship, and Eddie tells them everything, he talks about how Buck is good for him and for Christopher, how he cares for them, how Christopher loves to have Buck in his life. His parents listen to everything and then say that they are happy for him and that they hope that the next time they talk on face time, they expect Buck to be with him so that they officially meet him as his boyfriend. When the call is over, Eddie can't help sobbing feeling that huge weight on his heart is gone, he is just grateful to be home alone.

The months drag on slowly after that, the physical therapy sessions are intense and Eddie hates every second of them. He is tired and in pain almost all the time. But Buck is always there, when he is not on a shift he goes to physical therapy with Eddie and participates in each exercise, helping and encouraging Eddie to remain strong and confident. When they go home, Buck always drags him into a nice, long hot shower, they lie down on the bed, and Buck massages Eddie's aching shoulder and back until he is so relaxed and dismounted that he simply passes out on the bed embarked in deep sleep that renews all his energies. It takes a long time, much longer than Eddie thought it would take, and definitely more than he would like it to take. But finally, he has a clean bill of health and can go back to the fire station. He is greeted with a party just like months ago at his house, they celebrate Eddie's return to work for a few minutes until the siren rings causing everyone to run to the truck. Eddie exhales when he feels the fire truck roam the streets of Los Angeles, enjoying the feeling of being back where he belonged. When Buck interlaces their fingers and looks at Eddie with a huge smile, happy to have his partner back, Eddie smiles even more.

Yes, he really was where he belongs.

20 notes · View notes