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Podcast Transcription: Best Friends Forever with Olivia Rothschild

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Episode 37 – Best Friends Forever with Olivia Rothschild

Listen to this episode here!

In this episode Rachel's best friend takes over as host of the show to interview Rachel! They start off talking about Rachel's fears about leaving her baby for the first time and Olivia asks some very serious questions Rachel normally does not answer (like, “when was the first time you ever farted in front of Dennis?”) and they then venture toward more serious subjects (…like pooping during childbirth). After getting the many questions about bodily functions out of the way they dive into the stories from their high school days, what it's like having husbands that are BFF's and the very important subject of #MeToo – what's next? They talk about how we can raise vulnerable boys and empowered girls while continuing to smash the patriarchy and strive for equality in the most loving way possible. They also talk about how to find your true passion in life and stay on course even when life throws you challenges.

[001:37] Olivia: Hi, and welcome to the podcast From The Heart, with Olivia Rothschild. Today I have a very special guest here in the studio, the one and only Rachel Brathen, also known as Yoga Girl. You all know her as the Instagram yoga and life guru who went from bikini pictures on the beach in Aruba to rant mania about things like feminism, baby sleep training, body image, and much more. As old high school friends, travel and work partners, baby mamas, and each others' maids of honors, I know Rachel as a party animal, crazy dog lady, the bestest of friends, and a real diva.

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: She has the smartest intellect, biggest heart, and most explosive energy I know. Every day I wonder if she has a secret way of putting more hours into a day. She's a manifester and sometimes a pester. She's incredibly naïve, yet the most aware person out there. She is the definition of contradictions, with an open mind, but only to the things she likes and agrees with. Rachel, very welcome to the takeover of your own podcast.

Rachel: Oh my god! (laugh) I'm going to die already! I'm sweating! Thank you so much for having me on the show, I'm so excited to be here.

Olivia: I'm glad you're excited. So, we received a lot of good questions, and in honor of the most asked questions, I've renamed today's episode to From the Fart.

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh)

Rachel: From the Fart. From The Heart to From the Fart.

Olivia: It is, without question, the most asked question.

Rachel: No! No. Why? (laugh)

Olivia: Yes, so far. I don't know. But I want to start our conversation on that end, literally.

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh) And ask you the first time you farted in front of Dennis?

Rachel: Oh my god. Why are people asking about farts?! That makes no sense whatsoever.

Olivia: I don't know. Probably because everybody farts, but nobody talks about it.

Rachel: Probably because you're the host and you do talk about farts.

Olivia: Mmmmmaybe.

Rachel: Maybe. (laugh) The first time I farted in front of Dennis, actually, okay, I'm not lying, I'm not a farter. Like, I'm not a public farter. I'm not a casual farter for just farts, whatever. Um, a couple of years in, I would say. I kind of remember the first time I farted and it was loud enough that he turned, and then he looked away and he didn't say anything, and that made it much worse! (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh) He knew, and you knew.

Rachel: He knew and I knew! But no one said anything. Then, yeah, now he's seen me give birth to a child, so he's seen everything and worse.

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: So there are no barriers anymore.

Olivia: No. But, not to leave the fart subject just yet, a lot of questions were about the funniest story of farts in yoga class.

Rachel: Farts in … oh my god, yeah, no I have so many.

Olivia: There are some tricky poses.

[005:00] Rachel: (laugh) There's some tricky poses. And I know the feeling, so I had a really loud queef in a class once, like, queef is the … you know, the fart of the vaginas. They should be more celebrated, but somehow, I don't know, people are more embarrassed about queefing than anything else. I don't know, I think queefing is awesome. It just means that your vagina has superpowers. It can contain air. Birth a child, it can do all of these things. But I had a really loud queefing situation in class where, like, the class turned around and saw that I had … it sounds like a fart, of course. I mean … The worse thing is-

Olivia: Mmhm. Did you acknowledge it?

Rachel: How can I? It was in the middle of class that I wasn't teaching, you know!? But all of those people knew who I was, because they're in my yoga studio, and I was just mortified, mortified. When it happens in class, I had it not so long ago that there was a really loud fart, and it was really clear, like, it was in one of those quiet moments in between speaking in class, and everyone heard it. But you have to just breeze through it, you know? You can't address it, because they might be mortified. So I just ignore it, and I just dive into something else. But yeah, totally normal. We should fart more, or at least talk about farts more.

Olivia: Maybe I should rename the podcast.

Rachel: Maybe …

Olivia: Or not. I don't know. Keep it From The Heart.

Rachel: Maybe you should start a parallel podcast. From The Fart with Olivia. (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh) I'm actually not a farter either.

Rachel: No, but your husband is.

Olivia: My husband is, and my baby is even worse. Which is pretty normal. So, we were touching upon that a little bit as well, and I happened to imagine it during my post, so a lot of questions came in about that, and pooping during childbirth. So, I wanted to actually raise that, because I think more people should know it happens and not be afraid of it happening, because the attitude of our husbands when we were talking about it was pretty relaxed. What do you have to say on that subject?

Rachel: Pretty, pretty awesome. Oh my god, I was just wondering, like, what are we going to talk about with Olivia leading the show?! (laugh) Farts and poop!

Olivia: We're going to get to serious subjects, I promise.

Rachel: No, this is awesome. We need a break from all the serious stuff that we've had lately.

Olivia: Yes. Yes.

Rachel: No, this is very good. I think it's actually a much more important subject than you would think, because a lot of things I hear from other pregnant women, people that are pregnant are really nervous about pooping during labor, and I've actually heard from a few midwives that I spoke to that it's a big reason why people hold back during the push contractions, because they're so terrified of pooping, and then it's, you know, much harder to birth a child if you're at the same time holding back, because, of course, when you're pushing for your life, you can't distinguish if you're pushing a little bit of poop out or if it's the baby. You can't feel that. And it's just a natural part of the release of the body. It happens, no big deal. But you brought it up, why did we talk about that over breakfast today? It was something about-

Olivia: Oh. It was about Dennis' and your mom's barriers.

[008:00] Rachel: (laugh) My mom had a thing with Dennis where she had to say, “We have no barriers anymore.” (laugh) Anyway, I'm not going to go into that. But then we spoke about that, and then Patrick said that it happened to you during labor.

Olivia: Yeah.

Rachel: And he was like, “Whoa, like, no big deal, but like, yeah, it was like a real one!” I was like, “What?! I didn't even know that. What was it like?” You were like, “Well, I don't know.” You were like so chill about it. And then I said, “Well it didn't really happen to me. I think maybe a little bit, but Dennis was behind me when I was pushing, like, holding my back, so he didn't see.” And then he came in and he was like, “Oh my god, there was poop when you had the baby.” (laugh) But it was so interesting because the midwife, she had her glove, and she just wiped it away and then carried on.” (laugh) And he did this motion with his hand, like he was wiping the poop, and I was just … oh my god, this is where we are. The four of us, we have no fucking …

Olivia: Boundaries.

Rachel: No fucking boundaries, no. No, but I think everyone should just embrace the idea of maybe pooping a little bit when you push your baby out.

Olivia: Yes. I think it makes the pushing much easier. Just go for it.

Rachel: I mean, if you think about that, then you can't … I don't know how-

Olivia: No. Mm-mm.

Rachel: Mm-mm.

Olivia: No.

Rachel: No.

Olivia: Okay, good. Then we talked about that. So, before we get into some more serious questions, what do you think are your three worst habits, according to Dennis?

Rachel: Oh-

Olivia: I know one.

Rachel: Which one?

Olivia: Okay, say first so we see if I'm right. Three … two … Smacking!

Rachel: Chewing with my mouth open! (laugh) Smacking! (laugh) That's the Swedish translation. Swedish means to chew with your mouth open.

Olivia: Yes.

[010:00] Rachel: Oh hell yes, that's number one. No. And the thing is, I am a mouth breather, I'm always a little stuffy because of allergies and stuff. Less now now that I'm vegan again. But I chew with my mouth open and I'm a loud chewer, and it annoys him to the degree of, like … I don't know. I don't know what to compare it to. He hates it so much. But I was always a loud chewer, and whenever he gets upset, I'm like, “You knew this about me when you asked me to marry you, and you committed to a life of loud chewing, that's just what it is.” And I've heard your food tastes better if your mouth is open. But no, that's for sure the number one.

Number two probably is my controlling side. Like, my micromanaging. Yeah, I'm always the backseat driver of everything. Which, he's kind of relaxed about it now. If I ask him something, I'm like, “Hey …” Like, with the baby, I'm like, “Could you feed the baby smaller bites, because the food is all over her face, and then it goes all over her hair and her clothes and I have to change her. You think you could feed the baby smaller bites?” It's just like, why am I saying that even? I should just let him be. And then he's like, “Hey honey, you know what? I think I'm going to feed the baby smaller bites.” He does that with everything I say, as if it's like a genius idea he just had.

Olivia: His idea, yes, yes, yes.

Rachel: I'm like, “Can you take the trash out?” And then he's quiet. And then five seconds later, “You know what? The trash is full. I think I'm going to go take the trash out right now.”

Olivia: That's a good way of handling it.

Rachel: Thank you! Yes, it's really good, yes. So we never fight about anything. No.

Number three? I don't know. I don't know. What annoys him, like, what do we fight about? You have to ask him what would the top three be.

Olivia: Yeah, I will.

Rachel: I have only two annoying things, nothing else. Not at all, not at all. Nothing else. No, it's probably related to work or something like that. Oh, no, I know what it is. He doesn't like it when I burn bridges.

Olivia: Ah yeah. Mmhm.

Rachel: For instance, we spoke about this yesterday, the ice cream place at the Marriott.

Olivia: Yes.

[012:00] Rachel: So there is a new ice cream place that opened up here in Aruba, and we don't have a lot of stuff, so when something great opens up, everyone gets really excited about it. Then this ice cream place is like a gelato place, and they have vegan ice cream, and everyone was talking about this vegan ice cream and how amazing it is. So I went there with the baby and my mom and Dennis, and they had these kind of popsicles with chocolate and stuff, ice creams on a stick. So good. Then I asked the lady and she says, “Oh, we only have one of them vegan, and It's this one. It's the orange sherbet one with an orange chocolate,” or whatever. I think I asked her five times, “Is this vegan, like, you're sure?” She said, “Yes, yes, yes.” And I heard other people say it's vegan, so I really trusted it. And then the next day or two days later I came back and I said, “Oh, I'll have the vegan orange one.” And there was another lady, and she was like, “Oh, but the chocolate's not vegan, it's made with milk.” I was like, “What?! How are you selling this as vegan if it's not?” And I got really upset, of course, because the baby tasted the ice cream, and it had milk. She never had cow's milk in her life. I was really upset about that.

And then for a few days I was saying, “I have to go back and talk to these people. What if someone is allergic? They don't know what they're selling.” I get really fired up, and then Dennis gets so embarrassed, because he doesn't want me to go there and burn the bridge with the good ice cream place. He's like, “Don't say anything! Don't go there, don't go there, don't go there!” And then finally I went anyway and I just said, “Hey,” like, kindly. “Just so you know, one of your employees is pushing this ice cream as vegan, but it's not. In case someone has an allergy, you want to know.” And the next time we came, there was a big sign, and it said, “We take no responsibility or accountability for dietary requests or allergies! And then I felt like it was a success. But yeah, that's Dennis', like, he hates.

Olivia: He's more of a diplomat.

Rachel: He's a non-confrontational person. Yeah. No, anything, no. He always backs away if I get fired up about something. He's like, “I'm not a part of this conversation!” (laugh) Those are the top three things, for sure.

Olivia: Okay, okay, yeah. I can agree with him on some things.

Rachel: What are your top three things that annoy you about me?

Olivia: About you?

Rachel: Yeah.

Olivia: Well, chewing with your mouth open, I agree with that.

Rachel: (laugh) Are you guys ganging up on me? Is there an intervention coming?

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: Uh, oh my god. Two other things …

[014:00] Rachel: See, I'm such a perfect person. It's just the chewing.

Olivia: Mmm. Only the chewing. The chewing on drama, maybe, sometimes.

Rachel: Chewing on drama? I'm trying to work on that, so-

Olivia: I know.

Rachel: I have gotten better, have I not?

Olivia: Oh, definitely.

Rachel: Yeah? When was it the worst? Chewing on the drama, you mean, like, fueling drama? Or like-

Olivia: Yeah, or holding onto it maybe. Yeah. No, let's not get into the drama.

Rachel: No more drama. I like that song.

Olivia: No. No. But let's get into some serious questions, because you're on your way to L.A. for a cover shoot?

Rachel: Yes.

Olivia: And I know, and I can tell that you are very nervous, and you're nervous both to leave Lea Luna for the first time, obviously, which is very natural. But also, I think, for the shoot, for this big magazine, right? So, I wanted to talk a little bit about body image, and especially post-pregnancy.

Rachel: Yes, big one.

Olivia: Yes. And a lot of questions came in about that. Also, personally, since I also had a baby before, and the comments I get when I see people is like, “Oh, did you actually just get a baby? Wow, you look so good!” Blah blah blah. And when I post pictures I feel like, I don't want to convey an image of, like, you should look normal after 0 time after.

Rachel: No, because you're one of those, I mean, I guess people would say it's like you're a lucky person, because you just bounced back. I fucking hate that fucking term.

Olivia: Yes!

Rachel: Yeah. But I love that you're not, like, one of those people who is like posting, “Look at my awesome perfect flat belly like five seconds after I had the baby.” You're not doing that, but I think you're really conscious about it. And it shouldn't matter what you look like after. No.

[016:00] Olivia: No, that's the thing. So how do you deal with that? I can also talk about how I deal with that, but how do you think we should have this conversation, and how do you feel as an influencer, that your responsibility is to show up?

Rachel: I think it's a really hard conversation, because we put so much pressure on ourselves as new moms already. Already it's like the most intense, overwhelming, challenging, fucking difficult and most beautiful experience all at once. So much is going on. And then I feel there is so much of this pressure put on how you look post-pregnancy, and if all of this energy goes there, then we start feeling like we have to direct energy toward that, right away, like after just having had the baby. Those were like, when I had Lea Luna, those were one of the first questions that I would get from so many people. How are you going to get your pre-baby body back? How are you going to bounce back? Or snap back. Like that was the first thing that should be on my mind.

Then I started thinking, because I got those questions, and even people I would meet in the studio were like, “What are you doing to get back, to lose the weight and stuff?” And then I started thinking, like, “Oh wait, I have to think about that, okay. Everybody expects me to think about that, so then I should actually think about that. But actually I'm not interested, at all.”

Olivia: No.

Rachel: But I feel this societal type pressure to get into that. So I don't know. If I'm having a bad day or I'm stressed or pressured about something, automatically that voice in the back of my head that tells me, like, “Oh wait, it's been eight months. You should be back to the way you were before, or maybe look even more awesome, kind of.” Like one of those moms who just get super skinny after they have their baby. But if I have a good day and I'm anchored and grounded, then it doesn't even occur to me. Then I look in the mirror and I'm like, “Oh my god, I look so good.”

Olivia: Yeah. Yes.

[018:00] Rachel: You know? It's just … So it's really more about, for me, grounding myself and feeling at peace within. It sounds really cliché, but it totally affects the thoughts that come up when I look myself in a mirror. Completely, completely. I even had … So now, part of the reason you're hosting this podcast today is because I was in the kitchen half-crying that I'm going to L.A. and freaking out about leaving the baby, and the pressure of this big shoot. And this shoot, I mean, it's for a wellness magazine, it's for Women's Health, in the U.S. Huge magazine, one of the biggest female women magazines out there. I didn't want to turn it down, it's a big thing, I'm really honored that they would think of me, and it's connected to these four other influencers. So, kind of talking about the future of wellness, or the future of fitness. All the other women, I mean, I'm going to meet them tomorrow or the next day, I'm sure they're super awesome and really beautiful, but they're really fucking fit. They are those people that post workouts on Instagram every day, and they're really into fitness, fitness, fitness. Of being toned, and being skinny and being thin, and all of that stuff. Which can be great for inspiration in a lot of people. We should focus on health and of course fitness and wellness, there's nothing wrong with that. I am just, like, a little more on the softer side, both physically in my body right now, and also in my approach to what wellness means. For me, wellness is more about self-love. For me, personally, how can I come back to that grounded place where I automatically look at myself in a mirror and I think I look beautiful? Versus the stressed, insecure, judgmental voice. So, not so much how can I work harder at my body so I'm more toned and more fit and then feel good about who I am, but more, how can I work on inviting more space for self-love so that that judgmental voice doesn't even have to be there?

Olivia: Right. Do you have any practical advice of how to work on self-love. There were some questions about that as well. And I know it's really difficult to cut out, you know, the thinking, “Oh, what are they thinking?” Or, being afraid of being judged at all times. Do you have any really hands on advice for self-love?

[020:00] Rachel: Yeah, and this is so, so interesting. We talk about this in our retreats and teacher trainings and stuff a lot. So, the single best way to get out of a negative thought pattern, or if you're beating yourself up about something, or you start feeling really worthless. Maybe you're having one of those shitty body image days where you look yourself in the mirror and all you can think about is how you should be thinner or more fit or different. It's a really nice contrast to all of this, but the best way to get out of your head in that moment is to get into the body. And what's the best way to get into the body is to move your body.

But there's a really different, you know … you have to approach that with the right intentions. How can I get into my body through movement, to feel. Not to change or to shape or to fix or alter something. Those are such different things. It's not about, okay, I'm going to step on the treadmill and I'm going to burn 800 calories right now. Or I'm going to do this every day for X, you know, this very structured idea that we have about exercise or movement and the way to lose weight, to change what we look like. Not that. I'm talking about getting into your body in a way that allows that judgmental voice to just be quiet. That usually means you have to kind of drop into this vibe of a child, almost. Like, I like to turn music on in my living room super loud, and just for one epic, awesome song, I'll dance around like a maniac. Like a crazy person. Like, if someone saw me they would think I was having a seizure. That's type of dancing. Or yoga, you know, if yoga doesn't have this mind or ego attachment for you, if you can drop into a practice that's really heart-centered. Or, you know, go swimming or go running or just do something, but get into the body not for the purpose of changing it.

[022:00] And then we need to practice self-love every day. We need to practice how to counter that voice when that voice pops up of, like, “Ugh. You look so fat.” Now, my voice is like … because in the beginning I was like, “Well I just had a baby. I just had a baby. I just had a baby.” And that was my response to that voice. “You should lose some weight.” And I'm like, “Shut the fuck up! I just had a baby. Don't talk to me like that. Like I tell myself. But now it's like, “How long can you say you just had a baby? Like, 'I just had a baby … eight and a half months ago.'” Can I say that in two years? “I just had a baby.” I don't need to have a reason or a justification to look the way I look, at all.

Olivia: No, no.

Rachel: And I had to go through this now with this shoot where I'm looking at all of these other women, I'm going to be on the cover of a magazine in a sports bra. I have stretch marks, I have belly flub, it hangs over my yoga pants. Not at all, like, flat stomach, fit. Nothing like that. I'm just, I am who I am, I'm the way I am, and actually I'm kind of content and happy about that. But then with this thought of I'm going to stand next to these four super fit, awesomely-toned CrossFit type, like, Fitness Women, you know, I start getting really insecure. So, I called the magazine and I was like, “Hey, I just want to make sure that, you know, when I arrive … Just so you know, I am not this traditional fitness person. That's not what I promote. I'm really excited to be included in this big feature and to be on the cover, of course, but I just want to make sure that you're going to have clothes that fit me.” You know? Because probably they're going to be all size 0 or size 1 or 2 or whatever when I get there. And this woman was like, she was very kind, she was like, “But what do you mean? I don't understand.” I said, “Well, I had a baby eight months ago, and I haven't, you know, I haven't done any type of shoot where I'm in a bikini or in a sports bra or anything like that. I just want to make sure that the clothes you have fit me. Like, I'm a size Large now, I'm not a size Small/Medium.” And her response was, “Oh! Oh … Okay. I mean, it does take some women longer to bounce back.”

Then I was like, and I know she was trying to be kind, like, “Oh, you'll get there.”

Olivia: Understanding …

Rachel: Understanding, and you'll get there. “Is this your first? Oh, okay.” Then I hung up and I was like, why are we so engrained in this idea that we're supposed to bounce back?

Olivia: Is there anything like bouncing back? I mean, can you get back to a body pre-birth? Is that possible?

Rachel: I don't think so.

Olivia: No!

Rachel: Like, things … aren't the same. (laugh)

Olivia: Mm-mm.

[024:00] Rachel: They're probably never going to be exactly what they were, it's going to be my body now. And if we keep looking back at, like, “Oh, that body was the better body,” we're never going to be content now. And if I keep going like this, I'm going to have two years from now and look back, like, “When I just had the baby, I was so beautiful then.” You know? But I want to feel beautiful now. I don't want to wait.

Olivia: You are beautiful now.

Rachel: I know!

Olivia: Mm-hm.

Rachel: We are beautiful now. And it's so hard to get those. And I think also, like, you know, because you have that skinny, flat belly already, and then you get those comments of like, “Oh my god! You look so amazing!” And people read that and they automatically feel like, “Well I guess I'm not. How can I work harder so that I can …” You know?

Olivia: Yeah, yeah. I really don't want to convey that message. And people ask, also, “So what have you been doing to look like that?” Honestly … nothing!

Rachel: Nothing! (laugh)

Olivia: Except, I can say, breastfeeding. If anything … and I really don't say that you should breastfeed for these reasons, but if it can convince anyone to breastfeed, then it's just good. But man, he eats everything I have! So …

Rachel: Right. But that's also a nice response. It's a nice thing to say. I think you do that when people ask, “How did you get there?” Like, “Actually, I didn't do anything. This is my natural anatomy.”

Olivia: Yeah.

Rachel: So, like … This is just who you are. Everyone is different. And I would love, I mean, for anyone listening who feels insecure or feels like things should be different, just think about all of the energy that your mind takes to that place of “I should be different, I should be thinner, How can I work harder …” All the energy can go to something better. If you spent that much energy building yourself up, talking about how great you are, how beautiful you are, good qualities you have, you're an awesome mom … I mean, I think the world would look pretty differently if we spoke to ourselves with that kind voice instead.

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: And I'm not saying we should sit on the couch forever and eat Ben & Jerry's until we feel like shit, no.

Olivia: That's not well-being either.

Rachel: No! Of course not. I do yoga every day. Come on, I'm at the studio practicing yoga 60 to 90 minutes a day. I sweat, I move, I have a healthy diet. I eat a lot of chocolate, I drink a lot of wine, but I'm a healthy person. I'm just not trying to change. I'm just not trying to get absolutely back, or whatever. I'm just moving in a way that makes me feel good. And I want that to just be enough.

Olivia: That is enough.

Rachel: Yeah. Good! Well we'll see where this shoot goes. I was thinking, like, if I get there, because it's such a good magazine and it's in Los Angeles, and I know the vibe of these types of shoots. It's like, ugh. And I was thinking, what if I get there and there are no clothes that fit me? What if that's real thing?

Olivia: Will you go naked then?

Rachel: (laugh) I'll be naked. Everyone else will be in their super cute little, like, shorts. And I'll just be naked. (laugh) Can you imagine those four girls are glossy and looking perfect, and then I'm standing on the side, like, looking fat … naked!

Olivia: No, I cannot picture that at all, you standing sad.

Rachel: Naked and sad.

Olivia: Naked and proud!

Rachel: No, it'll be good. But I think, if that would be the case, I think I would publicly talk about that in my social media.

Olivia: Yeah, for sure, yes.

Rachel: Like, I don't want to turn any fight against any big publication. You don't want to create drama for no reason, but maybe if it would open eyes to something different. Maybe I get there and it's the most body positive thing ever.

Olivia: Right.

Rachel: It's just hard to think, because I look back at the covers that they've had, and it's a size 0 woman every fucking month.

Olivia: Right.

Rachel: But, they did invite me! So … I mean, that says a lot!

Olivia: They think you're a size 0!

Rachel: Or they just, you know, there is change happening.

Olivia: There is change, definitely. And you, you are contributing to that also. And also making I what you want it to be.

Rachel: Can you just come with me?

Olivia: No. (laugh)

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: I'm here taking care of the podcast, running the studio, so …

Rachel: Taking over anything. Can you take care of Dennis too? Please?

Olivia: Sure

[Commercial Break]

[029:05] Olivia: Things that actually bother us women a lot, I mean, body images bother men as well, but women a lot. You've recently become a very big role model, female role model, and you've been speaking out about the issue of sexual abuse in the world, but also specifically in the yoga industry. So, first question is what spurred you into this? When did your consciousness shift, and you became more aware of this problem?

Rachel: I mean … I think a year ago, if someone would have asked me, “Are you a feminist?” I would have been, like, “Yeah, but …” And I would have had a thing there.

Olivia: Yeah.

[030:00] Rachel: You know, because I wasn't feeling really confident in labeling myself in that way, I wasn't really … I don't know, just sharing the word “feminist” and all of the sudden there is controversy connected, which I now understand is, like, ridiculous. Like, think, it just means if you're pro equality, you're a feminist. That's all it is. But this specific year, I don't know if it is from having the baby, like, I'm raising a baby girl … Also, I've been very overwhelmed this year, as a woman, juggling a lot of stuff, and had some confrontations in ways where, I don't know, where I felt judged because I'm a woman doing what I do. But then, I think, the peak of this, maybe the inception of me really speaking out really loudly was our 109 mission trip about sexual violence that we had in Sweden, in August this year. I mean, we booked that trip long ago. Back then, it was okay …

So, if you didn't know, 109 is our global mission foundation that Olivia runs, of course you guys know that, and then we had this trip in Sweden where the funds and the awareness that we raised went to a hospital in Congo led by a doctor who is really famous, Dr. Mukwege, who supports and heals and then the surgery and helps women who have suffered from really overwhelming sexual violence and rape. So, it was a really heavy subject. We had a link there, and I wasn't really thinking too much about it. I said, of course, this is a really important subject, we have to raise this awareness for these women in Congo. I think both of us were going into this trip thinking about Congo and the Congolese women. Then we had 31 or 32 women participate, and everybody sent intakes about their past and their yoga practice and if they've ever had any traumas. We always ask these things before, so we know who we need to give extra care to and things like that in the group. In the intakes, I think 50 or 60% of the women wrote that they had, they were a survivor of sexual violence, themselves, which is really high for a group. I was like, oh my god, of course we're attracting women that have suffered from this themselves, and they want to now help other women, these women in Africa we're going to support.

[032:00] Then the group started, and it turns out the real percentage was like 90-95%. I mean, pretty much every woman in that group had a major trauma, like a major trauma from sexual violence. And we started raising these questions in a really real way. Of course, we were supporting this hospital far away, but what happened in the group, as we started talking about these subjects, sharing and speaking up, this massive healing began to happen within the group. Then we realized we're not just here to help to Congolese women. This is something that happens in our own backyard, in our own day-to-day lives.

Then you and I, for the first time, we've never talked about this stuff in this way. We started looking at our own, like, what's our own history here? In relationships, between relationships, in with guys we've met, with strangers, being out at a bar, and little things started just trickling in.

Olivia: Yes. Big things also. I mean, I can honestly say that it wasn't until then that I really understood what sexual abuse is. Like, I didn't know!

Rachel: No! It's so normal!

Olivia: Mm-hm.

Rachel: So many of these things, we're like, “Yeah, but that happens all the time.”

Olivia: Right.

Rachel: And then we had some amazing speakers that were there at the trip, including Thordis Elva, who I did a podcast episode after this trip that we had. If you're listening and you want to tune into that episode, Thordis Elva, it's about overcoming and … it's about forgiveness, it's about being a survivor of rape. Just her take on this, how she spoke, it clicked something. I mean, in both you and me. And I started thinking about these things that I always brush off as normal. Like, having my ass grabbed … I don't know, 5,000 times in my life? Like it's just a normal thing, you don't even really say anything? Like, I wouldn't even … If we would be somewhere out dancing and a guy would grab my ass and then I would go meet you, I don't think I would even tell you. It's not like I think, “Oh my god! That guy grabbed my ass!” Like, that's so common, you wouldn't even say anything. And that was just a minor thing compared to all of the other things.

[034:00] But as I've been unveiling, I've been kind of, like, I've been peeling off the layers, and the surface, or the more superficial, less heavy things came first. Like, “Oh, that wasn't so okay. Oh, that didn't feel good…” And then I've been kind of uncovering some deeper stuff, and I'm wondering if there's deeper shit that I have pushed away that I don't even remember right now. Because little by little, and I shared the podcast of last week was my own #MeToo stories, and there's a scenario in there that I had with an ex-boss, two things that happened with a person that was really close in my life, that I trusted, and I didn't tell Dennis! Because I felt so ashamed, and I felt like I must have had some part in this. I must have invited it. There must have been some mixed messages from my part. Like, what did I do to deserve that from him?

Olivia: Self blame.

Rachel: Self blame, completely. When I shared this with Dennis, he was just appalled, like, “Why didn't you tell me!? Are you kidding?!” You know? And it just didn't even occur to me, because I thought it was my fault. Now that so many women are speaking up, we're looking at this in a different way, and it's like, “Actually … it's not okay!” And the fact that we think it's so common that we don't even think it's worthy of mentioning shows just how messed up this society is.

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: Now I just feel like it's my responsibility to speak up and to talk about these things, and to use my platform for a greater good, and to give other women voices. I know when I speak up about mine, other people feel like they're safe to speak up about theirs. And like, okay, well … I mean, and every time you share something of yours, I also feel like, okay …

Olivia: I can share.

Rachel: Yes.

Olivia: But also about the … it doesn't have to be a huge trauma, or like an actual rape. These small things that also-

[036:00] Rachel: They aren't small, but we label them small, because I wasn't brutally raped in an alley and taken to the hospital.

Olivia: Right. So we need to talk about those things that happen in our every day life a little more. Not the things that are in media with the title, you know …

Rachel: “Woman raped in dark alley.”

Olivia: And what Thordis said, and this stuck with me too, she's like, “In the media that's what you see. Woman Raped At Festival. Woman Raped At Night Club. Woman Attacked. Why is it woman was attacked? Why isn't it Man Raped Woman in a Dark Alley? Or Man Raped Someone. Or Man Perpetrated? Never! It's always like the woman is in the headline as a victim, but you never speak about these predators.” Or boyfriend rapes girlfriend.

Rachel: Yes, which is even more common.

Olivia: This is so common, and people think that it's not a rape just because you're in a relationship. Oh my god. That's so wrong.

Rachel: And that was one of the things that, for as long … so she calls it the Monster Myth. As long as the media keeps kind of giving this image of the predators out there, they're not in your family, they're not your friends, they're not boyfriend, you know? It's some random stranger lurking in an alley like a monster, and if you're really unlucky they will attack you and then, you know, something will happen. Well, it's not true. A really high percentage … okay, I need to verify this, but I think it was above 70% of-

Olivia: Above, yeah.

Rachel: … perpetrated by a boyfriend, a husband, someone that's really close to us in our family. And for as long as that's not spoken about, it makes it even more impossible for these things to come up into the light, for people to actually feel like, “This happened.” Like, can a boyfriend rape me? Yeah. Well if it's a no, if you're saying no … yeah, of course. But that was just such a foreign concept, you know? Like, my body is my body. If it's not a yes, it's a no. If it's not consensual, it's not okay.

Olivia: Yes. Okay, I'm going to ask a pretty difficult question, but I'm going to ask it anyway. What, according to you, is the single most important thing in the fight against sexual abuse towards women?

[038:00] Rachel: Okay, we've only been having these conversations now, I mean in this depth, for a couple of months. And it was after the trip that we had with 109 that the #MeToo movement came out. I feel after there is so much momentum through it happening, now I just today published “#MeToo: The Yoga Stories” about women who have had horrible things happen from their yoga teachers or someone they thought was a guru within the yoga community. I used to think, okay, we need to speak about this more, we need to not blame ourselves, we need to not name a woman a victim but a survivor. We need to shed light, light, light. We need to be empowered to speak up and to out the people that do this.

But the more I go into this subject, like, we need to talk about the boys. We need to talk about the men. What kind of men are we raising? And it also goes into our husbands. Both you and I were super blessed to have really gentle, sweet, humble, amazingly loving husbands. But they are both Aruban guys, they grew up on an island that's really, really machista. Which means, like, I tell this story a lot … the first time Dennis ever took the baby out downtown on his own, like, I was teaching yoga or something and he took the baby out, a woman approached and asked if he was a widower, because you never see a man alone with a baby. The men here just, they don't take care of the baby. The fact that he's a stay at home dad is insanely controversial on this island, because the women have the babies, the women have the babies alone. Often the guys are not even present at the birth. The men are not even allowed to stay at the hospital, because they're not considered a part of the family unit. So this culture of this island is, you know, the woman stays at home in the kitchen and takes care of the babies, and cooks and cleans and this and this and that. It's really common for a man to have several kids with several women and not really be present with them. That's the culture where we are now. And we have two husbands, you and I, who are, you know, for having grown up here, I mean, it's totally at level with having grown up in Sweden. Really equal, supports us like crazy. Both of them are kind of stay at home dads, like, it's really beautiful.

[040:00] But I see the way they talk to their friends, their chat groups, like photos, jokes about sexual jokes, sending photos of pornography, little stuff like that that's just part of their guys being a guy, they're just joking … I see that a lot in the big groups of guys. Not when they're alone, ever. But … especially in these chat groups that I fucking … I hate these chat groups.

Olivia: But I feel like we have to, just exactly the same way as we're educating small girls, like, don't wear provoking clothes or don't walk in dark alleys, we need to tell our boys, “Always look for consent.” Educate them about what consent is, about what sex is, about what intimacy is-

Rachel: Not even that! Like, starting at … It needs to be okay for a man to be vulnerable.

Olivia: Yeah.

Rachel: That's the thing, like, what we deem a feminine quality, if we raise these boys: “Boys should be boys and boys should play with monster trucks and if a boy falls down, it's like, come on, be a big boy! Stand up!” And I saw that already, like, you know, when Hunter and Luna were really little and they were both crying, I can't remember who it was, but they were both crying and they were like, “Oh Luny, it's okay little angel!” And Hunter was crying, “Oh come on Hunter, that wasn't so bad. Be a big boy now.” You know? And just that response, it's not okay or as okay for a man to cry. And we teach the boys that from a young age. They should man up and soldier on. But a girl is a fragile little flower, here's your princess book to play with, and, you know, waiting to be rescued by some prince. You can start there.

Olivia: There's so many things we do in our approach to people that we don't even recognize.

[042:00] Rachel: Yes, that we don't even know. It's just inherited. I think, you know, raising vulnerable boys in a way that it's okay to cry, to feel, there's a reason that men are these predators, that they are in most cases these perpetrators of violence. Like, there's a reason. If you spend your whole life pushing emotion under the surface, never ever feeling like it's okay to cry, like it's okay to be sad, you're going to turn into a pretty tense and aggressive person. I think starting in that space.

And anytime, I mean, with adults to, like we're doing now with Dennis and Patrick, if there's a joke and it comes up, like, that joke just is not okay, at all. You need to re-shape … You need to be the one that speaks up in that chat group and says, “Hey guys, maybe we shouldn't joke so much about women's asses right now.” You know? “Maybe we should kind of scale back on that a little bit.” (laugh) And change the conversation.

Olivia: But that's when you realize how prevalent it is.

Rachel: Everywhere.

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: Everywhere. And we are not even involved in these dude talks.

Olivia: Mmhm.

Rachel: We don't know. We just see what surfaces and seeps through to us. But I think the men have to also be the ones to speak up and not perpetrate rape culture. You know, the music that we listen to, the conversations that we're having, the jokes that we're making, it needs to be … It's not a women's issue! It can't be a women's issue. This is a humanitarian, this is a global/world issue.

Olivia: So another question, because these are important things to talk about, and you can talk about them in your social media and create awareness about it, but how do you, personally, make feminism a part of your everyday life?

Rachel: I have a few specific things that I do now, especially through business, and I never thought about this before this year. Right now, I am so conscious about who we hire, what companies we chose to work with, where our money goes within our companies, within our businesses. If I have a chance to hire a super competent woman, I will, I will. Me and Dennis, we don't fight about this, but we discuss it sometimes. He's like, “Well, if you have two equal people and they're both equally good, you should just roll the dice and go with whatever the dice says.” And what I'm trying to explain is we don't have a level playing field yet, so you can't just roll the dice and just randomly choose. I would rather continue choosing the woman, the woman businesses, businesses run by single moms, by mothers working really hard to make things work out at the end of the month. I'd rather support women right now than the men. When we arrive at the place when the playing field is 100% equal, then yeah, roll the dice and pick the man or woman, it shouldn't matter. But it's still the truth. Women make 71 cents to the dollar of a man, and it's even less if you talk about other ethnicities and other cultures other than white woman. It's not level.

[044:00] Even in Sweden, which is one of the most equal countries in the world, compared to other countries Sweden is way way ahead, most CEOs, owners of companies/businesses that make the real decisions, there's still a middle aged white man up there choosing. So it doesn't matter if you have these quotations where you have to hire X amount of women to balance out the men, if those women are not advancing in the work field, if they're not ever reaching that CEO level, of actually running the economy the way the men do right now, we're not going to see that major change.

So, I had that, like a real thing that happened, it was this year, we had to … we're having some restructuring happening in our businesses. I live in Sweden, but we're also in Aruba, we have a business in the states, it's a lot to manage, so we had to hire a big international tax firm to help us with our international taxes to make sure that we're covered. And it's a huge thing, so much money, it's like a big big big thing. And of course we went to one of the biggest companies out there, and we had meetings, and we showed up for the first one and it's like we're spending insane amounts of money on this, and it's like three middle-aged guys, wearing suits, kind of awkward. Then we show up with the baby, stroller, the diaper bag, Ringo, me and Dennis. I'm like, “Hey, how are you? Nice to meet you. I'm Rachel.” And I see these guys, they look me up and down, and then they see the baby, and it was not okay. The face was like, “Oh, you brought a baby to a business meeting.” It was just … He had a little pause before he… “Oh, you brought … the child.” Like that.

[046:00] And then we had the most awkward meeting where they were like, “You have to do this and this and this and this and that,” with our taxes and with money and investments. It was a serious meeting. And then she pooped mid-meeting, and I'm like, “Um guys, I'm going to have to change a diaper right now.” Like, I'm not going to leave the meeting that I'm running to go change a diaper in some weird bathroom. And I just put her on the desk and I, you know … These guys, they were just like I was crazy! It was just … and then I had to breast feed, and all of that. It was just a really weird meeting. And as we left, we're like, “Well we're going to hire this firm.” And then I sat there and I was like, “Isn't there a woman that we could hire to do this work? Does it have to be the middle-aged white man? The middle-aged wealthy white men. Isn't there a competent woman in this same field that we could just hire? Like, not just for the sake of me being comfortable bringing my baby to these meetings, but is there a woman we could elevate?” And then everyone at the table was like, “Uh, yeah! Why aren't we looking for them?” Because that's not what was recommended automatically, it's not what we got. And now we have a woman running that side of our business, and it's awesome. And it's a totally different vibe, and it aligns.

So, I mean, raising the women's voices whenever I can. Like, I'm always going to do that. It doesn't mean that we have to hate on the men or anything like that. It's just women have spent centuries being pushed and shoved and not having a seat at the table.

Olivia: Yeah.

[Commercial Break]

[049:00] Olivia: So, three things that you would say to your teenage self. Because we've kind of developed now and become much more aware of everything and the things we went through when we were younger. What would you like to tell yourself when you were a teenager, as a woman?

Rachel: I mean, I would say … You're worthy of so much more, so much more. Jesus. And even then, like, I kind of had this skewed idea that, you know, that the successful people in life, it was always a man, you know? It was always a man. If there was someone around that had a lot of money or that had companies, that was successful, it was always a guy, and then there was a woman on the sideline. I think I had this kind of skewed idea of what it meant to be successful. You had to have these very masculine qualities. So, I wish I had it instilled in me at a younger age, like, one, women do have a seat at the table, and it's major. And also, leadership qualities are not only masculine qualities. There is something really beautiful about leading with vulnerability. About leading a team through love rather than through fear and through, you know, drilling this super strict, this kind of harsh masculine side of leadership that we see a lot in the work field. I wish I was told when I was younger that it's okay to honor and hone these softer qualities and still be able to lead and to guide and to have a voice. Because I think I went … you know, I didn't think I was very worthy, and I think to get ahead I thought I had to be super harsh and like, you know, kind of a “fuck you” attitude, a little bit.

Olivia: You have that a little bit.

Rachel: A little bit still! (laugh) But no, to be worthy and to … And sexually, I kind of … I wish someone would have sat me down and just had a major conversation about consent.

Olivia: Yes!

Rachel: Because I didn't know. And I was never raped. I never had … But there was definitely questionable moments in my life where I went along because I thought that's what it had to be, where now I would have walked away, 100%. Or screamed, or said something, or filed a report, or at least spoken up, where I just probably didn't tell anyone because that's what it was like.

Olivia: Yeah. And it was probably your fault because this this that.

Rachel: Yeah.

Olivia: Good. Yes. Thank you so much. And thank you for taking the fight for all of us.

Rachel: Thank you! I mean, you help me so much with that. Yes! Your platforms now are, like, I can tell when you're having a fiery week, because all you post is, like- (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh) It goes up and down.

Rachel: It goes up and down. I know I know. I mean how do you feel? Because you are raising boy …

Olivia: Yes! And I'm so excited about that, because I feel like I'm contributing to feminism just by having a boy.

Rachel: Yes!

[052:00] Olivia: Yeah. No, and I'm also very … I try so hard to think, like, how am I integrating feminism into my everyday life? The first big, big step, for me, is recognizing what it is. Like, there are so many moments out there, when you're walking out on town or talking with a friend, or hear somebody else talking. There are patterns that are just not okay anymore. But they're so rooted, so you don't even notice-

Rachel: Like what?

Olivia: Just having a, for example, a picture of a girl when you're doing marketing for whatever, what. I mean, that's old, but it's still so out there.

Rachel: Did you see that big Billabong scandal?

Olivia: No.

Rachel: The surf brand, Billabong?

Olivia: Oh yes, yes.

Rachel: Yeah. It was on their homepage, it was on the left, Men and Women, it said, to purchase apparel. On the men's side was this super cool surfer in like a big air, like a big jump, and on the women's side it was a girl in a thong bikini lying on the beach. That's for the surfer girls. That's where you go. You know? It's just …

Olivia: Mmhm. Yeah but those things, and they go unnoticed because we are so used to them. Those are things we need to start questioning, and that means we have to be a pain in the ass. That was what I've realized lately, because, like you said, a year ago I would probably not say … I would also say, “I'm a feminist, but…” But today, I understand that feminists have to be a pain in the ass sometimes, and be questioning everything.

Rachel: But it's so engrained, and we're taught to … That's also the thing, we're taught to not believe a woman when she says, “This happened to me.” That's kind of what's engrained in us as well. And then the hardest thing with me now with this #MeToo thing, because I'm becoming this voice and I'm helping other women raise their voices. And of course not everybody likes this. I'm also putting myself in a really liable situation where these men that are recurring in the stories that I am sharing right now, they could come and attack me. A part of me is like, “Bring it dude. Come over here and let me do some damage to you.” Because I am lucky enough that I have a platform that has a lot of power. I can speak up and people listen. Not everybody has that.

[054:00] The hardest thing right now is the women who are not being supported. So women who either don't get it, or what I'm sensing is women that may have a man or may have someone in their life where they feel like, you know, I'm unsure about this person, but I love them. What do you do if there's a person that you love but they also-

Olivia: Of course you're going to be protective about it.

Rachel: Yes, or maybe you have a situation in your past that you don't want to deal with. But I'm getting a lot of messages of like, “Okay, enough with the #MeToo already. Women abuse men too.” I was like are you pulling an All Lives Matter now? Like people don't … I had so many of these arguments. There's a reason that the Black Lives Matter movement was elevated, because it's urgent and it's needed, and it's real. It's a real issue. Why do you have to minimize that issue by saying that, “Well other ethnicities … All Lives Matter.”

Olivia: That goes without saying!

Rachel: Of course! All Lives Matter. But, like, we don't have to …. A white person doesn't have to fucking worry about getting pulled over by a cop. That's not what the issue is. Don't minimize it by shifting awareness and direction somewhere else. And same here. Women abuse men too? Yeah? Not really. I mean, it happens, sure, of course. And we shouldn't say that those things aren't horrible and that that's okay. Of course that's not okay. But nine in ten, or more, of cases of sexual violence is perpetrated by a man, and that's the issue at hand. So yeah, All Lives Matter, clearly, but that's not the point right now. And yeah, women abuse men too, sure, but that's not what we're talking. So stop distracting yourself. It's just a fucking distraction.

[056:00] And I don't want … I don't know, when a guy writes me something, I don't even think about it, I'm like, “Okay, you're just … you don't get it, just move on.” But when a woman writes me, like, “Can you stop now, can you get over the #MeToo thing?” I'm like, “Why the fuck are you not standing up for your gender? For your mother, for your daughters, for your sisters, for the tribe?” You know? We all have that responsibility. We need to say something now. We can't have this. We can't have Lea Luna and Hunter grow up and it's like this.

Olivia: No!

Rachel: Fuck no!

Olivia: Mmhm.

Rachel: But I hope it's not going to be.

Olivia: So many things are changing. I'm positive. But also I see that we're, you know, everything we do and say and how we act plays a huge role. So, we need to be aware.

Rachel: We need to be mindful. And also as … Both you and I, we both have platforms and we're both vocal, we're both empowered. We have a lot of prerequisites, I guess, in our life to stand from and shout like this. I think a lot of people don't feel empowered, or “What can I do?” But we all have these conversations, you know? We all have these moments in our day-to-day life where we can change something or speak up or make a difference in our own way. And I think we should all get on board so we can really make this change for the future generations, because it's now. It's not later. It has to happen now.

Olivia: Now. Oh my god, we could, I think, we could continue talking for a very, very long time, but I know that you have to leave because you're catching flight …

Rachel: Don't remind me! I don't want to talk about that …

Olivia: No … But I want to end with one big question everybody asks, and also me. This is a personal question for me. How do you know that you're on the right track?

Rachel: If you're having an existential crisis maybe? (laugh)

Olivia: No, but I mean, self-doubt, everybody has it. And even super successful people that are doing what they're passionate about-

Rachel: Like me!

Olivia: Or whatever … go through self doubt and struggle. So how do you know, and how do you remind yourself to stay on track?

[058:00] Rachel: This has taken me a long time to figure out, and I still need to have these epiphanies of like, “Oh yeah, I get it, again. Again. I need more lessons about this.” But, I think when you are on the right track, things are fairly easy. I'm not saying that you're not going to have challenges to overcome and things like that. But when you are living in line with your core values, when you are creating something that's stemming from a genuine intention, when you anchor it in your own truth, life flows. It's like you're with a current. Yeah, you're going to have ups and downs and a little bump here and there, but you're going to feel, like, “Okay, things are flowing here.” There's going to be an energetic connection.

Then sometimes we get really stuck with this idea in our mind of “this is where I'm supposed to be heading.” Or, “Success has to look like this.” We want to stay in this box of, “I'm going over there. I invested a lot of time here … I was raised this way, I went to school for this so my career is over there.” But then life is like, “Well, you know what? There's something over here.” And then we're not ready to embrace that change and we start banging our heads against the wall with the same fucking thing again and again and again and again and again. And I think that's when the universe is trying to tell us, you know, there is a change needed here, a shift of perception, a shift of … something needs to change. But the mind likes to hold onto the structure of the idea of the end game the way we saw it.

So, for me, I mean, I see it all the time. Right now we have one of our brands, we've invested so much time, so much money, a lot in it, and it's just not thriving and it's not really clicking, and I'm not feeling as passionate about it anymore. But we have so much invested in it, so it's like, “Well we can't just stop.” Of course not, we can't just stop, like, we did all of this work. But it's still not really working. And I think every month that goes by I'm feeling a little more drained or new issues pop up within this brand, you know? And I kind of know, deep down, yeah, we're supposed to take it a totally different direction. But it requires a huge leap of faith. It might mean that I lose a bunch of money, it might mean that I lose credibility. You know, there's fear of loss there. But I have to probably jump, you know?

[060:00] So I think, how do you know you're on the right track? Yeah, if you feel in tune. And also, if you are on the right track, that's when magical shit starts to happen. Synchronicity of different kinds. You think about someone and then randomly you meet them the next day, or you look up and you're just blown away by the beauty of the sky. You have little moments of being in tune and in sync. That's when you know you're on the right track. So if you don't have that and you're struggling, struggling, struggling, I think a good thing could be to re-evaluate why am I doing this? And if you lost the why, if you're doing this, the why, “Because I want to change the wor

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Podcast Transcription: Best Friends Forever with Olivia Rothschild

Learn more: http://goldenpinesrvresort.com

Episode 37 – Best Friends Forever with Olivia Rothschild

Listen to this episode here!

Rachel: (laugh)

Rachel: Oh my god! (laugh) I'm going to die already! I'm sweating! Thank you so much for having me on the show, I'm so excited to be here.

Olivia: I'm glad you're excited. So, we received a lot of good questions, and in honor of the most asked questions, I've renamed today's episode to From the Fart.

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh)

Rachel: From the Fart. From The Heart to From the Fart.

Olivia: It is, without question, the most asked question.

Rachel: No! No. Why? (laugh)

Olivia: Yes, so far. I don't know. But I want to start our conversation on that end, literally.

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh) And ask you the first time you farted in front of Dennis?

Rachel: Oh my god. Why are people asking about farts?! That makes no sense whatsoever.

Olivia: I don't know. Probably because everybody farts, but nobody talks about it.

Rachel: Probably because you're the host and you do talk about farts.

Olivia: Mmmmmaybe.

Olivia: (laugh) He knew, and you knew.

Rachel: He knew and I knew! But no one said anything. Then, yeah, now he's seen me give birth to a child, so he's seen everything and worse.

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: So there are no barriers anymore.

Olivia: No. But, not to leave the fart subject just yet, a lot of questions were about the funniest story of farts in yoga class.

Rachel: Farts in … oh my god, yeah, no I have so many.

Olivia: There are some tricky poses.

Olivia: Mmhm. Did you acknowledge it?

Olivia: Maybe I should rename the podcast.

Rachel: Maybe …

Olivia: Or not. I don't know. Keep it From The Heart.

Rachel: Maybe you should start a parallel podcast. From The Fart with Olivia. (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh) I'm actually not a farter either.

Rachel: No, but your husband is.

Rachel: Pretty, pretty awesome. Oh my god, I was just wondering, like, what are we going to talk about with Olivia leading the show?! (laugh) Farts and poop!

Olivia: We're going to get to serious subjects, I promise.

Rachel: No, this is awesome. We need a break from all the serious stuff that we've had lately.

Olivia: Yes. Yes.

Olivia: Oh. It was about Dennis' and your mom's barriers.

Olivia: Yeah.

Olivia: Boundaries.

Rachel: No fucking boundaries, no. No, but I think everyone should just embrace the idea of maybe pooping a little bit when you push your baby out.

Olivia: Yes. I think it makes the pushing much easier. Just go for it.

Rachel: I mean, if you think about that, then you can't … I don't know how-

Olivia: No. Mm-mm.

Rachel: Mm-mm.

Olivia: No.

Rachel: No.

Olivia: Okay, good. Then we talked about that. So, before we get into some more serious questions, what do you think are your three worst habits, according to Dennis?

Rachel: Oh-

Olivia: I know one.

Rachel: Which one?

Olivia: Okay, say first so we see if I'm right. Three … two … Smacking!

Rachel: Chewing with my mouth open! (laugh) Smacking! (laugh) That's the Swedish translation. Swedish means to chew with your mouth open.

Olivia: Yes.

Olivia: His idea, yes, yes, yes.

Rachel: I'm like, “Can you take the trash out?” And then he's quiet. And then five seconds later, “You know what? The trash is full. I think I'm going to go take the trash out right now.”

Olivia: That's a good way of handling it.

Rachel: Thank you! Yes, it's really good, yes. So we never fight about anything. No.

Number three? I don't know. I don't know. What annoys him, like, what do we fight about? You have to ask him what would the top three be.

Olivia: Yeah, I will.

Olivia: Ah yeah. Mmhm.

Rachel: For instance, we spoke about this yesterday, the ice cream place at the Marriott.

Olivia: Yes.

Olivia: He's more of a diplomat.

Olivia: Okay, okay, yeah. I can agree with him on some things.

Rachel: What are your top three things that annoy you about me?

Olivia: About you?

Rachel: Yeah.

Olivia: Well, chewing with your mouth open, I agree with that.

Rachel: (laugh) Are you guys ganging up on me? Is there an intervention coming?

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: Uh, oh my god. Two other things …

[014:00] Rachel: See, I'm such a perfect person. It's just the chewing.

Olivia: Mmm. Only the chewing. The chewing on drama, maybe, sometimes.

Rachel: Chewing on drama? I'm trying to work on that, so-

Olivia: I know.

Rachel: I have gotten better, have I not?

Olivia: Oh, definitely.

Rachel: Yeah? When was it the worst? Chewing on the drama, you mean, like, fueling drama? Or like-

Olivia: Yeah, or holding onto it maybe. Yeah. No, let's not get into the drama.

Rachel: No more drama. I like that song.

Olivia: No. No. But let's get into some serious questions, because you're on your way to L.A. for a cover shoot?

Rachel: Yes.

Rachel: Yes, big one.

Rachel: No, because you're one of those, I mean, I guess people would say it's like you're a lucky person, because you just bounced back. I fucking hate that fucking term.

Olivia: Yes!

Olivia: No.

Olivia: Yeah. Yes.

Olivia: No, no.

Then I was like, and I know she was trying to be kind, like, “Oh, you'll get there.”

Olivia: Understanding …

Rachel: Understanding, and you'll get there. “Is this your first? Oh, okay.” Then I hung up and I was like, why are we so engrained in this idea that we're supposed to bounce back?

Olivia: Is there anything like bouncing back? I mean, can you get back to a body pre-birth? Is that possible?

Rachel: I don't think so.

Olivia: No!

Rachel: Like, things … aren't the same. (laugh)

Olivia: Mm-mm.

Olivia: You are beautiful now.

Rachel: I know!

Olivia: Mm-hm.

Olivia: Yeah, yeah. I really don't want to convey that message. And people ask, also, “So what have you been doing to look like that?” Honestly … nothing!

Rachel: Nothing! (laugh)

Olivia: Yeah.

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: And I'm not saying we should sit on the couch forever and eat Ben & Jerry's until we feel like shit, no.

Olivia: That's not well-being either.

Olivia: That is enough.

Olivia: Will you go naked then?

Olivia: No, I cannot picture that at all, you standing sad.

Rachel: Naked and sad.

Olivia: Naked and proud!

Rachel: No, it'll be good. But I think, if that would be the case, I think I would publicly talk about that in my social media.

Olivia: Yeah, for sure, yes.

Olivia: Right.

Rachel: It's just hard to think, because I look back at the covers that they've had, and it's a size 0 woman every fucking month.

Olivia: Right.

Rachel: But, they did invite me! So … I mean, that says a lot!

Olivia: They think you're a size 0!

Rachel: Or they just, you know, there is change happening.

Olivia: There is change, definitely. And you, you are contributing to that also. And also making I what you want it to be.

Rachel: Can you just come with me?

Olivia: No. (laugh)

Rachel: (laugh)

Olivia: I'm here taking care of the podcast, running the studio, so …

Rachel: Taking over anything. Can you take care of Dennis too? Please?

Olivia: Sure

[Commercial Break]

Rachel: I mean … I think a year ago, if someone would have asked me, “Are you a feminist?” I would have been, like, “Yeah, but …” And I would have had a thing there.

Olivia: Yeah.

Olivia: Yes. Big things also. I mean, I can honestly say that it wasn't until then that I really understood what sexual abuse is. Like, I didn't know!

Rachel: No! It's so normal!

Olivia: Mm-hm.

Rachel: So many of these things, we're like, “Yeah, but that happens all the time.”

Olivia: Right.

Olivia: Self blame.

Olivia: Yes.

Olivia: I can share.

Rachel: Yes.

Olivia: But also about the … it doesn't have to be a huge trauma, or like an actual rape. These small things that also-

[036:00] Rachel: They aren't small, but we label them small, because I wasn't brutally raped in an alley and taken to the hospital.

Olivia: Right. So we need to talk about those things that happen in our every day life a little more. Not the things that are in media with the title, you know …

Rachel: “Woman raped in dark alley.”

Rachel: Yes, which is even more common.

Olivia: This is so common, and people think that it's not a rape just because you're in a relationship. Oh my god. That's so wrong.

Olivia: Above, yeah.

Rachel: Not even that! Like, starting at … It needs to be okay for a man to be vulnerable.

Olivia: Yeah.

Olivia: There's so many things we do in our approach to people that we don't even recognize.

Olivia: But that's when you realize how prevalent it is.

Rachel: Everywhere.

Olivia: Yes.

Rachel: Everywhere. And we are not even involved in these dude talks.

Olivia: Mmhm.

Olivia: Yeah.

[Commercial Break]

Olivia: You have that a little bit.

Rachel: A little bit still! (laugh) But no, to be worthy and to … And sexually, I kind of … I wish someone would have sat me down and just had a major conversation about consent.

Olivia: Yes!

Olivia: Yeah. And it was probably your fault because this this that.

Rachel: Yeah.

Olivia: Good. Yes. Thank you so much. And thank you for taking the fight for all of us.

Rachel: Thank you! I mean, you help me so much with that. Yes! Your platforms now are, like, I can tell when you're having a fiery week, because all you post is, like- (laugh)

Olivia: (laugh) It goes up and down.

Rachel: It goes up and down. I know I know. I mean how do you feel? Because you are raising boy …

Olivia: Yes! And I'm so excited about that, because I feel like I'm contributing to feminism just by having a boy.

Rachel: Yes!

Rachel: Like what?

Olivia: Just having a, for example, a picture of a girl when you're doing marketing for whatever, what. I mean, that's old, but it's still so out there.

Rachel: Did you see that big Billabong scandal?

Olivia: No.

Rachel: The surf brand, Billabong?

Olivia: Oh yes, yes.

Olivia: Of course you're going to be protective about it.

Olivia: That goes without saying!

Olivia: No!

Rachel: Fuck no!

Olivia: Mmhm.

Rachel: But I hope it's not going to be.

Olivia: So many things are changing. I'm positive. But also I see that we're, you know, everything we do and say and how we act plays a huge role. So, we need to be aware.

Olivia: Now. Oh my god, we could, I think, we could continue talking for a very, very long time, but I know that you have to leave because you're catching flight …

Rachel: Don't remind me! I don't want to talk about that …

Olivia: No … But I want to end with one big question everybody asks, and also me. This is a personal question for me. How do you know that you're on the right track?

Rachel: If you're having an existential crisis maybe? (laugh)

Olivia: No, but I mean, self-doubt, everybody has it. And even super successful people that are doing what they're passionate about-

Rachel: Like me!

Olivia: Or whatever … go through self doubt and struggle. So how do you know, and how do you remind yourself to stay on track?

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