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marshmallowatheart · 5 years

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To All The Boys I've Loved Before (Part 45)

There's not much she learns at the office that she doesn't already know - and the things she does learn, she doesn't really want to know (see: Vinnie Van Lowe singing Private Eyes).

And so she asks him, simply and directly to let her help on a case or go on a stakeout, all she needs to do is know how to use a camera (she doesn't mean to brag but her photography skills are enough to be called skills).

She's not surprised that he's surprised, she's been here for all of three days. He tells her, emphatically, that photography isn't all that's to it before shrugging in agreement that she can tag along and learn the ropes.

She wishes she could learn from anyone other than Vinnie Van Lowe but Vinnie is all she has.

He plays the fool; get's people's guard down and let's them underestimate him to get the information he needs. She's always found it infuriating that her brain was judged by her petite figure and blonde hair. She learns now that it's not a weakness; it's a weapon.

--vm--

She meets Duncan at Java the Hut, she doesn't have much of an appetite - hasn't had much of an appetite since that night in Aspen - but she gets cake, the chocolate kind that should help make her feel better (she doesn't think anything would).

Duncan orders pie and coffee and it feels like it's been forever since they've hung out (it kind of has been).

They're across each other with badly sung karaoke as background noise. "Is it me or does karaoke night attract every Tritons reject?"

"We've got to put our musical aspirations somewhere," he cracks a smile with his joke.

"I still can't believe you wanted to be a Triton, am I gonna see you on America's got Talent next?"

"Oh, so you don't think I've got talent?"

"Prove me wrong, Kane."

"Like you're so much better."

"Child, please, I could give the Tritons a run for their money."

He laughs. "So how's it feel to be a part of the working class?"

"I feel more like a trainee than anything else. It's different," she says. She wants to add, the realm of ethics doesn't seem to exist, manipulation is a rite of passage and being a girl has more perks than she's ever taken credit for. But she knows she can't tell Duncan any of that. He wouldn't understand this part of her, she's not even sure she understands the lengths she'll go to to find out the truth.

"As long as you're happy," he says, sweet smile and caring blue eyes.

She nods, offering an assuring smile and then asks, "Is everything going alright at home?"

Duncan shrugs. "Same ole' same ole'. Lilly's lashing out. Dad and mom fight about it. I've kind of tuned it out."

"Ah," she lets out, fork carving out a piece of her chocolate cake. "The perks of having your mother run off on you. No more middle of the night arguments."

Duncan gives an uncomfortable chuckle as he agrees with her. "Is everything okay with you and Logan?"

She bites her lip, despite all her efforts, Logan never left her mind. Logan's partly the reason she asked Duncan to hangout. She wanted to know the truth behind Lilly's actions. She wants to understand. She knows it wouldn't fix everything between them but needs to know for sure what had happened. She isn't all that surprised that Duncan doesn't know anything - if he did, he wouldn't be asking her that.

"We broke up."

Stopping mid bite of his pie, he stares at her with widen eyes and his mouth half open. She can see that he doesn't know what to say, so she continues, "In Aspen. Lilly was there. They were hugging, well past midnight. I freaked. Then Wallace said Logan had been gone all night. Logan wouldn't tell me why."

She hates that her breath stammers over Logan's name and that her heart betrays her all over again because all those feelings still rush up and she can't seem to get rid of it - no matter how hard she tries.

It takes him seconds to pull out of his thoughts "We have a cabin there," he says. "Not too far from the Casablancas. Dad went to LA so we decided not to go. Lilly must have decided that she really wanted to go. I'm sorry. But Logan never deserved you anyway. You were always too good for him."

She tries to smile and thank him but she can't get it out. She knows he's trying to make her feel like she'd made the right choice but it hurts. Despite it all, this isn't want she wants to hear about Logan. She doesn't want him to insult Logan. She doesn't know what she wants but she doesn't want that.

--vm--

Duncan drops her home and she waves him goodbye. At the very least, she's got her friend back.

"Honey, I'm home," Veronica calls out as she closes the door.

"So am I, honey," Meg says, bright smile and even brighter eyes.

Veronica turns, surprised eyes and growing smile. "Meg, you're home!" She laughs, disbelieving as rush to hug each other. "Oh my God. How are you here? I thought you were getting in on Friday."

"I finished my exams early," she grins, brushing Veronica's hair from her face. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

"I missed you so much," Veronica lets out, hugging her sister tight.

"I missed you too," Meg says, soft and heartwarming. "Why didn't you tell me you've got a job? With Vinnie Van Lowe, no less?" She asks, quizzing, the softness turned curious with a head tilt that hides none of the judgement.

"I was planning on starting next year. I was gonna tell you about it when you got home," she offers as retribution. "A job's a job. What does it matter if it's serving coffee in a restaurant or in an office?"

Her sister's brow arches up, doubting her words. "Is serving coffee really all you're doing?"

"The more the better, right?" Veronica shrugs as though she's indifferent to it but the more is the reason she decided on this job. "I spoke to dad about it, what's with the Spanish Inquisition anyway?"

"It's Vinnie Van Lowe. His work isn't all that kosher."

"We're not Jewish. Besides, in the grand scheme of things, he isn't even the worst person we know."

"These late nights are gonna affect your grades, did you even think about that?"

"My 4.0 GPA is still intact. Stanford's been my dream since elementary, Meg, I'm not gonna screw that up." She doesn't want to fight with Meg, she doesn't know why she this feels like a fight. She takes in a deep breath and lets out, "So how was your flight?"

--vm--

Veronica is happy Meg's home. She's missed her sister, she's saved up things she'd wanted to tell her. But maybe that's the problem.

It started with her job - which she hadn't meant to keep from Meg - it all happened so fast and it got to the point where she thought it'd be better to tell her once she came home.

There's a lot of things Veronica stored away in the back of her mind under things to share with Meg when she came home.

It doesn't go the way she plans; they don't eat ice cream and gossip or bake cookies and catch up. Meg notices changes and comments and all Veronica could think is I meant to tell you about that.

She feels bad about it. She does. But does Meg really have to get so snippy with her about it? It's hard remembering every little thing over the phone (and she admits that her getting a job falls into the list of big things but she doesn't know how to explain that working in the underbelly of Neptune is the only thing that makes her feel like she's doing something worthwhile).

There's nothing she can do about it now, she can't press rewind and include Meg in all of those moments that's passed. She thinks, she should have messaged her right away, taken pictures and shared these things with her.

Maybe then Meg wouldn't be staring so intently at Alicia and Keith during dinner. Maybe then Meg wouldn't flinch at her and Wallace's bunk mate jokes. Maybe then when Duncan came to return her bag she'd forgotten in his car, Meg wouldn't have stormed off into her room.

"I didn't know she was home," Duncan says, helpless.

"She came back early," Veronica lets out a heavy sigh.

She hadn't meant to not tell Meg that she'd hung out with Duncan. The whole situation with Duncan was awkward because there's so much between her and Duncan that Meg doesn't know about. There's so much in her life that Meg doesn't know about and she doesn't know how to explain any of it; the letters, Duncan, Logan, Lilly. She can't explain any of it. She just wants her sister back and for things to go back to normal - the way it was before she'd left to New York.

--vm--

"Hey, Sam," Veronica says to Vinnie who's leaning back on his chair with his legs up on his desk and a flyer in his hand as he chews on the last piece of his sandwich.

"Hey, Ralph," he grins. "Did you bring me gummy worms?"

She rolls her eyes and digs into her bag as she throws the small packet to him. "You're such a baby."

"You're gonna want snacks on today's case," he says, already ripping the packet open. "Tailing and stakeouts, VMars. The only thing worse is the paperwork."

"Which you never bother to do anymore," she points out, looking pointedly at the growing paperwork on his desk.

"It's what I got you for," he quips, getting up on his feet.

"So what do we have?"

"Classic, cheating spouse."

--vm--

She gets a flask full of coffee as preparation for the stakeout and an apple if she gets hungry.

"You had to bring your dog, huh?" Vinnie shakes his head, looking at the brown pitbull who stares at him, daring him to move.

"Dad's condition is to take Backup," she shrugs, she has a bag set for Backup; water, dog treats and his rope to chew on while they waited.

She should have taken a look at the case, asked for more details but she'd been fidgeting with equipment and learning about bugs, tracers and hidden cameras in ordinary objects.

So it takes her by surprise when she realizes that they've stopped in front of Kane Software. She's completely thrown when she learns that their target is none other than Software Billionaire Jake Kane himself.

Veronica scoffs, disbelieving. She knew that their family had their issues, Duncan used to come by just to get away from it all but she never thought that Jake Kane would do something like this to his family. Wasn't he the poster man for family guy?

"Are you seriously telling me that the beloved Jake Kane is cheating on his wife?"

Vinnie shrugs, unphased. "You'll be surprised what people are capable of."

She blinks, staring at the large glass window and the silhouette of a man leaving the office. She's lived with an alcoholic until she abandoned them without so much as a goodbye. She shouldn't be surprised of what people can be capable of. But here she is, still surprised.

"Why would Celeste even think he's cheating on her?"

He shakes his head, eyes in front as he starts the engine to follow Jake Kane. Vinnie had lo-jacked Jake's car, so they could follow him without being seen.

Lo-jacking was convenient like that. She thinks if regular people knew how to use them, private investigators would be out of a lot of work.

"Wrong Kane," he cocks his head. "Lilly Kane is the one that hired us."

Veronica's brows crease, eyes stare wide in surprise but Vinnie doesn't notice or care as he continues, "Says she caught him in Aspen with some hussy, wants us to find out who it is. She left before he saw her. Lucky for us she didn't get any pictures to go along with her accusations."

Her heart thumps wildly in her heart and everything starts to make sense. This was why. This had to be why. Lilly hated her mother but she loved her father. If she saw her father with another woman, that kind of betrayal would make any girl cry.

She wishes Logan would have told her, cleared it up that the reason he was with Lilly was because she found out her father cheated. She wouldn't have expected Logan to turn Lilly away when he's been through the same thing.

Why couldn't Logan have just trusted her and told her the truth? She would have understood. She understands. How could she begrudge them for this? She knows what it's like to be betrayed by a parent too. Why couldn't he have just trusted her with the truth? Fight to clear up the misunderstandings she had instead of letting her walk away - walk away from him - them.

They follow him all the way to Camelot and Veronica knows that Jake Kane is guilty. You didn't have to be a private detective to know what goes on at the Camelot motel.

"Guess the girl was right," Vinnie remarks. "Not a lot of high powered business meetings take place at the Camelot at one in the morning."

She angles the camera to face the motel, ready to get the money shot, she doesn't know how long it would be and she figures this is what Vinnie means when he says it's boring but she watches the door like a hawk while Vinnie yaps at either her or Backup and eats his candy.

She doesn't say much of anything as she tries to concentrate because all she can think about is Logan.

"Keep the camera, ready, Mars," he reminds, chewing on liquorice when he sees Jake exit the room.

"All right lady, let’s see ya," Veronica blows out, snapping several pictures but the woman in question never comes into view. It's only when she snaps pictures of Jake climbing down the stares and driving away that she sees a familiar car. She snaps a picture of the license plate and sucks in a breath. She knows this car. She knows this license plate; 4VG-000.

She stares back at the room, takes another deep breath and says, "I know who he's with."

"You do?" He arches a brow, staring at her expectantly to share the information.

She meets his gaze and lets out, "It's my mom."

She jumps out of the car, ignoring the sound of Vinnie calling her name and she's racing up the stairs. She takes a moment, staring at the number on the door before she knocks.

She doesn't know what to expect or what to say but her mother is here in Neptune. Anger guts at her, she's here in Neptune for Jake Kane and not her - for their family. Did Lianne even qualify as family anymore?

The door opens after two knocks and even though Veronica knew her mother was on the other side of this door, she feels the air being knocked out of her.

"Veronica," her mother says, stunned and then repeats her name in that motherly tone that she has no right to use anymore.

Veronica's words are caught in her throat and she just stands there, staring and Lianne shifts uncomfortably at the door before offering her entrance.

"What are you doing with Jake Kane?"

Her eyes strain with unsheathed tears. This woman abandoned them when they needed her the most. This woman that decided to get her life together for another family instead of her own. Only to apparently rip it apart for Jake Kane.

Why would she come back to Neptune for Jake Kane and not for us? That's the real question she wants to ask.

"Why don't you sit? Do you want some water?" Lianne asks, evasive and nervous as she fidgets about.

"No, I asked you a question," Veronica stares at her, trying to reign in her emotions and look as intimidating as possible.

"I'm sorry, honey," Lianne says, soft whisper and helpless look in her eye as she reaches to touch her.

Veronica jerks back, breathing turns into a ragged mess that she has to concentrate on to not fall apart. "Don't," she warns. "All we ever did was love you. And all you ever did was love yourself," she can't hide the disgust in her voice.

She'd spent all her years thinking of questions for her mother that she'd laid them to rest when she saw her with her new family - but here Lianne was; lying, cheating, drinking and falling back into old patterns.

"Do you know that Meg lives in New York now? She's studying journalism and she's been more of a mother to me than you ever were. Heather's top of her grade, she's funny and smart and she'll be just like dad and nothing like you. We're all doing fine without you," she tells her, angry tears falling down her face as she gets the words out.

She shouldn't feel guilty when Lianne starts to cry. She shouldn't listen to Lianne’s excuses and life's regrets. But she does. She stands and listens to what Lianne has to say; she talks about how her husband was a con artist that's imprisoned and her step daughter's following in his footsteps. She talks about Hunter; the half brother she's never met. She talks about Jake Kane, how they were so in love as high school sweetheart and a man she could never stop loving no matter how hard she tried. She talked about leaving for herself and not because of any of them. She talks about her addictions and not being strong enough to fight it.

Veronica silently listens (despite her need to scream and fight every sentence that comes out of her mother’s mouth) and then tells her to never come back into their lives and to never come back to Neptune.

She always wished her mother would come back. She knows now that she never wants her to.

The bridges between them had burned to ash a long time ago. She couldn't go back in time. She couldn't fix what had gone wrong. She couldn't make Lianne love her more than her addictions.

She doesn't want anything to do with Lianne Mars or Lianne Scott or whatever she goes by now and she doesn't want her to come back into their lives only to mess it up again. Her family deserved better than that.

--vm--

She sits on the hood of her car outside of Logan's house with only the moonlight and streetlamps to give her light.

He hurries out in a track pants and hoodie, face etched in concern, rightly so, considering she hasn't spoken to him in days, ignoring all points of contact and now she's outside his house at three in the morning - she’s sure she’s woken him from his sleep but he looks as alert as ever.

"You knew, didn't you?" She accuses, wounds fresh and eyes vengeful. "You knew about Jake and my mother and you didn't tell me."

"I'm so sorry," Logan says, anguish and concern behind brown eyes. "I didn't know if it was really your mom. I needed to know before I told you anything," he confesses. "How'd you find out?"

He says I but she knows he means we (the we being him and Lilly).

"It was my job to find out," she grits, she sounds harsh and she knows it's unfair because she's not angry at him, she's angry at her mother. She's angry at this situation. "I started working for Vinnie."

He stares at her, soft and concern apparent. "I thought you were starting next year."

She takes a breath, trying to calm herself down. "I needed to focus on something that wasn't you," she confesses, voice dipped low but the words come clear in the silence of the night.

Hope resides in his eyes, he steps closer to her, hugging her and she lets him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I let things get this way. I'm sorry about your mom."

"I know," she whispers, warm breath sinking into his chest.

"All I care about is you, Veronica," he whispers, forehead resting on hers as the warmth of his hands comfort her. "All Lilly and I did was talk about her dad, her family, she thought the person he was with was your mom but it's been years since she's seen her. I needed to be sure, to have proof before I said anything about it which is why I told her to go to Vinnie."

"I wish you'd told me," she lets out, exhausted. "I wish you'd came to me and let me help figure it out."

"I didn't want you to get hurt." He tucks her hair behind her ears and rests his palm on her cheek.

"I got hurt anyway," she says, voice quiet. "I get it now that I know the truth but all you had to do was be honest with me and you didn't do that. I need honesty, no matter what. I need honesty so I can trust you."

He nods, head on hers, promising it all to her. "I hate that I hurt you when all I wanna do is protect you."

"I don't need protecting, Logan,” she says, tired breath escapes her as she looks into his eyes. “I just need you."

He pulls away slightly, kissing her hair and he can’t help himself but to ask, "Does this mean we're okay?"

She sighs. "We're going to be,” she tells him. “I just need some time."

"Take all the time you need," he presses a kiss to her forehead. "Just come back to me, please."

"Always," she leans into him and his arms wrap around her like he's welcoming her home. Like he is home.

#veronica mars #logan echolls #vinnie van lowe #duncan kane #meg manning #meg mars #lianne mars #inspired by to all the boys i've loved before #to all the boys i've loved before #part 45 #vm #vmars #vm fanfic #fanfiction #vm fic

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