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ikesenlemonadestandstories · 5 years

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Hey there, hi there ho there! What’s up fam!? How are you enjoying the event so far? Feel free to jump on over to my Master List for any and every Ikesen piece I’ve ever written.

This request brought to you by @tarralin

Request: Modern, Sasuke, Karaoke, 17. Skin Tight - Niykee Heaton, Rom-Com (Feedback)

Warning: Alcoholic beverages consumed, Sasuke has a beautiful voice and you should prepare yourself for that

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[YN]

You watched in abject horror, as Shingen and Yukimura got up to sing another one of ‘Journey’s’ songs. You were so not drunk enough for this sort of outing, but you were more than happy you had been invited along. It wasn’t often you got to see your boyfriend and his friends this relaxed. You honestly weren’t sure why the five of you didn’t get out more, especially since everyone seemed to live about a train ride from the karaoke place. It was easy enough to get drunk and jump on the subway home. Though, assuming Kenshin or Shingen could get drunk was a bold thought. Which left Yukimura, Sasuke, and yourself to amble home before the last train at midnight.

Your attention was soon captured by the shrill screech of the microphone feedback as Shigen and Yuki got too close to one another for the umpteenth time, and you felt another piece of your soul leave your body as your friends missed the cord and fell flat. Yikes. He had to have seen the look on your face because not long after was Sasuke typing your drink order into the tablet provided to the room.

“They would fare a little better if they stood at least three inches apart,” Sasuke whispered low in your ear as he casually rested his arm behind you on top of the booth.

You shot him a look to let him know you knew what he was doing, but before you could comment your drinks descended from the ceiling. Your mouth was occupied as your brain fought desperately to wipe the noise that had just come out of Shingen’s mouth from your memories.

[Sasuke]

They weren’t good, honesty you and Kenshin were the only one who could sing in public like this. I tried my best to keep them from getting the mic, but it was never successful. Every so often Kenshin would step in and offer to sing, but my favorite was when you were just tipsy enough to get up and steal the microphone like you just had.

I loved your voice, it was bright and colorful, and the world swirled to life every time I heard you sing. You hadn’t picked the song, Shingen had, and I was nervous for you as he sat and snickered to himself as he watched for my reaction. Though maybe I should have been a little more worried about myself.

As you sang through the chorus your hips swayed perfectly to the beat, hair falling over your shoulder as you leaned forward. I watched entranced as your lips formed the words in English perfectly, swallowing harder than I had meant to, trying to avert my gaze and pounding back my drink as a temporary distraction.

[YN]

Sasuke was flushed a deep red, and you couldn’t tell if it was all of the alcohol he’d been drinking or if it had something to do with that last song Shingen had picked out for you. Oh well, you were on your way home already, and the steady rock of the train was lulling you into a light sleep.

With your head propped up on Sasuke’s shoulder, you scooted closer to him, not caring that you were in public and potentially gathering attention from onlookers. As his fingers twined with yours, he pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead and ran his unoccupied thumb over your knuckles. “Hey Sasuke?” you asked him quietly.

“How come you never sing when we go to karaoke? You couldn’t possibly be worse than Yuki, and if you don’t like it, we don’t have to go.”

“Mhhh, a good question. How about I show you when there’s less of a crowd?” His voice dropped to a whisper as he answered your question. “Get some rest, I’ll wake you when we get there.”

Wake you he did not. Your eye cracked open and immediately recognized the soft green paint of your shared bedroom. Shifting in the futon to search for the warmth that was usually there only to be met with an empty space and a cold sheet. Where was Sasuke? A mild sense of panic settled in as you sat upright in bed. Frantically searching the room with your eyes for any sign of your boyfriend. Nothing. That was when you noticed the light on in the bathroom and the whisper of a song you recognized all too well.

The door was cracked open, and while you knew better than to snoop, curiosity and alcohol got the better of you. You decided you would press yourself flat against the wall to listen in.

It was soft, and it washed over you like a wave kissing the shore. It soothed your soul and before you realized what was happening that beautiful blue sound matched the tears streaming down your face.

[Sasuke]

You had passed out on the subway, and try as I might no sort of gentle jostle seemed to be able to raise you from your state of slumber. Giving in, I hooked my arms under your back and knees and hoisted you up against my chest as I walked you home. I would have to make a note somewhere later that tonight's beverage quantity was too much, it was never good to get you this drunk in one sitting. No matter how horrendous Shingen and Yukimura’s duet got.

After a mild argument with our deadbolt, I managed to swing the door open just far enough to squeeze us in without smacking your feet on the frame. Thank goodness. In nearly ten minutes I had you stripped of your day clothes and wrapped up in one of my many sweatshirts and the blankets covering our futon.

Once you were settled, I stepped into the bathroom, brushing my teeth quickly and filling glasses of water to try and re-hydrate after the night we had just had. I sang to myself while I changed and was nearly ready to go back to bed and join you when I heard the sniffles at the door.

“(YN)!” I rushed out of the bathroom wheeling around to see you propped up against the wall, a steady stream of tears running down your face. “Hey, (YN), what’s wrong, do you feel sick? Does something hurt?” I asked trying to remain calm.

New note. That was one-hundred percent too much alcohol.

“I, Sasuke, I, that was,” you stopped as you choked on a sob reaching forward to curl inward against my chest. “That was beautiful Sasuke.” Your hand had moved to grip at my t-shirt as you rubbed your face hard against it.

“What was beautiful love?” I asked gently, not quite sure what you had seen to elicit this sort of reaction, as I gently pet at your hair and rubbed down your back.

“Your voice, you’ve got such a, a nice voice.” You said through another sniffle as your arms snaked around my waist and pulled me tight against you. “How come ya n’ver sing fer me.” You hiccuped as you peeled your face off of my shirt to look up at me.

“Ah princess, I try not to, I was told it affects people a certain way.” I felt my lips quirk up ever so slightly, just enough to show you my embarrassment. “Though I never imagined you would weep,” I said as I swept you up off your feet to place you back onto the futon.

Quietly I crawled in behind you and waited for you to curl up against me like you always did. “To be honest when Kenshin told me I just assumed he meant I was worst than Yukimura.”

You laughed as your body melted against mine “Ah, no, quite the opposite actually.” You said as you brought my hand to your mouth and kissed each knuckle. “I sort of wish my ears would bleed when Yuki sings.”

“I agree, but thank you, princess.” I nuzzled against your neck and relaxed into your familiar scent drifting off into sleep.

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikesen sasuke #ikesen sasuke x reader #ikesen valentines day requests #ikesen valentines day event

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moonmunson · 6 years

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dorm rooms pt 2

is it good? is it shit? is it going anywhere? lemme know fam!!

“No,” He said. I looked over at him, and cocked my head to the side, confused. “Wow, you. I’ve known you less than what,” He glanced down at the watch on his wrist. “Ten hours? And you have completely captivated me.

. . . . . .

Going to that party a few months ago ended up being the best decision I’ve ever made. Harry’s personality completely drew me in, and I’d been hooked ever since. The school year had ended, leaving the two of us to hang when the both of us happened to be free. I had been accepted for an internship at a popular magazine as their photographer, so I didn’t get to see much of him. The summer, however, was nearing it’s annual transition back into fall, as well as the end of my internship. Students make their way back up to campus, saying goodbye to family and friends and pets, to throw themselves back into a seemingly endless pile of work.

Autumn, in New York City, is absolutely breathtaking. So beautiful, it has inspired countless works of art describing the pure wonder you feel while roaming the streets. So, as I found myself doing the same, I turned on Billie Holiday’s “Autumn in New York” and was humming along to the melody when a hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder. I let out a squeak, preparing to turn back and defend myself. A sigh of relief escaped my lips when I looked behind me and was met with a familiar mop of curly brown hair.

“Goddamn, Styles. You always do that.” I chuckled and rolled my eyes while turning to face him. Ours eyes met and my breath hitched. We were just friends, but I couldn’t deny the butterflies I felt whenever we were together. There was just no way he felt the same. I had gone through the whole process before. You make a new friend and inevitably fall for them, but they just “don’t see you that way” I knew that would happen here as well, so I tried my absolute best to keep that from occuring.

“Sorry, love, you were jus’ walking fast ‘n I wanted to catch up with ya.”

“Of course I was walking fast, Harry. If you don’t walk fast they let you know.” I gestured to the passers-by, and sure enough, some of them gave us looks for standing still in the middle of the sidewalk. As a fan of not having to deal with confrontation, I pulled Harry to the side. After regaining my composure, I let my eyes flicker up to his green ones once more.

“I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?” He inquired. It was true, the both of us had been busy getting ready to go back to school, and hadn’t had time to see each other. We sent a text here and there, but other than that didn’t have time.

“I’m good. On my way to pick up my last paycheck for the internship, then to campus for my dorm listing. You?”

“Mostly to campus. I ‘ave to get my schedule to see what books I have to buy. Hey-” He reached up and laid a hand on my shoulder. “I miss you. What do you say we get dinner tonight? We can stay up talking all night like old times.” Harry missed me? It was hard to imagine, but it still felt good. I let the thought linger for a moment, before realizing Harry was still waiting for an answer, and snapped back to my senses.

“Of course, Harry! I’ll be done with all of my errands at like…” I checked my notes to see my schedule for day. “Five-Thirty? I can meet you at a restaurant if you like.”

“I was actually thinking you could come to my place. I actually meant to tell you, I won’t be living in the dorms this year. I got my own shoebox studio.” He giggled, and his dimple popped out. Jesus Christ.

“Are you sure there’ll be enough room for the two of us?” I smirked up at him, and our eyes met. He rolled his, which made me laugh.

“Yes, love, there will be room for the both of us. I’ll get takeout from my favorite Chinese place and text you the address. Sound good?” The offer sounded promising. My favorite brit, my favorite food, all to myself.

“Sounds good.” An alert went off on my phone, letting me know I had to be on my way to my next errand. “Just - text me, yeah?” I looked up with a hopeful glint in my eye, hoping that even though he invited me two seconds ago, that he hadn’t changed his mind.

“Of course.” He returned my question with a smile, and pulled me in for a short lived embrace before continuing down the street.

. . . . . .

The rest of my day was full of waiting in line to speak with incompetent workers. Several times I had to pull out my “I’d like to speak with the manager tone” which I didn’t usually like to use, but today prompted it. The only thing that got me through the whole thing was the thought of Harry, and chinese food.

As promised, at around five-thirty, I received a text from my big-headed friend.

Hey pet, it’s me. Still on for dinner? Xx He always ended his texts with a double x. It was endearing.

Yeah! Just let me know when and I’ll head over, yeah? Xx

Harry responded with his new address, and I got on the subway to the closest street. I still had to walk a few blocks, but I didn’t mind, seeing as it was getting cooler. It was also my favorite part of the day. We called it the “golden hour”, and it was beautiful. There’s about a half an hour where the sun is making its way down before peeking below the horizon where it basks everything in this beautiful honey-like glow. I was standing below his new apartment building taking photographs of the way the sun laid over the surroundings when I heard a shout from above me calling my name.

“Oi! Stop taking pictures and come up here to eat with me!” I looked up and saw Harry leaning out his window.

“Get your head in before you fall out, dumb dumb.” I made my way through the front of the apartment building as soon as I heard the buzz letting me know he had unlocked it. By the time I had exited the elevator, Harry was standing outside his door, a fake scowl plastered across his lips.

“Took you long enough, sista.” He had a hand rested on his popped hip. I couldn’t tell if he was using ‘sista’ seriously or not. I went along with it regardless. I rolled my eyes before responding.

“I was gone two minutes, babe. Missed me that much?” I jokingly kissed his cheek as I entered his apartment. Before I made it all the way in, a sly smirk appeared on his face.

“You know it, pet.” and winked at me before pinching my bum. I let out a squeak and a light laugh. We always played around like this, but I knew it didn’t mean anything. He wasn’t kidding about it being a shoebox. Right when you entered you saw the whole apartment. Straight across from the doorway was his bed. A familiar Fleetwood Mac poster hung above the bedpost. To the left of the door was a small kitchen area, equipped with a fridge, and an oven. A small cupboard and a few drawers accompanied them. To the right, was a small door which I assumed led to the bathroom. I looked down and noticed the picnic-style area for us that Harry had set up for us to eat at, with the lack of table. (“I usually eat in bed.” was his answer to the question you asked while on the floor later.) There was a blanket in the middle of the room with a few select throw pillows, as well as some candles.

“Harry you didn’t have to do all this!” I was genuinely awed by the effort he put in. Did I mean this much to him?

“Wanted to.” A blush sprouted across his cheeks as he grabbed my hands and let me to the blanket on the floor. “Sit, please.” He gestured to the general area.

“Delighted to.” For some reason, I was really nervous. As I sat down, Harry made his way to a record player, and started playing - you guessed it - a Fleetwood Mac vinyl. As the first song started, he sauntered back my way.

The food and utensils were already on the blanket, and as he joined me, I felt the atmosphere shift from two friends eating dinner, to a date. I didn’t know whether or not to say anything, because I wasn’t sure if he felt it, and I definitely did not want to screw this up. Luckily, he said something before I worked up the nerve to.

“So, pet, you’re probably a little confused to as why it’s so cosy.” He paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. “That night I met you at that party was absolutely amazing. You have become a great influence on my life and -” He stopped abruptly, and our eyes met once before I felt his mouth crash on mine.

#harry styles #harry smut #harry styles smut #harry styles imagine #harry styles live on tour #hs imagines #imagines #fanfiction #smut

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nikitbh · 7 years

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tag~

tagged by @snk-skn!!!!!!!!!!!! (thx girl. i feel like its been awhile since ive done a tag)

rules answer the questions and tag 20(ish) blogs you want to get to know better

nicknames; niks

star sign; scorpio

height; 5′2.5

time rn; 10:23 pm

last thing you googled; aliexpress (thank god, i usually google super weird things)

fave music artist; ummmmmmmmmm how to choose??? like how do i narrow it down to one???? if i had to choose one, right now, it’d be Zico

song stuck in your head; cheese and wine by DPR LIVE (he’s a korean artist but i think he’s american born?? idk but his songs are lit asf. he just debuted so if u like rnb/hiphop go listen)

last movie i watched; “get out” the one with the white fam and the black guy

last tv show i watched; 13 reasons why i think (it was a shitty show but i watched all the eps lol -_-)

what im wearing rn; black/white training shorts and a neon green subway work shirt lol (i’ve never worked at subway, it was a free shirt ye ye)

when i created this blog; do ppl keep track... idk its been awhile tho

the kind of stuff i post; bts, other kpop groups, memes, bts, aesthetix, bts

do you get asks regularly; like once every other blue moon but it’s usually just a msg lolz

why did you choose your url; because i hate liars (lol im jk)

hogwarts house; hufflepuff (idk i haven’t done a house sort since like ‘09)

pokemon team; mystic??? i think???

average hours of sleep; fluctuates a lot like last night i got 5? the other day i got like 10 lol

lucky number; how do u know when its lucky

favourite character; mikasa from attack on titan cuz shes a bamf

dream job; something with a creative outlet and reaches out to large network of ppl

number of blankets i sleep with; usually 2 but it’s gettin warm

following; 461 (betchu half are inactive lol)

ugh soz man im narcissistic trash and too lazy to tag ppl but pls do this if u wanna

#this is the most productive things i've done all day #ive only napped #personal

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itsiotrecords-blog · 7 years

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http://ift.tt/2rk1XxH

Rainbows and unicorns? Yes! Macaroni and cheese? Sounds amazing! Baskets full of puppies and kitties? Hell yeah! Bring it on, because we are so ready! If it’s happy, whimsical, or squee-worthy, sign us up. So much of life is “meh,” so, when we get the opportunity to forget our troubles and enjoy something truly spectacular, we drop whatever we’re doing and go have ourselves a good time. But, if you apply Newton’s Third Law, it stands to reason that there are things out there that are every bit as horrible as these things are delightful. While wonderful things like soft pretzels and merry-go-rounds exist, horrible things like clowns and spiders exist, too, to offset their wonderfulness, and to make those things even more enjoyable. There are a lot of things that make us happy—but there are also a lot of things that make us pee our pants. Check out these 18 photos that will make you say, “Nope!”

#1 No “Congratulations, kids! You sold more candy bars than any other class in the entire school, so you’re going to get that class vacation! But, unfortunately, because the teachers and staff also want a vacation, they have been forced to use some of the money that you earned to take their own vacation. That means your class vacation will be more of a class field trip. Still, you have a lot of fun destinations to choose from! Okay, two. You have two destinations to choose from. Also, they aren’t what you might call “fun,” they’re more “horrific.” Alright, are you ready to hear about the two locations?” **Crickets** “I’ll take that as a yes. Okay, we can go to the spider farm—ooooh! Sounds great, doesn’t it? Or, we can visit the nuclear power plant! Those are the only two options, though, because they’re both on Nope Lane, and that’s nearby, so it saves on gas.”

#2 NO “STAN!!! Stan, the break room is on fire! I tried to microwave my cell phone because I read somewhere on the internet that it makes it charge super fast. But it didn’t work, and the microwave exploded! It’s a matter of minutes before the whole floor is engulfed in flames! You have to pull the fire alarm, Stan. I can’t do it. You remember, last week I had my hands replaced with tennis balls. I don’t have fingers, anymore. I can’t pull the fire alarm. Stan, you have to do it! Please, hurry!” “You know, Fred, microwaving your iPhone, having your hands surgically removed and replaced with tennis balls—if we make it out of this alive, we need to discuss your life decisions.” “No time! Pull the fire alarm.” “Oh, alright. Fine. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You’re evading the subject. Well, alright. I’ll just pull the fire alar—AAAGGGGHHHHHHH! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!”

#3 Nope Wow! Working for National Geographic must be so great!You get to travel all over the place, and see famous landmarks. You get to try new cuisines, and learn new languages, and meet incredible people. You get to experience the wide variety of cultures that this beautiful world of ours has to offer. What other job could possibly be that? National Geographic puts you out there. It gives you the chance to become one with nature. What a thrilling opportunity! But, uh, apparently working with Nat Geo isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We had no idea that getting chased by bears was in the job description. At first, we thought that we would be able to deal with this minor detail. But, upon reflection, we don’t think we can get over this. We can’t outrun a bear. So, instead of working for Nat Geo, we’ll just stick to watching their channel and reading their magazines.

#4 Nuh-uh When you’re sitting in your coach seat on a plane, and you’ve got a bratty kid sitting behind you, kicking your seat and pulling your hair, you’re not going to be in a good mood. Even when the flight attendant brings out those little packets of peanuts and the tiny bottles of booze, those things aren’t really going to make up for the fresh hell that you’re currently residing in. However, as bad as things may be, take a moment to appreciate that this isn’t the view that you have from your seat’s window. Be grateful that you do not see a plane mechanic using duct tape to secure one part of the plane to another part of the plane. While we are firm believers that duct tape can fix anything, we have to say, we think that it’s reached it’s limits here. So, if you look out on the tarmac and see this happening to your plane, get off.

#5 Not Gonna Happen “All aboard the Nope Train, bound for Nopeville, Nohio! Here on the Nope Train, we put safety third, placing reckless endangerment and convenience at the front of our list. Our train isn’t actually a train, it’s a rickety old cart made from old pallets. But, there’s no doubt that our train is even more uncomfortable than a conventional locomotive! The death rate for our *ahem* “train” is higher than any other railway in the world. Come ride with us, it will be the last thing that you ever do!” We have a sneaking suspicion that a ride on the railway cart that runs on this track has a tendency to go downhill fast—literally. That wash out under the tracks, there, doesn’t exactly instill confidence in the passenger. Personally? We’re going to say, “Nope!” to a ride over this railroad. And, if you aren’t a fan of sliding off the side of a cliff, we’d recommend you turn it down, too.

#6 Naw, Fam The day that we walk out of the door and see this happening on the street in front of our house is the day that we leave everything behind, take on an assumed identity, and never look back. We’re not ready to live in a world where guys take their pet snakes out for an evening walk. That’s just a bit too metal for us. In our line of work—which mostly consists of making fun of people, and being sarcastic and borderline passive aggressive—we are often presented with WTF photos that provide us no back story. And since we know next to nothing about the circumstances behind the pictures we see, we have to come up with a story ourselves. We like to think that these two guys are rivals competing in a pet show. The guy with the Great Danes is a shoo-in, but the guy with the snakes is going to be a real contender.

#7 Not A Chance These hellish spider webs are starting to make parking tickets look pretty good. “Oh, I ran the meter over by fifteen minutes? Sure, I’ll pay the fifty dollars. It beats the hell out of having to wade through a thicket of black widow spider webs just to get into my piece of crap Chevy.” This is Australia, right? We bet that this is Australia. It’s got to be. Everything is crazy, Down Under. Sure, they’ve got adorable kangaroos and koalas. But they also have nearly one-hundred kinds of venomous snakes, humongous bats, and all manner of spiders. Seriously, Australia, what were you thinking? Filling your country with plague levels of insects and creatures that are not only deadly, but also incredibly terrifying, seems like a questionable move to us. We don’t mean to criticize, Australia. You’re free to do you. It’s just that we’re going to say, “Nope,” that’s all.

#8 Mmmm. How ’Bout ‘No’? Gah! Dammit, you guys! We thought that we all agreed to do whatever we had to to free this world of puppets. We know that it’s going to be a difficult process, but we’re committed to the task. You should be to. It’s going to take time and perseverance. But without determination, we will continue to live in a world where abominable puppets (such as the one in this picture) continue to exist, and to plague our nightmares. We must unite. We must come together and vow that we will snuff out these dastardly puppets. If we don’t, bad things will happen. We’re super disturbed by this creepy AF puppet. But we’re also disturbed by the fact that some guy wanted to buy shoes for it. Why would you do that? Gasp! Maybe that puppet told him to do it! Oh, no! This demonic thing must have a hold on him. Someone help!

#9 No Thnx Ah, fishing. What a great way to relax, unwind, and get in touch with nature! After a long, hard week of commuting to the city, and spending all of that time sitting in traffic, dealing with rude people, and breathing in smog, you need to get away. You need to forget about all of that for a little while, and remember what it’s like to really live, you know? If you’ve never been fishing, then—stay the hell away from Lake Nope, because you’ll look over the side of your boat to see this. Then, you will promptly pee your pants, assume the fetal position, and you’ll be stuck in your boat in the middle of the lake with no way of returning to snake-free civilization. So, do you think that this sight is better or worse than seeing a mechanic duct taping your plane just before take off? We can’t decide.

#10 **Shakes Head Vigorously** You guys probably think that this is just a horrifying photo of a bunch of Ronald McDonalds on their way to a pervert clown convention. But, coincidentally, this is also the last known photograph of the woman seated on the left. Cheryl Perkins was on her way home from work when she unknowingly boarded a subway car brimming with Ronald McDonalds. Eyewitnesses state that Cheryl tried, desperately, to disembark, but the sliding doors closed, and the subway made its way back down the tunnel. The minute she took her seat, Cheryl could feel the eyes of a dozen clowns boring into her very soul. They watched her as a lion watches a wounded gazelle. She knew that she wasn’t safe. Here, we see Cheryl trying to take a picture of her attackers with her phone. When the subway arrived at its destination, the doors opened, and Cheryl was nowhere to be found.

#11 Nope, Nope, Nope-A-Roo We like how the person who wrote the caption for this picture is all like, “Yeah, we don’t have winters in Florida. But that’s only because we have something even better. We’ve got these giant green lizards that will kill you as soon as they look at you. And, yeah, they’ll grab you with their powerful jaws, lined with incredibly sharp teeth. And, sure, they’ll maul you and eat you. But, you have to admit, this beats the hell out of winter!” You know, person who wrote the caption to this photo, we’re starting to think that you have a pretty warped sense of what’s fun. Here, let us help you. Sweaters, snowball fights, and sipping hot cocoa by a crackling fire—fun. Walking down the street in 90-degree heat, sweating your ass off in the humidity, and seeing an alligator climbing a chain link fence—terrifying. Once again, we have to say, “Nope.”

#12 . . . Nnnnooooo? Yeah, No. Okay, what the hell is wrong with the guy on the right? Why are you looking over the side of your precariously placed hammock, man? Are you trying to fall to your death? Get it together! This is a life or death situation, here, and all you can think to do is tempt fate by putting yourself on the edge of the bunk, thereby shifting the weight in gravity’s favor! If their parents knew what they were up to, we bet that they would be in so much trouble. Maybe we should tell on them . . . Considering the fact that this picture makes us want to cry, we don’t think that we’ll be camping on the side of a mountain anytime soon. In fact, we’re going to play it safe by not camping at all. We’ll stick to blanket forts in the living room, thank you very much.

#13 Not Even Ah, yes. The Clown Motel, located in scenic Nopelahoma. Alfred Hitchcock filmed a horror movie there, called Face Paint and Foul Play. The film was never released, but we managed to get a private screening. Here’s a summary: A young woman stops at the Clown Motel for a room. She meets the owner, and hears him arguing with his mother. The girl goes back to her room. While she’s in the shower, the mom sneaks up on her and stabs her! The guy finds the crime scene, and cleans everything. A few weeks later, a private investigator shows up. Long story short, it turns out the motel owner killed his mother ten years ago, and he adopted her personality as a coping mechanism. He’s been dressing up like his mom and talking to himself in a feminine voice. Every time he meets a pretty girl, his “mother” alter-ego rears its ugly head, and he kills them. No, wait. Sorry, that’s Psycho.

#14 WHAT PART OF “NO” DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND!?!?! “Now this is a great plane! It’s got everything that a pilot might want. It’s got the propeller on the front, and the two wings on the top, and the wheels.” “Ah, that’s a nice feature. The wheels make landing so much easier. Hmm. So, is there any significance to the letters written on the side of the plane?” “What? Oh, those! Yeah, see, those were the last words of the previous pilot, right before he. . .” “Right before he, what?” “Um, right before he, uh, landed the plane perfectly and everyone survived! Haha, what did you think I was going to say? Right before he lost control of the plane and crashed into those trees over there, where he and his passengers were torn violently apart, and their bodies have never been found? Hahaha! Don’t be ridiculous!” “On second thought, I think I’m gonna go with the helicopter with FTW on the side, instead.”

#15 Coconut Crab? How About Coco”No” Crab? To tell you the truth, we have never fully been on board with the whole idea of crabs. Did the world really need flat, red, hard creatures with strong, pinching claws? No. Of course not. And, yeah, you could argue that the reason why crabs exist is because they’re delicious. But the truth is, they’re not. Crabs aren’t delicious. It’s the five gallons of butter that we dip them in that is delicious. Since it’s socially unacceptable to run around telling people that you eat butter for dinner on special occasions, we disguise our love for the dairy product by masking it with a love for crab. Crabs don’t have a lot going for them. They pinch you, they’re barely palatable, and they even have an STD named after them. And now that we’ve found out that they can climb trees, too? Well, “Nope,” that’s all we’ve got to say.

#16 No Way In Hell We can’t tell where this curvy ramp goes, exactly, but we would bet you five bucks that it goes straight to hell. Well, not straight to hell because, as you can see, that’s a very windy route. So, really, it’s more of a leisurely stroll to hell. It’s a sophisticated downward spiral into the fiery, brimstone abyss. And, like this Tumblr user pointed out, it’s wheelchair accessible! See, hell was really run down for a long time. It simply couldn’t afford to make the updates. Then, hell got some funding, and it was finally able to do some renovations. Hell now has a lovely kitchen, with custom cabinetry and granite counter tops. At the devil’s insistence, hell also has a man cave. The budget also included this terrifying ramp, which makes us say, “Nope!” If hell has any money leftover, it might have some landscaping done. But it’s touch and go, right now.

#17 LOL NOPE Screw you, Little Miss Muffet! Cindy ain’t afraid of no spiders! Heck, she loves arachnids. They’re her friends. She invites Charlotte and all of her friends over for tea every afternoon. Take that Miss Muffett, you tuffet-having, curds and whey-eating hussy! Gah! Will someone please get this girl some dolls, so she won’t be forced to have a tea party with a bunch of tarantulas? Doesn’t she have teddy bears or something? For the love of Pete, somebody do something! This poor child is taking tea with pests! She needs some stuffed animals and an exterminator, stat! But, you know, that girl actually looks pretty happy about having a tea party with eight-legged creepy crawlies. Maybe she’s Spiderman’s daughter, or something. Maybe those spiders are her minions, and they do her bidding. If that’s the case, then we should probably all start being really nice to spiders from now on.

#18 NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! It’s all over, guys. Finished. Kaput. This is the end. The apocalypse is nigh, and there is nothing that any of us can do about it. So long, everyone. It was nice knowing you. We like to think that we’re generally pretty positive people. Oh, sure, we like to complain and nay-say every so often. But, deep down, we’re optimists. That is, we were. That all changed when we saw the pictures of these hell beasts. These terrifying Crocs/Ugg boots hybrids were spawned in the depths of hell. They dragged their loathsome, worthless bodies up through the muck and mire, in order to terrorize us with their vile, contemptible design. Well, congrats, Crocs/Ugg boot mutants. You’ve succeeded in your endeavors. The scariest part about these stupid, stupid shoes is that if they hit the shelves, people would buy them. They would wear them. And, do you know what we would say if that happened? “Nope!”

Source: TheRichest

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