#feral bastard got domesticated; turns into a cat | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gayreneewalker · 4 years

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On Andrew, Neil, and cats

It starts with a rescue

Which is to say, Neil starts leaving scraps out for the stray that keeps coming by

She’s a skinny, matted thing of a cat, with a big scar on her muzzle and fleas and bleary eyes

She starts out very suspicious, which Neil both respects and is frustrated by, because he’s just trying to give her bits of chicken

Eventually she gets more comfortable. It turns out, she purrs like a motor if you scratch her chest

Andrew just watches, but he doesn’t comment and he doesn’t do anything that might scare her

He puts his foot down when she starts trying to get inside, though

“If it is going to be indoors, it is getting a bath. I will not tolerate fleas on the couch.”

Neil agrees, that yeah, they should probably make sure she’s not bringing nasty stuff in with her

So they go to the pet store and buy flea shampoo and worming medicine and food for her

Neil decides he can’t bathe her, not because she scratches but because she starts crying like she’s dying the INSTANT you turn the water on

So Andrew gives her the bath. He does, of course, end up completely soaked

Of course Neil takes photos of this. They range from unimpressed Andrew and cat doing her best victim of tragedy expression to both of them glaring at the camera with the exact same annoyance

Over the next couple weeks of good food and regular brushing, the cat (whom Neil mostly calls “kitty” in a rota of languages, and Andrew calls “it” and “the cat) starts recovering

Neil sends before and after pictures to the foxes groupchat. The first one is an obviously underfed tangle of patchy, dirty fur and suspicious, leaky eyes. The second is a lush, sleeping kitty with clear tabby markings sleeping in a patch of sun.

Ofc everyone flips their shit

“Omfg i cant believe you got a cat!!!! whats its name??”

“Doesnt have one”

“I hereby dub thee King Fluffikins, first of thy line”

“Im p sure its a girl cat but yeah ok”

“oh shit really? nice i didnt think you would agree”

So King becomes King

King is a jerk. She likes to jump on counters and eats from your plate when you aren’t watching it. She absolutely claws and bites the shit out of you while playing and hasn’t clued in that feet are a part of the human body

Neil ADORES her. she is a lap cat when she’s not on crackhead time, and they figure she used to be a pet bc no way a feral cat loves cuddles that much

Andrew pretends to be unaffected, but it becomes normal to see his hands all scratched up from playing with her

She gains a CONSIDERABLE repritoire of nicknames. King, Fluff-butt, You (in increasingly dramatic tones, which Andrew manages to convey with minimal inflection), Bastard, King Jerk of Asshole Mountain, Kitty-Baby, The Tiny Criminal, Brat Cat

She also learns to reply to “Hey!” and will look at you when you say it even if youre on the phone or something

They love her very much. she is a spoilt brat.

Enter Sir

One day they’re just chilling and Matt calls them up

“Hey, my great aunt just died.”

“Um. That sucks?”

“Eh, she was, like, 93. Anyway, my cousin is allergic to cats, but is worried about giving hers to a shelter, and I figured I’d ask if you have room for one more?”

After a brief discussion and some googling about introducing cats they agree to at least try

So they go pick up the cat

His name is Sir Fat Cat McCatterson, and holy shit is it an accurate name

(the first time Neil brings him back from the vet he drops the carrier and announces, “Our cat is over nine kilograms. What the fuck. Twenty-one pounds. How.”)

(The answer is Matt’s great aunt lived alone and fed her only pet five times a day)

(Y i k e s)

Anyway introducing King and this massive shorthair goes surprisingly well since both of them were used to being the only cat

Like once they’re sharing space they fight, but it’s mostly just Sir being large at King and then King hissing and slapping the shit out of him. They also start cuddling and it’s very cute, but also kind of amazing bc Sir is quite literally double King’s size, fluff included

He is REALLY lazy and astoundingly tolerant

Like he doesn’t enjoy cuddles or being picked up, unlike King who will literally cry at you until you lift her and let her sit on your shoulder, but he’s not gonna scratch

Straight up you can use this motherfucker as a pillow and he’ll just lay there and then kinda jog away when you get off if he’s annoyed enough

He NEVER scratches intentionally. He bites sometimes but even then its not painful

He does, however, have strong opinions about feeding schedules

It’s a good thing Neil wakes up so early bc when he’s not there Sir is at the bed at 5:30 AM, Normal Food Time, meowing and gently smacking Andrew in the face until he’s up

The only ways to stop him are 1)food 2)spray bottle 3)disciplinary cuddles

If you can grab him and hug him for like ten seconds he’ll squirm away and leave you alone for at least twenty minutes. Andrew employs this technique when he is feeling lazy. He always ends up COATED in fur.

Actually both of them are coated in fur always. King is pretty dark so it’s fine, but Sir is a blond. RIP to the aesthetic.

Sir also accumulates nicknames over time. Fatso, Chunk-Chunk, Big Chunk, Chunk-a-cus, Lord Large, Lardass, Whiny, Baby (said lovingly by Neil and with EXTREME derision by Andrew), Piggy

Their lives know no peace between the two hooligans

They do love them very much

Both of them treat the cats with their own version of doting. Neil is all fond insults and baby-voice and picking them up to hug them, which King adores and Sir tolerates. Andrew sneaks them treats and lets them have some of his ice cream whenever he eats it, and also just generally makes sure they’re healthy and happy however he can.

He refuses to admit it but he also does baby voice them, less in a change of tone than a change of cadence

Neil thinks its hilarious and refuses to tell him bc then he might stop

Jokes on him Andrew is fully aware and Will Not Stop (unless someone else is around)

The foxes do occasionally get a video of Andrew speaking to one of the cats in a slightly sing-song cadence.

“You’re so fat. Completely obese. Why do we feed you? Yeah, why do we feed you? Big bastard. Lazy, lazy. You don’t even play. Why don’t you play? If I have to work out, you should too.”

“Stop stealing. That’s my ravioli, Brat Cat. No, put it down. You’ll get sick, you can’t digest cheese. No ravioli for you. Here, chicken. What? You’re not going to eat it? Priss.”

More often both of them speak to the cats like people. Andrew has a lot of videos of Neil discussing Exy or mathematics with King, who likes to meow back. Andrew explains the to them the reasoning why they can’t go outside and stuff.

They totally do spoil the shit out of them, too

For all people think it’s Neil, Andrew is AMAZINGLY indulgent. He impulse-buys cat towers and scratching posts and stuff for them like he impulse-buys Neil better outfits. And wet food only. (We can afford it, and it’s better for their hydration, Neil.)

Maybe they get more cats in the future but it starts with King and Sir. Neither of them expected to see themselves doing something as gentle and domestic as owning cats, but they wouldn’t take it back for the world

Not even when King gets stuck on top of the fridge or Sir barfs up a big disgusting hairball in the middle of the hallway

The end

or maybe not lmao they have YEARS of cat ownership in the future

#all for the game #aftg #the foxhole court #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #the cats #i did blatantly base sir off my actual cat who is my icon and header #hes so STUPID and i adore him more than life itself. whiny bastard #his name used to be McLovin and then his old owner changed it to biscuit like a basic bitch

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kyohiba · 5 years

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Xue Yang’s 420 Punishing Reincarnations AU. Final Modern Setting

but hmmmmmm I Wonder,

in that final one,

yeeting patriarch how did they all come to meet

in another one of his reincarnation he gets pimples every week

LMAO SORRY

mmMMMMM good question

we said they meet a-qing last

ssyifpfff🌙 do we wanna be cheesy lmao

8h 8 hours ago yes, since shes a lot younger than them

as long the Angst Lives On,

the beginning of their meeting needs some angst

yeeting patriarch either song lan or xue yang meeting xiao xingchen, the beginning of their relationships...

OH MAYBE XUE YANG NEEDS HELP FOR WHATEVER REASON N XXC FINDS HIM, LIKE MAYBE HE FALLS N HURTS HIMSELF N XXC PUTS A BAND AID ON OR SOME SHIT

ssyifpfff🌙 as an allusion to when they meet in yi city uwu

8h 8 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 so tht its familiar n xue yang gets the de javus

8h 8 hours ago OMG. PARALLELS

yeeting patriarch HELL YEA PLEASE

n then he can meet song lan while going to buy groceries idk

ssyifpfff🌙 maybe they fite for the last bag of avocados

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch what about xxc and song lan were childhood friends and had a fight and suddenly young song lan had to move out and never got to apologize to xxc but then years later he moved back and found xxc again

ssyifpfff🌙 as long as no one loses any eyes

8h 8 hours ago NO LOSING EYES

yeeting patriarch EVERYONE HAS THEIR EYES AND EYESIGHT

ssyifpfff🌙 NO HEAVY ANGST IN THIS HOUSE FOR THIS LIFETIME

8h 8 hours ago like. first xxc meets xue yang

who got hurt... uhh... how he couldve gotten hurt...

yeeting patriarch lmao he was skating and while doing a Sick Move TM he mf fell down and got wrecked

YES PLS LMAO

A SICK MOVE

ssyifpfff🌙 he got an arm cramp while dabbing

8h 8 hours ago innocent xxc was passing by at the time, saw everything and went to help xue yang. because his golden pure heart lives on

yeeting patriarch HE DABBED WHILE DOING THOSE SKATE FLIPS AND FELL DOWN ON HIS FACE

ssyifpfff🌙 HE BROKE HIS NECK HITTING THT WHOA

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch as xxc helped him, xue yang experiences the Doki

xxc takes him to his apartment to take care of his wounds

and after this incident, xue yang shows up a lot around xxc's place

yeeting patriarch (hes got a bit of a bad situation at home, hes always outside like a stray cat)

ssyifpfff🌙 hes like "should i take u to a hospital?" n xue yang i slike NO GO AWAY "then let me at least bandage u, my apartment is close by" xue yangs gay ass: oh worm?

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch YES

N THEY SLOWLY BECOME CASUAL FREIDNS THEN ..... SOMETHIN ELSE

ssyifpfff🌙 WE GOTTA GET THT DOMESTIC BLISS

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch BUT IT'S SLOW BURN

mayb xue yang is a runaway n is in need of a roomie

ssyifpfff🌙 YES SLOW BURN OBV

8h 8 hours ago remember: this time he gotta earn for xxc's affections

yes! xue yang its ur turn to cook

yeeting patriarch xxc is a bit wary of him for some reason although he helped and helps him out. his good heart cannot ignore it

ssyifpfff🌙 them going to buy groceries n xue yang being a Pro at bargaining for lower prices

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch ever so slowly, xiao xingchen at first really starts feeling he got himself to take care of a stray cat

like............ this happened in yi city tbh, xue yang did manage to make xxc laugh like no one else :(

ssyifpfff🌙 im sad now

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch PARALLELS... KEEP THEM COMING

ssyifpfff🌙 XXC HAS TO SEE XUE YANG HAS A GOOD HEART EVEN IF HE LOOKS LIKE A DELINQUENT

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch at some point though,

xue yang gets 100% kicked out his home

he has nowhere else to go

truth to be told, boi got no close friends

it's a rainy night

and xiao xingchen is coming home after uni (what is he studying)

in front of his place, in the rain, is xue yang

yeeting patriarch when he realizes xingchen came, xue yang looks up and tries to grin at xxc but he only manages a half smile

BABEYYY

HE SAID NO ANGST FOR HIM IN THIS LIFETIME ASDFGRFGVS

ssyifpfff🌙 i WANT xxc to be studyin at cheff school but i think med school would fit him better

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch MED SCHOOL FOR SURE

ssyifpfff🌙 n it would make sense as to why he has bandages n is good at putting thm on

8h 8 hours ago Y E S

xue yang currently a drop out for financial problems due his situation at home

we really ain't giving it easy for xue yang even in the reincarnation it should be finally Ok for him

yeeting patriarch Understandable

ssyifpfff🌙 we had to do it to him

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch at the sight of xue yang in the rain looking Miserable TM, xingchen's heart aches

at this point they been getting close, xue yang casually COINDICENTALLY going to the same skating place over n over even tho its actually not tht big or tht good for skating

ssyifpfff🌙 god we rly made him a skater boi

8h 8 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 see ya later boi

8h 8 hours ago i cannot see it now

skater boi xue yang confirmed

anyway

xingchen let's xue yang stay over as xue yang kinda explains the situation

he promises he will find himself a place and wont get in the way

yeeting patriarch but... yknow how it is when the Living Together situation happens

in reality xue yang is Super smart, like genious smart like ash lynx smart, n xxc prob notices n encourages him to pursue a studyin path

xxc is a nerd in all his lifetimes

ssyifpfff🌙 tht way xue yang could get a scholarship n help

8h 8 hours ago yeeting patriarch OH NOOOOO GOT SLAPPED BY A THOUGHT THAT ENDED ME kinda nicely

ssyifpfff🌙 SLAP M

8h 8 hours ago as xingchen let's xue yang stay over, he gets xue yang a place to sleep in his living room. it's the only available place, his apartment isn't big. and in the morning, when xingchen wakes up, he finds xue yang sleeping kinda curled up like a cat, sleeping occupying a small place

yeeting patriarch also xue yang being Genius 💯 xingchen noticing it and encouraging him 💯💯💯

OH BABEY SAIDFGDSKFJBGS

a tiny stray cat

ssyifpfff🌙 its such a cheesy metaphor in fics BUT I LOVE ITTT

7h 7 hours ago as time goes by,

they grow closer

yeeting patriarch xue yang starts even helping xingchen with his studies although this isnt an area he likes nor has much interest

yeeting patriarch they go on growing close

xingchen starts paying more attention to some things about xue yang. that he carries a sadness within him

masked by his delinquent attitude

xingchen starts lowering his walls

yeeting patriarch (at this point xue yang is already deep in love but yknow tsun boy)

tsun boy skater boy

asdfka, xue yang going to xxcs campus n waiting around for his classes to end

"no i just like the sandwiches from the cafeteria here" "but ur broke" "IM HERE TO SMELL THEM"

ssyifpfff🌙 n xxc buys him the dam sandwich n they sit to eat together T0T

7h 7 hours ago hoes trying to approach xue yang as he waits for xingchen, since xue yang is Good Looking. But he... hisses at other people

hes only... non feral around xingchen

what would xue yang study tho 🤔

yeeting patriarch before he had to drop out and then when he managed to go back

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm well he did do all tht w the sticks on wen ning and song lan, maybe... neuroscience

or maybe he goes feral n studies art idk

ssyifpfff🌙 he would be good at anything really

7h 7 hours ago he does look like an art hoe somehow

and Yup. boi could do Anything

let's settle this later

yeeting patriarch as for now...

the domestic bliss continues

before they realize, they're searching for a bit bigger apartment. with at the least two rooms

(No Homo phase)

two bedrooms*

they manage to find one, share the living costs

domestic bliss lives on

THEN, ONE DAY...

at xingchen's uni

yeeting patriarch a new student arrives

yeeting patriarch 😏

he moved back to the city

xingchen and song lan immediately recognized each other

yeeting patriarch with some tension

ssyifpfff🌙 (no homo phase) LMAO

7h 7 hours ago yeeting patriarch xue yang, the bastard cat, goes wait for xingchen at his uni. grinning showing his fangs and all. unaware

xue yang sees xingchen's silhouette and approaches

then he noticed song lan

hes hit by some unknown feeling. similar the one he had when he first meet xingchen

he, clever bastard, notices the tension in the sir between the two hotties

yeeting patriarch hides close by, as xxc and sl didnt notice when he was approaching

hes a bit far and cant hear well their convo but picks a few words here and there

yeeting patriarch "it's been so long", "wanted to see you again", "i am sorry"

and hes there like "uuuuh am i bein cucked" but deep down he gets a feeling too

he prob feels he wants to go meet thm but shouldnt

thru their rship he prob feels a lot of guilt, specially seein thm together, n the worst part is tht he cant understand Why he feels tht guilt

he might think he should be around xxc if he has finally found some1, like he doenst wanna be in the way

all the while bein a chaotic bastard w sl ofc

ssyifpfff🌙 n song lan actually finds him fun to be around heh

7h 7 hours ago THE CONFLICTED FEELINGS... the feelings the doesnt understand...

chaotic ass xy starts Bottling Up it all

hes been getting Messy

as he sees xxc and sl getting closer and closer, getting along better and better

he feels he should Leave them. that unsettling mysterious guilty feeling is there all the time

yeeting patriarch although he enjoys being with the two so much

yeeting patriarch one day xy reaches his limit. his mind, his heart are a mess. hes always been on the emotionally constipated side, but now it was different and overwhelming

he was growing a bit distant the past few weeks. both xxc and sl noticed although xy tried to mask it, grinning around, as always

yeeting patriarch but his gaze would give him in sometimes

one day, as xxc comes home, he is greeted by silence. a dark and cold apartment. by that hour, xy was already at home. worry grew in xxc's heart

he called for xy, but no answers came

yeeting patriarch ANNND it's almost 02:30 am i need sleep Badly

yeeting patriarch meme ya Later. dream of this au. hmu with new thoughts. nyeehaw

ssyifpfff🌙 ASSADK XUE YANG dam u u done it again.

7h 7 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 he didint even leave a note, but xxc knows him too well n finds him fast n asks wtf is up (not like tht obv) n xue yang cant explain properly but he basically confesses tht hes grateful for xxc opening his home to basically a stranger but he understands him n song lan crealry missed each other n he shouldnt get in the way

7h 7 hours ago ssyifpfff🌙 n xxc is like "but song lan n i,,,, we both love u so much"

7h 7 hours ago n song lan comes by (xxc called him so he could help w finding the cat) n hes like "heh u ran away bc ur jealous?" "IM NOT u idiot im leaving the way open for ur dumb ass" "n what about ur way? is it open too?" (IDK WHY im imagining song lan as a suave guy whn in reality hes prob rly dense n awkwards too but let me dream)

ssyifpfff🌙 xue yang is pikachu stunned.jpg

7h 7 hours ago yeeting patriarch I HAD TO READ THOSE BEFORE DREAMLAND i will reply properly when i Rise

ssyifpfff🌙 have a good dream nyari may the xue chara dev visit u in ur sleep

7h 6 hours ago yeeting patriarch IVE RISEN

SUAVE GUY SONG LAN IS HONESTLY TO LIVE FOR xy is a tsun, xxc kinda slow so somebody in this house gotta do the work

BUT IMAGINE

after he says that and xue yang goes pikachu_agape.jpg

xingchen on the side blushes furiously

yeeting patriarch then after a "..." 3 secs, song lan becomes a blushy mess

yeeting patriarch xxc, tenderly, grabs one of xy hands and tells him "let's go home"

xy feels like a bit part of that heavy feeling has been lifted from him as xxc holds into his hand and sl gazes softly at him. THEN, A RARE MOMENT HAPPENS... chaotic disaster xy, doesnt give his fangy grin, but a small smile

yeeting patriarch the three of them go to their home

after this, as some time goes by, before they realize, song lan has moved in with them. they bought a bigger bed

(No Homo phase kicked into outer space)

Song lan n xy just constantly embarrassing themselves n each other fskdhdjd

3h 3 hours ago now we gotta reach the a-qing point of the au

xxc gets a thirdhand embarrassment with them sometimes

i really, really like to think xue yang's sleeping habits are a bit like a cats

even the "more docile and cuddly when sleeping" part

SINCE WE MADE HIM SHORTER ON THIS, and i think both xxc and sl are 185cm... oh the bliss

yeeting patriarch AND OF COURSE HIS SWEET TOTH REMAINS

HES THE TINY ONE

IN A 3 PPL RSHIP WHOSE THE LITTLE SPOON??? IDK HOW BUT ITS HIM

ssyifpfff🌙 he’s the lettuce of the sandwich

3h 3 hours ago yeeting patriarch "are u a big or little spoon, xue yang?" xy: im a KNIFE xxc & sl, at the same time: hes the little spoon

ssyifpfff🌙 ASFGJSHFIUFM

3h 3 hours ago yeeting patriarch OMGGHSJKSKSK HOL P

ssyifpfff🌙 “I am a dagger under ur pillow” “ok”

3h 3 hours ago yeeting patriarch xxc keeping candies with him to give xy :')

ssyifpfff🌙 OFC

3h 3 hours ago xy says fuck it in this au and becomes a Baker

yeeting patriarch sl... what is he

ssyifpfff🌙 OOOH SO HE CAN MAKE DESSERTS!!!! YAS

3h 3 hours ago yeeting patriarch architect would be cool

Or designer engineer

ssyifpfff🌙 Or a VET

3h 3 hours ago OMG A VET

yeeting patriarch YES

ssyifpfff🌙 N he constantly compares xy w the kittens he attends

3h 3 hours ago YESSSSSSSSS

yeeting patriarch WE GOT IT, WE GOT IT ALL

“Today there was a black cat tht wouldn’t let me pick it up, reminded me of u” the next day “today there was a kitten tht wouldn t stop licking my hand, reminded me of u”

ssyifpfff🌙 “Today the cat bit me, reminded me of u”

3h 3 hours ago xxc - doctor sl - vet

SUIT THEM SO WELL

and baker xy... a pleasant surprise

he makes the best sweet stuff but hes a disaster cooking savory food. sweets only man

also T0T in the future when they get a-qing,

xy uses his baker ways to approach her

yeeting patriarch yknow like he did back then with the candies but this time... not devilishly

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