#for a while i was obsessed with online shopping. now i am a clown
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changed my mobile layout and wow the colors are insufferable now. just the way i wanted them to be
#it’s 4:40 am. what if i slept right now. this is psychologically impossible#what is happening. questions. i know not#how does one obtain from an object a Joy#for a while i was obsessed with online shopping. now i am a clown#things come and go and come and go and for WHAT you ever think about that#i refuse to believe 2020 is ending. it never started#fuck this time shit bro i’m going to sleep and i’ll wake up when god calls for me during roll call#gelmo#edit i thought of something to say#i finally got a hang of the controls in oot. cool link run fast sonic#kid link is going to be the fucking end of me he can’t even shield#i have to keep rebuying deku shields because when i press r to defend with the hylian shield the little motherfucker just CROUCHES#god. you are 3 years old. what’s it like to be so young . to know such innocence#i got stuck again last night apparently i gotta find ruto. ruto where are you#anyway it’s been great. i like kid link he’s doing his best#very excited to be forcefully aged up and get to actually USE my hylian shield which i BOUGHT though#soon#maybe tomorrow#i no longer know my life is a merry go round and i am sitting on the shrek statue
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BASIC QUESTIONS
First name? “Frederick.”
Surname? “Frederickson.”
Middle names? “Flamarion.”
Nicknames? “Fred, Freddie, Dumbass, Knuckle Head, Idiot, Mr. Fred, Lizard Guy, Fredzilla… Fredzilla totally counts.”
Date of birth? “I was born on August 15th of 1997.”
Age? “I am twenty three years young.”
PHYSICAL / APPEARANCE
Height? “Six foot even.”
Weight? “140 or something. Don’t body shame me.”
Build? “I guess I’d be a mesomorph.”
Hair color? “It’s blond-ish.”
Hair style? “Medium length. Sometimes it is straight, sometimes it has luscious waves.”
Eye color? “Grue. (That means green-blue.)”
Eye shape? “They’re kind of squinty, whatever you call that.”
Glasses or contact lenses? “No sir!”
Distinguishing facial features? “I have a big nose.”
Which facial feature is most prominent? “My nose.”
Which bodily feature is most prominent? “My chest.”
Other distinguishing features? “My hair. If you see my hair, you know it’s me.”
Skin? “White. Disturbingly white. I should get more sun…”
Hands? “Big.”
Make up? “I don’t understand how people wear makeup everyday. It’s hard. It would take me hours to not look like a clown. I wore eye shadow for the pride parade, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”
Scars? “Nothing too noticeable.”
Birthmarks? “Nada!”
Tattoos? “None, but I think one day I’ll get a big monster on my entire back .”
Physical handicaps? “I don’t have any.”
Type of clothes? “Worn out.”
How do you wear your clothes? “Too long.”
What are your feet like? “Also big. My socks are dirty. So are my shoes. There’s a hole in my favorite pair, and the bottom is coming off…”
Race / Ethnicity? “Caucasian.”
Mannerisms? “I am overexciteable and it shows.”
Are you in good health? “I keep forgetting to make a doctor’s appointment. Actually, I just don’t wanna do it by myself. But probably.”
Do you have any disabilities? “Fortunately no!”
PERSONALITY
What words or phrases do you overuse? “I think I just shout too often.”
Do they you a catchphrase? “I say whoa-ho-ho a lot. Is that a catchphrase? Or should I have said that for my overused word and/or phrase?”
Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? “Optimistic!”
Are you introverted or extroverted? “Extroverted.”
Do you ever put on airs? “I turn the AC on a lot.”
What bad habits do you have? “Sometimes I chew with my mouth open and I stay up too late and I ramble and I don’t eat healthy foods and get obsessed with entertainment and I don’t blink enough when I’m playing video games and I choose being lazy over being productive and, oh, yeah, run-on sentences.”
What makes you laugh out loud? “A lot of things. I laugh all the time.”
How do you display affection? “Bear hugs and hair ruffles.”
Mental handicaps? “I don’t give myself time to be sad.”
How do you want to be seen by others? “Helpful, loving, loyal, genuine, fun!”
How do you see yourself? “Helpful, loving, loyal, genuine, fun!”
How are you seen by others? “I don’t worry about it too much.”
Strongest character trait? “I care so much.”
Weakest character trait? “I care too much.”
How competitive are you? “I can be kind of competitive, but I don’t trash talk or anything.”
Do you make snap judgements or take time to consider? “It depends on the situation, but I usually make snap judgements.”
How do you react to praise? “A lot of thank you!s and beaming.”
How do you react to criticism? “I don’t usually let it get to me, I try to be better.”
What is your greatest fear? “Losing another person I love.”
What are your biggest secrets? “Sometimes I say I know what I’m doing when I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. Shh.”
What is your philosophy of life? “Life is short, have fun.”
When was the last time you cried? “I don’t remember. A long time ago.”
What haunts you? “Losing Tadashi. Not being able to save him.”
What are your political views? “I’m probably a liberal.”
What will you stand up for? “Anyone that needs me to stand up for them.”
Who do you quote? “My friends. They’re so smart.”
Are you indoorsy or outdoorsy? “Indoorsy.”
What is your sinful little habit? “Buying a lot of merch. A lot of merch.”
What sense do you most rely on? “Definitely not common. Hearing.”
How do you treat people better than you? “I try to learn from them!”
How do you treat people worse than you? “I try to teach them!”
What quality do you most value in a friend? “Genuineness.”
What do you consider an overrated virtue? “Chastity.”
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? “I think I’d like to be smarter. Just a little bit, just enough to understand half of the things my friends talked about.”
What is your obsession? “Manga, comic books, video games.”
What are your pet peeves? “Being rushed, people being mean, being ignored.”
What are your idiosyncrasies? “I talk too fast.”
FRIENDS AND FAMILY
Is your family big or small? Who does it consist of? “Small. It’s just me, my dad, my mom and Heathcliff — the butler.”
What is your perception of family? “They’re supposed to be loving and accepting.”
Do you have siblings? Older or younger? “No. I think that would’ve been nice, though.”
Describe your best friend. “I have five, and they’re the best friends in the whole world. Tadashi isn’t here anymore, but he’s still one of my best friends. They’re all smart and unique and I love being around them.”
Ideal best friend? “Anyone who can be themselves around me.”
Describe your other friends. “Most of them are online.”
Describe your acquaintances. “I don’t have acquaintances, just friends.”
Do you have any pets? “I have a bunch of fish in my saltwater aquarium!”
Who are your natural allies? “Hm, Haven.”
Who are your surprising allies? “The rest of our friends.”
PAST AND FUTURE
What were you like as a baby? As a child? “Loud, wild, energetic, friendly.”
Did you grow up rich or poor? “Rich.”
Did you grow up nurtured or neglected? “I don’t want to say my parents neglected me…”
What is the most offensive thing you ever said? “I don’t even know of anything I’ve thought that was offensive.”
What is your greatest achievement? “My current grades.”
What was your first kiss like? “Quick and nervous.”
What is the worst thing you did to someone you loved? “I didn’t save Tadashi.”
What are your ambitions? “I want to write comics that people want to read.”
What advice would you give your younger self? “Enjoy being a kid while you can!”
What smells remind you of your childhood? “Freshly cut grass, pancakes, steak.”
What was your childhood ambition? “To be a superhero.”
What is your best childhood memory?
What is your worst childhood memory? “The birthday my dad told me they’d be home in time for, but missed. They didn’t come home for another week, and I’m pretty sure he forgot about it completely, because the handwriting on the card that ‘came in the mail’ looked an awful lot like Heathcliff’s.”
Did you have an imaginary childhood friend? “A few.”
When was the last time you were crushed with disappointment? “Sometime last month.”
What past act are you most ashamed of? “Shame is not an emotion I know.”
What past act are you most proud of? “Beating Dark Souls (Demons Souls).”
Has anyone ever saved your life? “Probably.”
Strongest childhood memory? “The day I broke my arm falling out of a tree.”
LOVE
Do you believe in love at first sight? “Why not?”
Are you in a relationship? “Nope.”
How do you behave in a relationship? “Like myself. I’m an affectionate guy.”
When did you last have sex? “It’s been about five months, probably.”
What sort of sex do you have? “All sorts.”
Have you ever been in love? “I fall in love all the time.”
Have you ever had your heart broken? “My heart broke when Tadashi… when I lost my friend.”
CONFLICT
How do you respond to a threat? “Just shrug and say ‘bring it’.”
Are you most likely to fight with your fists or your tongue? “I don’t like fighting, but I’ll do what a situation calls for.”
What is your kryptonite? “Funko Pops.”
If you could only save one thing from your burning house, what would it be? “My fish.”
How do you perceive strangers? “50/50. Could be friends, could be villains.”
What do you love to hate? “Cliffhangers and hard to beat games.”
What are your phobias? “Death.”
What is your choice of weapon? “Depends on the game I’m playing.”
What living person do you most despise? “I don’t despise anyone.”
Have you ever been bullied or teased? “I’ve been teased, but it doesn’t bother me much.”
Where do you go when you’re angry? “The kitchen to get a snack. The only time I get angry is when a game is being really frustrating.”
Who are your enemies and why? “I don’t have any, but maybe one day I will be a true crime fighter and I will.”
WORK, EDUCATION AND HOBBIES
What is your current job? “Sign spinning.”
What do you think about your current job? “I love it. I don’t need the money, I just like bringing in more business to the local shops and showing off my skills!”
What are some of your past jobs? “I’ve never had to work.”
What are your hobbies? “Sign flipping, gaming, writing and drawing, reading comics, binging anime, practicing guitar, coming up with new costume ideas.”
Educational background? “I didn’t do so hot in high school, but I’m in college now.”
Intelligence level? “You could say I’m a selective learner.”
Do you have any specialist training? “I wish! That would be so cool!”
Do you have a natural talent for something? “I want to say my sign spinning is a natural talent — I kind of just picked it up one day and realized I was good at it. Also, super-hearing, headlights and flame throwing.”
Do you play a sport? Are you any good? “I’m not much of a sports guy.”
What is your socioeconomic status? “Ask someone who knows what that means.”
FAVORITES
What is your favorite animal? “Maybe lizards.”
Which animal do you dislike the most? “I don’t dislike any animals.”
What place would you most like to visit? “I’d like to go on a family vacation someday. I don’t really care where we go.”
What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? “The ending of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood.”
What is your favorite song? “You’d laugh.”
Music, art, reading preferred? “Reading mixed with art.”
What is your favorite color? “Blue. No, orange. No, green! Yellow! I don’t know! There’s too many colors!”
What is your password? “FredzillaRulesTheWorld.”
Favorite food: “Changes too often to really say.”
What is your favorite work of art? “Death Note.”
Who is your favorite artist? “My dad. He counts, right?”
What is your favorite day of the week? “Sunday.”
POSSESSIONS
What is in your fridge? “A whole lot of ingredients I’ll never use and probably some I can’t pronounce.”
What is on your bedside table? “A lot of junk. I should clean that off...”
What is in your car? “Phone charger, aux chord, a half eaten bag of barbecue chips, stick of deodorant, loose change, hair ties.”
What is in your bin? “It’s empty. I have a butler.”
What is in your purse or wallet? “A group picture with my friends, money, a few different bank cards, a condom, more loose change.”
What is in your pockets? “My keys and my cell phone.”
What is your most treasured possession? “All of my pictures with my friends. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. You never know when you won’t be able to take another one...”
SPIRITUALITY
Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? “I’m sure Tadashi is somewhere looking out for me right now.”
Do you believe in the afterlife? “Yes.”
What are your religious views? “Loosely Christian.”
What do you think heaven is? “A place where everyone is happy and free and there’s no pain. And you can play games all day.”
What do you think hell is? “Sad and lonely.”
Are you superstitious? “A little bit.”
What would you like to be reincarnated as? “A fire breathing dragon!”
How would you like to die? “In a way that matters. If I’m going to die, I’d like to save someone while I’m doing it.”
What is your spirit animal? “Probably iguanas or something.”
What is your zodiac sign? “Leo.”
VALUES
What do you think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? “Torture.”
What is your view of ‘freedom’? “Pretty much how my life is now. I can do what I want, when I want --- for the most part.”
When did you last lie? “It’s been a long time. I don’t lie unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
What’s your view of lying? “It can be easily avoided. Just be honest.”
When did you last make a promise? “I can’t remember.”
Did you keep or break your last promise? “I’m sure I kept it, I don’t make promises unless I plan to do something about it.”
DAILY LIFE
What are your eating habits? “Questionable.”
Do you have any allergies? “I’m allergic to assholes!”
Describe your home. “It’s big. Real big. The yard is big and freshly cut. There’s not a blimp of imperfection until you get to my room, then it becomes a randomized mess.”
Are your minimalist or a clutter hoarder? “Hoarder.”
What do you do first thing on a weekday morning? “Turn my alarm off.”
What do you do on a Sunday afternoon? “Relax. Wait for my dad to call.”
What do you do on a Friday night? “Stay up late gaming.”
What is your soft drink of choice? “Mountain Dew.”
What is your alcoholic drink of choice? “Just beer is fine.”
MISCELLANEOUS
What or who would you dress up as for Halloween? “Oh, I love Halloween! I go all out! I’ll dress as another superhero this year, or maybe a villain to spice it up!”
Are you comfortable with technology? “I love technology.”
If you could save one person, who would it be? “Tadashi. I wish I could’ve saved Tadashi.”
If you could call one person for help, who would it be? “Haven, she always knows what to do.”
What is your greatest extravagance? “All the merch in my room, or my tank.”
What is your greatest regret? “Not doing anything to help my friend.”
What is your perception of redemption? “Putting someone else before yourself. If you do that, if you selflessly risk your own life or needs or wants for another person, you’re obviously redeemed.”
What would you do if you won the lottery? “Donate it all to charity.”
What is your favorite fairytale? “Jack and the Beanstalk.”
What fairytale do you hate? “I don’t hate any fairytales. People put a lot of hard work into their stories and I respect that.”
Do you believe in happy endings? “I do.”
What is your idea of perfect happiness? “Living every day how you want to live it.”
What would you ask a fortune teller? “I’d give my opportunity to someone else. I don’t need anything answered.”
If you could travel through time, where would you go? “Back to save Tadashi or die trying.”
What sport do you excel at? “Is flame throwing a sport?”
What sport do you suck at? “Soccer. I get confused and score for the other team. Every. single. time.”
If you could have a superpower, what would you choose? “All of them! Fire breath, x-ray vision, flying, rocket fists, gravity manipulation, invisibility, walking through walls, the ability to teleport through people’s phones so if they needed me I’d be right there... yeah, all of them!”
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3. A Semi-Original List of Things To Do During Quarantine
Niggas all over the timelines are baking banana bread, doing headstands, and making Tik Toks. Yeah it was fun the first few weeks – but now we’re almost four months deep into quarantine and the gworls need some change! A bit of variety. Some pizazz, if you will.
Well, fear not!
I am here to help (as per usual). Digging into the depths of my chicken breast-like brain has been hard, but I’ve done it to compile a list of things to try now that quarantine is dragging along. Some of these you’ve definitely heard before (but they were so good, it was worth mentioning again), some of these you may have considered but never really saw the value in, and some of these seem like I pulled them out of my ass, but I promise, they’re a fun time and definitely worth the try.
Take up a new workout routine now that gyms will probably cease to exist.
I can’t even speak on this one (my record this quarantine has been four days without leaving my bed), but health comes in different forms. Even back in the early stages, one of my favourite things to do was get a coffee and aimlessly walk around downtown – it got me out of the house, it didn’t feel like exercise, and was an excuse to take advantage of the warm weather. Exercise is both important for physical as well as mental health, as cited by a million and one studies, and can break up the monotonous cycles of online shopping, self-loathing, and eating that everyone seems to be trapped in these days. Your options, however, go beyond yoga and walking. Buy some weights or use one of the jars of canned tomatoes you have sitting your pantry (…) and do a weight routine. Go for a run. Climb some stairs. Bring back step aerobics like the bad bitches from the 80s. Ride a bike (Queen’s Quay is really nice, and pretty empty on the weekdays). The other benefit to establishing a good routine now is that you can carry it out through the winter. Maybe not the bike riding part, but you get my point.
Socialize (safely).
I never understood the obsession with patios until I went to El Jefe a few weeks ago, and it got me thinking about how fun that actually must be when everyone isn’t terrified of getting a virus from the person eating chips and guac two tables over. But! There are alternatives! I know you don’t believe me but there are! Toronto has more parks and green spaces than you’d think, and now is the perfect time to take advantage of them. Connect with nature, friends, and socializing in an environmentally friendly space (throw those White Claw cans in the trash, please) and you and your friends will literally be the peak of ecofeminism. If you’re tired of wearing your crop tops and lashes to the grocery store, picnics and beach days also give you a reason to look cute in public again (and with a mask, you don’t even have to put foundation on the bottom half of your face. #win). Some of my favourite places include Trinity-Bellwood Park and Woodbine Beach. If you have a car (or a lot of patience) Scarborough Bluffs is also definitely worth the commute. I think it’s a game changer that “going out” now means sitting in the grass making small talk, instead of getting hammered in some dark, damp club, but maybe it’s also improvement.
Clear out the clutter that you always tell yourself you’re too busy for.
I know you see it, bitch. That box of clothes overflowing in the back of your closets. Or the basket of random hair ties, scraps of paper, and pen caps on your shelf. What about when you open social media – Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, whatever – a see all these random people on your feed that you don’t remember following, much less ever meeting in real life. Quarantine has forced us to retreat to our own spaces, physically, mentally and emotionally, and now more than ever is the best time to reflect and take inventory of what brings you joy and (God forbid we’re in this situation again) what you’d be ok with surrounding yourself with 24/7. It may be hard – times of crisis especially encourage a scarcity mindset instead of an abundance one – but it doesn’t hurt to try and reframe your thinking!
The 3 Restaurant Rule
If you’re anything like me, then you love Uber Eats. Since this virus has stripped the joy of going out to eat from my small and soft hands, we’ve had to find ways to work around this. One of these compromises has been Uber Eats. But that, much like anything else in life, can soon get repetitive (and niggas were clowning me for actually enjoying Swiss Chalet. Fuck y’all.) So, I established some ground rules, one of which being the three-restaurant rule. Do I follow it all the time? No. But knowing that it exists had made trying new foods more like a game. Here’s what you do:
1. First, pick a type of cuisine (I’m partial to sushi, so we’re going to use that for this example).
2. Next, really study Uber Eats. Find the best restaurants in your area specializing in that kind of food and pick three restaurants that look the best to you. Another alternative (especially if you’re lucky enough to live downtown where a majority of restaurants are doing take out) would be to curate a list of places on Yelp! I loved doing this when outside was open – it made eating out feel a bit more purposeful, almost like it was for research).
3. Then, keep a lil list – on your phone, on paper, in your camera roll - wherever. When you’re not in the mood to cook, consult the list, and don’t pick a restaurant twice in a row. Start building up a list of places that you can say you’ve tried. Keep tabs on how you felt about the food to compare it to in-person dining when restaurants re-open, or make it an event with friends. Dress up, get together, crack a bottle of wine (or some beers, or sake, ya know – whatever floats your boat) and make it an event.
The other upside to this is now when people ask me for recommendations, I can give them with confidence instead of bullshitting like I would have before (sorry y’all LOL).
Learn how to do your own personal upkeep.
It would probably take me ten hands and feet to count the number of videos I’ve seen of nail salons throwing customers out for being black or on the prejudice of race and/or class, or the number of hair salons and stylists who charge extra fees for thickness, length (or lack thereof), or for specific styles and modifications, etc. If you knew me, you know I was devoted to my nail salon. I loved the feeling of getting a full set of acrylics, having all the work done for me, the little burn on my cuticles when they’d slide my hands under the UV light. But in quarantine, a lot of things happened – nail salons closed, I became unemployed, and suddenly, $60 manicures every two weeks were not realistic. YouTube has so many videos on how to do basic self-care - things like cutting or dyeing or braiding your own hair, doing your own nails (whether it be acrylic, gel, even a basic polish manicure), doing your own eyebrows – the possibilities are all there. And, if you get good enough – you can always go ahead and make it your own side hustle (with salons operating at half capacity, the demand for people that do house calls is rapidly increasing). I’ve recently swapped my acrylics for press on nails and let me tell you – game changer. They last just as long, look just as good, and allow me the freedom of talon-like nails without having my bank account scream at me (a post on how I do my faux-acrylics at home coming soon!)
Try to watch something that isn’t reality television.
I know 90 Day Fiancee is that GIRL. And if you’re like me, you tend to get very sucked into YouTuber mukbang drama as well (if anyone wants to discuss Nikocado Avocado with me, I am more than willing). But after a while, it gets kind of repetitive, and there’s no harm in educating yourself on other topics. Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu, even YouTube all have so many documentaries on a variety of topics – from crime, to health, to cults – there’s literally something for everyone. Plus, there’s something really self-satisfying about learning something on your own. If you need a place to start, my personal favourite is Bikram (Netflix) and any of the Vice documentaries on YouTube, but there are so many, so browse around and find one that suits your personal taste.
There are also many documentaries on environmentalism and the Black existence/experience/life in America and globally. Considering all the things that are going on right now, it would be wise to educate oneself, especially when the tools for doing so are a few clicks away. My personal favourites are 13 and Who Shot the Sherriff, but there’s so many that you don’t have an excuse not to at least learn SOMETHING.
Severe ties and blame it on the pandemic.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Maybe there’s the persistent wanna-be friend who you tried to avoid in your Thursday 11-1 lecture and would incessantly text you for notes. Or the creepy guy who would always be in your study spot in Deerfield and message you after with the dumbass eye emojis. Maybe it’s that one friend you used to call to console you of your issues, but by the end of the chat you felt more unnerved than understood. Whomever it is, don’t be afraid to stray away a bit and use the excuse of social distance or “getting your head together” to gradually give yourself some space and make things a bit obvious without having to be a total asshole. It can help, tbh, and the last thing you need in a time like this is to feel guilty for someone else’s feelings.
Be ok with doing nothing.
Life is always on some go,go,go shit. With people posting all those fucking memes about hustling or whatever, it can be easy to feel like you’re sitting in quarantine wasting your life away because you haven’t joined Forex, or OnlyFans, or started three side businesses, or taught yourself a new language or whatever. But listen – look at quarantine like a break. You had a nice long break to re-cooperate and self-indulge a lil bit and you know what? That’s ok! You’re not less of a person because you chose to rest or hang out in bed more than you should have. Don’t let other people’s progress (or lack thereof) be a measure of your own. How can you expect to bounce back after a GLOBAL PANDEMIC if you spent the entire time beating yourself up for not living up to other people’s idea of success? …Exactly. This list is just for fun and personal growth, but realistically, quarantine is for doing whatever the fuck you want (safely and sanely, of course), but literally look at this time off as God, Allah, Buddha, whomever, pumping the brakes on what is a normally hectic life. Slow down, enjoy the small things (ALL the small things), and allow yourself to be what you are – a human being, not a fucking machine.
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Xmas Message For 2019
And here we go, my 19th annual year-end love letter online …Georgi Balinov and I rang in the new year at a giant party in Bangkok, halfway around the world. That foreign location, its beauty and tastes, set the tone for my 2019, a year of seeing the world, while stabilizing my life. Though often in flux or movement, 2019 was a year many things normalized over the year.
In January, almost immediately after arriving stateside, I crossed the pond and saw Michelle Visage perform in the West End with Peter Wish. Afterward, I played with her wigs backstage and walked her towards the queer kids lining up for selfies and autographs. I am very lucky to have Peter and Michelle in my life, kindred spirits both. One reminding me that fame, fortune, ebb, and flow, but that being real is what matters most. The other, a reminder to stay forever young. I visited Berlin yet again and did the usual, working, and playing, hard.
February appeared and I traveled to Philadelphia with Sandra Hansel, Georgi, George Sapio, and Anthony DeFilippis. We toured Lisa Roberts’ house, saw a Dieter Rams exhibit, dined with George Alley. In Lambertville, that Sunday, I bought vinyl and vintage hats. Later that month, I got a swallow tattooed on my hand, a symbol of flight and travel, and Warhol’s knives, blackened into my shin. An Eames exhibit in Oakland was a sweet way to end the month.
In March with my crew, Georgi, Khadyon Reid, Luis Urribarri, Anthony, and George, descended upon Salvador for Carnival. It was insane! I watched Anitta live, and danced in a sea of pushing, fighting, kissing Brazilians for days upon days. I felt unsafe and alive, threatened and excited. It was intense. Back home I got my other hand tattooed, again honoring my love of seeing the world. I traveled to Portland, came back to NYC at the end of the month, finally moving into our apartment, the one we bought 1.5 years before, that I designed, and had renovated head to toe. Finally, we had our dream home. The weekend we moved in, the place was still not ready, but we were sick of living without our things and in other people’s beds. Peg Kendall and Georgi’s mom came, and we worked our asses off unpacking and starting to make the 2800 square foot loft on west 13th street a home. We’d lived in Airbnbs and friends’ places for 19 months and it was tiring not having a home, not having most of our things. My art! My toys! My shoes!. Those months taught me how important a home, a safe place, and the oasis of my collections is to my mental health. From March on I felt more on solid ground and dedicated more energy to my career and friendships as a result.
In April we went to Coachella, seeing Ian and Jose Seronni, JJ and Andrey Lunin, and dancing in the desert of California. Multiple trips to San Francisco, catching glimpse of old friends, scaling my team at work, as I took on more and more responsibility.
In May, George Sapio and I celebrated (me a little early) a shared, fun birthday weekend at Soho Farmhouse. Joined by Matthew Kelleher, Mark Silver, Jaime Tanner, Matt Lynch, and others, we went shooting and feasted on pheasant in the English countryside.June was really busy, insanely so.
For my 43rd in early June, I had a 30-person dinner party in our new place! We ended up at Club Cumming after, but before friends, new, and old, showered me with a vinyl record, the admission fee I’d set for my party. Lauren Foster, who has shared her home with us, was, appropriately, our first overnight guest. London, again, Berlin, too. Then home for Pride. Willam Ralphie hosted Bingo at eBay, Zach Augustine, David Mason Chlopecki, other loves attended. That weekend danced to both Madonna and Grace Jones on the pier and danced with 15K others at Javitz, where my favorite singer, Cyndi Lauper, belted “I Drove All Night,” her best song, at midnight. I stayed until the sun came up. NYC was electric that weekend. Parties, icons, friends from the world over … the city has an energy you could literally see and taste. I caught a few moments of the parade, overtaking lower Manhattan, and I smiled really big. God, it can feel good being gay! God, the world has improved for gay people (and yes, I know, we still have ways to go, especially for more marginalized LGBTQ groups). But I still took a moment to acknowledge the things that are better, that I have seen in my very gay lifetime. NYC that weekend was the ultimate place to reflect.
July 4th I went to Hamptons, with Ricardo, Brian, Felipe L. Mollica, others, guests of Anthony. Hosted Fab.com reunion, walked the Brooklyn Bridge, and took my team to Korea (where I shared a traditional Korean meal with Jae Hah), China (where I ate bird’s nests, jellyfish, sea snails, saw a Yves Klein show with Adnan Abbasi, and danced to 90s pop in a packed gay club), and Moscow (where I was amazed at how clean the city was and where I went to a traditional sauna and was whipped, naked, with tree leaves in front of dozens of Russian dudes in the nude). While in Russia a protest erupted, literally below the rooftop bar I dined in. Russia seemed freer than I’d expected, way more Western, up until this moment. I ended the weekend at a club at 3 AM, Russian women in high, high heels, dancing on the bar, vodka flowing like water. 2020 saw me traveling to places I romanticized as a child. Russia, one such place. I thoroughly enjoyed the friendships formed in Moscow, the food, and history. I want to return.
August, I was back in San Jose and Portland for work, then off again to Europe for vacation. We started our trip in Croatia, where Georgi and I kayaked around Dbruvnik’s harbor. Croatia’s cliffs and turquoise water did not disappoint, as we boated to islands and swam in caves. Driving south into Montenegro, the architecture reminded me more of Polish, Bulgarian trips, the water, greener. At the Amman we laid out next to The Beckhams, watching David kick a soccer ball with workers of the hotel, and watching Victoria read a book. Georgi and I then ventured to Mykonos, sunning til sunset and dancing til sunrise. A weekend trip upstate with our besties (including a guest appearance by Eric Lee, riding rides at the Colombia County fair, cooking pies, and grilling meats, ended our summer.
In September I went to Berlin and did Folsom and a speaking gig in front of 1K eBay sellers. I went again to Tel Aviv, meeting gay Israeli technology workers and a bevy fo Israeli start-ups. In Jerusalem, I returned to the wonderful Machneyuda with Gilad Ayalon, where they remembered me from my birthday the year before.
October saw us hosting my mother and my niece for a visit. We fell in love with Company XVI, a dance/burlesque/performance art troupe in Brooklyn. I took my mother to see Madonna, a night I will cherish forever. And we saw Dear Evan Hanson. A weekend in Miami with Lauren Foster and K was needed warmth. I took Georgi to see both acts of The Inheritance (so good!). Then off to Berlin, again, and Paris, where I looked at art and went shopping for fall clothes. Halloween, in NYC, was brilliant and over the top; I went as white Pierrot clown. In Brooklyn, to Honey Dijon, we danced all night. Ralph Rucci, the American couturier reposted our photo on Instagram, calling it high-fashion, however, it was Georgi who won the night as Spock.
November I was in NYC early on, shopping with Thomas Cawson (who hooked me up with pink denim Helmut Lang), eating Christmas cookies, and being interviewed by Buzzfeed, a segment on 90s toys. I imitated a Furby. Then a week in Portland (I glow-in-the-dark-miniature-golfed), and off to Helsinki, catching up with former friends from Fab, One Nordic, Hem. Then to Lapland, with Georgi, George, and Anthony, lapping up wine, winter wonderlands, and dining on reindeer and elk. Dog sledding, snowmobiling, Northen lights! Another childhood desire checked from the list. Dinner with Michelle Case in London closed the month.
In December I went back to Berlin (my second home) and hosted a fundraiser for Single Step in our home. In one night Georgi and I helped raise $50K to help build Bulgaria’s first LGBTI center. It was also an impromptu holiday party: so many old friends together again in one room. And now Georgi and I sit in an airport lounge, awaiting our flight to Baltra, in the Galapagos. Once we land, we’ll board a 7-day cruise on a mega-yacht/small cruise ship. This, I feel, I have been waiting my entire life for.
I often write about how I was lonely as a kid. I was gay, I had a drug-addicted father, I grew up very poor. I oftentimes say music saved my life. But, I don’t write enough about the joy animals gave me too. I had so many pets: newts, turtles, tortoises, tree frogs, geckos, crabs, salamanders, etc. Caring for them, feeding them, gave me peace and allowed me to love. One turtle I had had a cracked shell. He lived in my room for many, many years. I always preferred him, with his defects, to the others. I think I feel the same about people.
As a child, I became obsessed with the Galapagos Islands, and mostly the tortoises. I would read about them in encyclopedias and race to see them at zoos. I always felt connected to turtles. They were my spirit animal. Later in life, I’d bloom, my feathers growing, my pride, alive. I’d no longer consider myself a turtle, my spirit animal changed. I told this story to my colleague Eben Sermon, who runs eBay’s German business: I always wanted to be a turtle. But I ended up a cockatoo. Eben brought this up last week in Berlin and it made me think a bit more about affinities for animals and how I have not had that connection as often as I probably should.
So this week, before we ring in New Years in Rio, I will honor the old me, the kid, the quieter Bradford, the sadder Bradford, by visiting those turtles, finally.
And I’ll marvel at the wonder of nature and evolution, both the evolution of animals and this world, and also the very real and dramatic evolution of my spirit and happiness.
Happy Holidays, Peace & Big Love
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“It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year” by Andy Williams (Day 19 of 31)
For @teh-bluejay who asked for a GameStop employee interaction with Drake.
(I’ve never been to GameStop myself, but I asked a reliable source [ @historian-in-pearls ] and watched some videos online so I hope this is what you were looking for!)
Drake heaved a relieved sigh as he dumped his purchases on the register’s counter. Flexing his hands, he hoped the feeling would return to them soon. He really should have gotten shopping basket or cart or something, but by the time he’d thought to grab one, he had already been holding the wireless controller and travel gaming console and it would’ve been awkward to go back to the front of the store to get anything, so he’d just grabbed the last of his items and went to stand in line.
For half an hour.
Drake hated Christmas.
The cashier plastered a smile on as he began to scan Drake’s items. “How are you today, sir?”
Drake muttered something incoherent as he dug out his wallet, fingers still not quite fully functioning. He fumbled a few times but eventually wrestled it free from its pocket.
“Did you find everything you were looking for?” the cashier asked.
Sighing, Drake grabbed his credit card and tapped it on the countertop.
Eyeing Drake’s card, the cashier reached for a pamphlet and opened it, displaying it for Drake to view. “I see you don’t have our super savings shoppers rewards card, sir. If you sign up today, you’ll get up to 40% off on all of your items and points that you could use on any future purchases.”
“No, thanks,” Drake glanced at his items. “Just these today.”
“Are you sure, sir? You could save a lot of money—”
“Stop selling me more stuff I don’t need. Just scan my things so I can get home.”
The cashier carefully folded up the pamphlet, Drake running his hand through his feathers as he tried to keep his cool. It wasn’t like he’d been here for almost two hours between finding parking, hunting down his items, then standing in that stupid line.
Except, oh, wait.
It was exactly like that.
“Do you have the other version of this game?” the cashier asked, holding up the box with the cartridge in it. “If you haven’t played the first four, then this one really won’t make much sense—”
“Listen here you little parasite,” Drake snapped, leaning forward. He stopped himself from grabbing the cashier by the collar of his shirt, but just barely. “If you do anything but scan these things and then let me pay for them, I swear I’ll—”
A few screams emitted somewhere behind him and Drake glanced around, eagerly searching for the cause.
It wasn’t hard to find.
“Video games rot your brain. Buy a tasteful Quackerjack toy instead!” Quackerjack spread his arms out, releasing his hoard of toy soldiers, teddy bears, baby dolls, monkeys playing cymbals, fire engines, and classic wind-up teeth.
Thank God.
His frustration evaporated, Drake turned back to the cashier. “So are you gonna bag my stuff or not?”
“Are you crazy?” the cashier shrieked, dropping down behind the counter.
Drake rolled his eyes and glanced around for a discreet location. One corner was hidden by a large display for the newest game release, so he ran over towards it, kicking away a toy soldier that tried to shoot its musket at him. Hiding behind the display, and seeing dust bunnies that would rival those in Gosalyn’s room — seriously, how often did they clean this place? — Drake pulled out his emergency suit.
And changed into his alter ego.
Tossing out a gas canister, he waited for the blue smoke to begin wafting into the air before saying, “I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night! I am the super savers shoppers rewards card that you’re forced into buying! I am Darkwiiiing Duck!” He leaped out of the smoke and sent a glare at Quackerjack.
The toy maker pouted. “No fair! Playtime was just getting started.”
“Pack up your toys, Quackerjack,” Darkwing said, walking toward the villain and pulling out his gas gun. “Your play date’s cancelled.”
Quackerjack glowered but that was the last thing Darkwing saw him do because the next moment, all the lights in the store went out, plunging everything into darkness.
Either that was the most convenient blackout ever, or Quackerjack wasn’t working alone.
A spark of electricity flashed near the back of the store and another voice declared, “My poor children! Don’t you worry, your uncle Megavolt will free you from this awful place of imprisonment.”
The caped crusader whipped out his night vision goggles — he never left home without them — and was able to easily keep track of Megavolt and Quackerjack despite the darkness.
Darkwing loved Christmas. All the criminals went on huge crime sprees, eager to cash in on the added merchandise and extra money surfacing as people blew budges on expensive gifts and the newest developments in technology.
The rest of the store was in pandemonium, everyone running for the exits, some customers with their un-purchased items still clutched in their arms. But they were for the police to track down.
He had bigger villains to fry.
Or short circuit.
Grabbing one of Quackerjack’s fire engines, Darkwing ran to the back of the store where Megavolt was unplugging all the TVs he could get his hands on. Darkwing unwound the small hose and located the button near the back of the toy.
“Not so fast, Megavolt,” Darkwing said, pressing the button. A deluge of water poured out of the hose — more than should ever be in a children’s toy; what had Quackerjack been thinking? — and hit Megavolt in his battery pack. The villain shorted out with a yelp, collapsing onto the floor.
He shook his head and glared into the darkness. “You brought the fire engines?” he cried.
“They’re a classic!” Quackerjack shot back.
Pulling out a few zip ties from his suit, Darkwing bound Megavolt with little fuss and turned to locate Quackerjack.
The clown was cackling, shining a flashlight on his teddy bears and dolls as they removed the games and consoles from the shelves and handed them to the monkeys who crushed everything with their cymbals. Ever since Wiffle Boy had become popular in St. Canard all those years ago, Quackerjack had sworn a vendetta against all electronic entertainment. It was a futile battle, but Quackerjack’s single-minded obsession kept Darkwing busy, so he couldn’t complain.
Quackerjack always walked around with his pockets stuffed with toys and today was no exception. A jumprope was half-dangling out of one pocket and Darkwing lunged to grab it, pulling it free.
The toy maker must’ve felt it being removed because he whirled around, the flashlight beam searching for the perpetrator in the darkness. Darkwing dodged the light as best he could while Quackerjack called, “Toy soldiers, attack!”
But toys were as blind in the dark as anyone. They managed to run into one another and fire their weapons their shots hitting the store’s the merchandise and some of the other toys, effectively incapacitating them.
Darkwing grinned and tied Quackerjack up in the jumprope. He’d taken a few classes on lasso wrangling and had an official certificate boasting his accomplishments. Quackerjack wasn’t going anywhere until the police arrived.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Darkwing said, brushing his hands down the front of his suit. “Can’t get the drop on Darkwing Duck that easily.”
“How did you even now we were here?” Megavolt asked, his voice somewhat muffled from his position in the back of the store.
“Ha! Like there is any crime that happens that I don’t know about,” Darkwing said.
“I bet he was here buying Christmas presents,” Quckerjack sneered. “You need to keep your mind active as you get older, Darkwing. Video games’ll just bring on dementia faster.”
“I’ll take the chance,” Darkwing spun on his heel, heading for the door.
Removing his night vision goggles, Darkwing stepped out of the dark store and into the winter sunlight.
And there, in the parking lot, sat Negaduck on his motorcycle. Sitting forward, his hands crossed one over the other on the handlebars, his beak resting atop his wrists as he surveyed the citizens fleeing the store with a pleased look on his face.
The two mallards were equally surprised too see the other, staring at their double as people around them sprinted away, screaming and shouting.
Negaduck was the first to react, loosing a curse before he kicked his engine to life and sped away.
Darkwing leaped into action, following Negaduck and grabbing his gas gun. Stopping on the sidewalk, he aimed at the retreating motorcycle and fired. The canister sailed through the air and hit the back of Negaduck’s tire, exploding in a cloud of Darkwing’s trademarked blue smoke.
The impact of the canister alone was enough to make the motorcycle wobble dangerously, but the thick cloud of smoke added to the attack, effectively blocking Negaduck’s vision.
The bike swerved and toppled, the yellow blob that was Darkwing’s archiest of arch nemeses rolling off onto the sidewalk.
Leaping up, Negaduck glanced back at Darkwing before he raced headlong into the park.
Darkwing took off down the street.
It really was the most wonderful time of the year.
#drake mallard#darkwing duck#megavolt#quackerjack#negaduck#31 days of christmas#a very merry geronimo christmas#writing#fanfiction
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Headcannons for the Group Therapy fic thing cuz it was requested like twice that I continue this so. I might do a fic later, no promises.
This also includes stuff already mentioned in the fic ‘Group Therapy’ which I wrote :D
I know someone else made some headcannons that i kind of base some of these on ? but i read a lot of headcannons so i dont exactly know which are based and what theyre based on. Sorry.
-Eddie has social anxiety and is a huge germaphobe
-He and Stan bond over cleaning things and how neat things should be.
-Eddie is very nurturing and will disregard his germaphobia if it means he can comfort someone
-also very badass ??? Eddie will use all of his first aid kit for his friends and he’ll punch people in the face if they mess with them
-Eddie is the only one that Stan will touch him bc Stan knows that this kid washes his hands more than Richie makes crude jokes and he basically bathes in hand sanitizer so he’s the cleanest
-Eddie is so good at handling emotional episodes and panic attacks that the others go through ?
-Like he’s internally freaking tf out but in the outside he’s so cool and collected that it’s hard to feel threatened around him
-has like friend crushes on everyone ? Like he only wants to date Richie but he loves he others so much that he hates being apart from them
-Stan has OCD and is obsessed with the number three.
-He prefers Stan over Stanley because Stan Uris is three syllables.
-Everything in his room is sorted in three; pants, shorts, and underwear. Polos, button ups, and t shirts. Etc.
-Everything he does is in sets of three and he’s constantly bullied bc of the panic attacks he’ll get during class or when he helps the teacher clean up and ends up sort everything in the classroom into threes.
-Stan’s dad took him birdwatching in an attempt to get Stan out of the house but at the same time keep him in a calm environment and he loved it so much so now they regularly go birdwatching for exactly three hours
-Stan goes to school two hours early so he can arrive at six and he is allowed to leave three minutes before everyone else so he doesn’t have to come in contact with people
-for the first week of school, they forced Stan to try and be like everyone else and it didn’t work ??
-like he doesn’t know what they expected but he couldn’t do anything bc if he wasn’t having a panic attack, he was compulsively tapping his desk or the wall in threes in an attempt to calm himself down
-Stan wakes up at five thirty am every morning
-he goes to bed at nine pm
-it’s like fucking clockwork and if he’s even a minute off, he’ll be hella upset and no one wants to see Stan upset
-Mike has insomnia and stays awake for days on end.
-He survives purely on coffee from the coffee shop located down the street from the school where the rest of the losers go to
-he’s really good at hiding the bags under his eyes by keeping his head tilted forward so the bags look like shadows and no one looks close enough to tell the difference.
-if it gets bad, he uses make up to cover up the bags under his eyes
-he loves talking to people so much ? Especially kids his age bc he isn’t really exposed to anything back at the farm
-he was actually the only one who was really excited to do the group activity
-Bev and Richie were okay with it bc they knew they’d see each other but Mike was excited !!
-new people to meet and talk to ??? Hell yes !
-he and Ben hang out pretty regularly at the library to find history books and discuss them
-they’ve gotten into some pretty awesome debates that would end abruptly bc they’d get really heated and the two boys would start laughing bc they can’t take each other seriously
-Mike likes to draw and he does it mostly when he can’t sleep
-One time Richie had spilled some water on a picture that Mike was drawing and Mike didn’t talk to Richie for a week and a half
-Ben had to convince him that Richie didn’t mean it and that Richie was probably sorry
-of course Eddie made Richie apologize
-it wasn’t very sincere bc Richie + an apology is just a mess
-but Mike accepted it and forgave him nonetheless
-Bill has mild depression and can see and hear a clown (Pennywise) talk about his brother
-no one else can see this thing so Bill feels like he’s tripping balls 90% of the time
-he can see Georgie too which is why he’s so adamant about finding him alive bc he can’t be seeing Georgie’s dead ghost ?? That’s not allowed ??
-Bills stutter had gotten so much worse after Georgie’s disappearance and at this point he just doesn’t talk in public
-Bev steals money from her father for cigs and weed that she buys from Richie because he charges her a lot less then most of the dealers she’s encountered
-she has like three outfits that she wears but that’s it. Don’t even try to buy her clothes bc she just won’t accept it.
-she smokes her sadness and fear away. That’s how she copes and it’s really not a good habit but she doesn’t really care
-Beverly and Richie smoke up on the rooftops during gym class and sometimes whenever Richie needs a break during whatever class bc the boy gets very overwhelmed very easily ??
-Bev is the only person who can tell when he’s getting overwhelmed and since they had every class except for Spanish and geography, she’ll always pull him aside and go for a smoke whenever he looks tense.
-Beverly is such a fucking babe ? Like she does literally nothing and she’s so pretty ? But she hates compliments with a passion.
-only Richie can compliment her without getting slapped
-I’m living for the Bev and Richie friendship tbh they’re like siblings and will die for each other.
-one time Henry Bowers was hitting on Bev and wouldn’t leave her alone and Richie fucking decked him
-Richie left with a black eye, busted lip, some cuts, and some burn marks (curtsy to Patrick) but it was fucking worth it
-Bev is like 10/10 great at making deals. Patrick and her are actually acquaintances bc Bev gives him new lighters when his run out of fuel from terrorizing people and his weed goes missing all the time so she give him some of hers so he’ll leave her alone
-Ben is so fucking soft ?? I love him so much
-he is literally the embodiment of a book, flower, and warm aesthetic
-Ben cares about people so much ? Like he will fuss about his friends eating but then he will forget (or sometimes purposely) to eat
-he’ll be so into writing poetry for someone cough Bev cough that he’ll just not do his homework or remind himself to stay hydrated
-but what’s weird is that when he reads, he’ll be brought back down. Like the self image problems and the forgetfulness temporarily go away
-he’ll be reading a history book that he borrowed from Mike and suddenly he’ll remember that he hadn’t eaten all day and he’ll ask his mom for something to snack on as he reads
-or maybe he’ll be reading a book for school and then he’ll think “shit when was the last time I had some water ?”
-And he spends most of his free time in the library reading or writing so he knows the librarian personally and uses her first name
-he even has his own little place to go with a mini fridge so he has something to eat whenever it hits him that he needs to do shit to s u r v i v e
-Richie doesn’t even want to go to therapy but it’s helping him so he just deals with it
-Eddie and Bev being there is also a plus
-Richie is broke asf so he basically makes Bev pay for his sessions in exchange for weed
-He steals the weed from Patrick and whenever the school decides to have drug dogs come, he just slips that shit right back into Patrick’s locker
-Richie really likes Eddie ?? And he sees Stan as like a little brother that’s easy to annoy
-he’s indifferent towards Ben and Mike bc like he doesn’t interact with them very much but when he does, they’re okay
-Bill is a fifty fifty. Sometimes Richie respects him bc the dudes brother is dead and here he is getting help that’s pretty fucking cool but other times it’s like shit does this kid ever take less then ten minutes to say something ?? And who tf does he think he is telling Richie what he can and cannot say
-Richie has little to no sexual experience so everything he jokes about is purely based off of what he’s read online
-the little experience that Richie does have is making out with Bev while they’re high
-Richie is always the second to arrive (Stans first, he arrives three hours early) and he’s always the last to leave with Eddie.
-he does the same with school, even if he does skip a lot
-he’s really fucking smart tho so skipping class never fucks with his grades
-he tries to stay out for as long as possible bc the boy doesn’t like staying home alone or with his drunk mom
-he has some anger issues
-he and Bev have a thing where every night they go out and break shit
-he really cares about these idiots in his group therapy
-like he could get extremely annoyed with them sometimes but he will fight for them
-Stan was once trapped in a locker by the Bowers gang and Richie was the one who found him
-Stan was freaking out bc he was in an unsanitary locker and he was supposed to have left two hours ago
-Richie calmed him down and took him home
-now Stan allows both Richie and Eddie to touch him
-Stan is basically Reddie’s son at this point
-Richie steals everyone’s clothes all the time and he just walks into they’re house, except for Bev.
-Knocking is not a concept to this kid and it pisses everyone off
-Richie once walked in on Bev and Ben making out in Bens room. He simply smiled and said “wow the new kids on the block poster must be a real turn on for this sex fest, eh ?” and left
-Richie now has a burn mark on his collarbone from Bevs cigarette
-Richie has to take like three different medications and when they were trying to figure out the dosage, it was a rough couple of weeks
-basically these kids are all fucking messed but we love them anyways
#therapy group fic#tylers au#headcannons#reddie#benverly#but just a little bit#i love my children#richie tozier#eddie kaspbrak#stan uris#ocd!stan#mike hanlon#ben hanscom#beverly marsh#bill denbrough#the losers club#it 2017
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Don’t Float Away (Pennywise x Reader)
Whew, I wrote this in a post-drunken stupor so I will definitely be going back to edit here and there. The story is progressing pretty slowly but I’m kinda just letting the chips fall where they may. Writing this helps me cope with City Hall being over *internally cries*
PART 1: HERE.
PART 2:
Your quality of sleep didn’t improve after meeting Pennywise the Dancing Clown, rather it regressed even further. You couldn’t get that voice out of your head. Those eyes. Those teeth. All of those teeth. It wasn’t fear that consumed you, but…purpose. For the first time in a very long time, you didn’t have all the answers. You couldn’t see what was coming. You were excited to wake up in the morning because you weren’t sure what the day would bring. It was like you had reverted back to being a child and honestly, it was refreshing. The only fact you were sure of was that this thing was not human. Human monsters were so predictable.
Your days were consumed with sifting through all the information on the history of Derry and the surrounding area that you could find online. You cross-referenced that with any mention of the dancing clown and found nothing. You spent most nights staring out of your bedroom window at the road. Naturally, your room sat directly in front of a storm drain. You swore every now and then you’d hear the faintest carnival music playing or a distant giggle. The bags you held under your eyes turned blue. Your foster mother, Diane, quickly noticed.
You observed one morning that she passed by your door three times with an empty laundry basket trying to work up the courage to come in and say something. She finally did.
Two quick knocks at your door forced you to put your book down and look up in mock surprise. “Yes?”
She shuffled unsure of herself and tucked her messy brown hair behind her ear anxiously. “Hey (Y/N), sweetie, can we talk?”
You slid over and patted the spot on the bed you had just occupied. “Of course. What’s up?”
She set her basket down and sat- very stiffly- next to you. “I’ve just noticed that you’ve had a hard last couple of weeks. Is there anything I can do to make it easier on you?” She asked hopefully.
Great, now your weird sewer clown obsession was affecting those around you. “No, you’ve been great. I’m so, so grateful for everything you’ve done for me. It’s just…been a hell of a year honestly. Plus…everyone here looks at me like I have a third eye in the middle of my forehead.”
She nodded her head knowingly, chuckling. “Yeah, people around here are kind of set in their ways. I remember how I felt when I first moved here. It was like at any time I’d step out my front door to see an angry mob with pitchforks.”
You shifted your weight awkwardly. “Angry villagers I can deal with. Just as long as nothing is living in the sewers.”
The change on Diane’s face was instantaneous. Her sweet face was suddenly contorted in an emotion that you couldn’t place. “Why would you say that, have the kids in the neighborhood been telling you stories?” She asked, almost frantically.
You shook your head and attempted a carefree smile. “N-no, I was just joking. Little towns like this have a certain reputation I guess. There’s always something in the water.”
“Well, there’s nothing in these waters but hazardous waste. Playing in the sewers can get you very, very sick. When I was a little younger than you some smaller kids used to go and play around in the wetlands where the sewers deposit out. Their immune systems didn’t stand a chance against the gray water. They must of went into shock so fast. By the time they found their bodies the animals had already gotten to them.” Blood had flooded directly to her head during her rant making her face beet red. Like Pennywise’s balloons.
You click your tongue in a faux-sad manner. “I guess I can’t go dance naked in the pale moonlight up and down the sewers like I used to.”
“No, better not. You’re a good girl, (Y/N). Stay away from the sewers. And give Derry a chance. It may grow on you.” She rubbed your shoulder maternally before standing up and moving towards the door.
“Yeah, like mold.” You mumbled.
“What was that?” She half-turned in the doorway with a smirk.
“So I’m told.” You corrected, a little louder.
“Uh-huh. I have some muffins downstairs if you want.”
“Thanks. I’ll be down in a sec.”
You stood up and walked over to your desk that was littered with college pamphlets and Derry High registration papers. Next month you would be 20 years old. Last year had been by far the worst year of your life and school had been the last thing on your mind. Sure, you probably could’ve been tested out of the 12th grade and applied for your GED, but Diane had agreed with your choice to enroll at Derry High. She thought that you ‘deserved to be a kid for one more year’.
If you were being honest, you were just so damned tired. You didn’t even want to think about college yet. You would start high school 2.0 in exactly three days. You resolved that in those three days you would learn as much about Derry’s past, about him, as you could. To do that you needed to gain the locals’ trust. They needed to see a friendly face. You bounced down the stairs and grabbed a blueberry muffin from the counter before calling out your departure for the library to Diane. It wasn’t a lie…you would eventually visit the library. But your first destination was the pharmacy.
You knew your hairstylist from back home would kill you if she could see you right now. You stood in front of a very limited row of boxed hair dye. Your natural color was fairly common so there wasn’t much deliberation to be had on that front. You grabbed two boxes and paid for your basket before stuffing them in your backpack. You stopped at the library, first barricading yourself in the ancient bathroom to dye your hair back to its natural color and then to pick up a few books to help start your research before making a beeline for your neighborhood.
You had an old baseball hat on to hide all of your newly dyed hair from Diane. You didn’t need the thousands of questions from her that you would inevitably receive anyway. Not right now. Your backpack was full of the other supplies you had picked up from the pharmacy, so your arms were wrapped tightly around the old texts. Before you had even made it to Neibolt Street you felt them on you. Glowing blue eyes.
Those blue eyes.
You looked up over your armload and scanned from side to side to try to locate them. He was standing on the sidewalk across the street holding up a red balloon, it suddenly occurred to you that maybe you were going crazy and he was actually a hallucination as you had first suspected. Surely someone would notice a giant ginger clown around town. He was staring at you from under his brows and smiling sinisterly. You stopped your shuffle, smiled politely in recognition, nodded your head towards your house and kept walking hoping he would understand your gesture. You swore you heard him audibly gasp. You wished you could have seen his reaction, but you continued trotting along…albeit a little more cautiously now. You looked back and noticed he was no longer behind you, so you hurried home and vaulted passed Diane who was asking you if you wanted to go school supply shopping.
“No ma'am, I was so excited that I picked up a few things from town after I left the library. Thank you though!” Was your breathless reply. Satisfied with your answer she left you alone. You stopped at your bedroom door and took a deep breath. Stepping inside delicately, you set your books and bag on the bed before surveying the room as nonchalantly as you possibly could.
“You can come out now.” You called out bravely. You sounded a lot braver than you felt.
No sooner than the words left your mouth did you become aware of a rather large presence standing behind you. You turned on your heel and sat stiffly on your comforter drinking in the sight of him. He was big. Very, very big. His giant mouth that was pulled into a toothy grin was basically spewing drool. His limbs were long and wrapped in cream colored satin which was kind of a weird paradox. He was this big, ‘scary’ thing wrapped in delicate satin. His hair, you noticed, was much wilder than at first glance. His overall appearance was…unsettling, but not frightening.
“Hiya.” You said, mirroring your first meeting.
Pennywise frowned, obviously disappointed. He shook his head frantically and suddenly lunged at you grabbing your neck, easily wrapping one massive hand around your throat with a snarl. You sat as still as a statue with both eyes trained on him. You two remained there for a while with eyes locked, the only sounds filling the room being your ragged breathing and his growls. You broke the silence. “Are you real?” Your voice feeble.
His attitude changed almost immediately, blue eyes flashing yellow. “Am I real? Hmmmm…..I don’t know, (Y/N). Do I feeeeeeel real?” He spat. His hand on your neck tightened abruptly cutting off your air supply. He used his free hand to pinch your cheek harshly and in the process accidentally knocked off your baseball hat. Your new hair color spilled out of the cap and onto your shoulders. His hand fell from around your throat forcing you to fall back onto your headboard. He stared at you in amazement and began to stroke your hair.
“Your hair….it’s not cotton candy anymore….” His face was full of wonder and his eyes thankfully shifted to blue once again.
“I changed it back to the color I was born with. The reason I did it is silly.” You smiled sheepishly. When you heard no reply you looked up and found his dark gaze. You were seduced by the implausibility of the situation and suddenly felt word vomit coming on. "I wanted to learn more about you and what you are. That’s why I have all of these old books on Derry. I was going to go and interview some locals, but the people around here didn’t really like my pink hair. It’s a lot easier to just conform.“ You laughed breathlessly even though nothing funny had been said.
If having a 6’ 4” demon clown in your bedroom was strange, his reply was fucking unusual. “You could have just asked me.” ‘You could have just asked me’ like it was the most obvious fucking thing you should have done.
You snorted, he growled. You put your hands up in apology before speaking. “This…is….an odd situation. I wasn’t sure if I was going crazy. Now I can’t tell if you are friend or foe.” You said warily.
He crouched down alongside your bed so that your face and his face were inches away. The scent of deep-fried foods and sweet summer air washed over you. “You’re close, but not quite.” A deep rumble passed through his chest, you weren’t sure if it was a growl or a purr.
“What?” You asked, eyes focused on the way he curled his lower lip out further than the top one.
His lips were so close to your ear that you shivered involuntarily. “Friend or food is the question.” He flashed his teeth.
You gasped. The room fell dangerously silent until you heard Diane’s approaching footsteps and panic set in. You turned to Pennywise to ask him to hide, but he was already gone.
Your bedroom door swung open and Diane popped her head in. “Hey, sorry - but are you okay? I thought I heard arguing. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
You nod your head trying to clear your senses. “Yeah, I was just going through some dialogue in this play I just read. I want to start a drama club this year. I guess I got too into it. Sorry.” You apologized sheepishly.
She looked relieved. “No, don’t worry about it. That sounds awesome! By the way, I love the hair.” Sensing you wanted privacy she bid you goodnight and shut the door.
You hopped up immediately and began searching the room for Pennywise. There weren’t very many places someone over 6’ could hide in the room so you checked the bathroom and under your bed before sighing disappointedly. Then you remembered you hadn’t unpacked the boxes in your closet yet so there was standing space. You opened the door to reveal not Pennywise, but another red balloon. You pulled it out of the dark closet into your room allowing daylight to wash over it. You would be lying if you said you weren’t kind of excited after reading the message hastily written on it.
Next time: my place
#pennywise x reader#pennywise imagine#pennywise smut#pennywise is sexy asf#pennywise is daddy#daddywise
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Meet Christopher Wink: an interview with Technically Media’s Cofounder/CEO
What did you think of Brian James Kirk when you first met him and when were you like "yeah dude I wanna be partners in business with you for the next 9+ years"
I first met @brianjameskirk as undergrads at our college newspaper and I absolutely saw Brian as this stoner designer dude. He saw me as a preppy kiss ass. It took a year for us to come together. We’ve grown and changed together a ton. Here we are now!
What were you like as a teen, were you nice to nerds?
I was surely the nerd to some myself. I think I had become a decent dude by high school. In contrast, I was a bit of a brat in elementary and middle school. I was always an "involved" person but by my teens I was likely even more similar to how I am now: I said a lot of ridiculous things and always had some scheme or project. I think that and playing sports (basketball and soccer) let me dip into several social groups.
When are you running for office and what's your policy platform?
If I'm running for office (which is clearly not in any immediate horizon for me), my platform would be very centrist-y and trying to make the word "compromise" distinct from "compromised." Historically social movements have lasted when they've been about gaining widespread popular opinion. Economic development through entrepreneurship would be a focus.
Who is your favorite person besides Shannon and Brian James Kirk?
My father is deeply influential on me, I’ve traveled on annual road trips with my childhood friend Michael. Considering what you’re asking me, Patrick BIG TIMBS McNeil is my best friend and would likely be the person I have the most intimacy beyond Shannon and Brian James Kirk.
What's one thing you never expected to be hard about starting a company?
I think I remain surprised by how many decisions are neither the RIGHT nor WRONG one but instead are simply choices. Choices that WILL hurt someone and help someone else. I find clean decisions are very rare. Life is messy and you get put in a position of guess work. Growing a company is 1,000 choices that in the moment no one very much agrees on.
What's your spirit animal?
Spirit animal. I'm gonna be real with you, I'm v into the domestic house cat. But I might go with a nurse shark because they look fierce but they actually don't kill, they're just kinda badass. I saw a bunch of them while snorkeling off the coast of Belize last year and was blown away.
What did running with the bulls in Pamplona feel like and was it worth it?
Running with the bulls probably best travel decision of my life. The moments before it started was the most scared I had felt in a "safe" public place.
Gratuitous video of part of it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziZyUa9Dt24
You're tall as hell dude, did you ever consider playing basketball ? I'm thinking you coulda played small forward at a Div 2 school at least bruh.
I played basketball growing up and into high school! Last night I was telling the story that so crystallizes the kinds of relationships I tend to have. When I was a senior, we had an exceptional point guard (1k+ career points) and so my entire job as the other guard was to just give him the ball and then go play defense. Late that season against our arch rivals, the team came out and started immediately double teaming him. I was open a lot and got hot and scored 20 points in the first half (mind you, I’m maybe averaging 7 points per game). At halftime my closest high school friend says to me "I guarantee you don't score another point in this game." .......He was correct
Did you win a high school superlative? If so, did you ask people to vote for you?
Yes! I was "Class Clown" and "Most Involved. " I was runner up for "Most Likely to Succeed" and still plan on surpassing that friend to own it. Admittedly, I went to a pretty small school :)
What's your favorite Technical.ly memory to date
Favorite Technical.ly memory to date. Real talk, I always have a favorite moment that happened in the last few weeks because I really seriously no BS love the evolution and growth and seeing us get better together. So always a v recent thing is my favorite memory. But because I don't think that's really what you want meant to say, I'll instead say the kickoff of Philly Tech Week 2013 when we did our first outdoor kickoff and after we almost finished the later-Guinness Book of World Records confirmed world's largest video game by playing Pong on the Cira Center, a torrential storm crashed over us. This photo is @brianjameskirk Corinne Warnshuis, Juliana Reyes, Andrew Zaleski and I holding tarps over arcade games we had rented and were afraid we’re gonna get destroyed
Can we get an office dog? just met a really cute Australian shepherd puppy
Communities are platforms on which collective action can take place. You are empowered to gain consensus among the team and keep, maintain and care for a dog, yes.
What advice do you give 21 year old CGW?
Advice I'd give 21-year-old CGW? (1) Do not self-deprecate needlessly. (2) Start a focus on email subscribers sooner with Technical.ly (3) Do more family stuff
What's your favorite story that's ever run in any of our markets/brands?
Favorite story that has run in our markets, I'm gonna go with two because there have been thousands. Off-hand, the Tyler Woods Startup Founder on Welfare story stuck with me and I think about it a lot. Yes, it isss probably something that would run elsewhere but it felt v much OF us, like a relationship built because of deep ties that was trying to be REAL about something. PRODUCTIVE https://technical.ly/brooklyn/2016/01/12/inside-welfare-office-anonymous-startup-founder/
And I'd sadly point to a byline of mine but more because of what it was for the org as a whole. This piece was a big pivot point for us
https://technical.ly/philly/2011/04/25/how-open-data-philly-got-done/
When we were INVOLVED in launching OpenDataPhilly and I can't underscore how WEIRD that was. We had a lot of internal conversations, including @brianjameskirk and I about whether it was OK that we had reported on WHAT the city needed and could we be INVOLVED In it
I think about the full disclosure at the top of that story a lot. It threw us into a lot of open data and civic conversations, but it also set up HOW we approached being a PART Of our community. I think not long after we changed the tagline to "Better Cities through Technology"
Fave place you've traveled
I lived in Tokyo for a bit less than a year and so fitting in my interest in time to get to know a place, that stands out to me a bunch. It is this international city so it’s so easy to go and it not be special but living in a neighborhood and having neighbors and a grocery shop was really profound. I did so much writing and reading it was profound. It was also where I first started as a bicycle commuter.
What's the most embarrassing professional moment you've ever had and, I guess, what did you learn from it?
Early on, I remember not knowing what SaaS was during an interview and I fumbled my faking it and it resulted in several weeks of me having nightmares of being on CNBC for an interview and embarrassing us all. So I got obsessed with returning to a basic business and tech background, preparing for disruptive questions
If you could pick, what would be your superpower?
Invisibility always stands out to me as lowkey powerful. But maybe SUPER LINGUAL, like, where I could speak any and all languages
What was the most hilarious/ridiculous thing that happened to you in a professional moment?
My oft-cited memory of me finding out I had a giant hole in the crotch of my only pair of thrift store khakis after I had sat down w/ my first big client meeting (that is the rock bottom moment that turned around my relationship with clothes)
Is the future of journalism bright or dreary?
Journalism bright or dreary? Yah, for me, journalism is a THING you do, like producing software open source, so I think its future is super bright, so long as there are practitioners like us passionate about its utility. I was able to pull five-county criminal records last night in an hour online for this story I'm reporting. I am better sourced because of web tools, so journalism is easier to do. Building it into business models (like we're doing,) that is really hard and it's the most important thing I think I'm working on but the strategy of making public information that is true accurate and helps other people is v bright
What's your inbox at rn?
Ooff, rn I'm inbox 64, with 25 unread!!! It has been a busy yesterday and this morning. I'll leave today with that at 20~ with all read and w/ necessary actions cleaned up in Asana.
What's the next Chris Wink side project after the retirement of Story Shuffle?
I came to reporting from the writing side first. There is nothing I love more in the world than writing. In the last 18-months I've been picking back up some creative writing and so I'll be putting some real time into getting a few modest pieces published on that form. I def self-identify still as a journalist but really, more than reporting, it's the writing I love. I want to move a bigger effort there (Story Shuffle was always part of that longer term strategy too )
You're good at talking about yourself and exceptionally self-aware. Advice for knowing when to STFU and when to dig deeper?
I think journalism training is soooooo good for self-discovery. I think it really starts with accepting yourself. You'll get teased for (as I do) for being self-referential or self-involved but I think it's really important to be able to say I REALLY LIKE THESE THINGS ABOUT ME but also be able to say THESE ARE THINGS I REALLY WISH I WAS BETTER AT. And then attacking both of those with questions. You can internally interview yourself like you would. I want to be able to understand why I am good at some stuff and why I'm crummy at other stuff. Self-improvement is v cool,but it starts w/ some self-love.
Do you like being surprised?
Nah, I don't like being surprised. It's probably part of the whole reporting love. I want to be the one who knows stuff, not surprised.
If you were not the CEO of Technically Media, what would you be doing?
If not in my job now? Realistically, probably a reporter somewhere, likely in/around politics/government. Less likely but relevant, maybe ended up cofounding a dif kind of company or in some other purely writing role.
When you come back into the office can you show us your signature dance move?
I assume you mean my interpretive dance performance "Swallowed frog." No! I'm all for embarrassing shit WITHOUT CAMERAS. I say let people live and be silly and keep the cameras for things strangers can see. Intimacy doesn't do well w/ recorded archives
Best marriage advice?
Take a half-hour walk every single night together.
When did you get your first phone? What type of phone was it? What was your background picture? And, did you have a ringback tone (if so, what song).
I got my first phone when I was a sophomore in high school (!) when I got my learner's permit for driving. I remember using a pay phone to get picked up as an 8th grader. I'm pretty sure that phone literally did not support background images or ringtones.
Been wanting to visit Tokyo for years. Any tips for traveling there?
Tokyo (Edo) was constructed over time as a medieval place to protect from attack, so the streets intentionally do not make sense. It's the opposite of Center City. (London got confusing just over time, Tokyo is intentionally built as a confusing fucking place to navigate. ....So def have .GPS access...or don't and just leave time for getting lost. Eat at every ramen shop under a train stop. The tiniest old men with craggy faces and expressionless smiles will serve you at the counter and then bow, and you will bow in return. It will be nice. Fun Tokyo story we've already talked about, I was part of a lil NBCU pilot online reality show jawn and I got lost in all the episodes
Who's a person outside of Technical.ly (or Shannon) you would turn to for management advice?
I talk to my father weekly on the phone and I find his perspective interesting. He works at a small concrete, stone and tile manufacturing company and I find his perspective on what is normal in the workplace. I also have always been moved by his pragmatism and quiet generosity.
What motivates you?
It is v internal facing. I am v demanding of myself to be better than I was before. I don't like things that I don't understand how to get better at. So: to be a better version of myself than I was. Shannon and I talk about that: that we're supposed to keep becoming better versions of ourselves for the other
Who are the top 3 journos out there you would pay / do pay to read?
So the Economist famously does not have bylines so I don't think I could name one but I am a very happy proud longtime print subscriber so surely someone there. I truly love the ways we approach storytelling here, so those bylines from Julie Zeglen Stephen b Tyler Woods Tony Abraham Juliana Holly Quinn Zack Seward etc, do mean alot to me, I would consume them. ...And, yeah, I'm a George Saunders fanboy and so I like when he's been pulled into doing fun profiles
Name three Philly tech scenesters you're truly fond of / name one that you... could do without?
Robert J. Moore and Jon Gosier on the founder front, I'm v impressed w/ them and always feel smarter when I talk to them. (Garrett Melby is that too). I make no secret that I have a real soft spot for Archna, whom I long found one of the most under-celebrated for her relative impact. And on the v young front: Dawn McDougall. I think she took a v mature pathway to not wanting a full-time director role for Code for Philly because she wanted to gain some experience at an org. She showed some power. For someone to get rid of? I don't think I can put that in writing.
What's the main reason Yuriy Poritko fascinates you?
Two things on the Yuriy front (for others, he's a Philly organizer who has been around forever and I'm writing a lil something on him that's gonna run next week). I try to write something for one of our markets every six weekssss~ and so I always wanted to do something on him just because he is eccentric and colorful. So it started just that he is interesting. But then other pieces started coming together, and I started putting more time into it once I wrote my nut graf. I found that I could connect him to a bigger/broader lesson that I think other communities face too. So (a) he's interesting and (b) he does represent something. He has caused some real pain and damage, but he has done genuine good. I don't find EVIL or GOOD characters interesting. I think people who are complex and complicated are far more challenging to write. I am not aiming to judge the man in this piece, I’m aiming to better understand why he is who he is. I think that’s the kind of community reporting and business journalism I love most.
What do you do when you’re bored?
I’d say I can’t remember the last time I was bored but I know what ya mean. I watch a ton of science and history Youtube videos when I’m eating at home. I also am basically always tryyyyying to write, whether that be my iPhone notes app open or scribbling in a pad. ..Also Twitter is an incredible place to learn if you curate your followers thusly :slightly_smiling_face:
What are your thoughts on early let outs on Fridays before national holidays?
:eye-roll: Seriously I always find those questions weird, I am not tracking anyone's hours, never have been! Get your shit done. Work hard! Do your time most weeks and take time for you other times. It's so simple, if you're doing good work and giving :100: and build a relationship of trust with your team, then choose when it's right for you. I guess I can do a better job of communicating that but there is no magic time that you can work toward and I am HAPPY. If you're supporting your team and doing great work and you are EXCITED About being here, I don’t think anyone says anything. So, idk, go home!
How about some book recommends for another avid reader?
I am not a fast reader, my wife has me beat. I'm trying to simply get back to a book a month (have a resolution of reading a writer of color for the first time each month this year) and not nailing that but I loved Zadie Smith's throwback White Teeth.
Who here is most likely in 10 yrs to write the book on Technically Media?
Probably you [Cary Betagole, Senior Product Manager). You have a low key historian's view and a smart distance
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