#from yesterday - today was soooo cold and grey

[airi-p4]

Face up - Chapter 2

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Epilogue

Finally!!!

I wanted to finish the fic following the rest of the song from Chapter 1: ‘Face up’ by Lights (Lyrics in bold), which would have been easy and quite short, but then I had a little drama / misunderstanding idea and when I asked @ladyfreya123 she said me to go for it soooo... this turned out to be way longer than expected ^^; There’s also going to be an extra short epilogue.

Thank you @livrever​ for checking this for me!

AO3

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Chapter 2

The next day Marinette did something totally out of her character: sneak out of her apartment, neglect her work, and go to the ‘Liberty’, that bar ship she went to the previous evening with her friends. She hoped to see the blue haired guitarist that picked more than her attention again. She got on the ship and moved to the bar counter, where the purple-haired waitress from the day before was arranging some bottles.

"Hi… May I ask you something?" Marinette asked, earning an affirmative nod from the tall woman. "When is Luka performing again…?"

"Sorry, nothing until next Friday" the goth waitress answered.

"Oh… Is there- Is there a way to contact him…?" she blushed.

The tall young woman let a tired sigh as if thinking 'not again' before giving her an answer. "Sorry Miss, but we don't offer this kind of service. We like to keep our staff's privacy"

"I- of course… I understand. I'll come again next Friday…" the blue eyed lady apologized, with a depressing look returning her face- a look the waitress recognized.

"Wait, you're the girl from yesterday aren't you? The one who had been feeling down"

"Ah, yes… That's right… I'm the one" Marinette awkwardly admitted.

"Hmm…" The tall woman analyzed her for a few seconds, her fingers touching her chin. "I see” she raised her eyebrow with a faint smirk. “Luka had never done anything like that before. I think you piqued his interest"

"Eh? His interest…? Re- really...? How?" She opened her eyes in surprise, her cheeks getting warmer.

"I don't know" the waitress shrugged. "Look. Luka is not here, but I'll give you something special if you buy a drink" she signaled the grey haired middle aged woman to take her place. "Wait a minute, I'll be right back"

"Ok…"

"Hi. What will it be?" The bar owner asked.

"Oh… One mango soft drink, please"

"WHAT!? A real pirate doesn't drink that! Have some rum!" The woman almost scolded her, violently pouring the drink in a glass that pushed towards the perplexed young lady.

Marinette nervously gulped as she looked speechless at the drink. Noticing how the owner's gaze was urging her to take it, Marinette felt intimidated under her stare. Luckily, the blond-haired waitress called her and she could recover her breath.

"Captain! Official Roger is asking for you"

"Argh!! Not again!" the grey-haired woman groaned.. "What's his problem now? My music is too low if I follow his 'law'. So annoying… Rose, I leave you this customer to you"

"Yes, Captain" she answered, focusing on Marinette and shoving the rum glass aside. "Hi, excuse the owner. What would you like?"

"Anything sweet, please" she sighed, grateful and relieved with a faint smile on her face.

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A few minutes later, the goth waitress returned. "Sorry for the wait" she said, her eyes attracted by the rainbow colored drink on Marinette’s long glass. "Rose, don't tell me you gave her your crazy original cocktail?" She sighed.

"Yes, Juleka! She loves it!" Rose grinned happily.

"Really…?" Her eyebrow arched in doubt. "I bet she's only faking it to not hurt your feelings… Anyway, here" She offered a DVD case to Marinette. "I don't usually do this, but we record all our performances and I'm making an exception and letting you have a copy of yesterday's live"

"Can I really have it!?" The designer's eyes glowed in hope.

"Only if you erase this terrible depressed expression from your face" she flicked Marinette's forehead with her finger. "Luka hates unhappy faces"

"Ouch!” she complained, touching his forehead before her grin became wider one second later. “Thank you so much! It means a lot to me!" She jumped, hugging the DVD case while the waitresses exchanged smiles. "See you next Friday! Oh, how much is the drink?"

"Nothing. I could never let you pay for Rose's disgusting original cocktail" Juleka teased.

"Hey! It tastes good!" Rose pouted.

"It tastes like strawberry syrup but with triple the amount of sugar." Juleka rolled her eyes.

"That's not true!" Rose complained. "Tell her, Marinette!"

"Yes, I like it. It's good"

Rose was now showing a proud smile while Juleka shrugged in defeat, one of her hands patting the blonde's shoulder.

"Rose, you're lucky a pure soul is willing to drink that sugary cocktail." Rose giggled at the tall woman's comment. "Feel free to come anytime. Uhm… Marinette, was it?"

"Ah, yes. Thank you so much. For the drink. And for the DVD. And for having me. See you soon!" She giggled while waving goodbye.

"Oh.. wanted her to taste my sparkling unicorn special drink too…" Rose pouted in a low voice.

"Oh Rose, it's ok. I'll take your sweetness later for you instead, how is that?" Juleka spoke close to her ear with a smirk.

"Yes!"

'I think I wasn’t supposed to hear that' Marinette thought, rushing out the bar with flustered cheeks and hugging the DVD.

_________________________________

It was just Wednesday and she was at the bar again. 'Why do I keep coming every single day? I know he only comes on Fridays…'

Marinette felt lonely. After awakening feelings of love again, she noticed how lonely she actually was. When did her loneliness start? Was it something that comes together with growing older? She didn't even realize how single and solitary she was before Luka's performance. She seemed fine on her own, she mostly was... but last Friday proved her wrong.

It had been hours alone at the bar, ignoring her work and phone calls and, as expected, the guitarist was nowhere to be found. The bar was not as crowded as last Friday. In fact, it wasn’t to the point that it couldn't even compare- she almost felt bad for the blond guy performing. When the clock on the wooden wall turned to 11:30 PM, she sighed in defeat. She took her wallet out of her purse to pay for her 'sparkling unicorn drink' and her mango soft drink and got ready to go home, expecting to have better luck tomorrow. She raised her hand slightly to call the waitress.

"Excuse m-"

"Hey. Didn't I mention no sad faces were allowed here?"

A familiar voice cut her from the side, close to her ear. It startled her, making her gasp, but her pupils lit up as she turned and her gaze met the blue eyes she had been eager to see for days. She couldn't help to blush at his closeness, unable to control her wide but shy smile. He smiled back at her and her reaction.

"That's better" he winked, resting his arm at the bar counter. "So you've come back, huh? Did you enjoy your time here last Friday? Are you feeling better?" Luka attentively asked.

He kept smiling at her, melting the young woman's insides. She flustered in realization. "You remember me?"

"Of course. Not many people come here looking as terrible as you did. You seem better now. I'm glad"

"Oh- Uhm- Thank you…" she lowered her head to hide her blush under her bangs.

"What brings you here? Today's performances are Electro-pop, but you don't look like you're interested in those?" He curiously asked.

Marinette looked back at the stage. "I guess you're right… I've never really liked XY…" she confessed and Luka snorted.

"Wanna know a secret? Me neither. We just keep him because his father pays us"

"We? Us?" she blinked twice.

"Ah, crap." He noticed his mistake. “I mean the owner- Anarka" he answered.

"Oh…"

"Lu, it’s fine. You can tell her" Juleka approached, and Rose nodded in agreement. Luka seemed uncertain, but that didn't stop Juleka. "You see? Luka is my older brother and the bar owner is our mother.  We all live together here, except for Luka when he's out studying abroad"

"Jules…" Luka glared at his sister. "You can't give customers private information about us, you know that. Mom is going to kill us if she finds out…"

"She's not a customer, she's our friend. We can tell a friend. Especially when she's-" Juleka's words were cut by Marinette in panic, scared she would let him know about her feelings for him.

"Aaahh! It's ok! Thank you for telling me, Juleka. I'm not going to tell anyone! Not even my best friend!" she promised. The women were smiling while Luka let a deep sigh out.

"Anyway, may I join you?" Luka asked Marinette, titling his head to get a better angle of her face.

"Her name is Marinette," Rose interrupted and winked at him.

"I think he already knows by now, Rose. Especially after-"

"Shh…" Luka signaled, his index finger in front of his lips in a warning. "Don't continue Jules, or I may spill the beans about you know what…"

"My bad" Juleka apologized under Rose's confused expression and Luka's knowing look.

"So… Marinette? Fancy a drink with me?" The young man returned his attention to her, making her blush as he pronounced her name in his voice. Marinette stared at him in awe. She short-circuited. "Marinette?"

"Ah- yes! I mean- Really? Is it really ok...?" She blushed.

Luka looked back at the designer after shushing his sister and her girlfriend, who giggled at the scene. "Yes, it's fine. I want to have some drinks too and I'm sure it's going to taste better with company"

"Oh… ok… Let me remove my jacket from this seat..." She offered.

"No, not here" Luka stopped her movement by placing his hand on her jacket and getting closer to whisper close to her ear. "We're starting to get looks on us. Go outside, turn left and go upstairs. It says staff only, but you have my permission to go. Wait for me there. I'll come in a second". He moved farther and lifted her jacket. "Don't forget to put on your jacket. It's cold outside"

"Oh- Ok…" Marinette blushed while rushing out to follow his directions. She tripped on her feet when walking up the stairs, still flustered by the unexpected invitation.

After Marinette left, Luka waited for Rose and Juleka to prepare some drinks, and kept unavoidably smiling while seeing Marinette turning left once out the door. The ladies smirked at his rare expression.

"Lu. We like her. Don't mess up, ok?" Juleka stated and Rose nodded effusively. Luka rolled his eyes with a subtle blush on his cheeks until he eyed the glasses Rose had just handed him.

"Are you really planning to make Marinette drink that?" He looked at Rose's original cocktail raising an eyebrow in disgust.

"Why does everyone complain about it? It's delicious! Marinette thinks so too!" Rose pouted.

"Think about it, Rose. Luka isn't much into sweet drinks. How can he kiss the girl if you make her drink that?" Juleka teased.

"Oh… Oh, no! You're right! Let me prepare something else!" Rose excitedly exclaimed and Juleka smirked triumphantly at Luka, who rolled his eyes in response.

"First she would have to want to get kissed, you know…? And what makes you think I-" he could foresee Juleka's counterattack before it happened, so he surrendered beforehand. "Nevermind"

"Oh, she would be more than happy to kiss you, I know that much" Rose grinned, handing him the new drink while sharing a knowing smile with Juleka.

"Whatever" the musician sighed, grabbing the glasses and a pair of bottles of his favorite liquor and moving upstairs. Juleka knew her brother well enough to know he had a smile on his face even if she could only see his back.

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The upper part of the boat was nicer than Marinette had expected. The decorations there were fancier than downstairs and despite it kept the pirate theme, colorful flowers surrounded the space, like a little garden in the middle of the river. It was chilly since it was late September, but the breeze felt nice on Marinette's flustered face (perfect to help her cool down).

Marinette moved to the river side to enjoy the view of Paris at night time. The city was shining bright, beautifully, she has seen it multiple times from her apartment. And despite that, the view from the ship felt more special and even prettier and magical, she couldn't seem to find light inside of her. Her monotonous life was draining her, and her lack of inspiration didn't help her either.

Why…?

She shouldn't be thinking about that. Luka had invited her! And that was clearly the first spark she felt in a long time. She should be happy! Why was it always negative thoughts that stand out the most? She knew it was wrong, but her negativity kept spiraling... She had given Luka a bad first impression and he had probably invited her just because she looked pitiful. Why would he be interested in a workaholic and depressing woman like her, anyway? Someone plain and boring, more like a heartless robot than alive most of the time. It was impossible, wasn't it? Plus, he was going to find popularity and fame soon and he may have so many beautiful fans around him, definitely a better audience than her.

She sighed again. She knew she was being crazy- acting like one of those fangirls from the previous week. Because, in the end, she knew almost nothing about him. 'I'm not special. I'm not amazing as he is'. But she still wished, hoped, for this new found love to not end like her previous one. She wished to feel alive again, like last Friday night when he was on that stage and his eyes met hers.

And her crush on him was making her feel alive again, which was exactly what she wanted. But she was afraid everything could end in a blink before it even started. And with those thoughts in mind, some tears started forming in her eyes. What if he rejected her? It was crazy to think he would accept her feelings just like that. They had just met. Geez- it was the first time they even talked! What was she even expecting? He was out of her league, she convinced herself, and the thought alone made her feel lonely again. Back to her lifeless life.

"Sorry for the wait." Luka arrived, and when her face turned to him, he noticed her tears. "Hey, what's wrong? No crying allowed here, remember?" He emphatically said, placing the drinks on the table and approaching her.

"Sorry... I don't know what's gotten into me..." she tried to stop her sobbing, with no results.

"Easy. Shhhh... A beautiful face like yours shouldn't get tainted with anything, especially not tears" he said, offering her a handkerchief she hesitantly accepted. "Listen"

Luka took a few steps away to get some space as he took his acoustic guitar from his back and started playing a familiar song. When her eyes locked on his, he started singing the lyrics she had listened to hundreds of times on the DVD Juleka gave her.

The times you don't wanna wake up

'Cause in your sleep it's never over when you give up

The sun is always gonna rise up

You need to get up, gotta keep your head up

Look at the people all around you

The way you feel is something everybody goes through

Dark out, but you still gotta light up

You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up

"Sing with me, Marinette"

"Luka…" she whimpered.

"C'mon!" He encouraged her, and she started singing with him. At first, she just babbled the chorus between sobs, but after a few repeats, her voice started making sense as she sang in unmatching rhythms. His music dragged her face to smile faintly.

Alive again.

"There you go," Luka smiled tenderly, making her blush. "Your bad times are just a phase. This bad stage is going to end. Take it easy and be yourself. You are good enough"

"Am I really, though…?" She furrowed her eyebrows.

"I have no doubts" he assured her with a bright smile that made Marinette's heart throb. But doubt and fear still remained.

"How can you say that? You don't know me. Or my life. Or my feelings! How can you say that so lightly?" She gasped at her own words,  immediately regretting them. Why was she even getting angry? She was making Luka pay for her frustration and that was horrible. Before she could apologize, he interrupted her.

"Because you're sincere, Marinette. Your heart, your eyes, your gestures, your voice, your whole aura- they all tell me about you." He stared at her eyes. "Not only verbal language can communicate. I myself work better with music rather than words. And with those pieces of information together, I can tell you're going through a bad phase, lost motivation, maybe you're not even sure about where you want to go or your purpose in life, but that's normal. As the song says, everyone goes through that at some point. I did have one myself too"

"You… You did?" She asked, incredulous.

"Is it that surprising? You can ask Juleka, if you don't believe me. I'm not perfect- nobody is." He shrugged with a sympathetic smile. "But that's not the point. I can see your potential whenever I look at you. The Marinette from last Friday shone brighter than a diamond to me. I've known you were special from the first time my eyes landed on you, and, the more I see you, the more convinced I am. You're extraordinary, Marinette, and your heart song is the most beautiful I've ever heard." The young woman couldn't help but blush and show a hopeful wide smile at Luka's words. "Now, that's a beautiful smile! There's no way anyone can deny you anything to that" He smiled while staring at her eyes.

"Even you?" She involuntarily asked, and his eyes opened wide. "Ah-" her hands rushed to cover her mouth.

"I would be the first to fall for it" he laughed, but kept the second part to himself: 'if I already hadn't'

Marinette blushed even harder. Luka was even more impressive than she thought. Wasn't it too good to be real? Too incredible. Especially for someone like her.

This wasn't a crush, she realized. The spark in her heart was something more- the warmth she felt and the butterflies in her stomach… all of it made it obvious.

It was LOVE.

Was it even possible? So fast, so easily.

"It pains me to see how you don't believe in yourself and your potential," Luka continued. "Besides, Juleka and Rose like you, and let me tell you, that's already a big accomplishment."

Marinette's smile became even brighter but shy. "I like them too. Do you think they'll want to become my friends?"

"You heard them downstairs. I'm quite sure they already consider you that. Just how much time have you spent here since last Friday?" He teased, and Marinette flustered red, mumbling something incomprehensible that made Luka smile even wider before returning to the topic. "Anyway, don't put fences or walls to yourself. Life itself will already do that, there's no need for you to add more unnecessary difficulties. Try to give more credit to your positive features instead of blaming yourself for the negative ones. Flow with it"

"What if I can't? Or what if it's not a fence, but an unbreakable wall?" She asked, thinking of her neverending work routine and Audrey Bourgeois.

"Nothing is unbreakable, Marinette. You just need to believe you can do it. And if you can't go straight through it, then you can go around it, or even jump over it. Maybe get help too. There is nothing wrong in getting support when you need it. Definitely nothing to be ashamed of" Luka strummed the strings of his acoustic guitar lightly, in an unknown melody that spoke to her heart. She could relate those new tunes more than to any song she had ever heard. She closed her eyes to enjoy the notes that ran from her ears to her heart. Luka looked at her smile, pleased. "That's my favorite part of playing music, you know? Help people feel better and put smiles on their faces. And it's specially rewarding when is someone as beautiful and pure as you"

Marinette stared astonished at his fond expression. His smile was so perfect she wondered if it was even real.

"Marinette?" He called. "Let's enjoy this moment, this view, the breeze. Forget about all bad things for now. Take it easy and relax. Have a drink with me?" he suggested,  pointing at the glasses on the table with a welcoming smile.

Marinette’s eyes glowed in awe. She had thought she would be fine with just a little bit of Luka, even if it was only during his performances. But now? She wanted it ALL. She wanted to feel as alive as she felt whenever he was close. She wanted her love- this electric feeling to be mutual and last forever.

With those feelings in mind, her face rose up to meet his blue eyes with conviction.

"Thank you, Luka. I won't be looking down anymore," she proclaimed, and took the glass Luka offered her. Once in her hand, Luka lifted his tall glass, encouraging her to cheer with him.

"Face up?" he smiled, satisfied as she confidently bumped her glass to his. "Face up" she replied, and drank the alcohol while staring at his eyes and returning him a shy smile under his gaze.

With their empty glasses on the table, and without even noticing, naturally, they started leaning towards each other, lost in the deepness of their eyes. Their faces were barely a few centimeters apart, his fingertips brushed her skin and her hands moved to his chest. Their lips were almost touching when two voices interrupted them.

"OMG!! Isn't that Luka!?" "OMG, yes he is!!" "LUKA!!" KYAAAH" Two fangirls called from the nearest bridge.

Marinette jumped and backed away, nervously, and Luka turned around to awkwardly wave at them from afar after giving Marinette an apologetic look.

"Lukaaa!! Let's go have some fun?" "Yeah, like old times!" "Yeah, come have fun with us"

Luka turned to Marinette in alarm, and her mouth twisted.

"Sorry, girls! I'm not interested. Go have fun on your own" he told them off, somewhat angry, and they protested.

"Shh… He's already with someone!" One of the girls said to the other. "Hey! Didn't you say you didn't do that anymore? Liar!" "Oh, c'mon! She looks boring! Come with us instead, you'll have more fun!"

Marinette's expression turned into a mix of betrayal, sadness, anger and embarrassment.

She felt like the spell he had casted on her just faded away and Luka's heart ached in guilt and frustration.

"Shut up! I told you I’m not interested! Stop insisting! Don't you know what NO means!?" Luka finally yelled, losing his usual cool. But the fangirls continued.

"Oh, we may be scaring the lady! Poor thing, thinking she can have Luka all by herself..." "Have fun with your boring catch. How disappointing…" "What a shame…" "It's his loss, girl! Let's go" "Yeah, whatever" the pair of fangirls finally walked away.

Luka exhaled deeply and nervously turned to Marinette. "Sorry, Marinette. It's not what you think. Fangirls can get very annoying..."

Marinette's eyebrow arched, both demanding and hurt. "Not what I think? You owe me no explanation..." she was more hurt than she was willing to admit, and her face was at the lowest yet.

'It was my fault for having expectations… of course it was too beautiful to be real… Why did she even think she could be special to someone like him? To have him all by herself? She didn't know him! She thought he was amazing and sweet and caring… but her first impression has been proven wrong- absolutely wrong' she thought.

"Marinette! You're misunderstanding! I don't date fans, that's my policy!"

"So you just play around with them? Is this why you invited me? Am I your toy for tonight?"

She wanted to cry. She had fallen in love with an illusion. Of course someone that perfect couldn't exist. What was she thinking? She should have learned her lesson with Adrien, but this time was even worse. It hurt. A lot. More than a heartbreak ever hurt her. Because, this time, it also took hope away with her.

"No! Of course not-! You're getting it all wrong! That's all in the past! I was young and stupid- and... I don't do that anymore." He sounded so desperate Marinette almost believed him. "I wouldn't have invited you if I didn't genuinely mean it. Believe me, please" He pleaded, but she directed a glacial glare at him.

"Right… so that's what you say to all your fangirls, huh? No wonder they all fall for you. But I guess I have nothing else to do here: I know your policy now. I won't make you break it. Goodbye"

'How stupid of me to have hope something magical or exciting could happen to me. All that time invested for nothing. Not only out of his league, but also a playboy who had taken advantage of her weak state to seduce her with pretty words and music. How pitiful she was!

She wouldn't have minded to be his even if it was only for a night until moments ago. But now, she had decided she wanted it all- mutual love. And it was obvious he didn't feel the same.

Before leaving, her eyes darted to the empty glasses of alcohol. She grabbed one of the bottles Luka brought with him and refilled her glass violently. Luka was too late to react, before she drank it in one shot.

"Marinette, wait-"

Too late. The alcohol was already making her feel dizzy. That wasn't the soft drinks she used to drink, neither water: it reeked of alcohol. Logical, since it was something strong Rose prepared for Luka, not for Marinette. And her tolerance was incredibly low (which is why she always went with soft drinks in the first place). Luka rushed to catch the young woman when she slowly fainted.

"Marinette? Hey! Wake up. Open your eyes. C'mon! Don't do this to me" he lightly shook her small body. "Come back, please. You've got it wrong" he insisted, but Marinette left a light snore that made him calm down in relief. "Why are words so complicated…?" He sighed in worry.

After confirming she was deep asleep and nothing made it seem like she would wake up anytime soon, Luka carried Marinette in a princess style downstairs in concern.

"Marinette!" Rose gasped and rushed to her friend in Luka's arms.

"What have you done, dumbass? Is she ok?" Juleka slightly hit his arm, before checking on Marientte.

"Yes… Yes. She's just sleeping. The alcohol was too much…” He lamented. “Do you know where she lives? Or any relative or friend?"

The waitresses shook their heads in negation, and exchanged a worried look. "Lu… What happened up there?"

"I guess I'm still not good with words…" he shrugged, after a long silence, letting the Marinette's body rest on his bed. Juleka and Rose exchanged a worried look watching Marinette sleeping in distress, mumbling Luka's name in her dreams.

________________________________

The next morning, Marinette woke up in an unknown room. 'Where? What? How? Why? When…?'

Music coming from the next room startled her. 'That song…?' It was a song she had never heard before, yet it felt familiar for some reason. 'Who is playing it?' stepping out of the room, she realized where she was: the Liberty.

She jolted in realization and she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked horrible, but her clothes were still the same. She sighed in relief. 'What happened?' before she could think more, her eyes met Luka's in one of the couches.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?" He asked her with a soft and apologetic smile.

"I- ugh… my head… what happened?"

"You don't remember?" He asked and she shook her head. "You passed out," he explained, signaling for her to take a seat. She complied. "You seriously startled me, Marinette. It was so sudden... And since you didn't seem to wake up, I let you sleep on my bed"

"Oh- sorry… and thank you…" she muttered, looking down, embarrassed.

"Hey. No more looking down, remember? Face up" He raised his own face in encouragement.

"Face up" she repeated, following his lead with a shy smile.

“You know? About yesterday… I want to-” Luka started, breaking the silence, but Juleka interrupted them.

"Lu, the label called you. You better say yes this time or-" Juleka noticed her friend. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know you were still here, Marinette. How are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you," Marinette answered. 'Label?' She wondered.

"Jules. Marinette's got a headache. Could you give her some medicine while I'm on the phone, please?" Luka asked Juleka and she smiled tenderly, aiding her friend to the counter.

"Here" Juleka offered her an aspirin and a glass of water, and Marinette accepted. Juleka noticed how Marinette kept staring at Luka's direction with curiosity.

"Luka had an appointment 10 minutes ago. Jagged Stone's label wants him to sign a contract with them" Juleka explained, proudly. "He has been turning them down for weeks, but this time he seemed to have decided to sign. That's why he came back one day earlier than usual, actually. Isn't my dumbass brother amazing?"

A contract… with Jagged Stone's label? Luka was going to sign it? Marinette remembered Nino's words: 'he's gonna be big in no time'. She had agreed with that affirmation… She just didn't expect it so early. So sudden. Where would their chances be if he became famous…? With all his fangirls- wait- what was that about fangirls?

She remembered.

"Fangirls" Marinette mumbled to a confused Juleka. "Why did you lie to me, Juleka? You said I was special, but Luka just thinks of me as a fan! And he doesn't date fans! Were you making fun of me?"

"What? Of course, no! Where did you get those ideas from?"

"Those fangirls from yesterday said it, and Luka confirmed"

"That dumbass…" Juleka's tongue clicked and Marinette started to cry. "Hold on, Marinette. You're misunderstanding everything. It's true Luka had a 'rebellious stage', but that's part of the past now, he's different now. If he invited you it's because he is really interested in you. I promise. He ditched the meeting with the music label so he was there when you woke up and he even-"

"How can I know you're not lying?" Marinette demanded in a yell and Juleka looked at her in shock.

"We hate lies, Marinette. We may be chaotic and a bit crazy, but we're always honest. Luka too." Juleka explained, hurt by her friend's distrust.

At that moment, Luka returned. "Sorry- I have to go now. Will you be- Marinette?" Luka cut them, and the fashion designer showed him an enraged expression and took her things and rushed out.

"Marinette, wait!" Both siblings called, but she didn’t stop. Luka ran and somehow caught her by the wrist and Marinette was finally letting go of the tears she had been holding. "Marinette…!"

"Let me go, Luka!”

"You remember the misunderstanding," Luka realized. "Let me explain, please," he begged.

"No! I don't want to hear it. Do you want to make me look even more pathetic? I'm sick of it! I'm sick of my own stupidity. Falling in love with you was a mistake!"

"Love...?" His jaw fell, leaving him puzzled with his mouth open.

"You have fun with your fangirls, you don't date fans as per your policy and you'll soon be famous internationally and forget I exist! Coming here every day was a waste of time. Goodbye, Luka. Good luck with your life" she freed herself from his weakened grip and started running away.

Luka's feet were glued to the floor in shock. Did she really say love?

"What are you doing!? Go after her, stupid!" Juleka shouted and Luka snapped out.

"Shit!" Luka ran, "Marinette!" but she was nowhere to be found. "No… Dammit!" He cursed.

When he returned to the Liberty, Juleka and Rose scolded him. "You better pray for her to be here tomorrow evening for your performance. But now go and sign that contract before they give up on you.  Hurry up!" Luka nodded, took his guitar with him and started walking, deep lost in his thoughts.

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As soon as Marinette arrived at her apartment, she let herself fall on the bed and started crying uncontrollably. She received some phone calls and messages, but she didn't feel strong enough to check. She was supposed to be working at Audrey's at that hour- of course she would call. Her boss was going to kill her. But she didn't care. Instead, she played again the live performance of the previous Friday, when she felt more alive than ever. Music to accompany and silence her tears- tears of heartbreak and betrayal.

Once again, she let her negativity win. Again… And without listening to his excuses.

She felt at her lowest yet.

____________________________

And just with that, in a blink of an eye, Friday arrived.

Marinette coped with heartbreak with stress working- she had a lot to catch up after the time she had spent in the Liberty the past days, and she worked better under stress, anyway. At 6 PM a message from Alya arrived on her phone.

'Girl, we're going with Nino to Liberty again. Wanna come? Your hot guitarist will be playing tonight! We'll be waiting for you there!'

She ignored the message.

________________

Just before 11PM, the Liberty was absolutely crowded. The last performance had ended, and people could already feel the rush in anticipation for Luka's performance. But the musician wasn't feeling it as he usually did. He had been rewatching past Friday's performance in loop, focusing on Marinette exclusively. He felt terrible. An unfortunate misunderstanding due to the past he was ashamed of, had come to chase him at the worst possible moment- the moment he had finally found the person with the heart song he had always wished for.

It was past the time for Luka's performance, so Juleka knocked and entered his cabin to call for him. "It's time"

"Marinette…?" He asked and she shook her head in negation, biting her lip. He sighed deeply.

Once at the stage, he looked at the empty chair he had reserved for Marinette in the first row, and then he looked around to confirm she wasn't there, indeed. He was sad, more than he had been in a while, but the Liberty was a place to be happy and he was a professional, so he had to give it his all, like always. Only those who really knew him (or really devoted fans like Nino) would be able to notice something was wrong with him.

"Good evening, everyone! Thank you for coming. Ready for some rock & roll?"

"Yeah!!" "Woohoo!"

_____________________

Marinette checked the clock on the wall of her apartment: 11:58 PM. Despite her efforts, she couldn't take Luka and the Liberty out of her mind.

Luka's performance would be ending right now, she thought, moving forward the DVD recording to the moment he thanked the audience and fans had asked for an encore. At that moment, he had asked her and only her, if she wanted one too, and she raised her voice like she never had before. It felt great, she remembered. ALIVE. The video ended when Luka left the stage, mentioning a new song. Did he play it tonight? She wondered, but she had no way to know, because she hadn't been there and his performance had already ended...

The clock pointed past midnight when she buried her face in the pillow, tears finding their way out.

________________________

At the same time, at the bar, Alya and Nino were talking at the counter.

"Woah Alya! It was amazing! Too bad Marinette didn't come. I thought she enjoyed last week?"

"I know… She's been stress-working since yesterday, it seems. Something must have happened, but she's keeping it for herself. I wish I could help her more… She should be enjoying her youth! Falling in love and-"

Suddenly, fangirl squealing started and Alya and Nino felt a hand on their shoulders that startled them. Neither expected to find Luka when they turned.

"You two- You're Marinette's friends, aren't you? From last week-" He asked and they nodded when their voice refused to come out, shocked and processing what was happening. "I need a favor, please." Luka asked.

Alya and Nino exchanged a look and followed him to his cabin, shoving his fangirls away as they walked through the crowd.

_________________________

‘Girl. You better tell me what's going on asap, because I'm losing my mind’

Marinette stared confused at the screen as a new message arrived on her phone: a video. Marinette was a little unsure to play it seeing Luka in the preview image, but her longing feelings for him and her curiosity won over her fears.

She played it.

"Hi again, everyone. Ugh" Luka looked unexpectedly nervous. "I know it's way past the time we're allowed to 'be noisy', so I'm going to make it quick before agent Roger comes and gives the owner one of his fines." Some people laughed at the back. "I composed this song for a special lady who, sadly, isn't here today- which is why I asked these amazing people to make it reach her. Thank you, guys!" 'He called us amazing!' Nino fuzzed and Alya laughed at her boyfriend. "Anyway- I hope I make myself more clear with this song than with words. This song is for you, Marinette"

Marinette's eyes opened big and she audibly gasped. A song for her…? She knew that melody- the one he was practicing and that reached her heart. And the lyrics…

A confession of love…? Could it be…? She felt tears in her eyes, moved by the perfect harmony between the acoustic guitar's melody, the lyrics he sang with his beautiful angelic voice and the conveyed feelings through it… His feelings for her- his love and his wish for her to be confident and shine.

The song ended and he looked directly at the camera.

"Marinette, I'm sorry for our misunderstanding. I hope I made myself clear this time. Whenever you want, if you want- of course-, you know where to find me. I'll wait for you."

Marinette let out a restrained cry as she pressed the replay button.

______________________________________

Luka was at the upper part of the ship, alone, with a tall glass in front of him. He had only taken a sip, and had focused on his guitar instead, playing 'Marinette's song' tunes.

It had been hours since Marinette's friends- Alya and Nino- had sent her the video, but she didn't appear or reply to them. Being almost 4 AM, he wasn't expecting much. 'So my feelings didn't reach her, huh?' He sighed in defeat.

"Didn't you say no sad faces were allowed here? Or do you have privileges? Because that's unfair"

Luka turned his head and met Marinette's eyes, who had just seated next to him, bringing out all her courage. His face immediately lit up in relief.

"Marinette. You came" he smiled. "Did you-"

"Did you really mean it? The song… those feelings..." she asked in determination. Her heart was about to burst out in both fear and expectation.

"All of it" Luka didn't even flutter, no doubt in his voice.

"Hmm…" Marinette secretly smiled under her bangs and soon, her eyes darted to his drink. She blinked in surprise. "Rose's unicorn special drink? I would have never expected you would like it."

"I don't. I have no idea how you can drink this, actually. It's way too sweet" he stuck his tongue out in disgust and Marinette's lips curved wider.

"Then…" her hand moved to cup the rainbow colored glass. "I hope you don't mind it if…"

"Go ahead- sorry it's not very cold anymore..."

Was she doing it on purpose? Licking her lips, so teasingly after taking a sip… He was feeling all hot out of the sudden, so he rolled his sleeves up. His throat felt suddenly dry.

Still seated next to him, Marinette moved her head to rest it on his shoulder. "Could you sing again...?"

"Of course. Which part?" He strummed his guitar's strings, but she didn't answer and just hummed, as if she was telling him to guess it. "Ok, let me guess. Maybe that you're…

'An extraordinary girl. Clear like a musical note, sincere as a melody. The song that's been playing in my head since our first encounter'

He sang and she blushed, shaking her head. "Not this one? What about this then?" He continued.

'Clear all the fog around you and raise your voice to shine, like the diamond you are. A bright smile no one can deny. Don't be afraid to feel ALIVE'

She shook her head again, and he sang another part, hopefully.

'You're the one in my heart, the perfect melody to admire'

Marinette's smile widened, but she shook her head once again. It didn't pass him how she looked at him from under her lashes.

'Face up, so I can see your glowing eyes and your dazzling smile'

Always up, never behind, don't be afraid to take my hand. A new love story to write, the clock no longer in standby. Give me a second chance and I'll never say goodbye'

Redness found its way to Marinette's face, as she hummed happily. Luka smiled back at her, equally happy, but Marinette didn't have enough yet. She stood up and yelled loudly to the river: "Encore!"

Luka laughed, remembering their first meeting one week ago. "You want an encore? Any requests?" He asked, confidently.

“I want to listen to something PURE” she blushed. “Something that tells me your feelings are genuine as mine. Something that tells me that I’m special to you. Something to clear all the uncertainty I may have left…"

Luka listened to her attentively, and after giving a thought, he knew exactly what to play. He left his guitar aside and took a step closer to Marinette- very close. She was trembling but expectant when he held her hand, exhaled deeply and pressed the palm of her hand on his chest.

His heartbeat.

"This. This is new, even for me. It only happens when you're around, Marinette. And if you allow me to kiss you, I'll prove it right. Shall I?" Marinette opened her eyes wide and her face flustered again. Next, she nodded, and looked up so he could brush his lips to hers softly, carefully, treasuring the feeling the contact gave them… With her hand still on his chest, Marinette noticed how their heartbeat soon beat as one. In unison. Matching tempo, same feelings of love. And that was the best encore she could have ever received.

She was certain now: like the song said, she had cleared up all the fog and was ready to hold his hand without ever looking back.

And with that, all her fears vanished. No more redness on her face. No more stammering. No more nerves. No more negative feelings. She just felt as she always wished.

ALIVE.

More than ever.

Confidently, Marinette raised her glass and drank it whole while staring at Luka’s eyes. Luka gulped, feeling thirsty out of the sudden.

"Marinette. I think I made my feelings clear now. Will you give me an answer? Or at least say yes to a date?" Luka asked, a little impatient.

"I thought you didn't date fans…?" She teased.

"You're not a fan, Marinette. What kind of fan would miss their favorite artist's live performance on purpose? You're the one my heart chose and the most beautiful person I've ever met. You inspire me to compose a thousand songs"

"I can't be your fan, then?" She tilted her head to the side, playfully.

"You can be whatever you want, Marinette," he assured, and her smile brightened.

"Even your one and only official girlfriend?" She said, reaching for his arm.  

"Please be?" He almost begged.

Marinette felt shy out of the sudden. "Yes… I really want to" She nodded and hid her blush burying her face on his shoulder.

"Marinette. Face up" Luka reminded her, happily, and she raised her head to meet his eyes directly, lost in its blueness and his loving smile. One of his hands moved to her hair, brushing her bangs to have a better look at her face, while the other held her hand steadily. Her face flustered and her fingers squeezed back at his. Slowly, they moved closer until their lips melted in a tender kiss. A slow, longer kiss followed.

"That drink sure is sweet" Luka mentioned, licking his lips and making Marinette smile. "But it's not that bad, I guess. I think I could get used to it…" he said, and Marinette giggled.

"See? I told you it was good!" A high-pitched voice yelled from the stairs, followed by a loud gasp.

"Rose!" Another voice called.

"Ah-" the blond lady covered her mouth. "Sorry, keep going! We're not looking! Or listening! We're just here- chilling- we won't interrupt! Go on!"

Luka rolled his eyes and Marinette giggled again. Soon, Juleka excused Rose and dragged her downstairs, giving the new couple some privacy.

"They were worried about you, you know? Don't get mad at them"

"I know" Marinette smiled widely. "I have to apologize to them later, especially to Juleka. What I said… I'm sorry I didn't listen to your explanations…" she lamented, looking down.

"Shhh… That's for later." Luka shushed her and tilted her face up with his hand under her chin. "Do you have more spare kisses to share or are you tired?"

"I- I do have them… a lot, actually" she blushed at his closeness. "And you?"

"For you? I don’t think I could ever get tired of them" he gave her a short kiss, before continuing. "But next time drink something else, please. You're sweet enough, I don't need the extra amount of sugar" Marinette laughed and pressed her lips to his. And he immediately kissed her back. "I love you, Marinette"

"I love you too, Luka" she embraced him closer, her face finding comfort in his arms.

And like that, they kissed until the sunrise. 

#my fic #fic: face up #airip4 #airipyon #lukanette fic #endgame lukanette #Pro LukaMari

[daisiesforlacey]

clouds - chapter 2 : cirrus

Pair: Julie x alive!Luke

Summary: After her mother’s death, Julie Molina moved away from Hollywood, across the country, to Ithaca, New York. She’s left behind her two loves in life: her best friend, Luke, and her music. There, she finds new friends and enemies, new experiences and joys, she might even find herself. Every night, Luke calls Julie to talk about the clouds. But what if Luke is hiding something? 

Word Count: 3,344

Warnings: angsty??? I mean we gotta move the story along soooo

Note: I started writing this and it got away from me! I think this series might be longer than originally intended, but that’s not a bad thing. I can’t wait to delve more into Alex, Reggie, and Carrie’s storylines, but for now, here’s this! Please please comment, like, reblog; feedback is always appreciated :)))

Masterlist

Taglist

--- 

The morning had been much chillier than the previous day. On their way to school, Julie and Flynn had bundled up in their favorite sweaters and scarves, along with matching thermoses of tea. Julie had tried to stuff her hair into a wool hat, but after failing miserably, she settled on tying her hair back into a ponytail. Flynn had offered to help style her curls that morning, but she had declined.

The ground next to the sidewalk was blue with frost and they could almost see their breath if they squinted hard enough. 

In Ithaca, the winter was dryer, she had found that her lips chapped more often and she seemed to constantly have the sniffles. In L.A, when it got colder, it mostly rained, snow was far and few between and was never terribly enjoyable; the second it hit the ground it would become this sort of grey sludge. One thing they both shared was the unpredictability. Seeing the sun one day did not often guarantee a warm week, which left Julie to keep an array of coats of different thicknesses. 

There weren’t too many clouds to see, if she tried hard enough, she might be able to make out a flying saucer. She shook her head, spaceships were too easy and basic; anything could be a UFO. 

As they walked and the sun slowly rose, they talked about their upcoming day; if Carrie was going to be tolerable, if they would be getting new music projects, and who was buying lunch.

Luckily for Julie, she could already feel the air warm up, unfortunately, the conversion had shifted to Luke.

“How is your friend? Liam, or whatever?” Flynn asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“Luke,” Julie snorted and looked down at her hands, “He’s doing well, he didn’t see too many shapes yesterday, so our conversation was relatively short.” Flynn knew about their nightly calls, but Julie had left out most of the reason they happened. Flynn didn’t need to know how much she missed her friend, she didn’t want the other girl to feel inadequate. 

“It’s really cool that you guys still keep in touch, if all of my friendships drifted apart that nicely, Carrie…” Flynn drifted off into thought at the mention of Carrie. Contemplating Julie, frowned, she didn’t particularly like to think that she and Luke had drifted, but she supposed they had literally done just that. 

“Well when you have a history like Luke and I have, it’s impossible not to talk to him.” Julie didn’t mention that he seemed to be a part of her that was now missing, or that Luke had this sort of magnetism that drew anyone and everyone to him, or that when they wrote songs together she had felt more alive and seen than anything. 

Those things didn’t need saying, those things had been left in L.A. 

But in here she had Flynn and a small town and a family. 

A broken family, she thought. 

---

As Nick finished his guitar solo, his lacrosse buddies whooped and hollered in the small music room. 

It was smaller than the one back home, but just as welcoming. Cinder block walls had been covered with sound absorbers and music posters ranging from “hang in there” cats to major and minor scales to student made flyers, advertising the school dance coming up. 

Their mascot, a yellow and black cougar, had been painted on the wall by an art club some time ago. It was slightly lopsided and its snarling mouth looked more mangled, but the sentiment was there. 

Julie had zoned out long before Nick had started, staring at the chipped paint on the wall. She knew the second she walked up to the piano to play, she would freeze. No amount of mental preparation could prepare her to set her fingers on the ivory keys and play something, anything. 

“Okay, we have one last performance,” Her teacher said, “Julie.” 

The girl looked up slowly. She stumbled toward the piano with hesitant steps. She sat down with a sigh and opened the sheet music. Her blood was rushing and her head was pounding. The room seemed to blur and spin, but was also eerily still and quiet. 

She could feel the eyes of her classmates boring into her skull. As they watched her, she could guess what they were thinking, here we go again, I wonder if she’ll actually play this time, just get on with it. 

Julie knew that Flynn was trying to encourage her, even from where she was sitting, but she  couldn’t bring herself to look at the girl.

“Take your time,” Her teacher assured. 

Julie might take forever. 

She opened the case of the piano and grazed her fingertips on the keys. They were cold and unforbidding. The second she pressed one of the keys she knew that she would break.

Memories of her mother would come rushing back; every scraped knee, every hand holding in the parking lot, every crush whispered in secret, every night spent over the stove learning what spice goes in when, every uncontrollable fit of laughter. 

She would remember every Christmas and Easter that they would break out her Abuela’s Arroz Con Leche recipe, every concert they went to where they would scream lyrics until their throats were raw. 

Every failed test that her mother had stayed up late to help her study for, every flu shot where her mother still held her hand, no matter how old she got.

Every note written or melody sung would fill her mind. She didn’t know what would happen when it did, and she desperately didn’t want to find out. 

She stood up, “I’m sorry.”

Julie thought she heard Carrie say some snarky remark and that Flynn had retaliated, but she couldn’t have been sure before she was rushing out the door. 

After the school day, Flynn and her walked home as quickly as they could, sometimes sprinting. They needed to beat Julie’s father home after he picked up her brother, Carlos, up from his own school. She was praying that he hadn’t heard the news that she was out of the music program yet. 

She groaned as she saw his car already in the driveway

Flynn quickly hugged her, “It’s fine, he’ll understand.” She withdrew from the hug and held Julie at arms length with a sympathetic smile before they had to part. Flynn waved as she unlocked her front door and stepped inside. 

Julie took a sharp breath in before doing the same.

---

“So is ‘Clocks move faster / cause it’s all were after’ the first pre-chorus or the second pre-chorus?” Reggie ran his fingers through his hair, his nose scrunching, “Because wouldn’t it just make more sense to have the same pre-chorus on each verse?” 

The brunet’s bass was slung over his body as he rested his hands on the body of his guitar. He looked over to Luke, who was crouched over his lyrics. 

Luke shook his head , his air already dripping with sweat, “It’s the second pre-chorus, the first is ‘Clocks move forward / but we don’t get older.’” He semi, sang, strumming along on his guitar. “Changing it up adds movement, we don’t want to bore the listeners. It keeps the theme of staying young at heart.” 

Reggie nodded and plucked at his bass, testing out different rhythms. Moving his hands up the neck and over the strings, he finally settled on some semblance of a tune, repeating it over and over again. 

Alex joined him, adding a hit on each of the beats of the song. This gave the song a drive and pounding rhythm, working with Luke’s line of ‘Electric hammer to the heart.”

Luke stood up after scribbling something and added his guitar part over it, humming along with the melody, and soon they got well into the song, improvising along the way. There were still some wrong chords and off beats, but they had the bones of what they felt like would be a hit. 

Luke had gone from humming to singing, Reggie and Alex joining in. Luke felt his pulse quicken as he grinned. 

“‘We ain’t searchin’ for tomorrow’,” Alex sang, to which Reggie echoed, “‘Cause got all we need today’.”

Luke bopped along, “‘Living on a feeling that’s been running through our veins.”

They looked back and forth to each other, knowing what was coming next.

Reggie was supposed to have a line to end the bridge, but it hadn’t been written yet. Luke had spent hours trying to come up with something, but it just didn’t click, every line he wrote either changed the meaning of the song or was too clumsy.

Luke sighed as they all stopped playing and he cast an apologetic gaze to the bassist, “I’ll get it. I promise.”

The boy in the flannel just shook his head, “No worries bro, we’ve done a lot in,” He checked the clock on the wall and his eyes widened comically. “Five hours…”

This mock practice session had started in Alex’s garage right after school after Luke had presented them with a song at lunch. 

“It’s totally us,” He had said, sliding to the table with a lunch tray and a scribbled mess of paper, beaming, “Totally mid 90’s. And look, you-,” He pointed to Alex who looked excited but skeptical, “Can start the bridge and you-,” Luke turned his attention to Reggie, “Can echo, ending with…” 

Luke trailed off, he didn’t have an ending line yet, he knew it had to be perfect. Everyone knows you can’t end a bridge without a call to action, something that stirred and emotion so deep that you couldn’t help but sing along. 

He sighed as his mouth twisted, “I don’t know, I haven’t found the perfect line yet.” He looked down at his chicken scratch, then slid the paper across to Alex, who examined it. 

“I like it, have you decided where the harmonies should go yet, or nah?” Alex flipped his blond  hair back, after adjusting it in his snapback. He was already trying to decide what type of beats he would do, where the drum fills would be, and what he should consult Reggie on. 

The makeshift band had a process: Luke would write a basic lyric and chord progression and then he would bring it to the guys. From there Alex would come up with the heartbeat of the song with Reggie. Reggie would work with Luke to see what melodies he should be playing and how he and Luke would bounce off of each other.

When they came together, the three friends would look at who sang what, harmonies, and fill in the gaps in the music. They worked like a well oiled machine

But lunch had been 7 hours ago and it was now 8 o’clock, well past when Luke should have been home. The boy jumped as he looked outside, saw it was dark, and cursed under his breath. He quickly put his guitar on his stand and grabbed his book bag, then ran out with a wave to Reggie and Alex.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow, if I’m still alive,” he called before getting on his bike and going home. 

The air was damp and it had just rained, making the pavement slippery. Despite being almost winter, the weather was warm enough to where he only had to put on a shirt and jeans to be comfortable.

On his way to his house, Luke looked to the sky. He cataloged some shapes of dark clouds, moose, cat, spaceship, he thought. He chucked to himself, anything could be a space ship, it wasn’t creative enough, all the cloud had to be was somewhat circular. 

His mind drifted to Julie and what she would have to say about these clouds. She would probably smile, her adorable gap showing, and tell him all of the wonderful odd shapes she would see. 

“There, right there, a cat chasing a dog,” She would say, “No, no, scratch that, a dog chasing a cat chasing a pigeon. Wait sorry, a shark without a back fin. Or maybe a line of ducklings crossing a street.” Then she would narrow her eyes as the clouds shifted and formed new images, “Well now I don’t know what I see.” 

Luke would then look over and tell her that everything she saw was amazing, even if it was truly unremarkable. She was always able to see things he couldn’t, even if it was something as menial as a cloud. She could look at him and know exactly what was wrong no matter what; he didn’t know if she was truly super powered, or if he was super transparent. 

Which was why he was glad she couldn’t see him on their calls. 

She knew about Reggie and Alex, they had met before she left, but she didn’t know that they played music together. She didn’t know that Luke was writing songs with them like he used to with her. He didn’t want her to feel replaced.

And as far as she knew, his parents were completely fine with his music. They may have had little gripes here and there, but she thought that was the extent of it. 

As he arrived at his house and opened the front door, that wasn’t the case at all.

“Lucas Patterson!” His mother yelled from the kitchen, “Do you have any idea what time it is!”

Luke winced as she ran into the living room, wiping her hands on a dish towel. He could see that the dining room table had already been cleared and the leftovers put away. 

“It is 8:14! Would you like to tell me why the hell you missed dinner again for the third time this week? No wait! I bet I know! Let me guess, you were at Alex’s!” Her eyes were steel. It wasn’t a question, they both knew the only thing that would keep him out at night would be music with the guys. 

He gripped the strap of his back pack before looking at the floor, his knuckles white. “I’m sorry Mom. I just lost track of time, you know how I get.”

Emily smoothed her brow with her fingers as her husband walked in from the kitchen. “At least tell me you did your homework.” 

Luke didn’t answer.

His mom threw the dish towel to the floor, “Luke we had a deal! You can keep playing your guitar and going to ‘band practice,’” She used air quotes, “As long as you did your homework before then and always made it home for dinner. Always! Your family and school work is important! I know you don’t think so, but as long as you live under our roof, you abide by our rules!”

He threw his hands up and scoffed, “I’m not going to stop playing music, it’s my life! And you can’t stop me! I am sorry if I miss a few family dinners a week, but isn’t that fine if it means I’m happy?” 

His mother looked at him like he had sprouted another head, “Son, I know it’s been hard ever since Julie left, and I know you miss her but--”

“But what Mom? There’s nothing I can do about it, she’s in New York! And the only thing keeping me connected to her is music, and right now, you don’t even let me have that.” Luke stormed through the living room into his room. 

He dropped his bag down with a thunk, and sat on his bed, smashing his head into a pillow and screaming. He regretted that he didn’t bring his guitar back, if only to take out his anger by shredding on volume 10. 

The day kept getting later, and while he didn’t like calling her while angry, he dialed Julie’s phone number. 

The phone rang a couple times before she picked up, “Hello, this is Her Majesty Queen Julie Molina, what is your concern peasant?” She said in a haughty voice, before her façade broke with a giggle.

“Well Your Highness, I have come to discuss today’s weather.” He replied, playing along, her voice instantly making him feel better.

“Today we have seen a couch, a baby, and many many trees.”

“I have also seen many trees; they are very common in the sky.” Luke laughed, “I may have also spotted a suitcase and an umbrella. Sadly my Queen, the rain made it quite hard to see too many shapes.”

Julie clicked her tongue, he could see her face now, her nose scrunched and her mouth down turned, “That is a downright shame. Is there any news to report?’”

Luke perked up at that and rushed to get the words out of his mouth, “Actually, yeah. I wrote a song, ‘Now or Never,’ and it’s actually not that bad. Except I can’t figure out this one line, and it’s been bugging me all day.” He huffed, “Do you wanna hear it?”

She replied just as giddy as he is, “Of course!”

The brunet then launched into singing an a cappella version of his song from memory, stopping here or there to say things such as, “A harmony would totally go here,” or “Add a little guitar riff and it’d be perfect.” 

He kept going until, “‘Living on a feeling that’s been running through our veins’. And then of course another line, and then the chorus.” He was staring at his popcorn ceiling now, smiling like a kid in a candy shop. 

Julie paused, then said, “We’re the revolution that’s been singing in the rain.” 

“What?”

“That’s it, that’s your missing lyric.”

Luke froze, she really couldn’t get any more perfect.

“Queen Julie, you are a genius!” He jumped off of his bed to grab a scrap of paper off of his messy desk before writing down the lyric. “You songwriting genius! If you have stuff like that flowing through your brain, how aren’t you playing it?”

He didn’t mean to bring it up, it just sort of happened. But it was true, how could she be so good at writing and let it go to waste?

Julie cleared her throat, “Well actually--”

“You sang again? I knew it, I knew you would!” Luke cut her off.

“Well no,” She rushed out, he could already see her running her hand over her face in exasperation. He has to stop interrupting people. “I got kicked out of the music program. I haven’t played anything since I got here, and I couldn't either today. I guess that was the last straw, because my teacher called my dad and said that unless I could play something by the end of the week, I need to choose a new elective.”

They sat in silence. 

Luke played with his hands, knitting his fingers together and pulling them apart before an idea came to him, “What about your mom’s song. Not for class I mean! But, if just to sit down at your piano again and play something, what about that? She wrote it for you after all. And then maybe afterwards you’d be good to play for your class and boom! You’re Julie, songwriting pianist extraordinaire again!”

“I-I don’t know about that, Luke,” She swallowed. Right before her mom passed, they had written a song together, but she hasn’t even been able to look at it since she moved. If she sat down to play it, she’d be accepting all of those memories back. But then again, if she needed to sing anything it would be her mother’s song. They had taken a few months to write it, and Julie’s mom had completed it before…

“I mean maybe. I’ll see. I’ll try.” Julie nodded to herself and gave a determinant look to her wall. Tomorrow morning she would go to her garage and play her mother's song.

“You promise?” Luke asked tentatively. 

“I promise.”

“Alright. I guess I should go, it’s probably pretty late where you are. I’ll see you soon?”

Julie nodded, “See you soon.” Then hung up.

#jatp #Julie and the phantoms #Julie and the himbos #julie and the fat ones #jatp julie #julie molina #Luke patterson #Luke Patterson imagine #Jatp luke #Luke Patterson au #julie x luke #luke and julie #Willex #jatp flynn #Jatp fanfic #Jatp reggie #Jatp alex #jatp carrie #clouds fanfic #juke #jukebox

[purplesurveys]

962

Do you have a pair of Beat headphones? I used to have a pair. I mean it’s still around in my closet, but it’s completely broken now with the cable all given out and the cushion for the left ear has been missing for a while. I just don’t have the heart to throw it out because it was my absolute favorite pair of headphones that gave me good memories during a particularly shitty time in high school.

How was your week? A little better. I’ve gotten into the groove at work so I’m no longer shy when it comes to asking questions and giving inputs, and I’ve gained a better grasp of the workplace’s dynamic so it’s also been easier to communicate with people. Heavy life stuff is still around and it won’t be leaving for a while, but they were easier to ignore this week.

Are any of your electronics not working properly at the moment? Not really, but my phone’s charger cable recently stopped working. I have a backup that I’m using at the moment and while it’s able to charge my phone, it’s starting to fray and I’m not feeling too good about the wires that I’m starting to see hahaha. I just don’t know how to take care of my cables, guys. Anyway, this question made me paranoid so I took a few minutes to wrap a shit ton of electrical tape on the frayed area so I think it’s all good for now.

Are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day? I like thinking about my wedding but I truthfully dread the wedding gown part. I’ve never been able to decide what look and style suits me best and I’ve just never been good at determining things like that. I like to imagine that I’d leave that bit to whoever my maid of honor will be, because I’d definitely prize a second opinion more than my own.

When was the last time you felt relieved? Yesterday, 6 PM when I exited the last Google Meet for the day. It was a Friday night and it meant my work week was over :)) I mean I love what I do, but Friday nights will always hit differently.

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? I wouldn’t say it bothers me but covers are definitely a hit or miss for me, with way more misses than hits. Nothing wrong with acts putting their own spin on an already existing song, but I’m personally the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” type when it comes to music.

What brand of chapstick do you use? I don’t use any mainly because I’m bound to lose them within a week. Same goes for other care products.

Do you really think someone could be perfect? No. Everyone has their flaws and that should be okay to acknowledge.

When was the last time you cried? Wednesday, I think. It’s been three days! I’d count that as an achievement. But idk, my sadness comes in waves so I shouldn’t be celebrating too early. I’m sure I’ll feel a pang soon and be crying again over the weekend.

What’s a food that you like every once in awhile but not often? Cake. Too sweet and rich; I wouldn’t enjoy eating it every day. What letter is the song you’re listening to under? Not listening to music, but I have a YouTube video on.

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s would be the lesser evil, I guess. I would NOT want to live through Martial Law in the 70s...I originally wasn’t even going to go with 60s because I think the world was a bit chaotic at the time, but I think my country was mostly unaffected by the political/cultural things happening then so it’s whatever.

Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? I don’t actively seek them out but it feels nice when someone likes me enough to extend their arms out to me for a hug. I haven’t been hugged for a while and I feel kinda empty.

Do your socks say anything on them? I think some of my socks have the brand name on them but that’s it.

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. AMC.

Have you found out who your true friends are? For now, yes.

Gray or Grey? I use both spellings for no particular context. I simply like changing it up lol.

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? LOL of course not. And I’m very picky when it comes to concerts that I choose to attend anyway, so I doubt I would’ve bought any tickets in the last six months even without Covid unless it was for Paramore or Beyoncé.

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? Nope, but everyone was hyping that movie up when it came out. It never really looked like my thing < Yeah pretty much. I feel like it’s such a teenage-y movie so I was never drawn to it. I also think it would be too triggering for my depression, so I’ve felt wary about checking both book and movie out.

Is there something you’d fall apart if you didn’t have? One of my biggest fears is to end up alone, so I always have to have some form of a support system to fall back into. I would be very lost if I didn’t have at least one person to rely on.

How many weddings have you been to? I can think of four off the top of my head. I was either a flower girl or a junior bridesmaid for all of those.

When you smile, are you confident? Most times I am; I like to smile. But sometimes I smile just to fake it and avoid any questions.

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? Yesss, all the time. I’ve always been all about following the rules and I’ve never seen the appeal in breaking them. That makes me sound boring but at least I’ve never gotten in serious trouble lol.

Was the weather beautiful today? For me it is, but only because I like the rain and cloudy weather. Others might find it bleak and sad, but I feel right at home.

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? Yeah, all year long.

Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? If I had my dream modern/brutalist home, grey would be soooo fucking perfect for the bedroom. 

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? I’m open to it, but I don’t think it’ll be a good match for my black hair as both are darker shades as it is. If I could dye my hair I’d pick lighter colors like green or even go all the way to blonde.

Have you ever gone to a private school? Yeah, from kindergarten all the way to high school. Private schools here typically give a better quality of education and they don’t give off the for-lazy-spoiled-kids vibe that I always hear from private schools in other countries, which makes them the norm for middle and upper-middle class families.

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I have other favorite animated movies, but that doesn’t stop me from loving Finding Nemo. :) I would always tune in for the whole thing if it were on.

Does/Did your school have a uniform? I had to wear one in my first school, but I didn’t need one for college.

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? No TV where I am. I think my parents are watching a movie on their TV, but it’s on Netflix rather than a channel.

Does your house have security cameras? It does not.

Does a popsicle sound good right now? Eh, I guess it sounds fine but I’d rather have a pint of ice cream. I think that fits better with the weather and the mood that I’m in today.

What’s your favorite exercise workout? My weight training class last year was a lot of fun. I always felt dead after every session haha but I definitely felt healthier. I wish the semester had gone on longer just for that one class.

What’s your favorite thing to do? Lol I love doing many different things < Same lmao this question is so vague??? My favorite thing to do these days is binge-watch Rhett and Link content, but I like doing so many other things too.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? I was with Gabie that day and we went to a local art museum, as well as to a restaurant that she had wanted to take me to.

Does your local Walmart have benches in them to rest? We don’t have Walmarts.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? I never had stuffed animals. Well I was given a few of them as gifts, but I was never into them and they always ended up being owned by my sister.

If your house was haunted, what would you do? Not even think about it. Just show them that I couldn’t care less, lol.

Are you good at swimming? I can do a few strokes and am pretty good at treading, but I'm prone to panic-kicking when I can tell that the water is too deep.

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? Slow internet is such a pain in the ass. Shouldn’t even have to be an issue in 2020 anymore.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? Cat-called, whistled at, winked at, lunged at. One good thing about this lockdown is that I haven’t had to deal with men as much as I used to. Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? Well I only have one layer of bedsheet and it’s the one that covers up the mattress, so it’s tucked in by default. I have a blanket to cover me up when I’m cold.

What do you do to fall asleep faster? I find a few videos to watch as that tends to make me feel sleepy the quickest.

Do you carry a bottle of water wherever you go? I used to have a tumbler/water bottle in college but I forgot it at the gym one day and when I came back for it, somebody already stole it :( It was such a handy water bottle because it kept my water cold all day, so it sucks that I lost it. I’m planning to buy the same model again soon.

Are you afraid that one day you might get cancer? It doesn’t really run in my family save for one grand-aunt who had cancer, so I’m not too worried. But I’ve accepted the fact that it is at least a possibility.

Are you a fast or slow walker? I like being in the middle. Slow walkers are annoying so I try not to be one, and walking fast just reminds me of my mom and how quickly she walks at malls when she’s supposed to be spending time with her family lol.

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? No. They all fit me just fine.

Does it bother you when people’s underwear hangs out? Eghhh, it really does. I know it shouldn’t but it really does. I just feel like it’s so invasive and it gives me a lot of secondhand embarassment.

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? Not really. I like staying safe with my hair. The most daring thing I’ve done with it is get bangs tbh, and I don’t plan on going any further than that.

When’s your birthday? April 21st.

What age do you look forward to reaching? I don’t feel that way about any age. Whenever I reach ultimate satisfaction and security will be a good enough age for me.

Name a state that begins with the letter M. Minnesota.

What’s the first thing you do after a car accident? Think about how to tell my parents. D:

What do you use to get rid of bad breath? Brush my teeth, drink water.

What exercise do you hate the most? Pull-ups.

What do you do at a party? Drink, socialize, tell stories, eat allllllll the food ha.

#survey #surveys

[wendylewis-blog]

03.22.2020 /bad.morning.

I woke up around 6:30 am. The sky was getting lighter through the brown blinds hung on the south side bedroom window. It looked so peaceful peeking through the slats. Pink smeared with grey, the next day arriving. Here it is. The next day. When I let Sonny out, I saw a skim of snow had fallen overnight, covering the ground. It felt like a clouded metaphor. 

A reply in FB this morning from a NC high school friend sorta clarified that metaphor in some way. Donna said, Most all of the cherry trees in Winston-Salem have been replaced with Bradford Pears and, while beautiful when they bloom, they have a pungent, unpleasant odor . . . maybe a sign that beauty is truly only skin deep. Thank you, Donna. 

And maybe truth is only skin deep? At least, the truth being espoused by our government lately? I dunno, huh? Politicians are only saving themselves right now and it feels exceedingly shallow, skin deep and dirty. There is no real leadership on top but plenty of ego and fairytales spinning. Gah. Fk. We are all being rendered helpless for so many reasons, ones I cannot possibly enumerate. I’m not even gonna try. That’s not the point. 

Meanwhile, in my state of MN, I’m gonna take a minute to applaud our Gov Tim Walz. He is in touch with us, speaking hard truths without lip gloss, and working to come up with survival plans and simply—good solid advice for our state going forward. I am sure he is working hard for us.

Meanwhile, I honestly don’t give a shit about the stock market (sorry for those of you who are losing your investments and retirement :((( ) but am very much more concerned about those working in service industries; restaurants, small businesses and retailers, vintage stores, musicians and performers of every kind, daycare workers, delivery drivers and so many more I’m not able to list right now—it’s too enormous, all of us hinged with each other on any working calendar day. Bless all of you. Hang in there... be in touch. I want to hear from you.

OK. Pulling myself together a little more. My personal deal is, I’m away from my children and my 6-month old grandson, Ezra. I don’t know when I’ll see them in person again. Fk. But I am gratefully in place with my amazing husband and that guy makes me laugh every damn day. Like, what would I do without him? We DO have to keep laughing, it’s a Vonnegut thing. I also recommend all of you following Tony Baker on Instagram. If you don’t have Instagram, just GET IT. In addition to my husband, Tony is keeping me afloat all day every day. He’s posting like a maniac. Skiddlety-paps! Thanks to my friend Annie who connected me. 

OK! Pulling myself together even a little more. Today is a Sunday. It helps to talk with anyone who is reading this. It might be a bit warmer today and at some point I will venture out onto the prairie and walk along the river with my trusted companion, Sonny. I’ll probably cry my face off. That will help. 

I’m listening to NPR right now, Michelle Lee in Alexandria, VA—a store owner. She’s on the front lines the same way the medical industry is. Honor them! They are putting themselves at risk, ALL DAY EVERY DAY, to check us out at the register with our provisions and stay as risk free as possible or treat us at the doors of clinics and hospitals. 

I thought about that yesterday as I paid cash for a purchase and felt like I was pouring contagion change into my wallet. Yikes! But, dood had hand sanitizer at the ready and was cleaning his hands after every customer came through. Way to GO! Soooo maybe my wallet isn’t a virus breeding container. Still, when I got home, I washed it. :) We can actually wash cash as well, if we are being uber careful, and soak our change in white vinegar. NOTE: There are more ways to disinfect than buying Clorox Bleach wipes which are utterly unavailable on the shelves. 

For those of you who care at all about cooking, and lately, we all might be, since we are stuck at home (but DO support your local restaurants with curb service take-out if you are WFH and financially able) you might wanna visit BonAppetit vids on YouTube. Super entertaining, instructive and FREE. If you go there and like beans (which are extremely available dried), check out Carla making the perfect pot of beans. I made them last week and they are still in my refrigerator—delivering for quesadillas, soup, cold from the fridge next to kraut, arugula, and cottage cheese (haha... me and my weird small cold plates)—and you can always freeze them in bags or containers. Super delicious and nutritious. Once you click on my BonAppetit link, you can scroll through endless other videos, go into that rabbit hole, calm yourself, trance out. After I finish this post, that’s what I’m gonna do. 

Final note. Friend Alissa wrote me on FB this morning and said this, in regard to cherry blossoms mentioned in my previous post: I just got my mom in touch with her family in Japan today after a long hiatus. and they were like pass this message on to her. which basically translated to the cherry blossoms are in season... (thanking my friend Kevin in Bed Stuy who sent me the link via FB mssngr)

It will be warmer today and—rain is coming. I might just take a walk in the rain with my deep sadness that I am trying to beat back. Thanks for listening, ppl. We all have our own worry and pain and separation from our loved ones. One day we’ll feel okay and the next, annihilated. It’s all good—we have to stay real and let our frustration and sadness be there and hopefully, later, be released. 

Let’s stick together. We have to, right? We do. YES. We do. I’ll be back sooner than you want me to. Hahaha. Gotcha. 

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Angst you say?

Eren didn't want to shut Levi out, but between coming off his pills, loosing dancing, being pregnant and being told he very may loose his pup from all the stress he was under, Levi's probing was way too much right now... Even if it was therapeutic to vent. Everything had hit him all at once when he'd seen Levi's concerned face at Hanji's. He hated knowing Levi was worried. He hated making him look that way. He didn't want to make his alpha feel worse, that's why he'd only told him he couldn't dance anymore, rather than that he was pregnant and could miscarry at any time. As it was, he'd have to call his Ballroom partner and let her know that he wouldn't be around for the next few weeks... knowing that he'd be letting her down. For an alpha, Sasha had all the strength, but the personality of an omega. She loved her weapons, just as much as she loved her soft things. Most of her partnerships had fallen short due to her excitable personality, leaving her wondering why she'd started dancing at all. Her husband Connie had two left feet, according to Sasha, and his prankster personality made it hard to take dancing seriously, not that she truly did, but she did love it. He really liked Sasha, and she didn't think any less of him for being an omega... even when she was giving him shit for it. Waking up, Eren couldn't understand why he was so hot. His eyes feeling gritty as he forced them open, finding Levi's face millimetres from his. Right. He'd had a stupid breakdown over everything. Coming off his pills, combing with the nausea of pregnancy had left a lot of his functions fluctuating. His fainting spell coming from dehydration and the fact his body was struggling with it all. That would explain it... Wriggling from Levi's hold, the alpha tried to cling to him, mumbling his name. Fuck... he couldn't remember the last time they'd woken up like this... probably since before Viren had gotten his feet under him. When he was a small pup, they'd spend hours laying in bed, watching him sleep and dreaming of their future. Shit. He'd missed this. Their bed. Levi's cuddles... he couldn't do this right now. Escaping the bed, he found Titan had even wandered in, sprawling across the bottom of the bed like he'd never given his position to in the first place. Flicking his tail, he pretty much confirmed Eren's thoughts. If he could talked he'd, no doubt, say how happy he was that it was just the three of them again. Wrapping his arms around his waist. Eren looked towards Viren's bedroom. He might have needed a break, but it felt so cruel to send Viren away. The boy hadn't done anything wrong. Not in loving Levi... and if he did grow to be an alpha, he was only giving Eren the respect he deserved as a fucked up omega. Showering and dressing, he walked out to find Levi in the kitchen. His head was pounding like a bass drum. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend to be human, let alone a functioning one. Bed was soooo close. He could make... oh... nope, Levi was looking at him "Hey, you. How did you sleep?" "I could use another 20 years worth" Levi snorted, shaking his head. How the fuck did he manage to look so fucking good in the morning? "Come sit down and I'll make you breakfast. I thought we could go shopping today" "What happened to work?" "You're more important. How does shopping sound?" Like peopling... and being nice to people... and seeing people... "Can I have some painkillers? My head hurts" "You need water. You're still dehydrated" Walking over to the dining table, it was weird that Viren wasn't there. That he wasn't sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Levi, or stealing treats. Sitting down, he drew his right knee up, to rest his chin on it. Watching Levi bringing over a tall glass of milk, and two small white tablets. Placing them down, Eren guessed he should be happy that Levi wasn't checking him a for a fever "What do you want for breakfast?" "I'll make some cereal in a minute" "I'll make you cereal. Which one do you want? I think we have cocopops" "They're Viren's. I have cornflakes in the pantry" "Just because our son likes most of the same shit you do, doesn't mean you should go without" "It's fine. I don't feel hungry" "Were you sick again?" "No..." "Maybe you're getting better? Did you mention the bug yesterday?" Bug. He could live with the pup being called bug "Yeah. They just said to keep my fluids up" "I didn't see your appointment on the fridge" "It's on Friday the twenty-second at 4" "So Friday" Shit. He'd been sure it was next week "Yeah. Well, we need to be down in Paradis and I wanted to get it done before then" They'd offered to give him an ultrasound, but he didn't want one. Not with Hanji so close... he wanted to wait and see, as to whether he'd miscarry or not "Ok. I'll add it to the calendar, and see that I'm off" "I told you I can take myself" Downing the pills and gulping down the milk, he prayed they'd kick in soon. Pottering around the kitchen, Levi pulled out the container of cornflakes. He really suited his role as a dad. He might have gained some more wrinkles and there may now be more than a few grey hairs creeping in, but it really suited him. He was so good with Viren... "I thought we could go clothes shopping for you. It's getting cold again, and we are going on holiday" "I don't need clothes" His clothes were fine. They did the job. His anxieties decided to flare... the little voices arses as usual. Maybe this was Levi's way of telling him he needed to stop looking like a slob. It was so hard to have anything nice with kids in and out of the apartment. Something was always being spilt or there was vomit, or tears or... stuff. He binned his clothes when they got super holy... and there'd been a mass binning after Viren round a pair of scissors. Binning his yoga pants had nearly made him cry. Not that he had time for yoga... he'd have even less when the pup came... but Levi really didn't seem that keen on having another pup... Maybe he was starting to like him again because he was thin again... and he didn't dress in "girly" clothes anymore...? There was too much to think about. His brain hurt without the added pain of thoughts "Eren?" "What? Sorry" "I was saying you should let me buy you some new things" Eren pushed a smile to his lips, feeling it fall short. He didn't need Levi to buy things for him. He had money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. More money than he'd ever thought he'd have "Yeah. Maybe... it depends if I like anything" "You could probably get a few nice dresses or tops. Whatever you like. You always look good to me" It wasn't because he didn't look like a girl anymore? Did Levi want him to look more girl like? It seemed like so long since he'd bought his own clothes... and it wasn't like he didn't have nice clothes. He couldn't go Ballroom dancing in sneakers and a holy shirt... he just didn't want the kids ruining the few nice things he had. He'd had to hide the charm bracelet Levi had gifted him, along with the glass dolphin as Viren had tried to destroy them both "Ok" "Good" "When's Viren coming home?" Levi frowned at him, Eren feeling guiltier. He'd forced him to send his son away... "Whenever I call Hanji" "You should. He won't understand why you're not there" "He's healthy and he's safe..." "It feels cruel" "You need time to recharge" "You". Not "we". Levi was only doing this because he was so weak. Shit... Jumping up from his seat, Eren ran to the bathroom sink. Throwing up the milk and pills he'd just swallowed, a hand went to his stomach as he groaned. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi rubbed it softly, as he nuzzled into Eren's shoulder "You really should let me take..." "I've been to hospital. I don't need to go back. I had a piss and blood test. If it was something to worry over, I'd still be there" He sounded so fucking pissy. No wonder Levi rushed to soothing mode "Ok. Ok. I'm worried, that's all" "Stop it. I didn't ask for your help or worry!" Crap. He'd snapped at Levi. Shit. Coughing, it turned wet as he vomited again "Eren" "Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to eat breakfast. Let's just go do whatever you wanted to" "I wanted to take you shopping... for you" "I don't need anything. Save your money" For someone who actually deserved it "Eren. I want to start trying to fix things between us. I want to buy you things. I want to do things with you... I want to make this work. Last night, you were rejecting me. It hurt. It hurt to know I pushed you that far" "It's not just you to blame. I'm the one who's..." "I know what you're going to say, but you're not. You're not fucked in the head. Or crazy. You're exhausted and stressed. You're also my omega. I want to live up to the promises I made you. So stop thinking you're a basket case, and stupid, or whatever" "It's the same thing" "No, it's not. I know you're not crazy" "Because I didn't freak out on you yesterday" "And how often you freak out. You haven't had a panic attack that severe in a while" That Levi knew about... even when medicated, they'd still come, though milder. The ones off of his meds... yeah. He knew he was still a basket case. He couldn't have this pup. Not like this... he'd have to talk with his doctor about options... he didn't want to abort it, but he was a bad mum and a bad omega "Why don't you change into something warmer? I'll make you some toast for breakfast" "I told you I can't eat" "You need to. It's not healthy not to. Even if it's just a slice of toast, you need something in your stomach" He wasn't going to win... no matter what he did or said.... "Fine. I'll go change" Levi kissed his shoulder. Eren instantly wanting to cave into the man's touch. He wanted Levi to love him like he used to. When he'd randomly kiss him, or hug him, or jump into the shower with him, or wrap his arms around him and cling like a child as he cooked... He missed laying in bed talking and snuggling. He missed having real adult conversations, and watching scary movies to make fun of them. God. He longed for it all... Feeling his emotions well, his omega snarkily reminded him that he could have all of that, if he wasn't such a sorry excuse for an omega. He hadn't missed the insults his omega would supply. He hadn't missed feeling this shitty. He hadn't missed his paranoia or depression. He definitely hadn't missed feeling like he was walking on eggshells around his own emotions. No. He hadn't missed any of that. * Dragged shopping, Eren kept trying to put things back. While Levi kept putting things in the shopping trolley. He was trying not to let the fact he was pregnant influence his purchases. If Levi had wanted another pup from him, he wouldn't be using two condoms or avoiding the subject. That was the clear answer to their problem. Shorts it was. It was still warm enough to pull them off He ended up with an insane amount of new clothes and shoes that he was sure he didn't need. They wouldn't stay nice and new for long. He couldn't help but pick up clothes for Viren. Levi brushed off his enquiries of where his new clothes were. His alpha was better at buying new clothes for himself than Eren had been since Viren's birth, and anything that Levi had wore to death, was magically replaced thanks to online shopping. Despite the fact it would probably never be used, Eren did manage to buy some new makeup colour pallets and foundation. He missed the days where he used to take such good and careful care of his skin, only his stretch marks and suicide scars got any attention these days. Levi had naturally perfect skin. The alpha never knew his pain, or the pain of a breakout. It was hard to accept acne when it was on your face, as acne had such an ugly stigma. His changing hormones had brought more pimples than he knew what to do with. No one chose acne, but they did choose to be a dick about it. After clothes shopping, Levi forced him to have a manicure and pedicure, while the alpha took care of something. He didn't know what, only that Levi kissed him, then disappeared off to wherever he had in mind, leaving Eren to trail into the salon in a state of confusion. Was it wrong that he was kind of feeling a little better, up until Levi had left? He had Levi's undivided attention. His mate was listening to his words, and his son wasn't throwing a tantrum over Levi paying attention to him. He was so fucking selfish. His son was just a pup. He deserved all Levi's attention, and Levi deserved to be happy. Struggling with his anxieties, he barely made his wishes understood, clumsily pointing out a nice cheese-leaf design for his fingers. Coming back mid-pedicure, Levi was sans their shopping. Standing over the woman doing his nails, his mate crossed his arms, while Eren found himself staring. His stomach was rolling like there was no tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, he really wanted to scratch... he should be enjoying this. Levi wanted him to enjoy this. Fucking pregnancy meaning no sanity pills. Levi could have just said he was off to put the shopping in the car, maybe he was mad over how much they'd ended up buying? Eren had said no. He'd even tried to put things back because they were way too much... but Levi had pulled out his m card and paid for it all without giving him a chance to pay for himself. Lifting his feet out the water to dry them, the small beta woman asked what colour he wanted his toenails. Levi pulled a face like it was weird, so he left it to his alpha, as a small stab of revenge. Levi choosing a dark green that he hadn't even noticed. It was nice, but he wasn't sure he wanted green toes until she started painting them. Mentally sighing to himself, he'd have to remember to wear shoes, or risk upsetting Viren. But hey, at least it went with his silver fingernails and their dainty leaf design. Leaving the salon, Levi wrapped his arm around his waist. Eren's knees nearly going weak as his alpha's scent wrapped around him "Is there anything else we need to get? Or is it just food shopping, left?" "I need to get a suitcase. I don't have one, and I think Viren needs a new one. His is filled with toys" "He does know he can't take all his toys with him" "He's two, nearly, three. He doesn't understand that he is coming back" "You know, you're really good with him. I know things haven't been great, but you've always kept trying to do what was best for him. He's lucky to have you as a mum" "I wouldn't say that" "Eren" "It's true. I'm not much of a mum" "You are. You run the whole household. You keep us all in check. You cook. You clean. You pay the bills. You make the appointments. You know what needs to be done and you take care of it. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry I've been putting so much pressure on you" "I don't do much... I mean. I'm usually with the kids" "I don't have the patience to spend the day chasing after four kids. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't dance right now. But... it's temporary right?" "If you're asking if I'm dying, I'm not" "That's not what I meant. I mean, you're ok. Or you're going to be ok with rest, right?" "Yes, Levi. I'll be fine. They just said u pushed myself too far while sick. When it passes, I should be able to go back to dancing" "I wish you'd told me" "Why?" "Because... you need more you time. I could have looked after Viren, or I could dropped you off, or picked you up" "Viren likes the bus... so does Anna" "Hanji said Anna wants to start dancing" "She wants to do ballet. She's very much the little princess" "What about Viren?" "He hates it. He doesn't mind the crèche, but they're really good with the kids there" "What activities do they do?" "I'm not allowed to tell. He said so" Levi rolled his eyes "He's 2" "And silly mummy isn't allowed to tell daddy anything. That's what he said" "Eren, you know you can tell him off. Smacking his bum for misbehaving isn't the same as putting him through what you went through" Eren nearly laughed. Levi thought he didn't disciplined Viren? Wow... he was even more useless than he thought "Yeah. Sure... anyway, Viren will want a red suitcase" "I said the wrong thing again, didn't I?" "No. I just don't want to talk about it" "We need to. He can't treat you without respect. I refuse to let it keep happening" "Levi, he's just a pup, and I'm not the only mum this has happened to" "It doesn't make it ok. You didn't... you didn't nearly die giving birth for things to be like this. And I didn't promise to marry you, for to be trapped in a life where you're suffering" This was all too heavy. Hitting far too close to home, and it all felt like too little too late "I proposed to you, remember" "And I promised to protect and love you. I love you, but somewhere along the line I started taking you for granted" Ouch. That. That one hurt. Knowing it, was different from hearing it out loud "I grew to expect you waiting at home with Viren. And didn't think about what that meant for you. About how hard it would be for you to be alone" But he wasn't alone. He had Viren. And Anna. And Hanji, and Marco, and Mina and Anka. He had Sasha and Connie. And the people at the dance studio. The only person he didn't have was Levi, because Levi was working hard to support them... and the only person who could ease any of his pain and loneliness was Levi. Even with Hanji, he found himself only speaking half truths, and only seeking comfort from her when his omega side left him feeling so pathetically weak that he'd take love from the first alpha who'd gift it upon him. He was a wreck, and didn't deserve the love Levi was showing him. He wanted to go home... No. wanted to go Hanji's. He wanted to go home if it meant his brain would stop all this shit, and it meant Levi would love him. But they had responsibilities. They had a son to consider and everything else came second to that. "Eren? What are you thinking?" "I think I need to stay with Hanji a while longer" Levi's scent turned pained, his alpha pausing mid step while someone behind them complained at their sudden stop "If I say I want you at home, will you come home?" "Levi. I know you love me. But I'm a mess" "Look. I want to work this out. I already told my boss that I need to be home with you" Levi did what? That wasn't ok. He didn't need more people thinking he was a weak omega. He'd never met Levi's new boss, but they probably thought him a stupid omega "I didn't ask you to do that" "No. But that's only because you felt you couldn't" "If I'd wanted things to changed, I wouldn't have said something" "Things need to change" "And what? You're the only one working. They won't give me a job" "I know Marco and Hanji pay you for babysitting" "It's not the same. Besides, Marco and Jean are thinking of moving. They've been wanting to move closer to Jean's family for a while now, and Anna. She's like a daughter. Hanji won't let me not accept payment. She puts it my account, and sends it back to me if I return it. So I use it on Anna" "Hanji was thinking of putting Anna in daycare to get her used to socialising with more people" Eren held his tongue. Levi wasn't great at forcing a casual tone. Maybe to someone else, but not to him. No doubt Hanji and Levi had been talking about his fragile mental state and decided it was best he wasn't left with small children "It might be good for Viren too. He's got to be sick of playing with the girls all the time" And there it was. He was right "If you think it's for the best. I don't know. I didn't go to school" "Eren. It's not that I don't think you're a good mum" "Levi, everything you've said tells me that's exactly what you think. I do discipline Viren. I tell him I love him. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. And this... this was all ok. I was coping until my meds stopped. All this talking is just making me feel worse" "I just want to help" "You can't ok. You can't. This problem is inside me. I need to work on me and figure out how to fix me. Now. Let's just go home. Viren doesn't need us fighting" "We still need to go food shopping" "You should go with Viren. You don't get to come, but he loves it, and he'd love to go with you" "And what about you? That's cutting you out of the family again, and that's the kind of shit I'm trying to stop" Eren smiled a sad smile of defeat "If it makes him smile, then that's ok. He might not believe it, but if he's happy, than that's all that matters to me" "Why do you... how... fuck. This isn't what I fucking wanted. You're my mate. My love. My fiancée and my omega. I hate this" "I thought happy endings never meant having to be sad... but I love him, Levi. I love him more than I love life. His happiness is the only thing I could wish for. And besides, he loves you. Even if he doesn't want to admit he's anything like me, he's got good taste" "Do you... you know, still love me?" "With all my heart and soul" "Then how do I fix this?" "You stop blaming yourself. I go to the doctor on Friday and we go from there" "I don't think I can wait that long" "Well pushing the issue has only made us both upset. I can smell my own scent and it fucking stinks. I want to bring Viren home and take a bath" "Is that what you really want? Or is that what you think I want?" "It's what he wants. And I want what he wants, for him" Head butting his shoulder, Levi wrapped his arms around him "I don't fucking deserve you" "No. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you" "I don't know how we managed to make the most adorable shit in the world" Returning the hug felt like the right thing to do "I've taken some giant shits, and I promise you, it's nothing compared to giving birth" "Aren't you lucky we only have one. It'd be a shame if anything happened to that arse of yours" Eren hoped Levi didn't notice the way he tensed before forcing himself to relax and nod "Yeah... I guess if we're going to do this right, I won't be staying at Hanji's" "You can. If you need to" "Viren wouldn't be happy there. He really loves you" "God. I feel like an arsehole" "No. You're not. Blame the medication, I am" "I thought you were getting better, even without the pills" "You didn't sign up for this" "I'm your alpha. I didn't even feel it through our bond" Levi sniffled, Eren realising his neck was growing wet as his alpha cried... in the middle of the shopping centre. Levi wasn't an emotionally stunted robot but he also wasn't one to cry like this "I'm sorry. I think we should go home" "Yeah. We can shop online, if that's ok" "Yeah. I usually do"

[tartan-ink]

Apple#147

Monastery on the Hudson

 This weekend we have taken the train out of Grand Central and come upstate to Poughkeepsie, and to Holy Cross monastery, a retreat house, and the home of a group of Episcopalian Benedictine monks. My view from the bedroom ranges out over a snow-carpeted meadow, sloping downwards to a line of silhouetted bare-black-branched trees in the midst of which one remarkable, conspicuous tree graces the scene with its glorious golden stems, as if it had inbibed last summer’s sun in order to shine on in its stead through the long winter season. And then the undomesticated, broad, cold Hudson river, flat and calm and peaceful in its width and length ahead of me, which we followed all the way up from New York City yesterday morning as we rode the two hours to get here. On the other side, more sparse and striking trees with their frozen toes underneath the white blanket that was laid dramatically earlier in the week.

The occasional locomotive whistle blows (“there she goes!”) in another romantic moment for me, the outsider to this country, whose stereotypes about the land, created in childhood stories, songs, films and fantasies are charmingly reinforced in these occasional sense-stimulating moments. The sky is tranquil gentle silverbluegreysoftwhite chill; now dulling towards the dusk.

 This place was  a recommendation of friends, and is more than I had imagined. I have been hosted in many monastic communities, groups of many different flavours and leanings; this one is a warming mixture of some of the aspects of monastic life that move me the most.

 The external environment is deeply still, apart from that occasional train’s hoot, which feels to me like a friendly greeting rather than a harassing shriek; the internal feeling pleasantly tranquil, with the many communal spaces comfortably occupied by guests reading, resting, crocheting, jigsaw puzzling and who-knows-what?ing. For deeper, saturating silence, the church and cellar chapels are at the end of the house, simply furnished, gently lit, with just the right number of images and icons to welcome your gaze or accompany your stillness.

We pray together 5 times a day, the monks in white gowns and with Gregorian chanting to create the bare enough in which the bible is read and Jesus is worshipped. That I love. I love that there is a liturgical structure that is old old old, repeated across the worshipping world non-stop for hundreds of years, sung and read, joy-ed and wept, immersing, transporting; I love that the scriptures are read indiscriminately and persistently, especially the psalms, with the ‘nice’ ones that are soooo familiar, hand in real-as-life-itself hand with the sad-bad-mad ones that we would often want to do without. I love that it is not perfect – the voices are practised and the sound mellow, but it is somewhat quavery at times; nevertheless it is loved and honoured and shared so freely with us all. I love that the Eucharist is simple and deliberate and ours, together, as we gather to welcome and cherish the presence of God among us.

 At the mealtimes – great food, imaginative and tasty – we sit around large round tables, Brothers and guests together, the 12 or so of ‘them’ and the any-number-between-10-and-40 of ‘us’ (not that Luca and I are here as part of a group); breakfast is eaten in silence, at lunchtime there is a reading by one of the Brothers for about half of the mealtime, currently The Geometry of Love by Margaret Visser; at supper free conversation. (Choose your table well, I say: among the group of women I sat with yesterday, who were here on a led retreat, we had open, personal, warming conversations. Today I was among 6 men (they all flocked to my table – yes, it’s true: I sat down to one other guest who I thought might chat, and the others, among them 4 monks, joined us in a flash) and I was practically ignored; the conversation was in a male sort of way (sorry lads) about Order hierarchy and monastery buildings. Not a problem. Just a chance to watch and wonder! But I prefer the warming sort. Perhaps Luca chose well today when he decided to eat his meals in the small ’silent’ side room).

 A bookshop opens in the afternoons, and for those using the communal spaces off the adjacent corridors the quietest strains of ethereal music invite a visit: I think I could live among the shelves of that place, for about a year, if you would bring me meals and clean socks occasionally. My list of ‘want to read’ has grown considerably; let me give you a couple of examples: I hear a seed growing, Edwina Gateley; Tears of an Innocent God, Elias Marechal; Meister Eckhardt’s Book of the Heart, Jon N Sweeney and Mark S Burrows.

 Luca and I have given each other the space to do what each wants, privately, and for me that is the luxurious pleasure of reading, thinking, writing; drawing together threads of thought or of feeling that have been untended, unattended to, over the last few months, relegating some tired issues into the ‘dealt with’ compartment, and revisiting some painful ones with a gentle probe. A brief personal talk with one of the Brothers. Silence for most of most days. A walk through the wet white underfoot to the grey slate shingle shore of the river. This is the perfect place for all of that.

 They call this the ‘Apple Valley’ – isn’t that pleasing for my blog?

 Hope your weekend is as lovely, whatever it is that you need.

[redwizardofgay]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102! 🤗

Oh myyy this might take a while. Good thing I don’t give up easily. Soooo:

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Well I certainly hope so! 

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I’m eighteen now, so yes! 

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Is that combination of emotions even possible? 

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

All the time, darling.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I don’t think so. 

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Indeed I have, “Made of Stone” by Evanescence 

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

Purple Jean, a grey top and my comfy cardigan! :D 

8. How often do you listen to music?

When my Spotify goes silent... call the police. :) 

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans. Always my skinny jeans. 

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

A bit dated isn’t this one? 

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

I’m plenty social if I’ve a veneer to hide behind. 

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Never

13. What about ‘R’?

Nope. Three Gs and a J

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

I can’t drive in general.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Oh honey, I relish their loathing. 

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Two weeks! 

17. When was the last time you cried?

Let’s see... when was the last time I watched something from the BBC ... oh right last night. 

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

I have.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Hell yeah! 

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yup! 

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I slept super late. Does that count? 

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

No! That’s my job! :D 

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

No.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

The desk chair my Uni provided. 

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

THAT would be my boyfriend. 

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Oh yes. 

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

@mooglecody

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

I never get sick! :D 

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

It tells me it comes from Thailand. 

30. Does anyone hate you?

Oh my word yes. 

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I don’t touch the stuff.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

Depends. I like supernatural horror, not gore.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

No.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

2015

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes. It involved shopping with my sister in Target... I think I might have visited Hell come to think of it.  

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Like two hours ago.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No thanks. 

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

@mooglecody :D 

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now

Maybe?

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Possibly. I don’t right remember.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

No

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Seriously unlikely. 

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

44. What’s the best part about school?

BOOKS! 

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Many! 

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Nope.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

I metacommunicate constantly so yes.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Oh honey... there was single and then there was what I was.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Hell no.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Maybe sleeping

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

Heavens no! 

52. Are you nice to everyone?

I’d like to think I have a mean streak, but honestly I’m kind of flimsy.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

What manner of question is that? Of course!

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Poker face? What’s that? 

56. Do you think you like someone?

Yes.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

Yes. His name was Jarod 

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Boys. 

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Nope!

60. Do you hate anyone?

My loathing could lay waste to the world. :) 

61. How’s your heart?

Happy! And healthy I think.

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Oh so many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many things.  

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

Oh yes.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

I don’t think anyone.

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

Nope. Last I painted them they were black.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

I hope not.

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

How would I know 

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

Never,

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

@mooglecody

70. How do you look right now?

Pretty good I think.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

I think so.

72. Can you commit to one person?

Readily! 

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Hell no.

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

many many many many many many many many many many many many times.

75. Did you wake up cranky?

I’m not capable of anger until I’ve been awake for at least three hours.

76. Are you a jealous person?

Yes

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

Yes

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Not right now.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

Well mayyybe

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Plan my finals schedule.

81. Last person you cried in front of?

No idea.

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

I certainly hope so. @mooglecody

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

;P 

85. Are you over your past?

I’d like to think so.

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Not this homosexual! 

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Mayybe. 

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Well I’m a might taken! 

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

Yeah no.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Oh yes.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

All things going as planned

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

My great Uncle... assuming he’s still alive.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

Nope!

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

I was not

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

I didn’t have a crush in March

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

Yes.

97. Who do you have texts from?

Oh myy. That’s a list to rival Homer! 

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well then, good luck Imma go weep now. 

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

Possible spirits aside ... no one! :D 

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

Nope! 

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

SOoooooooo many people.

Thanks for asking! :D 

[darkwing-katy]

Soooo I saw someone reblogged this writing prompts for BatB thing that @thestanfoubrew and @remuslupinsmiled came up with, and while I don’t think I can get something written every day, I do want to join in the fun! I’m a day behind, but here’s Prompt 1!

Morning

Adam shivered in the cool air. For a moment, he almost missed having a thick layer of fur to keep him warm. One look at his hands, his human hands, reminded him that he needn’t think that way. He flexed his fingers, forming a fist that he opened and closed several times.

It was strange how different it felt to flex human fingers and beast claws. For years, all he’d had was the memory of human hands. But now…

A breeze caressed his exposed skin, and he shivered again. The sky had gone from grey to a pale pink, with stripes of pastel orange.

He stood there, motionless aside from the occasional shiver, patiently waiting for the sunrise. He’d missed it yesterday (being dead and all that).

After a few more minutes, his patience paid off. The bright orange of the sun crept over the horizon, sending rays of warmth towards the castle. Adam couldn’t resist a huge grin at the sight.

An arm wrapped around his waist, pulling the soft white cloth of his shirt against his stomach. He glanced to his side where Belle now stood, also looking out towards the sunrise. She tilted her head so that it lay against him, the warmth of her body helping to chase away any remaining shivers.

Adam opened his mouth to say something, then closed it with a smile. No words needed to be said. Right now, this very morning, he had everything he could possibly want.

“Mon ami, come look!” Plumette exclaimed, motioning for Lumiere to join her by the window. He groaned and rolled over, successfully wrapping himself even tighter in the bedsheets. Plumette sighed. “Lumiere! Get up!”

“What is it?” Lumiere mumbled into his pillow.

“It’s our first sunrise, and you’re going to miss it.” Plumette crossed her arms over her chest and tried to hide her growing smile.

Lumiere slowly lifted his head to look at his love. “Sunrise?” he repeated, almost as if tasting the word. At Plumette’s nod, he attempted to rise from the bed. The sheets held tight, and he, unused to being full-sized again, ended up falling to the floor with an “Oof!”

Plumette giggled at the sight. She was still giggling when Lumiere extricated himself from the diabolical sheets and walked over to her. He managed to silence her with a deep kiss, one that left her deliciously breathless.

“Plumette, my darling, I don’t-,” he trailed off as he glanced up at the sunrise shining through, illuminating the room with golden light that reflected in Plumette’s eyes, making her even more radiant than he’d ever seen her. As annoyed as he was for being woken up so early, at that moment in the morning, it was well worth it. He pulled her close and inhaled the scent of her. “You are the light of my life, my darling. No sun can outshine you.”

He felt her laugher vibrate through him. “No sun can hold a candle to you, my love.”

Lumiere chuckled. He was tempted to tickle her, to touch her the same ways he had mere hours ago in the dark of the night, but he held back. For now, he wanted to enjoy their first sunrise together as humans.

After that, well, they had a few hours before they were needed elsewhere in the castle.

Mrs. Potts untucked her arms from Chip’s gently so as not to wake him. She quietly made her way to the nearest window in their quarters and peered through it. A smile graced her features at the sight of the sky, still in the process of going from a dark nighttime blue to morning grey. She’d watched many sunrises before the curse, and many sunrises after the curse, but this was her first one since the curse had been broken.

And that made it even more special. She didn’t doubt that all across the castle, servants were waking up early just to see this wondrous sight with human eyes.

In fact, she was almost certain that the master would be doing the same.

As she stood there silently, the sunlight made its way across the castle grounds and up the walls. Eventually the warm light streamed through the window across her face, and before she knew it, she was crying.

She was human again. Chip was human again. They were all human again.

Mrs. Potts sniffled. She had no doubt that there would be many more mornings of joyous tears to come.

As Mrs. Potts had predicted, all over the castle, the re-humanized servants were watching the first sunrise since the breaking of the curse. Quite a few were shocked at the dampness that trailed down their faces; household items could not shed tears, so they were not used to the sensation. Others were laughing as the warm light lit up their home and their bodies. Still others simply stood there, basking in the glow, alone or with their loved ones who had stayed with them once their memories had returned.

All of them, at one point in their morning, thought something along the lines of this:

Thank God for Belle.

That is, everyone who was awake that morning save for one.

LeFou watched the sunrise with tears, but they were not of joy. Nor did he feel like laughing. He was not standing at the window, like nearly everyone else who was awake was. He sat in the large chair across from the fireplace, the mantle of which was adorned with antlers. He stared at the center of the mantle, where two antlers from a young buck were wrapped around a candle that was nearly spent.

The small flame flickered as it reached the end of the wick.

It went out right as the sunlight began to shine through the windows of the cottage, and the tears began to spill from LeFou’s dark eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily, holding in his sobs.

Yesterday, everyone had been so happy about regaining their memories that it’d been a while before he’d thought to look for Gaston. Even after being abandoned, he’d still wanted to find his friend.

He’d found the body underneath a bridge, bones broken, blood and brain splattered. He’d seen more gruesome sights in the war, but this was worse by far. The carnage of war, of men who shot themselves in front of him, of Portuguese soldiers using guerrilla warfare as a way to spread discouragement amongst their troops, of men trampled by their own horses…none of it compared to seeing Gaston’s body, broken and motionless on the ground.

Other villagers had helped him get the body back to Villenueve, and the funeral was to be tomorrow. Today was supposed to be a day of happiness, a day to enjoy the morning with the one you love.

The antlers glistened in the light. His head felt warm from the sun, but the rest of his body felt cold.

He knew that time would heal his despair, but until then…until then, his mornings would be similar to this one—filled with the knowledge that Gaston would see no more sunrises.

#Kate writes #batb #beauty and the beast #batb prompt challenge #lefou #prince adam #belle #plumette #lumiere #mrs potts

[iconicdumbass]

all of them

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?Lmao no, I'm trash. She's perfect so 😅2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?Yes. 3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?When I finished my first year of college.4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?Yeah. 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?Not that I know of. 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?Yeah. "All eyes on you" reminds me of certain someone 🙃7. What exactly are you wearing right now?Denim light blue shorts and a gray tee shirt.8. How often do you listen to music?Constantly 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?Sweats omg. Soooo comfy.10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?It's 2017 😭11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?A little bit of both.12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?Nope.13. What about ‘R’?Nope.14. Can you drive a stick shift?I'm from New York. We do not drive 😂15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?Not really. 16. Are you going out of town soon?Yes. I'm going to Portland Maine in a a few days I think 17. When was the last time you cried?I can't remember.18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?Yes. 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?Grey omg 😍20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?My brother. He's my best friend.21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.It's boring 😂22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?Yes omg forehead kisses are so intimate 😭23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?Nah. He and I are just friends.24. What are you sitting on right now?My bed.25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?Yes.26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?Yeah. 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?My mom I think28. Do you get a lot of colds?Nope. I never get sick tbh29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Top shop30. Does anyone hate you?Probably haha31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?Currently yes 😭 32. Do you like watching scary movies?Yes33. Do you want your tongue pierced?Yeah omg so badly. I wanna get my snake eyes.34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?201435. Did you have a dream last night?Yeah. I dream on most nights. All my dreams are very vivid.36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?A few days ago.37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?Maybe? 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?I'd hope so 😂39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?Lol no I'm trash.40. Did you have a good day yesterday?It started off good, but quickly soured.41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?Nope.42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?Yep, my best friend. 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?Yes.44. What’s the best part about school?Getting to learn new things.45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?Yes 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?Lmao I used to. Now I just text them.47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?Yes48. Were you single over the last summer?No49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?Nope50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?Absolutely nothing 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?Nope52. Are you nice to everyone?Yes53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Hell yeah 😂54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Of course. Loyalty is everything.55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?It depends on the feeling. 56. Do you think you like someone?I know I like someone 😩57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?Yes.58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?Both.59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?Yeah60. Do you hate anyone?Nah. I wish nothing but the best for everyone.61. How’s your heart?Healthy af. 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?Yes.63. Have you ever cried over a guy?Nah64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?Probs my grandmother 😂65. Are your toenails painted pink?Nope, red.66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?🤷🏻‍♀️67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?I don't like to see people I care about in pain.68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?Nope69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?My friends Lindsay.70. How do you look right now?Like trash.71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?Yes.72. Can you commit to one person?Of course.73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?Yeah.74. Have you ever felt replaced?Yeah. 75. Did you wake up cranky?Nah76. Are you a jealous person?Yeah 😭77. Are relationships ever worth it?Yeah78. Anyone you’re giving up on?Nope 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?Yeah 😩80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?Straighten my hair.81. Last person you cried in front of?My friends bc the fries were "yucky" 😂82. Is there someone you will never forget?Yeah.83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?For sure 😂 #BUTTERKNIFE 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?👅🍑💦. 85. Are you over your past?Yes86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?Nope87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?Yeah88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?Hell no89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?Nope90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?Yeah 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?I sure hope so 😭92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?Yeah93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?Nope94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?Nope95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?I didn't like anyone in March 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?Yes (My mom is a bad bitch) 97. Who do you have texts from?Friends, family.98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?I would tell them I wish them the best. 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Yes100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?Doesn't apply. 101. Ever kissed under fireworks?Nope, I wish tho 😂102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?Yes omg 😩😭

[miss-sad-marshmallow]

Soooo I made a fanfiction!!

Fandom: Yuri!!! on Ice Pairing: Otabek x Yuri Genre: Fluff Wordcount: 852 Warnings: None. Storyline: Yuri Plisetsky can’t sleep the day before the Grand Prix. Otabek comes down, and when Yuri wakes up, he is in Otabek’s room. A/N: You can read this platonically or romantically,

It was the day before the Grand Prix, and Yuri sat nervous shaking on the ground in front of the hotel he was staying in. The ground under him was cold, and he was freezing. He had forgotten to take his jacket with him. It already was dark outside and the lights around the place shone yellow light on the floor. He knew he should be going to bed, but he couldn’t get himself to stand up. Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him. A shadow fell over him and someone sat down next to him. Yuri looked up and recognized Otabek’s face. He didn’t look at Yuri. His grey eyes just stared right in front of him. Still without looking at Yuri, he said: “Can’t sleep?”

Yuri looked at his hands. He nodded. “You too?” Otabek didn’t respond at first. When Yuri looked at him, he noticed Otabek’s slightly reddened ears. He was cold, too, probably. When Otabek finally opened his mouth, he said; “I was watching you from the window.” The blood rushed to Yuri’s face. Why were you watching me? He wanted to ask. “I wondered why you kept sitting there, in the cold, without a jacket.” Yuri looked at his hands. Neither of them said anything for a while, until Otabek broke the silence. “Aren’t you cold?” Suddenly aware of the immense cold that made it impossible for him to move his hands, Yuri nodded. “I am.” He said, with a shakier voice than he’d hoped. Next to him, he heard the fabric of Otabek’s jacket rustle. Yuri moved his head in his direction and grew more and more confused when he noticed Otabek taking off his jacket. “Wha-” he started off, but he got cut off by Otabek, who laid his jacket on Yuri’s shoulders. Yuri’s eyes widened while Otabek carefully closed the buttons around Yuri’s neck. After that, he returned to his in space staring position. Yuri didn’t move for a couple of seconds. He just fixed his eyes on Otabek’s face. His ears were definitely redder now. A red blush painted his cheeks. Just as Yuri’s own, he noticed. “That…” Yuri started, but broke off again. He took a deep breath to steady his voice and started his sentence again. “That was probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.” Otabek smiled. “And I saved you from your crazy fans. Not very grateful, are you?” Yuri smiled, an unusual feeling. Otabek’s jacket was still warm, and with the comfortable warmth, he felt himself drifting into a deep sleep.

It was probably the sunlight that woke him up. Yuri yawned, and stretched his arms. And hit something. That was the moment he realised he couldn’t be in his own hotel room, because there wasn’t anything he could reach from his bed there. He immediately sat up. He looked around furiously, searching something to defend himself with. And then he noticed someone’s face next to him. Otabek’s hair was messy, his eyes closed, even though Yuri had just hit him in the face. With mixed feelings, Yuri looked down at his friend. Friend. Because yes, they were friends. It was something completely new to him. That was probably the reason why Otabek had given his jacket to him yesterday. Because of friendship. Somehow this thought bothered Yuri. He could easily rhyme together what had happened last night. He’d fallen asleep, Otabek had  dragged him to his room - a thought that made Yuri blush slightly -  because he obviously couldn’t go to Yuri’s room, and didn’t want to wake him up, and had brought him to bed. A warm feeling grew in Yuri’s chest and his lips formed a smile while he studied Otabek’s sleeping face. He looked younger when he was sleeping. His eyebrows weren’t frowning, his lips were relaxed. Otabek was beautiful. As much as he wanted to deny it, Yuri had to admit the fact that he’d noticed it. The thick eyebrows, just as the thick eyelashes. The full lips and the hair - let’s not even get started on that. Yuri Plisetsky had the unforgettable eyes of a soldier. Otabek’s voice echoed in his mind. Yuri knew he was talented - he’d always been - but he had never thought of himself as beautiful. But the way Otabek had described him, he did sound beautiful. Did Otabek think he was beautiful? A sudden movement under him shook him out of his thoughts. Otabek had woken up. When he noticed Yuri, he blinked confused, until he seemed to remember. “Hey” He said. His voice was still sleepy. “Hey.” Yuri responded. The it hit him. “HEY!” He shouted. Otabek looked at him, unsure what he meant. Yuri jumped on the bed. Something in the back of his mind noticed that he was still wearing his dirty clothes from yesterday - and that he had probably ruined Otabek’s bed. “TODAY IS THE GRAND PRIX!” He shouted, while he jumped of the bed, onto the floor and ran to open the door. Heavily swearing, he ran down the hall, to his own hotel room, leaving Otabek confused in his bed.

#Otayuri #Yurabek #otabek x yurio #Otayuri fanfiction #otayuri fluff #yurabek fanfiction #yurabek fluff #Yuri on ice #yuri x otabek

[echo-of-clara]

Stupid ask meme whatever

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

Well since we’re getting married, yeah.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Fuck I wouldn’t even date a 20 year old. No. Nope.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

When the discussion of adopting a dog came up

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Ever time.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Nah.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

I haven’t listened to music today, shockingly

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

A bathrobe. Grey. Fluffy.

8. How often do you listen to music?

Often in the car. Semi-often at home.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Leggings or jeans.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2018?

Nah

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

A bit of both

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Oh yeah. She was cute.

13. What about ‘R’?

My fiance lol

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Nope

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Fucking go for it I guess

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Nope

17. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhhh idk Tuesday?

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

I tell *everyone* that I love them

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Nah

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Why does this specify boy tho

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I’m fucking sick. Like I love my best friend but DUDE GOT ME SICK

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

oh yES

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Engaged but ye

24. What are you sitting on right now?

A chair?

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Ye

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

I mean when I was a kid, sure. I had crushes on celebrities back then

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My fiance. We live together. 

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not until RECENTLY *coughBRIANcough*

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

lol shirts

30. Does anyone hate you?

oh yeah I assume one person does since she threatened me but I’m hoping she moved on with life

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I’m 25. I have an alcohol cabinet. 

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

YE

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

ow no

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

2011. I dunno.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes. Something about an apocalypse and I was trying to save a little girl.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Few hours ago.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I’ll be married in 5 months.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

WELL HE BETTER

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I mean yeah somewhere probably

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

nah.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

lololololol

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

No but I’d like to eyyyyy

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yup

44. What’s the best part about school?

BEING DONE WITH IT, FUCKOS

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

A lot

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

We passed entire notebooks

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Pffft yeah

48. Were you single over the last summer?

lolololol no

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Sorta but I moved in with the love of my life, got engaged, and have my dream job soooo

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

going to bed

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

Only when he tries to dutch oven me

52. Are you nice to everyone?

Most people unless they’re assholes

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Oh yeah that was weird

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I think I can last a lifetime and not cheat

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I AM AN OPEN BOOK

56. Do you think you like someone?

I think I LIKE like someone

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

Uhhhh OH YEAH I HAVE

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

People. PEOPLE.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

I’m a cry baby

60. Do you hate anyone?

ONLY TWO PEOPLE. THEY DESERVE IT.

61. How’s your heart?

Wtf kinda question is this

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

open boooook

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

yeah 

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

*side eyes the camera* Let’s not go there

65. Are your toenails painted pink?

ha no

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

I don’t kiss mistakes

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

wtf??? 

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

nah

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bob

70. How do you look right now?

like a hot mess

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

A lot of people

72. Can you commit to one person?

Easily

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

multiple people

74. Have you ever felt replaced?

yup

75. Did you wake up cranky?

ugh yeah

76. Are you a jealous person?

Nah

77. Are relationships ever worth it?

YEAH

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

ehhhh

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

PUPPIES TOMORROW

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Going to a shelter to play with puppiiiiieeeessssss

81. Last person you cried in front of?

Bob

82. Is there someone you will never forget?

A lot of people really

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

Dude I know he is. 

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

In bed already, but he isn’t home yet

85. Are you over your past?

I’m a petty bitch but otherwise yeah

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

I mean I dated my best friend once and I love him but NEVER AGAIN

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Fiance, best friends.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

I’d punch his fucking teeth in, actually.

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

HE HAS A FUCKING KEY HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET IN HE LIVES HERE

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yeah but then I dumped his ass. I trust my friends and he was a manipulative dick anyway.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

Yup.

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

SO MANY MIKES

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh maybe idr

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?

Yeah, that’s when he proposed <3

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

Still am

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

JESUS CHRIST I HATE THIS ASK MEME SHIT

97. Who do you have texts from?

Fiance, best friends, boss/friend, family

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Okay so when is she visiting us?

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Every single day lmfao

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?

Meeeeeeeee

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

yup

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

five years and counting

#lost post #FUCK THESE QUESTION MEMES I WAS SO DONE HALFWAY IN BUT I AIN'T NO QUITTER #FUCK

[suckitsurveys]

What’s the closest living thing to you? My kitty! She’s on my lap. Do you have anything planned for this Sunday? That’s today! Decorating the new Christmas tree. Our old one died way before it was supposed to and we are hosting Christmas Eve soooo we kinda needed a new tree oops. I’ll also probably wrap some presents.  Do you get cold easily? Nah. Do you use a toaster or toaster oven? I have both.

Do you have a job? I do.

Are you a big Zac Efron fan? I’m okay. Would you rather drown or burn alive? Drown. Do you own a dictionary? Somewhere. Do you like to mow the yard? Yes. I don’t do it often but I don’t hate it. Were you happy when you woke up today? I never really am when I first wake up. Who was the last person you ate with? I just had breakfast alone, but before that Mark and I had dinner together. Did you drink any coffee today? Nope. Who’s the last person you got really pissed off with? My brother in law, always. If you’re in school, how’s it going for you? Nope. Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? My husband. Have you ever thought about going to culinary school? Not seriously no. That might be something I’d be interested in though. What time do you have to be at work? I work 7am-3:30pm M-F.

What color is your father’s car? It’s a dark grey-ish blue color. What type of sushi do you like? I usually go for maki rolls but nigiri and sashimi is good too. I never really order those because it’s only one piece. I can’t choose a favorite roll though, because I have different favorites from different places. I usually go for something with crab, tuna, or eel, with a bit of a crunch.

Where’s the last place you wore a hoodie to? I wore one at work on Friday before the Christmas party. Are your nails painted any special color? Not really? They are grey. I mean I got this color in a Ipsy bag back when I thought I would start doing makeup lol, but I only used it because I haven’t before and I needed something on my nails to keep them from breaking until I get a no-chip on Wednesday. Can you give us your plans for the next three hours? Finish this up, maybe have a little more cereal and do another survey, go to the gym, go to my dad’s and decorate the tree, wrap some presents. That will all probably take more than 3 hours, but ya know.  Can you live a day without TV? I have before. How many pets do you have? My kitty, Ramona. Cosmo is my pup pup but he lives with my dad. Has this weekend been good? It’s been okay. Got a lot of stuff done so I am proud of that. Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? A Rottweiler.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? Yeah. Was yesterday better than today? Hard to tell, it’s only 10:30am. I am looking forward to decorating and wrapping presents in a bit though. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Asparagus. Where do you buy most of your shoes? No one particular place. Have you ever driven all night to get to someone? Yeah. Do you have any complaints about your life? Everyone does. Where was the last place you stayed over? My dad’s house. Skim, 1%, 2% or whole milk? Soy. Would you rather be a priest or a drug dealer? A drug dealer. Was the last person you kissed physically attractive? Yes. Do you watch the news? No. Does anything on your body itch right now? My face which is SO DRY but these fucking giant zits won’t go away. Now what’re you listening to? Our clock ticking. Do you have any bug bites? I don’t think so. Can you listen to music and read at the same time? Sometimes.

Doesn’t the thought of getting a cut on the back of your ankle make you sick? fjkdshfkshfklsdhfjkdsfhdsjkfhdsjk Do you own a sundress? I do. Do you prefer to say “haha” or “lol?” I use both. Do you have any flowers in your room? Not in my room, no. I have a fake bouquet and a rosemary plant on our buffet in the kitchen. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Some distant relatives on my mom’s side in Tennessee. How many stories does your house have? Three, if the basement counts, which is where our apartment is.

#surveys

[qualitypizzapatrol-blog]

Pizza fights the Sistem

Yesterday i felt very badly all day, dont know yet if it was cuz was just a bad day or because I didnt have the occasion of laying down some virtual ink soaked by anger on this page. Ill recover today. Double dose...

I wanna talk about how revolutionary is eating pizza. It just fucks all the onanist tendencies of limited people that gotta always put circles in  circles and squares in squares ( and btw that s the game the give us when we are 2 yrs old, no big progression from that point) . I dont know why this topic, maybe is cuz Im in a place, Japan, where everything has to be meticolously categorized and processed always in the same fuckin stupid way. SIDEWALKS! I mean....SIDEWALKS! How can you screw sidewalks? easy, instruction for dummies ;

- lobotomize people convincing them that every rule is fondamentally necessary to society’s prosperity

- give them a fucking “walking direction” . So you gotta keep the left as strictly as when you drive

Result? I always bump into tons of people because they dont care if you slept 3 hours and you had been standing into a cold operating room with your feelings and heart broken in 1000 pieces for 18 hours straight, they are gonna keep the “right way” no matter what. Since Im a very polite person I always say in these occasions “ gomen-nasai “ you poorly minded motherfuckers! But I m not making a racist argument about Japanese, it’s not  their fault, they were born in a society where everything was so overpacked and closed and pressed that everyone had to strictly observe rules and codes to assure a decent living. Here it comes the mighty PIZZA! Here the fucking pizza is squared! SQUARED!!! It s not a piece of sushi c’mon! 

All this post is not about Japanese ofc. I always tend to say things using layers and layers and layers of allegories. Remember the fruitless pompous style? You are knocking at the right door . I d like to expand the argument to wider horizons. Someone once told me I “ look at things as they were black or white, no shades of greys”... doesnt this sound so fucking black or white?? What I modestly think is that people are scared of strong opinions, especially about themself , so they barricade their souls behind tons and tons of confy and reassuring garbage. And the connection with Japan is obvious, you gotta walk on the right side, mesmerizing yourself in the crowd. Let’s make a mental experiment ( i m a fisics geek, well, have been ) : you are a proton, big , tanned, ripped, smart,fuckin smoking hot proton, and you have your only electron orbitating around you. This electron is the only you have ( you are an hidrogen atom ) and the only you ll have cuz the chemistry ( actually fucking atomic forces) made the matching, not you. Now, this little, pretty, soooo smart and passionate and talented and superbly crazily hot electron just get tired of orbitating at some point because she ( ops) feels like it s such a heavy job. How can this happen? well, it cant. Not in physics. Not in nature. In order to leave his proton an electron gotta recive enought energy to move to the next “orbitating station” and more energy again and again ,station after station, till it can finally be free. At this point the little pretty electron is not part of the atom anymore and it cant say it still feels part of it. That s not being black or white classist : either you are part of the atom and you keep orbitating no matter what ( cuz you just cant exist out of it )or you are free and alone and ur life sucks ( i dont wanna tell you which is the destiny of a free electron, you check it). Why people cant behave like the matter they are made of? because you know, we are not made of dreams and bullshit like that, we are made of fuckin red squishy beefy meat ( atoms-->molecules-->cells-->organs-->body--> human). I think i know why. It s cuz we have a huuuuuge problem that avoid us from behaving naturally ( like THE japanese problem)... we dont eat enough pizza, or we do maybe but without realising our act of rebellion. We gotta confront with a terrible thing; the idea we have of ourself and our interactions with the world. We give rules and limitations to what shouldnt have any of those by definition. If you love someone you should just keep doin it till there is no love anymore . If you just run away, because you wanna convince urself that all ur problems dont come from you but from someone else cuz it s easier ( and we all do this, apart from me that im perfect by postulate), you are just gonna live forever like a miserable person. Like japanese. They convince themselves they are happy, but that s the biggest lie EVER.  bye, I hate you none, but mostly I hate myself.  p.s.cLook at my writing position in the next post. how can i be soooo sad and angry? 

#fisics #geeklife #pizza #pizzalover #pizzalife #pizzarules #japan #atom #atomblonde #protons #electron #black and white #my life #life

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

COTW - 4 start. Guys... why didn't you tell me it was sooooo bad?!? I reread it and damn... my brain and fingers really haven't been communicating

Eren didn't want to shut Levi out, but between coming off his pills, loosing dancing, being pregnant and being told he very may loose his pup from all the stress he was under, Levi's probing was way too much right now... Even if it was therapeutic to vent. Everything had hit him all at once when he'd seen Levi's concerned face at Hanji's. He hated knowing Levi was worried. He hated making him look that way. He didn't want to make his alpha feel worse, that's why he'd only told him he couldn't dance anymore, rather than that he was pregnant and could miscarry at any time. As it was, he'd have to call his Ballroom partner and let her know that he wouldn't be around for the next few weeks... knowing that he'd be letting her down. For an alpha, Sasha had all the strength, but the personality of an omega. She loved her weapons, just as much as she loved her soft things. Most of her partnerships had fallen short due to her excitable personality, leaving her wondering why she'd started dancing at all. Her husband Connie had two left feet, according to Sasha, and his prankster personality made it hard to take dancing seriously, not that she truly did, but she did love it. He really liked Sasha, and she didn't think any less of him for being an omega... even when she was giving him shit for it. Waking up, Eren couldn't understand why he was so hot. His eyes feeling gritty as he forced them open, finding Levi's face millimetres from his. Right. He'd had a stupid breakdown over everything. Coming off his pills, combing with the nausea of pregnancy had left a lot of his functions fluctuating. His fainting spell coming from dehydration and the fact his body was struggling with it all. That would explain it... Wriggling from Levi's hold, the alpha tried to cling to him, mumbling his name. Fuck... he couldn't remember the last time they'd woken up like this... probably since before Viren had gotten his feet under him. When he was a small pup, they'd spend hours laying in bed, watching him sleep and dreaming of their future. Shit. He'd missed this. Their bed. Levi's cuddles... he couldn't do this right now. Escaping the bed, he found Titan had even wandered in, sprawling across the bottom of the bed like he'd never given his position to in the first place. Flicking his tail, he pretty much confirmed Eren's thoughts. If he could talked he'd, no doubt, say how happy he was that it was just the three of them again. Wrapping his arms around his waist. Eren looked towards Viren's bedroom. He might have needed a break, but it felt so cruel to send Viren away. The boy hadn't done anything wrong. Not in loving Levi... and if he did grow to be an alpha, he was only giving Eren the respect he deserved as a fucked up omega. Showering and dressing, he walked out to find Levi in the kitchen. His head was pounding like a bass drum. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend to be human, let alone a functioning one. Bed was soooo close. He could make... oh... nope, Levi was looking at him "Hey, you. How did you sleep?" "I could use another 20 years worth" Levi snorted, shaking his head. How the fuck did he manage to look so fucking good in the morning? "Come sit down and I'll make you breakfast. I thought we could go shopping today" "What happened to work?" "You're more important. How does shopping sound?" Like peopling... and being nice to people... and seeing people... "Can I have some painkillers? My head hurts" "You need water. You're still dehydrated" Walking over to the dining table, it was weird that Viren wasn't there. That he wasn't sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Levi, or stealing treats. Sitting down, he drew his right knee up, to rest his chin on it. Watching Levi bringing over a tall glass of milk, and two small white tablets. Placing them down, Eren guessed he should be happy that Levi wasn't checking him a for a fever "What do you want for breakfast?" "I'll make some cereal in a minute" "I'll make you cereal. Which one do you want? I think we have cocopops" "They're Viren's. I have cornflakes in the pantry" "Just because our son likes most of the same shit you do, doesn't mean you should go without" "It's fine. I don't feel hungry" "Were you sick again?" "No..." "Maybe you're getting better? Did you mention the bug yesterday?" Bug. He could live with the pup being called bug "Yeah. They just said to keep my fluids up" "I didn't see your appointment on the fridge" "It's on Friday the twenty-second at 4" "So Friday" Shit. He'd been sure it was next week "Yeah. Well, we need to be down in Paradis and I wanted to get it done before then" They'd offered to give him an ultrasound, but he didn't want one. Not with Hanji so close... he wanted to wait and see, as to whether he'd miscarry or not "Ok. I'll add it to the calendar, and see that I'm off" "I told you I can take myself" Downing the pills and gulping down the milk, he prayed they'd kick in soon. Pottering around the kitchen, Levi pulled out the container of cornflakes. He really suited his role as a dad. He might have gained some more wrinkles and there may now be more than a few grey hairs creeping in, but it really suited him. He was so good with Viren... "I thought we could go clothes shopping for you. It's getting cold again, and we are going on holiday" "I don't need clothes" His clothes were fine. They did the job. His anxieties decided to flare... the little voices arses as usual. Maybe this was Levi's way of telling him he needed to stop looking like a slob. It was so hard to have anything nice with kids in and out of the apartment. Something was always being spilt or there was vomit, or tears or... stuff. He binned his clothes when they got super holy... and there'd been a mass binning after Viren round a pair of scissors. Binning his yoga pants had nearly made him cry. Not that he had time for yoga... he'd have even less when the pup came... but Levi really didn't seem that keen on having another pup... Maybe he was starting to like him again because he was thin again... and he didn't dress in "girly" clothes anymore...? There was too much to think about. His brain hurt without the added pain of thoughts "Eren?" "What? Sorry" "I was saying you should let me buy you some new things" Eren pushed a smile to his lips, feeling it fall short. He didn't need Levi to buy things for him. He had money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. More money than he'd ever thought he'd have "Yeah. Maybe... it depends if I like anything" "You could probably get a few nice dresses or tops. Whatever you like. You always look good to me" It wasn't because he didn't look like a girl anymore? Did Levi want him to look more girl like? It seemed like so long since he'd bought his own clothes... and it wasn't like he didn't have nice clothes. He couldn't go Ballroom dancing in sneakers and a holy shirt... he just didn't want the kids ruining the few nice things he had. He'd had to hide the charm bracelet Levi had gifted him, along with the glass dolphin as Viren had tried to destroy them both "Ok" "Good" "When's Viren coming home?" Levi frowned at him, Eren feeling guiltier. He'd forced him to send his son away... "Whenever I call Hanji" "You should. He won't understand why you're not there" "He's healthy and he's safe..." "It feels cruel" "You need time to recharge" "You". Not "we". Levi was only doing this because he was so weak. Shit... Jumping up from his seat, Eren ran to the bathroom sink. Throwing up the milk and pills he'd just swallowed, a hand went to his stomach as he groaned. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi rubbed it softly, as he nuzzled into Eren's shoulder "You really should let me take..." "I've been to hospital. I don't need to go back. I had a piss and blood test. If it was something to worry over, I'd still be there" He sounded so fucking pissy. No wonder Levi rushed to soothing mode "Ok. Ok. I'm worried, that's all" "Stop it. I didn't ask for your help or worry!" Crap. He'd snapped at Levi. Shit. Coughing, it turned wet as he vomited again "Eren" "Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to eat breakfast. Let's just go do whatever you wanted to" "I wanted to take you shopping... for you" "I don't need anything. Save your money" For someone who actually deserved it "Eren. I want to start trying to fix things between us. I want to buy you things. I want to do things with you... I want to make this work. Last night, you were rejecting me. It hurt. It hurt to know I pushed you that far" "It's not just you to blame. I'm the one who's..." "I know what you're going to say, but you're not. You're not fucked in the head. Or crazy. You're exhausted and stressed. You're also my omega. I want to live up to the promises I made you. So stop thinking you're a basket case, and stupid, or whatever" "It's the same thing" "No, it's not. I know you're not crazy" "Because I didn't freak out on you yesterday" "And how often you freak out. You haven't had a panic attack that severe in a while" That Levi knew about... even when medicated, they'd still come, though milder. The ones off of his meds... yeah. He knew he was still a basket case. He couldn't have this pup. Not like this... he'd have to talk with his doctor about options... he didn't want to abort it, but he was a bad mum and a bad omega "Why don't you change into something warmer? I'll make you some toast for breakfast" "I told you I can't eat" "You need to. It's not healthy not to. Even if it's just a slice of toast, you need something in your stomach" He wasn't going to win... no matter what he did or said.... "Fine. I'll go change" Levi kissed his shoulder. Eren instantly wanting to cave into the man's touch. He wanted Levi to love him like he used to. When he'd randomly kiss him, or hug him, or jump into the shower with him, or wrap his arms around him and cling like a child as he cooked... He missed laying in bed talking and snuggling. He missed having real adult conversations, and watching scary movies to make fun of them. God. He longed for it all... Feeling his emotions well, his omega snarkily reminded him that he could have all of that, if he wasn't such a sorry excuse for an omega. He hadn't missed the insults his omega would supply. He hadn't missed feeling this shitty. He hadn't missed his paranoia or depression. He definitely hadn't missed feeling like he was walking on eggshells around his own emotions. No. He hadn't missed any of that. * Dragged shopping, Eren kept trying to put things back. While Levi kept putting things in the shopping trolley. He was trying not to let the fact he was pregnant influence his purchases. If Levi had wanted another pup from him, he wouldn't be using two condoms or avoiding the subject. That was the clear answer to their problem. Shorts it was. It was still warm enough to pull them off He ended up with an insane amount of new clothes and shoes that he was sure he didn't need. They wouldn't stay nice and new for long. He couldn't help but pick up clothes for Viren. Levi brushed off his enquiries of where his new clothes were. His alpha was better at buying new clothes for himself than Eren had been since Viren's birth, and anything that Levi had wore to death, was magically replaced thanks to online shopping. Despite the fact it would probably never be used, Eren did manage to buy some new makeup colour pallets and foundation. He missed the days where he used to take such good and careful care of his skin, only his stretch marks and suicide scars got any attention these days. Levi had naturally perfect skin. The alpha never knew his pain, or the pain of a breakout. It was hard to accept acne when it was on your face, as acne had such an ugly stigma. His changing hormones had brought more pimples than he knew what to do with. No one chose acne, but they did choose to be a dick about it. After clothes shopping, Levi forced him to have a manicure and pedicure, while the alpha took care of something. He didn't know what, only that Levi kissed him, then disappeared off to wherever he had in mind, leaving Eren to trail into the salon in a state of confusion. Was it wrong that he was kind of feeling a little better, up until Levi had left? He had Levi's undivided attention. His mate was listening to his words, and his son wasn't throwing a tantrum over Levi paying attention to him. He was so fucking selfish. His son was just a pup. He deserved all Levi's attention, and Levi deserved to be happy. Struggling with his anxieties, he barely made his wishes understood, clumsily pointing out a nice cheese-leaf design for his fingers. Coming back mid-pedicure, Levi was sans their shopping. Standing over the woman doing his nails, his mate crossed his arms, while Eren found himself staring. His stomach was rolling like there was no tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, he really wanted to scratch... he should be enjoying this. Levi wanted him to enjoy this. Fucking pregnancy meaning no sanity pills. Levi could have just said he was off to put the shopping in the car, maybe he was mad over how much they'd ended up buying? Eren had said no. He'd even tried to put things back because they were way too much... but Levi had pulled out his m card and paid for it all without giving him a chance to pay for himself. Lifting his feet out the water to dry them, the small beta woman asked what colour he wanted his toenails. Levi pulled a face like it was weird, so he left it to his alpha, as a small stab of revenge. Levi choosing a dark green that he hadn't even noticed. It was nice, but he wasn't sure he wanted green toes until she started painting them. Mentally sighing to himself, he'd have to remember to wear shoes, or risk upsetting Viren. But hey, at least it went with his silver fingernails and their dainty leaf design. Leaving the salon, Levi wrapped his arm around his waist. Eren's knees nearly going weak as his alpha's scent wrapped around him "Is there anything else we need to get? Or is it just food shopping, left?" "I need to get a suitcase. I don't have one, and I think Viren needs a new one. His is filled with toys" "He does know he can't take all his toys with him" "He's two, nearly, three. He doesn't understand that he is coming back" "You know, you're really good with him. I know things haven't been great, but you've always kept trying to do what was best for him. He's lucky to have you as a mum" "I wouldn't say that" "Eren" "It's true. I'm not much of a mum" "You are. You run the whole household. You keep us all in check. You cook. You clean. You pay the bills. You make the appointments. You know what needs to be done and you take care of it. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry I've been putting so much pressure on you" "I don't do much... I mean. I'm usually with the kids" "I don't have the patience to spend the day chasing after four kids. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't dance right now. But... it's temporary right?