#garmadon if you are rude to misako again. i will actually kill you with my bare hands | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ninja-go-to-therapy · 4 years

Text

The Ninja as Things My Friends and I Have Said

My friend keeps a quote-book and I thought y’all would enjoy this lol

Jay: say your last words to me, I’m about to be smited

Jay: I am so bright, I am star

Kai: Pickles and Dick Jay: Pickle my dick? Kai: PICKLE AND DICK! Lloyd: TICKLE MY DICK?

Kai: I want to play hot potato with a hand grenade

Lloyd: this chocolate milk mocks me

Kai: Can we all agree that when Jay walks he looks like a flamboyant gay drag-queen toddler

Lloyd, looking at a tampon: is that a cheese stick?

Kai: Where you at you little hoe?

Cole: Don’t do gay it’s not healthy

Jay: I live life as a pirate. Because a pirate is free

Jay: The sun's only up for half the year in Alaska Cole: We have that too. It's called nighttime

Morro: Lick his nuts, they have a sorta Mexican flavor

Kai: I need to be surrounded with seven beautiful naked women in order to sleep at night

Lloyd: You know how there's like a line between bravery and stupidity? Nya: Jay is that line

Jay: Disclaimer: I am an anxious bean

Wu: It’s not your fault but it is your problem

Cole: I can't keep a straight face anymore. It's gay now.

Lloyd: That was such a late reaction it could've been my dad coming back

Zane: DISCO PENIS

Kai: I wanna stand around and look GORGEOUS

Kai: I'm outrageously good-looking Zane: No you’re not

Lloyd: I admit when I'm wrong! Kai: Oh yeah. But I'm like never wrong!

All of the ninja, always: It would be so much fun to hurt a bad person

Zane: what state do I live in? Jay: depression

Kai: cool onesie... can I get inside it?

Lloyd: They call me Santa. I bring snow to the children.

Kai: Don't fucking giggle you little shit.

Nya: I will beat you with a meat stick

Cole: You moan more than the dumpster out back

Wu: Don't stick the plungers on your foreheads!

Garmadon: whY are you SMelLING the plungers?

Zane: How does one piss in a watermelon?

Lloyd: When I become 99 pounds I'm going to eat a pound of chicken nuggets so I can be 1% chicken nugget. It's indisputable.

Cole: It smells like SHIT. Like it smells kinda okay now, but it still smells like shit. So it's like. Perfumeshit

Jay: Your socks are untied

Lloyd: Morro can just molest himself

Jay: Can you please not get a fucking locker smaller than my self esteem

Zane: You be smellin your own shit soon Jay: I already do Zane: Get it? Cause your mom gay. Everyone: ...what?

Lloyd: My name's Lloyd and I wear shoes sometimes

Nya: Unlike Skylor, they actually like balls

Kai: Fuck fuck fucking fuck fucking fucktown

Jay. I’m about to go commit space heater in bathtub

Kai: Vaccines make you gay

Lloyd: It’s not because I’m Asian, its because I eat rice so much

Zane: Hi. I’m Zane. ... my dick fell off

Kai, to Lloyd: Your dad is my fuckbuddy. ... wait. Shit.

Lloyd: You didn’t miss. You hit me right in the fucking nipple.

Kai: Eat my dick

Nya. Bite off your own dick

Cole: Your face looks like you're trying to make your dick fall off

Lloyd: So we were sitting watching TV eating macaroni with a fruit roll-up soaking my feet in a trashcan

Jay: I’m gonna go commit visit Pompeii in time machine

Jay: How can spiders fall from the ceiling and just skrrrrt away

Kai: Because none of us can speak proper sentences

Kai: Hold on. I'm sending a meme. I can't fight.

Jay: Engulf your own dick

Jay: Please don’t have a Boston tea party in my back yard

Kai: Still it felt like I committed a minor crime in Iran with all the water in my nose

Jay: Sensei Wu, please throw scissors... I kinda wanna die

Kai: I got royally fucked

Jay: Get your meaty luscious legs

Jay: The fuck you mean take my pants off? They're always on! Cause no one wants me to take them off!

Lloyd, picking up a napkin and seeing food fall out: IT’S BIRTHING

Zane, threateningly: Give me your kidneys

The Overlord: Where is your technology stored?

Zane: I can balance my body on my boner and spin like a beyblade

Kai: My balls are not a muscle

Cole: So apparently I'm not the only one with asymmetrical balls. Lloyd: Wait actually? Cole: Well yesterday Kai gave us a very descriptive description of his balls

Zane, sarcastically: Gosh darn don’t you hate it when you're not allowed to bring your 5 dollar footlong subway to training

Lloyd: So he poked me in the back with a pencil and my third grade self was like, "BLASPHEMY"

Kai: You.... dickmuncher

Jay: We're playing infinity Life. It's like Life but the cars are infinity stones.

Kai: I could have divine gay sex and it would still be nohomo.

Cole, during some super serious training: Bake me into a pie daddy

Kai: a compliment sandwich, like this: I like your shoes, YOU SUCK, your eyes are pretty

Zane, to Lloyd: Don't KILL her! Too much paperwork!

Jay: Stop moving your butt. It's uncomfortable when you clench it

Cole: The STICK.. will be UP YOU! Kai: My ASS is your spot!

Jay, teaching Kai to roller skate: First, we master walking

Kai: I know I’m beautiful and perfect and amazing and huMBLE

Lloyd: I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

Cole: I'm allergic to emotions!

Zane: Yeet is not a valid Scrabble word

Kai: I love myself 3000. And you should, too. Love yourself, that is. Unless you wanna love me as well, cause that’s cool too.

Zane: Is doing drugs illegal

Lloyd: Post-traumatic stress? More like spicy memories

Jay: Be quiet so I can see

Cole: Why is my wallaber grinding its ass on the floor?

Kai: Whatever, my ass cheeks are balanced ... just as all things should be

Garmadon: IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN TO MAKE SOMEBODY THINK YOU WERE GONNA HIT THEM WITH YOUR CAR!

Sensei Garmadon: First of all, nobody says they're fine when they're good

Lloyd, getting himself a donut: A chocolate frosted donut for a chocolate frosted child

Nya, about Harumi: I just loathed her at first sight. Like your dad!

Morro, about Lloyd: He reminds me of a cucumber.

Cole, after becoming human again: I’m like Jesus... I thirst

Lloyd, sipping apple juice out of a shot glass: I'm just... done, ya know

Jay: Zane was eating my popcorn and I was like "hey that's my popcorn!" And he looks me dead in the eye and goes "surprise communism!"

Lloyd: I consumed a spatula

Jay: I almost burned down my house making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Zane, after Jay climbs on his back: Unmount me you heathen.

Kai: Yeah it's been such a dick-licking long time

Karlof: In Metalonia we do not have sister, we have brother with pussy

Zane: I want to delete my meatsack

Little Lloyd: At about 10 I was so hungry so I went to the med tent and pretended to be fainting so I got crackers

Garmadon: Before we leave I'm gonna sing a Disney song to attract all the females. Especially Misako

Jay, about to get sunburned: I know right, sunscreen is gross, you look like a glazed donut after you put it on

Cole: I like nuts but not that much. ... both kinds... I like my own nuts.

Zane: Hi I’m Zane and I’m the only one in this group with any form of common sense

Lloyd: Oh there's just someone throwing up over there! Kai: That’s hot

Cole, having a cashew thrown at him: I don’t want to swallow your nut ... I DON’T WANT YOUR NUT

Lloyd: My uncle is going to sacrifice my body

Kai: Okay. You ALL can eat MY ass

Lloyd: A picture will last longer than your family will

Garmadon: That last rep was like a hydroflask and this one was like a kleankanteen

Kai: I bet for a second he was like "oh my God they care about me"

Kai: Because no one would be ballsy enough, no pun intended, to whip his dick out and piss on a crowded bus

Jay: Fuck a duck Lloyd: Please just dont ..ff... a duck Jay: But the duck likes it. It goes quackquackquackQUACKAFLACK.

Lloyd: Digiorno? More like I'm fucking hungry

Lloyd: My socks are so wet tis but a small price to pay for salvation

Kai: No means no muchacho

Dareth after failing at spinjitzu: Now I'm just dizzy and my ass hurts

Zane: I said, Cole, don’t orgasm in public, it’s rude, and Cole started moaning as loud as humanly possible

Lloyd: Say cheese! Kai: Whiskey!

Jay: Who the fucking dammit

Jay: Spongebob square-nuts

Jay: Actual- ACTUALLY it WOULDN’T make me more of a smartass because my SMART has yet to be caught up with my ASS

Lloyd: I hate it when my foot becomes the itch

Kai: STDs are like pokemon, you gotta catch em all

Kai: Here y’all are like "I like them 'cause of how they hold themselves and whatnot" and I’m just like “GIRL PRETTY"

Cole: I hate it whenever my foot becomes the gay.

Kai: I’m shit at being a person, not a shit person.

Zane: Buses turn me on

Jay: No pissing in our VSCO hangout!

Lloyd: Are y’all on high?

Kai: Its gotta warm up to start lavaing, now it’s just lamping.

Kai, crying: When I was crawling through the sewer my hair got stuck in my knee pit and ripped out a chunk

Lloyd, deepthroating a plastic recorder: I’m blonde so naturally, I'm good at this

Kai: I’m depressed. I’m stressed. But at least I’m well-dressed.

Lloyd: Nom nom milk carton

Cole, playing Life: Give me children

Jay, on a Thursday: If Friday was a Tuesday, it would be today

Kai: We're eating lotion and calling it spicy butter ... it’s spiritually spicy

Kai: I don’t fucking know! I'm not a cheese wheel!

Zane: Beepbeep bitch what's that? My lie detector smells a lie

Lloyd: I aced two tests today! The PSAT and the rice purity test!

Pixal: I don't really get the phrase "dry as bones" because your bones are in fact, wet

Cole: Kai, Kai, we can draw you as one of those anime girls. With humungous eyes. Actually no, it doesn't matter what the size of your eyes are. But your boobs are HUGE.

Lloyd: Jay wants to become the Alpha hoe

Cole: STOP TOUCHING MY HEAD AND SAYING IT FEELS GOOD

Jay: Deli sandwich equals cold hamburger

Lloyd: How was your day? Cole: Good. I have pie dough in my water bottle

Jay: If we do that we can reach our minimum requirement which is our goal

Kai: You can taste the freedom in that nacho cheese

Lloyd: I lust for the crust

Garmadon: You dirty-minded fools!

Anyone, to Skylor: You sucked the fire

Lloyd: OHMYGOD WE GET TO COLOR WITH CRAYONS!

Nya: Not to be lesbian or anything... but DAMN

Jay: No means no in Spanish

Kai: Bro saxophone is literally the sexiest instrument alive

Wu: The only wrong answers are the ones I don’t agree with

Kai: Look, why do you need to be a bottom to suck someone else's cock?

Cole: Jay, you suck Jay: More so than you do? Kai: Wait... wait you mean like you suck at the game or you’re better at sucking than he is?

Kai: WE CAN WANT YOU SEXUALLY TOO

Cole: That's not kinky, that's just abusive

Lloyd: CAN WE STOP USING THE TERM “BLONDE BITCH”

Cole: That’s not how you do it! Straddle me HO!

Kai: I didn’t mean to kick you in the coochie! Jay, I’m the distance: Be genital with her!

Cole: Yeah, also Jay tackled me and then grabbed me in between his legs and Kai jumped on top and Jay smacked his ass and I tried to record so Kai tried to smack my phone out of my hand and missed and his finger went right in my eye so I rolled over screaming and they got up and threw pebbles at me

Cole: It sounds naked! Music!

Kai, to anyone after they say Wu seems chill: He looks like a big soft squishy man but he is not

Zane: On average, in order to feel happy, you need to be touched, (pokes Jay) 8 times a day Kai raises two fingers on each hand: I’m about to make you ALL happy" *every person at the table in unison scoots away*

Zane: You looked like lord farquad but in a cute way!

Jay, after getting a pizza shoved at him. The pepperoni sanitized my facehole

Kai: I am the WITNESS! VICTIM! And I will play ... the e x e c u t i o n e r .

#ninjago #incorrect ninjago quotes #incorrect quotes #lmao #s: my friends #the most these were edited were like #the names #and like #'band practice' to 'training' or something #yes I'm aware my friends and I are all crackheads #also peep the shameless self promo

62 notes · View notes

aweebwrites · 5 years

Text

The Green Ninja Pt.2

Warning: dark themes, murder, blood

_________________

“Where are you?” Lloyd called out on a sing-song tone, walking through the ruins of Ninjago City, knowing his friends were close by. “Hide and seek's over. Let's play a new game, hmm?” He says, looking around, stepping over the half of a body that was sticking out under the demolished building he recalled having fun collapsing earlier.

“That man interrupted the game on the Bounty so how about we settle things with a game of tag? I'm it and when I find you, I'll say 'tag! You're dead’!” He says then giggled madly. “You'll be so shocked, you'll just die!” He laughed harder, dragging the katana made of his powers along the asphalt, leaving a long trail of glowing, smokey green.

He would have killed them all weeks ago if that villain hadn't sent his insects to destroy the Bounty. Well, he's history now…

“Doesn't it sound like fun?” He says, looking around again.

His ear twitched before his eyes darted to his left where he caught a shadow dash behind one of the few intact buildings left. He lifted his left hand and blasted it with his powers, frowning once he saw it wasn't his friends but some other person he didn't care about.

“Oh. What a disappointment.” He says as he walked over to the woman who was still alive but appeared to have broken her arm during the blast. “You aren't even any fun.” He whispered, lifting the blade, even as the woman sobbed and pleaded.

“Lloyd! Stop this!” He grinned before jabbing the blade down, stabbing the woman in the neck.

“And where would the fun in that be?... Mother.” He says blankly, looking over his shoulder at Misako with a just as blank expression.

She gasped, watching the woman rudely dirtying his blade with her blood as she drowned.

“Lloyd… What happened to you?” She whispered as he pulled his blade free before slowly making his way over to his mother, a trail of red following him.

“What happened? I finally did what I wanted. That's what.” He says with a small smile. “I'm so very sorry it's not what you expected of me.” He says mockingly.

“What I expect doesn't matter. This isn't you Lloyd. You are good. You are the green-”

“Finish that sentence. I fucking dare you.” He says lowly, expression dark as he stood before her. “Don't call me that. I never wanted that title. I never want any of this. All I ever truly wanted was to be wanted. To be loved. But we don't always get what we want I suppose.” He sighed.

“What are you talking about Lloyd? I love you. Your uncle, your friends, all of Ninjago loves you. We all need you.” She whispered and Lloyd giggled to himself.

“You? Love me?” He asked between giggled before it turned into full blown laughter that stopped abruptly as he leveled her with a dead stare. “No mother. You never loved me. You love the Green Ninja, not Lloyd Garmadon. In fact, you hated him, didn't you? You left Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon in a school for bad children and walked away without looking back because you wanted nothing to do with him. You only ever cared about the green ninja. My whole childhood you were gone and you suddenly reappear when I'm the Green Ninja. You never once asked how was it like growing up in a place like Darkly's, never once apologised for leaving me all on my own, never once thought of or cared of the consequences of leaving me to grow up in a place like that.” He hissed bitterly.

“You know why-”

“Why you left. Sure. That would have been believable if it wasn't complete bullshit. The second you caught eye of uncle, you were gunning for his pants. Dad and I? We meant nothing to you. We were only there for your convenience.” Lloyd says then took a threatening step closer. “You know, more than anyone else, I fantasized killing you the most. All in very creative ways. But I had one way that felt the most satisfying.” He says, smiling sweetly as Misako stepped back as he stepped forward.

“Lloyd, please. Your father wouldn't want this.” She spoke, looking over his shoulder nervously.

“But didn't I tell you mother? We don't always get what we want.” Lloyd whispered, raising his sword.

He noticed the movement in her wide, terrified eyes and manifested another sword, ramming it through Zane's chest without looking back.

“Zane!” The ninja yelled as Lloyd looked over his shoulder at his wide, robotic eyes.

“Tag. You're dead.” He grinned before flicking the sword and it split him in two from the chest up, leaving him to fall as the light left his eyes.

“Damn you!” Kai yelled, rushing in with the others closing in but Lloyd sent them all flying back with a pulse of his energy.

“Haven't learnt from the first time I see.” He says as he walked over to his mother, and picked her up by the throat, making her gasp for air. “And just so you know… I've always hated you.” He spoke with his sweetest smile before jabbing his sword into her opened mouth, the tip reappearing through the back of her neck, bloody as she went limp.

He dropped her as she bled out, turning to the 4 ninja and his uncle surrounding him.

“Tag's not as fun if you're all in range but who am I to judge?” Lloyd shrugged.

“You're sick Lloyd! She was your mother! Zane was your friend!” Cole yelled at him and Lloyd glanced at him.

“Misako was only my mother in name. And Zane? I don't particularly care for him. Or any of you really.” He says with a shrug and dropped his swords. “Ready to die?” He asked them and they glared.

Jay was surprisingly the first to attack, using his lightning to try and stun him but Lloyd dodged and gave him a sharp blow to the stomach that had him spitting up blood as he went flying. He threw up a shield to block Kai's fire and Cole's earth.

“Let's say I crush your throat and see if you can come back from that.” Lloyd suggested to Kai with a grin before hopping out of the way of Nya's water.

“You'll pay for what you did to Zane!” Kai yelled, blasting fireballs at him he easily blocked and dodged.

“Not so fast Cole.” Lloyd says, flipping over when he punched at him with his lava hand. “Hmm. I wonder…” He hummed, shielding himself from all three of their attacks before creating a new sword and made the shield disappear when Cole punched at it again, stepping out of the way before bringing his sword up, slicing his arm clean off.

Cole screamed as his hand was detached, returning to normal as blood stained the asphalt

“Oh? How disappointing. I was expecting lava. Oh well.” He sighed, ducking down and letting Kai and Nya's attack take them both out.

“What about you uncle?” Lloyd questions, standing as he walked over to Cole who was clinging to where his arm was, bleeding heavily.

He would most likely die from blood loss but where would be the fun in that?

“Ninja go!” Wu yelled, using his spinjitzu to grab Lloyd away from Cole, coming to a stop with a certain katana held to his neck.

Lloyd looked down at the blade to his neck then up at his uncle.

“Well?” He prompted, sliding his hands into his pockets. “You are going to kill me, aren't you? Go on then.” He says as the remaining ninja yelled at him to do it.

Lloyd could see the trembling of his hand, knowing that it wasn't just from old age.

“Go on uncle. Kill me. Kill your brother's only son. Kill your nephew. Kill the only family you have left.” Lloyd says, stepping closer so the blade was touching his neck, opening a thin wound that had a bead of blood rolling down his neck. “Do it. Put an end to the Garmadon bloodline, like you were destined to do.” He urged him.

Wu looked into dull, slitted red and green eyes, at dark skin, at pointed ears and teeth, at the black horns laid back in his hair and still saw his bright nephew. He couldn't. He knew from the start. Lloyd saw this and frowned.

“Pity. I was hoping you would.” Lloyd sighed and Wu looked sad.

“It's not too late Lloyd. Come with us and we will work this out.” He whispered to his nephew, lowering the sword.

“I have a lesson for you uncle.” Lloyd says, looking into the old man's eyes. “Not all enemies deserve to be redeemed.” He says and Wu's eyes widened.

“And not all of them want to be redeemed.” He whispered in his ear.

He walked away, towards Cole again as Wu looked down at the green blade that went through the left side of his chest. Lloyd… He collapsed, his blood pooling under him. Lloyd chuckled as screams rang out. It always had been such a fun sound. Why else would children scream while playing?

“You're almost gone Cole. When you get to the Departed Realm, tell my father he was wrong, would you?” Lloyd says, holding his sword to his chest as Cole breathed heavily.

He raised his sword then lowered- only to stop just above his chest. The sword slipped from his hand and vanished as Lloyd looked down at the sword through his chest instead. Kai's sword? Kai didn't have the guts. It must be-

“Tag. You're dead.” Nya hissed at him as he glanced at her over his shoulder.

He smirked.

“Well played.” He says before collapsing.

The blood pooling around him was pretty and warm. Lloyd coughed some up, tasting nothing as his senses faded. Oh well. At least he got to do something he wanted to do. His eyes went dull.

Die.

______________

(Eyyyy! So! Here's the requested part two. I know it's not what you all expected but I wanted a change in pace. The hero goes bad and gets redeemed is gold but not for everyone. So Lloyd. He has snapped in more ways than one. You can tell his state of mind really worsened the two weeks between the first fic and the second. He stopped seeing people as actual people a few days in and started seeing them as dolls, playthings even and well, why keep something around that wasn't entertaining? He felt suffocated by everything. First his past, what others thought of him and everything that he was denied then his insanity kicked in and it was both freeing and constricting. He just wanted it all to stop at some point. Lastly, the ninja. They'll not only be traumatized but people everywhere will lose trust in them and they'll scatter. Wu is dead, they fix Zane but his memory chip was damaged so he's not all there. Cole died from blood loss and Jay had to get stomach surgery. Although Nya knew she had to, Lloyd's death weighs on her. They all spend the rest of their days wondering what they could have done differently. Le end. Hope you all enjoyed!)

31 notes · View notes