#god I can’t stand these bad false argument motherfuckers

[adorabledaylilly]

So angry at a white man on Twitter I want him crushed and ground up by a train

#‘the right isn’t rewriting history’ ‘the left are the ones who destroyed statues’ #statues of imperialist and colonizers and were rewritten in history to be glorified and almost worshiped? 🤨 #that when the ‘left’ (the marginalized and oppressed by the ideals these statues continued to represent) called for them to be torn down #made a point of emphasizing why and educating about the real history? #god I can’t stand these bad false argument motherfuckers #yes in this isolated tweet your point seems stronger but only because you omitted details #with even a moment of research and critical thought your arguement falls apart #but is everyone going to do that? no and that’s the saddest part #you too were probably indoctrinated into an ideal because you can’t think critically #and believed someone who didn’t give you the full truth #is only there was a group that promoted critical and rational thought that was finally allowed to go to schools when you were a kid :/ #and OMG the right don’t know how to debate 😩 #’oh why can’t we have vaping club and nra club in schools then?’ #because high school is full of teenagers who can’t legally own a gun or a vape???? #and school clubs are based on interest by the students #anime clubs aren’t government mandated to fucking fool #is your brain as numb as your nuts? what the fuck are you even talking about?

[beskarhearts]

Tangled (Javier Peña x reader)

Pairing: Javier Peña x gn!reader

Word count: over

Warnings: lots of cursing (reader has the mouth of a sailor), a little ~steaminess~, mentions of canon typical violence/getting shot, sexual tension

Summary: You and Peña were no strangers to being at each others throats but this argument went a little different than any other had.

Notes: This was cliche and self indulgent but I loved it and I hope you do too. Let me know your thoughts and opinions!! (also probably not going to turn this into a series but it isn't impossible ig)

________________

You charged towards the file room, feeling every ounce of your body flooded with anger as Murphy trailed after you, pitifully trying the stop the damage that was just about to occur.

"It didn't come from a bad place!"

You sporadically came to a halt, turning on your heels and pointing a finger right in Murphy's face, who had nearly crashed into you at your sudden movement. "Don't you dare try to justify this!"

Murphy's face was crumpled into a hesitant type of acceptance, still following you as you continued walking towards the file room, your anger radiating even in each harsh step you took. Once you reached the door, you slammed it open and nearly crashed it into Murphy as you threw it shut again, your eyes trained on the man you were directing every angry, foul thought at.

"Javier Peña, you fucking asshole!" you yelled, your pointer finger now directed at him as he turned to face you. You felt even angrier when he appeared to look at you tiredly at first, face twisted into an expression that perfectly read 'What now?' It didn't change until he registered your rigid body language and the way your face was a shade darker and your brows that were scrunched up.

Then his face dropped slightly and he looked over your shoulder at Murphy, who looked like a kicked puppy with the way he seemed to cower behind you. "You told her?"

Murphy winced slightly, trying to shrug away his concerns but his voice coming out empathetic. "She kind of interrogated me."

"Yeah. Y'know, because interrogations are part of the job!" you spat, eyes shooting venom at the brown-eyed DEA agent that stood in front of you.

He dropped the file he had held in his hand back in a box, placing his newly unoccupied hands on his hips and sending you a plain look. "Listen, it was nothing-"

"You know what else is part of my job, Peña?" you interrupted, allowing him no room to throw around pitiful remarks and false explanations of why what he did was okay. "Let me tell you since you have clearly forgotten: part of my job is catching the bad guys. Meaning I am fully capable of being on the field and getting my hands dirty!"

You took in a deep breath, your whole body feeling like it was on fire from the rage coursing through your veins. Peña let out a small sigh, rubbing at his face and his mustache as he looked at you through half-lidded eyes. "I know."

You let out an agitated huff, throwing your hands up and looking over at Murphy, as if saying 'get a load of this guy'. You turned back to the DEA agent, clasping your hands together. "Let me get this clear then. You are aware that is part of my job. And that this fucking case has become my whole entire life. Yet you neglect to notify me that tomorrow you are going to arrest one of these motherfuckers and don't put me on the God damn team!"

You probably should of quieted down. Surely people could hear you outside the thin walls of the room you were in but you paid no attention to that. Hell, let them gather outside the door and listen to how much of an asshole Javier fucking Peña was. It wasn't like they hadn't heard you two bicker and yell at each other before - it was practically a daily occurrence. You were always at each others throats and the smallest thing could tick you guys off but today was different. Today your anger was completely justified and directed at the exact right person.

"Why don't we all calm down and talk this over calmly?" Steve gently tried to suggest, always the voice of reason during times like these. Sometimes you would entertain his ideas but today was not one of those days.

"Fuck off, Murphy!" you snapped.

Peña redirected his attention to the blond-haired agent. "Give me a minute."

"Oh, you are going to try to magically explain this one away?" you ridiculed as Murphy left the room quietly, shutting the door gently and leaving you two alone.

Javier looked back at you, looking calm as ever and unaffected in every way. It only made your blood bubble even more and as he spoke, you felt your whole body clench up. "You need to calm down."

You hissed at that comment, literally hissed. "Oh, fuck off! You have no right to tell me to calm down. If somebody did this to you, you'd be tearing into their ass and acting like a bitch."

Javier couldn't argue that point, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that not only was it true, but there was no way he could convince you it wasn't. It also was probably the worst thing to say in this given situation, always was something that tipped you off.

"I mean, the fucking audacity you have is unbelievable. Truly impressive." you started to ramble, still sending a deadly glare his way. "You think you are hot shit because you are Javier Peña and you are a DEA agent and the fucking man whore of Columbia. But I am just as good as you, Peña. Hell, I am probably fucking better!"

"You are right."

You froze as you heard his agreement, biting your lip as you tried to detect whether or not that was meant to be some sarcastic play to rile you up. But it appeared genuine which only confused you further. "Then why am I being excluded from extremely important events?"

"It's dangerous." Peña answered plainly, adding no additional details as if that was enough.

You scoffed, tilting your head at him. "No shit, Peña. No offense but no one becomes a DEA agent because it is a safe, secure job. So that doesn't explain why I wasn't included in this."

Peña shook his head, leaning against the rack of files as he looked back at you. You wanted to force him to look away, his stare making you uncomfortable but there was no way you were backing down. "It does. This one is particularly dangerous and I don't want you involved."

Your eyes widened as you took in this new information. "Oh, so you think I can't handle myself?"

"I never said that-"

"I can handle myself, Peña. I am a fucking adult and not to sound cocky, but a hell of a fucking agent. I am capable and I am strong!"

"I know."

"And I can handle this mission."

"I know."

"Then why the fuck did I have to find out from Murphy that I am not joining you guys tomorrow?" you yelled, feeling your body become slightly fatigued from all the anger but you still stood straight and tall.

"Because you care too much and you'll get yourself killed if that means nailing these guys." Peña said plainly. No hint of emotion or manipulation. Just an honest answer to an honest question.

You found yourself for the first time not feeling angry but slight bamboozled. It felt like the rug had been pulled under your feet. You were standing across fucking Javier Peña, who you were pretty sure had never seen take a single day off. "That is the most hypocritical thing I've ever heard."

Peña nodded. "Okay."

You rolled your eyes, feeling once again angry by the dismissal. "Well fuck off because I spoke to everybody and I am on the team tomorrow."

You began to turn towards the exit when the man firmly stated, "No."

You turned back around, an eyebrow raised. "Excuse the fuck outta me?"

"I'm in charge tomorrow and you aren't on." Peña said, a sliver of annoyance eeking out of his words as he looked back at you with a stern glare.

"Fuck off. If I want to go, I'll go." you fired back, arms crossing over your chest defiantly.

Peña stepped closer to you until he was a couple feet away, his voice lowering to a menacingly deep level. "I don't want you on tomorrow."

Your eyes were practically shooting bullets in his direction. "I know you don't fucking like me Peña, but stop acting like a school boy and get your head out of your ass."

"Maybe you are the one with your head up your ass, agent." Peña cooly said.

You tried to ignore the way he was looking at you (and the way you could smell his aftershave from here) and put your hands on your hips. "Fuck you, Peña. You don't want me on tomorrow because I am a better agent than you, you selfish prick."

"That isn't it." Peña said with a chuckle, shaking his head as if you were saying the stupidest thing he had ever heard.

"It fucking is, isn't it? You don't want me strolling into your operation and doing the job better than you. Can't have your huge fucking ego tarnished by me!"

"That is not the reason why!" Peña shouted back, feeling himself lose his temper slightly.

This was the Peña you were used to, the one you egged on and led into a battle of cruel words and hateful glares. "Oh, fuck off. That is absolutely why!"

"Maybe, just fucking maybe-" Peña cut himself off, his chest now heaving as he copied your pose, hands on his hips and body stood straight.

You couldn't help the small grin that grew on your face. "What is it, Peña? Say it. Don't punk out now when things were just getting interesting."

"You are a child." Peña spat back.

You chuckled harshly. "Look in the mirror before you start throwing insults around, Peña. Now what were you going to say?"

Peña stared back at you, your eyes locked together in a visceral manner. "I don't want you to fucking die."

You couldn't help the throaty laugh that erupted from your very core, your head thrown back as you looked away from him for the first time to try to gather your composure. "Oh, fucking please! Spare me. You have never given a shit for me!"

Peña shook his head, looking slightly deflated as he looked away from you. "Fuck off."

"Oh, don't act like that. I am just supposed to stand here and believe that this whole time you've secretly cared about my safety and you don't have me on the operation tomorrow in order to keep me safe?"

Peña looked back up at you and you nearly wavered from the look in his eyes. You couldn't handle it if it were the truth, which the look he gave you said it was, so you continued on doing what you did best. "I don't need anybody to protect me. Certainly not you, Javier Peña."

"I'm not trying to protect you."

You lifted up a hand emphatically. "So you didn't not put me on this because you don't want me to die?"

"Fucking hell, you are so frustrating." Peña yelled back, face red and eyes throwing daggers as he stepped even closer to you.

You didn't dare take a single step back. You would show no fear or weakness. "And you are such a walk in the park? I forgot about how the man-whore of Columbia was always just a pleasant-"

You were cut off by Peña lunging forward and for a split second you thought 'Oh, shit. I'm gonna have to kick Peña's ass.' That was until you felt a pair of rough, chapped lips press into yours mercilessly and a pair of calloused hands grab at the side of your face.

You stood still for a solid few seconds, your brain seeming to short-circuit until it slowly registered the undeniable truth of the situation: Javier Peña was fucking kissing you.

Well then push him off of you!

Except you didn't. For all intents and purposes, you should have. You should of shoved him off of you, yelled at him for trying to pull his 'sex god' card on you, and maybe even delivered a striking slap to his face, just for dramatic effect. But you didn't. You stood there completely still until eventually your hands reached for the collar of his jacket, roughly pulling him in until he was pressed so tightly to you that you didn't think there was an centimeter of distance between the two of you.

You felt him turn you, pushing you back until your back hit the same file cabinet he had been leaning against earlier. Your lips finally caught up with the rest of you, lips fighting dominantly against each other in a frantic battle. It probably wasn't the prettiest kiss but holy shit, you couldn't think of a time you had been kissed like this. The kiss was so striking but also so passionate, both of you fighting each other in the most deliriously addictive way. You couldn't ignore the smallest voice in the back of your brain asking you why you hadn't done this way earlier.

Eventually your tongues danced against each other, begging for even the smallest taste of each other like you were both addicts craving even the slightest taste from the bottle. His hands drifted away from your face to your hips, clutching them roughly and tightly but not hurting you in any way. Just gripping hard enough for you to feel them and feel the emotion.

Eventually, after what felt simultaneously likes hours but also mere seconds, Peña pulled away and holy fuck, how did he look so good? His lips were puffed and red, slightly wet from the sloppiness of the kiss. His eyes were hooded and looking at you in a way he had before but you had never been able to place, always mistaking the lustiness for hatred (and hold up, had it just been lust this whole time?). His jacket was still clutched tightly in your hands and you should of let go. Anyone could walk in and see him standing up against you on a shelf with your faces red and chests heaving but you couldn't even bother to care, your brain still reeling and your body betraying you, yearning for more.

"I'm going tomorrow." you said, still slightly out of breath.

Peña sighed, his warm breath fanning over you and smelling slightly of mint gum and stale cigarettes. "I know you are."

You nodded, glad to see his slow acceptance creep in. You slowly released the jacket, looking at how it had crinkled from how tightly you had pulled him to you. He backed up slowly, one small step at a time as his eyes still traced each others faces.

Part of you wanted to reach out and kiss him again, fight with him again in the most delicious way but the door opened and you both turned to see the tall, blond-haired agent you had both become closer with than you initially thought possible.

"Have you guys killed each other?" he asked, trying to joke but also hesitant to with how foul your mood had been.

You desperately pulled away from the shelf and shook your head, though not to answer him but in some desperate attempt to try to shake away the evidence of what just happened (despite the fact that it was imprinted on your mind). "No. I'm going tomorrow."

Murphy shared a weary look with Peña who just gave a short nod and began to walk towards the exit. "She comes. If she gets shot, its not my problem."

You and Murphy both watched him slip past, moving out of the room and down the hall, away from you. Murphy twisted his head to look back at you, shaking his head. "Based off his behavior, I'd say that went well." he sarcastically mumbled.

You tried to chuckle but it sounded fake and hollow, your mind too preoccupied. "Yeah. Super well."

Murphy gave a roll of the eyes, used to the two of you being frustrated with the other as he slipped away from the doorway. You followed him as you made your way out of the room, the room where you still comprehend what exactly had happened in it. "You must of really went after each other this time."

You nearly choked at Murphy's quip, your mind taking a moment to realize he was speaking rhetorically about your arguing. He had no way to know the violent dance your lips had done or the way you both had perfectly expressed arousal and hatred with your tongues alone.

You just hummed, pushing past Murphy to head to your desk so you could work and just forget what had happened. Forget it because it meant nothing.

#javier peña #javier pena #narcos #narcos netflix #javier peña x reader #javier pena x reader #javier peña x gn!reader #javier pena x gn!reader #javier peña x f!reader #javier pena x f!reader #javier peña imagine #javier pena imagine #javier peña one shot #javier pena one shot #javier peña blurb #javier pena blurb #narcos imagine #javier peña fanfiction

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

My friend is a big fan of you as well and asked me to request this:

A Janus fic based on the song Monster by Dev https://youtu.be/5iA_oFDNt9E

I think the song could fit him quite well, maybe with the others being like “out of all of us, h i m???”

-🦑

Songfic?? With Janus angst?? My time has come *ascends*

CW: Unsympathetic Light Sides (they're not assholes but they're basically unsupportive, concerned for Reader, and hateful/distrustful of Janus)

...........

Call the doctor, call the doctor Must be something wrong with me He's a monster, why do I want ya Please tell me, please tell me

"What?!! [Y/n] this..this cannot possibly be true!"

"Roman-"

"You could've had any one of the fine gentlemen here...but more importantly me.."

"Roman, just calm-"

"And yet you chose him?! That wretched slimy snake?!" The princely Side pointed rudely at Janus, who was just sitting on the couch beside you. He frowned as he fiddled with the chain of his capelet, finding more interest in that than the uncomfortable conversation currently taking place.

This wasn't even the direction you nor him expected it to take. It was already going south..straight towards hell.

All because Remus couldn't keep his mouth shut and blurted out the revelation that you and Janus were dating.

Ironically, he was the one who confessed to you first--something that you're certain no Side would ever believe.

"There's got to be something wrong with your head." Roman shook his head in dismay, before approaching you. "Come now. We'll find you a true Prince Charming! One that's not a vile fibber like-"

Suddenly you sprang up, moving away from him. "You don't get to choose who I fall in love with. Remus.." You glared at the dark half of creativity. "I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't leave right now."

"Do ya promise~?" He giggled, refusing to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. "You know I'm into that."

"Let it go, [y/n]." Janus tried to assure you. "They're both bumbling fools."

"A fool?!" Roman gasped. "The only fool here is YOU!! Trying to tempt them with your false promises of love and affection! What do you know about romance?!"

"Apparently more than you." You interrupted, standing by your lover in a defensive manner. "I know this isn't exactly how I planned to tell you but god just calm down for a minute."

You definitely didn't anticipate this kind of freakout from him. You thought he'd be asking about the how's and when's of falling in love, as one would expect from the "romantic expert" of the Sides.

You had a plan to tell all of them individually, but..starting with the guy who was deceived most and openly mocked his name probably wasn't a good idea.

Eventually the two halves of creativity left you both alone. And only then did you sit back down next to the now-dejected Janus, holding his hand. "Sorry you had to hear all that."

"Oh don't worry, it'sss new to me." He muttered, squeezing your hand in turn. "I'm sure Roman will have a tough time realizing he's definitely the most handsome one around here." The smirk he gave made you chuckle.

"Yeah, well..he'll get over it. We got off on the wrong foot with him, but I'm sure the others will be more accepting."

He's a monster He's a monster That boy, he's a motherfucking monster But I love him, yeah I love him Ooh ah, ooh ah ah

"Seriously? That guy?"

"Just hear me out, Virgil-"

"Oh I've heard plenty. I'm just warning you that it's a bad idea." Virgil huffed as he put his phone down. "He's a monster who's gonna use you for some selfish gain. You've seen it. He only cares about himself and hurts people to keep it that way."

"I know you've known him longest but...I'm pretty sure at this point he's moved past all of that." You pointed out. "Honestly, the only one being hurt here is him. First Roman, and now you?"

Despite your arguments, he just didn't seem convinced. "I'm not doing this to give you anxiety...I can only do that to Thomas. And I'm not gonna say "breakup with him right now". I'm just telling you that he's not what he seems."

"I appreciate your worries, but I love him and that's that." You insisted, crossing your arms over your chest as you stood defiant. Obviously it was in his nature to tell you to stay cautious, and he'd probably say the same if you were dating anyone else.

But calling Janus a monster seemed awfully harsh. You haven't even heard him call Remus that, which was odd.

'Seriously why is he being such a prick?'

"..whatever you say." Virgil shrugged before sinking out, leaving you alone by the staircase.

"I wouldn't worry. His opinion of me has never changed."

You realized Janus was eavesdropping and turned to face him, sighing. "Jan, are you doing something that's making them be so... brutally honest? This just seems unusual for them."

"Not that I'm aware of." He had briefly removed his glove, indicating he was tell you the truth.

"Hm..then again, Roman and Virgil are sorta the least-rational ones. One's jealous that he doesn't have a date and the other overthinks a lot."

"Wonderful observations, my dear."

"Patton and Logan are more down-to-earth and clear-headed so they might have more understanding."

"I'm sure they will." Janus' tone didn't match the optimistic words he uttered as he slipped the glove back on. "Oh and..I'll try not eavesdrop anymore."

Little did you know, that would be two lies.

Most people are scared When they look him in the eyes, all they see is fear (but) Let me make this clear I want him near

"How can you look into his eyes and..and.."

"Go on."

"And not be scared?! I know I would be, kiddo."

"...Patton, is that seriously your only argument? That he looks creepy?"

"No, no! I just..." For a moment the fatherly Side paused, before he sighed and patted your shoulder. "Listen, I do think you're being a good influence on that wriggly snake but...I only worry he's being a bad influence on you. Every time he's near you I-"

"It sounds like your only argument is "he's a creepy crawly snake so I shouldn't trust or love him". Is that all?"

"It's...a bit more complicated than-"

"It's a yes or no, Pat."

"...I'm trying to look at the bigger picture and, sure there's some good in him but..I worry he's gonna hurt you in the end, that's all. Like he hurt us several times by impersonating us." He tried to reason, but you just brushed his hand off your shoulder in disbelief.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd be one to judge books by their covers." You frowned slightly. "Well let me make this clear: I want him near me. I feel safe around him. I love him, outward appearances and all. So if you can't accept the way I see him then...we're done here."

With no more defenses, Patton sank out as you left the room. But in the hallway you spotted a familiar capelet vanish around the corner, and you found Janus, who manifested a brown eye contact over his snake eye. His scales almost vanished under his skin, but you called out to him before they could disappear entirely.

"Janus? I thought you weren't going to-"

"I..n-never expected Patton of all people to say that.." He held the side of his face shakily, keeping his head lowered so you didn't see the gradually forming tears. Only now he was starting to feel the impact of everyone's words. "If..it's my looks then...I can surely make adjusssstments.."

"No, sweetheart. You don't have to change your looks or be anyone else for me." You cupped a hand over the one that still covered the scales. "C'mon. You can't seriously believe Patton's dumb reasoning, right?"

"........."

All you got was a silent nod.

Most people can't sleep Feeling he's out, on the streets (but) He is my creep He is my creep

"While I see your relationship to Janus is beneficial-"

"Actually, nevermind. You're just gonna tell me the same shit everyone else did."

"...now [y/n], remember what we've discussed on cognitive distortions-"

"Jumping to conclusions? Overgeneralizing? I know. But I have valid reasons for those. You all think Janus is gonna hurt me because he's some "freaky selfish snake". But he's not, alright? He's been more truthful with me lately and I'm sick of the others not believing anything we say. So please, Logan..can you take my side for once?"

Logan was surprised by your outburst. He didn't even know you've talked to the others about Janus and assumed he'd respond in a similar fashion.

But he adjusted his glasses and looked at his notebook, all traces of emotion vanishing. "Logic can't take sides. If you would just listen..I've observed that your interactions with him have been generally positive, and that's helped Thomas-"

"There you go again..why does everything always gotta lead back to Thomas? Can't you just recognize Janus as his own person without assuming I'm only dating him to help-?"

"Because he can't be distracted from his core function!!"

You jumped a bit as he slammed down the notebook, scowling at you with a slight orange tinge behind his glasses. Though it was quick to disappear as he sighed. "He can never be his own person. You two will never have a truly normal relationship. I only advise that you keep that in the back of your mind."

And just like that, he left.

Every discussion you've had with a "Light" Side only left the bitter taste of frustration in your mouth...

Now what should you-?

You were startled again as you heard a nearby door slam shut, before realizing who overheard this conversation.

"Shit."

Is he human, does it matter I know he's what I'm after I can reel him, from disaster I know

"So..th-that's how they all see me, huh? A monster..n-not even a person."

"Jan.." Joining your boyfriend on the king-sized mattress, decorated in black and gold much like himself, you could finally see those walls he built up now crumbling to pieces.

One way or another, he heard what every Side had to say about him. And it was more than enough for him to realize they not only shun him for simply existing..

But they refuse to accept the idea that he's worthy of love, too. He can take the name-calling and insults in the videos, but this is what truly broke him.

He just scratched at his scales, his human eye already red and raw from crying as he wondered why you went through all of this just for him.

Any sane person would listen to the others and just breakup with him. He wasn't worth the effort.

You clearly deserved better.

You deserved someone who's more handsome, chill, kindhearted, or sensible-

"I know you can't truly be human but..does it matter?"

"...does it?" He sniffled, leaning into your touch more as you ran a hand through his hair. "Because apparently not. I know I'm not a perfect, flawless individual..I-I don't expect any of us to be. But if only I-I never-"

"Jan..you can't focus on what you can't change. I know you feel guilty, and if the others can't see that...it's their own fault. I won't stop fighting for us and for your happiness. I love you, okay?" Turning to him fully, you cupped both sides of his face and looked into his eyes.

"And in case you think I'm lying, I'll say it again: I. Love. You. None of their words will change that."

Hearing you become so determined to love him despite all odds made him sob again, this time from relief, as you put your arms around him.

Nobody's ever taken his side on anything...and certainly never defended him the way you did.

You felt several extra arms manifest to hug you back, and you smiled, closing your eyes.

Maybe in time the others will understand. But while it's true he looked like a monster and had his deceitful ways..

You knew what you were after.

And so did he.

Call the doctor, call the doctor Must be something wrong with me He's a monster, why do I want ya Please tell me, please tell me

#clanask #squid anon #sanders sides x reader #sanders sides imagine #janus sanders x reader #janus sanders #angst #hurt/comfort #songfic

[bluejaytaco]

DND with Jay (A season finale of sorts)

(Like I said, a lot of shit happened. Here’s some more!)

DM: After the sandstorm dissipates, you are all left in the presence of Bahamut’s head as Shmoogy leaves. Anyone want to say anything? Possibly to Theodora, who just watched another god behead her god?

Theodora: (Still kneeling in the sand near her god’s head)........

Koejin: (Walks up and just stands next to her)

Alabaster’s bag starts to yell out a muffled “what the fuck was that?!” And Alabaster pulls out Haida’s severed head. (Context: Haida is another Acentria’s Thia (our leader.) She is a necromancer who works under Ticket Master in that world (or at least she claims. Art’s not too sure.) The big thing that sets her apart from Thia is that Haida has no problem killing people while Thia is a pure pacifist. Haida tells us that Thia has to kill Mrs. Red. Once again, Art is skeptical.

(More Context: Art and Thia once had an argument after they killed General Blue. I don’t think Thia has really forgiven him for it, but she’s slowly working on trusting him again.))

Alabaster: Oh! Hello there!

Haida: Ahhh! God you’re haunting! What was that noise?!

Alabaster: (turns and faces her to Bahamut)

Haida:....Oh... shit.... wait.... this is ...good... yeah, this is good!

Art:...Is it?

Haida: Yeah, I mean. We were fighting him and now he’d dead, right? Good work, team!

(Alabaster returns Haida to his bag.)

Wreybar: I wanna attempt to play field hockey with Bahamut’s head! (Runs up and smacks the massive dragon head with her axe only to fall down)

Art: (sighs and walks over to Wreybar, leans over to look down at her) You good there, buddy?

Wreybar: (thumbs up)

Hennessy:(Walks up and hands Theodora her sword) I believe this belongs to you?

Theodora: ........... (takes it super reluctantly)

Now that the sandstorm has dissipated, we can see across the desert to another city where Mrs. Red is landing. Those who rolled high on investigation can see that Rieta is on her back. (Art was one of the high rollers.)

But, before we can react, fifty soldiers come marching out of the city and surround us, swords and shields at the ready. The head guard walks up to us with a scroll.

Head Guard: Under direct order from Mrs. Red, the City of Clearly Snowball hereby puts all of you under arrest (points to Hennessy) you, for being worshipped as a false god up in the Samhain islands. (points to Alabaster) you, for worshipping a false god and spreading his word. (Points to Art) you, for having lain with evil itself. (points to Theodora) you, for abandoning your post and the worship of a false god. (points to Koejin) you, for a long list of crimes, including the murder of General Blue. (points to Wreybar) and you, for being just... a tiny abomination.

Wreybar: try me, bitch. (for context, Wreybar is a gnome with a high pitch helium baby voice)

Head Guard: It’s up to you whether you want to go peacefully or not. We could make this get ugly.

Art:... you know who we are. ‘Peaceful’ isn’t exactly our style.

Head Guard: That’s why there’s fifty of us. (They brace themselves)

(The party tenses up. We were kinda preparing for a fight.)

Theodora: Stop! .... We’ll go. (turns back to us) We’ll go...

(All of us kinda had different ideas as to what we were going to do. Some wanted to fight. Others wanted to just go quietly.)

DM: We’ll go one by one and you all can choose how to react to your guard.

Alabaster’s guard: (looks at him and sighs) Look, this will all be easier if you come quietly and.... maybe consider changing your worship practice.

Alabaster: Yes... I’ll keep that in mind.

Hennesy’s guard: (just goes to work on handcuffing Hennessy)

Hennessy:... please don’t make them too tight now.... (high roll on persuasion)

Hennessy’s guard:.... (keeps cuffs pretty loose)

Art’s Guard: (walks up like he’s all tough) hands behind your head.

(Me: Can I roll to see if this is all an act?

DM: Sure. (High roll) Alright, so you see it isn’t; he means business. But Art’s seen this before. The man’s overcompensating for something.

Hennessy’s player: He got a tiny dick!)

((If I was even remotely close to Art’s charisma, I probably would’ve been able to find out something to do with that...))

Art: Look, you don’t have to do this. If you let us go, we can pretend this never happened; we leave this city and we never come back. (Low persuasion roll)

Art’s Guard: For someone who laid with evil, you’d think your tongue would be a little more silver.

Art:.... ( puts his hands behind his head and casts Mislead. Invisible Art walks away)

Head Guard: (sighs) stay where you are, tiefling. (breaks through Art’s spell. Hennessy now sees that the armor grants the soldiers Truesight.)

Art: (suddenly appearing mid escape) ....shit.... (seeing Hennessy and Alabaster pretty much already cuffed makes him yield)

DM: Art, I’m gonna need you to roll a wisdom saving throw.... if you don’t pass it, shit’s gonna go down.

Me: (rolls a 19).... ugh.... I really wanted to see shit go down....

DM: Art, you know Ticket Master pretty well now. So, you close your fist before he can say anything as the guard cuffs you.

Koejin’s player: Okay, so I’ve been thinking up quips and stuff while this is happening and so I call out (I forget what she said...) and punch my guard in the gut, then follow that up with “Quit slut-shaming the bard!”

(Funny OOC moment: Hennessy’s player misheard Koejin’s and thought she said “punch in the butt.” This turned into ten minutes of everyone inventing a rom com where it’s basically just an hour of... certain butt stuff that ends in “I’m sorry, what was your name?”... we’re all pretty fucked up people. I love this group.)

DM: do you wanna see your guard before you do this?

Koejin: ...fuck it, yeah. I’m still gonna do it.

DM: You’re gonna feel a little silly. Because when you turn to punch, you don’t have a man standing in front of you. You have a kid. And you just decked him right in the face. He falls flat on his ass and his lip starts quivering.

Koejin:.... uhhh, hey.... Why do I get the child?

Art’s Guard: (as he’s handcuffing Art) I’m not gonna be the one to deal with you.

Art: (shrugs) you are the most dangerous out of all of us.

Koejin: (touched) Thank you, Art! 

Art: That being said... why the fuck did you bring a child here?!

(We start shaming the soldiers for bringing a little kid to capture some highly dangerous criminals. Koejin tries to convince the kid to help us out and we can help him find his parents. Then, the head guard walks up and guides the kid back over to Koejin. Koejin goes to punch the guard, hits his armor, and shatters the bones in her hand.)

Koejin: FUUUUUUUCK!!!!!

Head Guard: not so smart for a ranger to lose her firing hand. (guides the kid back to her) put the cuffs on.

Child Guard: (still sniveling.. up until he locks the cuffs. Then the water works stop.) Dumb bitch....

Koejin: (mouth agape) (goes to kick the kid)

(Me: Can we all try and trip the little shit as he walks passed?

DM: no.)

Koejin: (As she’s being arrested, turns to shout at Theodora) You don’t get to leave and then expect us to go quietly!

Theodora’s Guard: (possibly the calmest and most quiet)

Theodora: (Recognizes him but can’t quite put her finger on as to why) ....how do we know each other?

Theodora’s Guard: I don’t believe we’ve met. Please just come quietly.

Theodora: (Nods)

Wreybar’s guard: Now, are you gonna put up a fight?

Wreybar: Come at me, motherfucker! What you gonna do, put a cuff over my stump?! Do it! See what happens!

Wreybar’s guard: (Stabs a large spike into her stump where, at the top, is the sigil of Mrs. Red on a piece about the size of a fist. He then cauterizes the wound and glares at her) there. Now I have a place for the cuffs.

The rest of the party: ....(in shock)

Art, cuz he can’t ever keep his mouth shut:.... holy fuck...

DM: You’re all loaded into the caravan one by one, and your guards are following closely behind. Theodora, Hennessy, as it drives away, you see Green appear in front of the head of Bahamut. He puts his hands on his head in shock.

Hennessy: (Distracts his guard just enough to then shoot out magic missile like a flare)

Green: (sees it but doesn’t come after the caravan)

DM: Theodora, you notice your guard is staring Art down. Like, intensely staring at him.

Me: Do I notice? 

DM: Roll perception (high roll) yes, but when you look to meet his eye, he looks away.

Me: I’m gonna roll to see if I know him. (another high roll; this was a pretty good night for Art)

DM: So, you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’ve slept with him. (Koejin’s player: of course he did!) There is no question in your mind. But you don’t ever remember sleeping with an elf. (Me: Weird thing for Art to not have done...)

Art: (now staring at Theodora’s guard, trying really really hard to remember when and how.)

Kid guard: (still being all smug)

Theodora:.... I’m sorry they got to you so young...

Kid guard: You really don’t get it, do you? (points to the head guard) That’s my dad.

Koejin: Oh, so you’re the worst kind of little shit. A ‘ do you know who my father is’ little shit.

Kid guard: Shut up. You’re going back to jail. I know your type, I can smell the alcohol on you from here.

Art: (while still staring) being an alcoholic isn’t a crime.

The kid ignored Art and continued to talk about them being criminals and how Koejin was going to spent the rest of her life behind bars. You know, because daddy said it was gonna be like that. The fighting does eventually dwindle.

Koejin: Hey, can someone heal my hand please? It really hurts...

Art: (pulling his attention away from the guard to glare at Koejin) 

Wreybar: (also glaring at Koejin) Ohhhh, does your hand hurt?! Wouldn’t know what that’s like!

Art: It must be soooooo painful!! I feel soooo bad for you!

Koejin: Okay look, both of you can go an- (can barely be heard over Wreybar and Art talking about how much they care about Koejin’s hand pain.)

((Context: Art’s hand was sliced off by Koejin quite a few sessions ago; it was reattached by Ticket Master and is now the main source of speaking for the god. Also, Wreybar has a stump where her hand used to be because Koejin convinced her to remove the bracelet which led to a lost hand.))

Head Guard: Listen... stop your fucking bickering or this is going to be a painful time for all of you. 

We pull up to the jail and are ushered out of the caravan. Art goes to take this opportunity to try and send a message to Theodora’s guard to, once more, try and figure out how he knows him. All he gets back is ear piecing feedback.

Art, a dumbass who assumes this has something to do with magic: (leans closer to Hennessy) might wanna try not to use magic...

Hennessy: So we’ll have to get through this with our wits and wiles. Luckily (shows Art his loosened cuffs) we have those in spades.

We all get thrown into our cells, all separate cells but still within reach and the ability to talk to one another. There’s an empty, broken down cell next to Art and a cell with an elf boy next to Alabaster. Once the guards are gone, we all work to slip out of our cuffs. Well, all but Theodora.

As we’re all arguing (as we often do; it’s amazing we can get anything done) the boy in the cell wakes up and tells us all to shut the fuck up. His name is Vance; he’s got one eye sewn shut and was thrown in jail for literally telling Clearly (The city-dictator and Alabaster’s sister) that he’ll kill her. Coolest homeless kid.

Koejin finds this suspicious and shames Alabaster for revealing his name to the child.

Vance: You know, you look a lot like Clearly Snowball...

Alabaster:....er...well, you see....

Art, knowing Alabaster can’t lie: He gets that a lot. Like, all the time.

Alabaster: Yes! Quite!

Vance: Look, I don’t give a shit. Just saying it’s not common to see such an elf monstrosity and yet.... here we have two of them.

((Meanwhile))

Koejin: (sticks her hand through the bar to Theodora’s cell) Hey, could you help me out with this?

Theodora:....not anymore.

Hennessy: (easily misty steps right out of his cell) I was actually curious, Theodora. Now that Bahamut is... well... does that make you an Oathbreaker?

Theodora: I don’t know.... God has never died in front of me before.

Alabaster: Well.... in my studies, I learned that when a god is slain by another, that god then gains their realm as well...

(A moment of tense silence as everything settles into what that might mean.)

Art: (Sees Hennessy Misty step and uses dimension door to do the same)... huh... (picks the lock to his cell so he can go in and out if someone comes in. He then turns and looks over at the broken down cell.)

Vance: You know, guys, they’re gonna be back to give us food in a bit. And the guard who feeds us isn’t one you wanna mess with.

Hennessy: (goes to use magic to free Koejin.)

Koejin: Whoa whoa, hey! Why are you doing that when Art can pick locks?!

Hennessy: Huh? Oh! Art, would you mind freeing our compatriots?

Art: (actually remembers he’s kinda the Rouge stand-in) Right, yeah. (Works to pick every lock the same way he did for his own cell; so that, if someone comes in, we can all get back in the cell, no problem. He’s able to do it to every cell but Wreybar’s.)

Alabaster: (heals Koejin’s hand once both of them are free)

Art:(stops at Vance’s cell) Hm...

Vance: So, tiefling? Gunna let me out too?

Art: (pauses at Vance’s cell)...We all good to let the kid free? Koejin?

Koejin: Ugh, yeah I guess.

Theodora: Art.... please... free him.

Art: Yeah, okay.... (unlocks Vance’s cell)

Vance: Great. Now, like I said, they’re gonna be coming into feed us soon, so... 

We all end up flooding back into our cells for a few minutes when a familiar face enters the room. 

((Really long bit of context here: First general we took down was General Green who was then replaced with Thia’s guy; an Aarakocroa named Zerg. Zerg had a wife that we forgot to search for in the library (Green’s battleground, basically) which lead to her being horribly injured. Red found her and brought her to Vincent (Hennessy’s fiancé and possibly the only sane tiefling in this entire world) where he was able to make her some new body parts. Pretty much all technological advancements in this world are the work of Vincent in some way. Anyway, we went back to the first city and found her fighting with her husband. There, she swore to kill us all and was pretty much put in place to be one of the new Generals.

She has no name as far as I remember. Also, she’s batshit. So, for now, imma call her General Batshit.))

General Batshit: (walks in and looks at all of us with a growl) ugh... (Tosses Vance’s food into his cell before addressing all of us) Mrs. Red wants all of you alive so she can deal with you herself. But... I guess it can’t be helped if you all starve to death. (throws down the food in the middle of the room and laughs as she walks out.)

Art:...This is poor planning on her part... Red’s gonna see that we were never fed and who’s that gonna link back to?

Alabaster: Not to mention how unsanitary it is to simply throw the food in the middle of the room.

(Everyone walks back out of their cells.)

Art, to Vance: How much time does that give us?

Vance: They usually check like every half hour. But that could be changed considering there’s more people.

Koejin: Right, so we figure out a way quickly. Does a certain talking hand have anything to say?

Art:....He hasn’t said anything in a while. (looks at his hand. The Ticket Master hand still has the cuff on it.)

Koejin: (helps remove the cuff and looks down at the hand again, getting real close.) Hey, buddy. You there?

Art:.... (slaps her with that hand) Sorry, it has a mind of it’s own.

((DM: Roll deception

Me: Dude, I was kidding.

DM: okay, you roll deception and Koejin rolls insight. See if she falls for it.))

Koejin: (rolled low and gasps happily) he’s back!!

Art: (rolled high on deception and can’t believe Koejin fell for it)....(smacks her with his other hand)

Koejin: (finally gets it) See if I ever save your life again.

They all start looking around. Art goes and studies the broken down cell to figure out why it’s in the condition it’s in. When he does, a smilie face glows in the back of the cell.

Art:... guys! I found something! (A little excited because he knows who it is) Wreybaaaarrrr! I wanna get in here!

Hennessy: (Stepping over to see and recognizes the mark) Why, Art, I do believe that is Ticket Master-

Art: I dO BeliEve tHaT iT’s- yeah, no shit it’s Ticket Master!

Hennessy: (Deadpan stare) It’s his sigil. From his jacket.

There is no getting into the cell, the door is completely rusted shut. Art tries to get Wreybar to pry it open, but they don’t have the time.

There’s a sudden rumble outside the jail. Like a giant explosion that shakes everything. Because of the lack of windows, we can’t see what happened. As we’re all trying to figure it out, Hennessy sees the door starting to open. He then moves to hide behind the door, possibly to ambush the newcomer.

It’s Theodora’s guard.

Theodora’s Guard: Listen, we don’t have much time. I have to get you out of here.

Koejin: Was that explosion you?

Theodora: Why are you helping us?

Theodora’s guard: No, it wasn’t. I’m just using it’s timing. I don’t know why I’m helping you. I just! I just feel like... I need to.

Art: There’s gotta be a reason. You know, maybe some kind of...purely platonic feeling... Something other than just “I need to help these people.” 

Theodora’s Guard: (blushes the moment Art mentions “platonic feelings”) I don’t know... I just feel like you’re.... friends. (huge hint that I didn’t even realize was a fucking hint until typing this out!!)

Vance: Yeah, that’s cool and all. But.... am I free to go?

Theodora’s Guard: I don’t care what you do.

Theodora: What do we call you then, friend?

Theodora’s Guard: My name is Samhaiel.

Art: Samhaiel.... Right.

Koejin: We trust him, right?

Alabaster: Yes! Samhaiel is friend-shaped!

That’s all it took for everyone to approve of Samhaiel. We all end up running from the jail and see a giant black force working to destroy the building. And that’s when we run into another familiar face.

It’s Green. (To recap: Green is a lich who was our first general. He’s on our side now.)

Green, so done with our shit:....Looks like you guys got yourself in quite the shit show.

He leads us to an abandoned house where we can talk about all the events that took place. Meanwhile, we’re all trying to figure out what’s going on with Samhaiel, where it’s pretty obvious Art’s frustrated with the idea of knowing him but not knowing him.

There’s a moment where Samhaiel is ushered away to stand guard while we talk a little bit. (There’s a moment where it shows that the guard is pretty intimidated by Green.)

Art: Can’t we just have Green attach to him?!

Green: I could use a little energy since the travel here....

Theodora: No. No more brain sucking. 

Art: Oh, come on!

Koejin: Wait... how do you know him, Art?

Art: Errr.... well...

Green: Would someone mind filling me in on what the fuck is going on?!

Art pulls Green to the side, further away from Samhaiel (because we don’t know how much we can really trust him) and tells him everything they’ve done and what they know about the god war. They rejoin the group shortly after the convo.

Green: So.... I’m going to be needed. Understand that, by doing this, the gems will be destroyed. Meatball will always be Meatball. All hope for returning Eltbalm to his body will be lost.

Koejin: I think that’s something we’re willing to deal with....

Art:....what’ll happen to Rieta?

Green: If you can get the gem from her spine safely, nothing. But... That’s the problem. Getting her gem. For now... I would very much like to see what he knows (gestures to Samhaiel)

Theodora: .....

Art: It’s not permanent! Shit, I was only an idiot for a little bit.

Koejin: You’re still an idiot.

Art:... Hmph... Be that as it may... I volunteer for Samhaiel to get his knowledge seeped.

Green: I’ll only accept a unanimous decision. (turns to everyone else) 

Everyone: (reluctantly agrees to allow a knowledge seep from out new friend.)

Samhaiel is called back over to the group. The line pops out from Green and immediately sticks into Samhaiel’s forehead. There’s a moment of nothing, then Green collapses on the ground.

Samhaiel stands up straight and smiles wide: Hello, friends! (It’s Ticket Master)

((Koejin’s player: I fucking knew it!!!

Me: I had a feeling... I just wasn’t sure...) (Why that other part was a huge hint. Since the beginning, Ticket Master has always referred to our group as “friends.” It’s also always the giveaway when someone is being controlled by his powers.))

Samhaiel: Yes, this must be very confusing for all of you. You see, this is my mortal form.

Art: Does that mean Samhaiel is your name?! (realizes his mistake as soon as the words leave his mouth.) ((AKA: Jay forgot for a moment, Ticket Master doesn’t remember his original name))

Ticket Master: (staring at Art in annoyed silence) ....Moving on.

Art: Yeah, for the best....

Ticket Master: You have to bring this form to me, but first you’ll need to get to that other city across the desert, yes? Well, my friends, you let that boy go. 

Koejin: He was too cool to keep around.

Ticket Master: Yes, well, cool or not... He was your best hope for travel, especially now (he gestures to Green) That eye of his was a portal. And you just let him go. So now, it’s up to you to find a new way. 

(We all kinda pause as we let that sink in. A lot of shit’s been happening to us...)

Ticket Master: But, as of right now, I can’t stay in this body. And we should let him back up again.

Art: Yeah... maybe knowledge sucking was a bad idea...

Ticket Master: Indeed! Goodbye for now! (The thread detaches and Samhaiel is back to being confused) Wh-what just happened?!

Koejin: Do you not remember?

Samhaiel: No. That thing attached to me and then it was just...dark...

(Hennessy’s pager goes off. For a moment, we (as players) make a joke that it’s a dick pic from Vincent. It was a text from Vincent. But it was a picture of General Batshit, holding Vincent up by the head. It comes with text that reads “this is your fault.”

All our pagers go off.)

General Batshit: All of you have loved ones that can be taken away. Keep this in mind when making your next move.

(DM: And that’s where we end for now.

Hennessy’s Player: Way to follow with the ‘kill the gays’ trope, DM!

Me: That’s one hell of a cliffhanger to leave until possibly January!

Koejin’s Player: It’s the mid-season finale!)

(((I still hate it...)))

#adventures of art the bard #dnd #dungeons and dragons #dnd bard #dnd wizard #dnd paladin #dnd cleric #dnd barbarian #dnd ranger #tiefling #homebrew characters #homebrew gods #this is one of those situations where I can only theorize what Art's gonna do #Either save his sister or save Hennessy's fiancé (who hates him) #I want to say he'll realize Vincent's in more danger than Rieta #But...seriously.... boy goes off the rails whenever I try to think about his situation #Guess we'll find out in January #shut up jay