#god i love fernweh so much let me scream

[ilovefandoms102]

Do Re Mi

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader

Summary: After breaking things off with Kelce, he wants you back after finding out you’ve been hanging out more with JJ....

Taglist:

@jeyramarie @drewswannabegirl @teamnick @jiaraendgame @agirlwholovescoffee @outerbongs @jaxandcomet @velyssaraptor @baby-pogue @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon @must-be-a-weasley-92 @kaitieskidmore1 @ma10427 @ifilwtmfc @lasnaro @justcallmesams @judayyyw @lonely-kermit @gviosca @iamaunicorn4704 @jellyfishbeansontoast @fernweh-fangirl @runway-to-my-aid @eb15​ @hurricane-abigail​ @tangledinsparkles​ 

Note: This is for the lovely @maybebanks , thank you for giving me an amazing request so that I could use this gif(look at those biceps)! I hope this was ok! As always let me know what you guys think, and don’t forget to check out my new Rudy Pankow series here! 

PSA IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY ABUSE DO NOT READ THIS!

=====================================

What Kelce and I had from the beginning was toxic...

I was too blind to see how manipulative and abusive he was. The constant threats of leaving me, cheating on me, and of course me begging him not to. I fell into his trap. He would fill my head with negative thoughts, doing anything and everything to make me feel horrid about myself. All of my friends could notice the change in me, saying how I looked mentally drained all the time. 

Well, they weren’t wrong.....

======================================

“You’re such a fucking slut! Hanging out with those Pogues?! Really y/n?!” he shouted.

“They’re my friends! I don’t give a shit about your stupid rivalry against them K, they are good people!” I shouted back, running a hand through my hair. 

“Trash derseves to hang out with a slut like you then. You’ll fit right in.” he snarled.

“I’m so done with your bullshit Kelce! Fuck you!” I screamed, storming out of his house. 

“Don’t you dare walk away from me!” he yelled, coming after me. 

“I can’t take this anymore, I’ve been done for a long time now! You and your constant mental and physical abuse, I will not let you hurt me anymore!” I screeched, slamming my car door shut.

He banged on my window, demanding I open the door. He pulled as hard as he could on my door handle, no doubt almost breaking it. I sped off, going to the only place I knew I could find comfort.

=====================================

I pulled into the chateau, tears still streaming down my face. A sob wretched from my chest, my head falling to the steering wheel as I cried. It was pouring the rain as I got out of my car, slowly treading to the front door. My chest felt like it was caving in from how hard I was sobbing, my whole body convulsing inwards. The door opened and I saw a familiar looking blonde coming on the porch. His eyes widened, taking off to me. I ran into his arms, colliding with him.

“What happened? Are you hurt?” JJ asked, pulling back to look at my face.

“I couldn’t take him anymore JJ, I had to leave.” I sobbed, clinging on to his shirt. He pulled my head back to his chest, leaning his head on top of mine. 

“I won’t let him hurt you ever again y/n, you’re safe now.” he said softly, his fingers combing through my soaked hair. 

“I’m so sorry J,” I blubbered.

“What are you sorry for?” he chuckled.

“That they hurt you, and the others. They always hurt you.” I cried, thinking back to the times I had seen Kelce and the others beat JJ to a pulp.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle sweetheart, I know you did everything you could.” he whispered, kissing my hair. 

“I should have done more...I should have left a long time ago.” I mumbled.

“Hey why don’t you guys come in before you get sick!” Pope yelled, both of us laughing. 

JJ led me inside, John B. bringing both of us towels to dry off. I left my shoes on the porch, starting to shiver from the slight chill in the air. I was glad I had left some of my stuff here so I could change into some comfier clothes. John B. was kind enough to let me take a warm shower, even threw my clothes in his beat up washing machine. The boys hovered over me in their protective fashion. JJ made me a sandwich, arguing with Pope about what goes on the bread first, and John B. got me every blanket he owned as I sat on the pull out bed. 

“The cheese is supposed to go on the bread first JJ.” Pope insisted, hovering over JJ’s shoulder.

“Dude can you please just let me make her the fucking sandwich for god’s sake!” JJ shouted, chuckling as he slapped it together and threw it on a plate.

JJ brought me my favorite sandwich with the chips I left here, and of course a beer. I smiled widely at my best friend. He sat in front of me while the other boys sat on the opposite sides. 

“What happened?” JJ demanded, Pope and John B. tuning in. 

“We were just fighting, I honestly don’t even remember how it started...Then we got to talking about how he doesn’t like me hanging out with you guys, and I told him that you all were my friends and that I didn’t care what he said. He said some other mean stuff and then I just left.” I recalled, my eyes staying down as I ate.

“What mean stuff?” JJ inquired, raising a brow. I looked up at him, then to JB and Pope.

“Pope, let’s go get Kie and Sarah. I think y/n needs some girl talk.” John B. said, patting my shoulder.

“What did he say?” JJ demanded, his hard eyes staring intently.

“He...he called me a slut and said that I would fit in with you all since Pogues are trash.” I croaked, feeling the tears begin to rise again. 

JJ let out an angry huff, throwing his hat off. 

“I should kill that motherfucker.” he griped.

“He’s not worth it J. I wish I would have learned that a long time ago.” I sighed, setting my finished food to the side with my beer. 

JJ came beside me, his arm falling around my waist. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t cause my heart to flutter. Since things with Kelce and I started declining, I had began to develop feelings for JJ. Both of us coming from similar home lives made our bond stronger. When I started dating Kelce, I thought I’d finally get away from the bad things that haunted me from my home. Turns out I ran into another abusive situation, but I always had JJ. He was my constant light that I needed when things went dark. I knew I could trust him with my life.

“You’re my best friend y/n, and I’ll be dammed if I ever let that fucker hurt you again. If you even think about going back to him I will drag your ass back here and chain you to this couch, you hear me?” he affirmed, his blue eyes burning with rage.

“Trust me that won’t happen, I’m done with him. You’re the best J.” I said softly, hugging him.

JJ squeezed me tight to him, silent tears flowing down my face again. I was so lucky to have friends like the Pogues, all of them had hearts of gold. I pulled back, smiling as I wiped some of my tears. JJ’s thumb came up to my other eye, gently wiping some away as well. We stared into each other’s eyes for a long time, a sudden change in the air. Both of us unconsciously moving our heads closer together. 

Then the door slammed open, causing us to jump apart from each other. 

“We brought movies!” Kie said cheerfully.

“And chocolate!” Sarah exclaimed.

“Yeah, too much chocolate.” John B. groaned as he and Pope lugged in some grocery bags.

I got up to hug my two girl best friends, all of us grouping together. They rubbed my back as I again started to cry, this time very loudly. Then I felt even more surrounded as the guys joined in our group hug. 

We baked, and watched comedy movies all night. I laughed until my belly hurt, the pure joy of being with my friends making my sadness go away even if it only would be for a moment. The sun was beginning to rise as we all fell asleep out in the living room. John B. and Sarah sharing a small air mattress that Sarah had brought, Pope got up to crash on the outside couch, Kie fell asleep in the floor, and JJ and I shared the pull out couch. 

=========================================

After that night, JJ and I had become a lot closer. We began spending a lot more time together, even doing odd jobs together. Weeks had gone by and people of The Cut and in Figure Eight began discovering that where JJ was I would be found and vice versa. Word got to Kelce that I looked cozy with JJ, and he was not happy. 

I was home alone, my dad was with JJ’s at Barry’s. A loud banging heard on my door. I crept to it, peeking out of the window to see Kelce. I dreaded opening the door, debating on just letting him sit out there. 

“Y/N! Open the fucking door right now!” he barked, his fist coming down on the door again. I waited another second, seeing if maybe he would go away. He barged in, my eyes wide at how angry he looked.

“Kelce,” I gasped.

“Who the fuck do you think you are embarrassing me by being seen with Maybank!” he sneered, coming closer to me. I backed away, cutting around my house so I couldn’t be cornered. 

“It’s none of your business who I’m with Kelce, we aren’t dating anymore!” I shouted.

“We had a fight y/n, we’re not over until I say we are.” he claimed, snatching my wrist. I tried to wretch my hand away, but he was too strong. 

“I told you I was done! I don’t want to be with you ever again!” I screeched. I felt pain on the side of my cheek as Kelce slapped me, falling to the ground. 

“You listen to me you little bitch. I don’t ever want you hanging with that piece of trash ever again, is that clear?” he hissed, using his hold on my wrist to yank me up.

“Fuck you,” I spat. 

In the next second, I was being pinned against the wall. Kelce’s hand grabbing my throat as he slammed me into the hard wood. He squeezed my pulse point, my breathing halted. I scratched at his hand as he lifted me higher, my air supply being cut off even more. My vision started to become hazy, black spots appearing in my eyes. I kicked my legs as hard as I could until they connected with something. Kelce dropped me to the ground, air whooshing back into my lungs. He looked at me with hard, angry eyes. As if I was the one in the wrong.

“This isn’t over,” he sneered, storming out of my house.

I coughed and gagged until I finally started to breathe normally again. I crawled to my room, dragging myself on to my bed. I curled up in my covers and sobbed. I wished so hard that I had never been stupid enough to date a Kook. I realized now that I was desperate to get away from my dad, snatching any opportunity to get out of this hellhole. I cried myself to sleep that night, not even harvesting enough energy to call JJ. He was all I wanted right now, but I couldn’t move....everything hurt.

===================================

The next day, I got a text from JJ saying everyone wanted to hang out. I groaned, hauling myself out of bed. My eyes almost bulged out of my head at the sight of the deep bruises on my neck. How was I supposed to keep this from them? From JJ? I couldn’t tell them, JJ more than likely would end up in real jail this time if he went after Kelce. 

I did my best to cover it up, even opting for one of JJ’s hoodies I stole that covered more of my neck. My cheek thankfully didn’t look as bad and I was able to cover it completely. I heard JJ’s bike pull up, nerves creeping in my chest as I went outside. He smiled when he saw me, and it was like all my worries melted away. He opened his arms when I got closer, pulling me into a hug. I inhaled his scent...smoke, weed, and an earthy tone that was just JJ. His scent calmed my raging nerves. I jumped on the back of his bike, holding on to him as we sped off to the chateau.

==================================

I was doing a good job of hiding until I stupidly pulled my hair to one side.

“What’s on your neck?” Pope asked, inspecting me as I flinched from his prodding fingers. 

“Nothing,” I mumbled, flipping my hair back over. JJ’s eyes narrowed at me, my heart sinking. 

“Ooohh, did you get some last night y/n?” Kie raised her brows suggestively. 

“No,” I scoffed, my cheeks reddening. 

“You so did! Spill!” Sarah squealed. 

“Yeah y/n, spill.” JJ clipped, his arms crossing his chest. 

“I didn’t get any guys, swear.” I insisted, my eyes mainly on JJ. He nodded, but he didn’t look like he believed me.

“Then what is that?” John B. asked, joining in on the interrogation. 

“I tripped getting out of the shower last night,” I said, unconvincingly by the accusing look JJ was still giving me. He stormed back into the chateau, of couse I followed after him.

“JJ please, I-” I started.

“No, you-....I thought-I, I thought we had something building here. Guess I was wrong, I mean how could I ever think you would go from a Kook to me. I feel so stupid!” he ranted, throwing his hat on the ground. He sat on the couch, elbows going to his knees. 

“JJ please believe me, it’s not what you think!” I pleaded.

“Then what is it y/n! Because I know damn well that ain’t from falling, you can’t get bruises like that from a fall.” he fumed.

“JJ I did fall!” I exclaimed, partially telling the truth.

“I’ve wanted you, for so long now....and I thought I finally had you. Then you go back to Kelce, after everything he did.” he said in disbelief. 

“Stop JJ please!” I yelled, choking as I felt tears come to the surface.

“Guess trash like me doesn’t deserve a girl like you huh y/n?” he questioned mockingly. 

“He hit me!” I screamed, both of us freezing.

“What?” JJ asked, his voice barely a whisper. 

“Last night, Kelce came over...he found out about us being together more. Let’s just say he didn’t like it.” I stated, marching to my bag. I yanked out a makeup wipe, dragging it over the sensitive skin. 

“Oh-my-god,” JJ whispered.

“So yeah, I didn’t fall. He slammed me against the wall and choked me after smacking me for telling him to fuck off.” I sniffed.

We were both silent after that, I stared at the floor. I could feel his gaze burning into my skin, analyzing every detail. He got up suddenly, throwing his hat on. JJ marched out the door, a look of pure rage in his eyes. I ran after him, knowing exactly what was in his mind. 

“JJ!” I shouted.

“That motherfucker has some nerve,” JJ raged, the other getting up to see what was going on. 

“JJ please don’t go!” I cried, reaching to grab his arm.

“Oh no, no. The Kooks are not getting away with it this time, not after laying a hand on my girl.” he stated, shaking free of my hold. 

I was too worried at the moment to think about what he had said, everyone looking between us confused.

“What the hell is going on?” John B. asked.

“Dude her neck, Kelce did that.” JJ said, pointing at the now very prominent bruises. The others gasped, staring in horror.

JJ didn’t wait for anyone as he jumped in the van, all of us following after him. 

================================

We arrived at the Boneyard, I knew Kelce would be here more than likely with Rafe and Topper. JJ stormed out of the van, walking quickly to find them. My heart dropped when we spotted them, JJ stalking over to where they were. I raced after him, the others following behind me. 

“Well if it isn’t the happy couple everyone has been talking about.” Kelce taunted, a smug grin on his face.

“You piece of shit!” JJ yelled, punching Kelce in the face.

“JJ!” I gasped, Kie grabbing my arm before I could go to him. 

“You-no-good-motherfucker! You dare lay a hand on my girl!” JJ sneered between punches.

“She’ll never be yours Maybank, I always win.” Kelce laughed as blood spewed from his nose. 

“If I see you within 100 feet of her, I’ll kill you.” JJ said darkly.

“That slut will never be satisfied.” Kelce said, igniting another surge from JJ as he hit Kelce again and again. 

“You abused her asshole, what kind of man treats a woman like that?” JJ scoffed.

“She asked for it.” Kelce said, throwing me an accusing look. JJ wrapped his hands around his throat, John B. and Pope jumping in to pull JJ off.

“If you EVER come near her again, I’ll fucking kill you!” JJ screamed as the boys dragged him away.

==================================

Once we got to the chateau, everyone headed inside except JJ and I. He pulled me into a hug, his head going into the crook of my neck. He kissed the skin there, tingles shooting through me. 

“So I’m your girl now?” I teased, smiling as JJ chuckled. 

“Hell yeah,” he said, pulling his head back to look at me. 

“Thank you for everything J,” I said softly, my hand going to caress his cheek. 

“Anything for you sweetheart.” he whispered, his forehead coming to rest on mine. 

I got on my toes and kissed him, grasping on to him tighter. His hand went to the back of my head, holding me there as our lips moved. I felt as if I were on top of the world, JJ pulled me closer as we fell deeper into the kiss. I pulled away when I felt dizzy from the lack of oxygen, our chests both rising erratically. We were both smiling like idiots, basking in the after glow of doing what we both wanted for so long. 

That night, I fell asleep cuddled next to JJ...the boy who I had longed for and was finally mine.

#jj maybank #jj #jj maybank x reader #jj x reader #jj maybank x you #jj x you #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank imagine #jj imagine #jj maybank fic #jj fic #jj maybank one shot #jj one shot #jj maybank blurb #jj blurb #jj maybank angst #jj angst #jj maybank fluff #jj fluff #jj maybank obx #jj maybank outer banks #jj x y/n #obx jj #obx jj x reader #obx jj maybank #obx #obx fic #obx netflix #obx imagine #outer banks

[sasstablook]

voidpunk feels, let’s go

quote, OG voidpunk @arotaro​: “I don’t have a voidsona because I don’t have much of a sense of self”

what is voidpunk? 1 2

a history of voidpunk

alright, the rest of it is under the cut!

cw: discussion of “scary” mental disorders, self harm mention, dysphoria talk, anorexia mention, violence mention, some mentions of sex, abuse discussion

so to start out with, these are my Official Diagnoses: C-PTSD, bipolar-1, and fibromyalgia. I am not against self-diagnosis, but I tend not to self-diagnose myself, for fear of using the wrong term and it coming back to bite me in the ass. that being said, I'm pretty certain (especially in regards to my bipolar disorder) that there's something else going on here that the professionals are missing. I'll only be discussing my symptoms from here on out, not my disorders as a whole.

my main symptoms I experience that make me "not human" are:

intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

paranoia and psychosis

body, social, and mind dysphoria

memory loss and executive dysfunction

disorganized speech and being nonverbal

hypo/hyperactivity

ambivalence and black+white thinking

I started with a very long list, and I tried to group related symptoms together. so...

I'm going to refrain from inputting sources and various denotative definitions, speaking only on my personal experiences.

1. intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness

a lot of "normal" people get random unwanted thoughts. like that little voice that says "throw your phone in the river" when walking across a bridge. these aren't necessarily intrusive. the main thing that separates these two experiences is intensity. my personal pattern of intrusive thoughts includes a lot of violence. for fear of stigma, I won't go into further detail. but often times, these intrusive thoughts develop into impulses. these are things I do without thinking them through. I don't think about consequences, I just act. my brain tells me to... let's say, scream. like blood curdling, someone's getting murdered, scream. I just do it.

my brain tells me to hurt myself. I don't know why. I do it without further questioning or examination. not even to just get my brain to shut up, necessarily. there are some persistent intrusive thoughts that never get acted on. but some of them do lead to action, even if they're the least persistent of the bunch

2. paranoia and psychosis

these aren't necessarily linked in the way intrusive thoughts and impulsiveness are, being that one can exist without the other (impulsiveness is always caused by an intrusive thought). but they very often go hand in hand, with paranoid thinking leading to psychotic symptoms. example: I am paranoid that my roommates are talking about me in the other room; I then begin to hear voices-- which may or may not belong to my roommates-- whispering unintelligibly

3. body, social, and mind dysphoria

https://imgur.com/vp1EjlA

dysphoria is something a lot of trans folk can relate to. but my dysphoria isn't exclusively tied to my gender. my dysphoria is invariably linked to my dissociation and depersonalization experience. this ties into my inability to connect with human beings.

I experience body dysphoria in that I despise basic bodily functions and necessities to keep the body alive. this includes consuming food stuffs, which ties into my experiences with disordered eating (y'all remember when I was anorexic? yeah, the thoughts haven't went away, but I'm doing better with my actions now). also can humans just... not... with the bathroom thing. like is it absolutely necessary to piss and shit all the goddamn time.

I experience social dysphoria in the way I am perceived by others. this mostly ties into my gender. no matter what I do, I am always read as a girl. but even so, I struggle to be read as masculine in that I don't necessarily *want* to be read as masculine. because men are just flat out awful. and this isn't exclusive to cis men. I don't *want* to be associated with men. because if men are bad.... and I'm a man... then I must be bad, right?

which leads us to mind dysphoria and the same line of thinking in regards to my masculinity. I am at war with myself on exactly how I would like to be perceived by others. my feelings on The Way Men Are and my feelings on my own identity as a man do not coexist peacefully

4. memory loss and executive dysfunction

memory problems are a symptom of all three of my Official Diagnoses, so it's no surprise I struggle with short and long term memory. if the event occurred even last month, I probably won't remember it. I struggle to recall basic details about people I've known for years, including age and last names. so you can imagine what it's like when I meet someone new!

as far as executive dysfunction goes? I just... don't remember. I don't remember how to do the most basic things. I've had to have loved ones walk me through the steps of preparing a bowl of cereal before. no, I'm not joking

5. disorganized speech and being nonverbal

I love language. I'm a poet. language is my thing. I got a perfect 36 on the English portion of my ACT, dammit

but as time goes on, I'm losing my command of the English language. I use the wrong word in the middle of sentences. sometimes the word isn't even related to the word I meant to use, though I can't think of any specific examples right now. sometimes it's just straight up word salads, which make sense to me, but not to those around me.

sometimes my brain's language center just... gives up. during those times, I may utter one or two word sentences. I might just make noises. I might use gestures or ASL. I might text full sentences or just a couple words at a time. or I could just become completely and utterly silent, not even attempting to communicate. I don't understand this

6. hypo/hyperactivity

note: I chose the suffix "-activity" rather than "-sexuality" because this isn't just limited to my problems in bed, though that's a large part of it.

this is something that I've only become aware of after others have pointed it out to me. there are days where I move too slow for their comfort. and it isn't always related to my pain either. I can be having a good physical day and still move like a sloth. on the other hand, there are days when I'm bouncing off the walls

I also fluctuate between hypo/hypersexual. there are days when I am sex repulsed. there are days when all I want to do is fuck

7. ambivalence and black+white thinking

I live in such a state of contradiction. I don't know how to feel about people, concepts, what have you. in order to cope with this, my brain often sorts others into 2 categories: perfect and evil.

sometimes, someone who was perfect yesterday can be put in the evil category the next day (I'm currently experiencing this with a lover of mine). I don't see gray areas. I'm incapable of processing gray. which is odd, considering I'm on the gray-ace spectrum

all of these combined tend to cause certain thoughts, feelings, and actions in other people.

"that's not normal"

"that's weird"

"you're crazy"

"you're broken"

"what's wrong with you?"

"we're putting you here for your own safety"

"this will fix you"

sure, help me out a little. give me some medication, some therapy. but... "fix" me? what about me needs to be "fixed"? why do I need to be "fixed"? namely, why won't you listen when I tell you what I need in order to cope with my brain's battle against me? I don't need crisis intervention. I don't need an institution. I just need medication for my chemical imbalances and therapy to learn how to live with my brain. when you talk about "fixing" me... it's like the only reason you care is because I'm not a "productive" member of society. it's like you want to "fix" me for your benefit. does that make sense to anyone else but me? this comes back around to the disorganized speech and communication, I'm really not sure I'm getting across my thoughts effectively here.

people hurt me... I feel like they do this because they think I'm a villain. I feel like they hurt me to protect themselves. even if I go out of my way to shield them from the way I am inside, it might not be enough to help them feel safe around me

I'm scary.

for so long, I've been in love with aliens, and cryptids, and monsters, among other inhuman creatures. I relate to them. I feel so disconnected with my humanity, that these beings bring me comfort

and now, I'm not the only one

voidpunk

bonus: actual notes from my notepad that I took in an attempt to gather my thoughts

my voidpunk: aliens, cryptids, slasher horror, cyborgs/androids, uncanny valley, Homestuck, primal, cannibal, afterlife, demons, liminal spaces, occult, FNAF, psychedelics, Undertale, dandelions, hoarding, Twilight vampires, parasites, X-Men, we're all made of star stuff, death and decay, bugs and creepy crawlies, succubus/incubus, god complex, yandere simulator, fae, transparent, Nathan W. Pyle comics, the world is quiet here, Lemony Snicket, escapism, fernweh, unconventional beauty

things that make me voidpunk: sleep paralysis, hurting others, an urge to kill, impulsive violence, using sex to get what I want, hyper/hyposexuality, xenogenders, microlabels, neopronouns, dissociation, an inability to connect and relate to other humans, lack of "common sense", "men are trash", inability to distinguish between My Reality and Real Reality, I Don't Remember Anything, psychosis, can't pick up on subtlety, unsure how to socialize properly, I'm Scary, ambivalence, inability to make concrete decisions, self medicating, Out Of Control, how do I move properly, broken executive functioning, disorganized speech, paranoia, I despise basic bodily functions like eating and bathroom, what do you mean you can't read my mind, google: how to communicate effectively, black and white thinking

#voidpunk #personal #okay to reblog #I guess #just don't be a dick about it

[rapecca]

because of who you are

Five years ago, when I spent three months in England to run holidays over the summer, I felt satisfied. The combination of having fun, living in community, and searching for Jesus inspired me. One leader who I haven’t really talked to by then, told me that once I have finished my studies, they would find me a job. I haven’t even started my studies by the time. I also never expressed any interest and was just happy in the now. 6 months later, coming back for only 2 weeks, I suddenly had more interest in the structure and organizational parts of Capernwray Hall. When I left and said good-bye to the leader I’ve talked to last time, he looked at me and repeated his exact same sentence. This time, it hit me: “When you’ve finished your studies, we’ll find you a job.” I wanted to tell him that I never mentioned anything about that, even if it was a secret dream in my heart. I didn’t say anything but thank you. I walked over to another leader and she asked me why I don’t stay as a permanent staff. When I mentioned my studies, she said that the Lord might call me earlier. This confused me even more. Travelling home from these very interesting two weeks, I journaled and got super excited. My heart was so full of new passion and only the slight possibility of Jesus speaking through them just allowed my heart to set these hidden dreams free. I went home and I told my mum. She tried to be more realistic than me at the time.

After a while, reality hit me again. When God gives a promise, it almost never comes into existence right away. I can see, now, that the function of a promise is to first and foremost reveal God’s goodness.

I had four years of studying in front of me, but my heart and my thoughts were far away. This longing didn’t motivate me at all to go through my studies. So I decided to put boundaries to be able to focus on the now. I forbid myself to go to England for a while. I worked hard on focusing on the nearest challenges ahead. It came to the point where I couldn’t combine God’s promise with my life anymore. Often times, I didn’t see a future for my life at all. I loved my studies, but lost my compassion of teaching on the way. I struggled through pressure and depression. England, during these four years, became a place of refuge, a dream world, not more.

When I look back, now, I realize that I was disappointed. And rather expressing my disappointment to God, I narrowed down my problems, and I thought God just wants me to toughen up. He is one of them, one of these voices who puts pressure on me. He wants me to succeed. He wants me to achieve the best in life. And He is disappointed at me if I will fail or waste my time with pleasures. My years turned into a search for the real reality, and I got confused. Confused because I never found Jesus’ reality lining up with world reality. I was torn between the two, not knowing which voice to follow. I saw freedom in people who went for their calling right away. I always thought I needed to wait. The others receive the gift right away, I have to work my way there. These misconceptions were anchored deep inside my heart. I didn’t even notice, but through struggle and disappointment, this lie grew inside: It is for everyone, but not for you. You are not good enough and you will never be.

I am sure, now, that God’s heart was breaking for me every day of my life. I can feel His heart right now and it moves me so much. Two years ago, Jesus convicted me to step out of this religious lifestyle. A year later, I mightily encountered the Holy Spirit. He was living inside of me throughout my Christian life and gave me the ability to stay close to Jesus through every hardship, but He was never awakened. I didn’t know He is much more powerful than what I had experienced in my life so far. Jesus spoke to me about becoming holy which means to be set apart to do His work.

Encountering the Holy Spirit, I was on a high for three months. One touch was enough. I couldn’t do otherwise than bless. I wanted to spend time with Jesus, the bible made much more sense, joy was my daily bread. I started to seek God, rather than any event that seemed to be Christian. I was in my room, crying out, speaking truths, complaining, receiving, reading, letting my heart be transformed. The fuel was the intimacy I had with Jesus. I understood that fire can only keep burning when being with Jesus. Giving up what once was important to me felt so easy, because I knew that what I had instead was much better! And even my confusion about reality slowly left me, because I saw a new dimension and a new reality coming into my life. I didn’t stay the same. It was like I was born again. This must be it; this must be part of your journey with Jesus.

Just so you don’t get the wrong expression: hardships didn’t leave me. They came back and they came back even stronger. Depression knocks on my door once in a while, and struggles are also real. But through the Holy Spirit, I encountered grace. And grace means to accept that you belong because of the cross of Jesus, not because you have changed and succeeded in your methods. I am on a journey to come to the cross with all that I am, every odd pattern and ugly habit. I don’t deserve and I cannot add anything. Today, I don’t even want to add anything! There is a new freedom not to work out my salvation. There is fear of God rather than fear of men. There is less of me, and more of Him.

The last four years were meaningful. Jesus used this time to prepare me and to transform my heart. Four years ago, He revealed His plans to me to show His goodness. I wanted things right away, and He didn’t give it to me. He knew I wasn’t ready for this. In my excitement, I would’ve went to live out of my own strength. I would’ve never depended on Jesus like I do, now. I would’ve left my place of study to find refuge and walk away from reality.

Jesus pursues. When He gives promises, He fulfills. Two months ago, I received an e-mail out of the blue. Capernwray Hall asked me to be an intern after I have finished my studies. I was smiling because I never showed interest in being an intern at Capernwray. My heart didn’t ‘need’ Capernwray anymore. I had Jesus as my refuge. But Jesus said: this place once was a place of refuge, now it turned into a place of calling. I knew that if this was Jesus’ plan, He will certainly work out ways for me to attend this internship. And He did. I didn’t add anything to it. It was the most beautiful way to show His heart to me. I didn’t earn my way to go back, Jesus was gently saying: I want you, I have a place for you to prosper, I have a calling for you, I have a future. I am not just enough, I am warmly welcome. Pursuing me, Jesus stepped over every human rule or worldly reality. He focused on who I am rather than what I do. He pointed at what He has placed inside of me and He allowed me to let desires flow again. He said: It is all about character and calling.

These days, I am taking a decision to go. And what really bothers me is that I have a hard time to step into what God has prepared. It is about trusting Him, about His promise. It is about a gift from God without bringing anything back to Him. It is like sitting down at a table and have food without bringing some myself. It is all about accepting the gospel in its original value. And for the first time I am ashamed of myself; how could I search for another gospel? Why can my heart not receive an unconditional love? And while Jesus keeps pursuing my heart, my head takes the decision to go. I want to follow this love-filled voice, even if I don’t know where it will lead me. But I know one thing: taking this decision leaves every misconception on the cross. It’s like I scream in the enemy’s face: You cannot have me. I am THE LORD’S.

//

 Vor fünf Jahren verbrachte ich drei Monate in England, um bei Sommerfreizeiten mitzuarbeiten. Ich war zufrieden. Die Kombination daraus, Spaß zu haben, in einer Gemeinschaft zu leben und Jesus zu suchen hat mich inspiriert. Ein Leiter dort, mit dem ich noch nicht wirklich viel gesprochen hatte, erzählte mir, dass sie mir nach meinem Studium eine Arbeit finden werden. Zu diesem Zeitpunkt hatte ich mein Studium noch nicht einmal begonnen. Außerdem habe ich nie Interesse gezeigt und war einfach im Jetzt glücklich. Sechs Monate später, als ich für 2 Wochen nach England zurückkam, hatte ich plötzlich mehr Interesse an der Struktur und der Organisation von Capernwray Hall. Als ich ging und tschüss sagte zu dem Leiter, mit dem ich das letzte Mal auch sprach, schaute er mich an und wiederholte seinen genau gleichen Satz. Dieses Mal traf es mich: „Wenn du fertig bist mit deinem Studium, dann finden wir dir einen Job“. Ich wollte ihm sagen, dass ich es nie erwähnt hatte, hier arbeiten zu wollen, auch wenn es ein heimlicher Traum in meinem Herzen war. Ich sagte nichts und bedankte mich nur. Ich lief zu einer anderen Leiterin und sie fragte mich, warum ich nicht dauerhaft an der Bibelschule bleibe. Als ich mein Studium erwähnte, sagte sie nur, dass Gott mich vielleicht früher schon ruft. Das hat mich noch mehr durcheinandergebracht. Als ich nach Hause flog, schrieb ich Tagebuch und die zwei Wochen begeisterten mich sehr. Mein Herz war voll neuer Leidenschaft und nur die geringste Möglichkeit, dass Jesus diese Leiter gebrauchte, um zu mir zu reden, erlaubte meinem Herzen, die versteckten Träume freizulassen. Ich ging nach Hause und erzählte alles meiner Mutter. Sie versuchte damals, einen realistischeren Blick zu haben.

Nach einer Weile hat mich die Realität wieder eingeholt. Wenn Gott ein Versprechen gibt, wird es fast immer nicht sofort danach erfüllt. Jetzt verstehe ich, dass die Funktion eines Versprechens das ist, Gottes Güte zu offenbaren.

Ich sah vier Jahren Studium ins Gesicht und trotzdem war mein Herz und meine Gedanken weit weg. Mein Fernweh hat mich nicht dazu motiviert, durch mein Studium zu gehen. Deshalb habe ich mich entschieden, mir Grenzen zu setzen, um mich auf das Jetzt konzentrieren zu können. Für eine Weile habe ich es mir verboten, nach England zu gehen. Ich habe mich angestrengt, die Herausforderungen meines Alltags anzunehmen. Es kam zu dem Punkt, an dem ich Gottes Versprechen mit meinem Leben nicht mehr vereinbaren konnte. Oft hatte ich keinen Blick für die Zukunft. Ich habe das Studieren schon genossen, aber die Leidenschaft fürs schulische Unterrichten verloren. Ich habe mich durch Leistungsdruck und Depression gekämpft. England wurde in diesen vier Jahren ein Zufluchtsort, wie eine Traumwelt, nicht mehr.

Wenn ich jetzt zurückschaue, dann erkenne ich, dass ich enttäuscht war. Und anstatt meine Enttäuschung Gott zu bringen, habe ich meine Probleme einfach klein geredet, und ich dachte, dass Gott einfach von mir will, dass ich mich zusammenreiße und abgehärtet werde. Er ist einer von ihnen, einer von den Stimmen, die Druck auf mich ausüben. Er will, dass ich erfolgreich bin. Er möchte, dass ich das Beste im Leben erreiche. Und Er ist enttäuscht von mir, wenn ich versage oder meine Zeit durch Genuss verschwende. Meine Jahre wurden zu einer Suche nach der echten Realität. Ich war hin- und hergerissen zwischen zwei Realitäten und es brachte mich durcheinander. Ich habe die Realität Jesu nie in Übereinstimmung mit der weltlichen Realität bringen können. Ich wusste nicht, welcher Realität ich folgen sollte. Ich habe Freiheit in Menschen gesehen, die ihrer Berufung sofort gefolgt sind. Ich dachte immer, ich müsste warten. Die anderen bekommen ihr Geschenk sofort, und ich muss mir meinen Weg dorthin erarbeiten. Diese falschen Vorstellungen haben sich fest in mein Herz gegraben. Ich habe es nicht mal bemerkt, aber durch Kämpfe und Enttäuschung wuchs diese Lüge in mir: Es ist für jeden, aber nicht für dich. Du bist nicht gut genug und du wirst es nie sein.

Jetzt bin ich mir sicher, dass Gottes Herz jeden Tag meines Lebens für mich schlug. Ich kann sein Herz gerade spüren und es bewegt mich so sehr. Vor zwei Jahren hat Jesus mich ermutigt, aus diesem religiösen Lebensstil auszutreten. Ein Jahr später hatte ich eine krasse Begegnung mit dem Heiligen Geist. Er lebte in mir durch mein christliches Leben hindurch und gab mir die Fähigkeit, durch jede schwere Zeit nah an Jesus zu bleiben. Aber der Heilige Geist wurde nie erweckt. Ich wusste nicht, dass Er so viel mächtiger ist als das, was ich bisher erlebt habe. Mir wurde klar, dass diese Begegnung mich heilig gemacht hat, um Gottes Werke tun zu können.

Eine Begegnung mit dem Heiligen Geist zu haben löste es aus, dass ich auf einem dreimonatigen High war. Eine Berührung war ausreichend. Ich konnte nicht anders, als andere zu segnen. Ich wollte mit Jesus Zeit verbringen, der Inhalt der Bibel machte so viel mehr Sinn, Freude war mein tägliches Brot. Ich fing damit an, Gott zu suchen anstatt irgendein Event, das mir christlich erschien. Ich befand mich in meinem Zimmer und habe nach Gott gerufen, Wahrheiten ausgesprochen, mich beschwert, empfangen, gelesen, mein Herz zur Veränderung hingegeben. Der Antrieb war die Intimität, die ich mit Jesus teilte. Ich habe verstanden, dass das Feuer nur weiter brennt, wenn ich mit Jesus bin. Es fiel mir leichter, das aufzugeben, was mir einst wichtig war, weil ich wusste, dass die neue Realität viel besser war! Und meine Verwunderung darüber, welche Realität nun die wahre ist, verließ mich, weil ich eine neue Dimension sah und eine neue Realität. Ich blieb nicht der gleiche. Es war, als wäre ich nochmals geboren. Das muss es sein – das muss Teil deines Weges mit Jesus werden!

Nur, damit du keine falschen Vorstellungen bekommst: die schwierigen Zeiten hatten mich nicht verlassen. Sie kamen zurück und sie kamen sogar mit viel größerer Wucht zurück. Depressionen klopfen immer mal wieder an meine Tür, und Kämpfe sind auch real. Aber ich habe durch den Heiligen Geist Gnade gefunden. Und Gnade bedeutet einfach, dass du dazu gehörst aufgrund des Kreuzes Jesu, nicht weil du dich verändert hast oder Erfolg hattest in deinen Methoden. Ich bin auf dem Weg, mit allen komischen Eigenarten und hässlichen Angewohnheiten zum Kreuz Jesu zu kommen. Ich verdiene es nicht und ich kann nichts hinzufügen. Ich möchte gar nichts mehr hinzufügen. Ich durfte eine neue Freiheit empfangen, meine Erlösung nicht selbst zu erbringen. Da ist Gottesfurcht anstelle von Menschenfurcht. Da ist weniger von mir, und mehr von Ihm.

Die letzten vier Jahre waren bedeutungsvoll. Jesus hat diese Zeit gebraucht, um mich vorzubereiten und mein Herz zu verändern. Vor vier Jahren hat er mir Seinen Plan gezeigt und dadurch auch Seine Güte. Ich wollte die Dinge sofort, und Er hat sie mir nicht gegeben. Er wusste, dass ich noch nicht bereit war. In meinem Enthusiasmus wäre ich aus meiner eigenen Kraft losgezogen. Ich hätte mich nie Jesus anvertraut und mich so abhängig von ihm gemacht wie jetzt. Ich hätte mein Studium verlassen, um Zuflucht zu finden und von der Realität wegzulaufen.

Jesus bleibt dran. Wenn er Versprechen gibt, dann erfüllt er sie. Vor zwei Monaten habe ich eine unerwartete E-Mail bekommen. Capernwray Hall hat mich angefragt, ob ich nach Abschluss meines Studiums als Praktikantin anfangen möchte. Es huschte ein Lächeln über mein Gesicht, weil ich nie Interesse darin gezeigt habe, eine Praktikantin in Capernwray zu sein. Mein Herz „brauchte“ Capernwray nicht mehr. Ich hatte Jesus als mein Zufluchtsort. Aber Jesus sagte: dieser Ort war mal ein Ort der Zuflucht, jetzt hat er sich in einen Ort der Berufung verwandelt. Ich wusste, dass wenn es Jesu Plan war, dass Er für mich Wege bereitet, dieses Praktikum anzunehmen. Und Er hat es gemacht. Ich habe nichts hinzugefügt. Nichts. Es war ein schöner Prozess, indem Er mir Sein Herz zeigte. Ich habe mir meinen Weg nach Capernwray nicht verdient, Jesus sagte mit liebenden Worten: Ich möchte dich, ich habe einen Ort für dich, Ich habe eine Berufung für dich, ich habe eine Zukunft. Ich bin nicht nur genug, ich bin herzlich willkommen. Jesus trat über jede menschliche Regel oder weltliche Realität, um mich anzunehmen. Er schaute nur darauf, wer ich bin, anstelle von dem, was ich tue. Er zeigte mir, was Er in mir angelegt hat und Er hat mir erlaubt, Wünsche wieder fließen zu lassen. Er sagte: Es geht alles nur um deinen Charakter und deine Berufung.

An diesen Tagen wage ich es, eine Entscheidung zu treffen. Und was mich wirklich beschäftigt ist, dass es mir schwer fällt in das zu treten, was Gott für mich vorbereitet hat. Es geht nur darum, Ihm zu vertrauen und seinen Versprechen zu folgen. Es ist, als würde mich Gott beschenken, ohne dass ich etwas zurückgeben kann. Es geht nur darum, das Evangelium in seinem ursprünglichen Wert anzunehmen. Und zum ersten Mal schäme ich mich dafür, ein Ersatzevangelium zu suchen. Warum kann mein Herz diese bedingungslose Liebe nicht annehmen? Und währenddessen Jesus an meinem Herz dran bleibt, macht mein Kopf eine Entscheidung zu gehen. Ich möchte dieser liebevollen Stimme folgen, auch wenn ich nicht weiß wohin sie mich führt. Aber ich weiß eines: diese Entscheidung zu treffen heißt, alle falschen Vorstellungen am Kreuz zu lassen. Es ist, als würde ich dem Feind ins Gesicht schreien: Du kannst mich nicht haben. Ich gehöre DEM HERRN.

#testimony #shareyourstory

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 5- Shape of My Heart

Pairing: Rudy Pankow x Plus Size Reader

Summary: Falling in love with someone you can never have is the worst feeling in the world...

Taglist:

@jeyramarie​​ @drewswannabegirl​​ @teamnick​​ @jiaraendgame​​ @agirlwholovescoffee​​ @outerbongs​​ @jaxxandcomet​​ @velyssaraptor​​ @baby-pogue​​ @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon​​ @must-be-a-weasley-92​​ @kaitieskidmore1​​ @ma10427​​ @ifilwtmfc​​ @lasnaro​​ @justcallmesams​​ @judayyyw​​ @lonely-kermit​​ @gviosca​​ @iamaunicorn4704​​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​​ @fernweh-fangirl​​ @runway-to-my-aid​​ @eb15​​ @hurricane-abigail​​ @tangledinsparkles​​ @fandom-phaser​​ @sunwardsss​​ @http-cherries​​ @bibliophilewednesday​​ @evaporatedrosepetals​​ @thetomatosaucee​​ @tomatosauceagent​​ @redosmo​​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​​

Part 4 Part 6

Note: School is starting for me which means I more than likely won’t get to update as often, but I am still going to try! I hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think!

================================

Rudy was wrapped around me like a koala bear, soft snores falling from his lips. The sun was shining through the curtains, a perfect day to go swimming. Luckily since I had met them all at the beach, they had already seen me in a bathing suit. I tried to extract myself from my current position, but Rudy’s hold tightened on me the more I moved. I huffed, debating on just waking him up. I tried one more time, a groan sounding from the man next to me. 

“Stop moving,” he whined, his deep morning voice sending chills all over me. 

“It’s prime tanning time Ru, let me up.” I chuckled.

“I’m comfy,” he mumbled, cuddling further into me. 

“We have plenty of days to be lazy, come on.” I encouraged, patting his shoulder.

He huffed dramatically, flipping off of me. I jumped up, filing through my stuff to get my bikini. I jumped when I turned around, not expecting Rudy to be right behind me. He stared into my eyes, making me a bit nervous. He pulled me into a hug, laying his head on my shoulder.

“I’m tired.” he grumbled, his lips brushing my skin.

“You don’t have to come with me if you want to sleep.” I offered, rubbing his naked back. 

“I don’t want to be by myself.” he complained, moving to kiss where his lips hit my skin. 

I froze in place, not sure what to do now. I was confused, scared, and now horny. I shuffled lightly in his hold, trying to act like what he did wasn’t affecting me in a major way. He sighed, pulling away. I smiled as I trekked to the bathroom, millions of thoughts racing in my head.

====================================

Maddie C and Chase were already out in the pool when Rudy and I came down, Chase begging Maddie to get in with him. I threw my towel down on the chair, busting out some tanning oil spray. With the help of Maddie, I doused myself to hopefully bring some color to my pale features. Back home the weather couldn’t seem to make up its mind, sometimes being really hot one day then freezing the next. I sat down on the chair, my legs on either side as I scrolled through my phone for a minute. Rudy sat on the open space, looking at me expectantly.

“What?” I laughed.

“You did not drag me from my peaceful slumber to just sit here, get in the pool.” he commanded, pointing at where Chase was standing. 

“I want to lay out for a little bit,” I scoffed, moving my legs to his lap since he wouldn’t move. 

“Baby, get in the pool now!” he exclaimed, a grin coming to his face.

“Oh my god if you’ll shut up!” I huffed, glaring at him as he cheered. 

I dipped my toe in the water, surprised that the water was actually warm. I felt Rudy’s presence behind me again, his hands gripping my hips.

“Don’t you dare!” I hissed, whipping around to grab his wrists.

“What? I’m not doing anything.” he innocently tilted his head.

“I’m getting in, don’t fucking push me.” I giggled.

“You mean, like this?” he questioned, taking a head start to push both of us in the pool. 

I resurfaced, pushing my wet hair back. Rudy came up a second later, wisely he swam a little ways towards the deeper end of the pool. I turned around, deciding to give him the silent treatment. Chase and Maddie were cackling at us, Maddie gripping her stomach from how hard she was laughing. I swam to the shallow side, purposefully not looking at Rudy.

“You’re in trouble now Ru,” Chase grinned, quirking a brow.

“I’m hungry, you guys ok with me running to McDonald’s?” she asked, earning a nod from me.

Chase and her headed out, leaving just Rudy and I. I heard him swim closer to me, I made sure to keep myself from looking at him. He stood in front of me, my eyes casting down into the pool. I pouted, hoping he would feel bad.

“Are you really not talking to me?” he asked, silence from my end.

“Y/n...babe, talk to me. I’m sorry.” he whined, flopping himself in my arms. 

I didn’t move though, trying my hardest to not smile. He wrapped himself around me like a child, not letting go of me even when I tried to pry his arms away. He buried his head in my neck, crying dramatically. 

“Baby I’m sorry, please talk to me!” he cried, I couldn’t contain my smile anymore. 

I busted out laughing, throwing my head back. He pulled his head back to grin at me, his eyes shining in the sun. I caught his gaze, the both of us going silent. Rudy stood to his full height, caging me in by putting his arms on either side of me. My breath hitched in my throat, having to lean my head back since he towered over me. He leaned closer, forehead coming to rest on mine. Our lips just brushed together when a voice sounded out.

“Hope we aren’t interrupting!” Maddie B yelled, her girlfriend Mo and JD trekking behind her.

“I was wondering when I would see your face JD,” I chuckled, swimming closer to the edge where they were. 

“We missed you at dinner last night man.” Rudy spoke, bro hugging JD.

“Glad you could make it college girl!” JD smiled.

“Hey girlie long time no see!” Mo greeted, leaning down to hug me.

“So glad to see you Momo,” I grinned.

JD and Rudy ended up getting in a major splash war, which gave me enough time to escape the water so I could lay out for at least a few minutes. I chatted with the girls, Maddie C and Chase coming back finally. Maddie C passed out our food, Chase joining Rudy and JD. 

“So y/n, what was that we walked in on?” Maddie B asked, Mo wriggling her brows.

“Nothing,” I murmured.

“Wait, what?” Maddie C inquired.

“That was not nothing and you know it.” Mo inputed.

“Ok...we might have almost kissed, but I think it was just an in the moment kind of thing.” I shrugged.

“Y/n, stop being so delusional.” Maddie C ordered, as if it could just be that easy.

“You guys just don’t get it.” I murmured, my mood taking a huge downfall.

“Then help us understand,” Maddie B said, placing her hand on my arm comfortingly. 

“I was bullied...for my entire life because I’m not thin. Never had a boyfriend, never even kissed a guy, and I’m just scared. I’m scared it’s too good to be true, and Elaine seems to have something for Rudy anyways...I don’t want to get in the middle of that.” I rambled.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You know you’re one of our best friends, every single person here loves you. You are beautiful y/n, if anything you’re way out of Rudy’s league.” Maddie B informed, Maddie C and Mo agreeing. 

“Our lives wouldn’t be the same without you y/n, I think you have a killer bod babe. I’m sure Rudy thinks the same or he wouldn’t stare at you all the time.” Maddie C giggled.

“Thank you guys, I just don’t want to read too much into things...I don’t want to get my hopes up. My heart’s been broke too many times I don’t think I could handle it, especially with Rudy. I couldn’t bear to lose him...” I sighed, looking at the boys who were wrestling each other. 

“Are you ladies just going to sit there all day?” JD shouted, splashing water at us.

“We’re talking shit about you all.” I laughed.

“That’s not surprising, that’s all you girls do.” Chase scoffed, running his hand through his wet hair.

“After I took care of you last night...that’s a low blow babe.” Rudy sighed, shaking his head. JD quirked a brow at his friend, looking to Chase. The man shook his head, I guess signalling he didn’t know what was going on. 

“That’s what you get for taking up the whole bed.” I smirked, a mock offended expression on Rudy’s face.

“I’ll remember this,” he nodded.

“Oh come on guys, we don’t want to hear about you all doing the nasty.” Maddie C groaned, both Rudy and I’s cheeks turning a bright red.

“It wasn’t like that.” I griped, shoving her slightly.

Chase used the moment we were distracted to snatch Maddie C up and throw her in the pool, a scream escaping her as she hit the water. I cracked up as I watched them play fight in the water. I started to get hot, the LA sun taking its toll. I sat on the edge, my legs dangling in the pool. Rudy swam closer to me, standing between my legs. 

“Get in with me,” he pleaded, tugging on my arms.

“I will, just give me minute to get used to the water Ru.” I giggled.

We swam for hours, my chest hurting from how much I had laughed. It distracted me from my internal thoughts about what happened earlier with Rudy almost kissing me. I wondered if he really did like me, or if this was some kind of game. I didn’t think Rudy was the type for games so I scratched that off my mental list, but I just couldn’t fathom how he could possibly have feelings for me. 

==================================

All of us somehow ended up in my room, scrolling on the TV to find a movie. We had just about everything from Chase’s pantry on the bed, drinks sitting on the end tables. JD wanted to watch a scary movie, the girls protesting against it. Call me weird, but I loved scary movies. The thrill always excited me, so his choice didn’t phase me at all.

“Y/n, you’re our guest.” Chase said, everyone looking to me.

“I love scary, but if no one else wants to watch it I’m cool with whatever.” I shrugged. 

The guys cheered, JD choosing Insidious, one of my all time favorites. Rudy cuddled me close to him, his eyes intently focusing on the screen. I had seen the movie millions of times, so the jump scares didn’t get to me anymore. I cackled when one of the girls would scream, or the guys would shout. Rudy hid his face in my neck at some parts, his hold on me tightening. Once the ending credits rolled, we put on a Disney movie to calm everyone’s nerves. My eyes began to droop, my head falling on Rudy’s chest. He played with my hair, his soft movements lulling me to sleep.

“You ever gonna grow some balls bro?” Chases asked.

“I don’t even know if she likes me back man,” Rudy sighed.

“You all are so perfect for each other, better shoot your shot before it’s too late.” Maddie C spoke. 

“Yeah I guess you’re right, I’ve made it so blatantly obvious, but she doesn’t seem to respond.” he rambled.

“Talk to her about it, not gonna hurt anything to have that communication.” Maddie B said.

“I think I might just do that, I can’t wait any longer for her to catch the hint.” he sighed.

#rudy pankow x plus size reader #rudy x plus size reader #rudy pankow #rudy #rudy obx #rudy outer banks #rudy pankow outer banks #rudy pankow obx #rudy imagine #rudy pankow imagine #rudy story #rudy pankow story #rudy series #rudy pankow series #rudy pankow x you #rudy x you #rudy pankow x reader #rudy x reader #rudy pankow x y/n #rudy x y/n #rudy fic #rudy pankow fic #rudy pankow angst #rudy angst #rudy pankow fluff #rudy fluff #obx x plus size reader #outer banks x plus size reader #obx rudy #obx rudy pankow

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 16

Summary: Things for you and JJ take a turn 

Taglist:

@ma10427 @lasnaro @certainstatesmantoadartisan @iamaunicorn4704 @fernweh-fangirl @justcallmesams @sspidermanss @tangledinsparkles @jellyfishbeansontoast @hurricane-abigail @outerbongs @gviosca @eb15 @lopineapples

Part 15 Part 17 

Note: I hope you guys enjoy! Let me know what you guys think!

Songs referenced later in the chapter: 

More Than Words- Extreme

You’ll be in my Heart-Phil Collins

===================================

“JJ,” I mumbled, gripping harder on the armrests.

“Why are we at Barry’s?” Pope asked.

“Be right back guys” JJ said, climbing out of the van.

“JJ no!” I yelled, running after him.

JJ rummaged and threw stuff around in Barry’s house. It was so disgusting and smelled like no one had cleaned it in a very, very long time.

“JJ what are you doing?” I asked, standing by the door while he was in the kitchen.

“I know this motherfucker has a stash hidden” he said.

“A stash of what babe?” I questioned, throwing my arms out. I ran after him as he went to the back of the house. We stopped in what I’m assuming is Barry’s room.

“Found it” JJ said, dumping a shit load of cash on the bed. He grabbed a bag, stuffing all of the cash into it quickly.

“So, we’re robbing people now JJ?” I asked rhetorically, following behind him back to the front door.

“I’m sick and tired of people messing with us, we’re getting even” he spat out, slamming the door open. 

“Yeah JJ and ya know, if you keep doing shit like this you know who you’re going to end up like? Your fucking dad!” I shouted, immediately regretting my words.

He slammed me up against the van, grabbing the front of my shirt. I didn’t back down from his stare. I was too angry and stubborn to see what I had said was so wrong. I could see the hurt behind the fury in his eyes. 

“JJ!” John B yelled, coming to my side. I held up my hand, telling him I had the situation handled. 

“You really sprouting that shit on me baby?” JJ asked.

“This is beyond psychotic JJ! Barry knows dangerous people, and he’s going to come after us.” I spat through my teeth. He gripped at my shirt tighter, staring more intensely in my eyes. “Put it back” I whispered.

“No” he said, getting in the van.

I stood still where I was, not knowing what to do to make him see he was being crazy. Everyone else stared at us, I looked at my brother, the sting of tears creeping up on me without my permission. I choked out a sob I didn’t want to come out. I knew I had to say it or this was going to be bad.

“JJ” I said, turning to look at him.

“I’m not putting it back!” he yelled.

“Put it fucking back or we’re done!” I screamed, the tears starting to leak down my face.

Everyone gasped behind me, JJ’s eyes widening. I stood my ground, the adrenaline still pumping in my system caused my whole body to start shaking. 

“Please JJ, put it back. I can’t lose you, please” I whispered, the tears coming down harder.

“Fuck this” JJ scoffed, he got out of the van and started walking away from us. 

My heart shattering, I was losing the love of my life. But, I knew even in a fucked up way, this was all from a place of love. He was reacting because we were threatened, and a gun was pointed at all of our heads. I started after him, but my brother stopped me with an arm going around me. 

“JJ!” I sobbed, leaning on my brother. He turned me around, my head going into his neck as I cried.

“Let’s go bubba” John B said, pushing me to the van. John B drove while I took the passenger seat. I got out my cigarettes, chain smoking them the whole way home trying to ease the pain in my heart. 

Later that evening:

I blew up JJ’s phone the minute we got home from Barry’s, worry pooled deep in my stomach. I knew he was going to take that money to his dad, and who knows what the hell they’d do with it. I cried in my brother’s and Sarah’s arms for hours, regretting everything I said to JJ. 

“I just wanted him to see how unreasonable he was being, I didn’t think he’d actually take it seriously” I sobbed, Sarah ran her hands through my hair.

“He knows that Bubba, he was acting out of anger. You know he loves you.” John B said.

“What if his dad does something to him?! Oh god, I’d never forgive myself Birdie!” I screamed out, jumping up off the couch. I ran to the door, grabbing the keys.

“Bubba!” John B yelled, him and Sarah following after me.

“Where are you going?” Sarah asked.

“I’m going to get JJ” I stated. 

They both piled into the van, I pounded my foot on the gas. We were half way there when two motorbikes pulled up. 

“Pull the fuck over!” one of them said. 

I slammed the gas harder, the guy pulling in front of the van, and I had to slam on the breaks to keep from hitting them. The man took his helmet off, and none other than Rafe fucking Cameron was the one driving.

“Let me handle this” Sarah said.

I ignored her, slamming the door shut. I walked up to Rafe and shoved him as hard as I could.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!” I screeched. 

“Nice to see you too little Pogue” he smirked. 

“What the hell Rafe?” Sarah said.

“Ahhh my beloved little sister” he said.

“Cut the shit Rafe, what do you want” I asked through my teeth.

“I want a lot of things from you little Pogue, but now’s not the time for that. What I’m really here for is to ask why you all thought it was a good idea to steal from a drugdealer.” Rafe said. Sarah and I looked at each other, my fist balled up.

“We didn’t take anything” I said.

“You don’t have to pretend with me, but you should know...Barry is a bad man. He has connections everywhere, and he’s going to come after you all” he said.

“Well thank you for almost dying just to tell us something we already know dumbass” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“You misunderstand me little Pogue. He knows Maybank has the money, so he’s going to take YOU as his prize.” Rafe said. 

“I’d like to see him try” I said. “I can handle myself quite well with the amount of times I’ve beat your ass huh Rafe?” I asked, smirking at my last statement.

“If you don’t want your friends to die Sarah, you best be getting that money” Rafe said to Sarah. 

All of the sudden, we see a van pull up. Men rushing out, heading for me and Sarah.

“Shit” I said.

“Hey! I said not my sister!” Rafe yelled.

Sarah and I bolted back to the van, men getting a hold of us almost instantly.

“JB!” I screamed for my brother. I saw him run to the back of the van, he pulled the gun I took from Barry out and rang out a shot.

“I suggest you let both my sister and my girlfriend go, or I’m going to blow each of your fucking brains out.” my brother said, deadly calm.

That bought me enough time to elbow the guy that had a hold of me, turning around and punching him in the face. Another trying to grab me, but I kicked my leg out and hit him right where it counts. After Sarah and I got free, we got in the van and I got us out of there. I couldn’t go to JJ’s now because it would lead Barry’s men right to him.

“We have to move the gold tonight, with or without JJ” I said, speeding back to the chateau.

I suddenly got a text from JJ, telling me to meet him at the house. My eyes widened at the message, I sped faster to get to him. We got home and it was completely dark out now. I instructed my brother to get the stuff ready so we could move the gold. Suddenly, a shit ton of fairy lights came on all around the chateau. 

“The hell?” I said, looking around. I spotted a huge ass hot tub in the middle of my yard, my mouth fell open.

“A jet is going right up my butt babygirl” JJ slurred. He was drunk off his ass, sunglasses sitting low on his nose. 

“JJ, what the hell is all this?! How much did this cost?! How did it get here?!” I started asking a million questions to which he shook his head at me. 

“Baby, it doesn’t matter. Come on get in with me!” he said, waving his hand at me.

“JJ, this is insane...seriously how much was all of this?” I asked.

“Well, let’s see. I had express delivery, had to buy the gas, and the lights. So....all of it” he said nonchalantly. My eyes were so wide I’m sure they would have popped out of my head.

“WHAT?!” I screeched. “JJ!” I yelled at him.

“Sweets, it’s fine. I bought this for us! Our friends,no fuck that this is our family.” he said.

“JJ...this is not ok! You could have at least used that to pay your restitution! Or literally anything remotely helpful!” I shouted.

“Ok well I didn’t!” he said, standing up.

His whole stomach was covered in huge bruises, I stared at them. My poor JJ, just wanting acceptance and love. No matter how hard I tried, he would always still look for it from his dad, and when he did, it resulted in another bruise. 

“Baby” I croaked, my hand going over my mouth.

“Now stop all the emotional shit! Get in! I mean it’s sweet right?” he said, finally starting to break down.

I ran to him, getting in the tub and throwing myself into his arms. He broke down completely, body racking sobs escaping from his chest. I held on to him, singing our song softly in his ear. He cried hard, holding me so tight it was almost I struggle to breathe. When he calmed a little he spoke softly to me.

“Will you sing another song for me baby?” he asked. I started singing another song.The sobs coming again from him, shaking me with him.

“Come on baby, let’s go inside” I said softly to him.

We got out, heading inside. I got him in the shower and cleaned him off. I applied some cream to his cuts and made him take some medicine for the pain. We sat on my bed beside each other. 

“I almost killed him” JJ muttered, a silent tear rolling down his face.

“Honey” I mumbles, running my hands through his wet hair.

“I just want to do the right thing for once sweets” he said, putting his head in his hands. 

“I know you do sweetheart, it’s ok” I said, pulling him to me. His head landing on my chest. I combed my hands in his hair, getting rid of the knots that already started to form.

“No it’s not! I’m such a fuck up! I’m so sorry baby, I hurt you. I lost it and I hurt you.” he cried into my chest, his arms going around my waist. 

“It’s ok baby, we were both mad and I said things I didn’t mean” I said.

“You’re right. I fuck everything up just like my dad. I’m becoming just like him” he muttered. 

“JJ Maybank, do you really think I would let that happen?” I asked.

“You’re going to get tired of me eventually. You can’t fix me.” he said.

“JJ, I love you. And I know you love me. I know in my heart, that you are a good fucking person. And I’ll be damned if you or anyone tries to tell me any different.” I said, now my turn to start crying. “I want you, all of you. The good and the bad.” I said, quoting him.

“I just blew 25k on a fucking hot tub! I could have done something to help us and I bought a hot tub!” he yelled, pushing away from me. He turned and planted his feet on the ground, his elbows on his knees, and his head going in his hands. 

“Well maybe we can sell it.” I said.

“It doesn’t change anything! Barry is going to come after us and it’s my fault! I should have listened to you! I was just so mad, and scared. Mad that fucker had a gun pointed at my girl and my friends. Scared because now people know the gold is real and that we have it. FUCK!” he screamed, punching the pillow. 

“We’ll figure it out! We always do..we knew this shit was going to be dangerous, My dad died for this gold.” I said, rubbing his back.

“We need to find somewhere to get this gold cashed, and get out of the country” JJ mumbled.

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#jj #jj x reader #jj x you #jj imagine #jj fic #jj obx #jj outerbanks #jj outer banks #jj angst #jj maybank #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank angst #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank obx #jj maybank outerbanks #obx #obx fic #obx imagine #obx angst #obx x reader #obx x you #obx jj #obx jj maybank #outerbanks #outerbanks imagine #outerbanks fic #outerbanks angst

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 22*

Summary: Your relationship with JJ may be coming to an end...

Taglist:

@lonely-kermit @outerbongs @eb15 @gviosca @iamaunicorn4704 @runway-to-my-aid @lopineapples @fernweh-fangirl @hurricane-abigail @lasnaro @justcallmesams @agirlwholovescoffee @jellyfishbeansontoast @tangledinsparkles @ma10427 

Part 21 Part 23 

Note: Hope you guys enjoy!

=========================

I fucked up bad.....

I felt so guilty about what I said to JJ, he was so angry with me....I can’t say I blame him.

It was an awkward ride back to the chateau, Kie and Pope had made up but JJ and I weren’t speaking. I looked out at the water, taking a deep breath. The reality of my brother having to leave me for god knows how long hitting me. Silent tears leaked down my face, I would truly be alone. JJ hated me and would probably never speak to me again, and Kie and Pope will be busy setting themselves up for college. I would be stuck at the chateau, alone, and working for Kie’s dad. I swiped at my face, not wanting my friends to see me crying. I had to be strong for us. 

“What are we going to do once John B. leaves?” Pope asked.

“We’re clearing his name. Since I was there when the crime happened, I’ll be the best witness for them to interview. And I’m getting that gold back, for John B. and my dad. I’m not letting Ward get away with this that’s for sure.” I said, not turning to face them.

“Do you think Sarah will go with him?” Kie asked.

“I hope not, she needs to stay to help us fault her dad for the shooting.” I said, worry starting to bubble inside me. 

“Will we ever see John B. again?” Pope questioned. 

“Don’t say shit like that Pope, fuck.” I said, my voice cracking as the tears started to burn behind my eyes again. 

“Of course we’ll see him again.” JJ spoke up, surprising me.

We got to the chateau, I jumped off the boat first. I didn’t stay to help them dock it, I went in my house to prepare some stuff for John B.. I packed some of his favorite snacks, waters, and even a few beers. I grabbed the biggest duffel bag I could find and shoved his clothes into it. I was using this as a distraction so I wouldn’t break down.

After I was finished I looked around his room, spotting a picture on his nightstand. I picked it up and immediately choked out a sob, putting my hand to my mouth. It was a picture of us when we were kids, it was the first day of school judging by the backpacks we had on. We had our arms around each other, cheesing hard at the camera. Another picture was of us about a year ago, we were at a kegger and the picture had all the Pogues posing. John B. with a hat flopping over his head, beer can held high. Kie was squatted down with a beer in one hand and pointing at the camera. Pope just looked confused and was pointing at something beside us. I was on JJ’s back, JJ still drinking his beer while I cheesed hard at the camera. I cried harder, sitting on the bed I put my head in my hands. 

I wish I could turn back time....to make all of this go away. I was losing my best friend, my brother. I heard someone come in and I quickly wiped at my face. I walked back to the hallway and froze in place. JJ stood at the end of the hallway, his eyes meeting mine. We stared at each other for what felt like forever. I was the first to break it as I walked past him to take the stuff I packed for John B. out to the boat. I packed so much I had to take a few trips, I had given money to Kie and Pope to go get more supplies for JB so it was just JJ and I at the chateau. 

JJ stood out on the porch, staring at me as I walked from the boat back to the house. It made me feel uneasy, I don’t think we had ever went this long without talking to each other. 

“JJ...I’m so sorry.” I said, looking down at my feet. I couldn’t bear looking at the hurt look in his eyes.

“You said some really fucked up shit to me.” he said, the anger in his tone still present.

“I know what I said, and you’re right it was fucked. I took my anger out on you and I shouldn’t have. I don’t know what else you want me to say.” I said, shrugging my shoulder. 

“I shot Barry because he had a knife to your throat, he was ready to kill you.” JJ said, I could feel his eyes glaring holes into me. 

“I know...” I whispered.

“You threw that in my face like he didn’t deserve to be shot, like-like I was the bad guy!” he shouted, getting angrier the more he spoke.

“I don’t know what else to say JJ! I said I was sorry! What else do you want from me?!” I yelled back at him. 

“Yeah, well I don’t know if I can do this with you anymore.” he said, my heart dropping.

“What the fuck JJ?!” I screamed, anger now bubbling in my chest. 

“I can’t do anything right for you, so maybe we should just call it quits!” his face was getting red as I imagined mine was too.

“Fine then! Leave! I don’t want you in my house anymore! Get your shit and leave!” I yelled, shoving his chest. 

“I laid my life down for you! I have fought for you, thought I had killed someone to protect you, and I cared for you! Nothing is good enough!” he shouted. 

“I have never once said anything about those things JJ! I love you and would die for you! I wasn’t thinking when I said those things earlier! I was so fucking mad that my brother was being forced to go into hiding, and that Rafe put his hands on Kie I didn’t think before I spoke...I’m so so sorry I hurt you J, I really am. You are enough for me and I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear enough for you. I want to be everything for you, I want you to be my forever. I see our future all the time, despite all the bad that’s happened the past few months. My mind still went to you, us. If you still want to you can leave me, but just know I didn’t mean anything of what I said a few hours ago.” I said, tears flowing down my face. I couldn’t look at him anymore so I went back in the chateau, slamming the door shut behind me. 

I shoved JJ’s stuff in a bag, the anger coming back. I was still crying when I went back outside where JJ was, throwing the bag at his feet. He looked at me, his brows furrowed. 

“There’s your shit Maybank, nice knowin’ ya” I spat out, turning and going back to my room.

I heard the door open and I turned around, opening my mouth to say something else. I didn’t get the chance to because JJ had charged at me, his hand under my jaw as he slammed me up against the wall. 

“JJ!” I shouted, putting my hands on his chest trying to shove him off me. 

“You are mine. You said some fucked up shit, I said some fucked up shit. We’re not quitting on each other when we hit a rough patch sweets.” he growled at me.

“You’re the one who said we should break up!” I yelled, still trying to escape his hold. 

“I’m so in love with you and have expressed it a lot, and you really think I meant that?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“I hurt you J, I didn’t know what to think.” I whispered.

“You are the love of my life Routledge, I want my future to be you. I want all the cliche bullshit. I want us to grow together, I know you’re the one baby.” he said, I could see tears forming in his eyes.

“You’re getting sappy now Maybank.” I teased.

“I’ll never, ever leave you. I am promising to you right now that no matter how hard things get...I will never leave. I love you too much to let you go.” he said, my heart melting.

“JJ” I blubbered, tears bursting from both of us.

He kissed me hard and I threw my arms around his neck. It felt like my heart would burst for how much love I felt at that moment. Our tears mixed in with our kiss, neither of us caring. I knocked his hat off so I could thread my fingers in his messy blonde hair. He groaned when I tugged on it, making me smile into his mouth. We walked backwards to my room, both of us falling on my bed. I sat in his lap as we continued kissing, I had to pull away for air. Both of us ripped our shirts off at the same time, then we stood up to take our pants off. JJ grabbed me and threw me back on the bed, pulling my ankles so they were at the edge. He got on his knees, throwing my legs over his shoulders. He dove down to suck my clit as hard as he could, pulling back to nip it lightly. I gasped loud, fisting my sheets hard as I tried to wiggle my hips. JJ’s tight hold on me kept me restricted as he buried his face in my heat and ate me like I was his favorite meal. He pulled back and let some of his saliva drip on me, I just about came from how hot he looked doing it. My chest rose up and down erratically from how fast my orgasm was approaching. He licked at me harder, shaking his head to try and get as deep in me as possible. My orgasm hitting me out of nowhere as I shook and wiggled on the bed, throwing my hands in JJ’s hair and pulling hard.

“JJ!” I cried out because he wasn’t stopping.

He kept licking me and thrusting his tongue inside me, he was going so fast I started to feel another high building up already. It was becoming too much for me to take, but there wasn’t much I could do besides take it. He brought one of his hands down to thrust three of his fingers into me, going at an insanely rapid pace. I came again almost instantly, my eyes rolling back into my head as I screamed his name over and over. 

He put one leg on the bed as he got to his feet and plunged himself deep inside me, forcing a sob from my chest. I held on to his biceps as he started to fuck me hard and fast. He rubbed at my clit, making me jump. I was so overwhelmed with pleasure, tears started running out of the corner of my eyes.

“JJ, please! I can’t,” I sobbed.

“You’re going to take what I give you sweets” he growled, pounding faster into me. 

I came again, clenching down hard around him. He slowed his pace a little as I rode out my third orgasm. Once I came down, he flipped me over to put me on my hands and knees. He thrust into me again, going at the same rapid pace as before. My arms were shaking from trying to hold myself up, I jumped as he wrapped his hand around to rub at my clit. Collapsing on the bed I screamed into the sheets. I begged him to stop, but he kept going. It felt so good, but it was too much all at once. 

“FUCK JJ!” I cried.

He wrapped his free hand in my hair and yanked me back up. He leaned down to kiss me, thrusting his tongue in my mouth. I could barely respond from how good I felt. He let go of me and I collapsed again, cumming hard as he kept up his pace on my clit and with his dick. 

He pulled out and I thought it would be over, but he started to eat me again. The only thing holding me up was his arms wrapped under my thighs. I started to shake hard, I was full on sobbing now. 

“You like it baby? You like it when I fuck you to tears my love?” he asked, chuckling under his breath when I nodded at him.

I only lasted a few more seconds, his last nip at my clit sending me soaring over the edge. My whole body was shaking at this point, I didn’t know how much more of this I could handle. He let go of me, I looked over my shoulder to see him stroking himself slowly. He went to the bed by my head, turning me so My head was laying over the edge of the bed. 

“Gonna fuck your mouth now baby, ok?” he asked, I nodded.

I opened my mouth wide as he slid all the way down my throat. I put my hands on the back of his thighs, digging my nails in. He stayed there for a second, his head thrown back in ecstasy. He started to pump into my mouth at a slow pace, increasing speed the closer he got. I breathed through my nose the best I could, trying to relax myself. He bent over as he was still thrusting into my mouth to rub at my clit again, sparking a fire inside me. I was still sensitive to his touch, my legs jumping. He fucked my mouth faster, doing the same with his attention to my clit. I tried to kick my legs out to make him stop, but he would slap my thighs when I did it. Just as he was about to cum he pulled away from my mouth, flipping me around on the bed. He pounded into me, spitting on my clit to rub it again. I jolted around in his hold.

“One more time for me baby, please.” He panted, putting his forehead to mine.

I couldn’t help but comply because I came almost as soon as he finished his sentence. I gasped loudly, hearing JJ do the same. He moaned in my ear, whispering how much he loved me. He pulled out and collapsed on top of me. I was still panting hard, my legs felt like jello. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to walk in like months.” I said, earning a giggle from JJ. 

“I am a sex god” he said, lifting his head to smirk at me. 

“Shut the hell up and get me a wash cloth or something.” I demanded, JJ complying with my request. 

After he cleaned me up, we put our clothes back on. Kie and Pope finally getting back.

“What took you all so fucking long?” I asked when JJ and I met them outside.

“Ummm, there was a line?” Pope said, scratching his head. I looked at Kie who was blushing hard.

“You got it in! My man!” JJ said, clapping Pope on the back.

“JJ shut up!” Kie yelled, rolling her eyes. I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation since that too was what JJ and I were doing. 

Kie and Pope went to put the other stuff in the boat, JJ coming to my side and throwing his arms around me.

“I love you...like, a lot.” he said, laying his head on my shoulder. I giggled, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“You’re alright I guess” I muttered teasingly. JJ pouted at me, he looked so cute.

“Baby, you’re supposed to love meeee” he whined, shoving his face in my neck.

“Alright, alright...I guess I love you then Maybank.” I sighed, giggling again as I squeezed him tighter to me.

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#jj maybank #jj maybank angst #jj maybank smut #jj maybank story #jj maybank series #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank outerbanks #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank obx #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj #jj angst #jj smut #jj story #jj series #jj x reader #jj x you #jj fic #jj imagine #jj obx #jj outerbanks #jj outer banks #outerbanks #outerbanks series #outerbanks smut #outerbanks angst #outerbanks netflix #outerbanks fic

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 28

Summary: John B. is back, and with a surprise....

Taglist:

@jeyramarie​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @outerbongs​ @ma10427​ @lonely-kermit​ @agirlwholovescoffee​ @gviosca​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @lasnaro​ @justcallmesams​ @lopineapples​ @fernweh-fangirl​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @tangledinsparkles​ @hurricane-abigail​ @eb15​ @judayyyw​

AU:Part 24 Part 25  Part 26 Part 27 Part 29  Part 30 Part 31

Note: I’m overwhelmed by how much you guys love this series!! If you haven’t yet, make sure to check out my new series featuring Sirius Black! I’m a huge Harry Potter fan, so I hope you guys check it out!

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I probably would have fainted had it not been for my immediate reaction to be to tackle my brother. I hugged him fiercely, sobbing in his arms. His arms were wound tight around me, his tears soaking my shirt. Kie and Pope joined our hug, all of us crying at that point. We all pulled away, I lifted my hand to John B.’s face to stroke his cheek where the tears had fell.

“What the fuck John B.” I said, letting out a watery laugh.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you, all of you.” he said, wiping at his face.

“Where have you been? We thought you were dead!” Kie yelled, whacking him upside the head.

“Where’s Sarah?” I asked.

“I’m here,” she said, my eyes widened at the little belly that was poking from her tank top.

“Oh...my...god.” I mumbled, looking at my brother. 

“Yeah soooo, Sarah is prego. Obviously it’s mine...” John B. said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“WHAT THE FUCK JOHN BOOKER ROUTLEDGE?!” I screeched.

“Ok, so this might not have been the best way to tell you all. I fucking told you she wouldn’t take this well Sarah,” John B. sighed.

“I really don’t even know what to say...How do you plan to raise this child? And with what money?” I asked, furry leaking all through my body. I was so angry with him, I could have beat the shit out of him if I wasn’t so happy he was alive.

“I heard you say you got money from Ward?” John B. said, clearly confused.

“That is for Barry, he’s got JJ. We’re trying to come up with a plan to get him back, Barry said the money isn’t good enough.” I said, my eyes starting to water again.

“That son of a bitch!” John B. yelled, kicking over a chair.

“So what’s the plan?” Sarah asked.

“Oh no, you aren’t coming.” I said immediately.

“What? Why not?” Sarah asked.

“Ummm you’re pregnant and we are going chasing after a drug dealer Sarah. Don’t be a dumb bitch.” I said, angry that she thought to put herself in danger when she’s carrying a human inside her.

“Kie, you’re on baby mama duty,” John B. said, Kie rolling her eyes in response. 

================

John B., Pope, and I pulled up to Barry’s house, seeing the local druggies hanging out in front. I spotted JJ’s dad, a spark of hope igniting. I jumped out of the van, the boys following behind me.

“Well lookie here, my boy’s little girlfriend.” Luke slurred, his voice making me cringe.

“Do you know where JJ is Luke?” John B. asked, stepping in front of me slightly.

“Why would I know where my piece of shit son is John?” Luke asked, trying to stand but ended up sitting back down.

“Barry has him, I know that you know about the 25k JJ took. You beat the shit out of him for it so cut the shit Luke, where is he.” I demanded, stepping from behind JB to get right in front of Luke.

“You think you can talk to me like that Miss Routledge?” he asked, tilting his head. He stood up to his full height, but I didn’t back down. 

“I’ll talk to you however I want to for hurting JJ you bastard,” I spat out.

“You little bitch!” Luke gritted through his teeth.

“Go ahead, hit me. But remember something Luke, I almost killed Rafe Cameron with just my bare hands. I also have two boys who would do anything for me at my back, so think on that before your next move.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I see why my JJ likes you missy,” Luke said, smirking. I gagged internally, but kept a stone cold expression.

“He stopped being your JJ the first time you laid hands on him Luke, now tell us where he is.” John B. piped in.

“Come with me,” Luke said, gesturing for us to follow him.

We walked in Barry’s house, memories of the last we were here flooding through my brain. I was disgusted by the amount of drugs just laying around everywhere. There were people just passed out in the kitchen, in the living room, and even in the bathroom that we passed. Luke grabbed an index card, writing down an address on it.

“I don’t know if this is where he’s holding JJ, but it’s the last place I heard him say he had something special to drop off.” Luke grumbled, shoving the card at me.

“So you’re just sitting here getting high while your son was kidnapped and tortured by a drug dealer?” Pope asked, surprising John B. and I.

“It’s what he gets for messing with the wrong people.” Luke said, shrugging his shoulders.

“You’re disgusting,” I said, turning to usher the boys out.

=========================

“I’m so scared guys, who knows what they did to him.” I said, starting to wring my hands together nervously.

“Hey, it’s gonna be ok Bubba. We’ll give Barry the money, and that will be the end of it.” John B. said, grabbing my hands.

“Rafe saw me leave his house, he knows I took their money. They will be after us next Birdie.” I croaked, my bottom lip wobbling from the tears threatening to come. 

“Then we will deal with it, we always have a plan.” Pope said, patting my shoulder.

“Let’s go get our boy.” JB said, exiting the van.

We walked to the building, not seeing a soul outside. It looked like an old warehouse building. We opened the first door we saw, peaking our heads in. The room was empty, we tiptoed inside. I strained my ears to pick up any sounds, then I heard something. It sounded like a cry I thought, but I couldn’t be sure.

“Shhh did you hear that?” I whispered, hearing the noise again. It was definitely JJ, I would know his voice anywhere. We ran to where I heard the noise, scrambling up the stairs trying to follow the sound. We found the room, my heart dropping at the sight. 

JJ was tied to a chair, his hands and feet bloody. His face beaten and bruised, one of his arms definitely looked broken. I could see tiny cuts all across his body, a large gaping wound by his ribs. Rafe was standing above him, his sinister grin on display. His hands were bloody, I assumed from the many of times he hit JJ. I lost all control of myself as I bounded towards them.

“JJ!” I screamed. Rafe jumps, turning towards us.

“The Pogue princess, and I see you brought some guests.” Rafe smiled, blocking my way of JJ.

I tried to push past him, but Rafe got a steady foot on the floor to shove me to the ground. The air left me as my back hit the ground first. John B. charged at Rafe, Pope helping me off the ground.

“Angel, I hope you brought me my money.” Barry smiled as he entered the room. 

“All 25k asshole,” I sneered, tossing the backpack at him. I inched my way closer to JJ, handing him the pocket knife I brought with me.

“So we can take JJ now right?” Pope asked hopefully.

“I’m glad you all are here actually, I need some new trading toys since I’m running low...Maybank was going to serve as it, but he’s not pretty now.” Barry cackled, motioning for his men to come in.

“We had a deal!” I shouted, backing closer to JJ.

“Deals are meant to be broken Angel,” Barry smirked.

“NO!” I wailed as one of his men grabbed me.

All four of us were dragged to the main room we entered. We were all sat down in chairs, our hands zip tied together. I tried to get up again, but was prevented by the goon behind me that shoved my shoulder down so hard there was a loud popping noise. I screamed as my shoulder was dislocated.

“Stop!” JJ yelled, wiggling in his chair. 

“Barry!” John B. yelled.

“Tsk tsk, you need to learn when to do as your told Angel.” Barry sighed, pulling my chin up.

“Fuck you,” I whispered, spitting in his face. He nodded to one of his men who came to the front of me, picking up my injured leg. “Stop!” I cried, trying to wiggle out of his hold. 

The man squeezed and twisted my leg, ripping my stitches open. I couldn’t even scream from the pain, my ears rang as the pain washed through my body. Black was aligning my vision, I could hear the guys shouting. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion, until it all stopped. I heard scuffling and more shouting, I tuned everything out as I tried to focus on staying awake. I could feel the blood oozing out of my leg and down to the floor, my shoulder aching at every movement of my arm.

“Baby, stay with me ok.” JJ said, appearing in my line of vision.

“JJ, I found you” I whispered, tears leaking out of corner of my eyes. 

“You did baby, you found me.” he sniffled, brushing some hair out of my face. He kissed my cheek, smiling down at me.

“I...I love you...JJ...Maybank.” I slurred, feeling so close to passing out.

“No, no baby I need you to stay awake ok. This is going to hurt, but I have to stop your leg bleeding ok?” he said, I nodded. I grunted as he tied a shirt right above where the blood was coming from, ceasing the blood flow to my leg. 

“I’m cold JJ” I uttered, feeling my teeth chatter.

“I know baby, help is coming ok? Please stay with me.” JJ cried, tears leaking from his beautiful blue eyes. I felt something sticky on my hand, looking to see blood dripping from JJ’s wound on his stomach.

“JJ, y-you” I gasped out.

“Shhh baby, it’s ok. I’m fine it’s just a scratch.” he whispered, kissing my lips quickly. 

“Let’s go” I heard my brother say. I yelped in pain as the boys hefted me up, John B. taking over carrying me while Pope had JJ. “Easy Bubba, I gotcha.” John B. huffed.

I was sat in JJ’s lap in the back of the van, Pope gunning it back to the hospital.

“Haven’t we been here before?” I let out a watery laugh, taking a shaking hand to brush against JJ’s cheek.

“I love you so much sweets” JJ laughed, wiping at his eyes.

“You’re alright blondie” I teased, trying to smile at him.

“I’m sorry about everything my love” JJ whispered.

“It’s ok J, everything will be alright now.” I whispered back.

“Will it?” he asked.

The truth is, I had no idea if things would ever go back to normal...

==========================

#jj #jj x you #jj x routledge!reader #jj x reader #jj imagine #jj fic #jj series #jj story #jj outer banks #jj obx #jj obx imagine #jj outerbanks #jj angst #jj x y/n #jj maybank #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank series #jj maybank story #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank angst #jj maybank x routledge!reader #jj maybank obx #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank outerbanks #outerbanks #outerbanks netflix #outerbanks angst

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 30

Summary: The hunt for the gold isn’t over yet....

Taglist:

@must-be-a-weasley-92​ @outerbongs​ @ma10427​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @agirlwholovescoffee​ @jeyramarie​ @lonely-kermit​ @gviosca​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @lasnaro​ @justcallmesams​ @lopineapples​ @fernweh-fangirl​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @tangledinsparkles​ @hurricane-abigail​ @eb15​ @judayyyw​

AU:Part 24 Part 25  Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 31

Note: I feel like my last part was super shitty so I hope this part makes up for it! Also I’m not sure if my taglist is working again so if you are supposed to be in the taglist please let me know if it isn’t working!

=======================================

I was sat on the bed sheet I brought to the beach, pouting as everyone was in the ocean. I forgot that I had nonwaterproof stitches up my calf, meaning I had to sit out while everyone else got to have fun.  And my arm still kind of hurt, but I wouldn’t tell them that. Of course JJ had offered to sit out with me, but I knew he needed this. He had been through a lot the past few weeks, surfing was a big part of JJ’s life. He was amazing at it, I loved watching him glide effortlessly on the waves. 

====================================

“I’m getting in.” I huffed, slamming my board in the sand. 

“The fuck you are! Your arm is jacked up and not to mention you have a million stitches in your leg!” My brother yelled, JJ nodding in agreement. 

“I’m with JB on this one sweets, what if your arm gets locked up and you drown?” he frowned.

“I’m fine! I want to get in!” I whined.

“I’ll sit with you if you want me to baby,” JJ said, poking my lip that was pouting.

“No....you’re right, I should watch my arm.” I grumbled, sitting on the bed sheet with a huff.

“I love you sweetheart,” JJ smiled, bending down to kiss me. I was still a little mad, so I didn’t put much effort into kissing him back. I know I shouldn’t be mad, but I couldn’t help be disappointed.

=====================================

“John B. and JJ should open up a surf shop, I think they’d make a lot of money from it.” Sarah said from beside me.

“That’s actually not a bad idea Sarah.” I smiled at her.

I stared at my surf board next to me. I was dying to get in the water, but I didn’t want to fuck up my leg again. I mean, what was the worst that could happen? 

You know what, fuck it. You only live once, and I want to ride some waves.

“What are you doing?” Sarah asked, staring as I took off my bandage.

“I’m getting in,” I muttered, getting the last parts of the gauze off. I stuffed it into a plastic bag that I used for trash. I threw my sling into my bag as well, stretching my arm a little. 

“But your leg-” Sarah panicked, starting to get up with me.

“Sarah chill, I will be fine.” I said, patting her shoulder. 

“Your brother and JJ are going to kill you.” she said, raising her brows at me. I shrugged my shoulder, turning to head out into the ocean. 

I went a little farther down than they were, I didn’t want them to catch me right away. I knew JJ would flip out on me once he saw what I was up to. No doubt my brother would too, and he would more than likely drag me out of the ocean kicking and screaming. I sighed in relief when my feet came in contact with the ocean water, taking a big gulp of the salty ocean air. I went out further, testing to see if my leg could take the water. It stung a little at first, but I decided to ignore the pain. 

I dove into the first wave I came in contact with, the water feeling refreshing over my aching body. I paddled out farther, going towards the bigger waves, turning around to catch the next one that was coming. I stood up as the wave came to its peak, gliding with the wave on my board. It felt so good, the adrenaline rush of moving with the wave. 

I’m not sure how long I was out there for, but my leg was starting to cramp. I didn’t want to push it more than I already was. And my arm was starting to give out on me when I would push myself up, so that’s when I knew I had enough for today. When I made my way to shore, I gulped. A very angry looking JJ stood at the edge of where the sand met the water. I became more anxious the closer I got to him, knowing I was about to get chewed out by my very protective boyfriend. My arm started throbbing the more I paddled, starting to lock up on me. JJ noticed and started towards me.

“Are you insane?!” He yelled as soon as I was in hearing distance. 

“Babe-” I sighed.

“Do you have no regard for your safety?” he asked angrily, snatching my board to pull me out of the waves.

“Oh my god JJ I have a cut on my leg, and I hurt my arm. It’s not like they were going to fall off if I got in.” I said, letting an irritated sigh past my lip. My arm wouldn’t cooperate with me, it still being locked to where I could barely move it.

“Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn! You could have been knocked out by the waves and accidentally drowned!” he yelled, his expression of pure anger. 

“I’m fine,” I grunted as I was limping from the severe pain my leg was in.

“I’m so mad at you right now,” he shook his head at me, snatching my board from me so he could carry it.

“There’s no reason for you to be mad at me JJ!” I shouted, trying to walk faster to get away from him. 

“You can’t just surf like that after an injury! You have to give yourself time to heal honey.” he said exasperatedly. 

“I’m done with this conversation,” I said bluntly, gathering up my things once we got back to our spot.

“Because you know I’m right.” he sneered, throwing my board in the sand by our stuff.

“No JJ, because you’re being ridiculous!” I shouted, grabbing my board.

“Where are you going?” he asked, the others staring at us.

“I’m walking home, I want to be alone.” I mumbled, walking-well, limping- towards the van. 

“Bubba you can’t walk all the way home with your leg-” he said.

“MY LEG IS FINE!” I screeched, everyone’s eyes widening at my sudden outburst. I turned away before they could see the tears building up in my eyes. 

“Get back here!” JJ yelled, I flipped him the bird. I didn’t turn around as he continued to yell for me. 

I got to the van, shoving my things inside. I knew I couldn’t make it home, my leg was throbbing. I sat in the back of the van with the back door open, crying out my frustration. I dried off my stitches, applying new gauze and bandaging to my leg. I put my sling back on once my arm finally started to allow me to move it again. 

“Well hello little Miss Routledge,” a voice came from beside me. I jumped, seeing a man I didn’t know approach me.

“Who are you? How do you know me?” I asked, standing up quickly.

“I knew your father, and I know what he was after. Word on the street is that you and your little friends know where the gold is.” he said, coming closer to me. I backed away from him slowly, turning to look for my friends. 

“Look, we don’t have it. I swear to you, Ward Cameron stole it from where we found it.” I said, holding my hands out in front of me. 

“That’s a nice story, anyone who had that much money would try to hide it.” he said, pulling out a gun.

“I’m serious, please! We don’t have it! Do you honestly think we would still be here if we did?!” I cried, frozen in place as he raised the gun.

“Your father took everything from me, now I’ll kill off his spawn.” the man spat, my eyes widening. I heard the cock of another gun, the mans head being turned to the side as JJ came in to view.

“Drop it” JJ sneered, pressing his gun harder into the mans head. 

The man laughed as he dropped the gun, I ran to kick it out of reach. He moved quickly, grabbing a hold of me to spin us around. He held me in front of him so that I was now in the range of JJ’s gun. He went to put his arm around my neck, but I acted on my fight or flight response. 

At the last second I grabbed his finger, yanking it down and back as hard as I could, hearing an audible snap. His other hand went to grab my hair, JJ appearing beside me, and punched the man in the face. He tried to grab my ankles, but JJ was quick to pull me out of the way. JJ stomped on his hands, making the man cry out. JJ took his boot to kick the guys face in. Everyone came in that instant, all of us jumping in the van.

“What the fuck was that?!” John B. yelled, speeding back to the chateau.

“Ward is up to something, that man thinks we still have the gold.” I said, shaking from the adrenaline.

We heard more gun shots, some of them pinging off the van. We ducked when one hit through the back window and went through the windshield. John B. slammed on the gas, swerving through town and back streets to get away from the people chasing us. I chanced a look back, seeing two SUV’s tailing us. I spotted the gun I stole from Barry in the backseat. I grabbed it, looking back at Sarah who was in the passenger seat.

“Sarah! Switch me seats!” I yelled, making my way up from the back.

“What?!” she cried.

“Switch me seats! Hurry!” I shouted, helping her maneuver so she wouldn’t fall on her stomach. 

“Baby what are you doing?!” JJ yelled, grabbing a hold of John B.’s headrest. 

“You’ll see,” I smiled. 

I threw my sling at JJ, rolling my shoulder a few times. I rolled the window down, looking in the side-view mirror before sticking my body out. I cocked the gun before shooting rounds at the people chasing us, aiming for their tires. I had to duck a few times, barely missing their bullets. I successfully popped one of the SUV’s tires, causing the one behind them to crash into it. JJ grabbed my waist, yanking me back into the van.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he screamed, pulling the gun out of my grasp.

“What? I stopped them didn’t I?” I smirked, sitting back in my seat.

=======================================

“I don’t know whether to fuck you or spank the hell out of you.” JJ deadpanned as soon as we got to the chateau. Everyone had already made their way inside, too much action for one day.

“Kinky,” I smirked, running my hands up his chest. He still had a very angry look on his face, his eyes hard and narrowed.

“You have really pissed me the fuck off today baby.” he said, no humor in his tone. I squirmed, knowing I had been a bit much today.

“I know,” I said, looking at my feet.

He looked at me for a while longer before pushing my hands away. He walked back in to the chateau, leaving me alone. I sighed, pushing my hands through my hair. I knew I fucked up today, I pushed myself to the absolute limits. And I pushed JJ’s patience, more than likely earning myself the silent treatment for the rest of the night. 

My leg and shoulder were really starting to bother me now. I cursed myself for being stubborn, limping towards the porch. It took everything in me not to scream when I had to push myself up the stairs. I didn’t even spare a glance at the others as I made my way to my room. I downed some pain killers, moving some of my pillows so that I could prop my leg on something. I wanted to cry from how much pain I was in, but my pride wouldn’t allow it. 

I also wished JJ would stop being a pain in the ass, even though I drove him to the state he was in, and massage my shoulder. I put another pillow under my arm, trying to find a comfortable position to stop the throbbing pain I was feeling. I let out a frustrated grunt, accepting that there was no comfy spot I could be in to stop the pain. The door opened, revealing my favorite blonde headed boy. And in his hands were two bags of frozen peas, my eyes watered at how sweet he was even when he was mad at me. 

“I figured you could use these after you wore your muscles out like the big dummy you are.” he grumbled, helping me adjust the ice packs. 

“That’s not nice.” I said softly, pouting at my boyfriend. 

“I can’t help I have a very, very, very stubborn girlfriend that does dumb things.” he huffed, sitting next to me. 

“I think my boyfriend is just very, very, very overprotective.” I smiled, taking his hand to play with his rings.

“Maybe he just doesn’t want you to die.” he exaggerated.

“You’re so dramatic babe.” I chuckled, looking into his baby blue eyes.

“I’m serious! I can’t lose you.” he mumbled, taking his hand to brush it across my cheek.

“Is that what this is all about?” I asked, earning a nod from JJ. I could see tears collecting in his eyes. “Oh honey, come here.” I frowned.

JJ leaned into my chest, letting his tears out. He sobbed against me, his hands clutching at my shirt. I rubbed his back with one hand, taking the other to wipe his tears away.

“Baby, I’m ok.” I whispered, kissing his cheek.

“I can’t get the image of you bloody and your arm fucked out of my head. I worry about your every move that you’re just going to collapse and not wake up. I can’t express the amount of terror I was in those last few minutes when we at that warehouse.” he croaked, hugging me tighter to him.

“Honey, that’s all over now. We’re both home, safe.” I said.

“Yeah and now we got some crazy dude that obviously has something against your dad after us. I just want it to stop, I want to start our life together.” he said, sniffling as he wiped the remainder of his tears away. 

“We’ll figure it out, we always do.” I smiled, combing my fingers through his messy hair. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” he said, kissing my shoulder. 

“I deserved it,” I sighed. 

“Yeah, but I’m still sorry.” he mumbled, burying his face in my neck. 

“I love you more than anything in the world blondie,” I whispered, kissing his cheek.

“I love you more than the stars love the moon sweets,” he whispered, planting a single kiss on my neck. 

I scooted over to his side so that he could lay on my good shoulder, both us falling into a peaceful slumber.

=====================================

#jj #jj outer banks #jj obx #jj obx imagine #jj series #jj x y/n #jj x routledge!reader #jj x reader #jj x you #jj angst #jj imagine #jj fic #jj story #jj outerbanks #jj maybank #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank obx #jj maybank angst #jj maybank series #jj maybank fic #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x reader #routledge!reader #john b routledge #obx #obx x reader #outer banks netflix #obx series #obx jj maybank

[ilovefandoms102]

Prompt List

To Celebrate my new found friends we’re adding a prompt list!!!! Send me requests from these prompts with anyone from this LIST, it can be one or multiple prompts! Also please be specific on what size you are wanting the reader/y/n to be! I love and thank every single one of you for reading! 

ALSO, I TOOK THESE PROMPTS FROM RANDOM LISTS I WILL BOLD THE ONES I WROTE MYSELF!!!

Taglist:

@jeyramarie @drewswannabegirl @teamnick @jiaraendgame @agirlwholovescoffee @outerbongs @jaxandcomet @velyssaraptor @baby-pogue @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon @must-be-a-weasley-92 @kaitieskidmore1 @ma10427 @ifilwtmfc @lasnaro @justcallmesams @judayyyw @lonely-kermit @gviosca @iamaunicorn4704 @jellyfishbeansontoast @fernweh-fangirl @runway-to-my-aid @eb15​ @hurricane-abigail​ @tangledinsparkles​ @amanda-rotigliano​ @hxfflxpxffs​ @bannerbubble @hybridfamily​ @coldlilheart​

FLUFF

1. “I can take care of myself.”

2. “Just kiss me.”

3. “It was always you.”

4. “How much have you had to drink?”

5. “Will you stay that night?”

6. “You don’t have to act like you’re okay, you know?”

7. “Calm down.”

8. “You look amazing tonight.”

9. “Are you coming to bed?”

10. “Is that my hoodie?”

11. “I think I’m in love with you.”

12. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

13. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

14. “I missed you so much.”

15. “Did you just call me my real name?”

16. “Are you jealous?”

17. “Let me take care of you.”

18. “Hey, are you still awake?”

19. “You’re burning up.”

20. “I’ve been waiting all my life for you.”

21. “I missed being with you like this.”

22. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

23. “Take my jacket.”

24. “I hate watching you do this to yourself.”

25. “I love you.”

26. “We’ll figure this out.”

27. “Need a ride?”

28. “I got you something.”

29. “You make me happy.”

30. “Can I come in?”

31. “I need a hug.”

32. “I can’t sleep.”

33. “I like when you wear my clothes.”

34. “You’re comfy.”

35. “Come cuddle.”

36. “I hate seeing you like this.”

37. “Please hold me. It’s been a day.”

38. “I was worried about you.”

39. “Your eyes… they’re so beautiful.”

40. “Hold my hand.”

41. “My future has you in it.”

42. “Hey cutie, are you single?”

43. “Don’t go on that date.”

44. “As if I’m going to let you go that easy.”

45. “Don’t be stubborn.”

46. “I’ll always protect you.”

ANGST

47. “Of all people, I didn’t expect you to turn your back on me.”

48. “Do you regret it?”

49. “Please don’t leave.”

50. “Do you even care anymore?”

51. “Just leave me alone.”

52. “I needed you, and you weren’t there.”

53. “We both know I should walk away, but I can’t.”

54. “Stop being a fucking dick.”

55. “How could you do this to me?”

56. “I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

57. “Drop the attitude.”

58. “Why do you care?”

59. “They were my world, but now they’re gone.”

60. “Stop pushing me away.”

61. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

62. “Just leave.”

63. “You can’t keep getting into fights.”

64. “You can’t keep doing this to me.”

65. “We need to talk.”

66. “Why are you lying to me?”

67. “I’m too sober for this shit.”

68. “Stop saying that!”

69. “What did you just say?”

70. “I hate you.”

71. “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

72. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

73. “I’m done. We’re done.”

74. “Did you ever love me?”

75. “If you walk out that door, don’t bother coming back.”

76. “Where have you been?”

77. "How could you love someone like me?”

78. “Fuck you.”

79. “You could have died you fucking idiot!”

80. “Everyone else was there, but it was you who I needed the most. And you weren’t here.”

81. “What else don’t I know about?”

82. “All I wanted was a happy ending.”

83. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

84. “It hurts. It hurts for me to feel this way and knowing you will never feel the same.”

85. “Don’t walk away from me.”

86. “I’m talking to you!”

87. “Do you still love him?”

88. “It’s not what it looks like.”

89. “You believe them over me?”

90. “Let me go.”

91. “I wish I could say the same.”

SMUT

92. “Such a good girl.”

93. “I love hearing you moan.”

94. “Did I stutter?”

95. “Are you checking me out?”

96. “You have no idea how much I want you right now.”

97. “Don’t stop.”

98. “No undies?”

99. “How quickly can you cum?”

100. “I guess I’ll just get off all by myself.”

101. “Don’t leave any marks.”

102. “Once we start, I might not be able to stop.”

103. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.”

104. “Behave.”

105. “Get on your knees.”

106. “God, I love your hands.”

107. “Were you just touching yourself?”

108. “You better shut that pretty little mouth of yours before I put it to work.”

109. “Look what you do to me.”

110. “I want to hear you beg for it.”

111. “I want to taste you.”

112. “Your ass is going to be seven different shades of red after that stunt.”

113. “You can’t cum until I say so.”

114. “I need you.”

115. “Do you think they heard us?”

116. “I wanna hear you scream.”

117. “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice.”

118. “I love it when you talk dirty.”

119. “You like that, huh?”

120. “Your undies are soaked already.”

121. “Guess I’ll have to cum inside you then.”

122. “We’re in public, you know?”

123. “Does that feel good?”

124. “Bend over.”

125. “I know you love it when it’s rough.”

126. “You look so good on your knees.”

127. “I like it when you’re on top.”

128. “You’re not going out like that.”

129. “Like what you see?”

130. “Stop teasing.”

131. “Put that thing away!”

132. “C’mere. Sit on my lap.”

133. “Don’t hold back, baby.”

134. “Oh, the things I’d do to you right now.”

135. “I could eat you every second of the day if you’d let me.”

#promptnight #come write with me #ilovefandoms102promptnight #ilovefandoms102