#rudy pankow series

[saltwater-and-woodsmoke]

Six Feet Under the Stars | Rudy Pankow | Prologue

When Thea Ross comes back into Rudy Pankow's life five years after he graduated high school, he's not prepared for her to tell him their last encounter resulted in more than he bargained for.

words: 3.5 k

A/N: Oh look I finally got around to posting this. This has been edited and this version @teelagurl558 hasn’t read yet teehee. Okay I am going to bed now.

tagging people who might be interested: @pankowperfection @pankhoeforlife @sweettartforrudy

“Dorothea Claire Ross, how dare you enter this room without giving me a hug.” Chase Stokes' voice rang out across the meeting room from where he sat on the opposite side and end of the table from where the bleach blonde had just sat down. She held back the urge to roll her eyes at the twenty-eight year old, standing up to walk around the table to give him a tight hug.

“Where’s Em?” He whispered in her ear, “You didn’t tell me you got the role, bitch.”

“Mama Jen has her, Rylie said she would bring her in a couple weeks when I’m settled in my apartment.” She whispered back. “And after I got the role, I disclosed to Jonas that you are my cousin and asked him not to tell you, it was supposed to be a surprise. Speaking of surprises, he’s not here yet?”

“No. He’s stuck in traffic but should be here soon, he’s supposed to be in front of you.” He confirmed. “You’re gonna have to tell him.” 

She glared at him but said nothing, pulling away to return to her seat and sip at her too large, extra caffeinated salted caramel cream cold brew. She knew Chase already had the order memorized from how long he’d been buying it for her, and she could tell he remembered as he made a gagging motion as she took a drink. With a smirk, she sent a playful middle finger his way. 

“So, uh, not to pry or anything but what was that about? Clearly you and Chase know each other.” Madison was the first to speak after a moment of silence. 

“Oh. Yeah, we do.” Thea confirmed. “Known him for all 22 years of my life.”

“Thea is my cousin.” Chase explained. “My mom and her mom were sisters. Thea’s mom unfortunately passed away when she was a kid, and my mom kind of took over in the mom department because no offense to Uncle Grant but he had no idea what he was doing, so she’s like my little sister. She moved to live with my mom when she was 17 and that’s when we got super close.” 

Thea snorted, trying not to burst into laughter at him when he referred to her as his sister. From the corner of her eye she saw Rudy walk into the room, so she didn’t say what she was about to, just bit her lip and smiled politely at the blonde who sat down in front of her, apologizing for being late.

Throughout the table read, Rudy kept staring at her like he knew her from somewhere, but couldn’t quite place where. She knew she was going to have to tell him everything and she was dreading it. As the room cleared out, the pair stayed at the table, and Chase shot her a look as he left, silently asking her if she was okay. When she nodded, he smiled and left, leaving her and Rudy the only two still in the room. 

She could see the wheels turning in his head, making her try not to laugh as she sipped on her coffee and gathered her things to head back to her apartment. Finally, with a shake of her head she spoke to him for the first time in nearly five years.

“Ketchikan High School.” She told him. “I can still read your mind, Rudeth. Just because it’s been five years.” 

“I thought it was you.” He said. “Your hair changed, and uh, you look good.” 

“Uh, thanks. You look good too.” She half smiled. “Hey, uh, I actually need to talk to you about something. It’s not work related and I honestly should have told you five years ago, but I didn’t know I needed to tell you.” 

The blonde man raised an eyebrow at her in confusion. “Oh?”

“Yeah, uh, would you want to come back to mine so we can talk?” She asked. “I mean, if it would be okay with Elaine. I don’t want to cause an issue with her, I’m not trying to break you up over you hanging out with me or something. Not that I think she’s a controlling person or anything. Jesus Christ, I’m just going to shut up now before I have to bury myself alive.” 

Rudy cracked a smile as he laughed. Thea stayed quiet as she took him in again. She couldn’t help but notice for the first time just how much her daughter actually looked like her father. It was the same crooked grin that Emma gave her on a daily basis, and if she was being honest it was probably her favorite thing about her ex best friend. 

“Yeah, no, it’s fine.” he told her. “She’s out running errands then she has a meeting as well. I’ll just text her I’m catching up with you. Did you drive?

“No.” She told him. “I took an Uber.” 

“Excellent, you give me the address and I’ll drive.”

So admittedly, the drive to her apartment was tense. She knew it wouldn’t be as carefree as the drives they took in high school. Chewing on her lip, she glanced at the man driving as she tried to not imagine how different her life would be if she’d managed to tell him about Emma when she found out she was pregnant, but she couldn’t help herself. 

Would they still be acting, or would Rudy have given everything up to support his family? Actually, that was a stupid question because she knew the answer to that one. She knew that if Rudy had even had an inkling that she was pregnant when he moved to LA, he’d have been back in Alaska, or joining her in Florida. He’d be working a dead end job to support his daughter and would be doing everything in his power to make sure she was getting everything she wanted and more. 

That had been a huge reason why she hadn’t told him, knowing that he’d give up all of his success in a heartbeat to support his daughter. She couldn’t dwell on that now, knowing that in just a few minutes he was going to know about Emma Raine Pankow, and she didn’t know how he was going to react to that. All she could do was hope that it went well. 

One thing was for sure and certain, Rudy Pankow was about to get the biggest shock of his lifetime in the form of a blonde haired, blue eyed little girl and Thea wasn’t the one to blame for him not knowing, at least completely.

☼☽⋆｡°✧ ✧⋆°｡☾☼

As soon as the pair were in Thea’s apartment, she was nervous. She didn’t know how to bring it up, but knew it was going to have to happen and soon. With a sigh, she let them and made a beeline to the kitchen to find them something to drink, playing her words over and over in her head as she considered how to break the news. 

“Who’s this? She’s adorable!” Rudy had picked up one of the framed photos of Emma waiting to be hung up from the counter, studying it closely. “Are you a mom, Thea?”

Okay, so maybe she didn’t actually have to tell him that she was a mom now. She did however, much to her dismay, have to tell him he was a father. That was the scary part. You can do this, Thea, just say it. Rip it off like a bandaid.

“I am. She’s four as of February 19th.” She told him, pulling two Pepsis out of the fridge and handing him one. “Her name is Emma, by the way. And her Nana and Gammy absolutely adore her.”

“She’s four?” He raised an eyebrow. “Oh fuck, Thea, if she’s four and she was born in February. I-.”

“I didn’t find out until I was already in Florida, Ru,” she said. “I didn’t have your new number and I tried messaging you on social media but you never answered. Your mom and dad, Gammy and Gamps, by the way, didn’t even know until I went back for Christmas. I was eight months in at that point.” 

“Can I meet her?” He asked. “I mean, I want to meet her. What does she call your dad and stepmom?” 

“Poppy and Lola.” She told him. “And Chase’s mom and stepdad are Nana and Pa.” 

“So Chase?” He asked quietly, not sure if he was really ready for the answer.

“Is my cousin, Ru.” She told him. “His mom is my moms sister. But he has been nothing but the best Uncle Chase to Emma Raine this whole time.” 

“Emma Raine?“ he smiled softly. “Like, after your mom?” 

“Mhm” she hummed, “Emma Raine Pankow. The plan was always to tell you, Ru. You have all your rights to your daughter, you’re on her birth certificate.” 

It was quiet for a moment, like Rudy was trying to absorb the information that she’d just told him. He was a father. He’d gotten his best friend pregnant the one time they slept together before they both moved to separate sides of the lower forty eight, and she’d kept it from him for nearly five years. He had a four year old daughter, and he didn’t even know it. This had to be some sort of cruel joke, right?

“Press is gonna have a field day with this, you know.” He half laughed. “”Outer Banks actor teen father” I can see the headline now. Of course, they’ll have to actually read the article to see that the mother of said child is my friend with benefits from high school turned co star. And I had no fucking idea the kid even existed.” 

Thea didn’t exactly like his tone when he said that, spinning on her heels to glare at him and trying to contain her anger. Unfortunately her temper had always been an issue for her, although it had gotten better with motherhood. But standing here, looking at him with so much anger on his face, like all the information had just caught up to him, and his condescending tone made her snap.

“Excuse me?” She started walking towards him. “I tried to tell you! I messaged you multiple times, I called your mother to get your new number and she never called me back. Which I took to mean that you didn’t want me to have your number. So I made an executive decision, asshole. I chose to keep my mouth shut. You wouldn’t understand, you can’t. You don’t understand Ru, I chose to do this. I chose to keep her a secret, the only other damn person on set that knows about our daughter is Chase. This far from my first role, you can fucking google me, but you won’t find one mention of Emma Pankow on the internet, unless you follow my damn private Instagram. Which you, by the fucking way, unfollowed six days after you moved. I wasn’t even settled in Florida yet but you know what was settled already? Your daughter in my body. I chose to keep my mouth shut, to keep her a secret and not ruin your life because I chose to ruin mine!”

“That wasn’t your decision to make,” he seethed at her. “It wasn’t your right to keep my daughter away from me for four fucking years, Thea! I had no idea she even fucking existed! I lost out on four years of being a fucking father to my child! Four years, Thea! I missed it all. I don’t have a god damn bond with my daughter because of you. Yeah, we were fucking teenagers when I oh so unfortunately ruined your life, but that wouldn’t have stopped me from giving everything up for her, for you. But you know that and you still selfishly kept her to yourself for four years. You’re right by the way, I did tell my mom not to give you my new number but it was for your own benefit, Thea! I thought you deserved better than me.”

Before she could stop herself, her hand came up and made contact with his face. The force of the slap made him gasp in shock as his hand came up to run where he was sure a red mark was forming. Deep down he knew he deserved it, but at that moment he didn’t really care. 

“I’m selfish?! You told your mother not to give me your phone number. I told her it was important, which she found out two months before your daughter was born. That’s selfish Rudy. If you wanted to cut ties with me you should have told me in the airport that day. Did you? No. Instead, you told me you loved me and that you would wait for me to finish high school and come to LA with you. That was the plan right? I go to Florida for my senior year and then I move in with you in LA.” Her voice was raw as she yelled at him. “So, yeah, Rudy, you missed everything, four years of it but it’s not entirely my fault, is it? You missed every doctor's appointment, every kick, the birth of your daughter. You know what else you missed? Me going back to school two and a half weeks after I had an emergency c section, against doctor’s advice, because I was so sick when I was pregnant I didn’t have any days left. You missed Chase working nights and then staying with your daughter from 7:30-4 every day so I could fucking graduate. You missed me not even getting to walk  across the stage because your daughter was in the NICU with RSV and they didn’t know if she was going to make it. That was the fourth time I tried to get your number, asshole. I thought that if she didn’t make it, you’d at least like to know I did everything in my power to make sure she did. You missed her first day of preschool, you missed her first steps, first words — which was fucking dad, by the way, and you missed so many sleepless nights, you prick. Not because I was up with her, but because I was crying over you. You were my best friend, I gave everything to you, and you moved to Los Angeles and dropped me like I was nothing to you.” 

Before he could respond properly, the door swung open, as she hadn’t locked it behind her and Chase came walking in, sighing and rubbing his temples as he took in the scene in front of him. Thea was seething, her chest heaving as she stood in Rudy’s face, waiting for him to respond and Rudy held a pissed off look on his face, his cheekbone starting to bruise from the force of the smack he’d taken minutes before. 

“Separate it.” He demanded. “I’m serious, I could hear you both from downstairs.”

“You don’t get to come into my apartment and boss me around, Chase.” Thea sent him a death glare as she turned to look at him. He knew she was pissed so he held back the urge to roll his eyes at her. 

“I have been bossing you around for twenty two years, Dorothea, and considering you can’t be trusted to not assault your fucking baby daddy? It’s clearly not stopping now.” He tried to stay calm. “Sit your ass down on that couch right now. Rudy, you can sit on the chair there.” He took a few steps into the kitchen to check her freezer for something to put on the blonde's face, deciding that the bag of frozen carrots was going to have to do before wrapping them in a dish towel and handing them over to him. 

“You’re bruising, that should help a bit.” He sighed. “Now, we’re going to talk like adults because we aren’t seventeen anymore. You guys have a child together whether you like it or not. You have an amazing four year old daughter that I knew was yours, Rudy, the moment I met you. And sure, I could have betrayed my little sister and told you but it wasn’t my place and right now we have bigger things to worry about than your butthurt feelings that you didn’t know because you chose not answer your fucking phone because your child is going to be here in approximately four hours.”

“Four hours?” Thea questioned. “No, Rylie isn’t supposed to bring her for two weeks. I don’t have her room set up yet.” 

“Rylie called me because she’s been trying to call you.” Chase told her. “Mom had to go out of town and Rylie has classes she can’t miss so she’s gotta bring her today. I came over to help finish getting the apartment ready,  but walked into world war three.” 

“Right so Rudy should leave.” Thea said.

“You told me I could meet her!” Rudy interjected. Thea rolled her eyes, but decided not snip back at him. 

“That was before you called me selfish for doing what I felt was right.” She was calm, almost scarily calm. Chase knew she’d reached a point in her anger where she was so angry she was calm, and knew he needed to step in. 

“Okay here’s what we’re going to do before Thea decides to break your nose, Rudy.” He started. “You’re going to leave, and tomorrow, I am going to take Emma to the beach. While I do that, you two are going to talk. Like adults, none of this screaming at each other shit. You don’t need it and neither does Emma.”

“Again.” Thea muttered. “Break his nose again.”

“I’m sorry what?” Chase questioned. It was Rudy’s turn to snort in laughter, wincing as it spread pain through his bruised cheek. 

“Thea broke my nose six years ago.” He explained. “That’s how I got the deviated septum.” 

“He deserved it then too.” Thea deadpanned. 

“I did not!” Rudy argued. Thea rolled her eyes at the blonde. It seemed like, for a moment, they were back to their old selves. 

Chase rolled his eyes, moving to stand between them as he fought off the urge to scream. He was twenty eight and it currently felt a lot like breaking up fights between his younger siblings growing up, except this time it was the woman he considered his sister and her baby daddy. 

“I don’t care if he deserved it or not.” He spoke calmly. “Rudy, I am politely asking you to leave and when you guys meet up to properly talk tomorrow, for the love of all things holy, do it in a public place.” 

“Why because she won’t assault me in public?” Rudy’s snark was back, making Thea clench her jaw. “Clearly you don’t know Thea very well then.” 

“Pankow, if you don’t leave I am going to let her knock the shit out of you.” Chase told him as he pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “You and I both know she can throw a punch, and I’m about four seconds from letting her do it.” 

“Okay, I’m going.” Rudy stood up, handing the bag of half thawed carrots to Chase. “Tomorrow then. I will text Chase to tell you where to meet up.” 

The Stokes-Ross cousins watched as the younger man walked out of the apartment, Chase sighing as he looked at Thea. 

“You can’t just hit people because you’re mad at them.” He sighed. “What exactly happened?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” She told him. “I need to get Emma’s room ready and now I have to figure out childcare.” 

Chase looked at her with a frown. He knew that she was stressing out, and he didn’t know how he could help it but to help her get the place ready. The absolute one thing he knew for certain was that Rudy and Thea were a hot mess. They always had been, he knew that. He’d spent several weeks trying to get her out of her funk that she was in because of him only to have the truth come out that she’d given everything to her best friend before she moved. He’d been the one that drove her to Walmart at four am to get a pregnancy test, held her when she cried for days because it was positive and she had no way to get ahold of the blonde man. 

He’d been the one to sit at the hospital with her for nearly thirty two hours while she was in labor with her daughter, then was the one who stayed with Emma during the day so that Thea could graduate. In a way, he felt like he’d been playing dad to his co-star’s child from the get go, but he was going to make sure that Rudy got the chance to be the dad he deserved to be, even if Thea wasn’t happy about it. 

With a soft smile, he turned to look at the blonde girl and sighed.

“Okay” he confirmed. “Tell me what you want me to do.” 

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#rafe cameron #rafe cameron icons #icons rafe cameron #outer banks #outer banks icons #icons outer banks #netflix #rafe cameron edit #boys icons #jj outer banks #rudy pankow #series icons #drew starkey #drew starkey icons

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𝐈𝐕𝐘 - 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧𝐞

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : rafe cameron x pogue!reader , jj maybank x pogue!reader

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : cheating, sexual references, a little angsty (i need to write jj comfort i feel so bad), swearing

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 1.9k (future chapters will hopefully be longer!!)

𝐚/𝐧 : my first series aah! i’m actually so excited i’ve wanted to publish my writing for so many years. the series will be heavily inspired by the song ‘ivy’ by taylor swift, some chapters more so by the lyrics but i’m trying to capture the vibe of the song as well (it’s my most listened song this month help me). feedback would be greatly appreciated!! pls enjoy <3

White flurries drifted slowly down in the winter air, most falling to the ground just to be swallowed whole by the ocean of snow that lay beneath, but some clinging to the cool, frosty glass of your window which provided them an eerie home.

Soft sunlight crept over the curved edges of the clouds, it’s fingertips clinging to the rounded corners mercilessly, it’s rays dappling as they peeked through the now raindrops that sat waiting on the panes, barely illuminating the room and forcing a glow to sit idly on your skin.

Beams bounced off the cluttered walls in an attempt to bring forth life, appearing to work as your droopy eyelids pry open and expose your quickly dilating pupils to the world that surrounds you.

While the air outside is cold, your skin absorbs the radiating warmth of the limp body resting beside you, bones slotting into the crooks of your figure and hugging your frame so gently, ghosting above as though you were formed from glass.

Yet, as your eyes scanned the room, the arm that sits snaked around your waist tightened it’s grip, subconsciously holding you close despite the soft snores that begin to ring through your ears.

Flashes of the night before pass through your mind, fuzzy and grainy and out of order, but as your gaze meets a downturned picture on your nightstand, a golden frame that encases a photograph of your boyfriend, the oh so familiar guilt builds back up in the pit of your stomach, and you know exactly whose arm is currently tugging at your hips.

Rafe Cameron.

The ill-defined affair with the Kook Prince had been consuming you for the past 3 months, and you were certain you’d called it off, but he always seems to crawl his way back into your head, and your sheets.

You knew it was wrong, and you knew that it would kill JJ if he found out, he’d burn the world to the ground and take himself with it, but Rafe just seemed to have a hold on you, this ability to control your every move wether you liked it or not, and you sure as hell liked it.

Fingertips traced over his knuckles as you peered down at his strong arm, his hot breath falling on your neck and melting the hair and the fabric and anything else that stood between his lips and your skin, eating away at it desperately just so his mouth could briefly make contact.

Bold, black letters forced their way into your peripheral as you pushed your head ever so slightly to the side, careful not to wake the sleeping lion, the tamed beast, that inched it’s way further into you. The digits “7:16” planted on the clock and assured you that you had at least 2 hours before JJ would be awake, let alone be making his way over to your apartment.

“Rafe” Your voice was barely a whisper, but enough to make the body next to shift in it’s place and bring it’s limp head up to meet your gaze, a smug grin tugging at the corners of it’s mouth as it leant in for a kiss.

“Mornin’ , princess” He rasped, planting a few more on your cheek and jawline before flopping down onto his back, rubbing his forehead between his fingers, pinching at the skin, and turning to look at you again.

You said nothing. You knew you should just tell him to leave but you couldn’t muster the strength, opting instead for a cold glare and a gentle sigh, the look in his eyes competing with the one in yours, neither of you seeming to gain the upper-hand.

“Maybank on his way?” His body turned away from yours, pushing up from the mattress with his wide-spread palms before his feet made lonesome contact with your cold, wooden floor and reaching for his previously abandoned boxers.

“No we got a couple hours, he’ll still be asleep” You sat up, forcing your eyes away from his figure just as he turned back around, so predictable.

“Really?” You could hear the smile in his tone, accompanied by the metal clang on the floor as he dropped his long-forgotten trousers, the belt still looped through the fabric hooks due to the anticipation you both felt last night, rushing through each “step”, as you called it, desperate to feel your bodies sticking to one another once more.

The mattress sunk, taking you with it as it compensated for the pressure of the new weight it was forced to carry. You could sense how smug Rafe felt, just how wide his shit-eating grin really was, the feeling flowing off of him and into you like a soundwave.

“A few hours.” He quips.

You reluctantly nod, knowing he’s just trying to rub it in, the fact that you slept with him. Not your boyfriend, but him. You kissed him and fucked him and fell asleep in his arms and now you were inviting him to stay, a series of events that you’d both lived through on multiple occasions, but somehow Rafe got more and more proud of himself each time it happened, it seemed to boost his ego further, if that was possible.

Before you could argue, or even think to, his hands were wrapped around your body again, dragging you on top of him and kissing you more, fingertips grazing your skin and massaging in his touch, pressing it into you as if to mark his territory and clinging to your plush thighs which sat either side of his waist, an action he knew would pull a smile from the depths of your heart and paint a hazy, rose blush across the apples of your cheek. And it did.

“So happy you have a lazy boyfriend.” The barely coherent murmur was trapped in between your lips and sent a vibration down your throat, allowing you to register what he said and swat at his bicep, and yet he only deepened the kiss and sent a groan down your throat, his smirk present against your skin.

A few moments pass, lips pushing into his before you pull away, watching as his head runs after you like a lost puppy, trying to win you back. “You should still get up though, he’ll be here by the time you get out of the shower.”

He lies there, dumbfounded, brows furrowed and eyes glued to you as you climb off of him and out of bed, sliding your feet into the security of your slippers and taking his shirt for yourself, the hem falling at your upper-thighs as the rest of the fabric drowned your figure.

“I’ll start on breakfast.”

His voice chases after you as he shouts, “I do not take that long!”, but you continue down the hall and into your kitchen, a wide smirk playing on your lips as the springs of the bed creak, indicating that Rafe is taking your advice.

𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧

JJ’s knuckles were turning white by the time you opened the door, his unnecessarily aggressive knocking jolting you into action shortly after Rafe left, every part of your brain working to remind you who you were actually dating and reciting each detail of the blonde boy like a worm in your ear so you knew how to react when you opened the door, a process you’d now become accustomed to.

“Hi hon-“ He cut you off as he pushed his way inside, moving you with his hands that pressed into your hips as he shut the door behind him. “How come you haven’t been answering your phone?”

His eyes were wide and ridden with concern, shifting between your own so vigorously and pulling you just a little closer, knowing if you stood any nearer to him he’d kiss you before you had the chance to answer his question.

But your eyes were wide too, face filled with guilt and fear and hesitation, searching your brain for an excuse like your life depended on it.

The precious feeling of his calloused fingers on your supple skin should’ve brought you comfort and eased the ache that you felt in your ever-tightening chest, but despite the incandescent love that his touch brought forth, and the memories that it produced, it can’t seem to ease your rapid and raging heart, whose beat pounds against your ribs and begins, in a desperate attempt, to claw it’s way out of your body and break free.

“My phone is still in my room, on charge.” Gesturing down the hall and smiling as you shook your head a little, trying to persuade him as best you could. After he paused for a moment, a split second, but still a moment too long for your liking, you raised your eyebrows and forced your smile to grow, hoping and praying that he’d agree and move on.

JJ wasn’t even considering that you were lying, he trusted you, and he didn’t think twice about your phone. It wasn’t until he pressed a long-awaited kiss to your lips and strutted into the kitchen that the subtle and innocent doubt started to seep in.

“How come you’ve used two plates for your breakfast?”

You froze. You just froze. There was no movement or reaction besides your breath hitching and a slight stumble backwards, so movement indeed, but you didn’t process it. Your brain was scrambled and mouth couldn’t function, you were paralysed and what was a second for him, was almost an hour for you.

The relaxed muscles in JJ’s back were staring at you, his eyes focused on the messy countertops that lay before him and not the horror that ensued behind;the fear that you currently exerted. And your brain longed to copy the relaxed stance of the body in front of it, but it couldn’t.

“I uh.. I wanted eggs and I wanted pancakes and…” You were rambling, your mouth was moving and white noise was falling out without it being processed by the rest of you. You couldn’t bare to watch as JJ turned around to face you, his expression awfully calm given the circumstances, but then again, he didn’t know what you knew.

“...I can’t have sweet and savoury on the same plate! Madness J, honestly.” Now you were accusing him of being mad? God, it was pathetic. It was like you were in a car crash and you were somehow the car.

But he just smiled, chuckling to himself a little as he lowered his head, as he took a step further and kissed you once more, hands tangled in your hair which manages to ease your aching momentarily.

“You’re so weird when it comes to food.”

His body pushes gently past you and towards your bedroom, releasing a ground-shaking breath from your lips, so loud you wonder if it echoes in JJ’s ears the same way it does yours.

It had been so long since you’d slept with Rafe, or done anything with him that the tension felt so strange and new, like the first time it happened.

You didn’t know how to act around JJ, flinching at his touch and zoning out once your eyes finally registered the “on my way love” that sat expectantly on your phone screen. Eventually you learnt to deal with it, to suppress the fear and memories and things went back to normal, at least around JJ they did. Yet somehow, now it was worse than ever before. You’d spoken to him for, what? Thirty seconds? And yet you felt as though you’d never be able to breathe again.

You’d had sex with Rafe dozens of times, stayed over at his, slept in his arms and kissed him in the confinement of any walls that could surround you, whispered sweet nothings into his ears and let him do the same to you, caught and memorised the glint in his eye whenever you smiled. But you didn’t mean it, and at least JJ didn’t see it.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 : @sadfury @f4ll-for-you

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #jj maybank #rafe cameron x reader #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #ivy #taylor swift #drew starkey #rafe #jj #rudy pankow #fic #series #fic series

[pankowperfection]

Lessons Learned (Chapter Two)

Summary: Rudy has his own thoughts about one particularly hard to ignore student, you

Warnings: smut, 18+, dirty thoughts, mentions of sex, masturbation

Link to the series master list here

Rudy’s POV

Another semester of giggling girls (mostly) who didn’t give a single fuck about this course. God, I’m so tired of only having a handful of students each semester that are as passionate as me about classic literature. This particular cohort wasn’t all that bad, except for y/n.

From day one she’d caught my attention. Failing to sneak in late, flushing a beautiful shade of crimson when I reprimanded her. She quickly schooled her expression to one of indifference, taking her time to look me over head to toe. The heat in her gaze alone made blood rush to my cock, having gone far too long without a woman to keep me entertained. 

Each passing lecture only piqued my interest further while also adding to my annoyance. Either her clothes were shrinking from the shitty campus laundry machines or she was trying to get me to see her well defined curves. My eyes often traveled in her direction as I lectured, trying not to linger too long on how her lips looked wrapped around her pen she always seemed to have in her mouth. 

When she spoke up the first few weeks, she showed her intelligence by actually asking the right questions or participating in the discussion. Then she started to slip in compliments. “Such a great point Professor Pankow, and might I say you look so good in your suit today.” She always lingered after class, torturing me with her exposed cleavage and the curve of her ass barely hidden by her skirt. 

The day I thought I’d lose my control for sure, career be damned, she’d shown up early, choosing a seat in the front row where I’d have no choice but to have her in my field of view throughout our entire hour together. She’d slowly been spreading her thighs apart while scooting down in her chair, unnoticeable to her other peers no doubt. While everyone was turning to the right page in their textbook I made the mistake of letting my eyes wander up her long legs. 

I instantly stopped in my tracks, every thought vanishing from my mind. She was wearing the tiniest pair of light pink, fucking lace panties. Her pussy lips were slightly peeking out the sides, begging to be worshiped by my tongue. The fabric covering her was damp enough to darken the material, all the blood rushing below my belt once again. When I dared to meet her gaze she was smirking, mouthing “like what you see?” to me. I had to end class early in fear another student would see the tent in my pants.

She was starting to infiltrate every thought. Making me second guess myself if she actually wanted ME or if she was just playing around. Lately she’d kicked it up a notch, slipping in innuendo when she answered my questions, smirking in victory when she saw that annoyance flicker across my face. God, I’d love to teach her a lesson, show her why she should not fall out of my good graces. 

That thought sticks with me as I climb into the shower, steam filling the room. Before I even realize what I’m doing my hand is wrapped around my dick, already hard because I’d been picturing y/n bent over my desk. I bet she’d make the prettiest sounds when I spanked her, licked her, fucked her. That smart mouth has been begging to be filled with my cock, tears streaming down her cheeks while she tries to take all of me. 

The thought of her on her knees, struggling to please me has me tightening my grip, starting to stroke faster. I wonder if she’d beg me to stop or to fuck her harder? Would she prefer it sweet and slow? Or was she an animal who could never be tamed, letting me tie her up and fuck her in any position. Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to fuck her in my office, letting everyone nearby hear her scream. “Oh shit,” my balls tighten, dick jerking in my hand before I shoot my load onto the tiles. This girl was gonna be the death of me.

@adventuresinobx @starkeyobx @paradisehamilton @ailee-celeste @pankhoeforlife @outerbankspov @houseofperfecttaste @drewbooooo @maybankslover @maybanks-luver @blueicequeen19 @toystory2wasjustokay @onmykneesforrafe @penny4yourthoughts @maddie-routledge @ilovetheavenger143

#lessons learned series #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow imagine #rudy pankow smut #rudy pankow #rudy x reader #outer banks cast #outer banks fic #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks smut

[loveharlow]

ONE - "FRIENDS"

CHAPTER SYNOPSIS; [2.6k] The Pogues leave the comfort of their island and travel onto another. An all-expenses paid trip, courtesy of Ward Cameron's parental guilt fund. Exhausted and aching from the compact plane seats, they've reached their destination. Welcome to Orlando, pogues.

CHAPTER WARNING(S); swearing, a tad bit slow because this is the first chapter but it's still cute

A/N; So I promise this idea came out of nowhere but I'm so in love with it like when I say I did the entire planning for this in a couple hours I mean it. It's angsty and cheesy and exactly what I wanted so I hope you like it!

series masterlist. jj masterlist.

A WEEK EARLIER…

“Guys! Guys! You will not believe what just happened.” shouts a giddy Sarah, practically skipping into the Chateau with a bright smile on her face. Her eyes are lit up like a kid with a sugar rush and she’s basically bursting through the front door, plopping down beside her boyfriend on the couch.

We were just sitting around seeing as we hadn’t had much to do since we’d all graduated last week.

“We’re going to Florida.” Sarah gushed, the smile never leaving her features. However, JJ snorted, everyone turning to him with raised eyebrows but we were just as confused.

“Yeah and I was the first person to walk on the moon.” He mocked. Sarah’s face fell and I plucked his arm, muttering ‘don’t be a dick’. 

“I’m being serious.” Sarah said a little sadly.

“Sarah, we can barely afford a ferry to the Mainland. What makes you think we could afford to go to Florida?” John B quipped.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the plane tickets my dad bought for all of us to go there next week.” She said in a teasing tone, pretending to look at her nails. All of our eyes went wide. It was a shocked silence that filled the small space until Kie spoke up, visible bafflement written across her face.

“Why would Ward Cameron pay for us to go on a trip?....What does he want?” She was met with hums of agreement and Sarah’s triumphant smile accompanied by a small giggle.

“He doesn't want anything. I think he feels bad about how he treated John B when we first got together. More specifically, I shut him out since he treated you guys like shit and he thinks money is the solution to everything. He also says it’s a graduation gift. Look,” She pulls out her phone from the back pocket of her shorts.

She scrolls and taps for a minute or so then turns her phone around for the rest of us to see. “-six economy tickets from the Outer Banks to Orlando. Believe me now?” She questions cockily.

We stare at the screen, murmurs of ‘holy shit’ echoing out around the room. 

“No first class?” John B asks.

Sarah snorts and puts her phone away. “He doesn’t feel that bad.”

PRESENT…

“Attention passengers, the seatbelt sign is now off and the plane has landed. Be mindful of passengers when retrieving your belongings from the overhead bins. Welcome to Orlando.”

Rubbing my eyes, I lifted my head from JJ’s shoulder. It was him, Pope, and myself in a row—Pope begging for the window seat to take pictures and JJ giving it to him without a fight, taking the seat closest to the aisle and leaving me in the middle. He may not want to admit it but it was easy to see the way he tensed when the plane took off, roughly swaying us back and forth as it gained speed to take off. 

He relaxed halfway there, though. I connected to the plane's wifi and turned on one of the free movies, even though I ended up dozing off.

Passengers were gathering their things and shuffling through the narrow aisle as we waited for a while until we could get up comfortably and grab our own. Once there were less people crowding the cabin, we unbuckled ourselves and stood up with groans, the seats causing mild discomfort. 

We grabbed our bags from the bins, my bag a bit heavier than I recall, almost causing it to hit me in the head before JJ’s hand shot out. “I told you the bag was heavy.” He reprimanded, lowering my small duffel bag and handing it to me. I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, yeah. I got it.”

He playfully glared at me before lightly pushing my shoulder. “Get off the plane, you brat. This cabin is too small, it’s making me nauseous.”

I laughed but walked up, following behind the other half of our group that was walking in front of me. “Correct me if I’m wrong but is JJ Maybank scared of planes?”

“Yeah, right-” He deflected, exiting the cabin behind me with Pope following behind him sleepily, wishing the attendants a farewell. “Never. But nobody wants to sit in this ice box all day.” He retorted, now walking beside me as we walked up the ramp that connected the actual airport and the plane.

“You have a point. It was so fucking cold.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” He chuckled. “Don’t think I didn’t notice when you slipped off your crocs and wrapped your cold ass feet around my ankle.”

My jaw dropped slightly as I felt a heat rush to my cheeks. It was something I had done almost subconsciously, noting how warm he was during the flight as I laid my head on his shoulder. I had just kicked off my crocs and pushed them under my seat with my heel and wrapped them around his leg. “I didn’t think you would mind.”

“I didn’t.” He winked. I scoffed and walked slightly ahead of him seeing as we fell behind the group a bit.

“C’mon, I want coffee and a cookie.” I urged him to catch up with myself and the group.

OUR GROUP HAD SPLIT, SORT OF. Kie and I were standing in the small line at a coffee shop in the airport while everyone else was at baggage claim. It wasn’t too long but there was still a wait. It was about a quarter past 3 pm so people weren’t really craving coffee at the moment. The other stops like pizza and sandwiches had a pretty decent wait, though.

“Did JJ and Pope want anything?” Kie inquired.

“Pope just wanted water and JJ wanted tea.” She just nodded and moved up in the line.

“So…” She started. She looked like she would explode if she didn’t ask whatever was on her mind so I turned to her with questioning eyes and motioned for her to ask her question. “You’re sharing a room with JJ. How do you feel?” She sang with a kiddie-ish smile on her face, grabbing my arm and shaking it a bit, causing my own smile to form.

“It’s not that big of a deal, Kie. It’s not like we haven’t slept in the same bed before.” I replied, slightly awkward. It was as clear as day to see that I had a crush on JJ. We’re best friends and we have been since elementary school. He made me feel things that no one ever has. No friend, no boyfriend. It was like my heart beat a certain way just for him. 

A way that made my head spin and my mind go blank. And up until about a year ago, I was convinced that best friends was all we’d ever be. For context, JJ had kissed me at a kegger almost a year ago. That was the first time we’d kissed but it wasn’t the last.

So why aren’t we together? Because JJ Maybank doesn’t do feelings. That's the only reason I can come up with, anyway. But as far as I know, JJ and I have kissed a number of times on different occasions and each time I try to talk to him about it, he’ll avoid me like a virus or act like he’s busy until I stop trying to bring it up. They aren't even like full-on kisses. Sometimes it can just be a little peck. It's almost like he does it on accident.

“You’re right, it’s not a big deal.” Kie agreed. “It’s a huge opportunity. You can get laid or a boyfriend. Or both.”

“Kiara.” I whisper-yelled. “Oh my- please, stop.” I hissed as we approached the counter. We relayed everyone’s drink requests to the cashier, who informed me that they only had sugar-free cookies. Ew. We rounded to the other end of the small kiosk where others were waiting to pick up their orders. 

“I’m just saying. You guys have been running circles around each other for years. One of you needs to say something before it’s too late and you end up as one of those 'what if’s', y’know?”

I sighed and dropped my head forward. I was achy from the plane and I felt a mild headache coming on. “Can we please just drop this for right now? Please?” I pleaded with the girl beside me. I knew she was only trying to give me that ‘push’ but I just wanted my coffee and to sit down somewhere comfortable.

“Fine.” She complied. “I’ll stop. For now.”

“6 drink orders for Kiara!” The barista mildly shouted from her place behind the counter, Kie and I walking up and grabbing both cardboard trays of drinks and she handed us a handful of straws. Thanking her, we walked off in the direction of baggage claim where the others should’ve been waiting.

Kie examined her hand that held the straws. “Plastic straws? People never learn.” She grumbled, annoyed. I couldn’t help but smile fondly. Only Kie, I thought.

WE WERE NOW WALKING THROUGH THE GARAGE CONNECTED TO THE AIRPORT. Apparently, Ward had thrown in a rental car, too. A black, seven seater BMW. The walk was quiet, aside from the sounds of everyone drinking the decently prepared beverages from the coffee stand. Sarah was clicking the noise button on the keys in search of our temporary vehicle.

Once we heard the sound of the car, Sarah let out a silent ‘thank you’ and everyone let out satisfied hums. Approaching the car, Sarah popped the trunk and prompted everyone to pile their suitcases and bags inside. I let go of my suitcase, which JJ had kept an eye out for in baggage claim while Kie and I were gone, so I could slide my bag off of my arm and into the trunk.

When I turned around my suitcase was gone, my head whipping around as I heard the clanking of wheels and turned back to the trunk to see JJ putting it inside. Since my bag was the last and everyone was already piling into the vehicle, JJ closed the trunk, turning to me with a smile that said ‘don’t mention it’. I just nodded and gave him a small smile. 

We rounded the vehicle to climb in, the seat pulled down in the back which I assumed was for me to climb in and sit next to Kie who was in the last row. Pope was in the second row and John B and Sarah were upfront, Sarah driving. 

“Sorry,” Pope started, looking in my direction. “My legs are too long to be all the way back there.” I shook my head with a small smile as I climbed in, “It’s cool.” Once I was settled next to Kiara in the back, JJ pushed the seat back up, securing us in and climbing in himself and shutting the door.

Sarah started the car. 

“I thought you had to be like 21 to rent a car.” John piped up.

“Dude, Ward paid for this. He found a way.” Pope added.

“He’s not wrong.” Sarah replied with a shrug. “Let’s just pray not to get pulled over. John B, pull up the navigation.”

“Why can’t you do it? I wanna sleep.” 

“Because I’m driving. Just pull it up.” 

John B groaned but pulled out his phone and entered the address of the AirBnB as Sarah read it to him. She turned on the radio and let it play lowly as she pulled out of the garage.

AFTER ABOUT FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER, WE PULLED UP TO THE HOUSE. It was almost 5pm so the sun was still out. Finally being away from the airport gave everyone a little boost of energy, no longer as exhausted or tired. Instead, almost beaming with excitement as we stared up at the house we’d be staying at for the next few days through the window as Sarah pulled the vehicle into the driveway.

“Goddamn.”

“It’s so pretty.”

“Is that a hot tub?”

Turning off the car, Sarah hopped out followed by the rest of us. We stood outside of the car, peering up at the house. It seemed to be a two story home, an off white color on the outside, a balcony poking out on the second floor, pristine windows on the outside, and the big freely moving plants and palm trees surrounding the front door. You could also see what seemed to be a couple deck chairs and a hot tub around the side. 

Everyone started moving to grab their belongings from the trunk, visibly more energized with little smiles on their faces. When everyone had everything, we made our way to the front door where there was a keypad to unlock it. Sarah punched in the code that she received from Ward that the homeowners had sent to him when he booked the house. With the door open, we all shuffled inside taking in the interior. It was nice and modern. A small foyer when you walk in, a slightly curved staircase leading upwards to the bedrooms, walking further you were met with the kitchen which was clean and smelled like lemon. 

The cabinets and structures were a kind of charcoal-ish gray and spotless, a small island in the middle of the room set with 3 bar stools and 3 lights hanging above. To the right of the kitchen was the living room, a simple L-shaped sofa with a flat screen sitting above a TV-stand. 

I walked out into the backyard, John B following mindlessly as everyone else wandered around as well to scope out the place. There was a short gravel path leading to where I spotted the outdoor furniture earlier. A small hot tub accompanied by two neutral colored deck chairs and a small circular glass table between them.

Walking back into the house and going back to where I saw the staircase, I ascended it. Reaching the upper floor, there were five doors. 3 were open and revealed a queen-size bed in each with their own quirks—tv’s, dressers, closets, desks, etc. The other two doors, one of which was a bathroom and the other a linen closet filled with soap, body wash, towels, and other essentials, were cracked open allowing us to see inside.

At the sound of Sarah’s voice, everyone gathered back in the small foyer downstairs where we had abandoned our luggage.

“So, for the rooms-” She started. The pairs had already been established so she was just making sure everyone was okay with the rooms. Her and John took the room all the way to the left, Pope and Kiara in the room in the middle, and JJ and I in the room all the way to the right. She stated there were bathrooms in each room as well and to make sure we keep this place as organized as possible.

Everyone nodded and set off to their assigned rooms for the rest of our stay. I followed JJ as he ignored my protests stating I could carry my suitcase up the stairs myself. He had his own backpack on, his suitcase in his left hand and my suitcase in his other. We both entered the room and it was quite spacious. Not overly large but definitely bigger than anything we were used to back home.

The bed was in the middle facing the TV against the wall opposite to it, black bed sheets and pillows. There was a closet to the left of the bed against the wall next to the bathroom door.

JJ sat all of the bags out of the way, me following suit with my small duffel bag as he sighed dramatically and fell back onto the bed. “Oh, this feels amazing.” He closed his eyes.

I nudged his calf with my foot. “Scoot over.” He shuffled to the side as I plopped down next time, turning to face him. He was right, the mattress was soft and felt like it was molding to every part of my body.

“This trip is going to be great.”

A/N; So this is the start to a small series I came up with. This chapter was just an introduction of sorts so I'm sorry it moved a bit slow, I know it felt like filler but the next chapter is so damn cute.

feedback is appreciated! thanks for reading.

©loveharlow

#jj maybank #jj mayback x reader #jj mayback imagine #obx jj #jj maybank x reader #obx jj maybank #obx jj x reader #obx netflix #obx fanfiction #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank series

[ghostselena]

hiyaa can i request one where the reader passes out from the whole treasure hunt thingy like when shes abt to get out from the van she passes out in jj's arms

Title: What can't a pogue do?

Pairing: Jj Maybank x Reader

Warnings: just you passing out and jj being the sweetheart that he is, 18+ [slightly edited]

a/n: I really hope this is the scene you meant, the one after JB grabbed the one gold bar and showed it to the pogues inside the twinkie. If not, it still follows your request I believe, I hope you like it!

You may not copy or post this as your own, but reblogs are encouraged :)

-

You were all gasping for air inside the twinkie, adrenaline shooting right up your veins from the chaos you had outrun.

Old lady Crain—who had terrible aim might you add, tried taking out the squad one by one.

The loud yells from the pogues echoed the van after successfully finding the gold. You were sitting in the passenger seat beside Jj, keeping him company the way you always did.

"Oh, my God!" he repeated, his head turning to face his friends, causing the car to swerve to the side accidentally. His hands held onto the steering wheel tightly, placing his attention back on the road, "Shit, sorry."

You shook your head and smiled slightly, your head leaning against the window, not paying any mind to it.

"Full Kook! Full kook! Full kook!" the rest chanted in unison, distracting you as you blinked, suddenly seeing dark spots invade your vision.

You were sweating, your cheeks were flushed, and you felt light heated. But, everyone was so excited about the discovery, you didn't want to ruin the moment with something you thought was normal.

Jj kept stealing glances your way every few seconds, noticing how you weren't screaming with the others, "You okay?" he asked, placing a hand against your thigh, which would've made you blush the way it always did if you hadn't felt like you were about to fucking pass out.

"M' okay," you mumbled. wrapping your arms around yourself and closing your eyes. You were near the chateau, already wishing you could lay on the spare bed after a nice hot shower.

You felt sticky and dirty, hating the way it made you feel.

He didn't want to bother you, but the blonde boy was worried for you. The most cheerful person in the group was quiet and had barely spoken to him and he questioned himself.

Did he do something wrong?

The van came to a stop and you opened your eyes, seeing the familiar home in front of you.

The others had hopped out, only leaving you and Jj as he walked to your side to open the door, "She's awake!"

You gave him a weak smile and slid off your seat slowly, your legs betraying you as soon as you stepped out, falling onto Jj's arms who was quick to catch you.

You had blacked out in his arms, his wide eyes stared down at you in shock, "Holy shit, y/n?" he shook you slowly, not knowing how to handle the situation

Sarah was the last one to hop out and heard him yell as she stood by the door.

She saw your body in his arms and was quick to grab the alcohol bottle that JB kept in the kitchen cabinet—which was ironic to her because they usually only needed it to clean themselves after confrontations with Rafe.

Jj was handed a small cotton ball filled with the liquid, and he quickly rubbed it against your nose, "C'mon, c'mon," he mumbled, hoping to see your pretty eyes once more

Your eyes fluttered open, blinking rapidly while adjusting to your surroundings, "What-what happened?" you asked softly, your eyes staring up at Jj who had a worried look on his face

"You passed out on me," he replied, letting out a sigh of relief the moment you spoke. He couldn't have been more scared, "I was ready to start doing CPR," he added jokingly, slowly placing you on your feet while his hands stayed on your shoulders for support.

You let out a quiet laugh, shaking your head, "You don't even know, how to do CPR,"

"So? What can't pogues do?"

---

Tags: [Let me know if you'd like to be added/removed! :) ]

@gillybear17 @my-baexht-ls @phildunphyisadilf @ailee-celeste @onmykneesforrafe

#jj maybank #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank drabble #jj maybank headcanon #jj maybank series #jj maybank x reader #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader

[pedrometal]

⟣ᰱ🎣🍓〉✚🔈🏪 ◟𝚁υ∂ყ ραꦱᩚ𝕜𝗈ω ಖ⭒̫۫私꯴⟡᳕🗯´-

•••𝖦𝖮©𝖣 𝖭𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖳 ⛪! 444 ꫤ🪣ꜛꜜ٭░ ❥ ⛑️•̩̩͙♡๑ 𝗅ι𝗄ᧉ ↷σɾ 𝗋ᦸᩚ𝖻𝗅✢ᦋ ☆% . . ✈️ 𝖺ꪧᡶ𝗂-ꫝᨹ𝗋૭ᩨ ઈଓ 🆗🪽🚉🗯✶

#hazzacine #icons with psd #moodboard #moodboard with psd #aesthetic #with psd #gif #rudy pankow #styleszitas #rudy pankow icons #rudy pankow moodboard #rudy pankow layouts #jj maybank #jj maybank icons #jj obx #obx imagine #jj icons #jiara icons #series moodboard #series icons #screenshots series #tv series #actors icons #rudy pankow as jj #outer banks #netflix series #blue psd #random boys layouts #random boys icons #random boys moodboard

[givingairtomymouth]

Okay, hear me out. While Garrett Hedlund to me is the only person who could play Murtagh, and I'm praying that whatever Eragon series they're working on now is an ANIMATED series... if they really will have to make a show with actual actors... who plays misunderstood characters with daddy issues better?

#just make the hair darker #eragon #murtagh #inheritance cycle #inheritance series #eragon series #eragon movie #eldest #christopher paolini #garret hedlund #rudy pankow #fancast #fandom #movies #fantasy books #books #fantasy #inheritance

[httpsaturnox]

Rudy's Camera Roll ꕥツ ও 〰︎🦺🎨 ⊱ 𝐍ᴥᩚω Ꭾ✸𝘀𝕥 ▓⃞🐳 ⏤͟͟͞͞✪┆∘˙•☘︎𓍯ᘎ⊹💭🍓💢𖠺܀⚡︎ ℓꪱᩚ𝐤𝗲 𓇼 𝕽𝖾ᩚ𝗯𝕝𖦹𝗀 🦝🍽️🗺️ 𖡎𖥡⟭﹏﹏◠❥𖨆✴◡🍊🥬🧣˙∘𓆩∞𓆪

#icons #twitter icons #icons without psd #icon aesthetic #icon series #obx cast #obx icons #rudy pankow #jjba x reader #jj icons #obx3 #obx jj #obx jj maybank #jiara obx #obx s3 #hoywn

[drewsbabee]

I love you might not be enough. (3)

HI! I'M BACK!

this is very much a filler chapter but didn't want to leave everyone hanging for too long!

Don't know how many parts this will end up being but I promise the next one will bring more to the table! So please bare with me here :)

angst(ish) and just some good ole forgiveness arcs LOL

Y/N's pov

The walk home felt longer than it should have been. 

Deciding against going home and wallowing, I cross the street to the park across from our shared apartment.

I scoff at myself as I sit on a bench 

"Not your apartment anymore more bug," I whisper to myself tearing up 

"oh Drew how'd we end up here"

Letting more tears slip out I hug my arms tighter around myself. 

“Y/N?”

Arms wrap around me and I jolt in fear but instead of pushing off the person I break down into sobs recognizing the comforting arms

"Shhh, Bug it's okay. You're okay"

Rudy.

I lean into the boy's chest as I sob violently "Fuck. Why does it hurt so much?"

"He loves you. So fucking much that this is hurting him just as much as it hurts you" Rudy whispers into my hair "Let's get you home babes,"

-----

Rudy’s pov

I tuck the poor girl into bed as I grab my phone to call Drew. 

"Thank you, Rudy... " I hear her whisper before turning over to fall asleep

I press a kiss on her forehead and pat her shoulder before stepping out to the kitchen to call Drew 

"Is she okay?" Drew asks as soon as he picked up the phone 

I sigh "I found her at the park crying... but besides that, she’s doing as good as she can be"

The line goes silent for a few seconds 

"What do I do Rudy?... How do I fucking fix this"

"You fight for her." I say firmly "You love the girls but they were wrong to assume everything they saw in the media. They were wrong to not give her a chance. For them to not understand her let alone get to know her. You love her Drew and it's about damn time you fought for something that makes you happy."

"The girls may have not seen it but Chase and I could. You love this girl… she’s it for you. So fucking fight for this. For you and for her" 

Drew stays quiet for a second processing everything 

"I'm going to talk to the girls tomorrow..." He trails "I need to get them to listen then I'm going to get my girl back"

I smile "Look... I'll stay with her tonight. I’ll make sure she’s okay, just update me with everything that happens"

"Thank you so much, Rudy. Thank you for being with her"

"She family now. Regardless of what happens. We got her"

Drew says one last goodbye as I let out a little sigh 

"Please let them be okay."

---

Drew's pov

Last night was rough. Nowadays, I wasn't used to waking up alone.

I didn't like it.

Chase let me stay over which was bound to lead to an awkward encounter with Maddie. 

Walking out of their guest room I immediately spot Maddie sitting quietly at the counter staring at her cup.

"Hey..." I say almost stoic

after no response, I figured she hadn't wanted to talk. And I had no energy to try.

"I'm sorry..." She starts 

My head shoots up as I stare at the girl with a small frown evident on my face

"I can't speak for the other girls but Maddison implanted this idea that you deserved better and I didn't look at the bigger picture. She loves you and you love her... I saw the type of love that reminded me of Chase and I. I'm so fucking sorry I let it get this far"

"Please tell me it’s not too late to fix this" She pleads 

I nodded slowly and whispered, "I sure hope not…"

Maddie sadly smiles at me 

"I hope you can forgive me for not seeing it sooner"

I muster a smile at her "I do. Thank you for seeing how much she means to me. But please understand that I’m not gonna stick around for shit like that. It’s my relationship, not everyone else's."

Mads nods as I pull her into a side hug

"am I free to enter?" I see Chase peek his head out from the side of the wall

I chuckle and nod, ushering him in

"Phew I'm glad the tension is cleared I swear I was about to grovel" Chase jokes 

Maddie walks over to chase wrapping her arm around him 

"Let's go get your girl Drew" Maddie smiles

Let's go get my girl back.

-----

Y/N's pov

I woke up with a raging headache. Rubbing my eyes I throw the covers off me desperately needing a coffee.

"Thought I heard you were up," Rudy says peaking his head in "I made you some coffee"

I carefully take the hot coffee and look at the boy gratefully "thank you, Rudy... I'm sorry you had to deal with all that last night" I say sheepishly

Rudy scoffs "Don’t apologize for that bug." 

I smile at him lightly 

"Have you heard from drew?" I say while looking down at my coffee

"He stayed the night at Chase's," He starts softly

"He's hurting just as much as you are... He loves you so much, but he wants to respect you and your decision,"

My eyes water "I'm so at a loss here... I refuse to be the reason they hate him, but I don't want to lose him"

Wiping at my eyes I place the coffee on my side table trying to hold it all in. Rudy sits beside me wrapping an arm around my shoulders 

"Before we left with Drew he said and I quote 'my sweet girl, selfish enough to want me but not selfish enough to keep me’ Do what your heart tells you bug... be selfish for once"

I laugh through tears "Easier said than done,"

--------

Drew's pov

"you think she'd want to talk to me?" Mads asks sheepishly "I want to make things better,"

I lightly chuckle "She would love nothing more, because despite everything that happened that girl will welcome you with open arms" 

Mads smiles "I'm gonna head over today"

"Thank you," I whisper

"Baby you go and head over, Drew and I are gonna set up at the beach," Chase says walking in 

I tilt my head in confusion "How did you-?" 

Chase lightly smiles "the first thing she told me when I asked what she liked about LA, First, she said obviously said you…”

I laugh as I shake my head

“and second, was that one beach spot you took her to when you first asked her to be your girlfriend" 

I smile down at the floor 

"she definitely isn't the biggest fan of all things LA brings..." Chase trails lightly chuckling "but she loves it because you're here... the beach is just a bonus"

"Whenever I can't find her I know she's down in a secluded area of the beach reading a book," I say grinning

 "I miss her."

"I know for a fact she misses you," Chase says patting my shoulder

#drew starkey fanfiction #drew starkey #drew starkey imagine #drew starkey x reader #drew starkey x y/n #obx #rafe cameron #chase stokes #drew starkey angst #obx angst #obx imagine #rudy pankow #rafe cameron x reader #rafe fanfiction #rafe x y/n #angst #obx series #drew x reader

[cognacdelights]

when my world is falling apart

the romantic tirades of indie routledge series masterlist

the domestic pleasures of indie routledge series masterlist

add yourself to my taglist

when i look at you by miley cyrus

summary: in the wake of her drunken argument with eve, indie finds herself tumbling down a pit of sadness. as she begins to spiral out of control, jj sticks right by her side to see her through the darkness. 

warnings: swearing. angst. mentions of abuse, mentions of death. mentions of grief. 

author’s note: i think this might be one of the saddest chapters that i have ever written. as always, please feel free to leave a comment or a reblog with your thoughts or come talk to me in my ask box! always love hearing your thoughts! also this is 7.5k words so pls give me some love!

Grief. It was something that Indie was so painfully familiar with, yet something that she had not yet experienced at all; whilst she had felt the heart-breaking, soul-destroying, spirit-crushing emotions of grief in the moments following the losses of her mother, her father, and her ex-life-long best friend in each of the varying contexts, she had not yet cycled through the grieving process in full for their loss. Each loss that she experienced just sent her tumbling back to the very beginning once more. Rather than accommodating the now empty, abyss-like voids that they once filled in her life by filling them with the joyous memories that they had once shared together, she had instead patched over them with the tarnished fabric of self-destructive behaviour and an indestructible attitude. And, for the most part, it had worked for her. Until it hadn’t; until now.

Nick Cave had once said that grief comes in waves, and that was very much true. Indie had been hit with a tsunami-like wave of grief following her recent and very public fight with Eve. It started with that one, seemingly negligent comment regarding her absent mother: your mommy didn’t love you enough. Whilst it was a cheap and nasty shot thrown by Eve, it was the equivalent of the shifting of the tectonic plates beneath the seabed; it was the catalyst that forced the heavy emotions to rise from the very depths of the waters of her soul and peak above the surface.

The secondary, cheap, and nasty shot from Eve that Indie didn’t have any friends was the gravity that pulled the peak of the wave back down to the surface and sent it hurtling towards the shore in every which direction. The unfortunate reality was that there was at least some truth to Eve’s vicious words; Indie didn’t have any friends of her own. JJ was her boyfriend, and John B was her brother — both more of an obligation to tolerate her than she wanted to admit. Kiara and Pope were, realistically, her brother’s friends that she had muscled in on. Everyone else was merely situational; she worked alongside Leonie, Cleo and Alivia were on her hairdressing course at beauty school, and Liberty was Pope’s girlfriend. With each day that passed since the infamous brawl at the boneyard, the more she really began to feel the consequences of those absences in her life — and the quicker the wave began to hurtle.

Of course, as the inevitable wave of destruction neared the shore, JJ had spotted the warning signs. He noticed the slowly receding water from the ivory sands of the shoreline as Indie began to retreat inwards on herself. She was quiet and distant — which was most definitely the furthest thing from the Indie that he knew and loved; she had always craved the intimacy of physical contact between them, but now she sat at the very opposite end of the plush couch cushions with the furry, pink throw pillows as a barrier between them and her bare knees tucked tightly against her chest. She would barely utter a word, only ever letting out a mouse-like squeak when she was spoken to, as she sunk deeper and deeper into her all-consuming thoughts and misery.

However, the high-pitched sirens begging him to seek higher ground began to blare when she finally spoke up one night, entirely out of the blue.

It was late — and after a long day working hard in what wasn’t much more than a metal can with no air conditioning, JJ had just freshened himself up with a cold shower. He stepped out of their bedroom only slightly cooler than he was before the cold droplets of water had graced his feverish skin. The ever so slight breeze that swept through the cosy apartment — through the opened doors and windows — and brushed gently over his perspiration-covered skin was a welcomed touch as he rounded the corner into the living room, his sock-covered feet padding quietly against the carpet.

Indie had remained in the same spot that she had been in for the majority of the day — her scheduled classes for the day having been cancelled due to the uncomfortably hot temperatures. She was still dressed in the same pair of tight, black athletic shorts and grey, logo-printed t-shirt that was been tied around her abdomen that she had been wearing that morning when he had left for work. A heavy feeling pressed against his toned chest as his concerned eyes set upon her. Something just wasn’t right with his beloved Indie; she had no spark inside of her, no light in her eyes; she’d utterly lost her shine. And that was indescribably sad to see. Not only because she was somebody that he cared very deeply for, but because she was typically somebody who had such an infectious energy surrounding her; her wide smile warmed his heart, and her dulcet giggle was intoxicating. But there had been none of that as of late.

His nonchalant footsteps came to a steady halt behind her, and he leaned over the cushioned back of the sofa. His ring-cladded fingers brushed gently through her knotted locks before the tender pads of his fingers slipped down her petite shoulders and engulfed her silhouette in a loving embrace. He peppered several sweet kisses into her coconut-scented locks before giving her dainty frame a final, loving squeeze. As always, she melted into his affectionate touch but was hesitant to return with any of her own.

Then, after a pro-longed second of their embrace, JJ retreated — continuing on his lackadaisical journey towards the opened, sliding French door. He casually swiped the half-empty packet of Marlboro cigarettes and his engraved lighter from the cluttered sideboard and stepped outside onto the cool stone of the balcony. Leaning his t-shirt clad back against the rough bricks of the outside wall, he pulled out a cigarette and held it between his lips. He tossed the now lighter packet down atop the small, round table that had been pushed against the far-right railings and lit the cigarette. Within a matter of thirty seconds, his lungs were filled with the calming toxins of nicotine as he took a deep inhale — peering out at the peaceful, almost aerial view of the silver streaks of moonlight reflecting against the calm waves in the horizon.

His attention was soon swiftly brought back to his melancholic girlfriend when he caught her chestnut tangles appear in the open doorframe out of the very corner of his eye. He watched silently as she stepped out onto the cool stones and tiptoed over to the inside-facing, wooden chair in the far corner of the balcony. As she proceeded to sit down and peer upwards at him with her dim and saddened doe eyes, he offered her a drag of his slowly dwindling cigarette.

Indie shook her head timidly in response before, once again, pulling her knees up to her chest. She hugged them with a vice-like grip, wrapping her arms around her sunkissed ankles and resting her chin atop the gap between her knees as her fingers toyed with the charms of her golden anklet. There was a brief moment of silence between the two of them as he let out a long exhale — the noxious cloud of smoke surrounding him and taking just that little bit longer to dissipate with the lack of breeze.

“Was Eve right?” she eventually spoke up — questioning him with a dry and hoarse tone of voice. She watched as his chiselled features contorted into a confused expression, his untamed eyebrows furrowing inwards and deep-set crinkles wrinkling his forehead. “Am I horrible person?” she persisted with a weak voice, “am I selfish, and jealous, and attention-seeking, and everything else she said about me? Do I ruin things for other people?”

JJ took a step forward, propping his lit cigarette against the side of the half-filled ash tray before crouching down before her. His ring-cladded fingers found hers and interlocked in a loving hold as the pad of his thumb grazed softly over her knuckles. Then he took a deep breath — letting out a long, dragged-out exhale as he gathered his thoughts. “You’ve had your moments—” he admitted honestly, “—but you’re not a horrible person, Ind. There’s been times where you’ve been selfish, and jealous, and times where you’ve probably gone looking for attention from people, but that doesn’t mean that’s who you are. You’ve made mistakes and done some shitty stuff, but you’re also someone who has been through a lot in such a short period of time. You acted out in a time when you were hurting and did some things that you wouldn’t have done otherwise. But what you aren’t is a horrible person.”

“But I still did those things and—”

He cut off her interjections as he continued to speak, “people wanting to check in on you and caring about you doesn’t make you attention-seeking either, like she thinks it does. It means that she didn’t understand what you were going through or just how serious it was; it means that she was jealous of you and the way people cared for you.”

He gave her delicate fingers a reassuring squeeze before continuing, “you aren’t selfish for putting yourself first in a time where you needed to. And, trust me, after everything that’s happened these last few years — you’ve needed to focus on yourself. You needed to look out for yourself. You might not think so and at times it doesn’t seem like it, but you have so many years on her, Indie; she lives a really sheltered life where Daddy Shoupe buys her whatever she wants and whatever she says goes, but you’ve had to grow up fast and learn that life just isn’t like that. You’re not the person that you were a year ago, or even six months ago. She doesn’t know how much you’ve changed and grown as a person because she hasn’t been around to see it. You’re always going to be the villain in her story because she isn’t mature enough to look at things from a wider perspective and see that you outgrew her because of your circumstances. You matured a lot quicker than she did, in ways that she will never be able to understand, because you had to. She just doesn’t recognise that. So, you being mature is translating to you being jealous, and selfish, and attention-seeking in her mind because she just doesn’t understand why you’ve done the things that you’ve done.”

“But she was right about the other things…” her gaze dipped to their interlocked fingers as she pressed her rosy lips together, suppressing the hot tears that had begun to pool in her reddened waterline, “—my mom didn’t love me. She didn’t want me and left me. And sometimes I think that’s why. She hated me because I was a horrible person. I wasn’t the little debutante that she wanted.”

“Your mom’s a piece of shit, that’s all I really have to say on that one,” JJ responded rather bluntly. “Oh, and that isn’t a reflection on you—” he added, “—it’s a reflection on her. Any parent that walks out on their child is a piece of shit, and I can speak on that one. My mom also didn’t love me and decided that leaving me with a drunk, abusive asshole was the right thing to do.”

“Sorry, I didn’t think.”

“Don’t apologise.” He reached a hand upwards, tenderly running his fingers through her knotted waves as he tucked them behind her pierced ear. “The jokes really on them—” he shrugged his shoulders dismissively, “—they’re not going to be here to see us in the best years of our lives. Your mom isn’t going to see you get your GED, or graduate from beauty school, or pass your driving test, or get married and start your own family. She doesn’t get to take credit for that when you do those things, or even part of it. Neither does Eve. That all goes to you and your hard work. And my mom doesn’t get to see me love the most amazing girl the way that my dad should have loved her.”

“Eve was my best friend—” she sighed heavily, “—and I really thought that it would be me and her against the world forever. We were supposed to go to prom together, graduate together, go off to college together and join a sorority. She was supposed to be my maid of honour at my wedding and Aunty Eve to my kids. And now it’s just… this whole mess. Eve was my person. She was the Cristina to my Meredith. I could be all dark and twisty and she would get it. She would be dark and twisty with me. She would be there, no matter what. Now, I don’t have any real friends and it makes me think that she’s right about me.”

“There was a whole load of references that I don’t understand in there. But you aren’t dark and twisty, whatever the hell that means. I don’t think I want to know.”

“Meredith from Grey’s Anatomy calls herself dark and twisty because fucked up shit keeps happening to her, and — you know — fucked up shit keeps happening to me,” Indie explained with a timid voice — gently toying with his fingertips.

JJ rolled his cerulean eyes with a dramatic flair, “if you’re dark and twisty then so am I.” He then gave her dainty fingertips another, re-assuring squeeze. “And you have friends, Ind. You’ve got me, and Kiara, and Pope. Leonie from the salon, and those girls from beauty school. You have your old friends from high school. What you don’t have is Eve, and there isn’t anybody that’s going to fill that role. Eve was your childhood best friend. You two grew up with each other. But, like I said, you’ve outgrown her now. You aren’t going to get that kind of friendship with other people because you can’t relive all the memories that you two bonded over when growing up. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have friends, or people that love and care about you.”

“I just— I miss having an Eve. I don’t think I miss her; I miss having somebody who I’m that close to. I want someone who I can call up to come and stay with me when you’re working away, or somebody to go shopping with, or someone to make extra strong margaritas with me and day drink whilst we rewatch Grey’s Anatomy. I want that someone who is going to be the maid of honour at my wedding and the Aunty to my babies without hesitation.”

“And you’ll have that, baby. I promise you,” his softened gaze met with hers — his focused eyes staring meaningfully into her own umber orbs as the solemn words slipped off his tongue, “one day you will have that. But — I’m going to say something real fucking cheesy right now — Rome wasn’t built in a day and friendships like that don’t just appear overnight. It’ll happen and you’ll get there. You’ll find your people. You just have to believe that you’re not alone and you don’t have no friends right now. You have lots of people around you who love you and care for you, and will make extra strong margaritas with you and watch all the shitty tv with you that you want.”

“Are you going to watch Grey’s Anatomy with me?” she questioned cautiously, arching her thick, dark eyebrow.

“If it’s going to put a smile back on your face, then yeah.”

There was a brief moment of silence as she absorbed all of the comforting and consoling words that he had shared. Then, a second wave of melancholy overcame her — her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly as she took a wavered breath. “I really, really wish that my dad was here right now,” she admitted with a croaking voice before whispering quietly — her words drowned in sadness, “I miss him so much. It’s not the same doing all of these things without him.”

“I know,” his deep voice was gentle and soothing as the very tips of his ring-cladded fingers twirled the ends of her chestnut tresses around themselves. “He is here. Maybe not physically, but he will always be with you in everything that you do. He’s watching over you, with that big, old grin on his face. And I’m telling you — he couldn’t be prouder of you. There’s no bigger supporter of you than your dad. Not even me, and I have an ugly, pink, furry rug in my living room that you just had to have.”

“Leave my rug out of this,” she showcased her infamous pout.

A soft chuckle rippled through his brawny chest as the corners of his thin lips twitched upwards ever so slightly in an amused smile. “He loved you so, so much, sweet girl. He would’ve done anything for you, so that you could have everything that you wanted. He would’ve moved the Earth if it meant that there was a smile on your face because that’s all he ever wanted. He wanted you to be happy, and safe, and cared for. And you are all of those things — well, usually.” JJ then cocked his head to the side ever so subtly and spoke softly, “he would’ve fought off everybody to be the first one in line for a haircut when you get your qualifications.”

“I just wish that I could have given him a haircut at least once—” a heavy, sorrowful breath escaped as her lungs decompressed once more, “—and, you know, he could see me and you happy.”

“Your dad would have killed me if he was here.”

“No, he wouldn’t—” her unruly waves flitted back and forth as she shook her head in disagreement, “—he loved you.”

“Your dad liked me, but not enough to let me run off with his perfect, little princess—” a deep, rasping chuckle rippled through JJ’s toned chest, “—and definitely not enough to let you move in with me. He’d hunt me down, kill me, then drop my body somewhere out at sea.”

“I wouldn’t let him,” Indie let out one of her infamous, melodious giggles — the apples of her cheeks turning an ever so faint shade of rouge and the very corners of her rosy lips curling upwards, “I’d give him the eyes and the pout, and I’d get what I want. He couldn’t resist the eyes and the pout.”

“You know—” a half-smirk quirked his stubble-lined lips upwards also, “—I know those same eyes and pout very well. I see them at least twice a day.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

A deep, lone laugh erupted from the very depths of the back of his throat, “oh yes you do, India Routledge. Don’t pull that innocent shit with me. How do you think you got that god awful rug?”

“What do you have against my rug, Maybank?” her full lips pulled forwards into the infamous pout in question.

“Nothing.” The tender pad of his thumb lightly grazed over her velvet-like lips before moving to cup her cheek against the palm of his hand. He held her both lovingly and affectionately before speaking, this tone soft. “Why don’t we go back inside?” he suggested, “—order some waffle fries and donuts and snuggle up on the couch? And if you stop pouting, I might let you put your Meredith’s Anatomy on.”

Indie agreed with a gentle nod.

“Come on then,” he encouraged — slowly standing from his crouched position. He extended his paw-like hand out to her and watched with a subtle smile curling the corners of his thin lips upwards as she placed her dainty palm in his. Her ring-cladded fingers laced with his own and he gave her a supportive squeeze, before making his way back into the cosy living room.

Over the past several years, the last two long and grievous years especially, Indie had somewhat and somehow managed to cycle through the first three stages of grief. For the majority of the time, she had found herself stuck in the denial phase; there was an optimistic part that lived deep down within the sombre crevices of her soul that clutched tightly onto the hope that one day her absent mother and her missing father would return. There was even a slight fraction of her that longed for Eve to turn up at her door — armed with a meaningful apology and open arms ready to welcome back their friendship. Of course, that was precisely why that was the denial stage; Indie was not yet ready to come to terms with her own part in the breakdown of their friendship and believed an apology from Eve would solve everything.

Then came the anger, and boy had this stage hit like ten tonnes of bricks. Everyone had felt this stage, even JJ. It was marked by spiteful and emotion-filled arguments with — well, honestly — anybody that she could find to argue with. John B was the usual victim of her angry lashing out, and there had been many, many a time when their screeching has awoken everyone in the beloved, old Chateau. The pair of them had erupted like two volatile volcanoes; Indie had thrown things, John B had spat hurtful comments in times of frustration, she had slammed doors and smashed bathroom mirrors, he had come down hard and strict, she had packed her bags and runaway, and he had wished that she was anybody else’s problem but his own. It was a terrible, turbulent time in their household.

Then came the bargaining. This one was short-lived and had somewhat merged into the depression phase. There would be nights in which she barely slept at all as she silently begged and pleaded with whomever the higher power may be for her missing father to walk through that door. She’d promised better grades, a more pleasant attitude, to lay off the drinking and the drugs, to wash the dishes whenever she was asked — hell, she had even thrown around the idea of volunteering with Kiara at the local beach clean ups. It was to no avail and the lack of a desired result pushed her swiftly into the depression stage.

And here she was — cycling through the ocean that was stage number four. Depression was by far the hardest of the grief stages and that testament was proving true with Indie. She was stuck, drifting along with the forever changing tides. One day she was mellowed by the calming lulls of a placid wave — where things, life, was more bearable. Then, the next day, she was thrust head-first into the rough and choppy waters of the high seas; she was left to fend for herself with no life raft as the dark and melancholic heavens opened up above. And that was exactly where she was, lost in the open waters of the ocean with rugged waves — fighting her damned hardest not to get pulled under.

JJ, however, was still peering out at her from the shoreline. He spotted the looming wall of water on the very edge of the horizon as it continued to hurtle towards the shoreline. This was when he knew in his heart that a full-scale breakdown was inevitable.

The heavens above were a dark and fascinating shade of indigo as Indie slowly made her way along the terracotta tiles of the second-story walkway. Her dirty, off-white Nike Air Force sneakers were quiet as the scuffed soles padded against the tiles and down the stairway. Instinctively, she wrapped the thin flannel shirt around her exposed silhouette as a subdued ocean breeze swept through the otherwise empty forecourt and parking lot.

Indie followed the bright, white light and the tinny echoes of the radio that seeped out from under the cracked-open garage door. She pushed the metal door open just that little bit further, before ducking her head underneath. It was contrastingly bright inside — illuminated by the long, exposed bulb that hung from the high ceiling.

She stepped further inside, her slender figure slipping between the haphazardly piled boxes of her stuff and the lazily discarded car parts. She placed the pads of her dainty fingers against the body of the car that took up the majority of the space inside the garage — feeling all of the chips and scratches to the paintwork as she neared the hood of the car. She halted at the headlight as her muddied shoes came into her focused boyfriend’s eyeline.

JJ — with one grease-stained hand resting against the opposing side of the car and the other wrapped in a vice-like grip around a monkey wrench — looked upwards. His cerulean eyes caught hers and he watched as she greeted him with an innocent smile. He straightened his posture, now towering over her with his height and looked down at her. “Hey,” he spoke softly, still holding the oil-covered tool in his palm.

“Hey,” Indie answered with a dulcet tone, batting her thick eyelashes in her infamously angelic manner.

His gaze raked over her petite body with a slight suspicion, before returning to her tanned features. “What do you want?” he questioned with a furrowed brow and ever so slightly narrowed eyes.

“Kiss.” She stood on the very tips of her toes, creasing her off-white Nike Air Force sneakers, as she pressed her rosy lips to his in a series of sweet kisses. Her arm flung subconsciously around the back of his neck as the warm palm of his hand slipped beneath the back of her flannel shirt — his thumb slipping through the belt loop of her high-waited, denim shorts. She rested her blush-tinged cheek against the perspiration-laced muscles of his toned and shirtless chest and nestled herself into his warmth. “Is it running yet?” she asked with a seemingly genuine flair to her tone.

“Nah, not yet—” JJ responded, pressing a few, loving kisses against her temple, “—Jimmy’s still trying to source me a couple parts from the junkyard.”

Her full lips pulled forwards into a sultry pout, “guess we’ll just have to take the pick up instead.”

“And where do you guess we’ll be taking the pick up at this time, huh?” his untamed eyebrow quirked upwards in a querying manner.

“Target,” she spoke so matter-of-factly, as if it were completely obvious.

“What are we buying from Target?” JJ threw yet another question towards his doe-eyed girlfriend — once again putting emphasis on the ‘we’.

“Things.”

A low, amused chuckle rattled through his burly chest as he gently prodded his finger into her side, “you’re banned from Target. You spend too much money in there.”

“I unbanned myself,” she told him. Indie bat her dark eyelashes at him once more.

He rolled his indigo eyes dismissively as he surrendered, “go get my keys and we’ll go.” He peered downwards at his petite girlfriend, watching as a mischievous grin curled her full lips upwards and she retrieved his pick up truck keys from the back pocket of her denim shorts.

It was a short drive to Target in which Indie spent the majority of the car ride flicking through the playlist on JJ’s unlocked phone — flicking between several Arctic Monkeys songs and the most recent 1975 album. She eventually settled upon a song as they pulled up to the entrance to the parking lot, opting instead to reply to the several unopened messages that filled his notifications bar. The pad of her thumb hovered over the message thread between him and John B, but with a wavering exhale, she decided that it was better left unread; the siblings still hadn’t uttered a single word to one another since Indie’s boneyard incident, and she was nervous to know the state of their relationship. Instead, she opted for a safer thread — Jake, his good friend from work.

“Jake said those stuck up rich fucks are sat across from him at the bar again,” she read aloud the text message word for word, before peering over at her boyfriend — whose straw-like tousles were hidden behind a backwards-facing hat. She furrowed her dark eyebrows together out of sheer curiosity, before asking, “what stuck up rich fucks?”

“Oh—” he replied nonchalantly, “—he got into a thing with some tourons after work on Wednesday when he hit on one of their girlfriends. You know what he’s like.” Resting the palm of his hand against the leather back of Indie’s headrest, he manoeuvred the steering wheel with a casual ease and peered over his burly shoulder as he reversed into one of the many, empty parking spaces. “Tell him to keep his hands to himself this time. He needs to protect his last remaining brain cell.”

With quick thumbs, Indie typed out a response — word for word matching what JJ had instructed her to say. She then locked his phone and placed it back down into the centre console. However, just as she was about to reach for the doorhandle, his lock screen lit up with a candid picture of herself and a new notification bar stretching across the very middle of the screen.

“Aw, how cute—” she mocked with a bitter tone, “—Kaitlynn sent you two fire emojis.”

“I sent her a pic of the car, that’s all. That’s what she’s sending fire emojis to,” JJ clarified as he climbed out of the pick up truck cab, and made his way around to the passenger side. “You can look if you really want.” He was as unphased as ever as he opened the passenger side door — taking a hold of Indie’s ring-cladded fingertips and helping her step down from the towering height of the cab.

“Just because I trust you, it don’t mean that I trust her—” she responded with a slight pout, “—I still want to shove a stick up her ass and roast her like a marshmallow.”

“Alright—” he tapped her rounded ass in a somewhat authoritative gesture as they made their way towards the store entrance, “—knock it off, girl scout. She’s just a friend.”

“Hmph.” Indie’s dainty feet carried her at a two-fold pace towards the neatly lined carts, where she grabbed the nearest one and began wheeling it towards the automatic doors of the store.

“Babe—” JJ questioned, a deep laugh slipping from between his thin lips, “—why do you need a cart?”

“For all my things.”

Indie was slowly making her way down the wide aisles, making sure to take a glance at every item that she happened to pass on the shelves, when she came upon the fresh produce. She continued to push the empty cart along as JJ traced her slow and curious steps behind her — his protective palms placed lightly on either side of her voluptuous hips in an attempt to steer her away from any unnecessary purchases.

Of course, his plan failed miserably when she stopped before an over-flowing bin of watermelons. With a loud groan of exertion, she wrapped her tiny arms around one of the largest watermelons and lifted it into her cart. She placed it down at the very bottom before letting out a deep exhale — blowing the stray strands of her chestnut tresses from covering her reddened face. She then peered over at her loving boyfriend with an angelic glimmer illuminating the amber speckles of her eyes.

“Question—” she began, as she positioned her watermelon in a way that didn’t inhibit the shopping cart’s agility, “—do you know how to wallpaper?”

“Uh—” he placed both hands around the cool plastic of the handle and began to push, “—yeah. You paste the paper and stick it on the wall, then run the tool over it to get rid of any air bubbles.” His cerulean eyes narrowed and stared at her in an accusatory manner. “Why? What have you done?”

“Okay, cool—” she continued with a cheerful tone, wandering off towards the homeware section and ignoring his accusatory questions, “—what about applying vinyl to surfaces?”

“Same kind of thing, except you peel the back off and stick it on. Why?”

“And what about laying and staining a wood floor?” Her innocent eyes peered backwards over her flannel-covered shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

“Indie?” JJ demanded an answer, “what have you done?”

“I decided I want to redecorate, so I placed an order on next day delivery and it should be here some time tomorrow morning—” she flashed him an angelic, butter-wouldn’t-melt grin, “—I got some really cute wallpaper for the living room and our bedroom. And this really nice vinyl to cover the countertops in the kitchen. But I couldn’t find a nice hard wood floor to match the vinyl— well, I could, but it was expensive. So, I bought a cheaper one and a stain. I want it to go all through the kitchen, living room, and the hallway.”

The tousle-haired blonde stopped in his tracks, his mouth hanging agape in utter shock. “Which room are we redecorating?”

Indie blinked as though it was obvious, “all of them.”

And all of them did she decorate. Her once cute and flirty, pink — or rose gold to appease her teal-eyed boyfriend’s hatred of the colour pink — and grey colour scheme had well and truly gone out of the window. And, yes, that included the godforsaken, pink, and furry rug that he had utterly despised; although, what had replaced it crushed his hope for something tasteful with a stampede of hooves. When she had pointed to it in the store with an excited glisten lighting her golden orbs, he very much died inside. If he could, he would take the pink, furry rug back with open arms. However, he knew that his beloved girlfriend was going through an emotional rough patch recently — and decided to let her keep the little joy that she had found in completely turning their cosy apartment upside down; he kept his mouth firmly closed and his opinions to himself.

After several hours of watching instructional YouTube videos, JJ had set to and managed to cleanly rip up the old, slate tiles and the worn-in carpet from the open-plan living area. Then, had somehow managed to lay the wooden floor perfectly. He’d then stained it with a dark, cool-toned oak finish that matched the vinyl that he had wrapped the kitchen countertops with. Indie then decorated with her newly purchased copper pan set, matte black dinnerware set, and her copper-plated cutlery. A copper pendant light hung above the kitchen island — shining down upon a freshly-stocked copper-plated fruit bowl and matte black salt and pepper shakers. She had organised the contents of their pantry into labelled, glass containers with black, cork lids and had their fridge had been stocked according to plastic containers.

The dark oak stained floor continued into the living room, where there was now an accent wall; a rustic, stone-textured wallpaper covered the wall that housed the wall-mounted TV and the wall-mounted fireplace, as the remaining walls were covered with a warm and cosy cream colour. The cabinets beneath the television had been wrapped with the same dark oak vinyl as the kitchen counters, and decorated with copper, candle-lit lanterns. The same photographs were switched into copper-coloured frames and re-positioned into a sequence that pleased her. The, the grey-toned couch and matching armchair were covered with cream-coloured throws and brown, patterned throw pillows, and beneath the wooden coffee table laid an authentic, brown cowhide rug.

She had originally intended to decorate their bedroom with a beach scene wallpaper that acted as another accent wall — however, upon opening the several rolls of wallpaper upon their delivery, Indie was not impressed. Instead, she opted to panel the accent wall board and batten style, before painting it a beautiful, deep navy colour. The remaining walls were coated with a fresh layer of crisp, white paint. She replaced their bedding with a light and bright white bedding that was covered with a navy-blue anchor pattern, before adding several nautical and navy themed throw pillows. The grey, crushed velvet curtains were replaced with a more subdued set of floor-length, white curtains and the matching, wooden nightstands were decorated with two, white ornate lanterns.

The spare bedroom contrasted the rest of their apartment significantly; Indie had opted for a light and airy, neutral theme for this bedroom. All four walls were painted with a bright and crisp coat of white paint and the wicker bedframe was dressed in similarly crisp, white bed sheets. A subdued canvas of a landscape, beach-front photograph hung, centred, above the bed and a brigade of cream and neutral-toned throw pillows lined the bedding.

The bathroom, however, went relatively untouched; it merely saw some fresh, new towels and some new marble-printed soap containers and toothbrush holders. Minimal, but just as effective as completely redesigning the whole room.

And, thus, that lead Indie to where she was now — laying beneath the new anchor-patterned bedding unable to sleep just moments before the anticipated crash of the powerful tsunami wave hitting the shore and surging inwards. JJ snored softly beside her, completely oblivious and dead to the world; the renovations of the previous several days had completely drained him of all his energy, and he had fallen into a deep, coma-like slumber the very second his straw-like tousles had hit the pillow. He was laid stomach down, face shoved carelessly into the fresh bedding, as his brawny arm hung over the very edge of the mattress and the duvet bunched around his half-naked waistline.

Meanwhile, Indie had been frustratedly tossing and turning for the duration of the night — reluctantly seeing every hour of the clock. Her mind was busy, racing, with all of the memories of her childhood. She had remembered things that she had no recollection of happening until this very moment. It was almost as if she was getting a play-by-play movie screening of her entire childhood, all at the mercy of her new-found insomnia. Her heart swelled at the thought of sitting in the passenger seat of The Twinkie — her scuffed shoes dangling off the edge of the tattered, leather seat as she listened to her beloved father telling her all about the latest developments in his obsessive quest for The Royal Merchant gold; hot, saline tears pooled in the reddened waterlines of her mocha eyes as she recalled sitting on the cool kitchen counter — carefully helping her mother weigh out the ingredients to a cake, as her tongue peeked out from between her full, rosy lips out of sheer concentration; and the overwhelming emotions caught in the very depths of the back of her throat as she remembered how her and Eve used to sit on the edge of the wooden dock at The Chateau and dip their bare toes into the lukewarm water, taking turns to describe how they saw their future together.

She placed her clammy palm over her plump lips, cupping her mouth in a bid to muffle the sorrowful sniffles as she slowly scrolled through her photo albums. As the delicate pad of her finger glided across her dimly lit phone screen, her father’s beaming smile appeared on her screen. It was her favourite photo of the pair of them from the summer before he had tragically been lost at sea; he stood beside her on their family boat — his arm wrapped tightly around her dainty silhouette as a proud grin etched itself across his weathered features. She held a large fish that she had caught, with his help — of course, in her hands. She looked so happy; they looked so happy. It was a truly beautiful photograph of her and her late father that she had been meaning to get printed and framed since she had moved into the apartment with JJ, but the thought had constantly slipped her mind.

She felt the sudden rush of emotion overcome her and pressed her cupped hand against her mouth harder to suppress the anguish-filled wail that crawled out from the depths of the back of her throat. The hot tears breached their barrier and spilled over her puffy and reddened waterline and trickled down her tanned complexion. Then, Indie cried — hard, yet silently as not to wake her sleeping boyfriend.

As carefully as she possibly could, she slipped her shaking silhouette out from beneath the fresh bedding and made her way out of the bedroom. She stepped ever so lightly — avoiding the creaking floorboards — and slipped her bare toes into her dirty, off-white sneakers. Then, she quietly slipped out of the front door, carelessly leaving it unlocked behind her and began walking.

She walked for what felt like an eternity, until she reached the familiar dirt-road driveway that she had hiked up many a time previously. She followed the slight curve in the road, the hardened gravel crunching beneath her purposeful footsteps. Then, she came across the cars that lined the driveway; the cars that weren’t hers; the cars that weren’t the beaten up, old Volkswagen van or the barely running Toyota Corolla. Out of the corner of her bleary, tear-filled eye, she spotted a new Grady White tied up to the private dock and the realisation hit her with the force of a moving truck; she had never felt so out of place in her childhood home before. It was no longer her childhood home. John B had moved out several months prior and it now belonged to a new family; one that wasn’t hers.

A second, heavy pang of anguish pressed against her chest — each desperate breath she attempted to take suffocating her even more than the last. Her eyes stung with the constant, hot tears and her cheeks were crimson raw. Indie turned on the heels of her scuffed, off-white sneakers and continued to walk in the opposite direction, her dainty feet carrying her at a hurried pace to as far as she could possibly managed from The Chateau. She crossed dimly lit roads without even so much as a second glance and stumbled haphazardly into the sand-dusted roads on several occasions.

Fortunately, Indie made it to her second, subconscious destination in one piece — most likely down to the absolute minimal traffic at what could only be described as the witching hour. Her dainty feet carried her up the familiar cul-de-sac and down the stone-paved driveway. She hiked the several steps up to the front door and knocked — fiercely hard and loud. She continued, her clenched fist unrelenting as it pounded against the wooden door and refusing to give in despite catching the muted, orange lighting seeping through the crack in the upstairs curtains.

“Alright—” the rasping, groggy voice called out from behind the wooden door, “—I’m coming, for fuck sake.”

Indie still didn’t stop. Not until the hard wood disappeared beneath her tightly clenched fist. She dropped her reddened knuckles to her side and watched through clouded eyes as the door opened. Before her stood her brother, John B — shirtless and half asleep, rubbing the crust from his tired, mahogany eyes. She stared blankly at him for a brief second, the brisk wind slapping against her rouged cheeks as the salty tears continued to spill and her chest heaved up and down with gasping breaths.

Desperately, she threw herself towards him — coiling her petite arms around the back of his neck and hiding her tear-glazed features against his exposed chest. Her arms tightened around his burly posture as her body convulsed with choke-like cries, and eventually she let out an undignified wail, “I want my dad.” Indie sobbed grievously into the warmth of her brother’s chest, “I want my dad. I want my dad. I want my dad.” 

John B was still attempting to process what exactly was going on before him in his barely conscious state — his vision still half-blurred from the rudely abrupt awakening from his otherwise peaceful slumber. His reaction was delayed; however, as his brain began to slowly digest the anguish-filled words that were spewing from her mouth, his robust arms wrapped themselves around her dainty shoulders and held her securely — his grip around her tightening with each heart-wrenching sob. 

#jj maybank #outer banks #obx #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank series #jj x reader #jj maybank x y/n #y/n x jj maybank #y/n x jj #jj x y/n #jj maybank fic #outer banks fic #outer banks series #jj #rudy pankow

[pankowperfection]

Lessons Learned (Chapter 4)

Summary: You get a reward for following Rudy's rules, only to return the favor afterwards

Warnings: smut, oral (male & female receiving), teasing, hair pulling, 18+

Every lecture was now even more tortuous. You have to sit in class and act normal, knowing that your professor has seen your most intimate parts and made you cum harder than anyone ever has. You found your mind wandering even more than before, curious about what your next “lesson” during office hours would be.

Every time you started thinking about his fingers inside you, how the tip of his cock had felt against your tongue, you ended up pressing your thighs together for relief. It’s like Rudy knew somehow, always glancing your direction at exactly the right moment to catch you, causing a blush to creep up over your cheeks and a knowing smirk to spread across his face. 

On Thursday afternoon you quickly changed into something a little sexier, playing into the school girl fantasy by putting on a button down shirt paired with a pleated skirt. Thigh high stockings kissed the tops of your legs, no panties to cover your pussy just as he’d requested.

You can feel your slick running onto your thighs as you approach his door, softly knocking once again before he tells you to come inside. He’d been waiting, quickly pressing your body against the door and clicking the lock into place. 

“Well look at you. A wet dream come to life.” He quickly pins your hands above your head, trailing his nose up your neck and making you shiver in anticipation. The scent of his cologne mixed with how his body is pressed to yours is intoxicating, quickly making all other thoughts leave your mind.

His free hand urges your legs apart, a wide grin appearing when he feels your arousal on your thighs. When his fingers just barely brush over your lower lips you whimper, having been desperate for relief since your last session. “Such a good girl for me, already following the rules. I think you deserve a reward.” 

Both hands travel to below your ass, urging you to jump into his arms. He carries you over to the couch with ease, laying you down gently onto the velvety cushions. He comes down on top of you, hovering on his muscular arms as he brushes the hair back out of your face.

“Professor, what are you-” He silences you with a kiss, the surprise of the moment knocking the breath out of your lungs. His lips feel like heaven, perfectly shaped to fit with yours. 

He grinds into your core, making you moan into his mouth while your hands tangle into his hair. You’d always fantasized about pulling on the soft blonde locks, wondering how he would react. His tongue teases the outline of your lips and you welcome him inside, tugging on his hair and causing him to moan against you.

Two fingers tease your entrance, swirling around the edge before plunging inside. He swallows your cries of pleasure, scissoring you open while you arch beneath him. 

His mouth starts a path down your body, kissing and sucking on your neck before focusing on your breasts. You suck in a sharp breath when he flips up your skirt, pushing your knees towards your chest so your calves settle onto his shoulders.

Slight embarrassment spreads through your system at him being face to face with your pussy, no other guy had ever even attempted to go down on you. 

He takes his time to tease, laying open mouthed kisses up each inner thigh, your clit fluttering in anticipation. As he moves closer to where you need him most you tense up, uncertainty filling your mind about whether you taste weird or look normal. He senses your unease, softly stroking your waist. “Relax sweetheart. Let me make you feel good. Oh, and try not to scream.” 

He winks before leaning down, licking one agonizingly slow stripe from your entrance to your clit. Your hips jolt at the contact, teeth digging into your bottom lip to contain your moans.

He takes his time to thoroughly explore every inch of your folds, tongue teasing around your entrance before plunging inside. You can’t help the loud whine that leaves your throat, intense pleasure surging through your veins at the feeling of his tongue fucking you. 

“God, you taste so sweet. Could stay between your thighs forever.” Your hands once again make a home in his hair, fingers pulling roughly on the strands each time his tongue flicks over your clit. He knows exactly how to drive you crazy, two fingers slowly angling in and out of your entrance while his tongue worships your bundle of nerves. 

“Fuck Rudy, don’t stop.” Your back arches higher, thighs starting to tremble as he brings you closer to the edge. He doubles his efforts, sucking your clit into his mouth and nibbling lightly with his teeth. The new feeling sets you off, lips parting in a silent scream as you squeeze his face with your legs. Your mind goes totally blank, too blissed out to even form a single thought.

He lightens his pressure, kitten licking you while you come down from your high. When he lifts up his head his chin shines with your release. He proudly licks his lips clean, crawling back up over your body to kiss you once again. The taste of you on his tongue makes you crazy, hands ripping at his clothes, desperate to get him naked as quickly as possible.

He senses your urgency, smiling sardonically as he starts to loosen his buttons. You push yourself up to a sitting position, greedily raking your eyes over his naked chest and torso.

The man was carved like a god, each muscle well defined and making drool pool below your tongue. He makes quick work of his belt, metal clanking as he undoes his pants and drops them down to the floor. You’re reminded of the one small taste you’ve already gotten of his cock,  eagerly dropping to your knees on the floor. 

“God, you look so pretty like that, on your knees, waiting for me to let you suck my cock.” He reclines against the cushions, erection resting against his abs. “Come here,” he commands, urging you forward. Your hands rest on his thighs once again, kneading his flesh while you wait for your next instruction. 

“I think you know what to do,” he smirks, referencing your last time together. You decide to tease him as he did you, taking your time to nibble your way up each of his thighs. To your surprise he lets you play, watching intensely as your mouth inches closer. You wrap your hand around his length, smearing his pre-cum as you start to stroke him slowly.

Feeling adventurous you start out at his balls, lightly sucking one into your mouth and rolling your tongue around it. He groans, bottom lip trapped between his teeth as he watches you devour him. 

The other gets the same treatment before you kiss your way up his shaft, licking the tip before swallowing him down. You moan and he curses, hands tangling into your hair as the vibrations make his toes curl. You somehow manage to take all of him, letting him hit the back of your throat without any issues.

“Holy fucking shit, do you not have a gag reflex?” You nod your head no as best you can, starting to bob your head up and down while your tongue traces the underside of his length. 

The more sounds of pleasure he releases, the harder you work. His grip on your hair is borderline painful, but you can’t bring yourself to care. The unique taste that is Rudy mixed with the weight of his cock on your tongue has you dripping onto the carpet, moaning as you hollow your cheeks. 

To give your jaw a break you back off slightly, kitten licking the tip while your hand slides up and down. Your spit drips down onto his balls, soaking the couch cushions but he’s too far gone to care. “Oh god, y/n. I’m gonna cum.” His thighs tense beneath your hands, cock jerking before you taste his salty release. You eagerly keep sucking until he’s empty, licking every last drop off of his skin. 

“Jesus. I had no idea you knew how to suck dick like that.” You smile at him, resting on the couch while your jaw recovers. 

“Me either, I’ve never done that before.” 

“THAT was your first time? If I was handing out grades that would definitely be your first A+ sweetheart. I’ll keep that in mind when I grade your latest essay.” 

Not thinking about it you lean over and press your lips to his, stomach flipping over at the feeling of your lips connecting once again. He doesn’t pull away, letting you explore his mouth at your own pace. “Thank you for making me feel good, professor. See you next Thursday.”

@adventuresinobx @starkeyobx @paradisehamilton @ailee-celeste @pankhoeforlife @outerbankspov @houseofperfecttaste @drewbooooo @maybankslover @maybanks-luver @blueicequeen19 @toystory2wasjustokay @onmykneesforrafe @penny4yourthoughts @maddie-routledge @ilovetheavenger143

#lessons learned series #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow imagine #rudy pankow smut #rudy pankow #rudy x reader #rudeth #outer banks cast #outer banks fic #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks smut

[loveharlow]

FIVE - JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY

CHAPTER SYNOPSIS; [4.4k] After the events in the hot tub, Y/N is finding it difficult to brush past JJ's actions this time around. Adamant on bringing their best girl's spirits up, Sarah and Kiara drag Y/N to a club where she's finally had enough of JJ's back and forth and tries to let go for a moment...

CHAPTER WARNING(S); swearing, mutual pining, mild angst, drug and alcohol use, arguing, mild public intoxication, jealous & possessive tendencies

A/N; I took a bit of personal rage out through the reader so this is me apologizing in advance.

series masterlist jj masterlist

IT WAS AN UNFAMILIAR FEELING TO WAKE UP TO A BED HALF-EMPTY. It seemed that JJ had woken up before me. Yawning and reaching towards the bedside table to retrieve my phone, my eyes squinted at the harsh intrusion of light as the time read 12:22pm.

Why the hell did I wake up so late?

Putting the device face down back on the small table, I practically rolled out the bed to stand on weak legs. The house was eerily quiet but I thought little of it as I drug my frame from the edge of the bed to the bathroom sink, freshening up to go greet the others.

I was met, however, with an empty kitchen, empty living room, empty everything. I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. That is until I heard the girlish giggles of what I assumed were two of my best friends coming from the direction of the sliding door that I had yet to realize was open.

Walking from the kitchen and out into the back-area of the house, the sun beamed on my skin and I was met with the bright smiles of Kie and Sarah in the hot tub.

“Morning, sleepyhead.” Sarah joked. I groaned and walked closer to the steaming tub, leaning against it with my arms crossed.

“Where’d the guys go?”

“To the store. They wanted more snacks 'n shit.” I hummed in acknowledgement.

“Hop in. We can have a girl talk before they get back.”

“Sure. Let me go get my suit.”

Kie smacked her teeth and motioned her head for the tub. “It’s just us. Just take off your shirt and shorts and get in.” Doing as she said, I tipped toed into the hot tub, settling between the two girls. 

“Okay, so I guess I’ll start us off because I really want to get this off of my chest…” Sarah started, rather hesitantly. Her demeanor caused us to turn to the blonde with confused expression as she took a deep breath to calm herself. “I don’t think...John B and I are gonna make it.”

Kie gasped and sat up straighter. “What do you mean? Why not?”

Sarah’s shoulders slumped and she stuck her lips out. Anyone could see how this was taking a toll on her and I began to wonder how long this had been on her mind. “I just don’t feel it anymore. And I don’t think he does either. But I think we’re both too afraid to say anything about it. Even sleeping in the same bed is just awkward. I thought the trip would help but, so far, it hasn’t.”

I frowned and waded over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Sar.” She smiled weakly.

“Thanks, Y/n/n. But I think I came to terms with it a while ago. I think I’m gonna end things but I just don’t know how. I don’t wanna hurt him or ruin our friendship but this relationship is holding us both back at this point.”

“If you need help, just let us know.” Kie comforted.

Sarah nodded and mumbled a ‘thanks’ before clearing her throat and speaking up as I moved back to my place. “What about you?” She asked me. “Anything about JJ?” I rolled my eyes and leaned back against the edge of the tub.

I could feel my own features contort in mild anger and annoyance at the mention of his name — something I was completely unfamiliar with. Anger directed at JJ. “You wouldn’t know the half of it.”

“Oh?” Kie inquired. “Did something happen?”

I scoffed and shook my head. “Nothing that hasn’t happened before. Just typical JJ...”

Sarah straightened at my antagonizing tone and leaned forward. “Okay, seriously, what happened? You seem pissed.”

Sighing and moving off of the edge of the tub. “He kissed me last night.”

“WHAT?”

“AGAIN?”

“AGAIN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAIN?” The girls were now facing each other in mutual shock but for completely different reasons. Kie sputtered to find a response but before she could form a coherent sentence, Sarah turned to me. “Has this- this has happened before?”

I nodded. “Multiple times.”

“Multiple- when- and no one told me?” She seemed mildly offended that she had been left out of the loop. “So, you and JJ-”

“Me and JJ nothing. We’re not hooking up or together, it’s just…complicated.”

“Okay well, fill me in because apparently everyone knows but me. I always knew there was something between you two.” She said skeptically. I chose to ignore the last part of her statement however.

“Everyone doesn’t know. Just Kie because, no offense, she cannot mind her business to save her life.” I shot at the brunette girl who just returned it with a cheeky smile and a wink. “But there really isn’t much to fill you in on. We kissed at a kegger a while back, agreed that it was a one time thing but apparently JJ sucks at holding up his end of the deal. Now we’re stuck in this never ending loop of ‘friends who are clearly more than friends’ and I want him to own up to it but he doesn’t want to.”

“Have you-”

“Don’t. I’ve tried literally anything you can think of. He doesn’t want to listen so I’m done trying to talk.”

“I was going to ask if you’ve tried trapping him in a room.” Sarah added.

Kie and I both tilted our heads with an expression of ‘what the hell?’ as Sarah shrugged her shoulders.

“What? He has to listen then. He’ll have nowhere to go. Plus, you two are sharing a room for the next few days so…”

“I’m not going to entrap him, Sarah.”

“You want answers, right?”

“Sarah-”

“No,” Kie interjected. “She’s right. We all love JJ but he’s being a dick. I’m not saying you don’t have your faults in this but you don’t deserve this.”

I groaned loudly and let my shoulders fall. “This is so frustrating.” I added solemnly. “I just feel like a push-over. And I can’t even be completely mad at him because I am literally letting him get away with it. Because as mad as I may be, I don’t want to lose him and that’s what holding me back.”

“Well as your friends, it’s our duty to get your mind off of him and I heard there’s a club near here.” Sarah suggested mischievously. 

“I don’t know…”

“Oh c’mon. I’m not saying you have to hop in someone’s bed but music, lights, alcohol that we shouldn’t even be drinking? Sounds like a great distraction to me.” 

“I’m actually with Sarah on this one. I can’t let you wallow in your heartbreak.” Kie said with a shrug.

I sighed. “Okay. Fine. Clubbing tonight it is.”

Sarah squealed and Kie threw her arms around my shoulders to pull me into a bear hug cheering ‘that’s my girl’ in my ear as I laughed at their dramatic antics.

“Okay, okay, enough about me? I wanna hear about you, Kie.”

She pulled back to stand in front of me as a blush rose to her cheeks. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

I pushed her shoulder lightly and crossed my arms over my chest. “The girl from the springs? Mariana, I think her name was...”

“Oh…what about her?”

“Don’t play dumb.”

“Fine. Pushy…” She put a hand to the back of her neck as she avoided looking at the both of us. “She gave me her number, in like a “I’m interested in you” kind of way. But guys, I’ve never been with a girl before.”

“Well, do you like her?” Sarah prodded.

“I think so. She’s cute and sweet, plus she’s really funny.”

“Then... I say go for it. No harm in trying, right?” I added optimistically.

“I guess not.” The tanned girl smiled. 

IT SEEMED AS IF WE HAD BEEN SPLIT INTO GROUPS ALL DAY. The guys had gotten back from the store hours ago but were heading out now to a Sports Bar & Grille to watch some football game that was happening tonight. It was about a quarter past seven when John B shouted throughout the house. “We’re gone! See you later!”

“Bye!”

“Later!”

“Have fun!”

And the sound of the front door closing was heard as they set off. I was relieved that it was just us girls again if I’m being honest. When the guys got back, it was like JJ was actively avoiding me. Actually, it didn’t seem like it — he was. I don’t know what’s going through his head, whether he thinks I’m going to let this all go by tomorrow or what but I’m done playing this game. So, until Maybank can get himself together, we’re not speaking.

Sarah and Kie were all caught up but Pope and John B were eyeing us weirdly, so maybe JJ told them. Maybe he didn't. Or maybe the tension was so thick that they could see it.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Kiara and Sarah burst into the room as I was pulling on my outfit for tonight. It was nothing special, but it hugged my frame sensually and the color complimented my complexion well.

A whistle erupted from Kie as she playfully eyed me up and down. “Look at you, doll.” I cringed as I secured the outfit and slid on the shoes that went with it. I don’t think any of us told the guys we were going out but it’s not like it was a secret. If they needed us they could just call.

“Doll? What are you? Sixty?”

“That’ll be the last time I compliment your ungrateful ass.” She dismissed as Sarah dusted herself off and straightened out the dress she was wearing. She had on a nude two-piece set — a kind of cropped halter top and a long skirt. Kie was adorned in a short, white top with a separated cross section and high-waisted jeans. 

“We both know that’s a lie. I’m too hot for you to not mention it.”

Sarah laughed as Kie scoffed and turned to exit the room, mumbling a ‘bring your ass’ as she went down the steps to leave, Sarah and I trailing behind.

GETTING INTO THE LOUNGE WASN’T AS HARD A TASK AS WE THOUGHT. It was a pretty large club about half an hour from where we were staying. It was 18 plus with some 21 plus activities, so we could get in easily but with a lazy bouncer, we probably could’ve just walked right in without much trouble at all. 

Entering the main area of the club, it was packed and lively. Lights flashing, people dancing sloppily in the middle of the room and the dj spun near the back on the small stage, people doing hookah in the corners of the room, others loitering at the bar. You could feel the humidity hit you as soon as you stepped foot into the crowded place.

“Damn. I knew this place was popular but not like this.” Sarah observed, the lights casting a pink hue over her starstruck expression.

“Oh!” Kie shouted, pointing at the right corner of the room. “One of the hookah sections just opened up.” Following her lead, we entered the section but not before confirming to the buff bouncer that we were at least 21, getting nervous for a second as he eyed the IDs and us back and forth but ultimately decided to let us through.

We wasted no time, excited to let loose and have fun as we practically snatched a hose for each of us and attached one of the disposable mouth tips. Taking our first drags of the substance, Sarah coughed a bit while Kie and I chuckled.

“Is it flavored?” She asked through light coughs.

Kie nodded and I replied. “Pineapple, I think.” 

After a couple more drags we were finally getting in the groove of things, swaying to the bass boosted music as we blew out puffs of smoke, taking pictures and laughing with one another. The more effective part of the drugs were starting to kick in now — the lights a bit brighter than I recall with little streaks following behind them. I knew I’d had enough to satisfy myself when I tripped over my own feet for the second time. 

Kie and Sarah, however, were still going. I tapped the brunette on the shoulder and informed her that I was headed to the bar as she made sure to assert that she would keep an eye on me from where she was.

Exiting the corner and shooting a weird smile at the bouncer, I pushed my way through the crowd to the bar. Reaching the small semi-circle counter top, I slid the tall, dark-haired bartender my ID and requested a drink and he looked it over before sliding it back to me.

“Sorry. Can’t help you.”

“What?” I slurred slightly. “What do you mean?”

“It’s a good fake, kid. But I got good eyes.” He reprimanded. “I won’t rat you out. But I can’t serve you either.” He raised an eyebrow before walking further down the bar to serve another guest. I groaned and threw my head back.

“Having a hard time, gorgeous?”

Turning to face the voice oddly close to my ear, I was met with one of the most beautiful men I’d ever laid my eyes on. He was tall, had dark, curly hair that you may mistake for black but when the lights hit it just right it was a very dark brown. His skin was a tanned sort of brown, like Kiara’s complexion but darker. He was dressed simply but it complimented him just oh-so well — a dark t-shirt and jeans with chain around his neck and rings adorned his fingers.

His posture was radiating confidence as he leaned half of his frame on the bar, one arm on the counter and the other laid next to his side. He must’ve noticed my lack of response because a grin broke out on his face before he was chuckling lowly, head dipping down slightly. “I’m Chase.”

Gathering myself and straightening out my intoxicated frame, I shot him a smile. “I’m Y/n.”

“Hm. Suits you. You havin’ a good time, Y/n?” 

I scoffed and rolled my eyes before throwing my head back lightly in the direction of the bartender behind me. “I was before Superman over there x-rayed my ID. That’s the first time someone’s ever noticed.”

Chase tilted his head before turning in the direction of the bartender and calling out. “Yo, Sam!” The bartender walked back over to stand in front of us. “A drink for the girl, please.”

The bartender, Sam I presume, rolled his eyes before grabbing a glass and making the drink I requested before. “You’re gonna get me fired, Kingston.” He shot at Chase as he slid me the drink.

Chase winked and slipped him a bill. “Y’know I’d never let that happen. ‘Preciate you, man.” Sam flipped the boy off before returning to his work duties, Chase facing me once more as I sipped on the drink.

Once I swallowed it down, I stirred the straw as I made conversation. “How’d you do that?”

He shrugged before plucking the lime from the rim of my glass and biting down on it. “My dad may or may not co-own this place.” He suggested playfully.

My eyebrows lifted in surprise as I sipped on my beverage. Impressive, I thought. “Well, thank you.”

“No problem, gorgeous. You here alone?”

I shook my head, turning to point in the direction of my friends who were now dancing amongst the other guests. “Here with my friends.”

“Are you from around here?”

“Sadly, no. Here on vacation. We’re trying to have some fun before we head off to college and what-not.”

He hummed and when I looked up from my drink I noticed that he’d moved closer. I don’t know if it was because it was mildly high or nearing tipsy but he looked really kissable. His gaze went from my eyes to my lips before he licked his own and his gaze landed on my ID that was still on the table.

“ID says twenty-one but how old are you really?”

“Eighteen.” I muttered around the slim black straw, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

“Great, ‘cause so am I.” He assured, running his calloused hand up my arm.

I’D LOST TRACK OF HOW LONG CHASE AND I HAD BEEN TALKING. More like flirting, actually. Heavily flirting. I was a little beyond intoxicated. I was on his lap, his hands on my waist as my own ran through his hair and played with the chain around his neck. Kie and Sarah had come over at one point to make sure I was okay and even though I assured them that I was fine, I could feel their gaze on me from their place at the bar.

Chase and I were sitting in some booth not too far from it but secluded enough. I barely knew half of what I was saying or laughing at but he was laughing along and I felt liberated. For once, out of this whole trip, JJ wasn’t at the forefront of my mind.

“Y’know…” Chase started, one of his hands moving from my waist to run a finger over my cheek. “You’re really cute.”

I smiled shyly and looked down. “You think so?”

He bit his lip and nodded before the hand went from tracing my cheek to cradling my jaw and pulling me into a kiss. His lips were soft and pillowy but his touch was the exact opposite. Both of my hands were now on his face, one on his cheek as one held the side of his neck.

It was cut short when he pulled back as soon as the kiss began to get more aggressive and demanding. “I’d really love to take this further but you seem kind of drunk.”

I laughed and nodded at him. “Oh, I am.” I agreed, my insides tingly. “But I’m fine with just kissing if you are.” He smiled and shook his head as a low and rumbly laugh left his chest. He was leaning in for another kiss when suddenly I was practically yanked off of his lap and someone was gripping my arm.

Looking up, I was met with a furious blonde — hair messy, cheeks red, and eyes dark. “JJ?”

He doesn’t say anything. He just looks at me in a way I’ve never seen him look at me before. And not in a good way. Not a good way at all.

Chase tenses up at the aggressive interaction, eyeing the deathly grip that JJ has on me before turning to me in question. “Do you know this guy?”

“Yeah, she does.” JJ answered shortly.

Chase turned to him with a hard expression. “I was asking her.” “And I answered instead.”

“Look man, I didn’t know she had a boyfriend-”

“He is not my boyfriend-” I slurred. Whipping my head to JJ, I curled my lip in anger. “What the hell are you doing?” I snarled.

“We’re leaving.” JJ announced. What the fuck was he even doing here? As he turned around and tried to drag me with him, I yanked my arm from his grasp.

“I don’t want to leave.”

“Y/n.”

“She doesn’t want to go with you, dude. Just leave her alone.” Chase butted in.

“Will you shut the fuck up?” JJ snapped at the boy. “Who the fuck are you?”

They were fairly loud but between the music and where we were in the corner, they weren’t causing as much of a disturbance as you would’ve thought. Chase huffed out a breath and put his hands in his pockets before turning to me. “This was fun but I think I should go.”

My shoulders fell as I looked up at the guy who had made my night. “Chase-”

“It’s cool, don’t worry. You clearly have some stuff to sort out. You’ve got my number if you ever want to hang.” And with that he was making his way through the crowd and I turned back to JJ — drunk and angry. He was only one of the two.

He was quick to latch his hand around my wrist and drag me to where Kiara and Sarah were with Pope and John B as I mumbled at him to let go of me. When we made it to our friends I was quick to speak.

“Why the hell are they here?”

“Game ended so I asked Sarah where you guys were.” John B piped up. “Why are you so snappy?” He inquired.

I didn’t answer him, I wasn’t going to anyway but before I had the chance, JJ was speaking up, voice low and flat. “I’m gonna take her back to the house. I need the keys to the car.”

Pope fished them out of his pockets before tossing them to the blonde, they had taken the car earlier so we’d rode in a cab. And since the rest of them probably planned on getting drunk, they’d take a cab back when they were ready.

JJ led me out of the club and into the parking lot as my friends bid farewell to us both. When we reached the car, JJ released my wrist and opened the passenger door as I stood back pouting like a child.

With the door wide open, he motioned for me to get in. “No.”

“Get in the car.”

I didn’t say anything or move, just shifted my weight with my arms crossed before he let out a breath and swiftly walked over to me. Throwing me over his shoulder and placing me into the car while he ignored my protests. He rounded the vehicle to get into the car as I pushed my hair out of my face.

Closing the door and starting the car, he told me to put my seatbelt on as he drove off.

Five whole minutes of silence went by before I said something. “That was unnecessary and you know it. I was having fun and you just had to ruin it.”

“Is that what you call that? Fun is kissing strangers now?”

“He wasn’t a stranger. His name was Chase and he-” hiccup. “-was actually really nice.”

JJ ran a stiff hand through his hair before quickly looking between me and the road. “He was only talking to you for one thing and you know it.”

This made me laugh out loud bitterly. “You are so fucking unbelievable! So…what you’re saying is guys would only approach me for a one-night stand?”

“What I’m saying is that-”

“Is someone actually wanting to be with me completely ridiculous to you? Is- is that it?”

“Are you even listening to me?” He was getting angrier and I was getting louder but I couldn’t care less.

“All of this is such bullshit, y’know that? You are so fucking backwards and it drives me insane. Am I not up to your girlfriend standards? Is that why you-”

“Y/n. Quit it.” His tongue was prodding the inside of his cheek and his hands were gripping the steering wheel harshly.

“No, tell me JJ-”

Suddenly, the car was swerving to pull over and he was turning to face me. “I said stop.” He demanded. “You know I don’t think any of those things about you so don’t sit here and try and make it seem like I think any less of you than I do. I hold you higher than I hold anyone else for you to make it seem like I don’t is plain stupid. You wanna fuck some random stranger? Fine. But not when you’re drunk and can barely stand. So, no — what I did in there wasn’t unnecessary.”

I threw myself back against the passenger seat roughly, forcing a puff of air from my lips as I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. “Yeah, well at least he was upfront about how he felt. It’s not like you can say the same. What happened to that kiss being a one-time thing? A drunken mistake? What happened to all of that?” I badgered him without once meeting his eyes. “You kiss me and you- you leave and I don’t know what to do anymore. This isn’t fair, JJ..It’s just, not fair.”

And that was the last thing said between either of us before JJ, closing his eyes and releasing a shaky breath, merged the car back onto the street and drove in tense silence back to the house.

I WAS PARTIALLY SOBER BY THE TIME WE REACHED THE HOUSE. However, I couldn’t keep my eyes open for more than a few moments — prompting JJ to carry my borderline limp frame to and through the front door up to our shared bathroom and sit me on the counter as I leaned against the wall.

I paid no mind to his movements around the small space, until he was gently grabbing my jaw and pressing a wet rag to my face. The texture of the object startled me and I was gently pushing his wrist away.

“I don’t need you to do that.” I snarled, moving to slide my frame off of the porcelain counter-top. I was stopped by two firm hands on my hips placing me back in my original position.

“Just sit still.” He said in annoyance, hands resuming their previous positions as he wiped the makeup from my face. 

Once he was done, I stayed silent as I got off of the counter-top, successfully this time, and carefully made my way to the bedroom — toeing off my shoes and sliding out of my outfit and throwing on a shirt before climbing into the bed.

My eyes closed almost immediately but sleep didn’t consume me just yet. I could hear JJ flicking off the lights, changing his own attire and climbing into the bed. He made a hesitant move to wrap his arm around my waist before I was scooting towards the edge of the bed, away from him, and all I heard was him sigh behind him before murmuring something to himself.

When I felt my body slump into the mattress, I welcomed sleep into my mind. I didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, or the day after, or maybe even months from now. I didn’t know when our friends would get back or what they would think but I couldn’t care less.

I was hurt, angry, and mildly intoxicated. So was JJ - hurt and angry, at least.

So, I guess you could say that, for once, there was no question about how we felt for one another in this moment.

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