#god idk im blanking on every show ive ever watched

[rogersstevie]

i wanna preface this by saying im a fan of bucky but christ bucky is the manic pixie dream 2015 wattpad self insert protagonist type character of the mcu cap fandom and i 100% think its bc hes a hot white cis man who's enough of a blank slate for ppl to both obsessively over analyze every little moment he's in and to fill in all the blanks with whatever they want. im not bashing anyone or saying its necessarily wrong to have a blank slate but i wish ppl would just. calm down abt him a bit lmao

(also as a continuation of the bucky anon i just wanna say that this is like something ive noticed over years of being in the stevebucky fandom with how many ppl esp in fic and stuff just make steve play second fiddle in his own relationship and either dumb him down and mischaracterize him so bucky can be the Smartest Best Special Boy or make him an all forgiving saint with no needs or desires so he can be bucky's crutch)

oh my god that last bit about mischaracterizing steve and bucky being a saint sdfks YEAH it happens a lot, i think especially when there's some sort of steve/bucky/peggy love triangle in the mix

but yeah it did get frustrating at a point bc it was understandable post catws when ppl were writing fics and all they really had to draw from was catfa and the flashback in catws to draw from, and post catws bucky wasn't gonna be exactly like that version of himself, even if he was getting his memories back. but post cacw it's like, okay bucky HAS a personality - and fandom has been saying for years that he doesn't, like you are right that he's just enough of a blank slate to take some liberties, but he DOES have a personality in cw, the problem is more that bc it wasn't actually a captain america movie, steve himself didn't get as much focus so bucky especially didn't get as much as he might have if we'd gotten an ACTUAL cap 3 - so it's like. come on y'all can write him as a real person, you don't have to write him as being more in love with steve, you don't have to write him as a perfect angel who's So Good for loving steve despite whenever steve fucks up, which like, again, in fic are often kinda like, would steve be dumb in that way bc i don't think he would! obvs there are different ways to be smart but steve IS smart

i think part of it also has to do with sebastian and that's another thing that does kinda bug me. like let me be clear i do like sebastian and he is a fantastic actor, but he's one of those ones where ppl just yell about how he's the best actor and i don't think it's actually that he's performing better than most of the actors around him in the mcu, it's just that the character he's playing has all the trauma - as if the other characters don't, we just don't see much of it onscreen lmao - so ppl think that makes him more talented than everyone else (kinda think it was the same thing with dylan o'brien on teen wolf he'd shed a tear and ppl would yell about how he's the best actor in the world and fandom used that to push the main character of color to the side and forget about him in favor of the white sidekick ANYWAY that's bugged me forever though i can acknowledge my fave teen wolf ship is half dylan o'brien's character)

but yeah i think it's gotten somewhat worse since endgame bc fandom really loves the narrative that steve is terrible and selfish and bucky is an angel now, even though......y'all like bucky bc you were fans of the captain america trilogy so how can you buy into the idea that steve would do anything he did endgame. but like so many of those supposed fix it fics? would have steve going back to peggy for a WHILE and coming back to be with bucky - i skimmed one bc i was wary of the summary or tags or both and it was like steve came back as an old man and was like "yeah i spent my life with peggy and now i wanna start over and do it with you, you guys can just de-age me like you did with scott in the time machine :)" (as if that wasn't an accident would they even have been able to figure out how to do it on purpose??) that one was horrible - it's like, at that point, if you think steve sucks and bucky is a baby angel with no spine, why do you even want them to end up together? why on earth WOULD bucky be with steve after these kinds of actions? i don't get it

another thing, like i know sebastian outright said he played it like steve and bucky had had a conversation about going back in time - i think he said the directors told him they did like it's not onscreen! come on! i know you don't have to see everything onscreen but...actors/directors saying it doesn't make it canon - so like yeah obvs watching it, it looks like bucky knows about steve's plan before it's revealed to the audience - and hello, endgame steve straight up lied to everyone else about coming back after he returns the stones like how do y'all think it would be okay for him to ONLY tell bucky and not sam, his other best friend - but like idk, my thing is, just bc they said steve and bucky had a conversation, does not mean it's true, you could just make the argument that bucky knew what steve wanted enough to know what he would do - though let's be clear, the endgame ending is NOT what steve ever wanted in mcu canon lmao - it doesn't mean this conversation actually happened because why else would they re-exchange the "don't do anything stupid till i get back" thing if they both knew steve wasn't going to come back unless it was just for show, which still, like, they're the only ones who knew what they said to each other before bucky shipped out in catfa? anyway this bit probs wasn't relevant to anything you said but it BUGS me

anyway yeah i love bucky but you're exactly right about how fandom interprets him and his relationship with steve it's all just Annoying

#Anonymous #ask #bucky barnes #steve x bucky #mcu #anti endgame #as always #anyway endgame steve is not steve in any way whatsoever #and steve deserves a lot better from fandom across all sides tbh

[inknose]

mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

#mdzs readthru #this obviously has many spoilers

[alicedoessurveys]

Doctor Who Tag

yes im a nerd...

CHILDHOOD

1. Did you like DW as a child?

I was 10 when it came back on telly with Eccleston and the first episode with the autons scared me so much my mom wouldn't let me watch it again until a couple years later, but yeah my teens I was obsessed with DW... still am at age 25

2. Your age at the time of the revival?

10

3. First DW episode you ever saw?

‘Rose’

4. Did you have any of the toys?

I still have the eleventh doctor’s screwdriver... I used to have some of the figures but there in storage now somewhere

5. Which DW character did you play on the playground?

didn't play it on the playground

6. Monster(s) that scared you most as a child?

all of them! the ones that still scare me now are the Cybermen and the Autons... genuinely cant walk past a shop mannequin without being suspicious 

7. Joke/story you didn’t get as a kid?

as a kid, any of the innuendo type jokes

8. DW opinion that has changed since you were a kid?

idk I think I still have the same opinions

9. Who introduced you to DW?

parents

10. Did you like Sarah Jane Adventures as a child?

I LOVED SJA!! I miss that show, and Elizabeth Slade :(

DOCTOR

11. Who is your Doctor?

Ten was the doctor that made me fall in love with Doctor Who 

12. Your favourite Doctor?

omg why not just ask me who my favourite child is... (I don't have kids but you know what I mean) if I had to chose my top three are ten, eleven and thirteen

13. Least favourite Doctor?

purely just because he doesn't have enough episodes... nine...

14. Best regeneration?

none of them I hate regenerations :( they make me sad, im too emotionally invested in every single one

15. Do you like “Doctor-Lite” episodes?

they're not my faves

16. Who is the most human Doctor?

I think nine maybe? or twelve?

17. Best multi-Doctor story?

the 50th anniversary special 

18. Best Doctor monologue?

“Hello Stonehenge! who takes the pandorica, takes the universe. but bad news everyone, cause guess who? HA! You lot you're all whizzing about- its really very distracting. Could you all just stay still a minute because I AM TALKING. Question of the hour is, who's got the pandorica? Answer, I do. Next question, who's coming to take it from me? Come on, look at me! No plan. No backup. No weapons worth a damn. oh and something else, I don't have anything to lose. So, if you're sitting up there in your silly little spaceship with all your silly little guns and you've got any plans on taking the pandorica tonight... just remember who's standing in your way. remember ever black day I ever stopped you and then- AND THEN- do the smart thing... let somebody else try first.”

not copied and pasted, remember that from the top of my head... its always there waiting in my mind incase I ever need an epic monologue :’)

19, What do you think TenToo/MetaCrisis Doctor is doing now?

hopefully living his best life with Rose

20. Best Doctor/companion pairing?

ten and donna 

COMPANIONS

21. Favourite companion?

Donna, Clara, Amy

22. Favourite secondary companion?

is Mickey classed as secondary? idk

23. Least favourite companion?

Ryan

24. Best TARDIS Team?

Doctor, Amy and Rory

25. Most underrated companion?

Graham, but that may just be cause I love Bradders

26. Most overrated companion?

Rose... I like her but idk, I think she gets more hype than she deserves.. don't @ me

27. Favourite companion’s family?

Rose’s mom

28. Who should have been a companion but wasn’t?

idk I cant think of anyone

29. Favourite (canon or non-canon) DW universe relationship?

Amy and Rory

30. Who did you not used to like, but really like now?

wasn't keen on Bill at first but by the end I really liked her, same with Rory

EPISODES

31. Favourite episode ever?

girl in the fireplace

32. Least favourite episode?

most of Chibnall’s episodes tbh sorry not sorry 

33. Which episodes do you skip?

the regeneration episodes

34. Best two-parter?

Human Nature - Family of Blood

35. Historical, present day or futuristic episodes?

I like them all in there own way but I think present is fave, then historical, then future

36. Episode that will always make you smile?

all of them

37. Episode that will always make you cry?

Rory and Amy’s last episode :’(

38. Best run of episodes?

ugh I cant answer this theres too many 

39. Best cliffhanger?

the end of Spyfall part one when the Master reveals who he is... I was SHOOK

40. Favourite Christmas special?

Voyage of the Damned

SERIES

41. Classic Who or New Who?

new who

42. Favourite series?

four or five

43. Least favourite series?

eleven, I just cant with the writing

44. Which series do you skip?

none

45. Favourite series opening?

eleventh hour

46. Favourite series finale?

Doomsday

47. Best series arc?

Bad Wolf

48. Thoughts on series 11/12?

I adore Jodie Whittaker and her doctor, and although I think 3 companions is too many I do love Yaz and Graham (Ryan is hit & miss). I just think theyve been massively let down by the stories/writing... they’ve tried to hard to tick certain boxes and completely missed what Doctor Who is about for a lot of people.. an escape from the real world into these outrageous unbelievable but lovable fun alien adventures 

49. How much of Classic Who have you seen?

not a lot

50. Who should have had another series?

NINE NINE NINE NINE NINE 

MONSTERS

51. Favourite monster/villain?

the master 

52. Most creative monster?

Weeping Angels, whoever came up with monsters that look like statues and only move when you're not looking at them is genius 

53. Monster(s) that scares you most?

Autons, Cybermen, the creepy dolls from Night Terrors, the ones from Waters of Mars, Weeping Angels

54. Monster you think is too easy to defeat?

idk

55. Least favourite monster/villain?

absorbaloff

56. Monster you want to return?

The Master, I really hope that isn't the last we see of Dhawan

57. In your opinion, what makes a monster good?

being genuinely scary, 

58. Daleks, Cybermen or Weeping Angels?

Weeping Angels

59. Best Dalek story?

Daleks in Manhatten

60. Best one time villain/monster?

my brain has gone blank I cant think of an answer right now 

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

61. Torchwood or Sarah Jane Adventures?

SJA

62. Favourite Torchwood Team member?

I haven't watched it all so I couldn't say 

63. Which Torchwood death made you saddest?

again, not watched it all 

64. Do you rewatch COE or MD?

huh

65. Favourite SJA Team member?

Sarah Jane

66. Mr Smith or K-9?

K-9

67. Maria or Rani?

Rani

68. Do you read the comics/novels or listen to Big Finish?

Nope

69. If you do, your favourite additional stories?

n/a

70. Do you like DW analysis (video essays, fan theories, etc)?

yes

DESIGN/PRODUCTION

71. Favourite piece of alien tech?

the sonic, I love how it is so multipurpose except for when it comes to wood 

72. Favourite piece of Murray Gold music?

I am the Doctor - gets me pumped every time 

73. Favourite TARDIS design?

Ten’s Tardis 

74. Has the 2005 era CGI aged well?

actually yeah, I was rewatching the ‘are you my mummy’ episodes the other day and my God when the gas masks emerged from the faces... ooooooof I was like omg how 

75. Favourite Doctor outfit?

eleven or thirteen

76. Monster with the best design?

not really a design more of a costume.. I live Dhawan master’s costume. that shade of purple, oof he so stylish 

77. Best show runner?

idk

78. Best writer?

Gatiss

79. Best opening titles?

eleven’s titles where the Tardis is flying and being zapped is cool but thirteens music hits different 

80. Will DW age well/stay popular in the future?

I hope so, I feel like its lasted this long surely it can last forever.. if the writers don't fuck it up... 

IF YOU WERE IN THE SHOW

81. Time period you’d want to go with the Doctor?

whatever time means Id get to wear the most beautiful costumes

82. Planet/place you’d want to go with the Doctor?

Galifrey, pre-desctruction

83. Doctor you’d most like to travel with?

any of them, please and thank you

84. Companion you’d most like to travel with?

donna, sceso a good laugh but also I feel like she’d look after me 

85. Monster you’d like to defeat/fight?

The Master 

86. If you could go back on your own history (like Father’s Day), where would you go?

back to when I was a toddler, I wanna see what I was like 

87. If you could ask the Doctor anything, what would you ask?

theres too many to ask 

88. Historical figure you’d like to meet?

Shakespeare

89. How do you think you’d meet the Doctor?

id probably be rescued from doing something stupid and then the doc would be like you know what the bitch clearly needs supervision she's coming with me 

90. Would you travel forwards or backwards in time first?

backwards

IF YOU MADE THE SHOW

91. Historical event would you like to see in DW?

Hamilton

92. Issue you’d like to see addressed in DW?

idk 

93. Who would you completely erase from the DW universe?

Ruth

94. One unanswered DW question you’d love to know the answer to?

where is Clara now?

95. Actor/actress you’d like to see play the Doctor?

Phoebe Waller Bridge (or Lin Manuel Miranda)

96. Actor/actress you’d like to see play a companion?

Andrew Scott (yes I did just basically recast fleabag and hot priest)

97. Is DW “too political”?

series 11 got a bit like that 

98. Which characters fate would you changed?

Danny Pink

99. What about DW could be improved?

I think ive made my options about Chibnall pretty clear... 

100. If you could write an episode of DW, any ideas for what you’d do

bring back Jenny, the Doctor / Daughter adventures they would have. I’m actually writing a fic about it if you wanna read.... here

#doctor who #tag #doctor who tag #doctor who questions #survey

[youareeinlove]

Ok Im gonna try to remember as mUCH as I can! (Also I cut my sister out because I didn`t know if she would want me to post her in it or not) Im also gonna put every little detail I can so I can look back on this and crY

So Taylornation contacted me Tuesday with the whole confidential message so of course I fliPPED out cried and gave them my information RIGHT away. They contacted me like a few hours not even (the same day) that Taylor liked  @stumbleonhometomycats s post on the sideblog we share where she also queued like hUNDREDS of my tour post on there too ajshguhgijrweg. Like rIGHT after I got the dm she texted this to me

so of course I pretended like I didnt know whAT she was talking about because I wanted her to be completely surprised when I told her at the concert and she was and I got her reaction on video ajhguyhijfs which I will show you later in this post. 

So on Wednesday I was looking out for a call from Taylor nation and I took and nap so I put my phone ringer all the way up next to my head so it could wake me up ajhugyhijwcd and it did but I was so out of it and trying to get to my mo that I MISSED the call! So I was just panicking and was like was it even them and I tried calling back three times the third time I left a message and told them my name which was good because like 5 minutes after they called back! So I answered and she said this is Taylornation and to keep everything confidential so I asked if I could tell my mom and she was like yeah of course! So like anyone does I was outside so I ran in the house to my mom and put the phone on speaker. They explained everything and they KNEW I was going to the concert on Saturday! They told me I could bring someone so I was going with my sister so I gave her my information. Then all that was left was to wait for the confirmation dm! Me still not being able to process I was just like ya know theres always a possibility something happens and you dont get that dm! But I still kept in mind that it very much could happen so I wrote a letter to Taylor because I knew if I did meet Taylor I`d blank (which I did but we`ll get to that lmaojhyuijfs) I also put my friend Tati @hoeofmyheart s memes in and envelope and I also sent some of you guys on here an ask on anon saying “If you could say anything to Taylor in 2 sentences what would you say 💛” and put that in a seperate envelope. So there were 3 seperate envelopes tied together in a ribbon! I also put gold stickers, snake stickers and a necklase in one of them and sealed the first letter in the front with one of the snake stickers.

So on Friday my mom was planning our trip to New Jersey because we live in long island NY so it would be a longish trip. So her and my dad were planning on staying in the city while me and my sister went to MetLife so she was looking at trains and the only option was gonna get me there at 5:15! and taylornation told me to be there BETWEEN 4-5 and right around this time while I was PANICING Taylornation dmed me that me and my guest were confirmed! So I literally BEGGED my parents to drive us because by car it only takes about 2 hours to get there. She finally AGREED! So fast foward to SATURDAY we left at 1:30 and got there around 3. While I was walking to willcall (where I had to go to get the envelope) I SAW SOFA @lov-eswift so we hUGGED and talked and she got glitter in my hair ajhyijkwhd I also got to meet @whyisntketchupasmoothie whos so nICE I love bELLA!!! So after me and my sister walk to willcall. We got there early so they didnt have them yet. So I texted @stumbleonhometomycats and was like where ARE you??? And she sent me her location and Im a dumbass so I didnt know how to use that lmaooo then finally my sister showed me but by that time Megan was going to find Sofa. So I went to find them both and didnt sEE them so I called Megan and she was just like “Im right in front of you” lmaoooo so we hugged and she squeezed me sO tight shes so soft yall she LOVES me We talked and then I finally pulled out my phone to record and was just like Taylornation contacted me and when I tell you she fell out she fELL out 

So after that Megan said she told her friends she thought something was sus because I literally talk to her all the time but that whole ass week I didnt talk to her as much lmaoksijhguyijkvef So I followed Megan and her friend to her car and she did the macarena to delicate and put glitter on my face after I said I wish I put glitter on my face because shes sOFT and loves mEEEE. Then she yelled at me at like 3:50 to go to will call and check for the envelope lmaooo They didnt have the envelope until closer to 5. After I got the envelope me and my sister walked to where we had to go and people were congratulating me! We also passed @whyisntketchupasmoothie and @ofrunningfoxes  who were so sweET and told me she would love me!

We were the first ones there and after a while everyone was there and we lined up. We went backstage and the man that led us told us to leave everything on the table and give him any letters or gifts or anything so I gave him the letters! We then walked in its like this very short hall with a few of taylors outfits behind glass and ahead is the rep room enTRANCE! So we walk in and rep room is so small so as soon as youre in you HEAR Taylor and idk man I just was nOt ready for that. I freaked out as you do got nervous and sat on the other side of the room opposite of where Taylor was lmaoooo there were people there to take Polaroids of us since we weren’t allowed to bring a camera so we took some of those. There was also like fOOD and alcohol which idk if we were allowed to touch any but no one attempted or asked so it just sat there ajhguthvjes so there were only 2 groups left and the other group was still taking pictures so we waited next to the small like square area covered by a curtain where Taylor was and I sAW glimpses of her GOD! So after that group I went in and Taylor yelled “hey how have you been!!!” and had her arms wIDE open so I went to hug her and she grabbed me and roCKED ME then she looked me straight in the eyes and was like “you look prettier in persone !” i was shOOK and she turned to my sister and asks her if she want a hug and that she looks good in yellow! Then she turned back to me stARING STRAIGHT AT ME AND I WAS LOOKIGN AT HER AND MY GOD SHES THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IVE EVER SEEN???? LIKE????? EVERYONE SAYS IT BUT SHE LITERALLY IS SO MUCH PRETTIER IN PERSON AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE???????? SO she talked to us about the show and that we had to get ready for the rain. I was staring up at her I kid you not mouth open with my hand on my chest LMAOOO Then I asked her who she would want on the iron throne in GOT and she was like pondering and put her hand on her waIST SHES SO CUTE and she was like idk i like them all I would have to think about that. Then she was like who would you want and I was like I dont watch it akjhyguhjfd I only asked because Megan said she forgot to ask at her session lmaosjhjkehf THEN I asked her what her favorite vine was and she was like “Oh I cant remember “ lmaooooo I totallY forgot to tell her it was my fiRST concert but I put it in the letter ahyjwkhbhjsf Then she asked if we wanted to take a picture and I asked for the picture if we could do a cheek kiss and she was like “yeah sure! Do you want to kiss mE on cheek? Or do you want me to kiss your cheek” jshghjkfs i lOVE HER so I was like you kiss mY cheek so she bent down and kissed my chEEK!!!!

Then after the picture was taken she made a kiss sounD actually kiSSING MY CHEEK Then as I was leaving she hugged me aGAIN called me sweetHEART and to have a good time!!! She smelled so gOOD and I smelled like her the whole ass night I even smelled like her this morNING We left and they handed my sister two autographed pictures. Then someone gave me a paper with instructions on how to get my picture and specifically said “Dont lose this” So right outside I saw mama swift talking to someone and the girl was just leaving. So I asked for a picture and she said “Only if I get a hug first!” SHES SO CUTE 

We took the picture and then she talked about the rain then we left backstage and I lOST the card the man told me not to lmaoguhjevfsc So I told the man that took us back there and he asked someone to go look for it and he came back handed me it and said “would this be it” and in the back of my head I was just like i hOPE so I hOPE no one else lost theirs and I go home and load someone elses picture asjhguyhcd. Like only I wOULD lose something like that. Then we left to go to our seats. I told Megan and Sofia everything I could remember and they both freaked and Megan said she was screaming in the bathroom almakijuekfs

Once we got to our seats we waited for the show and let me tell you guys the show was tHE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN AHBGVJHRDW SHE PLAYED FEARLESS???? WHICH I AHVE ALWAYS LOVED AND CLEAN WHI IS THAT SONG IN THE RAIN LIKE OMG AJHGBHJWD GOD ANS HSHE DID THE THING SHE USED TO DO DURING FEARLESS WHERE SHE SAYS THE STATE “IN NEW JERSEY NOW CAPTURE IT REMEMBER IT” SHE ALSO KEPT REPEATING THAT THIS WAS A RARE SHOW BECAUSE IT WOULD RAIN THE WHOLE TIME AND THAT SHE WAS LOOKING AT HER BAND LIKE “WE HAVE TO REMEMBER THIS SHOW”

#rep room #reputation #Taylor Swift #reputation stadium tour #July 21st 2018

[kendricksendrick]

im such a bitch heres some fun facts about me

how tall are you?

5 foot 2ish

what is your body type?

ex-gymnist who wakeboards a lot

what is your favorite part about your body?

um my boobs i guess idk

is your current hair color your natural hair color?

currently dirty blonde but once summer/vacation comes around my hair will go black to bleach blonde on its own

are you more outgoing or more shy

im quiet

are you more femme or butch?

femme

are you tol or smol?

smol bean

wine mom or vodka aunt?

vodka aunt

weird habit?

need chapstick 24/7

favorite meme?

bon apetit

do you sing in the shower?

i used to but now i just have therapy with myself

ever used a bow and arrow?

nope

are/were you a theatre kid?

yes haha

have you ever seen a broadway musical?

i want to!!

do you think musicals are cheesy?

no wtf i was just in one yesterday it was amazing

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

no

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

all of them also this just reminded me im gonna buy this game 

last movie you watched?

monsters in lol

behind the camera or in front of it?

behind

favorite tv show?

30 rock

meaning behind your url

it came to me randomly

reason you joined tumblr

in 7th grade my friend told me it was cool and here i am 5yrs later with like 4 blogs

who’s your closest tumblr friend?

my irl friend alex

what’s something most people love that you hate?

kim k

have you ever taken narcotics?

no

have you had sex?

i wish 

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

never caught :)))

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

funniest lie is that im straight lol

describe your passion without mentioning it.

its all with our mouths ;)

describe your best friend.

cute, funny, dumb asf, the best

give us one thing about you that no one knows.

im an open book just ask and i will tell

how do you feel right now?

tired and hungry

what is your biggest fear?

alone forever also sleep paralysis

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

gold mine by colbie calliat idk how to spell it

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

saying no balls to myself and stalking through instagrams on a 3hr car ride to find my girl and the her snap and then sayying no balls and snapping her :))

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

currently putting forth minimum effort i have senioritis

something you fantasize about.

kiss my gorl

last time you cried and why

last night or maybe it was this morning? i was doing the 24hr musical at my school (we have 24hrs to put together an ENTIRE musical and all $ goes to charity!) but i cried from laughing so hard doing yoga

what was the last thing that made you laugh?

the 24 hr musical

do you really, truly miss someone right now?

grandmaaa

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my church gc bc we the true ho(e)mies

the last time you felt broken?

idk like a week ago

are you starting to realize anything?

ya actually maybe im just a lesbian and not bi who knows

are you more dominant or more submissive?

sub i think

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

you make me smile

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

same age

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

great detail lets go!

shes in my grade bu9t goes to a different school but her hair is short like mine but darker and shes tanner than me and taller but just by a little bit! she has really nice eyes and a good smile and is sososo sweet no matter what stupid thing i say to her and i miss her a lot i wanna cuddle with her and i when we go on our next date catch me cuddling with her no matter what and she is in band too but going to college way far away in the fall so we will both be sad bois then but its okay because we have all summer to  hang out and cuddle and be something did i mention she is pretty af

do you have any kinks?

no

first thing you notice in a person?

tbh if they smell good and teeth

how can someone win your heart?

call me pretty

been rejected by a crush?

haha yes but its okay guys

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

no but vice versa so thats super awkward

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

no

is trust a big issue for you?

i just want the truth

did you hang out with the person you like recently?

is november for 2hrs considered recent ;(

is confidence cute?

YES

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

happy 4 u 

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

no lol

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

yes she does

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

got my car stuck in the mud infront of hher on our first date

do you want to get married

yes!

worst thing you’ve ever done?

been a big bitch

three things that turn you on.

being called babe/baby, being teased, and idk

who do you hate?

lowkey one of my super lose friends oops

favorite term of endearment?

love

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

ANNA KENDRICK GOD DAMN

intimidating girls or kind girls?

kindddd

what do you look for in a possible partner?

nice to me

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

i do not know ive only really ever liked one girl and also my straight best friend bc im a dumb bitch

are you good at flirting?

tbh no

who was the first person you came out to?

my church gc

do you have any friends who are wlw?

YEs!

is your crush wlw?

ye

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

the boy who asked me to prom has me thinking am i bi or lesbooo

write a short love poem to your crush/self?

sweet are your eyes like honey in the sun

you make me smile

do you fall in love easily?

no

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

that time i was a big boi bitch to a girl 

are you good at hiding your feelings?

ha no

are you a forgiving person?

yes

what is your “type?”

good question

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

probs fall asleep on her

tall girls or short girls?

taller than mee

hugs or kisses?

kiss!

twirl her around or get twirled?

TWIRL HER THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

ooh both

hairline kisses or neck kisses?

neckk

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

both

making out or soft kisses?

soft kisses 

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

NECK OO

how confident are you in your sexuality?

haha good one im happy with who i am tho!

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

butterflies to the maxx

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

like(d) my straight best friend and will not be telling her that lol

my girl tho i def told her ;))

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

16ish id say

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

so many things everything i do is embarassing

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

BECHLOE!

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

every word about lgbt that comes out of my mothers mouth since i am not out to her and now not planning on it for a very long time bc shes a big ignorant bitch!!

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

haha good question idk

what is love to you?

ALWAYS putting others before you no matter what

ask me anything.

i will answer do it no balls

#about me #ask me anything

[zippers]

trauma talk under cut. cw for irl csa/p*dophilia/gr00ming and h*mophobia okay. also w*ncest. i just need to get this off of my chest

so ever since ive been watching s*pernatural/engaging with fancontent i have been super super super paranoid of running into the person who, um.... let’s just say, groomed me with s*pernatural stuff. like, would show me her de-aged (like, elementary aged) explicit w*ncest roleplays that was eerily similar to what she did to me as a kid (which was a whole other can of worms that i somehow had repressed until we were sharing a bed at a c*mic c*n and then a massive panic attack, s/o to the cl*ssic d*ctor who f*ndom for getting me thru that night honestly, okaaaay, anyway), she even borrowed my ipod touch to write it once because she was going thru “w*ncest withdrawals”, would make me do roleplays with her and her other adult friends, sent me explicit fanart and talked about how sexy the actors were, also was a MASSIVE homophobe and her mom told her that she didnt like me because i was “obsessed with gay sex” when i was THIRTEEN (she wouldve been 18) because i watched g/lee, and she would force me to watch s*pernatural and, like, check my n*tflix account (i gave her the login bc her born again chr*stian mom wouldnt let her watch s*pernatural) to make sure i was watching s*pernatural.... god everything was just so awful. i didnt even want to watch s*pernatural, it was way too dark/adult for me. also i was a lesbian! i wrote a letter to future me when i was 13 that my teacher mailed out when i graduated hs and basically the two things i said were “i think [redacted] might be abusive and a sexual predator and also i think i might be a lesbian” lol. and i did not want to be seeing these weird shirtless guys and she shamed me so hard for it. like, she caused so much internalized homophobia... and obviously a lot of other traumas... thankfully i confessed to my mom (never told her about what happened when i was a kid but i kind of think she suspects but she doesn’t pry) and she was a superhero, she cut off [redacted]’s mom, who was her friend from when she was a born again chr*stian (which she refers to as a cult, like, she is an atheist and, like, a liberal who is slowly becoming more radical with time, also a member of lgbt community, we love her, she is the best) and has believed and respected me when i tell her about how evil [redacted] was to me. and when i did cut her out of my life i had just turned 15 and she had just turned 20, if that shows how fucked up this whole thing was. and like there is so much more that i cant even face myself to this day. this is the first time im actually writing/talking about some of these things....

ANYWAY back to the original point, is that I have NO idea how active [redacted] is in the fandom today, i have her blocked on every platform imaginable. i made her make a tumblr back in 2013 but at least that tumblr has stayed blank, she was on facebook roleplay groups and i have her roleplay facebooks blocked bc she kept making new ones to contact me lol. I do remember that she was a shitty roleplayer lol but what if she ended up writing, idk, some epic novel length fanfic that i read and comment and she somehow finds me? or through tumblr? even if she doesnt find me i would feel so sick if i found out that it was her’s. i dont remember if she shipped d*stiel back then but that was almost 7 years ago now. and i obviously am not reading w*ncest lol. though i do remember that she liked d/ean and it makes me feel dirty because i like him because he reminds me of myself.

so its like. such a fucking bummer because i cant even enjoy this campy thing that is right up my ally because i’m constantly being triggered while i engage with it. or i am just so afraid i will bump into her. like i scout every blog before i follow it and stuff like that. i just panicked for 30 minutes because the author of a fanfic i just finished and enjoyed had the same first name as her middle name. (though going thru the archive told me that it wasnt her because in 2013, before [redacted] ever had a tumblr, the author was posting g/lee and [redacted] always called me gross and made fun of me for watching g/lee.)

and it’s 7:30 am so i am just gonna go to bed now

#read the stuff above the cut for trigger warnings i really dont want this showing up in any tags #this pos was the flower girl at my parents wedding if that clarifies our family ties