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kandi-pendragon · 3 years

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I was planning on making a YouTube video for this but I’ve got my hands full and I’m too lazy so here we go:

I’ve seen a lot of fellow Merlinites begging for a season 6 of Merlin, probably hoping for it to follow the script that three young women came up with (look them up on YouTube under the name 3RingsLeft. I love them and their songs own my whole heart) in the absence of closure from the Merlin finale. Now personally, I don’t want that to progress further than a script, but that’s only because I’m a sad pathetic excuse for a human who’s only purpose in life is to roll around in her misery and enjoy not getting any closure whatsoever from a show. And I doubt that I’m the only Merlinite out there who feels this way. That open ending is precisely what hooks you at the very end, it’s exactly what makes you so obsessed. The acting, the plot, and the characters keep you watching, but the finale keeps you thinking about it long after you moved onto other shows. And I’m too much of a coward to put that feeling of obsession on the line by rooting for closure, because my obsession is about the only thing I have going for me right now :)

Anyway, back to my point. I have been thinking about this for several months, and I wanted to get it out there. I know it might never happen but like I said. I’m pathetic. I cling to hope until the devil comes along so I can sell my soul to make my dreams come true. What have I been thinking about, you ask? Simple: BBC Knights.

Here’s a little information I wrote down ahead of time to organize my thoughts on the matter:

What is it?

Exactly what it sounds like. The idea of BBC Knights would be a spin-off of BBC Merlin, featuring the Knights of the Round Table, set in the time jump between season 3 and season 4. During this time, Lancelot is still alive, as is Uther. Arthur is newly appointed regent, and Morgana has quieted down for the time being. We get to explore so many things that we never got to before. Nothing would interfere with the finale of season five, of course. This would only be a filler, to give more content for the fandom, as well as more information, to better understand some of the characters.

Because you can’t have the Knights of the Round Table without also having Arthur and Merlin, the two of them would still be included in the show. However, they would no longer be the main focus. This would excuse some things too, for instance, not having to use Kilgarrah anymore. If the show is not focused on Merlin, we don’t have to find our way around not including Kilgarrah, because his voice actor, John Hurt, is no longer alive. (Rest In Peace, Mr. Hurt)

Focusing on the knights and this time frame would let us see more of Lancelot being a knight of Camelot, too — something he had been working towards his whole life — while BBC Merlin only granted us 2 episodes of that before killing him off. He had an entire year of being what he had strived to become since he was a child, and we never got to see it.

It would also give us the chance to better understand some characters’ backstories, something that the actor Eoin Macken said he wanted to do in the original show, had the last two seasons not been solely focused on the plot, and achieving the finale. Gwaine once mentions that he has a sister: “Well my sister is an evil old toad, so I’d be eternally grateful.” But we never even learn her name, much less what she did to make Gwaine hate her. We know that Lancelot met Percival before the others did, but we know none of the details. We know Elyan traveled around on his own for years, but we don’t know what he did, where he went, or who he met. We know Leon has been a knight for some time, but we don’t know anything about his childhood with Arthur, nor his friendship with Gwen and Elyan. There is so much potential for backstories, not to mention character development.

Of course, this all might be hard to achieve, since it’s been 8 years since Merlin ended, and the cast has aged (though not noticeably. I swear they’re immortal.) There have been hairstyle changes, beards grown, muscle mass gained. However, it’s shouldn’t be too hard to pass off. Maybe Arthur wears a crown or circlet to cover up the fact that he doesn’t have bangs anymore, Maybe Gwaine’s hair grows like a weed, Maybe Lancelot hasn’t shaved in a while, that sort of thing. Plus, it’s the fans. Merlin’s skin could be blue and we would just be grateful to have new content to analyze and cry over.

Things to include??? This is not obligatory, however, just some of my ideas. Obviously BBC Merlin changes some of the legends that they use. The Cup of Life instead of the Holy Grail, Leon instead of Galahad, the Afanc not collaborating with how it’s described in Welsh folklore, not to mention they used characters from Arthurian legend and made them their own, like Gwaine. (Gawain) Obviously if we included more adventures that the legends speak about, we would have to change the version of those legends, to better suit the characters as the show made them. However, the legends are still worth looking into, because I believe they would make for interesting episodes if done right, and they might also provide inspiration.

* Gwaine & The Green Knight * New Characters (Yvain, Drudwas, Sir Kay, Sir Bors etc.) * Yvain & His Lion * Drudwas ap Tryffin and his Adar Llwch Gwin (his griffins) * Agravaine coming to Camelot (and everyone’s first impression of him) * Explanation of Morgause’s Injury (why did it look like half her face had been paralyzed/burned off when all Merlin did was throw her into a wall?? Idk maybe I’m just stupid) * Agravaine Meeting Morgana and Morgause * Sir Kay and the Cath Palug (Palug’s Cat) * More insight to the Knights views on Magic * More detailed and fleshed out backstories for the knights (Gwaine’s sister, How Percival met Lancelot, More depth on why Elyan left Camelot, embarrassing baby Arthur stories from Leon, etc.) * Character development * New Opening Titles (main actors will change, and it wouldn’t make sense to use scenes from the original show. Also it would make more sense to keep Kilgarrah out, since he most likely won’t have a presence in the spin-off. Music could stay the same, but the scenes and names in the opening titles would probably change, as well as the whole “The destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name… Merlin” would be replaced, since the focus is no longer on the young Warlock.) * Meliodas the Demon King ._. * More POC representation, more POC in the cast. * Maybe queer rep? Casual, passing mentions of a mlm fling in the knighthood (doesn’t have to be someone we know) a character going by they/them pronouns without explanation and without making it a big thing, etc. Small, but noticeable things. It’s 2021 we deserve the bare minimum. * Tavern scenes! We know they spend a lot of time in there, but only get to see a few moments and hear about a couple more. * Maybe a first mission with all the main knights. Them working as a small team for the first time. Bonding around the campfire. This would give an excuse to create some insight into the characters while also sticking to the plot * Arthur struggling with the responsibilities of being regent (brief scenes or mentions, him leaning on his knights for support, them having to go on adventures without him) * More Gwen and Elyan!!! Being siblings!!! Please!!! * Introductions of characters we’ve already met: King Bayard, Elena, Vivian (seriously wtf happened to her?? Is she still in love with Arthur??) * Training scenes!!! When Arthur’s busy!!! Give me Leon teaching Elyan some sword moves and laughing about something from when they were kids! Give me Percy and Gwaine sparing only a few feet away! Give me Merlin helping Lance with his armor and Gwen watching her brother from across the field! Give me insight into each characters fighting style, skills, and weapon of choice! D e t a i l s!!! * More mythical welsh creatures, like the welsh cousin of the Kelpie who’s name I can’t remember but translates to water horse. So much opportunities for cool magical creature encounters! * And more!!!!

Now that we have a director in our cast, (who was rooting for this kind of characterization chance btw) I think maybe, if we’re lucky enough, we might have a chance. Idk, maybe I’m too late, but Eoin already said that he was working on a Pseudo Merlin project (whatever the hell that means) and I just. I love entertaining this idea. Who knows, maybe the spn fandom can help us summon a daemon and we can all collectively sell what little fragments of our soul we have left.

Those who still want a season 6, I get it! And I don’t blame you! And guess what— this would not interfere with that at all. Maybe we can both get what we want :)

But right now I’ve accidentally hyped myself up and made a petition so uh. Feel free to sign? If I get enough people on board I might do something about it and message Eoin, as soon as I know he’s done with his Merlin project and it would all work out 👉👈

If you have anything to add onto this post, go ahead! What would you want out of a spin-off?

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duskowithapen · 4 years

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Day Two: Quarantine

Writer’s Month 2020

Fandom: Merlin

Pairing: Merlin x Arthur

Cramped Quarters

Tensions and tempers rise when Arthur and Merlin are quarantined during the COVID-19 pandemic. Writer’s Month 2020 Day Two: Quarantine. Modern AU

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Arthur didn’t know how they’d gotten to this point – standing over each other, seconds away from resorting to blows, without the possibility from walking away from the confrontation. Merlin was staring up at him with angry eyes, hurt eyes, and Lord knows what Arthur looked like. They both breathed out.

The evening had been so calm. The ending credits of Supernatural played on the screen – Arthur had taken advantage of the enforced isolation after he tested positive for COVID to catch up on his favourite tv show. Dinner had been a simple but delicious spaghetti – he had taken Merlin his plate, his partner still doing his course work. After a can of bourbon cola to wash it all down, he’d suggested to Merlin that they go to bed – maybe sleep in a little, have some breakfast in bed and watch some Doctor Who. He had been hogging the tv a little over the past week and a half, so Merlin should get a chance to watch his nerdy show (that Arthur refused to admit to enjoying, if only because Merlin could get so animated and engrossed in the twisted storylines).

It had just been a suggestion.

Merlin had said no. “I can’t go to bed yet Arthur, I’ve still got work to do.”

Arthur should have let it go. But as Merlin likes to constantly remind him, a dollop head can never take no for an answer. “C’mon Merlin, nothing can be so important that it needs to be down right now.” Alright, so maybe he was feeling a little neglected. They’d been home together for days yet had barely exchanged a handful of words. He had wanted to go to sleep with Merlin wrapped in his arms, wake up with a bony elbow digging into his stomach, or back, or wherever the impossible idiot managed to catch him.

“I can’t Arthur. I need to finish this assignment.” The lack of a nickname should have clued him in. No prat. No dollop head. No pompous arse.

But Arthur had to be a complete bonehead and push on. “Surely you can’t take a break for one night Merlin. Don’t you have an extension anyway, because of COVID?”

The glare Merlin had sent him – finally looking up from his laptop – was a horrid mix of exhaustion and fury. “The extension was for my other class Arthur. This essay is for my class on differential diagnosis in the neurosciences, that they had to expand from a normal reflective analysis due to COVID. It’s due next week. So no, I’m not going to take a break.”

Some concern had broken through Arthur’s exasperation here. “You need to take a break anyway Merlin. I don’t think I’ve seen you move away from your computer since…” Since I don’t know when, he thought. He’d been so caught up in his tv show, so concerned with his own mini holiday that he hadn’t even…

“I can’t sleep!” Merlin had shot to his feet. Away from the glare of the computer screen, Arthur could see the deep circles under his eyes.

“It’s easy Merlin. You just lay down and close your eyes. Maybe try to relax if you’re not too uptight.” That was where everything went wrong, Arthur thought. This is where I screwed up.

Merlin had thrown his hands up. “Oh, you’d know all about relaxing Arthur. You haven’t done anything but since this quarantine started! If you’d actually pull your weight around here, maybe I would have the time to sleep!”

“Pull my weight?” He’d spluttered. “Who do you think cooked you dinner tonight!?” A dinner that had long since gone cold, untouched, on Merlin’s desk.

“Who do you think made dinner every other night this week?” Merlin had shot back. “Certainly not you! You’ve been attached to the tv the second you came home!”

“That’s rich, coming from someone who’s been attached to his computer for months!” Alright, so maybe this had been building for longer than just these few days.

“I. Have. Been. Studying! Trying to become a doctor! You know, that endeavour you said you’d support me in? Haven’t seen you doing much supporting!”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have supported it if I knew it would take you away from me!”

Silence.

That is where they were now. Two men, standing across from each other in a cramped room, in a cramped apartment they couldn’t leave.

“Arthur…” Merlin’s voice was so quiet.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Arthur immediately felt guilt like a rock in his stomach. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?” That fire was back in his eyes now. “C’mon, don’t hold back now.”

“Merlin, I…” How do can he put into words the way an empty bed feels, an empty couch or empty kitchen bench, the feeling of air at your side that’s meant to be filled with a person. How can he describe the loneliness of having someone there but so far away? Of having Merlin so close but never talking to him. “I miss you Merlin.”

“Arthur, you know how much this degree means to me.” He did, he really did. Arthur was the one to hold Merlin, barely eighteen, when he broke down at his mother’s bedside after she lost her battle with cancer. Arthur was the one to push Merlin into going to university when he was directionless. Arthur was at every open day. Arthur was there when Merlin chose which degree, which courses, which days. He knew.

“I know, I know, I just… you might be here, Merlin, but you’re not here.”

“This – this quarantine has been hard on both of us,” Merlin hedged as he looked away. “Maybe it’s just cabin fever.”

“Maybe,” Arthur suggested as he took a step forward, “It’s you overworking and overstressing yourself. I know you don’t want to sleep, but you have to. You’re going to collapse at this rate.”

“I can’t sleep Arthur!”

This was more than just a deadline, Arthur thought with sudden clarity. He didn’t know how long Merlin had been spiralling, but now it was obvious.

“You can’t or won’t?”

Merlin’s eyes gained a wild quality. There was a shine to them, like he was holding back tears. “It’s… I can’t…” He shivered. Took a step forward. Collapsed into Arthur’s arms. Shaking hands grabbed at Arthurs shirt even as his shoulder became damp. Despite this, Merlin didn’t make a sound.

Arthur squeezed Merlin tightly, arms wrapped around shoulder and waist. “It’s okay Merlin. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Not it’s not!” Merlin’s voice was muffled but the desperation in it wasn’t. “He’s not gonna be okay!”

“Who’s not going to be okay?” His mind whirled. Was it Gwaine? His police partner (or as Gwaine liked to call it, his work wife) had been spat on by the same COVID positive bastard and was safely quarantined with his roommate Percy. Lance was still working, trying to stay safe despite his job as a paramedic. Maybe something had happened to him? Arthur hadn’t heard anything… Maybe it was one of the others – Elyan, or Leon, or Kay, or –

“Gaius!”

Arthur closed his eyes. “Shit…” He murmured. Gaius. The closest thing Merlin had to a father, and part of the inspiration for Merlin’s choice of degree. He was a diagnostician after decades of experience in the emergency room. Despite his age putting him at risk, the ornery doctor refused to stay home, and instead used every precaution he could to not get sick and still do his job. “Has something happened?”

Merlin shook his head silently, and Arthur breathed out a sigh of relief. At least there was that. “So… have you just been worrying?”

Pushing away with a scowl, Merlin growled out, “Don’t say that like I’m an idiot. I know he’s being careful; I know he’s not going to stay home, but I’m not going to stop worrying!”

“I know Merlin.” Arthur pulled him back in. “I just mean that you haven’t heard any bad news. Of course you’re going to worry – you should have told me instead of bottling it all up. I can’t help you if I don’t know you need help.”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Maybe you should take your own advice, dollop head.”

That pulled a laugh from Arthur. “Oh don’t be such a girls’ blouse, Merlin. Don’t you know that real men don’t talk about their feelings?”

“Hmmm…” Merlin looked around for a moment before snuggling deeper into Arthur’s embrace. “I don’t see Lance around, so I’m not sure what ‘real man’ you’re talking about.”

“Alright! For that, I’m making you sleep!” Arthur lifted Merlin over his shoulder, ignoring his startled cries and bony elbows, and carried him to their bedroom. When Merlin hit the bed, he didn’t look impressed.

“I don’t like being manhandled prat. And I still have work to do!”

Arthur didn’t give him a chance to escape, laying on the bed and pulling Merlin down with him. Both arms were wrapped around Merlin’s chest now, and a leg was tossed over his thigh, so that Merlin was pinned to Arthur’s chest. Glancing down, he grinned. Merlin was doing his best to try and glare him into submission, but it was ruined by the jaw-cracking yawn and exhausted fluttering of his eyes.

“Work can wait till tomorrow. Cuddle now.”

“Humph, what a man…” Merlin drawled, rubbing his face against Arthur’s shirt. “Were you missing your cuddle time Arthur?”

“Very much so,” he whispered.

They still needed to talk about everything. Arthur would have to give Gaius a call, maybe convince him to take some time off if only for his pseudo-son’s health. Merlin still had classes to complete. There were new episodes of Doctor Who to watch.

But for now, there were two men, in a cramped bedroom, in an even more cramped apartment, completely dead to the world, and comfortable in each other’s arms.

#WritersMonth2020 #day two quarantine #merlin #arthur #merthur #modern au #this is so rushed #LetArthurCuddle2020 #COVID-19 au

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winglesscrows · 6 years

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I’m Yours Ch. 9

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Merlin (BBC) I T I Merlin & Arthur I 61k

“Arthur used to think he knew everything about his servant, and to an extent he still did. As shocked as he had been about the incident, this wasn’t exactly something that was unlike Merlin. It was dumb and it came from a place of kindness with a total disregard of himself. The action itself, Arthur understood. What he didn’t understand was why Merlin had kept it to himself.”

In which Arthur slowly unravels the mystery that is Merlin, and begins to realize just how much he doesn’t know.

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Arthur pulled himself together as he took his unconscious manservant and sprinted to the physician's quarters. He passed a pair of guards on his way to the other side of the castle, frantically yelling at them to get Elyan to Gaius as fast as possible, and only heard as the guards too started sprinting down the corridor to get the knight. Despite Arthur's quick steps and frantic breathing echoing down the empty hallways, nothing seemed louder than the sound of Merlin heaving for air, sounding like nothing entered his lungs. Arthur didn't look at him as he ran, afraid of what he would see should he look. As long as he could hear Merlin breathe, it would be okay. It would be okay.

Gaius was rightfully startled when Arthur burst into his chambers at such a late hour, but didn't get to ask any question as he saw the state of his ward. He immediately gestured for Arthur to put Merlin down on the bed, and Arthur held up a candle to light Gaius' field of vision.

"He's been poisoned," Gaius said, working through the unpleasant surprise by stating the obvious, "How did this happen?"

"He drank a truth serum," Arthur tried to explain, his voice morphed into something he couldn't recognize. He wanted to scream and yell that this wasn't supposed to happen. That this wasn't his fault. But now wasn't the time for excuses. They just needed to find a cure. "I don't know why this happened. It was fine before."

"Truth serums are fickle things," Gaius explained, as he kept examining Merlin, going into full physician mode to prevent his emotions from take over. Arthur should be thankful for that. As soon as Merlin was better, Gaius would be nothing short of angry, "Many of them will lose their properties after less than a day, usually developing into something different."

They should have researched that. They should have known, taken every precaution. They should have-

Elyan appeared by the door and hurried to Merlin's side as soon as he saw him.

"I need to know what was in the truth serum," Gaius said urgently, and Elyan shook his head, getting into a less worried state as he recited the recipe.

As the two of them worked together, Arthur took a few steps back, giving them space to move freely, and collapsed on the bench. This was not meant to happen. It might not have been right to use the truth serum, but what cruel fate had dictated that for his actions, Arthur would poison his servant, his closest friend? Was their friendship the prize for breaking Merlin's trust? Arthur wouldn't be able to bear that. All he had done, he had done for Merlin, to stop him from getting hurt.

But he had gotten hurt. Arthur had hurt him. Poisoned him, tricked him and betrayed him. And if he died- no! Arthur refused to let that be an option. Merlin wouldn't die, but what would happen then? Merlin had always been loyal, but what reason would he have to remain? And what would Arthur do then? If there was no Merlin, then surely, there was no Arthur either.

It was perhaps an hour later when Elyan moved Merlin from the patient's bed up to his own room to rest. Arthur wanted to follow them, but Gaius blocked his way.

"What were you thinking?" Gaius accused and Arthur felt smaller than he had in years. It was never pleasant to have the ever patient Gaius yelling at you, "Did it never occur to you that you didn't know what you were dealing with?"

"No, we-" Arthur wanted to say they had tested it, that they had made sure to not give Merlin something they wouldn't know what was, but what knowledge did they possess? They weren't physicians. They were knights. Stupid, foolish knights who thought there was a simply solution to everything, "I don't have an excuse," Arthur said quietly, "I made a mistake, and Merlin had to pay for that. I'm sorry. I never meant-"

"I know you didn't," Gaius interrupted, "God knows that you would never do something like this intentionally. But even if your intentions hadn't backfired, do you still think you did the right thing?"

"No," Arthur shook his head. He couldn't look at Gaius as he spoke, "I was… angry, scared. It seemed like an easy way to be rid of all my problems. I knew it wasn't right. I didn't want to use it, but I just got… frustrated and, God, I wish I had never done it," Arthur looked up at Gaius, "But please, don't blame Elyan or Gwaine for this. I was the one who chose to use it. They aren't to blame."

"At least you're responsible," Gaius scoffed, still very angry with Arthur, "I would send you back to your chambers, but I think it would do more harm than good. Stay as long as you like."

"Thank you, Gaius."

None of them slept that night. Elyan stayed with Merlin in his room, watching over him, sometimes apologizing for what had happened. Arthur had told him it wasn't his fault, but Elyan didn't listen. Arthur couldn't stand to stay with Merlin for long and eventually settled on sitting by the small staircase leading up to his room instead, the door open just enough for Arthur to be able to see Elyan sitting against the wall. Gaius sat by his bench, half focused on a book and some of the work that was yet to be finished. Gaius didn't speak to any of them, and the quiet night turned to morning after what seemed like an eternity.

The peace was disrupted when Gwaine waltzed into the physician's chambers, asking for Merlin.

"One of the maids was asking for him," Gwaine said, and Arthur looked at Gaius and then back at Gwaine when it became clear that the physician would not explain what was going on. Arthur stood up and went over to Gwaine. Almost wanting the knight's response to be punching him in the face. He deserved that.

"I used the truth serum," Arthur said, and Gwaine's face dropped as he realized that Arthur spoke of this freely in the presence of Gaius, because it had gone wrong.

"What happened?"

"It-"

"It poisoned him," Elyan interrupted as he emerged from Merlin's room, "He barely survived."

Gwaine looked between the two of them, waiting for the punchline to the joke, but was slowly forced to realize that they were speaking the truth. As he did, he pushed past them to get to Merlin. Arthur and Elyan didn't follow him, merely looked at each other, surprised that Gwaine's first instinct hadn't been to throw a punch. It usually was.

Gwaine stayed with Merlin for roughly ten minutes before he came back out, not stopping as he left the room: "Fetch me when he wakes up," he said on his way out, "You know where I will be." And with that he was gone. Arthur promised himself that if Merlin hadn't woken within a day, he would at least stop Gwaine from drinking himself to death.

Another hour passed, Arthur and Elyan still unsure what to do with themselves and startled as Guinevere burst through the door looking for Gaius.

"Lancelot's party returned," she panted, trying to regain her breath, talking rapidly to Gaius and possibly not even having registered the two other people in the room, "But sir Lucan is badly injured. Lancelot is bringing him here."

"What manner of injury, Gwen?" Gaius asked as he cleared his work bench for sir Lucan.

"A stab wound in the leg," she informed, still slightly out of it, "But it's been some time. Lancelot said that it's probably infected, even though they tried to keep it clean."

"I'll examine it. For now, fetch me some water. Take your brother with you, and bring me a bowl of hot water as well."

Gwen spun around and finally looked at Elyan and Arthur, who were awkwardly stood to the side, "What…?" She began, but then snapped out of it as she just grabbed her brother, sprinting down to get the water.

"Sire," Gaius began, "If you won't leave, stay with Merlin. We don't want this place to get crowded." It was Gaius' polite manner of telling him that since he couldn't assist, he should just leave. Arthur did as he was told, and closed the door to Merlin's room just as he heard more people entering the physician's quarters. Arthur leaned against the door, listening to what was happening on the other side of it.

"Put him down here," Gaius instructed, "What happened?"

"This was yesterday," Lancelot began, "We decided to take a detour on the way back, through the forest of Ascetir. There had been signs of sorcery only a week before and though we had been investigating during the harvest, Lord Agravaine needed us to stay close, so a thorough investigation was never allowed. As it would delay our arrival in Camelot only by an hour or so, I convinced Lord Agravaine to let us investigate on our way back. I didn't expect us to find anything, but it was worth a try. At least it would put the citizens at ease, as they had been too frightened to even venture close to the forest.

As we searched through the forest, sirs Lucan and Kay went off on their own. I urged them to stay together, but they must have separated for Lucan suddenly let out a scream, while Kay was both uninjured and had no idea of what had happened. We hurried back as quickly as we could, kept the wound clean, but it's been almost a day now."

"Do not blame yourself, Lancelot. Sir Lucan is a knight of Camelot, being injured comes with the job."

"I just can't help but feel that there was more I could have done."

"Lancelot..." Arthur was immediately on his feet and rushing to Merlin's side, as his servant seemed to slowly regain consciousness, the name of his most honorable knight on his lips. It took Merlin a moment, but he slowly opened his eyes and looked directly at Arthur, before he immediately looked away, "Leave," he spat weakly, trying to turn his head away from the prince, and while Arthur wanted nothing more than to stay and talk, apologize for what he had done, he stepped away.

"My lord?" Lancelot said as Arthur emerged from Merlin's room, taking the knight by surprise.

"He woke up," Arthur informed Gaius, "And he's asking for Lancelot."

"Woke up? What's going on?"

"He was poisoned," Arthur explained as Gaius moved past him to get to Merlin, leaving the two of them alone.

"How?" Lancelot was getting more distressed by the second. Learning that Merlin had gotten hurt, while he was away on a mission, where he already blamed himself for an injured knight wouldn't be easy on his mind, and Arthur was about to make it so much worse. Arthur had always wondered, if Lancelot was forced to choose between him and Merlin, who would be cast away? Under the current circumstances, Lancelot's choice shouldn't be difficult.

"I made a mistake," Arthur began, "I wanted him to talk, got my hands on a truth serum and used it on him. It backfired."

The look on Lancelot's face was somewhere between disbelief and betrayal. He looked at Arthur for a while, before pushing past him and joining Gaius in Merlin's room. It wasn't like Lancelot to act on anger, or even show his anger, but more than anything, Arthur really wished that someone would just punch him. Punish him, free him from this hellish situation and just give him the push to do something about it.

Arthur looked down at sir Lucan on the patient's bed. His wound had been treated, and though it looked like he had a fever, he didn't look in pain. Arthur should demand reports from Lancelot and Agravaine, figure out what had happened on the mission, but Arthur wasn't in the right headspace to do so. Instead, he left the physician's chambers and headed towards the Darkling Woods with nothing but his sword and a small empty basket.

Arthur came back hours later, and the first person he bumped into was none other than Leon.

"Sire!" He exclaimed as the two crossed paths in a hallway, "Where have you been? The king has been asking for you."

"Doesn't matter," Arthur said, "Inform him that I won't be available for the rest of the day."

"Sire?" Leon asked, more concerned than before, "What's going on?"

"Nothing the king needs to worry about." At some point, Arthur would let Leon in on what had happened, but Arthur couldn't bring himself to tell more people.

Before Arthur made it all the way back to the physician's quarters, he met Guinevere who was just leaving, possibly after having assisted Gaius (After Morgana had left, her duties had varied depending on where the castle was the busiest, and if you wanted to find her, going to Gaius was the best guess). Of course, when Arthur said that he met Guinevere, he meant more the sort of; they bumped into each other and after taking one look at him, she walked up to him, anger apparent in her features and firmly slapped him so hard he thought he heard ringing in his ears. She looked like she had something to say, but decided against it, wanting Arthur to know he wasn't even worthy of hearing her voice - even if what she would have said would surely have been nothing good - and left him alone on the staircase leading up to his destination.

"I see you met Gwen," Gaius commented as Arthur entered through the door. At first, the comment confused the prince, until he reached up to the cheek she had struck and found it sore. There was probably a red mark in the shape of her hand.

"Is he awake?" Arthur asked carefully, and put the now filled basket on the table before removing his sword to put it away. He wanted to look as harmless as possible.

"He is," Gaius said, his back turned to the king, not wanting to give him attention, "But I can't promise that he wants to see you."

"I can imagine," Arthur said, trying to force a smile. It didn't work, "I just want to explain what happened. Even if what I did wasn't honorable, at least I want him to know that killing him was not the intent."

"If he was smart,, he would know that already," Gaius remarked, and Arthur managed a small, real smile.

"But he's an idiot," Arthur answered, and took the basket as he headed up to Merlin's room.

Arthur entered the small room and found his servant sitting, leaning against the wall, his feet covered by the blanket, but his knees loosely tucked up to his chest, his arms falling weakly around them. He looked at Arthur as he entered, but looked away just as quickly. Arthur didn't expect forgiveness to come easy, if at all. The crime he had committed was no better than what had happened. Often death was better than betrayal, and Merlin surely thought that. If his reluctance to speak to Arthur came on the cause of thinking his prince wanted him dead, Arthur could hardly imagine what he would think when he learned the truth.

Arthur had never been a man of words, much preferring to show himself through actions and sat down the small basket by the end of the bed, Merlin hardly acknowledging it.

"It's blueberries," Arthur said, gaining no visual reaction from his servant - if he even was that anymore. Perhaps, Arthur feared, that if Merlin decided to stay, that was all he would be. Maybe he wouldn't even be Arthur's.

"Why are you here Arthur?" Merlin asked coldly, never looking at him, his gaze fixed at the small window which revealed the bright blue, cloudless sky. "Here to finish the job? Is that what those berries are for? Or perhaps you wanted me to survive so I would suffer," There was a slight hint of sarcasm in his tone, but it wasn't how Merlin usually talked. He talked like he was a prisoner, taunting his guards to kill him as he would never give them what they wanted anyway.

"I always took you for a merciful executioner," Merlin continued, the disappointment and spite in his voice reminding Arthur of how his father talked about the knights of the round table, "Perhaps I was wrong about that too."

Arthur didn't know what words would be the best to choose. He had hoped Merlin would give him a more silent treatment, letting Arthur speak freely. That was what Merlin usually did when he was upset. He was quiet. Arthur felt like a fool for thinking he could predict what Merlin would do. Hadn't these last few weeks, months even, shown Arthur that he didn't know his servant as well as he thought he did? Merlin didn't give Arthur a chance to think about what to say, as he kept the defying tone of voice with which he stripped away all the courage and confidence Arthur had tried to take with him as he had first entered into this conversation.

"Are you going to burn me?" Merlin asked so casually, Arthur thought that couldn't possibly have been what Merlin has said. He didn't sound afraid, only slightly disapproving. Both of them hated the pyre, Merlin knew that, so why would he think Arthur would have it in him to burn him?

"Why would I burn you?" Arthur voiced his thoughts, truly perplexed by Merlin's thought process, not even wanting to think about Merlin in the flames, about Arthur being the one to have put him there.

Merlin didn't answer. Didn't even so much as move or change his expression, which Arthur couldn't read. His lips pressed in a thin line, but the rest of his pale face unbothered, like he had somehow accepted his fate. A fate Arthur was unaware of.

Arthur carefully took a step closer to the bed. Merlin still didn't react, so Arthur said what he had been meaning to say all along: "I'm sorry." That gave him a reaction, but not quite the one he had wanted. Merlin huffed, and let out a short and forced laugh, making him sound distant and detached. Nothing like the usual bright laugh, Arthur had grown so used to.

"For what?" Merlin said when he stopped laughing, "Not killing me faster?"

"No, Merlin," Arthur said, raising his voice slightly as he got a little fed up with how this conversation was developing, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Merlin made another sarcastic sound. Not believing Arthur for a second. "What. So you just grabbed the first poison you could find and hoped it would kill me quickly? You should just have run me through. Then I wouldn't have survived and you wouldn't have to be here."

Arthur clenched his fist. He needed to clear up this misunderstanding and he needed Merlin to tell him why he was so hellbent on thinking that Arthur wanted him dead. He closed the space between them, kneeling in front of the bed, partially blocking Merlin's view to the mirror, hoping to get his message across. Of course, Merlin still refused to look at him.

"Merlin. I didn't want you dead," he said firmly, "I don't now and I doubt that I ever will."

"Why not?" Merlin questioned, like he wanted Arthur to consider just running him through, "I lie, I keep secrets and I've lost the trust I spend so long trying to gain. What use do you have for me? Especially now? Anyone could do your laundry, sharpen your sword, clean your damn room and whatever servants need to do. If that's all I'll end up becoming, then there is no point. And that's not even touching the-" Merlin breathed in sharply, stopping himself from continuing.

"Merlin. Listen to me," Arthur tried again, but Merlin kept interrupting him.

"I am listening."

"No, you're not. Just shut up and let me explain. I won't claim that I tried to do something honorable, because I didn't. I just wanted you to tell the truth for once. I hadn't even intended for you to tell me everything, just the most important things. What I put in your drink was a truth serum, and it almost killed you. I am sorry for what happened and I am sorry for betraying your trust. It wasn't right. Even if you hadn't almost died. It wasn't right."

Merlin looked at Arthur for the first time. It didn't look like Merlin was necessarily believing him, more like he needed to look at Arthur's face to confirm whether or not he was being truthful. Merlin had always been good at reading Arthur, so he would know that Arthur had spoken nothing but the truth.

"So you..." Merlin began slowly, his voice a mere whisper, "You don't know anything?" For the first time, Merlin's voice bore no trace of hatred or anger. Arthur felt a little more at ease.

"I wouldn't say I know nothing," Arthur joked, trying to build on the improving atmosphere, "But no, I don't know anything. Especially not anything I would want you dead over."

Merlin kept eye contact for another second before turning away again, trying to focus on the window once again.

"Merlin," Arthur pressed on, "I can understand if you don't trust me right now, but that doesn't make it any less important that you tell me about Agravaine. If not for me, then for the rest of Camelot. Your friends, Lancelot, Gwaine, Gaius."

"No," Merlin said weakly, "I can't." This time Arthur knew that Merlin's voice was strained because he didn't want to cry. He knew what Arthur said made sense, yet he still did not speak. Whether it was because of what Arthur had done or something else, the prince couldn't know, but he would like to think there was an underlying reason. More than Merlin just not having the proof he wanted.

"What do you think will happen, Merlin? Do you really think I would kill you for being honest with me?"

"No," Merlin sighed, "Not now. You would feel bad because of what happened. You could still banish me."

Again, banishment. Merlin's biggest fear.

"Even after what I did," Arthur said slowly, "You still want to stay."

"Yes."

Arthur was about to continue, but Merlin cut him off.

"Please leave," he said, "I need to think."

Arthur wanted to protest, but wanted to respect Merlin's wishes. He had done what he needed to do. Let Merlin know the truth. What he did with that was up to him. "Don't forget the blueberries," he said on his way out, closing the door behind him.

Since Merlin was now awake and able to talk, Arthur decided to go and get Gwaine. It hadn't yet been a day, so the knight probably hadn't reduced his lifespan considerably during the time he had been there, but Arthur should stop him before it ended up that way. He met Lancelot on the way or, rather, Lancelot had been patiently waiting for him not too far from the physician's chambers.

"Do you remember when I first came to Camelot?" Lancelot began as he fell into step with Arthur, likely knowing that he was on his way to stop Gwaine's drinking and not wanting to delay him, but still needed his attention.

"I do," Arthur replied, not quite sure where Lancelot was going with this, although he was sure it was leading into some kind of lecture about honor and, quite specifically, Merlin.

"I broke the knight's code," Lancelot continued, "Even if the rule that commoners cannot become knights is unjust, the fact that I lied about my identity was dishonorable."

"Which is why you left," Arthur remembered. If he had had his way, Lancelot would never have been revoked of his knighthood back then. He had always been one of the best people Arthur knew.

"Yes, sire," Lancelot said, Arthur almost taken aback by the formality as everyone else who knew of the Merlin situation had seemingly dropped them, "I needed to prove myself, become someone worth your trust and loyalty."

"You already were," Arthur insisted. He understood why Lancelot had done what he had done, but he didn't quite agree with it. Lancelot should have stayed.

"I wasn't. I lied to get what I wanted. I lied to you and to the king, the people with whom I should always be honest. Dishonesty should not be taken lightly," Lancelot said firmly, "My actions proved that I was more concerned about myself than about Camelot. My loyalties were divided, and as with anyone who serves you, loyalty should, above all, be most important."

"Of course," Arthur agreed. This was about Merlin. Merlin who was loyal to a fault and didn't deserve any of the things Arthur had done to him. This was Lancelot's way of telling Arthur that he had messed up.

"When I came, I lied and I didn't show my loyalty," Lancelot repeated, like he was writing a perfect report, "No matter who they claim to be, do not trust people who haven't shown you loyalty." Arthur's eyes widened. This wasn't about Merlin. This was about Agravaine. Had something happened on the mission? Arthur was about to ask, but seeing that he was, Lancelot stopped him. "Trust the people who have."

They went to the tavern together, finding Gwaine alone in a corner, looking like he had been there for a full week. The sun was beginning to set, so after Gwaine had paid Merlin a small visit, Arthur would sent him straight to his chambers. Going by Gwaine's state, Arthur should probably also ban him from going to the tavern for the next month.

"This isn't your fault," Arthur told him on their way back, Lancelot supporting most of Gwaine's weight as they moved, "It was my decision to use it."

"I should have stopped you," Gwaine merely replied, his lively tone of voice completely gone, "You always have the worst ideas."

Before Arthur could open the door to the physician's chambers, Elyan appeared, apparently just leaving. He looked at the three of them, figuring out their situation quickly and then looked to Arthur, and gestured to his cheek, "I see that you met Gwen too."

Arthur instinctively moved his hand to his cheek. It was still sore. Sometimes he forgot how strong Guinevere was.

"You know," Elyan said, acting more like himself that he had just that morning, "Even though Merlin insists that at least Gwaine and I shouldn't be to blame, I don't think he'll be able to convince Gwen of the same. You should be careful Gwaine. She'll probably come for you next."

"We should just be thankful that Percival isn't the one doing the hitting," he tried to joke, but it still came out a little flat.

"Speaking of Percival," Lancelot said, "Should we inform him and sir Leon?"

"Gaius said not to," Elyan informed them, "They'll want to visit and he doesn't want Merlin to feel crowded. We can tell them in a couple of days."

And with that, Arthur left Gwaine in Lancelot's care, and returned to his own chambers, where he hadn't been since he had poisoned Merlin. It felt weird to come back. The shattered glass was still lying where Merlin had dropped it, the liquid from the wine having spread and left stains on the floor. There was Arthur's glass, still intact on the table, and in the closed cabinet, there would be an empty vial, hidden from anyone who might have entered. At the time, merely hidden from Merlin. Arthur found a dirty shirt and used it to clean up the broken glass, and had a nameless servant dispose of it together with Arthur's untouched glass.

Getting ready for bed, Arthur noticed a stack of documents on his desk and looked through them, not remembering having left anything out. They turned out to be reports from Lancelot and Agravaine. Arthur got into bed, not thinking about the fact that he had had nothing but a couple of blueberries to eat that day and read the reports. Lancelot's was thorough and well documented. Arthur skimmed through the tedious tales of the harvest and skipped to the first sighting of magic.

Lancelot's description matched what the woman had told them. A bright red cloud had been spotted covering the forest and it had lasted half the night. Under Agravaine's orders, they had spend a few hours gathering up the citizens, making sure everyone was safe before investigating. They had split up in teams of three, Lancelot and Agravine leading one each. Lancelot's party had found nothing that could explain the cause of the red smoke, and after half an hour in the forest it disappeared, quickly, as if it had never been there at all.

Arthur compared the description to Agravaine's report. It was practically the same. They had protected the citizens, gone to investigate, Agravaine had taken sirs Lucan and Kay with him, but they had found nothing as they had searched, and eventually the smoke had cleared.

The following days, Lancelot had repeatedly asked for permission to search the forest, but Agravaine had denied him permission. This was not mentioned in Agravaine's report.

During their journey towards Camelot, Lancelot had finally gotten permission to do a quick search, but their efforts had been cut short as sir Lucan had been injured, the circumstances unknown. This was the same in both reports. Arthur would have Kay write up a report of the incident. If Lancelot had ordered them to stick together, any knight of Camelot would respect the word of the knight assigned to lead them. And Arthur knew that Kay, at the very least, wasn't a pure-blood. The young man would quite often spar against Percival during training, and got along well with Elyan, often riding close to him on missions.

Lucan on the hand was a pure-blood. His father, a close friend of Uther's, held many of the same beliefs as the king, and Lucan definitely shared many of those views. The first time he had been on a mission with a round table knight as his commander, they had gotten in a fight. Gwaine had promptly broken his nose, and Arthur had banned him from the tavern for three days as a punishment. As a friend who didn't actually think Gwaine had been too out of line, he had paid for his next trip to the tavern. It had been an expensive gesture, but he was the crown prince. He could afford it.

The reports weren't so different that there was anything inherently suspicious about it. Which made a lot of sense. If Agravaine was up to anything, he would hardly make it easy for Arthur to notice. For now, he could only be extra vigilant when it came to his uncle.

Arthur was woken the next morning by yet another new servant. He ate a plentiful breakfast to make up for the lack of food from the day before, and gathered all the fruits on a plate to bring with him to Gaius. He asked the servant to bring him blankets and a few pillows, which he then brought with him as well. Now that the harvest was over, it was getting colder and though material gifts were not exactly what Merlin wanted or needed, Arthur still felt that he deserved to be more comfortable.

"Oh great," Merlin said as Arthur entered his room, "You're back." Though his voice was sarcastic, Arthur was glad to hear that it wasn't as cold as yesterday.

"I thought you would like this," Arthur said and set down the pillows and blankets by the foot of the bed and shoved the plate of fruit into Merlin's hands.

"Thanks," Merlin answered, his voice still slightly sarcastic, but reached for a raspberry immediately.

"Not scared that it's poison anymore?" Arthur joked, and Merlin sent him a death glare.

"Shut up."

"You can't tell me what to do," Arthur said automatically, "I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to tell the truth. No lies, but you can choose not to answer."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "And here I thought you were here for a friendly visit and not an interrogation."

"You could consider it both," Arthur suggested, and got no reply. He continued: "The scar. The one I saw on our way to Mercia. Where did you get it?"

"I already told you," Merlin said as a matter of fact, "In the Darkling Woods."

"Yes, but that doesn't really tell me much, besides," Arthur continued, "I'm beginning to think that's a lie."

"Congratulations," Merlin said fakely and clapped his hands twice, "I lied about the woods. The truth is that I don't know how I got it. Aren't you happy that you know the truth now?"

"What do you mean you don't know?" Arthur asked perplexed. Arthur had a story behind every single one of his scars. Knew exactly how and where he had gotten them, what lesson he had learned, how he had grown stronger.

"I mean exactly that. I get hurt often and at some point I don't care to remember all of it. What's the point?"

Arthur wanted to say that the point was to stop from getting hurt again, but he knew what was going on. Merlin didn't get hurt because he was a warrior who was bested in a fight, Merlin got hurt to prevent Arthur from getting hurt. Merlin often said that Arthur wouldn't last a day without him, and Arthur was beginning to see the truth behind those words. Ironic how Merlin so willingly spilled the truth when Arthur didn't listen.

"What about the shoulder scar? The one Percival saw?"

"Serkets," Merlin said simply. It was like Arthur had suspected, but that just begged the question:

"How did you survive?"

"An old friend helped me," Merlin said crytically, and while Arthur knew that that meant he wasn't going to elaborate, he tried his luck anyway.

"Who?"

"His name is Kilgharrah."

"That sounds made up."

"Well, it's the truth," Merlin said and popped another raspberry into his mouth.

"And what about Agravaine?" Arthur asked, returning to the topic that kept tearing them apart.

"I told you. I have no evidence," Merlin said, seemingly unbothered by the topic. Perhaps the near death experience had made it harder to stir him up.

"Yet you still think he works for Morgana," Arthur pointed out, done with the lies. If he wanted Merlin to be honest with him, the least he could do was to tell him everything too.

"How did you-"

"I overheard you and Agravaine. You accused him of working for her," Arthur said simply. Eavesdropping could hardly be worse than accidentally poisoning Merlin in an attempt to force the truth out of him, so he didn't mind telling him.

Merlin got a weird look on his face, like Arthur puzzled him. "If you knew, why did you keep asking?"

"I wanted to know why you think that. You aren't one to think the worst of people, so he must have done something."

"He hasn't," Merlin said, "That's the problem. If he had done something, I could tell you. Just... I have a feeling."

"That's not enough-"

"Oh gee, thanks for letting me know that not having evidence is the problem here."

"It's not enough, but if you think I shouldn't trust him I won't. Merlin, if it ever came down to a choice between you and my uncle, I'd be a fool to not choose you."

Merlin looked him the eyes. His eyes were glossy and full of disbelief, but were slowly turning into something Arthur could only describe as wonder, "Do you really mean that?"

"I keep telling you. You're the worst damn servant I've ever had, so why do you think I keep you around?"

"Because my jokes are funny," Merlin smiled carefully. It was the first smile Arthur had seen since…

"They're not that funny," Arthur said, "I keep you because you're my friend. The first one I ever had. A friend who gives me great advice, who would follow me into battle with no armor and a sword you can't even use correctly, and who is loyal to a fault. I've faced bandits, enemy knights, magical beasts and an actual dragon, and you were right there beside me through all of it. What kind of friend would I be to cast that aside?"

Merlin's smile faltered a little, and Arthur could only wonder why. That was the nicest thing Arthur had ever said to him, maybe even to anyone.

"I'm sorry I lied to you," Merlin said and looked down, his fingers fiddling with the blanket draped over his legs, "I don't want to lie to you."

"I know," Arthur said, "But I can understand why you feel it's necessary."

"No I..." Merlin said, like he was working up the courage to say something, "I haven't been completely honest about that either. There's more. I was... scared."

"Of banishment? Yes, you've mentioned that a couple of times."

"No. I was scared of you. Of everyone. I've always been told not to tell anyone."

That made Arthur stop and think. He had always been told not to tell? Always? Something wasn't adding up, but Merlin seemed to still be working up his courage, and Arthur knew that Merlin was braver than anyone, so he didn't speak. Merlin reached out for Arthur and took his hand. Arthur thought it was to keep himself grounded as Merlin took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"You told me," Merlin said slowly, "That you would choose me. That nothing I could do would make you want me dead."

"Yes," Arthur confirmed, bracing himself for absolutely everything Merlin could possibly say now. That Merlin had forced Morgana to turn evil. That Merlin had tried to kill him once. That Merlin was a secret spy sent by an enemy kingdom. That Merlin had released the great dragon. The Merlin had somehow been the reason for his mother's death. Arthur prepared himself for everything, knowing that something Merlin would keep locked away, hidden and refusing to share even if it could cost him his life, would have to be something that would change Arthur's entire worldview.

"Everything I do," Merlin continued, his voice shaking ever so slightly, "I do for you Arthur. You know that right?"

"Yes," Arthur said again, and Merlin squeezed his hand before letting go again.

"Please. Please don't think differently of me."

Arthur looked down at the hand Merlin had let go of, feeling a weight that hadn't been there before. Gold and red met his eyes, as he looked at the rose in his hand that had definitely appeared out of thin air.

#bbc merlin #i'm yours #chapter 9 #chapter nine

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