#havent edited this so if its incoherent.... sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crimeronan · 5 months

Note

re: your empathy posts. As someone who probably has higher than normal empathy (I used to ask people around me how they deal with sympathetic distress in common situations that occur in a job and only got blank stares) you're so valid!! The lionizing of this random subconscious process called empathy is so useless! It says nothing about the person and their values! As your other commenters suggested, people disparaging you may just be trying to boost their own shaky feelings about how their own emotional stability is deeply tied to their people-pleasing tendencies.

If anything, I think learning to function "normally" in society with "empathy" makes you more messed up. I understand this person's distress. I acknowledge it, and know how my actions will make it worse. I make them feel worse anyway, because that's the organizationally approved behavior, causing more pain for both them and myself. All the while I must behave as if I am cheerful and unbothered. Internalizing that hurting others and yourself to achieve your goals is Fine is necessary in order to stay sane. This is counter to everything people say they believe, so lying also has to become a virtue.

Buying kindness from the store seems like a really kind thing to do tbh. I am passing you on the street as I am schlupping over to pick up some callousness.

this last sentence made me giggle a lot. but YEAH!! a lot of this is spot-on to stuff i've been thinking about lately. like, "normal" empathy levels seem to be socially defined as "you care about people and want to help them, but you don't care so much that you'll harm yourself in pursuit of that" and it's all just..... i dunno. so much pathologizing of how we think and feel and whether we're Human (TM) about stuff. it's all so Weird

like..... i keep thinking that my lack of empathy gives me certain advantages in social situations. but in a similar vein to the ppl worried about sounding like tiktok empaths for being hyperempathetic, i worry that this makes me sound like an alpha male influencer writing youtube essays about why emotions make you weak, or whatever.

it's not that emotions make people weak or that having less empathy makes me like, a Cold Logical Calculating Math-Loving Strategist. i'm a writer who focuses solely on character-driven stuff, u probably wouldn't expect that from a stereotypically sociopathic person. part of why i LIKE writing character-driven stuff so much is BECAUSE i've had to actively teach myself how other people think, how they feel, how they struggle, etc

a lack of empathy means i can choose not to get invested in other people's feelings or lives, i don't feel guilty for emotionally disconnecting, i'm not afraid of being disliked. but i still know how to act like a decent human being. there's that one post about how stupid it is not to realize being nice gets people to be nice back, and fuckin. YEAH!! it's astonishing to me to read about cases of """clinical sociopaths""" (who are just people who didn't get the 'pretend you give a shit, moron' memo) manipulating and gaslighting people and whatnot. everyone in the comments will always be like "ooo so scary... they didn't feel bad at ALL... so terrifying that people who don't feel guilt exist..." and i'm like.

IS GUILT THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS YOU FROM COMMITTING ATROCITIES???

BLOWS MY MIND. IT'S LIKE..... THE LEFTIST EQUIVALENT OF SAYING EVERYONE WOULD BE MURDERERS IF THEY WERENT SCARED OF GOD. LIKE. YOU ONLY AVOID DOING BAD STUFF BC IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD??????

good LORD. at least having no empathy means i've had to grow my principles organically. oh my GOD.

anyway what brought these thoughts up today was that i was thinking about gansey and luz noceda, since theyre extremely similar characters & on my All Time Faves list. and i've said this before but the things i love about them (the kindness, self-sacrificing shit, anxiety, etc) are things i don't see in myself. but Wish I Did. like i wish i was kinder on the inside than i am.

but i know that i admire ppl with luz and gansey traits both in fiction and in real life. so i simply just..... emulate the luz and gansey actions. not always successfully, esp because i have a temper and very little patience, but like. i try to be kind where i can bc i wish i was someone who tries to be kind when they can. so i'm just going to be. u know??

#replies #long post #havent edited this so if its incoherent.... sorry #low empathy

22 notes · View notes

thisfanisgonesorry · 1 year

Note

aa your writing is godsend ;; could you write a scout x reader smut fic where he’s eating reader out?? 😵‍💫 take your time and thank you!! <3

omg ilysm i forgot tumblr existed so sorry it took me a bit but here you go !! i also havent written or had sex in a while so im a bit rusty LMAO

cw// smut. obv. female oral BABYYY. scout is so dreamy but with a c ;), he takes after daddy spy in this one lol. ambiguous rship. i cant be fucked doing ~lore~ so its just immediately smut hes already balls deep please mentally prepare yourself and if it ruins it im sorry. i think this takes place in .. a part.. of the base .. somewhere .. in an ambiguous location👍 no beta we die like men

edit: i just woke up and my beta reader told me i forgot to write scouts accent oh my fucking god. no beta we die like men. im not changing it

edit 2: few months later hello, im porting my fics to ao3 and i noticed this one had so much wrong with it (mostly formatting and grammar) and ive changed some of it oops

♡

His hands found his way into my pants, kind of just groping, as he was hunched above me, pressing me into the sofa-chair below me; his lips stayed warmly connected to my throat as he muttered obscenities. He was teasing, and he was fully aware of it as I let out breathy gasps.

“Scout.”

“Mhm?” I could feel him grin against my neck, beckoning a response. “Babe?”

“Touch me. Can you- please.”

He began rubbing messily circles into my clit as directed for a moment, earning a gasped moan. “You sound so good, you know that?” He spoke as he slowly dipped his fingers easily into the wetness.

“Fuck, really?”

“Of course.” He began mumbling into my neck again, leaving soft bites as he began pumping his fingers in a come-hither motion. “I want to hear you.”

“Please, I need you- I need more. Oh my god.”

And then he stopped. And he removed his hand, and moved off the chair, kneeling in front of me.

“What are you doing, don’t stop!” I frowned.

He began pulling off my pants completely, throwing them behind him somewhere before spreading my legs and making very intense eye contact with it. I hesitated to keep my legs open; “C’mon, show me how pretty you are. Just relax.”

He began holding my calf as he moved one leg over his shoulder and began kissing his way up my leg, closer to my thighs, before finally making contact. I moaned, throwing my head back. He started slow, taking his time as if it was a leisurely stroll.

“You taste good too, what can’t you do?” He joked.

“Shut up.” I said quickly. “Don’t stop, don’t stop.”

I reached down and flicked his, for some reason still on, cap to run my hands through his hair, getting a firm grasp. He let out a groan as he continued ever so slowly.

His hands were holding tightly onto my hips, though I tried to fight it to grind into his face. “Scout. Please. More.” I whined, “Faster.”

He began going faster, lifting my hips higher off the chair to change the angle too, allowing me to roll my hips onto his tongue.

My thighs began squeezing around him and he let out something between a hum and a moan, looking up at me with big eyes. You could see it, he needed this just as bad as I did. He needed to make me cum on his tongue, he was desperate for it, he WANTED to work for it. He wanted to be here for hours for it if he had to.

“Scout, oh my god. Scout.” I began to semi-chant. “I’m right there, please, so close.”

“This fast?” He quickly muttered.

“It’s been a while!” I quickly said back as firmly as I could muster words.

He kept at it with the same agonising pace, though now he was letting out groans that was vibrating through me.

“Scout, I’m gonna, you’re gonna-” My sentences stringed into incoherent moans that gradually got louder, and he began moving slightly faster. I began chanting a mix of ‘fuck’ and ‘scout’ as I reached the edge, my back arched sharply as my muscles tensed around him, basically screaming ‘oh my fucking god’, my head harshly hit the chair as my legs shook around him.

“You okay?” He said after riding out my orgasm, listening to me gasp and pant.

“Fantastic. Amazing. Never better.” I spoke through deep breaths.

He laughed, reaching for my pants and attempting, and somehow now failing, to put my pants back on.

“Thank you.” I said, smiling at him through my haze.

“Of course.” He smiled back, standing me up to finish putting my pants onto my body. Once he finished that, he lifted my chin with his fingers and pressed a soft kiss onto the corner of my mouth; “You should get to bed.”

“Hopefully I can make it there.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

326 notes · View notes