#hidan and kakuzu as australian dickheads

[frozs]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Naruto Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Characters: Hidan (Naruto), Kakuzu (Naruto), Sasori (Naruto), Deidara (Naruto), Orochimaru (Naruto), Akatsuchi (Naruto), Kurotsuchi (Naruto) Additional Tags: Kakuzu gets angry, Hidan throws a screwdriver, Sasori is around a bit more, theres a bit of murder, ABBA reference, its murder ON THE DANCEFLOOR, why do i keep saying everything that have is from woolworths, theres a punchline, stab, stabbity stab mcstab, POST BEFORE AUGUST 15TH HAHA Series: Part 10 of Kakuzu and Hidan being very Australian dickheads Summary:

Hidan finds out Kakuzu's birthday is on the same day as a housewarming party. Hidan, Sasori and Deidara decide to gatecrash. Unfortunately Kakuzu's trying to commit bloody murder at the same time.

New Chapter of Australian Dickheads is up, I’m gonna go to work now bye 

@syndellwins @thatshipcat @horrorcat

#dickheads #dickheads au #IVE HAD NO SLEEP #MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE EDITED #hidan #kakuzu #deidara #sasori #my fic #hidan and kakuzu as australian dickheads

[horrorcat]

fanart for @frozs who sponsored my fun time for last 3 days with her fanfic about Hidan and Kakuzu being Australian dickheads. if you don’t know it yet then HERE YOU GO: https://frozs.tumblr.com/post/163360111714/kakuzu-is-a-doctor-and-hidan-is-a-massive-massive

READ IT ALL. it’s good. it’s funny. it’s fucking hilarious! I mean the idea of Daidara’s hand being torn off by illegal fireworks? Sasori being a vegan? Hidan being...just Hidan but like 100% of Hidan.

dude, gimme more.

(yes. I might have some fanfic-crazy-fan issues)

#hidan and kakuzu as australian dickheads #hidan #kakuzu #deidara #sasori #fanfic #fanart #frozs #spoiler alert

[catboysuigetsu]

somebody sent me an abt how my “give kakuzu non-typecast jobs” post is bad which, is valid, there’s a lot assumed and unsaid in that post which I apologize for but

the ask said encouraging people to give him non criminal jobs is against his “true nature” which makes me SNORT HDFKGHJ

HIS TRUE NATURE!!!

kakuzu is a bounty hunter in the series bc it is within his skill set and makes him a good amt of money, not because killing people makes him happy. his “true nature” isn’t ruthless or greedy (words used in the ask), he’s a tired, kind of anxious old dude who uses the system he’s in to make himself money because money brings him comfort. In the real world he’d do the same thing but probably in a different skill set, like learning how to use the stock market or something, because in the real world he wouldn’t go to public school to learn to become an assassin

#part of what i didn't say in that post is that if everyone/the akatsuki are all criminals like in a mafia au or something #i don't oppose that! mafia aus are exciting #i don't oppose him being a type of criminal that's not drug dealer/pimp bc those are the racist typecast jobs #i read a fic where he was a doctor who took money to purposely botch heart surgeries #it may or may have been the same as the australian dickhead au which is also awesome and opens with kakuzu and hidan meeting #while burying ppl they had killed #i take issue when he (or other dark skinned characters like raikage a) act like negative black/hispanic stereotypes #bc you can do better; more interesting; less adding-to-negative-stereotypes things than that #brawley speak

[westanabadguy]

I see the soft and I see the horny and I raise you AUs. Like more out there, the better. Or the ones you are especially fond of. (For Kakuhida, just in case it was not clear)

Honestly, I don’t read a whole lot of AUs. Mostly because the majority of AUs out there are modern ones, and I’m not very interested in those tbh. 

That being said, I do like some modern AUs pertaining to KakuHida, like the “Australian Dickhead” series by Frostberry on Ao3 is probably my favorite AU ever. Highly recommend, not romantic Kakuhida, but it focuses on them and their dynamic, so give it a read through if you haven’t already.

Some various other random AUs I’ve seen/thought about:

-Love love love demon Hidan/priest Kakuzu. Or the other way around. Honestly, I just love supernatural AUs. The idea of Hidan just popping up out of hell and fucking around with Kakuzu is great. Maybe Kakuzu accidentally summoned him, or Hidan is a spoopy demon in an old church Kakuzu was sent to cleanse. Idk, I think I just have a thing for demons.

-I have a very odd thing for mermaid/merman AUs. I think I read one really good one in another fandom and I’ve been obsessed ever since. Big, intimidating, shark merman Kakuzu falling in love with a human Hidan would be so cute. 

-I’ve seen this one floating around for awhile, but the idea of Hidan actually being ancient is really intriguing to me, and I feel like a KakuHida fic with Hidan revealing himself to actually be way older would be cool. 

-Any soulmate AU is good in my book. Bonus points if Kakuzu is like HELL NO at first, but warms up later on.

-Catsuki will always have a special, nostalgic place in my heart, and I think the idea of Hidan having to carry around a Kakuzu who got magically transformed into a cat is really funny. Or vice versa, but I think Kakuzu would just take the opportunity to punt Hidan into the nearest river if the roles were reversed haha.

-Non Akatsuki AUs are pretty cool. 

That’s pretty much all I can think of tbh. Like I said, I’m not very knowledgeable on AUs. If I’m being honest here, a few years back I used to just almost always automatically skip over them. Idk why I was so adverse to reading them? I think I had a few bad experiences with really shitty AUs early on and that just left a wariness of them as a whole with me. Sucks tho, as I’ve probably missed out on a lot of good fics by just automatically skipping them over ^^ I do read them more often now. The weirder they are the more likely I’ll read them haha.

#kakuzu #hidan #kakuzu×hidan #kakuhida #hidakaku #au #naruto #akatsuki

[jacarandabanyan]

Fic Rec Days 2018

I’m probably gonna end up dividing my fic recs by fandom, so here are some Naruto recs.

Sharingan Rising series by weialala- https://archiveofourown.org/series/318890

I loved this series and read it instead of doing important paperwork because the prose was so delicious and so heart wrenching. I actually cried twice reading this series. It follows Sasuke and gives him an actual, logical character arc (or as logical as anything involving emotions ever is) while still maintaining his character flaws and world building. It is currently not complete.

Kakuzu and Hidan being very Australian dickheads series by Frostberry - https://archiveofourown.org/series/779466

This is absolutely hilarious, every section is comedy gold. The voice is unique and memorable, the character portrayals are fabulous, and I laugh every time I read anything from this series. It is currently ongoing-ish- I don’t know how much more the author intends to write, if any, but it’s not marked complete on Ao3.

Wolf and cub (Or how small children became the new must have missing nin accessory) by Dissenter  -  https://archiveofourown.org/works/6814000/chapters/15558058

This one is a riot. It starts out dipping into a dark very-possible-outcome AU where Danzo was a bit more successful, but quickly dovetails into genius comedy when Kakashi starts a hot new trend - grabbing a cute kid who doesn’t deserve this bullshit and making a run for it. Being a missing nin pays more anyway. It is currently not complete.

Diplomatic Relations by Maldoror_Chant - https://archiveofourown.org/works/12631818/chapters/28782225

This is a sweet GaaLee lovestory that does an excellent job of capturing both of their characters, and is incredibly heartwarming on top of that. It is complete.

Akatsuki Dreams by Kantarya - https://archiveofourown.org/works/195541/chapters/288157

This one isn’t complete and probably never will be, but that’s okay because each chapter can be read on its own. This work focuses on the emotional release/resolution/realizations that the various Akatsuki members experience when they die, and how they perceive the thereafter. Very cathartic. 

Flesh and Blood by Kantarya - https://archiveofourown.org/works/195558/chapters/288184

A lot of people have probably read this one, but it is worth every recommendation. In this one, Sasori and Deidara have a little bit more foresight and put it to good use escaping the fate Kishimoto laid out for them. It is a masterfully done slow burn fic, with excellent characterization and lovely prose. It is complete.

The Woes of a Father by Pupeez4eva - https://archiveofourown.org/works/10988319

This is a hilarious KisaIta fic centering on Fugaku’s suffering in the face of Kisame and Itachi’s love, which is always a favorite of mine. It’s funny, Fugaku moans and whines but can’t change anything, Kisame is amused, what more do you want? This one is complete.

an awkward position by calciseptine - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103141

This is yet another KisaIta comedy (with equal amounts of NaruSasu), though with Itachi comedically suffering instead of Fugaku. Featuring ace!Itachi and his exasperation and affection for his brother and brother in law, despite their complete and total inability to shut the door. This one is also complete, and is also one that many have probably already read.

Mao Hidan Robs a Bank by shipcat - https://archiveofourown.org/works/13119300/chapters/30013197

This is an excellent KakuHida story by @thatshipcat with lots of tension of all sorts. It’s fabulous. Go read it. Kakuzu and Hidan are total dicks and it’s perfect, the dialogue is spot-on, Deidara’s cameo is hilarious, everything about this fic is hilarious. It is complete.

#fic rec days #naruto

[frozs]

Hidan gives a heart to Kakuzu as a get well soon gift because he’s a fucking dickhead  - Part  2out of 2

Part 9 of the Kakuzu and Hidan are very Australian dickheads series. Thank you to @thatshipcat for taking some of her time to edit for me so its all neat and professional 

Read the rest of the shitty fics on tumblr or AO3.

Warnings: hidan calls kakuzu a bitch, hidan steals a heart and puts it in a minced garlic jar 

“Wake up bitch. I forgot you were immortal. Heh, Jashin definitely wasn’t on your side last night. Look at that cast. Wakey-wakey, Kakuzu.”

Kakuzu blinked blearily, at the stretched out leg cast in front of him. On the right side, was a massive drawing of a dick done in black marker, the phallus going up to Kakuzu’s thigh and on the other side, drawings of Deidara’s strange-looking clay animals. Hidan’s face was back to normal, and was sneering at some nurse who had come by to check Kakuzu’s vitals.

“You have private health insurance, look at this fancy room,” Hidan pointed at the large, unwieldy TV in the corner of the room, which appeared to be from 1992. “Vintage.”

The nurse smiled at them both, then her eyes wandered to their hands. No doubtedly she was looking for rings. Kakuzu felt very drowsy, after being out for several hours.

“How long was I out?”

“Hmm,” said Hidan. “I was planning to have a beard when you wake up.” He scratched his well-shaven chin with one hand, texting on his cracked phone with a fast thumb. “And to tell ya’ it’s 2064, but you’ve only been out twelve hours. I’ve been here like… half an hour myself. Deidara just fucked off. I went and got Zambrero.” He picked up the tight foil wrapper from the burrito and threw it at Kakuzu’s head. It bounced off him.

“I will leave you two in peace.” The nurse giggled, before exiting the room.

“Just letting you know… I brought you back to life.” Hidan started humming to Evanescence’s Bring Me to Life, but stopped when he realised Kakuzu didn’t know anything about music at all and so singing it made no sense. “As a servant of God, I made a promise,” Hidan took out his cracked phone. “That I’m the one to kill you, remember?”

“...”

“But here, check out your skull, it’s fucking epic!” Hidan shoved his phone in front of Kakuzu’s face to show him a picture. Kakuzu’s skull had been entirely crushed, brains leaking out like someone threw cooked pasta on the asphalt. “I’m gonna fucking frame it.”

“I can’t even see it?” Kakuzu didn’t have his reading glasses with him, and Hidan’s cracked phone was unintelligible.

There was a few silent minutes as Hidan grabbed Kakuzu’s phone to send over the picture. When he was done, Kakuzu looked at the unrecognisable flash photo Hidan had taken. The pink rubbery flesh of his brain had splattered on the cement, a piece of red brick embedded in his eye, the other eye hanging down his cheek. It was gory and looked like something out of a horror movie. It was definitely Kakuzu - the blood soaked scarf, scars and coat gave it away. No way would anyone would be able to survive those injuries. He looked back up at Hidan, and almost said thank you, but decided against it, as it was not in his personality to do so.

“How did you bring me back to life?”

“Took some of your blood and killed myself, cause you were already dead,” said Hidan, spinning around in a wheelchair that must have been supplied to Kakuzu while he was unconscious. “Well, I think you were. Brain splatter everywhere. Like my ritual but in reverse. Didn’t think it would work. I suppose like, I killed myself to revive you? I dunno. Magic. And no, I didn’t do that fucking disney shit where they slobber each other on the lips.” He did a complete 360, and wheeled himself back to the bed.

“What about that… liquid… Orochimaru gave me? The vial?”

Hidan stared. “...You mean the stuff that killed me for two weeks years back in Croatia? I don’t think dying for two weeks would be a wise decision for my stupid fucking husband. Anyway, here’s your get well soon gift.” He got out a large jar, which had a label saying Woolworths Select Minced Garlic half ripped off. “I got you a heart. A real one, mind you.”

“...Where?” Kakuzu was going to ask if it was his own, looking down at the jar which had a gift wrap bow jammed on the top and flattened.

“That guy who rammed into you died on impact and his chest was like… hanging everywhere. So I just took it, you know - and guess who it was that rammed you down?”

“...Pain?”

“Nah, it was Asuma. Well, it was. He’s dead now. But his heart was on the road before I did anything. Anyway - so you’ve still got a bit of a broken leg, that’s how Itachicunt and Kisamecunt found you.” Hidan grinned and flicked the cast. Kakuzu was waiting for his leg to shoot up in agony, but he felt nothing.

Slowly, he wriggled his toes. No pain. “I think my leg is healed.” he said to Hidan.

“Excellent, we can go home then. Or just pretend to be sick and all that shit. Get money for being off work, y’know. That’s why I got this wheelchair here. Gotta pretend you’re fucking normal, somehow.”

***

At the Police Station, on-duty officers Itachi and Kisame were called in to see their supervisor, who was currently reviewing security footage of the car accident they had responded to the night before. “Hidan is well known in the area to local police, and Kakuzu is acquainted with Hidan, Deidara and Sasori. It is said Asuma passed away, too. The footage we have obtained from the incident is very… strange.”

The two sat down at a desk to watch the footage with their supervisor, and Kisame attempted to make small talk. It failed spectacularly. “I remember Asuma,” said Kisame. “Sarutobi’s son.”

The supervisor, looking somewhat frustrated, did not respond, but rewinded the video on his computer again and again..

“Kisame,” Itachi nodded towards the screen. The footage had seemed to be blacked out, though there had been no reports of anyone tampering with the cameras.

“There’s another security footage, near Woolworths.” It was the same thing again. The two videos showed the same thing: Hidan and Kakuzu having an argument after leaving Rain Real Estate, Hidan walking into traffic….

They decided to replay all of the footage, but could not see anything. “Literally nothing,” said the Supervisor. “We can’t do anything about this. I’m sure the Sarutobi’s will be shocked and disheartened.”

***

Hidan decided to keep the wheelchair. When Kakuzu finally got home, his broken leg healed from Hidan’s crazy Jashinist powers, he noticed several moving boxes on the lawn and two bicycles out the front.

“No, no, no,” Kakuzu limped up to Sasori who was holding a box of wood, took him by the scruff of his neck and deposited him by the letterbox, which was on the footpath. Sasori was tiny and according to Hidan, was in his early thirties. He didn’t look older than fifteen.

“What are you doing to Master Sasori?” Deidara poked his head around the front door.

“What are you two doing in my house!?” Kakuzu refrained from twisting Sasori’s head so it would snap like a doll’s.

“There’s a rat in the toilet,” Deidara pointed out.

“Again? Get rid of it yourself.”

“Well, our old place is nearly fixed,” Deidara shrugged. “So I’ll be on the couch, yeah.”

***

With Deidara on the couch and Sasori… well Kakuzu wasn’t exactly sure where Sasori slept. He never really saw him except for several cacti being constantly moved everywhere. The point was, it was crowded and it made Kakuzu edgy.

A doctor came, recognised Kakuzu from his surgery days, shook hands with him and declared Kakuzu was in a full fit of health to go back to work. Hidan then pressured him to extend his sick leave certificate for another week, so Kakuzu could help them move their stuff back into the unit - which, of course, they couldn’t do, as Kakuzu’s car had been taken out of a river, and he was given money straight away for another one by his insurance.

“The heart in the fridge is going moldy, yeah,” Deidara poked his head in the fridge for the fifth time in an hour. The three of them had already eaten everything in Kakuzu’s pantry except for a tin of sardines and milk powder. “Is it a real human heart?”

“Yep, my stupid fucking housemate,” Hidan said, moving a box of heavy clay but the door to be moved back to the old place. “I may as well put it in the freezer… your arm was there for a week, after all.”

Before Hidan got to the door, it rang, so he kicked the door open with his foot. “Ah, fuck,” he said when he looked up at Itachi and Kisame in their dark blue uniform. “I didn’t do nothing wrong this time.”

“We just want to ask you and Kakuzu a few questions. At the station,” said Kisame.

“He’s out looking for a new car. I’m not going to the fucking station. What do you want?”

“So we have concluded that the car accident between you two and Asuma Sarutobi was a complete accident,” said Itachi, looking through his clipboard he had with him, “However…”

“Did you take the heart of Asuma after the impact of your car collision?” asked Kisame, completing Itachi’s sentence. At this, Deidara moved past him, with a supermarket bag of clothes.

“Yeah,” said Deidara to the officers. “It’s in the fridge.”

“Well… he took half my ear, so I took his heart,” Hidan said as his (pathetic) excuse to Itachi and Kisame. “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart… the very next day…”

“Stop singing. Just give it back. Withholding evidence.”

“Say please.”  

“Please, can we have it back for evidence?” asked Itachi.

“Ugh, fine.” Hidan rubbed his head, and put the box down and turned back to go to the fridge. “Wait... do I have to go to jail?” He called from Kakuzu’s kitchen.

“You took evidence from a crime scene,” Kisame pointed out. “We need it back.”

“I ain’t gonna get in fucking trouble just for taking his heart? It was on the fucking ground.” Itachi and Kisame stayed put while Hidan went into the fridge to retrieve the garlic jar full of heart, opening the jar and ignoring the putrid smell and threw it in Kisame’s face.

The heart went thrupp with a cold, wet splash.

“And that,” said Itachi softly, low enough for Hidan to barely hear, “Is what I call a heart attack.”

END

#australian dickheads au #hidan and kakuzu as australian dickheads #hidan #kakuzu #itachi #kisame #my fic

[frozs]

For the Australians who enjoy my Hidan and Kakuzu are Australian Dickheads series just a heads up that the series is set in Canberra ACT, anyone who is from the area please tell me if I have added things in which aren’t in ACT and I’ll fix them 

#it was gonna be melbs but its too hipster for kakuzu's liking #my australian au #hidan and kakuzu as australian dickheads #it needed to be somewhere where everyone kinda knows everyone

[frozs]

I was laughing so hard when I seen this framed picture XD anyway, here's and idea that I want to use for my drawings but you can also implement it in your Australian AU - Sasori being a huge fan of gossips, like he's starting his day from reading all hot news about celebrities, sitting in Starbucks (ordering only water) and browsing gossipy websites or reading those awful cheap magazines. hiring private detective to snap some embarassing photos of someone and blackmail him? done that.

Sasori blackmails Sai because Sai gets Inojin to create artwork instead of him for the shop

Sasori, as usual, was the first to go into the coffee shop after a long night of removing delicate organs from a recently deceased ugly looking cat. He looked distastefully at the art on the walls - splashes of colour pen and ink dragons on hand made papyrus.

“What do you think?”

Snapping out of his gaze, Sasori’s eyes met Sai, who was the barista of Yamanaka Flowers. He got out the glass of water which Sasori only ever ordered (Ever since Sai used cow’s milk instead of almond milk in his Ristretto, Sasori refrained from wishing to turn Sai into a puppet and ordered water from then on), out waiting for him to take.

“It must have taken you thirty seconds to do all of these,” said Sasori dully. “True art is the work of someone who takes a long time to create their art.”

Sai’s stupid smile came back, which pretty much meant he had no idea what the fuck Sasori just said. Sasori looked at the price tags - something him and Deidara always did when they went to gallery shows - and he was asking for $500 a piece. He sat down in the corner surrounded by lilies and daffodils, and got out the newest edition of New Idea, which Ino had put down before she rushed off to work.

Sasori had a very strange way of reading. He didn’t seem to read left to right and take in pictures like other people did. He simply just stared at the page, drinking it all in from different angles. His phone pinged, and his eyes flickered to the screen. 5 Facebook messages from Deidara, and 2 from Hidan.

Oi stupid fucking housemate burnt the unit down

Cause hes a cunt

Sasori fuck

I didnt mean to sorry

The kiln exploded and i got my fireworks out in time but the backyards gone and most of the house yeah

Your possessions are still like kinda there idk

COME HOME SASORI PLEASE WE NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU YEAH

“Do you want another water, sir?”

Sai and Ino’s young son, Inojin, who must have only be in Kindergarten, had taken a large bottle of freezing water over to Sasori’s little corner. Inojin was dressed in little purple overalls, and had coloured paint stained to his fingers.

Sasori took the water without saying thank you, and refilled his water right up to the top, where it spilled over slightly. Inojin couldn’t quite figure out why Sasori had done that, but it was because Sasori was fucking weird. At the back of the magazine was a Real Life! Section page. Each person to write a real story about something that has happened to them. These included segments such as I fucked Santa Claus! And My Life as an Otherkin: I’m actually a dingo.

However in the small section of this page, someone had circled something in sharpie, and he looked carefully. It was an image of Sai and Ino in the magazine, with the title My artworks makes more money than my actual job!

In some art careers that is true, Sasori thought, and decided to actually read the article instead of drinking in the information on the page. Inojin appeared with a napkin which Sai gave him to clean up the water mess on the coffee table. In the article were the same paintings that were on the wall, and most of them had red dots on them, marking them as sold.

But Sasori could feel something was wrong. Impatience bubbled up in him, as something was not quite right. He had been coming to Yamanaka Flowers for years, as it was on the way home from the art studios. Sai only ever drew in black indian ink, using calligraphy brushes to create Japanese inspired creations of tigers and dragons which were influenced by his heritage. Sasori looked down at Inojin’s little fingers, paint stained with bright children’s paints such as lemon yellow and apple green. He finished mopping up and he smiled at Sasori.

“Please enjoy your water! I will get you more.”

“Wait,” said Sasori, eyes flicking to Sai who had just finished making several coffees to takeaway for tired looking businessmen. Sai smiled.

“Do you like our little article?”

“No,” said Sasori, looking away to pour even more water in the glass, and this time it overflowed to the point where the water started to drip on the wooden floor. “But I’ll be telling everyone what nice work Inojin has put on display. Good luck trying to wriggle out of that. Now excuse me, I have to go and get my possessions out of my place, which is currently on fire.”

And that was the last time Sasori ever went to Yamanaka Flowers, so he biked off, leaving Sai and Inojin totally bewildered with his actions.

#my fic #hidan and kakuzu as australian dickheads #sasori #sai #hehee #I BETTER GO DO MY DISHES NOW #i wrote most of this by candlelight watching my cat chase moths #<3

[frozs]

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: Naruto, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Kakuzu (Naruto), Hidan (Naruto), Deidara (Naruto) Additional Tags: haha look whos back, geez deidara is a cunt for wanting two hundred bucks, hahahZOMBIES, what dickheads they all are Series: Part 11 of Kakuzu and Hidan being very Australian dickheads Summary:

Yet another segment in Hidan and Kakuzu are very Australian dickheads. In this gut wrenching bloody segment, Hidan goes missing and everyone he has killed has mysteriously become alive. It's now up to his stupid fucking husband Kakuzu to figure out the mystery.

Here’s the new chapter everybody. I couldn’t leave the house today because it was 48′C. Enjoy cunts

#my fic #kakuzu and hidan are very australian dickheads #kakuzu #hidan

[frozs]

Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Naruto, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Kakuzu (Naruto), Hidan (Naruto), Deidara (Naruto) Additional Tags: haha look whos back, geez deidara is a cunt for wanting two hundred bucks, hahahZOMBIES, what dickheads they all are Series: Part 11 of Kakuzu and Hidan being very Australian dickheads Summary:

Yet another segment in Hidan and Kakuzu are very Australian dickheads. In this gut wrenching bloody segment, Hidan goes missing and everyone he has killed has mysteriously become alive. It's now up to his stupid fucking husband Kakuzu to figure out the mystery.

#hidan #kakuzu #hidan and kakuzu are australian dickheads #HAHA I DREAMT THIS AND SO DECIDED IT HAD TO BE WRITTEN #my fic

[frozs]

Chapters: 5/? Fandom: Naruto, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Characters: Hidan (Naruto), Kakuzu (Naruto), Deidara (Naruto), Sasori (Naruto), Pain (Naruto), Konan (Naruto), Sai (Naruto), Yamanaka Inojin Additional Tags: i gotta fucking tag this shit dont i, terrible, these are like little fic bits Series: Part 6 of Kakuzu and Hidan being very Australian dickheads Summary:

Short ficlets in this terrible series which are not long enough to be chapters.

Hidan stops a train to give Kakuzu his lunch. 

#kakuzu #hidan #my fic #kakuzu and hidan are australian dickheads #australian dickheads au #this one has been sitting in my docs for several months

[frozs]

Writing the new Australian Dickheads Chapter

It’s gonna be bloody probably idk I don’t exactly plan. 900 words in and it doesn’t have a plot cause u know... i’m top quality 

Y’all can have a shitty unedited extract cause im nice as fuck 

Hidan's newly repaired Jashin pendant-shaped clock rang loudly a horrible screeching noise as soon as the little hand was on the ten and the long hand was on the twelve. It had been screeching for a long time now. Deidara was mad.

Previously, Hidan had been on the couch for several years; now he had upgraded to making the lounge room the bedroom, which meant whoever walked through the front door was going to walk straight in. Hidan had somehow stabbed himself and fell asleep; one hand clutching a black pike, impaled around his chest. the other was holding his rosary. The sheets were encrusted with blood, and snoring loudly. A bloody snot bubble was breathing in and out of his nose was it was disgusting. Deidara cringed.

“It stinks in here, yeah…” Deidara sidestepped a mountain of ripped clothes that were never to be mended. He took one look at Hidan, hair stuck up in all places with hair gel, took the lynx from the nightstand, took a deep breath and sprayed everywhere until the bottle was empty.

Hidan instantly jerked awake, ready to punch the closet thing to him. Deidara sat on the bed next to him, legs crossed with a growl on his face. Hidan spat out a clog of blood that had been covering his tonsils. “Whad’ya want?” 

#australian dickheads #kakuzu and hidan are australian dickheads #hidan #deidara #snot bubble #my fic #extract #not like vanilla extract but yeah

[frozs]

Kakuzu discover's Hidan's backstory and its actually really disappointing and a bit shit

Part 7 of the Kakuzu and Hidan are very Australian dickheads series.

Read the rest of the shitty fics on tumblr or AO3. 

Warnings: Woolworths, Orochimaru making his terrible appearance, kakuzu noses about, no punchline, something gay happens  

Note: Set before Kakuzu and Hidan marry.  The event where a rat climbed up the sewer drain and died, and had to get rid of using a pasta spoon and a stake happened to me three days ago. It was traumatising. 0/10 don’t recommend. Special shout out to @thatshipcat, because we were on voice chat on discord while I was driving and I asked her to go on this chapter and add a few things in for the chapter for me because I can’t write and drive at the same time. 10/10 do recommend.

Orochimaru was a plastic surgeon infamous for fucking up his face enough to be stared at in the street. He was also Kakuzu’s former college, and happened to be in town this week.

Kakuzu had discovered this when Orochimaru texted him out of the blue, asking why Kakuzu was with ‘one of those Jashinist weirdos’ and wearing the Commonwealth Bank uniform. Apparently, Orochimaru walked past the bank, spotted Kakuzu as he exited, holding Hidan at the scruff of his neck, and depositing him on the side of the road to hopefully be run over.

Because Kakuzu noticed that Orochimaru knew Hidan was a Jashinist, he got a bit curious. Orochimaru must have been acquainted with Hidan sometime ago. He was certainly weird enough to be associated with Hidan. He was also knowledgeable enough that he would likely know a bit about the strange cult with the follower who was an immortal asshole.

So Kakuzu responded to the message, asking Orochimaru to meet him for drinks at the tavern near his townhouse. Even if he had no answers, Kakuzu expected it to be entertaining enough.

While normally Kakuzu didn’t really give a fuck about reconnecting with old coworkers, Orochimaru was an exception if only because the man was so ridiculous that he amused even Kakuzu.

Case in point: The last time he saw him was around ten years ago at a conference at the Medical Union meeting in western Sydney. Orochimaru had split his tongue in half, demanded he was to be only referred to with genderless pronouns and had put enough lip fillers in his lip to make them explode.  Kakuzu remembered having a bit of a smirk at that.

As Kakuzu was preparing to meet Orochimaru, however, Deidara rang him about a rat in the toilet. He immediately texted Orochimaru to tell him he would be late.

According to Deidara, the toilet rat came in from the sewers in their current place. He had refused to go anywhere near it, and so did Sasori and Hidan. A week had passed, and now the rat was lying dead in the loo, passed out from a bottle of disinfectant being poured over it to get it to stop scrambling. Deidara sat on a kmart beanbag and stared at his phone for a few hours until Kakuzu arrived and got pissed about the messy bathroom and the rotting animal. In the end, Kakuzu used a pasta spoon taped on to a wooden stake to get rid of it.

“How old is Hidan?” Kakuzu asked Deidara afterwards.

Deidara squinted at Kakuzu. “He’s like… twenty five, yeah? He was three grades above me at school.”

“...So he’s not old?”

“What do you mean?” Deidara wasn’t exactly dumb but he didn’t understand Kakuzu’s question at all.

“How long has he been able to not die?” Kakuzu clarified.

“Hmm….” said Deidara, pausing. He put a strand of blond hair behind his ear and then he said, finally, “I dunno.”

Kakuzu sighed. “You’re not very informative, you know that?”

“And you don’t really ask questions.” At least Deidara had the correct social skills to realise he was fucking about with Kakuzu. Sasori and Hidan on the other hand could not act normal around anyone. “Hidan was a nerdy religious asshole in high school. He hasn’t grown up, and never will. Argumentative as fuck, immature, and thought that putting a javelin through his leg on sports day was art. As an itty bitty year seven, seeing a year nine do that to themself… was pretty fucking cool, yeah.”

Right. So he definitely wasn’t someone who had stopped aging. “So how come you know still know him?”

“Saw him at orientation day at the University of Canberra. He’d been kicked out and was arguing with security. He said UoC was shit because you can get the same info from Wikipedia, and that they discriminated against him because of his religion, yeah. The next day, I saw him on Gumtree looking for a housemate, so we moved in together with Sasori. I decided to never go to university -  fuck HECS.”

Deidara smirked and turned back to his phone. Kakuzu tried again.

“I’ve just been in contact with an old acquaintance,” Orochimaru wasn’t exactly a friend. He was more of a science experiment from back in the day. “He knows Hidan. The name is Orochimaru. A plastic surgeon.”

“You mean Orocunt?” said Deidara, not looking up, fingers flying over the screen of his phone. “Hidan calls him Orocunt, yeah.”

“How do you know him?”

Deidara held up the stump of his arm, which had been covered in tattoos since it was blown off in an explosions accident several years ago. “Hidan recommended him as a plastic surgeon. He made my remaining arm look like an amputated arm, not like a mangled blown off stump it was with muscle and bone everywhere.”

“How does he know Hidan?”

Deidara shrugged. “I dunno.”

Deidara’s answers weren't exactly riveting or informative, but Kakuzu knew that asking Sasori would be a waste of time, he would be even vaguer.

“I’m meeting him in an hour,” said Kakuzu.

“Cool,” Deidara muttered, staring at his phone. “Hidan or Orochimaru?”

“Orochimaru. I try to avoid Hidan any day of the week.”

“I’d also avoid Orochimaru any day of the week. That MJ look was scary. It isn’t art, yeah. Good luck and don’t split your tongue in half.”

***

At the local mall where Konan’s floristry was, there was also a tavern opposite Woolworths where gambling addicts played their day away. It was a bistro with faded yellow brick walls with large pieces of ugly decor art hung up slightly crooked. It was quiet for the time of day.

While most people were fashionably late, Orochimaru arrived several hours early to any event. He was waiting for Kakuzu when he entered the tavern, looking like he did a decade ago: black straightened hair down to the waist with no gray in sight, high cheekbones and eyes slanted from several botched eye lifts. He couldn’t seem to smile like he used to, as the amount of botox he used permanently froze his face. In short, he looked more like a snake than ever. He was holding a handbag, putting something pink away when he looked up to see Kakuzu.

“Kakuzu,” he said warmly. Orochimaru refused to shake hands, as he claimed it was unsanitary. Which was no big deal, as Kakuzu didn’t exactly want to touch Orochimaru, either. “It’s been a while. I knew it was you with Hidan at the bank. What happened to your face?” He nodded towards the scars where Hidan had slashed him with a knife several years ago.

“Hidan.”

“Ah.” Orochimaru yellow eyes trailed down Kakuzu’s tanned arm, where there was a burn mark. “And what happened to your arm?”

“Hidan.” The mark was from New Years when Hidan and Deidara put fireworks in a drum in his courtyard, and Hidan’s hand was sliced off and Kakuzu had to stitch it back on together.

“You aren’t going to get it covered?”

Kakuzu shrugged, and took a laminated menu from the plastic holder. “Nobody asks.”

“I can’t imagine anyone asking you anything to be honest,” Orochimaru said. He didn’t even touch the menu, but then again Kakuzu had never seen Orochimaru eat, so he must survive on air. Kakuzu put the menu back, deciding to only get a lemon and lime bitter. “I’m surprised you have changed careers. Was being a heart surgeon too hard for you?”

Kakuzu shrugged. “Different career. Bored of the hospital. I’ve only been out of there for four years.”

“Yes, being a surgeon is ever so boring,” said Orochimaru. Kakuzu forgot how strange and sly Orochimaru’s voice was. It was like being lectured and being treated like a child all at once. He clicked his tongue, which was still split in two. “Nowadays, I go mostly on holidays around the world with my sons, Mitsuki and Mitsuki.”

“Why are they both called Mitsuki?”

Orochimaru lips struggled to smile, but didn’t say anything. After an awkward silence, Kakuzu decided to get to the point of what he really came to see Orochimaru for. “I need some information on Hidan. You are, as I remember, very good at knowing other people’s affairs.”

“Do you have to pay me to give you information?” Orochimaru raised his eyebrows at him. Kakuzu glanced around before leaned in a little. He wasn’t planning to give any money to Orochimaru, and he knew Orochimaru didn’t care about money, so it didn’t matter. “What do you want to know?”

“The other month Hidan chopped his own head off and I had to reattach it,” said Kakuzu, crossing his arms and leaning back. “How can he do that? He claims it comes from his God, Jashin. Orochimaru, I have seen him do things nobody should be able to survive.”

“I actually met Hidan several years ago on my travels in Europe with Mitsuki. I believe it might have been Croatia - they film Game of Thrones in Dubrovnik. Probably why he was there.”

Kakuzu knew that Hidan’s Game of Thrones obsession was borderline crazy, but didn’t realise that Hidan had actually gone overseas just to go on a set tour. “Croatia? Why Croatia?”

“I think he’d been all over the world, searching for Jashin.  He was a backpacker who had dropped out of high school, who was staying in the same hotel as me and my sons -  a six star hotel with golden floors and lavish marble ceilings.”

That didn’t exactly sound like a place Hidan would go. It was definitely somewhere Kakuzu would go if he had the chance, but Hidan was more of a hostel type of guy.

“I met Hidan in the lobby. He was drunk at the time, but managed to tell me many things; that he was traveling the world searching for his god, who he called Jashin; that he dreamed of him every night since he was a child; that, no matter where he went, he could not find any information about his faith or proof of his god’s existence. It drove him insane, poor thing. He must have been only 16?”

“He still is.”

“No, he has seemed to have grown down instead of grown up,” said Orochimaru.

“After a series of visions of hooded men in a golden hotel, Hidan went on Tripadvisor and looked at pictures of hotel lobbies. He then found himself in Croatia.” Kakuzu rolled his eyes at this, and Orochimaru smirked and carried on. “I’m not sure how he was able to afford the hotel - but he told me that he had been staying there for a while, watching, waiting.”

“While we were talking, these men in black hoods went down the stairs and he rushed away, ranting that these they were the people he was looking for. I did not follow him, but as I myself am interested in immortality, I took a video from the hotel security footage.”

Orochimaru took out his iPad, one of those large inconvenient ones from his handbag. As he unlocked the ridiculously huge tablet, Kakuzu noticed his wallpaper was of Itachi Uchiha from the police force.

Hidan’s hair was shorter, and sticking up at the back. He was literally dressed in - Kakuzu recognised the outfit - singlet and shorts. The Jashinist circle was drawn in white on the lobby floor - everything was golden, like Orochimaru described. People wearing summer clothes were crowded around, silent and watching the bizarre scene in front of them. Four tall figures wearing black robes hoods had circled Hidan, which seemed weird as it was June on the timestamp, and he was shouting at them in another language.

“Is he speaking Croatian?”

“No, most likely gibberish,” said Orochimaru. “Hidan is very good at shouting in gibberish.” This was true. Occasionally, Kakuzu heard Hidan ramble nonsensically, though he could never make sense of what he was saying. He returned his attention to the iPad video.

Suddenly, Hidan shoved one of the figures away. The four of them threw him to the ground, and two pinning him to the floor and the last -

“Is that a syringe?”

Orochimaru nodded. A bellowing scream, raw and loud, erupted from Hidan, and the crowd around him scattered in fright. It was truly something Kakuzu had never heard before from anyone he had killed. It wasn’t pleading, and it didn’t seem to even sound like Hidan. He could only compare it to the wretched wailing of a thousand souls… The hooded figures disappeared, leaving Hidan on the lobby floor, mouth open and body still.  

The video cut off. Orochimaru put the rather large tablet back in his purse.

“The Jashinist cult mixes serious religion with illegal experimentation,” said Orochimaru. “After this video, Hidan was pronounced dead. I was the one to call the police to take the body away.”

“How long was he dead?”

“Until the cremation, so two weeks,” said Orochimaru. “No parents, a foster kid out on the streets. They put his body into the oven… and he jerked upright and ran away. He came back to me to get his passport, covered in soot. Didn’t even say thank you.” Orochimaru flicked a bit of imaginary dust off the table.

“Since when do I ever say thank you?” A large hand clapped on Kakuzu’s shoulder. Kakuzu didn’t even turn around as Hidan sat down next to him, reached over and drank the entire contents of Kakuzu’s glass. He was wearing a fluro yellow work shirt, which was part of his medical courier uniform.

“How’s it going Orocunt? Not well I hope. I heard from someone that you were trying to get information on me. I won’t name my source, but let’s just say his name rhymes with... Gay Bara .” He turned to Kakuzu. “You could have just asked, Kakucunt. I'm an open book.”

“What’s the fun in that?” Orochimaru asked. “You aren’t known for your straight up answers.”

“True.” said Kakuzu.

Hidan shrugged. “So what are you doing here? Last I heard you were in Chile doing…South American things. Whatever people do in South America. Latin ballroom dancing and praying to statues of the Virgin Mary in back gardens.”

“What’s wrong with seeing an old friend?” said Orochimaru.

“Since when does Kakuzu has friends then aren’t money?” asked Hidan. He smirked. “Did you know Kakuzu sleeps with money under his pillow,” he voice lowered to a whisper. “ The Tooth Fairy spoils him .”

“I do not.”

“Oh, me and Kakuzu go way back,” said Orochimaru, sipping his water dainty, with a pinkie out. “Around the time of medical school. We usually partnered up with experiments, and worked on cadavers together. We also did other experiments outside of medical school, too.”

“What sort of experiments? Like on other bodies?”

“Don’t say it,” said Kakuzu.

“Say what?” Hidan replied almost instantly. “Come on, tell me the goss on good old ‘Kuzu. I’m sure Snakepants here has plenty of boring experiments to tell. Are you single and looking to mingle? Kakuzu’s your man.” Hidan nudged Orochimaru and winked.

“I’m married to myself now,” Orochimaru pointedly informed Hidan, watching his face go from interested to a slight cringe. “But back in the day, as two medical students, we slept together for a science experiment.”

Kakuzu could have facepalmed hard right now, and Hidan looked like he was either shocked or trying not to laugh. “You fucked Trump’s wife?”

Now Kakuzu was trying not to laugh at Orochimaru’s almost offensive look. Hidan looked from Kakuzu to Orochimaru. “But he’s old?”

“I’m old,” Orochimaru pointed out. “We’re the same age.”

“I forget you are even more immortal than me,” said Hidan. “I thought you would have to cut off Kakuzu’s dick to see the rings to see how old he is.”

“He is rather well endowed,” Orochimaru noted with a smirk, “but not quite the size of a tree, I’m afraid.”

“What, like Hashirama?” Hidan joked. Then his face went a bit white. “Hang on… I’ve known you for four years, Kakuzu. I thought you were ace as fuck, and you're not!?”

“Can we not discuss my sexuality?” Kakuzu was feeling a bit pissed now, because he had been forced to opened up when he didn’t want to. Kakuzu made himself uninteresting on purpose: After all, it would be incredibly inconvenient for anyone to go sniffing around in the private life of a serial killer. Besides Orochimaru, he had only ever slept with one other person - but that was a detail that he did not want Hidan to pester him with. “I have better things to do then talk about people I've slept with.”

“People?! Not just Orocunt?” mocked Hidan. “No wonder I've never seen you remotely even be interested in someone.”

“I am certain that Kakuzu is a sociopath, Hidan.” said Orochimaru. “I believe the only person he ever dated was Tsunade. What was the reason you broke up with her, again, Kakuzu?”

There it was. The one detail that he did not want Hidan to know.

“Gambling addict,” he neutrally replied, staring at the sugar packets on the table as he resisted the urge to strangle both his partner in crime and his former colleague.

“Man, Kakuzu,” Hidan clapped his hand on Kakuzu’s shoulder. “I've learned more about you today than I ever wanted to know.”

Orochimaru frowned. “I was under the assumption Hidan was your husband,” he said. “Gay marriage is legal after all.”

“I’m only gay for Jashin, you know.” Hidan kissed his pendant and happened to glance at the time on his fitbit.

“Anyway, this is the shittest conversation I’ve ever had in my life,” he said. “I was supposed to deliver a fetus to the other hospital around two hours ago. See you later, Kakucunt, Orocunt.” He stalked off, knocking over someone’s water on purpose as he left the tavern. Kakuzu watched Hidan undo the leash of his dog before driving off in his car.

His head whipped toward Orochimaru, expression furious. “Thank you for telling Hidan that,” Kakuzu hissed.

“No problem,” said Orochimaru lightly. “Thought he might have needed to know you aren’t as boring as you actually are.”

“I prefer being boring,” said Kakuzu. “I think I may go now.”

“Hang on.” Orochimaru rummaged around in his handbag. “I have done what I can with this.” Kakuzu opened his hand, and Orochimaru deposited a small volumetric flask in his palm, with pink liquid, the colour of Hidan’s strange eyes. “It is leftover materials from the syringe.”

“What am I supposed to do with it?”

Orochimaru shrugged. “I don’t know. According to my analysis, it is solely composed of dihydrogen monoxide.”

“Also known as water.”

“Clearly… there is more to it.”

With that, Orochimaru left, taking out a large pair of sunglasses to cover his frozen face, handbag swinging away. Kakuzu stared down at the small flask, shimmering liquid twirling from moving so much. He didn’t know what to do. Too much information, too much nosing about, but this? He wasn’t expecting this. Now, he possibly held the secret to immortality in his hands.

He put the flask in his shopping bag, and went to Woolworths. He tried not to think about what Orochimaru had told him, but it seemed there was more to Hidan then he really wanted to know. Hidan possibly wasn’t as dumb as he seemed. He got some sushi for dinner, as being with Orochimaru for too long made him hungry. He received two texts from Hidan.

HIDAN < 6.45 PM >

Kudos fr getiing.the.rat out fo the.toilest. shit was gros

HIDAN < 6.47 PM >

Got.th dog.

Instead of taking Taki for a walk, which was his usual routine, he sat down outside in his courtyard for a smoke, staring at the bottle of moving pink liquid Orochimaru gave him. He took the flask and put it in the bin along with his cigarette.

That night, Kakuzu dreamt of only one picture: The triangle encased in the circle. He could not get rid of it, and struggled to wake up from it. Finally, his unconscious brain got rid of the image, which he felt thankful for.

Until the next thing he saw in his vision was a car hurtling full speed in him.

Kakuzu woke up with sweat all over him, jerking upright, his alarm clock screaming away. He rubbed his eyes and turned to the clock, about to turn it off, and he froze.

The shimmering pink flask had returned - and it was on his bedside table. It shined mockingly with the light of his phone, buzzing with incoming texts.

HIDAN < 8.14 AM >

stupid fuckn roommmate.found another pest - a snake in the garden

HIDAN < 8.19 AM >

cme over.nd.help me get.rid.of.it

HIDAN < 8.22 AM >

bring the ricin.

#australian dickheads au #my fic #hidan #kakuzu #fic #deidara #orochimaru #theres no punchline in this one im very sorry #YEAH FROZS NOBODY CARES

[frozs]

merry fucking new years everyone. At 11.30pm, Kakuzu’s house is gatecrashed by Hidan, Deidara and Sasori wearing disgustingly colourful party hats and are also a bit drunk. Inspo by one of my favourite artists, @fjorgael [pic] 

[My Ko-Fi]

#my art #hidan #deidara #sasori #kakuzu #australian dickheads au

[frozs]

Jingle Bells Kakuzu Smells - Xmas Ficlet in Kakuzu and Hidan are Australian Dickheads Series

Here’s 645 words of unedited dickheadness of when Hidan takes the christmas tree out of Kakuzu’s shed. 

Kakuzu was minding his own business at home when he heard a clatter and a crash coming from his shed. Thinking he had another burglar and not expecting the unexpected, he was almost surprised to see the familiar thirteen black cats all dart out at once and heard a ‘FUCKKKKKKKKKK’ inside.

Nearly tripping over the cats which bounced up to Kakuzu and now had their tails up in the air curling themselves around his legs, he ignored the ants on the pavers and followed his ever obedient doggo to the sheddo.

“How long have you been in my shed?”

Hidan perked up, dragging Kakuzu’s big christmas tree out the shed. He shook it and several huntsman spiders fell out, along with most of the little strips of green plastic which acted a leaves for the extremely old tree.

Taki barked.

“Five hours,” said Hidan, tapping his fitbit to check the time. “Needed to prove to Stupid Fucking Housemates that you have a christmas tree - twenty bucks to me, woo hoo - It’s the season to be fucking jolly, you know.”

“No,” said Kakuzu. “It’s not.”

Kakuzu couldn’t quite fathom why Hidan would spend five hours in his shed when it was a 35.5°C outside, and probably 60°C in said shed. “So Stupid Fucking Housemate says you are the grumpiest git to ever walk the planet after you didn’t help him the other day sort his finances out, and he says you probably don’t even celebrate christmas. Which to be honest I do believe that, except for the bit where you are the grumpiest git on the planet because I think you are the second grumpiest git on the planet after Other Stupid Fucking Housemate…”

In Kakuzu’s mind all he could hear was blah, blah blah.

“And I said you had a christmas tree.”

Kakuzu looked at the tree. “It’s over twenty years old, I had to put it up once.”

“Why do you still have it? Fucking sell it on gumtree for ten bucks, make a profit.”

The reason why Kakuzu had put it up once was because he used to live where every window had the christmas tree and if one didn’t then the mothers would be spreading stupid rumours about him.

Hidan was now starting to sing. “Jingle Bells, Kakuzu’s balls smells…”

Now Kakuzu was wondering why was Hidan in the mood to be celebrating a holiday which stemmed its roots in Christianity then changed to a holiday drenched in capitalism and wasting money.

“I bet you have to wear a nut-bra.”

Kakuzu stopped thinking about Hidan’s obsession with christmas. “A what?”

“Bra for your nuts. Should I get you one for christmas?”

Kakuzu decided to humour him. “...Don’t think I need it.”

Hidan moved the tree so it was under the verandah of Kakuzu’s courtyard. “I was in fact going to go and get a heart in a jar and put it on the tree as a decoration… but nah. Had to check the shed twice, or you’ve just been naughty or nice…” He left a trial of green plastic where he dragged it. “You’ve still got old christmas lights on here.”

“I told you, the tree is over twenty years old. Don’t plug it in.”

“Hey,” said Hidan, reaching down and grabbing the plugs down the bottom of the tree, “I gotta see if it works or not.”

“Some of those old lights might spark and set fire.”

“Kazza-cunt,” said Hidan. “I’m motherfucking immortal. A little firework ain’t gonna stop me from having a good time.” He switched the power point on, and as Kakuzu predicted, there was a zap, a large spark and the tree flickered, and Hidan suddenly yelled out as the sparks hit him in the groin.

Kakuzu went onto his knees and turned the power point off. Hidan was on the floor, whimpering.

“Sure you don’t want that nut-bra?”

The mother fucking end -

#my fic #hidan #kakuzu #kakuzu and hidan are australian dickheads

[frozs]

drawing Deidara from my Kakuzu and Hidan are Australian Dickheads series . He usually tapes a ceramic modelling tool onto the elbow as it was blown off in an explosion because he.... is also a dickhead 

#deidara #my art #kakuzu and hidan are australian dickheads