#i already said so much in the essay itself so i wont keep going in the tags too

[dwter]

hey everyone, so ive had a lot of time at this point to ruminate and have had conversation after conversation about everything going on and i truly and genuinely mean this when i say i think so much of my thinking and immediate reactions were entirely based in fear, anxiety and grief that i didn't give myself the ability to view the situation as it is.

ill say from the beginning ive always chosen to view this in a worst case scenario perspective. not just for myself, but also i think dismissing the victim ESPECIALLY those using anything to dismiss her literally instantly is really icky and so ive always looked at this with the perspective of everything (more or less) being true. now with that in mind--i dont think this entire thing was nearly as black and white as i initially thought it was. im saying it straight to save everyone the time to try and figure out my perspective, but after talking with people and thinking about real life, how people irl would view this and DO view it and other instances of this exact scenario happening both online and in real life: this is truly just not the horrible morally bankrupt incident i thought it was.

i thought a lot about how i wanted to go about explaining my perspective or if i even wanted to bc i really didnt want this to he seen as "dream defense" or align myself with the people who have had that stance since the absolute beginning bc they are srsly insane, but this is more for myself and for anyone who felt like they didnt have a perspective they resonated with throughout all of this. this is one of the first instances where i felt a genuine dissonance between my thoughts and feelings and my friends in the community whose thoughts i have always always valued above anything else, often even my own, especially when i was struggling with feeling conflicted out of fear and grief. i always clung to the people whose opinions i trusted (and still do trust dont get me wrong) because it felt easier than having to sort my guilty and scared conscience into rationality that could possibly oppose the people ive always looked to for guidance in discourse. just that fear on being on the wrong side of history and such. but like i said, this long winded and horribly overserious essay is for me more than anyone else--if not for people who have struggled with the exact same shitty time.

ill say the absolute first thing: it was not grooming. i held this opinion literally the entire time and people calling it grooming are not only using the term wrong but genuinely causing harm to such a serious topic. we are talking about two adults in a relationship with an age difference of four years like holy shit. when the first girl dropped her story, almost everyone came to the conclusion that it just wasnt that serious because he thought she was 18. with the second girl, she was one month from 18 and the dms from before turning such were genuinely the driest conversations in the world that he never initiated or made any notion of pursuing. this isnt to say you cant be icked out--the point of me talking about this isnt to make you suddenly change your views on anything but to try and claim that it was grooming or a crime took place is just wrong and dishonest of everyone. this is such a large part of where my personal dissonance with everyone's takes came from bc the way people were trying to claim that liking an 18 year old as a 22 year old was something akin to literal pedophilia (<- bc people WERE genuinely saying this) made me feel confused but also deeply guilty because i really just did not understand. and now that im less miserable, i can recognize that that confusion wasnt just linked to parasocialism or whatever deep twisted thing i thought was in my soul, it was literally just not the big insane evil everyone made it out to be. again, this isnt to try and say you individually cant be like "i dont like this" or "this is icky to me" or "this was bad judgement on his part" (<- which is my personal view btw) but to pretend it is some strange insane act of an active predator genuinely boggles my mind. i dont want to chalk everything up to being covidbrained but i think its a huge part of where this dissonance to real life comes from because i really do think if most of you sit down with genuinely and utterly normal people, they will not give a fuck about this. ive SEEN people have conversations about this with noemal people irl and have them literally laugh in their face bc of how deeply unserious it is. and again, i want to reenforce that doesnt mean YOU dont have to care, but to act as if this isnt an objectively undeep incident between two people is odd, especially to the degree ive seen.

now i cant just say this and be done so lets talk about the next part that people had an issue with: fan and creator power dynamic. ill also say this very straight: when the stuff came out with both girls i had a much larger issue with the "age gaps" than i did this for so many reasons. ive always, even before all of this, had my own opinions and such about ccs and fans ever having relationships and it usually along the basis of "as long as there is consent and mutuality, i have no real issue." its not strange to me that people want to be with people they like and idealize and vice versa. to keep this as objective as i can with this perspective, i wont get into thoughts that for dream specifically it especially doesnt surprise me in the sense that his past relationship + facing vitriol from every corner of the internet but fans + overall paranoia could have absolutely reenforced the normalcy and reasoning in this judgement call but i digress. i mean just obvious examples of people wanting to get with celebrities, or groupies or even in platonic ways where fans become genuine and actual friends of creators--ccs having relationships with fans was never a big deal to me personally. and since its relevant to mention in this case, ESPECIALLY online ones. im not saying there cant be power imbalances among a fan and a cc/celebrity, but to get like theyre all inherently like that again just makes zero sense to me and never has even before dream. this applies especially online where power dynamics are significantly dampened from what they can be and just i mean logically, dream has been a full blown cc for like a little less than 3 years and only at this level for maybe 1 or 2 without experiencing it in real life too. the idea that he himself would not see an issue with this, especially because it was a mutual exchange of company, is so completely unsurprising. and at its core, there really is no real issue in it of itself. a bad judgement call from dream? yes and ill stand by that since he shouldve been better safe than sorry. morally bankrupt and manipulative? 😭 no, not after really assessing shit rationally. i also want to add that it was a mutual thing. i know people are really trying to tear everything amanda says apart (<- which is incredibly strange btw, especially if that was your instant reaction and you were doing it publicly too), but taking everything shes saying as true, we know that there was a MUTUAL exchange of things of a sexual nature and this wasnt some manipulative one-sided exchange where dream controlled everything and gave nothing in return. this isnt to say that amandas feelings are entirely invalid or anything along those lines, but those feelings stem from miscommunication and not morally bankrupt predatory behaviours. like seeing all of the info and looking at the situation as it is, its very clear dream saw and believed this to be a mutual relationship. i was so confused and scared and panicked seeing words like "groomer", "innocent", "guilty", "predator" and others being thrown around i didnt even want to try viewing it for myself. but now that i have and now that ive talked to others, this entire situation reads as a bad break up more than anything else, not a strange manipulative abuse of power where mutuality is nonexistent.

overall this entire situation was framed so horrifically and i was tearing myself apart so much about feeling confused, it genuinely did not hit me the extent of just how deeply unserious it was until a friend of mine told me how they went out with their normal, most unchronically online friend, told the situation in the most objective way possible, and they literally laughed in their fucking face 😭 i also started thinking about real life instances of this happening like if it was another cc, a random tiktoker, an actor and realizing i literally would not care--and significantly less people who are as up in arms as they are would care too. and that ignores the fact that it was ONLINE, compared to in-person where whatever power dynamic could exist would be amplified by a thousand.

this entire thing is just so entirely subjective and if your personal opinions and values find this all shitty, absolutely no one is going to try and say to feel otherwise, at least not me. but to completely ignore that its just that--personal--values and opinions that determine how you view this, and act as though it is objectively some morally bankrupt, impossible to understand, predatory situation just feels reactionary and disconnected from real life at best and just shitty and even virtue signalling at worst. and also dont get me started on what some of you twisted that charity event in technos memory into because fucking shame on you, but ill make a separate post on that later maybe.

this really isnt meant to be a form of "dream defense" because if i was taught anything this past week it was that the way i connected so much of my own conscience to my ability to defend dream and his pr was and is entirely unhealthy, and it was all a wake up call--just not towards dream. the level of miserable agony i experienced, not even mostly because of what dream did, but because i felt like i couldnt DEFEND it, was dangerously all consuming and i dont want that anymore. its just not a healthy way to engage with any media, the need to constantly justify it in every single instance, and especially not with a cc. i want to be able to just see drama and controversy ride out and not have it feel so utterly all consuming, even if i do choose to comment on it. im making this statement bc like i said, it really sucked to feel like there was no public voice i completely agreed with and i realized that i could do that role if i wanted. and honestly, its just been very cathartic for me to write all of this out after feeling like an echo chamber of other peoples thoughts and my own grief the last week.

this community disappointed me in many ways, both the freaks who jumped on any baseless thread disproving amandas claims, dissected her behaviour, was very strangely dream defensive and chose to do all that shit PUBLICLY too. but also the people who chose to use this as an opportunity to act in the most reactionary strange ways that felt so virtue signal-y it was nauseating. i know the people who held/hold the views i did also dealt with the guilt and fear i did too, and thus no one was willing to so deal with the mortifying ordeal of a) sorting through these thoughts and b) saying them in any kind of public space even with just close friends, but ESP on a public blog. i mean, that was literally me. but it really fucking sucked to have just these two extremely polarizing and extremely isolating opinions be the only available voices 😭 my thoughts are getting very rambley now and i apologize, but i hope my points are getting across.

this is already insanely long, but ill start wrapping up. if you disagree with me, obviously thats fine. like i said, this was never made with the objective to change peoples minds which arguably was what my usual dream discourse essays was meant for sometimes. this was made for me and for this specific perspective to have light for anyone who wants or needs it. all i hope is that if you do come out of this with anything, is some form of awareness. of either real life, your opinions or even just yourself i dont know.

i really did love my time on tumblr so so fucking much. and i loved the people here even more so. i think i owe it all to you guys and just my blog itself to say my thoughts on shit, no matter if any of you agree or not. plus i mean if this flops i surely never have to face the consequences if im leaving anyways so peepoClap. thank you all so much for everything, and if you made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read my bullshit. i dont know if after this ill still leave, but regardless, it feels wrong to not make some homage to such an impactful place in my life. impactful people too :)

thank u all for reading again, and good fucking night !

#this is maybe the longest tumblr post ive ever made but i think it needed to be #i bet lots of you are sick of reading about this too but this still felt important to post #i already said so much in the essay itself so i wont keep going in the tags too #just love u all very much. stay safe everyone ❤️ #hope this brings some perspective to anyone if they want it :) #dream situation #discourse

[twinklelilstarkey]

hi i don’t know if you write about mental health problems or anything but if you do, please could you write a billy butcher x female reader where you’re his gf and it’s gotten really bad but he takes care of you ?? sorry i know it’s a bit much but i’m going through it tbh ://

A/N: You and me both, my love. Hope everything gets better for you.

I wrote this based mainly on anxiety since is the one I’m most acquainted with.

Words: 1.9k+

Summary: Billy gives you advice on your anxiety.

Warnings: Female!Reader. Mentions of anxiety. Mentions of stress over college work. Slight age gap is mentioned, but you can imagine it as big or as small as you want, literally, anyone can be a college student. College Student Problems!

You have been having an extreme hard time with college. Teachers like to believe that any student can easily work under extreme pressure, so they like to schedule all tests and essays in a space of a week and a half.

With all of that, it means that you need to study with many weeks in advance and hope that you won’t mix all the information in your head and get confused. As well as... Take as less breaks possible.

That may sound ridiculous to many, and you’re 100% sure that any doctor would yell at you if they had heard you say that, (since breaks are ALWAYS NEEDED), but you just can’t bring yourself to take breaks.

It’s both mentally and physically impossible. You already can’t sleep that well; you can’t eat that much or even focus on other things other than your notes and books (you had previously grabbed at the library).

Everyone that hangs out with you knows that you’re a very anxious person by nature, but they never saw you like this. And if they had to admit, it is quite scary.

Your boyfriend, Billy, who also lives with you, has been blind to it all. It’s not his fault. You try to hide it as much from him as possible. And he’s also out of the house for most of the day and only sees you when he comes back before dinner.

He has noticed your jumpy leg under the table, bloody bottom lip (from you biting it) and especially how less you eat. But like I said before, you’re an anxious person by nature.

Billy doesn’t see your daily mental breakdowns or hears you giving yourself a pep talk when in the shower, because he’s almost never present whenever something important happens between the boys.

But everything will change today.

And that is because today is a Friday that Billy decided to take off ‘work’ to stay home and relax, while you, on the other hand, will spend it with online classes and studying.

You lean back on your desk chair, finding it awfully uncomfortable after so many days sitting in that same position, and sigh loudly while looking at the PowerPoint that is being projected on the Zoom call.

Your webcam is on, yet your microphone is off, making your sounds of pure frustration be silent to others that could possibly see you.

The TV in the other room is on by what  you can hear over your headphones, and you’re pretty sure that Billy is sitting on the couch bingewatching a random ‘police drama’, as always.

He has made his appearance at least once on the background of your screen, which caught some people’s attention. But other than that, he has been leaving you in your corner to peacefully have your class.

You continue to take notes of what your teacher is saying silently as your mind runs miles an hour, always taking your attention somewhere else.

“You alright there?”

You turn your chair a bit to the side and look over your shoulder at the doorway behind you, looking at the owner of the deep voice and the British accent.

“Yeah” You say with a quick fake smile before turning back around to look at the screen.

“You sure?”

You nod, knowing that he can see your head (the chair’s back is not that tall).

“Alright,” He says before walking off to somewhere in your apartment.

(...)

Lunch went rather well. You ate as much as you could, which wasn’t a lot. But Billy’s cursing at the news were enough to keep your mind occupied for that short while. Other than that, your day has been like any other day of this week.

You’re officially done with your online classes for today, but unfortunately, you still need to study.

You have been reading your notes and small bits of the books the teachers told you to study with, for the past… what you believe, hour, but nothing seemed to make sense.

You’ve tried changing up a few words in the sentences, for simpler words, in hopes that your brain will soon catch the meaning as it sounds simpler... but nothing of the sort is happening.

Your eyes have filled with frustrated tears at least 10 times since you started, making the reading quite difficult. But as for right now, you are letting those tears roll down your face in complete defeat.

People do say that you shouldn’t hold back your tears, right? That it will always feel better once you stop?

Yeah, that is true. But they forgot to mention that it only lasts 10 minutes.

You sniffle while wiping the tears off your face, throwing the pencil down at the desk in pure frustration, before leaning back on the chair.

“Are you okay?” Billy asks from behind you, probably on his way to the bathroom.

“Yeah, yeah” you say while wiping your tears quickly, “My nose just started running for no reason”

A silence is set and for a few seconds you believe that he has walked away, but that was until you felt his warm hand rest over your shoulder.

“Runny nose that created tears?” He asks in a slight ironic tone.

You don’t answer him, yet his hand gives your shoulder a small squeeze.

“Get up, let’s go to the living room” He says in a whisper.

“I can’t” you say, not taking your eyes off your notebooks, “I need to keep studying”

“I’m sure you can take a break”

You sigh loudly, trying to rearrange your feelings before looking up at the older man.

“I need to keep studying” You repeat.

Your sad tone was way more noticeable to Billy this time, and he caught it right as you said the first word.

“How long has it been since you took a break?”

“I’ve been here since lunch”

Butcher’s eyes widen at your words and his mouth falls agape.

“It’s almost 5pm, what do you mean since lunch?”

You shrug as an answer before taking a quick look at your phone, checking if Butcher isn’t lying about the time, and he’s not.

His mind runs with thoughts about you probably feeling exhausted, while yours just run around the idea of another day almost being over and you haven’t even started to understand this new chapter.

You try to grab your pencil back from the table but Billy, in that same second, snatches it off your hand and puts it back down.

“Get up in your two little feet and walk your arse over to the couch”

You, surprisingly, do as told, once noticing his change of tone, as well as his change of facial expression. He looks slightly annoyed, but also, worried.

You walk off the bedroom, Billy right behind you, not even a meter away.

Once your body collides down into the soft surface of the couch, Butcher lets out a loud sigh, also taking his seat.

“Have you been doing this routine every day?” He asks, looking over at you.

“Yeah. I mean, kinda,” you answer, shrugging again, “it depends on what classes I’m having”

“Have you eaten anything since lunch?”

“No, I’m not hungry”

“How? You almost didn’t even eat anything today”

“I just feel nauseous every time I smell or see food, I can’t eat, Billy” you say, with a sadder expression taking over your face.

“And why do you not take breaks?”

“I don’t have time for breaks”

“Honey, 15 minutes wouldn’t hurt you” he says, making you look away, knowing that he won’t understand your side, “You know that”

“Yeah, I know that. But what are breaks when my mind just stays on that stupid piece of paper the whole time?” You ask, “I’ve tried everything to keep my mind occupied with something else, believe me! I just can’t relax until I got all of this sorted in my head”

“I get it, love” He says in a calmer tone, as if he was trying to calm you down with his voice, “But you know that if you’re non stop studying, at some point, your brain just wont grab anything that you’re reading, right?”

You stay silent.

“I’ve studied for college as well. No degree is easy, love, that’s for sure. I know how stressful it is, and how it feels when you don’t have your own stuff under control” His hand rests over yours, “But you don’t have to destroy your mental health because of it”

“What if it’s my mental health destroying itself and not me destroying it?”

“Well… You are sure helping it” He admits, “If your mind is worried about something from when you wake up to when you go to sleep, all you could do to relax is get a distraction, right?”

“Yeah, but I’ve tried everything”

“I’m sure you didn’t try everything, babes” He gives your hand a little squeeze, “There’s millions of options. Try not to read if you space-out too much, and try, I don’t know, watch one of those highly chaotic videos you like to watch. I’m sure those one’s will leave your mind more than occupied”

A small smile grows on your lips as you hear his words and you take a deep breath.

“And what do I do if I continue to not be able to understand anything?”

“I’m sure you understand something. You take notes like a mad woman when in class” he says with a joking tone.

“I’m serious”

“I know you are, princess. But this is not the first time you’ve felt this much pressure because of school, is it?” You shake your head, “And every time you lived past this type of shit, you were able to do every test and every essay right on time. And most of them with fucking amazing grades!” He says with a smile at the end.

There’s some silence between the two of you.

“I know it feels like it’s impossible to live through this right now, but believe me, there’s always someone in a worst situation than you, yet still is able to live their lives with smiles on their faces. If they can do it, I’m more than fucking sure you can do it 200 times better”

A silence is set between the two of you again, this time, a little longer than before.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? I know it sounds impossible right now, but just try and focus on something else. Leave all of that for tomorrow”

As good as that sounds, you feel a little hesitant. Billy lifts his hand from yours and brings it over to your head, caressing it as you look down at the ground.

“I’m just scared that I won’t be able to pass these tests”

Butcher, with your words, leans forward and presses a kiss on the side of your head, over your hair.

“I would offer you my help if I could” He says making a sympathetic smile appear over your lips, “But I don’t even understand a word from what you write down”

A chuckle escapes your lips and you look back up at him.

“I can always ask Hughie for help” He offers.

“I would love that. Thank you.”

You wrap one of your arms around Billy’s torso and lean your head over his shoulder. Butcher responds quickly to your actions by wrapping his own arms around you, pulling you closer to him.

Billy leans his head to the side, laying it right on yours, and you snuggle closer to him once feeling his warmth envelop your colder body.

“Here” He says, before passing you the remote.

As soon as you start surfing through the channels, Billy remembers something.

“Start thinking about what you want for dinner” He says, “You’ll be eating a whole 3 course meal tonight, young lady”

- - - - - - 

Hope you liked this!!!

#billy butcher #billy butcher x reader #billy butcher x you #billy x reader #the boys #the boys imagine

[goldenraeofsun]

just say yes

The latest installment of this verse... or 5 times Dean tries to propose to Cas.

Dean bites his lip as he scans the menu. What the hell is branzino, and where the fuck are the prices? He flips the flimsy piece of cream-colored paper over, but no dice. 

Thank god there’s a steak listed among the five lone entrees. It’s probably five times his normal dinner price tag, but Dean already made peace with putting off buying that 30 year anniversary Rush album. It’ll still be there after his next pay check. 

Cas eyes him over the top of his own menu. “What are you thinking?”

Marry me.

Dean doesn’t say that, though. He has plans. Keep his trap shut until dessert. Tell Cas he’s going to hit the head. Pull a waiter aside and ask for two glasses of champagne. Return to Cas. Hopefully not shit his pants as he proposes. Drink champagne. Go home and have fantastic engaged sex.

Dean has high hopes for the last part of the plan.

“Dean?”

Belatedly, he says, “The steak.”

Cas hums. “That does look good.” He ducks back behind his menu. “I was thinking of getting that too. But maybe not.”

Dean takes a hasty sip of water. “Get the steak if you want it, man. We don’t go to places like this often.”

“I think I’ll get the honey glazed salmon.”

“Sounds good,” Dean says lamely. He drinks more water. At this rate, he won’t have to fake the bathroom run.

Aren’t they supposed to have alcohol by this point? They’ve been sitting at their fancy-ass table in this fancy-ass restaurant for nearly fifteen minutes.

Maybe he shouldn’t have picked the newest five-star restaurant to propose to Cas. He’s already on edge from the pressure, and the pristine white tablecloth isn’t helping. He can already see five ways he’s gonna stain it. There are several forks in front of him. For fuck’s sake, this place has an actual chandelier. Dean hadn’t honestly thought they existed outside of billionaire mansions and Disney movies.

The live music is nice, though. A sedate piano tinkles in the background, barely audible over the buzz of polite dinner conversation.

Dean catches a glimpse of himself reflected in the dark windows to the street. He looks a little sweaty, but not as nervous as he feels, thank god.

This is stupid. He shouldn’t even be nervous.

They’ve talked about marriage before. They’re adults in an adult relationship, so popping the question out of the blue would go down like the time Dean swept Cas away for a surprise camping trip. Turns out, Cas did not like camping. Which Dean would have known if he had asked anytime in the past four years.

But… that marriage conversation was two years ago. Dean wasn’t ready then; they both weren’t. Cas was still in a bad place with Jimmy and Claire, and Bobby had just died, so they weren’t about to roadtrip to Vegas anytime soon.

Now, Claire can have a civil dinner with her parents, and the hole Bobby left in Dean’s life can go unnoticed some days.

The deal is, Dean can’t chicken out tonight. He already told Claire to make herself scarce. She can sleep at her parents’ or at Krissy’s, Dean doesn’t care, as long as she is not crashing on their sofa when they get back from dinner.

Dean would rather read a hundred plagarized student essays on The Very Hungry Caterpillar than admit to Claire he failed to ask Cas to marry him. 

So, proposal time.

The waiter comes by with their drinks and takes their orders. Conversation is a little stilted, but hopefully Cas chalks it up to Dean being outside his comfort zone in this fancy-ass place. There’s no steady thunk of darts hitting a board or clack of pool balls in the background to put him at ease. Just that lame piano.

Cas makes porn noises over his salmon at first bite, which Dean totally doesn’t get. It’s fish.

“How’s your steak?” Cas asks as he surfaces and dabs his mouth with his cloth napkin.

Dean belatedly slices off a piece of his meal and pops it in his mouth. A generically bland compliment dies on his tongue. Jesus Christ - that’s some good cow. It practically disintegrates before he can chew. “Great,” he tells Cas honestly.

Cas hums in contentment.

“And since you’re practically at third base with that salmon,” Dean starts, “I take it-”

“Oh my god!” a woman’s voice squeals behind them.

Dean reflexively turns his head in the direction of the commotion. A few tables over, near the center of the restaurant, a man is down on one knee, and - son of a bitch.

Dean watches, his mouth hanging open, as the woman shouts, “Yes, of course, yes!” Waiters walk past their table with a whole fucking bottle of champagne. People at nearby tables fucking clap.

Dean resolutely turns back around to face Cas, at a loss for words that aren’t extremely loud swears.

“Isn’t that nice?” Cas says mildly.

“Yeah, very nice for them,” Dean says through gritted teeth. 

Of all the goddamn nights. Of all the goddamn restaurants. What are the goddamn chances?

Dean slices into his steak with extreme prejudice. If he could murder the happy couple, he would. With zero regrets.

Fuck it all, Claire’s gonna be insufferable.

  A CHARMING B&B IN VERMONT

Dean wakes up delightfully cozy with Cas spooning him from behind. No memory foam, but the bed is delightfully springy anyway. It was definitely what they needed after a full school day and a nine-hour road trip. Luckily, the owner of the bed and breakfast, a charming older woman actually named Mrs. Butters, was happy to wait up for their late check-in last night. She even had hot cocoa waiting.

Dean had held out a slight hope they could christen their room before they turned in for the night, but Cas passed right out before Dean turned on the lights. Poor guy had to deal with three sets of angry parents, and it was only the second week of school. Something about how their supposed-genius kids should be in AP Latin instead of the Fun Latin class - aka the one for dumbass seniors.

The mid-morning sunlight filtering in from behind the plaid curtains casts everything in a warm glow. The room itself is beyond charming. There’s a legit fireplace next to the bed, and they’re currently nestled under a patchwork quilt. The wood panelled walls give a distinctly rustic feel to the place, despite the reasonably sized television screen mounted on the far wall.

Dean turns over in bed so he’s facing Cas instead of the door. He resists the urge to poke him awake, and instead prods with a gentle, “Cas.”

Cas grumbles wordlessly. Fucker doesn’t even open his eyes, although Dean can tell from how his breathing changes that he’s awake.

“Cas.”

Cas wrinkles his nose and shoves his face into the pillow. “What, Dean?”

Dean can barely make out the words, but he gets the gist from the million times Cas has done the exact same thing. “I smell bacon.”

Cas’s eyes slit open. “So?”

“Don’t you want bacon?”

Cas huffs, and Dean can tell the exact moment he resigns to waking up. “Then go get the bacon. Nobody’s stopping you, Meat Man.”

Dean wiggles in bed, jostling the whole mattress. “Come on, babe.”

“I was sleeping.” Cas raises his head to look squint out the window. “It has to be before ten am. Since when are you a morning person?”

Since today is the day Dean is going to propose.

Instead, Dean reminds him pointedly, “Bacon.”

“Ugh,” Cas groans as he sits up. “I expect at least a blow job after breakfast if we’re leaving bed this early.”

Dean slaps his ass and jumps out of bed before Cas can retaliate. “Up and at ‘em!”

“I hate you.”

“Love you too, Cas.”

* * *

Claire 11:02 Did you ask him yet? If he said no I’ve got chunky monkey waiting

Claire 11:31 That was a joke Uncle Cas will say yes Theres no way he wont

Claire 11:40 If you’re not answering because of sex don’t tell me

Dean sighs as his phone lights up with Claire’s latest text. In the bathroom, Cas hurls again. 

Dean 11:41 No proposal

The bubbles showing Claire’s typing start almost immediately.

Claire 11:41 Are you serious? He’s not goin to turn you down!!!

Dean 11:41 Food poisoning

Claire 11:42 HAHAHAHA

Dean scowls at his phone.

Dean 11:44 Not now, Claire.

Claire 11:44 Wait Seriously?

Dean 11:44 We think it was something he ate at breakfast

Claire 11:44 Oh fuck I’m sorry for laughing

Dean rereads her text. He hasn’t ever received a straight-up apology from Claire before. Unsure of how to respond, he sets down his phone and gently pushes open the bathroom door. “How’re you doing, babe?”

Cas, slumped over the toilet and looking like death warmed over, raises his head an inch. “It seems to be easing up.”

“Really?”

Cas vomits into the toilet again. He groans.

“Shit,” Dean mutters as he crouches next to Cas. He rubs his back with one hand. “Do you think you can get some water down?”

Cas nods, so Dean straightens and fills a glass next to the sink.

As Cas drinks, Dean runs a hand through Cas’s sweaty hair. His forehead has a sickly sheen to it, and the back of his neck feels hot.

“Dean -” Cas breaks off to cough the water right back up into the toilet. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no,” Dean says quickly as he refills the glass. “Don’t be sorry. This isn’t your fault.”

“But you had all these plans,” Cas moans as he takes the water to try again.

“We’ll do ‘em some other time.” He wets a washcloth and wipes down Cas’s forehead.

“Before Thanksgiving,” Cas rasps, “we’ll come back. I don’t want to miss the leaves changing.”

“Of course,” Dean says soothingly. He moves the washcloth to the nape of Cas’s neck. “On the bright side, you’ve been puking for, like, an hour. There can’t be much left.”

Cas, the dramatic bastard, nearly brains himself on the toilet seat with the force of his next hurl.

  HOMEMADE DINNER

After the disastrous fancy restaurant and B&B, a homemade dinner has to be the way to go. They’ll be in their own goddamn house - that has to cut down on the number of things that can go wrong.

Dean spends a whole week deliberating on what to make. He could do his usual burgers and fries routine, Cas’s favorite, but it should be special.

He settles on beef wellington. Pie for beef!

It’s a bitch to make - both because puff pastry from scratch is no joke, and hiding his first experiments from Cas means inventing increasingly convoluted reasons to get him out of the house. And, sure, every Youtube chef and Great British Bake off contestant has said store-bought puff pastry is fine, but Dean doesn’t want fine, he needs perfect. 

Dean picks a day when Cas has Model UN afterschool. It’s in the middle of the week, but at least Cas is guaranteed out of the house until six at night.

By 5:58, Dean is ready. The Wellington is cooling on the counter; the red wine has been breathing (whatever the hell that does) for the better part of an hour; and he’s showered and made himself presentable.

His phone pings at six pm on the dot. 

Heart sinking with foreboding, Dean taps the screen.

Cas 6:00 I’m going to be late for dinner. There was an accident with chemistry club a few minutes ago. The building had to be evacuated.

Dean 6:00 Are you OK?

Dean takes a moment to hammer the heel of his hand against his forehead. One fucking break. That’s all he’s asking for. One goddamn evening to go right.

Cas 6:00 Yes, and the kids are too. They’re airing out the halls now, but we won’t be let in for another half hour.

Dean picks up the wine with the hand not holding his phone. 

Dean 6:01 What time do you think you’ll be home?

Cas 6:01 7:30 maybe? I’ll keep you updated.

Dean swigs back a gulp straight from the bottle before he can answer. Fuck this.

Dean 6:02 Great! I’ll order pizza when you’re on your way back

Cas 6:02 Meatlovers?

Dean 6:02 Unless you’d like something else

Cas 6:02 No thank you :)

Dean flips on a recorded Jeopardy! episode as he cleans up the kitchen and texts Charlie. He has a free dinner waiting for her if she can hightail it to his place in the next hour and never speak of it again.

  HOMEMADE DINNER #2

If Dean is anything, he’s stubborn. John Winchester raised no quitter. Try, try, and try again. And try a fourth time, when the first three go sideways.

Burgers, this time. They don’t need a days’ worth of prep. And they’ll go over well.

“Dig in,” Dean says as he sets the plate down in front of Cas.

“This looks delicious, Dean,” Cas says sincerely as he picks up his burger.

Dean waits, and he can see the moment Cas tastes the molten cheese stuffed in the middle of the patty. His eyes go wide with surprise.

“Like it?”

Cas nods vigorously and inhales the rest of his burger in record time.

“There’s enough for us to have thirds,” Dean says smugly. 

Cas smears ketchup all over patty number two, and beams at him. “These make me very happy.”

Dean laughs. “That’s the goal-”

Cas’s phone rings.

Dean falters.

Cas stares at him expectantly, waiting for Dean to continue.

“You should get that,” Dean says, his shoulders slumping as he sets his burger down. It’s probably a bad sign he was already half-expecting things to go south. “It’s probably important, or whoever it is would’ve texted.”

“We’re in the middle of dinner,” Cas protests even as he reaches in his pocket to pull his phone out. “It’s Claire,” he says, baffled, before he picks up. “Hello?”

Cas sets down his half-eaten burger. He listens, his brows slamming down forbiddingly as Claire’s voice gets louder and louder, but still not loud enough for Dean to make out actual words. Silently, Cas takes his napkin off his lap and pushes his half-empty beer in Dean’s direction. Finally Cas says, “Yes, of course, Claire.”

Dean frowns as Cas lifts his gaze up to meet his. “Jimmy and Amelia?” he mouths.

Cas shakes his head, speaking into his phone,  “Does Kaia need a pick up from the hospital?”

Dean goes cold. Kaia was actually one of his favorite students. While she was in his class, she won a Scholastic Gold Key and honorable mention for two of her horror novellas and always did the reading. But Dean and Cas haven’t seen her since she broke up with Claire the summer before college.

“Is she okay?” Dean asks quietly.

Cas’s mouth thins. He gives a short nod.

Dean sighs and picks up the plate uneaten burgers. He can probably reheat the patties. The fries won’t keep, though, so he leaves the plate in front of Cas. He shoves a few in his mouth and gets to his feet.

He’s halfway through cleaning the frying pan when Cas gets off the phone with Claire.

“Are you heading out?” Dean asks gruffly while he gives the iron a particularly hard scrub.

“Yes,” Cas rumbles as he wraps an arm around Dean’s waist. “I’m sorry to cut dinner short.”

“Hey, it’s Kaia. ’Course we gotta help.” Dean forces an understanding smile on his face. “I’ll make up the couch while you pick her up?”

Cas squeezes him gently before moving away. “Thank you.”

“You got time for the cliff notes on what happened? Why’d you get the call?”

Cas leans against the counter next to the sink. “Kaia was in a car accident. She’s a little banged up, but mostly fine. A few bruised ribs and a possible concussion.” He shakes his head, disbelieving. “You know Kaia was never especially close with her foster family, so Claire got the emergency call.”

“Huh.” Dean grabs a plate to clean. “It’s been two years since the split.”

Cas shrugs. “I’m not sure what their situation is. I know Claire was surprised. She’s already in her car, and she should be here by midnight. Hopefully she recognizes Kaia’s injuries,” he frowns, “and they won’t try any… any ‘hanky panky’ tonight.”

Dean laughs, and if it’s slightly higher than normal, Cas doesn’t seem to pick up on it. He grabs Cas and kisses him square on the mouth. “You are ridiculous. Nobody says hanky panky. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Cas scowls. “They have to be well past kissing at this point.”

Dean snorts a laugh. “Yeah, that ship has long sailed, dude.”

Cas throws his hands in the air. “We don’t have enough sleeping surfaces to separate them.”

Dean sets the dirty plate down to face Cas fully. “Do you really think they’ll get back together? Kaia broke Claire’s heart not too long ago.”

Cas throws him a look like he wonders where the hell Dean’s logical brain has flown to. “Are you asking if I think couples can get back together after a harrowing break up?”

“… no.”

Cas shakes his head ruefully. “You’re more like Claire than I ever was, and you took me back.”

“Huh,” Dean wipes his hands off on a dishtowel, “you might have something there.”

“You do call me the smart one,” Cas says as he pushes off the counter and heads to the doorway. “It has been known to happen.”

“Smartass,” Dean corrects loudly as Cas grabs his coat and keys.

“Semantics.” Cas doubles back to kiss Dean a proper goodbye, and it’s just as electric as it was when they were seventeen. Cas tastes like Dean’s cooking, and he’s been letting his stubble grow out, the short hairs rasping against Dean’s palm as he cups Cas’s cheek.

“I love you, Dean,” Cas says as he draws away.

Dean grins. “I know.”

Cas huffs an almost-laugh as he heads back towards the door. “Now who’s the smartass?”

  IN BED

Cas, the son of a bitch, falls asleep before Dean can wring out a second orgasm out of him. Such a godamn shame. Just goes to show, they really aren’t teenagers anymore. At least Dean got to use the new vibrator he bought for the occasion and the edible panties. 

Dean flops back in bed. Maybe he should put the proposals on pause. Clearly, marriage isn’t in the cards. He can be a bit dense when it comes to Cas and him, but there’s dense and there’s denial.

It’s been two and a half months. Five proposal attempts. They’re nearly halfway through October, and he’s no closer to getting a ring on Cas’s finger than he was in late August, sweating bullets in that stupid fancy restaurant.

He can’t keep planning and failing to propose to Cas every other week. One, he can’t handle the stress and constant brainstorming. And B, he’s way behind in writing college recommendations and grading his freshman’s essays on Animal Farm. 

Cas isn’t going anywhere. Dean isn’t going anywhere. So Dean can cool the proposals for now and start fresh in January.

  SCHOOL ASSEMBLY

“I hate these,” Dean mutters to Benny. He frowns across the top rows of the bleachers where the seniors are supposed to sit. There are a few notable faces missing, but nobody that belongs to Dean’s homeroom, so he couldn’t give less of a shit. Below them, sit most of the juniors, and pretty much all of the sophomores and freshmen.

“It’s thirty minutes, brother,” Benny says, patting his arm. “You’ll live.”

“Shows what you know,” Dean grumbles back as Jody strides to the middle of the gym, microphone in hand. He asks Benny, “Do you know what this one’s about? Bullying? Cliques? Hugs not drugs?”

Benny shakes his head.

Jody sighs loudly into the mike. Clearly, she wants to be here just as much as he does. “Thank you all for coming,” she starts like any of them had a real choice. “First things first, Halloween is in two days, and while costumes are allowed and encouraged, don’t be racist.” She grimaces. “God help me, I don’t know why I still have to say that. If you are unsure if your costume is racist, it probably is. Wear something else. Secondly…”

Dean tunes her out. Instead, he scans the bleachers again, this time looking for Cas. He should be with the other sophomore homeroom teachers, but there’s no sign of him. Dean frowns. He can’t remember the last time Cas played hooky. And never without Dean. Dick move, Cas.

Movement at the edge of the gym catches Dean’s eye, and he watches, puzzled, as two students roll out one of the old projectors. The overhead lights turn off.

Is Jody seriously going to make him sit through a slide show? They’re wasting a prefectly good Friday morning on a goddamn PowerPoint?

The projector flips on, and the first photo is… of Dean. 

What the fuck? His mouth drops open in horror. In the picture, he’s in his junior year of high school - he can tell from the hair - with a bunch of people he hasn’t seen in fifteen years. Plus Cas, who’s at the next table over in the cafeteria, head bowed over a book and slightly out of focus.

There’s a click, and text scrawls along the bottom of the screen, Destiel Met in Edlund High School Fifteen Years Ago! 

The projector flips to the next photo, this time showing Dean’s senior yearbook picture.

More than a handful of students peer excitedly in his direction, undoubtedly hoping for a reaction.

Scowling, Dean cranes his neck to search the crowd for Charlie’s flaming red hair. She’s the only one who refers to the two of them as “Destiel”. Everyone else uses their names like sane people.

But the projector clicks to a photo of Cas, and Dean can’t help getting distracted. In the picture, Cas is alone at a table in the library. God, he was cute back then. His cheeks were a little fuller, and his hair was curlier. He still had the same intense blue-eyed stare, though. Patented Cas.

It all started with a tutoring session. Young Mr. W needed help in Latin, and our future Latin teacher, Mr. N, was up to the task!

Dean is going to kill Charlie. He tries to get to his feet - maybe she’s hiding behind Jo or something. But Benny’s hand grips his upper arm, holding him in place. “Don’t,” Benny says softly.

“What?” Dean demands as he tries to shake Benny off and fails. “Do you know what the hell is going on?”

“Stay.” The corners of Benny’s mouth twitch like he’s fighting a smile. “Watch.”

Dean huffs a breath and turns back around. If it was anyone else, Jo or Charlie, he wouldn’t trust a word out of their mouths. Benny, though, he’s not the type to make Dean sit through this without a good reason.

But that’s all ancient history. Destiel really got started five years ago, in this very gym.

The projector shows a picture of their class reunion, when Dean met Cas after ten years of no contact. They’re standing pretty close together (but that doesn’t mean much with Castiel What-Is-Personal-Space Novak), and they appear deep in conversation.

Since then, they have been inseparable.

Dean and Cas at a softball game. Dean and Cas at homecoming. Dean and Cas at GSA’s pride party.

Here’s to fifteen more years of Destiel!

The students clap and cheer with more than a few laughs.

Musical Interlude! flashes in front of a picture of Dean playing guitar to a group of pajama-clad students at last year’s Senior Lock-In.

The lights flip back on, and Dean blinks as his eyes adjust. By the time the spots have cleared from his vision, the projector has been wheeled away, leaving the main floor of the gym empty.

A staticky crackle echoes around the gym. And - is that Def Leppard playing on the speakers?

As the intro to Rock of Ages plays, the cheerleading team troops out from the locker rooms. 

They start a routine Dean’s never seen before. To Rock of fucking Ages.

The cheerleaders sings along with Joe Elliot, “What do you want?”

Dean’s mouth falls open as the entire high school chants back, “I want rock and roll. Long live rock and roll!”

By the time they get to the “Rock of Ages” chant, all the students are on their feet, clapping along with the beat and cheering.

The song dies down soon after, and Dean, a broad smile on his face, turns to Benny. “I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I dig it.”

Benny laughs. “Good. He’ll be pleased.”

Dean’s just about to ask who he is (he’s 99% he knows), when Cas walks out from behind the bleachers. 

Cas takes the microphone from Jody. He coughs nervously, waiting for the students to settle back down. “Thank you,” he says to the cheerleading team. “That was... awesome.” He glances up at the assembled students and teachers. “Dean-” he pauses as the cheers and clapping start up in earnest “-can you please come down here?”

But Dean’s frozen to the spot.

Benny gives him a not-so-light jab with his elbow. “Go on.”

Dean shakily gets to his feet and makes his way to the gym floor, and he swears his legs are about to give out from under him.

“Alright, you got my attention,” Dean says with forced bravado. “What’s up, Cas?”

The students hoot and holler.

Cas reddens as they die down again. Clutching the microphone in a death grip, he says, “Dean, we have been together for a number of years.”

Dean grins, a wonderful, all-consuming giddiness filling him the longer he stands in front of Cas. “I know, dude. I was there.”

The students laugh and someone, probably Jo, wolf whistles.

Cas swallows. “I wanted to do this here, where we first met, where you first asked me out on a date, where we had our first kiss.”

“Don’t tell ‘em about all our firsts on school property,” Dean says in a stage-whisper, “or Jody’s gonna have an aneurysm.”

Over a fresh round of student laughter, Jody puts her head in her hands. Donna, the school guidance counselor, pats her a few times on the back.

“Dean Winchester,” Cas says, and, shit, his hands are shaking. “I have loved you for more than half my life, and I look forward to far more than fifteen years by your side. Will you marry me?’

Dean’s not stupid. He had a strong hunch, ever since Rock of Ages played - aka the cassette he put in the Impala the first time he took Cas for a drive fifteen years and a lifetime ago - that this was what Cas was leading up to. 

He’s mostly surprised Cas had the guts to pop the question this way. There was a reason Dean tried to keep his proposal plans mostly to the two of them. One of them is practically a social hermit, and it’s sure as shit not Dean.

“Just say yes, jerk!”

Dean spins around, nearly tripping over his own feet in surprise. Fuck, that’s Sam. His giant of a brother is hovering right outside the gym’s double doors, beaming at the pair of them. Claire gives a little wave from where she’s half-hiding behind him.

Dean turns back to Cas. He can’t think about Sam right now. Or Claire. Or the five hundred students with their eyes on them. 

Only Cas.

“Cas,” he says, and it feels like the whole room is holding their collective breath, none more so than Cas, who looks like he’s about to pass out. “Man, I’ve loved you since I was seventeen. Of course I’ll marry you.”

Cas lets out a shaky exhale of relief, and Dean laughs. He takes the microphone from Cas’s now slack grip, steps all the way into Cas’s personal space, and kisses him.

The cheers from the assembled students are nearly deafening.

#destiel fanfic #fanfic #destiel #teacher dean #teachers au #teacher castiel #profoundnet #established relationship #fluff #the story of us verse #5+1 fic #rae writes fic

[mattatouile]

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you would like to get to know better! I can’t tag people because of PRESSURE.

Nickname? I HAVE NONE. Well, Keith, obvs, on here. But in real life, none. Oh wait. Not true. When I was a kid, people in my family sometimes called me Hanny Hole because when I was very young (my mom swears younger than two years) she was bathing me and, as young children are wont to do, I was exploring things and developed a very concerned expression and said, “Mama, Hanny have a hole. Hanny ‘posed ta have a hole?” And that’s how my hypochondria first made itself known. But no one has called me Hanny Hole in a while.

Real name? Hannah

Zodiac? Virgo Sun/Scorpio Rising/Aries moon, so I’m a virgo constantly on her bullshit and stubborn about it.

Favorite musicians or groups? I mean. Obviously. Hozier, James Bay, Mumford and Sons, and Dermot Kennedy. And Secret not so Secret, Taylor Swift.

Favorite sports teams? Dallas Stars? I was super into the Chicago Blackhawks and then Things Happened I’d rather not discuss and now I can’t really go there.

Other blogs? I used to have a few but I’m old and tired and can’t keep up.

Do I get asks? I do! AND I LOVE IT. SEND ME MORE ALWAYS.

How many blogs do I follow? 224

Tumblr crushes? MY WIFE IS ON TUMBLR. V. Exciting. And now I don’t have to pick others.

Lucky numbers? What is luck?

What am I wearing? Galaxy leggings and a men’s XXXL black hoodie with a white stripe down the arms.

Dream vacation? The Scottish Highlands. Really, a tour around Britain. But specifically the Scottish highlands.

Dream car? One that’s already paid for.

Favourite food? Steak, rare.

Drink of choice? Diet Pepsi? Or orange juice. Fuck I love orange juice.

Instruments? I played the flute for five years and I played the piano for a hot two seconds when I was a kid.

Languages? English, kindergarten level French, I can count in a bunch of languages, I know basic phrases in others, and I can read and be frustrated by very basic Danish (and therefore Norwegian and some Swedish).

Celebrity crushes? Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, I SUPPOSE. The thirst is strong there. Gwendoline Christie, I guess? Um. I don’t really do celebrity crushes! I passingly think people are quite handsome or pretty and then I’m like, “I’m cool.” But yeah, the NCW thirst is real. I was super into Alan Rickman when he was alive and I was real thirsty for Richard Armitage at one point in my life. I like a challenging nose and a penchant for picking terrible characters to play.

Random facts? I deeply disliked my children’s lit professor and her affection for authorial intent so my final essay was We Together Make a Limb: Sapphic Friendship in Anne of Green Gables. My English professor nominated my research paper Looking for Normal: Default Heterosexuality in John Green’s Looking for Alaska because I was that undergrad that didn’t know how gay they were. 

My Linear Algebra prof hated me for half the semester until I spent an hour in his office asking a question but ended up shooting the shit because he was Quebecois and I was Acadian and by the end of the year, he asked me to take his Calc class (no thanks, I already suffered through my 5 credit hours Calc for Math Majors).

I really, really, really loved college and I wish I could go back and get five more degrees because I loved feeling intellectually stimulated but in a setting where there were achievable, concrete goals within a set time limit. It’s so much easier than adult life.

Also, one time, some guy wanted to be sad about drunk girls and consent and I told him not to fuck drunk girls if he was worried about accusations in the middle of class and then when I apologized to my prof for basically yelling at a guy about fucking girls too drunk to consent, she just said she understood and not to worry about  because she would’ve done the same thing if she wouldn’t get fired.

#cw: rape culture #cw: consent

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

@sundayswiththeilluminati replied to your photoset 

“Accidentally came up with two separate Good Omens fanfic concepts...”

Here's the real question though: does anyone ever try to sell/buy magical books at Aziraphale's bookshop, and what does he do with them if they do? Are magical books Not Allowed as per heaven, or does he end up running a sideline in magical texts since all of them are hilariously basic to him and he can part with them without guilt?

Your answer is provided in the form of a fanfic in which only the latter half relates to the question, but all of which I had far, far too much fun writing.

--

There is a disagreement between Heaven and Hell, as there are wont to be, about which side is responsible for unleashing magic among humanity. The suggestion that it was part of God’s design from the start - that it was in fact of neither angelic nor demonic origins - has been made exactly once, by Aziraphale, who only made this suggestion as a counter to Crowley’s suggestion that magic came about in humans for a reason to do with that flaming sword which Adam and Eve spent so much time about. Crowley then mockingly dismissed Aziraphale’s suggestion by hissing “ineffable” a few dozen times, as they were both a few bottles deep at that point and actually more concerned with heckling each other (and, more simply, with each other) than they were with unlocking the great secrets of Godly intent and Her design. 

This is not to say that Heaven and Hell, and of course more specifically Aziraphale and Crowley, have not meddled prolifically in the affairs of wizardry. It would be easy to blame Crowley for the existence of the Chamber of Secrets, for instance; and he may have taken credit for it but it pressed might confess that a basilisk is quite a bit too nasty for his tastes, that castle is full of children, and he just thought it would be nice for one of the Founders to appreciate snakes - they get such a bad rap, snakes, so undeservedly, and wouldn’t it be nice if they got to be the mascot of one of these Houses too? A bit of appreciation for snakes, really, is all he swayed Salazar Slytherin toward. How was he to know that the bastard would take it so far? And it ended with snakes getting a worse rap because of Slytherin himself, too. This last matter is how you are assured that Crowley had any hand in it at all, because the undercutting of his own intent is a typical Crowley design feature. 

(Crowley would also like to make the assurance that he had nothing in any way to do with Gilderoy Lockhart, even though Gilderoy Lockhart’s habit of claiming credit for things he did not do is also typical Crowley. Gilderoy Lockhart did not have Hell breathing down his neck demanding temptations be done, and frankly it is Hell itself who ascribes credit to Crowley for human inventions and he who simply nods and agrees and then goes to see what humanity has done to itself this time. Gilderoy Lockhart is no demon; he is, by Crowley’s standard of demonic, which is a very mild standard of demonic, much worse.)

Hogwarts’ moving staircases are to Crowley’s actual credit, however. That the sweets shop Honeydukes is built atop a direct secret passage to Hogwarts, allowing discerning students to eat their fill any time, is to Aziraphale’s.

-

To back up for a moment to the broadest scale - setting aside, for a moment, a particular angel and demon - neither Heaven nor Hell sees magic as an affront to themselves. Both know what they do is miracles, not magic, a subtle distinction in that magic has many more limitations than miracles. And even then, Heaven and Hell often conflate the two terms anyway. No one ever accused either of them of holding to strict logical consistency. 

Heaven is unsure whether magic was meant to end up in human hands, given the difficulty they often have over wielding it and the way it spills out of magical children like their bodies cannot contain the power they hold, but God’s intelligent design also includes both wisdom teeth and the intricate and delicate bones of the shoulder, so by that reasoning magic cannot be refuted as something that was part of Her original drafts. Hell does not care, because humans are easily tempted in their most basic forms, and the ones who carry small wooden sticks that assist them in thinking they can channel the full power of magic can even more easily be swayed to catastrophic choices, by virtue of how they are almost never found without those sticks upon them, ready and willing to attempt something that will likely go wrong. Demons are very fond of wizardry. 

Most of the wizarding side of British society is thus of demonic (read: Crowley’s) influence. This includes the rates of magical currency (29 knuts to a sickle, 17 sickles to a galleon) while Hogwarts does not teach any kind of maths courses (Arithmancy is absolutely not maths); rats becoming a popular pet in a society that to function is required to be full of owls; the practice of storing sole copies of prophecies in glass orbs on unstable shelves (Agnes Nutter was an innovator simply by writing hers down on paper); the given name of Harry Potter’s middle child; the entire sport of Quidditch; and some pervasive erroneous beliefs about unicorns.

(Crowley very much likes unicorns, ever since he watched one, survival and God’s plan be damned, book it as far from Noah’s boat as it could. He was thrilled to find that more than the one left on the boat had survived the flood, because they are beautiful and stupid and that is a combination that Crowley holds certain affection for. They are also quite soft and drool a little less than horses and have the added capacity to gore someone with a headbutt. The value of their hair, horns, and blood - though not drool, which is a shame, because Crowley could do a bustling business trading in unicorn drool - means that wizards seek them out, and that means that Crowley seeks to vex them. It is very wily and evil of him to keep the humans from those powerful magic healing properties, of course.) 

(One of his methods of diverting the casual unicorn-seeker was through the creation and spread of falsehoods about the kind of people whose presence unicorns tolerate. A few stray remarks, some influence applied to make sure it is believed, about “purity” being required to approach unicorns, and the wizards did the rest, deciding it seemed like girls were more able to approach unicorns. Thus already roughly half of the populace is discouraged from attempting, and the rest given weird hang-ups about it. Of course, this is all ridiculous, because Crowley, as a demon, ascribes to gender only when he wants to, and would be described by no one as “pure” in any way. Crowley did once attempt to describe himself as “pure evil, and unicorns only sense purity, so that counts” but he was promptly called a bitch by Newt Scamander and banned from the Leaky Cauldron again. He did not care, because drinking is only really fun with Aziraphale, and the fact of the matter remained that he still gets to cuddle unicorns when no one else does.)

-

There is a mild, subtle war fought between Heaven and Hell over most instructive books on magic. That is if “mild” and “subtle” could be taken to mean that there is one generally book-loving angel who very much disdains these particular books, and one generally book-agnostic demon who very much loves them. 

Wizarding Britain does not have a robust publishing industry. Wizarding Britain does not have robust anything, excepting their robustly ineffectual and expansive bureaucracy, but Aziraphale finds their literature particularly shameful. Surely some of this is owing to the limits of the courses offered at Hogwarts, where language and spelling is whatever of the form of your homework essays, as opposed to the much more valued content of said essays, that a professor chooses to comment on. (In a certain era, much of the spelling tutelage for a generation of Hogwarts students came from their Potions essays, because Severus Snape took a certain glee in marking up as much as he possibly could and watching the faces of students as they found their parchment returned to them covered in red ink even though the substance of their essays was sound.) 

This may also be a consequence of the way British wizarding society has a certain cultural stagnancy. The way things are done is the way things are done. (In this manner it reminds of Heaven and Hell and their inability to keep with the times on Earth. This is also another reason that demons like wizards, because they don’t have to keep up with new technology like “personal phones” and “computers”.) Hogwarts curriculum does not update with any regularity and looks much the same as it did 400 years ago, variation arriving mostly with the competency of the professors. 

And magic is what is valued, so magic is what books are written on. And while wizarding Britain has its innovators - it has humans, so inevitably it has innovators creating new spells, potions, and devices - they are not so encouraged and valued. And often they do not bother to write books. 

As a result, the bulk of the book movement through wizarding Britain is Hogwarts textbooks, which are rarely updated. The edition numbers occasionally change, as do a sentence or two of the interior, but Aziraphale lacks interest in any of it. He lacks an interest in all of this sort of magic. He cannot perform it - as a celestial being he can do far more anyway - and it cannot be learned - unlike coin tricks and sleights-of-hand and rabbits - and there is nothing exceptional in the writing or rarity of any of it. The wizarding books that Aziraphale has interest in are settled firmly in the great library of Hogwarts, and not for sale, though Aziraphale has made offers. He had then considered theft but decided that theft from a school was a certain step too far. 

(The one wizarding book that Aziraphale both cares about and possesses is a first-edition The Tales of Beedle the Bard, who is not Aziraphale’s favorite bard. However, Aziraphale does find “The Tale of the Three Brothers” to be an interesting look at the wizarding perspective on death. It is an inaccurate one, of course; Death does not grant boons, not even ones that will become curses to sooner send their holders into his hands. That is the parlance of demonic temptations, and Crowley will freely admit, though he has gotten numerous commendations for the Elder Wand over the centuries, that like Slytherin’s basilisk, the humans took the whole thing a bit too far.)

At any rate, Aziraphale’s bookshop was prominently placed on the map of wizarding London when he offered to purchase some certain unique volumes from Hogwarts, and this has been a curse of his own making, as more usually happens to Crowley. The wizarding population of London had, since the opening of A.Z. Fell and Co., admittedly always considered it one of theirs, in the same way that the Muggle population eventually came to consider it a front for the mafia, but the uptick of attempts to sell wizarding books back to the shop, or wizarding books just being left amidst the stacks, definitely corresponded with the one time Aziraphale made official contact with wizarding Britain. These magical books are a blight upon his bookshop and he would have miracled himself into being forgotten by Britain’s wizardry some time in 1847 were it not for the Arrangement.

That being, Crowley likes the books dropped at Aziraphale’s shop, often books on Hogwarts’ reading list, which are the most often sold, because it is very easy to accomplish simultaneously temptations and miracles with them.

Since the mid 1800s, it is known, amongst the poorer population of wizarding Britain, that there is a particular drop point in Diagon Alley where, if you are in need enough, you can find almost any relatively-common book that you were not able to afford but was necessary for your education. “In need enough” and “necessary” are miracles with much wiggle room. For instance, in 1992, the Weasley twins did not strictly need NEWT-level Charms and Transfiguration textbooks for their courses at Hogwarts, but they needed them to properly innovate on their pranks. 

Providing magical knowledge for free is, of course, very demonic, given the capacity for destruction by the untrained wizard, especially if that knowledge is far above their years. It is in fact incredibly necessary that it be for free, else parents or guardians would stop them. 

Truly, another genius ploy from the wily serpent. 

Almost as good as the bit with the unicorns.

#sundayswiththeilluminati #replies #this was a mistake that i started writing at 6 am this morning because i have NO goddamn self restraint #actually i lied it's not a mistake it's fucking HILARIOUS if i do say so myself #............................................do i tag this tho. does tumblr still only count the first five tags. who ever knows #good omens #for blog purposes and if it ends up in the main tag then that's the Plan and i have to live with it #roddy fanfics #i didn't proofread this you get what you get

[nikkyschoolblog-blog]

PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN (yes that’s the title)

We are surrounded by it. Is there ever a time when you don’t have your phone in your pocket? Everywhere we look it is Instagram this and facebook that. Oh you only got 100 likes? Guess your picture is not good enough to be showcased to the world. How many times a day do you think you look at your phone? How about a computer or any type of a screen? Every day we are constantly reminded that we are choosing to compare ourselves to the people around us. Social media of all sorts fills our heads with unrealistic expectations of reality. How do you contribute to society? American culture has evolved tremendously over the past few decades mostly due to the media and technology. My development as a young adult has also been heavily impacted by the media and it has transformed me into the savage queen I am today.

Can you even think about a time when people were not so readily available on social media? It boggles my mind to think that in the 80s when my parents were alive that they could not just call their friends on their personal cell phones. I remember growing up when I was taught to call up my friend on the home phone and say “Hello sir this is Nicole Bernier calling I was wondering if Naomi was available to have a play date?” And then I would wait patiently for Naomis Dad to go ask her if she wanted to bike over to my house. Nowadays kids don’t even talk to each other! The children I coach already have their own instagram accounts and get 3 times the amount of likes I do. I cant imagine being so young in a world of technology trying to figure out how they want to be viewed by society. Even as a young adult, I continue to waste my time stressing about how I want others to view me. We get here to college and expect that everyone has got their life path figured out when most of us have absolutely no clue what we are doing and spend more time on Snapchat than we do writing an essay.

When you turn on the radio there is a large chance that it will be some rapper singing about drugs, money or chicks. It’s tasteless how famous people want to present themselves by trying to promote bad behaviors. But oh no everyone loves Ariana Grande and Drake and how “lavish” their lifestyle is. How Nicki Minajs butt implants and Kylie Jenners lip injections are the new craze. Statistics have shown that the younger generations are more insecure due to the conveniency of social media and how the celebrities choose to promote themselves. The media can have a negative impact on certain people especially children because they often compare themselves with these unrealistic standards we are constantly surrounded with.

As an avid 50s music listener, I truly find it interesting how the lyrics of most of the songs are about love and romance or true heartbreak. It’s pretty rad how that is an artifact in itself and its so readily available to us all the time. It also shows how the music culture has changed over the years. Most kids I’ve met think my music taste is weird or what “my grandma listens to” but honestly in a world of people listening to the same genre, I like to be unique. I think everyone should give a good listen to some Dion and the Heartbreaks or Frank Sinatra and at least give it a chance.

So just a couple of months ago I had to go on a cleanse. Not a juice cleanse or a bath full of Lysol, no I mean I had to delete all social media off my phone because it was making me unhappy. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) the people I surround myself with told me that it also made them feel insecure and that they would be better off without it. This sparked my interest and I did a poll on instagram seeing how many people disliked social media and the results had me shook. More than half of my followers that answered said that they hated it. Why do we keep these apps on our phone if our happiness is not benefited by using them? I chose to be happy and after I deleted my instagram facebook and Snapchat I felt 1000% more productive.

Unfortunately I caved in after 2 months and redownloaded them because there was no way I was going to Europe and not showing the world pictures of how delightful my vacation was. I posted a whole bunch of fabulous pictures but in reality I was sick nearly the entire time so I couldn’t enjoy myself to the fullest extent. I posed and pretended I wasn’t hacking up a lung and I was thrilled to see that people “liked” my vacation more than I did.

Don’t get me wrong I’m the queen of taking pictures to the point where my mom is like “Nicole I am not going to be your photographer. Put your phone away.” I have to catch myself sometimes and remember that I am not living to please random people on social media. I am living for the experiences, for the laughs and the genuine connections.

Pictures were made to capture a moment but why force happiness to present a life you are not living? It’s almost like propaganda in a way because were only showing one side of how we live. Hey if you’re as happy as every single post on your insta then go you that’s awesome but most people can agree that life is not always just the happy moments. That’s the thing. Most people use these platforms to only show the attractive parts of their lives. It’s all just a game of comparison and perception. But who’s life really is the best? Are you genuinely happy in that picture you take on the beach with your butt hanging out of your bikini and Gucci handbag just so convenient placed in the frame of the picture?

When I think of media and pop culture I think of how my goal as a child was to literally become Sandy from Grease when she was all decked out in her red lipstick, leather pants and a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. I though she was the coolest person ever. I watched that movie on REPEAT because it was the only PG13 movie my mom allowed me to watch on my DVD player. Within a few years I was that kid who started smoking as a teen because I thought it looked “cool”. Now I’m stuck with a nasty habit that everyone thinks is gross because the media evolved to somehow make smoking cigarettes uncool but vaping apparently pretty dang cool. Guess I’m just a few years late.

When you’re young you need some kind of an idol or a person to admire. When I was a preteen I listened to Eminem and really resonated with his lyrics. His anger lit a fire within me and I became more and more defiant the longer I listened to him. I chose to be influenced by his freedom of speech and it gave me confidence to deliberately act upon my impulsive behavior. Parents hated Eminem because he got fame for promoting violence and presented himself in a negative way. I related to the fact that he was misunderstood yet also didn’t care about how people viewed him. As much as I want to forget 2008 me I will always remember how the music I listened to impacted my life and decisions at the time.

Speaking of 2008, I remember having a flip phone and trying to hold it still for about 4 seconds to make sure the pixelated picture did not come out too blurry. Now we have 12 year olds editing their face and their body on photoshop because that’s what the instagram models do. They wont ever understand how hard it was to type the s on the flip phones with no alphabet keypad. I was out here responding to texts hours late with one word answers and now here I am texting paragraphs like its none of my business.

Technology and the media is constantly evolving and shaping our culture into what it is today. It is changing so rapidly by incorporating technology into every little task and as much as I hate it I know that it plays an important role in who I am as an individual and how I choose to be viewed by others. People like to communicate with each other and that is why social media exists but there is a fine line between using it for practical purposes and allowing it control your life. To this day I struggle with using my phone as a tool rather than a time suck. Maybe Ill just pack my bags, and venture out into the wilderness to escape this crazy tech era. Hopefully they’ll have an outlet for my iPhone charger though.

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 9: “Break Down Everything I’ve Built” - Jennet

JENNET

not to be rude but i hate this cast.... me winning immunity didnt even matter bc my bestie got booted tf...

(a little later)

feeling alone, im not even on a tribe anymore. im alone now not furcifer calumma or brookesia, just jennet

(after eating rice)

i know i sound dramatic asf but ffft i was so uneasy starting this game and i didnt feel comfortable or didnt feel excited to play until i started playing with ethan so i guess i relied too much on him but its like... now what?? where do i go from here? like sam, sammy, jones, and mikey voted to keep him so its like... here i am with low numbers again

(after taking a dip in the ocean)

immunity doesnt feel so good when ur number one ally gets sent home...

(after polishing the immunity necklace)

realizing that tonight ive been on the wrong side of both of votes so now im... reevaluating my position in this game. i have to break down everything ive built and start over and see who i can really trust right now

JONES

https://youtu.be/GY0DufoCyLE (after live night)

LOVELIS

So today's been way more eventful! I've had a great conversation with Jennet finally & got caught up on all the live night stuff, thought it was just a live competition that I wasn't able to attend but then I woke up to Ethan being gone LMAO but oh well! I've been targeted the past two rounds but I'm still here so I've just gotta work my options as best I can, and right now I do wanna with with Jessica the most. Apparently Shane put in a lot of work to keep me during live night & I'm thankful but earlier when I tried to talk to him he wouldn't divert from that point & it was a little awkward.. like idk what you want me to do about that... so today's mostly been catching up with the people who I haven't heard much from like Jake, Lindsay etc and seeing where their heads are at, I need to be more involved in something big if I'm gonna be seen as a potential winner should I make it to the end so I'm definitely not shy of jumping ship from Sharon and tryna make something better for myself with the people that voted for me hehe.. 😳😈

JENNET

looking at the memory wall and im feeling very: vulnerable

LINDSAY

12/19 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Q_KxHilwOebD8G3D8JAZsOMKdgsxFp-b/view?usp=sharing

JESSICA

I know in my last confessional I said I was close with Ethan. After I wrote that, I realized that he was a lot closer with other people than he was with me. Lindsay accidentally added him to an alliance chat and I expected him to freak out in my DMs (or at the very least ask me about it!) since we're supposed to be such good allies. But he didn't say anything! Shane said that he did get an Ethan freakout so I was like hmm... noted. Ethan likes Shane more than me so I am okay to vote him out a lot earlier than I was planning. Ethan also left out a LOT of information about the idols when we talked about them so I instantly knew at merge that he was hiding things from me. When we did that round robin conversation thing, I got Shane early on (I think he was the third person I talked to?) and he pitched voting Ethan which made a lot of sense to me. Plus I was a little worried Ethan could have had the Furcifer idol since he found that Brookesia one so fast. I figured if we were going to make a big move, that was the time to do it because if anyone was suspicious I could just pretend the whirlwind nature of the round was the reason they didn't know what happened. Speaking of idols!!! I'm 95% sure that Furcifer idol is in Sam's pocket. Shane had a vote extort power which he could play on anyone; it would force them to either reveal their entire voting history to this mysterious person OR they would have to give up their vote and sit out of immunity. I guess the vote part isn't public but the immunity part was and for some reason, Sam chose to not reveal his voting history. To Shane and Daisy, who don't know how the idols worked, this is a weird choice. But to me there's only one reason someone doesn't want their voting history revealed and it's because they didn't vote at a tribal which means they have an idol. Shane originally wanted to play the power on Mikey which I strongly did not want because 1) I already know how Mikey has voted and 2) I was pretty sure Mikey didn't have an idol so it's unlikely there was a tribal he didn't vote in and 3) If Mikey asked me about it, I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want to expose Shane. The question is.... does Sam's idol still work? If I had found the idol when I knew there was an easy boot on my team (he has to have found it before Pennino left), then I would have gambled as long as I could have to get the idol to work. My guess is Sam's idol goes until... f7? Maybe f6 or f5. Pennino probably left 3-1, not 4-1, but Sam's missing vote didn't matter because it was unanimous and wasn't read. For this round, right now everyone is probably voting Lovelis. It's the easy vote because he isn't here but personally I don't want to do that. Everyone says Lovelis is inactive but he isn't inactive to me and as far as I know, he is not going to flip on me and thinks I've been looking out for him. Which I have been! Also Lovelis cannot have an idol unless he somehow got the merge one. So to me it's like.... why not take out someone like Sam who (probably) has an idol? Or at least get him paranoid enough so he plays it. He seems like the kind of player who could easily stab me in the back so I'd like to get him before he gets me. Right now my tightest alliance is with Shane/Daisy, though I definitely talk about the game with Shane the most. However I also have good relationships with Lovelis, Sammy, and Mikey. I think Jennet and I are getting along well because as far as I know, I was the first one who told them Ethan's name was going around last time when everyone else seemed too afraid to tell them. They were not into that plan at all but I'm glad that I was honest with them because I don't want that to be a closed relationship at all! They also don’t seem to have a tonne of connections so they’re someone I'd like to keep close. And then Jones/Lindsay/Jake are people who I'm still getting to know but I do trust them.... a bit. I don't see that alliance of 6 lasting long term however I don't mind trying to stick with it to get Sam out before it disintegrates. I also think Shane is coming across as a threat which is great to me. I hope people don't think we're close because I really want to keep that relationship hidden. My entire game is about having everyone think they're my #1 (or at least my #2 or #3) so that they are less likely to leak things I tell them, less likely to vote for me, and more likely to look out for me. Information is power so I try to be in a position where I'll get as much of it as I can. So far it is working! I think. This is truly an essay

(a little later)

Oh also I never get episode titles in games so here are some: "Any way you slice it, it's Survivor madness!" "What a night, what a vote" "Please don't invite me to your messy party" "Social game is on 0!" "Survivor brings out the worst in you" "I'm a chameleon" Some of those are things other people said in other games but... oh well!

JENNET

apparently lovelis is rallying the troops to get them to vote for me bc i voted him out over madison... babe we NEVER spoke, and i spoke to madison ALOT why would i not vote u ? tf... its getting weird

JESSICA

LMAO IGNORE THAT LAST CONFESSIONAL That is not how the advantage works at ALL I now totally understand why Sam rejected it That’s so funny that we really read it that wrong.............. I love reading and comprehending the words that I read Still don’t know where that last idol is but this is so funny.

JENNET

so right now the only people i can trust are sammy, sam, jones, and mikey. i want to trust jake but hes in an alliance with jones, lindsay, daisy, shane, and jessica that he didnt tell me about. jones is playing double agent right now and the only reason i dont find that sketch is bc she told us info that she didnt need to. i will say me and jake had a convo about how we dont trust how shady lindsay has been and we wont target her until most of the og brookesia members are gone. im very scared right now but also very angry

(a little later)

had plans for this vote but sam got his vote taken away. im waiting to see what pops off at tribal/ the few hours before tribal before i can try to get the little band of misfits to settle on who to target first. so far its daisy and shane, i’ll try to sneak lindsay in but honestly i want daisy gone first bc shes hosted me and seen how i play and thats too much of an advantage. she’s dangerous to me and my game

JAKE

https://youtu.be/nZPMXTthz9Q yes I'm becoming paranoid and what?? say it to her face

JENNET

my dream boot order after this round (if lovelis is who goes): daisy shane jessica lindsay and then everything else can fold around itself but ideally jake is next to go

LINDSAY

videos r still uploading but here's my quick tea for this episode: feels way too easy to vote lovelis, keep expecting things to blwo up bc lovelis is throwing jennet's name out there. game way too quiet. shit aint right but i aint know whats wrong. i may be paranoid

JENNET

:ETHAN: ❤️ :JENNET: hours

SAMMY

so I feel like so much happened in this round? let's recap the live night and dive into our thoughts and feelings about where we are right now. So starting off after Madison is voted out, the plan throughout the day was to just vote out whoever stayed out of Madison/Lovelis, right? Okay so I go into this live event thinking that's the plan...not sweating...just chilling right? right okay so I get to talking to people and then I get in a chat with daisy who is my 3rd phone call? Then I hear of this plan to get rid of Ethan?? In my head I was like...blinks...okay so why are we doing this like what is the point y'all are being too complicated. So fast forward Ethan goes home. Then Jones lets me know there was a separate group made before tribal of Jake/Shane/Jones/Jess/Lindsay. Apparently all the people who voted Ethan? This actually pisses me off not gonna lie because I opened the door for a conversation hinting that I knew of a group to daisy/jess/Jake and none of them spilled to me. So I caught them in a lie and it lets me know that they are serious about that group of people and that alliance means something. I thought I was close to daisy and I thought she considered me her #1 ally but the info I have been getting really makes me trust her less. She was working on the idol/bridge with like so many other players which makes sense to how she was able to find so many powers. I feel used. She is close to Shane and it is obvious. I also 100% feel as if the Ethan plan was made before tribal or at least mentioned as an idea. I don't like the vibes I am getting from them and something has to change soon or I am gonna be finding myself in a rough patch. I told Jones about Daisy's powers to let Jones know that Daisy pretty much lied to Daisy about the street car ladies (sorry daisy I still love u but in the moment I felt used because I know ur bridge group is on like the late 30s and you didn't tell me). Daisy is playing the middle and I need to separate myself from her or at least break her and Shane up. She is using Shane as a shield. Also I was added to the justice league alliance and its so cute (Jones, Jennet, Mikey, Me, Sam) I love this group but I will say Sam is my weakest connection and I don't really have much trust in him? Hoping that will change in these upcoming rounds tho. Also, I told Jones about my vote block that lasts until final 5 which we could use to our advantage later in the game. I will be holding onto that as long as possible. The last major update other than me feeling somewhat left out of this "group" would be that Jess asked if I would be down to make a group after the vote of her/Jake/me/mikey which I would actually very much enjoy. Okay that is my longest confessional yet. I hope you enjoy. As of right now my top two allies are Jones/Mikey....Lowest on my trust rankings are Shane and Lindsay.

JENNET

lovelis dming me saying we should get out mikey pfftttt

DAISY

https://youtu.be/mz2Fg_Kvyqo

SAM

https://youtu.be/J81hUWIy6dg

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-dymdy5vjtHdwsY3JSTnovwaSRLvuzQt

JESSICA

me: lovelis will be a jury vote for me! me: nvm!!!! Not sure why being rude to people and attacking them is your strategy on the way out... but you do you!

LOVELIS

I think I mentioned chaos in my previous confessional and I think I just did that so you know what.. I'm content LMAO. I pulled out pretty much all the cards I had left to play this round and if it wasn't enough despite being carried the past two tribals.. then so be it. This has been such a fun past couple days and it's fun to just let loose and see what happens!

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

[crumpledjournal]

5.2.17

so apparently my school does this program where kids can head out into the woods for a weekend every once in a while and just… talk it out i guess. that was this past weekend, Ma (not my mom, a friend) told me to go. my old history teacher had been plugging for the trip for years, but id never actually gone. never thought id be able to explain wanting to go have a feelings jam with a buncha other kids in the woods to my dad. i didnt really until i came back and recapped a little (honoring the agreement i signed before going to not share anyones story from the trip).

on the one hand, i feel so fucking healthy!!! i feel like i have subsisted for the past year off of nothing but avocado smoothies and kale juice and like i have been doing yoga for 85 hours a day and like i finally met a person or two who i can actually speak my mind to and get more than just a “sure dude.” like, good lord does this feel good

i mean, thats what i told Ge and Di and i genuinely believe it. (both Di and i knew basically nobody other than eachother and we were alone in a sea of strangers for the first few hours.)

dont get me wrong, i feel lots better. i got a lot off of my chest. but there was also a lot left unsaid on my part. out of all the people there (about 90) there were two others who shared that they were genderqueer (and there were only like two other people who brought up the topic at all). one of them i had some p bad experiences with in middle school. the other was a student leader and facilitator of the trip, so Re (the leader) didnt really have a lot of time to talk, and in the discussions Re was mostly asking questions and… well, facilitating. plus, gender came up like once. and Re was not there.

but i was! it was nice to talk a little. i was in a meeting with the school principal about installing gender neutral bathrooms at the school a week or two ago and i talked about that with them, and i told them that being genderqueer goes waywaywayway back and lots of other stuff, i guess. but i didnt say anything about my experiences with being genderqueer, really.

and damn did i want to! idk if yall have picked up on this yet (all none of you) but talking to people about my shit is just so healing for me. thats why i have a public journal! like, talking to equals and feeling heard. i could tell my mom or the school therapist (and i do, often) about my shit and its cool, theyre supportive and shit, but since i started this class ive had no time to keep up old friendships that were based around hanging out. like, were still friends i guess, but… playing minigolf over text is just not the same, man.

there was this thing last night where from like, right after dinner until about 3 in the morning, we talked. people had seven minutes that they could use however they wanted in front of the whole group, and it was just their job to listen. and let me tell you, id been crafting my seven minutes for like, three hours before my name came up. the thing is, i planned like twenty minutes of monologue. i talked about a bunch of the family stuff ive got and that was real cathartic. i also got to talk about my struggles with depression, which was a real common topic. but… ive been thinking about the possibility of myself being a trans girl really, really hard over the past couple of months, and i still havent shared that other than with the people whove read this journal.

which is nobody, other than a couple people browsing tags when i talked about moana a little while ago. i havent told that many people i write this, but. i kinda trusted those who i did to read it i guess.

i dunno. i think im most afraid that im not going to have any healthy girl friendships. i see all these women and girls and they have such supportive relationships with eachother. i see it every day. holy shit, if you havent seen the rage and passion with which girls defend their true friends… Hoo Boy.

and im so worried i wont have that! like. i love being agender, and it’s wonderful to have the ability and the knowledge and the acceptance to be an out nonbinary person and not really have so many problems stemming from that in my life. but i have this fear that that ill be in this purgatory of a questioning period for just long enough that when i finally make up my goddamn mind and trust my conviction enough to come out as a trans girl ill have lost the opportunity to have these wonderful, girl-to-girl relationships. as an agender person i feel like so much of an intruder in these female spaces.

Like, Ha (who I met on the trip) was so wonderful and badass, especially considering the amount of shit shes had to go through. jimminy christmas, shes fucking strong. i try not to gender people here but when the topic is gender itself that kind of context feels crucial… but anyways. she came and sat with me when i was eating lunch alone in the corner and brought a couple other girls and. i mean, some of the body language of the others kind of told me they werent super interested in me being there but… it felt… so good. just to be in a female space, just to be included there for the most part, without cis guys around that i would get lumped with.

but then i think i had a panic attack like, near to immediately after that, because i felt like i was making them incredibly uncomfortable by being an intruder in their female space. and when my female friends were having a hard time during the trip (as often happened) i felt like it wasnt my place to comfort them and that as a natal male i would just make them more uncomfortable and they would doubt their friendship with me because so many guys just take advantage of women when they’re at their lowest emotional state and that’s the last thing i want to be seen as and i tried to hug a few women who were having a really hard time over the course of the trip but i just got this churning in my stomach because i might make it worse if i make them think i just want to hug them so i can feel them aginst my stupid fucking body and if i keep writing this sentence then im going to have another panic attack

i dont know what to do. i dont know who to talk to because despite the number of people who said i could come to them this weekend, nobody else talked about gender shit, and those genderqueer people who i do know have just told me to look into my heart and shit, which doesnt help because thats what ive been trying to do. i feel like i cant talk to women because to them ill just be another guy who’s venting because he feels like he can dump all his emotional shit on the closest woman (especially women i just met on the trip, i couldnt ask them to spend however long it takes out of their day to read this when i just met them). i feel like i cant talk to men because if theyre not transphobic to begin with, they either refuse to talk about emotional shit, or can neither relate to feeling like they wont have any healthy girl-to-girl friendships nor realte to being genderqueer. i know im going to send this little essay to somebody soon because i just need to hear at least one other persons thoughts but i dont know who its going to be

and on top of all of that i keep getting these stomach aches at mealtimes and no other time of day and i dont know if it was the confessions from people with eating disorders or something else but my stomach aches and then i dont eat and then it aches because im hungry until the next meal when it aches again and i cant eat and when youre choosing between not eating or eating and feeling like you want to throw up, do you have an eating disorder already? i dont know anything thats going on with my body and im depressed and i feel so ashamed because there were so many people who had stories that felt so much more real than just a pronoun and a stomach ache and they spent their seven minutes with what seemed like no regrets about not having shared things and here i am writing a fucking dissertation pity paper about myself because i feel like it wasnt enough time to talk about my dumb fucking problems even though what i have aint shit and if i fall into the spiral of ands i legitimately will have a worse panic attack and i dont know who i can comfortably ask to do the fucking weightlifting championship level shit that is required to do the emotional heavy lifting and read bullshit im putting on the page without feeling like im inconveniencing them to the nth degree

so i guess thats where im at

[showlexsite]

Reasons My Hubby Won’t Have Sexual Intercourse Beside Me!

Reasons My Hubby Won’t Have Sexual Intercourse Beside Me!

This might be an edited type of the original essay.

Whenever I composed a weblog post called “Reasons My Wife Won’t have intercourse With Me” I got a lot of great feedback from this plus it ended up being seen over 300,000 times regarding the very first time alone. But one question we kept hearing afterwards had been: “ Can you compose one for ladies and reveal to me why my hubby won’t have sexual intercourse beside me?“

Sure. Appears effortless.

I inquired a friends that are few responses, & most of us just scratched our minds. Men that don’t want to have intercourse? Overwhelmingly, we heard it was the situation and females wanted responses.

Now, I do not speak from experience with this one. I will be constantly up for sex, and so I seemed for ideas on this subject from some buddies, including Dave Wilson, Adam Palmer, Shaunti Feldhahn, Dave Willis and Jon Kitna.

Similar to my very very first post, this isn’t a definitive list by any means; I’m putting it nowadays to ideally encourage you speak about these items together with your partner. Whenever you can be truthful and open along with your partner regarding your sex life, it is possible to frequently get to the base of this without also looking over this weblog. If you do not learn how to communicate with each other, enlist a therapist that will help you discover ways to communicate.

Me offer a couple of statistics before I hit the list, let:

A survey that is recent of found that people who stated these people were fulfilled intimately had intercourse on average times a week. Every week) so that’s something to think about (especially how you can get that 0..

In accordance with a 200newsweek research, between 1% and 20% of partners you live in a sexless wedding, thought as having intercourse a maximum of 10 times per year. While sex isn’t the be-all, end-all to a marriage, it really is certainly one of the better techniques to keep closeness.

Okay, now let’s go through the listing of reasons your husband will not have sexual intercourse to you:

No guy Really Wants To Have Intercourse With His Mom. This will be all about respect. No guy would like to have intercourse by having a spouse who is constantly mothering him. If you should be constantly on him, critiquing and whining by what he does or does not do, he then’d probably favour sex with himself because he understands you’re not content with their performance when you look at the bed room, either. There is a complete lot more where that came from.

He Does Not Feel Desired. Men wish to be wanted. In Shaunti Feldhahn’s guide For Women Only, 66% of males said it is crucial which they feel wanted by their partner. Getting intercourse was not sufficient by itself — exactly like wives desire to be desired, husbands would also like to be desired. Your desire him have confidence in his daily life for him is a huge foundation that helps. We additionally talked about that when you look at the post that is last bit, the games couples have fun with intercourse about whom initiated final time and all sorts of that. If there has been times before in your wedding where you have turned him down, he then might just not need the guts to start intercourse away from anxiety about rejection. We talked about this week that is last stated that this is his problem in which he has to lead, but ideally it will help you realize why he’s maybe maybe not wanting intercourse also it might be he does not want to have refused once again.

He Is Coping With Health Issues or anxiety. It is rather feasible your spouse has some type of medical problem or despair he simply does not wish to cope with. We males . we are generally pretty terrible about acknowledging our weaknesses, even though they truly are impacting us and making us lose our appetite for sex. This past year as some of you know, I was sick for months. One of several medications I made the decision to just simply take (out from the several that have been recommended) knocked me down at nighttime and left me personally scarcely in a position to get up each morning. I pointed out that if We took this capsule before going to sleep, I experienced no wish to have intercourse and couldn’t even get it up. Yeah. My spouse really laughed if this took place after which I grabbed the container through the restroom and revealed her which was a relative side effectation of the medication. Which was the final day on that medicine. Anyhow, there are lots of various problems your husband might be working with medically that affect his sex-life and drive. It may be time for a vacation into the physician.

Flannel Pajamas Suck. Why don’t we just be honest: dudes are visual and if you’ren’t putting any work into everything you seem like and making the bed room an amazing spot to be, he then may not be switched on. Life happens — aging, maternity, disease, fat gain — you aren’t planning to look the means you did once you two first met. Happily, the much deeper we love some body, the less importance we put on the surface and also the more we concentrate on the inside. Having said that: it generally does not harm to include just a little effort that is extra look good for the hubby. free mobile porn bukkake Often a good change that is small make a large effect, like resisting the desire to put in ratty sweats when you go back home, putting on a lovely outfit in place of frumpy jeans for per night out, or really wearing a few of the “sexy” lingerie you’ve bought. My buddy Shaunti and I are composing a guide called Visual, speaking about the visual nature of males, and she mentions men’s “visual rolodex” (or even upgrade it: “visual disk drive”) in her own book for females just. Spouses must be the standard image on the spouse’s artistic hard disk drive, so make a consignment to take care of your self as well you can work together to get a healthier lifestyle — both physically and emotionally — and make yourselves visually exciting for each other as you can — maybe you’ll inspire your husband and the two of.

(71.3% of males within the U.S are obese or obese when compared with 68% of females. So, dudes you’ve got to the office with this much more than your spouses.)

. You Pay More Attention to Facebook Than to Him. possibly this is certainly simply me personally, nonetheless it may seem like many guys i am aware are finished with Facebook. It will be something else next week but come on, already if it isn’t Facebook. The feedback, the articles, the loves, the stocks . place the thing down for a little and interact with the individual in your sleep. Terms with Friends, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, and all sorts of these other activities have crept into our bedrooms and start to become a distraction. Now, dudes are not resistant for this issue — within my home it is ESPN and my “girlfriend” (my partner’s nickname for my laptop computer), therefore make an understanding that, after the young ones retire for the night, you place every thing away and take to and relate to each other.

6. He’s Setting It Up Some Other Place. Tests also show that a lot of (not all the) dudes need sex any three times or less. Then i would have to wonder where else he is getting it — either through an affair or through porn if you aren’t having sex anywhere close to this frequency. Do not get someone that is hiring the tv screen show Cheaters as of this time, but do have frank conversation with him concerning the possibility. Many guys or gals will lie when confronted too, so they are maybe perhaps not just simple conversations to ask as soon as and merely accept it and proceed. Dive into this and progress to an accepted place of sincerity — plus don’t forget to get a reliable therapist for assistance if you’d like it. (of course it’s porn, we could assist. Here are a few resources you’ll consider to point him to this assistance.)

His Walls Are Up. In the way that is same spouses can set up walls, therefore can husbands.

While guys are generally fairly proficient at compartmentalizing their demands, it is nevertheless feasible for problem to develop to the stage where it generates a wall surface. It could be a major problem in your relationship or perhaps in your private life that affects both of you relationally, spiritually, or actually. It might be your very own despair or health that is physical or an alteration in character that features him wondering what’s happening. Whatever it is, search for signals to generally share it, then run toward that conflict and deal along with it. It might be difficult, but it is worth every penny. Talk. Listen. Then listen even more. Own up to whatever you might have to take duty for, and don’t forget you’re in this together.

I hope it will help. I must say I hate to see hitched people perhaps not sex that is having also terrible intercourse is preferable to no sex. Of course your intercourse is terrible, that simply means you are free to practice more!

Source: https://showlex.site/2020/03/16/reasons-my-hubby-won-t-have-sexual-intercourse-11/

from WordPress https://showlexsite.wordpress.com/2020/03/16/reasons-my-hubby-wont-have-sexual-intercourse-beside-me/ via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

[hermanwatts]

L. Sprague de Camp’s “Pusad” Series

This is a guest blog post from Richard who has contributed a few items over the years. I looked at L. Sprague de Camp’s “The Stronger Spell” a few weeks back. Richard has recently read or re-read the stories in the series and has an opinion:

L. Sprague de Camp’s discovery of heroic fantasy through reading Gnome’s CONAN THE CONQUEROR in 1950 had two distinct consequences. The first was of course the Gollum like pursuit of his precious Cimmerian loot, an endeavour which would keep him happily occupied for the rest of his days. But the second was the inexplicable urge to write something of his own in the same vein. I say inexplicable because nothing in either his character or his previous work advocated itself to an artistic expression of that nature. The result, as Morgan has already explained in a previous post, was THE TRITONIAN RING and the smattering of related Pusâdian stories which he published in various periodicals during the 1950s, with a couple of belated additions appearing twenty years later during the sword and sorcery revival of the mid 1970s. The novel has been much reprinted over the years but the short stories have hitherto never been collected. It isn’t particularly difficult to understand why. Simply put they are god-awful.

The only reason the stories remain relatively easily available to read is because De Camp’s obliging old cohort Lin Carter demonstrated an indefensible fondness for them and conserved four of the travesties in the otherwise admirable series of fantasy anthologies he compiled throughout the 1970s. The lame humour and daft and doddering characters found therein being very much in keeping with Carter’s own inane brand of fantasy.

   Each one of the stories is a shambolic mishmash of absurd and contrived situations, slapstick action – pole-vaulting with pikestaffs for example – inconsistency, coincidence and self-contradiction, all undertaken in the company of a cast of dim, venal and unsympathetic characters; all of whom incidentally are either con-men, chancers or charlatans. The urge to debunk prevailing notions appears to have been so  deeply ingrained in De Camp’s nature that he was incapable of treating heroism seriously even in fiction.  For him the hero might well wear a thousand faces but he only ever had the one pair of feet and they were made of clay.

      The Pusâd stories centre mostly around the antics and misadventures of two different characters, a workshy court magician called Derezeng Tâsh and a wandering huckster named Gezun Lorska. Gezun is ostensibly the Conan surrogate for the series but a Conan reflected in the distorted mirror of De Camp’s own scepticism. So even though Gezun looks the part he is a hollow effigy of a hero; one with Conan’s craftiness, belligerence and rude ethics substituted with gormlessness, ineptitude and cowardice. Gezun occupies his time by attempting to fleece the gullible, impregnating love struck women or fleeing from his creditors, all the while essaying a blithe deluded optimism that would put even Mr Micawber to shame.

Gezun is a character so stupid that he snoops on another man’s mail even though he is unable to read and so deluded that he believes a haircut renders him unrecognisable in a hostile city where he towers head and shoulders over the natives. De Camp clearly intended these character defects to be the endearing affectations of an amiable oaf. But they aren’t remotely endearing and are instead relentlessly irritating. Gezun is one of those characters whose exploits one follows in the fervent hope of seeing him beaten to a pulp at some point.

But societies breed the heroes they deserve and on the evidence De Camp provides the Pusâdian world appears to be entirely populated by imbeciles. In the story “The Eye of Tandyla” a duplicitous royal consort cannot recognise the famous jewel of the title even though it is found in her homeland and she is the one who has connived to have it stolen. In the same story sentries are lured away from guarding regalia by someone pretending to strangle themselves. In “Ka the Appalling” an entire city is duped into believing a hitherto unknown god is returning to the world by the excavation of a fabricated prophecy.

Clearly, whatever their inspiration, these are not slavish imitations of Robert E Howard and equally evident is the fact that De Camp had no intention of them being taken very seriously. But even qualifications of this sort do not excuse how badly written the stories are. The plots are farcical and crudely constructed, the fight scenes risible with swords literally going “Clang! Clang!”, while the texts are replete with cod archaisms and facetious word usages like “bronzen” and “coolth”. Rather than convey the intended sense of antiquity contrived language of this sort merely feeds the impression of a writer for whom English is a second and uncomfortable tongue.

And what on earth is one supposed to make of clumsy metaphors of this ilk:

“The cold in the room was as if an iceberg had walked in….”

Er; I hate to have to break it to you, Sprague old son, but…..

The irksome thing is that if Howard had ever generated such a crude example of ham-fisted prose De Camp would have been the first to seize upon it as further evidence of Howard’s supposed haste and carelessness and slapdash style, all of which he was wont to do in his sweeping Olympian judgements upon Howard’s perceived deficiencies.

Credibility and consistency, both qualities De Camp prided himself upon, are in strangely short supply in these efforts. Take the rings forged from meteorites for instance which act as sorcery repellents in the Pusâdian world: artefacts so scarce and potent according to one story that they are the preserve of kings, but in another so innocuous and commonplace apparently that the magician Sancheth Sar can afford to gift a spare to a slave boy.  In the story “The Owl and the Ape” we are asked to swallow the idea that a building project could be commissioned purely in order to distract a passing Gezun so that his pocket can be picked. And don’t ask me to explain why a cannibal should choose to take up residence in a ruined wizard’s tower. Or how the cul-de-sac Gezun flees down just happens to have a secret tunnel required for him to escape a hostile mob. Artifice and contrivance of this sort abounds in the series and each instance seems to trump its predecessor in preposterousness.

Perhaps none of this would matter very much if even one of the stories was half as witty and amusing as De Camp believed them to be. But with the exception of some acerbic laughs provided by ancillary characters such as King Vuar’s most insolent page the supposed humour is forced, flat and feeble. Never more so than when Gezun’s personality is transferred into the body of a bull with predictably slapstick consequences.

When all is said and done the Pusâd stories amount to little more than a silly and inconsequential footnote in the development of modern fantasy. But for anyone with an interest in understanding why the De Camp/Carter Conan compotes are quite so indigestible then herein may be found their stewed ingredients.

L. Sprague de Camp’s “Pusad” Series published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

[superblyjovialtheorist-blog]

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

"Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Do you get cheaper car insurance for being married (uk)?

Do you get cheaper car insurance for being married (uk)?

Abortion insurance?

I'm doing an essay on abortion and had a quick question about insurance. Does Obamacare cover abortion at planned parenthood in Seattle, Wa?""

What are some other online auto insurance companies like Esurance?

I am going to buy a new car and I would like to know auto insurance sites like Esurance and any other auto insurance that are cheap.

""What is an affordable used coupe for about $8,000 that wont be incredibly high on insurance?""

What is an affordable used coupe for about $8,000 that wont be incredibly high on insurance?""

What is the cheapest insurance company for a 17 year old driving a bmw?

I'm a 17 year old girl an my parents are buying me a 2011 328xi awd BMW and I was wondering where it would e cheepeat to ensure

Term Insurance vs Whole Life Insurance?

1. What is the difference between a term insurance and whole life insurance policy? Which policy is suitable for what kind of people? 2. What are the exclusions for term insurance policies i.e. death because of some reasons (for e.g. suicide) that does not entitle for insured amount? What are other such reasons? 3. Does term insurance cover accidental death, death because of terrorist strike or natural calamities?""

Auto Insurance question...?

If my teen neighbor (with a licence)borrowed my car and he/she wrecked it, would my insurance cover it? If so, why do teens that are driving, have a licence, have to be covered on parents insurance if they are driving their parents car? Isn't the car already covered by insurance? Why do I have to pay insurance on my teen and not my neighbor?""

Is my car covered under my insurance?

I have a 2008 car that has full coverage even though it is paid off. My wife is not on the insurance. I am a former cop and from what she told me, the other vehicle is at fault because he came into her lane and hit our car, but there was no police report. I already called my insurance company and gave the normal information. My question is... will my car be covered because she is not on my insurance? I have been reading and people say the car is covered, not the driver so it should be, but I also read someone who said if someone lives with you and you did not tell the insurance company they could have possession of your car, that they may not cover it. I was a cop, but only did the reports. I didn't deal with insurance so I am naive when it comes to this stuff. I am okay with things going the way they should, but I don't want the insurance company tricking me into some minor technicality that will keep them from covering me. Is there anything I should do or not do? It was damage from the front to the back and we cannot afford to pay for it ourselves.""

Truck insurance question!!!!?

I'm 17 and I want to get a truck. Which one of these would be cheapest on insurance? A 1999 Chevy silverado or a 2004 Chevy colorado? Both four wheel drive(4x4) and 3 doors? 2 regular and 2 half doors. Both lifted. Thanks

Buy insurance to the child?

I have a 1 year old children don't know what insurance for him

Car insurance questions - with regards to cancelling due to cheaper quote?

I have a couple of questions with regards to my car insurance. First of all, if I do a search on moneysupermarket.com/gocompare.com etc, will it record a search on my credit file? I turn 25 fairly soon, and I have a feeling my insurance should probably reduce accordingly, and want to know if it's worth my while shopping around. My current insurance policy ends in October. Also, if I do decide to shop around, and find a policy cheaper than what I'm currently paying, can I cancel my existing policy before it's due to end? I'm not sure how it works with car insurance - i.e. I know, if you wanted to cancel your phone contract early, you would be liable to pay the price for the whole contract - is it the same with car insurance? or can I just cancel it whenever I like?""

Term Life Insurance at age 21?

I am 21 and I was wondering if I should purchase a $1,000,000 term life insurance policy through USAA. I received a quote for $42.19 (and an additional $11.66 for waiver of disability) and the premium is guaranteed for 30 years. Do I need this policy at my age? Also, should I get the Waiver of Disability for $11.66 more per month? All answers are appreciated!""

Motorcycle Insurance?

I am looking at a red 2007 Honda Shadow VLX. I'm a 21 year old female, I'm on State Farm with my car, living in Lake Charles, which is probably one of the bigger cities in Southwest Louisiana. Just wondering what average cost might be to insure this bike. Like, minimum or if it's totaled. I only have one speeding ticket from a year ago on my record I believe. Thanks!""

How much is the insurance premium on a motorcycle 125cc?

Male, 18, Passenger car probationary licence suspended once on 2 accounts of speeding Preferably in Quebec, Canada""

Is this fronting or just cheaper insurance?

Now I know the idea of car insurance fronting is putting myself as a named driver on my parents insurance when infact I am the main driver... but hear me out on this: I'm a 22 year old guy and I've almost finished my lessons now. And getting my own insurance plan has been quoted to me at anywhere between 3000-5000 on a 1.0l Corsa/Micra with third party cover (which apparently have THE lowest insurance currently in 2011 for young drivers) But Compare The Markets quote site has this one option; If I make my dad the insurance policy holder, and I get added as a Named Driver... it gives the option Main Driver and I can be selected, and low & behold the insurance quote drops to 1800 Is this still fronting? and therefore illegal? I mean, I AM listed as the main driver... its just my dad will be the policy holder. Many thanks in advance from a (maybe) new driver! :)""

How much does storage unit insurance cost?

I'm sure there are a billion variables but I'm just trying to get a loose ballpark figure. I'm renting a 5x5 climate controlled unit in one state but I live in another. I'm storing ~$5000 worth of stuff--black forest clocks my parents brought back from Germany in the late 40s/early 50s; figurines, etc., most more sentimental than material value. The unit itself is a name-brand secure facility in a decent neighborhood with gated access. I figure I'll have the unit about 6 months. Like I said, I'm just trying to get a rough idea, not an etched in stone quote. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. sbf""

What is the most popular and best auto insurance broker in NYC? Any recommendations? What is the advantage?

By best, I mean the lowest priced rate they can come up with. What is the advantage I get going to a broker instead of directly going to a popular auto insurance company? Thanks a lot.""

How do people in Florida cope with high car insurance rates?

Let's say for a young single person who has been driving for 5 years with a 2 year old car. How can someone afford insurance with a tight budget?

Good car insurance sites?

Would like to know if any of you know of any good car insurance sites. I am a student who will be driving a fiat punto/ maybe even a skoda fabia.

Driving without car insurance?

So, Im broke and I know its a really awful idea to drive without car insurance, but Im a little unclear about what the rules actually are. I know it is illegal to drive without car insurance b/c I got a ticket for it once when I just didnt have my proof of insurance with me, but it was a pretty small fine, is that the only legal consequence of it? I'm a pretty good driver, no accidents so far (knock on wood), and if I were to get into an accident it would probably not be my fault. Is it true if you get in a car accident without car insurance and its not your fault then you are still financially responsible for the damages to your car? ...Like because you dont have insurance the other drivers insurance doesnt acknowledge the accident or something? Anyway, as of 10 min from now my insurance policy will expire and im tempted to not get new insurance for a month or so until im more financially stable. What are the consequences im missing? Anyone know of really cheap insurance? other thoughts? BTW im still paying down the last couple thousand dollars on my car so I think i may be required to have full coverage insurance or I default on my loan, but im not sure. My loan is through a credit union, what may be the consequences if they find out?""

How much does car insurance cost for a 17 year old?

I can get my license anytime now. North Carolina doesn't offer good student discount. I'm asian, will be driving my dad's 2000 Ford Windstar with 70,000 miles. My dad says that adding me on to his allstate account would cost 1100 every six months. That sounds a little exaggerated. Is there anywhere else where I can find cheaper insurance?""

Am i covered under my parents car insurance?

i have my license, im 16 and i sometimes drive my parents car; am i covered under their insurance? i think they added me in their insurance. im asking because i have friends at school that drive their parents car, but have their own insurance, and its expensive. so how come they have to pay their own insurance, and im covered under my parents? and when my parents added me did their rates go up? thanks for your help oh and i think i have statefarm""

""What is the average malpractice insurance cost for a general radiologist practicing in Atlanta,GA?""

What is the average malpractice insurance cost for a general radiologist practicing in Atlanta,GA?""

Best online insurance website?

i own a insurance broking firm in india, insurance in india is at very nascent stage. want to launch a service oriented internet portal to sell insurance online. please suggest me some good insurance online websites where i can emulate some of the best practices and also please give me suggestions what people expect from these online websites and broking firms? Any Bad/good experiences. All your inputs would be very very valuable""

Debit prepaid insurance or prepaid expense?

dec 2. issued check no. 1103 for $2270.00 to miami insurance company for the premium on a 30,000 policy for the year beginning dec 1. would it be: debit Prepaid Insurance 2270 cedit Cash 2270 ??? thanks!""

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

Only Teens please :) How much do you pay for auto insurance?

Teen payments 19 years old preference

Practice Test for Life Insurance License????

Does anyone know that website that has practice exams for the Life Insurance test? We used to go to it but now forgot it.

Can you cancel your car insurance?

I will be selling my car, and still have 4months left on a 6 month insurance..they have my bank account""

What solutions would make health care treatment instead of health care insurance more affordable?

considering out of pocket expenses? and would this be a conservative approach to the health care issue?

Should i cancel my car insurance?

I have bought a new car which i get tomorrow(with 7 days free insurance). My car I am trading in the insurance policy ends in September. The insurance company want an extra 700 pounds extra to add my new car. However i have no more payments to make on the car. I do not want to cancel my policy with only 3(free) months left(which will also incurr cancellation charges). I dont want to lose my NCB. I also grudge paying the expensive rate of insurance on my new car when i know i can get it cheaper elsewhere. Can i just leave my policy running and declare my new car off the road till my policy is due for renewal and set up a new policy elsewhere?sorry for such a long ramble. Any advice would be appreciated. Ps. i only have one years NCB so i dont want to lose my second year so close to the end of the policy.. bearing in mind i have no payments to make now either. Gaving a second years NCB would save me a few hundred pounds on my next policy.

Which auto insurance company to choose?

Geico's quote was WAY lower than anybody else's. Several hundred dollars lower, in fact. When I asked an Allstate agent about the difference, he said it was mainly due to Allstate offering more types of insurance, investments, better customer service, and that Geico's quote was low just to get you in the door and that it would go up once I appeared interested. After a 10 minute monologue of him explaining this, he quickly printed my quote and rushed me out of his office. Does anyone have experience with Geico? All I need is auto and maybe renter's insurance. I don't need them to manage my retirement! Are they as underhanded about raising quotes as I was told?""

About how much would my auto insurance be? (First-time driver)?

I'm budgeting getting a car and insurance and I don't know how much it would be. It will be my first time driving/having a car or license. So no record of anything, but I'd be a newbie. It'll be in the state of Pennsylvania and it will probably be a pre-owned small car.""

Life insurance for young couples...?

I've been searching online for a very cheap life insurance For me and my husband.. But no luck.. We live in NY. Can any send me a link Are just tell me about any u may know?.. Thanks a lot. Am 28yrs and he is 37yrs. Thanks in advance..

Am i covered with auto insurance when i drive off of the used car lot?

Am i covered with auto insurance when i drive off of the used car lot?

""My husband has bad knee pain, but doesn't want to go to the dr. due to having no insurance.?""

my husband dislocated his knee 3 months ago and has been in excruciating pain lately. He can't bend, walk on, put weight on his knee without it giving out and making him fall. He wont go to the dr, since we don't have any insurance (in orange co, calif) and he feels that IF he does go then they will put him in a brace or something that will hinder him from working. And since we are living paycheck to paycheck we can't afford to have him miss a lot of work. Meanwhile, he is in a very, very grumpy mood (which I can understand) and he keeps getting himself drunk so the pain will go away or is more manageable yet we all know that it wont help. Is there any advice as to what to do to make him go to the Dr? or does anyone know of a place that we can go that will actually help him out with the xray/mri/ct that he will most likely need??""

How and why do the British put with with ridiculous auto insurance rates?

I've heard of times where it costs more to insure the car than what the value of the car is worth. How did this happen and why do people let it continue?

Do you know how much your health insurance premium will be going up?

I just received a newsletter from my health insurance company with these items: Health Insurer Fee to be phased in starting 2014: There will be a Health Insurance Provider Fee on premiums charged by health insurers. Some plans will be exempt, for example: Medicare, Medicaid, etc. It is estimated this will add at least 3 percent to insurance premiums. Congress anticipates $455 billion savings from cuts to both Medicare and Medicaid. Providers and healthcare facilities are expected to cost-shift expenses to commercial plans. The U.S. faces a shortage of primary care physicians (40,000 in the next decade), Oncologist (3,000 to 4000 already today), Nephrologists and -- perhaps the most scary -- Nurses (300,000) in the future according to one study. These figures do not account for the demand created by health care reform. So, we have a ways to go before we have reached our goal of affordable healthcare for every American. The Affordable Care Act is a good start toward that goal. What is the Affordable Care Act? .""

""Will defensive driving reduce your insurance rates? If so, by how much?

I pay 190.00 a month to farmer's group for car insurance. How much less will it be if I take defensive driving?

Do you have auto insurance?

Is it mandatory for you to have auto insurance?

Company not offering insurance?

I've read the policy, forms, etc... Prior I was hired. The company that I work with gas this insurance benifits. I have already reach my 90 days and 3 weeks period. The company is not offering me with medical insurance. Not even an evaluation. But that doesn't matter. My question is, is it illegal in the state of California if the company does not offer/ask you an option to have insurance or not? Please advice.""

""My car was damage in Hurricane Ike, will home insurance fix it?""

My car was on my drive way, and the fence smashed into it. in a since, if a car hit my car they have to pay, is the same concept done with a house insurance?""

Normal Insurance on the Dodge Charger?

I'm looking to buy the dodge charger 2011, I want a car that's good on gas and insurance. I have a Grand Prix right now and i'm fine with my insurance on that but I can't find out how much insurance is on a charger because I don't have one could someone tell me the about the amount of insurance I don't need and exact number.""

Im 21 and in need of health insurance...?

My company offers it but its like $200/month and i cant afford that! Im a female, non smoker, and in good health. I just need basic health insurance that has dental and eye. What are some good options out there?""

What are the insurance rates of a 2002 Chevy Cavalier Z24?

Its a 2 door 5 speed z24 cavalier with everything and the guy wants 2650 and it has 99k miles on it. Im also a 16 year old new driver.

Confused about health insurance?

I just found out I was pregnant an plan to make an appointment soon I am confused about how health insurance works this is the first time I have done this by myself....I know you have a co-pay and insurance pays the rest but do the insurance company bill you anything in the mail?

""What does 100,000 300,000 coverage mean for auto insurance?""

Does that mean 100,000 per person injured? 300,000 max per accident?""

""California to nevada, is insurance more?""

moving to nevada, is auto insurance more from CA to NV?""

Does Your Insurance Rate Go Up in a Hit & Run?

So the other day, I walked back to the parking lot after work to my car and noticed a huge dent across my passenger side/side mirror broken off. Front quarter panel and door are gone as well. No note was left. What do I do? If i go through insurance, is my rate going to go up? Whats the best way to handle this??""

If i buy a car before i turn seventeen how much can i expect to pay for insurance?

i was thinking a car like a tiburon. any comments? ideas? reccomendations? what kind of car should i get???

How much will my insurance goes up if I receive a ticket?

Apparently I didn't have my lights on, will mt insurance skyrocket? What's the worse case scenario? I live in GA btw.""

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

How much more is car insurance on sports cars vs regular cars for younger divers?

im kinda just looking for a general answer like 25% more or 50% more.... eg if it was a basic ford mustang how much more does insurance cost for that if im 20yrs old?

Auto Insurance Price?

Does anyone have a rough estimate of how much my auto insurance would cost per year? I'm a 19 year old female purchasing a 2000 Toyota camry.

Can somebody explain to me what LP means in home insurance?

For example, I know that there is a classification in homes that's called LP3 . What does that mean??""

How much would insurance on a motor scooter cost in the state of ohio roughly?

How much would insurance on a motor scooter cost in the state of ohio roughly?

I'm looking for low cost health insurance in california?

I'm looking for low cost health insurance in california?

How much is car insurance in general?

I dont car about what it cost at a certain age, just want one solid answer""

Where can I get affordable health insurance?

My husband has been sick for like a year and we cannot afford to go to the doctor in fact he went to a doctor and they told him he has to go see another doctor because they can't find anything wrong with him. so that's $300 down the drain and we haven't even paid it. Is there something I can get him that would cost $30 a month and have some way for him to get some tests that wouldn't kill us financially?

What is a good car insurance for a DUI offender ?

My 1st time offense and hopefully the last, anyone no of a good car insurance that is reasonable in prices. I've been driving for 10 yrs and no tickets did have a clean record until this happened now I feel like a felon california DUI laws are too harsh bastards thats how they make money!!""

Life Insurance company inactive and I have a policy?

Federal Life and Casualty in Battle Creek, MI is now inactive. My dad had a 5k life insurance policy and has passed on. He has a fully paid policy on file. Is this a situation where the family is out of luck?""

What is the cheapest car insurance for someone with moving violations?

Just bought a 2011 Ford Fiesta and am quoting insurance companies. In the past three years I have 3 speeding tickets, two 1-14 over, 1 15-29 over. My current quote with Progressive is $169/mo, Geico gave me a figure of 280...any companies I should check out?""

""An insurnce company charges a 21-year-old male a premium of $250 for one-year $100,000 life insurance policy.?""

An insurnce company charges a 21-year-old male a premium of $250 for one-year $100,000 life insurance policy. A 21-year-old male has 0.999 probability of living for a year. a. From the perspective of a 21-year-old male (or his estate), what are the values of the two different outcomes? The value if he lives is _____ dollars. The value if he dies is _____ dollars. b. What is the expected value for a 21-year-old male who buys the insurance? The expected value is ______ dollars. c. What would be the cast o the insurance if the company just breaks even (in the long run with many such policies), instead of making a profit? _____ dollars. d. Given that the expected value is negative (so the insurance company can make a profit), why should a 21-year-old male or anyone else purchase life insurance? O A person who buys a one-year policy will expect to make a profit. O Insuring the financial security of loved ones compensates for the negative expected values. Please show your work""

About coupe car insurance.?

I'm thinking of buying an coupe car. People say coupe car have very high insurance fee. Do you know where to check each car's insurance price? I also heard different age has different price, and older the cheaper. So if we have insurance this coupe as mom who is 50 year old would it be cheaper than me who is 18 year old? how much does it get cheaper if I never get in accident or get violation ticket? If you can, can you recommend me cheap coup car? Thank you.""

Do they take your plates from car if you dont pay insurance?

Do they take your plates from car if you dont pay insurance?

Is this good fuel consumption & cheap insurance group?

I have found a car and the specs sa the following fuel consumption and I wanna know if it is good or not as im looking for something more economical. Fuel consumption (urban) 43.5 mpg Fuel consumption (extra urban) 65.7 mpg Fuel consumption (combined) 55.4 mpg Also it says the insurance group is 7, is this going to be quite cheap?""

How often does Geico lower their insurance rates after you have been with them?

i have been with Geico for almost a year and right at the 6 months my insurance went down from $90 a month to $77 a month... I think they do what some other companies do and lower every 6 months for not getting involved in an accident but i want to know for sure. if someone has the information for me that would be great... thank you:)

What do compulsory and voluntary excess mean in car insurance?

The one I am looking at is 0 compulsory excess and 150 voluntary. Is it better for both to be lower? I don't know what it means. Please explain before I buy. Thanls

Does anyone or has anyone ever used California Casualty Insurance?

Im getting off of my dads plan but its really difficult to find a cheap one and Im a teacher with no strikes, tickets or anything. I get these notices in the mail for California Casualty but Im hesitant, what do they cover? Are they any good? Whats your experience?""

""Does anyone know where to get cheap UK car insurance for a 17 year old male, preferable uder 1000.?""

Does anyone know where to get cheap UK car insurance for a 17 year old male, preferable uder 1000.?""

I'm looking for an affordable medical insurance for me and my husband. Any experiences or suggestions.?

The one I have thru my employer is not good, will like to shop around but don't know where.""

Dental insurance..?

Hi, i am a student so i do not have much money. I am living in Melbourne, Australia. I would like to know if there is an affordable health insurance that cover dental needs. I need to remove my 4 wisdow teeth and also i would like to put some braces...but i can not aford it. Would an insurance be worth in this case?""

Whats an Average Insurance Quote For a 15 year old?

I recently bought a car, so its not a family car. Its a vw manx buggy i use it to go the desert with my brother who is 25. I need insurance and I am wondering how much average it would cost to put just me on the plan. Our current insurance is wawanesa so maybe their price??""

Can i have the Title of the car in my name with another person's insurance?

Can i have the Title of the car in my name with another person's insurance? Example: Could i have title of the car in my name but use my Parents insurance??

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old?...?

Im 16 about to be 17. My mom told me she doesnt want to add me onto her insurance plan and she wants me to have my own, whatever. How much would it be for a 17 Year old to have insurance under his own name, living at home with a parent [Westchester, NY] is the main question. any help? first car is going to be a 99-00 Honda civic si""

""Financed car damaged,no insurance.what to do?!?

long story short... my car cost 7000 to fix and i dont have any insurance. i want to have the finance company to get the car.what happens once they get it? will i have to pay off the loan or just pay for the damages done?

""Why is Mercedes insurance, especially the C class, so cheap?""

It's funny how I was qouted a cheaper insurance rate for a 2003 Mercedes, than a 1994 Toyota Corolla.""

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

What is the best way to recruit people to become insurance agents?

I recruit people for Farmers Insurance to become insurance agents. We train and help finance them to open their own insurance office. I'm doing this within a 30 mile radius of ...show more

Sites of the insurance quotes reliable?

http://www.education-house.com/insurance/index.html

Car insurance for a rental car?

Hello, I was looking to rent a car for about 1 month, but finding the rental companies insurance costly than the car itself. I called up few insurance companies and they are ready to provide me some cheap basic insurance for like about $75.00/month which covers liability, other car damages; but not the physical damage of my car (they said my credit card company should cover it). I discussed this with one of my friend and he said that the rental car company would not allowed you to rent a car on the renter's insurance. Is it true? If yes, then what could be the best way I can get a cheap and covered car insurance for my rental car for 1 month. Please suggest.""

""Affordable Health Insurance, any suugestions?""

I am a nanny. My employer does not offer any insurance. I need primary, dental, and vision coverage. I used to have the best insurance. $5 dollar co pay no prescript payment for generic and coverage for all drs. That was when i was under my mom's blue cross blue shield ppo plan. I cant afford too much but need something. Any suggestions on affordable health insurance?""

Question about insurance coverage?

will the insurance company pay for a scratch on car thats really small and will my rates increase for it?

I am looking for the home page of atlantic highlands insurance?

I am looking for the home page of atlantic highlands insurance?

How does Driver's License affect insurance in Washington State?

I'm 18 and just recently moved in with my grandparents so I can go to school. I would like to get my driver's license, but they are telling me I can't because it would make their insurance rates go up. I don't think that makes any sense because I don't have a car, and I don't drive theirs. Would me getting a driver's license affect them at all actually?""

Car insurance?

okay my parents want me off their plan..cuz aprantly i suck at driving. -speeding -illegal passing - failure to stop at a light and bad driving resultin in an accident....so i dont blame them..anyway..could some one help me find the most affordable way to go about gettin my own insurance policy..i am 18 full time student working a part time job..yes i know that isnt very good..but i have to deal with what ive got.. so please help me..and no before you ask my grades are not b average

Do I need auto insurance on a car that is not running with no plates?

I live in Parma, Cuyahoga County, Ohio. I am planning on buying a project car that is currently not running. I am going to keep it in a garage out on the farm and slowly build it back up. What kind of insurance do I need on it? My old car used to have storage insurance on it for winters, about $20 a month. I don't want to pay $70 per month for a nonrunning car!""

How much will insurance go up?

I'm 20 living in NJ. Been driving for about 2 years and under my parents insurance policy. I have no points on my license other than the ones that you start out with.I've gotten 2 tickets before but neither of them were point tickets and neither of them went to insurance. This ticket I just received was for speeding (over by 9 MPH). About how much will my monthly insurance rate increase by?

What health insurance can help me?

ok im 44 years old and i have super low income and i have heart problem, 8 years ago i got heart attack now insurances i applyed for wont take me because i had heart attack im from different country so i dont know many american isurances and stuff please tell me which is cheap health insurance which will check out my heart and hopefully help me""

Anybody have any reviews for GO AUTO INSURANCE? THANKS?

I am looking at purchasing full coverage on a new car and was wondering if anybody had any experiences with GO AUTO INSURANCE. This is a Louisiana Based Auto Insurance group and they currently have the lowest rates for the vehicle I want to insure. Thanks in advance!!

Cancer Victims that do not have health insurance in CA. What can i Do?

My mother inlaw has cancer in her stomach and has now spread to her liver and hip bone:( but does not have good health insurance. She has no income. Please let me know if there are any programs we can look into to help her. THank you!

Insurance for teenager?

I just need an in general Really what I need is a website where I might be able to fill out some information to get an average of what my insurance might be. I will get my license soon. I have a high GPA around 3.5 and will be driving a dodge spirit in ohio. Anyone have any idea around what my insurance would be?

""Auto Insurance, im swtiching companies but im worried about lienholder. Help?

i have Capital One as my auto lienholder and as of right now allstate as my insurance. I was sent a letter by allstate that they are going to cancel my policy as of 12/17 for ...show more

Why is it so hard to get health insurance with an autoimmune disease?

I have rheumatoid arthritis and can't seem to find affordable health insurance. Providers see huge red flags when I tell them this. Right now I get all my healthcare with the county of Los Angeles, which is huge relief, but at some point I may want to leave the Los Angeles area. I have no idea what kinds of health care programs other states have for the lower income people. I am surprised that health insurance companies can get away with avoiding people with certain diseases, unless they want to pay huge premiums. Can someone explain this to me?""

Whats a cheap car insurance company i could try??! other than quinn any recomendations?

see above :)!

How much will my insurance be?

im 21 never had an accident i have a scion fr-s and plan on getting a yamaha r6 next month and this summer im buying a wrecked supra for a project car once everythings fixed what will my insurance cost?

Cheap car insurance with DUI?

I'm really struggling to pay rent along with everything else, and now I have to pay car insurance or else my registration will be suspended. I can barely afford to buy food with my part time job and school. Is there a really cheap car insurance company that accept DUIs? I don't have bad credit and have ALWAYS paid my bills, I just need something relatively cheap or else I have no idea how I am going to stay under a roof with food. I live in northern California if that matters. I'm 24 and got my DUI 3 years ago. I had actually got stopped because of my light.""

How can i insure my car for 1?

just read somewhere on this site that you can insure a car for 1 surely this is a load of uncle tom cobbler? would be very impressed if someone can answer this question... seeing as my car is only worth 500 why should i be expected to pay almost that in insurance? it would get written off any way should i ever claim. cos being an olde banger insurance cost for parts and availability not as easy and quick to get.

How do Life Insurance companies make money?

If you get a 500,000 dollar policy pay 250 a month that would take 2000 years for them to make the money back. How do they make more money then they put out?""

Is there a way to get really cheap car insurance like $50 or so?

I've had some really minor things (all but one not my fault) on my record recently and my car insurance is over $200.00! I tried to get some quotes from other places, but they were all about the same. What do poor people do in this situation? I can't afford this and it is the most basic coverage I can get from Gieco.""

How much would my car insurance payments be?

I'm thinking about getting a 2011/2012 Hyundai Elantra and was wondering how much would my car insurance payments be with Geico, Allstate, or Statefarm? Also what would you recommend?""

Looking for affordable health insurance for the sefl employed?

i cannot find any affordable insurance and i need assistance

Should i purchase insurance when renting a car from the rental company?

should I purchase insurance when renting a car from the rental company. I have my own car insurance for my car.

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

Aiken South Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 29805

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/homeowners-insurance-quote-columbus-ohio-jose-michaelson/"