#i cant even explain it but do you know what i mean

[restlesschilled]

TMagP 013

Note: As Always, I am a backer so this was written 23 April, 2024 and scheduled to be posted on 25 April, 2024

oh god its another episodes written by Alex

awww thanks odin <3

Im dreading this

PRE STATEMENT/ CASE

OHHH DATE TIME

THE FLIRTING

This is so cute but i cant trust it because alex wrote it

"that you dont know how cute you are" adshfjagdhflakshdf

WERE STARTING WITH THE BIG STUFF

"hi im from an alternate universe"

CELIA IS A MOM

JACK IS HER BABY

"i had a while few years when I first moved here"

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO CELIA OR JACK I WILL RIOT

HOW DARE

SHES A SINGLE MOM

"that depends on your baggage. DISH"

"they were the first ones that didnt want me" oooooooo\

Alice's Parents are dead good to know

"most pathetic vague post shes ever scene"

"more wine" "please"

LENA OFFICE

GWEN MY POOR BABY

"is it my fault?"

MY POOR PRECIOUS GIRL

"were managing the bad guys" FUCK

CASE

this hold music is a BOP

i had to stop and have my friend explain public school in England to me because that is not the same thing as American public schools

oh lovely a "fiance guy"

a hedge fund guy what i mean is a hedge fund guy

Why in gods name, would you use experimental setting on a hedge fund/ investing app… when you have no idea what it does and it has a shit tone of disclaimers??? i get being desperate but that's just stupid

also the irony of this guy saying hes a good person when hes betting on people failing with hedge funds

do people even steal phones anymore?

i feel like they are not worth all that much and just have to many ways to tack them for it to be worth anything unless you are targeting someone specifically

yeah i figured they might have targeted him

im pretty sure this would qualify as inside trading somehow

betting against your own company and than tanking the company is very illegal

pretty sure betting you'll have a shit time and then making sure you have a shit time would be the same thing

basically this man is committing insurance fraud... but through a hedge fund

it just occurred to me hes calling from the hospital that's what the beeping is

also vertigo mentioned

he was attack by computer bugs lol

shitty "finance guy" gets whats coming to him asmr

post statement

okay i know sam probably mean "be professional" like stop with the flirting

BUT WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT I SOUND LIKE YALL HAVE BEEN HOOKING UP AFTER WORK SOMETIMES.

HAVE YALL BEEN HOOKING UP?

this is how i choose to interpret this this is my new head canon( it was already kinda my head canon)

But if you ever ask me to be professional again, I'm going to have to take a shit on your desk." ALICE

"you signed the official secrets act in your onboarding. And I know all your school friends say treason's 'bussin'' and 'fire', but it won't look good on your CV." i love her so much

"its fine when I say it"

this episode really said fuck capitalism didn't it

also do week need to talk about the fact that celia's son is named Jack Ripley like jack the ripper

WAIT A SECOND JACK IS A NICKNAME FOR JOHN/JON

DID SHE NAME HER SON AFTER JON?

#this show has me in a chokehold #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #gwen bouchard #celia ripley #tmapg #tmagp 13 #jack ripley #alice #alice dyer #lena #restless reacts to tmagp #live #liveblog

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[majimassqueaktoy]

That's what you get for being a majima fans stupid bitch

these fat titties?

#did they kill Majima while I slept what does this ask mean 😭 #thats what i get for being a majima fan.... what did i get.... what does this ask mean #i cant even tell if its anon hate im just confused #please come back and explain to me I would appreciate it #like actually i want to know what do you MEAN

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

Not pro/anti ship but a secret third thing (side eyeing ppl with ships i dont like and block them/the tag if it makes me uncomfortable)

#shut up pandora #wtf is pro and anti SHIP anyway #you cant come up with a universal definition everyone will agree on #'no problematic ships' ok can you write a manifesto on every nuance of shipping in fiction to describe what exactly is problematic #and then can you get everyone who says 'no problematic ships' to agree with it #'no censorship/harassment' is noble and all but what do you mean by that? when ppl tell you they dislike your ship? #when i say i dislike the huntlow ship 80 shippers go for the throat and tell me either to either make sure it doesnt end up in the tags #or tell me not to say it at all. in a post that isnt even blind hate like i always talk about their characters and the story too #is that censorship? #and then 20 ppl trip over themselves to explain why THEY PERSONALLY like the ship even if i didnt ask #is that harrassment? #or is that just ppl online being obnoxious about their opinions and theres no need to moralize the concept of shipping #which has been around in its semi modern form since the 60s #you can be pro or anti SPECIFIC SHIP though i dont use that term bc of the associations with the words pro and anti #but moralizing an entire aspect of fandom culture generalizes too much #the truth is theres no cheat code to avoid drama in fandom you cant just slap a lable on yourself and expect everyone to know what you mean #you cant just say im anti ship and be absolved of liking 'problematic content' bc the definition of that is blurry as hell #you can just say im pro ship and universally supoort every person shipping weird shit you gotta draw the line somewhere #and while you shouldnt harass them the definition for that is blurry too #gotta curate your own online experience block ships and ppl you dont like etc #pro and anti is just a line in the sand that separates a whole spectrum of ppl

[themyscirah]

Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute

#I JUST- SHDIAUDJSHDSHEYEYRYRYRY guys. guys #i know none of you see my vision and thats okay. i will make you see my vision. i will force you to see my vision. i will- #like jesus fucking christ oh my god. its so interesting and gives me so many emotions and just!!! #i know im not making sense bc none of my moots are sui sq fans and also like half of the content fucking me up specifically here is in my #head because i cant stop thinking about my absolute power fix it au but like!!!!!!! #also the fact i have a fix it for a comic that isnt out yet is so funny to me. its literally fucking real though. god knows we need it #may my own content carry me through the dark times (extreme villain waller arc) #anyways this fucks me up so bad you dont even know. someday ill actually explain it #dc hire me to write a suicide squad ongoing PLEASE. i could do it so good it would be so fucking good dc PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #also like this isnt me shipping them btw. like 110% not that. just to clarify. #i wouldnt even call it a friendship bc like. theyre not friends really. he has the most equal dynamic with her i would say but it still isnt #equal. shes v much his boss even though they have an understanding and respect there #like she believes and trusts in him much more than anybody really even himself. like she sees the good man and the leader even when he #doesnt. but she isnt nice about it. and there is a lot of conflict between them when there needs to be #like as much as ben is “wallers man”--the team leader she wanted from the beginning before rick flagg pushed his way in #ben i would say is still a very moral person even when lost and unsure of himself and his goodness (which is like one of his main things) #like i feel like while amanda can lean very into a “the ends justify the means” mindset in her worse moments and do bad things to get #herself out of a corner ben has like a deep and meaningful understanding of how the choices of your methods and how you act can weigh on you #like even though he was brainwashed and whatnot (thats still the story right? i cant remember) he holds a lot of guilt and baggage over his #actions and i think is able to temper amanda's worse tendencies in terms of that by calling her out when he recognizes that behavior #idk. i just really think that amanda waller and the suicide squad as a whole has lost its way without a more moral authority presence there. #like someone who can call her out and keep them more on track. which i really thing ben is and could be #i just very much am interested in their dynamic and how that would look like as equals and how i think they could help each other. #which ofc is what my wip is about and revolves around #blah #sui sq

[britneyshakespeare]

i might seem like just a mentally ill eccentric. but deep down i care about the children

#im talking about my job #tales from diana #i probably dont seem eccentric at all to the ppl i work w just socially anxious (which is very obvious irl & always has been w me) #i dont know how to explain my conflict about working at my high school lately other than. it's not just my trauma #with that particular building. i mean yes it's very much awoken w me when im in there #but everything that was wrong w the *culture* of my school. the way teenagers in that district acted. #it's like. exactly the way i left it seven years ago #and i think a lot of it has to do with the incompetence of the administration and i hate to say it but. individual teachers to some extent #i mean ppl just have no expectations for these children to be respectful and apply themselves #when you treat students with dignity and present their work with dignity they will feel dignified and care more. #there are lots of systemic issues that affect teenagers too that cause them to be disengaged as well #and you never know what's just going on in their individual lives that's interfering w their school success. #in many ways it's like the way they fare is so out of our hands that i get why teachers are so burnt out and cant be assed #im very much bright-eyed and bushytailed in some ways. even tho i do not see this as a glamorous job #i am very young and haven't been doing this long enough to have EVERY ideal beaten out of me. just most of em. #yeah. the culture of that high school is just awful. #in general i have very high opinions of teenagers. and low opinions of high schoolers. #it's not who they are that is wrong. it's the building they inhabit and the ways they move around it. #it's the potential of them that is being ill-served that frustrates me so much. #they deserve better and so do we as the adults working there #that's that on that

[arcaneyouth]

god i fucking hope this rover thing pays off.

#vent post #negative #i need money so bad its killing me #i have taken out a couple hundred from my savings. because i never know if i have enough money for something (i dont. ever.) #so. goodbye to my moving out funds. if rover doesnt pay off im. so. fucked. #would be easier if i could just get a fucking job wouldnt it!!! but its been like 2 years and still i have not had anyone just #walk me through the process of how that works #they just tell me 'you just apply online' and dont explain what that means and dont show me how to do it #they dont tell me how to do an interview they just assume i know how this works and i dont and i keep trying to make that clear and no one #fucking helps me #i only last week learned youre supposed to ask the interviewer questions and that you can do interviews at like. coffee shops #i have 0 fucking job experience and it is Killing Me!!!!!!!!! #i hate money!!!! i hate trying to get money in this world that wasnt built for me!!!!!! my fucking anxiety and my autism hates this!!!!!!! #not to mention im still terrified of leaving the house which is only fixed by leaving the house but i have no reason to leave the house #so i dont and i stay scared and i dont think about jobs i cant do at home and thats even worse for reasons i cant explain #i still dont know how taxes work and when thats going to be a thing i have to get a crash course on #and while im fucking trying and failing over and over to just take the first steps i have to spend money to live #money i dont fucking have #money i. do have. but thats money ive been saving since i was a kid so i could have a good start for moving out #and ive transferred 1000 of it to my card in the last few months alone. #if i dont get some solid cash from rover im just. stuck again. stuck in this stupid loop ive been in for years #i started trying to move out at the end of 2020. #ive made no progress. #.....i guess ive made a little progress. i can drive now. thats. pretty important. #and i did download rover #and other than one dumbass thing my accounts pretty much ready to go #and itll get me out of the house more and I'll get used to that more and maybe just stepping outside wont be a nightmare anymore #uhg. lays face down on the floor.

[picorimori]

i've had two weeks to do this work too. its part because i couldnt make myself do it and also i had a lot of other work to do two weeks ago

#i buy dinner ingredients every night because no one else will i am SO tired physically mentally #like if i dont buy ingredients: i just wont eat. fucking insane here. if i dont eat i will get sick and then #i cant get sick again #i told my friend what i was programming and he was like wow havent done that I JUST CANT WIN BRO #MY ONE CLASSMATE DOESNT WORK UNTIL THE NIGHT BEFORE ITS DUE AND THE OTHER ONE IS CONDESCENDING #i dont know if he realizes it. everytime he explains something its in a #'what you cant even do this?' way and im nice so i want to believe he just doesnt know #but my default is mean so no i think he does think he's better than people #i was gonna make a joke like you cant be condescending to me unless youre a hot woman but like even then #if you are mean to me even a little for no reason its my right to kill you

[bunny-heels]

i hate how obsessed ive become to this show but god i cannot help it

#the bun talks #you dont understand #its a mixture of it being the perfect balance of kid wholesomness and angst #and the nostaliga of when i was a kid watching athf and had the thought of what if shake actually tried to be a good person #coupled with the fucking amazing voice actors #the lovingly featured representation and doing it in a way to really make you think #my bf and i were talking about how its basically WOY if wander and hater actually had a non-toxic relationship #this is the first kid show ive been obsessed with in years since MLP #and scratch and mollys relationship mean the world to me #i feel for scratch in that when i was younger it was really hard for me to accept that people outside my family cared about me #and i feel for molly cause deep down i wish i was as optimistic and outwardly friendly as her #and i have her kinda child like naivity that theres always a chance for things to get better #ive even had thoughts of kinning her at this point and maybe i want to? i dont know #the new ep related to me so fucking much i know its an experience that a lot of mixed race kids have but. it really really spoke to me #i really relate to her in ways that i cant fully explain. maybe i do kin her. i kinda feel like i already am #and finally like #im. so fucking in love with scratch. SO fucking in love #i live and die hard for characters like him. so upset at the world but finally gets the love he needs. #hes so fucking cute too and snyder does such a good job with him. hes very close to my heart already. #definitely fits the category of f/os that are short. vioent. and grumpy. but just really want attention #and that coupled with his lore and mysteries and the potential of what he really is its just......... #god i love him so so so so fucking much #im embarrassed cause i mean its literally just a kid friendly and a lil more likable MS but. im pretty sure thats another factor of it #cause obviously shake was one of the best parts of ATHF and yeah hes funny on his own #but my child brain back then was like. 'man i wonder what would happen if he was nicer' #and now i have my answer. in the form of him being a cute blue blob that befriends a girl who helps him open up #and its so nice that the show doesnt rely on secondhand embarrassment or making certain characters feel miserable for a gag #its #its just. such a fucking good show #and if it gets cancelled im genuinely gonna have a breakdown

[cassandrattpd]

yesterday i had a panic attack at work and sobbed for over an hour at my desk in front of all of my coworkers bc i was frozen to the spot and couldn't like...move myself to a different area at the very least. and i embarrassed the fuck out of myself and now i'm afraid of the new job that i loved 🙃

#i just want to have all the answers and i don't and the more people try to reassure me i'm still just learning the more upset i get!!!! #then i couldnt even come home bc HE was trying to comfort me and tell me the same shit #and its like it doesmt matter that ill eventually get it!!!!!!!! i dont get it RIGHT NOW and right now is what matters if you want me to #start taking incoming calls from clients who want me to explain it TO THEM!!!! #like i understand the basics of our software but i dont understand basic accounting math AT. ALL. which is part of what our software does so #if i get a call about that even if i understand what the software is supposed to do in theory i dont understand the fucking math!!!!!!! #i just look at it and it means NOTHING to me it might as well just be scribbles on a wall #and it doesnt matter to a client if im new and their books are messed up all that matters is that im stupid and cant help them and then i #freeze and therein lies the problem #the expectation is that i 'learn' using real people's real problems as examples and emotionally i cant handle the weight of NOT FIXING #A PROBLEM I'M EXPECTED TO FIX #my trauma response relies heavily on 'if i just fix the problem ill be safe' so when i cant fix it i literally revert to fucking infancy #which makes me great at customer service bc I'll go to any lengths to help you!!!!!!! but i dont feel like i have the tools to do that yet #amd i dont know how to explain that to my boss without making me sound even more useless than he is probably already perceiving me after #what happened yesterday

[doebt]

TBH working retail has really made me realise just how much people love their random pieces of plastic. Like all these expensive toys ppl are buying and shipping to their nieces and nephews without even wrapping it just putting a Target(tm) Gift Message in the order that says “Merry xmas!Love aunt Karla and Joe�� Its all just slightly d ifferent pieces of plastic put together. I cant explain it man

#also WHATTTTT is up with these like OMG! LOL! Surprise things #like do you know what im talking about the little balls with like idk dolls or doll clothes in them or something #I dont even know what the esurprise is #But its literally like the lottery for little kids...I cant explain it #and i know i sound like a certain type of way but its like just the materialism ingrained in our ENTIRE culture and society or whatever #Is so disturbing to me and almost creepy or something... #Its like all about instant gratification but isnt fulfilling at all i mean it CANT be #that piece of plastic is just going to be forgotten about in some drawer in at the MOST a year #thats being generous af too probably more like a week #Like does anyone know what i mean

[nerdie-faerie]

Having a complicated relationship with your mum is so confusing. It's the knowledge that she taught me the best way to make gravy, how tie my shoes and how to make my bed. But she's also the one that made disparaging comments about my body growing up and is part of the reason I don't want to be a parent myself and why I moved across the country for uni. But she's still my mum and I still find myself wishing I could seek comfort from her when things get a little too hard but the mum I'm longing for doesn't really exist. And I see her in the colour of my eyes and in the way I grit my teeth when I'm angry. She taught me how to do my hair and how to cover up bruises. She's a part of me in all the good and the bad. And there's no way to say you hate someone that doesn't also acknowledge all the good because nothings as ever as black and white as that

#personal #+Extra #i dont know i was making gravy for dinner the way my mum taught me and it got me thinking about how i havent spoken to her in over a week #since she told me that my dad is threatening to kick me out again and i started thinking about the fact im currently at empty student #accommodation for the summer instead of back home like most people anf how part of me feels guilty for that and the other knows im doing #whats best for me and theres a reason i left people keep asking why im so far up north for uni if im from down south and i dont know how to #explain it they look at you a certain way when you say you dont get along with your parents like your an entitled brat that cant see that #theyre just doing whats best for you and theres no way to explain two decades of trauma to someone in a single conversation theres no way #to get them to understand that despite what my parents do and the fact i went as far as i could for uni theyre still my parents and i love #them even when i hate them for everything and although ill being carrying the scars of childhood trauma with me long after ive left them i #cant entirely blame even when i want to they made terrible choice that have shaped me for ever but theyre still people and ill always #resent them for the people they are and the fact they could do better but didnt for us and the fact they fall back into those people like #a bad habit when i spend to long at home in a way that makes feel like theres something wrong with me specifically will always sit with me #but for now im stood in my kitchen making sheppards pie thinking of the way my mum used to make it and the tension that used to hang over #the dining table while we ate and how now my parents dont even eat in the same room and im grateful my little siblings will never know #that side of our parents but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt every time i see a reflection of my parents in myself and wish i could cut it out

[i-like-gay-books]

being an adult sucks i just realized that the reason why ive been feeling sucky for the past few weeks and not sleeping well and been bloated is probably due to consuming too much sodium why can i not be a kid again and not worry about things like sodium intake and blood pressure

#i finally did some googling and it all checks out #i literally woke up in the middle of the night the other night and drank water and im not even sick #red fucking flag #im glad that i probably figured it out now and i can do something about it #not glad that the fact that its been going on so long means that im now panicking over the potential of a heart attack #but what else is new #this also explains why excercise always makes me feel marginally better #and crying #god this is what happens when you tell someone who cant cook to self cater #good lesson to learn i guess but yikes #i guess now i know my limits #the only way to learn #cloudy tries adulting #cloudy rambles

[marklikely]

i havent seen any of the purge movies but i feel like i wont be able to take them seriously as scary films because the phrase "all crime is legal" is inexplicably so funny to me

#put it in the same camp as when halsey said High on Legal Marijuana to sound like. edgy? tough? jaded? who knows #i cant explain why it just feels like a punchline to me it makes me laugh. #avpost #uh oh guys watch out all crime is legal. #also don't the bad guys wear silly clown masks or smth. #my mental image of The Purge Villains is like the girls from spring breakers. or a version of the joker who's going to a rave #i mean if crime is already legal why do they even wear masks. you don't need to hide your identity #is it like complaining on social media . like its not illegal but if your boss finds out then they'll find an excuse to fire you anyway. #i should probably watch these what kind of fake horror fan am i but augh. not a big fan of early 2010s horror

[mizugucci]

i love not existing

#dont ask me what i mean by this #because i dont know #i dont even know if this is sarcastic or not #life just feels very strange recently #i dont feel like myself #i feel like im watching everyone else live their lives while #im on the outside as a mere spectator #i dont mind being alone or being lonely #but this is a strange feeling #i dont even know how to explain it #i think perhaps it is indeed sarcastic and i would like to be acknowledged #since as i type this i feel more upset than cathartic #and you know the stupidest thing? #now that ive typed this i understand a bit more #i think the thing that triggered this emotion is the fact #that i cant do polls #like i feel very left out #i mean its fine idc what would i even use it for #but like i said: watching from the outside #its not like i even can complain about it ive been gone for days #random queued posts like 2 a day #ive not interacted with anyone else #so it makes sense #but idk i felt like it would be nice to be noticed #i see all these people with close bff friends #who make stuff for each other #its not like i dont have mutuals i consider friends #but idk i dont know how to explain it #i still feel left out somehow? i dont know #im friendly with most people on here but i dont feel actually