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#i cant stop thinking about her like genuinely at all
ysrjune · 2 days
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(i feel like i need to let you guys know that I HAVE to listen to the song on repeat 4 a few times to really get me going for this fic 😔)
also i know the ending kinda sucks Im SORRY
Into You ✦
Sam had texted you to dress nicely since he was taking you to a nice restaurant. It's so sweet of him to do this even though you forced him out of your life for 6 years.
Luckily, you had packed a few nice dresses in case something special came up. This was definitely something special. The color of the dress was plain but had a cute pattern all over it. You did your hair in whatever way you thought looked the best and added a few other details like rings, earrings, and a necklace after finishing your makeup.
To top it all off, you sprayed your favorite perfume, and you were done getting ready. You had a couple of minutes to wait until Sam came by to pick you up. You spent that short amount of time talking pictures and becoming a little nervous about how this is gonna go.
Your mom came knocking at your door, smiling. “He’s here,” She entered, admiring how beautiful her little girl looked. “You look so gorgeous, my love.” A tear nearly fell from her eye. You smile softly to her and give her a gentle hug. “Thank you, mom. I'll see you later.”
You went outside to find Sam with a bouquet of flowers. “Looks like someone really outdid herself on the whole look, huh?” He huffed a chuckle, totally checking you out. “You're the one who told me to dress nice.” You say with a twirl while walking over to him so he could see the whole outfit.
“Well, you listened.” Sam smiled down at you and passed over the flowers. “Oh, Sam. I love th—”, “ah-ah. they're for your mom.” He cut you off, making you look to the side, then back to him with confusion. “Um, what?” You asked before he shook his head with a laugh. “Just messin’ with you, n/n.” Oh, so you leave for a few years and all of a sudden he thinks hes a comedian..
“Come on, let's go.” He reached his arm around you, leading to his car. This is so weird.. Sam has never been the type to be so touchy, talkative, or confident. He really was like a new person.
The car ride was anything but quiet and awkward. He started all the conversations, as well as kept them going. “A year after you left, I realized how big of a loser I was. Weird, too.” He cringed at the memory of how he used to be. “I was so pale, too. I genuinely looked so unwell. So, I decided to go out more to get tanned.”
He had worked in construction for a while so he could have more color to his skin, and it worked really well. He also told you about how he started working out to not be scrawny. The brown hair with blondish tints was actually because he didn't like the black and blue anymore. Eye makeup? How child like.
Listening to the reasons why he changed was different than you expected. Way different.
Dinner went well. You told him about your studies and life after graduating. Sam made sure to pay attention at all times. You also learned that your cousin wasn't lying about so many girls liking him. “I went out with a few, had sex with one, and regretted it. They didn't like me for who I am. They just liked me cause I stopped being so emo.” He laughed at it.
“Did you like them for who they were?” He rolled his eyes at your question. “Well, duh. I don't go out with girls just cause they're cute. All those girls I dated, I got to really know before, and it's not like I went out with all the ones who wanted me.” He sips his drink, “Some of them were skanks, and I didn't wanna catch anything. And some of them were just.. not good at all, yknow? Cant believe some girls think being rude is flirting.”
“Did you start looking more for personality than looks after Alyssa?” You crack a joke, hoping that he doesn't take it the wrong way. “Yep. Most definitely.” He replied with that charming smile.
Dinner was mostly catching up. After paying, he took you to his house. Lets just say one thing led to another, and you were arguing about how you just up and left like that.
“You promised! You promised that you'd call and visit, but you lied! If you wanted me to disappear from your life, you could have fucking said that!” He sort of shouted. “Sam, I didn't want to erase you from my life. I just wanted to live a little!”
“That doesn't make any sense. You probably just didn't care about me anymore after meeting new people. Look, its fucked up, but you can say it if you want. After all, it shouldn't matter anymore cause you're here now, right?” He says sarcastically.
“I waited for you to call me for 6 years! almost a whols decade, y/n!” He crossed his arms. “I don't know if it ever occurred to you that the phone works both ways, Sam.” You yell at him.
“No, dont pull that shit on me because I did call. I tried, but you know what? You changed your god damn number.” He sounded so mad and frustrated. “Do not play with me right now. Just say it already.”
“Okay! I stopped caring! Im sorry, Sam. That was stupid of me. I was like, your only friend. I know!” You replied and put yourself on his arms for a hug. As much as he wanted to push away, he wasnt like that. At least he wasn't gonna be like that after you apologized.
he sighed, arms wrapping around you and chin resting on your shoulder. “I know you're sorry. At least you're here now.” His big hands slide up and down your back. “Missed you so much.”
You sniffled into his chest and mumbled out the same. “Let me tell you something.” He says and sits you on the couch. “If I wasn't in love with you, I wouldn't have cared thaf you left. I was so used to people leaving already, so it wouldn't have mattered. but you had me so head over heels. that's the biggest reason I was mad.”
You sort of knew he had a little crush on you, but in love? “You're lying.” He shook his head. “Why would I lie?” Fuck, thats true. “To get back at me, maybe.” You sigh. “Sam, im gonna be honest, I never had a whole crush on you, but I did think about us being a couple sometimes. When you were with Alyssa, I was thinking about how I could treat you so much better.”
“Then why didn't you? I would have said yes. Didn't you realize how often I'd rather spend time with you than her? I wanted it to be you.” He spoke softly, tangling yours and his fingers together. “I've never gotten over you. I look for you in every girl I go out with. Whether it's personality or if she has the slightest resemblance..”
Okay, Sam.. what the fuck. but also, aw! “That's.. kind of weird, but sweet in a way.” You say with a giggle. “Yeah, I guess.” Sam shrugged, accidentally looking down at your boobs. “Um, sorry.” He looked away and blushed.
No matter how much he changed, he was never gonna fully get rid of that shy guy in him. “It's okay.” You laughed at him and decided to stroke his cheek with your hand. “You've always been so cute when you blush.”
“Yeah, okay.” He says in a deepened, sarcastic voice and rolls his eyes. “Its just. blushing. Nothing about that should be amusing.” , “But it is!” Your hand went to mess with his curly hair.
“You look really good with long hair, too.” You keep complimenting him on his appearance until he rushed in for a kiss. His hands went to your hips, rubbing up and down until they got a little more nosy and rubbed your thighs, making you shiver.
“Sam, what are you doing..” You mumbled against his lips. “I couldn't hold back anymore. I needed to do something.” He mumbled back and pecked your lips one more time before shifting to your neck. “Sam, what if someone sees—” That made him smile against you. “Silly, no one's gonna see. I live alone.”
One thing led to another, and now he had two fingers in you on his bed. So much happened too fast. You couldn't remember what even led to this. “Sam, faster, please.” You whimper, holding onto his forearm. “Why, you don't like me going slow? Don't like when I'm being nice?” He whispered into your ear, speeding up the pace just a little bit.
“No, I—,” What were you supposed to say? You were already at a loss of words, getting so stimulated by his long fingers. “Can't say anything else, baby?” He smirked and shook his head. “It's okay. Just let me make you feel good.” He removed his fingers and put them on his mouth, sucking off all the cum you left.
He let his cock free from his boxers and slid it on between your folds, causing a moan to leave your mouth. “You like that?” He questioned, not expecting you to react like that. You nod your head at Sam, letting your hand find its way to his cock and inserting it into you for him.
Sam let a breathy moan escape him as you did this. “Shit, you couldn't wait?” He grips your hips, swallowing. “So tight. It's better than I ever imagined.” He groaned, moving in and out slowly. “Can I go faster, please? pleasepleaseplease.” Every plead was said with every thrust.
You nod your head, keeping your eyes on his face. He looked so good in the dim light. All sweaty, eyebrows knitted together. “Sam, ‘m gonna cum.” you scratch at his back. “yeah? so do it then. cum all over my cock, s’okay, pretty.” his cock went deeper inside you.
just a couple more thursts, and it was over for you. He edged himself for a little while so he could make you finish 2 more times before he slid in between your folds and came all over them. the way he would only whimper when be was close was so cute.
He stayed lying on your chest for a short while as you twirled his locks in your fingers. “Please dont leave. I can't lose you again.” Was he asking you to move all the way back here again? The first thought that came to your mind was yes, but then you went deeper into thought, thinking about your friends back over where you lived now.
“I'll..” You pause, looking at him. Look at you with his pretty eyes. “stay.”
Great.
Timeskipping to a year later, he asked you to be his official girlfriend and to move in with him. And of course you said yes! Life with Sam Monroe is perfect. Hes so sweet and gentle all the time, even when hes upset. Hes all you could ever ask for in a boyfriend.
tags: @heartsforanakin @sockiess @radiantvader @anakinstwinklebunny @lunalitva @lvrfay3 @froggyfrip @geckoomoria @espinathena-17 @demieyesore @your-arm-is-minty-fresh @gallerygourmet @haydensprettyprincess 🎀
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pinkandlilacroses · 2 days
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⋆ ˚。⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚。⋆
Angel - Paige bueckers
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• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {angst}
• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
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bellas pov
for everyday this week, azzis been over and i haven’t seen jake in a while. hmmm
avery has taken away my weed, and my valium because she says i need to ‘deal with things naturally’ blah blah blah
this week has sucked. especially because avery keeps dragging me to azzis basketball practice, and every practice, paige ignores me. i really need to stop thinking about her.
“its friday, that means you don’t have to go to a practice until monday” avery says, trying to convince me to show up to yet another practice. i don’t even watch basketball, theres literally no point to me being there
“ok, fine”
azzis pov
i know what avery’s doing is wrong. i mean shes cheating on her high school boyfriend with me, but i think im falling for her.
“paige cmon we have practice” i say, shaking paige, attempting to wake her up
“ok, ok, calm down. im up”
“also, avery and bella are coming to practice again”
“bro why” she says, complaining. she doesn’t like bella for some reason, like every time bellas around, she gets annoyed quicker than usual.
“why do you hate bella so much”
“cause she gets to attached” she says.
what.
“what do you mean paige” i say, somewhat yelling
“i mean, we hooked up and she got all mad when i kicked her out, then she blocked me”
“paige are you fucking kidding me” i say, fuming
i cant believe this, the one girl i actually like, of course paige has hooked up with her best friend
“it was before you guys got close” she says, defending her actions
“it doesn’t matter, avery definitely knows. oh my god” i say, getting more and more stressed
“bro it doesn’t matter” she says, getting ready, clearly unfazed by my anxiety heightening
“of course you would do this. why do you have to get with every girl on campus paige, she clearly isn’t like that” i say, yelling
“she was loving it” she says, smirking. why is she not talking this seriously
“your disgusting” i say, slamming the door and walking to practice on my own
azzi
- hey bella, im so sorry about what paige did
- i just yelled at her for you lol
bella
- did she tell you?
azzi
- yeah
- im so sorry
bella
- its ok
- it doesn’t matter
azzi
- does avery know?
bella
- yeah
- its pretty obvious
azzi
- yeah lol
fuck.
bellas pov
i mean, i appreciate azzi’s texts, but she shouldn’t be apologising for her shitty excuse of a best friend
“hey guys” nika says, as we walk into practice
“bella” kk says, spinning me around. i’ve gotten pretty close with kk over the past week, so this isn’t out of the ordinary
im talking to the team, as avery sticks to conversating with azzi, until
“paige” ice and kk say, somewhat screaming
azzi and avery just look at her, blankly
paige comes and stands with myself and the rest of the team, standing next to me
“can we talk” she whispers
“about what” i say, turning to face her. i obviously want to talk to her, but i dont want her to know how bad i want to
“i just need to talk to you”
“ok, fine”
she drags me to the bathroom and i sit on the bench
“azzi knows” she says, leaning close to me
“yeah, she texted me”
she looks at me, blankly
“is that all you wanted to say
“im sorry”
what.
“wait what” i ask, genuinely confused
“i shouldn’t of kicked you out”
im in shock
she continues “i was just horny and desperate, i genuinely do want to get to know you, im sorry”
she wants to get to know me?
“what do you wanna know” i ask, somewhat seductively
she bites her lip
“no”
huh?
“i want to know you, in a friend way”
“oh” i say, jumping down from the bench and walking out of the bathroom
“no bella, not like that” she says, chasing after me
i walk out of the bathroom and towards avery
“im leaving”
“ok tell me later” obviously referring to paige and i in the bathroom
im getting deja vu, walking through the halls, crying. fuck why do i care so much about her
paiges pov
i fucked up. i didn’t mean it like that, i meant that i want to know everything about her, like a friend. but i want to be more. fuck
why would i say that
“avery, whats your dorm number” i say, running up to avery and azzi
“why” she asks, confused
“what did you do” azzi adds
“i fucked up, i think i like her. and i fucked up” i say, shocking myself
they both look at me in shock
“no fucking way” azzi says, covering her mouth in shock
“its 235, be quick, run!” avery says, and i begin to charge out of practice. fuck that. this means more
after basically running through the dorm halls, i begin to hear soft cries. thats her
“bella?” i say
“leave me alone” she says, i run closer to the voice and i see her. standing outside her door
“bella, please talk to me” i say, standing infront of her, towering
“why paige, you just wanna be friends” she says, looking up at me with teary eyes
“please let me in, i need to explain” i beg, and she complies
“sit” she says, coldly
“ive always had a crush on you, ever since your freshman year, i’ve noticed you, more than any other girl. seeing you in the halls genuinely brightens up my day, at the bar. i had finally mustered up enough courage to talk to you and i just found myself falling more and more for you. i kicked you out because i was scared, ive never liked anyone like i have with you, your different. i tried to distract myself but i just cant. im so sorry”
i cant even look at her right now. fuck
“paige-“ she starts
i interrupt “i shouldn’t of done that” i say, and basically run out of her dorm
fuck
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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years
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cw ;; strapping, top!reader, bottom!ochako, crying, rough-ish sex, reader is a little mean, much dirty talk, reader is afab, 18+
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The arch of her back makes you believe in heavenly bodies.
Under the low, dingy lights of your living room - with nothing but the T.V. - it's hard to breathe as you slick your hand across your silicone cock. If you could you stroke yourself like that, but you settle for the pressure of the harness on your clit. Your eyes go hazy, free hand reaching for her calves.
Your hand pushes down on her calf a little as you stare at her with her ass up. There's a perfect line of sweat on her back, just down the line. Her muscles are accentuated, more than that that pretty shape of her ass and her pussy right between her legs. Lovehandles just on her hips move as she pushes backwards, so terribly impatient.
You think to yourself you want to give her head again, for another hour until your jaw is dislocating. That you want to suck on her clit until the sun makes shadows on the walls of this room, but instead you stand on your knees and reach your hands out for her ass, palming the flesh in your hands.
A deep groan leaves your chest unintentionally at the sight. The subtle twitch of her hole as she waits, anticipatory. She's all shiny, covered in cum and spit from earlier and so eager to get fucked by you. She lets out a delicate whimper when she feels your hand.
Taking your thumb through her folds, you swipe it up before leaning forward. You loom over her like a shadow, letting your strap settle between her cheeks and rubbing just enough to get her to grind back.
Hooking a thumb in her mouth all warm, you kiss the shell of her ear. She's so reactive to everything you do, every time like she's never been touched in her life. Maybe she hasn't before you. She lost her virginity to someone who didn't know her like you do.
And you know her well, know the way her tongue is gonna lap at your digits and how she's going to beg you to gag her on the rest. It's a little amazing to see her work like that. No matter which position you take her, she's always going to give you her best.
It's only natural to you to want to fuck her. To tease her until she's panting your name, desperate for you and only you.
"Look at you," You croon, fingers dgging into the softest part your thigh "Look at you desperate you are for it. Didja miss me that much?"
"MMf,"
You pull your hand away from her mouth to let her speak, arm securing around her waist to drag her closer to you.
"Missed you so much, missed your-"
She stops herself like she's embarrassed, planting her face into the cushions under you. You adjust yourself till the tip is hovering just where she needs, press so she can feel it. You don't move, merely grin, eyes glued to her sex.
"My?"
"Y-your.. y'know,"
You laugh lightly, but you can hear your own desires in your voice. They rip at you, make your head feel so fucking light as you watch her pussy stretch around the tip your cock. How she swallows the first inch with a soft gasp, then moans - so eager for you to force the rest in until you're all the way deep.
"My dick you mean," You correct. She moans harder, eager to receive vulgarity "Your pussy missed me more than you did,"
"That's not t-true, hnggh,"
"It's not?"
"Pro-Heroes' are supposed to be honest, Uravity," You watch with manic eyes as you slide into her further. She can take it so deep it always impresses you, the lewd wet sound of her welcoming you inside "You train all day and act all heroic just to let me do this to you,"
You push till your buried to the hilt. A little gasp leaves her mouth, all she can take. The shake in her voice is familiar, calves kicking up - toes curled. The phantom feeling of her makes your body tremble inward, how hot and wet you know she must be.
"Just to let me fuck you so deep you cry and wake up all our neighbors. Take it everyday like a prescription." You pull back out again, slower, and it comes out so shiny your groan "Of course I know you missed me, but your pretty little pussy must've missed me more, yeah?"
"Yeah," She whines, desperate for more. You grin.
"Good girl," You croon, practically itching to fuck her fast and hard "How should I reward you for being honest, hm?"
"Fuck me h-hard. Want you to fuck me-"
"Fuck you hard and deep, I got it. Always the same with you," You lean forward, pressing a kiss to her shoulder blade "Anything for my favorite rescue hero,"
Keeping word to your promise, you wrap an around her waist - fingers teasing her clit as you give it to her how she needs. Hard as in deep, the kind of thrust that makes her knock forward limp into your couch - where the sound of your skin hitting hers is so rough it's nearly startling. Fast like playing a drum, a constant scrapping that she always feels in her stomach later, makes her let out those noisy desperate cries.
Halfway through a sob, you lean forward to lick the tears off of her cheek. Salty in your mouth as you console her. She wants to cum but can't get the words out, can't form any sound other than choked moans.
"I know, baby. I know. Cum for me,"
And she does with a whine, hands reaching back to push you away as you fuck her through her overstimulation. It makes your head feel like it's full of lead, grunting as you don't slow.
"Didn't say you could run from me,"
When she finally comes off her first one, she's turning her head and pouting her lips at you. You look at her confused.
"Kiss,"
You merely laugh as you plant one on her.
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toytulini · 1 month
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god I know this is like The Wrong Stance on AI. I know its not about whether the art is Real and Human or If It Has A Soul and how a lot of the arguments against it are the same bullshit arguments people made against digital art like I Know. I Knowwww. but god, I'm really sorry, not to post like one of those annoying poetry bloggers I cant stand (yall are valid, live your truth, theres nothing wrong with what you post I'm just a petty bitch who hates poetry. unless I dont hate it.)
But theres just something about the way AI art will almost certainly never be able to mimic the exact way my pencil leaves an indentation in the paper, the way some of the lines I can never fully erase cause I pressed too hard, theyll have to at least train them to draw with a physical pencil first, and sure, they could train it to draw with a pencil and even erase the exact same piece I drew, line for line, on a piece of paper with a robot arm powered by AI, but they can't replicate. idk. the lineage of lefty bitches in my family, and the way I grew up going through school with my entire left arm silver with graphite, from doodling on my schoolwork. not yet anyway. but I guess I do live for the day we make the ai sentient enough that we can traumatize it by giving it homework after kneecapping its executive functions so it copes by drawing a big tiddy lobster monster. sure
#toy txt post#reblogs OFF i dont trust yall to be normal with this one i do NOT want it getting notes#i posted part of this before in a chat to a friend but im feeling it again. so#i havent drawn my big tiddy lobster bitch in awhile i should draw her again#also yea SORRY im sure this is The Wrong Feeling To Have About AI but also sometimes im a little grateful that i dont think my style is#smth a lot of the ppl coding ai to make art find to be worth trying to replicate except maybe as like a fake progress shot on a piece#which is smth i used to be really insecure about. how unfinished all my art looks bc it isnt to the point i cant fucking watch#like speedpaints and shit bc i just start feeling stupidly insecure about all the points in the video where I Would Have Stopped and been#like. im not touching it anymore i dont want to ruin it#and ive been insecure about my inability to really do digital art with like a stylus and shit like the way i do it with a pencil#and i know that is just me needing to Practice it but being too frustrated by it#anyway i know its just a Tool and its Fine and the problem is the art theft and the labor problems of it but liiiiiiike#i just.#im sure there will be unique things and usages of ai as a tool and i genuinely hope that ppl can figure out a way to make one that isnr#isnt* just full of stolen content bc theres unique fuckin shit about like digital art programs u can write stupid poetry that you hate#about it. or stupid poetry that i hate. cos im the poetry hater. listen. i cant stress this enough: its fine. youre fine. keep posting your#poetry and reblogging shit that speaks to you. im just a Bitch okay Ignore Me#i should go draw bokrae like. eating a computer about this#the real reason for that graphics card shortage was bokrae ate them all when she was in the mood for a crunchy snack
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hella1975 · 9 months
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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you
#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often#bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting#bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her#like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around#like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life#but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met#and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM#like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him#but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years#& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite#he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs#he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house#he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent#or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company#i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon#and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it#bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people#who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight#i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now#why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough#hella goes home#my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag
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minglana · 3 months
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girl help my mother has achieved what she couldnt achieve in 23 yrs (give me an ED)
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lunarharp · 2 years
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various witch stuff of the day or whatever the heck
#witch hat tag#orufrey#uhh yeah just getting some stuff out of the way haha i like the first one tho. i drew something that scares me#iguin must have been involved in qifrey's thing somehow. The Lidless eye..the sight of the world..i mean i think [redacted]#and he'll be [redacted] and [redacted] will be forced to... [redacted]???!?!!?#I want to keep my theories to myself.......or do i. not being a fandom person (other than dropping my art and leaving) means i just..#combust inside by myself with ideas and FEARS FOR THAT MAN.....CAN SOMEONE HELP HIM IM SO WORRIED IM SO...#CAN YOU LET SOMEONE HELP YOU#apparently tetia's expression in the last one is hard to understand =.= she's emotional bc she cant believe they remembered#the twin hat idea. and that she's so happy. i was thinking about how she was probably qif's first pupil so there must have been a time#where it was just her qif and oru... i DO think she is hinted strongly to be trans but even if not her mystery background is probably so sad#why would qifrey even become a teacher? his goal was the brimhats. but he keeps being distracted by kids with problem pasts so#he must have only been drawn to help tetia out of a deep sympathy. it seems at that point he and oru had drifted apart#did oru decide to be his watchful eye hearing about that or did qifrey ask him? he thought that qif had given up on brimhat stuff so..#*mumble mumble* lately i also keep remembering oru saying something UNREAL in kitchen like 'we're finally living under the same roof' ????#you can't just say that. what on earth. i..... whatever. i haven't even processed like 20% of my potential emotions about them#i feel so weirdly emotional today. i stopped thinking about witch hat for zuka even tho im SO hyperfixated it is genuinely PAINFUL to stop#i stopped just long enough to watch gatsby raku.... my haachan#i'm so grateful right now that i dont have any big issues in my life rn so i can get worried about manga men and sad about actors retiring#today at least i am extremely grateful. living and being alive is so so so so weird. i hope we all make it
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sludgeguzzler · 1 year
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look i really dont mind having a pre t body with its little biological quirks but i have a limit and the limit is waking up at 4am with immense pain and a puddle of blood on my bed
#im probably most likely overhyping what t will do to my body but i cant wait till my periods stop#if they dont stop i will fr go after some way of stopping them im not kidding there is literally nothing good that i get from having them#its just. its just pain and blood and a constant reminder of how Woman i have to be. it makes me sad#like. all the good cramp medicine is like WOMAN PILL FOR YOUR SCHEDULED GIRL MOMENT OF THE MONTH [picture of a woman]#[venus symbol] [flowers]#and all pads come with th same thing too. like i get that its technically not harming anyone but please man cmon#my mood gets all janged up i cant think straight in the worst ways possible im always having breakdowns during them#and i have to deal with genuinely unbearable pain! and! a heavy flow! because my moms ovaries! are the most fucked ovaries ever!#hhg the only good thing i can think of is that if there was a death metal band of trans guys the lyrics theyd write would be sick#[hi this is me telling you im about to get a little gross so if stuff like this grosses you out uh. yeah]#like the gruesome symbolism of periods is pretty damn cool if im honest. i dunno#i genuinely really like the movements on normalizing periods and how they are not something to be ashamed of and happen with a lot of ppl#but. but.#it puts a lot of emphasis on how its a Woman thing when a lot of women (cis or otherwise) dont have them#and it excludes all the other non woman people who have them#re personal opinion but i think our image of periods really shouldnt be flowery beautiful woman moment that passes by in a blink.#i think we should talk about how it hurts and how it will suck a little too hard for some people and that#periods not always mean a symbol of feminity and fertility and other stuff (its 5am im tires) to everyone#like to me periods are misery and oain and dysphoria but i have a cis friend who sees her periods as symbols of her womanhood abd#*and like. shes not wrong but im also not wrong either#idk my head hurts and i wanna go bacm to sleep so bye#sg.txt
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stellardeer · 3 months
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Is it wrong to be a Taylor Swift hater?
Like... is it low-key leftover internalized misogyny?
Or does her music just suck?
#idk i could go on but why bother#ive been thinking about this a lot lately#like i really used to be EXTREMELY misogynistic growing up and i started hating tswift from the beginning and never changed my mind#but i cant tell if all my reason for not liking her are actually justified or if its just confirmation bias#and the first name she gave was taylor swift. and i couldnt help but laugh out loud. (over text#but i genuinely dont find her music interesting#i did like that blank space song the first time i heard it#but after listening to the words i realized i didnt really connect with it and didnt like it as much#but its got a really fun melody#idk its also kind of like that post thats like 'were you an OG justin bieber hater at age 13 just because?'#like is part of my disdain for her just stemming from my need to dislike popular things in general cause im a pretentious little indie lover#who knows idk#maybe i shouldnt hate taylor swift#hating taylor swift isnt a personality trait#but also i cant stop thinking about this one girl i matched with on tinder who said she was going into hearing medical sciences#because of the profound effect that music has had on her in her life#and i already knew exactly how she would answer this question just from looking at her but i asked her#what artists she enjoyed that had such a profound effect on her#and the first name she gave was taylor swift and i couldnt help but laugh out loud#(over text tho she did not hear me thankfully)#idk maybe i have nothing againt the woman as a person (i dont fucking know her so i cant) but im just annoyed by the concept of her#she has this like false success story of being a small town nobody who made it big or something#but that isnt even true she had a rich father who was able to move her across the country#and use his wealth and connections to jumpstart her career#i DO think it is impressive that she writes all of her own songs in an age where the mainstream music industry does not do that#but there are a million and one indie artists writing their own songs that i appreciate more#because theyre writing about things i actually care about#not to mention the way people believe with theyre whole heart that she is queer like come on yall...
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milfygerard · 4 months
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sometimes i go thru the gaylor tag to see updates or reactions or something and its so funny everytime. You people are insane i respect literally none of you etc etc
#barry.txt#taylor swift#NOTE: THIS IS COMING FROM AN RPF FREAK WHO COULD FEASIBLY IMAGINE TAYLOR SWIFT EATING PUSSY#HATERS IM SORRY BUT THIS ISNT FOR YOU. YOU WILL NOT EARN MY SYMPATHY. anyway#i think i just get really frustrated when a fanbase gets so caught up in itself it cant remember how like....people work#or how relationships function even celebrity ones#i have spent lots of time and energy watching how people react and listening to people talk about relationships and so im annoying abt it#kaylors bless ur hearts im glad ur having fun but posts about their secret relationship make me autism angry#i was THERE for the kaylor divorce. ive listened to evermore more time than id like to admit. theyve at most made an effort to mend a bridg#that baby is a kushner and to imply otherwise is either short sighted or genuinely concerning depending on how deep and intense#the theory is#i think part of the problem is that it forces me to interact w the wider swiftie fandom at large which is a no go zone#i have my circle of blogs i respect even if i find all discussion of travis kind of boring and whenever i try to step out of it#i just end up frustrated#stop trying to prove things! you will never prove things! we dont know her!#i also disagree w lots of the general lyrical analysis but thats not anger i respect the readings they just arent mine#but yeah whatever. script doctoring a niche subset of one of the biggest fandoms on earth. i cant help myself!#none of this applies to you if ur 15 or whatever but i do implore that you not waste all ur time on dumb celebrity theories#and go do anything else
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gommyworm · 2 years
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:^/
#i look so fucking hot today#and i have nobody to appreciate it#my best friend lives 8 hrs away and constantly leaves me on read#which i understand we both tend to drop off the face of the earth when we arent around each other#my only other friend is a guy like 3 yrs younger than me who i have more of a like ? casual friendship w where we like#complain about the government and check in on each other n stuf#and like hes a very good boy but i cant like Talk to him about my life or show him my very attractive fit bc thatd be weird asf#and the only other person i talk to is my ex lmfaooo and that has its whole set of issues#i really desperately need friends or like a bf or something like i cant sit with myself like this every day or im gonna kms#i should hit up my therapist lmaoo i ghosted her a while ago and gooooood would i love someone to talk to rn lmao#like someone who already knows backstory and like the shit involved in my stupid shitty life#man i made my makeup look so nice so i coukd stop crying all day and now i fucking ruined it lmfao#idk why im so stressed these days i just want to be dead#i genuinely think i need like professional help lol like this is way worse than normal#maybe seasonal depression on top of the regular shit ? idk whats even happening anymore#i think im gonna really try and read a book so today so i can not exist for a bit#man and i got all fancy n shit 😔😔😔😔 this sucks ass#maybe i should get some sort of diary app or soemthing so i dont have to do this on tumbkr lmfao#prpbably less embarassing that way#whatever not like ppl reading this really care plus its interesting to see ppls thots i think#i hope u enjoyed the show :^)#gommywords
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toastsnaffler · 3 months
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prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............
#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt#and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts#as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough#genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man#i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there.#esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly#in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels#but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value#and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that#even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship.#shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again#bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks#and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life#blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now#god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long#.diaries
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rosemaze-reveries · 4 months
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there is this fellow/fem!yuu fic i read on pixiv & its so intimate & sweet & ruined me ..... i need to pass it to u now (its been hanging over me for WEEKS)
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catboysalmon · 10 months
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Birthday...approacheth. strange feelings accompanying
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