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measuringbliss · 2 years

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That post about Peter Parker's inconsistent (literal) ass during Civil War (ASM #532-538)

I won't take into account his appearance in the main event (because he doesn't appear much or at all as Peter, mostly with his costume as Spider-Man) but rather his appearances in Amazing Spider-Man #532-538, which ran parallel to the main event. Why? Because I just read those.

First off, let's talk about Spidey's ass from the runs I'm used to, which is years 1973-4. Here's ASM #132 from May 74. As you can see, he's well-muscled, he has meat in the legs, he's not *thin*, he has a healthy size. When other artists took their turn at drawing him, he became slimmer which I'm not a fan of but it was more of a general style thing and not specifically related to Spidey.

Anyway here's Peter out of his costume in ASM #532 (July 2006):

Let's not make a fuss about MJ and May's... awkward outfits.

Okay first off I'm not sure I'd let my step-aunt see my man in such a tight, revealing outfit, but then again Peter's features have been on display for about 60 years IRL and *maybe* 15 years in comics? So maybe they don't care.

Anyway, as you can see, Peter has a nice... everything. I'm just noticing now that his outfit has the colors of Iron Man's suit, which, oof. Considering they start as allies and end up becoming enemies in this arc... But this isn't an outfit analysis post (yet). It's about ARSES. Peter's ass. It is well defined. It's fair. You know, I think it's fair. It's not equal to female character's asses but it's... it's fair. I like it.

HOWEVER. Barely a few pages later, his ass already gets nerfed.

Naturally, the gaze is all about MJ's shiny buttocks and May's sexy legs.

Later, in Peter's costume, his ass is back in full force! Maybe Peter's suit pants have a conscience of their own and decide whether or not they're gonna show off.

It's volume 533 now and Peter wears simple pants. This seems to be a good day for butt afficionados, although there's clearly a difference of treatment between MJ's bubbly round butt and Peter's rougher, presumably manlier butt. It can't be too pretty to look at, now, can it?

Peter's ass at the end of ASM #534 is a mystery to me. How. Why. Who thought this was a good idea? It's not even flat; it's *blocky*.

The outfit that made me shout "THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE" is the next one though.

(Do note how the artist smartly avoids having to draw Peter's butt by cutting the page before the part in question. Outstanding. Truly audacious.)

The important part is that Peter's wearing *cargo pants*. And here's the thing: I've never seen a guy whose cargo pants didn't work in his favor. If you're thin, they have enough material that you don't look like a spaghetti. If you aren't, you fill these types of pants very nicely. And as we've seen, Peter has a tendency to fill his pants quite beautifully. Mostly.

THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

There's no way this is accurate. Of course, comics are stylized, but STILL. This makes no sense. His ass is flatter than crispbread, there's no juice, no muscle, it's flat as a pancake! With any kind of pants, it would already be ridiculous. But with *cargo pants*?!

The only explanation is that somehow Peter has a quantum-esque ass. Is the ass flat or well-defined? Well, open the box and see for yourself!

Okay but seriously he's such a babe in that first panel at the beginning, what the hell. He has something of a stubble in a few panels and let me tell you, it works wonders for him! We need more stubbles and beards. Also I guess we know what type of underwear Peter wears now??? Yay?

#peter parker #spider-man #long post #as an aside tumblr posting kind of really sucks? i've had issues with EVERY picture. what do you mean #it failed???? what does it mean. this is ridiculous. actually I'm annoyed about a lot of things. that's just the last straw. or something.#sexualization of men in comics #if anyone has insight or papers on this topic i'm interested #I hope you liked those passionate ramblings. Peter's ass is a very important subject. Not as much as Blaine's ass in Glee seasons 4 and 5 #since Blaine's ass became downright a main character. whereas the male comics character you most associate with a nice behind is Nightwing.

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