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creion · 6 years

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gen z/millennial fma headcanons courtesy of me.

greed:

greed is friends with everyone in this au. everyone. he knows everyone.

no one knows greeds real name. he’s just greed. in this au thomas halbert doesnt have the url greed. greed does. hes not even that greedy and he most definitely blocks everyone who calls him out on it.

he’s mysterious in general. his youtube channel goes between him doing backflips off of things he shouldnt be doing back flips off of to a podcast about [some obscure political thing]? who is he?

greeds probably low key homeless like idk in an au where hes human i can imagine him showing up at one of his friends houses every night with like his one backpack of belongings like “hey im sleeping on ur couch and using ur shower” and no one really questions him because hes charming enough to get away with it yknow

except edward questions him. “ling isnt even here. wyd.” “please. if i dont shower i might die.” “fucking fine I GUESS”

greeds favorite place to go is ed and lings apartment because theyre nice and ling always feeds him and also eds funny and greed appreciates humor

this is just a general greed headcanon but god is he poly :3c i can and will fight about this.

ling:

GAY! TANA! MONGEAU! hes wild and a lot of people hate him even though hes really a giant sweetie. he’s best friends with greed and sometimes ling goes on greeds podcast so they can talk about their exercise regimen

hes dating edward of course. theres not more to this other than theyre dating and they love each other and Would kill for each other. also a lot of people probably dont think they have a deep relationship but im telling you. theyre star crossed lovers. its total romcom bullshit.

ling probably gets paid to go to parties. like thats his job and he makes good money doing it even though he has a masters in psychology. he just. goes to parties. pays off his student loans.

he does a lot of prank videos on youtube. think tgfbro but american and less edgy.

ling probably also models on occasion. like hes pretty enough that he just does it.

he shaves his head at some point or like maybe gets an undercut and no one can look at him for a month because its just weird. lings hair is like his identity.

he gets up to a lot of hijinks with greed. theyre probably a little gay together. edward doesnt care because its 2018 time 2 start normalizing polyamory ok.

ling spends actual money on new clothes for greed but the man always wears the same two outfits and although ling rarely gets angry this gets him a little riled

edward:

his youtube channel is just a mess kind of like greeds except with him its unintentional he just... does what he wants. theres videos of him showing off his physical prowess. like hes small but he WILL kick your fuckin ass. hes probably a black belt and is the physical embodiment of the navy seals rant.

sometimes he does vsauce style videos on youtube and everyone hates when he does it because hes memelord 69 but at the same time hes wicked smart

hes a physicist in this world and im serious it throws anyone who meets him for a loop.

ed gets asked a lot how roy is his dad if hes only 12 years older than him. eds answers are either “he found me and my brother as infants and has mothered us since” or “idk man”

ed accidentally starts a meme. he posts a bunch of pictures of ling either sleeping or passed out and idk the specifics of the meme but he starts a meme and it pains him. he consumes he does not create.

ed likes greed but he doesnt express it. “i dont like you” “[eyeroll] and???? im still eating ur leftovers”

ed actually does kick russel tringham in the head for a skit for one of lings vlogs. ed and russel are best friends even if russel genuinely did try to steal eds identity at some point and may or may not have put ed in debt for a few months

roy:

hes one of ed’s professors much to eds dismay since roy is, technically, his adoptive father.

he probably argues with ed a lot in the middle of lectures (”hey dumbass thats not how it works” “im literally teaching you what you’re majoring in.” “yeah and im telling you that you’re wrong.”)

he’s like 35 in this au and technically a millennial. ed’s 21.

roy has an instagram and its literally just pictures of hughes and elicia and nina and ed and al

roy and hughes are most definitely a foster family and am i pulling this from my own fic yes i am can you stop me no you cant

hughes:

HES FINE. HES ALIVE.

all of the gen z kids in this au think hes awful bc of all the dad jokes and slightly outdated humor. hes not awful. hes perfect. hes doing his best.

he loves all four of his children.

he and gracia are best friends even if their marriage didnt work out for unknown reasons. they along with roy are GOOD PARENTS to elicia. you can pry this from my cold dead hands. canon can suck my chode.

lust:

shes not like greed she doesnt try to be mysterious. shes probably a beauty guru (SolarisCosmetics) and does a lot of tutorials like “Low Commitment Goth Makeup Tutorial”

shes unintentionally mysterious because for her first like 50 videos or so theres no commentary its just subtitles

her first video with commentary is like “i... apologize. i was not intending to be so... mysterious.” and shes actually very sweet and nice and you can fight me on this ok

greed is her adoptive brother and greed makes her bleep out his name and blur her mouth whenever she calls him by his name bc he likes to lurk in the background of her videos because hes an asshole

winry:

shes a mechanic in this au and i mean shes a mechanic in canon but she prob specializes in like. idk. cars. this is a headcanon list im not looking up specifics of mechanics point is she can rebuild an engine in an afternoon and everyone in this au is in love with her

BIG LESBIAN

she probably tries getting ed to go on double dates (him and ling with her and lan fan) but every single time he shoots her down and its to the point shes almost convinced that hes not even dating ling in the first place

greed is probably her biggest client. no one knows how he does it but his car is constantly breaking and winry is the only mechanic in his general vicinity who knows how to do her job worth a shit and also her repair shop has cool music and he probably finds excuses just to chill for the music

“[greed] please. if your fat ass is going to be taking up counter space AT LEAST help clean up” “excuse you my ass is FIRM AND PERKY.”

its probably a joke among ed’s following that winry DOES NOT put up with his shit and when winry gets asked out it shes just like “hes an asshole why the fuck do you think im gonna let him walk around all half cocked like that”

riza:

i like to think shes in the military in this au too. not like military military but maybe air force idk. imagine pilot riza. wow.

shes not on active duty or w/e but you KNOW shes in a foreign country going to college paid for by the government.

everyone in this au is at least bi and riza is no exception. she is dating olivier armstrong. they are in love u can pry this from my cold dead hands you fucking gremlins

edward is probably platonically in love with her. like when he gets to see her (which isnt often) he has to occasionally stop, put a hand on her shoulder, do the ‘boi’ hand (idk how else to describe it) and say, “i love you dont ever change” “thank you, edward.” “[hug]”

envy:

a troll. like you know those troll blogs that are pretending to be otherkin or some really obscure gender w neopronouns (u do u but we all kno theres trolls). envy has one of those blogs.

envy is actually nonbinary irl but theyre very critical of “special snowflakes” (again u do u these headcanons dont necessarily reflect my opinions and as long as u aint hurting no one i support u) and they probably cyberbully ppl

envy is garbage in this fic

“god i hate you” “actually eat my ass, greed”

see greed is the opposite of ed w riza. he looks at envy and occasionally has to say “i fucking hate you”

theyre secrety buds but like... they annoy the shit out of each other. u kno they do.

ENVY STARTS A LOT OF DISCOURSE. THEY PROBABLY START A LOT OF HOMESTUCK DISCOURSE. GOD. here i am in 2018 writing about envy starting fucking homestuck discourse. its probably like davekat discourse too tbh

i know im forgetting alphonse, may/mei (i spell it mei), and lan fan but its like 4:19 am

please send me asks if u have any feedback. or reply to this post. its up to u. i trust u to make the right decision. (there is no reight decision and honestly i need to go to bed)

#fullmetal alchemist #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma #fmab #edling #edward elric #ling yao #greed the avaricious #lust the lascivious #roy mustang #maes hughes #riza hawkeye #envy the jealous #winry rockbell

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royalrastafariannaynays · 6 years

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Snow

a little davekat ficlet just cause i had a burst of inspiration! includes descriptions of an accident and hurt-comfort. enjoy!

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All four legs pound into the earth as you run, and leap, and dive, and roll in the banks of white. God, the shit is everywhere, and it’s so bright, and exciting. Your fur isn’t even damp, the layers bold and fluffy against the blank backdrop. Claws dig into the fluff, and you jump do dive into the biggest, freshest bank you can find.

You’re a wolf. A proud wolf. A wolf who definitely always has no fun and has an absolute reason for everything.

But for this? You don’t.

You burst from the snow, specks flying everywhere and hitting everything in the soundless pink of the morning. A crow caws nearby and you twist to bark at it, running for the tree and skidding along through the thick blanket covering the ground.

Oh, and it’s such bliss to run. To run, and to feel the ground under your feet. To feel the ground grip under the pads of your toes and shift as you dig in to change directions. To run through the blisteringly cold air, to feel as if ice is forming on your nose, to feel warm inside your winter coat, panting to let out some of that heat.

You have freedom as you wind through the trees, hearing the call of your pack. Freedom and a chorus of yowls as you join them, bursting into the group to tackle maybe one or two to the ground. They yip and cry out jubilantly as you tumble across their straight line, the leader of the hunting group giving you an exhausted snort before you get to your feet and manage to shake off the bits of ice that have clung to you.

“Karkat!” you hear, as the leader’s mouth opens. You tilt your head, ears perking forward, confused. One of your packmakes, Attila, licks your face. You shake him off, and turn back to the leader, who opens his mouth again.

“Karkat, wake up!”

Violently, you’re flung from the world of dreaming and into your own.

Dave is shaking you awake.

Next to you, your newfoundland, Attila, is nuzzling your chin. His nose is freezing. Ah, he must have been outside already.

Dave’s leaning over you on your shared bed, and when he leans in to give you a peck on the nose, you spit a raspberry at him. He’s wearing a coat and scarf. And… are there gloves in his hand?

“You’re not a child, Dave, you don’t need my permission to go outside,” you grumble at him. Attila sits up, a full three feet at the top of his head. For a second, you consider the notion of telling him to lay back down. But you did that at five this morning after letting him out the first time, because he was so warm.

It got really cold last night, and Dave was out with his brother at the emergency room. That was the hospital where you used to work, where you met him. He was there with his best friend, who was a surrogate giving birth to twins (willingly somehow, god knows why), and you were her main nurse in the maternity ward. At first you had thought he was the father.

Needless to say you were happy to be wrong.

Attila whines, bringing you back to the present.

Right, okay.

“It’s snowing, ‘kat! Snowing!” Dave says. And he’s… so goddamn excited.

No wonder you were dreaming of snow.

“And?” you ask.

Of course, the snow is making your legs hurt.

“Well I wanna build a snowman!” Dave says. Like it’s so obvious.

You stretch your arms, flexing your back, and pushing yourself to sitting.

“Okay, you absolute child,” you complain. But Dave is smiling a lot. It helps.

You know how eager he is every time he gets you to go outside. And he knows that you know. And he knows that you know that he gets really excited every time the sky decides to shit clumps of white, because he grew up in a state where snow wasn’t really a thing. At least where he was from, you gather.

The bed creaks as you throw your million layers of blankets off of your legs. Attila perks up, bounding off of the bed at his designated spot. He’ll be excited for the snow, too. Cold weather is kind of his favorite thing.

“How is Dirk?” you ask. Dave snorts as he comes around, making sure your chair is in the right position.

“He’s fine. Freaked out about nothing, you know him.”

“Yeah. John’s helping him with that hypochondriac business, right?” you ask, stretching your hands out, flexing them and making sure they’re awake. Falls aren’t really any fun. Your physical therapist, Porrim, is kind of the queen of making sure that you understand that. She’s allowed you to fall a few times when you were being too stubborn. It was mean, but it worked.

“Yeah he is,” Dave says. “I was iffy about them at first but it seems like a good thing.”

You grunt, and then turn your nubs toward the edge of the bed. Trans-tibial is what they call your amputations. Trans-tibial, BK (below knee), bilateral. Means you don’t have shit below the five inches of shin you still have.

It was actually an accident that fucked up your legs. A motorcycle accident. Well, not so much an accident as like… you were on the side of the road, fixing up your bike. And a truck hit you. It ran over both of your legs. It sucked.

Luckily they were able to save your knees.

Dave snaps his fingers in front of your face, and you blink drowsily before growling at him.

“Sleeping beauty need more sleep?” he asks, snark on his curled lip. And you scowl.

“I’m fine,” you mutter, and Attila comes over. Dave moves and in a few easy snaps, the harness is on. Good. The dog waits patiently, set in his helping mode, still and strong as can be, and you brace one hand on him, and the other on the bed, and lift yourself into your chair.

It took a good deal of struggle and abdominal workouts to handle it at first. And you used to need the dog a whole lot more. He still does things for you when you need it, like opening the fridge before you get to it, or supporting your weight from the couch to the chair and back. And so on. It’s very useful when you don’t have feet and you still need to get around.

Crawling is humiliating, even in your own home.

“Good boy,” you tell Attila, scratching his ears and handing him a treat from the small bag in your bedside table. He doesn’t always need them, but positive reinforcement never hurts.

You’re a really devoted dog parent. It’s ridiculous.

The harness can come off now, and Dave removes it with the same easy motions as before. He beams widely at you as you unlock the brakes on the chair, and moves to the side so that you can move to get some clothes on.

“I’ll get your coat for you!” Dave calls as he trots from the room.

“And a cup of coffee too, please!” you shout after him. “Dear.”

You can hear dave snort from the other room.

Attila opens the closet door for you on command, pulling on his rope to get it open. From the dresser by your side of the bed you grab a pair of snow pants that you tie off on the ends of the limbs. First goes on your compression socks, and then the pants. Then a nice woolen sweater over your sleep shirt, and a scarf from the inside of the closet door.

Each thing is checked off absently in your mind.

One day, you won’t have to tie off the ends of your pants.

Hopefully soon, you’ll get an approval from your insurance. And then you can get fitted for at least one prosthesis. Hopefully both. And hopefully it’ll be an easy fit.

“You ready yet?” Dave asks from behind you. You huff, and lean forward so that he can put your jacket around your arms. Even though you don’t need it, he still does this one thing for you. It’s chivalry, or something.

“Yeah. Coffee?” you ask, turning your chair around.

Dave hands you the cup, and leans down to give you a sweet kiss on the forehead.

While he’s down there, you use your free hand to pull him in for something better. He knows you don’t like being treated with quite so much care as he wants to, especially now. But he does. He treats you so kindly and gently, like you might break. You’ve talked to him about it, and he’s working on it.

You know it’s hard for him to forget when he was called in from the museum, to come and see his fiancee in a hospital bed, smashed and bloody and fresh from emergency surgery.

Dave makes a muffled noise into the kiss, and when you let him go, he has a huge blush on his cheeks.

“We had enough of that last night,” he says, and makes sure that the coffee is in both of your hands before wheeling you out of the room.

While you’re still drinking your warm beverage, Dave stuffs a blanket around your legs. This is something you’ve made him do before, when he insisted that you go out into this fucking cold right after waking you up. It’s approved. Dave drops your hat and gloves on your lap, though, and opens the door wide into the backyard.

Attila speeds out into the snow, frolicking and making merry before you can even put on your gloves.

He’ll maintain an alert for any noises from you, but he deserved to have fun.

“And you’ll be giving him a bath later, right?” you ask.

Dave actually laughs out loud at that. His eyes are tired, ringed with darkness from his late night out and lack of sleep. But he has a spark in them.

“While I’m napping, YOU can give him that bath,” he says. “Make sure to rinse the tub.”

And you nod. Fair trade.

“Well come on, steed,” you say, once your gloves and hat are donned, and your coffee is firmly back in your hands. “Push me into that wild yonder.”

Dave grins, and does just that. He pushes you down the ramp and into the frozen back yard.

He throws snowballs at both you and the dog, who tries to catch them fruitlessly even as they fall apart mid-air. You try to get him a few times, with little success. You get him to toss you into a snowbank, and you make a snow angel.

And then together, the two of you make a snowman. Dave does the bottom, while you get the head and pat it all together from your chair.

Just when your stumps start to feel a little too frosty, Dave turns to you. He’s smiling, obviously exhausted and out of energy. But he’s smiling so wide.

“What?” you ask him, rubbing ice from your eyelashes. Attila rolls around nearby. He’s in heaven.

Dave just bends over, and kisses you.

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

#davekat fanfiction #homestuck #davekat #my short fics that i write #yeah im gonna probably keep making karkat a nurse until i die #so screw you pgp lol #im probably going to delete that tag later or in a bit

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