#i don’t dislike gwen for anything she did i think she’s typically out of the wrong in most situations | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

panharmonium · 4 years

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why are you being like this?

people i’ve met - they’re not like you. they don’t care. i don’t matter.

don’t ever think that. we all matter.

just some meandering thoughts on where the thematic center of merlin bbc lies for me, and how it weaves itself in and out of my fandom experience.

under a cut because this is a) sort of long and b) not really directed anywhere but my own brain, as i keep thinking about and creating for this show.

[as always, before i get rolling, a reminder: when i write about how i engage with this show, it’s just me talking about what gives me, personally, the most satisfaction or enjoyment, not the way i think everybody should do things. if this isn’t your particular read, please feel free to scroll past. i am not ever going to bother anybody for engaging with this show in their own way, so please don’t worry about it if we are not on the same page.]

that post about kilgharrah really got me feeling things.

i struggle a lot with the sort of...non-nuanced ‘fuck kilgharrah/fuck gaius/fuck arthur/fuck whoever’ mode of engagement that i sometimes run across in fandom. (and i’m not saying there’s anything intrinsically wrong with it; if you have the most fun engaging with the show in that way, please continue to have fun. i’m just writing, on my own blog and in my own space, about what i personally do or don’t find compelling.)

i struggle with this mode for the same reason that i struggle with the whole ‘fuck yoda!’ narrative that pops up sometimes in tumblr’s star wars fandom. because it’s not the narrative that the story is actually trying to create, and though this fact doesn’t mean you can’t twist things that way if it gives you more enjoyment, for me, there’s nothing about it that feels good.

writing fictional characters off like this, when the narrative is clearly not asking us to do so, feels...frustratingly false, and externally-imposed, as if characters are being evaluated based on the exacting standards of a universe in which they never lived, in a context where they were never intended to exist. doing so requires you to willfully ignore what the story is actually trying to say, and it’s fine to go ahead and do that if you want, but for me it strips away so much of what makes the story meaningful.

bbc merlin’s core plotline is about believing in someone’s better nature. the central storyline is that merlin commits himself to someone who doesn’t always give merlin reason to believe that this commitment is worth it, and yet still there’s always this hope and faith and belief that one day arthur will make it right.

and this is presented as a worthy choice. are there problems with it? of course. the show knows that, and it gives us places to think about that. but even with this being the case, the ultimate message of the show is still never that this commitment was useless, worthless, or foolish. the message of the show is that under the right conditions, people grow. this show says that when we are given deep love, care, and companionship, we can change for the better. it says that people, under the right conditions, can learn how to be better than they were before, and that everyone deserves the opportunity to grow into the person they were meant to be.

bbc merlin is not asking us to cancel any of its characters, ever. that is never the show’s intention. i won’t try to stop anybody from doing that, if that’s how they have more fun watching the show, but i am still going to contemplate, in my own space, how small that makes the story feel for me.

sometimes i see things like ...‘morgana/gwen/whoever is the only valid character in merlin bbc,’ and i just...first of all, neither of them are perfect, okay, and second of all, it doesn’t MATTER, because that has never been the point of the story. this story is not asking us to rank characters on a scale of how righteous/unproblematic we think they are. it’s asking us to CARE about the characters - ALL of the characters - and to root for them (yes, ALL of them), in the fullness of their imperfection.

when i explore the wider fandom, i typically bump up against one of two mindsets. there’s the shipping mindset, where everybody loves arthur and he’s helplessly in love with merlin. but i don’t want that mindset (because i don’t ship that pairing), so i look elsewhere. but the other mindset is an attitude that dislikes arthur, full stop. and i don’t want that either!

this ‘either/or’ divide is the opposite of what bbc merlin is asking us to do with its characters. i criticize arthur all the time, but i still don’t think the story is asking me to reject him. and i don’t WANT to reject him, either - why would i even watch this show, if i didn’t think it was important to see him become who he was meant to be, if i weren’t invested in his growth, if i didn’t ultimately believe in his possibility? if i didn’t think the show was asking me to root for him - not uncritically, of course; the show is never asking me to do that - but with the core understanding that arthur is somebody worth caring about?

the same goes for morgana. the show never asks us to write her off. up until the very end, the show wants us to care about her. the show wants us to root for her. the show never asks us to forget that she and the other characters used to love each other; it never tells us to stop wanting morgana to get what she needs.

gaius, too - the show never wants us to kick him to the curb. it knows he’s not perfect. he knows he’s not perfect. he tells merlin, when talking about his own life, “there has, for the most part, been very little purpose to it.” but the show doesn’t want us to fixate solely on his failures, or to dump him for his more cowardly moments. the show wants us to know that he still has value. it wants us to know that he is doing more good in the world now than he did before, which is all we can ask of a person, in the end. it wants us to know that he cares, and that he is trying.

and kilgharrah - the show is never asking us to hate him, either! yes, i get that it’s funny to joke about how “unhelpful” he is; i think that stuff is funny, too - but i also think it matters to understand that in canon, in the show, we are not meant to read kilgharrah as a malevolent figure. we are not supposed to read him as a villain. we are supposed to care about him. we are supposed to understand that he, too, is working, ultimately, for the triumph of Good. even though his version of this may feel convoluted to us, because kilgharrah isn’t human and can’t possibly be evaluated by human standards, we are supposed to understand that he, too, is trying. we are supposed to be moved when merlin asks him, “what will i do without you?”

we are supposed to care about all of them. we are supposed to find all of them worthy. we are not supposed to evaluate them (and then discard them) according to inflexible, merciless, decontextualized standards imported from a non-merlin-bbc world.

and this doesn’t mean people aren’t still allowed to do that, if it’s fun for them, but for me, analyzing this show outside of its context doesn’t bring me any satisfaction. we can go ahead and say things like ‘arthur should get his head chopped off’ and like, okay, that’s funny as a joke. but as an actual analysis of the show - as a sincere interpretation of the story - it fails. it’s devoid of all context. we aren’t supposed to be evaluating this story from the perspective of ‘let’s overthrow the monarchy, kings should die, etc etc.’ the context of merlin bbc is that albion is waiting for a righteous monarch, and that this is a desirable, acceptable, correct thing, in the context of that world. we are supposed to understand that arthur IS the once and future king, and that this IS a good thing, in this universe, and that the journey we are on here is one where he becomes worthy of his seat on the throne and then ushers in a time of peace and justice for all of albion’s people.

(and as i’ve said before - this is why the merlin bbc finale is so stunningly bad. it’s not that the show subverts our expectations, it’s that it annihilates its own story, which it has been consistently telling for sixty-three episodes.)

that aside, though - this same overlooking of contextual nuance is the reason why i don’t connect to takes that consider ‘oh no, merlin kills people!’ to be evidence that he’s “changed,” “gone dark,” or “lost his soul.” merlin does go through a dramatic (and tragic) change by the time we hit season 5, but what happens to him has nothing to do with the fact that he’s killed people. the context of this show isn’t one where killing is a universal evil. killing in battle or for the purpose of self-defense is not a morally problematic choice, in this world. merlin, like everyone else in this show’s context, understands this, and killing a group of enemy soldiers to protect his own life is not something the show intends for us to interpret as an erosion of his humanity.

what IS framed as an evil act, in the context of merlin bbc, is when someone chooses to kill despite the fact that mercy is an option. if arthur had killed odin when he could have instead made peace with him, if arthur had executed annis’s champion or vivian’s father when he had already defeated them in single combat, if merlin had killed kilgharrah whilst having absolute power over him - those are morally bankrupt choices, in merlin bbc’s context.

we’re not supposed to see things like merlin killing agravaine as evil decisions. in the context of the show’s world, killing agravaine is a necessary, morally uncomplicated act. it isn’t something merlin wants to do, certainly, and he tries to avoid it, and he doesn’t strike back until agravaine tries to kill him first, but ultimately this moment is not supposed to be illustrative of merlin turning down a dark path. it’s grim, sure, but in the context of the show - in the context of the era - it’s nothing more than the justified wages of aggression. agravaine brings this fate down upon his own head. merlin is not a pacifist, and neither he nor anyone else would expect himself to just stand there and let a group of enemy soldiers murder him when he could instead kill the soldiers and get away. that’s nonsensical and utterly decontextualized. it’s not an expectation that anyone in-story would have, nor a standard that merlin (or anyone else) would hold himself to.

all that aside, though -

the issue, for me, in summary, is just that i think sometimes we...evaluate this show in ways that it really isn’t meant to be interpreted, without considering the story’s context or thinking about what the story’s actual intent is. and i think that these decontextualized interpretations are often less generous than what the show is actually trying to say to us, and that sometimes we write characters off when the show absolutely is not asking us to do that.

and of course, nobody has to listen to what the show is trying to say if they don’t want to. if it brings someone more enjoyment to pick one character to stan and say ‘the rest of these characters are Bad People and i’m not interested in them,’ then that’s fine! whatever floats your boat.

it just doesn’t float mine.

the point of this show, for me, is that everybody deserves a chance. the point of this show is exactly what merlin says to daegal in the woods, even as daegal is leading merlin into a trap: we all matter. the theme at the heart of this story is that it is possible to love someone who doesn’t deserve it, and that this can be a worthy choice, a transformative choice, a powerful choice - not necessarily a perfect choice, or even the right choice, maybe, for the person making it, but still a choice that holds value, a choice that creates something good in this world, even at cost.

listen to me, clotpole. i don't care if you die, there are plenty of other princes. you're not the only pompous, supercilious, condescending, royal imbecile i could work for; the world is full of them. but I'm going to give you one more chance.

should merlin have done that?

we can debate that forever. i am critical enough of arthur pendragon myself, when it comes to merlin’s well-being, and i could easily argue that no, merlin shouldn’t have given arthur as many chances as he did; he shouldn’t have stuck around; he shouldn’t have offered so much of his life to someone who continued to make arthur’s kind of mistakes.

but i think it matters to remember that in canon, thematically, the story’s answer to this question is yes. mercy, in this story, is the most noble gift a person can bestow on someone else, and i think we are asked to bestow this same kind of mercy on the show’s characters, heroes and villains alike. we aren’t ever told, in this show, that some of these characters “weren’t good enough” to deserve their chances. we are told that in this world, compassion is always worthwhile. love is never wasteful. it is never foolish to care for people, even and especially when they aren’t yet their best selves. giving someone a chance does matter. choosing to care does make a difference, in the end.

people don’t have to import these themes into their own personal analysis, by any means. but i am still committed to remembering, in my own work, in my own space, that when we raise the question “was it worth it” in reference to whether these characters truly deserved to be loved, or trusted, or given a chance to grow - the story’s answer is unequivocally yes.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #i don't know what this even IS #i'm just feeling so emotional about this show right now #i love it so much #and i can't love it piecemeal #i can't #i has to be everything #or the message doesn't hold #the show doesn't want us to pick our faves and toss out everybody who doesn't measure up #it wants us to listen when merlin says 'we all matter.'

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1106

survey by mickey-mouse

Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of? I haven’t been feeling that way towards anyone, be it from real life or someone on the internet or a celebrity, for a while.

Do you drink the milk from the bowl after you eat all the cereal? I’ll try to drink some of it, since I do think milk tastes nice haha, but I keep it in moderation so that my stomach won’t end up being too upset.

Have you ever kissed anybody accidentally? Oh wow, how does this even happen? Hahaha but no I haven’t.

Who was the first person to wish you a Merry Christmas last year? Most likely a family member. My friends and I usually greet each other late into the evening.

Do you think it'll be the same person this year? It will probably be family again, yeah. I just can’t tell which one would be first.

Is your display picture in black and white? None of my profile photos on all social media are.

Do you know anybody who has had an online relationship? I don’t think so. I have some friends who met their SOs through dating apps, but I think all of them have since seen each other in person. I’m not sure I know of anyone whose relationship has been entirely online/virtual so far.

What food are you always in the mood for? No matter how full I am, I will always take a slice of pizza or two if it’s ever served at a table. That or chicken wings or spicy tuna salad.

When was the last time you played Guitar Hero? Safe to say more than a decade ago. I had always preferred Rock Band since I found it more fun that switching instruments was a main part of its gameplay, whereas you were stuck with the guitar on Guitar Hero.

What friend could buy clothes for you and not have to worry what they bought? Angela. We have nearly the same sense of style and we find the same things cute, so if I ever had to make a friend control my wardrobe for the day I will likely trust her the most.

1 thing that your guy best friend doesn't like about you: I don’t have a guy best friend. Hans is my closest friend of the opposite sex; while I don’t think he dislikes anything about me, I’m sure he thinks I’ve acted dumb about love and relationships many times before. Which is fine, we’re very honest and blunt about those things and I actually appreciate it when he gets brutally honest with me.

How about your girl best friend? Again, I don’t know if Angela doesn’t like a certain trait of mine but she’s well aware of my past stupid decisions i.e. staying in a harmful relationship.

Do you loan your friends money? No, but I’m ready to lend to my closest friends should they ever be in need.

Are Lucky Charms really magically delicious? I dunno, I’ve never tried.

When was the last time you had Lucky Charms anyway? See above.

Who is the last person you called long distance? I don’t do video calls with friends living in other countries, mainly because I’ve grown apart from them haha. My mom will sometimes start calls with relatives living abroad though; I believe the most recent one was a group video call with my dad’s side of the family, which included an uncle who lives in New York.

Do you sleep with a nightlight? No; I would find this too distracting and bright.

Is Lil Wayne really the best rapper alive? I never thought he was one of the best to begin with. Some of the songs he’s featured in are fine but I don’t like his slurred style of rapping very much.

What is the first text in your inbox? Like...the very first one in my inbox? I scrolled all the way down and it’s from Frances - an orgmate who has since disappeared off the face of the earth and blocked all her friends on social media lmao - asking about an org-related thing three years ago. Wherever she is, I hope she’s doing okay.

Are you taller than your siblings? I am the eldest yet smallest child in the family. My relatives get a kick out of it, which is fine because I do too HAHA

What are the first letters of your friends first names on your top 8? Myspace? Was never active on it.

When was the last time you almost cried from laughing? I can’t pinpoint an exact moment for you but this happens a lot when I watch 2 Days 1 Night, so this has probs happened recently.

Do you have “photoshoots” with your friends/family members? Not with me as the subject – I’m very camera shy and turn into an awkward stick once I’m asked to pose. But I love taking photos of loved ones, especially an SO.

Are you generous? To a fault.

Are you excited for Thanksgiving this year? I don’t celebrate that.

Are you excited for Thanksgiving ANY year? Yeah, I still don’t celebrate that.

Any plans for the weekend? I had plans to start a new series and spend a lazy day watching YouTube videos, but we haven’t had internet all day today and it’s felt quite deflating to have the first day of my weekend taken away from me. I’ve been running on data which is...fine, I guess, but I can’t use too much if I don’t want to keep paying for it. That said I’ve only been able to do surveys and stream music today. For tomorrow, I wanna go to a coffee shop and perhaps even treat myself to ramen because I’ve been craving.

Do you lay your clothes out the day before? Before Covid happened I planned out my clothes the night before, but I didn’t lay them out.

Who was the last person you bought a gift for? Andi; got them a dress and a skirt.

What was the last song you had stuck in your head? My Limb has been repeatedly playing in my head all day.

Are you ignoring anybody currently? Not ignoring, more of I’ve already given up on them.

Do you curse at your parents in a different language? I don’t curse at my parents in any language, lmfao.

Do you get the mailman a Christmas gift every year? We don’t have mailmen, buuuuut the maintenance staff in my village (trash collectors, security guards, those in charge of trimming the grass, etc) will usually hand each household an envelope in time for Christmas. My family and I help them out and place a certain amount in all envelopes.

Are you afraid of lizards? They are very common visitors in homes here so no I’m mostly not. They move very fast and get freaked out when they see humans though, so sometimes I’ll be shocked by them suddenly scurrying away.

How legible is your signature? I don’t make it legible at all so that it’s difficult to replicate. I actually get a lot of comments on it because my signature is mostly a lazy scribble and I don’t actually spell out any part of my name, which exactly fulfills my goal of making it hard to copy.

Do you think anybody else has a bedroom EXACTLY like yours? I actually live in a neighborhood where the houses are the same models, so I can confidently tell you that there are around 10-20 bedrooms that look similar to mine. But as for being styled and furnished exactly like mine, I doubt it.

How hot are your neighbors? Lol uh I don’t pay attention to this particular trait. All my neighbors are your typical suburban families with young kids, anyway.

Do you have pictures of clouds on your cell phone? A lot. I like looking up at the sky from time to time.

Do you send compliments through text message? Sure, when it’s appropriate and only with close friends.

Do/did your high school theme colors match? I never thought they didn’t go well together, that much I can say.

Do you own any Nike shoes? Several.

Have you ever rode in a VW Bug? Never.

How about a Mini Cooper? Never have, would absolutely love to.

What was the last fast food place you got food from? Yellow Cab. I got two pizzas and pasta for my family.

When you invite people to your house do you usually hang out in your room? I never invite people to my house because it’s too far compared to where most of my friends live, and it would only be a big hassle for everyone. As for my room, the only people who’ve been in it are Gabie and Angela/Hans, the latter only once.

Have you ever seen your crush/current bf/gf cry? I don’t have any of these.

Do you own any Spongebob merchandise? I’m pretty sure we have a Patrick plushie we continue to keep around.

Do you have any food traditions with any of your friends? My orgmates and I frequented a certain bar near our university; we went there whether it was to celebrate the end of an exam-filled week, or if we simply wanted to spend an ordinary Thursday with a few drinks. A few months ago they were in danger of closing because of the pandemic, but I hope life has been kinder to them recently.

Do you like Gwen Stefani? Erm, not particularly. Some songs of her I like, but I’m not a passionate fan.

Do you know anybody with a thick Jamaican accent? No.

Are you closer to your mom’s side of the family or your dad’s? Mom’s. Aside from being able to see them more often, our humor is also similar.

Have you ever been to a haunted house? I’ve stared at one, but never gone inside haha.

Yes or no: red eyeliner? Do whatever you want with your face and makeup, man.

Yes or no: red lipstick? ^ Still applies.

Would you ever own a pet black widow spider? No.

Do you wear holiday themed clothing? I don’t think I own any, so no.

At 6:00 tomorrow night where do you think you’ll be? On my way home, or preparing to head home, I hope.

Is it night or day right now? Evening.

What time did you get up today? Like 5:30. I fell asleep on the rooftop and got to see the pretty sunrise and the sky gradually change colors :)

#survey #surveys

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tragedybunny · 4 years

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The Blade’s Edge - A League of Legends Fanfiction - Chapter 17

Hello Lovelies, I hope you are all well in these times. Out of sickness and moving house, I bring you this chapter.

❤Tragedybunny❤

They had a simple arrangement. She was the weapon to be used on his enemies. Things get more complicated when emotions bleed into what should simple. Now the two of them find themselves on the precipice of something that was entirely unexpected.

I stretch and make a note on the report in front of me, the last of a small mountain that had occupied most of my desk, well the desk I poached from the downstairs study. I determine that ultimately it contains nothing of consequence to the Empire. It puts forward that the rebelling mages put an end to Jarvan III, a conclusion that I find open to doubt. Rebels whose very existence was outlawed in Demacia would have seen much more value in the King as a bargaining chip or at least executed him very publicly. I imagine something else is at play. Unless their leader really is the raving madman the Crown Prince has painted him as. Ah Demacia, that veneer of justice and mercy is starting to wear off. I wonder… no, that belongs in the past.

We should dig deeper into what befell this last Jarvan, we might even find out before the newest Jarvan. I carefully lay out the orders in a code, wax seal it, and put it on the pile to be dispatched. At my feet, Skadi stirs and makes an excited chirp startling Bea who digs her claws into my shoulder and caws angrily. Jericho had infuriatingly been proven right about the challenges of keeping the two of them in the same house. I wince but stroke her head, trying to calm her. “Come in Rowan.”

The door to my parlor turned office opens and Rowan glides through, cloak billowing around them. “How did you know it was me?”

I look down as Skadi hurtles across the floor, a black and red blur, to collide with their legs, leathery tail whipping back and forth. “She never growls when it’s you.”

They bend down and acknowledge her with a quick pat which sends her trotting happily back to my side. Rowan slides into the chair across from me, tactfully averting their eyes as I move the reports out of sight. “She certainly has grown quite large in just a couple of months.”

“She’s also a pain in my ass.” Papers stowed, I pull her into my lap, which Bea mercifully tolerates. “And how are you, Rowan?”

“Quite excellent, that hidden library in the Bastion is yielding many interesting insights and mysteries. The Mage’s Council is eternally grateful to the Grand General for the unfettered access to it. It sounds as though he has fared well against this rebellion?”

“As you would imagine. Most of their number broke and ran as soon they realized who they were up against. He’s been chasing down stray bands of them but it would seem a good number have faded back into their former lives.” Skadi suddenly tilts her head up to lick my chin, a habit she’s developed that I imagine Jericho is going to despise. To his credit, he had tried to conceal his dislike for drake hounds but it didn’t take long before it was obvious. I don’t understand why he agreed to me keeping her at all.

“And yourself, is the recent promotion agreeing with you?” I note they’ve been fidgeting with the sleeve of their robe since they sat. Typical of life in Noxian High Command, something more is at play.

I stand, firmly holding Skadi, and Bea vacates my shoulder. “The weather is lovely, let’s walk and talk. I’ll show you my garden.” That should be far enough from any eyes and ears that could be curious. Moira, to her credit, rules the staff with an iron grip, but Gwen’s spy ring has taught me how dangerous their disloyalty can be. Rowan nods and follows my lead out into the hall. “I hate this damned promotion! Between overseeing a contingent of warmasons and leading the Guild I spend most of my time doing dull administrative tasks.” I can’t even admit to them that Inara is mostly running the Guild while I scramble to keep tabs on all of Jericho’s pawns, allies and enemies alike. When he returns I’ll have to have words with her, she’s been spikier than usual and seems to be avoiding me. I navigate the stairs with Skadi in my arms, she still has trouble not tumbling down them, and set her down to bound along behind us. “And I still think it has more to do with earning my husband’s favor than anything I’ve done.” Summer has just settled over the Capitol and the windows all stand open to ease the stifling heat.

“Perhaps, or perhaps your capabilities are greater than you estimate. I’ve heard no complaints about your performance.” Rowan has developed quite a few ties in High Command with their place in the Mage’s Council, and they’re not shy about exploiting that for information.

Silence falls as we pass through the house and finally we reach my long sought after prize. The garden, now reclaimed, is an explosion of color, order carefully disguised as chaos. It seems like a wild space, a forest clearing somewhere far from the harsh steppes of the Noxian homelands, as long as you ignore the benches and fountains.”How do you like it? I didn’t want it to look overly fussy.”

They think for a moment as we continue to stroll. “Perceptive choice. You make an excellent Lady of the House. Perhaps you can even host that trade delegation from Piltover”

I turn to glare at them and see the smile they don’t bother to conceal. “You’re not the first to think this a joking matter. You’re just lucky I’m fond of you and won’t consider stabbing you for it. And don’t remind me of the god's forsaken mess that is Piltover.” We come to a stop and I notice Bea perched in the branches above us. She hasn’t strayed far since Jericho left, she must really feel his absence. “I know you’re not here for tea and gossip or to see this garden. What really brings you here?”

We’re finally out of earshot of the house, a small tree blocking us from view. They lean down to use a hushed tone anyway. “She came to see me. She’s plotting something, I can tell. She was making not so subtle overtures for my allegiance.”

I narrow my eyes. She’s getting aggressive with Jericho gone, but this is more proof of his suspicions. Maybe even something that can finally be acted on. “Keep her dangling?”

“I played neutral, yes. There’s more though, I’m hearing constant rumors, she’s recruiting others. There are possible traitors everywhere, even among your own.”

I think of all the Guild’s potential recruits that have vanished, our numbers still thin, likely an intentional move. I didn’t miss the tense look of General Talus when she promoted me, giving me rank in Intelligence I hadn’t earned. It makes sense now, my loyalty to the Trifarix is somewhat guaranteed. The irony is that the threat is from within the council itself. “Keep what mages you can loyal. And if you can get any word of her sanguinary friend moving outside his little Crimson Cult, make it a priority.”

“Of course. And I’ll await the Grand General’s return with fervor, ready to be of any use I can.” They look down suddenly, eyes wide. Skadi is happily chewing on the hem of their robe.

“Bad girl, stop that.” I lean down and scoop her up “Apologies, we’re still training.” I grimace, cheeks flushing.

Rowan laughs, a musical sound that’s been said to enchant. “Worry not, this is the least of our problems. I will be in touch, dear Katarina.”

Once I see them out I return to the daunting stack of reports. They have a strict deadline of tomorrow morning, I’ve already put them off as long as I can. Currently, I oversee our warmasons to the far west, mainly Demacia and its immediate neighbors. This intel isn’t used for direct military action, yet. We predict where they will intervene, where the Empire can use it’s warhosts most effectively. Although, with all that has happened, I imagine Demacia’s military will be occupied for some time. I can’t say they don’t deserve this with their foolish and backward attitude toward magic.

My mind wanders to Rowan’s warning, the danger is growing and she’s outed herself as the one behind it. If she were mortal I would have slit her throat long ago. She ensnared my father, caused his death, and now she threatens my…, my husband. I look down at the ring on my hand, still an unbelievable thing to behold. He was right about the necessity, it’s been an endless task to keep our circle of allies tight and make sure his presence is still felt in the Capitol. There is the nice little reward of my critics being forced to refer to me as Commander Swain with the sourest looks.

I pull a fresh sheet of parchment from the desk. I haven’t written lately, he’ll probably be looking for an update. Not that he’s been consistent about writing me back, it seems one for every three I write. I should really chide him about that when he returns.

Rowan came to see the garden today. He had some words of wisdom on its care. I’m hosting Argos and his new companion for dinner, let’s see if she’s more entertaining than the last. Bea is well, she’s adjusting to Skadi quite nicely. Noxus celebrates your triumphs and I’m confident you will bring a decisive end to these rebels soon.

Seemingly nothing but domestic babble, I trust him to know what I mean. Rowan came with information, Argos is still loyal, and I’m still managing everything as he would like. I keep them brief since I know he’d prefer to not have excess information to sift through. I tuck it into an envelope and set my personal wax seal on it. One perk of my position in Intelligence is being able to send my letters with official military dispatches.

There was never any doubt that Jericho’s Warhost would crush the rebellion. While not as legendary as the Trifarian Legion, it would be foolish to underestimate it. Really any army could have sufficed with him at its head. I have to admit, I regret I didn’t get to join this campaign. I’d rather be at his side, slitting throats for him, than here reading reports. Damn it, I really miss him. Even if he manages to keep things between us nebulous still. It doesn’t change how I burn for him to be back home beside me.

I need to take a trip to Guild Headquarters tonight. All these emotions have become like waves battering the side of a beleaguered ship, leaving no peace in their wake. I need some good old-fashioned bloodshed to clear my mind and still my heart. When the last report is read and my dispatches are properly sealed and bundled for the morning, I head to my room and ready myself for the hunt. Armor and daggers in place, I head for the stairs, leaving via the window seems awkward now that I’ve become so inexorably tied to this house. Moira is overseeing some grand cleaning endeavor in the hall and I nod as I pass her only to catch a scathing look she too slowly tries to erase. I inhale sharply, and here I thought we were having a pleasant armistice. “Yes?” I snap and regret the momentary loss of control. She hesitates and I temper my tone. “Did you have something you wished to say?”

Finally, after another breath, she lets it out. “Well, the staff was just confused as to why we weren’t informed the Grand General was on his way home.”

I narrow my eyes, it can’t be. “Are you sure about this?”

Her face pales, the implications dawning on her. “Y-yes, the word is all over the city today.” Of course, I’ve been sequestered all day with damn reports. “The army turned east some time ago, engaged in a battle, and is now closing in on the Capitol.”

“I see.” God’s how embarrassing, to be so in the dark. That must be what Rowan was meaning. I swear I’ll repay him for this oversight. “Well, now we all know.” I turn and walk away, leaving her with a word still on her lips, desperately hiding how much it stings to be forgotten. How was he so thoughtless? Nevermind, it must have been a mistake. We’ll laugh it off once he’s home.

Even telling myself that doesn’t quiet the nagging accusations in my head, but the Guild has the cure I seek. There’s a certain diplomat who’s been acting as a second rate spy. The nerve, coming here and thinking you get away with a half-arsed espionage attempt. This is Noxus, if you’re going to spy, you had better excel at it. This is the one I’ve decided to handle personally.

Inara had laughed and asked if I was still sharp as I left, but the jab felt hollow, and I ended up rolling my eyes and walking away. One benefit of Jericho’s unexpectedly imminent return is that’s something I’ll be able to handle. As it turns out, I don’t have to worry about being sharp, my quarry is likely to provide a laughably small amount of challenge. One look through the window I’m perched at reveals a man of ridiculous girth. The only challenge will be making this somehow appear accidental. Despite the reputation of Noxian diplomacy, the outright murder of a foreign agent, even a known spy, would be considered bad form.

His bulk spills over the side of the chair he’s seated in, alone in a room with the lamps turned down low, pouring over some document. I try to analyze my possible approach, how I should navigate this, but with all that just transpired, my patience has run out. I slide the window open, not even trying to quiet it as it gives a keening whine, who needs a plan. I draw a dagger and I’m inside and behind him before he even reacts to the noise. “Writing a little note home?”

He’s been trying to turn to catch the noise, and he comes face to face with me. I give him a predatory smile. “M-Madame, C-Commander!” He stammers, eyes wide with dawning understanding. He opens his mouth, no doubt to scream for help.

I silence him with a blade to his throat, freezing him in an awkward pose with his head turned toward me. “That’s the problem with the position I find myself in. Now you all know me, and each and every one of you thinks to beg me for mercy. Well, I have none, especially not tonight.”

“Please...please.” His voice squeaks as I press the dagger harder against his throat. Another for tears and cowardice it would seem. How dull.

“What did I just say?” Forget accidents, forget political ramifications. Vision fading to red, I drag the blade across his throat; forget who I’m supposed to be. “You really should have screamed for help when you had the chance.”

I dodge the spray from his severed veins and watch him meekly make his exit from this life. There is no satisfaction though, no blissful relief from my own inner turmoil, just a hollow tiredness. Resigned, I leave him to be found, too late to cover my work. I make my way back home, running the rooftops in yet another desperate attempt at settling myself. Below me, the city pulses with life, even at this late hour, as work and leisure never cease among the endless denizens of the Capitol. It does come, just a bit, a little serenity in the noise and motion, as leap one edge to the next, and climb every height in my path. It feels so familiar, I almost expect my long gone stalker to appear, steps haunting mine. It’s fleeting though and vanishes all too soon. I sigh as the seriousness of what I’ve done finally catches up to me with my now clear head. This blatant murder could reverberate throughout our allies, undermining so much diplomatic work. It was reckless and rash and I should have known better. Even worse, I know he'd be disappointed. I berate myself the rest of the way home.

I think longingly of the bottle of wine sitting on my desk, temptingly untouched. Since nothing else has managed to soothe me I could just drown it all. That’s likely to cause me further troubles though, I haven’t forgotten the disaster the night before our wedding. It’s still waiting for me when I return home, along with an eager little drake hound that demands my immediate attention with her high pitched chirps. With her scooped up in my arms, affectionately nipping my fingers, I leave my temptations behind for bed. I need to regain control, I’ve ceded so much of it to Jericho over time, and now my own emotions are spiraling dangerously. I almost laugh at the thought, embracing that lack of control has defined me for so long now. I yawn, there will be time for deep thoughts tomorrow.

The hour is late by the time Skadi is happily tucked into her own little bed in the corner and I crawl into mine, which feels so very empty with just me in it. Painfully sober and finally admitting to myself I’m bitter at Jericho’s neglect, I fall into a fitful, brief sleep. Some nightmare haunts me, someone in the shadows hunting me, a flock of ravens, a woman’s laugh, cold and cruel. I’m ripped from the senseless cacophony by a less than impressive growl from across the room. “Go back to sleep, it’s still night.” A noise comes from Jericho’s private parlor beyond the door and with a final small growl, Skadi shoots into the darkness before emitting her tiny roar.

“Cease that you little beast.” Oh, no. Hurriedly I leap from the bed, rushing to the other room to find a single lamp lit and Skadi with her teeth locked around Jericho’s ankle. My heart leaps into my throat, my irritation forgotten. He’s home. He glowers down at her while her too small teeth fail to pierce the leather of his boot.

“Bad girl, stop.” I can’t help the slight laugh that escapes me as I bend down to pry her off her target. The sight of her determinedly trying to maul him is too much. With her squirming about in my grasp, I stand back up, and my laughter quickly dies in my throat at his dark expression. “Sorry about that.” My mouth feels dry.

“I thought you were supposed to be training her.” It’s not harsh or cruel, but cold and detached. He moves past us without another word, into the bedroom.

“I am, she’s still young.” I trail behind him, elation dissolving, my heart sinking. “I wasn’t expecting you home. You didn’t write to let me know.”

He goes about the room, turning the gas lamps on, throwing a harsh brightness over everything. “I sent word to High Command. I assumed it would be relayed to you.” His tone indicates he didn’t concern himself over it. He pulls the chair back from his desk and drapes his coat over it, again sparing no words for me as I stand there awkwardly. Even Skadi has gone still at the grim atmosphere.

“Well, it didn’t.” He sits and starts sorting through the papers stacked neatly in front of him. “I take it you’re intending to work?” The sun hasn’t yet pierced the horizon.

He nods, not looking my way. “There is much to be done. I’ll expect a report of anything you find pertinent.”

“Right.” I take Skadi and retreat down that narrow passage to my room, to a bed I haven’t been exiled to in so long. Fighting to breathe, cheeks burning, and eyes stinging, I lay in bed and pull her close. That was so much the Jericho of old, the cold possessive man who saw me as an asset, a tool. It was like there was nothing there of the man who’d held me close on our wedding night and called me wife so softly.

What did you think, foolish girl, that he cared for you? Do you never learn? He got everything he wanted from me, the Guild, my position in Intelligence, and a wife to manage his interests in his absence. He no longer needs to maintain his charade. I feel the tears threatening to spill over and I smother them. No, he’s taken everything else, he can’t have them as well.

#swain #Katarina #swain x katarina #League of Legends #league of legends fanfction

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surveystodestressme · 4 years

Text

211.

3000 question survey pt 1

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

being healthy and alive and well

2. What is your greatest fear?

being killed or kidnapped or just dying in general

3. What is the trait you most deplore (dislike) in yourself?

I can be really mean and hurtful

4. What is your greatest extravagance?

oh i don’t know

5. What is your current state of mind?

i am doing okay.

6. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

just being a good human being

7. On what occasion do you lie?

i try to never lie

8. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

i am super acne prone

9. Which living person do you most despise?

rapists and murderers, no specific person

10. What is the quality you most like in a man?

humor

11. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

also humor

12. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

too many of them

13. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

my boyfriend or my cat

14. When and where were you the happiest?

i don’t know off the top of my head

15. Which talent would you most like to have?

i would love to be able to make things or fix things

16. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

i wish i was nicer and was more patient

17. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

getting through college (almost, haven’t graduated yet but i’m certain that i will)

18. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

a golden retriever in a rich home that will spoil me

19. Where would you most like to live?

somewhere warm all the time

20. What is your most treasured possession?

my cat (don’t really count her as a possession but i treasure her dearly)

21. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

i don’t know

22. What is your favorite career?

astronaut

23. What is your most marked characteristic?

i like to think i am pretty helpful

24. What do you value most in your friends?

honesty and loyalty

25. Who are your favorite writers?

i don’t really have one

26. Who is your hero of fiction?

27. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

i don’t know

28. Who are your heroes in real life?

my sister and my mother

29. What are your favorite names?

i always liked Parker

30. What is it that you most dislike?

bad people

31. What is your greatest regret?

trying to kill myself when i was younger and all the people i hurt because of it

32. How would you like to die?

i would not like to die painfully

33. What is your motto?

i don’t really think i have one

34. Do you like watching reruns?

yes!

35. Have you ever won any kind of contest yourself?

i think so

36. What gives you cheap thrills?

i don’t know

37. What do you think is worth waiting for?

love

38. Are you an organ donor, if so why/why not?

i think so? I mean if i can be useful after death, why not

39. Should parenting classes be mandatory for new parents?

yes, a lot of people i know that have had kids have no idea wtf they’re doing and they are going to fuck their kid up

40. What is the number one thing people are always asking you for help with?

advice on relationships, schoolwork, pets, etc.

41. What movie did you love the original but hated the sequel to?

there are plenty.

42. Are you more talk and less action or vice versa?

more talk lol

43. Have you ever given someone a handmade present?

yes! plenty of times. i definitely think that is the best kind of present to get. i love getting handmade presents

44. What type of person angers you the most?

rude people and stupid people

45. Could you live without electricity for a week?

yeah probably

46. Do you think Great Britain should be a part of a united Europe?

i don’t care

47. Have you ever eaten a whole tube of pringles by yourself?

probably

48. Do you like champagne, if so, what is your favorite brand?

i don’t mind champagne but i would not go out of my way to drink it

49. What nervous habits do you have?

i bite my nails, bite my lip, bite the inside of my cheek

50. What do you do when you and your best friend get into a fight?

i don’t really fight with my friends.

51. What do you think should be a wonder of the world that currently isn’t?

i don’t know

52. What comforts you on bad days?

my cat

53. Do you treat yourself and your body with respect?

i like to think so

54. Something you eat that other people would find gross.

i make ramen and i out ranch, hot sauce, and cheese in it

55. Have you ever broken the law and didn’t get caught, if so how?

yeah, trespassed more times than i can count.

56. Something you fear might change you.

moving away from my friends and family

57. What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

arrogance, rudeness

58. Have you ever resented someone, if so what for?

yeah but i don’t really remember what for

59. Do you have a favorite t-shirt, if so what’s on it or what does it say?

i have plenty of favorite sweatshirts but no favorite shirts

60. How old do you think is too old to have a baby?

probably late 40s

61. How have you changed over the last five years?

oh god, plenty. i’m not a suicidal teenager anymore. i eat now. i don’t hurt myself

62. Have you ever painted a house?

the inside

63. Have you ever had a surprise party (that was an actual surprise)?

yes!! they are so much fun

64. What makes you feel miserable?

when people are mean to me

65. What’s the best costume you’ve ever worn?

i was chucky one year, i even did my own makeup

66. What’s been the hardest loss you’ve had to take?

my cat, lily, when she passed away

67. Do you like sunny days or rainy days more?

sunny

68. What does your typical Friday night look like?

usually sitting on my computer playing video games, watching movies/shows, or doing homework/studying. i rock climb too on fridays

69. Who is your favorite movie director and what’s your favorite movie from them?

i don’t really care about the directors of movies, i don’t pay attention to that stuff

70. What is the furthest you’ve ever got a paper airplane to fly?

not very

71. Do you like the person you are becoming?

i think so, at least for the most part

72. What’s the highest you’ve ever jumped into the water from?

not very far. there is a swing into a creek near my parents house

73. What inspires your ideas?

a lot of different things, inspiration comes from everywhere

74. Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself?

not by myself

75. Have you ever bolstered your resume to get a job you really wanted?

yes

76. How emotional are you?

very

77. Have you ever had an internship, if not what would be your dream intern job?

i interned at a vet clinic last summer

78. Do you prefer chicken, beef, or seafood?

i would usually say beef but lately i’ve been craving seafood

79. Have you ever had a health scare?

nah

80. What do you love most about the holiday season?

decorating

81. Do you think a fling could be a good thing?

sure

82. What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?

actually doing something with my hair lol. i hate dealing with it

83. What do or did you hate the most about dating or the dating process?

i don’t mind dating, it feels good to date but i’m always worried that i will say the wrong thing

84. What do you frown upon when it comes to raising kids?

when people raise them wrong

85. Have you ever been professionally photographed?

for family photos, yeah

86. Where or how do you find serenity?

reading or writing

87. Do you influence people more than they influence you?

i don’t know

88. What can you do to make your life better?

try harder

89. If you could ask one person, alive or dead, only one question, what would you ask?

i would ask any dead person what it is like to die and what comes after, if anything

90. What is your favorite hiding place?

someplace where no one would find me

91. Do you buy anything organic, if so, what is it?

nope

92. Describe yourself in terms of food.

delicious

93. How could you reinvent yourself?

plenty of ways

94. What was the name of the first album you ever bought and who was it by?

it was one of gwen stefanis first albums but i don’t remember which one

95. What is your Chinese zodiac sign and is the description accurate?

aries, i don’t know the description tbh

96. Do you have any prejudices you’ve admitted to yourself?

plenty

97. Who is the very first friend you ever remember making and how old were you?

kristen in kindergarten

98. What makes you lose sleep?

worrying

99. What are three phases or sayings you say almost every day?

there are too many

100. Do you floss or use a toothpick when food gets stuck in your teeth?

yes

#bored #quiz #questions #survey

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simontams · 7 years

Note

HEY NAT NAT BEN BEN WHAT ABOUT TORCHWOOD 🔥🔥🔥

I feel personally targeted. And I want that in writing.

Okay here goes nothing. *Rolls up sleeves*.

Warning: Will likely evolve into a long, in-depth, Torchwood analysis

Favourite Character:

I’m half asleep as it is and you go and encourage me to talk about Ianto Jones, who is not only my favourite character in this show, but probably overall.

The question is, can I pinpoint why?

Can I articulate how much this character genuinely means to me without just giving up and keyboard smashing at like 2am?

Okay, to start with, he’s not in the first two series an awful lot, however much I try to convince myself otherwise, but the development he does get is credit-worthy. And I think from the start, I was won over by his priceless expressions, sarcastic humour and sweet demeanour. Yet, throughout my numerous rewatches, the occasional bleaker episode, and low-key audio addiction, I’ve learned that there is more than meets the eye and maybe that's what makes him so interesting to me- All characters have more to them that originally assumed but there’s so many aspects to Ianto’s personality that slowly reveal themselves that you cant possibly know everything. You keep on learning and wondering about his past, his motivations, his true feelings- I’ve seen on countless occasions people labelling him as overrated and simply seen as that outside innocent coffee boy (sure, its the button on the top), but I think his clear popularity could be because a lot of people, dare I say, relate to him?

One of my favourite things about the Doctor Who universe especially and, in turn, Torchwood, is that it is real, it has real characters who have real emotions and real flaws, which shouldn't be excluded as they only add to their human degree of complexity- what would the series be without returning home to a concerned Jackie Tyler for a cup of tea every once in a while? without seeing characters reach behind that innate curiosity at the science-fiction and occasionally express fear at what is uncomfortable and unknown?

Doctor Who is not about aliens, it’s about people- and Ianto Jones is no exception. And in some ways, he can be the most human of them all- his excitement and confidence when he’s viewed as Jack’s boyfriend, his maintained calm exterior that he chooses to present to the world, his friendship with Tosh and the others, his weird habits and his humour, right up until his brutally heartfelt death scene.

Ianto Jones is one of the only characters that I am sure will remain this close to my heart, and I constantly switch between connecting to him and marvelling at how much more there is to see. Not to be too deep or over-exaggerated, but under everybody's excitable obsessions with TV shows, bands, books- there's something that genuinely helped them learn more about themselves and grow as a person behind it, they represent a certain time in that individuals life and that has to be appreciated- in the same way, that can be said for my attraction to Torchwood as a whole and towards Ianto as a character.

Second Favourite Character:

Now that we’ve accepted me as a high-key, over-the-top teenaged fan, hence somehow continuing reading, let’s move on to the impossible choice of, who do I prefer more: Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper or Jack Harkness? (I’ll mention my Gwen angst later).

Firstly Jack, will always, in my eyes, be one of the most deep and fascinating characters from what I’ve seen of the franchise as a whole- the contrast between the self-assured and flirtatious alien, the darker side of his immortality, and even the earlier con-man interpretation of his endlessly gripping character. Some of my favourite aspects of him in Torchwood are when we see him through his own outlived eyes; his loneliness or anger or even fragility, the latter being especially in regards to his relationship with Ianto and his over-arching knowledge that nothing lasts for him. And while he will always be one of my favourite characters in general, this one is a close call and I regret to view him as anything less than such- but I’m gonna have to go with Owen.

But first, let me appreciate Tosh- underestimated, brave, intelligent and affectionate Tosh, who is so close to Owen in terms of my tribute, it was near impossible to choose between the pair- in fact it still is and if asked this another time I would probably change my mind repeatedly. She tries so hard to gain approval and security, she's just genuinely lovable...and she did good.

I know Owen- apparently I’m having an Owen day- is disliked by the best of us in season 1, and some still after, I mean he is outwardly an arsehole, he's even aware of such, and the way he treats others including Tosh is inexcusable- but it’s season 2 where I genuinely fell in love with him, if not, mid-way through the first season after seeing the affects of Diane’s departure and his more sensitive self. Because like I said before- these human qualities, however negative, only add to him as a character.

When all the ‘dying drama’ goes down we realise how truly fragile he is, and in Fragments we see this to an even greater extent pre-torchwood: he's had a bad time of it, to say the least. And I will place him in second place after Ianto primarily due to this drastic turn and the realisation that he is such a prime example of ‘messed up and imperfect yet completely misunderstood’ and deep down, one of the most sensitive and caring of the lot.

I especially love when he begins to open up to Tosh and the numerous scenes in ‘a day in the death’ such as running into the bay or Ianto telling him to not let himself get beaten after all he has done, and that's also why that is one of my favourite episodes- I love this side of his character and how it contributes to him on the whole.

Character I’m Most Like:

God. Okay.

I honestly think this has to be the shortest reply yet. And for all the explanations worth, it has to be Ianto. Owen is angsty as hell, Tosh is kind and smart, Jack is tired, above everything and Gwen is adamant and sociable-

Ianto is humorous and loyal.

-Yet, somehow has the potential to be all of the other things too, and at times, has been. Which only furthers my previous point of him being relatable to most viewers at certain times throughout because of that.

Favourite Pair:

Now we’re talking.

There’s a word, a cursed, ancient term that’s been floating around the internet for a while now....: Janto.

Typical romance story, boy meets boy, boy is immortal alien, boy falls in love with welsh nerd who looks good in a waistcoat, the usual, yet...

Next, the heavy stuff :)

Ianto has so much love to give and he chooses to give it to Jack. His last serious relationship ended in tragedy and he finds himself in a casual fling with this, said immortal alien guy, who’s also...his mysterious boss. He appears genuinely happy and confident for the first time in a while and his utter joy will purify souls for many years to come.

But it’s not that simple, is it? It never has been. Because it gets serious and they can escape into their own connection outside of their work and all the other crap the team go through. They begin to understand each other on a deeper level despite their differences- and it’s fated to end in disaster: Ianto’s death.

One of the most heart-breaking yet beautiful and bittersweet factors of the show is this relationship. The most traumatic realisations? moments when Ianto acknowledges his mortality compared to Jacks curse to out-live everybody he loves (The dead line and Day 4, I’m looking at you). Maybe it’s on Jacks behalf that the extent and importance of their bond get highlighted- He unwillingly falls for Ianto and he in no way wants to recognize the unwavering sincerity of what they have, or at least publically, hence his hesitance when Ianto is proud to be seen as a couple at the beginning of Children Of Earth, because he doesn’t want to see something so good end and hurt him, again.

Also, the fact that their relationship is so private? It’s got a significant part to play when prompting the importance of what they have. Jack is characteristically flirty and outgoing, yet he keeps his feelings for Ianto close and guarded- because they mean that much to him. All of their intimate conversations- they're alone. It just develops and adds meaning and weight to their taboo ending.

That inevitably brings me onto the unspeakable death scene. I can wholeheartedly say that I have never witnessed such an emotional scene where a character has been killed off? It just, it gets to you? and I probably don't need to say that twice.

I don’t even know what it is, and I don’t care about the ‘he should never have been killed off’ or ‘he died for nothing’, god I want him to live as much as anybody, but they did choose to kill him off- and it was art.

The entirety of COE was, it was horrific and too close for comfort and one of the best pieces of television that I will ever have the pleasure to watch. Because it is raw and it’s soulful and it’s real and it breaks you- and god I wouldn’t want one of my favourite characters to go in any other way than something with this level of reputation and emotion.

The way Jack falls onto the floor next to Ianto, the ballad of Ianto Jones playing, the bigger picture of the theme of the series, them out of their comfort zone, beyond their control, influencing this, the government officials overlooking such an intimate moment, the way Jack tells them 'not him’ (that’s where I loose it, god I’m choked up just thinking about it), after Ianto tried to be the hero and stand next to Jack and help him confront the mistakes of his past- showing him that he's there for him when others doubt him, showing him that he can change and resolve it with him by his side, yet seeing that their efforts do not directly succeed? its not showing Ianto died with no final influence, its to show the extent of the bigger issue, it is out of their hands and that's why Children Of Earth is so, for want of a better word, scary- Gwen relating this degree of destruction to the absence of our established hero, The Doctor- terrifying.

How Jack wakes up and sees Ianto, how the audience see this character they've grown to love, dead, how defeated Jack looks with the knowledge that he will have to move on and can’t do anything about what had happened- it is seriously too much and can anybody who is that deeply connected to a scene, really hate on it for whatever reason?

God Jack blames himself, God Torchwood was the death of me-

you know I watched Children Of Earth over the evening of Christmas Eve and early Christmas morning? I watched Ianto Jones die on Christmas day 2015. Yeah.

Least Favourite Pair:

What the ever loving shit is Gwack.

(I like how you tiptoed around this Evie, and I just-)

Okay. I don't like Gwen.

Now hear me out, I don't like her in the first and second series. She was a cheat and I accept this as part of her character, and Owens, but it doesn't mean I have to ignore or like it- she also treat the others like they didn't understand, like they couldn't feel and aren't affected by what they see like she is when they've been through so much more in terms of their background- she is rash and selfish and Rhys deserved better.

There I said it- however, it is party due to the writing, she had a lot of potential but she can’t be treated as such a ‘nice’ or relatable character and role model, as the person who enters this alien world for the audience to relate to when she gets away with these things. But I’ll hold my hands up and says she grows up a lot come COE and in the books and audios.

Despite my feelings about Gwen- she has still got a boyfriend either way. No offence, meh, ish, but there is nothing between her and Jack romantically- if anything she merely represents the normal life that Jack cant have. The many, many, uncomfortable scenes when she stares at Jack while kissing Rhys, the flirting with who she thought was him on her wedding day, the part where he's teaching her how to shoot, its just that, its awkward and there's nothing to it. Why voluntarily choose to treat her as this person who uses people and makes excuses for herself when you can emphasise and focus on her other truly good qualities like her bravery?

Why dig for something that isn't there, they have a great friendship, why simplify that? he mentors her and she has Rhys, he has Ianto, there's so much depth to that relationship as I've been through, why choose to overlook it?

But ‘don't like’ isn't as strong a word as ‘hate’, I just don't understand why somebody would make it this hard to view her as redeemable- I know she is flawed, like the others- I just find it harder avoid and grasp why people want to further those parts of her and view it in a positive light and accept or ignore her cheating.

Gwen, I can hesitantly can get on board with, she is still part of the show I love, and while I can’t admit forgiving her I can say that her character, in turn, deserved better and while I acknowledge the problems she has, I appreciate her in COE, etc, because she does begin to develop and prove herself a bit more.

Nonetheless, I will never ‘get’ Jack and Gwen, it just doesn't rub me up the right way and seems pointless, it seems like ‘bait’ that some fans have fallen for and for me, it takes away so much of all of the characters involved and I’d rather view them for who they are rather than hinting at a negative version of who they could be.

And I'm sorry but Gwen and Owen are just bad for each other- they both deserve better than that.

Owen and Tosh? Beautiful and they should have gotten that date, they know each other so well and their death scene- why is this show so traumatic. But don't even get me started on that one-

‘Because you’re breaking my heart.’

Favourite Moment (s):

To be blunt:

Day 4- Ianto dies, yes really, #1, sorry...yeah..

Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, Forehead Kiss, (Janto, in Adam)

A Day In The Death- Owen underwater, also in top 3...

‘No, ‘cause the phones aren't working’,

Captain Jack Harkness- Jack & Jack Dance, close second

‘Who’s for Chinese?’ ft. actually eating it and having a nice time Tm

When, in fragments, Owen first enters the hub and he is talking to Jack about how he's going to try to save as many people as he can but it'll never be enough

I’m not sure of the episode, likely ‘A Day In The Death’, but Tosh and Owen have a talk, wait was it ‘Dead Man Walking?’...yeah it was...

Broken, audio- Yeah, that- the car scene where their relationship truly begins and ‘stop the car’, ‘my coffee.’

‘Space Pig, Yeah?’

Fragments- ‘Jones. Ianto Jones’. ‘Captain Jack Harkness’

Does the John Barrowman ringtone blooper count? ;)

Not to approach the unapproachable, and it's not my favourite ‘cause that's like twisted but- ‘the Steven thing’ deserves a mention just for the fact that Jacks expression will haunt me forever

‘The world’s always ending, and I have missed that coat’

Did I mention the entirety of COE?

A Torchwood Captain and an ex-time agent walk into a bar...

Virus short story, ending and the part where Ianto goes rogue and badass

The goodbye in COE- should have ended there, it lost its weight

Consider this: In the shadows audio- Ianto, he just-

‘The Sin Eaters’ audio, cat falls through lift, that's all you need to know really, isn't it?

‘house of the dead’ when its all over and somebody approached jack and he answers them but then they go away and he- ‘goodbye Ianto’

‘Gwen....mine’s got a bell’, ‘Jack and Coffee’, ‘Lost Souls, audio

Honestly I've probably forgotten moments that I mention 24/7 but these are the ones that come to mind

I warned you that it was gonna be an uncharacteristically long one

Rating:

10/10...

Did you expect anything else after all of that? For all its imperfections, this show will always welcome me back with open arms, I’ve taken so much from it and it will remain my favourite show along with Doctor Who itself.

Funny Story: 5am

I told you Evie, I did.

#TV #Torchwood #asks #other #me

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