#i expect we might see some epidemic stuff in doctor who in the next like 10 years

[idkwhatimdoingbutitscool]

Please Don’t Leave Me

pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x Y/N (female reader)

zombie apocolypse!au, high school!au, enemies to lovers!au

genre: angst and smut (smut in future chapters)

warnings in this chapter: cursing, mentions of death, a bus crash

part 01/?

It all happened so suddenly. Your last bus ride home became the theme of your nightmares. How could this happen? What made everything go downhill so fast? The last thing you remember from your life before the epidemic is grabbing the arm of the douchiest guy in school, Hwang Hyunjin, as the bus swerved and flipped over. You hated him. You hated the surprised look on his face when you grabbed him. You hated how fast he grabbed onto a pole with one hand and gripped you tighter with the other. You felt the bus flip and then it all went black. Bits and pieces flashed by. Hyunjin lying twisted on the roof of the bus, dead or unconscious you couldn’t tell, “H-Hyunjin?” The taste of blood seeped into your mouth as you spoke. Black. “She’s alive!” “Help me carry them out!” “Hurry!” Darkness. Lying in the back of a truck. Hyunjin’s hand on yours. Nothing. Stitches. Blood. Emptiness.

After coming to in a tent a nurse greeted you, “Hi, Y/N! I’m Nancy, your primary nurse. Do you know where you are or what happend?” Your eyes widened as you continued to stare at her, “You were in an accident three weeks ago. Do you remember?” You could only nod and she continued, “Only you and another boy survived. Do you know why the bus swerved?” No. You thought, not managing to get it out and shaking your head instead. “Okay,” She gulped, “The bus driver was startled by the appearance of a man in the street. The thing about the man is that he was dead.” You cocked your eyebrow. She laid her hand on yours, “He was a zombie. The majority of the world’s population has been infected with a virus.” Your breathing became heavy and sped up. Nancy squeezed your hand, “It’s okay. You’ll be okay.” 

It hurt. Your entire body felt numb. Regaining your speech went by faster than the doctors expected, but physical therapy was exhausting. You didn’t want to get out of bed, let alone have to learn to walk again. You laid in bed facing away from the tent opening, not moving when you heard footsteps approaching, “Y/N, you have a visitor.” Your nurse walked away, leaving you alone with an unknown person. You pleaded with the universe hoping it was your family coming to take you home, “Hi,” a voice whispered breaking your heart. It was Hyunjin. Of course it wasn’t your fucking family. Shit!

“Hi. I’m Y/N. What’s your name?” you turned your head to your first science partner freshman year. “Hi,” the boy whispered, “Hyunjin.” He scoffed, almost offended that you did not already know who he was. After receiving the instructions for your first lab experiment you spoke, “Do you want to get the beakers and measuring struff and I can get the ingredients or...” Your voice trailed off as he walked to another table. In between laughing with his friends and flirting with girls he would whisper to some other asshole fuckboy types and then they would look over at you. 

He walked towards you and sat down next to your bed. You heard him trying not to breathe, “I don’t know if you remember the accident, but I was there too. God, I was so scared. I was only out for a couple of days. Fuck, I can’t even imagine having to learn to walk and shit-” “Leave,” You interupted his self obsessive monologe, “Go!” you repeated not hearing him leave. “I was trying to be nice. God. I wasn’t the one you grabbed you,” his voice trailed off as he left you alone. How fucking self involved, you thought, He didn’t even ask if I was okay! Your thoughts drifted off as you started on your third depression nap of the day.

Weeks had passed and your doctor decided it was time for you to walk around camp. “No!” you protested as four nurses carried you off the bed and onto the floor. The nurses kept trying to tempt you, “Yes.” “It’ll be fine.” “You’ll get to see your room assignment.” “Don’t you want to eat with everybody?” You frankly did not care about your “room” and did definitely not want to see anybody let alone eat with them. Though after seeing the trouble you put the ladies through you decided to just get up. You instantly regretted it as one of the nurses spoke, “See? That wasn’t so hard now was it?” You rolled your eyes and took your old lady walker and started shuffling out of the tent.

As soon as you walked out of the tent you were shocked to see Hwang Hyunjin seemingly waiting for you. “This is Hyunjin. The boy from your same accident. We thought it best that he’d be the one showing you around,” Nancy said, anticipating your reaction. You rolled your eyes, “Seriously? Why him?” Hyunjin laughed as Nancy patted you on the shoulder before walking back into the tent. He lightly punched your arm, “Come on. You know you’re happy to see me.” “Can we just get this over with,” you asked, “I want to go back to bed.”

The hospital consisted of four tents for long term patients and one for quicker visits. As we left the hospital area you saw hundreds of people building a tall fence stretching for miles. “As you can probably tell by the barn, this used to be a farm. We’ve all taken to different jobs to help out. Those guys are building a fence to keep out zombies, there are some famers, tailors, and a whole bunch of other people doing random stuff. What do you think you’ll do once you get better,” Hyunjin asked. You shrugged, slowing down your pace trying to soak everything in. He stopped, “I know it’s a lot to get used to, but you will. I know that we never got along before, but it might be nice seeing a familiar face.” You kept walking, “Sure.”

You weren’t listening to a thing Hyunjin said, there was too much to think about. Were your friends okay? Where is your family? You sighed just thinking about having to get a job. You thought that at least during an apocalypse you would not have to do anything, but you were wrong. What were you even going to do? You were not good at anything. Hyunjin interrupted your thoughts as you entered the giant red barn, “So in here we do a bunch of stuff. It’s mainly used for town meetings, but sometimes the CATC puts on plays and performances, hold dances and talent shows, and just hang out here for people to come and be entertained.” You sat down on a haybale, “What?” “Oh right, sorry. The CATC is the Community Arts and Theater Center. I founded it a couple months back. It really helped boost morale,” he smiled looking to you for approval. “Cool,” you hesitated, “I didn’t think you were into that stuff.” He laughed, “No one really knew about it, but I’ve danced and shit since I was little.” You nodded.

Everything besides the barn was just there as a necessity. The river that ran through each side of the fence, all of the tents, the hospital, nothing was there for fun. You respected Hyunjin for creating something for everybody to let loose and have a good time. You thought about how he was in school, cocky and popular. He loved the fact that everyone knew who he was and either wanted to be him or be around him. You hated it. You hated the way he looked at his friends when he had to sit next to you in class or the way he scoffed when you answered a question wrong in class. You hated him and everything he stood for, but now it feels different. Something has changed. “Hyunjin,” you whispered. His head turned, “Yeah.” You looked at your feet as soon as his eyes met yours, “Can you show me where I’m staying?” “Of course,” he said before carrying you down from the hay.

After walking for what seemed like an eternity you guys reached a small green tent. Hyunjin ran next to the tent, “Ta-da! This is your place. Very cool,” he ran over to a navy blue tent across from yours, “This is my tent.” Your guys’ tent seemed almost secluded from everybody else’s. “Why are we a little bit away from the other tents?” you asked. He walked closer to you and lowered his voice, “Do you not have the dreams?” You shook your head, “No, what dreams.” His eyes stopped sparkling, emptiness absorbing him, “About the crash.” You were confused, “Okay, but why would we need to be apart from everyone because we have dreams?” Hyunjin sighed, “Can I take you back to the hospital now?” You nodded and started to walk.

When you got back to the ward you said goodbye to Hyunjin who had not said a word since talking to you about his dreams. He waved and walked away dragging his feet in the grass. You watched him as he walked away, a sense of longing building in your chest with every step he took. “Y/N,” Nancy ripped you out of thought. You turn around to face her, “Oh sorry. I didn’t know you were here. What’s wrong.” “Nothing. I was just here to check up on you after your walk. How was it?” Nancy started fluffing your pillow, antsy. You could tell she wanted to say something. 

“Yeah it was good. I ever walked a little without my walker,” you sat on the bed next to Nancy. She put the pillow down, “Listen, dear. We need this part of the ward open for new patients so we’re going to have to discharge you within the next two days.” You nodded, “Can I take the walker?” She laughed, “Yes you can. Just come back with it in two months. We’ll do a check-up then too. Keep doing your physical therapy and you should not have a problem walking within a month or so.” She walked out of the tent leaving you alone with your thoughts.

#stray kids #skz #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin stray kids #hyunjin skz #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin au #stray kids au #skz au #stray kids angst #skz angst #stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids hyunjin #skz hyunjin

[magicalgirlsofshoujo]

Hello Everyone

Hello everyone, after a very long time, this is Fuyu again.

To begin with, some apologies. I am sorry for disappearing without any notice. It was especially unfair to the people I was bringing on to help with the blog. I am sorry for thinking no one would really notice and letting my own self doubt and shame take the wheel.

I am also sorry that I somehow simultaneously missed a Cardcaptor Sakura revival and yet no real new magical girls of shoujo wtf.

Back on a serious note, I have some explanations. In my classic, "definitely could have said this in about half the words and with no proofreading whatsoever."

Oh gosh, this really does make me feel nostalgic.

I don't believe people have to share their personal lives if it harms them. So, don't let anything I say guilt you or your specific circumstance. Escapism is a wonderful part about fandom and the internet. Because the world is doodoo and we're all knee deep in it lately.

However, the fact that I had to run away and hide has as much to do with the nature of feel good escapism and fandom as it does with my own personal issues. What does a person do when the things they enjoy no longer make them happy?

For me the answer was to keep trying for a long time, because I felt robbed of what I love. Also, to some extent I felt I was prioritising trying to regain that feeling over confronting what was going on inside me. I did try a little bit to just take a step back. I reached out for more people to help with the blog when I started feeling the weight on me. But then getting helpers on board ended up becoming an effort in itself and my dwindling social energy just went into negative numbers.

That's why I just stood up and walked away. I had altogether too much to deal with in my brain and saying a proper goodbye somehow felt like another monumental effort.

That's also why feel an explanation of what I went through can be beneficial, because that is far from unknown in an anime fandom where otaku culture and its issues of toxicity are well known.

I do like to think I had a more wholesome attitude about it though. Teehee~

And since I was convinced no one would really care (brains are dumb) and was proven wrong upon my return even after all this time, I feel like an explanation for anyone who wanted one was warranted. Even if it's in classic Fuyu word vomit style.

I know I have always felt better when I've read stories similar to my own struggles. The feeling of, "I'm not alone!" is one that can't be underestimated. In addition, even in small areas like my little corner here, I think normalizing mental illness is a worthy cause. Everyone knows someone suffering whether they know it or not and such.

So, the short explanation is it turns out I've been living with undiagnosed ADHD. This was becoming a problem right around the time of my disappearance. For whatever reason the mechanisms I set up to deal with what I thought was laziness (primarily mainlining caffeine and forcing myself into deadlines to motivate myself) no longer worked and I would stare at computer screens where words would once come easily. This was a problem for the area of study that I loved and enjoyed so much. In my case it was also a big problem for the fandom I loved and enjoyed.

My words are all over this blog and I haven't written anything since I left.

Currently I am still exactly one course away from my undergrad degree, same as when this all started. This is at least partially because I was only diagnosed very recently.

Because I couldn't do these things I panicked and then would become extremely depressed. This was the incredibly visible problem and so when I got help I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. All are definitely true, but now we believe we diagnosed the surface symptoms and missed the underlying cause of adhd.

Instead of my anxiety, panic, and depression cycle coming from nowhere it was usually triggered directly by my lack of focus and motivation. So, years of focusing efforts on my, admittedly unbearable, moods ultimately always came up short because as soon as I felt well enough to try again, I would eventually hit the same wall in my brain and panic all over again.

The main reason I wanted to share this story is because of this difficulty in diagnosing. I don't want to get into the politics and economics of healthcare in the US that affected my care (suffice to say there were large gaps in treatment) because there's an element here that's a little more in my wheelhouse: gender.

I think the idea of gender bias in the medical community is fairly well-known, but essentially women's accounts of their symptoms are discounted by their own doctors.

This can be an issue with women and girls who suffer from ADHD because we do not match the visible checklist. Specificallyn regarding the "hyperactivity" part of ADHD. One explanation behind this, once I subscribe to, is that it's because girls are socialized differently and have different expectations.

Once upon a time, I fit the understood criteria. I would fidget all over my desk and talk to all my classmates instead of doing my work. Generally being a minor nuisance. The fidgeting issue was focused on the fact that I liked to wear skirts and that was unladylike. Going back through old report cards sees me labelled "chatty." I eventually learned to be quiet through social shame.

Honestly the gender bias regarding ADHD can be harmful for boys as well. My brother was tested at a similar age because he was disruptive and had a short temper. Nothing. They didn't acknowledge that boys being boys in the classroom might have been bullying.

I think these problems of both over-diagnosing and under-diagnosing have lowered since the nineties, but I know it hasn't gone away. There are many areas where it might have even gotten worse, especially with opioid epidemics making people suspicious of anyone who might use a medication that can be abused.

Naturally it should be said all of this is just my perspective on an ongoing journey, but I feel it's still a little worth putting out there. It's good to share our stories, because I didn't even realize I might have ADHD until someone else's little anecdote that "coffee calms me down because it makes my brain quieter." And there I was being miserable without caffeine because it's bad for anxiety.

They had even taken away my tea! DX

I feel like ADHD and similar stuff is even less uncommon in our circles too. Fandoms welcome those who feel left out by society and it's the perfect fit for those of us with intense devotion.

I'm still working my way through all this. I've been optimistic before and then fallen back into even worse holes than the one I was in when I left. But every climb out is an experience that makes the next one easier. It's an unfair to have to do at all, but it's worth doing rather than doing nothing.

As for what I'm actually going to do as FuyuMaiden and with this blog now, I don't know. This is the most I've written in a very long time and while it wasn't too difficult it was also very introspective. Stuff I have a lot of practice in dealing with my own mental health.

I'm definitely not going to force myself into anything. Especially since I haven't been keeping up with much. Like I look at cast lists for anime and I'm like "I don't recognize any of these seiyuu anymore!!! Am I old!?" Tentatively reblogging should be back up soon? Hopefully?

I think I'm going to make a discord for Magical Girls of Shoujo. Evey social media platform and phenomena is fragile, so it's good for us to have a backup. Plus I have faith in the stalwart eternity of gaming's need to talk shit. Discord will be around a while.

But I've been out of the loop so if there's any new places where fandom roams that I can also expand my ideals of magical cute stuff let me know.

And again, I am sorry for worry I caused. I love all of you and missed you very much.

#fuyu talking #blog stuff