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chikkou · 3 years

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someone probably asked this already but would u feel like writting on your thoughts on dingalings opinions/statements about buddy? i never got to around to play the lisa games after the first one but im getting the context both from the stuff uve written on it and my gf who played the game and she seems like the best character in the game imo

well im glad u asked.... (does a gay little walk over to the keyboard)

ok so as was mentioned by the last lisa anon i got, buddy is austins least favorite character. i cant recall if he ever specified why exactly in public, but i have seen an interview that he did shortly after the painful came out, so i think i have a LITTLE more context for his thought process (and please remember this is all conjecture, i literally dont know this man LMAO)

so first, for some background: buddy was adopted by brad when he found her abandoned as a baby, but her birth father is dr. yado, the man who created olathe (with buzzo!). she bears a notably striking resemblance to lisa, especially as she gets older - in fact, i think thats part of why brad chose to keep her. for reference, heres lisa, and heres buddy. obviously these are sprites and not indicative of their exact appearance, but this should make it pretty obvious what i mean. note that, even though brad knows how unsafe it is for buddy to “look like a girl,” he still keeps her hair long like lisas was. buzzo noted the similarity between them in the joyful as well. brad also treats her in a similar (but NOT the exact same) manner that marty did to lisa, but i will get into that in another ask i got LMAO

now, as to why austin doesnt like her. so, this may be reading into things a little too much, but i know for a fact that brad is austins favorite character, AND that austin based brads character and experiences on that of his own father, whom he had a sort of mixed relationship with by his own admission (and i believe his dad was also named “bradley” skjfsds). i dont know any details about this at all, but to my understanding, austins dad also wrestled with addiction, and had a bit of a “rough” personality like brad. austin mentioned in that interview dealing with resentment toward his father for a long time, but that he eventually realized that his father was doing the best that he could in spite of his own upbringing, and even though it didnt excuse the shitty stuff hed done, it made austin somewhat more understanding of the difficult position he was in. so, if brad is austins dad.... well, its not that far of a leap to speculate who buddy likely represents. and it colors a lot of the way he depicts her actions.

the painful, for all its amazing content, sort of dropped the ball on showing why buddy hated brad so much. the only things we know about buddy and brads relationship in that game come from the intro or directly from buddy, and since she never goes into detail (which is fair in-context since brad clearly knows the intricacies of their relationship LMAO), it makes it seem like the worst thing brad has done is forced buddy to stay inside and occasionally passed out from substance abuse. however, as we learn in the joyful, that is not true at all. brad insulted buddy (called her an idiot for asking about brads estranged son), forced her to kill at least two innocent men because, and i quote, “my daughter will not be weak,” and tried to isolate her from the only other people in her life (her uncles, rick, sticky, and cheeks) after they DARED to tell her a small tidbit about brads past. brad may not have been anywhere near as abusive as marty, but if i described all of these things together and asked a random person if they considered them abusive behaviors for a parent, i think id be likely to get an affirmative response.

now, this is not to say that austin doesnt make it a point to show brad mistreating buddy in the painful proper - in the marty scene, brad literally punts buddy across a room because she begs him not to kill him, and then when she throws herself between marty and brad to get him to stop, brad doesnt hesitate to beat the fuck out of her until she has to withdraw. remember too that buddy is not an adult, by any stretch of the imagination - austin confirmed on twitter that she is nowhere near 18. i personally put her age in the 10-12 range, but ive seen people go as high as 14 or 15. in either case, though, this is a fucking CHILD, and beating her like he did is no different than what marty used to do to both him and lisa.

even in spite of this stuff, though, fans are so much more willing to forgive brads behavior than buddys. there are a few reasons for this, but in a more meta-sense, theres a pretty clear reason why buddy is less sympathetic - because we spend WAY less time with her. in the painful, buddy is not on screen until maybe 5-10 hours into gameplay, and we dont even get any real time with her until the games second half. the joyful, in addition to that, is an EXTREMELY short game; the painful is about 20-30 hours, but the joyful runs about 5 hours max. it was a kickstarter stretch goal, and i honestly wish austin hadnt made it a stretch goal and had spent more time working on it, because while it does some really interesting stuff story-wise, it is severely lacking the run time to make buddys story as compelling as brads.

primarily, though, i believe its because brad gets freudian excuses that at least EXPLAIN his behavior and also show just how many demons he has been fighting. while buddy has just as good of a reason to be the way she is, we never really get to SEE this stuff point blank like we did with brad. we witness him being hurt and mistreated as a kid, and more still as an adult in flashbacks. we get almost nothing from buddy, even though it is obvious that she is suffering in a very unique way.

so, circling back to your question - why is buddy austins least favorite? i think, quite simply, he seems to identify with her character in the context of buddys relationship with brad, and that actually makes him like her LESS because he has the benefit of hindsight and experience-based wisdom to empathize much more with the brads character and experiences than buddys. so even though brad and buddy are the same in many ways, where he can see brads actions as understandable (if a bit extreme), he cant see buddys in quite the same way. it would be fine if he just felt that way privately, but unfortunately it leaks into the games themselves and leads to many fans not being able to see her perspective and empathize with her, either. and it really does suck bc buddy is definitely one of the most interesting video game protags ive ever seen LMAO

tl;dr austin probably dislikes buddy because brad is based on his own father, and the relationship between brad and buddy is very likely based on his own relationship with his father. there also wasnt enough time in buddys game for her to become more sympathetic, so if ur not really paying attention, it seems like shes just being a bratty teenager instead of, u know. a victim of abuse on a massive scale. so yeah

#long post #lisa the joyful #lisa the painful #anya's replies #amigarobot #i cant even apologize for this honestly im just having too much fun talking abt lisa LMAO #abuse #lisa

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thegeminisage · 5 years

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alright im about to watch 5.03 of merlin for the 2nd time ever

because if i dont do it now i may NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE

but first i wanna get out of the way that i thought merlin convincing arthur to keep the ban on magic in 5.05 because he was trying to thwart ~*~destiny~*~ or whatever is the laziest writing ever, it’s unsatisfying for the audience, it renders the rest of the last season utterly pointless, it’s unfair to merlin and arthur, and the tonal shift of the show from farting trolls in season 2 to full greek tragedy in season 5 was completely unwarranted and i feel TRICKED as a human person because i expected the end to be bittersweet and make me sad, not table-flipping angry, and i do not at all have high hopes for the finale

but i can ignore something having a “bad last five minutes” i did it for life is strange and final fantasy 13-2 i will do it for merlin but honestly

speaking on 5.03, after it was over the first time i was like “i can never write my fanfic now because nothing i ever do will be as good as that” but i’m really relieved in that way that that was apparently the last good episode of merlin because now i can continue my work in peace and maybe hopefully even actually finish it

okay commence the liveblog:

love that arthur and merlin are down to just jump off their horses whenever random women start screaming in the distance. season 5 could have been so good, they’re so much more grown up and in sync with one another, i absolutely LOVE their #vibe

it was interesting to me also that arthur DEMANDED a fair trial for this woman despite her being accused of sorcery. god, he was SO CLOSE?? that hatred of magic just can’t really take root in him especially with uther gone...arthur may be an asshole in the early seasons, and he may be quick to anger and quick to lash out in that anger, but it’s just not in him to be cruel, especially needlessly

EVEN THIS LADY IS LIKE “u showed kindness and compassion” arthur is a Good Boy deep down he is he IS he didn’t care a bit about that horn she gave him but still politely said it was beautiful

although lmao the way his face changed when she said it was magic...that’s the STUFF

lowkey losing it at athony head in the credits. i was looking to see if he’d be in the s5 ones since he’s dead and didn’t see him in 5.01 or 5.02 so when i DID see him in 5.03 i was like haha no way did they pay to put him in here i guess i just missed him the first couple of times BUT I WAS WRONG

like, in buffy, they spend an entire episode trying to decide whether or not to necromance their mom or whatever and she doesnt actually APPEAR IN THE EP they never SEE her i thought this would be an episode ABOUT uther i didn’t think uther would be IN it

love that from the get-go arthur’s face screams “i am thinking about making a terrible mistake” and merlin’s face is like “he is thinking about making a terrible mistake”

i’m quite proud of merlin in s5 actually. bad writing aside he uses multiple braincells many times per episode. it’s a vast improvement. same energy as clary from shadowhunters right down to getting shafted in his final season

ive said it before and ill say it again gwen looks SOOO GOOOOD as queen

if this is the anniversary of uther’s death then (if you go by 1 season = 1 year) arthur just turned 30...it’s been nine years and change since merlin met him, and by the end of season 5 it will have been an entire decade

in an otherwise increddibly heavy episode arthur panicking and throwing all the apples out of the bowl so he could cover the horn with it is absolutely priceless. season 5 if nothing else has really hammered home for me what a TERRIBLE liar arthur is - merlin got good at it fast out of necessity but arthur can’t hold a poker face to save his LIFE. “leave it.” “why??” “because i’m telling you to and i’m the king of camelot” buddy......

we were ROBBED. if there had ever been a day where arthur came to accept merlin’s magic but still had to help merlin hide it there could have been an entire episode of arthur nearly blowing merlin’s cover because he’s a nervous nelly and at the end he goes “i cant believe you have had to do this 24/7 for YEARS without a single friend to help you” and merlin goes “well now i have you” anyway.

i love also that repeatedly when arthur goes to do something scary by himself he also brings merlin. they LITERALLY are two halves of a whole

“you’re threatening me with a spoon??” i can’t tell you about the unfortunate fanfics i have seen involving The Spoon. i shall also not mention the ones involving The Glove. we will not speak of it

I CANNOT BELIEVE STONEHENGE IS IIN MERLIN. i got so agitated i did not pay one bit of attention to the conversation following its reveal and me and cathy and had to rewind so i could listen properly

my hate-on for stonehenge goes thusly: stonehenge apocalypse, starring misha collins, is @callowyn‘s favorite movie. i have seen it 45 times. i hate it nearly as much as she loves it. it’s an age-old battle

merlin is so intense when he looks for signs in arthur that he DOESN’T totally hate magic...arthur using magic to see his dad again is one of those signs. he’s willing to turn to it in desperation - maybe he’d be willing in less desperate times too

“my father was taken from me before his time” i mean...he was practically in a coma. so like. he wasn’t

love that when arthur mentions merlins dad ONCE he immediately looks like he’s about to cry. mood. i also want to cry every time i think about merlins dad

up until the moment i laid eyes on uther i was SURE they werent actually gonna do it. i came into this thinking it was a FLASHBACK EP

for the record (and believe me i NEVER thought i’d say this) even though i waited and waited for his demise and cheered when he was gona for good...i really missed uther in season 4. at least with uther you know what you’re getting. agravaine (his replacement as “evil guy who keeps us from being able to solve our problems too easily”) was a slimy cowardly CREEP. and in season 5 i WISH things were as simple as “work around uther’s pigheaded unreasonableness”

for a hot second i really thought uther and arthur would have a nice conversation where they reconciled or said something heartwarming. i was worried about an uther redemption arc - this guy is responsible for the genocide of magic users, he doesn’t deserve redemption - but this show said NOT TODAY and they said it QUICK

ARE

BLESSED

i have A LOT of issues with season 5 but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS WAS DADDY ISSUES 2.0 BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD

repressed trauma returns: harder better faster stronger!! that’s the STUFF

was i not just speaking the other day on my fanfic ask meme about how i love emotionally intense stuff? this is IT babey

uther’s such a bad father! he’s with his only child again for the last time in ever and all he does is tear him a new one! this is why arthur’s such a fucked-up human being (morgana too)

i’m THRILLED we got to revisit this. his eyes get bigger and bigger and he starts fucking stammering and by the time uther’s done calling him weak and a failure he looks ready to CRY. i was HOLLERING. i still couldnt believe uther was even HERE and not only is he HERE he’s a WRECKING BALL

“this CAN’T be the last time i’ll ever see you” oh buddy you’re gonna wish it was

and he looks back, as he leaves. of COURSE he does. just like lot’s wife. so it goes.

you know how at the end of every supernatural episode sam and dean debrief and talk about their feelings in the car? for merlin and arthur it’s almost always done around a campfire at night - sometimes in arthur’s chambers or other places, but usually out here in the wilderness where it’s just the two of them. i’m...really going to miss it, when it’s gone.

“my father doesn’t approve of the way i’ve chosen to rule his kingdom” “you mean YOUR kingdom”

you know i don’t think i really got...like, fundamentally, on a deep level...that merlin fucking HATES uther

i’ve seen him save uther’s miserable life so many fucking times that i thought for merlin it was kind of the way it was with gwen - he feels nothing for him, but he looks after him for arthur’s sake (or as i came to understand later because he’s professor x about the whole thing)

but the way his expression got SO UGLY when arthur revealed that uther just shit-talked him the entire time...holy fuck

between that & some other stuff that happens later it really paints a clearer picture of like...uther’s dead so merlin doesn't have to hold back anymore and he FUCKING HATES HIM?? like obviously he SHOULD bu i just never SAW it before this. merlin LOATHES him. it’s INCREDIBLE to witness when he bore it so silently for so long. maybe even merlin didn’t realize just how much he hated him until now

and not to get too real here but if youve ever been friends with someone who had an abusive/toxic parent or was in an abusive/toxic relationship and you watch them feeling like shit after and they start making excuses for that asshole like “oh yeah he’s right about x” and you just want to find this horrible person and THROTTLE THEM that emotion is like ALL OVER merlin’s face rn. i didn’t actually seriously "”ship”” merlin and arthur until late season 4/early season 5 (i didnt like dislike it i just wasnt actively bothered by a lack of it) and what changed was this vibe. merlin wants to kill uther all over again just because he made arthur feel this way. he’s so fuckijng PROTECTIVE

and he still almost manages to drag a smile out of him via roasting, god bless these 2

ok so i didnt believe this show would actually DO THAT re: putting uther himself in this ep but i was doubly shocked by the fact that he HITCHED A RIDE AND GOT OUT

me shrieking during this entire poltergeist sequence: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY HIM?? HOLY FUCK HE IS LITERALLY HAUNTING ARTHUR I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE GIVING US THIS etc etc etc

actually most of that was probably muffled nonsense because i was yelling with both hands over my mouth

percival’s the realest motherfucker on this whole show. dude survives a murder attempt in which he got an AXE lobbed at him by the fucking GHOST of a power-mad genocidal king and he’s like: yeah idk i guess it fell

there was thunder in the bg for this WHOLE ep and i’m Big into it

absolutely CACKLING at the bit where merlin has to ask arthur if he looked back at uther’s spirit. it’s one of those nice big heavy questions - so heavy, in fact, that arthur can’t answer, can’t even LOOK at merlin, either because he’s ashamed or because he’s bugging out or both. you thought this shit was over? it’s never over! daddy issues are a lifelong ride, pal! arthur’s just get to haunt him literally this time. god it’s so fucking good

can i just say? merlin reads that damning silence reeeal well. and it’s a big, heavy thing to know about arthur - but then again he knows all the big heavy things about arthur

the score for this episode is really good too...very suspenseful and good, adds a lot to the atmosphere, keeps it from getting too slow

there’s a hint of merlin’s absolute HATRED of uther in this conversation again - the way his face tightens when he says “uther would do anything to protect his legacy and that makes him dangerous, who knows what he’s capable of now”

and arthur dismisses him because he can’t hear this but merlin almost refuses to leave - and when he DOES leave, he doesn’t take his eyes off arthur for one fucking second. he stares him down all the way out of the room. i don’t think it’s because he’s angry with arthur, per se - he’s angry with uther, and he knows uther in a way arthur never can or will, as someone ruthless who will kill without warning or remorse. he’s afraid of uther and he’s trying to get arthur to be afraid of uther too before it’s too late and LSDKFJGHSLDFJH

if you’re thinking “thats a lot to interpret from one look” yes it is but i’m right. IT’S A BIG, HEAVY LOOK. NICE AND LOADED. love unpacking all of that

i cant believe this dude tried to KILL GWEN like he really is coming after everything that makes arthur happy. im so glad it was merlin that saved her. i really do think merlin is her best friend

multiple times in this serious arthur fidgets when he’s nervous or thinking, usually with his hands near his mouth. i am endeared to him. my poor boy

“i always knew my father could be cruel but why would he do this to gwen when he knows i love her” BECAUSE HE’S CRUEL

merlin knows. merlin knows his cruelty much better than arthur. boy does he know. i’m dying. it’s fine

love that at this part of the ep we slide seamlessly into the “merlin and arthur are both scared shitless” section which was truly one of my favorite things about the s4 opener. they’re both so fucking jumpy and giving each other shit about being frightened and continuing to be frightened anyway. the DELICIOUS IRONY of arthur finally being scared of uther in the way merlin has been scared of uther for Y E A R S oh my god it’s so GOOD

do also love the entire silent conversation they have when deciding what to do about the door. this is what i mean by their upgraded vibe.l in the early seasons merlin wouldn’t have understood and his lack of understanding would have been played for laughs. now they’re totally in sync

here’s the thing, gaius could have made this magic “able to see uther’s ghost” potion for just arthur and he didn’t. he made it for both of them. everything arthur does merlin does. they’re partners in all things. they’re COMPANIONS. and this is why i finally now Ship It. tragic.

you know this is a kind of weird comparison but late seasons arthur reminds me JUST a bit of gwaine. he complains so much less that he sort of has that same “roll with whatever” vibe to him. pretend to faint so you can steal some guy’s dagger? why not. take this foul potion that may kill us? sure, let’s do it. come what may he’s not really fussed. much more unflappable

until he starts getting spooked again LMFAO

we do love a good pair of spooked dumbasses. this is charming and entertaining.

leon HAD to know they were lying about poetry. he probably thought they were having.......a tryst,

love also that even in this very dire moment merlin does NOT miss the chance to have some fun at arthur’s expense. that’s true friendship

i got jumpscared three separate times during this ep and one of them was when uther was glaring down merlin and arthur in the hallway after leon left

arthur didn’t jump but he did go hunting after him and to his credit he does not look scared. he looks like a man who is trying to deal with his business and get his shit together

merlin made that FACE again when arthur expressed sadness at hunting his own father because all he ever wanted to DO was make him proud

honestly it’s like since he can’t shit-talk uther he just sings arthur’s praises instead like this here is a guy who is just barely holding his tongue about how fuckin pissed he is. i cant believe it

splitting up was the WORST idea. have they not seen scooby doo??

love that when merlin gets cornered by uther’s ghost and gets scared he yells for arthur and when arthur gets scared because his torch blows out he yells for merlin. you fools, why did you SPLIT UP

uther locks arthur in the room with him, which is already some top tier content, but doubly good? it’s the same room in which arthur nearly ran him through in 2.08. don’t think i didn’t notice. i did notice. i was shrieking into my hands.

seriously this is a pretty calm liveblog but the first time i watched this ep my face was like this the whole time: O O

just kept going “HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” over and over. it was greeat

“arthur your fatal flaw is that you put too much trust in other people” do you think arthur, who now has a complex about people betraying him, ever forgot that for one second in his entire life afterward? me neither

speaking of 2.08 arthur dropped some FACTS “your hatred comes from fear” i'm sure they didn’t do it on purpose but #throwbacks

i’m fully experiencing human emotion. “i’m not you, i can’t rule like you did” he’s trying SO HARD to fight his way out of that bullshit

also lmao arthur like “then you’ll have to kill me” and uther like “yeah okay” arthur didn’t KNOW how this man was this could have been SUCH a good awakening

AND NOW IT’S TIME

FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EPISODE

when i say merlin hates uther. WHEN I SAY MERLIN H A T E S UTHER

HIS LINE HERE. ok. “get away from him, uther. you’ve caused enough harm” he’s furious! he’s GROWLING!

“you are just a serving boy” “i am much more than that” listen. human words cannot express the emotion that ran through me. when they said “we’re gonna bring back anthony head as uther” i doubted. when they said “he’s gonna be the bad guy and reopen all of arthur’s old wounds” i doubted. when they said “he’s still here LITERALLY haunting arthur who now has to HUNT HIM” I DOUBTED. i didn’t believe they’d do any of it until it was happening on my screen. but ONE LOOK at merlins face made a MOTHERFUCKING BELIEVER out of me. i knew exactly what he was about to do. pretty sure i gasped “NO” in astonishment

AND HE DID THAT

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

NOT ONLY. DID I SHRIEK ALOUD. FULL SCREAM. WHEN IT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME. BUT JUST NOW. WHEN I WATCHED HIM DO IT AGAIN. MORE SCREAMING.

how LONG do you think merlin had ACHED to do that

to show himself to uther for what he was, what he REALLY WAS, someone to be reckoned with instead of someone to be overlookedd, without fear of consequences

i can’t even like

like just imagine the triple rush of 1. satisfaction 2. rage 3. lingering habitual terror

i think at this moment merlin was closer to and more like morgana than he had ever been and maybe ever will be again. because the two of them have so much in common but one thing i didn’t really clock until now is how much they both hate uther

it’s so good. uther is SHOCKED and DISMAYED and this is like merlin’s old fear come back from death too (getting found out by uther) while at the same time being a dream come true (getting to tell uther what he really thinks, who he really is - “i was BORN with it!”) he’s so ANGRY! he is LIVID!)

he’s also really SATISFIED like “even while you were king there was magic at the heart of camelot” GOD how long has he been WAITING for this and not even realized it

and like then uther starts spewing his hateful bullshit and stalking forward with the intent to kill and my guy merlin who should be terrified STANDS HIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUND and says right over him “you’re wrong, you’re wrong” for thirty beautiful seconds merlin really got to be free. i know i will keep comparing things to 2.08 until i die but it’s just like when arthur was almost ready to kill uther in cold blood because for one perfect, brilliant moment he really and truly saw clearly the world as it was. i really love these moments...the strength of their respective convictions is so gratifying

merlin yeeting uther through a door is also gratifying although i have no idea what he hoped to accomplish by following without waking arthur first

i. LOVE. that the camera lingered a little on the spears or whatever after merlin walked by them. nice little foreshadowing moment

THOSE SPEARS GOT AWFULLY CLOSE BUT IM PRETTY SURE UTHER MISSED ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS TIME. HIS MISTAKE

okay merlin spent the better part of a lifetime dreading uther’s death sentence and here’s uther stalking down a hallway sword pointed at his chest and certain death is IMMINENT and what does merlin’s face look like?

arthur comes in with the rescue and INSTANTLY his expression changes to?

IT’S BETTER IN MOTION BUT HE LOOKS READY TO CRY

my immediate thought: oh jesus what if uther outs him

i knew he wouldnt bc of spoilers but i would bet a benjamin that that was merlin’s first thought too

tbh. i wish he had.

i kind of wonder if merlin doesn’t wish the same thing. like yes being outed like that is terribly violating and he’s terrified of telling arthur obviously or he would have already but at the same time there would be so much relief once it was finally out. no more secret-keeping. no more burden

i mean, if you go back and watch it, dude’s straight up shaking. he’s trembling all over. he’s losing it. that last teary glance they exchanged.......

uther was two SYLLABLES away from blowing the whole thing

and in a better happier canon where arthur knows and was waiting for merlin to tell him this is like double angst because uther wouldve ben blowing something for them both

i like arthurs followup of realizing that he’ll never be able to please uther (step 1 of breaking away from the cycle of abuse) but for the LIFE OF ME

i will NEVER be able to understand why they segued into this GLOVE THING

i’m not talking about the glove thing

i will say however that by the end of this episode i was so hysterical i had to get up and get water and pace around my kitchen for ten minutes fanning my own face

and that’s it. that’s the second-best episode of merlin and the last good episode there ever was

#personal #merlin blogging #it took me three and a half hours to rewatch this episode because i kept pausing to scream #MERLIN DESERVES TO BE OUT TO EVERYONE ALL THE TIME it's not FAIR #that episode deserved to be 20 minutes longer it ended too soon #in a happier world arthur found out about the magic and immediately took merlin's side and defended him against the genocidal maniac but app #apparently this show is a greek tragedy now

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proverbsofpestilence · 5 years

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I know this coward blocked us all, but I’m still gonna publish it, BECAUSE I WAS READY TO POST IT JUST BEFORE OUR QUEEN VALENTINA BLOCKED US ALL. I knew you were waste of time, but damn. I guess that’s it for “I don’t care about this discussion and I’m back to my great amazing life”, huh?

tbh I hadn’t planned to respond in the beginning, because of this post:

(that you btw deleted after few minutes and didn’t even mention me like an unbothered warrior princess you are) if there were fucking diplomas in pseudosciense yours should had been taken away after saying that “ENFJ 6 so/sx is the type that’s more able to survive/navigate in the real world”. girl, have you seen sp blind 6? they’re rare, but they’re exist. and you’re one of them.

>I’m replying to you idiots @hitsujinko @proverbsofpestilence on a different post because that’s what you two should have done in the beginning

oh you mean, we should reply to you in different post without even mentioning you and then delete it right away? like you did? wow great, thanks for your tip.

>Hmm no, @syntheticalcomposure didn’t have to be “sceptic” of my post because it said nothing controversial, she just doesn’t fucking know how to read

no, girl. she just noticed that you’re post is kinda. basic. and then commented to straight things out. and you got all defensive and acted like she was attacking you while she was actually agreeing with you. you’re disintegrating and trying to act like you’re better than smarter than all the other people to cover up your mistake. been there, done that.

>And bitch i’m sorry but i’m not attacked at all because you don’t have any power over me, i’m literally chilling on my bed drinking a smoothie and you’re the only one who cares so much about my type but okay

oh I care! because I hoped you would actually type yourself correctly after this whole time. you know, I mentioned I followed you. it was a long time ago, but guess what! I actually liked you. past tense. don’t judge book by its cover, right?

now it’s just entertaining to make fun of you.

>And again, I have no inch of enneagram 6 on my body. Their outlook in life sickens me and it’s completely different to how I survive, if i was a 6 I wouldn’t even be alive lmao. You have absolutely no basis to type me as a 6 other than what you’re projecting into me

you have no inch of 6 in your body and yet u were mistyped as one? :0000 just like u have no inch of 9 in your body and you’re mistyped as one? gotcha.

and you keep. accusing others of projecting. like you’re doing it yourself.

“ew dont call me sweetie, we’re not there yet” okay. bitch. are we there yet? :))

>Also what community??? What the fuck is a community and especially online??? Shut up your soc”

do you think soc blinds are dumb? no, seriously. another prove you don’t understand theory at all. soc blind have poor understanding of social bonds and constructs or just simply don’t even acknowlegde them in the first place. they know what fucking community is. you know. the way a lot of soc blind people use to describe “””typology fandom”””.

also wow! I’m soc. yeah I have fucking soc in my stacking u fucking moron. what are u even trying to prove.

> Which by the way was: you can’t type someone’s enneagram based on outwardly behaviors alone but instead you have to think of the reasons why they do them

don’t worry, you’re not a special snowflake. if INFP 4 so/sp can be typed by one single post alone, you can be too.

>Also what community??? Again with your SOC bullshit???? Who is defending me??? Of what????? The way you all think is so freaking weird

are you serious. like. I know you think I’m dumb. but have some fucking respect for soc blinds. they’re not that fucking stupid as you try to portray them.

>Just because I don’t sound like those stupid infjs here using difficult words and concepts because they’re so smart uwu , doesn’t mean I’m not one

what. who said that. who fucking said that.

>Check how @mowoths expresses her thoughts vs the way I express mine. She’s an enfj, i’m not and you can clearly see how different we both are

she’s not 6. also she’s not dumb. important factor, ya know.

>You: valentina is a fe-dom Also you: valentina is not capable of having the most basic skills of a real fe-dom

yay! and I actually believed you know your shit since you were into it for so long.

>Like… Make a decision????

like u did with your typing that u kept constantly changing back?

>What???? The reason behind this is not inferior Ti. It’s simply because English is not my first language and I don’t know how to express myself correctly in a way that makes sense, especially not to natives or more advanced speakers. If all of you spoke Spanish, i promise I wouldn’t sound “disconnected from everything”. So stop being a bitch just because you understand this language better than I do

babie. sweetie. honey. bitch.

1) I’m not native English speaker neither,

2) you speak English just fine,

3) that’s not a fucking excuse because your English. is just fucking fine. probably better than mine.

>But have you seen my actual aes instead of the shit I reblog? Let’s be realistic: They suck. If you compare them to the aes of the actual high se users

>there are actual parameters that show wether someone’s a high se user or not and i don’t have any of those, not even one

umm what. I said your aes is tert Se. not high Se good.

wait, who was accused who of not being capable of reading again?

>I do have the presence of a gut core but you can’t fucking know that because you have never seen me in real life. And yes, i know people can see through you online but NOT in the way you’re doing it. This is not it. I do have everything a 9 core has but that could only be seen if you actually knew me

oh you have such poor self awareness but you know what type of presence you give off? also. it’s. a fucking. vibe. I don’t need to see you to feel your presence. every single gut core has it. every single one of them. I can fucking talk to person online and still figure out that they have gut core energy. sad you apparently can’t.

>And so-dom??? What the actual fuck???? I am EVERYTHING except that. I have never exhibited any behavior of that ???? I’m a so-blind, the end.

yeah sure. I totally believe you. soc blinds don’t know what community is. don’t realize when someone’s defending them even when they mention them in their own post to support their stand. that’s not like you also automatically assumed I’m friends with synthie just because I agree with her on this topic. like you know. soc would do.

>Okay, okay… I would maybe believe you if you told me I’m a SX/SO because that would make some sense and i typed as that before. Except that i don’t have ANY trait of a sp-blind. Then nope, i’m still a so-blind

okay, so sx/so would make sense because you typed as one before? then why the fuck ENFJ and 6 are completely out of options? you were mistyped as them too. also I love that you keep saying you cannot be this type because either just no or other factors. but don’t worry. most people are able to type people by, you know, observing their behaviour and talking to them. which I just did.

>Also, i’m the most SX-dom to ever exist???? If we could have only one IV, i would simply be SX

nah, you’re not. you have sx, it’s true, but it’s not dom.

>What a stupid argument adjfkrk. I haven’t ended this conversation because a) I’m right and b) who gives a single fuck about an internet discussion????? Do you know all of this literally doesn’t matter in real life????? Do you know i’ll just post this and go back to my amazing life as if it didn’t happen????

wow, so because it doesn’t matter you keep responding? addition: that’s why you blocked as all? also “amazing life”??? can you turn off your fucking 3 fix soc for one goddamn second.

no one taught you that the harder you try to appear as something you’re not, the worse it gets?

>In real life, i’m conflict avoidant and i don’t have to prove that to you

THIS IS REAL LIFE. YOU’RE TALKING TO A REAL PERSON. I’M TALKING TO YOU. A REAL PERSON. YOU FUCKING TYPED THIS ON YOUR KEYBOARD OR ON YOUR PHONE. WHATEVER. YOU SPEND YOUR APPARENTLY SUPER AMAZING IRL TIME TO INTERACT WITH ME IN THE SAME WAY YOU WOULD INTERACT WITH ACTUAL PEOPLE. seeing you in real life would change NOTHING, except I’d be able to see your body language. which honestly doesn’t matter when you’re so obvious to type.

9 would end this conversation a long time ago. An actual INFJ 9 told you that.

>finally the fact that I don’t understand english well enough (again, stop being so fucking condescending about this)

??????SDFfkhkfhjjkKDFKFGFJjkg?YUHRTO7O78??????????????????SDFKDFKDH??? WHERE BITCH. WHERE. you’re projecting. I didn’t say anything about your english skills in my post. nothing. but you’re insecure about it and you’re projecting your fear onto me, thinking I was mocking you for it. why can’t you see the shit you accuse others of doing?

>Also I love that you genuily think I’m an ENFJ 639 SO/SX… As if that wouldn’t be the type most known for their amazing social skills

once again. you don’t know theory. you don’t know what soc blidness actually looks like. you don’t know what Fe is like. you don’t know what any enneagram type is like.

also, sp-blind 6s are rare, but they exists. mostly nothing but a giant mess.

>Literally no one could ever get close to my level of optimism and hope in other people, the universe and life in general

>For 6s, when something goes wrong they literally think their whole life is over. While instead i ignore whatever is going wrong and get back up without thinking

psst. have u ever heard of 6w7? because I just found out your wing!

>I also trust people a lot. Of course I’m not a naive bitch who lets everyone in because I have SP. But what I mean is i don’t distrust everyone and think that they’re all against me and are going to betray me, as 6s usually do. I don’t test people to prove if i should trust them or not. All 6s do that and I think it’s pathetic

you don’t understand what 6s are.

also. everyone thinks 6s are pathethic. including 6s themselves.

>Finally, If I don’t trust myself it’s because of my mental illnesses and countless childhood trauma. Literally every type can distrust themselves. But fuck you for making me bring that up

no one fucking made you bring it up. fucking. no one. stop being so goddamn defensive. stop acting like a victim. stop projecting. stop trying so hard to act like someone you’re not. you could, you know, FUCKING YEET OUT OF THIS DISCUSSION LIKE A PROPER 9 WOULD DO

>If i ever use projection as a defense mechanism, it’s only due to my mental illnesses and what i have always been taught. This was literally the point of my post, every single type can be an emotional mess: as proven by me and my family

“ever”. ha. funny joke.

you realize just because your behaviour can be justified by external something, it doesn’t mean you can’t be a 6? like. for example, you can be a shut in because of your social phobia AND be a 5. one doesn’t exclude each other.

or like fucking me, be a 6 and have clinical anxiety that is actually not fucking related to your type.

>And i’m not acting defensive and attacked??? I’m literally chilling here… and unlike you, studying for my future and doing something productive with my life :)

wow I’m so unbothered wow :) and chill :) like a conflict avoidant type I am :) like the person that keeps projecting shit :) that doesn’t know when to give up :) that keeps accusing people of attacking her :) that calls people bitches and then delete post because they’re a coward :) that blocks people because she can’t handle admitting she was wrong :) that feels a need to consantly repeat how unbothered she is because god she’s so unbothered :)

>No shit sherlock, there you go again schooling me about something I already know

wow you know this? weird. because u keep proving you don’t know basic stuff.

oh and louder for people in the back.

STOP BEING SO GODDAMN DEFENSIVE. STOP ACTING LIKE A VICTIM. STOP PROJECTING. STOP TRYING SO HARD TO ACT LIKE SOMEONE YOU’RE NOT. AND FOR SAKE OF THIS FUCKING WORLD TURN OFF YOUR 3 FIX SOC BECAUSE YOU’RE LITERALLY UNBEARABLE TO LISTEN TO.

#bye

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vadre · 6 years

Text

honestly me just word vomiting onto a textpost

tw: sex, trauma, dubcon shit, booze, exes

fuckin. as far as trauma that i just havent even fuckin touched yet sex is pretty much the only thing still left (i think? ya ever get so good at repressing ur emotions that u cant tell if youre actually ok w shit or not anymore, its goddamn terrifying bc its like walking on eggshells but with my own fucking brain) and like. THAT is what i zeroed in on when ex called 2 weeks ago, n like. distressed is the fuckin understatement of the century so ofc i drank myself into oblivion (and got a tattoo but i was actually planning on doing that anyway but then this shit happened and it went from wanting to get one to Needing It and i got it in a more painful spot which my artist warned me about and i had 2 refrain from sayin morbid shit like “thats ideal actually, my good dude”) BUT yeah uuhh friend and i ended up like. i cant say “accidentally fucking” bc thats not possible but i was fucking. blackout drunk and genuinely dont remember most of what happened (which is so fucking scary the more i think about it hahaha) and i woke up with Regret™ and friend seemed like. perfectly fine but he picked up on my awkwardness soon enough and things pretty immediately got real weird btwn us (which also sucked, bc like. i’d been spending most every weekend w him, we were gettin v close and it was at that point where we knew each other well in terms of “hey u wanna hear about the fucked up shit thats happened in my life??!?” but Not the close u can get w someone only after knowing them for a long ass time, which is. a frustrating place 2 be when u wanna know what the Fucc someone is thinking) but then we talked the whole thing over and basically like. so im a v affectionate drunk in that if im comfy w u i can get touchy and that kind of shit and hes a Fucking Straight Cishet Dude so ofc he was just. “aah ok so theyre coming onto me” (which is So Fucking Funny bc i dont “””come onto””” people to start but also like,, he was/is so firmly placed in strictly no-fucking friendship area its wild and i kinda wanna tell him this but ik i shouldnt) and then the shit ensued but from my perspective for like. the nearly 2 weeks we just Didnt Talk About It he just randomly decided to kiss me and my drunk reasoning is pretty much perpetually “oh ok this is happening then” and things ujst kinda,, kept happening even after i puked in his fuckin room which i did/do feel terrible about but then. the part that will never stop bothering me is that he fuckin. didnt stop afterwards? and i. it was way way way too close to like. w shitty ex the dynamic as far as sex went was essentially “i mean, i dont have an option in that i dont want any trouble, its just easier to do this and fucking get it over with” (actually that was pretty much our entire dynamic) and like. idk the feeling of not having an option (i remember verbally consenting, but that being said i also dont remember anything else so like. i was not in a good headspace and wouldve agreed to anything if im being honest with myself) struck way too close to home esp in that like. the thing that fucking drove me to blackout drinking (ive never rly done that before lmao) was my shitty fucking ex calling and forcing me to recall all the shitty fucking things she did, especially regarding fucking, and i dont wanna call it a repeat situation at all bc they truly are different scenarios but there really isnt a worse time where i couldve had fucking dubcon sex and like. the reaction friend had when i basically told him “hey so uuhhh i dont remember shit, i was not coming onto you, you fucking kept going after i puked” was him profusely apologizing and being generally self deprecating (honestly like. everything that happened is easily forgivable, but again the puking thing was kind of an indicator that i wasnt in any state to be consenting, which his drunk ass evidently didnt understand) but im still uncomfortable w the entire thing even if it is like. resolved? i guess? and he thinks things are perfectly fine back to normal which is honestly kinda even more frightening? like he doesnt know what to do, frankly i dont know what i want him to do, but i just hate that he was becoming a close friend and then. this. this is also a more immediate issue so i have yet another excuse to put off dealing w traumatic experiences relating to ex :)))

but yeah im screaming

#just venting #tw sex//#tw alcohol #ask 2 tag anything else #im so fucking sorry if youre on mobile

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nightscaped-archive · 6 years

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@unhr:

LIKE I ACTUALLY LOVE THE JAPANESE VERSION DONT GET ME WRONG BUT I ALSO LIKE THE ENGLISH VERSION BUT THE TRANSLATIONS THAT GO WRONG GETS TO ME LIKE NO IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT NRDJDJSJSJ like genesis just wants to be a hero ok ???? and sephiroth was made to be a perfect SOLDIER so he got it & it wasn't even his choice and there's two people who actively does things to the best of their abilities but it's always sephiroth who gets the title like it's p pitiful

that sephiroth got what he never wanted and the two never gotten what they've always wanted !!!! and ok ive always seen genesis as a brat maybe bc of his upbringing ?? but yea i see him as a brat who's there to constantly make a mess in FF vii crisis core bc he's trying to stay alive and he's lIKE ADDING UP TO THE THINGS THAT ZAX STRESSES ABT RJFJDJDJ but genesis isn't even nice to begin like yea he has his moments but he's not a Nice Nice idk where ppl get that image

THAT SCENE IN NIBELHEIM MAKES ME LAUGH BC HIS PETTINESS AND BRATTINESS FULL ON APPEARS?? He's like telling sephiroth how he's the perfect monster and then later on says that he needs his help like bitch do u rly think that sephiroth will help u like that??? so when sephiroth said 'u will rot' IM JUST YES BITCH U SHOULDA ASKED NICELY

legit there's so many loopholes in FF vii : cc fjrjjdjdnn but like yea u right abt shinra being the army and zax is actually ignorant abt all of these things bc he wants to be a hero so bad !! that he follows around every order like a dog so when genesis calls him a lap dog it's actually accurate ? zax throughout the game is forced into things he doesn't want to deal with in the first place but has to anyway. and the end results in his own misery and inevitably,

his own death ? so i hate to see fans shifting the blame to one antagonist to another like yea they have a part in but the main antagonist is actually shinra and how fucked they really are!! like look how much they drove zax to a wall like they fucking??? sent an army for two fucking fugitives. two!!!!! and tseng and cissnei are portrayed to be the good people bc they help out zax but there's always an ulterior motive there that either zax turns a blind eye to or

is just too ignorant to see. bc he wants to be a hero in his own way and achieving that thru any means made him somewhat blind?? to what's really happening around him . So it was late by the time he found out and he fucking died without being a fucking hero like i cried a lot a while ago bc of this --- he's such a light hearted boy and he's always stereotyped into it but can't u see how much pain he's not showing and he's carrying it all on his own???

thanks for coming into my Ted talk ! fnfdjdjDNDJSJSJ

YEAH SAME LIKE I DO REALLY LIKE THE ENG VERSION AND IT’S THE VERSION I PLAYED AND STUFF SO I DO HAVE AN ATTACHMENT TO IT BUT I ALSO MOSTLY BASE MY PORTRAYAL OFF OF THE JAPANESE VERSION?? it annoys me a lot that the eng version presented genesis as wanting to be better than sephiroth (the world needs a new hero) instead of a guy who just desperately wanted to be his honest peer (i too would like to become a hero in the japanese version iirc). LIKE GENESIS IS DEFINITELY SUPER MISGUIDED but i don’t like the fact that the translation really played down his obvious inferiority complex. they painted genesis as someone with a superiority complex instead which is........a really odd choice imo ASDFGHGF

BUT YEAH OMG LIKE GENESIS IS BASICALLY LIKE....he’s that kid who’s been smart and praised and shit all his life but doesn’t know how to cope when he’s in a larger environment and he’s not the best anymore ASDFGHGFDSA LIKE I GUESS THO ?? HE WASN’T VERY SOCIABLE GROWING UP AND HE KEPT TO HIMSELF AND WAS ALSO ADOPTED AND SHIT SO being this smart kid who idk got prizes for inventing apple juice was smth he clung to and, altho he already admired sephiroth beforehand, being faced w/the fact he wasn’t ever going to be as good and, by sole virtue of not being sephiroth, wasn’t ever going to be praised for his efforts in the own way. like i imagine SOLDIER first class all did a lot in the war but sephiroth was the one who got all the press for it. i don’t think that’d bother angeal bc he doesn’t seem to care about that sort of thing but genesis seems like?? he really wanted validation so that would have really been....Yikes ASDFGFDSDFA

that doesn’t excuse how he reacts in the end at all but i think that definitely plays a lot into it esp bc like??? again, shinra aren’t good people. they exploit SOLDIER immensely and it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if that environment would have fucked genesis up a little, esp since he was only a ??? teenager when he joined shinra. which IS ALSO INTERESTING BC ?? IT ACTUALLY PRESENTS A LOT OF PARALLELS WITH ZAX THAT PEOPLE DON’T REALLY GO INTO ASDFGHGFD MAYBE THAT WASN’T INTENTIONAL BUT i think it’s really interesting that they’re characters who start out with similar motives but end up going in totally different directions ?? ASDFGFDS I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHT AND ANALYSIS IN MIND ABT GENESIS I HONESTLY FORGOT HOW MUCH I’D OVERTHOUGHT HIS CHARACTER LMAO

i think tho like ?? the unwilling soldier getting screwed over is really a reoccurring theme in final fantasy and one I ACTUALLY FIND REALLY INTERESTING ??? hence me making kael bc i kinda wanted to do what crisis core essentially did with humanising SOLDIER but with the galbadian army instead just bc like...there’s a lot to explore there. i think the fact that FF always has this kind of take of like,,,the enemies you spend so much of the game killing aren’t necessarily even BAD people, they’re just people being exploited or indoctrinated by the real villains. even the Big Bads of most FF games were characters who were fucked over by whatever imperialistic entity happens to appear in that game at some point?? sephiroth is definitely a good example of that.

AND YEAH LIKE THE FACT THE GAME IS through zax’ eyes like that and all these characters who should be enemies are treated as friends just makes his death EVEN MORE tragic than it was in the original game? bc you get to experience zax learning to TRUST these people and put his faith in this system that is ultimately evil and corrupt, only for THEM to be the ones that kill him. it’s such a nasty betrayal. he goes through the whole game doing only what he thinks is right, right until his very last moment, and all he gets for it in the end is a firing squad shooting him down. IT’S SO SAD, HONESTLY ASDFGHGFD LIKE IT’S SAD ON ITS OWN JUST BC IT’S A DEATH SCENE BUT THE WIDER PICTURE IS WHAT MAKES IT ESPECIALLY TRAGIC ?? it’s that kind of...knowing he never really had a chance to begin with. shinra wanted zax to live and die for SOLDIER and, when he decides he wants to live his own life instead, they kill him anyway ):

AND YEAH I DON’T GET WHY PEOPLE WASH OVER ZAX’ STRUGGLES SO MUCH LIKE?? he’s gone through SO much over the course of the game. he’s experienced war, experienced people close to him dying, experienced everything he believed in turning out to be false ?? so on and so forth?? like everyone seems to accept that the events of nibelheim and the following experimentation shit traumatised cloud but people don’t seem to focus on the fact that zax went through that too. hojo experimented on him too. just because he came out conscious, unlike cloud, and was optimistic enough to keep going doesn’t mean it didn’t have a really nasty effect on him. we just don’t get to see any of that because he’s killed and the game ends before anybody gets a chance to dwell on it.

#✯┊ ❝ ˢᵗᵒᵖ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵃᶰᵈ ᶫᵒᵒᵏ ᵃᵗ ᵐᵉ ❞ (out.)#long post #I SHOULD BE DOING REPLIES BUT I'M SO INTO RANTING ABT CRISIS CORE ASDFGHJKJHGFGHJKJHGF

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