#i have no idea how guns look and how to call that blue thingy mirage had when he pointed his whatever at mirage in the garage
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request from @gh0stfac3-w1f3y: I can't find any fics where Noah and the reader first meet Mirage in the garage and then they met the others
i changed the plot so much, it's so far from canon lmao but we roll. it's long btw sorry for making you wait *cries*
"Any last words?"
Noah looked up at you with widened eyes after hearing the question that'd left your mouth.
He was so close to shitting himself and you were not helping.
"What?" He frowned with his eyes now focused on your face, the word a whispered yell.
You rolled your eyes, not actually having expected him to understand your little joke, considering the fact that you two had slightly different senses of humour. But you had the right to roll your eyes at him nevertheless.
"Before you get shot in the head for stealing," you explained in the same tone, loudly enough for him to hear but also not too loudly so that you wouldn't catch anyone else's attention.
And Noah would've normally kind of snorted at your words. But not now. Not when his special thingy used for opening stranger's car doors without making much noise was inside a Porsche that did not belong to either of you.
He just let out a shaky breath through his nose, trying to calm down his growing nerves. His attention went back to the car, his trembling hands trying to open it without triggering the alarm.
"We're so dead," you muttered under your breath, shaking your head and looking around in search for any unwelcome guests. Noah didn't even hear you, too focused on his task as well as not fucking everything up.
And he nearly let out a loud noise when the safety lock clicked. He was too nervous to properly smile at you but you couldn't stop the corners of your own lips from curling up. You made a proud face and held a thumbs-up to him.
"Get in," he just said, grabbing the handle to open the door, and you did the same thing.
You raised your eyebrow when the safety lock locked itself again.
"She doesn't want us to steal her," you whispered to him, referring to the silver car, your hand pulling on the handle a few more times, hoping it would eventually work.
Humour helped you not to lose your mind due to stress, which was happening to Noah at the moment, almost silent curses leaving his mouth, the desperation in his movements now much more obvious as he kept attempting to unlock the safety lock with the thingy again.
It clicked.
You pulled the handle again. And the safety lock locked itself. Again.
"The fuck?" Noah whispered to himself, the frown on his face deepening even more. This time he decided to trick the system and unlock the safety lock and then open the door as fast as possible.
It worked.
"I knew w—" you began the sentence, feeling quite victorious, even though you did absolutely nothing to help Noah, but was interrupted by the male voice coming from behind you. Your eyes snapped to Noah's face which was filled with just the same amount of horror. They immediately widened in shock and a sudden wave of stress as well as panic washed over you, making your heart skip a few beats.
"Hey! Security!" The man yelled, his heavy steps increasing in volume, getting closer and closer to the two of you. "What are you doing?!"
If the image of you in an orange suit hadn't appeared in your mind for that split second, you would've frozen in your spot, unable to enter the car, let alone run away from the security guard. But you managed to do the former, your hand opening the door with one swift motion, your legs guiding you inside.
"Noah!" A croaked yell fell from between your lips as your eyes shot to your friend standing by his side of the Porsche. Your voice hit him like a bucket of cold water.
He quickly got inside, taking another thingy out of his pocket to use it to start the engine. Random courses both in Spanish and English were coming to your ears as Noah tried to work his magic and get you two out of that damned parking lot.
But before he could even flex his car-stealing abilities, the security guard was already knocking on your window with a lot of force, nearly breaking the glass. That almost made you and Noah throw up from the stress, and the fact that he was still struggling with all the cables—
The engine suddenly started.
The radio blasted music on its own, the tunes so loud they either freaked the security guy out to the point he stopped punching the window, or they completely silenced his furious knocks and pulls on the handle. You weren't sure, not even daring to look in the man's direction, focused only on Noah, as if you were trying to get him to drive without actually yelling it at him.
You tried to turn the radio off but it just kept screaming the lyrics to Act a Fool right in your face. And you could swear you were able to hear a faint sound of a male voice speaking through the radio, saying something you didn't understand because of the loudly playing song.
Why the fuck wasn't he driving?
Your head turned to the left as your eyes met the side profile of your friend hitting the gas pedal with desperation you've never seen on him before.
Why the fuck wasn't it working?
And then, all of a sudden, the car moved. You and Noah were pushed into your seats as the Porsche got out of its parking spot in a dangerous speed.
But there were no hands on the wheel. The pure horror and panic in your widened eyes matched the look on Noah's face as his dark irises met your own, as if he was looking for answers in them to the questions he hadn't asked.
The music was overwhelming, the speed making you grip anything to steady yourself, making you want to scream every single time the front of the car nearly touched an object in front of it.
Was it the right moment to tell Noah you kissed the boy he fancied in the third grade? It definitely sounded like something he should hear before you both die tragically in a car crash.
Noah was doing everything he could to stop the car, from hitting the brakes to slapping the dashboard with his right palm, the other hand staying on the steering wheel in case the car decided to let him drive.
But when the tires of the Porsche made contact with the highway, he wrapped all his ten fingers around the round object, gripping it with all the strength he could find within himself.
It was obvious. Obvious but apparently you and Noah were so stupid neither of you even thought of it. An expensive Porsche sitting in a parking lot for a long time, appearing abandoned but still in a perfect condition, practically asking for a potential thief to steal it. It had to be someone's brilliant idea, probably an idea of a cop, to put a damned self-driving mechanism inside of the car, which now was most likely taking you and Noah to a police station.
You didn't even notice when the music got a bit quieter, enough for you to hear your own, terrified thoughts, but you did notice the sound of sirens getting louder and louder with every passing second.
That damned Porsche sped up even more, making you and Noah scream like little boys, shifting your gazes between the road in front of you and the sight behind you. Police cars catching up to you, the sound of their sirens, and the absolute absurd of the situation made you nearly lose your sanity.
The loudest scream left both your mouths when the Porsche sped up even more, drove onto something and got in the air for a few seconds. But these few seconds were enough for you to have a tiny heart attack.
Why did the sirens stop?
You were so focused on not dying that the police cars hitting other vehicles, brick walls, driving out of the highway and out of the bridge were omitted by your overwhelmed brain.
Your eyes closed, the breaths leaving your mouth quick and heavy, after multiple failed attempts to steady them, you decided to give up and focus on something else, something that would hopefully ground you. Your eyelids separated, the gaze of your eyes shifted to Noah which seemed to be losing it even more than you.
The road got clear, and soon the car turned to the right to drive into an alley, and then into an open garage.
"No, no, no, no, no, no..." you kept repeating, shaking your head, disagreeing with what was happening out of your control, but at the same time being fully aware that your disapproval couldn't do anything to change your situation.
One drift and you found yourself rolling on the dirty ground, now out of the car. You let a couple of grunts out, your eyes squeezed shut as you felt pain in your knees, elbows and palms.
The unfamiliar sound of metal hitting metal mixed with something you couldn't quite name made you turn your head in the direction of the noise. Before you could register Noah kneeling down next to you and the touch of his warm hands on your back and arm, your brain got shocked by the sight of...
"Woohoo!"
A male voice rang in your sensitive ears, its tone slightly deformed to match his robotic appearance. It... was standing right in front of your very eyes, making energetic movements, then walking in your direction.
You managed to get on your weak legs. Barely.
"T'was... Damn! I haven't done that in ages!" He exclaimed, jumping on his metal legs around the garage, punching the air as if he was preparing himself for a sparring match. "Really gets the fuel pumping, doesn't it?!" he directed the rhetorical question to you and Noah, watching you both with a very content expression on his face. After a couple of seconds of not getting any responses, he added himself, "Damn right it does!"
Your friend was as stunned and speechless as you but you managed to somehow grab a metal pipe lying on the dirty floor, and hold it as if you were about to hit the... whatever or whoever it was... if he tried anything.
"Chill, man..." The machine held his hands up in a defensive gesture, pretending to get intimidated by the threatening posture of a much smaller human. "Jus' not in that pretty face, yeah?" He covered the said body part with one hand, acting as if you could even reach that high.
You gripped the pipe harder, ready to swing at the metal man, but then, when he let out a chuckle and shook his head in amusement, you lost all your confidence that you had any, even the tiniest bit of control over the situation.
None of you expected to see a hand of his transforming into a huge weapon, the blue muzzle probably reflecting in your widened eyes. Noah wanted to do something but you stopped him with one quick glance.
"How 'bout now, baby?" The machine practically mocked you in your face, but you were too focused on the idea of possibly dying right there and then to even notice the playful hint in the tone of his robotic voice. "Still gon' hit me?"
You didn't even know what to say to that, knowing that the wrong response would probably put you in the grave, but you still didn't want to give him the satisfaction of being the one in absolute control of the situation.
You finally managed to blurt out, your voice coming out a lot weaker than you intended it to, "Maybe..."
You swallowed thickly, accepting the fact these were most likely your last moments on Earth, but then, the robot made an impressed face, tilted his head slightly to the right, and said with a smirk, "Shi', you got some balls, dude." And lowered his arm, the weapon transforming back into a hand.
The relief that washed over you was indescribable. But you still had to be in the state of constant focus, in case he decided to put that blue thing in front of your face again.
He nodded, eyeing you from head to toes, and then admitted, "I like that... I like that a lot."
"What..." you whispered to yourself, confused by his words, the sudden change in behaviour making a frown appear on your face.
"I was expecting a different reaction, though," he started talking again, the playfully casual tone back, as if he was slightly disappointed but didn't want to show it, "You know, I saved your asses and all," he tried not to make it sound like a big deal, but still wanted to jokingly point out the fact that you were a pair of slightly ungrateful little humans. "...But I get it. I get it. I'd be scared of me, too..." He raised his hands in a defensive gesture again, speaking to you as if he actually understood, even though he found the whole situation, and your approach as well, quite amusing. "I don't expect every girl to get weak in the knees 'cause of me or anythin'."
A beat of silence passed, and the robot just couldn't stop himself from speaking up again, "Where are my manners? The name's Mirage." He extended his arm towards you both, his fist in your faces, as if he was waiting for you to bump it with your own. His next words in an encouraging tone only confirmed it, "Come on... Give it a lil', give a lil', give it a lil' tap."
Maybe complying to his requests was the only way of getting out of this situation alive... But at the same time the robot didn't give the impression of being cruel enough to just kill you both in cold blood...
You made eye contact with Noah for a moment, just to notice him shrugging, and then, slowly extending his own fist towards the machine's one, as if testing the waters.
When their knuckles touched, Mirage exclaimed with a satisfied look on his face, "Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" And then, he looked at you with a slightly raised eyebrow, motioning to your stiff body with his finger nonchalantly, directing the question to Noah, "She always this fun?"
Oh, I'm sorry for not wanting to fist-bump a robot three times my size who almost shot my head off with his weird fucking arm.
"What the hell are you? Some shit like E.T. or whatever?" Noah ignored his most likely rhetorical question, even though the machine seemed to want answers to every single thing he'd say.
"Naah, that'd be at least weird..." he said sarcastically, then made a finger-gun at us and added with a smile, "I'm a robot from space."
Great.
"A robot... from space..." you trailed off with a weak voice, Mirage's attention back to you.
"One and only." He bowed ever so slightly, but then corrected himself, "Well, technically there are others. You're actually real lucky you have met me first, though. But chill, maybe they'll like you. Proly not but maybe." He shrugged, not actually caring about what his team would think of his new human friends.
And as soon as Mirage finished talking, the sounds of loud engines were bouncing against the walls of the garage, and then hitting yours and Noah's ears, making you both quickly turn around to see a couple of cars driving in your direction.
"Oh, yeah, forgot to mention they were gonna pay us a visit," the robot who was once a silver Porsche said from behind your backs, but the tone of his voice was so casual he didn't really sound like he felt bad for not notifying you.
Soon, the cars transformed into... robots. Of course.
"Prime! Long time no see! Missed you!" Mirage walked past you, making loud noises when his metal feet made contact with the floor beneath them. He opened his arms, as if he was trying to encourage the huge machine to give him a hug.
"Mirage," he spoke in a stern, warning tone, immediately making the smaller robot let out a chuckle, but also obediently lower his arms so now the metal hands were on his hips.
"Good ol' Prime, am I right, Bee?" He directed the question to the yellow machine which was much closer to being his own size.
"What are those humans doing here?" The gravely voice of the tallest robot sent shivers down your spine but Mirage seemed not to be so affected by it. In fact, he looked like he gave absolutely no fucks about it.
Mirage turned his head in your direction, making a nonchalant motion with his hand. "Them? Oh, yeah, they're my friends, sir. Lil' Lady and The Guy," he introduced you two, and you wouldn't be one bit surprised if Prime shot him right then and there with the same thingy Mirage wanted to use on you.
And you nearly fainted on your spot when you felt the ground shake with every single step the tall robot made while walking in your direction. Your knees got weak but you were lucky Prime helped you and swiped you right off your feet, grabbing you like a rag doll and holding you closer to his metal face.
He did the same thing with Noah who, in your opinion, was handling it much better than you.
"Who are you?" Prime's cold voice made you internally die, your mind already making scenarios about him literally squeezing you to death with his metal hand.
"Nobody," you quickly answered, your voice much more high-pitched than ever, shaking your head in panic, "I don't even know who that man is," you added, referring to Mirage standing behind you.
"Hey! I thought we were friends!" the walking Porsche got immediately offended by your words.
Prime narrowed his eyes even more, observing you with distrust, as if he started despising you as soon as he saw you for the first time.
"We shall not waste our time on those humans," he spoke again, squeezing you and Noah tighter and tighter with every passing second.
You let out a shriek. And that's when Mirage realised he had to step in.
"Woah, woah, woah." He immediately found himself next to the big robot, holding his hands up, telling him silently to stop literally taking yours and Noah's breaths away. "Prime, no need for that. Look, I took 'em here, my bad, should've hidden from the cops somewhere else, yeah, I get that. Next time I will, promise."
And Mirage didn't even care that he just admitted to catching the attention of humans, especially the armed ones, which the leader of the Autobots told him to avoid at all cost.
Prime shifted his gaze from you to the apologetically smiling robot.
"C'mon. Red might be your colour but do you really want their blood on you?" he asked in hope it would actually discourage him, make him change his mind.
And without a word, Prime let go of both you and Noah. You didn't manage to hold onto anything, even the robot's hand just not to fall onto the hard floor of the garage.
But before you could make any sounds or properly experience the pull of gravity, you felt another metal hand on you, this time the grip much more gentle, far from suffocating.
You didn't even notice the moment you closed your eyes shut just so you wouldn't have to witness your own body hitting the ground with a good amount of impact. You opened them just to see a pair of blue, shinning ones right in front of you.
"We friends now?" He tilted his head slightly, observing you with a confident smirk, knowing that you had no other choice but to agree with him.
Because he saved you from breaking your skull on the cement a couple of feet below your body.
"Buddies for life," you responded with a shaky voice and many eager nods, barely catching your breath, the panic still evident in your widened eyes.
Today not only did you not die, but you also gained yourself a new friend who would do anything to protect you.
the end sucks as always but do not worry. there will be worse.
#i was listening to 2pac when i was writing mirages parts#mirage is so hit em up coded idc#something hed rap for you on your first day <33 such a cutie#i have no idea how guns look and how to call that blue thingy mirage had when he pointed his whatever at mirage in the garage#mirage x reader#mirage x you#mirage#mirage rotb#mirage x my pussy#mirage transformers#transformers rotb#rotb#transformers#wattpad
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Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (3)
Chapter 3: … And Put Up a Megamart
It was like Christmas day all over again! For the first time in my ten year existence, someone had screwed up that wasn’t me! I never even realized this could be a possibility up to that point. And you bet your toenails I absolutely reveled in it.
At first they were honking like mad, protesting how I might work for Wegmart or somesuch (it had happened before, apparently). But all ol’ Bokrug had to do was give them a glare and they shut up good. I could understand why, though. For the Elves, apologizing is a fancy affair, with them all lining up in front of me, each kissing my swollen kneecap one at a time while I towered above them, laughing. I would have settled for a plain old “I’m sorry.”, but you know what they say, Elves will be Elves.
One hour of kneecap smooches later, Birthday Boy stood in front of me, surprisingly dignified in his stupid hat. The rest of his flock (drove? Pack? It really is hard to decide what to call a group of these guys) formed a half-circle behind him, like his own personal orchestra (though geek choir would be more appropriate).
“Come now, o’ vagrant” he said, lifting out a wing for me “We must journey to the outskirts of the cursed lands so that you may know the direness of our situation.”
He pointed to the forest. I groaned, not exactly in the mood for walking.
“Fear not. We have procured some edibles to sustain us on are strenuous trek.”
An Elf wandered up to me, carrying the so called ‘blessed sustenance’ in their beak.
“Within this bag is the blessed manna bread, which will sate your hunger for your entire journey, as well as the meat of sacred to give you unspeakable strength, should the situation require it.”
All I saw was a half-eaten bag of beef jerky with a stale doughnut hole inside.
“The Blessings of Bokrug be with you!” the Elves honked, their half circle shifting into a path straight to the woods.
Birthday Boy didn’t start explaining until we reached the trees, a trial in and of itself. See, if it wasn’t cringe-inducing enough he had to explain everything to me in that dated voice of his, no, he just had to make everything rhyme!
“Long ago in the Days of yore,” he began, “’Twas blessed land where we bore-our young, who pooped as they pleased in pristine ponds ‘til they turned algae green. It was this algae that we ate, from hours seven ‘til eight, when wily hours twist the day to darkness. And those who’d venture on yonder path, fed us wholesome grain, or faced our wrath, like the bull thistles blooming on a summer’s day.”
Somehow, he managed to keep his honker running the. Whole. Way. There. By the time we got to our destination, I knew more about LARP geese history than about my own family.
But where was there, you might be asking? Well, as Birthday Boy would say-
“’Till one day we encroached the wrath of wastrels longst strayeth from good path. Who sought paradise’s golden fruit as their own. We lost, o terrible tragedy, yet followed somber reality, as our greatest ally betrayed us, and the great pond of yore became asphalt.”
For those reading this who can’t quite get Birthday Boy’s pretentious picture, we had arrived at a parking lot. Now, even young me had seen a fair number of lots in his time, but never one this big. It stretched over the horizon, a never-ending desert of streetlights and maybe some handicapped spaces. (Which, if we kept walking any longer, I was probably gonna need.)
“Go forth child, and understand, who tooketh away our promised land.”
As we walked across the parking lot, I couldn’t help but notice Birthday Boy waddled a bit behind me now. Something was coming up at the edge of my vision. At first I thought it was just a mirage, seeing all the heat radiating off the asphalt, but as we got closer, it became too big to be fake. Not tall in the usual way, though: heightwise it was only about three stories tall. But widthwise, well…
The darn thing seemed to go on forever.
What stood before us on that sweltering summer day was a giant rectangle painted so white it practically blinded me, its’ only other features being a sliding door, above which was a set of bold red letters, each the size of my house, proudly announcing the store’s name: a name I knew well from years of being stuck in a dressing room as my Mom forced me to try on just one more sweater before winter set in:
WEGMART
Birthday Boy spoke, his voice now as hushed as a goose voice could be (which was still subtle as a sack of sledgehammers). “Now we tread carefully with fear. If you are caught, I cannot help you here.”
Conveniently enough (though it shouldn’t have been that surprising, considering where we were) two rows of cars formed a path to the place, like guards lining the world’s blackest red carpet. In other words, the perfect place for a goose to hide under. Walking down this path (only half obeying Birthday Boy’s instructions: I tread carefully, but I’m a Tostig and if you know Tostigs, we never tread with fear, at least not when we can help it) I found it kinda weird how this place made out to be this evil fortress of ultimate horrific doom didn’t have so much as a security camera to keep me out. The only thing between me and those automatic sliding doors was some wrinkly old guy wearing a blue traffic safety vest: the Wegmart Greeter Guy. For those not in the know, the Greeter Guy is this shtick Wegmart does where they employ some old guy who’ll work for pennies so visiting shoppers can be reminded of their own mortality. Something seemed a bit… off about this one, though. There was a broad grin on his face, too broad for a man his age; right hand raised in a perpetual wave at nothing. Seemed fake, though I figured this was yet another one of those byproducts of the high cost of low price or whatever they were saying on the news.
I couldn’t step one foot past him before I hit something. Hard. I’d say it was like glass, on account of it being completely invisible, but really, it was more like hitting a steel wall that also gave you the worst case of static shock in the universe. Of course, young me being young me, this didn’t register until he’d waltzed into that deathtrap so many times he couldn’t feel his limbs. Heck, it wouldn’t surprise me the only reason I didn’t try to enter Wegmart a few more times was because by the last time, I was so zapped outta my head I stumbled into the cars by complete accident, giving the one Birthday Boy was under a static snap so strong it exploded in a ball of fire.
“Fool!” honked the goose “Do you not realized that your knaveous action could very well have delivered me to a premature encounter with dread mortis?!”
I did not. And if it weren’t the fact he was explaining the situation to me, I don’t even think I would have cared that much. All I wanted was to go home, play video games, and spend the rest of the summer sleeping this crazy adventure off.
Fortunately, (or unfortunately depending on your tolerance for Shakespeare) Birthday Boy was fast regaining his composure.
“As you can see, they’ve torn asunder Holy Mountain. Sacred stream has become drinking fountain. A wicked grinning barrier they have erected. So long it stands, from elfin magic they are protected.”
“So… you mean to tell me that the greeter guy is some kind of magic energy shield thingy stopping you guys from getting your home back?”
“Your answer ‘tis acute. Now we must be astute.”
I saw a little black object flying in the sky. On account of the bright sun, I couldn’t see it clearly, but it freaked the everloving feathers off of Birthday Boy.
“Flee!” he honked, waddle-flying for the woods. “Every elf now for himself!”
Something shot out from the thing: a little foam dart, not unlike the kinds I had in my toy aero guns (or had, until I discovered real ammo.) It landed inches from my foot. A second later, it did something no foam dart should do: it started dissolving the ground with a hiss. As if on cue, the sky around me started to darken. Looking up, I could now see the mysterious black object was a toy RC helicopter.
Thousands of them, all armed with those same dissolving darts.
“We must escape now!” Honked Birthday Boy “Those curs wield the dread power of Shampow! A power you could not hope to understand, one long forbidden from the clutches of man!”
“Yeah, I get the idea!” I cried as we ran all the way back to the stock pond.
We didn’t reach there ‘til sundown. When we did, Bokrug was first to speak to me.
“I trust you know the direness of the situation?”
“Well, yeah. But I still don’t see how I fit into all this. You guys look pretty powerful on your own.”
“While we have had some success in hit and run missions-“ He gestured a wing towards the shopping carts and tiki torches wielded by his brethren “-We have lossed far more than we have gained. Only by penetrating the heart of darkness, and seizing the blessed water that once flowed through our LARPing grounds might we hope to end the conflict once and for all.” He said to me. “As you witnessed, our sacred LARPing grounds have been overtaken by the evil known as Wegmart. Using the limitless power of the Greeter Guy, they have erected a massive magic-proof barrier we cannot cross.”
“And how do I fit into this?”
“There is but one thing that can pierce Wegmart’s barrier: An artifact of a bygone age known as the Baldwin 60000. But in order to steal this artifact, we must first animate it with a mysterious artifact known as gold dust.”
“Still not seeing how I fit in.”
“Gold dust, however, is an incredibly rare thing. The only satchel known to exist was only ever possessed by the man who founded this great land: A man named William Penn! Technically, he acquired it from the natives… Among other things, but that is a story for another time.”
“And where the heck do you get gold dust?”
“You shall find it in the pockets of the great man himself as he surveys his city!”
“Hold on! So you’d want me to climb to the top of City Hall, and pickpocket a national hero when you have a thousand little goose friends who can FLY?! How does this make any sense?!”
Said thousand little friends glared at me.
“I would suggest referring to them as ‘Elves’.” Bokrug whisper-honked. “In honesty, I find the distinction quite trivial myself, but it is a touchy subject for them. But! You are correct: that is indeed the most logical path, but as it would happen, city hall is covered in spikes. Birdproof spikes. Seeing as you are partially human, I have faith you just might be immune.”
“Huh! I always figured those spikes were leftovers from William Penn’s rebellious phase!”
“As truth would have it, they were made to keep away those who would sully Penn’s temple of tolerance.” Bokrug and his brood turned to face me. “So, Watterson Tostig, I must humbly ask of you: Are you up to the task? Will you help us?”
I thought long and hard at that- maybe longer and harder than I’d ever thought in my LIFE up to that point. F-Bomb had warned me birds were a bunch of sellouts, giving up their form so they could live on the surface. But they had problems, BIG problems. And, well, maybe I’d run away from things a bit too much that summer, sappy as it might sound. Maybe it was time to lend a hand to guys who didn’t have any, even if they weren’t real dinosaurs.
“Alright,” I nodded. “I’ll do it.”
Bokrug bowed his head. “Thank you, Watterson Tostig.”
On cue, a trench-coated man emerged from the woods, pushing a shopping cart with a pair of fire extinguishers strapped to the back of it. It took me a moment to realize the ‘guy’ was just four geese stacked on top of one another, like in those old cartoons.
“Our envoy shall take you to as far as City Hall. After that, may your Lord’s grace be with you.”
But before I got in the shopping cart, there was one last question I had to ask:
“Say Bokrug, why’d you have your little friend take me to a death trap to explain the situation when you did it yourself just fine?”
The bandit-masked goose shrugged. “You seemed to me a visual learner.”
I rolled my eyes. This guy was starting to sound like my teachers!
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05: Roll for it
Starscream is showing off his new leadership as they break into another human power thingy. Humans point guns at them, thinking it will somehow make a difference, like yeah lets fight the giant alien robots laser, and they call for help as they should have done at first.
Sonudwave is so fricking done.
The Bots come in and start kicking ass but Cliffjumper get his ass wupped instead. Prime takes down Starscream and Soundwave calls for a retreat. He then gets his ass wupped by Prowl and Bluestreak as Soundwave calls Starscream out for his shitty leadership skills.
Megatron calls all the way from Cyertron to say that Starscream is a shitty leader and tell them to attack the laboratory. Prety saying to keep doing what he was doing but now that Megatron says it everyhting thinks it is a good idea. Poor Starscream :-( Megatron then gets a ride back to Earth and everything is back to normal.
Is this what the kids call YAOI legs??
We got a new human! Yay! His name is Chip and he is in a wheelchair cause, you know, we need some diversities in the 80s.
Bee, Spike and Chip are for some reason going into the Lab that Megaton plans to rob and we see that camera Decepticon again, Reflector I think it was.
That mo-fo.
But no Chip is apart of the anti-matter formal that they needed (how smart is this kid???) Bee agrees that Chip is very pretty cause he is and they give him a disc that allow Chip to talk to the MC-Brainiact from home for some reason and they go home.
That is till Laserbeak starts shooting at them from the sky but they get away and call in the attack. Bee and Spike leave Chip unprotected by himself at his home as they leave. An while that just happened, Megatron demands the Cons attack the lab right now before the Bots get there.
However Starscream is distracting the Autobots at another warehouse where they are getting jets for spare parts. Blue and Prowl try to take them down but they are outnumbered and are getting their robo butts wupped.
Meanwhile Megatron and the boys are taking over the lab so the science guy (Doctor Alkazar) send to it to Chip for safe keeping. Megatron says he will find out who soon and buys some time.
Back to battle, Prowl gets hit and just out of pure luck calls Chip Chase on the phone and asks for help. Like he hooks up the a random computer and thinks that will help him??? And it does??? Chip answers and says he is resuming control now.
And then he starts flipping like there is not tomorrow.
How the frick this kid is smart enough to hatch into an Autobot and take control of his body which is as complicated (probably more so) as a humans with an 80s computer is beyond me.
But he did it and he is awesome (sorry spike).
Prowl appreciates the help and they get the upper hand in battle. They hot wire a jet and fire at the Cons. The Cons escape and I really like how Prowl compliments Chip
“Chip for a human being, you make one heck on an Autobot.”
Aww!
So Megaton send his possie to Chips to get the formal but Mother-Loving Chip here memorizes the whole damn thing?!?!? OKay!?!? You do that?!?! And he rips up the disc.
Ravage still takes the kid cause why the hell not and they leave.
The Bots finally get to the lab where the Cons are coming back with a captured Chip in their hands and are told if they do anything Chip is doomed. The Autos wait outside to make a plan
Indoors Soundwave is trying to mind read?? Chip with his hands I guess?
But it works and now the Cons knew how to make anti-matter.
Outisde Mirage and Hound are invisible and turn into a rock and sneak into the lab while fucking Bee just flies over.
You suck at look out Rumble.
So Auto bots sneak in just as Soundwave enters the code into the Master Computer. Megatron is amazed and they make the matter. Chip is attacked by Ravage and they start filling up the cups.
Mirage and Hound make a distraction as Bee and Spike go to save Chip. The Bots leave with Chip and tow and are escaping. So Prime goes in and fucking rams the entrance.
Yeah frick you wall.
But there is no fight cause the cubes are made and Megatron throws one like an idiot.
Nice job numb-nuts, y’all all dead.
But naw only the Bots are hurt and they retreat leaving the somehow okay Cons. Chip for some reason say this is his fault when he was the one kicking ass half this episode. Wheeljack says he can help in a thing and we go back to the Cons for five seconds before we find out what that is.
The computer Tellatran found the Cons and that they are coming over to their base. The Bots go out to fight and start kicking the Con’s ass in the sky.
Megatron is quick to use the anti-matter on himself and Scarscream uses Gunatron to shoot the Bots. For a lack of trust it is always Starscream that uses Megagun. Wonder why that is. Though he does call him an “Anti-matter gun”. Like he has a name Starscream.
Spike gets caught cause he thought he could take a Con down and Chip uses a computer override thing that Wheeljack gave him that lets Tellatran have control over Skywarp.
Also it turns out if you leaves that anti matter inside yourself too long then you will explode as Megatron explodes taking out his anti matter cubes.
And so with that the Cons retreat as they go there butts thoroughly wupped if I do say so myself.
Chips is giving the love and recognition he deserves and he is somehow surprised by this. Boy please, you have done more in this one episode than any other human has down in the past 5 episodes. (sorry spike)
My boy.
Anyway Megatron is pouting and it is a happy ending! Yay!
Autobots I learned: 19
Decpticons I learned: 10
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