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letstalkabouttvshows · 3 years

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With less than 48 hours for 3x09 to hit our screens, I'll share my thoughts and hopes for Monday's episode of RNM.

Because why not, right?

Jones and Alex

Since I'm still sticking to my theory that the cosmic connection between Michael and Alex will be addressed by the end of the season (and could be all about power), especially now that Jones and Alex's paths seem bound to connect, I hope we get Jones and Alex meeting each other.

I mean, only high expectations for this particular interaction. Can you feel the angst already?

Alex is the one with access to the Lockhardt machine and he's back in Michael's life (was he ever really gone, really?). He's also Tripp's great nephew, it's more than likely for Jones to have a grudge against the Manes' family.

I still believe it's intentional that these two characters haven't met yet. And maybe, the payoff will be worth the wait.

If they don't meet in 3x09, maybe just Jones putting the pieces together of who might be the MVP at the moment.

Max

Poor, poor Max Evans, the most adored vanilla cop.

So much has changed in only a few days. You dying, Max, it's the least of your problems 😂

Max will have a lot of catching up to do and I'm hoping the writers don't take away the pod squad reuniting from us. Fill in the blanks just will not work this time.

A lot of the emotional weight of the new found family dynamic depends on the siblings actually having a moment.

Max it's the clone of Michael's father (!!!) and daddy dictator, well, he's just that, a dictator. Evil, narcissistic, jumping through bodies to be considered immortal, killer Oasian that started a freaking civil war because of power.

Phew! What a person to be a clone of.

I really need to see Max and Michael having a brother bonding moment. Because even though Max is a copy of Jones, he still is Michael's and Isobel's brother.

That will never change. I'm sure Max will need some reassurance of just that.

We need the pod squad to renew their vows to protect each other. ASAP.

Malex

Oh, will we ever be over 3x08? I think I've never rewatched a scene so many times as that last Malex one. Maybe 3x09 can give us even more Malex perfection? Here's to hoping.

I truly want Alex and Michael to keep talking and being clear about what they want when it comes to each other.

Maybe they'll agree to take things slow so they can do things right this time around. I mean, they have a ton in their plates right now. They have a machine to figure out, Max to save and Jones to stop.

It's a lot.

And when I say slow, I mean they'll be together but they will do things differently from before. Talk, date, spent time together. Talk. Did I mention talk? Because talking has proved to be the magic key for Malex realized potential.

The most likely hospital scene with Alex being sick or hurt, has everything to be interesting and compelling and one more step forward for Malex's cosmic story.

I'm excited to see what will get Alex in the hospital and more excited to see how Michael will handle the possibility of Alex being in danger now that he's trying to be less act first, think later.

Kyle

Can Kyle come back already? I miss him and his brains. Also, I want to know more about Ramos. Is he good? Is he bad? Really, what's the story there?

Well, 3x09 might as well live up to the hype considering everything that happened in the last few episodes.

We have 5 episodes until the end of the season, it's that time of getting things on the right track for the last 3.

That we may get surprised on Monday as much as we did almost a week ago.

#Malex #Roswell New Mexico #Roswell NM #RNM speculation #3x09 #Alex Manes #Michael Guerin #Jones #Max Evans #Kyle Valenti #Echo #Pod Squad

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angrycowboy · 4 years

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So my original idea was to just tackle my thoughts on RNM’s portrayal of Michael Guerin’s bisexuality, which is something I have loved a lot. But then 2x06 aired, and we got some beautiful insight into Alex Manes, and I had to shift gears a bit to include that.

Because I know tensions regarding this episode are high, consider this a warning - I am going to talk about Michael and Alex, and a bit about the airstream scene in 2x06. And I am going to discuss how it has resonated with me in a positive way. But mostly, this is about how sexuality is complicated, and how amazing it is to see depictions on television that truly make me feel seen.

One of my favorite things about Michael Guerin, and about how RNM has chosen to portray his bisexuality, is that it’s not obvious. He doesn’t feel the need to talk about it, or discuss it - and in fact, only offers it up to Isobel in 1x10 as she’s questioning her own feelings in an effort to make her feel more comfortable. Later in 1x11, he snaps at Max because well, Max has just poked and prodded at him talk (and they’re stuck in the bunker together with nothing else to do). And someone who isn’t comfortable in who they are doesn’t say things like, “It’s not that complicated.” That is something firmly in the camp of yeah, this is who I am, what of it? Because make no mistake, it is incredibly important to me to hear characters like Michael Guerin self-identify on screen as bisexual.

Part of this portrayal can of course, also be attributed to Michael’s upbringing in the foster care system, where talking about himself was never encouraged or allowed. Because I don’t think, given how it is repeatedly reinforced that Michael shunned most aspects of humanity on Earth, that he was ever ashamed of his sexuality. Though I do believe that said upbringing did affect his own feelings of self-worth, and how he saw himself in the eyes of others.

Something I’ve seen mentioned a lot are two interactions we see on screen: between Alex & Maria in 1x10, and between Maria & Liz in 1x13, and the idea that there is “outing” of Michael. And while, I do understand and respect a lot of those arguments, especially regarding their importance regarding the LGBTQ community as a whole, something I don’t see discussed are people who don’t necessarily want to have a formal coming out, or who don’t feel the need to initiate those conversations regarding their sexuality. Even though yes, both Alex and Maria do technically out Michael (though neither do it with any malicious intent), I don't believe that Michael himself would care that other people know he is bisexual (his feelings for Alex are a different story entirely). And part of that may be that he doesn't believe anyone else thinks of him that much to even discuss him due to that upbringing he had, and also because the act of coming out would involve the feeling of being under a microscope (thanks for that wording, Riley), and Michael Guerin would definitely want to avoid that.

But back to my original point - at no point during Season 1 does Michael Guerin give the impression that he is ashamed of his sexuality - the lack of bringing it up first does not read that way to me. It reads more as Michael sees it simply as part of who he is, and that’s it. He can’t change it, and he’s already different (he’s a literal alien, ffs), so why worry about it. It very much reminds me of how I have viewed my own sexuality for years - it is simply just part of who I am. I have never felt the need to sit anyone down and announce my sexuality - in fact, I came out to my mother as I was walking out the door to go on a date. She asked what his name was, and I just replied what her name was.

But there seems to exist this idea within the LGBTQ community that every person needs to have a “coming out.” That we need to be completely in control of who knows, and how they find out, and when they find out, which is not something I agree with completely. Now, also know that I understand the importance of this idea to many, because of rampant homophobic attitudes that remain present within our society. But I see very few people discussing and supporting those of us who would rather not have to announce it in some grand way - because is this not also allowing someone to control their narrative? It has definitely made me wonder how different my own acceptance of my sexuality could have been had I believed that it wasn’t a requirement for me to come out to the people in my life (an idea which sends my anxiety into a tailspin, tbh).

Again, this is just my perspective regarding the overall portrayal of Michael’s bisexuality. It is not meant to act as a correct version, just sharing why I have particularly enjoyed what RNM has done.

But it was not Michael Guerin that made me want to write fanfic, and it was not Michael Guerin that truly made me love this show - it was in fact, Alex Manes. It was Alex Manes, who is confrontational, who is analytical, who needs facts first and who lives so much within his own head, that truly drew me into this show. Alex Manes who very clearly has struggled not with the fact that he is gay, but with that outward expression of his sexuality. In canon, this is very much due to the trauma of his childhood, to growing up in an abusive household that rejected everything about who he was as a person, and tried to force him into a box that was very much not who he is. And while I did not have that kind of upbringing, the idea of believing you won’t be accepted even among the people who should love you unconditionally is a universal feeling within the LGBTQ community.

Alex’s talk with Maria in the truck is perhaps some of the most relatable queer representation I’ve ever seen. Because it dives into the different types of love and attraction and how not every touch between two people needs to be sexual in nature. And it lays out very plainly how important it is to have trust between people. But it’s also about recognizing what you do want, and accepting that for yourself. And that conversation is so important toward understanding what happens later on in the Airstream.

Because Alex, due to his upbringing, doesn’t believe that he is worthy of being loved in that way. When Maria comforts Michael over the realization that he could have lost both of them, Alex says he should go, not because he doesn’t want to be there. He says it because he feels like he shouldn’t be allowed to be there, to want to be there. Alex feels like an intrusion, even though he’s gone through the same horrifying ordeal and he’s with two people he loves and feels safe around. Maria recognizes that immediately, and moves back to Alex in order to give him the safety he needs as well. Maria is acting in regards to both of the boys love languages - Alex needs that physical touch of reassurance (kissing him), Michael needs to hear it verbally (”it’s okay”). And furthermore, they all need each other in that moment (”I just want us all safe”).

But it is specifically Alex’s speech in the truck earlier, about touch and self-acceptance that has me sobbing every time I watch it. Because even though I got my first crush on a girl as a teenager, it wasn’t until years later that I actually allowed myself to act on that. It was only years later that I learned just how different my attraction toward men and women really was, that I enjoyed different things for different reasons from the different sexes and that was okay. So that speech has just really resonated with me as a bisexual woman who struggled for years with acceptance of her sexuality, of being able to act on it, and it makes me incredibly happy to see a television show (A CW SHOW ABOUT COWBOY ALIENS OK) conquering these things in such a relatable way.

All of this ended up making me go back to something Chasing wrote last year about Michael’s bisexuality, and the portrayal we’re seeing, and something she said in her meta: “No one is harder on queer representation and queer media than queer people - and I get it. We’ve had so much bad representation and we’re sick of it and that’s understandable. But it’s turned into this thing where every slice of representation has to be Perfect or it’s Garbage, and it’s leading creators to not want to try because they’re so harshly run off every time they do. And when they don’t try, they don’t learn, and when they don’t learn, they don’t do better.” So maybe the rep isn’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a valiant effort being made to reach out to an underrepresented community. And for me personally, the depiction doesn’t have to be perfect, because people aren’t perfect, and sexuality isn’t one size fits all. What may make one person feel seen and understood, another may not see themselves represented at all - but that’s okay. Because with more representation in media, comes different tellings and stories, and comes different ways people can relate because the queer community is not a monolith. We all look at things through different lenses and experiences, but it becomes hurtful when those who don’t see themselves represented in a specific piece of media start telling those who do that they are wrong. And I wish more people would take that into consideration during discussions and criticisms.

Finally, I want to end with this gif, because woo boy. This face and that look. I know that look. I have made that look. This look is so goddamn recognizable and familiar. Because there’s also something about knowing you’re watching an actor who has probably also gone through a lot of these same feelings the character is expressing, that it just comes through in their performance and makes it all the more relatable and real (and especially how even the script itself makes it obvious it was written by people in the queer community).

#roswell new mexico #roswell nm meta #rnm 2x06 airstream scene #michael guerin #alex manes #not really malexa #but a little malexa #notso writes meta #also some of my own personal thoughts #does any of this makes sense #i have no idea but i needed to finally get it all out #i love alex manes and michael guerin a lot ok

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aliencowboyqueen · 5 years

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FIC: Casual Sort of Love (Part 2 of 2)

Pairing: Kylex (Kyle/Alex)

Summary: “We don’t need complicated reasons for having sex. Sometimes wanting to get laid is good enough.” (And then they caught feelings.)

Rating: Teen and up (This fic is about sex but there’s nothing graphic)

RNM Week Prompt: Day 7 - free day (Part 1 was Day 3: Quick and DIrty)

Part 2

(Part 1 is here)

"What's with the two of you?" Rosa asks, her elbow knocking against Alex's.

He lifts his eyebrows and gives her a questioning look. He is the only person aside from her sitting at the table but it seems all the people he knows are out at Crashdown tonight, so it's not clear whom she's referring to.

She gestures towards the bar with her chin. "Valenti's been giving you mournful stares the whole evening."

"Isn't he your brother?" Maybe it's the fact that Alex has multiple brothers, or that he grew up with them, but even as strained as their relationship is, he can't imagine calling any of them by their last name. Or perhaps it's because the name Manes belongs to him, too. As much as it burdens him.

"In blood maybe," Rosa replies with a shrug. She nudges the straw in her drink towards her mouth. "So what's with the two of you?"

Alex glances towards Kyle, who is very obviously trying to not get caught staring. "It's complicated," he tells Rosa.

"What did he do?"

Alex's mind flashes to Kyle's mouth on his skin, his fingers lazily drawing on Alex's body, and then to Alex walking away from him. "He didn't."

He misses Kyle. The thing is, nothing went back to normal afterwards. Their friendship has shifted. The space between them, once filled with easy compassion, is now a cold chasm filled with yearning. He finds it easier to stay out of Kyle's orbit, even though it hurts.

ooo ooo ooo

Kyle corners him by his car three weeks later. He is leaning against the driver's side door, arms crossed on his chest.

"I just want to know… Are we avoiding each other or has your absence in my life been a mere coincidence?" he asks.

"I'm not avoiding you."

Kyle clicks his tongue. He tilts his head and gives Alex a pointed look. "Is that why we've barely spoken three sentences in weeks? You said you wanted to be friends."

Alex doesn't know how to respond so he simply holds Kyle's gaze stubbornly.

Kyle sighs and sinks against the car. He takes out his phone. "I've got some leads on a possible alien," he says and offers Alex the device to look at the screenshots he's taken. "If you are interested."

The pictures and screenshots suggest an elderly woman living some six hundred miles away might be an alien. Possibly from the 1947 crash, even. It does pique Alex's interest.

"I'm free this weekend," Kyle says.

ooo ooo ooo

The drive is long and quiet. Alex is aware of Kyle's every breath, especially those that are the beginning of a word that never leaves his lips. He is aware of Kyle's hands that never reach for him. It's a strange, heart-shattering thing to miss someone so much while they are mere inches away. He is aware that when they make idle conversation to break the silence, they're not really talking – just saying words, none of substance.

Alex has only been in love once before but he recognizes the ache in his ribcage now. It might not be the same overpowering feeling, but it's the beginning of it, the heartbreak.

The exact thing he's been hoping to avoid.

ooo ooo ooo

There is a giant For Sale sign in front of the house. Alex and Kyle look at each other and shrug before walking to the front door and knocking.

There is only silence in response. But then the front door of a house next front yard over opens and a young blonde woman pokes her head out. She is holding a baby in her arms.

Over the next few moments, they learn the devastating truth. "Samantha Smith died last month," the woman explains. "Of old age, but it was still a shock. We thought she'd outlive us all yet." She pauses, rocking the baby. "She was my Grandmother. Are you here about the house?"

For the next half an hour, Alex sits stiff and uncomfortable in Alice Smith's living room while Kyle charms her. By the time they finish their coffee, Alice is ready to leave her spouse for Doctor Valenti, Alex thinks bitterly.

If only she knew why they are really there. Maybe she'd watch her children more closely. Alex is certain he sees the toddler girl levitate the toys in her playpen. The Smithes are lucky it's Alex and Kyle who found them instead of Alex's father and brothers.

"We're not here about the house, not really," Kyle says after a few minutes of chit-chat but by then Alice is so charmed by him she startles only a little. "We are working on a surprise genealogy project for a friend. We think your Grandmother – and you, I'd assume – are distantly related to him."

It's a gray zone where Alex himself isn't sure how much is a lie. He suspects, however, that Kyle is thinking of Michael when he says this. It both hurts and makes a perfect sense.

"Oh, I don't know," Alice says uncertainly, suddenly lifting her baby son up to her shoulder protectively. "Grandma Sam was an orphan."

"So is our friend," Alex says and all three of them startled at the sound of his voice.

Kyle puts his hand on Alex's shoulder and instinctively, Alex leans into his touch. It's comforting, and it tells him Kyle gets him, and it’s grounding and he is starved for it; suddenly he wants to wrap himself in Kyle's warm arms and clean scent.

Kyle removes his hand much too soon.

He leans towards Alice and takes out his wallet, from which he takes out a business card. Because of course Kyle has business cards. Alex can't imagine what a resident needs them for but at least in this moment one seems to come useful. "If you change your mind about the genealogy project… Or if anyone military-looking contacts you…"

Alice's eyes shift to Alex.

"I'm retired," he says and wonders how long before people don't see the years of service when looking at him.

ooo ooo ooo

When they return to the car, Alex realizes he is missing his keys.

Alice is standing on the porch with the car keys in her hand, looking guilty. "I'm sorry. My daughter…" She trails off, looking over Alex's shoulder towards Kyle leaning against the car. "He seems like a great guy. Reminds me of my grandfather… Though maybe that's the way he looks at you. Grandpa looked at Grandma like that, like she was his favorite view and a world wonder and the missing puzzle piece all at once. Grandma was a dreamer, she was so aloof, we weren't sure she actually loved him back the same. But then he died… It was such a shock, him dying before her… She was never the same, after." Alice chuckles awkwardly. "Sorry, I talk too much."

Alex takes the keys from her. "We're not… It's not like that."

Her mouth form a surprised 'O' but then she says: "Well then, my wife won't be very happy about me having his number in that case." She frowns. "This… this genealogy project… I'll think about it." Then with a furtive glance around her, she asks in a whisper: "Are we in danger?"

"Not immediate," Alex says and he hopes he is not lying to her.

He walks to the car wondering how to ask Kyle why he looks at him as if he was his enigma of a wife.

ooo ooo ooo

They have separate motel rooms that night.

Alex misses Kyle's warmth in his bed. And the way Kyle looks at him when they break away from a kiss. How Kyle's breath feels against his skin. And how Kyle calls him out when he's being unreasonable and how he listens when Alex has a good point.

He reaches out to check the time at 2AM and ends up opening the messages between him and Kyle. That's another thing he misses; Kyle's ridiculous yet sexy selfies and random alerts about Alex's favorite products. To his surprise, ellipsis at the bottom of the screen suggests Kyle is typing. They appear and disappear intermittently. A message rewritten and deleted. It never arrives.

At 3AM, Kyle opens the door for him in a t-shirt and underwear but obviously awake. He makes as if to grab Alex's t-shirt. Then he barely brushes his fingers against the fabric. Instead, he simply steps aside to let Alex in.

"Come in," he says. "Unless you're here to hook up and change your mind in thirty minutes."

Alex winces. Yet he can't fault Kyle for his words. He's earned that attitude.

"I don't think casual can work for us," Alex blurts out. The door closes behind him. "Because there's never anything casual I feel about you. Ever. You're a huge, important part of my life." He knows it to be true. Whatever he's ever felt for Kyle, positive or negative, it has always been a lot of feeling. Even at times when he was trying to ignore it. It was foolish to think that he could do anything meaningless with him. "When we were kids, when you were a nightmare, and now that we became a weird buddy cop comedy… I can't be just your casual fuckbuddy."

Kyle shakes his head. He drops down onto the edge of his motel bed. "I was trying to ask you out when you called things off," he says.

Alex opens his mouth but for a moment, nothing comes out of it. He looks around the room. None of the cheap furniture suggests an answer. "I know," he says eventually. "At least, I think I may have known that."

Kyle drops his head into his hands and combs his fingers through his hair. "But?"

With a step towards Kyle, Alex admits: "But I'm scared to be with you."

He is rewarded with a confused, hurt look. "You're sending really mixed signals."

Alex hasn't been entirely sure what he wanted from this conversation, not until this moment of looking into Kyle's eyes. It's not just that he hates seeing Kyle hurt or knowing that he is the one causing him pain. It's that he wants so desperately to be the one who'll put a smile on Kyle's face again. He wants to share his happiness and his pain and important decisions.

"I'm scared," he repeats. "I'm scared because I don't know if I can love you the way you deserve, even though I think I'm getting there. I'm scared you'll realize I'm too much trouble. I'm scared my father will try to use you against me. I'm scared things won't work out and I'll lose you for good. I'm even scared of what people will say." He pauses and takes a deep breath. "But I'm so damn tired of being scared. And I want to be with you. I want all of you, from your impressive cheekbones to your superficial pop culture references." He can't help a hint of a smile at Kyle's offended look. "You're hot, and funny, and kind, and brilliant, a really good person and really good in bed. You listen to what I have to say. And you make me feel good about myself."

He wants to keep going, but Kyle pushes off the bed and gets up. The distance between them closes. Kyle's fingers grasp the fabric of Alex's shirt. "Are we exchanging compliments? Because that part I could get used to."

Alex chuckles. "Wasn't what I was aiming for. But maybe?"

Kyle smiles, a soft and amused smile, though there's still something sad in his eyes. "You're so sexy. And, despite just saying 'scared' like forty times, you're so brave. And you're smart and you're aware of your skills, which is super hot. I just can't get enough of you, really. You're so principled and so ready to do what's right, no matter what it costs you. And you see people for who they are and… You make me want to be the best version of me that I can possibly be." He slowly runs his palms up Alex's body to rest on his shoulders. "Neither of us is perfect or uncomplicated. I can't promise things will go smoothly or that we'll always agree with each other or that I'll ever watch Star Trek with you. I can almost guarantee we’ll fuck up repeatedly. But I think we have a chance at something so good here. If you let us try. If you stop thinking of all the things that could go wrong." His grip on Alex's shoulders tightens. "And if you won't, then at least keep me as your friend, please? I really miss you when you push me away."

Alex responds by putting his hands on Kyle's waist. He could be arguing about kettles being black, but it barely crosses his mind. "We'll need to take it slow. I don't know if I'm ready to go public with this or… or even make any declarations. But I’d like to see where this goes."

"Just don't… don't storm out without explanation again, alright?"

With his gaze shifting away from Kyle's piercing eyes, Alex says: "I'm not sure I can promise that. But I can promise to come back with the explanation later."

Kyle nods. "That's good enough for me." And then he dives in for a kiss.

ooo ooo ooo

Later, Kyle asks: "So what prompted you to change your mind?"

And Alex says: "Alice Smith's late Grandmother's husband."

Kyle stares at him for a long moment.

Then he says, "alright" and pulls Alex into a kiss again.

#rnmweek19 #roswellweek19 #kylex #kylex fic #myfic #kyle valenti #alex manes

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salmonthestoryteller · 5 years

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All About Isobel

I’ll admit Isobel is my fav character. I honestly didn’t expect that to happen. She definitely wasn’t among my fav in the OG series, nor at the start of the book series. (Though, like RNM the book series version seems to be winning me over.) Somewhere along the line, though, I was like - yah, nope, everybody else move a slot down, Isobel is claiming my top character spot.

If there’s one thing I love about Isobel it is how important Max and Michael are to her. It seems to be why some people hate her. To me, though, it’s one of the reasons I adore her character. These are her brothers and if you hurt them she will end you. The world can freakin’ burn, she is going to protect these two with all she has in her.

It isn’t surprising either, and I want to back up and look at her backstory first, especially with everything we learned in the last two episodes of the season. So, yes, considering her plot involving both the Drifter and Noah, fair warning that some of the content may be triggering.

So there is at least two instances where Isobel is able to call out to Michael, one shared with Max, while completely unconscious. We know Max and Isobel have their twin connection which Max describes as a “warm presence” with him all the time. But the fact that she called to Michael twice shows that at some level she has to be telepathically connected to him as well.

They emerge from the pods at age seven, and are found by the highway. From there they end up in a group home. Now, to my understanding a group home is not a foster family. It is the modern day equivalent to an orphanage, with several adults looking after a group of children. From there they are adopted by the Evans almost right away. They still aren’t even speaking yet when they go with them. Max and their mother discuss the fact that it took them months to talk. And that when they did, they did so immediately with no trouble. As if they’d been waiting to learn the whole language before speaking.

Michael, as we know, is left behind and doesn’t return to their lives until they are eleven. However, Isobel probably could sense that he was missing the whole time. She couldn’t say who was missing, because they hadn’t had words or names when they were separated. She couldn’t say “Michael is missing” - she just knew someone was. This is probably where Isobel’s fear of losing those she cares about first stems from. An experience she couldn’t even fully explain at the time.

I have no doubt that when they found each other again at eleven, it was one of the best days of their lives to Isobel. Because, to her, Michael is her brother. There’s no ifs in that to Isobel. Michael says they aren’t family, Max tells Michael he isn’t his family in a moment of anger, but to Isobel the fact that Michael is her brother is indisputable. It’s plain fact. It’s there in the way she treats him, in how she is willing to rely on him and trust him, and even how she speaks. Not even the big statements like, “We’re a family.” In small ways like how she refers to Max in 1x03 as “Our brother.”

Fast forward a few years. (In 1x06 I thought it was their thirteenth birthday as it was 2004 and they are said to be 17 in 2008, but in 1x12 Max says Isobel was fourteen so I guess if their “birthday” was summer it's three years later?) It seems like - compared to Max - Michael protected Isobel much more from the abuse he was suffering. It doesn’t seem as if she has an understanding of just how bad things were. The look on her face when he tells her the story of always going to Foster Homestead Ranch and his reasons why are further proof. Isobel knew he wasn’t as lucky as them, but she was at a loss at how bad he truly had it. How alone he truly felt. Which I think was on purpose on Michael’s part. It’s also why she’s probably closer to their mother than Max was. She doesn’t seem to harbor the same resentment to their parents that Max felt for them not taking Michael in. I think she’s closer to Ann because when she thinks she’s dying she tells Max, “We should call Mom.” Not their parents. “Mom.”

However, Ann still says they both kept her at arms length to Max. That they, not him but they, didn’t let her be a mom. I don’t think this was true as much when they were younger. I’m guessing the separation for Isobel and Ann occured when Isobel hit puberty. Because - think about this for a moment - Isobel is an alien. She knows this. She knows she has powers others don’t. That her biology isn’t quite the same. (Acetone, hello.) And she had to go through puberty with not only no grown woman to talk to it about, but not even another girl her own age. She couldn’t ask her mom if certain things happening were normal or not - because there was no way of knowing what was alien “normal.” And if it turned out it wasn't human normal, and she brought it up she risked exposing them. Puberty is a pretty sucky thing already, and Isobel probably felt twice as isolated during it because she just damn didn’t know what was or wasn’t normal for their species. In that Max and Michael at least had each other. I doubt Isobel felt comfortable talking to her brothers about periods, cramps, etc.

And in the middle of this whole very isolating confusing time for her comes the Drifter. It’s pretty clear what his intentions were when he grabbed her, though it is not made clear how far he got. Isobel is still clothed, so I don’t think he raped her, but I have no doubt he touched her before Max and Michael got here. And remember something else - Isobel is a telepath. A telepath who they already knew could make others do things. If she at all tried to touch the Drifter’s mind there’s no saying what was said in Mindspace to her.

Worse, this is when her telepathic scream brings her to Noah’s attention. Between the Drifter’s attack and witnessing Max kill him, Isobel shuts down. The trauma is too much for her to handle, and she retreats inside her mind. Noah takes the opportunity to connect to her that night, and he never lets go of that connection until his death. Max said that she continued to have black outs after the attack, and Noah mentions how that allowed him to see through her eyes. How soon he was able to start to use her body to move around is unclear. And we are also unclear on what all influences Noah had on her otherwise.

Noah speaks of their connection several times. We know he can control her actions when she is unconscious or withdrawn into her mind, but how deep did that connection run? Max is concerned about Liz’s ability to consent when his mark is on her. Noah has had his mind connected to Isobel’s since she was fourteen. We cannot say how much that affected her - if she ever had complete autonomy after that night or if a part of her was always affected by Noah’s feelings and desires.

However, one thing is very much true - and that’s that after that night Isobel didn’t trust anyone who wasn’t Max or Michael for years. There was never a time when the people around her weren’t listed as “potentially dangerous”. We see that in how she reacts to everything, both in her teen years and even as an adult. She kept everyone else at arms length. Through barbs; through a mask of perfection. The reason Isobel didn’t care about using her powers as a teen?

Because as long as other people were doing what she wanted she was safe.

This is someone who never feels safe. Hasn’t been able to regain that feeling since that night in the desert. The only place she felt remotely at ease was around Max and MIchael. Isobel is clearly supposed to be the Queen Bee in high school, yet she goes to prom with her brothers. Why? Because Isobel didn't trust anyone else. It’s why she kept withdrawing into herself and having blackouts as graduation approached. If Max and Michael left - how was she ever going to feel safe? She had devoted her life to her brothers, because she knew she could trust them. They would protect her, no matter what. They’d already proven it. Everybody else was suspect.

Only now her brother were becoming suspect. If they were going to leave her to fend for herself, what did she have left? It’s clear from her lash out, “What am I supposed to do?” that Isobel had no plans right then for her future. She doesn’t know what she’s going to do once Michael and Max leave - she never once mentions college herself. And, actually, it seems her brothers have no idea either. During the argument all Max says is “Live your life.” There’s nothing there about anything Isobel might want or suggested she would do after graduation. If Max and Michael had this argument, that line would have involved, “What are you talking about? You’re leaving for Albuquerque/You’re running off to Europe.” For Isobel the best Max has to offer is “Live your life"?

This is actually where the fact that Roswell is supposed to be a small town probably plays a big part. Because Isobel is the only girl among the three aliens. It’s not surprising that in a small town Isobel’s lack of plans to go to college or pursue a career is never brought up. The notion of girls staying home with the parents, working local jobs or simply getting married is still quite common. From what we’ve seen, it’s actually what happens to Isobel after graduation, though that hasn’t completely been made clear yet.

One big thing did happen first, though. The murders. Things change that night for Isobel in a very big way. Until now Isobel has relied on her brother’s for protection. After the cover up Isobel finds herself in a new role - One of protector.

To her, Michael may have killed Rosa, Jasmin, and Kate - but he is very much not to blame for it. Think of the story Michael tells her. He got into a fight and his hand was smashed. He says he got drunk, but it's not like Michael could have gone to a hospital. What is the only painkiller they have? Acetone. To her, Michael was medicating himself because he had no way to receive the care he needed. Then, drunk on the acetone, he ran into the other car and lost control of his powers. He was drunk and in pain and alone and he lashed out to protect himself. She may believe Michael killed them, but she doesn’t blame him. If anything, she probably blames herself for blacking out and not being there when he needed her.

Then, a few days later, Max starts talking about telling Liz the truth. Think about what this looks like from Isobel’s perspective. Max is choosing some crush over Michael. Michael, who buried the Drifter for him and kept his secret all these years. He’s literally going to get Michael arrested, maybe even get them all killed if they find out what he is, because he cares about some girl more than their brother. Is it any wonder she decides to go into Liz’s mind and tell her to stay away from Max?

However, I feel it's hinted at that Max kinda broke down after Liz left. Isobel mentions something that sounds like a reference in a conversation with Michael in 1x02:

“Max is shutting me out. I thought maybe you could talk to him. Something is wrong with him, Michael. And when that happened the last time, you were the only one he would open up to.”

I think seeing how using her powers on Liz affected Max really drove home what her powers were capable of to Isobel. She’d never used her powers against her brothers in such a way. I don’t think she ever used her powers to negatively affect those she cared about. Others were free game, but anything that could hurt those she loved was off limits. And this is Max, her person as she calls him to Noah, and her using her powers has hurt him. She tells Michael, “I don’t do that anymore.” While it’s unclear when she stopped, my guess is that it was after she used them on Liz.

Then, while we can’t be certain how soon it happened, she met Noah. She probably felt an instant trust in him because - hello - Noah was in her literal head. She didn’t know why she felt safe with him, but he was the first person aside from Max and Michael who made her feel that way. So she dated him, fell in love, got married.

All of this is disturbing enough, because essentially Noah has been grooming Isobel since she was fourteen and then he seeks her out physically and marries her once he gets out of the pod. But what also bothers me is we don’t see any hint that Isobel is romantically with anyone else in the past. She teases Max about Tess, Michael mentions dates limiting options, but Isobel is not shown with anyone. The only feelings of desire Isobel experiences that we are shown is Noah’s for Rosa through her flashbacks, and her and Noah’s relationship. There is literally nobody else that is even mentioned. Every other character we get some mention of an ex or potential love interest, even Rosa. But Isobel has only Noah.

Over the same time period, she witnessed Max and Michael’s friendship fall apart with no idea why. She didn’t understand what was happening between them. This was her family and now they were barely speaking. She had her new position, though, and she wasn’t going to let them down. She was going to be the one who was strong; the one who protected them and looked after them. She devoted herself to that, and despite some bumps along the way, I don’t think she felt she failed at it. She never knew Max was unhappy - he didn’t seem to show that to her after he got his act together. She says as much to Noah in 1x03. She thought Michael let his life fall apart because he’d killed three girls and couldn’t forget. She tried to be there for him - she never cut him out of her life. She had no idea how to make things better, but she made sure she was there if he needed her. We know this because Noah doesn’t just list Max when Isobel says she had something to take care of - he lists Michael too.

Then Liz comes back into town, and everything changes. It’s little wonder she views Liz as a threat. Remember, Isobel never feels safe - everyone is a threat. Liz most of all - Max almost turned on Michael and her for Liz once before. Max was devastated after losing her the first time and now it's going to happen again. And while people like to say Isobel is overprotective and out of line for constantly lecturing Max about her - is she wrong? Liz is using Max’s feelings because she’s searching for the truth, Liz does want revenge for Rosa. Liz's history doesn't look like someone she would trust with her brother's happiness.

Isobel isn’t just using her powers for kicks. She goes after Liz to protect her family. She practices at Maria’s bar because she thinks she needs to strengthen her abilities. If she fails - how will she ever keep Michael safe now that Liz knows an alien killed Rosa? She isn’t thinking there’s some big secret to why Maria hates her - she probably thinks the reason is small and petty. She doesn’t know Maria. Then everything becomes strange - because why did Rosa hate her? Rosa was two years older than them - she was long gone from high school by the time Isobel would have been the head of Roswell High’s Mean Girls. It makes no sense - she almost never interacted with her. Why would someone hate her she didn’t even know?

It’s no wonder the “truth” about the murders affects Isobel so deeply. She’s spent ten years viewing the deaths as a terrible accident. Now they are murders - actual murders - that she herself committed. And she doesn’t know why. She does know that for some reason Rosa hated her. But Rosa, Kate, and Jasmin weren't even a blip on her radar before the murders. Why would she suddenly kill them? She's spent her whole life afraid of others and now she can't even trust herself.

Then the flashbacks start after the cure. She has no reason to doubt them - they're her own memories. What's more is that they probably make sense to her. There were probably days she was sick of the front she put on to keep others at a distance. And here are these flashbacks saying she let down that guard with someone - with Rosa. And it seems like it was a wonderful thing - Rosa didn't let her down. She was safe. Maybe she even loved her? It's everything teen Isobel always wanted. She and Michael discuss it:

"I used to look in the sky when we were kids, and hope something up there would save me."

"I used to look around at the people of this town and hope for the same thing."

She feels invested in this now. She had a close friend, the only truly close female friend she ever had as far as we see, maybe she even had a secret romance. Then she finds out the horrifying truth that it was never her at all. She never had that friendship, and what's worse? Noah used her to attack an innocent girl. Just like she was attacked when she was fourteen. Only Rosa didn't have Max and Michael to save her.

Isobel's face off with Noah is painful because it truly is the worst betrayal imaginable. Isobel doesn't let people close. Isobel doesn't trust. She did with Noah, when the truth is she never should have. He was the one she should have been protecting herself from.

I am glad they gave us her final Mindscape conversation with Noah. It may be a lie that she never loved him, but what truly mattered wasn't whether she loved him or not. What mattered was facing him and letting him know he no longer had control of her. She was done with him.

The season ends with Isobel exploding the picture frame with her mind. And while I'm excited to see her expand her powers, I am concerned for her in s2. The truth about Noah has already taken away one of her shelters. Losing Max? That is literally one of her greatest fears come to life.

In pursuit of feeling safe again - in protecting what she has left? There's really no saying what path Isobel might take.

#roswell new mexico #isobel evans #meta #headcanons #I have lots of Isobel feels #why can't you let izzy be happy

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