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adamsvanrhijn · 5 months

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what i want to happen with maud beaton and oscar van rhijn (part 3/?)

(part 2)

This brings us to:

oscar van rhijn magical thinking: robber baron edition

We're still in 2.04 at the Cunard reception.

Maud: "So what did Aurora tell you about me?" Oscar: "Just that your family is complicated, like every family I know." Maud: "He is using me to do business and keep his own name out of it." Oscar: "Can't you just tell him no?" Maud: "Could you tell your father no when he was alive?" Oscar: "I wish I could help."

Maud, without asking more details about what Oscar has heard, immediately shares an explanation which seems to confirm his suspicions. She's straightforward but not specific; she has not said who her father is. But Oscar is assuming it's Gould, and even if we're not quite there by this point, we're soon going to cross the line over to lying by omission if her father is anyone else.

It's sudden vulnerability, more information than we might expect; she's even a little teary eyed. It makes her sympathetic, but it's also defensive. She's being used; she doesn't have a choice; she doesn't support what's happening.

Remember how Gould isn't a very likeable guy? If Maud is telling the truth, it's because it benefits her to get this information out into the open before continuing to get to know Oscar.

We also learn that Maud knows Oscar's father isn't alive - easily information she could have acquired from talking about the Van Rhijns with a third party - and, more importantly, that she is willing to bring this information up with him. While that implies a degree of comfort with him, it's still early enough that she could cut her losses and cease continuing to associate with Oscar if he reacts poorly to what he learns about Maud.

And while she doesn't say anything about her own financial means, she does make the situation more complicated than just, Gould takes an interest in her. Gould may take an interest in her, but it's not just for the sake of her being his illegitimate daughter. There are strings attached that Oscar didn't know about.

Oscar doesn't consider this new information in the context of previous information, though. He adds this to his list of things he knows about Maud without wondering if that means he needs to change anything else on that list.

Later, he and Maud go for a walk, Maud wears the worst outfit ever to appear on this show to date. Oscar tells Maud about wanting to be a duke / king when he was a child. He's opening up to her! Maud tells him he makes her laugh and that she needed that after a day of Finance. How she hates being a part of it; she even thought of just doing what Oscar said [saying no]!

Oscar asks, what if he could help. Maud, looking confused, asks him how. He is a banker, he might be able to do something! Maud does not reply but for a teary-eyed smile.

If you're like me, by this point you had some big questions.

"Why does Jay Gould need to use anyone else to do business on his behalf?"

To me, the only realistic answer to this question is exactly what Maud tells us is the case: Gould wants to keep his name out of certain business transactions, so he has Maud carry them out instead. Maud does so because he's her father, and perhaps because his financial support of her is contingent upon her continuing to do this.

"Why would he want to keep his name out of business transactions when he's Jay Gould?"

Because he's Jay Gould.

People do not like Jay Gould. People do not want to, for example, sell their railroads to Jay Gould. (I'm going to continue to use this example for obvious reasons.)

Jay Gould is prominent enough that information that he is participating in a business transaction will impact the financial markets. If Jay Gould is buying a railroad, that's going to affect how financiers view their stock in that railroad and any holdings of Jay Gould's railroads or resources or whatever. It might affect the value of the railroad and make its acquisition less advantageous. It might give shareholders of the railroad enough warning to make enough changes that a hostile takeover can be avoided. It is going to cause financial disruption.

"Why would people want to do business with Maud, a young woman who claims not to know what she's doing?"

That would be where a character like Mr. Crowther comes in: he's acting as a middle man for Gould, Maud, and the other investors. This could be to present Maud as knowing more than she does; it could be that Maud's name isn't on the actual investment and it's Crowther who is taking Maud's money (which is actually Gould's) and guiding her through how to do this properly.

By now, as in after 2.06, I think we're safe to say that Oscar thinks this all makes sense and is true. He might have thought through the above or he might not have thought it through at all.

Even if that is all true, he is still making a stupid decision by getting involved.

How does he think he can assist Maud? What exactly does he think he will be able to accomplish by doing so? Why doesn't he stop to consider that maybe it's at odds with his goals, to come between Maud and her source of financial security?

This is Jay Gould we are talking about! Remember that line from Patrick Morris about George Russell in 1.02 — so you mean to tangle with the men who own half this city (or whatever)?

Already Oscar is completely in over his head here. He either hasn't thought about that because he is so focused on endearing himself to Maud (careless at best, but really just plain stupid), or, he has thought about it, and he has decided that he actually isn't in over his head and he is for sure capable of involving himself in robber baron financial transactions to which he has no prior context and getting a desirable outcome for Maud, who has mainly expressed not wanting to be a part of this at all (stupid, hubristic, and reckless).

To say nothing, again, of the fact that while this might get him closer to Maud specifically, and endear him to her, it is more likely than not to be at odds with his desire for Maud to bring money into his marriage to her.

In any case, I lean toward the latter. Oscar has wanted to get in with this group of people since day one.

Meanwhile - 2.05 is the first episode where we see Maud separate from Oscar, and the first time we get information about Maud that we can assume Oscar doesn't know: she visits Aurora and asks about Oscar's motives, if he's "just a fortune hunter", and claims that he wouldn't be the first if so, but she doesn't want to "burn [her] wings again". She doesn't respond when Aurora comments that Maud, like Gladys, will be very rich. Aurora doesn't confirm or deny Maud's suspicions, saying that she likes Oscar and that Maud should spend more time with him to come to her own conclusion — there's no rush. Maud expresses agreement on that point. (Maud also effectively confirms she's been to the Fane house before when she says she knows her way out.)

This in particular is a scene that is puzzling to me if she is a con artist and this is a scam. Oscar has already agreed to step into the fray of her financial dealings, indeed it was his suggestion that he do so. All of her angles to get Oscar to engage with her have worked thus far. He's a caught fish at this point. So what additional information does Maud need about Oscar that she can get from Aurora? A fortune hunter may or may not have money to invest in a scheme, and may or may not be interested in risky financial opportunities. If it's about her approach to wooing him... Even if a man isn't a fortune hunter, he's unlikely to be turned off by Maud having a fortune. And if she's not trying to get new information, and it's just to mislead or cover her tracks and make herself more sympathetic to Aurora... I guess like, why is she bothering? Aurora already likes Maud and doesn't suspect her of anything. Aurora has no power in this situation and is unlikely to tell Oscar about the conversation for obvious reasons. The objective isn't clear. It's a weird use of screentime — unless the intention is to mislead the audience at the expense of having a coherent narrative.

If she's NOT scamming, there's a lot more dimension to the scene! The stakes are higher for both Maud AND Aurora. We get our first glimpse of Maud's perspective on this situation – that she's savvy to fortune hunting because she's been hurt by it before. That she likes Oscar and wants his interest in her to be legitimate when the audience knows it isn't. That she acknowledges that she doesn't have to get married immediately and can wait to get to know Oscar, or even wait for a better option than Oscar to come along. That's all valuable information for the audience that advances and adds context to the story. It tells us that Maud has actual standards Oscar will need to meet!

Later in 2.05, we see Oscar accompany Maud to visit Mr. Crowther for the first time.

(part 4 forthcoming)

#the gilded age spoilers #oscar van rhijn tag #maud beaton tag

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thewales · 2 years

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I respectfully disagree. Harry had talked about not liking royal life and leaving and wanting to be "normal" since before Meghan. And he complained about royal duties in the mental health program with Oprah. It's just that he's so out of touch and entitled that his version of being normal was him with all his privileges intact but without the duties and the responsibilities and the scrutiny. He wanted to have the cake and eat it too. IMO Meghan gave him a way out and sold him the goods on making the cake bigger by monetizing their status and fame. Thus the transactional celebrity guest list for the wedding and all those secret commercial deals they made right away. They wanted to get paid. He's unhappy now because he lost those privileges that he took for granted AND they're not nearly as successful as they thought they would be. The old life ain't looking so shabby now comparatively.

As for his military career iirc the story supposedly goes that in order to go further up the rank he had to take an exam which he didn't want to do. So they gave him an alternative with a desk job specifically created and tailored for him. But he later quit in a huff because his new Commanding Officer wouldn't put up with him frequently not showing up for work. So no he didn't decide to become a working royal over a military career. He quit because he was no longer able to get away with not pulling his weight in his job.

Harry is all about Harry and far too selfish to be willing to make sacrifices for others or do things he doesn't want to do unless it benefits him.

I think talking about it and doing something about it are two different things, Enrique did a lot of the former but none of the latter until Raquel came along. He complained all his life about it but he also said things like this.

"It's a tricky balancing act," he says. "We don't want to dilute the magic….The British public and the whole world need institutions like it." "We are involved in modernizing the British monarchy. We are not doing this for ourselves but for the greater good of the people…. Is there any one of the royal family who wants to be king or queen? I don't think so, but we will carry out our duties at the right time." - interview with Newsweek in 2017

Is that him being resigned to his future? I don't know, although that does sound a bit pretentious considering that the burden of the monarchy was not and would not really be heavy on his shoulders.

I do agree that he wanted the cake and eat it too. He wanted the miracle but was not interested in the saint who granted it. That's basically Henry in a nutshell. Margarita and her team definitely sold him on the idea that although he couldn't be William's equal inside the institution, he could be more important outside of it, in Hollywood. He would have all the benefits of being part of the BRF but he wouldn't have to answer to them, he wouldn't be restricted by them. I guess that's why they announced everything they announced in January 2020. That was basically it, wasn't it? I'll keep my security, the money my dad gives me, my status and I'll keep doing the odd engagement, the fun and glamorous ones maybe but the rest I'm out of. He thought he was Hannah Montana.

But that was all because of what she wanted. Remember the book said she was good at giving ultimatums, he said she gave him one too. It wouldn't seem strange to me that to soften the decision she said: Look, we can do all this! We'll have all this, we'll be all this but all that was to keep her happy. Is that a bad thing? I don't know.

And yes, he is unhappy now because he lost all that but mainly because he had to give up what he knew how to do best, what he loved to complain about but loved at the end of the day. Yes, he actually had an office job, he took a Staff Officer role at HQ London District as SO3, honestly, I had forgotten about that, further proof that the man doesn't interest me ahaahah

Henry is a selfish man but he is also a man with abandonment issues and unresolved mommy issues. He did all that because he thought his wife would leave him because his wife told him she would if he didn't do something about it. He is so invested in his mum's story that he didn't want it to happen again so he decided to do what he thought or was told he had to do to stop it from happening.

#the suxs

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beevean · 9 months

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hecula for the ship ask?

Well well well :)

• when or if I started shipping it.

I can tell you that it was around March judging by some stuff I wrote. I honestly can't tell you why 😂 best I can tell I joked with my friends about Dracula favoring Hector a little too much.

• my thoughts:

They're awful 💖 absolutely horrible 💖 Drac is a giant bastard and he deserves to drown in holy water 💖

I like to think that Dracula sees Hector as his prized creation, born from his magic in the same way an Innocent Devil is born from the Devil Forgemaster's magic. He makes him proud and carries his will efficiently, and he has grown very possessive of his boy :) dunno, something about him believing that their bond his special, something that trascends the bond between Lord and knight, is very 💕 to me.

Hector, well... at first, I would have said that he didn't care about Dracula at all, that their relationship was purely transactional. I've changed my mind lol. Hector has plenty of reasons to grow attached to Dracula, after what he went through. Remember, "I respectfully obeyed, to cling to". Hector needed a home, he needed acceptance for his existence, he wanted power, and Dracula gave him everything he asked for. At a small price :) And imagine him going from "I wish you were never born!" to being an esteemed General! Dracula is Hector's whole life and he'd be proud to serve him. The outside world is dangerous and wants him dead, but at least he has Dracula. No one will care about him like Dracula does. Obeying him is only fair, after everything he has done for him. Remember what I often say, about Hector becoming very devoted to the people he falls for? Yeah.

... until stuff happens. And turns out that Hector may care about Dracula, but he cares about himself more. He's a very proud individual, one with solid principles, and he can't accept bending for a Lord that is losing more and more his grip on sanity. And the psychological warfare starts, because Dracula now regrets fueling his boy's ego, and he's forced to remind him that he has sworn loyalty to him of his own volition :)

And that's where we finally end up in canon territory, with Hector placing his own dignity above the comfort of his old life, and finally fleeing to regain total control of his own existence.

and if you're seeing creepy grooming pseudo-incest stuff here: it's deliberate. their whole relationship is unhealthy. no abuse apologism on my part :)

• What makes me happy about them:

the size difference

The little hints in canon that fuel my brainrot. Going from Drac very clearly seeing Hector as more valuable than Isaac, to straight up calling him "precious/dear" and looking saddened by his betrayal, to Hector calling him anata in Japanese even in a context when he's furious at him, to Isaac's underlings directly coming out and saying that Dracula cherished Hector in Japanese... and whatever's going on during the sip attack. drac. drac stop kissing hec. there are innocent devils watching

• What makes me sad about them:

the fact that people are cowards and i have barely found any fic about them, and forget about fanart

• things done in art/fic that annoys me:

What art/fic? 😂 I mean, I did find one (1) fic that was NFCV levels of awful. I guess, once again, reducing Hector to a blushing virginal uke. You're missing the point.

• things I look for in art/fic:

Their existence.

I guess that, hypothetically, I'd like a focus on their mentor/protégé relationship, and uhhh all that I said above. And please remember that Hec has a very solid backbone :(

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

Hector with Rosaly, ofc. After Dracula, he deserves her kindness even more. Poor girl is going to find a mess. She'll have to teach him what pure love is :(

Dracula... well, I would say "a therapist", but you know, @the-crow-binary wrote some nice and kinky af fanfiction where Drac starts a relationship with Isaac in a Bad End AU where Hector is used as the vessel. And yeah, sure, let's make Isaac happy for once :P and show Dracula what actual devotion looks like :P

• My happily ever after for them:

Hector divorcing Drac's creepy ass and then slamming the divorce papers in his face so hard that he won't wake up for another century ✌

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity?

lol. lmao. uhhh I'm sure Dracula loves to send Hector to fight for him and then have him telling him all the atrocities he committed in his name 😂

Since the most material I could find is NFCV related (oh don't get me wrong, it's still one hell of a rarepair even in the NFCV fandom, but I'm really thirsty and I feast on crumbs D:), I wondered if they'd have moments just spent together, the equivalent of N!Drac asking N!Isaac if he's his friend. I doubt Dracula would confide in his Generals, because he's extremely proud and closed off, but something about his mask cracking only when Hector is around... Hector shouldering the burden of his Lord's grief...

Eh, maybe not plausible since I imagine that Hector and Isaac would be both overworked to death by this point. But you know. I like quiet bonding scenes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#hecula #@crow: i know you asked me about mathias #but mactor cannot physically be endgame sorry :p #(yes i know rosaly can't either SHUT UP you know what i mean)

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starlitangels · 1 year

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Waitwaitwait - In the Imperium, William Invoked Vincent so he wouldn't harm Alexis but she has free reign to do so? But didn't he gave her up to I.D.LE? Does he care for her in some way but not to Vincent? That's so intriguing and I can't believe I missed that! Do you have any theories why he did that, Star? I love reading your thoughts and opinions!

Hello, Lady Monotone! <3

Yep!

William invoked Vincent so he couldn't kill Alexis, but Alexis was free to try to kill Vincent all she wanted

But William fully gave Alexis to the Imperium (or "sold" to use Vincent's word, considering the act gave William his territory and was 100% transactional) Last year's post-Imperium stream, Erik said something along the lines of "He chose peace, let's be real" and I've been laughing at that ever since

Vincent says that William has a soft spot for her—and that's all that's ever said about that

But Vincent also says William has a soft spot for Vincent, which is why Vincent got the information on who and where the Invoker is from William

I, personally, don't think it's a matter of "caring for Alexis" versus "not caring as much about Vincent"

I think it's a matter of trust and strength/power. And also invocation

I think William would have invoked Alexis never to kill Vincent, but remember, he gave her invocations to the Imperium. He couldn't invoke her anymore by the time he turned Vincent.

In the canon universe, Vincent speculates that he might actually be stronger than Alexis because he's been a vampire for twenty-some-odd years, but William was also thirty years older when he turned Vincent, meaning William was thirty years stronger than he was when he turned Alexis.

So Vincent is possibly stronger than her, and William still cares about her in some way and I, for one, hope we get some backstory on why she got turned like whether it was another near-fatal accident or what—so he trusts that Vincent is strong enough to protect himself from her

But also probably figures that Vincent's got some screws loose in that pretty boy head of his and he can't trust Vincent not to try to kill Alexis, so he chose to invoke Vincent with the ongoing command to never try to take her out

Does that make sense?

#Redacted ASMR #Redacted Imperium #Redacted Cataclysm #Cataclysm spoilers #answered #okay it's not really spoilers because this is plot /setup/#but i'm being polite

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askastarion · 6 months

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Tav felt the tears drop down her cheeks, "I... I don't know... I... Of course we can stay like this, with no name to what we consider each other.. but... I'm broken, Astarion. Gods, I remained quiet about what I've been through, and instead listened to what everyone else went through, because all I ever wanted was to forget and live on, but... Everything was taken from me! I have been left with nothing! If only you'd known me before I was ruined! Tainted, corrupted, broken..! If only you had me then. I would've given you all the love you deserve. If only you had known me when I was still stupid, still dreaming of stupid things. Hopeless romantic, a dream of joy and all that nonsense little girls read from fairy tales. But that's what love is, isn't it? A fairytale. Imagination lonesome adults teach children in hopes they wouldn't be as miserable as them when they grow up. Sometimes... Sometimes I think it's too late for me. Each time, each new person. Every time I asked for help, there was always a transaction, someone taking advantage of my vulnerable state. I was just a girl, then, I was new to the adult life and they tore me to shreds. It's amusing... My parents taught me to be firm and speak up, defend myself. I was loud before. Firm. I knew what I wanted, but I never took into account that... Some people don't care. Not about what I want or consented to. They wouldn't care even if I screamed. Begged."

She quickly wiped away her own tear, looking down, "little by little, I learned to just be quiet. To stay quiet because my words don't matter. Be a good little cute doll and let everyone else play with me. That's how I survived before. Defenseless, cute doll, a vulnerable little thing that would do anything anyone wanted as long as she doesn't starve in the streets of the cold winter or steaming summer. To be warm and protected from the rain. That's what being adorable does, right? Give myself away to live. A piece of me, like a bread passed around at a dinner table. Sure, I end up miserable , but at least there's food on the table?" Tav bitterly laughed through her tears, trying to smile for Astarion,

"...I don't want to think about it or remember what I had to do back then, but now that we're here... I guess... That's why I got that close to you. I really didn't even have to say anything, I never do. I let you do it all because that's all I knew. But at least with you, a part of me wanted what you did. I perfectly knew how to say no. I just stopped saying it because I didn't think it mattered anymore. Until I met you, that is. I understood you. And now I'm terrified. I don't know, I'm so scared of hurting you. It feels like I'm incapable of love, it's terrifying to me. What if I can't love you? I know maybe there's something in me but I'm so scared.. I want to give you what you deserve, but I don't know how, Astarion... They ruined me. They were vultures, they always found a way to find me when I needed help and use it to their advantage. I'm like a corpse at this rate. They ripped my heart to shreds. I barely have a crumb to offer you. Why put up with me? I can't be who you thought I am. Who you want me to be."

"I'm sorry about everything you went through..." Astarion eased, taking another step closer. "That-... It must have been horrible. But I am glad I know you now. 'The love I deserve', 'a fairy tale'? I don't want that. In all of our adventures and trials we've been on, I want... this."

"It doesn't have to be transactional. It might be how I can make sense of this whole thing, but through everything, you've been there with me. I want to get to know any side of me you're willing to show but I feel like you... You see me. You know who I am beneath everything. You don't need to be scared of hurting me, it-... It can't be worse than everything. But if you can give me whatever you're willing to share, then I would do the rest..."

[previous post]

#anonymous #ask

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delaber · 3 years

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Can’t Have Your Cake and Another Cake Too

Rafael Casal x Reader

Note: Okay, I’ll stop breaking Rafa’s heart now... Last time, I swear! Thanks for the prompts to these lovely anons. Alhough this is not a prequel to Poetic Justice (Rafa x ER Nurse), poor Rafa’s facing some of the same issues. I very loosely based this story on J. Cole’s Kevin’s Heart (don’t know why I’m always incorporating J. Cole into my fics, but apparently he’s always lurking in the back of my mind) and Phlake’s So Faded. Let me know what you think!

Words: 4.7K

Warnings: Cocaine addiction! Does not have a happy ending (nobody ODs and nobody’s dying ...Only on the inside lol)

Tagging: No one! This might not be for everybody and I don’t want anybody to feel forced to read it 😌

It was supposed to be a great night out. The entire gang was there, and at the instigation of Diggs, Rafa was supposed to be on the prowl to get laid so he could take his mind off of his broken heart.

From his seat in the booth, Rafa had a fairly good view of the dance floor and he had already spotted a few honeys who likewise had acknowledged him by smiling and sending him a couple of long looks. One of them had even twirled her hair between her fingers while blowing him a kiss. He had the green light, all systems were go!

However, of all the things that could've thrown him off his game, Rafa would not have placed a single bet on a phone call. But the minute he pulled out his vibrating phone and checked the caller ID, both the group of honeys on the dance floor and his friends occupying the seats all around him were completely forgotten. Nothing else mattered anymore.

He stared at the screen for a while, reading the name over and over again. What the fuck was Morris calling him for? Rafa had told him to stop. Morris knew he was too weak to say no even though he had promised his girl that he'd stop for good.

...Or, you weren't his girl. Not anymore.

But Rafa was still determined to win you back no matter if you had stopped answering his phone calls or not, so he took a tough decision and pressed the decline button beneath Morris' name. He even contemplated putting his phone on flight-mode to remove all unwelcome temptations - he knew you'd never take him back if he fell back in - yet, for some reason taking himself off the grid was easier said than done, and before he had pulled himself together to actually press the little airplane button, a text from Morris had ticked in. It only consisted of two words but Rafa understood perfectly.

'New candy.'

Fuck... Rafa considered the pros and cons of accepting for a few milliseconds before he came to his senses. No, no, no. The only way he'd ever win you back would be by showing you that he could stay sober even after your break-up. Morris could fuck off! As if awaking from a trance, Rafa hurriedly put his phone back in his pocket and desperately tried to forget about Morris' enticing offer by telling himself that he was strong enough to shake it.

...although deep down, he was aware that it was already too late. That no matter what, he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it now. And no matter how hard he tried to re-focus on the honeys on the dance floor and tell himself how stupid it was to hit Morris up, it was no use, the damage was done; he was desperate to get high!

Deeply, horribly ashamed of himself, Rafa texted Morris the address of the club and impatiently waited a couple of minutes before he walked outside with heavy footsteps. It felt as if he was walking to the gallows, the shame eating him up from the inside. You'd be so disappointed in him!

However, in order to make himself accept what he was about to do, he reminded himself that apparently, you didn't care if he was high or not. If you did, you would've returned his phone calls, and you would've reacted to the fact that he had been sober for three weeks now - but you hadn't. And with that in mind, Rafa managed to push away most of the shame as he laid eyes on Morris' sketchy Subaru parked by the curb on the other side of the road. He walked across the street with determined footsteps, carefully looking over his shoulder to check if anybody he knew were watching him approach what was clearly a dealer's car.

"What's up, bruh!" Morris called as he rolled down his window. He was wearing sunglasses, looking like an absolute turd in the dark night.

Rafa put his arms on the car's beltline and shot Morris a bro handshake through the open window, "what the fuck are you wearing sunglasses at night for? You look like a dick."

"Nah, man, it looks cool," Morris laughed, "do you like them? Hell, you should like them - you paid for them."

"What do you mean I paid for them?"

"With the amount of money you spend in my shop, I think it's safe to assume that you paid for these sunglasses and the rims on the ride too," Morris snorted.

"Yeah, about that," Rafa looked away, the embarrassment slowly creeping up his spine again, "you gotta stop calling me."

"You said that last time as well but look at you now," Morris laughed.

"Come on man, it's important that I stop."

"You don't wanna stop though."

Rafa let out a sigh, "look, I'm trying to prove something to my girlf- ...ex-girlfriend."

"A'ight, I respect that," Morris nodded slowly but then he quickly continued, "so did you just call me here to pin your lady troubles on me? Cause I have a customer waiting up on Seventh Ave."

Rafa blew out some air, embarrassed by the decision he was about to make.

"...Or do you wanna buy?" Morris continued as he read Rafa's body language.

"...you're not gonna tell Diggs are you?"

"Do I look like a fucking snitch?" Morris looked offended, "and you know me and Diggs don't talk no more."

"Yeah, alright. This stays between us, okay? If word gets out, I'm fucked."

"A'ight bruh," Morris laughed, "Now, how much do you need?"

"Just... just give me an eightball," Rafa mumbled.

Morris let out a small laugh, "an eightball? Man, you're not about to quit," he chuckled and handed Rafa a zip-lock bag with white powder in it.

"Shut up," Rafa mumbled and pocketed the baggie, "how much?"

"Rafa, you're my man, so I'mma give you a discount because I feel bad for you and your girl. Three hundo."

"Three hundred?! Last time it was two-eighty without the discount."

"Times are changing. I haven't seen you in three weeks, man. Plus, this is a good batch," Morris poked Rafa in the chest, "my contact got it shipped in directly from Medellín. Look, it got fish scale and everything!"

"You better not fuck me over," Rafa muttered and threw Morris three hundred-dollar bills before he turned away from him with an annoyed huff.

"Pleasure doing business as always, Casal! See you next weekend!" Morris yelled after Rafa with a small laugh, apparently not a care in the world for who knew about their illegal transaction.

"Fucking idiot," Rafa muttered to himself without turning around. He had more important things to do than to scold Morris about his indiscretion.

Rafa hurried to the restroom and carefully locked the door behind him before he frantically pulled out the zip-lock bag. He examined its contents and saw the pearl-like surface that Morris had talked about - Fuck it looked good! He opened the bag carefully but froze when he caught his own reflection in the bathroom mirror; the loving look he was sending the bag of coke was sickening. It made his stomach plummet. Had he really been reduced to snorting coke alone in a dirty bathroom of a sketchy club? He remembered when it had been a group activity. Before he couldn't control it.

Shake it off! He told himself. He had every intention of stopping after tonight. This would be the last time.

You said that last time as well, a small voice rang in the back of his head, but he ignored his guilty conscience and instead poured out a small pile of the pearl-like coke on top of the hand dryer. Quickly, he pulled out a random card from his wallet and used it to form two heavy lines. Before his guilty conscience could interfere again, he also grabbed a one-dollar bill that he neatly rolled into a small tube and put between his right nostril and one of the white lines, ready for the rush. His gaze, however, lingered on the random card he had used to break the coke into lines; it was his fucking rewards card for the small organic, artisan shit coffee house that you liked. What wouldn't you say if you knew what he was doing? In his mind's eye, he could see the disappointed look you always sent him whenever he'd come home all hyped up, rambling his mouth off. You never got angry with him and his love of coke, but somehow your disappointed demeanour was way worse. He would've taken screaming and yelling over the disappointed stare and the slow shake of your head any day.

Slowly, he removed the dollar-bill from his nostril, stood up straight and met his own eyes in the mirror again - and for a moment, he could truly see how pathetic he was. What the hell was he doing? He was throwing away his last shot at getting you back - and for what? A few hours of euphoria and confidence?

But she doesn't want you back, a small voice rang inside his head, you called, and you called, and you called. You declared yourself clean to her voicemail and she still didn't reach out. Fuck her!

"Yeah, fuck her," Rafa mumbled before he put the dollar-bill back to his nostril. Quickly, he snorted both lines of coke, shooting his head back afterwards, sniffling a bit as he cleaned his nose with the back of his hand. He knew he only had a couple of minutes before the euphoria kicked in, so he quickly brushed off the dollar-bill and the rewards card and tugged them both back in his wallet. The remainder of the coke was stowed away in his shirt's breast pocket for safe keeping.

Ready for the rush, Rafa was impatiently staring at himself in the mirror. He was thinking about how to avoid Diggs and his condescending looks for the duration of his high, when he was finally overwhelmed by the familiar fuzzy feeling. It came out of nowhere and started behind his eyeballs and continued all the way down to his toenails. It felt as if someone had pulled a large, fluffy blanket down over him, and it was slowly heating up his body, making him feel safe and secure. His pulse quickened in time with his breathing, and he had to close his eyes to get himself under control. He felt fucking powerful! Morris had not lied about this coming from a good batch. "Shit, Morris," he laughed.

There was a knock on the door, and Rafa remembered that he had occupied the men's room for a good five minutes now. He took a last look at his suddenly hazed eyes, aware that no matter how hard he tried to hide it, anyone could see that he was high as a kite. He contemplated riding out his high alone in the bathroom but also knew that with the amount of energy present in his body, he couldn't stay in the small restroom all night. He had to dance! To fuck! To fight!

With a suddenly confident bounce in his step, he opened the door, and sent the guy in line what he hoped was an apologetic nod before he confidently strode towards the honeys on the dance floor.

"Hey Rafa!" he heard someone yell behind him.

Hoping it was someone who wanted to fight, Rafa quickly turned around but was slightly disappointed to see Diggs coming towards him with a huge grin on his face. Shit! Rafa realised that he had to act nonchalant around his best friend. Diggs absolutely couldn't know about the coke in his breast pocket, or he'd be all up in Rafa's face about it.

"Diiiiiggs! My man!" Rafa yelled overly excited, clearly very, very high.

Diggs shot him a look at his weird behaviour before he continued, "where've you been, man? I've been looking for you everywhere."

"R-r-r-r-r-r-r-rrrrrrrestroom," Rafa laughed, he was too happy to pretend otherwise.

"Why are you saying it like th-" the huge grin was slowly slipping from Diggs' face, "...hey, Rafa - look at me," Diggs suddenly sounded all serious as he took Rafa's face in his hands, carefully examining his features, "Rafa, look at me."

Rafa let out a low chuckle, "Diggs, you know I think you're handsome and all that, but I don't like you that way," he joked.

"You're being weird," Diggs furrowed his eyebrows, "- and your pupils are huge. Have you been doing lines in the bathroom?"

"Maybe," Rafa laughed, unable to stop himself from revealing his dirty little secret, "why? You want some? I still have a few hits left," he padded his breast pocket.

"You know I don't do that shit anymore..." Diggs let go of Rafa with a sigh and looked away from him.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're a fucking saint now," Rafa said a bit more harshly than he had intended to. Ever since Diggs had met Emmy, he had been boring as hell.

Diggs chose not to comment on Rafa's low blow, and managed to keep his calm, "I thought you'd stopped, bruh."

"Morris made me an offer I couldn't refuse," Rafa laughed in an accent halfway between Tony Montana and Vito Corleone.

"Yeah well, I'm not the only one who thought you were done fucking around," Diggs said seriously. He was having none of Rafa's jokes, "I just saw your girl downstairs. She wants to talk to you."

It took a few seconds before Rafa understood, but when he finally grasped Diggs' words, he felt the blood drain from his face and his mouth run dry, "what? No, you're kidding me..."

"Nope," Diggs sighed, "I've been running around trying to find you for fifteen minutes..."

"Shit! What the fuck do I do?" Rafa said in a panicked voice, licking his lips frantically, "I told her I was sober! If she sees me like this, she'll never take me back."

"Yeah, well you better pray that you don't run into her."

Rafa ran his hand through his hair, "fuck I'm screwed. She's downstairs?"

"Was fifteen minutes ago."

"Alright, I'm jumping out this window. You stall her, tell her that I got sick or something."

"You can't jump out this window?" Diggs said incredulously, "we're 50 feet up, if you do that, you die! Just walk out the doo- ...oh shit, dude, we're blown. She's here. She's coming over."

"Fuck! Can I still bolt?"

"Of course not!"

"Well how do I look? Alright?"

"You look-" Diggs cut himself off, "...maybe just try and avoid her looking into your eyes, okay?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to do that?"

"The light in here's paying you a favour but apart from that you're gonna have to pull yourself together. You brought this upon yourself," Diggs said harshly before his demeanour changed completely as his eyes interlocked with yours over Rafa's shoulder, "heeeeey," he smiled broadly, "look who I found."

Rafa slowly turned around and met you. Your stunning beauty - as always - immediately knocking him to the ground. He couldn't believe that it had been four weeks since the last time he'd seen you. He'd do anything to get you back!

"Rafa," you nodded formally with a stiff face. Rafa couldn't help but make a mental note on how weird it was to see you without a smile on your lips. You were normally always so happy. He had done this, he reminded himself.

"Hey baby," he whispered, the words weirdly familiar in his throat.

You briefly raised your eyebrows while looking away from him, clearly uncomfortable by the sound of your old pet name.

"Sorry," he continued, "force of habit. ...I'm just happy to see you."

Your gaze slowly found his face, and Rafa prayed that you couldn't see his coke-eyes from where you were standing.

"Well..." you said and clicked your tongue, "I'd like to talk to you."

"I'd like to talk to you too," Rafa said quietly.

"And you're sober? Like you said on my voicemail?"

"Yes," Rafa breathed, "completely sober," he lied thickly, hyper-aware of how awkward it was with Diggs shuffling nervously beside him. He was uncomfortably rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Good," you finally let out a small smile, "do you want to sit down?"

"Yeah," Rafa nodded.

"Yeah, I'll - uh - I'll leave you to it," Diggs cleared his throat and padded Rafa between the shoulder blades as a way of wishing him good luck.

"Thanks man," Rafa muttered before he followed you down to a vacant booth in the corner of the room. Instead of sitting down opposite you, he made sure to occupy the seat next to you, hoping that it would minimise the risk of you looking into his eyes. He just had to pretend that he was sober until the high quieted down. Fourty-five more minutes - Less if he was lucky.

"So, how've you been?" You said quietly as you were both overlooking the dance floor, avoiding looking directly at each other.

"Not good," Rafa said quietly, "like shit, actually... how about you?"

"Yeah, well I guess 'shit' sums it up neatly... How's sober life?"

"Oh, it's - yeah - it's - it's great!" He said, the lie thick in his throat, "I feel so much better now." He knew how much he had hurt you, and he knew how difficult it must be for you to face him after you'd said that you never wanted to see him again - which just really only made his lying so much worse. Fuck, how he hated himself for what he had done. What he was still doing.

Your eyes darted across his face before your gaze settled on a spot just below his chin. He was relieved that you weren't staring him square in the eyes. "I was so happy to hear your voicemail," you whispered, "you really flushed your stash?"

"Yes," he croaked.

"I'm glad that you're finally taking care of yourself," he couldn't make out your face in the dark but he could hear a hint of happiness to your voice that you were clearly trying to suppress. It made him feel horrible.

"Yeah, I want to stay sober for you," he said slowly. At least that wasn't a lie.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me," you said quietly, the happiness definitely shining through now.

Rafa's heart was fluttering in his chest, and he felt the coke-induced euphoria run amok in his brain, "...does that mean you'll forgive me?" All his senses were heightened.

"It's a step in the right direction" you said quietly, still not looking directly at him, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too baby," Rafa said quietly and boldly took your hand in his.

Finally, you looked up at him, and to avoid you noticing his bloodshot eyes with the dilated pupils, he took a quick decision, leaned in and crashed his lips against yours.

Luckily, you mistook his desperation for passion and fiercely kissed him back, your hand releasing itself from his, and instead caressing his neck. In-between kisses you managed to mumble, "I'm still... mad... at you."

"I know," Rafa mumbled, enjoying the familiar feeling of your lips against his. Your hands switched to caressing his torso, and your small fingers travelled over his stomach and up his chest, coming to a halt over his heart. It was racing against his ribcage and he had no idea whether it was due to the coke or due to the heap of emotions he felt in his chest. He couldn't believe he was kissing you again. He had completely written it off no more than half an hour ago.

Your right hand moved away from his heart but came to a sudden halt when you felt a small bump in Rafa's breast pocket. Still kissing him, you ran your fingers over the bump a few times before you remembered that it was where he always kept his coke. Quickly, you pulled your lips away from his.

"Wait, no, don't take kissing away from me," he hummed, completely unaware of the discovery you'd just done.

You were looking at his euphoric face with the closed eyes and the swollen lips as you moved your hand over his breast pocket once more.

When Rafa realised what was going on his eyes flew open and he spluttered, "it isn't what you think!"

But he was too slow to react, and before he had had the chance to move away, your fingers went inside his breast pocket and grabbed the small bag from there. "You've got to be kidding me!" You said angrily as you held his coke between your fingertips.

"Baby, I can explain," Rafa said quickly while desperately grabbing your wrist.

"Rafa, you fucking idiot! Don't touch me!" You wrestled yourself out of his grip, got up from your seat, and fast-paced towards the door.

"Baby! Baby!" Rafa yelled out as he ran after you.

"Don't touch me!" You cried, attracting the attention of everyone in your path.

You stormed out the door, Rafa at your heel desperately clinging to every inch of you that he could reach. When you reached the curb outside, he finally managed to run up in front of you, stopping you in your tracks, "baby, I can explain!" He said desperately.

"You said you'd flushed it all!" You were screaming at him now, the tears running down your face.

"It was a mistake, baby, I swear I didn't mean to. I flushed it all, I promise. It's just a setback."

"When did you buy this, Rafa?" You said through gritted teeth, "how long did you manage to stay sober before you decided you wanted to throw it all away?"

Rafa looked away from you, he was so embarrassed by himself, "Morris called and I tried to say no, I really did! Baby, I tried so hard to resist it. But he was persistent."

"Well, did he force you to buy?" You hissed. You were having none of his excuses.

"...No." Rafa admitted.

"When did you buy it?" You emphasised every word, "before or after you called me last weekend?"

"After..."

"When? How long after? When did you have your setback?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes! I need to know if you did it because you were physically craving it, because you just felt like getting high, or if you did it because you’d thrown the thought of us away when I didn’t answer you.”

"I tried to fight it, I swear I tried to fight it," he was getting choked up.

"Rafa, tell me when you bought it."

He considered shooting you a lie but he didn't want to fuck up any more. "I bought it tonight..." he finally muttered under his breath, avoiding your gaze.

"You're not serious!! You bought it tonight?" You bellowed, "are you trying to tell me that you planned on throwing away your soberness tonight? That if I hadn't shown up, you'd be high as balls right now?"

Rafa didn't say anything, he just looked at you with huge eyes, the embarrassment evident on his face - and first then did you notice his blood-shot eyeballs with the abnormally large pupils that had taken over most of the green that was normally present.

"No..." you whispered when you realised, "no, no, no..." you groaned quietly, clutching your chest, "you're high right now?" The heartbreak was evident in your voice.

Rafa sent you a pained look. He fucking hated himself.

"You're high..." You stated in a whisper, the tears were streaming down your face, "you lied."

He had broken your heart. Again.

"I - I didn't mean to," he croaked, "I was just so happy to see you. I knew you wouldn't want to talk to me if I told you the truth."

"So you planned on telling me when?"

"I don't know," he croaked, "I didn't think it through. I've been sober for three weeks. Tonight's just a small setback. Baby, I swear, I'll block Morris and I'll flush this baggie right now if I can just get you back," Rafa was begging, “I’ll stop if you tell me to!”

"Rafa, how many times do I have to tell you," you cried, "You have to stop because you want to. Not because I tell you to stop! I don't care about the snorting! I don't care that you party and get high! You've done lines of my tits several times for God's sake! But I can't live with the constant lying that has become part of it!"

Fuck, Rafa knew what you were building to. His life's biggest mistake. He had it coming, he knew it. He deserved it. He was a fucking cheating coke-head and he hated it. "Please don't bring it up," he sobbed.

You didn't listen to him. You had to confront him with it because he clearly hadn't understood. "Rafa, you fucked another girl! And you were so high that you didn't even realise it! And when you woke up the next day and saw what you'd done, you lied about your whereabouts and the fact that you'd been high as fuck! I had to learn about it through her!" You were sobbing, "...and instead of staying home and comforting me, you lied about having to go to the studio, and you met up with Morris and you got high! Again! If knowing that you're breaking my heart with your constant lies doesn't make you want to quit, I'm not sure what will."

"I want to stop!" he sobbed. He had never felt so horrible before, "I love you, I want to be with you," he sniffled and took your hand, "please give me another chance! I'll stop snorting. I'll stop lying. I'll do anything for you."

It looked as if you were contemplating his words but the look in your eyes darkened suddenly and you let out a whisper, "no Rafa!" as you pulled your hand away from his.

"Baby, please!" He pleaded desperately, "I love you."

"You love coke more," you whispered.

"I have a problem," Rafa tried desperately, "I know. I can't stop. But I'll get help. I'll do whatever you want me to do!"

"Rafa, if you stop snorting because I tell you to stop, it will never last! You love getting high!"

"That's not true... it's pathetic," he cried.

"Rafa, honey,” you said quietly, “- ask yourself this; would you be throwing away this baggie and deleting Morris' number if I wasn't leaving you because of it?"

"Yes," he croaked immediately.

You took a deep breath of air, hurt written all over your face, "Love," you sighed desperately as a fresh wave of tears started streaming down your face, "you're lying again..." you sobbed, and put the baggie in the palm of his hand and folded his fingers around it.

"I'm flushing it," he croaked.

"Do whatever you want," you whispered and looked him in the eye, "We're not together anymore. I'm done - it's over,” you said as you slowly turned around and started walking away from him.

“No, no, no! Please come back!”

“No Rafa… This time I'm serious,” you said before you started walking again.

This time, Rafa didn't run after you. He just watched you walk further and further away from him as your hands dried the tears off of your face every two seconds. He imagined you stopping, imagined the hurt look you'd send him. How he'd run over to you and take you in his arms. Imagined how he'd apologise and you'd both hug and cry and kiss it out. But you didn't stop. You didn't send him any look at all. And he didn’t run to you, he was glued to the pavement.

He stood as if frozen in time and looked after you even long after you'd disappeared around the corner. Suddenly, however, he noticed that he was still clutching the baggie in his closed fist. Slowly, he opened the palm to reveal the beautiful mother-of-pearl-coloured powder. He contemplated dropping it down the gutter next to him. It would all be so easy.

But instead, he closed his fingers around it and pocketed it right above his broken heart. It would help relieve the terrible thunder that he felt rolling over him. It brought along a storm of emotions. A hurricane of regrets. And he was desperate to get high.

#rafael casal x reader #rafael casal #daveed diggs #blindspotting #rafael casal imagine #rafael casal fanfiction #bay boys #heartbreak #drug addiction #please don't hate me lol

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aquietanarchy · 3 years

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The Green Knight (2021) Response (spoilers)

(this isn't an essay or a review, it's a stream-of-consciousness word vomit)

before i say anything else, let me announce that i really liked it! but ya know i already really like surrealism, Arthuriana, gloomy Irish countrysides, and pretty men, so this film was right up my alley

how familiar, in general, are people with the poem?? because my husband didn't know that Sir Bertilak and The Green Knight were the same person, and i think that's actually an important thing to know. i think that's a very critical element of the story, actually

but on second thought: iirc, no one in the film was named besides Gawain, Essel, and Saint Winifred. perhaps this was a choice to distance the film from preconceived ideas about Arthurian myth, which i can respect; it's an interesting choice to make at any rate

aside: this is potentially even more interesting in that this film is named simply The Green Knight, instead of Gawain and the Green Knight

okay so one of the most important scenes imho was right after Gawain was robbed, and he's laying bound and gagged in the forest. the camera does a 360 pan, and when we get back to Gawain, we see only his skeletal corpse, still bound, the skull separated from his head. the camera lingers for a moment before cutting again to a Very Much Alive Gawain, and we get to see his decision to struggle toward his sword and free himself. the foreshadowing! the thematic resonance! the echoing! the climax of the film shows a life that Gawain could have lived, characterized by one moment of cowardice after another, until, at the end the camera does another 360 pan before he removes the green girdle from a wound in his side; and then we see him, in the present, removing the girdle before the Green Knight

at one point Bertilak says to Gawain (and i paraphrase heavily): "and you think that's how it works? one action on one day, and you return a changed man, an honorable man?" it is worth noting that Gawain's final vision, of a life where he keeps the girdle on and runs away from the Green Knight, is a vision that shows not one moment, not one day, but a lifetime.

the thing is, Gawain could have given up; he could have given up in the forest while bound; he could have kept the girdle on, could have abandoned Essel for a throne that was never his. i think that decisions to be courageous, or honorable, or chivalrous—that these are decisions that must be practiced, much like cowardice can be practiced; each small step makes the next one in the same direction easier.

one other moment that i believe is pivotal to the film: when Saint Winifred asks Gawain to retrieve her head from the spring, and he asks her (again, paraphrasing; i didn't take notes), "What will you give me in exchange for returning your head to you?" i love and am haunted by her response: "Why would you ask me that? Why would you ever ask me that?" her tone is so hurt, so vulnerable, and i think it pierces Gawain's heart. this is after he is betrayed by the thief, who demanded payment for giving him the (false) directions to the green chapel. again, the parallels. it's another decision that Gawain must make; is he going to be like the thief, to chase after Winifred, asking what his kindness is worth to her, demanding payment, turning honor into a transaction? why would he ever ask that of anyone?

okay also this exchange haunts me—Gawain: "Are you real or are you a spirit?" Winifred: "What's the difference?"

one of the key elements of Arthuriana, for me at least, is the intercourse between Christianity and Paganism, and this film captures that really well

alright so i haven't read the poem since high school, and i can barely remember the book i read last month, so bear with me; but if memory serves, one of the key pieces of symbolism in Gawain and the Green Knight was the pentagram and the five wounds of Christ. i noticed the pentagram pendant around Arthur's chest, and the design on the floor around the Round Table; and i was very much intrigued, in the climax, by the conspicuous location of the side wound from which Gawain pulls out his (sin-stained???) girdle. i didn't notice any other stigmata-like wounds on Gawain—except maybe a focus on his scratched-up hands and a weird hallucination moment with those? —but i'm thinking about how the crowns in the film were designed to resemble haloes, and i'm thinking about how Arthur functions as a Christ-figure in British mythology, and how Arthur isn't named in the film, and how Gawain takes his place. i don't have any conclusions here, but I am Very Intrigued

also the lighting was amazing—all the dark medieval interiors contrasted with Bertilak's brightly lit and anachronistic house; the way characters are so often backlit from windows or doorways; the way morning breaks in as soon as Gawain places Winifred's skull with the rest of her body...

and the score was so good, the tense, building percussion, the chanting, the medieval instruments but played in a way that (to my untrained ear, at least) sounded surprisingly contemporary, adding to the anachronistic, surreal atmosphere of the entire film

it was good

i liked it a lot

Dev Patel is really, really pretty, and also i really liked Gawain's mustard-yellow cloak, very fashionable

i only wish that he could have stayed with Bertilak three entire days and given him six entire kisses but whatever

#long post #the green knight #the green knight spoilers #should i post stuff like this more often?? is this meta???#i like sharing my thoughts but i never have the energy to write anything researched or polished #so uh. word salad it is #filing this under: films that haunt me #arthuriana #yarrow speaks into the void

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riderdrauggrim · 4 years

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Day Unknown. Sat, Sep 26, 2020.

Nervous about randomly hiding in 4G Motorsports parking lot, I'm awake a few short hours later around 6:30. I have the tent packed by 8:30, and huddle beside the bike, waiting for staff.

9:00 rolls around and I approach the doors, making my way back to the Parts/Service desk. A young woman who's family shifts her between Alberta and Toronto seems thrilled to meet someone else from Ontario. We check if they have a replacement battery in stock. They do not. And their mechanics are not in on the weekends.

But!

There's a MAGNACHARGE Battery megaemporium RIGHT across the street!

Heartened my luck might be improving, I trot over.

Nope.

They're closed on weekends.

I trot back to 4G, on the way calling Riverside Honda in St. Albert, the blokes who'd changed my tires. They sold their last YTZ14S on Friday. BUT they'd ordered more and they should arrive at the start of this coming week.

I run over my problems with their parts guy. He suggests I remove the battery and try starting the bike with another random battery attached; That might be able to isolate if it is my battery or my starter system/charging stator/rectifier/words.

Sounds good.

Back at 4G I ask if they have a charger or a booster. The parts girl knows where a tender is, but not how to use it. It's okay, I do. They graciously let me push the bike inside their service bay so I can tinker on it, good thing too as it starts to drizzle outside.

So! My battery: Out and Charging.

My bike: New battery hooked up to test the ignition.

My key: In the ignition, turning to activate the bike-*Crack*.

One of the few flaws I've found with the NC750 design is the key is needed in a secondary lock. Turn one way to unlock the frunk (front trunk) where the gas tank USUALLY sits on a motorcycle. Turn the other way to unlock the latch securing the passenger seat, this allowing you to lift it up to reveal the gas cap to fill the tank, which sits under the rider. The problem with this lock is the key does not fully insert. It's about 3/4 depth to the ignition proper.

Over time, this has created something of a weak point on the key itself, occasionally twisting ever so slightly if too much pressure is applied, if the latches are sticky, or the frunk is overfull and a bit jammed. This was usually corrected by sticking the key in and turning it the other way, straightening the blade out again. For this trip, due to the tail luggage making lifting the passenger seat incredibly difficult at best, I had opted to outright remove the pillion cover, leaving the gas cap exposed for easy access. All I needed the secondary lock for was to get in and out of the frunk, which I was doing several times a day to fetch out Goose and Hat, or store drinks, or change power banks.

Perhaps it was this excess of one direction twisting that finally did the blade in.

Perhaps it was just six years of use and wear.

Perhaps life just wanted to take the difficulty level up a notch.

In any event.

I was left holding the top quarter of my key. The remainder still inside the ignition. Even if I can get a new battery, I can now no longer turn on the bike.

My coworker who helped fund this adventure texts me to see how things are going. I tell him my key just snapped in half. He says if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. We discuss options. I'm 3,505 km from home. I'm 427 km from the nearest Honda dealership. I just want to Abandon Quest and Hearthstone out of here, but that's not an option. So I work through various plans.

I call Riverside back and get the Service department. Nick remembers me. I fill him in on the last twelve hours. "Wow." Indeed. He puts me on hold and consults his coworkers. If I can get it there, they'll try and squeeze me in and get this sorted. Some people have good luck using super glue to get broken keys out and then jury rigged back together. With my luck, I'll make a mess and fuse the tumblers and need an entirely new ignition system. The key is also a newer blade style, not a normal tooth house lock key. It's supposed to be stronger, amusingly enough. But it's not the sort of thing local locksmiths should be able to replicate, it needs a Dealership. So even if I got a Fort McMurray locksmith to fish the main part out, if he can't make a new one, I still can't Go.

AND there's the pressing matter of the battery.

During all this my battery on the tender has completed charging. I restore it into the bike, or try to, as the damn nut in the contact for the red lead slips out of the holder and falls precisely through the ONE (1) hole at the bottom of the compartment and somewhere onto the engine block. I don't hear it hit the belly pan, and wedging my fingers into every nook, curve and cranny yields nothing but grimy hands.

I call CAA anew. I get the same woman as the night before, so that helped since she already knew the first part of this story. I now have Multiple Problems that can not be fixed locally. St. Albert is outside the Alberta tow range of 350km. But my membership is from Niagara, and I'm covered for 500km. She calls them to approve it. They say 'of course'. One hurdle down.

She contacts the tow company. New hurdle.

Due to the nine hour round-trip commute, they don't run every single broken vehicle south to Edmonton every time someone breaks down. They wait for multiple items, load them all on a long truck, and do a couple runs a week. So. Yes, they can get my bike to St. Albert. Eventuallllyyyyy.

I get it; from a logistics and efficiency and financial perspective it makes perfect sense.

From a "but... my bike..." and waiting for a nebulous amount of time in a hotel somewhere just for it to get TO the mechanics, nevermind the unknown timeframe of the shop having time to look at it, figure out what's wrong, order new parts if needed, and install them.... Hrrrggggnnnnn.

So EMI came with the short bed and picked up the bike from 4G. The logic being, now it's in their secure compound, ready to go, and when they have a load ready, they'll shove it on and take it south for me. Solid.

How do -I- get back to Edmonton.

Well, there's several buses that run the corridor, presumably for the mine workers to get up and back around their shift days. Awesome!

Oh but they don't run again until Monday. Less awesome!

But what can you do.

My bike won't leave until monday at the /earliest/ anyway, so me being there any sooner really makes no difference.

I book a ticket - cheap at 65$! For a nearly five hour trip? I paid 85$ plus tip for the 20 minute taxi ride from Supertest Hill to Fort McMurray the night prior.

Leaving Monday at 8:30am, arrive near downtown Edmonton. Found a hotel for 80$ within a block of Riverside Honda, not as cheap as my beloved Whitemud, but Whitemud Inn being at the south center of the Edmonton bubble, I'd be paying more than the 15$ a night difference in a cab to get up to St. Albert region. So I'll be right nearby the bike if we can get it going, or I need something from my bags.

In the meantime.

I found an RV campsite literally next door to the bus stop. I called the owner and explained my experiances, and my need for somewhere to simply hide in a tent until Monday morning. Sure, I could try and hide -anywhere-, but for my own safety, and nerves, if I can do this cheap and legal, the better for it. She says she can help me out. She offers a site for a price considerably cheaper than the nearby hotels, which I of course agree to. It's a twenty minute walk from 4G, made longer by hauling two drybags of tent/sleeping bag and essentials, and a third partial of food. Plus wearing my gear. And being somewhat small and scrawny. I take several rests. I drink my Gatorades. I make it. She has the sweetest tabby cat with white socks, no tail, and the SOFTEST fur. Name 'Trouble'. Awwww.

Transaction complete, I set up my tent, kindly serenaded by a curious magpie.

I hear a nearby RV owner pull up, truck doors closing, and then I see a giant white monster making a beeline straight for me. My best guess would be Lab/Samoyed. The head was very much the rectangle block and jowls of a lab, but the pelt was definitely a living cloud. It gives an very quick sniff at my tent, and promptly accepts me petting it. I realize I've been pet-starved during my journey. All my stress is put on pause as I scruffle the heck out of this random dog's sides. In fact, twice I tried to move one hand to teach for my phone for a photo, and he turned in annoyance to see why I'd partially stopped. I hear a woman calling, and ask if he needs to go. He makes no move. In fact he tries to push backwards closer. On a whim, I drop to my rear and make a bowl with my legs. He promptly fills said bowl with his rump. Me on my butt and him on his haunches, I came up to his shoulders.

Good dog.

A woman shouts again, more insistent. I give him a bump with my leg. He resigns himself to getting up and heading home. I realize the owner can't see us, so I pop up and apologize for stealing her dog. She realizes he hadn't just ran off for no reason, and laughs, saying he loves people. Yes, I had learned this.

I needed that.

There's a valley beside the camp ground.

The trees are spent matchsticks, grey and charred and empty against the sky. New growth slowly fills in around the dead wood. I don't know if this is a remainder of the BIG fire of 2016, or another more recent event. It's a staggering amount of devastation, and only a small fragment of the damage done.

The clouds out here... I love skyscapes.

Beautiful.

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