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chasingfictions · 2 years

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tell us about ur willam pratt (human spike) thoughts all of them rn

OH HI BESTIE OKAY . let's go let's do this hiiiii <3

first of all. william pratt is specifically designed to make me insane bc i was very much a Bow Girl Victoriana Tween <333 girls who mained samantha among the american girl dolls rise up, our time is now <3

SECOND OF ALL . okay william as a total mama's boy is a given and i think probably one of the reasons he was really close with his mom is that either he didn't have a governess, as would have been typical for children of his station, or his mother just took on a lot more of the childrearing than would have been typical, so he just spent more time with her than with the governess. also part of that is the only child thing !! i really subscribe to the fanon that he did have a bunch of other siblings it's just that none of them survived to adulthood or even that far out of infancy tbh . and he never really missed that sense of camaraderie because he had his mother, who was his best friend . william and anne serving gilmoregirlsism . im not afraid to speak on it!!! anne bringing william with her to her social calls and her friends are like . bruh shouldn't he be at home with the governess :) why are you bringing your child places :) and she says No He Likes To Sit With the Ladies but she says it with this intonation:

that said i think if william DID have a governess he adored her and hid behind her skirts and really wanted her to like him BUT the governess was like, his mother is far too permissive with him, i have to enforce some sort of discipline on this child or he will become a menace. so she's very strict on him. he simultaneously has a massive childhood crush on her the way kids get on their babysitters and wants her to approve of him and but ALSO when she would be upset with him i think he would run to get mummy and be a little crybaby snitch about it . i know that in my gut .

i think william had a pretty no good very bad time at school . like this boy did not have friends and didnt interact much with other children. like when the family was in london for the summers and christmas he was just very close knit with them and didnt have other children to play with. and when they were at their countryside estate i think he played a little bit with the estate staff's children but in kind of like a , our mom said we have to play with this weirdo boy because his mom gives us the money we need to be alive :) and then he goes off to school for the first time and he is suddenly around Boys and spoiler alert The Boys Do Not Like Him . he is sensitive and weepy and gets in trouble and the teachers think he needs to toughen up and the other boys think he's lame because he can't play any games. the other boys are like have you SEEN crybaby william he cant even PLAY stick and hoop. Loser .

ALSO i think it's relevant that in his "lessons" trauma monologue he says I Dropped My Board In The River And The Chalk All Ran. Sure to Be Caned. Should Have Seen That Coming. like he did NOT have a good time at school he did not he did NOT

i think he spends most of his time at school like, alone reading books and wandering the grounds looking for dandelions and clovers and probably because he Is Him gets really attached to like, the school nurse and whenever he gets injured trying to play cricket (which is a Lot. it happens A Lot. people think he's getting injured on purpose ? so he doesnt have to play anymore? but actually it's sadder and the truth is he Really is Trying. he's just So Bad) -- anyway whenever he gets injured he just goes and sits with the nurse and she tells him old stories and folktales and servants' gossip and he's like :))) this is the life :))))))

i think EVENTUALLY though he sort of . somewhat figures out how to function socially . like he makes some, if not friends, then at least Acquaintances . like i think it takes him his whole time at school to figure out how to do that but by the time he like . leaves eton and goes off to oxford or cambridge or wherever he's not actively getting bullied while he's in the room. people still talk shit about him but they're like, i don't know this isn't even fun anymore because he can't even tell . he studies classics and keeps trying to get his poems published and like, nobody will take his work which is saying something because he is a rich boy from a good family. like maybe he gets One poem published because like, an old friend of his dad's owns the magazine and tells the editor to throw him a bone, and he throws a huge luncheon to celebrate the publication and he is So Excited.

also obviously he is such a romantic but he Does Not Know How To Talk To Women Despite His Greatest Desire In Life From Day One Being To Talk To Women He Loves to Hang With Girlies . like i think during the marriage season he just gets really in his head and overthinks it and is really stupid and also gets like, really fixated on one eligible young lady per season and that young lady is NEVER interested in him she is ALWAYS out of his league and pre-betrothed . like i think cecily was the strongest love/infatuation of his human life but i also think she was the latest in a long line of like, william comes home from the latest ball and is like, Mother I Found The One I Found The Girl I'm Going To Marry and Isn't Miss Bradshaw Just Lovely??? and his mother already knows from her gossip over tea that miss bradshaw is soon to be engaged to colonel phillips but she also can't stand to bruise his lil self esteem so she's just like oh :))) that's so sweet dear i can't wait to meet her :))) you must bring her over to introduce to me for supper :)) can she play the pianoforte? meanwhile if he wasn't so myopic (see it's funny bc he's NOT myopic he's actually farsighted hehe) he'd be able to loosen his sights a little and actually court someone successfully who would see he is sweet and kind and nice :) but he is way too nervous and anxious and frazzled to

anyway at most of these balls he ends up reverting to his natural state and just chatting with the aunts and dowagers and chaperones and spinsters like . he simply wants to be shooting the shit with the old ladies and moms it is his natural state it is his personal brand of heroin . he is this meme but it's about gossiping with the old ladies

ALSO obviously he is a reader he is a brontes boy he is a byron boy he is a wilde boy he is a tennyson boy i KNOW he is . he is an austen boy and he kins marianne dashwood . he can talk to you about keats for fifty minutes straight . also obviously because he studied classics he is In It he is like excuse me do you have a minute to talk about sappho :))) do you have a minute to talk about how apuleius' the golden ass is a metaphor for the transformation of the soul :)) he said hello excuse me :))) also he LOVES the opera ,sdfds everyone is going to the opera to flirt and spy and gossip meanwhile he is wrenching the opera glasses out of the hand of the young lady his mama charitably set him up with like Excuse Me I Know Youre Using Those To See What's Up With the Couple In The Next Box But If I Don't Get a Closer Look At the Tears and Pain On That Tenor's Face I will Perish Look How He Emotes the Lyrics. Darling Are You Looking At How He Emotes . william said it's actually so much more beautiful if you speak the italian :)))) ALSO i KNOW that boy loves a penny dreadful but he gets scared when they're too creepyspookygothic :) he said excuse me small victorian child selling these penny dreadfuls on the street but can you inform me next time it is a pleasing pulpy love story? thank you so much :) can't bear so much dreadful death :) and the kid is like. sir, dreadful is in the name :)

ANYWAY THAT'S HUMAN SPIKE THAT'S MY BOY THAT'S MY BABY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH <33

#this is making me wanna write a victoriana spike fic SO BAD #ask #btvs meta

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strawberrygiorno · 4 years

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i have a job now but at what cost

#it speaks #negative #like. i need the money and experience and all that shit #but like. i get so tired so easily #i'm still a little out of it today from my shift yesterday and it was only a couple of hours #it makes me feel ridiculous bc it's not even like it's a ton of work #my longest shifts are like four hours #but they're just so exhausting. and then having to do school after too.#almost had a breakdown just last night bc i wanted to do smth but i was too tired to do it #hngh #i've been feeling really good lately tho?? and i always thought this was just a depression thing but #i'm reminded rn that my therapist said i should maybe consider seeing if my fatigue comes from another source...#idk #i know i have low energy compared to other ppl but idk like how abnormal it would be considered #and i also just feel ridiculous for having this problem bc it's not like i'm doing that much work #i spend a lot of time sitting around and not doing a whole lot #and like. i need some decompression time. but it feels like i take too much y'know #what i'm trying to say is i shouldn't be this fucking exhausted all the time #but i feel like i'm being dumb and whiny for saying i'm tired #bc it's hardly anything. other ppl do more than this and are fine.#idk man i'm just frustrated and i'm worried about burnout

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fresh-bag-of-ham · 3 years

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@melatovnik ok here we go finally! first: my thoughts on body wash and moisturizer!

1) body wash: there are probably some really high end body washes out there that feel lovely but this is one step where i have not been convinced that i need anything more than a basic drug-store brand moisturizing wash a la olay ultra hydrating shea butter, dove something or other, cerave something or other, aveeno, etc. there's lots of brands with nice cheap hydrating gentle formulas, i don't think it matters a ton, just as long as it's not that suave garbage UGH it's so harsh if i'm ever staying somewhere that only has that i just skip body wash altogether, i've been burned too many times. medicated washes are a different story (which will be a different post) but otherwise it just goes down the drain! as long as what you got works fine and doesn't ravage your skin, spend the money elsewhere.

IF i wanted to upgrade, i have my eye on the skinfix eczema+ foaming oil body wash, which is $24 for just 12.5 oz, which, again, silly for something i'm going to immediately wash off! but i have a sample of the facewash that i just tried and it was very nice and i like their other products, so there you go.

2) moisturizer: that cerave cream... yes. probably the best bang for your buck out there, nice feel and absolute cheapest price per oz. the aveeno eczema therapy is awesome too, loaded with panthenol which is super soothing, though not an emollient. IF you wanted to upgrade, if those weren't cutting it for you and you were still dry/scaly/flaky and wanted more liquid oil emollient content (me lately), these are my thoughts rn:

a) slight upgrade option: la roche-posay lipikar balm ap+. decent size 400 mL pump bottle for $20 at target, kind of ointmenty smell and greasy feel putting it on, but you've got sunflower seed oil and shea butter pretty high up the ingredient list, but still at a really good price point. the petrolatum and mineral oil will really grease you up if you use a lot but you really don't need to, and they're both great occlusives anyway. plus it has niacinamide. i'm generally a fan.

b) serious upgrade option: skinfix eczema+ line. i have an old tube of the hand repair cream i really like, i was just using the remedy+ 911 ointment on my scaly dry legs bc it was all i had (which worked instantly), and i've just ordered a new hand cream and the body cream to see how they work for my current scaly lizard body. a definite step up in price per oz (i just spent $18 and $34 for those two products) but the ingredients are great, basically all various natural oils right from the top of the list, so you should definitely be getting more/longer relief than from your cheapy water/glycerin/cetearyl alcohol lotion formulas.

c) mad scientist: if you really want something more emollient-y than what you're using, cheaper than b and probably more pleasant than a, here is what i would try. take your cerave cream. now go find a bottle of pure squalane oil. the ordinary has one for like $7, timeless has one for $10, other places sell it for more. it's a little couple-ounce bottle with a dropper. squalane is a stabilized version of an oil that everyone already makes in their skin, and because it's stabilized it shouldn't break you out. just squirt your lotion in your hand, and add a drop of squalane oil, mix, and apply. you can play around with how much or how little you like, try putting squalane directly on without the lotion, or ditch it if you hate it (and you still have the original lotion you already knew you liked!). i kind of like just putting the squalane directly on my face at night tbh, just lube me right up.

d) if we're talking just face moisturizer, and you already know you like the cerave cream, the cerave pm facial moisturizing lotion is SO good. basically the same formula as the cerave cream with the addition of niacinamide, which is a b vitamin with extremely strong evidence for doing many things for your skin including regulating oil production, boosting collagen, evening pigment, etc etc. it's basically the first active ingredient i would recommend to anyone because it has so many benefits and there's basically no downside.

you can doctor up a combination of regular cerave cream plus a basic $5 niacinamide serum for cheaper if you really wanted, or the cerave pm is like $15 for a bottle. cerave pm is a lot of people's first rec on the road to upping your skincare game bc it works so well for so many people, it's hard to go wrong

#i will have to do my moisturizer theory hot takes and answer your acne treatment questions later because it is my bedtime #but i hope this helps!#skincare #sorry this isn't under a readmore try a functional blogging platform next time

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jungxk · 3 years

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// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

#answered

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sxvxrxssnape · 5 years

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literally 2.2 weeks until baby and we are so fucking broke we cant pay one of our bills and we cant get actual groceries ajsjdsekcjs im fucking laughing so much rn ahhh this was the month where we had to pay both car and insurance instead of just one so those months are usually harder financially but we also had to buy the carseat and then ofc this month i had a hypomanic episode and i didn't even spend that much but when your budget only allows $150 a month on fun stuff and you have $250 of extra expenses it sure makes a fucking difference aolsjdjeebsbaa im going to kms how am i meant to have a child if i can't even take care of myself lmao. asjxjswjs this is a terrible month to be at negative dollars and at least the bill i can't pay is the one with a $10 late fee (it's the wifi lmao) instead of like "we're shutting x service off" but hngggg i really shouldn't be starving myself now of all times but im really good at dealing with not having enough to eat unlike my husband who works 10-12 hour days doing manual labor outside in late july so im hoping my mom will need help at least twice this week (she cleans houses and when she has 2 in one day or needs to be done by a certain time ill help her and she'll give me like $40-$60 depending) so i can buy food ohhh my y god d why am i so useless and absolutely incapable of actually contributing to anything and on top of that im emotionally taxing bc of course my trauma is making existing so hard rn so i hate the fact that i even exist and am burdening my partner so much like imagine working all fucking day in the july sun, coming home to no food (and not in the sexist dinner on the table way, but in the literal we have pantry items like some rice and cereal but no milk or eggs or produce), no money to get food or even pay the bills despite working so much because your impulsive wife decided she needed to buy coral curtains, paint, and 10 pounds of soap base, the house is a mess because said wife has been spiraling for the last 3 weeks and the only thing she's been capable of doing is tearing the house apart because everything is wrong, starting and not finishing 227373 craft projects in the middle of the night, and having panic attacks. so now you're tired, hungry, annoyed bc you know you'd have more money if you didn't leave work early once a week to go to these prenatal appointments but you have to bc your spouse has an anxiety disorder, and despite being there the triggers are still there and now you have to deal with an absolutely useless human being who is draining all your resources but she isn't sleeping or eating and having emotional flashbacks all the time and needs help to just get in the god damn shower like why thebtuckijg fuck am i alive for

#im sorry im sorry everything is just too much rn #my post

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