#i started off really confident thinking

[amaranth]

jongdae’s sweet smile when he heard fans singing along to ‘beautiful goodbye’ ♡

#i can't even imagine how that must've felt 🥺 you have to see the video they were so loud! it's what he deserves♡ #jongdae #chen #exo #exosnet #exoedits #i think this is where he started getting really confident during his stage #like after this and especially in his ost songs he was soooo happy and showing off his voice and everything ♡ #ANGEL! so so happy for him welcome home chen #ee #gifs

[sailor-aviator]

.

#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point #i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one #i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit #and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair #and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again #i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl #and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it #and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill #and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with #and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own #i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person #and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks #also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me #and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now #and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do #and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this #but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me #and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end #anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down

[stardustedknuckles]

I like my job but mostly working with dogs just reminds me that about the only career I've considered worth dedicating my life to since I was about 10 has been working with wolves. There's nothing I've wanted to do more than study them and/or run a conservatory.

#If I had been a bit more put together before I started college I think I would've done wildlife biology or geology #I know I know I still could or whatever but that's a lot to reckon with now #The more I'm active at work the more I feel confident being active outdoors because that used to be a big worry #Turns out exercise really can help #But yeah #I've always wanted to interact directly with wolves and teach other people about them #Oh well back to transcription before I head off to babysit their stupid (affectionate) cousins and descendants

[dreamcast-official]

i ❤ not proxying. whos talkin? bitch fuck if i know!

#matrix.txt #honestly should probably start signing off on posts with that more often. im not confident its Always Me #either way. 👍 #also sometimes we are simply too lazy to proxy lol! like damn i dont have the timeee to write my name before the text i have to send. #i (bass) only do it when i think im gonna be REALLY funny and want the credit. #anyw dont assume you know whos talkin if u talk to us bc chances are!! we dont either.

[daz4i]

i'm like a people pleaser but only in theory bc i'm just so bad at it. like i wanna be useful and helpful but i truly just Suck (<- literally can't do shit) and my reflex reaction to anything is to argue. i'm like the most stubborn person on earth that somehow ended up unlocking a few trauma combinations that made it want to justify its own existence but also other... trauma...?? combinations that made it even more stubborn and insistent on being itself no matter what. you can see how this is a problem right

#i write often abt feeling like my entire existence is a show i'm putting on #but the character i'm playing seems to be really opinionated and stubborn and even confident #which i think. is how i get ppl interested in me? i think i tend to have a ''hey look at me!!!'' vibe for better or worse ajdklflh #UNFORTUNATELY not irl. bc my anxiety takes over. but in some settings ig irl too just not in recent years 🤔 #i wonder. since i'm starting a new place next week. if i should start out quiet and shy or immediately lean into loudness #both in a volume sense and a personality one. like. most new ppl i met lately told me i'm the second type #that they're impressed by the strong sense of identity i'm giving off i think. which is. interesting 🤔 #this ramble has no point i think all the chemicals in my brain are mixing in an introspective direction sorry 😌 #tldr we are the mask and wearer etc etc smth smth persona hahahaha

[knifegremliin]

on my hands and knees begging for my body to let me sleep. please. please. just let me fucking sleep what do you WANT FROM ME.

#🔪.text #i woke up. at 2 a-fucking-m #and i am not confident that i ever fell back asleep. #i have been waking up at 4-5 am almost every day for the past week. #why. #and for reference i am going to sleep at around 10-10:30. #which is. yes. very early. believe me i'd be staying up later if i could #if i had the energy #AND IF I COULD DO SO WITHOUT SACRIFICING FUCKING SLEEP #but clearly i can't fucking do that!!!! #even 10 isn't fucking early enough with how my body's been!!! #literally the only thing i can think of is around the same time this started is the same time i started going off one of my meds #so MAYBE it's related??? i don't know. #or it could be i'm just getting too hot. because i have woken up really sweaty every time. #but this time i tried using a lighter blanket (aka a sheet) and it was fucking worse!!! #and i was even hotter! #so i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to do!! #because there's nothing i can do about the temp of the house because my mom will not allow it to go below 73 #and she's still turning the heat on at night #i guess i've never actually asked if we can drop the temp at night #but i just figure the answer will be no so. #maybe i'll just try to cover my vent at night #because it's just been way too warm for the heat to be on #ugh. #anyway lol. #i am. so tired.

[the-fidgety-fiddler]

Drove for the first time in 3 years today and I got tailgaited, brights-flashed, followed, and cussed at by a strange man in a stupid sports car after doing literally Nothing wrong

#i was so scared to start driving after getting narcolepsy diagnosis and taking such a long break but i finally felt brave enough with my #meds and stuff and i wanted to take my cousin out. she is also driving now so she was copiloting and helping me the whole time and neither #of us can figure out what happened... it was so weird. im still shaking and teeth chattering like an hour later and my tics are really bad #now thanks a lot you jerk. its always sports cars and pick up trucks i swear... but ive never had this happen #and i havent driven in a while but we really eased into it in the neighborhoods first and stuff and then this happened on a backroad with #minimal traffic... #ive always been a very confident and defensive driver and i cant think of anything i was doing that could have ticked the guy off... it was #so weird. #he literally pulled over and put his hazard lights on bc he was in front of me. and as soon as i went around him he jerked his car over #right behind me really fast and then did all of the stuff i mentioned #he wasnt following us for long so we didnt have to call the police or anything but it was so scary i hate california drivers #my post

[ringneckedpheasant]

had the second worst great clips visit of my life today but thank fucking gd my hair turned out Okay despite the other horrors

#there are 2 in relatively close proximity to me & the one I like more had like 90 minute wait times #as opposed to 15 at the other place #and I knew it would be awkward & bad bc it always is at that location no matter who the stylist is #And Then It Was #stylist repeatedly misgendered me to her coworker who was giving some other guy almost an identical haircut to mine #said coworker did too despite me checking With My Name Which Is Marcus #& then she accidentally nicked my ear w the clippers #& I think she was worried abt doing it to the other ear so I had to trim around it a little when I got home #very stilted conversation which was mostly my fault and isn’t a crime #but she kept telling me I should try a specific style after she’d already started #& I was just like oh haha maybe next time. like three times over the course of 20 minutes or w/e it was #and ALSO sometimes the great clips employees do not really help you get cleaned off #I was spoiled last time the stylist gave me a dry washcloth to get all the little Bits off my face #but todays stylist just sent me out into the world after using the blow dryer for about 10 seconds #got out to my car. hair all over my face. itchy. nothing to wipe it off with. #anyway. worst time was when someone gave me an extremely incorrect haircut bc of a language barrier & I wasn’t really mad about it #but I did cry in my car after bc I felt So ugly & dysphoric #also last complaint abt this poor person #she seemed to have Very little confidence in her choice of tool and changed the guard on her clippers and what clippers she was holding #like 3x more than was necessary & I know this because I get basically the same haircut every time w very little variation #& it just made me anxious that it was going to look bad bc her behavior was #making me feel like she wasn’t very experienced w the kind of haircut I was asking for #marc.txt #last last complaint for real not abt her #her coworker who was also misgendering me cut my hair last time I was there 😔

[kicksnscribs]

...

#so like #this has been bothering me for years now and i have to get it out now #but i don't want it to really be /out/ there so im just gonna ramble in the tags for a sec #but im so confused as to how ppl will look at my art style and ask me #hey can you do me a commission in [insert style that is a complete 180 from what i draw]? #and i just sit there thinking to myself #where did you get this connection from? #why do you think i'm capable of pulling off this style when i have posted nothing that would even remotely resemble the style that you want #are other artists just better than i am? #am i missing something? should i be able to draw like that despite my love for my current style? #i want to be angry but i know i cant be bc i don't have all of the info #well maybe angry is a bit much more like upset #bc it pulls my confidence down into the gutter #AND ITS ALWAYS LIKE THAT #everybody thats seen my art is always like hey can you draw something cuter/simpler/more like this style #and i just have to sit there and stew in my own depression bc no??? i literally cannot???? why would you ask me this???? #idk im giving up on being a marketable artist #im just gonna sit here and draw my stuff #im not too pressed to publish anything anymore bc its just not what ppl like #and im starting to become ok with that #but man it sucks bc i like sharing ideas #but interaction is next to nothing so i feel like im just wasting time #this isn't directed at anyone specific just me pointing out the patterns of my life from grade school to adulthood #tag rambling #i had to get it out im sorry its just been getting too much lately and cant keep shit in anymore #so fuck it lol

[rainbow-burst]

I being so fucking normal about this fit on him rn I'm beingsofuckingnormal I'm beingsofuckin nor-

#you have no idea how fucking long I've been drooling crying begging and just screaming for them to do a Lost boy kill count #like I just watched the podcast maybe like a week ago and I'm just like rocking back and forth on my bed like they're going to post a video #<--real soon #and oh my God I watched the video of the kill count in there's so many things I wish they talked about on there but I'm grateful to get it #they did talk about the sequels and.....ekkkk... I mean it's only based off of high demand so let's hope to God no one talks about it #or send any emails for them I mean if they talk about the remake that's fine I haven't really seen that one I know Sebastian stan is in it #oh my God I feel like I'm about to be so fucking annoying about the movie again I think I'm going to just start posting random shit about it #also lately I've been more happy to be posting and drawing again than usual #so I might be back on doodling and drawing random shit or actually I've been having more confidence in myself to start posting doodles #why do I bring that up because oh I don't know...wink wonk 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤗🤗 😉😉😉😉😜😜😜 #my laptop kind of sucks now so I'm going to buy a new one probably this month or next month so I'll be drawing and posting doodles #I'm also thinking about posting some of my recent sketches I have in my notebook but don't expect any Picasso or Vince Van Gogh for me #I know I'm good but like I'm not that good lol im jking kinda sorta maybe not relaly okay yeaj am BUT!!! #I feel like I'm back on my drawing shit again and if I don't finish your drawing I'll just still post it because why the fuck not I'm young #let's fuck around and have some fun why not huh #man I can't believe I'm actually really rambling here but yeah I'm happy to say that I'm going to be back on my stupid shit ❤️ #kill count

[birdmenmanga]

OH PHEW the esim plan I bought like a month ago finally got activated!! I thought I fucked up the instructions somehow...

#just thinking thoughts... #I told vege guy I was worried I messed up and he was like 'You? With your perfectionism? I don't think so' #which I really needed to hear. and he was right!!! #I'm so good at following instructions. so so good. #umm they used 1.1 GB out of 3 GB in like 2 or 3 days... the sim is only good for 28 more days... I should buy more data huh... #huh. I dind't think this far. I bought it cause I had the extra monies from print sales. #hmm the average person in 2020 used 4.5 GB of data... but that means like nothing. #the average person's wifi infrastucture isn't bombed to pieces in 2020. #hmm... okay I think I will keep checking the data usage and when it passes 1.5 GB used I'll add 5 GB more #the thing is that buying more GBs at one time is cheaper... #umm... I'm not really confident that this phone/person will last through 10 more GB (<- pessimist) #so I'm not adding 10 GB... but I think adding 5 GB is a comfortable place to be. #I feel like youcould like. I don't know. videochat family with that. #I suspect the usage is going to slow down a lot from here because I imagine they'd use it a lot at first #especially if they'd been waiting for one #but then they'd start rationing it really carefully... which might look the same as not using it. maybe? #huh... so should I just top it off right away?? #hmm... #I will leave that decision til tomorrow

[lawfullyandlovely]

It's been implied many times in this blog, but I will say it directly this time

If Haruka Sakurai had a little more confidence, he'd make for one of, if not, the best boyfriend

I won't even apologize for spamming the Haruka tag, that man owns my heart

#haruka sakurai #milgram #We already know how he is with Muu #Yes the co dependency needs to break but it developed cause Haruka has zero self worth #If he properly gained confidence with the right person he'd be the sweetest partner #while still being healthy #He'd listen and do what you want while still giving you space if you needed it #Also he's not stupid (as many ppl think he knows nothing about anything) #He's actually quite a fast learner from the TL's when he socializes more with the others #I like to imagine he starts off cooking simple things for you #and then gradually learns how to make more complicated homecooked meals #Ofc with some noticeable errors at first but you can tell it's made with love #With time he becomes malewife material JUST HEAR ME OUT #Also just so soft with affection even with confidence #He would just initiate it more not really get rough with you #I saw someone say that Haruka would be flirty when he gains confidence #But I would imagine it more as him just giving out off handed compliments that he wasn't even aware was lovey dovey until you're hugging hi #picnics/ firework shows/ amusement park dates/walking together/build-a-bear #Okay but let's be honest: He'll do whatever you want on dates #Not great at planning them (probably would beat himself up for arriving at build a bear two hours after it closed) #But he's great at paying for your ice cream and carrying you home after your backup date :) #Gotta shut up before I get even more annoying #I love rambling about my boyfriend <3 #He's such a sweetheart c'mon!

[raeathnos]

.

#called about the medical bill and what I got told made no fucking sense #‘you paid what you had on the payment plan off already and this is a new bill’ #which it’s not it’s the same one that’s been there since November #regardless they said it could be added to a payment plan in a few days #but that also doesn’t make sense #I guess I’m gonna wait till Friday cause that’s when I get paid #and then if it’s still not letting me add it to the payment plan I’m gonna just pay it off #the person I talked to wasn’t helpful and was kinda mean #the second I was like ‘are you sure it’s new? I had that exact balance left after the $2k bill’ #they got an attitude with me #I wasn’t mean about it I just had questions cause I wanted to understand and not get in trouble for a late bill #and I could tell they didn’t want to deal with me and also thought that I was stupid #like you know when someone thinks your dumb so they talk real slow? 🙃 #I have so much anxiety about phone calls this wasn’t fun 🫠 #and I don’t really feel all that confident about the bill either #I know it’s their job I know they can see more than I can on my end #but how is it a new bill if I had the exact same amount on a payment plan at that start of the month? #and also the exact same amount after I paid off the $2000 bill after Christmas? #doesn’t add up to me

[peachcitt]

thinking about him (the gnc man i met at a tattoo shop in my dream who decided to take a taxi to south dakota to find himself after one night of knowing me)

#peach stuff #dreams #he also had memory issues ? he stayed the night at my house because ?? i actually don’t know but i did know he had memory issues #and i was scared he would forget me by morning because i had stuff to do and couldn’t immediately see him and reassure him after he woke up #because i had stuff to do. but when i finally got the chance to see him he told me he remembered meeting me #and i was so happy that i ran up to hug him and he hugged me back and the. he started telling me that #now that he’s confident he can remember things he wanted to go out and live on his own #and i was thinking . like the city 30 min away from where i live where i found him at the tattoo shop #but then he was like ‘you know im really glad i got the chance to meet you before i take that taxi to south dakota’ #and i actually pushed him away (we were still hugging during this conversation) and i was like HUH⁉️⁉️⁉️ #first of all WHY would you take a TAXI to SOUTH DAKOTA that is SO MUCH MONEY #(he had been robbed before i met him so he didn’t have a phone or cash but he did apparently have a card with a lot of money on it somehow) #and also SOUTH DAKOTA⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ WHAT⁉️⁉️ #i said these things to him but he was adamant about leaving literally that day #so to be supportive i helped him get ready and then a friend of mine came in and started doing his makeup because he expressed curiosity #and then he looked BEAUTIFUL and SO HAPPY in the makeup and after my friend left he kept on retouching his makeup and smiling at himself #in the mirror while i got ready to see him off #anyway i miss him. gnc king i hope your life is wonderful in south dakota i hope you remember me

[kkujo]

out of tags bc i rambled but i wanna add on that often gym culture is a rlly supportive and confidence building environment and there's so much positive gym content but unfortunately some ppl do take it in the wrong direction and it becomes like. toxic gym bro culture. we do not like that. take care of ur health physical and mental first and foremost always!!!

#like there are so many rlly nice gym videos with people being helpful and supportive and just really nice #i've had ppl approach me in the gym and start rlly pleasant convos and it's just such a supportive environment to me #but you gotta know what to avoid w content bc a lot of people are weird abt it and promote unhealthy behaviours and fixate on dysmorphia #which. i understand from experience and dysmorphia SUCKS. but it's not healthy to be obsessing over that type of mindset yk?? #also the gym you go to will probably make a difference ig?? like my gym is a really nice environment i find #but ik some gyms people are more rude or constantly filming and for some ppl that's just gonna make it a horrible environment #it depends where you go i think. grateful that my gym is normal tho. i've only had to tell off teenage boys for filming me one (1) time #and even then i was polite i was like hey can you not get me in ur shot pleaseeee 😁 and thankfully he was like omg yeah sorry #so. could've gone a lot worse bc. teenage boys. but i don't think he was intentionally pointing the camera at me yk 😭😭 #you just have to have the confidence to stand up for urself if people are filming and you're not comfortable being on it #which is hard asf omg the anxiety was so high but he was respectful thankfully. and i rarely see ppl taking pics in my gym thank god #ANYWAY. DONE RAMBLING NOW THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. #it's just smth i'm strongly passionate abt and i don't talk abt it too often bc ik some people don't like the topic and i totally get that

[maddisandy]

honestly i think the fact that laezel is soleils closest bestie and they're partners with astarion is very fitting given they both have the exact sane approvals most of the time. also the laezel lovemailing is very much coming from the fact that while streaming with our friend tonight we were complaining about the awful takes people have on laezel because she acts mean and now im thinking about how much i love her again

#plum charas #if we were not incredibly gay i would love to do her romance route #i wish there was an option to do romance routes platonically to still get characters epilogues #they dont see each other often since laezel is off in space starting a revolution and so often very busy but they try to talk using the #rary ring whenever they can #i like to think in one of their adventures soleil and astarion found a way to visit laezel rather than the otger way around at least once #sane thing for wyll and karlach i imagine they came to avernus at least once if not more to visit them #i like to think out of the party laezel was the voice of logic for soleil who he'd go to for reasoning advice and held utmost trust in #shadowheart was his closest confidant for emotional topics and he often shared things with her first than he did anyone else #and astarion is obviously his partner and equal who he feels he can go to for anything #and they deserves it so much because their whole life (pretty much all of the origin characters really) never really had a solid support #group so its like. now they can be that for each other #you could argue wyll had his father but really until they reconciled he was still fighting battles and blazing the front lines #gale probably is the closest to having a solid pre existing support group but mystra fucking groomed him and in his origin it's revealed he #has a complicated relationship with his mom and doesn't talk to her so. he literally just has his cat really #all of them get the found family trope all of them