#i’m SOOO impatient and find myself annoyed at people taking too long to do stuff | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

horansqueen · 5 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 13

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN THIS IS UPDATED, I THOUGHT I COULD START A TAG LIST SO LET ME KNOW. IF YOU’D RATHER BE NOTICED IN PRIVATE, MESSAGE ME TOO PLEASE!

- there will be smut added soon, just thought i’d give a fair warning!

- i’m having a hard time finding 2015 Niall gifs so i may add 2016 gifs instead. if you want to propose me any PLEASE message me. youll make my day!

- thank you so much for all the asks i get. you guys make me so happy. i cant even explain. thank you forever. i love you!!!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 13 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

Harry was staring at me and I was staring right back. I could feel my heart beat hard against my rib cage but I was not really sure why. Clearly, he thought Niall and I had seen each other naked and although it was pretty true for me, it wasn't as obvious for him. I had caught Niall masturbating completely naked in bed when he was 13, but when Niall saw me, I was wearing a shirt and panties. We got changed in the same room quite often but I knew Niall and I knew he would never look at me without my consent, whether it was out of respect or simply because he was not interested.

Harry's lips curled slightly on the left as he kept his eyes on me and I did the same, looking away and leaning against the couch behind me. It was embarrassing to talk about it and I wanted to talk about something else. I turned to my best friend and had to swallow hard when my eyes landed on him. He had just admitted he had slept with Maya and after what I had confessed to him earlier, it made it even worse. Now I knew why he was trying to reassure me about my jealousy for her and it had worked quite well but now, everything was ruined. I had came to make myself believe that they hadn't done anything. Niall was a discreet person but the way he acted with Maya was so different than how he acted with Heidi and he never explicitly confessed to having sex with her. Perhaps I just didn't want it to be true and now it was hitting me right in the face.

"Sorry guys, but Louis and I have both seen 4 persons in the room naked too, why didn't we get votes?" Liam argued with a frown, obviously talking about his girlfriend who put her hand gently over his.

"Don't go there, Liam." Louis quickly replied, taking the cigarette that was waiting behind his ear and putting it between his lips. "It's a can of worms and no one wants to see that."

Everyone remained silent when he lighted it up and after a few seconds, Eleanor smiled and read a question outloud. I felt the tension in the room calm down suddenly and took my pencil again, ready to keep playing.

"Who's got a deep secret they never told anyone?"

I suddenly held my breath and my eyes got bigger for half a second. I felt extremely exposed for no reason and I closed my eyes, imagining all the eyes turned to me. It was paranoia, it had to be, because no one knew I had feelings for my best friend. No one knew I've always had feelings for him, and that I probably always would. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes again and noticed everyone was busy scribbling down a name and no one was giving me any unsolicited attention. I felt my body relax slightly and quickly grabbed my pen, scribbling the first name that came in my mind.

I waited impatiently for Niall to read all the answers outloud and stress came back when I heard my name. I didn't want to seem like it was true and I simply waited for Niall to be done.

"I don't know why anyone would write Harry." Niall laughed. "He walks around naked, no matter who's in the room, I don't think someone who does that can have any deep secret."

Harry grabbed the first thing he could reach and threw it at him but Niall simply laughed, moving his head right on time not to get Harry's pen in the face.

"Liv doesn't have any deep secret she's never told anyone, she tells me everything, right?"

I held my breath again as I stared at Niall. His eyebrows were raised, his lips were curled into a satisfied smile, and i felt guilt invade my whole body and making my head throb. Could he read in my face how embarrassed I was? My lips parted and I was about to answer when someone else talked.

"Everyone's got secrets." Louis pointed out, taking a sip of his beer. "I'm sure you keep stuff from her and she keeps stuff from you."

"So you keep stuff from your girlfriend, Tommo?" Niall argued, his gaze moving from me to his bandmate.

Louis laughed and rolled his eyes.

"She's not your girlfriend, Neil."

Silence fell in the room and I swallowed hard, trying to find a way to ease the tension. I had no idea why these kind of games always ended up in some sort of arguments but I didn't want to be part of it anymore. I was about to just get up and leave when Lottie groaned low.

"You're both so fucking annoying." she let out. "I think it's time to find a new game to play."

She dived her hand in her purse and bit her bottom lip as she searched for something. After a few seconds where my heart threatened to jump out of my chest, she pulled out cards and sent all of us a smile.

"It's a game I used to play at parties when I was younger." she explained, shaking the cards to put our attention on it. "Kiss And Tell. It's some sort of truth or dare game but the questions and the dare all have to do with kisses. And to avoid everyone to choose 'tell', we'll use a dice. 1,2 and 3 are kiss, and 4, 5 and 6 are tell."

She checked the cards and got off the couch to sit on the floor, putting the two stacks on the carpet. I noticed Harry had gotten up to find a dice and I suddenly realized how bad of an idea it was.

"Okay but maybe I'm not interested in making out with everyone here." I pointed out, staring at the big 'KISS' written on one of the piles.

"Kisses on the cheeks are fine," she chuckled. "but you're ruining the fun, Liv!"

I remembered that time when we were 15 and went to a stupid party. We had played spin the bottle and when it was Niall's turn, the bottle had pointed at me. I couldn't believe I was going to kiss my best friend, who was also the boy I was in love with, in front of everyone. I remember how close he was, how his eyes had roamed on my face, how I held my breath, how scared I was, and how he had apologized in a whisper right before to press his lips on mine. His 'I'm sorry' had haunted me for weeks. What did that even mean? Was he sorry that we had to kiss in front of people? Or that I had to be kissed by him? Or maybe he was just sorry he had to kiss me because he really didn't want to. We had never talked about it after that but now that there was an other chance I could kiss him, I knew I didn't want to go through that again. Would anyone notice if I got up and ran away?

"No way, I mean unless you're actually dating someone, there's no reason not to play! A kiss has never killed anyone!" Max let out, making me turn his way.

"Well, actually..."

"No, no stats darling, please." Niall cut me straight, his lips curling slightly to the right.

I raised my nose in a grimace and shrugged, glancing at the cards again. Lottie decided to start, just to show us how to play and had to kiss the person she trusted the most in the room. Without a surprised, she walked to her brother and kissed his cheek for a few seconds with an exaggerated 'muah!', making me laugh.

I watched as Gemma grabbed the dice and got a 2, picking up a 'kiss' card.

"Kiss the person you could have dated (outside of your significant other)."

Her eyes roamed on everyone and she sighed in a defeated manner. I could bet kissing her little brother's friends was not something she had ever thought about.

"I'm sorry but i've seen all of you pre-puberty and it's a complete turn off." she pointed out, getting up and walking to the other side of the living room. "Except you."

Max chuckled but got up too and I stared at them way too intensely. It's not that I didn't want to kiss anyone. In fact, I didn't really mind, but I didn't know how i'd react if I had to kiss Niall again. I honestly thought it would hurt me even more than it did the first time. The kiss lasted a bit too long and the way she gripped the side of his shirt made my heart jump. I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss I shared with Niall and how I was torn between hoping to do it again or to never do it again.

When I got out of my thoughts, I noticed Gemma was back on the couch while Max had taken place somewhere on the floor near his best friend.

"He didn't look that bad pre-puberty but he's better now, trust me." Eleanor let out, making Gemma chuckle a bit.

It took only a few seconds for Julie to breathe her courage in and grab the dice before grabbing a 'tell' card with a small relieved smile. I knew no one would have forced her to kiss someone else than her boyfriend but I could understand why it was stressing her. In fact, the amount of stress invading my body at that exactly moment was clearly too much to contain and I started playing with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"Tell us about your most memorable kiss." she read out loud, sending a glance at Liam.

They both smiled at each other and I bite my bottom lip, forgetting how nervous I was for a few seconds. The level of complicity they had reached had me quite jealous. It must be amazing to be able to get to that point with someone when that someone was your lover. I knew Niall and I were extremely close, probably as close as Julie and Liam were, but we were just friends, and I think that toned down the relationship a bit. Not because friendship was less important than love, of course not, but because when you're best friends and dating, there was only the two of you. That intimacy wouldn't have to be shared with a boyfriend or a girlfriend outside of your relationship. It was complete. It was full. I wanted to be complete with Niall.

I glanced at him, making my heart jump in my chest, before to focus on Julie's story. I would have expected her most memorable kiss to be their first but it ended up being that one time, when he was on tour and they hadn't seen each other in weeks. It was in the way Liam had looked at her, how her whole body had given in, how it felt like the first time again... It was about how much they had missed each other and how they realized they didn't want to be apart for that long again. The romantic in my sighed internally as I brought my hands in my sleeves, gripping my shirt with both hands from inside. I could have something great with Harry, I knew it, but would we ever be as close as I was with Niall? That was clearly impossible. Right?

I saw Niall grab a card and my heart seemed to stop but I relaxed when I realized it was in the 'tell' pile. I moved my knees up, my arms around them, and leaned my cheek on them to look at my best friend. He seemed surprised by the card in his hand but finally read it outloud.

"Tell us about your most awkward kiss."

When Niall turned to me and dived his gaze in mine, I held my breath. I didn't want him to talk about that kiss we shared over a decade ago but I knew it had came to his mind and somehow, it made me feel like shit. It really was awkward, but to me, it was weird because I had feelings for him. For Niall, it was probably awkward because he didn't have feelings for me. He didn't want to do it. After all, he had apologized before doing it.

"Oh god." he chuckled, rubbing his eyes slowly and extending his legs on the carpet. "One time I was hanging out with this girl I didn't like and she just misread some signals or I don't know, and she kissed me but she did it so quick her front teeth hit my upper lip and it started bleeding. I don't know if it can be considered a kiss but it was horrible."

Everyone laughed but I just kept staring at him. I already knew about this story. That girl was one of my friends and after that day, I stopped speaking to her. Now that I thought about it, it was wrong of me because after all, she had no one idea how I felt for Niall, no one knew, but I couldn't deal with it anyway. It was not her fault, it was mine.

"Okay, my turn." Harry let out, extending his body close to me to grab the dice and pick a 'tell' card.

I felt extremely lucky that both of them had gotten that instead of a 'kiss' card. I didn't want to kiss any of them at this moment, but I also didn't want to see them kiss anyone. I closed my eyes tight at that thought, realizing how much of a loser I was, before opening them again. Harry moved his gaze up to look at me and his lips curled slightly into a fond smile. I couldn't explain how much I enjoyed it when he looked at me that way.

"Tell us about your favorite kiss." he read, his eyes never leaving mine.

I didn't want to hear about it but at the same time, I was dying to find out what kind of kiss could be his favorite. Was it romantic like Julie and Liam's? Or was it in a heated and passionate moment? I ended up thinking that knowing Harry, it could be a first kiss when he was young with someone he really loved, or an intense kiss before making love. He could give any of these answers and I wouldn't be surprised.

"My favorite non-kiss involved jello." he started, still staring at me. "And I was so close to kiss her but her clumsy ass choked on it. She probably thinks she ruined it but it made me like her even more. There was also this non-kiss in the pool, where I kept thinking about her lips and the way they would feel. Or that non-kiss at the lake where we got cock-blocked."

During his whole monologue, I held my breath and everyone was focused on him. It was always that way with Harry, he always had everyone's attention because he was captivating. I didn't want to think about everyone else in the room, though, and I didn't have to. He was looking at me, and no one else.

"But my favorite kiss is the kiss i'll get when we finally kiss for the first time. So it hasn't happened yet, but i'm still hoping for it." he concluded before I exhaled suddenly, realizing I was out of breath.

I smiled at him, my lips parting slightly and my heart jumping so hard in my chest that I honestly thought everyone could hear it through the powerful silence filling the room. No one dared to talk and Harry smiled more, chuckling low before moving his chin a bit.

"Your turn, Liv."

It took me a lot of courage to roll the dice and I had to swallow hard when I saw the number 3. I knew my luck couldn't stay forever and I shook my head, picking a 'kiss' card. I didn't want to read it, I didn't want to kiss anyone with everyone watching, and it took me forever to read the card. It took a few seconds to process what I read and I held my breath, confused and stunned by the words on the card.

'kiss the person you love the most in the room.'

I didn't even have the guts to read it outloud and I just pressed my lips together and shook my head.

"No, sorry, I can't do that."

Quickly, I got back on my feet and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind myself. I leaned against it, my head hitting gently the wood, and closed my eyes as I tried to calm the erratic beatings of my heart. I knew my reaction would bring a lot of questions but I didn't care. I just couldn't deal with that card.

I felt the card between my fingers and held it tighter, glad that I had brought it with me so no one could read it. I slipped it in the back pocket of my jeans and pressed the palms of my hands on my eyes, trying to get rid of the shame invading my whole body and mind.

Instinctively, I thought about Niall as soon as I saw the words but picking him would be admitting something I was not ready to admit and probably never would. I knew it could pass as strong and intense friendship but I didn't think everyone would be gullible enough to believe it. It was obvious to me that at least one person would find out about how I really felt, and I was scared that that person would be Harry.

How did I really feel about Harry? Was he only there, in my heart, to fill the space I wanted Niall to fill? Was he someone I could fall in love with? Or was I doomed to date people I would never really love simply because I couldn't seem to forget about how much I loved my best friend? Was that void I wanted Niall to fill going to be there forever? Was it possible for me to be satisfied with someone the way I knew i'd be with him?

My head said it was possible for me to be happy without him, but my heart screamed louder, telling me i'd always be missing something inside of me and I tended to listen to my heart in every circumstances.

I jumped in surprise when I heard a knock at the door and moved away from it. I was not ready to face anyone but i knew i'd have to, sooner or later, and perhaps it was better to do it now and get it over with.

"Babe?" I heard a low but high voice. "Please, let us in."

I recognized Eleanor's voice and the surprise was even bigger. We've always been on good terms but I wouldn't consider us close. Still, I had to admit I was touched by the fact that she was ready to be there for me and I unlocked the door, opening it slowly. The shock was even bigger when I saw Lottie, Gemma, Julie and Maya waiting with her. I stood there, motionless, my lips slightly parted, and El just raised her eyebrows.

"Can we come in?"

The bathroom was large but clearly not built for 6 girls and I sat on the edge of the bath tub while the others leaned on the walls, sat on the toilet or simply on the floor and I waited until someone would talk.

"Okay so I don't know what your card is, but clearly, you want to kiss Harry, right?"

"Uhm.."

What was I supposed to answer to that? No one knew how I felt for Niall, meaning that no one could help me with this confusion that was tearing me apart. All of them thought my reaction had everything to do with Harry when it was a lie, and I had to keep on lying.

"Oh what he said about the kiss?" Maya let out, moving her upper body in our direction as her lips curled into a naive but happy smile. "That was so great! It wasn't even for me and it made my heart melt!"

I knew she was thinking about Niall and I swallowed.

"Yea." Gemma groaned before letting out a chuckle. "My brother has that effect on people."

"Wait." Julie quickly said, raising one of her hands to get silence. She turned to me. "You want to kiss Harry, Liv, right?"

"I mean..." I slowly raised one of my shoulders as my eyes roamed on the five girls around me. "I guess, yes."

That was not a lie. I just omitted to add that I'd prefer to kiss NIall.

"We could cheat?" Lottie proposed. "So they get to kiss? Or find a game that will have them kiss immediately?"

"7 minutes in heaven?" Maya quickly suggested, her face illuminating.

"What are we, 12?"

The discussion kept going but I remained silent, only half-listening to what they were proposing as they threw ideas on how and when I could finally kiss Harry. I knew they meant well, and I could admit that I was deeply grateful and moved by the fact that they were there for me and cared enough to try and help me. I had known these girls for a while and I liked them a lot, but even Maya, whom I had just met, was trying to find a solution and the fact that it made her even more perfect than she already was made something stir in my stomach.

Their voices became a background noise and I suddenly held my breath and jumped on my feet again. I was tired to wait, tired to ask myself questions, tired to analyze every move of everyone, including myself. I deserved to be happy, I owed myself to at least try, and it was time I did something about it.

"I know what to do." I just whispered, opening the door and walking out of the bathroom.

They remained motionless and in shock for a few seconds but ended up following me to the living room, getting there just in time.

The boys were now standing up, talking and drinking. I noticed Harry saying something and Niall laughed but they both noticed me when I entered the room. I had never felt so determined in my life. I knew I had to do it and I knew I had to do it now. It didn't matter where we were and with who. All that mattered was this.

I walked up to them and noticed Harry's lips curl at my sight. Quickly, I got on my tiptoe, gripped his shirt tight and pressed my lips on his. He smelled like expensive cologne and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his mouth against mine. His hands found my waist but I could barely feel the tip of his fingers brushing against my sweater as he deepened the kiss but kept everything slow and gentle. He tasted amazing: a mix of sweet alcohol and caramel. How was that even possible?

I think I heard a few positive reactions around me but I tried to shut down every single senses except the ones that made me enjoy this kiss. The way he smelled, tasted, felt... And at this exact moment, I asked myself why this hadn't happened before? Why did we wait so long to get this incredible and inexplicable feeling? There was no answer and I pushed the questions away to focus on this moment that I knew i'd never forget.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles story #harry style fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fan fiction #my fanfics

73 notes · View notes

horansqueen · 5 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 16

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN THIS IS UPDATED, I THOUGHT I COULD START A TAG LIST SO LET ME KNOW. IF YOU’D RATHER BE NOTICED IN PRIVATE, MESSAGE ME TOO PLEASE!

- more smut to cum

- i’m having a hard time finding 2015 Niall gifs so i may add 2016 gifs instead. if you want to propose me any PLEASE message me. youll make my day!

- thank you so much for all the asks i get. you guys make me so happy. i cant even explain. thank you forever. i love you!!!

- the ending sucks? im sorry

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 16 : His chapter

NIALL

I tried to enjoy the afternoon with everyone but I couldn't pretend that I didn't mind that Liv was not there with me. After all, I decided to accept Harry's invitation this weekend to spend time with her and I was a bit annoyed that I was stuck with other people. I swam a bit but ended up mostly checking stuff on my phone and trying not to interact with people too much but I couldn't ignore them forever, especially not Maya who had tried to catch my attention all day.

I felt her sit on a chair next to me and it reminded me of when we were all around the fire a few nights ago. I could still remember her hand on my thigh and It made me swallow hard. I could feel her eyes on me and after a while, I couldn't resist and looked up, sending her a small but uncomfortable smile before looking back at my phone.

"I know you're avoiding me, Niall." she just admitted with a sigh, making me close my eyes. "I'm not sure why, though. I mean, you kissed me yesterday.. Is it wrong of me to think you may like me?"

I remained motionless for a few seconds, not really sure of what to answer her. I had no idea why I had kissed her but somehow, I regretted it. I knew doing something like that with her was going to make everything messier and that was why I had decided not to do anything in the first place. Now, it was too late and I knew blaming it on alcohol was just plain wrong, even if it was tempting.

I breathed in and turned to look at her, the expression on her face making me feel extremely guilty. Did I like Maya? No, I really didn't think so, and I was not sure why. She was physically everything I would have dreamed of, and had a great personality too, but I just didn't feel it at all. I remember wanting to shag her a few years ago but now I just didn't care. It made no sense and I didn't even want to try and understand my own feelings.

"Honestly, Maya." I sighed and shook my head slightly. "I'm just not ready for a relationship. Actually, I don't want a relationship."

I saw her face change and I could read sadness on her traits. I was a fucking asshole and also an idiot.

"I'm sorry, yesterday was just... a spur of the moment." I explained, moving my face closer to her and talking in a low and gentle tone. "Maybe I shouldn't have, but at that moment I really wanted it, but I don't think I want things to go further, you know?"

I noticed how disappointed she was and perhaps even heartbroken. I didn't know she liked me that much and it surprised me but there was nothing else I could do. I knew if I kept talking I would probably make things worse so I just reached out to grab her hand and squeezed it a bit, sending her a sad smile.

"Are you okay?"

I expected her to take her hand back but she just squeezed it too, putting her other hand over mine.

"No, I mean yes." she expressed, closing her eyes for a few seconds and chuckling low. "I mean, if you change your mind..."

I opened my lips to answer her but suddenly received a beach ball on my head, making me groan as I turned around. Gemma was laughing and Louis just shrugged as an apology, his eyes open wide. He looked amused and I just rolled my eyes.

"Clearly you suck at this game Tommo!" I yelled loud enough for him to hear when I noticed they were playing volleyball. "The girls are winning!"

"They beat us in numbers, that's why we're losing!" Liam argued, making me laugh again.

"Yea you tell yourself that, Liam!" I let out with a laugh.

"Why don't you show us your skills then, Neil?"

I hesitated a few seconds but finally got up, taking my shirt off and throwing it over my phone before running to them and joining the guys' team. We played for about an hour but lost against the girls and when we all walked back to the cars, I was exhausted. It made me realize I hadn't thought about my best friend in a while and just that simple idea made my heart skip a beat. She probably wasn't thinking about me either, most likely too busy to make out with Harry and I grimaced at that thought. I felt like i'd never be at ease with their relationship and it bugged me.

I noticed Maya decided to ride with Louis and it made me frown but at the same time, it was a relief. I didn't know how to act around her anymore and I was scared I had been a bit rough with her. After all, I did send her a few mixed signals and it was wrong of me, but it was better to be honest now than to make her believe something could happen between us.

"It's early, d'you think Harry and Liv are done doing it or should we just go grab a bite to give them more time?"

My head moved up to fast I almost heard my neck crack and I stared at Louis as he unlocked the door of his car to let people in.

"They're not... doing... anything." I pointed out with an annoyed chuckle, raising one of my shoulders up. "What are you on?"

"Oh Neil, you poor poor naive boy." Louis said with a laugh, shaking his head and putting his hand on my shoulder. "They've been postponing this shit for so long, don't you think they want to have some fun now?"

I frowned more, my eyes roaming on his face as he smiled more.

"If he touched her i'm gonna kill him." I just replied without thinking, making Louis chuckle.

"That's not really your business, Niall, is it now?"

My facial expression changed but I tried to keep the anger in. I was tired to hear that it was none of my business and that I was not allowed to protect and care for Liv. She was my best friends and that's what best friends do. I wanted to tell him to keep his opinions to himself but I swallowed my words, the feeling extremely unpleasant. Louis took a step closer and looked behind himself to make sure everyone was in the car before turning back to look in my eyes.

"If you want to be more than friends with her, you need to do it now, or it may be too late." he pointed out in a low tone, raising his eyebrows at me.

"I have no idea what the f-" I started, taking a step back, as he gripped my shoulder harder.

"Shut up." he cut me. "That little competition you've got going on with Harry? It's getting annoying, and it's about Olivia. The sooner you open your eyes the better, so we don't have to witness it anymore, okay?"

Without giving me the chance to answer, he turned around and sat in his car, closing the door roughly. I stood there for a few more seconds and finally pushed all the air out of my lungs before walking around my car and sitting behind the wheel. I would have laughed at his words if I hadn't been so fucking pissed. Everyone around me was going fucking insane, and Louis was just the worst of them all.

Maybe the way I cared about her could pass as more than friendship but they all knew how close Liv and I were and I couldn't understand why suddenly, it meant something else. Nothing had changed between us except maybe the fear of losing the other but that didn't mean we had feelings for each other.

I drove the whole way back to the lodge in silence, trying to respect the speed limits, even if I was impatient to get back there, if only to know if Louis was right. Now that he was mentioning it, they were always flirty around each other and it made something stir in my stomach. I remembered the way they danced at the club or the things they said when we played truth or dare. Why didn't I notice that before? It seemed so obvious now that that's what Harry had in mind when he asked me to spend time with Liv alone and I slapped myself mentally for being so oblivious to his intentions.

My seat belt was undone as soon as I parked the car and I quickly grabbed my stuff to walk back inside fast. I was still mad and I really didn't feel like talking with anyone so when I rushed to my room, I didn't think to knock. If catching my best friend masturbating wasn't enough, finding her naked under one of my bandmates would certainly do the trick from now on.

Liv let out a short high-pitched scream while Harry muttered a curse word, pushing his body over hers to hide her from my eyes. His reaction brought back the anger inside me and I held my breath as my eyes found Liv's. She immediately closed them as I remained motionless, facing the bed. I couldn't think of any worse scenario than this exact one.

"Niall, could you please just fucking leave?" Harry asked, glaring at me.

"You're fucking my best friend! I'm not leaving!"

The words escaped my lips and my heart skipped a beat. It didn't make any sense but at the same time, it did to me.

"We're not having sex, we were just making out." Liv explained in a soft voice, her eyes still shut tight.

"You're bloody naked!" I mentioned, my face twisting into an upset grimace. "You guys have been dating for like, two minutes!"

"That's none of your business, Niall, now leave." I heard Harry say, making me even angrier.

"You, you don't tell me what to do!" I let out meanly, taking a step closer and pointing a finger at him.

"NIALL! LEAVE!"

The room became quiet and my eyes met Olivia's as my lips parted in surprise. I let my arm fall back on my side, my heart beating hard in my chest as I tried to remember if my best friend even yelled at me before. I couldn't really blame her. I was, in fact, yelling at the guy she liked while she waited naked under him, but I was still shocked by her words. I remained motionless, just staring at her for a while, until she swallowed hard, closing her eyes again.

"Please, Nee, leave." she repeated in a low tone this time.

It took me about a minute to turn around and leave, shutting the door so hard behind myself that the frame shook slightly. I passed my hand in my hair, pulling on it hard and roughly, as I paced in the hall. I didn't know how to let go of that insanely painful and annoying feeling inside of me and I groaned low, closing my eyes hard, trying to get rid of the image of Harry on top of my best friend.

I don't know how long it took but it seemed to take forever until the door opened again. Harry stopped in front of me and we stared at each other until he shook his head a few times.

"What?" I let out a bit too loud, raising my hands up. "You're mad at me because you didn't have time to shag her?"

"I'm mad because you hurt her and she's sad." he let out slowly and in a low tone, making sure I heard every word. "I'm mad because she asked me to leave and I can't comfort her, she won't let me be there for her and yes Niall, I blame you."

He just moved past me, hitting my shoulder with his arm lightly as he left but I didn't budge.

"If you loved her, you should have told me when I asked you." he added as he reached his room. "Now it's too late."

I held my breath until I heard his door close and took a few steps, pushing on the ajar door of the room I shared with Liv. I was surprised to see her walk quickly around in the dark, wearing Harry's shirt. The sight made me cringe but I just shoved my hands on my pockets.

"What the FUCK are you doing?" I asked, my eyes following her as she grabbed stuff around the room.

"I'm leaving!" she just let out, not even looking at me.

"Leaving? From here? Or just from this room?"

She didn't answer but sniffed and that's when I noticed she was crying. I felt my heart break in my chest and most of my anger vanished. Seeing Olivia sad was the worst thing in the fucking world. I could have told her to leave. I could have told her to go see Harry if that's what she fucking wanted. But she was crying and it made me want to take her in my arms instead. She ended up on her knees, sobbing even more, and I knew that if she was shamelessly crying like that in front of me, it meant she couldn't control it. I sighed and put myself in front of her, getting on my knees too. They brushed against the carpet and I winced a bit at the pain in my left one, making me realize I shouldn't have played volleyball for so long.

"Please, petal, i'm so sorry."

Cautiously, I reached for her shoulders with both my hands, expecting her to push me away but instead, she just collapsed in my arms, her head leaning against my upper arm. I held her closer and tighter, burying my face in her hair and smelling the same thing I had noticed a few days ago. I inhaled deeply, the scent of vanilla invading me, and pressed her body against mine the best I could. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous, and I was not even sure why she was crying. All I knew is that I wanted her to stop being sad.

"I'm so sorry." I repeated just as low. "I really shouldn't have. Fuck. I don't know why I got so pissed I just.. I just don't want him to take advantage of you."

I held her close a few more minutes and she wiped her tears on my shirt, looking up in my eyes. I brought both my hands to her face and cupped her cheeks, running my thumbs under her eyes to remove what was left of her sadness. My gaze traveled on her face, noticing how heartbroken she looked, and my lips parted slightly at how close we were.

"He was... he was not. I wanted this." she murmured.

I couldn't understand myself anymore. I didn't know what was happening to me, or what I wanted. All I knew was that I was losing her and that no matter what I did, nothing seemed to go back the way it used to be.

"I don't deserve it but please, forgive me." I breathed out, watching her eyes flutter close and open again, my face still only a few inches away from hers. "I'm gonna leave you two alone now, okay? I'll let you do whatever you want without a comment and without butting in."

She closed her eyes and I felt her shake a bit, aware that she was near sobbing.

"Hey, hey, Liv..." I tried to get her attention back. "I promise. Just... look, i'm so fucking scared to lose you."

I thought i'd regret my words but as soon as they escaped my lips, I felt an incredible relief wash over me but still held my breath. I could feel my heart beat against my rib cage but her eyes opened and she shook her head lightly.

"You'll never lose me, Niall." she pointed out, swallowing hard. "I feel like you're always so close to leave. I'm scared you'll realize that I'm nothing compared to the people you hang out with and you'll just drop me."

Her voice was low and weak and her words shook me in a way I didn't expect. How could she ever think something so bad coming from me? How could she ever think so low of herself?

"If anything, you're too good for me." I whispered, running one of my thumbs on her lips. "You're my best friend and I love you, okay? I'll always love you."

Her eyes got slightly bigger when I moved closer for a few seconds but I finally moved back and licked my lips, still cupping her face.

"You understand?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as she nodded slowly. "Okay."

I loosened the grip I had on her cheeks and she sat up, closing her eyes. I felt like shit for how I was acting around her and even if I couldn't shake the bad feeling I had about Harry and her, I knew I had to keep it to myself from now on, even if it would be tough.

"Please, stay."

She didn't look at me at all. She just got up, leaving her stuff on the floor, and walked to the bed to sit on it. I got up too and sighed, biting my bottom lip as I looked at her.

"Are you hungry?" I just asked, shoving my hands in my pockets again.

"Yea, give me a few minutes, I'll dress up and meet you in the kitchen." she said after clearing her throat. I nodded and turned on my heel but stopped again when I heard her voice. "You should go talk to Harry."

I shut my eyes tight, grabbing the inside of my pockets tight as I breathed in. I knew she was right, but there was nothing I wanted less than to go talk to him. Still, I had to do it for her.

"Okay."

I closed the door behind myself and quickly walked to Harry's room, knocking on the door. It swung open after only a few seconds and when I saw his smile fall down, I realized he had hoped for Liv, and not for me.

"Harry, I just wanted to say that i'm sorry." I quickly let out, one of my hands still twisting the fabric of the inside of one of my pockets. "That won't happen again."

His face softened slightly but I could tell he was still pissed at me. We remained silent for about a minute and I just nodded a few times, turning around to leave.

"Why?"

His question made me frown and I turned around to look at him again, shrugging.

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you just tell me that you loved her?" he questioned me, taking a step closer to me and leaning against the door frame.

"Because I don't." I rolled my eyes. "What's wrong with you guys? Liv and I have always been close, it's nothing new."

"No, things have changed." he argued again. "You never cared about who she dated before."

He was right, but I couldn't tell him that I knew him and that I was scared he'd break her heart. I couldn't tell him that seeing them together gave me a wrong vibe. I couldn't tell him I felt like I'd be the one who'd have to mend the pieces of her heart after he breaks it. So I just shrugged and raised my eyebrows.

"I've always been protective of her."

"That's very close to being possessive. You should know that."

I grimaced at his accusation but swallowed a bitter remark.

"Well that's over." I just explained. "I promise this won't happen again. By the way, it's dinner. I think Louis bought food on his way back."

When I walked down the hall, I heard some whispers and everyone was sitting at the table when I entered the kitchen. It was so obvious that they all had been listening that I suddenly felt nauseous. I took a seat as everyone started taking food from the bags Louis had placed on the table. He had decided on chinese and it made me take a mental note to hit the gym as soon as this crazy weekend would be over. I realized a bit too late that I was sitting next to Maya but I decided to not overthink it.

I tried not to stare when Liv and Harry entered the room too but noticed Louis sending them a smirk. They both sat next to each other but on the other side of the table and I bit my tongue hard enough to make sure I didn't make any comment about it. Was I annoyed that my best friend wasn't sitting by my side? Yes. But after the tantrum I had just thrown, I knew I should lay really fucking low.

We all started eating but for some reason, I didn't feel like talking with anyone. I didn't add anything or even laugh when Louis made a few comments about Liv and Harry spending the whole day alone together in the house. I focused on eating what was in my plate quickly and when I was done, I brought my dishes to the counter and got out of the room, letting myself fall on one of the couches with a loud sigh.

I only had a few minutes of alone time when I realized Maya had joined me, taking a seat next to me but not close enough to touch me. I looked up at her and blinked a few times as she sent me a sorry look.

"We sort of heard." she confessed, nibbling her bottom lip as my gaze dropped to my lap.

"Yea, I sort of guessed."

"I know you just want us to be friends but I want you to know that, if you need me, I'm always here."

I felt defeated and I didn't know why. I felt a lot of things these days that I just didn't understand. Olivia and I had talked, and we both made it clear that we would never leave each other. Then why did I still feel like shit? Why did I feel like a truck had ran over my heart until it stopped beating? Why the FUCK did I feel like I had lost?

"I don't know what I want anymore, Maya." I sighed, closing my eyes and passing one of my hands in my hair.

"What does that mean?"

I stayed motionless for a few seconds and finally opened my eyes, sighing again. I shrugged and looked up before diving my gaze into hers. She was gorgeous and kind. Smart and sexy. She was literally everything i've always dreamed of.

"It means i'm not making promises, but I guess we could try. We could go on a date, maybe?"

I saw surprise light up her face and her lips parted, making me chuckle sadly. I was not sure I was doing the right thing but at this point, I was not sure of anything. Perhaps, finding myself someone to be with would make all of this easier. Maybe I wouldn't be so angry anymore when I'd see Harry with my best friend.

"If you're still interested, of course."

58 notes · View notes