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internethorrorfan · 5 years

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Commentarypasta: A Meet I'll Never Forget (originally posted on Deviantart in 2017)

The creepypasta fandom is known being particularly cringeworthy. From all the terrible OCs out there to the lame music videos to the frankly pathetic film attempts to, of course, the fanfiction. So boils and ghouls, allow me to introduce you to something I like to call: Commentarypasta! In Commentarypasta I'll take a look at some of the worst stories the CP fandom has to offer in order to find one that's even remotely entertaining while I give my commentary on the . Most of them will come from Wattpad but this particular tale came to us from some site called Creepypasta.xyz. I've never heard of it either. Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this story... A Meet I'll Never Forget by Meganthekillerforever. CHAPTER 1: I was sitting in my room reading Creepypastas online. I'm sorry, who are you? Could we get some establishing please? I love all of the Creepypasta stories, including Jeff, Slendy, Slenderman doesn't have an official creepypasta since he wasn't created for creepypasta. Ticci Toby, and more. I was always bad at acting good. Spoilers: This fact is never mentioned again and has no relevance to anything at all. I hated my neighbors Why? For what reason? Who the hell are your neighbors and why should we care? We don't even know our protagonist's name and your telling us about her neighbors? and hoped Smile Dog would finish them off. You've never read Smile Dog have you? I was always sending a picture of him to them at night, but to my disappointment they called my parents the very next day. My parents didn’t care though, thank goodness for that, and my older brother just ignored me like most brothers do to their younger sisters. They didn’t care what I did. My father was a writer and my mom was an artist. My brother was already making plans to go to college. I'm sure all these things will be entirely relevant pieces of information that will pay off later in the story. One night I decided to go out into the woods to see if I could find Slenderman.( I know…childish right?) Well that was me always trying to prove that they were real. Now, time and time again I tried to see if Ben It's BEN. was real, but when I played Majora’s Mask nothing ever happened to me. That's because he only haunted (past tense) Jadusable's specific copy of Majora's Mask that he got from the Old Man. Jadusable put files from the cartridge into his computer allowing BEN to escape into it, and later Jadusable uploaded footage from the game onto Youtube which allowed BEN to escape into the internet. You must not have paid very close attention to these stories if you're getting all these things wrong. So, I figured that all the Creepypasta stories were fake. I still like to find out for myself though. As I went out the door, You were going out the door? Thanks for establishing that. Can we have some details to anything please? I called to my parents and told them I would be gone for a while. I heard my dad typing away on his typewriter and my mom getting extra paint from the storage closet. “Okay. Be back before breakfast.” “Okay Mom.” I rolled my eyes. We're a paragraph into this thing and I already want our main character to die. This doesn't bode well.

Since my mom is an artist, she always has some extra paint lying around. I grabbed some glow in the dark paint before I left and went outside. I gathered some rocks from the garden and a flashlight from the shed. I felt like someone was watching me, Thanks I thought we could use some more clichés. so I shone the flashlight in the darkest parts of the shed just to be sure. I grabbed the glow in the dark paint and started painting the rocks with it. When I was sure they were dry I gathered them in a bag and set off for the woods. Oh that's the pay off to her mom being an artist! So our still nameless protagonist could paint rocks with glow in the dark paint and light her lay through the woods. Or, you know, she could have only used the flashlight. As I made my way into the woods, I started setting down glow in the dark rocks. You've got a flashlight, you don't need the rocks. I continued to explore until I found a large flat rock that I made into a resting place. I was getting tired. "I'm so exhausted from all the nothing I've been doing!" “I guess there’s no harm in resting for a few minutes.” Just go home. As I started to doze off, a rustling noise woke me up. I darted straight up and looked at my watch. “Oh no! I was planning on being home an hour ago! I lost track of time!” Which is why you should have just gone home instead of randomly taking a nap on a rock. The rustling continued as I started back on the path of rocks. I started to grow fearful as the rustling noise got louder and closer. I always keep a pocket knife with me at all times. Why? I pulled it out and turned around ready to confront whoever it was, but when I turned around I found none other than Slenderman himself. As I stared, I found that there was someone behind him, no two people. A man in a white hoodie and a man in a black hoodie wearing a blue mask. So Slenderman gets no description but Jeff and Eyeless Jack do? Consistency: it's not a polite suggestion. I had come face to face with Slendy, Quit calling him Slendy. Jeff, and Eyeless Jack! I was so shocked that I was at a loss for words. That's it? She doesn't shiver, shake, try to run away, use the knife to defend herself or anything? She's just at a loss for words? Being at a loss for words is the reaction you get after reading fics like this, not after coming across several supposedly fictional monsters/killers. Finally after a while, Jeff spoke. “As you probably already know my name is Jeff, Jeff the Killer.” What person talks this way? "Oh hi my name is Martin, Martin the janitor. How are you?". I nodded, still not being able to say anything. “This here’s Slenderman and that’s Eyeless Jack.” I finally work up the nerve to speak. “W-what brings y-you to me?” That's your first response? Not asking "how are you real?" or better yet, running away in terror? This time Eyeless Jack speaks. “Well, we’ve been watching you for a while now.” Because....? “Why me?” Good question. “Slendy here thinks you’d make a good proxy. What has this girl possibly done to make Slenderman think she'd be a good proxy? Did she win him over with her amazing one of a kind ability to read horror stories on the internet? Me on the other hand thinks you look kinda weak. Jeff’s thinking the same thing.” “W-why would you want me? I’ve never killed anyone.” Every person that thinks creepypasta is just about killing people needs to be lobotomized. "Jeff spoke up. “Well, I guess that’s going to change tonight.” Jeff smiled wider than usual. As I just stood there dumbfounded Jeff started to lead me in a direction I knew well, back to my house. “You’re seriously not going to make me kill my family are you!?” No one's said anything remotely like that yet so unless nameless girl here can predict the future there's no way she could have known that they'll say that. Jeff started laughing. “You’ve read all of our stories haven’t you? How can creepypasta be a thing in this universe if all the popular creepypasta characters are real? They can't be fake and real at the same time. Well, in most of them our parents are either killed by us or something else. Spoilers: Jeff is the only character featured in this story that killed his parents. In order for you to become one of us, Creepypastas are stories not beings. Plus why do they want nameless protagonist to join them anyway? you have to get them outta the way.” Spoilers: Sally's in this story and Bloody Painter is mentioned. Both those characters have living parents. Is the author seriously under the impression that every creepypasta ever has dead parents in them? “And if I refuse?” “Well, now that you’ve seen us we’re probably going to kill you if you refuse.” Probably? “I-I’ll do it. WHAT?!? Are you kidding me? It takes that little to convince her to murder her family? Them saying they'd probably kill her instead? You wouldn't just straight up kill your parents with no second thoughts because someone said they'd kill you if you didn't. What about my brother?” “We kill him too of course! No witnesses.” He's not a witness if he doesn't see anything. I dread every step on the way back to my house. I enter the house silently, as to not alert them. I make my way into the kitchen and grab a steak knife. They're not around to see you do this. You could just warn them all and get the hell outta there. What happened to that knife you already had? My parents are usually in the study room working. I crept into the study hiding the knife behind my back. “Hey sweetie, back already?” "Hey sweetie, what is that knife shaped object you holding behind your back? You better not be trying to murder us again young lady!" I continued stepping closer gripping the knife hard behind my back. “Yep, I’m back.” Finally, when I was close enough to them I lunged at them with the knife and stabbed repeatedly. Because she'd definitely be able to do that with no effort at all. They twitched for a moment, but then they were still. I was wide eyed and gasping for breath when I finished. I heard clapping behind me. Jeff was standing there. “Very well done. Slendy didn’t even have to get into your mind like he did Toby.” “That…actually felt good. Yeah, let's do what the creepypasta fandom does best: glorify the murder of innocent people! What, you're not going to tell us about the "rush" you get from killing or how fun and exciting it is? What about my brother?” “I took care of him. I haven’t killed in a whole day and I was itching to kill someone.” I just watched my parent’s lifeless bodies for a while before Slenderman came to get me. This character has shown no previous signs of sociopathic personality disorder, psychopathy, psychosis, or any other mental disorder that might possibly make her Ok with killing people. She shouldn't be so nonchalant about everything. Since he didn’t have a face he didn’t talk much. I don't even need to point out why this line is moronic do I? Slenderman beckoned for me to follow. I followed him outside where Jeff and Eyeless Jack were waiting. “Well kid, welcome to the family.” CHAPTER 2: After I killed my family, After that minor insignificant easily forgotten event of stabbing my parents to death with a steak knife. Slendy teleported us to what looked like an old, run down mansion. I stared in disbelief at the beautiful mansion. The last sentence said it was old and run down. Now it's beautiful? OK then. “I thought the mansion was just a legend!” Jeff started speaking. “Nope, it’s real kid.” They led me into the mansion where the other pastas were waiting. What other pastas? You gonna tell us who they are? They all looked at me and stared. I started to get nervous with all the attention on me. A boy I knew to be Ben BEN's a statue in a video game, not a "boy". started asking questions. “Who’s that? Why have you brought a human here? Jeff is human. So are Bloody Painter, Hoodie and Masky, all of whom are mentioned later in the story (spoilers like you care at all). Does she like games?” Will this fandom ever realize Pasta Monsters is not an accurate representation of who BEN is? Seriously. Eyeless Jack interrupted his questions. “This is a new edition to the family. If you have any questions about her, ask her yourself.” They started crowding around me with questions. Because you're just so likable and interesting that of course these people would bombard you with questions the first second they lay eyes upon you. Thanks a lot EJ. I’m not the type of person who loves crowds. Your whole family was just murdered, two of them by your own hand, and a minute later you're in a mansion in the woods with a bunch of monsters, serial killers, supernatural beings and other horror characters you previously thought to be fictional. Stop acting like this is completely normal. “SIT DOWN AND RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs. They all sat back down and raised their hands hesitantly. Because again, you're just so likable and interesting that they have no choice but to listen to someone they've never met before. “Ben.” “Do you like games?” “I love games Ben.” “How do you know my name?” I had forgotten to tell them that I’ve read all of their stories and seen pictures of them online. “Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that I’ve read all of your stories.” Ha ha no you haven't. They were very surprised. To learn that people have written stories about them. I'd be surprised. Sally spoke up. “All of them?” I thought she was cute. It was hard to imagine an 8 year old girl as a killer. That's because she's not a killer. Good God people it takes five minutes to search up her old ref sheet with all her info on it. But to save anyone the trouble here it is: Sally - Official Profile. “Yes Sally, even yours.” I smiled at her. She smiled back at me. Because of course Sally and our protagonist instantly get attached to one another and become inseperable best friends/family figures to each other. How else are we going to lazily boost our protagonist's ego and get the reader to like her? “Yes, Offenderman.” Offenderman didn't say anything. Also why is a rapist part of the quote unquote "family"? Especially with Sally around. Offenderman smirked and pulled out a rose. “Would you like a rose?” He extended it out to me. “Nope.” “But, why!?” “Because like I just said, I’ve read all of your stories. I know what happens when you give a rose to someone.” Offenderman frowned and mumbled under his breath. The others laughed. “ The sex offender doesn't get to rape anyone today! So funny! Betcha Sally really got a kick outta that one! Okay who’s next?” “Ooh me! Me!” Jeff practically yelled. How does one "practically" yell something? I laughed at his persistence. “Yes, Jeff.” “Do you like knives? And what is your opinion on killing?” Not every creepypasta OC is a killer or needs to kill. Nobody died in Ben Drowned and there was never any danger of anyone dying. At least not from BEN physically killing them. “If I had to choose a weapon, I would definitely choose a knife. My second choice would be a pistol. As for killing, I don’t really mind it, especially when they deserve it.” Oh piss off. The only people you've killed are your parents who you only killed because this story is lazy and stupid. You are in absolutely no position whatsoever to be giving an opinon on murder or what your preferred weapons are. Hoodie seemed to be satisfied that my second option would be a pistol. You're dead Brian. “LJ.” LJ laughed and stood up. “Do you like candy?” I should have known that was coming. No you shouldn't have because Laughing Jack is capable of thinking about things that aren't candy. “Yes LJ, I love candy.” “Would you like some candy?” “No thank you. Polite pass.” LJ looked kind of hurt when I declined, but he tried to hide it with a smile. I felt bad for declining it, but I still didn’t fully trust them yet. I wanted to get to know them first before I accepted anything from them. You murdered your own parents in cold blood to join them. You don't get to be weary around them. I must have zoned out, Thinking about what? How uneventful everything is? because Jeff was waving his hand in front of my face trying to get my attention. “Hello? Anyone in there?” Oh! I’m sorry. I guess I just spaced out.” EJ decided that was enough questions. “Alright, I think that’s enough questions for today.” I was getting very tired. I yawned loudly and rubbed my eyes. Everyone turned to look at me. Everyone was wondering where I would sleep. Why does anyone care? Sally spoke up with excitement in her voice. Much like us, Sally knows absolutely nothing at all about our main character so she has no reason to give a damn about her at all. Sally's an attention seeking prankster who gets jealous easily and cries and throws tantrums every time she doesn't get her way. She'd be one of the people most against a new person, not most for. “She can sleep in my room! I have an extra bed in there.” Because as we all know, ghosts need to sleep. All the others agreed. Masky Hey Tim how's it goin'? Still not a creepypasta character? Sounds great. spoke up this time. “Yeah, just until we get a room fixed up for her.” Because Mary Sue sure does deserve a room all to herself. Why doesn't she share a room with Sally permanently? “Thank you Sally. I’m very grateful.” I was relieved somewhat, because I didn’t want to be rude. I still didn’t trust them yet. You already said that. I followed Sally to her room. Her door was decorated with bloody pink flowers. When we got inside the room, I saw that her walls were a pale pink with blood splatters. Because an 8 year old girl who likes stuffed animals, tea parties, cute things and stereotypical "girly" stuff would obviously decorate their room with blood splatters. You still sure you've read all their stories, miss Thekillerforever? Plus blood smells. Hanging on her walls were many drawn pictures of the Creepypasta family. WHAT CREEPYPASTA FAMILY?!? You've told us nothing about this supposed "family" or what characters are a part of it! We know Masky, Hoodie, Slenderman, Jeff, EJ, LJ, Sally, BEN, and Offenderman but that's because you just plopped them into this story with no set up at all! We don't know who's part of the family! Quit acting like we do! And where is Toby? This story's referenced him twice now and he hasn't shown up! She was a very good artist for an 8 year old. “You’re a very good artist. Those pictures are amazing!” I don't think many 8 year olds are"very good" artists. But this is a crepypasta fanfiction so Sally has to be portrayed as an absolutely perfect flawless shining paragon of humanity that always gets what she wants and is instantly loved by every life form on Earth because she's just so "cute". Our main character's already a Sue, we don't need you to change other people's characters into Sues too. Sally smiled at my words. “Thank you. I’m not as good as Bloody Painter Because she would obviously refer to Helen by his serial killer alias instead of his actual real name. though. He’s the best artist here. Here’s the bed you will be sleeping on. Why does Sally even have one bed, let alone two? I’m so happy to have someone sleeping in my room with me! The only one who comes over sometimes is Lazari.” Who I'm sure this author know nothing about. Given the track record so far I wouldn't be surprised if the author thought 8 year old Lazari murdered innocent people with knives for the lolz. I feel bad for Sally. It must get so lonely in here by herself. Out of these retarded Slender Mansion stories, THIS is the one that figures out a little kid living in a gigantic mansion with almost exclusively grown men would get lonely? “After my room is finished I could sleep over sometimes.” You're sleeping in her room now. What are you talking about? Sally smiled and looked at me with hope in her eyes. “Really?” YOU JUST MET THIS PERSON, YOU SHOULD NOT BE THIS ATTACHED! “Really.” “And will you play with me?” I smiled warmly at her. “Absolutely.” YOU JUST MET THIS PERSON SO YOU SHOULDN'T BE THIS ATTACHED EITHER! And if you two are this attached already, why not just share the room permanently? She jumped up and down with excitement. Can ghosts jump? “Yay! I can’t wait!” “Would you like me to tuck you in and read you a story Sally?” No she wouldn't like you to tuck her in because she's a ghost and ghosts can't sleep. Who said she wanted to go to bed anyway? “Yes please! I would like to listen to a story about your family if you don’t mind.” "You know, that family you murdered an hour ago with no remorse or guilt whatsoever?" “It’s fine. "I've already completely forgotten about stabbing them to death, almost like it was pointless or something!" I’ll tell you about the time we got a puppy.” Sally eagerly got into her bed. Which she probably doesn't need since she has no physical body. “I love puppies! They’re so cute.” This chapter started off with the line "after I killed my family". “One day I was sitting in my room playing with my dolls How old were you when this happened? Scratch that, how old are you now? and my parents were excited about something. I walked out of my room to my parents’ room You could have just said "I walked to my parent's room." because you already said you were in your room, we can tell that you walked out through context clues. to see what they were talking about. When I asked them, they both shouted that we were getting a puppy. I was so happy I ran around the house squealing with excitement. My parents would have straight up told me I wasn't getting anything if I kept running around the house squealing. My parents decided to let me pick the dog. I ran into the pet store checking out all of the dogs. I set my sights on the cutest chocolate brown puppy with short floppy ears. He had the most beautiful brown eyes. And he was just as sweet as can be. This is a fanfiction based off creepypasta, a genre of internet horror stories frequently about madness, tradgedy and the terrors of the unknown, and the second chapter is concluding...with our main character telling bedtime stories about cute puppies to a little girl. Wow. We decided from that day, to call him Brownie.” Where's Brownie now? Given the level of intelligence you've displayed in this I wouldn't be surprised if you ate him thinking he was an actual brownie. When I finished my story, That wasn't about your family at all. I looked over to find Sally fast asleep. I ask this question a lot regarding fanfictions with Sally in them but does this author even know Sally is a ghost? Or does she somehow think ghosts can sleep? If these stories ever offered an explanation as to how Sally can do these things that'd be fine. But they never do so it doesn't make any sense. I chuckled and got into my own bed. I had one last thought as I fell asleep, ‘I wonder what tomorrow will bring.’ Nothing because this story was deleted by the author. Thank God. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well that was dull and uneventful. This story's only two chapters long but those two chapters are some of the most boring things I've ever read in my life. Pretty much nothing at all happened in them other than our bland unnamed protagonist murdering her family for pretty much no reason, but that's almost immediately glossed over and swept under the rug to get to more pressing matters like telling bedtime stories about cute puppies. Our main character is such an obvious self insert Mary Sue and she doesn't even get the luxury of a name let alone a personality. The closest thing I got out of her character was stupidity but that's only because the writing was so botched it made her look like an airhead who was completely unaffected by everything around her. "A Meet I'll Never Forget" feels like it was written by a 10 year old due to the almost complete lack of detail to anything. As of this writing the story's been deleted so this is the only place to find it. So with this story out of the way join me next time for...something less boring and forgettable.

#old stuff from my deviantart

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