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thankskenpenders · 6 months

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Sonic Superstars!

Superstars is out! And guess what? It's good! It's a worthy new entry in the series, and I mostly like it. Mostly. Except for the handful of parts I don't. As usual, allow me to share my thoughts.

(For the record, I got the PS5 version of Superstars. I can't speak for how it plays on older hardware like the Switch, or how the weird Steam version that seems to make you log in with Epic runs. But I encountered zero performance issues, personally.)

General thoughts

The thing is, aside from two notable flaws I'll discuss in greater detail below, I can sum up my feelings on most of Superstars quickly. You see, it's... a Sonic game. This will either be a blessing or a curse depending on who you ask. It's not a bold new take on the series that'll blow you away, but they also didn't fuck it up. There's no catch this time! There's something refreshing about that straightforwardness, given how rare it is to get a regular-ass New Sonic Game from Sega. It's just a new classic-style game where you can play as Amy, set on a new island with all new zones, and Fang is in it! This might be damning with faint praise, but that's what it says on the tin, and they did a good job overall.

(It also has co-op. That's nice. I didn't play it in co-op.)

It plays exactly how it should. At no point did anything feel Wrong. The graphics might not have the absolute highest fidelity, but I think the character models look really nice, and the levels look appropriately good with vibrant color palettes. A couple zones like Sky Temple gave me Klonoa vibes, which I like. One zone is an absolutely incredible homage that I won't spoil. The story here is minimal (as expected), but there are a few good moments of telling the story through the gameplay, particularly one very cute sequence with Trip. I did find a couple stage gimmicks moderately annoying (Speed Jungle 2 and Press Factory 2, looking at you), but like... I could say the same thing about Mania, and also damn near every other Sonic game ever made. There's always That One Level. Superstars may not raise the series to new heights, but it generally executes well on the standard beats of the series. It's an easy recommendation for all fans of 2D Sonic.

Really, aside from the two big flaws (we'll get to them), this game's greatest crimes are simply not being quite as good as Mania, and also coming out the same week as the more creative and polished Super Mario Bros. Wonder. If we hadn't gotten Mania, I would easily be calling this my favorite 2D Sonic game since... what, the Advance trilogy 20 years ago? I like the Rush games, but if you asked me to replay one or the other, I might have a better time with Superstars. And, yes, it beats the hell out of Sonic 4. It's not even close. Anyone who says this game is exactly like Sonic 4 is just being a hater.

...I guess I would say that $60 is a bit steep for this, but you know it'll be on sale for a more appropriate $30-$40 in a few months. This isn't a Nintendo game we're talking about here.

Nice little tweaks

Superstars also features a number of welcome quality-of-life updates over Mania, bringing it more in line with the design ethos of modern platformers.

You have infinite lives! No more getting a game over on the final boss and having to redo the whole final zone - or, god forbid, the entire game

Time overs are gone! It'll warn you before you go over ten minutes, but I have no idea why because it doesn't kill you anymore

The game features a hub from which you can easily replay previous levels, rather than needing to beat the game or put in a cheat code to unlock the level select

This means you can easily go back and hunt for any special stage rings you missed. However, as a tradeoff, it seems like you can only get one Emerald per zone now, rather than being able to get Super Sonic by the end of the first or second zone

You can swap characters between levels! No more having to start a whole 'nother save file to play as Tails

And those characters even have optional little movement tutorial rooms available from the hub, which is great for new players who may not know about things like the Drop Dash

And, finally, checkpoints now feature arrows pointing in the direction you were supposed to be going, in case you forget upon respawning

Of course, while you might not be getting game overs, Superstars certainly compensated with some bosses that kicked my ass.

Bosses

Here's what I would consider notable flaw #1.

I have mixed feelings on the bosses in Superstars. I don't think many of them are poorly designed - in fact, a lot of them are good, and offer fun moments of spectacle. But for a 2D Sonic game, they're REALLY long and drawn out, and by the late game this was starting to get draining.

Bosses tend to be the type where you have to dodge their attack patterns for a while until you get the chance to hit them exactly once, MAYBE twice. A few bosses seem to have quicker options if you abuse your post-hit invulnerability or play as a character with a double jump, but many will either be completely invincible or run away to the background for long periods of time, making it impossible to damage them outside of the allotted windows. And even if it seems like you'll be able to get in a second hit, many bosses turn invincible and skip ahead to the next attack pattern as soon as they take the first hit. Again, most of these fights aren't BAD, but because of this behavior they sometimes take almost as long to beat as the entire levels preceding them. This didn't bother me much early in the game, but against the more challenging bosses towards the end that kept killing me several minutes into a long fight, it got tiring. The final boss of Story Mode probably took me like an hour.

While this certainly isn't an uncommon style of boss design, part of me suspects they did this for the sake of co-op players. For one, playing in co-op means that you don't necessarily have to start the entire fight over if one person dies, so I assume the length is less of an issue. But in particular, true classic-style Sonic bosses that you can just hit repeatedly with good timing would go down in a few seconds against a team of four players. Likewise, the swarm of clones from the "Avatar" Emerald power would probably obliterate every Genesis era boss with one button press. So I get why every boss needs all these invulnerability periods, but still. I at least wish they'd made some of those attack patterns shorter and given you more frequent opportunities to deal damage.

Emeralds and their powers

Speaking of the new Chaos Emerald powers: they're neat, I guess? They're fine. I didn't use them much. Actually, I kept forgetting I even had them - although the game will play a noise and show an icon in the corner of the screen to remind you any time you reach a spot where a specific power is useful. Avatar, the first power you get, is at least good for getting a couple free hits in on the trickier bosses. Yellow's ability to slow time is obviously good, but, again, I always forgot I even had it and made it through just fine without it. I was also pleased to realize that the swimming power is useful for the water levels and not just for climbing up waterfalls.

Oh, and the new grappling-based special stages kind of suck, but they're not the worst, and I'll at least give them credit for trying something new. (Motion Sickness Zone from Sonic 1 does return as a bonus minigame, but I only did it once lmao.)

Battle Mode

I haven't played Battle Mode. Couldn't tell you if it's good or not. It did, however, give us official designs for Metal Tails and Metal Amy after all these years, and also it let me make this:

...Okay, enough beating around the bush. Let's talk about the thing that REALLY drags down the experience.

The soundtrack...

(This lengthy section on the music will feature some light spoilers for things like zone names and themes.)

Now, don't get me wrong. There are some bangers in here that I've been listening to on loop. But this is one of the most inconsistent soundtracks I've ever heard, and I'm not sure I've ever played another game where the music has such a sharp dip in quality in the back half.

As anyone following this blog knows, prior to release I was a little obsessed with trying to gauge what the soundtrack would be like. "Jun Senoue" and "new Classic Sonic game" naturally evokes the memory of Sonic 4, but from the start we knew Tee Lopes was involved as well, and almost all of the music previewed before released leans more towards the sound of Sonic Mania than anything else. I was hopeful! I was excited! Jun deserved another chance at doing another classic Sonic OST, and Tee is one of my favorite game composers of all time between his Sonic material and other works like the TMNT: Shredder's Revenge OST. I frequently thought back to this Sonic 4 remix medley by Jun and Tee as a reminder that these two could really be the dream team, bringing out the best in each other's work.

Sure enough, the front half of the game is largely dominated by the Mania sound, whether it's a track by Tee himself or one by an in-house Sega artist that's compatible with his style. Pinball Carnival Act 1 by Rintaro Soma (an up-and-coming composer who wrote a bunch of the Cyber Space themes in Frontiers) takes obvious inspiration from Mania's Studiopolis Act 1, to the point that I was shocked when Sega posted the track and revealed it wasn't written by Tee. Act 2, however, forges more of its own sound by leaning into the act's spooky haunted carnival theme. And despite being the music lead, the only level theme that I know for sure was written by Senoue in the front half of the game (Bridge Island Act 1) was actually arranged by Tee Lopes to give it more of that Mania sound. Hell, the level clear jingle is literally just the one from Mania. A few level themes by other composers don't quite match that style, but they fit in well enough.

But there are early signs that this sound won't be consistent throughout the game. Our first warning of things to come is the boss music:

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When early copies started floating around and the soundtrack leaked, many, many people hoped that this was merely a placeholder, like the literal Sonic 4 Episode II music used in the earliest previews of Speed Jungle, and that it'd get replaced with a day one patch. Oh, those poor, innocent fools...

Even if you don't mind the poor production with the returning Sonic 4 faux-Genesis sound, this is a very simplistic thirteen second snippet of music that then plays a second time in a higher key before it loops. This wouldn't be the end of the world if the bosses were as short as the ones in the Genesis games, of course, but they're not! This theme is used for a ton of lengthy fights throughout the game, including an EXTREMELY long and tedious autoscroller boss at the end of Golden Capital Act 2. Maybe I would've enjoyed the bosses in this game more if they were paired with some earworms that'd get me hyped up and sell how cool and exciting the fights are supposed to be, but grating songs like this just made the minutes spent fighting those bosses feel like an eternity.

Still, boss music (and menu music) aside, all of the level themes in the front half of the game ranged from decent to great, with the peak easily being the phenomenal Lagoon City Act 2 by Tee Lopes. And then... I got to the back half of the game. And the Mania style completely disappeared, replaced largely with the dreaded Sonic 4 sound. That isn't the style for EVERY song in the back half, but even the ones that try something different tend to be weaker than the material from the first six zones, with less engaging melodies and less intricate arrangement. Many sound straight up unfinished, leaning on extremely basic synth patches with no personality. And there isn't a single track from Tee in the back half. He just disappears from the project altogether.

What this means is that we go from this absolute banger by Tee Lopes in zone 6, which elevates what's otherwise a bog standard desert level to a thrilling adventure:

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To... this, in zone 7:

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It's EXTREMELY jarring!

The thing is, this is actually one of the better tracks in this style. I have to assume this is by Senoue, because you can totally hear a good Adventure or Heroes era Senoue track in there once you get past the crude synth replication of the Genesis era Sonic sound. Senoue is still a great composer, as you can hear clear as day with Bridge Island, but he's working with a restrictive sound palette that doesn't play to his strengths at all. If only he'd bust out that damn guitar, or at least pick some better synths.

(And no matter what people will tell you, no, this is not an accurate recreation of what the Genesis's YM2612 chip really sounded like, nor is it representative of what it CAN sound like at its best. Go back to the Streets of Rage 2 or Ristar soundtracks if you need a reminder.)

While I can at least see what the Press Factory tracks were aiming for, some other faux-FM synth tracks are just really bland. They don't have anything interesting going on, and they also don't seem particularly tailor made for the levels they accompany. They're just attempts to mimic what Sonic 1-3 sounded like on a very literal level. Take, for instance, the Golden Capital Act 1 theme, AKA "we've got Sky Sanctuary at home." While the better level themes in this game enhance the mood or even completely carry the vibes of a level, the weaker tracks can really suck all the air out of the room and make a level feel like more of a slog.

What kills me is that there are, in fact, a couple examples of how to do throwbacks to classic Sega FM synth music well on this very soundtrack! They're just not the Sonic 4 type tracks. I love the Frozen Base Act 2 theme, presumably composed by legendary Sega composer Hiroshi "HIRO" Kawaguchi, who's responsible for all-time classic arcade soundtracks like Fantasy Zone, Out Run, Hang-On, After Burner, and more, as well as the hacking and pinball themes from Frontiers. Maybe to an untrained ear this doesn't sound all that different, but it has a catchier tune, better instruments, and stronger production overall. I'm also a fan of the track for Sky Temple, which isn't perfect, but it blends a few Genesis-esque instruments like the Sonic 1+2 snare with other instruments for a richer sound. If the whole soundtrack sounded more like these examples, I'd definitely be complaining less.

I really just have to wonder... how did this happen? How did this end up being so inconsistent? Many fans on social media are jumping to the conclusion that Senoue is just extremely stubborn and refuses to ditch the style from Sonic 4. I can't deny this possibility, but some things just don't add up. The almost complete lack of "retro" style music in the promotional material. The fact that the style just suddenly shifts halfway through the game, then disappears for the final zone, as if that's not the note they want to end on. The complete lack of any tracks by Tee Lopes in the back half. The focus on the Mania-style tracks in the bonus "mini soundtrack." And most perplexing of all, the fact that three of the first tracks you hear in the game were Senoue compositions that were given extra attention with arrangements from Tee Lopes.

This is pure speculation on my part, but it almost seems like they straight up ran out of time.

Perhaps Jun wanted more of his tracks to get full arrangements from Tee, or for Tee to contribute more songs, but things were down to the wire and they chose to leave in some of the raw Sonic 4 style demos. The soundtrack being crunched out in a matter of months at the end of development would certainly explain why Speed Jungle had to be demoed without its music a mere four months ago. It'd also explain why a game that's only a few hours long needs NINETEEN composers listed in the credits. And also the fact that multiple zones just have completely different, unrelated music by different artists across their acts. Did they need multiple artists working on different acts simultaneously, completely independent from each other with no time to cross reference each others' work, due to extreme time constraints? I'd buy it.

Ah well. It's not the end of the world. I've heard worse Sonic music. But I'll always think of what could have been...

At least the final battle with Eggman at the end of Story Mode has a pretty kickass boss theme, which ALMOST makes up for how bad most of the preceding boss music is (and the fact that that very difficult fight doesn't have a checkpoint between phases and took me like an hour to beat lmao). It even seems like it might be written by longtime Phantasy Star Online composer and recurring Sonic contributor Hideaki Kobayashi. That's the guy who wrote NONAGRESSION!!!!!!!

The postgame

Speaking of beating Eggman! It turns out Superstars has a good deal of postgame content, as merely beating the last zone with all the Chaos Emeralds doesn't take you to the true final boss. In order to do that, you'll need to do something else.

Before we hit the big spoiler warning, I'm going to give any future players who are still reading a warning. If you value your sanity... don't force yourself to do all the postgame stuff. Don't make the mistakes I did. It's not worth it, and it may very well knock your personal score for the game down a couple points.

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SPOILERS FOR THE STORY, UNLOCKABLES, AND THE POSTGAME BELOW THIS POINT

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

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The bonus scenario

Sonic Superstars has a big surprise in store for anyone who beats the main story. For the first time since... what, Silver? In 2006? We finally have a brand new playable character in a new Sonic platformer! (I wouldn't count the player avatar in Forces as a full-fledged New Character.) Yes, after the credits roll, you unlock Trip as the super-secret fifth playable character. I was really excited to see this. Trip is cute, even if her masked appearance from early in the game is perhaps a more unique design than a Sonic-ified lizard girl who can only vaguely look like a real sungazer lizard. She IS the first new Sonic character Ohshima has designed since the '90s, though, so she gets points for that - and she gets even more points for literally turning into a dragon when she goes Super. We love a girl who can turn into a dragon, don't we folks? And her playstyle is fun, too, with a double jump and the ability to roll along walls and ceilings.

But Trip isn't just playable. Like Knuckles before her, she gets an entire alternate story mode of her own, which somewhat remixes the level layouts, generally makes things more challenging, and swaps out Eggman for Egg Robo. I was so excited to see this! It really felt like the game had so much more in store for me than I'd anticipated.

...Then I spent probably around three hours attempting to beat the new final battle with Fang at the end of Trip's Story. And it made me regret doing Trip's Story at all.

Once you learn the patterns, a lot of them are actually piss easy. But the difficulty comes down to a few misguided factors:

The fight is LOOOONG. On a successful attempt the whole thing will probably take the average player about, like... seven or eight minutes? Maybe longer? This is where I really started to get pissed at the game for making me wait through these stupid attack patterns before I could attempt to hit the boss once.

The fight is divided between two phases, one with Fang in a vehicle and another with him in a giant robot, with no checkpoint between them. Dying to one of Fang's bullshit attacks on the second phase means having to redo the ~5 minute first phase all over again. And, worst of all...

Fang has multiple projectile attacks that are guaranteed instant kills, even if you have rings.

Also there's a stupid desperation headbutt attack that can really easily catch you off guard and kill you, but I only got that far in the fight once.

It's the instant kills that got me. If those fucking immobilizing net attacks just made you drop your rings, or you could at least wiggle out of them by mashing buttons (EDIT: apparently you CAN do this but you literally have to button mash so rapidly that it's a crapshoot whether or not you'll physically be able to do it), it would have been totally doable! Kinda fun, even! Slow, but pretty cool in terms of spectacle. But nope! Three hours! Three hours on this! This is, without a doubt, the hardest boss I have ever faced in any Sonic game, period, and one of the hardest bosses I've ever seen in ANY game. All because of one attack pattern where making a tiny mistake means starting over.

The glitches didn't help, either. Something about the way the circular boss arena was set up in both stories' final battles seems to make the floor intangible sometimes for non-player objects. Occasionally my dropped rings, enemies I was supposed to knock towards Fang, or one of Fang's insta-kill projectiles would just fall through the floor randomly. This definitely wasn't my main problem, but it helped drive home the idea that this fight just wasn't worth my time.

After three hours of attempts, I gave up. I just went and looked up the ending of Trip's story, as well as the contents of the Final Story, on YouTube. Turns out I made the right call, because boy, that true final boss looks like dogshit. It's just a very dull fight against a big generic cartoon dragon. Apparently this is the thing Eggman was looking for. It appears and is defeated with little fanfare. I think I liked it better when I assumed the scary dragon being foreshadowed was just Super Trip.

...Also, hey, what's up with The End being very conspicuously visible in the background of the last zone?? I know it's just a cheeky cameo, but, like... isn't it supposed to be sealed away in Cyber Space right now? Should I be taking this literally? Does this have lore implications? This is one hell of a way to remind people that the timeline's been reunified, I guess

Closing thoughts

I really hate to part ways with Superstars on a sour note like this, because like I said up top, I mostly enjoyed my time with it! It's really just a small handful of particularly frustrating bosses and the inconsistent soundtrack that drag it down. Other than that, it's solid as a rock. Maybe wait for sales if you're not dying to play it, but it's definitely worth playing for any Sonic fan. Just... skip the true ending. I would have stepped away MUCH happier with this game if I'd done that.

I wanna try to end this on a more positive note but I'm tired, so, uhhhh... look, you can unlock a Metal Nights skin for your Battle Mode bot!!

Anyway back to jamming to about half the soundtrack on loop while pretending the other half doesn't exist, and looking forward to the continued Fang Renaissance with his upcoming IDW miniseries

#tkp post #other media

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thephantomsdream · 29 days

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So I just have this idea in mind about a meet-cute with our dearest John.

[Notes: I am writing this at work, and it is raining, and no, I have no costumers, and yes, it is self-indulgent because why not. We're just vibing and dumping cute stuff with some spell-checking, but I could've missed something so I do apologize for that. No use of Y/N or Reader in this one.]

Imagine it's raining where you are right now and you work dealing with customers somehow, yeah? Anyway, John is in the city for work, as always, and he coincidentally entered your workplace. He's smitten, not gonna lie. I see him as the type of man to know, you know? Hell, he'll look at you and you'll also feel the want too, the way he's seizing you up, almost as he is planning how to slowly kiss you. I swear you can feel his warm and rugged hands running over your body, but you have to act professional because he's hot and you're most likely looking too much into things.

But you're actually not, yeah? He smiles at you, a little small smile, blue eyes flicking between your eyes and lips. And god, he fucking looks into your soul. If you have time to talk to him, he'll definitely ask you about yourself while telling you some things about himself, vague but enough to satisfy curiosity. It's also raining, meaning you don't have many costumers, so the conversation goes and he runs it smoothly. It's effortless, the way he talks to you and makes you comfortable. Yes, definitely, you can tell he's flirting with you, but contrary to some younger men, he's calm, he's not pushy, although he is a little in your space. Just a little intense, and you can tell he's like that all the time. Close enough for you to smell his cologne, close enough to hear his voice rasp as he finishes his sentences as he's a little bit distracted by your lips. When you notice and smile, he does too, naturally, happy to get a good reaction out of you.

But everything stops when he gets a message. His lips purse and he grunts, shoving the phone in his pocket and smiling at you, disappointment in his eyes. He sees you get busy as a client walks in, a little sad he has to leave and can't even say goodbye properly, but he reaches for something in his pocket.

"I insist. You said you didn't grab one when you left home, yeah? Take it, love." He says, pushing his damp umbrella in your hand. It was velvety and sturdy, and his hand brushed yours in the right way. Not too much, but enough to get an idea of how warm he was.

"John, really, you don't have to do this. How will you go back?" You'd question.

"Nonsense, I have my coworkers waiting for me close-by and afterwards I won't need it anymore." He did say he'd have to leave the city, showing no sign of wanting to ask you about... anything, really. No number, no proper full name, no social media. Maybe it was just meant to be a very pleasant conversation with just a costumer. It didn't help that you couldn't bring yourself to ask either.

You accept bashfully, smiling at him when he seemed relieved and happy to have you take his small gift. You then wished him a good journey to wherever he's heading. And good luck with everything.

It did look like the man wanted to say more than a simple "Thank you, dove." but he stopped himself with a nod then headed out. Basically rushed, honestly. It did throw you off, how interested he was and just how fast it suddently finished.

Rain stopped not long after and you didn't need the umbrella that day, ending up at home, put away somewhere safe. At least you got a good quality umbrella out of this ordeal, yet you couldn't stop thinking about him.

That story now behind, spring came full force and the rain did not come back until almost three months later.

Weather app lied, it seems, as you glanced outside the store and saw zero rain, and you sighed, having carried your (new and fancy) umbrella around with you all this time. As your eyes studied the outside scenery, someone walked through the front door and you already plastered your "Welcome, dearest costumer" smile when it faltered a little in surprise as you recognized the man that entered rushing in the store. Of course you would, as if you stopped thinking about him. As of today, you were slowly starting to think less about the mysterious John, having to accept that he was just passing by and that you were a little encounter in his busy life. But he was here. In your store. Again. Looking for something. Or someone...

Rushing through the door, almost out of breath, he scanned his surroundings in a milisecond to spot you already watching him. The relief was prominent on his features, making you feel excited? He looked relieved to see you, then he immediately looked a little hesitant, unsure. As if his legs brought him there before he could think it through, although it didn't take long for him to smile at you.

"Been a while, yeah?" God, his voice was even better slightly breathless.

You eagerly get to talking again, his chest puffed and his back stood straighter when you easily told him that of course you remember him because how could you not, really? Conversation was just a tad awkward, him searching in your eyes for something while trying to play it cool.

He pointed out the entrance with a small nod of his head and smiled as you both watched a few shy droplets of water finally hit the dry floor, seconds later it starting a downfall. His eyes locked back onto your face and he asked a simple "I trust the umbrella's been handy?" and to that you smile, explaining how you never got to use it but coincidentally, it was now hanging out in the back with your purse, since finally it was supposed to rain again (Weather App redeemed). To that he just looks at you, expression morphing from shock, to relief to amusement.

He had this way of commanding a room, having people wait for him to react and this would be the first time you'd notice a quirk of his as you yourself held your breath, seeing he was about to say something. He'd take a sharp breath, tilt his head and take a small step forward when he was going to say something intense, something from the bottom of his heart and guts.

"Would I be a fool to ask you on a date, love?" He'd swoop the the rug under your feet with that and continue. "Because I was a fool once to try to act subtle and I almost missed my chance." He laughs at something, something that will turn into a light-hearted joke between you.

As you stutter a yes, you also ask him what he meant. You weren't an idiot, he was interested few months back, but he never made a move, not even a subtle one, just rushed out. Just like that. Poof.

Funny, huh? How he slipped his number on a small piece of paper in the umbrella, thinking it would be cute for it to fall out as you open it. Also, he didn't want to bother you anymore at work, specially since you already had some costumers and he already took so much of your time. (They could've waited, but whatever. Ugh, that mindful dumbass.)

The first time you made him stutter was exactly after he explained that to you, as you raised a brow at him and asked. "What if I used the umbrella in a rush, in pouring rain and I'd never see the piece of paper fall?" It was indeed a question he surely asked himself afterwards a couple of thousands of times in the dead of the night, berating himself for it, yet he still didn't have a good answer for that, hence the stutter and the absolutely fucking adorable shade of pink painting his cheeks for a couple of seconds there.

The way John sees it is that he spent two months waiting for a message, a call, anything. He sometimes couldn't attend his phone but made sure that the number he gave you was always available, even if he couldn't answer immediately. Hell, he even pulled through missions faster to come back to base and look at the device and be greeted with disappointment. It took him a few weeks to accept that you weren't going to contact him and acceptance started to hit, although John can't really let it go before thinking of all the what-ifs imaginable (after some more weeks of sulking silently), so of course he checked the weather in your area after he left you. And of course he saw that in fact it did not rain again, yet he couldn't be sure if it rained that same day, and if it did, how much. Records weren't that clear in your specific area.

He needed to know if you found the paper or not. It was all he had to know. John Price was left stumped and in need of answers. Answers he came to get because John Price knew the moment he saw you that it would be too good to let go.

You had to check yourself, it didn't matter that it was at work with him there. You went back, grabbed the umbrella and opened it, and surely enough, with his observant eyes studying every single one of your movements as he followed right behind, you watched in fascination as a small piece of paper fell swaying side to side in its descend, as if mocking you.

"00xx-xxxx-xxxxxxx"

"I'd love to hear from you again. Call me anytime. John."

As you'd tell this story to anyone who asked you two how you met, you'd roll your eyes at John any single time. He called it fate, said the wait was worth it to see you watch that paper fall out of the umbrella, meanwhile you ways end up calling him an idiot. Lovingly. For such a bright man, he was indeed an idiot. Your idiot thought. (In his defense, it was the only time he ever attempted subtleties with you, learing his lesson and all.) One thing for sure? The story never ceased to bring a smile on your face.

#cod x reader #cod x you #john price x reader #john price x you #price x reader #john price #captain price #price #price x you #call of duty x reader

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gentlebeardsbarngrill · 3 months

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01/28/2024 Daily Crew Recap

TLDR; Hoist The Ads Charity Donations; Campaign Status Updates; Hunt For the Pirate Home Watch Party; General Morale; Past Renewal Campaign Comparisons; Cast & Crew Sightings; Upcoming Events: Pets for Pirates Jan 29; Love Notes; Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika

=Hoist The Ads Updates =

Looks like the voting is done, and the results are in! @gingerlyvibing was kind enough to break down how much is going where. Just a reminder-- you all made this happen! Everything over the $10K it cost to get the billboard is going to help out these awesome charities! Links to threads: Tumblr / Twitter

Funnily enough, apparently one of the trucks still has the ads on it

== How To Help ==

How To Help Save OFMD Task List - US

How to Help Save OFMD Task List - Outside US

I'm helping some folks over on FB get similar/ the same updates right now, if anyone would like to help give me feedback I'd appreciate it, please just PM me! I have a couple ideas and I want to run them by folks.

== Status Updates ==

Good news! Wb is still having trouble recovering, as it should. Thanks @btweenhisteeth on twitter

==Petition Status==

Over 82K -- going slow, but still ticking up! Takes time all, especially since we're focused on the networks right now. Don't give up!

== Hunt For The Pirate Home Watch Party ==

Had some great turn out all over the world today for the Hunt For the Wilder People watch party. Thank you again to @dandeebakes for getting those coordinated!

Saw some great trends during it, and a lot of people having fun. If you haven't actually seen the movie, I highly recommend it, it's incredibly good!

==General Morale==

So despite things being fairly quiet today, the general vibe from folks has been that we're just in a holding pattern and we're just gonna keep clowning and polite menacing until we hear more word.

== Other Cancelled Series Comparisons ==

Something cool that I saw more of today was several groups doing comparisons with other cancelled TV Shows. Thank you to @OFMDCrew for these stats on twitter.

After they were posted, I did hear conflicting feelings on these (some felt it helped raise their mood, some felt it made it worse). So I wanted to point out a few things:

1. We've done a hell of a lot in 3 weeks (and signatures were our priority for most of the first two weeks, but once David Jenkins lit the beacon 8 days ago, we changed our focus). 2. We had a leadership change mid-all of this with Renew As A Crew. 3. Oh and there's other stuff in the world going on (Palestine) 4. As @saltpepperbeard says in their post "David only posted his "call to arms" just a little over a week ago. Eight days ago." So much has changed and we've STILL accomplished so much in that time too.

We are kicking ass, we really are, I promise you!

Across Twitter / IG / and Tumblr, several people have mentioned they feel like something's "in the air". That's totally a second hand "I have a feeling" thing but as you probably remember, quite a few of us had that as a bad feeling the morning before the show got cancelled. Now, if you're not into that kinda thing-- I would like to mention, that could just be because this crew is so fucking awesome, and that's why the vibe is so good-- because we're leaning on each other and take care of each other. Also when lovely people like @saltpepperbeard (as referenced above) write lovely responses to asks that can always help too. This post made ME feel better, I recommend giving it a read for a little perspective :)

= Cast & Crew Sightings =

1. The weekend is still pretty scarce as usual. Our pirate queen Ruibo Qian has been enjoying a lot of everyone's artwork lately. 2. Nathan Foad announced his con dates 3. Renewal Campaign Related: mostly seeing updates again from our boi Erroll Shand supporting the campaign.

== Pets For Pirates ==

Tomorrow, Jan 29, there will be a Pets for Pirates Even! Share your Pet pictures and use the hashtags:

#PetsForPirates

#AdoptOurCrew

#SaveOFMD

==Love Notes==

I know, I know "Jeez Abby, Shut Up We Already Know How Awesome We Are" Well good! Cause you should! But that won't stop me from saying so again! I'm serious when I say the vibe is so good right now in general because we have such a great crew. You all take such good care of each other and it shows every single day. You helped raise an extra $11,578 that are now going to charities that are going to help so many families, and kids, and that's just from the extra stuff from the Hoist The Ads Campaign -- not including everything else going on. I'm going to include a picture from one of my favorite people @thelatestkate because she does awesome work, and this one applies significantly to all of you. <3

Daily Darby/Tonights Taika

Tonights gifs are brought you by the wonderful @celluloidbroomcloset's Posts: Rhys / Taika

I'm literally watching Green Lanturn this moment because I needed to remember this youngin Taika, so thank you / no thank you for that, but hey I've watched worse for Rhys so I guess I can't complain.

Goodnight Lovelies <3

#ofmd daily recap #ofmd daily recaps #hoist the ads #our flag means death #ofmd #gentlebeard #renew as a crew #save ofmd #save our flag means death

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couldtheycatchkira · 5 months

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FAQ

Can you put a "Don't know this character/See Results" option? No. This is an active global serial murder investigation and time is of the essence. If you truly don't know who they are, just go by what I'm told are called "vibes". Do not default to "Could not catch Kira, would not survive" simply because you don't know who the character is.

What is the current wait time? About five months, and counting.

I thought this was for detectives only? We're desperate. Why do you think this is a suicide squad?

Do submissions need pictures? Not necessarily, but if you want to, make sure it's at the least an OFFICIAL RENDER. I don't like using fanart! (Nothing against fanartists, I just don't want to search something like "Kermit" and get images of strangely muscular frogs (you can imagine the hell I went trying to avoid AI images for Ramona Flowers)).

If a character was already submitted as a standalone/part of a group, can I submit them as part of a group/a standalone? Yes, however you need to wait the full seven days after their poll goes up. In the event that both are submitted in a short amount of time from one another, I shall personally space them out in the queue so that there are at least seven days between them. This is to prevent a situation where, say, Princess Zelda is submitted in quick succession to "The Triforce Wielders" as a group, and you have two polls with Zelda running at once.

Can I submit a real human? No. Pets aren't allowed because they'd sweep, but do not send me video essayists or the like. I will not put them on the blog unless they, themself, send in their name on an official Tumblr account. I fully doubt this will happen, obviously, so simply do not do this.

Can I submit [ANYONE ELSE]? Baby life is short when you're dealing with a guy who can kill from a distance at any time. You should do whatever you like. Submit a guy who can't separate his darks from his lights. Move to a new city. Find a 200 sqft apartment. Get five roommates. Ghost all of them. Start a company that sells leg warmers for dogs. Declare bankruptcy. Move to a different new city. Enter a torrid romance with a guy who calls himself "The Creature". Cheat on him with a different guy who calls himself "Monsieur Beast", a legally distinct entity unaffiliated with MrBeast. Start an electro-flamenco band with both of your exes. Get trapped in a stupid and gay little maze. Fight your way to the castle beyond the Goblin City and take back what has been stolen from you. Eat a lettuce wrap. Move back to your hometown and tell no one.

#Announcement #FAQ

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belethlegwen · 16 days

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General li'l update

So, things have done anything but slow down for me in the real world. To keep it as vague as possible, there's a chance I'll be losing my job within the next month or so, though we're all currently working on possible solutions to this. Hoping for the best.

I've already done my panicking and preemptive grieving. 18 years in a single career is a hell of a run for someone my age, and if it has to come to an end then I've made at least some peace with that idea.

Still though, working every day to find solutions. To fix things. To keep surviving. It's exhausting, I will not lie. We're doing what we can over here.

There's so, so much good to look forward to this year. These are just bumpy patches of road. And some of the bumpiest roads I've driven on have taken me to the best places I've ever been. I'll be alright. I know I'll be alright. I'll be more than alright, by the time this is all said and done.

Been doing more reading of late, which I've been loving. You all are putting out such amazing work and I love bouncing in to read even if it takes me 3 attempts and a couple of hours to get through a posted chapter. Lovely escapes, all around.

My sister turned me onto a game ("game" kind of seems like an odd word for it but either way) on steam called Spirit City: Lofi Sessions. You customize a character, you have a little room, it plays lofi music at you and you can poke at a few playlists, build soundscapes around it (rain noises, thunder, wind, birds chirping, crackling fire etc etc) while your character mills about in spots doing things as just a beautiful little vibe-generator. You can collect spirit pals to vibe with you. It's just really cozy and nice, I love it. Highly recommend.

It has an optioning for in-app journaling, and I've been meaning to get back into journaling regularly just for the sake of my memory and everything else. That's been a huge boon over the last 2-3 days. It's got a productivity timer, to-do list, daily task/habits tracker.

Anyway, I've been making progress on writing but it's slow, staggered. Hit a bit of a wall last night with some of The Stranding where I wrote 8.5 pages of a scene and then just felt... unhappy with it. I had clearly lost the thread of why I started writing it, and needed to walk away to see if a fresher mind could find a place to rewind to and pivot so I can salvage it, or if I'm just gonna carve the whole thing out and set it in the Cut Scenes doc. The other 20 pages I've got waiting? Fine. Good, even. Proud of those. This one, I'm proud of what I'm writing but again... just feels more like floating aimlessly and bouncing. It was clear I wrote it while heavily distracted or with gaps between focus, so it jumps.

I'll see what I can salvage. Can't promise an update and am avoiding making it feel like I'm 'back on schedule' just to find something I can reduce pressure from in my life for the time being. But: I love you all. The Kudos, the views, the comments, the everything. It means a lot. You're all great.

If I do any generic vent/vibe writing, not necessarily attached to anything, I'll consider sharing it here for y'all. You guys deserve a bit of fun and sunshine <3

Have a great time everyone, love y'all to bits <3

~ Belle

#g/t author #gtauthor #author thoughts #just general rambling #irl update #life update #life is a mess and boy am I too tired to clean #Sometimes you just keep chuggin' until someone tells you aren't actually a train y'know what I mean?#If you do know what I mean please let me know #My brain is scrambled eggs because of all of this #I would like things to slow down plz #A friend of mine at the farmer's market this morning asked me 'what's new?' and I just moaned 'too much'.#I would like Less New #For a little while #Until the next big New Thing #The good one #the one where I get to see my fiancee and take them home with me forever #That's the good shit #Looking forward to that

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weskersluvrrrrrrrrr · 1 year

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Can you make a nsfw stars Wesker x reader story, where he does Y/n in the laboratory in the mansion after she finds out that he’s a traitor?? This is my first time requesting, sorry if it’s bad.

I low-key love this request but also don't because me no good at make plot

little bit darker than most of my stuff, includes coerced sex (I think this is considered dub con) not sane, safe, and barely consensual

Rough and angrier wesker then I normally write

If any of this makes you uncomfortable please do not read (I could barely write this myself lol)

NSFW, afab reader, no pronouns

----

"Stay here, wait for my return. I should be back quickly." We're the last words you heard your captain speak to you, after that he left you in one of the mansions bedrooms before jogging out into the main room of the house. It was boring to sit there and you had assumed you fell asleep, due to waking up what felt like hours later. By time you had awoke you had grown tired of waiting and instead picked up your gun, and started wandering the mansion. The intricate and antique decor of the house, along with the limited light, gave for a spooky vibe. You tried to best to ignore the warnings, nothing could be heard, you hadn't seen anyone yet, and blood was smeared all over the floors and wall. Stumbling around, you found a basement, and inside that basement was a door, glowing light behind it and the faint echo of footsteps. Without hesitation you force open the door, holding up your gun as you do so ready to fire. The person in the room stopped and turned to look at you, scowling for a moment before they had a shocked expression.

"Captain...? What the hell are you doing. And where are Chris and Jill."

"Didn't I tell you to wait for me? Just what do you think you're doing out of that room."

You step farther into the lab, the door to the room swinging shut behind you. If you had known what was about to happen you would have run back out and gone far, far away from this place.

"You didn't answer my question. Where are Chris and Jill."

"That is none of your concern. Now, why are you here, you were supposed to stay in the room I placed you in." He growls under his breath and you start walking towards him, standing by some messy lab tables and counter tops with failed experiments. The lights don't help illuminate the room very well, the room glowing a faint blue as you squint trying to see the man in front of you.

"It is some of my concern! They we're apart of STARS, same as me! What happened to them Wesker!?" You get up in his face and yell, but cut yourself off. Instead you stared at the red adorning his face. "Blood... what happened down here Wesker...?" Further down, his clothes are torn and tattered, coated with a mixture of his own blood and others.

"That's it, my patience has reached it's end." He slams you onto one of the tables, hovering above you snarling, his glasses slip down, and shows off his glowing, red eyes. You gasp and shake, you've come to a realization.

Albert Wesker isn't human anymore.

His hand immediately shoots to your throat, his other holding your hands above your head easily. The hand on your throat squeezes it, cutting off your airflow quickly and removing your ability to think anymore then you have, to focused about living.

"You should have listened to me. If you did this wouldn't have come to this. I was going to take my sweet time with you too, but I guess what must be done, must be done."

"Wait-!" You claw at his wrist, though it being pointless for his strength. Strength wise your Captain would most likely forever have an edge above you, and it made him grin as he watched you hopelessly attack him. Grabbing and Clawing at his wrist as you desperately tried to plead with him. "Please-! Stop-!"

"Stop? But why should I. Not when I'm having so much fun with you." He loosens his grasp, enough for you to talk easier at least, yet still enough to watch you squirm and heave.

"I-i'll do any-anything. J-just please do-don't kill me-" Squeezing again he thinks over the idea you've proposed.

"Anything, you say..." A devilish grin crossed his face as he stared down at you. "Are you sure about that offer, sweetheart?" His tone was mockingly sweet, jabbing at you for begging so pathetically.

"Y-yes...anything- just- please-" Speaking felt impossible with the way he was squeezing your throat, digging his nails in as well. The pain burned and you felt light headed and once he finally released you the dizziness stayed. It only really went away after you finally got air in your lungs again, gasping and choking as you tried to breathe again.

"That was a foolish offer you made, but I'm happy to take this opportunity to have you for myself." You stare up at him, unresponsive, still trying to catch your breath. The hand trapping your hands let's go and returns to his side. "Stand up and turn around."

"What-"

"You said you would do anything to live, now do as I say or you'll end up on a missing poster." Something you learned from the years of working with Wesker, he made promises, never threats. He stepped away from you and you slowly got up, doing as you were told. Facing away from him, you yelped out in shock as he pushed your head and chest onto the table. "I think I'll have fun breaking you.."

"What- what are you gonna do to me-?"

"Whatever I want, Dearheart."

I'm gonna make a part two to this I just can't motivate myself to get to the actual smut part. THERE WILL BE A SECOND PART. AND I WILL WRITE FUCKIN SMUT.

#albert wesker #albert wesker x reader #resident evil #wesker hcs #stars wesker #wesker x you

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coldresolve · 25 days

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Hi, I'm Elias, I'm a 26yo trans guy from Denmark. I write shit, I draw shit, and I get into unneccesarily tedious arguments with anons about torture apologia in fiction. I think that sums up my vibe

I've made a few posts about this already, but tl;dr: the Danish NHS has been refusing to treat me for gender dysphoria for the better part of a year now because they've deemed me "unstable." Unstable how, you ask?

I have depression.

No, that is quite literally it. Full context under the readmore.

Fighting to be heard and having the door repeatedly slammed in your face sucks peak ass, and I'm done now. The NHS is so lackluster when it comes to trans people, all of a sudden, it makes perfect sense to me why 31% of transgender Danes get HRT outside of the NHS.

And I'd rather not have to turn to the black market, so rn I'm hoping to get a prescription with GenderGP. The issue is, I'm poor as fuck and can't afford the start-up fees for the forseeable future - unless I do something like this. I hate asking others for money, and I hate it even more if I'm not in a place where I can give anything in return. But I also recognize I'm in over my head with this, so. If you've got a cent or two to spare, I'd be grateful as hell.

I've mathed it out, and my best estimate is that I need around 3500,- DKK / $500 USD. Again, this is just to cover the initial subscription as well as mandatory consultations/blood tests. I should be able to cover the prescriptions on my own, as well as further tests/consultations down the line, so I'm hoping this is a one-and-done sort of thing.

paypal: [email protected]

Also, important note. We're in a global cost of living/housing crisis and this isn't a strict life-or-death situation. If you're in a tough spot right now, don't send me anything, that'd just make me feel worse about asking. I appreciate the thought but you gotta take care of your own needs first. Peace and take care ✌️

So I've been dealing with major depressive disorder since I was 11. It runs in my family, and as you might imagine, after 15 years of living with this thing, I've learned how to manage it pretty well by now. I know what it's like to genuinely be unstable - and if I were in a place like that, no problem, I'd be open about that. I wouldn't be making decisions like this. I know myself. You kind of have to when you're dealing with a chronic mental illness.

Here's where I am right now: I've got no suicidal ideation, been clean from self harm for four years, no psychosis, no inpatient admissions for the last five years. I live on my own, take my meds, and I'm keeping my life in order. Depressed, yes, but about as stable as someone with my history can get, and ask anyone who knows me, me wanting to get on HRT isn't some spur of the moment decision. I've done a fucking decade of soul searching, and a few years ago, I finally (duh) reached the conclusion that living as a woman isn't something I can even fake being content with - believe me, I've tried. I'm well aware of the scope of medical transition, but I'm settled in who I am. And I just want to live like me now. That's the only thing I want.

If it counts for anything, my partner and family have supported me through this, which has been priceless obviously, but it also goes to show that me saying "I'm capable of making medical decisions" isn't purely a personal assessment. I'm pretty sure they'd speak up if they thought I was being unstable about it or whatever

But the CPH clinic for sexology, who have consistently refused to listen to me telling them all this, have somehow magically aquired divine knowledge on my capacity to make adult decisions about my own body, and on the basis that I have MDD, they're refusing to even set me up for a preliminary interview - one that would preceed a 6 month full-team psych evaluation before the prospect of HRT would even come up. They said in their latest refusal that they wont accept another referral from me until a year after my last in-clinic conversation with them, which happened on October 24th, 2023 - meaning that with the NHS, if they accepted my referral come October (which I don't have much faith they will), the earliest I could possibly get on HRT is April 2025. Arguing for my own sanity would've sucked enough as is, but it's made harder by the fact that they won't even talk to me. You're a trans guy who would like healthcare, but you have a mental illness? Good luck, you're on your own. Long live the Danish bureaucracy.

Dysphoria makes me fucking miserable. I'd rather not have to write a sob story here, and tumblr is like 80% trans people so I guess a good portion of you can imagine why waiting another year for the possibility of maybe-perhaps-if-all-goes-well getting on HRT would not actually make me less miserable about it.

So. I'm sitting down next week along with my mom to file a formal complaint with the patient's rights committee. I don't know what to call this other than some form of discrimination on the basis of mental illness, because nothing in my current situation would prohibit me from making medical decisions for myself. And I honestly don't think that a complaint is going to do much, but I intend to make it obnoxiously long, because by law, a specialized doctor and an attorney have to read through the whole thing. If you can't beat 'em, make 'em read 50 pages of you going into detail about why you think they suck, right

And yeah, like I said, in the meantime, I'm trying to go via GenderGP. It'd be nice if my poor ass could get HRT via the NHS instead of having to pay out of pocket, but apparently the bar for entry requires that you 1) have gender dysphoria to the point where it impedes normal function and 2) somehow aren't mentally ill. Who wrote these rules? Some 60yo cis guy in a suit in Christiansborg, I imagine.

Feel free ask about anything relating to this whole situation, I'll be as open as I can about it, cause I understand that if you're going to give money to someone, you want to know what it's going to. Though I hope you understand I'm not going to doxx myself more than I already have now, or give you my entire medical history - only what's relevant to my current situation.

I know Denmark is a welfare state and on a global scale we're doing alright, but I hope you don't mind if I say this: This shouldn't be happening as often as it does. Fuck the Danish NHS.

#other #slight self doxx ig #idec ill post my bare ass for testosterone #do rb if u want but also no pressure. i want this whole thing to be on a want-to only basis alright

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ebonysplendor · 1 month

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The Science of Staying Awake Review 👁️

TL;DR: Sleep is often for the weak, but having, what is likely but claims not to be, a hallucination being violently in love with you is something that is not for the weak. Apparently, it's not for the living either...

Game Link: https://viscereye.itch.io/the-science-of-staying-awake

Notable Features: Gender Neutral MC, Unnamed MC (referred as "You"), Yandere LI, Choice-heavy storyline Spiciness: 0/5 -- Not exactly wholesome because violence but no option to buss it open so no spice LI Red Flags: 1.7/5 -- Physically abusive, Crosses boundaries...other than that, he be's a touch starved boi who just wants cuddles

Wanna know more? Well, let's get into it!

Before I say anything, I just want you to read this:

Let me tell you, I had no idea how accurate that description was until I played it. That is a damned accurate description, and quite frankly, the only way to describe the experience that this was.

Anyways, I had ran across it when going through my game files, and I was like "Oh yeah! This game exists!" and decided to write a review on this one. I played this game many moons ago, and frankly, I don't see many people talking about or referencing this one; I honestly feel like more people should know about it, because there is a game to be played here. I mean, how many people are actually going to run across this review, I have no idea, but shit, hopefully it'll get a few extra downloads, because as "cheesy" as it may look, this was actually a pretty damn good game!

Honestly (and respectfully) speaking, you know how you look at a game, and you're like "This is probably going to be bad, but I'm curious"? From looking at the backgrounds they used, the description itself, and how they described the game as "cheesy" and a "creepypasta fanfic", I honestly thought this was supposed to be one of those "intentionally bad but funny as hell" games for jokes, but...yeah, no. If it was meant to be that way, I didn't get that at all.

I'll explain more in the actual review portion, but I'm going to go ahead and cut to the chase. As always, I give you the disclaimer that -- and those that have been vibing with me since the start of all of this already know -- I'm going to tell you as much as possible about the game without ruining the game itself.

Just as a side note, I think I do say that verbatim every time I write a review -- between that, "so boom", and the whole "drink water, don't be dumb" thing lol. I might switch it up one day, but that's honestly how I talk in real life. Like, can you not tell that I type the way that I speak? I mean, if it was something for college or work or something, yeah, I'm going to code switch, obvi, but for stuff like this? I'm pretty much talkin' to y'all like y'all are the squad because...well, y'all are lol.

Anyways! Enough chitchat, let's get summarizing.

So, boom (lmao ya see?).

We're in class, and we're tired as fook. Like, it's not even that "Damn, this class is boring" type of tired; it's that "I deadass haven't slept in 2 days, and I'm starting to hear colors and see sounds" type of tired. That "Ayo, why does this hard ass desk feel mad comfortable all of a sudden" type of tired. That plain and simple "a bitch is TIDE not tired" type of tired. Anyways, we recognize this as a current problem, and we know that we've gotta do something about it. Expeditiously. So, we hit up the vending machine, get something to wake us up a little, and then head on home.

When I say that it took everything to get up those stairs and to our bedroom...listen.

Like, as soon as we got through the door, we dropped that backpack to the floor, and we dive -- you hear me, dive -- into that bed. Now, with the way that we were feeling, dreamland should've been immediate. To be real with you, we were probably asleep by the time we were mid-air, but like, when we landed, we landed on something, and this something -- or rather someone -- goes "Ow". Like huuuuuuuh?

Again: Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuh? Fuck you mean, "Ow?" Like who the hell is yooooooooou?!

No, like, we literally ask who he -- ...it? --- is, because clearly, he was not here when we left, let alone just chilling in our bed, but he's just super casual about it, like, "Oh! I'm Vance!". Like, oh, right, Vance; that suddenly makes this whole situation totally normal and nothing to worry about -- as if that were even slightly true.

Here's the thing though, oddly enough, it actually is kind've true. See, we're not scared of him as a...whatever he is, but something about him is just...not right; something is very clearly off. Like, when he had introduced himself, he had shook our hand, and we immediately got this mad intense feeling of dread that we couldn't describe, and something about it just kind've made us feel like we were, quite literally, spiraling into insanity.

Naturally, we pull ourselves away from him and step back -- that spiraling feeling and anxiety is instantly gone. As you've probably guessed, it didn't take us long to put together that it's not good for this "Vance" creature to be too close in proximity, let alone anywhere near us.

He kind've picks up on this, and he's adamant that he's not going to hurt us. Still, we try to explain to him that, while we're not really threatened by him, we get this weirdly intense feeling whenever he's nearby, and he essentially needs to stay a little more than an arm's length away at all times; frankly, the further away, the better. Well...

He didn't take that well, and now, we feel threatened by him.

I hadn't mentioned this before, but Vance was already pretty upset that we wouldn't really let him come near us, let alone cuddle with him, but now he's extra pissed because we're essentially rejecting him altogether, even though he's, quite literally, driving us insane.

So, now that he's like this, we've got to get the hell out of there because, now, we aren't sure if he's still on the whole "I'm not going to hurt you" energy like before. That being said, we completely bolt, and he's like "Nah, bring that ass here, boi". Panic. Big panic time.

So, we do. We run off, but it does no good, because he finds us.

Granted, he doesn't know exactly where we are, but it doesn't matter because we're completely cornered. What are we going to do?

Well, let me rephrase that I know what I'm going to do; better yet, I know what I did. Now you guys on the other hand? Lol, I'll guess you'll have to play it for yourself to see what y'all are going to do.

I had honestly forgotten how good this game was until I had replayed it to grab some screenshots and to get a refresher on what actually went down. I'm not even kidding about that. My love for the game had literally re-sparked, and I can't believe that I forgot how good it was. If you've read my past reviews, you know that I mentioned at one point that I become an absolute slut for a choice-heavy game -- this is a choice heavy game and a damned good one. Speaking of choice-heavy...

Just to get off topic very slightly, you know what was crazy? When I went to replay it, apparently, I had done something different than when I had first played though the game and lmaoooooo, do you know that I had ended up finding THREE more endings? Wanna know something even crazier? One of them was a secret ending that I didn't even realize that I had gotten to!

Now mind you (lol you know the story is about to get a lil' spicy when that's said)! I had already unlocked like...if I remember right, like, 14 endings at this point, so when I found these other endings -- again, by total accident because, at this point, damn the review! I'm legit replaying the game for me, now -- I was now sitting at a grand total of 17 endings. So, now, I'm like "Ayo, what the hell?". Like, my mind is blown, because I was so sure that I had found all of the endings and completed the game. Remember, I hadn't touched or thought about this game in literal months because I was that confident that I had finished it. So, it's like, how many endings are there if I'm still managing to find more?

Naturally, I sprint to the dev's game page to conduct research on this burning question, and I am reading everything that there is to offer, but there was nothing. No "hey, this game has x amount of endings", no walkthrough map, no nothing. Did that stop me, though? Nah, because surely someone had experienced something similar to what I just had and was also like "Damn, how many endings are there...?". Lmaooooo well, I was right. You know what the answer is?

19. There are nineteen endings in this game.

I already knew the answer, but I go back to count the amount of endings that I have; there's 17. I dig into the game files for some more hints, and I find two icons (you'll know what I mean when you play it) that I've never seen before. Oh, okay. So, it's confirmed, but let me make sure that I've got the details straight:

Are you seriously telling me that, not only had I incorrectly assumed that I had all of the endings and finished the game because I had gotten all of the achievements, but the fact that I found three other endings -- again, by accident! -- doesn't even matter because I'm still missing two more because there's NINETEEN ENDINGS total?!

Wild. Chaotic even, and you're damn right that I'm here for it all. I LOVE that there are so many endings. I love even more that I have other endings to look for because I'm totally in love with this game all over again. Even though, lol, it was the deadpan, nonchalant "19" from the dev for me. The dev said "I said what I said, and what about it?". We love to see it.

Anyways, I'm a huge advocate for this game. If you've got some time, definitely give it a try. I highly recommended, and Vance is a pretty sweet dude, if you can find that side of him, I mean. Also, just for a very light spoiler but not really, the real ending was so sweet to me. Like something about it, it just...I don't know. It was just a warm feeling that washed over me when I had read it, and I was just like "That was actually really cute?" Bittersweet, even. Like, ugh, I am honestly really pushing for more people to play this game. It was genuinely so good, and I hope that the dev comes out with more visual novels. I truly forgot how in love with this game I was until I replayed it. This has, highkey, been a great experience.

Anywho, it's time that I stop my rambling and end it here. If you'd like to give this game a go for yourself and discover all 🌟nineteen🌟 endings -- which I highly recommend that you do -- a link to the game is at the very bottom of this post as well as at the very top. Hell, I'll even put the link right here so you can get to it quicker. If you're feeling extra motivated, visit the dev's page and post a comment telling them how great of a job they did and give them that extra validation to let them know "Hey! You're pretty good at what you do! You should keep doing the thing!". I didn't see where you could donate to them, but assuming I just missed it, remember that monetary validation is always helpful as well.

That's all from me though! Drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

The Science of Staying Awake

19 notes · View notes

nfoodd · 5 months

Note

BOOTING UP//

EXPOSITION //

Uzi: We are Worker Drones. Autonomous robots helping humans mine exoplanets for our interstellar parent company, JCJenson IN SPAAAAACCCEE!!!! Yeah, we were mistreated in the name of Windex. But it's not like we revolted and killed all humans or anything, mostly because they handled that just fine all by themselves.

(As she speaks, the planet core collapses and blows up a good majority of Copper 9. Afterwords, a Worker Drone touches a frozen human skeleton, which falls over and shatters.)

Uzi: With biological life wiped from the planet, we found it pretty easy to pick up where they left off. We finally had a future, all to ourselves.

(The Landing Pod crashes to the city.)

Uzi: Unfortunately, our parent company didn't exactly love the concept of runaway AI...

(The Disassembly Drones begin to emerge from the pod. One of them throws the head of a dead drone, laughs, and destroys the city with other drones.)

Scene 2

(During a class presentation...)

Uzi: But what have our parents done for the past forever while those things build a spire of corpses?! Hide under the ice behind three stupid doors?! It's like we're waiting for an inciting incident! Anyway, that's why my project is this sick-as-hell Railgun!

(Her classmates panic.)

Riley: Oh, so not the vibe!

Uzi: Easy, morons. It doesn't work... yet! It doesn't work yet. Who said it doesn't work, maybe it does! (Uzi flicks the switch and laughs evilly.)

Teacher: (Rolls his eyes and sighs in disinterest) Uzi, the homework was a word problem about buying watermelons.

Uzi: Oh, and this magnetically amplified photon converger doesn't count?

Teacher: ...No. Plus, repressed emotional baggage was only worth two points on the rubric. And is it supposed to be that color?

(Uzi's railgun turns red and blasts the classroom.)

Scene 3

(After that calamitous demonstration, Uzi winds up in the sick bay.)

Lizzy: Ew, it didn't kill her! Oh my god, it's so bad! (She and her friend leave.)

Uzi: Ugh...

Thad: (Walks in) Classic toxic masculinity, Chad! That's never gonna end up problematic... Oh wow, Uzi? I heard you, uh-

Uzi: I'm an angsty teen, Thad. Bite me! Also, how do you know my name? People willingly talk to you.

Thad: (Chuckles) Well, I'd say everyone knows Khan's daughter, but, uh... Then you might blow the other half of your face off.

Uzi: Crippling daddy issues, hilarious... What are you in for? Testosterone too hard?

Thad: That can happen? Awesome. Hey, those bandages look pretty badass!

Uzi: Oh... Uh, ew. Gross, I hate that you said that.

Thad: So, what's the, uh...

Uzi: (Points railgun) Sick-as-hell railgun?! Sci-Fi nonsense, that super works! I'm sneaking to the Murder Drone lair tonight to get the last spare part I need to save the world with it and earn my dad's respect and stuff, but mostly the world part.

Thad: Oh, but doesn't your dad make awesome doors so we don't have to, uh... Do that scary sounding emotionally repressed stuff you just said?

Uzi: (Angrily points railgun into his cheek) NO MORE FEEDBACK ON MY REPRESSION TODAY!!

Thad: Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't think...

Uzi: (Leaves) BITE ME! (Comes back) I'm not mad at you by the way, just generally hormonal! (Leaves again)

Scene 4

(It's now 3 in the morning. Uzi smacks her face to turn the alarm clock off and prepares to sneak out of the house. She grabs her railgun, straightens her hat, and quietly steals her father's door key to swipe and get a door open. Just when she is about to leave, she runs into her dad.)

Uzi: Oh, Robo-Jesus!

Khan: And where might you be off to?

Uzi: Umm... Sneaking out to make out with my boyfriend that I definitely have?

Khan: (Laughs) Seriously, though.

Uzi: Okay, okay, you caught me! I need to measure... the exterior hydraulic mechanisms of Door One. Because that's... the project I'm working on for school? A big old door! Just like what my old man build! (Khan isn't buying this.) I want to join the WDF and hide behind the doors like cowards while playing cards and stuff...

Khan: (Chuckles) Well, we don't just play cards...

(Another door opens up behind Khan revealing his buddies playing cards.)

Braxton: Khan! Can you grab a fresh pack? We literally only play cards so much that the numbers have faded. Oh, hey Uzi!

Uzi: (Chuckles)

Khan: (Closes door) Well... (Laughs) When you build doors so good- (Goes back to hug the door like a dog owner petting his four-legged friend) Good door, good door... (Turns his attention back to Uzi) There's no need to fight! Uzi, this is great news! Here! The wrench that I used to tighten bolts on my first door prototypes, and to put your mother out of her misery when the Murder Drones got to her with that nanite acid... I want you to have it! (He hands Uzi the wrench.)

Uzi: Neat. Therapy's fun!

Khan: (Opens door) Guys! My daughter is into doors!

(The fellow drones start cheering as another door opens, letting in snow and a cold breeze, much to their chagrin.)

Khan: She's gonna be outside for a bit to examine the exterior of Door One! Your door-specific destiny awaits!

Uzi: Uhh... Wow, okay! I'm just gonna leave then, cause this worked so weirdly well. Uh, go doors! (The door closes.)

Khan: (Tearing up) They grow up so fast! (He takes off his fake mustache.)

Scene 5

(Uzi ventures out into the arctic wasteland and makes her way to the Corpse House. She comes across a downed Drone pod and forages around for the component she needs when she hears a noise behind her. A winged drone swoops in, takes the head of a drone, and crushes it. They notice Uzi hiding behind some machinery, and the two engage in a fight. Uzi braces her railgun, but the drone lands so hard it gets knocked out of her hands. Uzi jumps back and strikes a pose.)

Uzi: Whoa, and they said pirating all that anime was useless...

(The drone stabs Uzi hand, leaving a hole, and flings her to the side. Uzi quickly grabs her railgun as the drone scans around for her.)

Uzi: Bite me!

(Uzi fires the railgun, destroying the drone's head. The railgun recharges as the drone's body falls to the ground.)

Uzi: Holy hell! Suck on that, Dad!

(Suddenly, the drone's head regenerates. Uzi quickly slaps them with an arm, which does nothing, then their eyes open.)

N: ...Did you just slap me with that arm?

Uzi: Holy crap, it talks.

N: Yeah... Sorry, it's just my, uh, head kind of hurts. Hey, are you new to our squad? You're a little, uhh... (Shows Error in his sensors) short, for a Disassembly Drone. I'm Serial Designation N, nice to meet you. I'm kind of the leader of the squad in this city. That's not true, everyone tells me I'm useless and terrible. Wait, I'm not supposed to tell you that part! Biscuits! (Sighs) Well, honesty is the best policy. (Laughs) I also can't seem to remember the past 3 hours of my life, but I'm sure that'll sort itself out.

Uzi: Uh huh... I, uh, have to, go. (She leaves, but forgets about the painful hole in her damaged hand.)

N: Stuck yourself? Just pop it in your mouth. Our saliva neutralizes the nanites, otherwise I'd be constantly disassembling myself. (He holds up a syringe with nanite acid.)

Uzi: And by our saliva, you mean...

Uzi & N: Disassembly Drone?

Uzi: Right. Hey, let's go in that landing pod over there!

N: Sure! I love doing anything!

Scene 6

(N is drinking saliva from Uzi's hand.)

N: Sweet! Uh, I'm open to new things, I guess.

Uzi: We are never talking about this.

N: Talking about what? Consider it, uh... Repressed!

Uzi: ...Uh, you mentioned other members of your squad? Are they coming back soon?

N: Oh, yeah. Two others. They're out hunting for a bit but you'll love them. First, there's V.

(Flashback. V tears a drone's entrails out.)

Grant: No, No! Please don't feed me my own entrails in front of my family!

(N watches V feed Grant his own entrails in front of his family and kill him.)

V: ...And yet, I still feel nothing. (Her crazed eye twitches.)

N: So, V, uh, I heard this planet-wide toxic death storm is supposed to be especially inhospitable tonight-

V: Oh God, who are you?! (She leaves.)

N: No worries, I'm N! But a whole letter is a lot to remember! (He laughs nervously.)

(Flashback ends.)

N: So obviously, a lot of mutual respect there. But secretly, I actually kind of have a crush on her... You can't tell her, okay?! (Beat. Motioning, Uzi zips her mouth.) Then there's J, our leader.

(Another flashback. J has N pinned to the ground.)

J: N, you're worthless, and terrible, (N: (Struggling to breathe) Thank you...) and if the company allowed it, I would straight up kill you myself!

(Flashback ends.)

N: J's awesome. Hey, let me give you the tour! Outside are the corpse... wall... thingies. In here are the buttons! (He begins pressing buttons.)

Uzi: This... isn't just a landing pod... This is a spaceship! This could get us off the planet!

N: More of a one-use missile. They never taught us how to land.

Uzi: No, I, uh, uh, the worker drones, we could work with them to fix this! Instead of all the murder! ...Which, uh, why are we doing that again...?

N: Other than ingesting their WARM, SWEET oil to avoid overheating and dying? I guess I just want to be useful. I was given a job and I always want to try my best.

Uzi: And look at all the respect it's gotten you, N. You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead?

N: Oh my, you sure are rebellious! It's kind of exciting. But, not as fun as, uh, following the rules...

(They hear footsteps.)

N: Hey, they're back! You- (Uzi has disappeared.)

J: Idiot, get out here!

Scene 7

(Uzi retreats from the Corpse House.)

V: (Laughs) Yo, we got a worker out there I kind of want to practice balloon animal shapes with. ...What happened here?

J: Synergistic Liability here must have tripped and knocked himself offline. (J slaps N.) Moron bot, hello? (She snaps her fingers as N goes through a system reboot.)

Uzi: (On a recording) You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead? (Rewind.) Bite me!

YOU'RE DEAD

[IDIOT]

(The reboot finishes.)

N: Ohhhh... (His scanner indicates Uzi's footprints.) Ohhhh! You know, I-I left an-an extremely dangerous weap- excuse outside...! (He flees as V holds up a flag that says "Literally So Insanely Suspicious". Meanwhile, N goes off in pursuit of Uzi, who is fleeing back to the colony.)

Scene 8

(Meanwhile, during the card game...)

Todd: Haha, I am out, boys.

Drone: Oh, gosh darn it...

Braxton: Wait until my loving wife and kids hear about this!

(The door opens, letting in the cold and Uzi, much to their annoyance.)

Uzi: Bite me! Close it, close it!

(Uzi tries to swipe the card to close the door, but N has already stuck his claw in between. He pries the door open slightly.)

N: Hey, fellas. Oh, deal me in, I love rummy. Wait, no, I'm going to murder everyone... Rain check!

(He swings his acidic tail at the door scanner, breaking it and the key. The door opens up, as do other doors. Realizing their lives are on the line, Uzi and the other drones, minus Todd, run off.)

Todd: Um, actually, it's gin rummy. So-

(N impales him against a wall and slices his head off. He begins firing at the rest, shooting Makarov's head off and pouncing the other drone. Meanwhile, Braxton catches up with Uzi.)

Braxton: Hey, Uzi! I just realized no one's said my name out loud before, so I'm just letting you know I'm- (N slices him in two, then flies off in pursuit of Uzi.)

(Uzi recharges her railgun and turns back to fire, but sees that N is gone. Khan appears.)

Khan: Pretty nice hydraulics, huh? (He pauses as he sees all the chaos he missed.) ...What-What have you done?

(Uzi doesn't reply. Before she could explain herself, N swoops in. Uzi prepares for a fight.)

Uzi: This time, I won't miss!

N: (Chuckles) I'm sorry. I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with that thing.

Uzi: Bite me! (To Khan) Dad, get down!

Khan: Uzi, you Lead a murder drone here?! My beautiful doors!

Uzi: Now is so not the time! I messed up, in the same way I'm about to fix it! Move, dad!

(N pins her to a wall and her railgun falls at Khan's feet.)

Uzi: (Straining) Dad... Point and shoot... Trust me...!

(Khan, trembling with fear, slowly backs off instead of helping his only child.)

Uzi: (Heartbroken) Dad...?

(In an act of cowardice, Khan closes the door, leaving Uzi broken. Not just brokenhearted, but broken to the point where she shuts down. No grief over being left in the lurch by her own father. No attempts to fight back N. Nothing. She just goes limp... The room turns red and alarms blare as N regains his sanity, looking with despair over what he has done. At this moment J and V show up.)

J: Whoa, N! Am I dreaming, or did you do something not useless, for once?

V: I've been trying to get past those doors for months. Nice work, N.

N: ...You... Me... Name... Remember...?

V: These ventilation shafts can easily get us around this last door. Lowest body count eats a missile! (She flies upwards.)

J: Way to go, stud. The company's gonna love this. With this colony wiped, we'll make top team this quarter, for sure. You know what that means... Branded pens! (She holds up a JCJenson brand pen, to N's joy. She tosses it to him and prepares to fly off and catch up with V.)

N: ...Uh, you know, not that I can't wait to keep murdering all these, uh, maybe not-so-actually different from us Worker Drones, but, just out of curiosity, do we actually, uh, know what the company plans to do with us afterwards...?

(Uzi begins to wake up.)

J: Excuse me...?

N: Okay, so, a worker earlier might have suggested that they could fix up our landing pod to, uh, escape the planet and stuff, which, whoa, hey, that's against the rules! But, it is kind of making me question why our pods were only one way in the first place. Cause, you know, I get the feeling the company doesn't actually love robots, and like we might be robots. I've made a terrible mistake. It's cool how immediately I could tell.

J: Hmm... No way, buddy. Questioning the company? You just finally gave me the excuse I needed. (J injects N with a virus.) Worker drones are corrupted, N. That's why the company sent us. I hate to see you corrupted as well.

N: (Infected) Thanks, J... Always looking out for me... You're awesome... (He passes out.)

J: Heh. (She flies upward to catch up with V and hunt down more drones.)

(Uzi wakes up and goes to get her railgun.)

N: (Still infected) Ah, biscuits. I'm sorry. I ruined your card game, then made you have an awkward moment with your dad.

Uzi: And I made you rebel like an angsty teen, which got you killed. Though, you also tried to kill me, so morality calls this a draw. (She climbs on top of a box to reach the vent. Predictably, she can't reach due to not having the ability to fly, and for being too short.) Ugh... For the record, that was the lamest heel-face turn in history. Was that supposed to be you switching sides?

N: Being rebellious is a lot harder than it looks. Thanks for showing me the ropes.

Uzi: Nuh-uh, no bonding thing. You just killed a bunch of people, idiot.

N: That's super fair... (Sighs) I screwed up...

Uzi: Ugggh...! In the same way you're about to fix it? (She shows the wrench.)

N: Hahaha! I love doing anything!

Scene 9

(Thad gets flung backwards. Lizzy and Doll rush to help him as J arrives.)

Khan: So... They found our evacuation spot. But, if we build a quick door...

(Thad gets up.)

Thad: Are you kidding me?! You're the WDF, right? Defend! (Khan and his friends back off in more cowardice.) For real?

(V arrives and impales Thad. Just as she's about to kill him...)

Uzi: Hey!

V: Huh?

Uzi: Put that conventionally attractive male down!

(N waves before Uzi nudges him.)

N: Oh! Uh, J, you're sometimes kind of mean to me, and I wish you weren't. Just some constructive criticism.

Uzi: Nice. (They fist bump.)

J: Noted, traitor. We'll circle back after I right-size your existence!

Uzi: (To N) Okay, which one do you want?

N: J, please.

Uzi: Too bad. Good luck.

(Battle commence. Uzi flings her pen at J's hair and runs off, leaving N to deal with V. J manages to knock Uzi down and yanks the pen out of her hair.)

J: Damn the well-made quality assured durability of JCJensen's products! Huh? (Uzi gets back up and kicks J in her face.)

(Meanwhile, N is fighting V. He tries firing from his gatling gun, but hearts shoot out instead.)

N: Ah! My mind's in a weird place! Don't read into this! (A rocket lands near him and explodes.)

(J gets up and knocks Uzi out while N and V are swordfighting. N sees J walk up to Uzi.)

N: UZI! (To V) I'm so, so sorry. Have fun repressing this! (He... licks V's sword. Nasty...)

V: EW! What the hell?! (N kicks her down as J looms over Uzi.)

J: You've got a lot of cuts for a barely sentient toaster. I've had prey fight fact before, but your edgy spirit is just... so... painful...?! (She looks down. Her leg has been stabbed.) GAH! FOURTH! QUARTER! PROFITS! MOTHER OF COMPANY LEADERSHIP RETREATS! (She jams her foot on a piece of rubble and falls over. Uzi points her railgun at her face.)

Uzi: One more buzzword and I'll do it!

J: ...Equity partnersh-

(Uzi pulls the trigger. In the end of it all, J's entire top half has been obliterated. Uzi spits on the corpse (Or what's left of it) to show who's the baddest. As the other drone's come out of hiding to cheer for her, she falls over tiredly. N picks her up onto his shoulders.)

Thad: Holy hell, Uzi, that was insane! And you too, uh...

N: Huh? Oh! N! I'm an angsty rebellious disassembly drone, now.

(They hear someone clearing their throat. It's Khan. Uzi throws her wrench back at his feet.)

Uzi: I brought the murder drones here accidentally. You chose to leave me for dead instead of just freaking believing in me! That's not even an edgy teen hyperbole like when I said it last week! (No response. Uzi, near tears, smacks herself to regain composure.) I'll save you the trouble dad. I banish myself! (Khan tries to speak, but can't find the words.) Let's go, N. Everyone here can bite me! (N grabs V and they begin to leave.)

N: Nice to meet you, Mr. Uzi!

Uzi: (Smacks him) Shut it.

(N takes off with Uzi and V. Khan has a sip from his mug in disappointment."#1 DAD" Nothing could be further from the truth...)

Scene 10

(Out in the frozen wilderness, Uzi sitting on top of a broken car, thinking to herself. Meanwhile, N is lodged inside the Corpse House.)

N: I'd join you if the sun didn't kill me. Hope you're having important character growth or something, though!

Uzi: Just can't wait to murder all humans. Classic robot stuff. I hope they're sitting pretty there on Earth, because we're coming for them...! (She laughs maniacally, her sanity completely vanished, as the zoom out reveals three Drone pods making their way down to Copper 9.)

(Credits roll.)

(The sound of rainfall and thunder pounds outside...)

James: We got to curb her trips to the dump.

(N is shown wearing a suit and holding a platter, like a servant.)

James: And where is she getting the hair to play dress-up with them? Creepy...

(James tosses his glass onto the tray, which N catches without dropping any dishes and walks off. He stops to make a view out of a window as the cacophonous storm continues raging. Continuing his walk, he looks around some more as he collides with V, wearing a maid's outfit. The collision causes N to drop the platter and the dishes fall to the floor.)

N: OH! I'm so sorry!

V: I-It's okay! I wasn't looking.

(Their hands touch and a spark emits. They blush and stare in curiosity as N begins to speak, but is kicked to the side by J.)

J: Move it, moro- (Suddenly turns cutesy and polite) Hi, Tessa! ...Oh, no. Another one?

(A new drone reveals herself from behind Tessa. She makes eye contact with N as everything suddenly goes dark...)

Scene 2

(N wakes up from his rest and falls to the ground.)

Uzi: N, I found something in here!

(Inside the Corpse House, Uzi is inspecting her new finding: a symbol consisting of a skull with a cap and wings. Uzi stares at her reflection in a mirror, which breaks.)

V: That's weird and concerning.

Uzi: Bite me! This is probably you weirdo's fault!

V: I've never seen that symbol before. Wanna do an autopsy to find out?

N: (Appears) What'd you find?

Uzi: Did you know that was a pilot hat?

N: I was the pilot? That's awesome! I crashed and ruined everything... Spaceship Pilot: Origin Story.

(V hisses, then calms herself by blowing bubbles out of a bubble blower.)

N: ...Speaking of piloting to Earth, we sure "murder all humans" is, uh, morality?

Uzi: The humans sent you without a communication relay and reformatted your memories to soup. (No response or rebuttal.) Covering their tracks means their past negotiating. Not like tried negotiating with my mom...

V: Or you missed the negotiations! The humans programmed us to solve a problem. Where's proof of your backstory? The one where your kind's so conveniently innocent? (Chuckles)

(N, not wanting another fight to break out, gently pulls Uzi out of the way.)

N: J was getting orders from someone. If not the company through that relay, then, uh, who? And how?

Uzi: (Pouts) Quit complicating my murder plan. (N tries to comfort her by gently patting her on the head, but Uzi brushes his hand away.)

Scene 3

(Back at Uzi's colony, two drones are staring at the large hole that N made in the roof.)

Tim: Yeah, just fix her up because, whoops, pretty big security risk in hindsight. Uh, you got this, uh, Ladderbot 5000. (His name is Frank.)

Frank: Ugh... Please, just leave the lights- (The lights go off.)

(Frank digs his flashlight out and tries to think of a way to get up there when he hears a clattering sound. He looks around in fear and suspicion when he notices something... fleshy. He goes to investigate, only for a strange spider-like heart device to reveal itself. His flashlight gets shot out of his hand as The Absolute Solver turns the colors of the room yellow and red before finally dispatching him.)

Scene 4

(It's Parent-Teacher Conference Day (AKA "That explains a lot!") at Uzi's school. Khan sits down across from the teacher.)

Teacher: Mr. Doorman, your daughter has been, uh... absent.

Khan: Yes, on that "kill all humans" kick, like when I was younger. Grounded herself and all that.

Teacher: Speaking on her behavior-

Khan: Of course, of course, precocious, popular, supernatural understanding of doors. Takes after her old man.

(Flashback time.)

Teacher: Uzi, please sit normal.

Uzi: Bite me!

(Flashback 2.)

Teacher: Uzi, (Sighs) give Braden back his sentience.

Uzi: (As Braden) Bite me- her! I started it, and also, I'm dumb. (Her head lights ablaze.)

(Flashback 3.)

Teacher: Uzi, you have to partner up.

Uzi: Several people wanted to, for the record.

Lizzy: No, we didn't. You freak us out.

Uzi: (Inside a trashcan) But mostly, bite me!

(End flashback montage.)

Teacher: Yeah, she has trouble fitting in. We think there might be something damaged with her programming. How is she at home?

Khan: Uh... Sorry? I mean, she's a little herself, but damaged? I... maybe haven't spent much time...

Teacher: Mmm, m-hm...

(A worker arrives.)

Worker: Mr. Doorman, sir? There's been an... incident.

Scene 5

(Meanwhile...)

Uzi: Oh, I'm sweaty! Who programmed that?!

N: You good, Uzi?

Uzi: I'm good! Better than good! I am God!

(She pauses to see Thad has shown up.)

Uzi: (Chuckles nervously) Hi, hi, Thad. (He hands her back her railgun.) Thank you.

Thad: Of course, 'Zi! (To N) N&M's. You saved my life. I don't think the colony is even serious about all this banishment stuff, more just confused. Especially with the fact-

Uzi: I'm too rogue to re-enter society now? I can never return...

Thad: ...Recent disappearances, and your murder friend's corpse. When I went to grab your gun, it kind of looked like it... crawled away...?

Uzi: We can return a

Scene 6

(Back at the colony, Tim comes across a hologram of Frank (Or Ladderbot 5000).)

Tim: Oh, Ladderbot 5000? We looked everywhere for you!

(Frank screams in pain, then returns to normal.)

Frank: Hi, Tim. Care to join me?

Tim: Join you standing eerily still over there in suspiciously low resolution?

Frank: ...Yes?

Tim: ...Alright.

(He walks over, not knowing that the Absolute Solver is about to snatch him and drag him up into the ceiling up until it's too late. Tim's hologram joins Frank.)

Tim: Flawless character acting, me.

Frank: Improv game for more practice?

Tim: Hahaha! We are a monster!

Scene 7

(Uzi, N, and Thad head back to the colony. A worker opens a door a little bit to see who arrived.)

Ron: Welcome back, Thad! (Notices Uzi) Uh, wait, isn't she grounded or something?

Uzi: Ugh, banished! Has my dad been saying I'm grounded?

Ron: (Notices N) Genocide Robot?

(N quietly walks up and hands Ron a crayon drawing to show how super very, very sorry he is for all the murders he committed.)

Ron: ...Oh, alright, just don't do it again. Get in here, ya goobs! (He hangs the drawing on the door.)

Scene 8

(The Absolute Solver's handiwork has been turned into a crime scene.)

Worker: Yeah, where's Khan? Because this looks, ahaha, ugh, non-ideal.

Sarah: Parent-Teacher Conference. Something about his daughter being more important than building a door in this hallway. Ugh, kind of cringe.

Worker: Ew. (Gets ready to hurl) Oh, give me a minute... (Holds his vomit in) Ah, yep, okay, almost threw up.

(Uzi is behind them, listening in on their conversation.)

N: You good?

Uzi: I'm good. Stop asking! (She pushes N away and motions for him and Thad to follow her while sneaking past the investigators.)

Sarah: (Turns to two of her colleagues behind her) Any forensic things over there? (No response.) Do we have fingerprints? (They fade away. She turns back to her colleague, who also fades out. Same with Frank and Tim. Her surroundings begin to get the same treatment. She looks up in horror as the Absolute Solver makes it's way towards her...)

Scene 9

(Back at the Parent-Teacher Conference...)

Khan: I mean, you don't think it's my parenting, do you? I left her for dead once! It sounds like she's bored in your class and the other kids suck! Call her "damaged" again, and I will install a DOOR ON YOUR FACE!

(Lizzy and Doll are in the back, listening to the ragefest that is Khan.)

Lizzy: (To Doll) Where are your folks?

(Doll starts having flashbacks.)

Doll: Мёртвые. Я смотрела как они умирали. ("Dead. I watched them die".)

Lizzy: ...That was the joke, idiot?

(They both hear a knocking. They turn to see a hologram of Lizzy outside the door)

Lizzy: That girl is... Gorgeous, right!? I'm gonna let her in. (She gets up to let her copy in.)

Scene 10

(Uzi, N, and Thad are in the room where they fought V and J.)

Uzi: You guys... do that often?

N: Haha, no. I'm very concerned, but also pretty frightened a little bit.

Thad: Hey, Uzi! What's this thing?

(It's an Absolute Solver sign.)

N: Hey, isn't that your special eye?

Uzi: Don't call it that! (She reads.) "Absolute Solver"? "Reboot"? Does this have something to do with how you grew your head back?

N: Hehe. I actively avoid unpacking how that works.

Uzi: New material can't be pulled from thin air. If the wound is severe enough, this "Solver" might be some sort of auto run program to collect more matte-

(N places his hand over her mouth to shush her. They hear something coming towards them... A human hand. It latches itself onto Thad's leg as they look up to see what the hand is attached to. Not able to see much in pitch black, N fires his missile cannon. This still doesn't reveal much, but it does anger it enough to begin pulling Thad up. Suddenly, a shuriken flies in and slices the cable apart, freeing Thad. He looks back to see that N was the one who unleashed the shuriken.)

Uzi: I want a freaking ninja star!

(She and N get thrown against a wall as one of the Solver's claws grabs Thad and leaves.)

N: (Getting up) You good?

Uzi: (Slams him back down) Stop asking! ...Chainsaw hand time?

N: (Braces his chainsaw hands) Yeah, cool, cool.

Scene 11

(Uzi and N give chase. They come across Thad's hologram.)

"Thad": Yes, and hello. It's me, Tad. Um, can I get a location? ...I heard dentist's office! I'm Thad at the dentist office. Come over here for your... teeth!

Uzi: Predictably terrible work, J. Why do you look so-

N: Great! You look great, J!

"Thad": No, no, wait, guys, it's really me! Is that a (His voice glitches and turns robotically feminine.) freaking ninja star?

(N unleashes his shuriken as Uzi kicks it. It flies upwards to bring down the real Thad as the hologram disappears.)

Thad (The Real One): (Pulling himself together) Life savers again. Thanks! Super invited to my shindig next weekend. Cool kids only. (He runs off as Uzi and N squee with delight over being invited to his get-together. Suddenly...)

Absolute Solver: We're busy then anyway, so whatever. So lame.

Uzi: What's with the voice, J?

Absolute Solver: Oh, J's not here. We are trying to repair that host as per our directive.

Uzi: So, you ARE a program?

Absolute Solver: More like you are our cute puppets. It hurts our feelings you don't remember us. (The Solver creates a hologram of Nori, Uzi's mother.)

Uzi: N...? (N has vanished.) What's with the mom hologram...?

Absolute Solver: Easier to assimilate than explain.

Uzi: Not happening.

Absolute Solver: Fair, but poor choice. Now we will have to do something shocking. (The Solver brings down a clone of Khan.)

Uzi: Woah! Hey!

Absolute Solver: Goodbye, Dad. ("Khan" gets ripped in two and the Solver feeds on his corpse.)

Uzi: What...?

(The Solver goes in to kill Uzi, but it gets struck by a missile fired by N.)

Absolute Solver: Pained cry.

N: Uzi shoot! Or give it to me! (He fires again, but the attack is deflected by the Solver.)

Absolute Solver: Claw swipe. (It then begins to move in on the duo.) Snarl.

N: Uzi! You good?!

Uzi: ...No.

(N grabs the railgun...)

Absolute Solver: Pranked, idiot. You big stupid. (The Solves throws Uzi to the side, knocking the railgun out of her hands and smashing it, it grabs her.) Lucky for you, it's snack time. Time to go into my mouth now.

(Before the Solver could feast on Uzi, N, the actual N this time, saws off its appendages. The railgun suddenly turns red as N fights the claws.)

Absolute Solver: Ow. And please don't. And also, I was using those.

(N grabs Uzi and they make their escape as the railgun self-destructs... As they regain themselves, they look back at the mess.)

Uzi: What was...? Which parts of that were real...?

(The Solver reappears and tries to escape.)

Absolute Solver: Sneaky sneaky. Sneaking away. Get snuck upon. (N stabs it.) Ow. (He repeatedly stabs it until it turns into a miniature black hole and floats off. Hearing a commotion heading their way, N tries to help Uzi to her feet, but she resists in fear.)

Uzi: What... are you things...?

(Hurt by her newfound distrust in him, N flees the scene as a search party led by Khan shows up.)

Khan: Uzi? (Uzi silently staggers towards him.) What are you doin- (Uzi, without word, hugs her father, who silently returns the embrace. He gestures for his men to scour the area. Khan looks up and sees N, who makes his escape.)

Scene 12

(Doll is sitting by herself in the classroom, looking at a photo. A robotic cockroach crawls up her arm as she looks back towards the door and remembers what happened earlier when Lizzy saw a copy of herself behind the door.)

Lizzy: Gorgeous, right?! I'm gonna let her in.

(She gets up to let her copy in... Only for Doll to use one of her powers to break the door before Lizzy could reach it.)

Lizzy: Jesus, sorry, industrial strength ghost or whatever. Settle. (She takes her seat as her copy disappears.)

(Back in the present time, the roach crawls onto the photo, only for Doll to will it to explode. She licks some of its remains off her face as we see what's in the photograph she's holding. It appears to be V.)

Scene 13

(Back at the Corpse House, V speaks to N, who is still guilt-ridden over what happened earlier.)

V: (Sighs) I hate your personality normally, but this is somehow worse. What am I being punished for? (V’s expression softens, and she looks down, revealing her chain is broken. She then hides it before looking back at N, and then turning away again with arms crossed.)

(Uzi is in her room, laying down on her bed, and looking up at a web of theories in regards to the Absolute Solver program.)

(Credits roll.)

#murder drones #murder drones script #md episode 2

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