#ill try to get one out some time soon :)

[icewindandboringhorror]

................ he 

#i feel like I posted this already but I also can't find it in any recent posts so... #......he #cats #EVEN if I did post it.. why not poast himb again? it's he #I'm like halfway through actually editing aforementioned costumes and stuff and i WANT to work on sculptures again and I have video #s and that worldbuilding slideshow and all of these things so hopefully like.. more usual stuff soon maybe.. to be posted #for now though yeah.. just cats #The end of the year is also when I panic about the passage of time and how little I've gotten done and how I will never actually be a #sucessful game maker slash author slash cat cafe owner slash set designer slash costume designer slash psychologist #who lives in like Scotland or somehting and also owns my own candle company or something ghbjhb #and will probably just be a mentally ill hermit recluse all my life who dies early of mysterious health issues with 5000 projects left #undone and blah blah the crushing weight of chronic illness and capitalism and so on and so forth #So then I scramble to get projects done to try and meet some goals but usually that means I scatter between projects #so it takes longer to finish all of them. Like instead of dedicating 8 hours to one thing and finishing it one sitting. I'll do 2 hours on #this then 2 hours on that then 2 hours on another things. so they all get done slower even though I'm still technically making progress on #them all. This is also a very poo poo pee pee stink brain way to work and is not like. the most efficent thing but it's just how my brain #organizes tasks sometimes lol #*** #(<ignore this its part of an OCD compulsion lol. anytime you see me type three asterisks I'm not bleeping out a curse word #it's just a Special Secret Foolish Thing I Have To Do At Specific Uncontrolable Times When Brain Says So gbjhhj) #ANYWAY... eeeee #Still haven't resolved my mystery chest injury though so being at te computer for too long is also kind of achey-inducing #Better get over it though because I have like 30+ hours of slideshow vidoe to edit hahaha hee hee hoo!!!!!

[izzy-b-hands]

If ur waiting on a reply from me (and i know a couple of folks are rn) thank u for ur patience in waiting. I'm working on typing things up but today is just. idk how to put it but i keep winding up grumpy and my replies i feel are suffering for it. Pls know i do wanna chat and exchange ideas, I'm just trying to make sure the Grumpasaurus Rex side of my brain that's v loud today isn't mucking them up before i send them 🫂🫂❤️❤️

#text post #like it's genuinely nothing just bad takes online some shitty messages in my inbox on here and reddit and not sleeping well at all #attempted a nap i woke up from like tenish minutes ago and it was all a realistic nightmare #in which ct house was somehow connected to nd condo & i kept getting caught on one side or the other at a time #unable to touch or talk to anyone until i was fully on either 'side' for a good while #made the flow of time feel fucked up and i fully expected this to have been a longer nap considering how time felt in there lol #but yeah. I'm trying and im v grateful to y'all waiting for being patient with me. thank u & i promise ill have my shit together soon #(aka might take an edible and just. idek. bake maybe? my brain isn't happy doing anything rn but cookies are always good) #have a potential call with mum later i need to prep for #...worst case scenario i try to nap a bit more and hope i don't wind up stuck in that weird hallway from my dream again #worst bit was the nd cats and my mum and ct cats and Housemate on each side both trying to get me out but couldn't #really don't wanna feel as stuck as i did in this dream but hey!! maybe it's trying to tell me something lmao #not entirely sure what but that's nothing new for me lmao #normally wouldn't post like this for replies but everyone waiting follows me so i figure this reaches everyone easily enough #& hopefully is better/more useful than me going radio silent bc my brain is being a baby abt shit that means nothing lmao

[scarletiswailing347]

just finished reading delilah's statement, there was a lot of things in it that was either only tangentially related to the allegations or straight up unnecessary to put (in particular: putting in media references and cc metrics several times as flavor text, detailing the don turnt situation with no claims of whether or not permission was granted by the affected party, namedropping certain ccs who had nothing to do with the allegations, and putting the tweet and yearbook photo of one of the ppl who put forward that zam was a bully with no claims of whether or not permission was granted) which contributed a lot to the 47-page length

honestly so far what im getting is that there was a Lot of toxicity on multiple sides like not even just between zam and delilah

#tw abuse #there are multiple instances in particular that i wanted to get more context of #in particular how did zam go from telling delilah to khs to becoming her bestie??? and why did she call kab whos a 16 yo a worthless whore? #theres also several parts that made me think that her rep for jumping to conclusions isnt entirely unfounded #like you can excuse her mental state at the time for a lot of it but there are some that are just. where did you get that #i dont wanna reread the entire thing so ill just be citing that part at the end where she accused zam of not actually being in a bad mental #place and was just trying to manipulate her cause he was in vacation in nyc and was smiling in one of the pics is reaching #also hypocritical cause she was also in a bad mental place during twitchcon but was smiling happily in pics and videos #also dont like the fact that she put the yearbook photo there and the fact it was even posted publicly in the first place #it was probs for verification purposes but holy shit youre basically barely a step away from doxxing zam #apparently bormethius is putting out a statement so ill be waiting for that as well #fucken hell i get that delilah saw posting this publicly as necessary in order to get some kind of closure #but theres so many layers to this that airing this out to an uninvolved and contextless audience was only inevitably gonna make things wors #especially considering a lot of evidence has apparently been lost to deletion or the fact that they were done in vcs #but its too late for that now so i can only hope we get the full picture soon cause everybody involved looks so incredibly toxic #idk i just hope all parties involved will be able to move away from this and get better in the future #cause like theyre still young and immature man #(although the fact that theyre young and immature def contributed to how this even happened in the first place 💀) #with that being said #the drama channels are 100% in the wrong here #they like to present themselves as arbiters of truth but theyre nothing but glorified tabloids #allegations

[senseiwu]

September is either gonna be the break i need or it'll break me

#we're moving offices and the new one isnt ready yet but we need to be out of our current office by september #and i still dont know whats happening with me #so. i might have a break. i might need to find another job for that time #cause it could be a few months before our new office is ready. #im thinking of maybe trying to stream more and do commissions and stuff to make some money #i hope i know whats going on soon so i can make plans #i really dont want to look for another job in the interim i hate job hunting no one evrr hires me and rhen i have to get used to a whole new #place. and #thats.hard #i was thinking it wasnt worth seeking out a professional autism diagnosis but. with my vision alone since im.not legally blind i dont #dont qualify for the disability support pension #but if i had an explanation for why i cant really work more than 15 hours a week mentally... #maybe ill qualify. and maybe theyll consider adhd too. though i think that needs to be under management for a while first #anyway. #AAAAAAAA #so much is happrning man oh my god #im so #ive been holdikg on to any bit of happiness ive had this week #like finding a 2 litre bottle of solo #i cant take one more bad thing

[rosicheeks]

Oh yes, you’d be the cutest housewife. I can imagine coming home from work and you’re making dinner and I come up behind you and give you a kiss and grab a handful of your butt so that you know you belong to me. Then we’d eat dinner and talk about our days and plan cute day trips for the weekend..Then I’d carry you upstairs and fuck your brains out.

The perfect little life.

#a girl can fucking DREAM #this is it #this is what I want #if anyone asks what I want from now on #or just asks about my future #I’m going to show them this and be like I’m just trying to find this tbh #where is the loml so I can do this already 😤 #i just want to have my cute little life #with my cute little spouse #and maybe we will have some cute little fur babies #((before they breed me and knock me up 🫣)) #I’ll be the stay at home wife/((pet)) #and whenever you’re out at work or with friends or anything ill send you little reminders of what’s waiting for you when you get home #pictures of my little holes #maybe some audio notes of me whimpering and begging you to come home and fuck me #and when I take it too far and tease you a little too much that you can’t handle it anymore? I want you to come home as soon as possible #I want you to angrily grab me and fuck my little holes over and over again #and when I’m begging you to stop cause I can’t take anymore I want you to ask me ‘isn’t this what you wanted?’ and keep fucking me #tell me that my body belongs to you and you can do anything you want to me #and then when you finally fill me up one more time and flop on the bed next to me #and then we can jump in the shower and help each other wash off #and then we go back to bed and cuddle and talk for hours about random shit #maybe even roll a joint or blunt and get high as a kite while we talk #I literally think about cute scenarios 24/7 #I just want to be a cute wife 😤😤😤😤😤😤 #I’d make such a good one it’s ridiculous 😤 #where is the loml #I’m sick of this shit #this is so fucking cute 🥺🥺🥺 I’m going to be dreaming about this all night 🥰 #ask

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

head hurty

#not any more like that but last night #love having a pain condition triggered partly by anxiety but also it caused the anxiety to be constant in the first place #i dont get chronic migraines bc i dont get them often enough its usually like 1 every 2 months nowadays but sometimes it can be 4 in a week #bc having one makes it more likely i have a another soon after #but i sure as fuck have acute migraines #i remember being in school and classmates being like oh i have a migraine going off to take their meds and then coming back to class?! #whereas as soon as i had an aura id go to the office and be like can you call my mum she needs to take me home #and i thought i was just being weak and i should just push through it #but you can't push through acute pain nausea vomiting and disorientation #there are literally parts of my brain or thoughts i can't access during one ill be trying to think of a word and i can't find it #they usually only last like 2-3 hours but it feels like a lot longer when you're sitting in the dark can't even lie down feeling like hell #and ik some peoples go on for days some people have them more days than they dont ik im lucky to have such short and fairly infrequent ones #but its still beyond horrible and feeling like a ticking time bomb constantly watching out for an aura #and worrying about going somewhere you can't easily get home from #and I've only just started to be able to talk about it i could never understand how other people could talk about theirs flippantly #when mine terrified me more than anything the amount of bad feelings #but she's working on it having realised after 8 years that it doesn't have to be like that 🤣 #mine #n e way sorry for the rsnt all good now chillin in bed ✌🤣

[ayakinari]

you ever just

#duck rants about something #hoooooo man. why did all my motivation and ability to create go out the window as soon as i finished that valk piece #i cant draw. i dont know what to draw i knew what i had to draw but i cant. put it on canvas #cant go in an art block now of all times theres less than one month and a half until finals and i need some sort of portfolio put together #by then and. i am Still exhausted i thought !! it was getting better but nope i am still incredibly fatigued by Everything #and to make matters worse its thursday tomorrow meaning the classes i dislike the most i just want to lie down for 10 years maybe i dont kn #maybe pursuing art as a career was a bad idea. maybe im not fit for this but im already over a year into this art school and i dont want to #waste the money my family's put into letting me go to this school #and i absolutely love it here the teachers are nice and my classmates are cool and i made friends for the first time in years #but god if i havent been in the worst headspace of my life this past year. #well this year was going a bit too well for me in terms of art i had a steady pace of imrpoving and trying out new things but now its just #i cant do anything. no matter what i doodle or sketch or just let my hand do whatever nothings coming out and it terrifies me #maybe im being dramatic! i know someone would say im being just that #god i dont want to go to class tomorrow either im not in the mood for a religious lecture but ive already skipped the past two weeks #keep it up any more than that and itll probably result in a call to my parents #my parents are probably gonna call me later tonight anyways. should get it together til then #maybe i need a nap. maybe i need to go outside and take a walk and look at a bug. maybe i just need to go out in a field and scream #auhgh but i need to draw i need to make Something i cant halfass something the way i did last semester and barely pass #and now im getting dizzy just typing this out thanks brain #ill probably delete this later i just really need to. hhghghhhgh please let me draw. please let me make something or anything at all #i dont know what id have if it isnt art. #ive always been mediocre at everything in my life the only thing giving me peace of mind is drawing #if thats all im good for then what even use am i without it #and sure! maybe im actually not that good at it! maybe my artstyle is uninspired and boring maybe im just wasting my time!!! #but i still love it immensely i love making my silly characters i love drawing out my dumb stories i love just. #making things and being okay at it. maybe. am i actually good at this probably not. maybe im also mediocre at this and just kidding myself #sorry for being emotional on a wednesday. must be the curse #anyways

[astroellipse]

Tired tag vent 😞

#collecting my thoughts #seriously though why cant i do a read more on mobile #ah whatever. the informality of tags feels better for this. i guess. #just. anxious. i was chill all day everything was fine granted i was tired as hell cause i alept like shit #and now all my anxieties are hitting me! suddenly heart palpatations! yayy!!! #maybe i should not have watched better call saul before bed i shoulda done aomething more chill #granted i was getting j ro that funk where i didnt want to do anything but k couldnt aleep yet #going to implode head going to turn j to a great big fireball #theres just a lot all at once but its not even really that much im just a nervous wreck #i start school soon. never filed my fafsa for some godforsaken reason. hopefully i can focus through that #the place i replied to stopped replying abruptly while trying to digure out skmethjn with their website #had a weirsly atreasful time dealing with healthcare stuff #ambient worry about self image and my current situation and the future #aocial worries that i cant even vent about anymore because relevant people follow me now #not that thats a bad thing that's a net positive love havin friends #sparking with nonsense i need to ramble about but i cant cause its all just non issues and pity party stuff and hrg #the one thjng ill grant myself is oh my god maybe entering that relationship before was a bad idea now i know what it feels like #to be in love and i want that again so so bad #exploding again #i need to shower someone with love and affection jfc #maybe thisll pass or get less with time hopefully it does #but man its bad #as part of my weird sleep nonsense dreams last night there was one where i was in a relationship with fucking JERMA. #and it wasnt a dirty dream or anything we were just a tender couple talking about mundane shit and i rest my head on his shoulder and #ok now im getti g sodetracked because why the FUCK was it JERMA?? it coulda been my actual crush! that woulda made sense!! #hes not even my type!!!!!! god. anyways back to my crippling anxiety remembering that dream lightened my mood a little at least #heartrate atill funky but less overthinking #anyways going to pass out now its 1 and ive been exhausted all day that was enough no sense rambling #good night reader

[devilfruitdyke]

interacting with my mom when shes drunk is like being stabbed to death with a paperclip

#not even. i think its worse #victim of the self harm to weird masochism tendency pipeline here. its like being stabbed with a paperclip once #and then no other stimulation for the next 5 hours #anyway she keeps making EVERY FUCKING THING about how its so hard to be white in todays society #ok girl :) ill make sure yr nursing home doesnt have any brown pwople in it good to know #today we were at a shopping center in the middle of the day because me and mj were checked out from school for something #lets play a fun guessing game. did my mom a) get food and drive out like a normal human being #b) get pissed off because they didnt get her order right. or c) bitch about how theres too many nonwhite people shopping during the day #if you guessed c after asking yrself 'wait what the fuck lmfao' congratulations! you win a fraction of the pain im feeling #'they dont have jobs 😡😡' ok! religiously i cant tell you to kill yrself but i think you should take some time away from society #i was filling out a form to try to get hired at this place soon #i started counting how many times she was mad that it was hard for me and soooo easy for illegal immigrants. it was 5 btw #'this must be wjy i go to any place in the 3 towns near us and no one speaks english 😡😡' #< poor baby had a spanish speaking cashier at wingstop a week ago ☹️🥱 #ALSO ITS FUCKING TEXAS. YEAH THERES SPANISH SPEAKERS.. #ITS NOT EVEN THAT the person shes thinking of also spoke english just seemed mad at her #it takes concentration to speak a language that isnt yr own! could you imagine if anyone else had this attitude #i walk into my 3rd year of asl class and the teacher is like USE BETTER FACIAL EXPRESSION. #can you even SPEAK asl what has this country COME TO. like im not speaking a new langauge with a slightly bad attitude #anyway. not necessarily praying on her downfall but praying on my ascendance #ill get a good offer from a college 500 miles away. minimum

[arolesbianism]

Starting a new oni save that's not a rime colony for the first time in forever and I am in agony how do y'all live like this (shaking and crying as it is forced to enter a mildly warm area for drekos)

#rat rambles #oni posting #also makes guiser taming more annoying but its ok I can manage #my main goal for this playthrough is to make more use of automation and spoms #my last one isnt necessarily being completely abandoned I just wanted to try getting off of rime for a bit #I miss the hypothermia pop ups every five seconds but on the bright side I dont have to worry abt my water supply freezing #Im also trying some other new things and just trying to be more ambitious in general #I managed to force myself to upgrade my bathrooms within the first 50 cycles are you proud of me #I also am making better use of hydro whatever farm plots for my obligatory bristleberry farm #thoroughly enjoying the lessened dupe labor even if it puts a bit more pressure on my initial water supply #I do have a steam vent and a salt water guiser nearby tho so Im not particularly worried #mainly Im just figuring out how I wanna go abt cooling it #my salt water guiser is right by a tundra biome with a cooling machine right inside it so I could attempt to use that #but from my multiple attempts to utilize that thing it's a bit hard to use for liquid cooling #I also think I might build my spom in that same biome so idk #I do have a second tundra biome thats also right next to the saltwater biome but Im trying to preserve it best I can to wildfarm sleet weat #I have also made the laziest drowning chamber I could manage and its called building my hatch ranch over my water tank #plus a critter sensory autosweeper and conveyor loader #it does overkill a lil every time it activates but its ok Im lazy enough to live with it #I also have some pacu and a crab in there so its a whole party in there #this is also going to be my first time having sanishells once I get an egg #not going to properly ranch them tho I kind of just took one to use as a trash can for my early polluted dirt #also Im glad I was able to get onto bristle berries as a primary food source quickly this time around #Im not going to go crazy expanding it for now since I have a couple other crops Im planning on getting going soon as well #mainly lettus and sleet wheat once I find some pips #then I can have early frost burgers if I want. I wont since I havent found any natural gas vents yet but y'know #speaking of oh 4 natural gass vents all near eachother on my last save how I miss you you made power so easy #on the bright side Ill have an oil biome that isn't filled with solid oil this time lol #I should rly make some actual use of oil this time around #hey who knows maybe Ill get far enough to make a sour gas boiler (lying)

[toastsnaffler]

day 2 of no wifi.. hanging in there 😔😔😔😔

#its pretty ok so far tbh im not that reliant on being connected to the internet #and i have soooo much unpacking and decorating to do that im constantly busy anyway. but i miss scrolling tumblr mindlessly 😭😭 #also its a bit lonely bc im used to living w 4 other ppl not 1.. and my flatmates being a bit reclusive atm #i mean we did go for a walk earlier so not that reclusive its not like i havent talked to her at all #but i like being in the same room as other ppl even if im doing a non social activity like reading its just nice to have company #so it feels reallllly quiet bc she stays in her own room all the time. which is normal for her im just. more aware of it now its just us 😭 #i think shes finding the move harder than i am bc she knew our last flatmates better than me + lived there way longer than i did #and also i think most of her social life is online/over call so not having wifi means she cant rly talk to ppl as much #not that i dont have an online social life but mine is more sporadic than hers so it doesnt affect me as much #ik im not her first choice of company either... not that she doesnt like me or anything but we're not that close so #but stilllll let me sit in the corner snd hang out i can be quiet if u want me to i promise 🧍‍♀️ #anyway i dooo get it if shes not feeling great #hopefully she'll adjust and find it a bit easier soon and we'll have wifi by tues anyway #and thurs im going to see family for a week so at least then ill have 24/7 nonstop company plus getting to cuddle the dog :-D #+ seeing a bunch of friends yayyy. i need to make friends in my new area too ive got a couple social groups listed to try out im excited #AND coincidentally one of my old friends works in this city too so i need to make some plans with her when im back !! #i didnt rly bother making any new friends in the last year bc i liked my flatmates enough to get my socialising in w them #but now im kinda raring for it. i do rly love meeting + getting to know new ppl just so long as its on my own terms #i.e. when i have my hearing aids in. and when its not super late in the day bc i get tired and easily overstimulated #bless my last flatmates but they were their own group + i didnt know them for enough years to be a true member tbh #itll be nice to make new friends in a situation where im not just the stray dog one of them dragged in to live with them #ok thats a little mean on myself but still. at least ill waste less time triggered by rsd now #anyway lost where i was going wow i wrote a lot of tags i doubt theyre all coherent bc its 2am im going to bed goodnighhttt xxxx #.diaries