#im not gonna do angstpril

[hellowkatey]

angstpril day 1: "you have to let me go"

the five times Obi-Wan hears these words, and the one time he says them

1-Satine // 2-Qui-Gon // 3-Satine // 4-Ahsoka // 5-Anakin // +1-Luke

1

Her touch is light. A few fingers lazily intertwined with his as they sit beside one another. Knees knocking together with every restless leg shake… or perhaps, a purposeful movement. Her touch is light because Qui-Gon is in the next room, and his footsteps are virtually silent to the ear when he wants them to be-- and around the two of them it's like he's constantly padding on the tips of his toes just to raise Obi-Wan's blood pressure.

Her touch is also light because it's the last moments they have together. Satine and him seem to have different philosophies when it comes to saying goodbye. She likes to distance herself. Satine would sooner put galaxies between them and whisper her final words through a commlink than have a proper farewell. She says it's because she hates when people see her cry, so it's easier this way. While Obi-Wan doesn't like seeing her cry, he can't deny that it's when tears fall from her eyes that her eyes are bluer than the kyber crystal of his lightsaber. Breathtaking. But Obi-Wan also knows that if she starts to cry there is a fair chance he will follow close behind, which is why he lets these light touches be the thing he is etching his memory with.

If he had the choice, Satine would be wrapped in his arms, her body as close to him as they can possibly get. For as long as they can manage. He would memorize the way her hair smells, the places where their bodies fit perfectly together, and the map of her veins he likes to trace with his fingers. Given the chance, he would kiss her, kiss her the way he wished their first kiss had gone, and the way he hopes she remembers when they are worlds apart.

Her light touch twitches from its spot. Fingers separate, and he's left with nothing. Were they in the presence of others, he might accept this as their final touch, but the room is empty and Obi-Wan isn't satisfied with this goodbye. He reaches out, grabbing her hand as she stands, knowing full well she has every intention of walking out of here and not looking back.

"Please," he says. "What if I leave the--"

"You have to let me go," she says. Satine won't let him finish that sentence. Just like he would never let her finish her own version. He holds her hand for a second longer and then decides to indulge one last time.

A kiss on the back of her hand. The brush of his lips as light as her touch on his fingers, and then he lets her go.

2

His skin is cold. How can it be so icy already? Only seconds after he fell-- or so it feels-- and Qui-Gon's skin is clammy and cold. Obi-Wan is panicking. He has been trained not to panic in every situation imaginable but somehow Qui-Gon failed to instruct him what to do if he finds himself holding his dying master in his arms.

"It's… It's too late," Qui-Gon says in a tone that is much too weak for Obi-Wan to perceive as being real. Tears spring up in his eyes and drop onto Qui-Gon's chest in unceremonious splatters. It feels so un-Jedi-like to cry, but he has lost the will to care about that.

"No," the padawan protests. He shakes his head like a youngling,

"Obi-Wan," his master says. While he sees his lips moving, he is suddenly aware of Qui-Gon's voice within his head, speaking directly into their Force bond. A message only for him to hear.

"You have to let me go."

He looks at him with horror. "The medics… they will be here momentarily just hold--"

"You have to let me go, padawan. My time is over."

Even Obi-Wan feels it now. The Force wrapping around his master like a warm blanket. His skin is still cold with Obi-Wan runs his fingers along Qui-Gon's cheek, but his spirit is ablaze.

"Yes, Master."

Obi-Wan promises many things in those final moments, but the hardest comes when Qui-Gon leans back into his leg, his weight releasing and his last breath coming out like a soft gasp of relief.

3

While every other goodbye Satine has ever given has been curt and distant, leaving Obi-Wan wishing there were more, nothing prepared him for the goodbye he thought he wanted.

She lays in his lap. His arms wrapped around her, her body pressed into his chest as close as she can possibly get. Satine looks exactly as his memory stored. Golden hair he has to brush out of her smooth face, cheeks red and cheekbones high. Her hand is slipped into his and she's squeezing it hard-- were her veins not slowly releasing their content of blood he might be able to trace them with his finger like he used to when they'd lazily lay together watching the clouds overhead.

Satine's blue eyes are as vibrant as the kyber crystal that called to him as she tells him that she loves him. That she always has.

And when her hand cradles his face, a touch as light as all the rest, he is thrust back into reality. Somehow the faint touches and distant goodbyes always felt temporary. He would always see her again whether in a few months or years or decades. But somehow she is right here and already gone-- the way Satine always liked to say goodbye, especially when Obi-Wan was nowhere near ready to say it himself.

You have to let me go, she mouths to him as her eyes flutter closed. Because somehow she knows that making those her final words aloud to him would crush him in every way. When her hand falls limp at her side, he catches it.

A kiss on the back of her hand. The brush of his lips as light as her touch used to be, and though he feels like his entire world is crumbling around him, he lets her go.

4

He catches Ahsoka outside the Temple. A few tears fall from her eyes, but even as she allows him to walk next to her, she says nothing. Her shields are up. Tight. And when he looks at her he can see the dark circles under her eyes and the slouch of her shoulders. She's exhausted. Physically and mentally.

"Ahsoka," Obi-Wan stops to say when they turn the corner and he is confident they are alone. She stops but doesn't look him in the eye. "I am so sorry."

"Did you…"

"No," he says. He knows what she's going to ask, and it breaks his heart she would ever think he would. "Not for a second. I tried--"

"But it wasn't enough, I guess."

She finally looks at him. While anger, frustration, or even sadness would be expected of her, Obi-Wan is unsettled to see none of that. Rather, he sees resignation. Content. The determination that he knows all too well. His chest swells with guilt. He should have done more.

"The council will let you return," Obi-Wan says, the hope in his voice betraying him. "Even if you've already said no if you change your mind they will-- They must. They--"

"Abandoned me. The council abandoned me. Didn't believe in me. Are they even sorry?"

"The council… isn't always right."

"Master Kenobi, you're talking as though you are separate from the council."

A deep cut. He nods through the bitterness that he deserves.

"Ahsoka, whether you decide to return or not I just hope you know I tried. And I am sorry I didn't push even harder."

She nods. It isn't forgiveness but forgiveness is not what he is looking for. Just for her to listen.

"I understand. And I appreciate you coming after me. But you have to let me go."

So Obi-Wan stops. Immediately, and she almost looks shocked when he does, but she keeps on walking through the stutter-step of surprise. Her eyes linger on him for a moment long, and then her mouth that has been so set on remaining neutral flickers into a sad frown. Obi-Wan doesn't have to see her sadness for long, for his grand-padawan is as strong in will as she is in battle and she looks forward to her path unknown. Ahsoka doesn’t look back, and he doesn't expect her to.

He didn't listen to her once, and he won't make that mistake again.

5

Ten years since they battled on Mustafar, and still, standing in front of the man that was once his padawan, brother, and friend, has not gotten easier. He is more machine than man now. A glistening sculpture with a mangled interior he knows too well. The strangest part of it all is feeling his signature in the Force. Though he looks like Vader and sounds like an asthmatic bantha, and nothing about him is remotely reminiscent of Anakin Skywalker, the Force still registers his presence as a person Obi-Wan knows well.

"I always wonder if you are still in there, my friend," Obi-Wan says. His saber is already drawn, ready for a redo of the battle he thinks about on a daily basis. With any hope, he can right the wrongs he made a decade ago.

"You have to let Anakin Skywalker go," the Sith says, the annoyance in his voice palpable even through the respirator. "He died on Mustafar, where you killed him."

"It's funny, I remember that going differently. I remember Vader being the one who silenced my brother and took advantage of his power."

"Then this shall be a fight for who writes history."

Vader is the first to lunge, but Obi-Wan is ready. He never forgot the sound their lightsabers made clashing together as enemies ten years ago, and today it is all the same.

+1

The Force is singing at a time when Obi-Wan would least expect the Force to have any sort of positive opinion. How this situation can yield any good is far beyond the old man, but he has learned over the years there is no point in arguing with the will of the Force.

Vader is relentless. Since their last battle he has only grown stronger, and once he learns of Luke-- who is conveniently also present in this space station of destruction-- his lust for power will swell with the idea of having his son at his side. Luke is strong, kind, and well-balanced for as untrained as he is. Obi-Wan senses greatness from the boy, but all that will fail if he allows Vader to win.

So he seeks him out. Battles him yet again in a test of wits and swordsmanship. Nineteen years on Tatooine has made Obi-Wan rusty in some senses, but there is one thing he can count on.

Whether Vader admits it or not, Anakin is in there. He can see it in the way he duels, the way the wheels turn in his head and he approaches battles. Anakin was always creative and quick, using his environment as well as his lightsaber to attack from all sides. Vader is the same fighter behind that sword. While he may not be as limber in his cyborg suit, there is a part of him that is still Anakin. If that is the case, then the Force is singing because the time has finally come.

Are you sure? He asks the Force. Though it doesn't reply in Galactic Basic, as would be most convenient, it does wrap around him like a warm blanket. Obi-Wan can feel the Force that flows within him go ablaze, and the feeling is a familiar one.

Obi-Wan looks through the open blast doors as Luke runs in, his mouth open in awe and eyes filled with worry. He looks at Vader, too enthralled in the fight to pay any attention to the importance of the person just a handful of meters away. And the old Jedi Master smiles.

Vader staggers. Obi-Wan can practically see Anakin behind the mask doing a double-take. Wondering what in the world he could be thinking to be losing their duel and grinning at him.

Obi-Wan raises his lightsaber. I'll see you soon, Master, he says into the Force, and as Vader's swings through the air, he hears Luke cry out in protest, and then nothing at all.

"No!" Luke yells, immediately regretting his outburst when five stormtroopers take notice of their position and start firing. He can see Ben's cloak in a heap on the ground in front of the murderous monster that just cut through him, and out of desperation to save Old Ben, he starts firing back at the troopers.

Han and Leia are yelling at him to get on the Millennium Falcon, but he has already downed one trooper, and he can get the rest! He can get the rest and defeat Vader and--

"Luke," a voice says. His head turns by instinct, but it isn't a voice speaking to him aloud, nor is it Han or Leia's voice. "You have to let me go."

"Ben? Ben are you--"

"Go, Luke. All will be revealed in time."

Luke stands for a moment in a daze until Han screaming at him to blast the door pulls him out of the trance. He does as he's told, and as Vader marches toward him the blast doors slam shut in his face, separating him from the monster that killed Ben.

"Run, Luke, run." Ben's voice rings in his head. He doesn't understand it, but he listens.

#angstpril2021 #dayone #you have to let me go #i like how i was like #im not gonna do angstpril #and then i was like #well i could try and work some of the prompts into other stuff to help with inspiration #and then at 10pm tonight im like #wait i have idea for day 1 #and now it's midnight and I have this #fic #i am a sucker for these challenges and it shows #obi-wan kenobi #satine kryze #qui-gon jinn #anakin skywalker #darth vader #ahsoka tano #luke skywalker