#you have to let me go
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Angstpril 2023 - Day 16: 'You have to let me go'
Essek lifts his hand to conjure the door, but hesitates.
“You’re afraid.” Caleb’s voice is clear behind him, yet somehow it suddenly feels distant at the same time. “Of what?”
“Afraid it won’t work. Afraid that it will.”
A hand comes to rest on Essek’s shoulder. “We agreed to work on this together. We’ve been perfecting it for decades. It will work.”
“You have said that before. And again I wonder if this is truly for the best, or if it will only make it harder, in the end.” He turns and places a hand on Caleb’s cheek and just looks at him. Caleb’s hair has gone almost all silver, and though the lines on his face are well hidden under the scruff, Essek can still feel them beneath his thumb. And he loves Caleb like this, and finds him so beautiful, as he always has, but after so many years of believing that one should simply acknowledge and accept death when it comes, he finds himself thinking, not for the first time, —except for him—.
Caleb puts his own hands to Essek’s face, and kisses him, kisses him, kisses him, and Essek drinks the kisses down like fresh spring water and the ache that has gripped his heart lessens just a bit. “I remember when you used to call me ‘young man’, do you think me so old already?”
“Never.” And he returns the kisses, one, two, three, and lays his head on Caleb’s shoulder. “But time is one of my specialties, and I am intimately aware of the inevitability of its passage.”
“Then let us not pass it in grief for what is yet to come. I only wish to leave this for you, when the time comes. And even if you decide you would rather not enter without me, I hope you will still remember the years we spent building it fondly.”
“All my memories of you are fond. I can’t imagine that will ever change.”
“Then I expect to give you many more years of them.”
And with one more kiss, and a stroke of his hand along Caleb’s jaw, Essek steps away, raises his hand again, and brings up the door to the demiplane and steps in. The entry of Widogast’s Nascent Nein-sided tower lays before him, with a few additions of his own, but there was little he could do to improve on Caleb’s aesthetic choices.
Caleb steps in to stand beside him, takes Essek’s hand and speaks the word ‘up’, and they rise together, hovering in the center of the tower. “It worked. You were able to get in here all on your own, and you can come here whenever you choose, as long as you have the magic available.”
Essek takes the lead now, guiding Caleb to the salon where they have spent hours, days, researching and discussing theory and engaging in certain other pursuits. And they settle onto the couch and make short work of those pursuits.
ao3
#angstpril2023#critical role#fanfic#day 16#you have to let me go#caleb widogast#essek thelyss#shadowgast#lifespan angst#cr2#cr fic#my fic
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Ashes, Ashes 6: Not Okay, Actually
(for Angstpril, Day 16: "You Have to Let Me Go")
cw: lab whump, knife whump, death mention
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January 7th, 20XX, 6:45PM
Subject: Adult Male Dragon (polymorphed: humanoid form)
Researcher: Eimaan Khanh
Subject transferred to table; restrained.
Presents no physical reaction to Firebreak (heretoafter referred to as 'FB'), when placed, without wounding, against the left thigh, upper and lower torso, and throat.
Following approx. fifteen minutes of skin contact with no change, a small cut (approx. 1.5" in length) was made in subject's left thigh with FB. Reaction near-instantaneous, bubbling and discoloration at the site akin to an acid or chemical burn and spreading approx. 2" beyond the cut on all sides.
Healing factor still enabled, but noticeably slower; muscle fibers don't begin visibly reconnecting until 3 min 49 seconds. Five minutes after cut is made, burned area recedes by 0.23".
Process repeated on a larger scale; cuts of approx. 3" made on left calf, lower left abdomen, lower left ribcage, left forearm, and parallel to left clavicle. Results scalable to first cut.
Subject distressed.
(Note: healing factor seems to slow further when multiple wounds are made in quick succession. Second and third cuts did not visibly begin to close until approx 5 min after they were made, and fourth, fifth, and sixth cuts were halted until approx 7.5 min.)
Following this, FB will be studied to determine exact properties, and more attempts will be made to slow healing factor by applying multiple wounds.
Subject returned to resting place; restrained.
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The cries coming from the basement were muffled, but Nyra put on headphones anyway, to fully drown out the sound while she waited. Eimaan had told her to 'sneak' downstairs and talk to Rhys once she was done with today's experiment, and she hadn't figured out what she was going to say.
By the time her sister came to get her, she was still drawing a blank.
Nyra crept down the stairs, trying to mimic the quiet caution she'd shown two nights ago. Ei had cleaned up her lab, but the faint smell of blood still lingered under the sharper odor of disinfectant. Rhys wasn't strapped to the table anymore, but Eimaan had already warned her about that. A quick scan of the area and Nyra found him, curled up on the far side of the room, arms locked in place behind his back, legs tucked up to his chest.
She wondered if he was cold. Even if he was, she couldn't do much to help him. Her sisters would want to err on the side of caution and not give him anything he might be able to use against them, even something as simple as a blanket.
As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she noticed the cuts running up and down the side of his body that wasn't in contact with the ground. Already healing, but she could tell they'd been nasty.
"Hi," she began as she crossed the room.
Rhys took a moment to respond, his breathing shifting like he was trying to compose himself. "Gun girl," he said at last, raising his head and fixing golden eyes on her.
"...Nyra," she corrected gently.
Rhys struggled to a seated position with a grunt. "Didn't think you'd be coming back, Nyra. Did you miss me?"
"No, I…" Shoot, what should she say? What was the best way to draw him in? "I just wanted to see if you were okay."
He snorted. "Oh I'm great. Nothing like having a psychopath cut you up before bed."
"She's not a psychopath," Nyra said, unable to hold back a scowl.
"Could've fooled me."
She shrugged, turning away. "If you're well enough to insult my sister, I can't find a reason to worry—"
"Wait."
Nyra hid her smile as she glanced back over her shoulder. "What?"
"I'm…" his shoulders slumped. "I'm not okay, actually."
Interesting turn. Eimaan had guessed he'd try using pity against her now that his threats had been proven hollow. Nyra turned back around, waiting for him to continue.
Rhys scoffed. "What? That wasn't obvious? I've been kidnapped. I'm being held here against my will, and I'm being tortured to satisfy human curiosity."
There was that word again. Nyra buried her unease. "It's not—"
"Yeah, you've already said. It's 'research'. Doesn't make a difference to me." He shrugged. "You and your stab-happy sister were right. I can't break out. I can't turn into a dragon, and I can't breathe fire. I'm useless."
It could've been a trick of the light, but she swore she saw the shine of tears in his eyes. He blinked it away before she could be certain.
"I want you to tell me something, Nyra."
"Yeah?"
He met her eyes. At the surface level, his expression was neutral, but there was something deeper there; a thinly veiled desperation.
For all I know, it's a practiced one. He could still be playing at manipulation.
"What happens when your sister's done with her research? What happens to me?"
"I…" She didn't know. She wasn't sure if even Eimaan had planned that far ahead. What would they do? Letting him go was too big of a risk. Even if he was powerless, that wouldn't stop him from seeking revenge in other ways. Handing him off to a Guild was an option, but that seemed far too cruel. Who knew what those hunters would do? And while rehab programs existed, those were geared towards newly-made vampires and werebeasts. A dragon would have no place there.
Did that mean… were they going to kill him when this was all over?
"Please," Rhys said when she didn't answer. "I can comply with the experiments. I'll be a model prisoner. Just please tell me you'll let me go. When it's over."
Nyra hadn't anticipated that, either. Offering to go along with Ei's plan? Maybe the desperation wasn't being faked.
"What happens if we do?"
"I leave you alone forever."
As much as she wanted to believe that, she couldn't. The last dragon attack had been two decades ago and it had destroyed an entire town, burning it to the ground and taking its occupants with it. If setting Rhys free meant even the smallest chance of that happening again, the Khanhs couldn't allow it.
But Nyra didn't say that. Instead, she said, "I'll see what I can do."
And she left, without another glance back.
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@kira-the-whump-enthusiast @hold-back-on-the-comfort
#angstpril 2023#fic#ashes/ashes#day 16#you have to let me go#fantasy whump#lab whump#nonhuman whumpee#knife whump#the problem with leaving wips alone for too long is you lose your voice#so uhhh#we'll fix that in the distant future
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Angstpril Day Sixteen: “You Have to Let Me Go”
The ENCOM system brightens as it wakes. Programs come online for the start of the new cycle. I/O towers light as the Users return, making their latest requests.
Tron couldn’t care less.
His world stands before him, smiling bravely as she squeezes his hands. Yori is beautiful, painted in the colors of the pre-dawn light. He takes her in while he still can. Any moment now he will have to leave, will be taken to Flynn’s new system, and he has no guarantees that he will ever see her again.
“I’ll miss you,” he says softly. He reaches up to brush her hair back, and she leans into his touch.
“I know.” Her smile falters for the briefest of moments. Maybe she doesn’t want him to leave, either. It would be just like her to silence such thoughts for his sake. “I’m proud of you,” she says instead. “Flynn is right to place his trust in you. I know you’ll do wonderful things.”
Tron nods, numb. He knows Yori can’t come with him. Her User still needs her here. But some part of him keeps expecting ( hoping ) that she’ll volunteer. He can’t ask her to choose. He won’t.
That doesn’t mean this is easy. He can’t seem to step away.
They’re both watching the system clock. They know their time is almost up.
“You have to let me go,” Yori says. And then, contradictory, she leans in for one last kiss. It’s all too fleeting, desperate and fierce. Then she’s pulling away. Tron can barely bring himself to release her, but he doesn’t want to make this harder for either of them than it already is.
[ Love you. Always, ] he says. His hand slips from hers. She smiles, though there are tears in her eyes.
[ Always, ] she returns.
And then he is gone.
#angstpril2023#tron#tron 1982#tron legacy#fanfiction#day16#you have to let me go#yori#tron x yori#ren writes
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Till Death
Day 16. "You have to let me go"-
Roy felt like an utter ass after Dixie explained those few things about his friend to him. How could he have missed the now obvious signs. How did he not realize that a fourteen year old kid wouldn't normally have known, or thought, to offer him sanctuary on those terrible nights.
But Dixie also offered him hope.
That night, as he lay in bed waiting for sleep, his thoughts drifted over his childhood, to the first time he laid eyes on Johnny, to the last time he saw Jo, to the jungle, and finally, to Charlie. He drifted off as the sweet tune of their first time together played across his mind.
He wasn't anywhere special. He just sort of was. He knew which direction he should walk, and that whatever he was looking for would emerge from the colorful everything that surrounded him. And sure enough, he was there.
Charlie.
He held out his arms and Roy went joyfully into them. He buried his face in Charlie's neck and breathed the scent of him in. Somewhere in his mind he knew he was beginning to forget, but to his dream self it was fresh and bright as ever.
He held Charlie as tight as he could, and they stood like that for a while, remembering the shape of them.
Charlie pulled back and put his hand to Roy's cheek, like he did when they first kissed.
"Roy." His voice was soft and gentle, like it was that first time. "You have to let me go."
"Charlie!" Roy's voice cracked. "No. I can't. I…"
Charlie brushed a thumb across Roy's lips.
"I know you love me. And you always will. But you have to let me go."
Tears fell hot and thick as Roy adamantly shook his head.
"I can't. I can't. Don't leave me."
"I've already left " Charlie's voice was gentle as ever. "And you need to let me go. You need to let me go for Johnny."
Roy's breath left him.
"You need to let me go so you can be what you're meant to be with Johnny."
"But l love you."
Charlie's smile was like it was when it was just them together.
"I was your first love. You were my last." He took Roy's face in his hands and kissed him softly. "It's okay, Roy. It's okay. Let me go."
"How. How can I? I love you so…" His voice was almost lost in tears.
"Johnny." Charlie's love for Roy spilled from his eyes and he glowed with it. "Let Johnny help you. Let him love you. Love him back. It's okay. It's okay."
He rested his forehead against Roy's and they simply held each other again, while Roy's tears stopped, and he regained control.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
Charlie kissed him softly again, and drew Roy into another tight embrace.
"I'll always love you, Charlie."
"I know. Same here."
Roy laughed softly and woke to a wet pillow and warm heart.
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“you have to let me go” -jay halstead | CPD 10.03
not from their marriage, not from their love, not from their future. hailey just has to let him go find himself again; go find the jay halstead she fell in love with because he doesn’t think that part of him is there anymore.
hailey will be okay. she has her friends to keep her grounded, and a demanding job that will be busy. 8 months is going to fly by, and then she will be reunited with the love of her life. because jay’s love of his life will be waiting for him, always and forever <3
#chicago pd#jay halstead#hailey upton#you have to let me go#8 months is temporary#we would’ve been way more distraught if they killed him for no reason#it’s not goodbye for forever#the definition of endgame
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them
People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human
“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”
“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”
“Yeah!!”
“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”
“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“
“How illogical”
“That’s what I’m saying!!!”
#star trek#Vulcans#Humans#not based on a specific thing#but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’#who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field?#like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq#and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first#would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate#and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for#and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance#the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times#they were just dicks#and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it.#it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible#you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier#but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks.#that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on#and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post#but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks#and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be#replaced#hated that couple#if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us#(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀)#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people#that no one else wanted to be friends with#I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone#this got long sorry 😭
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AGHH MY DEMONS,, AUGHHH CANNABLISM AS A METAPHOR FOR LOVE OUGHHHA RELEASE ME ‼️‼️
#gross fictional cannibals#evilcore#cannibalism as a metaphor for love#you have to let me go#cannabalizing cannibalism as a metaphor for love
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Learning to internalize the message above, but art is in all of our bones. If you feel afraid to create art because it won't be "good enough," it's worth it to explore why you feel that fear. Creating art is one of the basic impulses of people, and if you want to create art, then you absolutely must.
#art#positivity#described images#image description in alt#i'm like 80% sure that's a lynx but i've never seen one irl#i'm going to weld this meme into my brain as i start crochet#maybe i have seen a lynx at the zoo actually. but that's beside the point and i haven't been to a zoo in years (sad!)#the zoos in my state are actually from what i understand VERY high-end and VERY good with their animals#which definitely makes me more willing to support them <3#i have been informed this is not a lynx btw#IN MY DEFENSE they look similar#thank GD tumblr unlike twitter lets you edit alt text. staff was real af for that (rare compliment i have for staff)
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cursed construction core hi vis bra that came to me in a dream
In the dream I saw it in the window display of a hardware/DIY/trade shop, implying it was meant to be a practical garment designed for actual female constructions workers in a Female Armour level missed-the-brief attempt at gender inclusion
The practical support from the visible underwire combined with the hi vis implying it’s not meant to be worn as an undergarment, I just-
I blame my binge-reading ND Stevenson’s gender comics talking abt masculinity and femininity incl the one abt Victoria’s Secret lingerie yesterday for this monstrosity x’D
#construction core#I am legitimately tempted to make this irl#just like as a commentary art piece on failed attempts at inclusion that completely missed the point#but alas I lack the booba these days to make it for myself so I'll need someone else to fit it to to enable my shenanigans#maybe someday#in the dream I met finnster in the next shop and was like dude you should go buy it for the meme lolll you could wear it on a stream#so uuuhhh- finn if you're reading this (I know you've seen my tumblr before we have video evidence) and you want this I'll make it for you#for manly man construction times#just let me know x'D#to the transmascs reading this: read the linked comics they're highly relatable#you can lose a whole morning to them#like me#have fun
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don't think I'm not still deep in the episode 7 brainrot. because OH BOY AM I
(also one more extremely, obnoxiously self-referential thing, I'm -- I'm so sorry)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7#twisted wonderland book 7 part 7 spoilers#and so ends the saga#(this time for real i promise)#malleus post-episode 7: shroud...i should have heeded your warnings...now tell me more about how i may hunt this elusive 'snipe'#alas poor puppies :( i'm glad they had a little aside about how they can fix them after this whole mess#let ortho have his dogs!#man i love that this has come down to malleus vs technology though#MY FAVORITE#ortho: you can destroy the shell that links me to this mortal world...but can you select the CORRECT DOWNLOAD LINK???#malleus: (downloads a billion viruses and dies instantly)#also i'm probably the only one who thinks idia complaining about his own mental tartarus prison is funny#but there we go#idia has two modes and two modes only#he's either in the middle of a metaphor where he finally forgives himself for his brother's death and takes charge of his own destiny#or he's like 'fuck yeah i'm about to get isekai'd into the internet! (immediately falls over making dying whale sounds)'#wait no he has a third mode: actively suffocating because silver and sebek won't stop squishing him#look he's just delightful no matter what's going on okay
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[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#dick grayson#talia al ghul#batfamily#dc robin#nightwing#anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther#like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it#they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc#but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself#anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did#it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios#also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul#you will always be famous to me#son of the demon origin...bwahhh#anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic#but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up#so go look at that as well#anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy#i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself#it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on#I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue#i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups#so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat#(it's me they should hire me. please DC i have ideas listen to my red hood pitch PLEASE-)
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AU where Jason gets his revenge by becoming a lawyer and getting joker sentenced to the death penalty
Bruce is conflicted about it but any time he tries to say anything on the subject Alfred just talks over him like "oh we're so proud of you master Jason you finished college and you didn't even use your father's extensive resources that could've easily gotten someone in this family a degree aren't we so proud master Bruce that Jason got himself a respectable profession--"
#jason todd#red hood#batfam#i also think it would be funny if thats literally the only thing jason does as a lawyer after that he just goes back to being a vigilante#everyone on the internet is like 'the iconic career of jason todd wayne: came back from the dead got a college degree got the joker-#-sentenced to death (finally) and then immediately fucked off to do whatever the hell it is he does for fun'#any time bruce and jason disagree jasons like 'excuse me which one of us is the college drop out and which of us is a practicing attorney?'#alfred 'you could have been a doctor but you became a furry themed vigilante instead' will never let this go#also btw jason just stole reasources from the league to get thru college. maybe at first talia was like what & then jason was like#'my alternate plan was to either get bruce to kill the joker or kill all three of us in an explosion' and talia is like#'okay. have fun at school sweetie'#BTW AN EDIT: this post is not reflective of my IRL beliefs about the criminal justice system or the death penalty#IRL those are way more complicated than gotham city/the joker/jason make it out to be#saw a few people tagging this post mentioning stuff about that
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my holy trinity of a r t s t y l e inspiration
@hollow-head, @naniiebimworks and @hattersarts
as an hommage to you three: doodly doodle.
#thank you for inspiring me#I want my artstyle to be as loose and expressive as yours#but I'm too perfectionist to let go#someday.#🙏 🙏 🙏#having an artstyle crisis again#sketch#good omens#good omens art#good omens fanart#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#vavoomart
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this is the dynamic they have going on in my head.
#box art#dead by daylight#dbd#mikaela reid#sable ward#the unknown#dbd unknown#dbd the unknown#ive never drawn sable or mikaela and i did it with minimal reference so they might look a little wack lol#brought to you by 'I cant help it but let sables go as unknown and if there's a sable and mikaela i have to let them both go'#i have this thing. where i tend to let go whatever survivor is the killer im playing's counterpart#but its been happening WAY more as unknown because sables try to befriend me so much??#at least every other round against a sable one of them will try to get me to be friendly with them. and i just cant say no.
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fuck you ageism fuck you life ending at 30 fuck you makeup industry forcing us to feel bad about a natural process fuck you hustle culture fuck you instagram fuck you youtube fuck you glorification and deification of youth fuck you who make people feel bad for not having "achieved anything" in their 20s fuck you people who peaked in high school and try to drag everybody down by insisting it's all downhill after 19
#im not dedicating hours and days and weeks of my 20s of hard work on my mental health to cope w shit i went through#for some bitches on websites to tell me ill shrivel up and die when i hit 30 unless my life is perfect by then#youre not dragging me down to that mindset and i wont let your doom and gloom about turning older make me feel like shit !!#some of us have to rebuild ourselves from ground up and that shit takes time and thats FINE and if you think otherwise fuck off honestly#ageism is such a disgustingly overlooked aspect thats so ingrained in our culture and you need to recognise it#or you'll just feel worse and worse about yourself with every passing day bc guess what baby you cant go back!!#SICK of the negativity surrounding age on this website get yourself the fuck together honestly
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