#is this a chapter i see before me? (macbeth act 2 scene 1) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wifeofbath · 4 years

Text

There are a lot of references and quotes in Fragments, and I decided it would be a good idea to put them all down in one place. Originally, I was going to add footnotes, but I thought they interrupted the flow of the story (also, this is a fanfic, not one of my term papers!). So I made a special page here.

“Imp,” he begins, relieved that his voice has not been stolen too, “I am looking for my heart.”—One of Anastasia’s nicknames, shvibzik, is often translated as “imp.”

“She’s a big bow-wow, but she’ll help you.”—One of Maria’s nicknames was “fat little bow-wow.” Ouch!

“All of us kiss you.”—Letter from Anastasia to Nicholas, March 7, 1915

Before Ivan can say anything, she gathers up her skirts and makes a mad dash for the cherry trees.—The setting of Russia’s dream vision of Maria is inspired by Chekov’s The Cherry Orchard.

“My darling beloved, how are you?”—Letter from Maria to Anya Vyrubova, January 12, 1918

“Do you want me to go to Sverdlovsk, sir?-- In 1924, Yekaterinburg was renamed Sverdlovsk after the revolution leader Yakov Sverdlov. It became Yekaterinburg again after the fall of the Soviet Union. In 1960, the Ipatiev House was still standing, hence Khrushchev’s desire to keep Russia from going there, lest the sight of it brings up unwanted memories.

“That American pilot?”—The U-2 Spy Incident

“Olga’s having a little bit of a hard time, but I am doing all right.”—Olga eventually had a nervous breakdown during her time as a nurse. It occurred to me rereading that this is the first time one of the girls’ names is used in the fic. It was unintentional, but I think it’s a sign of Russia’s memories growing stronger.

”The lady waits for him in the middle of the pond, a statuesque beacon wrapped in white fur.”—See Viktor Vasnetsov’s painting Snegurochka and this photo of Olga and Tatiana. I don't call Tatiana the Snow Maiden, but that's essentially the role she fills in Russia's dream.

“The trees are beginning to blossom here now, it’s very beautiful.”—Letter from Tatiana to Nicholas, April 27, 1916

“When did it bloom?” and “When I look at a solitary oak”—Tatiana quotes two poems by Alexander Pushkin, “The Flower” and “Thoughts”, respectively. Olga and Tatiana were named after the sisters in Pushkin’s Eugene Onegin. Olga was the poetry nerd, not Tatiana, so it is a signal that it’s time for Russia to go.

“In the distance, he spies a dazzling white palace situated atop a pebbly beach.”—Livadia Palace, favorite summer retreat of the Imperial family and the location of the Yalta Conference.

“He finds the princess inside sitting in front of a large painting.”—Why is Olga the Princess and not Tatiana? Part of it is because Olga was the eldest and the other is a reference to Olga’s patron saint, Princess Olga of Kiev.

“The painting is a haunting thing. A tsar, his eyes wild with terror and grief, cradles the body of the son he has just struck down in a fit of rage.”—Ilya Repin’s Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan on 16 November 1581.

“Only love.”—From Olga’s famous letter, “Father asks me to tell all who have remained loyal to him and those over who they might have influence, that they should not avenge him, for he has forgiven everyone and prays for them all; that they should not themselves seek revenge; that they should remember that the evil there is now is in the world will become yet more powerful, and that it is not evil that will conquer evil – only love.”

“Give patience, Lord, to us thy children…”—Prayer copied in one of Olga’s notebooks

“It swells into an egg, gilded and covered in red enamel.”--Can’t have an experimental, dream-like introspective fic of Russia’s relationship with the Romanovs without bringing in Fabergé’s eggs. Some fusion of the Rosebud Egg and the Imperial Coronation Egg is how I imagined Olga’s egg.

“That woman who said she was one of your princesses? Is she real?”—America is, of course, talking about Anna Anderson.

“What are you doing, Alyosha?”—The Dostoyevsky references run wild in this section. The use of Alexei’s nickname and Russia’s name (instead of Vanya) is a reference to The Brothers Karamazov.

“All the sisters send greetings to you.”—From Alexei’s last letter to his friend Kolya Derevenko.

“I am building a little monument for myself in the woods, since no one else will do it.”-- In 1912, when he was dying from one of his hemophilia attacks, he told Alexandra, “When I am dead, build me a little monument of stones in the woods.

“It is better to be unhappy and know the worst, than to be happy in a fool’s paradise.”—Dostoyevsky, The Idiot

“On our earth we can only love with suffering and through suffering. We cannot love otherwise, and we know of no other sort of love’?”—Dostoyevsky, The Dream of a Ridiculous Man

“Inside is a large golden egg.”—Fabergé’s first Imperial Easter egg, the Hen Egg, although that one was white, not gold and much smaller than Russia’s egg. The surprise was a little gold hen, a pendant, and a crown.

“Inside is a crown.”—The Russia Imperial Crown.

“May I be damned! May I be damned!”—Ivan the Terrible after fatally hitting his son, “May I be damned! I’ve killed my son! I’ve killed my son!”

“Lord, forgive me for everything!”—Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

“You and I both know I have not been batyushka for a very long time.”-- Batyushka and matushka, often translated as little father, little mother

“Do you remember when my birthday was?”—Nicholas’s question and the comment about Job are from a conversation he had with Peter Stolypin.

“All my pretty chickens and their dam at one fell swoop.”—Macbeth, act 4, scene 3

“Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, saith the Lord.”—Obadiah, chapter 1, verse 4. Alexandra and Tatiana read this verse during the afternoon of July 16, 1918.

“Oh Vanya. Poor Vanya. ‘You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again’.” He kisses both of Russia’s cheeks. “‘Life will bring you through.’”—Dostoyevsky quotes again, the first from The Brothers Karamazov, the second from Crime and Punishment

“Here a cedar…”—Poem by Vladimir Mayakovsky, after visiting the Romanov burial site in 1928

“I am too old, and I loved you too much.”—From The Brothers Karamazov, “I am too young, and I’ve loved you too much.”

“But Russia did not throw himself down in a canal or the path of an oncoming train. He did not shoot himself.”—Shamlessly stolen from Anna Karenina, book 8, chapter 9: “And, happy in his family life, a healthy man, Levin was several times so close to suicide that he hid a rope lest he hang himself with it, and was afraid to go about with a rifle lest he shoot himself. But Levin did not shoot himself or hang himself and went on living.”

#hetalia #aph: russia #ivan braginsky #romanovs #otma #anastasia

8 notes · View notes

paradise-of-guilty-pleasures · 4 years

Text

Shattered Reflections {2}

[Helsa RP- Fanfic]

Fandom: Frozen

Genre: Post-Frozen/ Canon Divergence

- Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Romance

Pairing(s): Hans/Elsa, Kristoff/Anna

Prince Hans is a mirror at heart, but wishes to shatter his reflections and correct his past mistakes. He returns to Arendelle, willingly surrendering himself to Queen Elsa’s judgement. Uncovering truths, unforeseen circumstances and a bit of je ne sais quoi, bring the Ice Queen and the Mirror Prince together in a way neither of them would have imagined.

A/N:

(( This is a collaborative RP Fic written by lovely fellow Helsa shipper FOW and myself. We RP for fun and just wanted wanted to share this story with fellow shippers, especially all my lovely shipper buddies over in the Helsa Discord Server. Long live the Province of Helsa! Thank you, Beta Reader Friends, your help is much appreciated. Hope you enjoy~ ))

P.S: ((This is the shortest chapter so far, I have a few more chapters ready to post, but I don't want to spam, posting them all at once, so I'll try post one chapter daily or every other day until the story is up to date.)) Previous Chapter: Chapter 1. Double Jeopardy

Chapter 2. Burn After Reading

Hans accepted the journal and his return to the dungeons without complaint, always polite. He was right: He never made a sound when he walked. He moved as silent as a shadow, but for the clink of his chains, which even then were quiet.

Given enough pen and ink, he proved to be a voracious writer. It helped that he had nothing better to do with his time, but he certainly took more time in getting his words down. He had to choose them carefully. He knew they could be used against him. For the moment, he wanted to stick to uninteresting topics. Just to test the waters. Yet, in spite of himself, his thoughts kept turning to his situation.

He never gave complaints. He rested without concern, and waited to see who would come for his letters.

Anna had NOT taken the news of the the 13th Prince's return to Adrendelle well, and far less knowing he was to be staying in the kingdom, even if he was to remain in the dungeon. Anna wished to go pay him a visit in the dungeon, just to punch him in the face again, but was prohibited from doing so. She was relieved that Elsa was not wasn't planning to contact the Prince either (at least outside the required daily journals to her).

Anna asked her sister why she even allowed the Prince to return to their kingdom, but even Elsa didn't know the answer to that herself.

Hans seemed to remain entirely neutral in the presence of the messenger. He insisted on folding over his journal pages and putting a wax seal on them (or rather, a splot of wax from the candle he wrote by, with 'XIII' scratched into it) to send to Elsa.

Whether the seal remained intact or not, he supposed he had no control. Perhaps it was better if he didn't know.

'Please burn after reading.'

'It's much different, writing a journal or letter that you know someone will read. Every word weighed like ounces of gold and scale often checked for accuracy. When one flake can tip the balances of someone else's opinion.'

'That is the way by which I lived in the Isles. Words spoken have echoes through later conversations, everything comes back as a scathing remark, or nitpick. Some days the picks go so deep or come from so long ago, one questions if they had any merit at all, or if they are going mad. I much prefer the dungeons. Would you believe, they echo less in Arendelle.'

'I said I was a prince 'in name alone', in truth all that means is that I have access to the castle grounds. I have found that the castle dungeons and the castle rooms are equally grim, and each echo their secrets to all in sundry. Neither prisoners nor princes are allowed their secrets, apparently. My father and brother are both ill, and have been for many years. My family didn't want to cut me off from visiting them, even if I am a treasoner. At least, not after they decided not to hang me I suppose. That proposition was short-lived. They have seen too well that scene, and they have no desire to see it again.'

'How grim. The Isles has a grim sense of humor. Or maybe it's just my family. I should never know, I imagine. I would hope to be there when my father dies, great man as he is, but I can't expect that time of mourning to be respected. Better to have taken my chances here. But chances at what? I don't believe in any gods. I don't imagine there to be a soul for me to save. My own peace, perhaps, but that's selfish even for me. My own inner stupidity, perhaps.'

'A tolerable first entry, I suppose. Have a nice day, your Majesty. My sincerest apologies to Her Highness for being inflicted upon her vicinity again. The Princess is welcome to throw things. -Hans'

Hard to say of that last part was a joke. It was a meandering, but that was simply what one got, with a journal.

Elsa read over the letter multiple times. It was not what she had expected, but it had given her a glimpse into his life, even if it was minimal. She had asked him for his thoughts and feelings, though she got more of the former rather than the latter.

The journal entry felt so stiff, but she thought since it was the first one that someone was reading it was understandable.

She read his request at the top of the page 'Please burn after reading'. She contemplated if she would fulfill his request, she had a candle at the ready, but she could not bring herself to burn it. Not yet at least, instead she folded the letter back up and placed it in her desk drawer under lock and key.

The next was sent with the same 'seal' as the first.

'Please burn after reading'

'Good morning, or whensoever you should read.'

'It would almost be easier if these were letters to and from, but then I could not stop myself from afflicting some persona on you.'

'My mother is an actress, you see. A very good one, but that is all she is good at. Acting, and picking one apart like a carrion bird. I have memorized Macbeth, and say the cursed play's name without fear, knowing I am more cursed than it could hope to be. For every character, an act. "For all the world's a stage and its people merely players," writes the Bard. It must be nice to not have to pretend, to be content. To not have to pretend to be content.' The repetition was no typo, nothing was crossed out or uncertain there.

'And yet, it all feels real at the time. It always does, no matter if the decision is conscious. Broken mirrors are unlucky, and I am by trade unlucky. But there are some things I would never admit to feeling, and some things I simply feel I cannot.'

'I have often wondered how Her Highness feels so much all at once. The Princess seems so full of life. Never take her to the Isles, it would be a shame to drain that charming nature. I wish this could have been avoided so to never temper her enthusiasm with jaded realities. But alas, Reality is a bastard.'

'Wishing you well,

-Hans'

So the Queen was actress? That was something Elsa had not known. She had studied much of the Southern Isles after the coronation, but much like information on Arendelle during the closing of the Gates, there was not much it (at least regarding the Royals).

Now she knew where Hans got his acting skills from.

There was so much dejection in his words, that it almost made her feel sorrow herself.

She wondered if he really incapable of feeling or if was another charade of his. If Anna was truly right that he had a frozen heart.

Again as she did with the previous letter, instead of setting it ablaze, she set it in her drawer with the other under lock and key.

She had pondered whether to have made his punishment writing letters rather than journals, but decided against it. She really shouldn't be writing letters to him, no matter how curious she was to get questions answered. She chose journaling because it was more informal and open for him to write the thoughts and feelings she requested, since it seemed to have been the way avidly written in his confiscated journal.

Though she should have realized upon her request that he probably wouldn't be as open to her as he was to himself and there was no way of knowing if what he wrote was truly himself or just another persona he hid behind.

The next letter was a trifle less organized. Still, however, with its carved seal.

'Please burn after reading.'

'Good whenever, Your Majesty. Assuming you read these at all. That sounds rather like a greek punishment, writing letters to one who never reads them. Although, it sounds a bit like a religion, too, doesn't it? Ah well. Philosophy is the act of asking a thousand questions and debating about answers none will ever have.' What an opener.

'I had thought this story to be one I and my crew had made up in a collective fever, utter nonsense brought upon by unfamiliar waters and frayed nerves. Reflecting on Arendelle, however, I think perhaps it may have been entirely real.'

'Once upon a time, I and my crew met Sirens.'

'We were on the Conch Cat, my ship, as a captain some years ago, shortly before my admiralty. I have since kept the Conch Cat, though it now likely has a new captain, in light of my removal from the Navy. That stung worse than any sentence for treason, but I digress...'

' We had traveled some way through a storm somewhere in the Pacific, and that storm was hellacious. It threatened to rip the mast down even with the sails pulled up, but as we sailed on, soon it halted. As if someone had snuffed a candle, it had gone, replaced with a fog so thick that one could not see the forward bow from the stern. We could only drift slowly and pray that both fog and storm relented before we found somewhere to become a shipwreck, but the fog was, at least, peaceful. Some minutes into our silent crawl across the water, we began to hear ringing laughter and singing. We could all of us understand the language we heard, but the voices sounded foreign- indescribably so. They sang a familiar song, about a woman missing her sailor fiancée. '

'My heart is pierced by cupid,'

'I disdain all glittering gold,'

'There is nothing can console me'

'But my jolly sailor bold.'

'We looked into the water, and found there a woman, with lily-white skin and long waving hair under the water, graceful as any fish, and with a silvery tail of shimmering scales in our amber lamplight. It was bizarre and curious, so of course every man leant to see (and likely, a part of that being that she wore no scrap of cloth, but mine was a purely scientific curiosity, if you'll believe it).'

'There was more than one, but it was one with long raven hair that I could best see from my position. Every man listened to their singing, and each looking over the sides, before I alone realized what was happening.'

'I called to the men to get back to their posts, and barely managed to grab the helmsman and drag him back by his collar, before one of the sirens leapt up to try and grab him. He still has scratches on the side of his face (that he swears to others were from a jealous lover). I recall that one having ringlets of red-gold hair, though I caught only a glance as she tried to nab him. Men jumped back from the sides, some grabbing others, and returned to their posts. I, however, remained curious. Why had they not affected me so much as they had affected the men? Some men had to be tied to rails, why should I be different? So I ventured forward again with a lantern, foolish as I am.'

'Your heart is pierced by cupid'

'If a man may be so bold,'

'But I have nothing for you,'

'For mine is beating cold.'

'They did not care for this addition, and our Barrelman managed to pull me back this time.'

'I ordered my men to pull the sails down and speed through the fog, damn the consequences and the mast as well, so we did. Someone launched a canon, it sounded as if it hit rocks but we had seen none. We survived the sirens, fog and storm with shredded sails but an intact mast by only the grace of any god listening, and escaped. We all drank ourselves to sleep that night, and spoke of it as a fiction the next day.'

'I think perhaps, after all, it was no fiction. But I only tell the story to men of the sea, who are used to a little fabrication and strange stories. I never tell it as a fact, but it is. Who would believe? I'm glad to tell it as a truth to someone."

'My best to you, always; -Hans'

His writing was less elegant than it had been the day before, with perhaps some scratching-out and scribbling that was uncharacteristic of his writing. The handwriting seemed less tight and controlled, the writing less thought-through. The send-off seemed almost careless in both its words and its handwriting. There was a curious section near the header of seemingly aimless hatch marks, to no real purpose. He just seemed a little less controlled and rigid than before. And perhaps, his topic of choice was stranger than usual. Getting a thought out that he would seemingly never otherwise have shared.

Elsa tapped her pen against her desk. His opener doubting whether she even read his journals made her want to send him a note of reassurance of her readership, now she was debating whether that was the right course of action or not.

His sea story though different than his previous entries, had piqued her interest. The tale of Sirens only a myth to some, but to her it read so real, for she knows Trolls are real and even her own powers were something that would seem like fiction to someone that hadn't witnessed them with their own eyes. The possibility of more Magic out there made her wonder if there was someone out there who's a little bit like her in the great unknown. Yet the sirens weren't the only thing that caught her attention in this letter, his lyrics of the song stood out to her

'Your heart is pierced by cupid'

'If a man may be so bold,'

'But I have nothing for you,'

'For mine is beating cold.'

It was mention of a frozen heart yet again.

A blank piece of paper sitting in front of her as she continued tapping her pen.

How would she even address him, even in a simple note? She kept hovering her pen over the paper ready to start writing, but pulling away as her mind went blank yet again.

Maybe she need not tell him, but show him that she read his words. Without much of a second thought at the center of the page she wrote:

' I believe.'

Short and simple, but to the point. She folded the paper, like he did his and now it was time to seal. She placed the wax, but the Arendelle seal didn't seem right. She poured more wax and this time with her magic made a snowflake to replace it.

The note was done, now it was whether or not she would choose to send it.

She cleaned off her desk, placing his recent letter with the rest under lock and key. The note she just wrote in her hands, she played with the edges as she looked at her snowflake insignia. She was lost in her thoughts, when a knock at the door startled her.

"Your Majesty," The head guard seemed uncertain at first. "Your prisoner seems... off, today. He hasn't expressed any change in particular, he just seems off in a way I can't place, my instincts say something is wrong. Do you have any thoughts or direction? He also insists that he would like to wash his own clothes, but I consider that too dangerous, and frightfully curious for a previous prince." The head guard frowned. He had been doing his job for some years, but something about all this felt wrong, and he couldn't quite say how. Something beyond the laundry.

Elsa sighed. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention Captain."

She had noticed a change in Hans in the way he had written the journal, but had not thought much of it, but now that the captain voiced his concern there was no ignoring that there was something definitely off with Hans today.

"I think I have to go see him myself, in order to decide a proper course of action." It was something she had not planned on doing, but she felt she had no choice now, she had allowed Hans to return so he was her responsibility.

She still had her note in hand as she stood up from her desk and walked towards the Captain.

The guard nodded. "Excellent plan, your Majesty. I will be there to maintain your safety." The Captain assured. That was what it always was, his job. But he took pride in it.

#Helsa #Iceburns #Hans x Elsa #Frozen #frozen fanfiction #Shattered Reflections

9 notes · View notes

ashtray-girl · 5 years

Text

By Grand Central Station I Sat Down And Wept and its role in Morrissey’s lyricism

PLOT This is a short prose poetry novel in which author Elizabeth Smart recounts her love affair with married poet George Barker (even though she began writing it years before they met). Said affair lasted 18 years and she bore 4 of his 15 children, whom he had from several different women.

The novel is divided in 10 parts, so I’ll proceed by summing up each one of them while also highlighting the parts which I think are relevant to the Morrissey discourse.

DISCLAIMER: even though there isn’t much of a plot to spoil (the focus is placed almost entirely on the narrator’s feelings and in the way they’re expressed), I am gonna quote extensively from every chapter so keep that in mind if you intend to read the book for yourself.

PART I The protagonist is waiting at the bust station for the man she loves to collect her (she never names him btw) but when he finally comes he’s with his wife and it’s her that the protagonist sees first.

“But then it is her eyes that come forward out of the vulgar disembarkers to reassure me that the bus has not disgorged disaster: her madonna eyes, soft as the newly-born, trusting as the untempted. And, for a moment, at that gaze, I am happy to forego my future, and postpone indefinitely the miracle hanging fire. […] Behind her he for whom I have waited for so long, who has stalked so unbearably through my nightly dreams.”

It’s interesting to note the way she talks about her. Even though she’s wildly in love with this man, she never badmouths her. On the contrary, throughout the story she seems to have a good opinion of her.

“I see she can walk across the leering world and suffer injury only from the ones she loves. But I love her and her silence is propaganda for sainthood.”

You know what all of this reminds me of? The time Angie collected Morrissey at the station to take him to Johnny’s house, a few days after Johnny had knocked on Morrissey’s door and they’d talked about forming a band. Did he expect it would be Johnny who’d come and pick him up? Did he know he had a girlfriend?

“So we drive along the Californian coast singing together, and I entirely renounce him for only her peace of mind.”

I don’t know if the narrator shares Morrissey’s fascination with cars (I don’t even think the two things are necessarily related), but it’s worth pointing out how some of the most important and dramatic scenes of the book happen in a car.

“Why do I not jump off this cliff where I lie sickened by the moon? I know these days are offering me only murder for my future. It is not just the creeping fingers of the cold that dissuade me from action, and allow me to accept the hypocritical hope that there may be some solution. Like Macbeth, I keep remembering that I am their host. So it’s tomorrow’s breakfast rather than the future’s blood that dictates fatal forbearance. Nature, perpetual whore, distracts with the immediate.”

Look at this entire paragraph and tell me it isn’t the most Morrissey thing you’ve ever read. Also, does any part of it sound familiar? Well, let’s look at the lyrics for Shakespeare’s Sister:

Young bones groan, and the rocks below say “Throw your skinny body down, son"

But I'm going to meet the one I love So please don't stand in my way Because I'm going to meet the one I love No, mama, let me go

Young bones groan and the rocks below say "Throw your white body down"

But I'm going to meet the one I love At last, at last, at last! I'm going to meet the one I love

Then the protagonist gets to the couple’s house and her sudden proximity to the man she loves brings the feelings she’s been trying to repress right back to the surface:

“The Beginning lurks uncomfortably on the outskirts of the circle, like an unpopular person whom ignoring can keep away. The very silence, the very avoiding of any intimacy between us, when he, when he was only a word, was able to cause me sleepless nights and shivers of intimation, is the more dangerous. Our seeming detachment gathers strength. I sit back impersonally and say, I see human vanity, or feel myself full of gladness because there is a gentleness between him and her, or even feel irritation because he lets her do too much of the work, sits lolling whilst she chops wood for the stove.”

There’s an unmistakable feeling of impeding doom, as if she knows that even though nothing physical has happened between them yet, she’s sealed her own deal just by being there with him and it’s only a matter of time before the inevitable strikes.

“While we drive along the road in the evening, talking as impersonally as a radio discussion, he tells me: ‘A boy with green eyes and long lashes, whom I had never seen before, took me into the back of a printshop and made love to me, and for two weeks I went around remembering the numbers on bus conductors’ hats.’ ‘One should love beings whatever their sex’, I reply, but withdraw into the dark with my obstreperous shape of shame, offended with my own flesh which cannot metamorphose into a printshop boy with armpits like chalices.”

So there you have it: Meaningful Car Scene n°1. He confesses he had a homosexual experience (and he enjoyed it, or so it seems) and she’s jealous but not outraged or disgusted, which is quite a big deal if you think this book was first published in 1945. (It’s also worth noting that, in her later years, Elizabeth Smart had affairs with both men and women). Another thing I noticed as I was writing this is that sentence, “remembering the numbers on bus conductors’ hats”, which reminded me of that line in Phoney:

Who can make Hitler Seem like a bus conductor? You do, oh Phoney you do

It’s probably just a coincidence, but I found it funny nonetheless.

“He kissed my forehead driving along the coast in the evening, and now, wherever I go, like the sword of Damocles, that greater never-to-be-given kiss hangs above my doomed head. He took my hand between the two shabby front seats of the Ford, and it was dark, and I was looking the other way, but now that hand casts everywhere an octopus shadow from which I can never escape. The tremendous gentleness of that moment smothers me under; […] I stand on the edge of the cliff, but the future is already done.”

Meaningful Car Scene n°2. There’s a first attempt at physical contact and by now he seems to have realised she has feelings for him, so he’s trying to see how far he can push himself with her.

Now, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: I feel like something very similar to this may have happened between Johnny and Morrissey. The reason why I decided to write this analysis is because, once I read the book, I fully realised the pervasiveness of its influence in many of the lyrics Morrissey wrote while he was in The Smiths (especially during the Meat Is Murder era) and in the first years of his solo career but, as much as people talked about it, I feel like they never went deep enough. The way I see it, Morrissey had every reason to relate to the protagonist, even though she’s a woman. Someone who falls deeply in love with a married man (with bisexual tendencies, it seems) and is quite concerned with the ethics of what she’s doing but at the same time is very certain of her feelings for him. The man, on the other hand, seems to have a much more ambiguous attitude, accepting her love but also wanting to keep a respectable façade by staying with his wife. If we assume that Morrissey did harbour romantic feelings for Johnny, it’s easy to see why he would choose this book as a way to sublimate them, especially if we consider how the queer factor would’ve made them even less acceptable in the eyes of society.

But going back to the book… what about the man’s wife?

“By day she obeys the voice of love as the stricken obey their god, and she walks with the light step of hope which only the naive and the saints know. […] He also is bent towards her in an attitude of solicitude. Can he hear his own heart while he listens for the tenderness of her sensibilities? Is there a way at all to avoid offending the lamb of god?”

As I said before, she doesn’t seem to be especially jealous of his wife, but that may be because at the moment she’s high on the secret attentions her husband is giving her, so it’s easy for her to feel sorry for this other woman who’s being cheated on right under her own roof.

I can’t help but think about how Morrissey and Angie had their own relationship and seemed to be quite close. I mean, that must have been a bit of a weird dynamic (for Moz at least), and I wonder how they worked it out.

“I never was in love with death before, nor felt grateful because the rocks below could promise certain death. But now the idea of dying violently becomes an act wrapped in attractive melancholy, and displayed with every blandishment. For there is no beauty in denying love, except perhaps by death, and towards love what way is there? To deny love, and deceive it meanly by pretending that what is unconsummated remains eternal, or that love sublimated reaches highest to heavenly love, is repulsive, as the hypocrite’s face is repulsive when placed too near the truth. […] I might be better fooled, but can I see the light of a match while burning in the arms of the sun?”

There’s another reference to dying by throwing herself off a cliff, but the really interesting part is what comes after. The narrator rejects the idea that spiritual love is the highest form of love, which is achieved by embracing its physical side instead. It’s not enough for her to have a platonic bond with the man she loves because she wants him in mind, body and soul.

While reading this, I couldn’t help but draw some parallels:

- “Dying violently becomes an act wrapped in attractive melancholy.” → “To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.” - “Can I see the light of a match while burning in the arms of the sun?” → “There is a light and it never goes out.”

And then, opening the penultimate paragraph of this first chapter:

“I have learned to smoke because I need something to hold on to. I dare not be without a cigarette in my hand.”

This is one of the most obvious one. If we look at the lyrics for What She Said (which is based almost entirely on this book), it’s pretty self-explanatory:

What she said: ‘I smoke ‘cause I’m hoping for a nearly death And I need to cling to something.’

PART II This part is mainly about the remorse the protagonist is feeling towards the man’s wife, who has now realised something happened between the two of them.

“Her eyes pierced all the veils that protected my imagination against ruinous knowledge. […] Is there no other channel of my deliverance except by her martyrdom?”

It’s quite interesting to note how the chapter opens with:

“God, come down […] and tell me who will drown in so much blood.”

And then, on the next page:

“I am blind, but blood, not love, blinded my eye. Love lifted the weapon but guided my crime.”

Both of these lines reminded me of the lyrics for Yes, I Am Blind:

Yes, I am blind No, I can't see The good things Just the bad things, oh...

Yes, I am blind No, I can't see There must be something Horribly wrong with me?

God, come down If you're really there Well, you're the one who claims to care

It then goes on:

“… she whom I have injured, and whose agony it is my penalty to watch, lies gasping, but still living, on the land.”

- “Gasping, but still living.” → “Gasping, but somehow still alive.” (Well I Wonder)

PART III The narrator spends most of this chapter gushing about how in love she is with this man, who in the meantime has followed her back home to spend some time with her (though it’s not clear whether he has left his wife for her or not.)

“Even the precise geometry of his hand, when I gaze at it, dissolves me into water and I flow away in a flood of love.”

(I have nothing to say about this line except that I like it and that I can’t help but imagine Morrissey staring at Johnny’s hands as he picks the chords of his guitar, thinking these exact same thoughts.)

“When the Ford rattles up to the door, five minutes (five years) late, and he walks across the lawn under the pepper-trees, I stand behind the gauze curtains, unable to move to meet him, or to speak, as I turn to liquid to invade his every orifice when he opens the door.”

Yet another reference to his car. Also yeah, you’re wet for him, we get it.

“And there is so much for me, I am suddenly so rich, and I have done nothing to deserve it, to be so overloaded. All after such a desert. All after I had learnt to say, I am nothing, and I deserve nothing. […] It has happened, the miracle has arrived, everything begins today, […] all the paraphernalia of existence, all my sad companions of these last twenty years, […] all the world solicits me with joy, leaps at me electrically, claiming its birth at last.”

I can’t help but think about how similarly Morrissey must have felt after Johnny knocked on his door, after having spent his last twenty years in much the same way the narrator had, feeling lonely and isolated.

I mean, he even said so himself:

“He appeared at a time when I was deeper than the depths, if you like. And he provided me with this massive energy boost. I could feel Johnny’s energy just seething inside of me.”

“I was there, dying, and he rescued me.”

The chapter ends with this sentence:

“Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm, for love is strong as death.”

Which kinda reminds me of that part in Rusholme Ruffians:

So scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen (This means you really love me)

PART IV This is, in my opinion, the book’s most interesting chapter. What happens is, they get stopped as they’re crossing the Arizona border and once the cops realise they’re together but not married to each other, the take them to the police station, interrogate them for several hours about the nature of their relationship and then make them leave separately.

Once again, one of the most dramatic scenes takes place in a car.

I fully believe that Morrissey wrote both The Boy With The Thorn In His Side and later Late Night, Maudlin Street with this entire part in mind.

“They are taking me away in a police car […] They are prosecuting me for silence and for love […] They drove me away in a police car. […] For too much love, only for too much love. […] Are you not convinced, inspector? Do you not believe in love?”→ “They took you away in a police car / Inspector – don’t you know? Don’t you care? Don’t you know – about love?” (Late Night, Maudlin Street)

“They intercepted our love because of what was in our eyes. […] Did they see such flagrant proof and still not believe?” → “How can they see the love in our eyes and still they don’t believe us?” (The Boy With The Thorn In His Side)

I wonder who “they” were, though. I mean, we know that in the book, when she says: “They are prosecuting me for silence and for love” she clearly means the authorities, but what did Morrissey mean? Were “they” those same “people who are weaker/uglier than you and I” and those “evil people (who) prosper over the likes of you and me always”? And did he have some specific names in mind, or did he just mean society in general? As in: “They (the general public / the media / the music industry) can’t (don’t want to?) see we love each other because they’re not ready to accept that idea yet, but they’re more than happy to profit from us and our art, which is only made possible BECAUSE of that love.”

The penultimate paragraph before the end of the chapter feels especially relevant:

“All our wishes were private, we desired no more scope than ourselves. Could we corrupt the young by gazing into each other’s eyes? Would they leave their offices? Would big business suffer?”

PART V The protagonist comes back home feeling sorry for herself. Her family doesn’t approve of her relationship with a married man, but she refuses to apologise and spends most of her time contemplating nature and reminiscing about what happened.

Another quote which Morrissey probably used as inspiration for Late Night…

“Every yellow or scarlet leaf hangs like a flag waving me on.” → “Every hag waves me on / Secretly wishing me gone.”

PART VI The protagonist has an argument with her father, who’s worried about her state. Her mother doesn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore and even her brother is sceptical about the whole situation. She then reminisces about leaving Ottawa with him (she’s Canadian) and she talks at length about how they’re meant to be together no matter what. She also finds out she’s pregnant.

At the start, she mentions neighbours who warn her to stay away from him:

“The well-meaning matrons who, from their insulated living say, ‘My dear, I think you would would regret it afterwards if you broke up a marriage,’ ‘When you felt it about to happen the right thing would have been to have gone away at once.”

I wonder how many people around The Smiths were aware of Morrissey being in love with Johnny (because at this point, no one can convince me he wasn’t) and, if they were, how much did they know? Did they ever talked to him about it? Did they warn him about being cautious, about not revealing too much of his own feelings in his songs? And did they mention how bad it would look for him if he broke up a couple?

“The policeman grows fatter each day and rivals the new tanks. He blots out the doorway of the little café. A couple seeing him spills the milk at the counter, remembering what they did under the bridge last night. But the policeman is blind. He strikes only when he hears a loud noise. There are others, though, who have eyes like shifty hawks, and they prowl the streets searching for a face whereon an illegal kiss might be forming. No, there is no defence for love, and tears will only increase the crime.”

Here she’s talking about how, while in the midst of a war (the book is set in the 40s), the police (and society in general) seem to be concerned with futile things like arresting people who are doing nothing but love each other and it reminds me of a quote from Morrissey’s Autobiography:

“Men were draped with medals for killing other men yet imprisoned for loving one another.”

Later on, she makes a point of proclaiming herself ready to take their relationship as it is, without expecting much of a future.

“Though this is all there is […] I accept it without tomorrows and without any lilies of promise. It is enough, the now, and though it comes without anything, it gives me everything. […] But as long as the accessories are such now as to make me over-armed with weapons to combat the antagonistic world, even if a thousand programs go wrong, I won’t lament that past I was when I could see no future.”

She then tries to dissipate any doubts he might have about their relationship (because it looks as if he’s already starting to second-guess himself) by repeatedly reassuring him that she’s the one for him and that, as much as he tries, he can’t escape that fact.

“Remember I am not temptation to you, but everything is which inclines you away. Nor are you to me, but my entire goal. Sometimes you see this as clearly as I do now, for you say, ‘Do you think if I didn’t I could have…?’”.

I wonder… if Johnny hadn’t already been with Angie when he knocked on Morrissey’s door, would things have panned out differently for them? Would they have dared to take their relationship to the next level in spite of society’s backlash?

“Do you see me then as the too-successful one, like a colossus whose smug thighs rise obliviously out of sorrow? Or as the detestable all-female, who grabs and devours, invulnerable with greed? Alas, these are your sins, your garments of shame, and not the blond-sapling boys with blue eye-shadow leaning amorously towards you in the printshop.”

Leaving aside the fact that this man is garbage, she’s obviously anxious to reassure him that it’s not his bisexuality that saddens her, but the fact that he sees her as a threat.

Also that line, “grabs and devours”, will then be used by Morrissey in The Headmaster Ritual:

He grabs and devours He kicks me in the showers Kicks me in the showers And he grabs and devours

By the end of the chapter though, her words of comfort are starting to sound ominous:

“Only remember: I am not the ease, but the end. I am not to blind you but to find you. What you think is the sirens singing to lure you to your doom is only the voice of the inevitable, welcoming you after so long a wait. I was made only for you.”

PART VII The man has a breakdown and he’s interned in a psych facility. She tries to go and see him, but his wife is already there. He’d previously written her a letter, asking her to take him back. The protagonist leaves and when she comes back a few days later they leave together, but when she tries to confront him about the letter he refuses to listen to her. They have a fight and she ends up capitulating because he’s still ill and she wants to believe him when he tells her she’s the only one.

“My love, why did you leave me on Lexington Avenue in the Ford that had no breaks?” This line reminds me a bit of Break Up The Family, when Morrissey says:

Hailstones, driven home In a car – no breaks? I don’t mind

Which coincidentally is what’s happening in this chapter: the honeymoon phase is clearly over, he’s having troubles with his guilty conscience and he deals with them by distancing himself from her, even though she’s expecting his child.

PART VIII He and his wife move to London where the war is raging and, after a while, the protagonist follows them. She stays in a dingy hotel and he occasionally visits her to have sex with her, but by now it’s clear that he has no intention of leaving his wife for her, so they often fight and every day she’s getting more and more desperate and isolated.

The chapter opens with the line:

“His brother and his mother and his grandmother lie abandoned in death on the stones of the London Underground.”

This vaguely reminds me once again of Late Night…

You gran died And you mother died On Maudlin Street In pain and ashamed With never time to say Those special things

“Bombs are bigger, but the human brains they burst remain the same. It is the faces we once kissed that are being smashed in the English coastal towns, the hand we shook that are swept up with the debris […] and love still uproots the heart better than an imagined landmine.”

This paragraph makes me think of Ask:

Because if it’s not love Then it’s the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb The bomb, the bomb That will bring us together

In the meantime, their relationship is going sour and the protagonist feels they’re reaching a breaking point.

“When the ship cracks in the typhoon, we cover our heads and tell ourselves that all will resolve back to normal. But we are unbelieving. This time may not be like the other times that with time grew into cheerful anecdotes. […] O where does he stalk like a horse in pastures very far afield? I cannot hear him, and silence writes more terrible things than he can ever deny. Is there a suspicion the battle is lost? Certainly he killed me fourteen nights in succession.”

I can’t help but think about how Morrissey must have felt when Johnny told him he wanted to leave The Smiths. People around him (Stephen Street, Grant Showbiz) thought he was going to kill himself and the fact that Johnny then went on holiday and never made contact with him must have alarmed him even more. He’d first thought the situation could be repaired, but by then he must’ve realised the end was upon them.

“He did the one sin which Love will not allow. […] He did sin against Love, and though he says it was in Pity’s name, and that Pity was only fighting a losing battle with Love, he was useless to Pity, and in wavering, injured Love, which was, after all, what he staked all for, all he had, ungamblable.”

From what I gather, he went back to his wife because he felt sorry for her and the protagonist can’t accept that because in her eyes their love was everything that mattered and everything they had.

Now: as I said before, I think Morrissey was inspired by this book because he saw himself in it. I think he must’ve found many similarities between the protagonist’s situation and his own, both of them in love with a married man who doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself. Johnny and Angie split for a brief period in 1983, when The Smiths went on their first USA tour, and I’ve seen a few people speculate that if something physical happened between Morrissey and Johnny, it may very well have happened then. Morrissey may have taken advantage of the fact that Johnny was free and overcame his fears by making the first move. Or maybe, Johnny was the one who, once aware of Morrissey’s feelings for him, decided to take the bull by its horns. I don’t know. Nobody does. What I wonder is… once Johnny went back to Angie, how did Morrissey feel? Because I don’t think he was all that thrilled. Did he think he did it out of pity, like the protagonist of the book did? If something had happened between them on that tour, did he feel used? Did he feel mildly outraged? Did he resign himself to consider it a one-night stand and nothing more, even though his feelings for Johnny clearly went deeper than that? It’s also worth noticing how the references to this book start to spring up in his lyrics from Meat Is Murder onwards, that is, after that tour in 1983.

“How can I put love up to my hopes so suicidal and wild-eyed when the matter is too simple and too plain: it is her tears he feels trickling over his breast each night; it is for her he feels the concern; and the pity, after all, not the love, fills his twenty-four hours. Perhaps I am his hope. But then she is his present. And if then she is his present, I am not his present. Therefore, I am not, and I wonder why no one has noticed I am dead and taken the trouble to bury me. […] For even if he loves me, he is in her arms. O the fact, the unalterable fact: it is she he is with: he is with her: he is not with me because he is sleeping with her.”

For me, this might be the most heartbreaking part of the book. The protagonist knows that no matter what she tells herself, when he’s done with her he comes home to his wife while she’s stuck in a hotel room in a country which is not her own.

That line, “I wonder why no one has noticed I am dead and taken the trouble to bury me”, also crops up right at the beginning of What She Said:

What she said: “How come someone hasn’t noticed that I’m dead And decided to bury me? God knows, I’m ready!”

Which makes me think Morrissey must have somehow related to this part. “He loves me, but he’s still with her.” “He has martyred me, but for no cause, nor has he any idea of the size and consequence of my wounds. Perhaps he will never know, for to say, You killed me daily and O most especially nightly, would imply blame. I do not blame, nor even say, You might have done this or this rather than that. I even say, You must do that, you have to do it, there is no alternative, urging my own murder. […] If ever again he lets those nights happen, or dallies with remorse for past sins to others while sinning most dangerously against me, I shall be unrevivable. I shall, whether I want to or not, be struck dead with the fact. And he may clothe it in all humanity’s most melting colours, and pity, and sympathy, and call on love to be kind, and I too shall pray, Let me be kind, but it will be no good.”

This entire thing reinforces my first thought, which is: Morrissey and Johnny at one point had a one-night stand (“It was a good lay, good lay...”), except for Morrissey there were much stronger feelings attached to it.

As hurt as she is, the protagonist doesn’t blame the man for going back to his wife and she even encourages him, because she recognises that, at the end of the day, it’s the best course of action for everyone involved. What she wishes wouldn’t happen again are those nights, coupled with him badmouthing her to others out of remorse for his own actions.

If we once again consider the queer factor in the relationship between Morrissey and Johnny, it wouldn’t surprise me if Morrissey followed the same reasoning when Johnny went back to Angie because, as much as Morrissey loved him, he wouldn’t be able to give him the stability of a straight relationship. (That isn’t to say Johnny didn’t love Angie, btw. I’m sure he loved her deeply and he still does, but I also think at the time some internal conflict was present because, on some level, he reciprocated Morrissey’s feelings.)

That last line, “… and call on love to be kind, and I too shall pray, Let me be kind” reminds me of I Know It’s Over:

It takes strength to be gentle and kind

This can be applied to many situations, but I feel like it becomes especially relevant in the context of the love of your life leaving you for someone else, who you also care about.

PART IX The protagonist goes back home to Canada and has to face the invasive questioning of neighbours who see her with a big belly but no wedding ring. After a while though, she realises she must see the man she loves and so she leaves to meet him once again.

“I am lonely. I cannot be a female saint. I want the one I want. He is the one I picked out from the world. I picked him out in cold deliberation. But the passion was not cold. It kindled me. It kindled the world. Love, love, give my heart ease, put your arms round me, give my heart ease. Feel the little bastard.”

- “I want the one I want.” → “I want the one I can’t have.” - “Put your arms round me.” → “All I ask of you is one thing that you never do / Would you put your arms around me? (I won’t tell anyone).” (Tomorrow)

PART X The final chapter opens with the line that gave the book its title: “By Grand Central Station I sat down and wept.” He didn’t come to collect her, so she has a breakdown right in the middle of the station. The ending is kind of confusing. It looks as if she resigns herself to go back to him just to have sex with him, and she tries to convince herself everything is fine, but it clearly isn’t.

Elizabeth Smart went back to George Barker time and time again, even though their relationship was dysfunctional to say the least and they were both very damaged, egotistical individuals. He cheated on her repeatedly but she loved him nonetheless, so I guess it would make sense for the book to end like this as well.

“They obey the glint in the middle of my glazed eye, for it is the fierce last stand of all I have.” → “Gasping - but somehow still alive / This is the fierce last stand of all I am.” (Well I Wonder)

“I wanted only one thing. I gave you the full instructions. The name, I spelt it out in letters as long as a continent, even the address, the address that makes waterfalls of my blood because it is also her address. I said quite plainly and loudly: This is what I want. I want this, and I don’t want any bonus. Just give me this and I’ll pay any price you ask. I made no reservations. You took advantage of this. I never grudged. But, Sir, so what I plead is just – what are you stalling for? There is no more to give.”

This entire paragraph reminds me of Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want.

“He hangs, damp with his impotent tears, nailed by one hand to Love and by the other one to Pity.”

This man is split between love and duty and can’t seem to be able to make a decision, with everyone suffering as a consequence, including him. That’s what the protagonist sees. What I see is a man who likes to have his ego stroked and doesn’t mind a bit of drama. It’s not that he’s unable to make a decision, he just doesn’t want to.

“Is it possible he cannot hear me when he lies so close, so lightly asleep? […] My dear, my darling, do you hear me when you sleep?”

These parts were clearly used by Morrissey as inspiration for the lyrics of Well I Wonder (which, like What She Said, was based almost entirely on this book – I even think they were written back to back.)

Well I wonder Do you hear me when you sleep?

“This is the very room he chose instead of Love. Let it be quiet and full of healing. […] It is the cursed comfort he preferred to my breast. The one who shares it weeps silently in corners, is tender unnoticed, and makes his necessary tea. ‘Have you seen my notebook, dear?’ ‘It is under the desk, my sweet.’ Give it to him, O my gentle usurper, whom I also have usurped, my enemy whom I have both killed and been killed by. […] He also is drowning in the blood of too much sacrifice. Lay aside the weapons, love, for all battles are lost.”

At last he’s made his choice and if we’ve learned something from history it’s that a man’s comfort will always be more important than a woman’s safety and peace of mind.

FINAL COMMENTS As I said before, one of the reasons I think Morrissey was inspired by this book is that he found its story to be relatable, but it’s not just that. The language, as you may have noticed by reading some of its quotes, is quite poetic, abstract and melodramatic, with a major focus on introspection and an underlying sense of pervasive melancholy. This is an artistic quality that both Morrissey and Johnny had in common, even though they expressed it differently: one through his lyrics, the other through his sound. Ultimately, I think Morrissey found By Grand Central Station… very useful creatively and personally. Creatively because it gave him the inspiration to write some of his best songs (also, here’s a reminder that both Moz and Johnny declared Well I Wonder as one of their favourite Smiths’ songs at some point), and personally because it provided him with an outlet to confront his feelings for Johnny, which I think must have been quite tumultuous. With a shortage of LGBT media which was even more prevalent in the 80s, queer people often had to read between the lines of straight stories to find something to relate to, and I feel like that’s what Morrissey did. Personally, after reading it I found myself surprised by the superficiality with which most people (biographers, reviewers etc.) talked about its role in Morrissey’s lyrics, because clearly there’s so much more to it than stealing a line here and there. It’s also about him feeling invested in a story because it spoke to him and it represented him, at least partially, in an era when anyone who didn’t fit in with society’s standards of what it meant to be a man or a woman might as well not have existed at all.

#the smiths #morrissey #johnny marr #marrissey #by grand central station i sat down and wept #elizabeth smart

12 notes · View notes

natalia-km · 7 years

Note

Firstly congrats on your fantastic gcse results you should be really proud 😄🙌🏽 As I'm sitting my exams the coming year ( 😭 ) just wanted to ask if you have revision tips for me in regards to the main subjects ( i.e. Maths, English etc ) Please and thank you 😊

Thank you so much!

I’m more than happy to give any advice any time :)

This post is very long so I’m sorry lol. If you can’y read the whole thing I also did a summary at the end.

Maths:

Repetition is key, start by doing some past papers given to you by your school and get used to doing three 1 ½ hour papers. Identify your weaknesses and keep practicing. Keep practicing past papers and problem solving booklets you can find online as the new types of questions are heavily based on problem solving and combining units e.g. algebra with graphs. For revision I went through my past papers and looked at the questions I got wrong and what I didn’t understand. Honestly just doing past papers in maths after learning all the units is the best way to revise. I did past papers really from the start of year 11 all the way to the exam.

Some useful websites that I used (I just wrote out the questions you do not need to print everything)

http://justmaths.co.uk/2015/12/21/9-1-exam-questions-by-topic-higher-tier/

http://www.mathsmadeeasy.co.uk/gcsemathspapers-9-1.htm

Some content on different exam boards may vary but maths is maths and virtually the same on all exam boards. I sat Edexcel and my school offered these books that come in three. I really recommend these as say, for example, pg 51 on inverse functions in the revision books matches pg 51 in the work book. When we had spare time in class or have a spare 10 minutes it is really helpful to complete a page of fractions or something. There is also a book called past papers plus with exam questions in the exam format (if that makes any sense lol) Which is what I used the most. My copy had loads of mistakes but if you buy a new one I think it will be fixed (haha get your act together edexcel)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/REVISE-Edexcel-Mathematics-Higher-Revision/dp/1447988094

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Revise-Edexcel-Mathematics-Revision-Workbook/dp/1292210885/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=KS8EGP0PE8821S279NYQ

https://www.amazon.co.uk/REVISE-Edexcel-Mathematics-Higher-Practice/dp/1292096314/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=H1KM6NPHSEEMHT303AVW

If you are aiming for 7/8/9 a really useful site is churchill maths, your school has to be registered and pay a license or something, which my school was, and you can access so many maths papers. I think there are 9 sets of three papers or more. They are really hard and take a while to get on their level as they have multi step problems and problem solving. These are really good as they start at the difficulty of the middle of the regular paper and go up. This is really helpful for the exam as the easy questions will seem really easy and the hard questions will not feel so bad.

When you practice every question write down the equation(s) you are going to use. You do not get a formulae sheet so you just have to learn them off by heart. Every question I did in class and homework I wrote down the relevant formulae and them slotted in the numbers and etc etc etc. By the time of the exam you’ll look at a trig question and know the cosine rule off by heart and it will make your life so much easier.

English lit.

oh the bane of my life. I have seen each exam vary from exam board to exam board and it does vary with different books you have been given. I studied Great expectations, Macbeth, Blood brothers and conflict anthology on Edexcel, the papers will be different on AQA and OCR and if you study different texts.

A major revision tip is to read the text properly before you start studying it in class. Then I would re read it but only skim through it and properly read the main chapters that have a very important scene at around christmas time and leading up to the exams.

LEARN YOUR QUOTES. Flash cards are great, I categorised quotes by character and theme and just wrote them over and over (but that style works for me and may not work for you). ½/3 word sentences are easy to remember and are concise to slot in where you can. e.g. Macbeth is referred to as a “tyrant”. easy one word quote that you can develop.

For english the time restrictions are ridiculous. Omg it was literal hell. When you do homework like write an essay on the significance of the witches in Macbeth look at the timings you have and try doing the essay in the time.

And to save your should learn the timings per question it will honestly save you from spending so much time on one essay and leaving none for the next questions.

In the exam I was quite sneaky and drew the timings on my watch so I could see when I had to change question which was a life saver *prayer hands emojis*

Instead of kind of learning the whole text sub categorise the information in the questions (I know I didn’t explain that well but hear me out). For example in for Macbeth my essay question was the significance of the witches, and in Great expectations it was the importance of location. What I did was categorise Character, Theme and setting.

I didn’t revise setting and it came up so don’t skip it. Depending on the question it will require 4 or 5 paragraphs so learn 4-5 points for each theme and character. When revising just learn a one sentence point that you can quickly recall and develop in the exam. Flash cards are reallyyyy useful in this. I used mine literally in the car going to school on the exam day.

e.g. The significance of Ambition in Macbeth.

1. Lady Macbeth’s Ambition is the driving force to kill duncan

2. Macbeth realises that ambition is futile without an heir so it leads him to murder Banquo

3. leads Lady Macbeth to her downfall

4. Macbeth murdering Macduff’s family is his ambition to kill Macduff and restore peace.

These are very short points which can be expanded upon. :)

For the poetry there’s 15 poems. Don’t bother learning 15 I learnt 5 and got by. It is impossible to learn all 15 but read and analyse all of them in class so you get a good general idea of what they are all about and how they use structure and punctuation etc. I linked them together by theme e.g. No problem, half cast and class game all go together. In your categories learn one or two that can be compared to anything. I learnt no problem, belfast confetti, cousin kate, exposure, charge of the light brigade and what were they like. If you’re not doing this exam board or anthology collection these titles may not mean anything to you but you get the jist of it.

For each learn the structure, rhyme scheme, imagery and punctuation so in the exam you can recall the poem you select to compare to and the main points.

Finally for english literature learn for each essay question what is needed, some will need context (19th century fiction doesn’t) some want writer’s intention and effect on reader. but putting in context where you can will not hurt.

English language:

I found this really hard so I’m not really an expert as such. For revision learn how many paragraphs are needed for each question and practice with time limits. Practice highlighting text and picking out key information and language, structure and form. Remember to comment on all three of language structure and form for the relevant questions. I think it is really useful to read chapters of 19th century fiction to get used to the language as it’s in paper one. Honestly reading one or two chapters of a the sign of four, pride and prejudice, the woman in black or anything you can find is really helpful.

Paper 2 i think is non-fiction, you can’t really prepare for the texts but practice planning the question is the best revision for this paper. For the long comparison question practice finding similarities and differences in language structure and theme. I did this over and over again for different combination of texts.

For imaginative writing just practice writing an opening, one paragraph and an ending for different questions (I got examples from my teacher like write about a time you ere scared or write about a time you had to work hard for something) Learn a few really good vocal to slot in here and there but not too much so you sound like a dictionary. My favourite was Megalomaniac and I kid you not I used it in every possible place I could.

Science (?)

I was still on the old system and I’m not sure if it is changing for your year? Free science lessons on youtube was basically my saviour and past papers are your best friend. For biology it is just repetition of vocab and systems, I used a lot of acronyms and silly little jokes here and there. For chemistry keep practicing the maths part because that is where a lot of marks can be gained e.g. calculating moles and titration. For physics I just practiced lots of maths questions? I didn’t do too well in physics but *shrugs*

How I worked is I wrote up the lesson neatly the day after the class, before a test I would review it and during revision I condensed the information onto ¼ of an A4 page (I didn’t find flash cards big enough and hard to draw diagrams and stuff) and repeated condensing of information so it got to a pint where each type of cell had their own ¼ A4 page for themselves.

In summary:

Maths: Repetition, repetition, repetition. Write out equations for absolutely every single question you do. Past papers/specimen papers/9-1 hard questions booklets you can find online.

English lit: Learn how many points per question, examiners love a good introduction and conclusion (2 sentences will do fine) but it’s not the end of the world. Flash cards for each theme, setting and character. Learn the key context, structure and imagery of a handful of poems that can be compared to a number of different poems. Quotes, Quotes, Quotes. Shove them in where you can. One or two words quotes are ideal as you an easily embed them.

English Language: practice planning your essay answers for the longer questions (spend no longer than 3 minutes doing this) when annotating extracts don’t write out full ideas or sentences of the extract it wastes time and that sheet is not marked. Just write down a few words for a point you can use. Imaginative writing plan your answer for no longer than 5 minutes, remember to use punctuation, varied sentence length, vary sentence starters and do not be cliché e.g. and it was all a dream *pukes*.

Science: Write down every formula you use for every calculation question e.g. moles=mass/RFM, Moles=volume x concentration in chemistry. practice past paper questions. LEARN UNITS THEY CAN GAIN A MARK. e.g. J or Hz. Acronyms are a life saver for remembering complex systems like the kidneys in biology. Silly little things help too. e.g. remembering the blood vessels in the heart I think VAVAVA (Vena cava, right Atrium, right Ventricle, pulmonary Artery, pulmonary Vein and Aorta.)

General: Find a system that works, for me it is just writing things over and over again. You may find the leitner system useful (link below) or mind maps. Find what works for you and don’t listen to a teacher telling you to do revision a certain way because “variation helps” which is a complete lie. Just find what works for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C20EvKtdJwQ

Also prioritise, subjects you do value as much can wait a day, for me German was not as important as maths so i spent more time on maths than german (as an example) but don’t completely abandon a subject because you will get stressed.

I hope this was of some use to you and maybe you can pick out a few things to help you revise. This year will be tiring but it will pay off on results day, trust me. My main tip is to just keep on top of work and get things done asap. Good luck with your exams this coming year I believe in you!

- Natalia x

5 notes · View notes

renae-writes · 7 years

Text

Time Travel (Part 3)

Summary: [Y/N] is trying not to develop feelings for Philip

Pairing: eventual Philip x reader

Warnings: unedited, I can’t think of any more

Word count: 1,645 words

A/N: It’s early! Still not my favorite chapter, but I don’t think I like anything I write so it might be okay. Thank you all so much for all the love and support I’ve gotten for this series!

Part 1 | Part 2

He wanted to kiss you. Your lips were right there. Your dress was tight in just the right way to show off your breasts and god did you look good in it. The ashen color of the dress brought out your eyes and he didn’t ever want to look away.

Philip took another step forward and you swore your heart almost stopped. The way he was looking at you, you never wanted him to stop. His hazel green eyes were shining just right in the sun and you could count every dark eyelash. A stray curl fell in his face and you itched to reach up and tuck it back with the rest of his hair. You wanted to let him kiss you, but you knew you couldn’t. You had to focus on getting home. Getting back to your time.

You turned and quickly grabbed Romeo and Juliet from the shelf where you were studying it earlier.

“Can I borrow this?” you asked, turning back to face him, trying your best to act like your heart wasn’t still racing. “I haven’t read it in years.”

Philip took a step back. What was he thinking? He wasn’t even courting you, he had just met you an hour ago and here he was wanting to kiss you? He understood the impropriety of it all, but still…

“You read?” he settled on.

“Yes,” you said like it was obvious.

Then you remembered it wasn’t.

“It’s not common to find well educated women around here,” Philip said, impressed.

“Well, my father wanted me to know how to read and write. He’s actually the one who got me interested in politics.” It was a little sad how easily the lies were coming out now. You felt bad that you were lying to Philip when all he has done is help you, but what were you supposed to say?

‘Hello, I’m from the future and I know everything about you and your family, not to mention everything that happens in the next two hundred and fifteen years. No big deal.’ Not going to work.

“Hm. Ever read Macbeth?” Philip asked, reaching his hand over your shoulder, the sleeve of his light grey coat just brushing your hair. His hand comes back with a hardcover copy of the tragedy.

“Once.” In high school.

“My father sometimes refers to himself as a Scottish tragedy. He’s half Scottish. I used to think it was funny how much he over exaggerated everything, but I guess I’m used to it now.”

Philip chuckled and added the book to your stack.

“I can take you to the drawing room so you can read, if you would like?” he offered you his arm.

“Yes,” you said, bringing your hand up to rest in the crook of his arm. “I would like that very much.”

You let him lead you out of his room and down the stairs. You tried to ignore how much the shoes were pinching your feet and how little you could breathe in the corset and focus on not falling on your face going down the stairs. It didn’t help much, however, that you underestimated how many stairs there were and would have fallen straight on your face had it not been for Philip holding your arm. You muttered a “thank you” and he simply brushed it off with a laugh. You blushed.

You really did like his laugh.

“Philip!” someone yelled, causing Philip to drop your arm, his face pale.

“What is it?” you asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Philip!” a young woman stood in front of you both, her hands on her hips. “Is that my dress?”

“Sorry, Angie.”

Your eyes widened. This was Angelica Hamilton? She was loud (she must get that from her father), but her gentle features were most likely that of her mother. Her long, dark hair spilled in waves down her back and her warm toffee skin was glowing in her red silk dress. She caught you studying her and eyed you with interest before turning her attention back to the eldest Hamilton.

“Yeah, sorry. That’s the dress Hercules made me, you know that.”

“Actually, I don’t. You never wear it. I thought Herc made you the blue one.”

“Wait,” you interrupted their arguing, “Hercules Mulligan made this dress? The Hercules Mulligan?”

“Yes,” Angelica said offhandedly. “Now if you would have asked, I wouldn’t be so mad but Philip, you have to understand where I’m coming from here.”

“I do,” you interrupted. “I’m sorry, but I had nothing to wear, and Philip assured me you wouldn’t have a problem with me borrowing this dress for the day. I didn’t know it was special to you.” Angelica’s face softened.

“It’s alright. It looks better on you anyway.” She leaned in closer to you, “Maybe now Hercules will make me a new one.” You both laughed. When you looked up, Philip was looking down at you with an unreadable expression.

“So, Philip, who is this and why did she have nothing else to wear other than my dress?” Angelica asked, crossing her arms and eyeing her brother. You almost laughed. She sounded like a mother scolding her child.

“Her name is [Y/N] and it’s a long story.” Philip looked at you and you brought the corner of your lip up in an attempt at a smile. “We’ll explain everything at dinner tonight,” was all he said before leading you away.

You had to come up with a believable story by dinner.

Philip led you through the house to a room with a closed door. He opened it to reveal a decently sized room. It was painted a deep red color with gold and floral accents throughout and all of the wood was a rich, dark mahogany. Philip led you to the dark blue couch and gestured for you to sit down.

“This is the drawing room?” you asked. Philip nodded. “Huh. I always thought it was a room that people drew in,” you mumbled under your breath. Philip must have heard it, though, as he started laughing. The butterflies hit in your stomach again and you smiled.

“I know they’re not very common anymore, but for some reason Pa wanted a drawing room. It comes from what’s called a withdrawing room. It’s where people go to have a little more privacy. I like to read in here sometimes, usually because no one else ever really comes in here.” Philip looked around, almost like he was remembering something. “Anyway, I should let you read. I’ll come back in a while to escort you to dinner.”

“Thank you,” was all you said before he stood up and closed the door behind him on his way out. Picking up Romeo and Juliet, you flip the book open to the first page.

Two households, both alike in dignity,

In fair Verona where we set our scene,

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

You get to Act III before Philip knocks on the door. You had finally gotten comfortable not ten minutes before, so you merely called for him to come in.

Walking into the drawing room, a smile creeps onto Philip’s face when he sees you. You’re splayed out across the couch, laying straight on your back as your corset doesn’t allow you to do much else, your legs draped, dangling over the arm of the furniture. You had kicked your shoes off at some point and used the decorative throw pillows to prop your head up so you didn’t exhaust your arms holding the book above your head.

“How’s your book?” was all he asked as he took a seat on the edge of the chair next to you.

“Good. I think Romeo and Juliet are going to get married in the next scene or two, I don’t remember.”

“I don’t either. This was never a favorite book of mine, but my mother adores it. She gave me this copy when I turned fourteen. I think I read it once and it’s been gathering dust on my bookshelf ever since. Do you like it?”

“I think it’s too dramatic. Neither one can live without the other but if Romeo had waited five more minutes, Juliet would have been alive. If Juliet didn’t go to such extremes, Romeo wouldn’t have had to do half the things he did. I think Shakespeare was just trying too hard to make this into a tragedy.”

“I agree,” Philip said, reaching over and grabbing the book from your hands. “Now, let’s go eat. Nyawara and the other maids made chicken tonight and I’m not going to let it get cold.”

Philip offered you his hand, helping you sit up. Once you were upright, you patted your hair down to try to control it a bit while Philip dug around to find your shoes.

“Are your parents going to be there?” you asked.

“And my six siblings,” Philip said like it was nothing.

“Your poor mother,” was all you had to say. You were still freaking out that you would be in the same room as Alexander and Eliza Hamilton. Philip laughed, the sound never failing to bring a smile to your face.

“Well, she’s pregnant again, so hopefully this is the last one. Here, lift your skirt.” He instructed. “I’ll help you with your shoes.”

You did as he said and you couldn’t help but feel like Cinderella, your own kind of Prince Charming sliding the shoe onto your foot. You almost didn’t notice how much the shoes hurt your feet until you placed your feet back on the floor, the blisters on your feet screaming in pain.

Philip looked up at you and smiled, his curly hair falling everywhere, something you were quickly coming to love.

“You ready to go?” he offered you a hand. You took it.

“Of course.”

Tags: @pearltheartist @insane-hamilton-imagines @justfangirlingaround

#hamilton #hamiltrash #philip hamilton #hamilton x reader #philip hamilton x reader #philip hamilton x you #hamiltime #reader insert #hamilton reader insert #time travel #renae writes #hamilton fanfic #philip x reader #philip x reader fanfic #renae writes time travel

169 notes · View notes

kwispayne · 6 years

Text

The Top 10 Films Of 2017

Ok, I said this year was great for albums...it was probably even great for films. I mean it, some of the worst weren’t even that bad (some where worse than ever but I usually don’t do worst lists, ask me personally for that). But there was some amazing movies to choose from this year, but sadly I can only pick 10 for this list.

So here is some rules

1.Technically some of these movies have been released in 2016, but some where only released at film festivals or had overseas released. I usually go by the rules of if it was released in Cinemas in 2017 or on DVD

2. This is a personal list. So some opinions are biased and selfish.

3. I haven’t seen every film from this year sadly. So any recommendations or even your top 10 lists would be helpful. I always want to watch more and I have an odd fetish for lists and stuff, so if you have any send me links and stuff.

This list may change in time…so this isn’t 100% final…but it’s pretty damn close.

10. The Handmaiden (Park Chan-wook)

Korean cinema this year was actually amazing, with some real great movies coming from the far east. But as always, the top title has to go to the king of Korean revenge Park Chan-wook (who is one of my all time favourite film makers. Set in Japanese occupied South Korea, this movie tells the tale of a handmaiden who is brought into a world of deceipt, greed, sex and madness. As always Park Chan-wook tells this tell with some amazing cinematic techniques and with some mad imagery. Also this movie is also probably the strongest LGBT themed movie of the year too (if you watch it you will know what I mean). The king has returned!

9. Lady Macbeth (William Oldroyd)

Period dramas usually bore me to death. But I heard Northern English accents in this one, so my intrigue was heightened. A definite master work this movie is, with some amazing shot scenes and wonderful acting, but the real highlight has to do with the main themes raised. A psuedo horror movie, dealing with a woman's slow hatred of men that she slowly becomes a monster, this movie slowly goes from one shocking moment to the other. Oldroyd's amazing directing really adds to this tone with the smallest details being highlighted to create a real tapestry of drama, intrigue and evil. Major props have to be given Florence Pugh and Cosmo Jarvis for giving some amazing performances throughout.

8. Get Me Roger Stone (Dylan Bank, Daniel DiMauro & Morgan Pehme)

This is a brilliantly made documentary about one of the most controversial figures of American politics, a definite bogeyman if there ever was one. While most people fight and shout over politic issues, there is always a master manipulator in the background for his own personal gain or just for the fun of it, and Roger Stone is definitely one of those characters, who is so dishonest and slimy that you almost have to respect his own evil twisted genius and odd take on the world around him. Brilliantly told and brilliantly seen through the eyes of Mr Stone himself, it is a definite watch for those who need to see the other half live and how they work behind the shadows.

7. Paddington 2 (Paul King)

Paul King is definitely one of the most underrated directors working today (he's the next Michel Gondry). Loving the original Paddington haven't been aware of the character since I was a child, I am so glad that Paul King has his hands on this property, because I can't think of any other director who has such great charm, talent or design. Certain technical scenes in this movie are way better than anything Wes Anderson could ever play out. As a comedy, especially a kids movie, this movie really is a laugh a minute rollercoaster. My mouth hurt from smiling too much. Ben Whishaw takes the main role so well as usual, but the best addition to this movie is Hugh Grant who plays the madder than life villain.

6. Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race & America (Matthew Ornstein)

This documentary is just a mad one, but it is the story we all need. Daryl Davis is a famous activist who is famous for de robing Klan members in some very controversial yet practical methods. Politically, the race issues in USA at the moment really are a minefield and taking a side really can be suicide at times, but thankfully a man comes along who I can at least side with in a more philosophical and pacifistic manner. Brilliantly told through the words and eyes of Daryl, the documentary really shows how love can conquer all. It may not take immediate effects, but at least it's the most, dare I say it, Christian way to deal with issues from a mostly Christian country.

5. It (Andrés Muschietti)

It really is a horror staple, being a main influence on many peoples fear of clowns. While the first celluloid adaptation (the original mini series) is a guilty pleasure to horror fans, it really was a platform to show off the brilliant talents of Tim Curry, many believed would never be bettered. Enter Bill Skarsgård who has approached the role in a very unique and creepy fashion. While being a real treat for this movie with his outstanding performance, more props has to be given to the kid actors in this movie, who may be the best young ensemble I've seen in a blockbuster movie, turning this original mad horror movie to a heart-warming childhood tale with a good few laughs thrown in too. Don't fret, this movie still will have horror movie fans gushing with some really impressive scares and effects. This movie really touched me and I am looking forward to the upcoming sequel.

4. Prevenge (Alice Lowe)

Being a fan of her casual work in British comedies and loving her acting and screenwriting talent in Sightseers I was of course looking forward to her directorial debut, with a concept as mad as herself (she was pregnant while making this movie...this is gonna produce some awkward conversations to her child). Telling the tale of a mother who becomes a serial killer under the guise of her unborn baby, this movie had B movie schlock written all over it, but being a talented screenwriter, Lowe really fashions an interesting study into mental health, dealing with grief, auto and postal depression. With every line of dialogue being as important as the next, this movie is a great re watch, piecing together the many brilliant fabrics she has woven throughout. Also behind the psuedo drama there is also hilarious comedy movie underneath this madcap rollercoaster. I look forward to anything Mrs Lowe will produce in the future.

3. Moonlight (Barry Jenkins)

Finally. The Oscars got it right (...almost). If you have only heard about this movie through the controversial fuck up at the Oscars, I advise you to ignore it and focus on the genius of this celluloid masterpiece. Also I would also try and ignore the click bait nature of seeing a movie about a gay black guy, this movie is so much more. Split into 3 chapters, the movies sees the life of a young boy who goes through turmoil, both personally, mentally and sexually. In many ways I see the movie as a tale of someone approaching masculinity, but adopting an almost Freudian approach (each chapter representing id, ego and super ego). Masterfully shot, shockingly portrayed and hauntingly beautiful, Barry Jenkins really shines as both a technical director and a brilliant visual storyteller.

2. Toni Erdmann (Maren Ade)

A very odd movie with a very odd sense of humour. If you are a fan of cringe comedy, this is definitely a worthy one to watch. Equal part uncomfortable yet equal part hilariousity, this movie has it all. Also oddly enough this movie is near 3 hours long, but only feels about an hour and a half, and has you begging for more. This movie also has a lot of heart too. Behind the nudity, wigs, hairy bodysuits and cum covered cakes, this movie deals with family, distance and how we all grow apart and become different people. Sandra Hüller and Peter Simonischek lead this movie with amazing talent having me on the brink of tears one moment, crying with laughter the next and now and then covering my face into my hands with some awkward yet hilarious scenes. Fans of British comedy would definitely get a kick out of this.

1. Mother! (Darren Aronofsky)

I have been a fan of Aronosky's movie's for a few years and I have always marvelled at his interesting methods of telling stories, dealing with images and themes more than a concise and cohesive narrative and I was approaching this movie with caution due to it's mad campaign before release. I went in knowing nothing and I came out knowing only slightly more. I love how deep this movie is. You can watch it 100 times and still not fully pick up on all it's nuances or themes. Multiple people can watch this movie and come away with many different interpretations. A good director shows and doesn't tells, and Aronofsky proves that in this movie. Using well crafted techniques and a lot of shocking scenes (mixing graphic and emotional material), Aronofsky creates a magnificent piece of art with a potent and intelligent critique on religion, humanity, environmentalism and philosophy. Carried by griping performances from Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem, this movie is a masterpiece and fully plants Aronfsky's flag as one of the world's most controversial and talented filmmakers.

0 notes