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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

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20 February 2023 Monday 🐮🌕🌗🌘🌑🌒

autocorrect Monday monster I is morning 7:13 7:14 pmpdt

lunes getsuyoubi

7:15 pmpdt auto saved 7:16 pmpdt

Nick asked for “friends with benefits” sophomore year. Junior & senior year I joined track & cross country running teams. At first I used my p.e. Uniform to save money. Then, a new coach offered hand me down athletic wear: 1 black shorts at least (head pain exhaling hot air 7:22 pmpdt) + a few more items I think, I don’t remember well. I don’t remember saying anything about income or financial situation. My dad had probably already lectured me about living within my means so I think I probably thought that using the p.e. Uniform was ok. 7:26 pmpdt for some reason my sister yelled at me in the locker room to stop telling people we are poor. All I think I did was try to recall if I said that to anyone. I think I stared at her silently at this time. My memory is not very good so I am guessing this was the cause & effect. That people were judging maybe about how much money we had based on what we wore. 7:32 7:33 pmpdt

8:04 pmpdt auto correct changed intimate to intimadate in the previous posts. Gurgling a lot. I really feel like I am a liar & a bad person. Maybe incubus is pretending to be my husband Bcz I dated my first real boyfriend & went to family events 😓😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤😖😭 I hate not being able to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ 8:07 pmpdt. Maybe I said too many bad things about my ex & flings. Maybe I didn’t take enough responsibility. 8:08 pmpdt maybe I slandered ? Was it the curse? Was it the incubus in control? Or was it me? 8:09 pmpdt I wish I could remember everything I ever said verbatim. So I could evaluate now. But with Scott, it seems like maybe he deserved to be talked about. He’s bigger than me, has a big head, & I guess very strong 💪 & probably secretly threatening. If you read a previous post (many posts down) you might read about the time he put his whole arm around my neck like a snake 🐍 at least 2 times? In the middle of making out. He didn’t choke me but he put me in the position to be choked by his arm. & I stupidly kept on seeing him. 8:14 pmpdt & he didn’t respect ✊ me when I said “I dont think we should do this.” I think that’s what I said. 8:15 pmpdt

8:32 pmpdt incubus cut I think maybe under? The diaphragm bone 🦴???? It hurt 😞. I don’t like it.

8:33 pmpdt when we were still friends b4 becoming boyfriend girlfriend I told him that my feelings suddenly dropped/ended for the guy I thought 💭 I was in love with 😍. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if he understood what I was saying. I thought I was communicating my disappointment & sadness & confusion about the feelings suddenly ending. & then he asked if I wanted to see that movie 🎥. 8:37 pmpdt maybe 🤔 he had feelings for me? But ended too, similarly, & had hoped it would come back & work out? 8:38 pmpdt this is a I guess conundrum I heard someone use that word once still have to look it up if I didn’t. I think it means problem. 8:39 pmpdt what are real feelings like?

8:40 pmpdt does real love 💕 exist? How long does it last? My dad told me disappointing stuff I think 🤔 b4 I turned 18, so it’s hard to think positively about anyone saying forever ♾ love 💕, I think I hoped for someone to feel something forever ♾ with, but in this situation it seems highly unlikely. Incubus Merlin 🧙‍♂️ love 💗 potion 🧪 spells 🪄. 8:43 pmpdt goodby happiness it’s automatic 🎶🎼🎵🎤 utada hikaru. 8:44 pmpdt

8:46 pmpdt I guess I should have been more honest. Upfront. He got a nice futon bed 🛌 couch 🛋 out of it though. & s*x w/o full commitment but I guess that don’t mean anything to incubus & uses it as a reason to downgrade me. Even though he had s*x w/ at least 2 people b4 me. I wonder 💭 how he’s doing. If he was treated better than me by the incubus. 8:49 pmpdt

9:10 pmpdt add to above:exclusive? Monogamous s*x & it was my virginity! 9:11 pmpdt pain left upper inner thigh bone 🦴.

1:28 am pdt I guess I’m a slanderer. Pacific i slander. Something I only noticed maybe last year that that looks like that. It’s weird. Bcz it’s only expected of islanders? Then? No one else slanders? Interesting. Billions of people but only those on islands are slanderers. 1:31 am pdt I’m not proud of it. If you read all the other posts you might recall that I wanted to stop talking about Scott back around 2010, sometime after I stopped seeing him. I wanted to set myself straight. Bcz I didn’t feel it was right but I had difficulty stopping myself whenever I was in front of someone who liked me or was trying to be my friend. & it decreased my happiness a lot & I already had difficulty being happy & difficulty liking? myself & being myself, so I stopped hanging out with people. 1:36 am pdt my rib cage feels like a corset again. I hate this. I want to breathe! Some people I had difficulty liking & I wanted to like them. & then I ended up talking bad about them Bcz I had difficulty accepting my own feelings & difficulty understanding? Myself. Headache. 1:28 am pdt my rib cage keeps on getting tighter & tighter. I really believe he don’t like me. Maybe he don’t like Jaycee dugard either. 😞😖😭😤🥵😤🥵 I remember one thing autocorrect said remove now????? 1:40 am pdt what????? Jaycee dugard???? I don’t understand. I remember instant messaging Nick that I got an A+ in our algebra class! I thought 💭 that would impress him. & then he asked me if I would let a guy finger me. Interesting. That was the summer b4 sophomore year, & then sophomore year started, & first day of school 🏫 I saw he got back together w/his girlfriend from freshman year. Then they broke up 🆙 & then he instant messaged me again asking for friends with benefits. 1:43 am pdt 1:44 am pdt 1:45 am pdt

21 February 2023 Tuesday Martest

12:47 pmpdt I remember some of times I lied 🤥. Sometimes I forget & then it comes back to me. 12:48 #3 cramps left shoulder pain. I think 💭 when I was 7 years old I started becoming 12:49 pmpdt

6:12 pmpdt incubus made me vomit 🤮 & then I got diarrhea cramps again. Incubus does this to torture me rob me of my bones 🦴 & health. He’s killing me & doctors 🥼 are taking their time not helping me ASAP. The continued torture only reaffirmed that god is incubus. He treated Virgin Mary like a whore. He kept her poor & religious so she probably wouldn’t chase other men? Treats poor people as whores. Incubus did not properly court Virgin Mary. How could we believe a man would not rape a woman 👩🏼 when he has the power too? He is gaslighting us to say “immaculate conception” or whatever. He is a pimp. & will always be a pimp. 8 billion people with doppelgängers every where. Accomplished goals already or not possible? Continued torture reconfirms he’s bad news 📰. Apep? 6:20 pmpdt I’m burning 🔥 again. Cooked. Yaki 6:21 pmpdt I don’t like diarrhea I’m losing my bones 🦴. He’s trying to cut off my legs 🦵. Prostitution is legal in Germany 🇩🇪? Where have all the good people gone? Are there no such thing as good people? I have made bad decisions but was it my fault? Is nothing a coincidence? No such thing as a test? God justified rape of children 👶? 6:24 pmpdt Bcz I did not think things through like an evil 🦹‍♀️ wicked genius, not premeditated, I always thought if something bad really happened that I would have been caught already & confronted. In the United States 🇺🇸 you have the right to face your accusers. This is probably what they called checks & balances. Without them, anything goes. Separation of duties & powers. But I guess that ain’t what’s happened. I guess what we got ain’t enough. 6:29 pmpdt

6:31 pmpdt will always be world 🌎 w/o end. 2 faced? I need to look 👀 up 🆙 this definition again. 6:32 t

nick carter is a king 🤴? W/ incubus friends & a lot of money 💰 & power? 6:33 pmpdt

7:47 pmpdt

YouTube.com/

watch?v=yzijB7pEzzl

&list=PLKIAQn1vdOt-8DxCHXEfO8RKm7jXsc8Sp&index=9

I hope I typed/wrote it correctly.

i or L don’t know found it in playlists of maroon 5 YouTube. V tour/Asia

7:52 pmpdt I didn’t watch the whole thing this time so I don’t remember the rest of it. 7:53 pmpdt

for some reason I thought 💭 2 girls for every (brain acid & heat burning 🔥 pain $) beach 🏖 boys but it’s good vibrations I guess. 8:06 pmpdt they planned to hurt me for that even though it’s obvious by now w/ Kanye west marrying Doppelgänger of Kim kardashian. I guess people are ok 👌 w/ this. I’m not entitled to complain. I’m easily replaced. That’s the way incubus likes it. Sorry Beyoncé 🎶🎼🎵🎤🎧 8:09 pmpdt

8:12 pmpdt I’m replaced I am replaceable (headache 8:12 pmpdt) I am disposable I am trash 🗑 incubus told me so several times I am replaceable I am replaceable I am not valuable I am not valued yoga 🧘🏻‍♀️ instructor 👩‍🏫? Alana zabel said ice 🧊 out & trashed 🗑 thrown away. No more love. Cold cold heart you’re so cold if love should ever end I promise you I will never breathe again Toni Braxton 🎼🎵🎼🎵🎼🎵🎼🎵🎧 8:16 pmpdt I almost threw up again coughing from being burned 🔥 is this black lung 🫁? I m a non smoker all my life. Relatives had asthma & I got sick from second hand smoke 💨 in daycare during elementary school 🏫 years. 8:19 pmpdt

incuvus talks about love what’s the word unconditional? But men are allowed to have conditions but women are not. If love 💕 ends so easy Bcz p*nis don’t go up, can you say you ever loved at all? Maybe never loved. Doesn’t want to. That’s what song wanna love somebody is about. Something about if I fall for you I will never recover. Sounds like excuse to push women away from serious commitment. Which is why he touches many different women in all his music videos. He likes being a player playboy. 8:26 pmpdt

8:30 🕣 pmpdt love 💕 is artificial for incubus with his incubus Merlin 🧙‍♂️ love 💕 potions 🧪. 8:31 pmpdt

This will never 👎 end & incubus will always justify child 🧒 rape. 8:32 pmpdt

If you like the way he runs things, including child rape crimes, then he’s your god. Not my god she’s threatening to cut off my legs 🦵 he made me look 👀 absurd body = absurd. 8:34 pmpdt

not she. He’s threatening to cut off my legs 🦵. 7:35 pmpdt

I did NOT rape anyone. 8:36 pmpdt

8:38 pmpdt incubus stabbed my left eye 👁. Made me cry loudly. I don’t have a p*nis & I have only touched man genitalia = p*nis with my hands 🙌 & mouth 👄. 8:40 pmpdt I wrote several posts ago. 8:40 pmpdt can I use that word to mean grown man p*nis? Bcz that’s what I meant. 8:42 pmpdt I don’t believe I will be saved. I don’t believe I will have a he happy life/ending. I did not type “a he”. 8:43 pmpdt they’re all liars! He likes to work smart not hard. 36,000 people died in an earthquake. I don’t believe anyone anymore 😭😖😭😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😭😤🥵 8:45 pmpdt

9 pmpdt & my naked vag only touched man. 9:01 pmpdt

9:12 pmpdt stay the f away from me, incubus u & your miñions. 9:13 pmpdt tbh if I was Maluma’s age & we’re both single I would rather try him. 💃🏻🌹9:15 pmpdt

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