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#it probably isn’t hashtag relatable lol it’s just me complaining
enby-iggy · 9 months
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You know, I love being asexual. I love not having to worry about what I’m gonna do when I finally have to Do It, I love not worrying about being a disappointment in bed, I love not feeling like I have to force myself to engage in any sexual activity, personal or otherwise. I love knowing that my experiences are not unheard of and that I’m not broken or insane for being the way I am.
I honestly hate being aromantic sometimes. On the one hand, I want nothing to do with dating culture, and I’ve never really wanted to kiss or cuddle anybody or engage in anything like that. By all accounts the most I want is a Queerplatonic relationship. And that should be okay, right? Aro people exist, they aren’t weird or broken, so why can’t I be one of them?
But I really really wish I experienced romantic attraction. I really wish I was attracted to people. I really wish I had that same desire for relationship that others do, and I wish I could look at people and really feel something, not just looking at their features and finding them Nice. If I had a choice I think I would be lesbiromantic. I love attraction to women I would love to be an enby in a romantic relationship with a woman.
Part of me really hopes that I’ll eventually find myself to be demiromantic, or that when I go on T (for top surgery) it’ll awaken something in me. But there’s a good chance I’ll still be aromantic 5 or 10 years from now. And it’s a journey, so maybe by then I’ll be happier with myself. But right now, I can’t help but mourn the loss of something I never really had to begin with.
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peachdoxie · 4 years
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OKAY notes on chapters 2 and 3 of Rhythm of War! I'm going to attempt a read more but idk if it will work, sorry.
Chapter 2
"Kaladin grunted in reply." Glad to see his characterization is still consistent.
The new Fused powers are super dope, but fucking rip to Kaladin. That's one of the most physically brutal attacks Brandon has written
Adolin advising Syl in fashion is 10/10
Also rip Kaladin pt 2 with the insomnia
Interesting evolution in Shallan's multiple minds
Hmm yes, the Fourth Ideal for Shallan. Remembering "everything." Gonna be torture to watch her go through that. But what could she be repressing, after what her other memories were about?
Syl mimicking Kaladin is fucking hilarious and I absolutely love it
"Gagadin!" ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Kaladin very briefly dated Lyn, but she broke up with him. I wonder how much Syl had to convince him to date her.
Also, Syl and Hesina complaining about Kaladin right in front of him, another 10/10. “Has he been disrespecting you again, Syl?” “It’s been at least a day since he mentioned how great I am.”
So. Kaladin and his father are barely on speaking terms, it seems.
"Only, everyone had given up on Herdaz." Oof.
The Mink sneaking away by leaving a dummy behind seems very Herdazian
"“And abandon his men?” Kaladin asked, aghast." Really fucking hope Kaladin isn't forced to do this, because honestly it would probably destroy him, but it also seems in line with the speculation on his Fourth Ideal
“Well done!” Syl said as he left the shed. “You barely scowled when they called you Brightlord.” lmao
“I had hoped,” Lirin said softly, “that our message would inspire you to approach covertly.” Lirin I know you're disappointed in Kaladin for being a soldier who kills people, but you could be a tad nicer by greeting him with something other than a criticism
Holy fucking shit, that's one way to get Kaladin's parents to Urithiru
Chapter 3
The chapter is called "The Fourth Bridge". Neato.
Okay, so Larkins are useful to making fabrials. But they're now mostly extinct. And the wars in Aimia were in part about Larkins. That's some lore I wasn't expecting. And Rysn has one....
"Dalinar said from behind, his voice as steady as steel, as immutable as mathematics." Navani confirmed for fucking nerd.
"But they could send flashes of light that could be interpreted." Roshas invents Morse Code, more at 11
Aluminum, huh? Wonder who helped them with that....
"She wished she could share it with Elhokar." Ouch, my heart 😭
Okay, so the Azish helped with the aluminum
Also Navani needs to stop selling herself short. Fuck you Gavilar.
But also I feel that her...it's not quite imposter syndrome but close is gonna be relevant to her Ideals, if she does in fact become a Radiant
Bridge Four is physically part of the Fourth Bridge I'm gonna cry
Highmarshal Kaladin? Wonder what he feels about that.
Mapping expeditions of the eastern Shattered Plains. Inch resting....
Okay, so we've got a bunch of Edgedancers in addition to a bunch of Windrunners. That tracks with historical Radiant numbers, iirc
Rip Lift, going through puberty
Okay ngl I'm really enjoying reading about the Fourth Bridge with all the Radiants on it. It feels like something out of Dalinar's visions, which I'm sure is not something that's slipped past him.
Though I am also struck by the mental image of the Fourth Bridge burning and falling out of the sky, so thanks for that, brain.
One of Navani's insecurities is that she feels she's not really part of the endeavor of building the Fourth Bridge and all the other fancy fabrials because she's not the one doing the engineering and whatnot. And that's true, she's not, but she's also the one who brought them all together to make these things happen, and I feel that's something that shouldn't be underestimated. Navani is very good at organizing people, and I think her involvement goes beyond just being a rich woman who can provide the funds to make something happen. I know I'm hoping for a Dustbringer Navani, but I also thing Bondsmith isn't out of the question.
Kaladin, taking the name Stormblessed as his house's name, but also not telling his father. Color me not surprised.
Oh shit, Edgedancers with Regrowth serve as the Radiants' surgeons. That's...gonna cause problems for Lirin. Hashtag another identity crisis. Wonder if he'll become an Edgedancer or something, or if he'll turn down the chance to be Radiant. I don't even know if a spren would be drawn to Lirin, nor which kind.
"She thought, for the briefest moment, she heard a tone in the distance. A pure note vibrating through her." Inch resting....
The Urithiru gemstones resist Dalinar's attempts to infuse them. And Navani thinks that Bondsmiths are connected to the tower itself, in some way. Branderson give me the Urithiru lore.
I also wonder if it's related to the fact that Urithiru is the one place made of stone that's acceptable for the Shin to walk on.
So the Sibling is "slumbering" and that's seen as final by the spren because it was killed. But reviving a spren is...sort of possible? If Adolin and Maya is worth anything. Branderson give me the Sibling lore
Thought just now: I wonder who knows about Adolin's brief connection with Maya. I would imagine that Renarin is the most likely to know.
"Only [Alethi] are stubborn enough to bully nature herself." I mean, that's basically how Dalinar convinced the Stormfather to bond with him at first.
Also I have the feeling this beggar guy is the Mink, snuck aboard the ship, though I always am suspicious about beggars.
Lol yep, it's him. And he managed to get past the Cobalt Guard. This guy is gonna be entertaining.
Oh boy, more Fused! And ones who can fly! The next several chapters are gonna be fun to read!
Anyway, that's chapters 2 and 3! I'm excited for next week!
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quell-tea-salon · 7 years
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SolidS QUELL Party (SQP) event report~! (Warning: I ramble. A lot.)
The concert was over a month ago and unfortunately I have a memory on par with a goldfish, but it was one of the best experience I’ve had in Japan so far and I’ll try to recall as much as I can ;;;
The event took place on July 16th at the Kokugikan in Ryogoku. I was blessed enough to win tickets for the afternoon session, and arrived early to queue so I could enter the hall without standing in the sun for too long. There was a booth outside selling official concert merchandise like character goods and light sticks; I didn’t buy any, but there were loads of people near the booth who had laid out their purchased merchandise for trading (since most of the character goods are blind boxes). I should’ve brought along my SolidS merch to give away, since I’m really only into QUELL. (OOT: QUELL and SolidS are usually grouped together in blind box merch. I love everyone in QUELL so my chances of getting something I like is preeeeeeeetty high, but for some reason I keep getting Shiki?! So if anyone wants Shiki merch, let me know. I have... lots.)
There was probably life-sized standees of the characters somewhere in the lobby but I couldn’t find them ;; I went to look for my seat which was on the 1st floor and quickly realised that half of my view of the stage was blocked by the speakers...grr. Couldn’t complain too much though, since I was lucky just to be there. The photos above were taken while waiting for the rest of the crowd to take their seats. In the meantime, SolidS and QUELL PV’s were played on the projection screen. Every time SolidS appeared on screen, the audience screamed lol. There was some noise for QUELL too, but definitely not as loud... I was quietly cheering for my sons in my heart ;w; Started chatting with the girl sitting next to me and found out that she was a SolidS fan (of course), and that her favourite was Dai-chan (good taste). I really wanted to give her my SolidS merch.......
About 15 minutes before the show started, the two Lizz squirrel mascots (purple for SolidS, blue for Quell) emerged on stage, dressed in sumo gear (in reference to the venue, which is usually a sumo wrestling ground), to say hi to the arena audience. They were so big and round... ;w; I was super jealous of people who had tickets for arena seats, they got to be so close to the stage!!
The lights dimmed and SolidS appeared on stage as the audience went crazy. They opened the set list with KARA DA KARA, followed by Quell’s HIKARI. My heart was about to beat out of my chest, I was just so happy to be able to see my Quell sons in the flesh ;_______; I don’t know if my seat position in relation to the speakers had anything to do with this, but I couldn’t really hear the vocals well ;_; The music was too loud and vocals sounded muffled.... Nevertheless, getting to hear the groups sing live was a magical experience.
Next, everyone came back out onto the stage for introductions and opening talk (while admiring the 360 degrees seating). I only realised this after the concert, but they were all dressed in the same clothes as the characters in the official concert art! SolidS all slick and deadly in urban monochrome outfits, and Quell looking all breezy and relaxed in loose charcoal and blue. The twins of course were wearing matching clothes, down to the accessories....... ugh... angels..... Nogami even had Ichiru’s hairstyle T_T
The Lizz squirrels popped up on stage occasionally and the cast members gave them lots of love; Takeuchi kept hugging the Quell Lizz and squeezing his tail lol (he really loves cute animals). Nishiyama and the twins took turns holding his hands or gently guiding him around the stage (family aura!!). SolidS......... grabbed their Lizz by the crotch....
Moving on to the solo performances. Shiki took the lead with Tide, followed by Tsubasa with Canaria. I wasn’t familiar with any of the songs, but i could tell that the audience loved them. I don’t particularly appreciate Eguchi and Saito’s singing styles, but they had a lot of energy and really knew how to work the crowd.
After that, it was QUELL’s turn. First to perform was of course Shu, with End of Night. Takeuchi was completely at home on stage, strutting around and engaging the audience. I was surprised that he had backup dancers and i don’t know if he was meant to know the choreograph, but he danced along with ease and at other times swayed his hips in a way that made my inner mom voice want to yell at him to behave lol (I can’t help it, he’s so young). In recordings, Shu’s vocals are bold and precise; during the concert, Takeuchi was singing as himself - messing around with the melody, using short, breathy notes, and just having lots of fun. It sounded very different from the recorded version of End of Night, but it was a great performance regardless. 
Issei took to the stage to sing Hoshizora (starry sky) as the audience changed their light sticks to blue. IMO Shugo gave the most solid performance of the show. Issei’s voice was clear and powerful, but sweet and delicate at all the right moments. And he thanked us for showing him a beautiful starry sky with our light sticks T_T At this point the CD actually hadn’t been released yet so all we had was the demo. The full song was incredible. FYI, Shugo played the guitar for Hoshizora; I would’ve died if he had actually played the guitar at the concert too...
After the song, the rest of Quell joined Issei on stage. Ichiru ran STRAIGHT at Issei and gave him a tackle hug T___T I can’t deal with these two...
The next segment was SoriRaji (SolidS radio) and QueRaji (QUELL radio). Again, my memory is pretty fuzzy, but I’ve tried to jot down as much as I can remember. 
Eichi was probably nervous and kept messing up his lines. The twins cheered him on together with “Eichi, faito!” godddddddd so cute ><
Question for Shu: When did you realise that the twins had opened up (to you/Quell)?
Shu: I took a nap on the sofa one day, and when I woke up I found the twins asleep next to me
Ichiru: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA DON’T SAY ANY MORE
Issei: You looked so comfortable sleeping there, we couldn't help joining in...
Ichiru: Though it was creepy waking up to find Eichi STARING at us
Eichi: I was so jealous!!! I wanted to join in but there wasn't enough space on the sofa ;_;
There was a question directed at Shu, I don't quite remember what it was but it had something to do with Shu's schedule being busier than the others and whether it was hard for them to spend time together.
Eichi: Shu's usually the first one awake and out at work before the rest of us are even out of bed.
Twins: We should try to get up earlier sometimes and have breakfast together!
Shu: *Weeps into hands* My children are precious... (#Mychildrenareprecious became the official twitter hashtag for SQP lmao)
Question for the twins: What kind of cakes do you like?
Issei: I like mille crepe and cream puffs
Ichiru: I like cream puffs too! And mont blanc, and chocolate cake, and strawberry short cake! Anything with whole strawberries on top!
Mom, dad & audience: Aww...
Ichiru: W-what?! I just like desserts with lots of cream, what's wrong with that?!!!
Shu: That's cute ^^ I don't eat a lot of sweets but if I had to pick one, it'd be rare cheese cake
Eichi: Ti. Ra. Mi. Su <3
Question for the twins: Issei, as the older sibling, have you ever wanted Ichiru to call you "oniichan?"
Issei: I’ve never really thought about it before and I don’t think that it’s necessary, but now that it’s been mentioned I kinda want to hear it...
Ichiru: .....Hear what
Issei: You calling me oniichan
Shu: I’m filming this :)
Ichiru was reluctant ofc, but after some prodding from mom and dad (and the audience)...
Ichiru: (smol voice) .....Oniichan
Shu, Eichi, Issei: *FIST PUMP*
Audience: *DEAD*
Question for everyone: If QUELL was to go on holiday together, where would you go?
Ichiru: Okinawa!! I reaaaaaaaally wanna go to Okinawa!!!
Shu: *fond dad face* Let’s go ^^
Ugh they were 1000000% Happy Family, it was the CUTEST thing to watch.... I was trying not to die from how cute the twins were and it was reassuring to see Shu also trying his best not to burst into tears whenever the twins did or said something cute (which was ALL THE TIME).
I don't remember much from SoliRaji (SolidS radio), but #PHO~! became the other designated SQP tag because Shiki kept yelling that word LOL. It started with Shiki answering a question about his favourite south east asian food or something, and his reply was Vietnamese pho ("PHOOOO~!!"). That became a running gag throughout the rest of the concert wwwww Dai answered Thai green curry :3c 
And oh, in response to a question about who had the biggest hands in SolidS, all 4 pressed their hands together to compare sizes (Tsubasa and Dai even snuck in a lovers grip). Cue lots of dying screams from the audience, haha. In the end, Shiki was the largest, followed by Rikka, Dai, and Tsubasa (obviously based on the seiyuus hands, though I was surprised that Hanae’s hands were bigger than Umehara’s). 
In a nutshell, Eguchi and Umehara were wrecking havoc by running their mouths, so Saito had his hands full running damage control... as usual ww
After a short break the show continued with the solo songs, starting with Rikka’s Good Night My Darling. I always enjoy hearing Hanae sing live, he has such a pretty voice! Next was Dai’s Jinsei Hard Mode. Umehara’s singing improves every time I hear it... and obviously we all know he’s ikemen, but in person he’s even more gorgeous, goddamn.
Ichiru’s Akaku Somaru Sora (red sky) was as energetic and straightforward as in the CD! Tbh i think singing as Ichiru stifles Nogami’s skills (apparent when you hear Nogami singing in his own voice, and yes, that’s Shugo next to him) but he’s great to watch live and i LOVE that he waves enthusiastically at the crowd as Ichiru!!
When it was Eichi’s turn to sing his solo, Niji (Rainbow), we were all super excited because the song’s demo isn’t even out yet, and here we got to listen to it live, in full!! It was a fun, summery pop tune, befitting its title, and the whole time Eichi was hopping around and waving at the audience with a huge smile. He really was emitting rainbows and flowers T___T Nishiyama’s not the strongest singer in QUELL, but he definitely embodies Eichi’s cheerfulness.
SolidS returned to the stage to perform Tokyo LOVE Junky, followed by Quell with Aoi Mizu. I had mixed feelings when I first listened to Aoi Mizu since it felt completely out of place on a Quell album, but i figured they probably needed at least one upbeat concert-friendly song, and sure enough it seems like Aoi Mizu was written for this purpose. It’s definitely a lot easier to shake your light stick in time with the song compared to Hikari, or even Believer ^q^
We were asked to participate in a recording for the Tsukipro anime that’s airing in October. They wanted us to yell out the characters’ names or scream “kya~!” to use during actual concert footage in the anime!!! They were only recording for SolidS in the afternoon which meant that Quell’s would get done during the night show... I wanted to be there for Quell too >< Anyway, SolidS took turns going up on stage and used hand signals to indicate when we should start/stop yelling. Each recording lasted 30 seconds iirc? The audience was happy to comply haha, we went WILD. Shiki went first, then Tsubasa. When it was Rikka’s turn, Hanae wanted some variation lol he asked us to whisper when he put his hand down, and tune up the volume as he raised his hand. It was a lot of fun, I was laughing half the time because he was contorting his body (bending over backwards etc) while moving his arm, just being a clown really. We did our best to match his hand movements and got praised for it at the end :3 Lastly, Umehara got up for Dai and his first words were “Don’t call me Dai-chan” JKSDGJLHGDFLJ CUTE he used the same system as Hanae and ofc most of us screamed “DAI-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN” ^q^
The show came to a close with the obligatory event ending song Sexy☆Sense. Obviously performed by SolidS as it’s their song, but Quell stuck around to join in. There was a lot of activity on stage but I mostly kept my eyes on the twins ;w; I have to admit that SolidS’ music is not really my taste, but Sexy☆Sense is super catchy and it’s hard not to sing along. A supercharged ending to an amaaaazing concert!!!
I’ve pre-ordered the SQP DVD so that I can watch what happens in the night session >< Can’t wait!! To those of you who managed to survive my TL;DR, thank you for your patience!
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