#it's just funny because i KNOW the transphobes who whinge about my lost beauty would have bullied me for my nose because it's not 'feminine'

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I notice is the idea with transmasculinity and transmalehood is almost this idea that we had beauty that transition has vanquished, and I honestly never related to this pretransition.

Beauty was never afforded to me as somebody who was obviously neurodivergent and traumatized and weird. I was never seen as beautiful pretransition, and I knew that. Conversations about how desirable we "used to be" never rang true for me personally because I wasn't even given the opportunity to be "beautiful." I was never going to be included in that even if I were not trans, you know? Since transition, I know I'm desirable now, even if it is not in a conventional way. It's interesting how my masculine features are now embraced because people can actually register my maleness, when before, they would never.

Desirability is often used as a tool and a weapon on trans people. The idea of not being "desirable" is a punishment. It's just weird when you're the trans person who was never desired in the first place, and you know it.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #i specify transmasculine and transmaleness because it can be really overt that transphobes often interact with us with the idea that we... #...killed our 'female beauty'. i definitely don't think it's exclusive to us but it's something i take note of because i'm a trans man #it's just funny because i KNOW the transphobes who whinge about my lost beauty would have bullied me for my nose because it's not 'feminine' #or they'd mock my broad shoulers and the fact that i'm asocial and awkward. like it is very transparent #i read a friend who was saying that their beauty was used against them in an abusive way and it's something relatable... #...but it's Complicated at least for me. on one hand - i absolutely get that. on the other - i don't know what it'll be like to be Desirable #or Desirable like that. i find that even though i am desirable after transition people still interact with me in certain ways #part of me appreciates that but part of me is embittered that this is something i just can't ever shake #i think these conversations are interesting and sometimes important which is why i talk about it #i've just been thinking about this since reading what my friend went through (and my heart goes out to them - it was harrowing to read)