#it's my first time and i wanted it to look incomplete like scratches or fang marks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spootiliousrps · 6 years

Text

Tried my hand at Sabriel... meh

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like destiel, and sabriel.

Stranger: [Credit to Gentle-Moose on tumblr] True to his word Ketch did report back to the Winchesters, though after the whole BMoL debacle with being locked in, Dean and Sam spent two months changing all the locks and updating the systems so it couldn’t happen again. Ketch, for his part tried to get in, but only managed to make it to the front door before realizing he was locked out. It was a small victory but it made Dean smirk, which made Sam smile. The news the man brought once he was finally let in though, made everyone freeze. Cas’s eyes went wide, mouth opening then snapping closed with an audible click, Dean frowned, glaring at the British man, and Sam... Sam went numb. He had no idea what he as feeling, and had a chair not been behind him, he would have fallen to the ground. Gabriel was alive The phrase went through his head over and over and over while the others discussed what to do. Cas wanted to charge in, guns blazing, Dean agreed with him. Sam got the impression that Ketch would have been okay with that, but his training was too good, and he finally managed to calm the other two down enough to actually make a plan. Sam didn’t do much more than stare and nod, Dean knew he was having a hard time with Mom missing, and with Jack missing and everything that had happened with Kaia, that he didn’t push for more; Sam was grateful. It was another month before they managed to get a good enough plan to break Gabriel out. The best case was without Asmodeus knowing about it. So with a diversion in place, Ketch giving the demons information on Lucifer, Dean, Castiel and Sam snuck into the demon’s lair. It was some old 2 story mansion that looked like a castle that the demon’s had converted into some weird faux-medieval dungeon. It was over the top, but fitting, and located in Kansas so at least it was close by. They killed the demons in their way and got to the cages that Ketch said Gabriel was in. When Sam slid the locks away and opened the door, his heart stopped. [Please continue as Gabriel?]

You: (reading)

You: [[Alright. Fair warning this is my first Sabriel... Idk how well I'll do so please bare with me. I've loved this ship for ages... just haven't tried my hand at rping it yet ^^;]]

Stranger: [Okie dokie! Thanks for warning :) ]

You: Gabriel's first instinct was to panic. So much of his grace had been siphoned off that he was practically powerless... incomplete... useless... The words floated through his scattered thoughts as the lock slide and the gate opened and he scrambled back, arms raised to try and fend off the oncoming attack. Only... it didn't come immediately. He raised his head slowly, taking in the site of Sam Winchester before him; the man just as tall and model-esc as he remembered. Fear widened his eyes. He had finally gone crazy. He was hallucinating. All of these years being trapped and beaten had finally done it. Either that or Asmodeus had gotten bored with his old tactics and was trying something new. Either way, Gabriel wanted no part of it. He glanced frantically between the younger Winchester and... was that... Castiel? Surely if Asmodeus was going to torture him with visions he would have chosen someone Gabe was afraid of... Luci? Michael? Then again... He trusted Castiel... If the angel decided to attack him he... well... it would hurt... He tensed as they moved closer, hand going out to try and keep them at a distance as he wait for them to sprout fangs or claws or something... anything that was going to hurt him.

Stranger: [Forgot to mention won't show me typing! Got your reply]

You: [Ty for the warning! :3]

Stranger: Sam's heart clenched at the sight. Of course, he didn't expect the angel -archangel- to jump up and down but this was.. Gabriel looked scared. Why? Scared of them. That was even worse. Sam shhed and knelt down before him "Hey hey.." he whispered "Gabriel. Gabe, eyes on me. Hey. Do you remember me? It's Sam. Sam Winchester." He said, squinting. Because he'd rather believe Gabriel didn't remember than accept the archangel was scared of them. "Do you remember Castiel? Cas? Your brother?" He pointed at Cas. "I don't think that's the issue, Sam... Asmodeus is a shapeshifter. I don't think he believes it's us." The black haired angel cut in, making a frown at Gabriel "Oh Gabe.." he whispered. "It's us. It is. See?" He said and took the archangel blade, cutting a bit into his arm, showing the human blood running. "See?" He shhed "We're here to get you out. " he stretched his hand out for Gabriel to take.

Stranger: Making Sam frown at Gabriel * [ On mobile I may need to re read the reply to spot typos. Sorry]

You: Gabe tried to make himself as small as possible as Sam bent to his level, wrapping his arms around his knees and averting his gaze, a whimper escaping him. He pretended not to hear his words, blaring the lyrics to one of the crappy commercial jingles he had loved in the nineties in his thoughts. He watched them through his peripherals still waiting for them to pounce, unreactive to Sam's probing words. It wasn't until he produced the Angel blade that Gabe tensed up once more, pressing closer to the wall, eyes closing tightly in his panic. His body began to shake slightly in his fear as the reminder of ever cut, scratch, and stab that had covered his body over his time there flooded through him. His pain, his agony, his cries for help, his prayers to his father.... nothing had helped... no one had come... he was alone... always alone.

You: [no worries.]

Stranger: "Shit.." Sam mumbled and sighed, handing the blade back to Castiel "Wait for me outside." He said. "Sam.." Castiel started. "Please, Cas. Let me try.." sam whispered. He hated seeing Gabriel like this. He never thought he'd say this but.. he missed Gabriel. The old trickster with his loud jokes and obnoxious personality. "Gabe..?" He whispered softly "I know you can hear me.. " He shhed and kept his hand stretched out. "We're here to help you out.. please." He said "I know you remember me. It's Sam...Sammy." He tried desperately "You used to give me all kind of adorably horrible nicknames." He smiled slightly to himself. "Please take my hand and let's get out of here." He begged quietly. "Yeah?" He smiled hopefully when Gabriel moved his head lightly towards him. "Here, take my hand. Or..or I can carry you. I don't mind. Do you want me to carry you?" He asked, sitting in his knees patiently in front of Gabriel, trying to get on his eye level.

You: Gabriel didn't move to react though he did open his eyes once more, still staring at the floor. He remembered. He remembered everything about Sam. He remembered his overly producted hair and the worry lines he got when he worried about Dean. He remembered the way he liked his coffee and how he preferred salad over sweets which was really beyond him... Who could possibly want to eat like a rabbit when there was so much sugar in the world. He also remembered the way amusement would flash in his eyes when Gabe would make a horrible joke, despite how Sam was always glaring at him. He was an Angel... He remembered everything. But this... this wasn't Sam... this was another form of torture. A reminder of someone who he had had faith in and had never come. A reminder of the fact that Gabe would always be alone. A reminder of something that Gabe would never experience again... kindness... Had it ever really existed? It was a difficult concept to believe in before his days in that cell and now... well now it was impossible.

Stranger: Sam sighed in defeat and he cleared his throat, "Gabriel, i'm so sorry... I shouldn't have given up on you." He whispered, glancing at the door and seeing no one close he scooted a tiny bit closer "It pained me so much... seeing..you..or at least what I thought was you, Dead.. Gabe.. I couldn't accept I couldn't get to see your eyes again. Those beautiful honey colored eyes of yours." He smiled sadly when Gabriel glanced at him with said eyes. "Or.. or I'd never get to see you pop candies into existence and make fun of me for eating salads..." he sighed. "I know you're in a dark place, we can fight it. We can make it. Please.. give me your hand and let's get out of here.. we need you back..." he bit his lip " /I/ Need you back, Gabriel." He said, his voice right.

Stranger: Tight*

You: Gabriel was determined not to give in, his stubbornness returning; a stubbornness that might not have resurfaced if he had been presented with anyone other than Sam. Why did it have to be Sam?! The words slowly seeped back the horrible jingle he was try

You: [oops srry not done... one sec]

You: he was trying to fill his thoughts with. Sam had always been slippery like that; worming his way into Gabe's thoughts at the most inopportune times. The compliment was unexpected and his gaze lifted to the other man before he could help it. His mental alarm bells began sounding as he met his gaze and immediately averted his eyes. The real Sam wouldn't have paid him such a compliment. The real Sam hated him. Gabe had made him watch his brother die every day for over three months. He shown Sam how much of a coward he was when he ran from Lucifer... He had... He had done a lot of horrible things... No, this couldn't possibly be the real Sam. If it were... Gabe would already be dead. The tense tone had Gabe glancing up in surprise regardless. /He/ needed him? What could Gabe do? He was powerless; an empty shell. As soon as the human realized this he wouldn't be so keen as to ask for help. Still... If this was a trick and he was going to be torture... he might as well get it over with... and if not... they'd kill him when they figured out he was useless; which would be a kind of relief in all honestly. If he were dead then there'd be no more pain...no more suffering... no more thoughts... no more lonliness... There'd be nothing... blissful nothingness. He hesitated but slowly extended a shaking, filth covered hand as requested, staring down at his bruises and cuts rather than at the Winchester.

Stranger: Sam watched Gabriel, slowly, carefully. He couldn't possibly begin to imagine what the archangel could be going through. Sam had been in such a bad mindset a few years back, with Lucifer, being tortured, the demon blood, being called an abomination. He had felt useless, like a monster. He knew Gabriel had been through worse but..sam wanted to help him. "Thank you.." He said softly, squeezing Gabriel's hand mindlessly. They could wash in the bunker. "There you go.." He shhed and soothed him, as he watched him standing up shakily. "It's okay, it's okay.." he said over and over, like a mantra, trying to get the archangel to understand it. Sam knew he and Gabriel have had...an odd relationship. And Sam always thought the quote that the line between love and hate is thin was stupid, until he met Gabriel. The being who pissed him off to no end, and yet Sam would take a bullet for him no questions asked. "There." He said and gently wrapped an arm around Gabriel's waist, holding him upwards. "Let's go." He said and walked with him, motioning to Dean to get to the car quickly. Sam sat with Gabriel in the backseat, sighing when he saw the angel panicking "we're going to a bunker. Somewhere safe. We're going home..." He shhed.

You: Gabe didn't fight, allowing himself to be dragged along. It was always best not to fight. The more he fought the more pain would come at the end. He obeyed as he was urged into the backseat of the impala and curled in on himself against the far door, staring mindlessly forward. He started slightly as the car started, and he was jostled as Dean pulled away from the curb. Still, not sure what to make of any of this. panic rose suddenly but Sam was speaking to him suddenly, his soft voice like velvet on his skin. He didn't pay attention to what Sam was saying but allowed his panic to be smoothed as he returned his gaze forward, remaining just as silent as before... not that he could say much anymore.

Stranger: Sam smiled sadly, watching Gabriel out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to kill Asmodeus. Make him suffer... make him pay. He tortured Gabriel. He made him suffer. "We're gonna make it okay, Gabriel, I promise you." He said softly, he didn't mind the angel wasn't replying to him, he saw Gabriel's trembling stopping when he talked to him and that's all he needed to keep talking to him. Until Dean cut in "You know he's broken, right?" He huffed. Sam glared at Dean "shut up.." he hissed "we've all been in a bad place. He's strong. He'll make it." He said and looked at Gabriel. He wanted nothing more than to envelope the archangel. Tell him it was going to be okay. "You'll be staying in my room, you okay with that?" He asked Gabriel when they parked and slowly walked inside the bunker "I'll..I'll be on the chair, of course. You may need sleep and food and my bed is comfortable. Or I can set you up another bedroom. Just..at least show me what you want."

You: [Is it cool if I use one of the other as well... Dean or Cas? I wanted to ask before I just use one of them. Didn't want to be rude.]

Stranger: [Oh! Yes, of course! :) You can use those as well]

You: [Awesome. Ty.]

You: Gabe once again allowed himself to be lead away from the car, keeping his gaze on his feet for the most part. At least, until the sound of the metallic door being unlatched grated on him. Horror struck. Thats what this was about! They were just moving him to another cell! He tensed only briefly before attempting to bolt, turning on his heals and sprinting straight into Dean's massive torso with a grunt. He tried to scramble away but Dean wrapped an arm around him. "Whoa, easy there pipsqueak." He tsked as Gabe started struggling frantically. "We're not going to hurt you. Call your tits." Dean tried to reassure but Gabe was paying to attention as he squirmed and wiggled and scratched and hit.

Stranger: "Dean!" Sam scolded, huffing loudly "Don't talk to him like that!" He said and shhed Gabriel, gently taking Dean's hands off of him. "Gabe?" He said and waited until the archangel looked at him "Hey.. No one is going to hurt you now, you're home. You're safe. Okay? You're safe.." he said, mindlessly letting his arms hug Gabriel slightly, stroking through his dirty hair, because fuck it, needing a shower was worth it if it meant calming down Gabriel. "It's okay..." He whispered over and over until he felt Gabriel calm down in his arms "Now... we're gonna get you to a room, okay?" He repeated "A /room/ not a cell...a bedroom. A bedroom with its own bathroom and you can talk to us and walk whenever you want go wherever you want in the bunker, okay?" He asked slowly

You: Gabe didn't calm down when Sam took over, still fighting furiously to get away from the heavy metal door. "Dude, it's not my fault he's freaking out." Dean huffed at Sam's retort, before brushing past him and heading in the bunker with Cas. Gabe didn't pay any mind, too preoccupied with fending off Sam. His words slowly sank in once more and eventually his erratic movements faded, though he was still obviously tense as Sam wrapped him up in an embrace. It was awkward and unfamiliar but... not entirely horrible. Sam smelt of a soapy oak scent that tickled the back of Gabe's mind. It was recognizable. Sam had always used the same soap... Gabe remembered it from their tuesdays together. It was the first inclination that the man before him might actually be real... but he wasn't going to give in... not yet... it could be that his mind was just playing tricks on itself. He didn't answer but seemed calm enough now, only going ridgid when they began to approach the bunker once more, his eyes darting about as if looking for another means to escape.

Stranger: [Wondering, do you do time skips?]

You: [sure!]

Stranger: [Do you wanna do one now? Maybe skip a few months, say Gabriel's state is slowly improving?]

You: [I'm down with that... though I've been dying for a scene where either Sam is removing the stitches from Gabe's mouth or giving him a bath... So much angst/fluff worthy stuff. But this is all you, boo. I'm following your lead. Where ever you go. I'm willing. ;)]

Stranger: [Aww! Hahah, yeah. We can skip to Sam giving Gabriel a bath, that sounds awesome. And we'll see how it flows. I can start from there then]

You: [kk]

Stranger: Sam had never been more thankful Dean didn't /love/ Gabriel. It meant that it left Sam all the liberty to take care of him as he knew best. Dean's heart was in a good place, always. But Sam just knew that Dean's "macho man up" approach wouldn't help Gabriel now. It had been a few weeks and Sam's heart was swelling whenever Gabriel gave him the weakest of smiles, his lips still healing from being stitched together. "Good morning." Sam knocked on his door and walked in, holding a snickers bar in his hand "Look what I sneaked in for you. Don't tell Cas. He scolded me, saying until your grace is fully back you should eat better but.. shh." He said and handed it to him, watching him over. He cleared his throat and shifted a bit "Gabe, I don't know how to say this more politely, but...you do need a bath." He said and looked at him hopefully "Wanna go get a bath? I will help you." He promised. He was so glad Gabriel at least believed it was truly them now. He didn't talk yet. But..sam would get his victories where he could.

You: Gabe spent most of his time writing. Though much to the dismay of one Dean Winchester, his preferred method was on the walls. The room was filled with enochian symbols from floor to ceiling, covering every inch of the walls. Presently Gabrial was scrawling something along the edges of said symbols, writing in small characters to allow the words to fit on the painted surface. It helped him sort through his thoughts. There was just so many voices in his head, so many different languages and dialects... Its was fuddled and messy... If he focused on the original language and applied it to a surface it helped him hone in on his thoughts. It wasn't his fault the only thing he had to write on was the walls when he started. Since then he had been provided pens and paper but he still preferred his method. When the knock sounded he tensed, a habit that was now ingrained in him over the last few years. But he relaxed when Sam appeared, holding up the chocolate bar. Gabe pushed himself to his feet slowly and approached, gaze still a bit panicky despite the few weeks he'd been there but the fact that he was even ready to accept the threat of 'bait' was a huge improvement. He snatched the bar from the taller man's hand with a small smirk before retreating a top of his bed and tearing open the packaging. He didn't reply to the question, acting as if he hadn't heard the man. There was absolutely no way he was going to go any where near water. Not a chance!

You: [brb]

Stranger: Sam sighed, crossing his hands over his chest, watching as Gabriel are his candy and well, ignored him. "Gabe, I know you can hear me." He said softly, grinning when he saw the small smirk on Gabriel's lips. "I know you heard me." He chuckled and looked at him "Come on, it will be just a bath." He said and walked to him, sitting in the edge of the bed. "I'll let you know my hair routine." He teased. He did like it when he made Gabriel even smile at him. It was liberating. "Don't tell Dean, he think I just wash it and go, but...but I actually have a whole process. And I get the expensive shit too." He said "There, my deepest secret is out to you." He said and smiled softly, "Now...bath?" He asked when Gabriel finished his candy bar.

Stranger: [Okay]

You: Gabriel gave him a flat sideways look at the bribery. Sam really thought that he would be interested in hair products? Okay... well... maybe he was. But that was only because Sam's hair was also so fucking gorgeous that it was annoying! Still... The idea of being submerged in a tub full of water was terrifying! He had been drowned more than one... Though he suppose that a shower would be worse... The reminder of his time strapped to a table as water was pumped into his mouth had him shivering and glancing away. His eyes landed on the dirty blankets beneath him. His nights spent on the soft downey had ruined the small comforts of bedding and probably the mattress. Guilt filled him. He had ruined Sam's bed and he knew it. The least he could do was face his fear long enough to allow Sam his bed back. He gave a shaky sight before nodding slowly.

Stranger: Sam smiled at him, "thank you." He said softly "I know this must be hard for you..." He shhed softly. "I do know..but you're doing really well." He said softly "you eat and you write." He looked around the walls. "Even if I don't understand what..." He titled his head and then chuckled "Ha. I know that bit." He pointed to an upper corner. "That's my name!" He said and smiled, stupidly proud about it really. For all he knew Gabriel could have written Sam eats a bag of shit. "Hope you didn't write anything mean." He said as he walked to the bathroom, filling up the bathtub and opening a small cupboard, clearing his throat. "I... uh.. have...those."He pointed to a few jars filled with bath salts. "Which one you want?" He asked. "If you tell Dean any of this... I won't let you use any of my products again." He teased.

You: Gabe glanced up at the corner Sam was pointing at and couldn't help but grin as he read it. 'Sam flares his nose when he's angry. It makes him look even more like a moose.' His gaze followed the symbols as they mentioned his father and helping him create the creatures and if the world ever did end and they had to restart that he was going to rename moose after the younger Winchester. He shook his head as he slid from the bed and followed after the man in question, watching him move about the room. It took a moment but he eventually moved over to the salts and picked them up, sniffing at them lightly before picking the one labeled something or another forest and pouring far too much into the water.

Stranger: "Easy, Gabe. easy. That scent is strong we don't need that much." He smiled softly and swished the water a bit to help the bath salt dissolve, then dropped some body gel into the water and helped Gabriel undress, his eyes firmly on the archangel's face, watching his every expression as he helped him inside the bubbly water, smiling as he watched Gabriel sigh. "I'm going to wash your hair, okay?" He asked softly and grabbed his shampoo, washing Gabriel's hair, one, two.. three times until he was properly clean, and Sam's delicate fingers worked at his scalp, massaging it softly as he hummed to himself. "And conditioner." He said when he switched bottles, letting Gabriel know what was happening so the other wouldn't freak out on him. He smothered the conditioner from roots to ends, watching Gabriel with a loving smile. Yes, loving. Sam couldn't help himself. He hadn't told anyone yet.. but..he was far too gone.

You: Gabe gave a nonchalant shrug as Sam informed him he had added to much and simply set the bottle aside before allowing Sam to help him into the water. Despite his afore mentioned hesitance the hot water was heaven on his body. It had been long enough that most of his wounds had healed, minus the major ones which screamed in protest as the soapy water pressed into them. He paid it no mind though, as he scrubbed his face while Sam worked on his matted hair. He had began to panic at first, when he had to stoop low enough to wet his sandy locks but otherwise was calm enough. The process took a while and Gabe had begun to toy with the bubbles constructing a large handlebar mustache and goatee on his face as he lean back to allow Sam to massage the conditioner into his hair, eyes closing at the feel of those long fingers against his now clean scalp.

Stranger: "Gabe what are you.." Sam trailed off, laughing quietly as he saw how the archangel was messing with the bubbles. "You know what," he said "maybe a slight beard would bring out your eyes." He said softly and kept massaging on Gabriel's scalp. He was kind of stalling to stop. He didn't want to stop. He wanted Gabriel close to him. To see home playful. Even if the archangel hasn't told him a word yet. Sam blushed when he saw Gabriel blinking at him "I like your eyes.." he mumbled and shrugged. Trying to play it off cool as he licked his lips and washed his hands clean, then grabbed a big fluffy towel for Gabriel "Wanna come out, the water is probably getting cold." He hummed

You: Gabe arched a brow at him giving him his signature 'oh really?' smolder as he blew bubbles at him almost as if he were bored. He washed away the suds before climbing out of the tub and allowing Sam to wrap the towel around him. He could get use to this. A handsome Neanderthal waiting on him hand and foot, bathing him, fluffing his pillow. Okay well, maybe he hadn't done /that/ but still... the thought was there. He moved away before Sam could protest and opened the taller man's closet digging through it to find a shirt he liked. They were all over sized but they smelt of Sam which brought it's own comfort and reminder that he was in the younger man's room. Safe. For now.

Stranger: Sam smiled at Gabriel, laughing as the archangel looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "Oh shush.." he mumbled and looked down, blushing like a high school boy. Because sue him, Sam was a hopeless romantic, still hoping he'd find fairytale love, because if all the bad things were true.. good stuff must happen as well, Right? Universe balance and all that. "Gabe, my clothes are too big for you--" he sighed and smiled softly, leaning against the doorway as he watched Gabriel grabbing a flannel shirt. "That's basically a dress on you." He chuckled, noticing how Gabriel was practically drowning on it. But oh well, if Gabriel was happy about it. "Looks good. Flannel suits you." He hummed and helped him roll up his sleeves for his hands to poke out.

You: When he was done Gabe sashayed away, pinching the hem of the shirt out as if it really were a dress, his free hand lifting to act as if he were fluffing his hair. If he had had his powers he might have actually transformed it into a dress just fuck with him but he was limited at the moment. He turned and shot Sam a playful wink before turning back to look up at the wall, trying to find his place.

Stranger: Sam gaped at him, blinking slightly as he watched the archangel wink at him, he couldn't help but chuckle a bit "Gabe?" He asked and smiled when he saw the archangel looking at him. For a moment Sam stopped himself, he didn't want to push him, he truly didn't. And he didn't want to get too sappy on the archangel. "Do you want to tell me what you're writing on those walls? I can see my name and Dean's.." he hummed as he followed Gabriel's gaze, to be fair, he really just missed Gabriel's voice. He missed his actual laugh. Sam mentally slapped himself, he was so far damn gone. No one could pull him out of this.

You: Gabe's face fell at the question. His gaze moving from Sam's handsome features back to the wall, turning as if just realizing it was there. He moved to the start of it all, reaching up to brush his fingers along the characters, frown deepening. He moved a few feet before ending up in front of Sam's writing desk and collecting the pen there. He moved back around the room before stopping in front of Sam and offering it out, looking up at him evenly... expectantly.

Stranger: Sam frowned slightly, watching as Gabriel moved, he was hoping the archangel would want to talk to him... eventually. He had heard Gabriel utter a couple of words to Castiel.. "what..?" He whispered and took the pen and paper, watching him curiously as he moved to sit on his desk, waiting for what Gabriel wanted to do. Did he wanted to tell him The enochian alphabet? Or..tell him something to write down "Gabe you don't have to tell me, I was just trying.." he trailed off. "I was just trying to get to hear your voice.. that's all." He admitted, looking down at The pen he was holding.

You: Gabe pinned him with an unamused look before taking his hand and pulling him to one of the walls. He lifted the pen, still gripped in Sam's and and pressed it to a small space between two of the characters. There was just enough space for a word or two if the author wrote it small. Gabriel tapped Sam's pen against the spot before glancing up at him expectantly once more. As if pleading with him to do something... anything... but not naming what.

Stranger: "I don't.. I don't know what you want me to do, Gabe, I don't.. I don't know enochian." He whispered softly, oh.. he felt like he was disappointing Gabriel. But he truly didn't know what the archangel wanted him to do. Sam sighed and pulled out his phone, finding a picture of the enochian alphabet the hunter stood there for a long while, before he finally started scribbling something, smudging it when he got a letter wrong and trying again. He eventually bit his lip and looked at Gabriel. With some good luck he would have written 'I miss you, talk to me? ' but then again, he might have written the worst insult ever. He triple checked the letters he had copied, then looked at Gabriel.

You: Gabe offered a soft smile at the attempt. He could gather what the man was going for but it did not turn out anywhere near the translation. He shook his head softly, taking his hand once more and pulling him to another section. He lifted Sam's hand covering it with his own as he guided the pen. The letters that he wrote were in horrible handwriting but it was obviously english. The letters S and A were squiggly and misshapen but there were there. He dropped his hand and gave a nod toward them as if to encourage Sam to continue as the enochian characters around them began to wobbly as if attempting to come off the walls.

Stranger: Sam followed Gabriel, his heart fluttering when he saw Gabriel smiling at him. He licked his lips. Watching as the letters wobbled. Sam took hold of the pen. "Sam? You want to write sam?" He asked and slowly added the M, then looked at Gabriel. "Why are the letters moving..?" He whispered, his hold on the pen shaky slightly. What was happening?! But Gabriel was calmly smiling at him so it couldn't be bad now, could it? No.. not really.

You: Gabriel gave a huff and pushed Sam's pen against the wall once more, outlining the 'W' of his last name as the wobbling characters began to shift and change into the English alphabet. It was scattered and only a few were changing at the moment but the rest would catch up the more Sam wrote. The more he allowed himself to become a part of Gabe's world.

Stranger: Sam blinked at the wall, his eyes widening as he watched the letters change, and shift. "Whoa..." He whispered and watched Gabriel, then the wall again. "That's awesome..." he whispered as his eyes kept scanning the room, then he faked a dramatic gasp "I do not look like a moose!" He said and looked at Gabriel, crossing his hands over his chest with a huff, his nostrils indeed flaring just a tiny bit, although the smile on his face Made it clear he was nowhere Near mad at Gabriel. "Dean's a bit of an asshole I will agree." He hummed as he kept reading, quite fascinated really, his hand still holding Gabriel's over the pen.

You: [won't see me typing this time. Bare with me]

Stranger: [Okay! :) Thanks for the heads up]

You: [reply is gonna be super long srry]

Stranger: [take your time! Thanks for sending another message though in case omegle ditches us hahah. I can wait]

You: The words that appeared were scatter and incoherent as if they were fractions of thoughts that didn’t quite make up a whole. Like a puzzle that was missing a few pieces. Some of them spoke of the creation of the world, others of subatomic particles that made up taste buds and sweets. There were even pieces that described the origin of a hieroglyphic phallus and an overly explicit night with a certain English playwriter from the early 1800s. The majority of the words focused on the Winchesters however. Their creation, their lives, their deaths, their destiny. ‘I feared for them before their existence.’; ‘One Brother destined to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders… the other on his soul’; Always though the sky was the most beautiful of my father creation… I’ve been proven wrong’; The world was dark… lonely.. painful… There was no room for me… I belong in neither hell nor heaven… ‘; Sam continues to amaze me; how can a human treat a monster like me the way he does?; He brings me sweets… not knowing that I rather have him. I can’t refuse him though. Anything to bring him closer.; He’s ruined me… No… I was ruined when I laid eyes on him at the university.; How could someone who has gone through so much still care with every ounce of his being.; Sam Winchester is a mystery I will never solve.; I wonder if mini-sam is proportionate to the rest of Samsquatch?; Chocolate… Chocolate will be the first thing I try on him.; Dean is a Prick, I should turn him into a hamster when I gain my grace back. Cas can join him so I don’t have to listen to his complaints.; If the world ends Moose shall be renamed Sam.; Money is on him being better than the pornstars down in Tawana.; Cas and cats… I don’t understand… Right along with the Bee thing. He moved away as Sam began to read, pushing the taller man’s dresser away from the wall to reveal even more words. I have done horrible things… Perhaps worse than any of my brothers. Perhaps I have deserved this fact. Deserved all that Asmodeus has brought upon me…. The words continue, going into graphic detail as to what the demon had done to him before tailing back off and starting again. The only consolation is that Sam was the one to find me. I’m not sure if my mind has broken and this is some sort of fantasy I have constructed to try and protect myself or if this truly is the void and I have somehow cheated the empty. Regardless, I know that this is not real. Sam Winchester is too good… too kind to waist his time with a monster like me. I am undeserving of his affection and attention. He is what angels should aspire to be. There is nothing but goodness in him. And yet, I know that he is not real. I have caused him unparalleled pain and for that I regret my existence. Sam Winchester deserves nothing but the best and I have done nothing to provide him with such. His voice, even as it is in my mind, is like silk sliding against silk. I could here him talk for hours. His smile could bring a person to their knees. He is what all the great artists aspires to create. My father creations fade in comparison with this one man. My only regret is not being able to make amends with the man before I broke. I should have showered him with everything he could ever desire and yet, being the beast that I am I placed him in his own personal hell and forced him to lose the only thing he loved. It doesn’t matter now… None of it matters… I am broke… weak… dead… The only thing I fear now is that I might do something to break this illusion I am living in… That I will lose what little remnant of the man I have. That with just a word I will be back in that cage… with nothing but pain to keep me company. I rather die and live in this world I have constructed for myself rather than return there and face the consequences of my misdeeds.

Stranger: At first, Sam liked reading what Gabriel was writing, being a history fanatic, he loved seeing all those stories about Egypt, everything straight from the source, someone who's lived through it. But he frowned when he started reading about himself, most important, what Gabriel thought of himself, Sam parted his lips to speak many times, but every time he was left speechless with the next few words. "Gabriel..." he whispered when he finished reading. His eyes damn teary as he watched the archangel. "Oh Gabe..." he whispered and looked at him, his smile soft and sweet and timid. "You're not a monster..." He shhed and opened his arms for a hug, pulling Gabriel to his chest, sighing in relieve when the archangel followed. "You're wonderful. We've all made bad things.. unspeakable things. But you're wonderful... Gabriel, you're... " he trailed off, looking at him. At those honey eyes that captured his very soul every time he saw them. "Gabriel I.." He chocked on his own words, clearing his throat. "I need you, I want you by my side.. I need you as much as Dean needs Cas and.." he looked up only for a moment before glancing back down "And you're my angel.. taking care of you, is one of the greatest things I've had the chance to do.."

You: Gabe hesitated when Sam moved to embrace him, unsure of really how to handle the situation. He wasn't really the sappy kind. Still, the man obviously need this more than he did so he stepped forward and allowed Sam to wrap around him, giving a scoff and a roll of his own teary eyes at the other man's words. Sam was an idiot. That's what he should have written down. An oversized idiot. He shook his head as if denying the man's words. before feigning a yawn as if Sam was boring him somehow.

Stranger: "...And you're bored." Sam chuckled, trying to hide how it hurt him behind a smile. It was okay. Gabriel hated mushy stuff.. "you should probably go get some rest." He said and sighed, stepping back quickly, "I'll go nap too." He hummed. Gabriel probably didn't mean half this stuff. He was emotionally overwhelmed. He wasn't himself.. Sam was ready for Gabriel to just laugh and walk out the bunker the moment he got his full grace back because well... Gabriel didn't do feelings, and Sam knew that. But what could you say, this boy just had too much love to give.

You: Gabriel tensed at the idea of Sam leaving. He hated being left alone, hated when Sam left. He was still far too terrified to leave the room though, as well. He glanced about trying to come up with something to keep him there as he reached out, hand wrapping around the man's wrist to keep him from leaving. An idea struck him as his gaze landed on the filth covered bed and he pulled Sam towards it, pointing out the blood and dirt stains he had caused over the last few weeks of non-bathing.

Stranger: Sam jumped slightly as he watched Gabriel grip his wrist "Okay okay..." he frowned and walked with him, looking at the bed. "Right. We need to change the sheets." He said and sighed, "Hop off the bed." He said and as soon as Gabriel did, sam went to work, after a few minutes leaving the archangel with clean sheets and clean pillowcase. "There. All done for you, your majesty." He teased and smiled, sighing a little tiredly. "You can lay down now." He smiled at Gabriel softly, watching him as he moved and walked and sat back on the bed.

You: Gabe watched Sam move about the room, his frown only deepening. Even when the taller man teased him it was obvious that Gabe was uneasy. He moved and sank down onto the clean sheet just as was expected of him, his heart sinking as Sam moved away, his gaze still glued to him. How long would it be until he saw him again. Logically he knew that Sam came to visit him every day but... the paranoia was still there. This would have to end eventually... Where would he be then? Alone... with nothing but the walls to keep him company again.

Stranger: Sam watched Gabriel closely, sighing deeply. "Gabe...I'm really tired.. and..and the chair isn't doing it for me, I'm literally 2 meters tall.." he mumbled and sighed. "Fine, Fine, don't give me those puppy eyes. I'll stay." He whispered, giving a weak smile as he dragged the desk chair closer to the bed and sat on it, sinking his body into it, trying to shuffle and bend himself in a way it wasn't uncomfortable.

You: Gabe brightened at the news thought guilt filled him as he watched the other man try to contort himself into the chair. He scrambled off the bed, pulling the blankets down and indicating for Sam to lie there. Gabriel had become so accustom to the hard concrete floor of his cell that sleeping on the carpeted floor of Sam's room wouldn't bother him in the least. He patted the pillow lightly, nodding his head for Sam to take the bed.

Stranger: Sam opened his eyes as he heard shuffling, looking at Gabriel "No! Gabe, don't be silly get back on the bed." He said and sighed deeply. "I'll take the floor though, that's a good idea I think I have.." He mumbled and opened his closet, grinning as he saw an old mattress. "There." He said and laid it down on the floor beside the bed, then he took one of his sweaters and made it into a ball to resemble a pillow, he yawned and laid down, in 1 minute flat he was deeply asleep sam night nearly snoring. He was just so exhausted. He did love taking care of Gabriel, but still.

You: Gabriel shot him a glare as the other man drug out the bed and set it up. That was /not/ what he said to do. He sat there stubbornly, doing his best to ignore Sam until the beast of a man started snoring, drawing the Archangels attention. Oh... that was adorable! He broke into a grin, unable to help himself as he watch Sam saw logs for a good twenty minutes before collecting the blankets and pillows and crawling onto the small mattress with him. Staring up at his soft features. He seemed perfectly at piece when he slept, only disturbed by the snoring that sounded as if a bear was trying to break into the room.

Stranger: Sam sighed, it didn't take for him long to wrap an arm around Gabriel and cuddle him close. It was something he did since he was a little kid. Made Dean sleep with one arm hanging from the best because sam used to have nightmares a lot, needing to cling into Dean's arm, since the beds were too small to share. He huffed and leaned down, nuzzling into Gabriel's hair. Smiling in his sleep as he fell back completely limp. The hunter woke up around 6 am. Blinking when he felt a perfectly sized body pressed to his. He smiled sleepily as he watched Gabriel, stroking through his hair "Wish you'd talk to me.." he slurred sleepily over his words.

You: Gabe tensed at the sudden embraced, ready to bolt. But after a moment he relaxed flushing slightly, even scooted closer to press his face into the other man's chest before beginning to dose off. He slept through the night for the first time since his imprisonment; the usual nightmares that plagued him gone. By the time Sam woke Gabe was clinging to the fabric of his shirt still breathing softly as the giant of a man stroked his hair. Even in his unconcious state Gabe couldn't help but lean into his touch, the words sinking into his mind. He did feel bad about not speaking to Sam but... he just was so afraid that it would end this illusion if he did; that Sam would disappear... all of it would.

Stranger: Sam watched him, his heart clenching. He could talk to him now.. Gabriel was asleep -as Far as Sam knew- "I truly miss your voice, your laughter." He whispered quietly in his hair. "I wish..." he started and pressed a small tiny kiss on Gabriel's hair "I wish I could tell you.. look you in the eyes and tell you... but you wouldn't believe me.. why would you. You can do much better than a hunter. You're not..you're not that man. But..I love you.. I'm sorry." He admitted, voice breaking "I love you a Lot and.. and I know if I told you you'd get mad at me.. I'm so sorry I love you.." He whispered

You: Gabriel's chest tightened at the words. If he had a heart he was pretty sure this is what it would feel like to have it broken. Sam... Sam really thought that about him? about himself? The boy was even dumber than Gabriel had thought. He blinked his eyes open slowly, still feeling Sam's face pressed against his hair, knowing the other man couldn't see the tears that were threatening to fall. No one had ever told him that they loved him before... Not his father... not his brothers... not his past lovers... They were fun but thats all it was... In Gabriel's countless of life... Sam Winchester was the first to ever truly care about him.

You: *countless years...

Stranger: Sam held him tightly, stroking through his hair, he sighed deeply and kissed his hair slowly. "You mean so much to me, Gabriel.. and if when you're on full grace you decide to talk out on us.." he said, voice tightening "Please take care of yourself because I can't bear knowing you'd get hurt again. You deserve.. you deserve all the happiness in the world. A life, someone, whoever that may be, that will make you smile and laugh each and every day..." he chuckled quietly. His eyes teary. "For now, I will treasure each little smile you give me. Each tiny bit of sigh and maybe even a word." He said

You: "Did you get that from one of those cosmos mags you hide under your bed or are you just that sappy?" Gabriel asked, voice scratchy and raw from unuse. He couldn't take it anymore. This was its own form of torture. If Sam kept going on like Gabriel was some kind of prize to be cherished and protected it he was going to lose it. Hell, he was already crying. Fucking prick... Making him feel all warm and fuzzy... and guilty... The fact that Sam thought he might walk out on him hurt like hell.

Stranger: Sam's eyes snapped open widely "I.. I.." he stirred, looking at the archangel, blushing brightly as he cleared his throat "how long have you been awake for..?" He asked quietly, squinting at Gabriel. Because oh no.. he was scared. So scared that Gabriel would make fun of him "please don't make fun of me..? I thought you were asleep I.." he gulped "I know this mushy stuff is not your style I needed to get it off my chest and--" he cut himself off "wait.. you talked to me!" He grinned and looked at Gabriel proudly. "That's good.. that's big progress, Gabe!" He said for a moment forgetting their conversation.

You: Gabriel regarded him evenly before turning away, burying his face in the other man's chest. "I'm a tricksters. I'm not heartless." Gabriel replied, though he didn't believe it himself. "Now, stop talking." He grumbled, pressing his features deeper into the fabric of the man's shirt and breathing him in. The good news was that the illusion hadn't broken... the bad news was that Gabriel had no idea where they were going to go from there. What was Sam expecting him to do? What was he suppose to do? Were they an item now? How did that work? He was so use to fucking and leaving he was at a loss beyond that.

Stranger: "Okay." Sam gulped and stopped talking immediately after Gabriel told him to do so. He cohldnt help the pride in his chest when Gabriel kept talking to him. He felt.. well he felt damn proud. He had helped the archangel enough for this. Sam laid back, his arms around Gabriel as he was holding him closely. Playing mindlessly with his hair without saying another word. He didn't need to. This would do for him. He closed his eyes and sighed happily. Humming as he let himself treasure each second Gabriel was by his side. It just felt... good.

You: Gabe on the other hand was in a panicked state, mind going a mile a minute. How was he suppose to handle someone's love? Was he suppose to earn it? He hadn't done that. He didn't deserve what Sam was offering? What was he offering? What could Gabe offer? He was broken. What if is grace never came back? Would Sam still love him? Was this all a rouse? Did Sam only say such things because he needed something from the angel? Probably... No... Sam wasn't like everyone else. Sam was different. Sam was his. His grip on Sam's shirt tightened as he took tried to count each thread that was woven into the pattern before him... trying to calm himself down. "Hungry." He croaked weakly after a long moment.

Stranger: Sam opened his eyes slowly when Gabriel spoke, he was half dozen off to sleep. "Oh. Yeah. Yes of course." He said and sat up slowly "I'll go make you something, what do you want? Eggs and bacon?" He asked as he slowly stretched his limps, watching Gabriel slowly. "Oh.. I know that look, Gabe. " he sighed. "Listen to me, nothing has to change..the fact I...I feel this way about you. You don't even have to think about it okay. Just focus on healing, getting better, and I don't mean grace wise, frankly, that's the last thing I care about. I mean mentally." He said softly as he stood up and helped Gabriel back on the bed as well.

You: Gabe shook his head at the suggestion of eggs and bacon. He was always down for some pancakes. He refused to look at him, though he didn't push him away. He allowed himself to be helped to the bed. Sam could say whatever he'd like but Gabe didn't see anything wrong with his mental state. Not in the same sense at least. Sam thought he was unbalanced. Gabe just thought himself delusional... and he wanted to stay that way. No... Right now he didn't need to focus on healing or getting better... he needed to go see Cas... but that would mean leaving the room.

Stranger: Sam sighed and looked at Gabriel, "No eggs and bacon?" He mumbled and tilted his head. "Gotcha." He mumbled. "Pancakes." He said and walked outside. After a while, while Sam was still cooking, Castiel knocked on Gabriel's door, opening it slowly "Brother. How are you feeling?" He smiled timidly, watching him as he stood in the doorway.

You: Gabe jumped at the knock, starting as Cas walked in but not moving away. It was an improvement. He didn't speak. Not yet. Instead he motioned him forward eagerly. Finally, someone who could understand what Gabe was going through and could explain how affection between an angel and a human was suppose to work. He moved to one side of the bed, motioning for him to sit next to the archangel.

Stranger: Castiel frowned, closing the door behind him as he walked inside, sitting beside him on the bed "Sam is making you breakfast." He said "you seem...urgent. What is wrong?" He asked softly, tilting his head to the side in true Castiel fashion. "Is something troubling you?" He asked calmly, knowing Gabriel would find a way to explain, even without speaking it out.

You: Gabriel lifted a hand as if to place it on Cas' forehead, only pausing briefly to make sure the man was going to trust him not to harm him. When Cas gave no indication that he'd make a move against him be pressed his palm against him and linked their consciousness. He forced Sam's words through... Gabriel's confusion... his pain... his panic... He showed Cas everything he needed an answer to. Why Sam loved him? What it was like to love? How he was suppose to handle it? What was he suppose to do? The knowledge that he'd outlive Sam if he wasn't dead already. The fact that Gabe thought this was all an illusion brought on by his lack of grace. His need... focused need to do something right for once... for Sam.

Stranger: [i'm really sorry it's nearly 2 am here I really should sleep. It has been an awesome Rp though and tell me if we meet again so we can continue, since I don't have Kik. Goodnight/good day depending on where you are! :) ]

Stranger has disconnected.

#sabriel #sam winchester #gabriel #omegle #rp

4 notes · View notes

beartes22 · 5 years

Text

A little Zoyalai for your lonely souls

You know the four cats (@stormwitchprivateer @mimiofthemalfoys @thekiingofscars @bucumber @gizkasparadise Idk who else they are like five and I have searched for each one of you for content like a stalker) that are thirsty like me for the King of Scars Release and who I will avoid till my book arrived the sixth bc I have a hate/love relationship with spoilers and you will probably post your impressions.

Anyway, I wrote sth. If you’re interested. Under the cut. Feel free to ignore me

There are things he can never tell anybody. Nikolai suppresses the urge to snort, there were always things he can never tell anyone. He dons many maks and all of them are incomplete. To Ravka, he can’t be a bastard; to his old crew, he can’t be a prince; to his people, those who depend on him, he can’t have doubts. He is a beacon of hope, always. The keeper of secrets, the best actor there is.

There are things he can never tell anybody alright. And then there’s Zoya Nazyalensky.

She’s not a dream wrapped in mystery and clothed in beauty. There’s no hidden corners or sweetness or all that fragile, ethereal things written and imagined time and time again in women. Zoya is not like a sea breeze or a cold air current or the exhilaration of the wind against your face the first time you dare to fly. She isn’t even like the storm in the middle of the sea, when the sea stripes everything out of men except their need to survive.

She’s harsh and truthful and ruthless. She’s loyal and fierce and stubborn. She knows herself much better than a man can dare to describe her. No. Zoya is not like that.

(But Zoya is the first breath after drowning. She’s the gasp after waking from a nightmare. She’s-)

Nikolai doesn’t remember much of his time as a...well, back then. He doesn’t wish to. He remembers trying to hold to his purpose and his identity. Flashes of the Sun Summoner, that girl who despite the hold corruption had of her, firmly dragging her down, stood time and time again as herself. He knows he traveled the Unsea, he knows when the screeches of the monsters that suddenly sounded so human started to make sense to him, almost like words. He knows that he fought against his orders- because Nikolai was not born to rule, not really, but he made himself a ruler and no Darkling could take that away from him, not even then.

But the part he remembers most clearly is falling. Thinking, barely conscious, of the cost of freedom. Welcoming death. Then, he was flying. Not as a volcra or a demon, not even like one of his boats. The wind simply carried him like a friend to the arms of an ally. She smirked then, burns on half her face and filth coating the other half. She was a mess and her eyes shined with power and victory.

(Sometimes, Zoya’s beauty was like a punch on the face)

“Looks like I caught myself a king” She was playful with barred fangs and Nikolai was left speechless, breathless, thoughtless. His charm was an alien mask to don, like all the others, all incomplete and lacking. He was stripped naked before her and she smiled, daring him to- well, he still doesn’t what she was about but he has never met a challenge in his life he couldn’t met. There was light blinding him and his eyes subconsciously searched for the Sun Summoner. Instead, he found Ravka. His shining, broken, desperate Ravka. Nikolai never was one for Saints of legends outside of their use in his pursuits but he believed then.

For all but an instant, there was a miracle.

Then Zoya dropped him to the ground without a care and the magic was broken. “Do try to keep up, your highness.” She said over her shoulder, voice honey sweet and mocking, already walking away. He followed her. In that moment, he would have followed her anywhere. It was a feeling he didn’t as much dislike as fear. Nikolai was a king, he took the lead, even with weak knees and-

It could have ended up like that, just a moment too fast to catch but things with Zoya are never that easy.

His first years as a King weren’t easy but- they were a difficult he could deal with. He knows how to rule without sleep or food or hope. He could lead men with his eyes averted, always looking at a better future. He could make the best of the chaos, after all, Sturmhold has grown up in chaos and mist.

But his nightmare turned real and he was a monster again. That first time after, when he woke alone and covered in blood, he didn’t know where he found the strength to come back. Probably his ambition turned selfishness because as much as Ravka didn’t need another monster to rule her, Nikolai has taken it. Monster or not, a pirate is not in the business to give back his stolen goods. He did not choose to be a bastard and being king was the ambition of his life, but a pirate? That he chose.

That, he is.

He was a monster again and the hope he has for Ravka was escaping time and time again between his corrupted claws. He woke, time and time again, with broken clothing and old blood and-

After that first time, Zoya was always there. He didn’t understand why, then, he barely does now. But she is. He gasps that second or third time, fighting against the darkness that slowly consumes him and here she is, bright-eyed and tense with caution.

(Slowly, so slow he didn’t notice till it was too late, Zoya was the only sight he associated with safety.

Painstakingly, so humbling he barely took note, Zoya was the only one who saw him that weak, a trembling pathetic mess of a man and he didn’t care.

Carefully, like the first draw of a new project, an idea so brilliant he’s blind to anything but it, Nikolai-)

“You have to marry. Ravka is at risk without its heir” Her voice is not as harsh as her words, never has been, but it carries so well it’s easy to see why she leads the Second Army with such efficiency.

“You are still too interested in my love life, Nazyalensky” The response is immediate, barely thought before it escapes his lips. The smile that accompanies it is equally charming as daring “I wonder why”

Zoya rolls her eyes. His smile widens

“Someone has to.”

“Ah, how lucky I am to have your meddlesome self on the case then. Your practicality knows no bounds”

He doesn’t care to see the exasperated looks traded between Genya and- well David most probably is just baffled but it’s the thought that counts, he supposes.

“King or not, I will maim you”

“Eager, are we?”

He doesn’t have a clue why he’s baiting a tiger but he can’t help himself.

“Don’t flatter yourself”

“It’s not flattery if it’s true”

“If you have finished your courting rituals, we have actual issues to discuss” Genya drawls form her side of the table. His face is warm and he doesn’t understand why. He declared himself shameless long ago. He acts as if it’s nothing and smiles his most charming grin at his Grisha generals.

“Let’s get going, then”

He is careful and does not look at Zoya’s eyes for the rest of the meeting. He stares at her nose instead, it has tiny freckles on it and is round as a button. Sometimes she scrunches it when she’s viciously murdering someone’s else point. It’s absurdly cute.

“So” Starts Genya with her hands still healing the scratches of his face some weeks after. Nikolai is tired, already weary of his busy schedule and wondering if Ravka will survive one day if he books it and sleeps it away. Probably not. Last night was a hard one, but a country waits for no man. “When are you going to realize you’re in love with Zoya?”

Nikolai chokes on air.

“I’m what?” He gasps. He tries to regain some composure. He throws back his head and laughs. It sounds genuine- Nikolai is a great actor- but it feels fake “That was a nice one”

“Never it is” Genya finishes his face. Nikolai tries his best not to scowl. He succeeds, of course. “She’s going to find someone one day and it won’t be you” The oblivious face of his friend Kirigin comes to mind. He smiles but his eyes may be more Sturmhold than Lanstov. He could say many things. That, as a King, any wife he may have must be advantageous for Ravka and Zoya doesn’t need the title for that. The same thing he said to Zoya- he couldn’t condemn a girl to live with a monster. Maybe even that Zoya was too busy, as was he, for romance.

“She’ll probably eat him alive” He says instead. Genya isn’t impressed, he can feel it without turning.

“Someone she loves? You don’t know her at all”

But he does.

And he knows.

(Nikolai is an expert liar and can make a blind man believe he can see. But it’s only with Zoya he lies to himself and he can’t believe it at all.)

He doesn’t say anything more, changing the topic smoothly to some issue Ravka is struggling with and Genya indulges him with a knowing light in her eye. He resists the urge to rip it off. The days, weeks, months pass as normally as ever, as if Genya never opened her mouth and Nikolai relaxes. He has too much to do to concern himself with romance anyway. Then he finds her crying in an abandoned, dark, dirty room and all his plan go to shit.

“What happened?” He is on her in an instant, hovering but not daring to touch because this Zoya is vulnerable. The image is so jarring his usually brilliant mind blanks out “Zoya.”

“Nothing” She’s herself again in an instant, using the sleeves of her kafta to dry her tears.

“I don’t believe you”

“Then don’t” She cuts him off, a warning clear in her eyes but Nikolai has never been one to listen to others or reason or warnings. Anything he didn’t want to hear, really. As a king, it’s very handy.

“Talk to me” He’s not begging but that was not an order. A request, maybe.

“This is my burden to bear. Don’t poke your royal crocket nose in my business”

“I will poke my royal perfect nose wherever I please. You’re not getting out of this with an explanation”

“We don’t have time for-”

“Zoya”

“It’s stupid”

“Somehow, I doubt that”

“...It’s girly”

“Believe or not, my masculinity does not tremble at girly girls”

“...Very very girly”

Nikolai gasps with the same melodrama of a fourteen-year-old girl messing around with her friends. “You broke a nail.” The act is completed by his hand in front of his mouth. Mainly because his lips are twitching and he’s not suicidal.

“I’ll break your face” She warns and Nikolai pouts

“We can’t afford that. My face is the last royal heirloom in all Ravka”

“We’ll starve this winter then, with such worthless treasure”

“Ruthless”

“Practical” She corrects, a smile dancing at the corner of her lips. It’s reluctant but there all the same. Nikolai is absurdly proud of it.

“Tell me, please”

“I” Zoya is already looking as if she regrets everything. Nikolai will enjoy this immensely, he can already tell “was having love troubles”

Nikolai has never been more wrong in his life. This is not enjoyable, it’s the opposite. In fact,-

“Bullshit” Thank the Saints for his brain. Saved again by logic.

“Yes, it’s true, laugh it up. The boy I like doesn’t like me back.”

“Bull-shit.” He repeats, the last council meeting clear in his mind. Zoya hadn’t had breakfast and had eaten an orange during it. “No man has ever rejected you”

It was a drooling disaster. She was just eating a fucking orange, for Saint’s sake. Didn’t even try to make it sexual. He’s surrounded by idiots who only listen to their libidos and he doesn’t know how many hits his pride can take before he loses it completely and makes a royal decree that forbids looking at Zola during meetings.

“You’ll be surprised” She snorts and it’s bitter. Nikolai curiosity perks like a bad weed. It’s unkillable and most likely to kill him one day.

“...Who?” He asks, torn between the need to know and the wish to never know “As your King, you have to tell me”

Zoya rolls her eyes so hard it’s a wonder they don’t fall off. But she will talk all the same and Nikolai feels giddy at it, for some reason.

“Well, firstly it was the Darkling who was the worst puppy love ever but it did happen.” Zoya says like it’s the weather and Nikolai has to repress a shudder.

“Gross.” He adds because he really is a child at heart, great ruler (and many other things) or not. What’s life without a little childishness anyway.

“Yes.” She confirms “Then it was Orestev”

“...Malyen Orestev? Hunting genius, mysterious third amplifier, and cousin a hundred times removed of the Darkling?” He has to check. He just has to. The man he met was so devoted to Alina that-

Nope. They kissed. He remembers now- he dearly regrets now ever looking from that window that day. Now he can’t unsee that forbidden image. Blast his curiosity. He’s no cat but it will kill him one day. He just knows it.

“Yup” She shrugs, as casual as ever. Nikolai, who is ever prepared for the unexpected, is not equipped to deal with this at all “At least I fucked that one”

At.

All.

“You have an awful taste in men. Just awful” He’s whining, fully aware of that fact and unable to stop. What a disaster “Wow. I did not expect you of all people to have this level of-”

“Shut it or die”

Wisely, Nikolai listens to the embarrassed Grisha.

“So, who is he now?”

...Nobody who actually knew Nikolai has ever called him wise and it’s for a very real reason. He fakes it, but wisdom does not come easily to him. Or ever.

“Someone I can’t have” Zoya shrugs casually. Nikolai frowns, utterly perplexed.

“You are aware of the many, many, many marriage proposals I have had to refuse in your name this past year, yes?”

“What?” Zoya blinks at him. No, she had no idea at all. Nikolai wouldn’t believe it if he was not seeing it. “I have not received any proposals”

Oh, Nikolai remembers now. He kind of started burning them a little while ago. And ordered the servants to bring all proposals to him. And forbid anyone to tell her- Okay. Maybe he has a problem here. Possibly. Genya may have a point too, but he will never tell her.

“...Well, now you know”

“Why did you reject them all?” She wonders aloud. Nikolai’s panic is a quiet thing, he merely smiles blandly while looking for exists or a distraction that is utterly out of hand at the moment and slowly loses the hope of escape this conversation “We need all the allies we can get” And the will to live, while he’s on it.

Now, how to explain this withou- He’ll just use a Tamar Rant instead. He has suffered through a lot of them as Sturmhold and he has always used whatever to defend his goals. He’s a thief at heart, after all

“You are no cattle to exchange favors from”

“...What?”

Oh, Nikolai apparently forgot that Tamar was not born at Ravka and the patriarchy in Shu Ham is so much worse. He also conveniently overlooked that he is not aamisogynistic ass and as the King what he says goes. And he will never be stupid enough to let someone as Zoya settle as a noble wife, of all things. What a waste of resources.

Nikolai hates waste of good resources even more than he hates the Darkling.

“I will not sell you like that” He tries again because Nikolai is nothing but committed.

“Excuse me?” Meanwhile, Zoya looks a remark away to commit murder. Considering that Zoya is just as stubborn as he is but with aggression instead of disarming overwhelming charm, Nikolai will proceed with Plan B.

“I need you as a Grisha more than I need any alliance”

“Why would I not keep my post as a married woman?” Zoya asks as if the question never occurred to her. It’s clear, in moments like these, that as much she can act like a noble (or even more superior, somehow) she was, in fact, not born as one.

Truly, an innovative notion.

“...No reason” He laughs nervously “Anyway, so who’s he? He must be very high on the social pyramid or very low, to make you think that” Zoya raises an eyebrow, unimpressed “Very high, definitively. You are also not the kind to have the whole starcrossed lover things with an enemy”

“One day I’m going to strangle Nina Zenik with my own hands because her stupidity will drive me to it”

“Drastic. Us Fjerdians are not so bad, I’ll let you know. Very handsome, very handy”

“You are Ravkian” She raises one single brow and it’s devastating

“...So I am” Why does he has to tell Zoya all his secrets without noticing, anyway? It seems like a huge oversight on his part. “So a high noble then. But I had dukes and counts ask for your hand and you’re not blind to their interest-”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore” She interrupts and triumph is so close Nikolai can already taste it. Then his brilliant stupid brain connects the final pieces and it promptly shuts down after its conclusion.

Because there’s only a man high enough and close enough to Zoya to awake actual feelings from her, not just lust. Because there’s only one person someone as ambitious and driven as Zoya will admit she can’t have and-

“It’s me, isn’t it?” He asks softly. Zoya stares right into his eyes.

“No” She doesn’t blink, doesn’t look away, doesn’t give away anything and Nikolai knows either way

She’s lying.

“It is me” He repeats and he can see the exact moment vulnerability rises and dies in Zoya’s face. He takes a step closer to her. She steps back, then forward to meet him, chin raised in defiance. ‘You won’t break me’ it says ‘I dare you to try’

Nikolai is kissing her before he knows it, damn the consequences. She kisses him back as if she will devour him if he’s not careful. Nikolai vaguely remembers Kirgin’s words, his dreamy uninformed ‘but what a way to go’ and maybe he agrees.

Then he bites her lip because fuck going anywhere he is exactly where he wants to be. She makes a mewling nose and Nikolai stops thinking to start feeling.

Her hair in his fingers, soft and dense and a lot more tangled that he imagined it-

Her hands in his neck, in his back, in his ass, massaging and scratching and grabbing as if she couldn’t have enough of him-

The whisper of teeth against him, unexpectedly gentle, her unusually sharp canines scraping his tongue, the soft coffee flavored lips moving and sucking-

Her legs around his lips, bucking and trashing and rubbing in all the right places-

Her kafta, a mess on his feet, almost tripping him-

Skin, the taste of her neck, perfume and sweat and something Zoya-

The sounds she makes, unintentional and genuine, the shiver on his back and the air leaving him in a gasp-

Her lips, red and sinful, slowly surrounding his cursed finger, one by one with eyes full of promises and wicked things-

Her, from all sides, surrounding him, suffocating him. His lungs full for the first time in forever, his mouth trying to breathe her in-

They end a mess on the floor, his limbs mixed with her, their clothes rumpled and hastily thrown away on the floor, chests heaving, cheeks rosy, satisfaction relaxing their limbs in puddles. Nikolai kind of wishes to roll over her and start all over again. He tries to but falls back. Maybe he’ll try again when he regains control of his legs

“This did not happen” Zoya is the one who breaks the silence, breathes still irregular but voice firm. It’s an order, so sure it makes him almost pay attention, fit for a queen and Nikolai is not usually this foolish

“Okay” He agrees carelessly, turning his head so he can look at her. She looks torn between hurt, satisfaction, and rage. It’s cute “I was thinking about May, with the flowers in bloom. Here at the Little Palace”

“Wha-?” He has never seen her this confused and he can’t help but laugh, the sound free and easy. It’s been too long since he has felt like this.

“Our wedding of course!” He declares with as much pomp as he can manage

“Our-” Oops, it looks like rage is winning on Zoya’s emotional scuffle. this will probably be painful. Nikolai can’t wait “What are you talking about? I’m not marrying you!”

“Well, not now. I still have to propose and all but you will” He says as if it’s easy or simple or an universal truth. Like the grass is green and the sky blue and Zoya Nazyalensky will marry Nikolai Lanstov this spring. “Do you prefer July, then?”

Zoya throws a paperweight at him and it hurts. His exuberant grin does not falter for a single second. She throws the other paperweight and this one he narrowly avoids. It was straight to his face

“What game do you think you’re playing?” Her whisper is the last thing a lot of fools have heard and Nikolai Lanstov is no fool.

“Don’t be daft, we’re not playing anything” Nikolai Lanstov is also too involved making chaotic plans at the moment to listen to reason. Or Zoya. Or his self-preservation instincts. “Anyway, I think Genya and David should be the first to know- after Tamar and Tolya, of course, but they don’t count. We’ll twist this in Court to our advantage, shouldn’t be that difficult and-”

“You can’t marry me!” Zoya raises her voice. It’s shrill and a little scary but nothing new to Nikolai

“Watch me, dear” He says without paying attention “I think a little Ceremony will be best, nothing too opulent. We probably should let Kilgrin organize him, very supervised, he’s got a lot of practice in this kind of thing over the years-”

And Nikolai can’t continue because a very naked, very distracting Zoya has just straddled him, his hand caught in a vice-like grip upside his head.

“What.” She snarls right next to his face, eyes screaming murder “Do you think you are doing?”

“Weell...” He drawls, trying and failing not to smile at her cute, scrunched nose “when two people love each other very much-”

Her scream of rage it’s a thing of beauty. He can see the entire country of Fjerda trembling under the sheer force of her anger.

“We can’t marry each other” She snarls again, face falling from ‘Furious but not really trying to Maim’ to ‘Even your ashes will be destroyed.’ Normally, he would run now, aware of the danger of her temper. But he’s quite comfortable where he is, having all of her focused on him.

He’s probably a masochist.

“Why not? You’ll be a great queen”

“That’s obvious” Zoya rolls her eyes, more relaxed for some reason. It’s probably the bragging that does it “You know why we can’t”

“I can and will do a lot of things for Ravka” Nikolai concedes “Just not this time”

“We desperately need allies”

“I can charm them without a ring or a bed” He grins his best king smile to ilustrate his point. Zoya doesn’t blink at it. She’s hard to impress.

“We are at the brink of another war”

“All the better for marrying a general”

“You don’t love me” Zoya passes a hand through her hair. It gets tangled in the mess of it. Saints, she’s gorgeous “This- this thing is just pent up lust, sexual tension, I don’t know but not-” She’s nervous, moving this way or the other. Almost uncomfortable. It’s unseetling in someone like her “You don’t love me” She repeats, more like herself.

“But I do” He says softly. Zoya averts her eyes.

“What for? My personality?” She snarks at him and Nikolai laughs because she’s blushing like a school girl

“I was surprised too.” He kisses her, a soft caress. He can feel the moment she smiles “Marry me?” He repeats

“Okay” She agrees, just as softly.

“Yeah?” He asks again because apparently, this is what three rejected marriage proposals do to him. Ugh, insecurity.

“Don’t beg, it’s unbecoming” She’s back at her mean self and Nikolai couldn’t be happier. He lifts his eyebrows playfully

“Round two?”

“You wish” Zoya gets up, completely unashamed of her nakedness. Nikolai watches her “Get up, royal bum, we have a busy day ahead of us”

“Don’t call me royal bum, call me something sweet and loving”

“My sun and my stars, arrow of my heart, move your fucking ass”

Saints, does Nikolai love that woman.

#nikoloya #zoyalai #grishaverse #kos #i wrote something!#hope you like it #it's a little mess but i had like no beta #just grammarly so #haha tell me what you think #I'm needy that way

169 notes · View notes